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Just for when I need a change from writing my on-going fic. Hope you guys enjoy and comment :)
Contents:
Royal Persuasions (WMatsui)
One Hundred (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=33373.msg1086274#msg1086274) (AtsuMina)
Winter Magic (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=33373.msg1134016#msg1134016) (KojiYuu)
Tragic Notions [Part 1] (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=33373.msg1147667#msg1147667) [Part 2] (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=33373.msg1165796#msg1165796) (SaeYuki)
First Love (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=33373.msg1240158#msg1240158) (drabble)
Snow in Shanghai (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=33373.msg1249320#msg1249320) (SaeRena)
Belated Valentine's Day (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=33373.msg1261286#msg1261286) (SaeYuki)
Piano Hands (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=33373.msg1287177#msg1287177) (RenaYuki)
Not That Type of Girl (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=33373.msg1333986#msg1333986) (SaeYuki)
Royal Persuasions
I sit across my betrothed.
At least, that was what my parents had introduced me to her as, only a few hours ago.
———— Earlier That Day —————
“I am not getting married to someone I have never met in my entire life!”
Even when I spin round, to look away from my parents, I know they were upset with my attitude. But what did they expect? They can’t just ship me off to another kingdom and expect me to just marry some person. It is unbelievable.
“Please Rena, understand.” my father beseeched. “It is for the sake of the kingdom.”
I feel my stomach churn at the mention of our kingdom; Amairia. The land that once was the main trader of baked goods and sweet products, a blooming country, is now poor and suffering from drought. The grain fields are dying and the sugar mines exhausted. It was disastrous. With no flour to make bread or sugar to make sweets, our main exported goods were no longer available. And as a result, poverty struck Amairia. Our people, who were once joyous and glad they lived here, now constantly suffering from poverty and illness. My father and mother, the King and Queen of Amairia, have constantly been pleading at every annual Royal Council meeting for the other kingdoms to help. However, no help has come.
Even today, after returning from the meeting, my parents received no aid whatsoever. However, at the meeting there was one person who had been happy to help, sharing their knowledge of plants and preservation, but at a cost.
And the price…was me.
The Prince of Alachoca, the kingdom known for its chocolate goods, had offered to help the kingdom, if I become the Prince’s wife.
“Rena…”
I turn round at my mother’s quivering voice. My heart breaks as I see the glittering tracks of tears running down her cheeks.
“Please, just come to the meeting.” my mother begs. “You just have to see the Prince. That’s all.”
This is the first time I’ve ever seen my mother cry. The usually outgoing and fearless woman, reduced to tears, begging me… it is terrifying.
“…Okay.” I agree.
————— Present —————
We have been sitting in silence for at least 15 minutes, since my parents had left us alone in the room. And during this whole time, the Prince has just stared at me, her gaze never leaving me.
“It’s rude to stare.” I snap.
However, instead of being fazed, the Prince just smirks. I grit my teeth at her cocky smile, glaring at the renown Prince of Alachoca.
In the Eastern world, where Amairia and Alachoca and other countries resigned, the Prince was well known, for being a woman. Being the only heir of Alachoca, with its vast riches and prospering country, she apparently legally changed her title to Prince, which was unorthodox as it is. (According to rumours, it was one of the conditions within her parents’ will.) But what made this ruler even more unusual was that the Prince was only 16 years old.
And there is no way I am going to marry a 16 year old girl, who is six years my junior.
“May I ask what your name is?” she suddenly asks.
“…Matsui Rena.” I stoically reply.
“Oh, my name is Matsui Jurina. How odd.” she proclaims. “Perhaps we should address each other by our first names, not to cause any confusion.”
Before I could even dispute this suggestion, she continues, “Rena-san, how do you feel today?”
I feel the already lingering anger start to build.
“Except from being forced to marry you?” I snap. “Oh pretty good.” I sarcastically bark.
“I’m glad to hear that.” Jurina calmly replies.
I stare at her with astonishment, her face decorated with a smile that I would even call innocent. You would think she was just a normal teenager, if it weren’t for her glorious white suit, with the Alachoca crest embroiled into the breast pocket. It makes the building fire within me roar with rage.
“And about before, about me staring, I was just wondering… How can somebody be so beautiful?”
Beside myself, I feel a blush creep onto my cheeks. I’m sure it’s because of my fury, rather than her comment. Forget about innocent. This girl is trouble.
“I’m leaving.” I state, standing up. I’ve had enough of this.
However, she only looks at me, simply saying, “You can’t.”
I glance down at her with confusion, resentment, and a sudden alarm.
“Why?” I ask.
“You’re parents have already gone.” she calmly answers.
A sudden sinking feeling engulfs me, as if the world had collapsed from under my feet and I am falling. My throat closes and a petrifying dread fills my body. Gone? There was no way.
“What?” I say, though her words were clearly ringing in my head. “No way.”
Before she can stop me, I run out of the room, running to the neighbouring room where my parents said they would wait for me. I bang on the door.
“Mother!” I call. “Father!”
With no reply, I attempt to open the door. Immediately the door opens, and as if my nightmares have come to life, the room is empty.
“Mother! Father!”
I search all of the rooms, but as if new, the room remained untouched.
“Rena-san?” I hear Jurina’s voice behind me, at the entrance of the door.
However, too consumed with panic, I push past her. I dash to the reception, my chest hurting from the sudden exertion, the concept of breathing gone from my head. In seconds I reach the reception. My head frantically searches the room, looking for the familiarity of my parents.
“Mother! Father!” I repeat again, my voice shrill and urgent.
There is no sign of them. With my last hope, I rush outside, hurrying past the couple that entered the inn. I breathe in the warm, sweet air as I stand at the entrance. And as my eyes glaze across the vast landscape before me, I only notice one thing.
Our carriage is gone.
Finally my legs give way, and I fall to my knees.
“They really did leave me…” I mutter, despair devouring me.
My body is numb from the realisation. I really was left behind. How could they do this to me? Didn’t they love me? I see drops of water land on the ground below me and realise they are my tears.
Suddenly I feel a small hand on my quivering shoulder. I look up and see Prince Jurina, staring at me with a seriousness, sympathy and kindness that I’ve only ever seen once.
“I’m sorry.” she says, making me helplessly scoff, which she ignores. “Come with me. I’ll take care of you.”
I feel the streams of tears run down my face. However, even in my state, I hesitate. Af if sensing this, she offers her hand.
“Give me a chance.”
I place my hand on hers. And even against all my instincts, I am persuaded by the warmth of her hand and comforting smile.
——————————————————————————————————————————————————
The very next day, I woke up in the unfamiliar, but now my, room. And as soon as I opened my eyes, I immediately saw a stunning white wedding dress hanging on my bedroom door.
The ceremony was quick and private. There were only us two in her office, with her signing the marriage certificate, and me signing afterwards. Then, I was alone in my personal bedroom, still in my stunning white wedding dress.
It was not exactly the wedding ceremony I was imagining. Not even my parents had come. But then again, I haven’t seen them since they deserted me in a random kingdom.
It has now been a week since then.
I head down to the massive corridor, going to one destination. The only place in this palace that I actually like. However, I am not alone. Yagami Kumi, my personal maid, stepped closely behind. Back at home, I also had someone like that. Furukawa Airi. The one person who I confined with about everything. Kumi is nice enough, but she only reminds me of my best friend. A sudden longing fills me. Even with everything that has happened, I still miss my family and home.
With each corner I turn, there is someone waiting, bowing as I go pass, bowing to their new Princess. The Princess of Alachoca. I feel something itch at my insides at this thought. I am not used to this title. But then again, I’m not used to any of this. Being here, living here, and being married to Prince Jurina. Who could be comfortable in my situation?
I open the massive wooden paned doors and step outside, and I am instantly surrounded by the scent of chocolate and flowers. This is the palace gardens. I take the watering can that is in the same place I left it yesterday and I begin my journey.
From anemones to aster taticuses, bluebells to tulips, cherry blossoms to edelweiss’s, hibiscuses to hydrangeas, lavender to jasmine, spider lilies to morning glories, violets to zinnias, to many more. Endless amount of flowers, colours and scents creating a harmonic atmosphere. This is the one place I actually like.
There is one particular part of the gardens that I particularly like; the rose garden. However, it is no ordinary rose garden. Within this part of the royal gardens, there are only white, brown and black roses, the colours of chocolate. And with each colour, there is a distinctive scent that emanates from them when they are lightly watered. The white roses produce a white chocolate smell. Brown roses, a milk chocolate scent. And the black roses, a bitter chocolate perfume.
Finishing my cycle, which usually takes about an hour, I return to the patio. The garden was shaped in a large semi-circle and I usually start from the right, and come back round to the left. I just have one more patch of camellias to water, and then I will be finished. When I come round, I see a figure at the patio. However, instead of Kumi who is usually waiting for me, Jurina is there, sitting on one of the deck chairs. My grip on the handle suddenly tightens. I don’t want to see her now. But then again, when do I ever? I barely get through the mandatory dinner we have together. Plus, she’s usually at some meeting or sorting some kingdom business that I have no interest in. So, why is she here?
I see her grin when she sees me, slowly walking towards her. Even though she has been nothing but civil to me, it still irks me. I stop at the patches of red and yellow camellias, just next to the edge of the patio. I hear the wooden planks support her light steps, until the nearest ones to me sounded Jurina’s arrival.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
“Watering the flowers.” I reply, not even bothering to look up at her.
“You don’t have to do that. We have gardeners.” she says.
“I want to.” And suddenly, I ask. “Why don’t you help?”
I don’t know why I just said that. And with the moment of silence that followed, I am sure Jurina herself is shocked. I quickly begin to think of reasons of my outburst and why I didn’t mean it, but then she said;
“I rather not.”
Surprise makes me look up at Jurina. She had a rather displeased look on her face, one that is almost scornful. Annoyance immediately fills me.
“Why?” I bark. “Is this type of work too lowly for your Highness?”
Jurina looks at me, her eyes wide with disbelief.
“It’s not that.” she immediately exclaims. “It’s just…”
I wait for her to finish, giving her reason. All of the sudden, I see a flash of sadness in her eyes and for some reason I feel guilty.
“…You wouldn’t understand.”
And with that, Jurina left again, leaving me alone. And though I should be rejoicing, I can’t help but feel bad. And though it shouldn’t have, her words hurt me more than I thought they would.
That night, Jurina did not come down for dinner.
——————————————————————————————————————————————————
I sigh as the rain patters at my window. I am stuck inside, with nothing to do but read a book. However, all I want to do is step outside and go to the gardens. But with the endless dark clouds hovering in the sky, that isn’t going to happen anytime soon.
Suddenly there is a knock on my door. I expect it to be Kumi.
“Come in.” I call.
However, when she steps in, I realise it isn’t Kumi. It is Prince Jurina. She smiles, as if nothing happened, while I frown.
“I just wanted to tell you that dinner will be a bit later than usual.” she states, calmly looking around my room.
This is the first time she has been in my room since my arrival. And though it is her palace, I don’t like it that she is making herself so at home in my room.
“I understand.” I say, expecting her to leave.
However, she doesn’t. Instead she just stands in the centre of the room, looking at me intensely. Yet again, I feel a blush rise to my cheeks.
“Is something the matter Prince Jurina?” I can’t help but ask.
“Call me Jurina.”
She gently smiles, making roll my eyes. But it is soon replaced by the previous serious expression.
“I would like to apologise for my behaviour and for missing dinner yesterday. It was my fault and it was unreasonable.”
I stare at her, amazement at Jurina’s statement. How can someone so young so easily admit her own wrong doings? Even I have difficulty confessing that I’m wrong. Was she truly this mature, or was it a façade? But then again, perhaps being the ruler of a kingdom does that to someone. Makes a person grow faster than they should. I silently watch as she examines my reaction.
“…Isn’t it tough?” I ask.
“What is?” she replies.
There it is again. The innocence that makes me remember she is not yet an adult.
“Running the country. Isn’t it tough, even though you’re so young?”
Jurina looks at me, another gaze piercing me.
“I could say the same for you.” she replies.
“What do you mean?”
“Isn’t it hard being married to someone you don’t love?”
I feel myself freeze, her gaze never faltering. I want to break the eye contact, but I can’t move, as if I am caught in her web. Even though it is true, I feel myself unable to speak, feeling a slight twinge of pain in my chest. However, just when I think I am about to turn away, Jurina turns and walks back to the door.
“I will see you at dinner.” she says and closes the door behind her.
I release a breath that I didn’t know I was holding and wonder what the pain that I felt in my chest was.
——————————————————————————————————————————————————
The dining room is silent. All that is heard is the chink of china and cutlery. Every dinner is the same, with me sitting on one side, and with Jurina on the other. Just across each other, probably a little over a metre apart. In total silence. I chew the sweet carrot, watching as Jurina nibbled on the bit of fish at the end of chopsticks. Swallowing the carrot and my nervousness, I put down my chopsticks. Jurina looks up from her plate, hearing the soft clatter.
“Yesterday…” I begin, keeping my voice steady. “You didn’t answer my question.”
She looks at me, the same penetrating stare that makes me freeze but my insides jitter.
“Neither did you.”
This is true. But I can’t bring myself to answer her question. How can I, with such a piercing question. Suddenly, she breaks her gaze, just like yesterday. But I can’t help but watch her. How she holds her chopsticks, how she moves the single grain of rice around the rim of her bowl, how she looks down at the side dish with a certain sadness I’ve only seen once before. In the one place that I like. The one place that seemed to bring pain to the usual blissful Jurina.
“I didn’t ask to be the prince of a massive kingdom.” I hear her softly mutter.
A sudden sympathy overcomes me. She truly was only 16 years old. My eyes watch her look back up at me, meeting my gaze once more.
“I didn’t ask to be princess of a massive kingdom.” I return.
I see her lightly smile and I feel a soft warmth envelop me that even I smile.
“Ever since my parents died, I was left to rule in their place. At first, it was difficult. I wondered, ‘why me?’. But then, when I first dealt with a problem from a citizen, I felt good. This power, which was suddenly put onto me, could be used to help people. As a responsibility to my parents and the people of this country, I must fulfil that duty. Though it is tough, I don’t regret my decision.”
Jurina finishes with a grin, and looks at me. I can tell she wants to answer. I take a deep breath in.
“Ever since my parents forced and abandoned me, I had no choice but to marry the rich prince of the neighbouring kingdom. And because of this, I chose to follow the prince.” I pause, seeing the flash of hurt show on Jurina’s face, but I smile. “I wondered, ‘why me?’ But then, I came to this wonderful country and began to fit into this new place. The prince was welcoming and friendly and she soon began to grow on me. And though I did not enjoy it at the beginning, even hated it, I too do not regret my decision.”
“I see.” Jurina simply replies. But from her grin, I can tell that she is happy. “Seems this prince can be quite persuasive.” she adds.
I feel a smile play on my lips as I resume my dinner. “Indeed.”
——————————————————————————————————————————————————
From then on, as the weeks passed, my relationship with Jurina has built. Every time I watched her help a citizen and sort out a problem, I felt myself begin to admire her more and more. And though I didn’t want to at the start, I feel my feelings for her evolve into something further than affection. But was this one-sided?
As I come out from within the gardens, I see Jurina waiting in the same spot, sitting on her patio chair. She waves at me as I come up to her, carrying the same watering can. As I step up to the camellias, I feel her watch me begin to water them. Even though I can’t see, I know she is wearing the same melancholic expression, the one that makes my heart hurt.
Keeping my eyes focussed on the tiny drops on the red and yellow petals, I ask, “Why did you want to marry me?”
There is a pause and I wait, listening to the light showers that quenched the flowers’ thirst. However, my thirst for information still was not satisfied.
“If I remember correctly, it was ten years ago.” Jurina suddenly says.
“What was?”
“When I first decided I wanted to marry you.”
————— 10 Years Ago —————
“Now Jurina, you stay good while I sort out some business with the King of Amairia.”
“Okay Papa.” nodded the young girl, before gallivanting off down the massive palace corridor.
In a matter of seconds, young Jurina became lost for it was her first time in the kingdom of Amairia. However, being an adventurous six year old, Jurina was not worried. She would find her way to her father some way. Right now, it was exploring time.
A while later, after disturbing nearly all the palace maids, Jurina was guided to the palace gardens where she could play to her heart’s content. Immediately dashing to the outside, the young girl giggles as she danced around the blooming flowers. Soon, she jumped deep into the maze of green, the hedges growing a least a metre taller than Jurina. However, she continued deeper, wondering how far the gardens reached until the end. Finally, following the hedges, she came across a figure. She paused, wondering who the girl was.
The stranger was kneeling down, her long skirt tucked neatly under her knees to keep from touching the ground. She was just staring at the flowers in front of her; lightly brushing the petals of the honey suckles in front of her. Her raven mane was long and straight, and all Jurina wanted to do was touch it to see if it was as soft as it looked, just as the older girl was doing to the flowers.
Suddenly the figure turned and Jurina jolted as her gaze immediately landed on hers. Jurina instantly wanted to run away, but she was frozen by the pretty gaze. She could only think that the girl was extremely cute, and even cuter when she smiled at Jurina.
“Come here.” the onee-san calls. “Don’t be shy.”
Jurina puffed in her chest and walked towards the stranger. No one called her shy. The girl’s smile did not falter, even when Jurina was standing right beside her.
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“Jurina.” quietly answers Jurina.
“That’s a nice name.” she said, making Jurina grin. “My name’s Rena.”
“Rena…onee-san?”
Rena’s smile grew. “Yes Jurina-chan?”
Jurina giggles, excitement at having, for the first time, an older sister. “Can I play with you?”
Jurina watched as Rena lightly patted her hands and stood up. Then, she took Jurina’s small hand into hers, letting Jurina feel the kind warmth.
“Let’s go Jurina-chan.”
Tall, thin yellow trees towered over Jurina, trees she had never seen before. However, she allowed Rena to guide her, her hand still warm in her hand, the trees reaching Rena’s shoulders.
“Where are we Rena onee-san?”
“We’re in the middle of the wheat fields.”
“Wheat fields?”
“Yes. All these tall yellow plants you see, there are grains at every end of each stem. And with these, we can make flour, which can be used to make goods such as bread and cakes.”
“So these aren’t trees?”
Rena laughed at Jurina’s innocent question. “No they’re not. But I guess to someone small like you, they do seem rather like trees.”
A sudden irritation filled Jurina. “I’m not small.” she snapped, taking her hand back from Rena’s, already missing the warmth.
Rena looked down at Jurina, secretly smirking at the young girl’s reaction. “But you are small.” Rena teased once more.
“I am not!”Jurina cried.
Almost on the verge of tears, Rena decided she shouldn’t tease her anymore.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” apologises Rena. “Do you forgive me?” she asked, putting out her hand.
Jurina momentarily stares at the hand, before saying, “Okay.” And she takes Rena’s hand once more, feeling the secure warmness.
“Papa said I was big. And I will grow bigger.” Jurina explains. “And one day I will be the Prince of Alachoca and marry a pretty lady.”
“Prince?” Rena inquired. “Don’t you mean Princess?”
“I don’t want to be a Princess. I want to be a Prince. That way I can marry a Princess.”
Rena stared at the tiny person, wondering if she understood what she was saying. However, Rena smiled.
“I see. I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful prince.”
Jurina looks up, with a wide grin on her face. “You think so?”
“I do.” Rena smiled. “Maybe I should marry you.” she mused.
“Really?” exclaimed Jurina. “Well, you are pretty and nice and you are the Princess. Maybe I will marry you.”
Rena chuckled again. “Well, I think we’ll have to wait until you’re older. Let’s see if you become the wonderful prince you say you are going to become.”
“I will!” cheered Jurina. “You’ll see!”
And with that, the two became lost within the field of yellow, unknowingly promising each other themselves.
—————- Present —————
“And from them on, I knew I would make the Princess of Amairia my wife.”
I stare at Jurina, unable to speak. I now remember that day, that was long buried with the other happy memories of my childhood after the hardships of Amairia began. But Jurina… she actually remembered, after all this time. I feel my heart pound against my chest and an unusual joy rise up to my throat, making the grin of my face grow. And just like that, I allow myself begin to hope that this love, wasn’t one-sided after all.
I remain still as Jurina comes down from the patio deck, watching me intently. Even when her face is just inches from my own, I remain still, letting myself be mesmerised by the dark pupils.
And when I feel the soft lips on mine, I know I am never going to leave.
——————————————————————————————————————————————————
Chocolate scents envelope me as I lightly water the rose garden. However, though usually my mind is clear and tranquil when I’m in the garden, today it was in turmoil. All I can think about is yesterday, and that kiss. Even the thought of it brings a burning blush to my cheeks. Yet, there is something else. I want to do kiss her again.
As I come to the end of the gardens, I expect Jurina to be sitting in her deck chair, waiting for me. However, she isn’t. The longing and emptiness hits me like a wave, but I subdue it. She is the ruler after all. She probably has more pressing issues to deal with then to wait for me. I begin to water the camellias, losing myself in the task.
Suddenly I feel a familiar hand cover mine as I hold the watering can, making me jump. However, a distinct warmth radiated from the hand me, and I instantly recognise who it is. With an easy lift, Jurina and I both start to water the blooming flowers. I sense another blush rise to my face and spread down my neck, but I focus on the flowers in front of me and not on how soft Jurina’s hand feels.
There is a moment of pure harmony, where we just stand in silence, listening to the light drizzle of water.
“Do you remember I told you I wouldn’t water the flowers?” Jurina mutters.
“Yes.”
“I couldn’t do it because, these flowers, were my mother’s favourite.”
I gaze down at the red camellias. From I know, red camellias represented love, while yellow represents longing and white represents waiting. It is the flower of devotion.
“It was the first flower my father had given her.” continues Juina. “And every year, on their anniversary, my father would give my mother a different type of flower. And each year, my mother would plant that particular type of flower, until it became this garden. This garden, my mother tended to every one of her flowers personally. Planting each seed, watering each day, covering each branch in the winter. This place was her creation and the proof of my father’s gift to her.”
I did not know that this garden held so much value. I knew that it was impressive, with the vast amount of plant species, but I never would have guessed it was the product of such love and adoration between two people.
“Your parents must have loved each other very much.”
“Yes, they did.” she quietly answered, making me very aware that she is still holding my hand. “I always aspired to become like them. So trusting and devoted to each other… I wished that one day I would find a love like theirs.”
I bring myself to look at her, and I observe her as she continues to stare at the flowers below us.
“And…have you?” I hear myself say.
I see the edge of her lips curl into a sentimental smile. “I’m not sure.”
I can’t help but feel a sinking feeling in my chest. However, she suddenly glances up at me, catching me in another one of her penetrating gazes.
“But I think… I might have found the one.”
Deafening drumming resonates in my ears, so loud that I swear I misheard what Jurina just said. However, my pounding heart knew what I heard is reality.
“However, at the moment, I’m persuading her to fall for me.”
That cheeky grin that previously made me infuriated, makes me grin with delight.
“I think… if you tell her, she wouldn’t need any more persuading.”
“Oh really?” Jurina smirks.
All of the sudden, Jurina takes the watering can from my hand and places it on the ground. The next thing I know, I am running with her as she drags me back into the depths of the garden. Among the cherry blossom trees, she stops us, and I watch her turn to me. I instinctively hold my breath as Jurina deeply inhales. She reaches out and gently grasps my hands.
“Rena, I love you.”
There was absolutely no hesitation in Jurina’s voice. She just came out and said it.
In an instant, I feel my heart soar. So much happiness overwhelms me so quickly that I feel tears of relief.
“Jurina…” I shakily return. Taking a deep breath in, I smile through the tears that shine in my eyes.
“I love you too.”
——————————————————————————————————————————————————
Bells chime and doves fly in the air. People of the kingdom and neighbouring royalty cheer. My parents are among them, tears in their eyes. I’m not sure if they are tears of regret or happiness, but I don’t think about it too much. I had already forgiven them.
I look across at Jurina, the King and ruler of Alachoca, who held tightly onto my hands as the Alachoca’s high priest marries us again. Gazing at Jurina, at my support, at my love, I let myself become one with her. And as I, the Queen of Alachoca, have the wedding of my dreams, I can’t help but think I am the luckiest person in the world.
————— Epilogue —————
“But your Highness, this is absolutely unreasonable!”
“I agree. To request such a thing, it is impossible!”
I stare across the throne room, at the two men standing before me and Jurina. The man on the left is the chief of the Amairia flour exports, which had been blooming over the recent months. On the right, we have the chief of Alachoca chocolate exports. And both of them looked as if they are going to burst.
“Please gentlemen, calm down.” says Jurina. “It is my wife’s proposition, and I would like you to hear it out.”
Immediately they quiet down. I smile at Jurina, thanking her for her assistance, then concentrate on the two men in front of me.
“Gentlemen, I understand your reluctance to begin this alliance. And though this plan may seem outrageous, I do not believe it cannot be done. With Amairia’s newly restored wheat fields and Alachoca’s vast supply of chocolate, it would be easy to combine the two products to make one, i.e. a chocolate pastry.”
The two still look unconvinced, as expected. This would the first time two kingdoms have combined their exports and shared the profits. It would require great cooperation and patience and there was even risk of arguments which could take a turn for the worst. However, it was a risk that we and my parents were willing to take.
“This would be the first partnership of two kingdoms, to bring to public a greater product than a kingdom alone could never do. This is the beginning of an advancement and evolution. And gentlemen, we want you to be part of this. We want you to be the leading chiefs, the faces if you will, of this amazing project.”
As I look at their changing expressions, I know I have they caught. Who wouldn’t want to be known as the leading characters of the first ever alliance between two of the most influential kingdoms in the Eastern world?
“But I guess if you really don’t want to,” I dejectedly shrug. “we can find other people…”
“No!” “Wait!”
I try to hide my grin.
“We will do it.” they chorused.
I shoot them my best thankful expression. “Really? That would be wonderful. Speaking on behalf of the kingdoms, we are forever grateful to have you two great men as part of the team.”
As I smile at the excitedly discussing men, talking about future plans and meetings, I glance at Jurina. She smirks at me knowingly. I smirk back.
Two more victims of the royal persuasion.
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nice story
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This is.. great! Truly a masterpiece! I love the way you make Rena fall for Jurina little by little.. Really, this is so great that I even felt somewhat sad after reached the ending..
Chocolate and cake.. Are you referring to their hobbies of baking cakes? lol
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I like it. Please continue! :)
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royal persuasion GG ^^
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WMATSUI .....Awww
Unknown into Love
so Sweet
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This fic is so cute! :cry:
Jurina be my prince!! :panic: she is so perfect :bow:
and poor Rena who was left there! but she could not resist
the charm of Jurina :wub:
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Sweet!
One of the best WMatusi OS!
It's full of sweet and chocolate XD
thank you :kneelbow:
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Me, having nothing to say, is a positive thing. I'm speechless, it's also a positive thing. And I want more of this. Is it a good thing? Thank you for this story :bow: :bow: :bow:
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wooowwww....woooowww
1 of the best fanfic that i ever read about wmatsui....
kawaiii..... :) :heart: :heart: :heart:
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Its rare to find a good wmatsui fan fic..
I'm lurking around to some pairings teehee
This is one of kind!
me gusta!
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Ooohh thank you for the lovely comments, particularly some that really make me blush, it's really too much :kneelbow:
@Kamen Knight: How did you know? XD
This fanfic was written for Wmatsui22 and for the other forever AtsuMina supporters. And cos I just like to torture myself and is still slightly sore from the Team shuffle.
Enjoy! :D
One Hundred
My heart pumps as I run up the seemingly endless hill. My legs heave with the effort of carrying my unfit body against the upending gravity. However, I have to keep going if I want to make it to school in time before the gates close.
“Atsuko, hurry up!”
I glance at the rushing figure in front of me. I don’t even bother to reply, my voice sore from my harsh breathing. My legs ache as I try to quicken them, but they feel like jelly, so all I do is follow Tomomi.
Finally recognising the passing trees and the lingering students, I know we are almost there. The split on my side pulses as I dash past the walking students, finally seeing the gates. With a gasp of relief, I continue on, but now at a jogging pace.
“Wait for me.” I cry out, seeing Tomomi is not slowing down at all.
Just then, I am finally on level ground and I see the goal. Forcing myself through the entrance, I hurry past the casually walking students who obviously had closer classrooms than I did. As I go, I instinctively spin my head to the small figure I pass. Even when I try not to, I look. Only lingering for a second, I turn away and rush to my classroom. But even with the brief glance, my chest constricts and twinges with a deep pain that isn’t because of the sprint.
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The homeroom teacher calls attendance while everyone sits quietly in the classroom; class 2-A of Denki High-school for Girls, most commonly known as Denki High, with the students being nicknamed as Denki girls. A ridiculously prestigious school, which I have no idea why I am attending.
This elite high-school, that is known for producing students that excel in anything to do with technology, with almost all the graduates going on to attend famous universities such as University of Tokyo, it is no wonder Denki High became so prominent. It is a school parents can only dream of sending their daughters. And if a girl wanted even a chance of being administered into the entering exam, the student would need to have an average of at least 85% in all tests, even classroom quizzes, and have a letter of recommendation from the head teacher of their attending junior high-school. And amongst all this, an extra activity is needed, such as a club or a volunteer job, before an application can even be made.
With all these requirements and expectations, I never thought of applying to the high-school. All I wanted was to go to a normal high school and get an ordinary day job. However, when I received that letter that contained the venue and time of the Denki High entrance exam, I realised that I had applied without even knowing. Soon, I found out that the head teacher of my junior high had sent a letter and a resume containing all my results.
Sure, I had managed to maintain an average of 89% on all my tests (because of my parents’ hopes) and was part of the cooking club and music club as the leading bass guitarist (which I actually enjoyed); I didn’t want to be part of an overly stressed environment.
However, according to Principle Togasaki, I was an outstanding student that deserved to be placed amongst the best. Reluctantly, I had to accept. With my parents behind me all the way, I attended the exam. The questions were amazingly difficult, with almost half of the questions being on high school level, I thought I had failed. However, soon after, I received a letter of congratulations, much to my despair. Hiding the acceptance letter, I wished to never go to Denki High, also known for its high dropout rate due to the overwhelming amounts of work and pressure. Yet, my parents found the letter in my room and before I could even speak a word, I was shipped off to an empty apartment near the school by my all so loving parents.
Now two weeks into the starting term, I already don’t belong. Sure, everyone is nice and whatever, but with the multiple language speaking students, and even some international students, I don’t quite match with their studious background. Though there are some people who I find likable, though have some quirks, which are more attractive than others with doctors for parents.
For example; Itano Tomomi who is cool and chic and the school’s idol, has a wicked temper. Shinoda Mariko, with her ridiculously high grades, has a humour of an old man. Kojima Haruna, who had a body of a model, has an attitude of a problematic toddler. Oshima Yuko, who has a bouncy personality, but has roaming hands of a perverted paedophile. And Minegishi Minami, who was kind, but liked to pull all kind of pranks that, can involve paint and animals being put into your desk.
Plus, there were others in the class that I liked, but even then, I still feel like an outsider.
And it didn’t help that my desk was the one furthest to the back, in the furthest left, next to the large windows that viewed into the outside. Like an outcast, I lazily gaze outside the window, at the pink petals floating down, representing my slowly decreasing level of determination and ambition as the tutor continues calling out our names.
“Akimoto Sayaka.” he calls.
“Here.” she answers.
I count each tiny petal that flies by, within an arm’s reach, but blocked by the glass pane. 1, 2, 3…
“Fujie Reina.”
33, 34, 35…
“Itano Tomomi.”
54, 55, 56…
“Kitahara Rie.”
71, 72, 73…
“Maeda Ami.”
87, 88, 89…
“Maeda Atsuko.”
92, 93, 94…
“Maeda Atsuko?”
97, 98, 99, 1-
“Maeda Atsuko!”
I jump at the shout of my name, snapping my eyes up to the culprit. My pupils widen with shock when I meet the teacher’s fierce gaze and my blood runs cold as he glares at me with stern eyes. I gulp, waiting for the scolding from Mr Yasushi.
“Please try to pay attention.” Mr Yasushi’s deep voice vibrates. “I know your dreamland may be more exciting than this classroom, but try to keep your mind with us.”
A blush rises to my cheeks as I hear a few snickers. “Yes sir.” I quietly reply, trying to refrain the heat from rising to my cheeks.
With a nod, the teacher returns to calling attendance. With my thought broken, I keep my eyes facing the front, obedient. Be it insecurity or a low self-esteem, I hate being the centre of attention, and Mr Yasushi’s rebuke made me feel like all attention was on me. So, there is no way I am going to let my mind drift again.
“Did you hear what I just said Maeda?”
Damn it.
I look up and meet Mr Yasushi’s eyes again, but this time they look like they are going to eat me alive with the amount of ferocity in them.
“I’ve had enough Maeda.” Mr Yasushi announces, giving his head a shake of dissatisfaction. “Go stand outside.” he commands.
Feeling dreadful, all I can do is obey. With a loud screech of denial from my chair, I heavily make my way to the door, sweating under the scrutinising eyes of my peers. I keep my head down, quickly going pass the front, not meeting anyone’s gaze. As I am about to open the door, Mr Yasushi continues the register.
“Takajo Aki.”
“Here.”
I open the door.
“Takahashi Minami.”
And I freeze, my heart jumping at the name.
“Here.”
The soft voice strikes me in the chest. My head turns and before I know it, I meet those soft brown eyes that match her voice. Like a veil, everything is blocked from my vision, all except her. My interest and consideration focus on only her, unable to break away. My devotion dedicated to her. We are the only ones in this place. No one else can distract us from each other.
Or so I think.
“Maeda!” I hear Mr Yasushi’s voice yell, making me almost jump out of my skin. “If you do not get out of this classroom now, I will be forced to present you with an hour’s detention after school.”
Frightened as hell, I immediately step outside and hurryingly close the door behind me. With my heart pounding against my chest, I wonder if it is because of Mr Yasushi’s warning, or the twinkling brown eyes that still linger in my head.
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Finally being allowed into the class, Mr Yasushi begins the first lesson; Biology. Painfully resisting the temptation of staring out of the window as Mr Yasushi drones on about plants, I feel myself instinctively glimpse up to the right, to the second row. I stare at the tiny figure’s back, gazing at the dark brown hair that was so thick that even with half of it tied up; there was still a mass of coffee strands underneath. The figure remained focussed, staring forward as Mr Yasushi writes on the board, occasionally looking down as she noted what she felt was important. Then, she would look up again, fully concentrated on the “wisdom” that the teacher spouted. The living legend within this school. The only girl to ever get 100% in Denki High’s entrance exam.
Takahashi Minami.
She is known for excelling in everything she does; Japanese Literature, Maths, History and even English, whatever she does is amazing. And for that, she has received praise and scorn from those admiring and jealous.
In addition, if that wasn’t enough, she has the most amazing voice that echoes within the blessed choir room. With the music room placed across the choir room, I can see everything clearly through the half glass doors.
I remember the first time I entered that choir room. There was this one time where I had to collect the music stands from the choir room, and when I opened the sound proof doors, it was as if I was sucked into a new world. As soon as that voice hit my ears, I froze, completely mesmerised. Even though I was at the back, I could clearly see the small figure standing on the pedestal, in front of the chorusing choir. The ray of light that came from the roof window, highlighting the angelic girl owning the amazing voice…Takahashi Minami was like an angel.
However, even so, she was a mystery. Being both aloof and un-talkative, no one knows who she truly is. Therefore, no one sees her with anybody else, appearing to have no friends. Except from me, her best friend.
That is…we used to be best friends.
I jump when I hear the clack of the chalk board. Mr Yasushi seems to have come to an end, with the board filled with diagrams and anecdotes. And I haven’t copied down a single one. Panicked, I attempt to jot everything down in my already messy notebook, while listening to Mr Yasushi’s final words of the lesson.
“Now before the end, I will announce the allocated pairs for the described project. Remember, this project is worth 25% of your final grade of this year.”
My heart instantly drops at this. I didn’t hear a single thing about the project. I can already picture the number 0 on my paper.
“These are your pairs.”
What am I going to do?
“Kashiwagi and Miyazawa.”
I am so dead.
“Kojima and Oshima.”
Maybe it’s not too late to transfer.
“Maeda Atsuko and… Takahashi.”
…What?
I look up immediately, never thinking that our two names would ever be used in the same sentence again. Glancing at the other person of my pair, I expect her to mirror my shocked expression, but she remains indifferent, continuing to look at the front.
“Now you will be dismissed.” Mr Yasushi finishes. “And I suggest everyone take advantage of the library’s vast resources.”
Just as he stops, the bell rings and he begins erasing the chalkboard for the next lesson. I inwardly scream, hurrying salvaging any type of sense in my work by copying the rest of the quickly disappearing notes. However, I cry out in anguish as Mr Yasushi mercilessly rids of all the board’s contents, leaving quickly for the next teacher.
“Hey Acchan.”
I face my right, seeing Mii-chan staring at me with bemusement.
“What is wrong with you?” she asks.
I just sigh and show my notebook. Immediately, Mii-chan snorts at the contents.
“Is that all you did?” she confirms. “Here, you can copy my notes.”
Beaming, I take her notebook gratefully. However, upon opening it, I stare at the single page of condensed scribbles that not even the monks who invented writing would be able to read. After a moment of failing to deciphering the mass, I force a smile and return the notebook with thanks. Sighing again, I send my attention back to the front, seeing the next teacher just arriving. Just two more hours to go until lunch. Should be enough time for me to think of how on earth I am going to do this project and actually talk to Takahashi Minami.
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The bell rings, signalling the end of the lesson and the start of lunch. Hungrily, I take my bento box out of my bag, about to join the others as they make the usual makeshift long table by pushing their desks together. However, I halt. My eyes meet those of Takahashi Minami’s, who I can’t even address casually in my head. You wouldn’t believe that we actually used to be best friends.
During my childhood days, I used to be quite a lonely child, being the only daughter of my family. Plus, with most of our family living far away and with few children living in our neighbourhood, it was rare for me to socialise with other people my age. Quiet and withdrawn, I hardly even talked. However, that was soon to end when my parents announced that there was someone new moving in next door. Curious, but cautious, I ventured out. As soon as I stepped out, I bumped into something. Taking a step back, I realise it was a person. A small girl, to be precise, with long brown hair and tiny dimples. And when she saw me, instead of crying or yelling at me to look where I was going, like they did on TV, the first thing I remember her saying was, with a massive toothy grin;
“You look like a tomato!”
And from that moment, I was smitten. We attended the same kindergarten and elementary school, spending almost all day with each other, every day. Never getting tired of each other; laughing, fighting, crying and just simply enjoying every moment together. How her small hand fit into my mine, warm and slightly clammy, how we took turns licking at the same ice cream cone, how we supported each other through the snow, how we promised each other to be best friends forever… I remember each moment as clearly as my own birthday.
However, those blissful moments were soon to end.
“Acchan?”
I unfreeze, glancing to the girls. They look at me with confusion, while Takahashi-san disappears out of the classroom. Unsure why, my feet begin to quickly follow her.
“I’ll be back.” I say to the others, before leaving the classroom in pursuit.
However, I don’t have to go far before I am right behind Takahashi-san’s slow pace. I am just about to call her name, but I am interrupted.
“Oi, Takahashi.”
I stop when I see a tall girl, with one smaller girl on each side of her, stand in front of Takahashi-san. I have never seen her before, but from the looks of things, the four seem to know each other. However, not in a good way. Even though they are smiling, I can see the sinister twinkle in each of their eyes. I am about to step forward, when a hand lands on my shoulder. Whirling round, I see it is Mariko.
“Where you going Acchan?” she asks. However, before I can answer, Mariko immediately comes to the conclusion, “You off to the cafeteria? Me too! Let’s go together.”
And before I can get a word in, I am being dragged to the cafeteria. When we turn back round I expect to still see Takahashi-san, but she and the other girls are long gone.
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Biting into the bread I had bought, I semi-listen to the conversation that the girls are having. To be honest, my mind is too preoccupied by thoughts such as, ‘Who were those girls?’ and ‘What did they want with Takahashi-san?’ Looking up at the clock, I see we only have ten minutes until registration, and Takahashi-san has still yet to return. Nonetheless, I don’t know why I’m worrying. She usually disappears at lunch, and reappears within five minutes before the end. So why am I constantly wishing she was back in the room?
However, just when I am about to focus my mind on the conversation, the same Takahashi-san I had just been thinking about, walks through the door. With the same unbothered look, she looks the same way as she usually does. Although… I notice a few changes. For example, her pony-tail is slightly undone; her skirt is slightly crumbled, with her shirt untucked at places. Plus, her blazer, skirt and socks are dirtied with splotches of dirt. Simple changes, but added together, made it seem as if Takahashi-san had fallen down… or pushed down.
At this thought, an abrupt rage builds in me and I find myself feeling a hate I rarely feel. I suddenly find myself promising that if I ever find out who the culprit is, they will be sorry.
All of a sudden, as I am making this promise to myself, I see Takahashi-san look up, directly at me. I stare with surprise, as if caught in a trap, my eyes becoming hypnotised by the brown orbs. Then, without a hint of hesitation, Takahashi-san makes her way towards me. When she reaches the circle, the girls turn to her, but she keeps her eyes on me. Concentrated and fixed, like when she stares at the front during class.
“Maeda-san.”
My breath frightens to escape as a gasp, having not heard my name being spoken by her lips in what seemed like forever.
“Y-Yes?” I nervously answer.
“Are you free after school today? I was wondering if we could perhaps go to the library together and begin the project.” Takahashi-san asks.
Too stunned to talk, I just nod. And with that, she makes me way back to her desk. Expecting to be bombarded by questions, like the girls in my old school would do when something unexpected happened, I am fairly shocked when everyone just goes back to their conversations and resumed eating, as if nothing had happened. However, for me, it was life changing.
And even when the bell rings to signal the end of lunch, I remain still, unable to comprehend what just happened.
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My heart is accelerating at an alarming rate. Sweat is beginning to build in my palm as I grip at my pen. My body is completely conscious of how close I am to the person sitting next to me. My mouth becomes dry as I stare at her right arm, which is only a few centimetres away from my left. So close, yet so far.
Who would have thought I would be spending my time after school with Takahashi Minami.
Suddenly, her arm shifts, making my breath catch in my throat with surprise. Can she read my mind? However, she only uses her arm to turn the page of the large textbook, before placing back in its previous position. Only this time, it is a centimetre closer to my arm, or so it seems.
It really is amazing that to think I am behaving so consciously with someone who I considered my best friend. Although, it has been nearly four years since I’ve seen her.
The week before our graduation from elementary school Takahashi-san announced that her family was moving. I remember as I sat in class, staring at the front in shock, not having heard a single word about this from Takahashi-san herself. Having promised to graduate and go to the same junior high, those promises of being best friends forever, of being together forever, all gone. I felt confused, devastated and utterly betrayed.
Furious, I didn’t talk to her. Not when she knocked on my door, not when she called my home phone, not when she yelled from my front porch, and not when the moving van arrived and left.
That day, the day before graduation, I snuck out of the house. In the dim light street, I walked next door. I passed through the open gate and stared at the empty house, where I used to go almost every day. Then, I see a small envelope taped to the door. As if knowing it was meant for me, I take it and immediately open it. There, I see a folded paper, and taking it out, I instantly recognise the neat handwriting that belonged to my best friend.
To Atsuko
If you get this, it means that I’ve finally moved away.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was moving. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.
But I was scared. Scared that everything we have would end if I said what was happening. I thought, if I told you, it meant it was the truth. However, my parents did not change their mind. After hearing I would be accepted into Denki Junior High for Girls, they made plans without me. Even though I told them I didn’t want to go, they wouldn’t listen.
But still I was wrong. I shouldn’t have not told you. And I’m sorry. I will always be sorry.
To my best friend, hopefully we can meet again.
Love Minami
P.S. My new address is on the back
Tear drops dotted the small paper as I read, threatening to smear the carefully written letter. But my heart was too broken for me to care. When I finished, I clutched the letter to my chest. Then, I wept into the night, at the loss of my dear friend and at my own stupidity.
When the next day came round, the day of graduation, I cried. And not because of the frightening change or that I wouldn’t see my classmates or the insecurity of going to a new school. I cried because of overwhelming the guilt of what I had done.
To make it worse, I never had the courage to contact her again.
“Maeda-san.”
I jump at my name, looking up. Everything in me halts as the large brown orbs stare at me, her face closer than I expect. I subdue the urge to lean forward, and keep my eyes on hers.
“Are you okay Maeda-san?” Takahashi-san asks.
I nod, but experience a sense of loneliness at the distant name.
The first day of school was nerve-wracking. I hate change, so it didn’t help that I was going to a school where I knew absolutely no one. However, as I was sitting in the opening ceremony wondering how I was going to survive, my eyes were drawn to a small figure in front of me. I stared at the thick brown hair, tied up in a high ponytail with a very distinctive pink ribbon. And as I stared, the keys in my brain turned as the memories of my childhood became unlocked. However, I was to be interrupted as the ceremony came to an end.
When we made our way to our respective classrooms, it was time to introduce ourselves. One by one, people made their introductions; their name and the club they wanted to join. However, I didn’t pay much attention, too concerned with the thoughts of my future here. But then, the same girl who I saw from the opening ceremony stood up, and this time I could see the side of her face. The large brown eyes and dimples, there was no mistake. It was Minami. Shock and elevation went through me in that instant; but there was also an inkling of fear.
The thought of being rejected if I were to offer my hand in friendship once more was too terrifying.
I wasn’t sure if she remembered me but as the days passed, she didn’t seem to acknowledge me. Though we were in the same class, we sat far apart and circumstances never allowed us to have contact. The distance between us grew more and more; and it dismayed me.
However, I didn’t made contact with her either. I was, and still am, too scared.
She had changed, and so had I.
“Do you have an idea for the project or would you like to carry on with my proposition?” I hear Takahashi-san ask.
“Err…” I did not pay any attention to what the teacher this morning, so I actually have no idea what the project is about, or what Takahashi-san had just said. So much for not daydreaming.
“Let’s go with yours.” I finally say.
With a nod, Takahashi-san pulls out her notebook. “Have you got your notes?”
“Yes.” I answer, quickly pulling out my notebook.
“Ah.” Is all I can say as I stare down with dismay at the emptiness of my notebook.
I look over at Takahashi-san’s notebook and my ego shrinks dramatically at the perfectly organised notes and diagrams, neatly presented on two sides, probably with more pages matching this high professional standard. Embarrassment washes over me as Takahashi-san peeks at my notes for a moment. Suddenly, she glances up at me.
“You can borrow my notes, if you’ll like.”
I stare at her for a moment. “Really?” I hear myself ask.
She gives me a curt nod. A sudden joy blooms within me and my lips form a wide grin.
“Thank you!” I happily exclaim, refraining myself to hug her and I swear I just see a hint of pink tainting her pale cheeks.
“I suggest we meet after school every day until we are finished. Is that fine with you?”
“Okay.” I answer.
I would agree with anything, if it meant spending more time with Takahashi-san.
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It is the next day and my eyes threaten to close as I listen to the teacher speech about the rate of growth within a bacteria lawn. My hand lightly runs over the cover of the pristine notebook that I had trolled over yesterday, causing my drowsiness today. I had copied every single word from Takahashi-san’s notes, finding everything she had written down was neat, concise and easy to understand. Her notes were a God send for someone like me. And I am sure to thank her properly when I can.
---------- Later ----------
Swallowing the nervous lump in my throat, I walk to Takahashi-san’s desk, just when she is about to leave for lunch.
“Takahashi-san.” I call.
She turns round, looking directly at me, and I become still.
“Yes?”
Her voice makes me move, my arm automatically holding out her notebook, stiffly like a robot.
“H-Here’s your notebook.” I mutter. “Thank you for letting me borrow it.”
She takes it from me, and I expect her to disappear. However, she lingers, and when I meet her eyes again, she smiles. Rarely, Takahashi-san smiled, so much different from her childhood self. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile to anyone except from me. However, I don’t put too much weight on this thought, otherwise I’ll become too happy.
“Takamina, you should have lunch with us.” Mii-chan suddenly announces.
I turn with surprise to Mii-chan, sitting at the usual makeshift lunch table. As the others chorused their agreement, I feel the huge urge to just hug Mii-chan, and to punch her for using such a casual name for Takahashi-san. However, I smile at Takahashi-san, who hesitates for a moment. Suddenly I am apprehensive, sure that she was going to decline. However, she looks at me, then Mii-chan and smiles. So much for ‘only smiles at me’ theory.
“That would be nice.” she says.
With a mild few cheers, the others begin making space for Takahashi-san and I. They begin their lunch as normal, talking about nonsense, while I sit quietly and glancing at Takahashi-san in the corner of my eyes. Even though she is silent, I can see the tips of an elated smile. I bite my chopsticks, resisting the urge to grin as well.
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Time passes and before I know it, Takahashi-san is already a member of the group. With each day that passes, she is becoming more open, her smile becoming frequent and as dazzling as I remembered. And as she becomes more like herself, I sense I too am becoming more in tune with everyone else. Sure, I am their friend and I don’t consider myself anything less. However, there were always those moments where I felt unconsciously distant, left out. Uncomfortable when they talk about things I don’t understand, and sad when they don’t include me, a twisted insecurity that I couldn’t get over.
However, with the addition of Takahashi-san, I am finally comfortable. Plus, with our meetings after school, I and Takahashi-san became much closer. I know that she is currently living with her parents, who live near the school. I know she joined the choir club because she loves to sing. I know in the future, though her parents are against it, she wants to be a singer. And likewise, Takahashi-san knows things I can only tell her.
I wonder if perhaps, I could call her my friend again.
Laughter resonates within the group as Yuko tells another one of her crazy stories about her and Haruna. I laugh loudly, my cheeks almost hurting, with Takahashi-san lightly giggling with us.
“Takahashi-san, some girls are looking for you.”
I sense Takahashi-san suddenly freeze next to me. Immediately, my laughter also freezes. I turn to Takahashi-san, but her head is bowed, her light hair hiding her unreadable expression. I have a bad feeling about this.
Takahashi-san places her half-finished katsudon on the table and stands up. Still, though I try to see, her face is hidden.
“If you’ll excuse me.” she quietly says, before heading to the door.
My gaze following her, I immediately recognise the girls at the door, though they quickly leave. They were the three girls that had stopped Takahashi-san before. The ones that I know instantly are trouble. Resolving my mind in milliseconds, I stand up.
“Sorry guys, I’ll be back.” I hurryingly state, before rushing after them.
I step into the corridor, turning left and right. I just see them going round the corner, with Takahashi-san in between them. Hastily, I follow. Dodging past the current of random girls, I am just in time to see the group disappear down the stairs. I dash down the steps, careful not to slip, in chase. At the end, I witness them exit from the open doors, out into the playground. I am quick to follow and I recognise where they are taking Takahashi-san. Trailing after them, I arrive at the back of the building, where it is dimmed and desolate, with little chance of passer-by’s. With her back pressed against the cold wall, Takahashi-san stands just a metre away from the other three, blocked by their bodies and intimidating aura.
“So you think you can stop doing what we tell you, just because you have some ‘friends’?” the largest, but prettiest, girl sneers. “Don’t kid yourself. They just want you there to do their work for them. That’s the only use you have. Isn’t that right, 100%?”
The others ssexy beast mockingly; making my blood boil and my eyes burn with unwanted tears. However, Takahashi-san remains silent, staring the girls. Not getting the reaction she desired, the assumed leader takes a step towards her.
“Oi, 100%, I’m talking to you.”
However, Takahashi-san still makes no move, but remains boldly staring into the eyes of her bully. I see the girl grit her teeth in anger, and her fist clench. In a second, I see two hands slam onto Takahashi-san’s delicate shoulders.
“Well, if you don’t want to talk, we can do other things.” spits the girl, before throwing Takahashi-san’s small body into the direction of the unforgiving ground.
“Minami!” I exclaim, just catching her before she falls, both of us landing on our knees.
“Are you okay?” I ask her, as I hold her shoulders securely.
Minami looks at me for a second, with a mix of shock and relief, which result in a stream of tears. She gives me a short nod, and that is all I need.
With a new found anger, I glare up at the perpetrators.
“Don’t you dare touch Minami!”
The leader looks surprised at first, but then she smirks. Next thing I know she is laughing wholeheartedly, with the other two following her right after.
“What are you going to do?” she taunts. “Glare at us to death?”
More laughter follows, but I maintain my composure. I simply stand, not taking my eyes of the offenders. I step forward, and noticing my defiant approach, the girls quieten.
“What’s wrong with her?” the smallest girl queries, obviously fazed.
However, the leader just grins. “Maybe she just needs some sense knocked into her.”
As the other girls snicker in agreement, the leader takes easy steps towards me, but I don’t back down. Staring into my eyes, I notice her waver. But she pushes her hesitation down and smirks. Without a word, she throws a punch and I hear Minami gasp behind me. The two behind their leader smile, expecting the punch to hit me square in the face. Yet, they don’t see the disbelief on their leader’s face as I easily catch her fist.
My fingers grip the large fist in my palm, my arm briefly shaking from the stopped force. From the spark of shock that went through her eyes, I can tell she is surprised by my strength. Those taekwondo lessons my father made me go to really comes in handy. Plus, playing the bass isn’t as easy as it seems.
With my hardened gaze, I push back her hand, making her large figure stumble backwards. Stabilising fast, she glares at me with wildness, taking another shot at my face. But again, I easily block it. Tired of this, I push back with more force, making the girl stumble then fall. Gasps escape from both of the minions, the two rushing to help their fallen leader. The three look up at me, with fear and defiance. However, it does not reduce my righteous fury.
“If I catch you causing trouble again…” I say, staring at them. “I will not hesitate in telling the teachers. And you know what happens when you have even one act on your record.”
Horror rises in their eyes immediately. Without another word, they scurry away, leaving me and Minami alone. I face Minami with a triumphant grin, which instantaneously disappears when I see the blood.
Minami nurses her knee as I jump in front of her. I stare with worry at the rather nasty looking wound.
“Minami, are you okay?”
She remains silent, and a dread fills my heart so quickly that I cannot breathe. But just as I am thinking of scooping her up and carrying her to the nurse’s office, she looks up at me.
I pause, my attention completely on her, as she stares at me with an intent gaze.
“I haven’t heard you call me that in a long time...” I hear Minami softly say, and then she smiles, almost lovingly. “…Atsuko.”
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“And that is our theory as to why plants gained the ability of tropism.” I end.
The class politely applauds, with Mr Yasushi smiling greatly at out presentation. Minami and I smile to each other and head to our respective desks, with the team given us thumbs ups. I turn to Minami, seeing her shyly smiling from the girls’ praise.
Days have passed since the event behind the school building and the girls have not bothered Minami since then. She seems happier and more comfortable than ever. She even helps the others with their work, along with me. I truly am happy for her. However, though I smile, internally, jealousy pricks at my skin.
Since the event, Minami and I have been getting on much better, now even on a first name basis. And it’s been established that she actually remembers me, which has me over the moon. However, lately, my feelings for her have developed. I am much more aware of her, and the people that approach her.
I’m not dumb. Nor am I confused. I know what this is. The times when I unconsciously find myself staring at Minami, when she makes my heart skip a beat when she catches my gaze, when my heart beats rapidly whenever she smiles, when my heart soars when she laughs, and when blood rushes to my cheeks when I am the cause of that laughter… I know what this is. This is love.
But I am afraid. If I tell her these emotions, will she still accept me? Will she keep me as a friend or completely reject me? Just that thought makes my chest throb with a horrid pain. Just painful enough to make me not want to tell Minami anything. However, the fantasy of her reciprocating my feelings, loving me as much as I love her, holding me as much as I want to hold her, wanting to kiss me as much as I want to kiss her… just that thought makes me want to bet on everything and lay myself bare in front of Minami.
Nonetheless, I remain the same, amidst on whether I should or shouldn’t.
“Atsuko.”
I give a start at the voice, forcing me out of my thoughts. I glimpse upwards, and see the very person I was just thinking about.
“Are you ready?” Minami asks.
Ready? Ready for what? But then Minami answers, making me wonder if she really can read my mind.
“The bell has gone. Let’s go.”
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The sun begins to set, the orange rays making the path a golden, lighting the way home. I stare at the caramel ground, watching Minami’s steps, smaller but slightly quicker than mine. Like most of our walks, it is silent. Nonetheless, we walk side by side, like we’ve done since the start of the assigning of the project, causing me to reminisce over the days to and from kindergarten.
Okay, Maeda Atsuko, it is now or never.
“Minami.” I blurt.
A red hue quickly develops on my cheeks, but I continue.
“Erm… do you… want to come to my place?” I timidly ask. “To celebrate.” I quickly add.
I glance at Minami, hoping for a smile of agreement. However, I only witness Minami tilt her head, all so adorably, gazing at me with bemusement.
“To celebrate the finished project.” I clarify.
I see her hesitate and I am about to retract my invitation, when Minami suddenly looks up at me, with a huge grin on her face.
“Okay.”
Warmth engulfs me, and I know it is not from the setting sun.
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I place the tea on the living room table, the clatter of the tray made louder by the silence in the room. Nervous, I sit carefully next to Minami on the couch. She briefly smiles at me, before gently taking the tea cup. I find myself watching her as she places her lips sensibly on the edge of the china, her pink lips leaving their imprint on a place where my lips have probably touched before. Heat rushes to my cheeks, making me look away.
“Should your parents know where you are?” I say, breaking the silence, and trying to take my mind out of the gutter.
Minami takes her mouth off the cup, her little pink tongue running over her lips, before she sets the cup down in her lap.
“They don’t need to know.”
Already staring at her, I move my eyes to her actual face and not just her lips.
“They don’t care where I am. As long as I keep getting the top grades, they leave me alone.”
Sadness fills me as I hear Minami’s matter-of-factly voice. I know that people change, and Minami’s once cheerful, child-like self is long gone, but it makes me saddened to hear about the carelessness she feels towards her parents. I know my parents aren’t the best, but they make sure I have enough money to live and call me on a daily basis, just to make sure I’m alright and to pester me to make sure I visit during the holidays. However, it seems, Minami’s parents weren’t that type.
I place my cup onto the table, and then place my hand on Minami’s. I place a reassuring smile on my lips, and memorise the way Minami’s dimples form as her lips curl into a grin of her own. Even though I don’t say a word, we both understand.
After a blissful paused moment, my mouth begins to move.
“Why didn’t you come to me when you knew who I was?” I ask the question that has been harassing me since I discovered Minami knew who I was.
I see her hesitate, likely contemplating on how to answer. She places her cup next to mine, with the hand that was not currently holding mine. She then covers our hands with hers and I automatically place my remaining hand on our clasping hands.
“I didn’t know what to say.” she mutters. “I was afraid you had forgotten-”
“I didn’t forget!” I interrupt. Her eyes open with surprise, reflecting my own, at my sudden outburst. However, she keeps focussed on me and I glance down at our entwined fingers. “I would never forget you…”
A joyous smile decorates Minami’s face, as if delight had blossomed within her.
“I thought you still hated me for what I did.” Minami softly continues. “That’s why I couldn’t say anything.”
My heart aches as I hear Minami’s voice shake.
“I was scared too.” I return.
My free hand reaches over to her cheek, and she stops, but she doesn’t pull away. I take this as a sign to continue. I lightly stroke her skin with my thumb, touching the smoothness that tickles my coarse fingers. I feel my breath catch as I see Minami lean into my open palm.
“But I’m not scared anymore.”
I lean forward, inhaling Minami’s sweet scent, and I can’t hold back anymore. I pull Minami into an embrace, letting myself mould into her body. Minami grasps me tightly, her face buried into my collar bone. I lose myself in this feeling. The feeling of Minami’s warm, tiny body against mine. The feeling of finding the one you belong to. The feeling of finally returning to that someone.
“Please.” I hear her softly mutter, the voice quiet but still shaking my heart. “Don’t leave me.”
I close my eyes, imprinting this memory onto my mind so I will never forget. The moment that Minami is back in my arms. I put my lips to her ear. And when my lips are just a centimetre from her ear, I whisper;
“Never.”
After a moment of relishing, I detect Minami’s head pull away, but not too far. Opening my eyes, I gaze into those chocolate brown orbs that capture my heart at every glance. They shine with unshed tears and reflect an emotion I know.
Love.
Then, as if we are synced, we both move our heads until our lips are finally touching, connecting us as one.
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I didn’t think I was so eager to touch her, but with each time my lips touched hers, I notice myself wanting more.
So much that I cannot stop.
My hands gripping her shirt, her hands tangling themselves in my hair, our hands touching each other’s burning skin…
One thing led to the next, and the next thing I know, I am on my bed, with Minami under me, both of us completely bare.
I stare down at Minami, her beautiful loose mane framing her angelic face. I am suddenly conscious of our positions, with me hovering over Minami, but pressed intimately against her. However, the silkiness of her skin and the sweet scent emitting from her very body is so inviting that it takes me great control and heavy doubts to stop me.
“Are you sure about this?” I softly ask, my consciousness preventing me from continuing.
However, Minami just stares up at me and gently smiles. Grasping my hand, she brings it to her lips, lightly kisses my fingers, and places it just above her heart.
“I’m sure.”
I can’t keep the adoring beam from my face. I lean down, until my lips are just touching Minami’s ear, just like the moment we first held each other after finally being reunited. I hear her breathe shakily, her chest pounding against my hand that is still holding her heart.
“Really? Because I’m not going to be able to stop once we start.” I whisper hotly into her ear. “Are you truly sure you want to continue?”
I hear her huskily chortle before answering;
“100%.”
I grin blissfully and lose myself in Minami. And as this happens, I can’t stop what escapes from me.
“I love you.”
And as the world fell from under us, Minami whispers to me.
“I love you too.”
That night, I kissed away her tears of pain and watched her face contort with pleasures. That night, I felt everything. And I gave Minami everything.
And now, today, marks our 100th day anniversary of being a married couple.
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OMG! atsumina oneshot love it!! thanx :D in this times we really need this.. :D so cute.. but maybe we need de kojiyuu and seayukiversion of this fic.. :D I want to know what happen with the other couples..
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THANK YOU VERY MUCH !!!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH !!!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH !!!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH !!!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH !!!
I AM VERY HAPPY!!!
ATSUMINA..
PLEASE MORE POWER ON YOUR FAN FICTION
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THANK YOU!!!!! I really needed this... we really needed this! AtsuMina foever.
Please write more AtsuMina and update soon! :thumbup :thumbup :thumbup
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Aw, I really loved the story and how it progressed :) Very well written ^^ Thanks for writing this fanfic. I'l def support Atsumina even after Atsuko graduates since their bonds are truly unbreakable :D
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Nice Atsumina story :thumbup :thumbup
Thank you very much for writing this great story :bow: :bow:
I really need atsumina together after the TDC... :cry: :cry:
Atsumina forever~!
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Wouhou!!! Number 100 FTW!!!
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AtsuMina!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:kneelbow:
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I just have to leave a comment.
Omg. I love you! I really like it-- NO, I LOVED IT. If you could just see my face while reading this. I want to re-read over again after reading. lol. This is just so cute, added to my favorite atsumina OS :””> this update really made my depressing day. Thank you very much!!! Always looking foreward on your new OS/stories. :thumbup
Btw. Can’t wait for the next chapter of “How long does forever last.”
Have a nice day, and thank you again :bow:
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@ Haruko: Thank you! I was thinking of making a KojiYuu&SaeYuki version of One Hundred, and may still do when I have time. But right now, I don't think I will do that, at least not for a while. I have too many other ideas lol
@ Wmatsui22: Awww thank you and no problem and I will try to get to your other requests soon (hopefully)
@ Rukaeru: Thank you and LOL! I'm thinking about an AtsuMina smut, perhaps from this, but I have so many smut requests from other pairing that I think I'll do those before an Atsumina one :D
@ crazywota: That's so sweet~ Thank you! And I hope my new chapter(s) in HLDFL? didn't disappoint :P
To everyone that read and commented, thank you so very much. This one-shot is just a little something I decided to do in the spirit Christmas.
So I hope everyone who reads enjoys and comments :)
Winter Magic
Christmas.
A time for friends and family, love and joy, forgiveness and starting anew...
And magic.
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Kojima Haruna sighed as she stared out of her fogged window, the outside looking awfully wet and dreary, even though it was Christmas Eve. Haruna had wished for the soft flakes of white snow and a winter wasteland every time she had woken in the morning since the beginning of December. However, every time she pulled back her curtains, all she got was freezing weather and drenching rain, which put a damper on her Christmas spirit. Every winter she wished for the same, to have her very first white Christmas, but it has yet to ever happen. Snow always came in January and Haruna hated this. But what could she do.
Now, with yet another disappointing start, Haruna had to get ready for work.
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With a violent push, Haruna stamped through the office doors, her pink boots and socks soaked. She angrily flipped back her dripping hair and cursed her luck. If only she didn’t leave her stupid umbrella yesterday. As she slipped through the halls to the working rooms, Haruna mentally swore when she saw her umbrella in the umbrella stand, completely bone dry while she was wet through to the bone, being caught in the sudden rain pour. Sighing deeply, subduing her morning frustration, Haruna walked into the already half bustling room, ignoring her colleagues curious and surprised glances at the usually primp Haruna, now looking like a drowned dog.
“What happened to you?” called Minami.
Haruna didn’t even bother to reply because if she did, it would be a high pitched whine which she didn’t need to do right now. All she wanted to do was drop her heavy coat, change into her dry heels and get some hot coffee. Swiftly dropping her damp things at her desk and ridding her wet footwear, Haruna swept through to the empty staff room, turning the kettle on and attempting to somehow brush out the shambles which was her hair. She violently brushed at the wet tangles, wondering why on earth she decided to work overtime as she stared at her messy self in the small mirror. Oh wait; it was the fact that she wanted money for the Boxing Day sales. Haruna wondered if there was therapy for shopaholics, like Addicts Anonymous.
The kettle rumbled behind her and, with her now being somewhat presentable, Haruna turned to make her much needed mug of caffeine. Taking her own mug and coffee jar from the cupboard, Haruna took a tablespoon and carefully began spooning her doses of energy. She put in the first spoonfuls out of her usual three and was about to put the second one in.
“Good morning.”
Surprise shook Haruna’s body, making her decorate the counter top with brown coffee grains.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump.” the figure exclaimed, rushing beside Haruna.
Haruna turned to the person and her heart jumped with further shock. She watched with open eyes as Oshima Yuko cleared the table with her small, delicate hands. She remained standing still, her eyes never leaving Yuko as she made her way to the bin, sweeping her hands clear.
“I’ll make you a new mug.” Yuko declared, making Haruna’s heart stop and jump start again with rapid speed. “I insist.”
Not able to say or word, let alone move, Haruna just stood watching as Yuko made each methodical step into a delicate dance. Suddenly she realised her current state and quickly turned back to the mirror, seeing that her cheeks were flushed. Haruna truly didn’t want Yuko seeing her like this.
Ever since Yuko joined the company last month, Haruna couldn’t stop thinking about her ever since she first laid eyes on her. Before, Haruna didn’t even think about love, but when she saw Yuko, it was like a magic spell had been casted over her, struck by Cupid’s arrow, and she fell in love at first sight. Haruna now had a secret pining, she found insatiable. An infatuation Haruna couldn’t shake off. It was worse since she hadn’t even spoken two words to the woman except from bashful greetings. Every time Haruna saw Yuko, it was like her entire capability to talk disappeared and she was left as a stuttering mess. And this had not gone unnoticed by her friends, who took every chance to mock and encourage her. Yet, this was much more easily said than done.
But now, here Haruna was, with Yuko making coffee for her. It was as if all her dreams had come true. And she had to look like a drowned rat.
“Here you are.” Haruna turned to the spoken voice, the voice of her dreams. “Three coffees and two sugars right?”
“How did you know?” Haruna asked, surprised, as she gratefully took her mug, imagining that Yuko was handing it to her in bed after a night of fun.
Yuko shrugged. “I just do.”
Haruna carefully sipped at it and felt the warmth and energy wash over her. She stared at the perfectly made brew and wished she didn’t have to wash the mug, which was now traced with Yuko’s touch. She kept her eyes down, stealing glances now and then, wishing this moment could last forever.
“Well I better get going. I’ll see you later Kojima-san.” waved Yuko, placing her nearly finished mug into the sink.
Haruna said a quiet bye; even though Yuko was already gone by the time she gained the nerve to talk. Sighing at her own dumbness, Haruna stepped to the sink, seeing Yuko’s mug. She found herself staring at the Yuko’s lipstick prints on the rim, the image of those plump lips closing around the cold rim and drinking the hot drink. Then licking her lips, and placing her lips back on the same spot. Haruna shook her head, taking her mind out of the gutter. If she were a pervert, Haruna would have probably picked up the mug and placed her lips over the imprint. However, Haruna wasn’t that creepy…yet. Instead, Haruna took her mug and headed to her desk, taking tiny sips so the best coffee she ever had would last as long as possible.
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The day was passing slowly, slower than usual. Haruna concluded it was because the floor was so quiet, with few people working today because it being Christmas Eve. She knew most of her friends were at home or at family’s, spending a joyous time together. Whereas she was stuck here, earning money which she would spend on herself. And at the end of the day, she would return to her empty apartment, calling her mother who was a few prefectures away and preparing to go on holiday with her gal pals.
“What a wonderful Christmas.” bitterly thought Haruna.
It was finally lunch and Haruna wondered the building alone, Minami already gone home. With a sigh, which was becoming frequent today, Haruna stared at the limited choice of snacks in the machine. Being too lazy and unprepared to go outside, Haruna was stuck with a vending machine lunch. Making her choice, Haruna carried the small onigiri and fizzy drink can back to the staff room where she would sit and wish something more magical would happen.
Haruna stepped through the doorway and immediately froze, the air forced from her lungs as she forgot how to breathe.
“We meet again.” cheerfully greeted Yuko, sitting at the small table. “Come sit.”
Yuko shuffled slightly across and Haruna robotically sat at the chair next to her, not believing her luck today. She placed her lunch on the table, her eyes focussed on the ahead. She mechanically opened her onigiri, taking timid bites.
“Is that all you’re having for lunch?” she heard Yuko exclaim. “Have some of mine.”
Looking up in surprise, Haruna saw the extravagant bento box Yuko had. Compiled with tempura, shaped sausages, stir-fried vegetables and a large serving of rice, Haruna wondered where Yuko put it all. She didn’t know what to do, but Yuko offered her a pair of spare chopsticks, as if she had it prepared for this occasion, and Haruna couldn’t deny the polite offering. With an itadakimasu, Haruna tentatively picked a prawn tempura. She bit into the crispy item and immediately delicious flavours burst inside her mouth. However, the crisp flour outer layer crumbled and sprinkled around Haruna’s mouth. She was about to get up to find a tissue when suddenly Yuko held out a napkin, smiling as she lightly dabbed at Haruna’s slightly oily lips while she remained captivated.
This was the happiest moment of her life.
Haruna timidly took the napkin with a quiet thanks, knowing her cheeks must be aflame at the moment. She met Yuko’s smiling eyes, which she quickly averted.
“Can I ask you something Kojima-san?” Yuko asked after silent moments.
“Please, call me Haruna.” she softly said.
Yuko smiled. “Haruna. And likewise, call me Yuko.”
A sense of glee bloomed in Haruna’s chest. “…Yuko.” And the person addressed grinned.
Nope, now it was Haruna’s happiest moment.
“I know this is sudden, but I was wondering if you were free tonight.” Yuko continued, gaining Haruna’s undivided attention. “It’s just that my friend was supposed to come with me to ice-skating tonight but she bailed on the last minute and no one else is free. So, I was wondering if you would like to come with me.”
Scratch that. This was the happiest day of Haruna’s entire life.
Haruna didn’t, or rather, couldn’t answer. She was completely lost for words. It was as if all her fantasies were coming true all in one day. She couldn’t believe she had a potential date and a Christmas date at that. The most romantic time of the year and Yuko wanted to spend it with her. How could she say no?
“But of course you must be spending Christmas with family or friends. It was silly of me to ask.”
“No, no, no.” Haruna frantically repeated. “I am totally free.” she emphasised.
Haruna was couldn’t believe the smile that Yuko gave because of her, making sure to forever to keep it in her mental box of memories.
“That’s great.” she cheered. “Shall we say 9 o’clock tonight at the station? Would that give you enough time to get ready?”
“Yes. Definitely.”
“Okay, I will see you then Haruna.”
Then, Yuko left to return back to work, leaving Haruna to hours to plan exactly what to wear. And even then, she contemplated if that will give her enough time to pick the perfect outfit.
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The rain had longed stopped and gratefully Haruna stood outside the station, umbrella free. Nevertheless, it didn’t stop the cold and Haruna made sure to wrap up properly, even though she slightly died inside because no one will be able to see her meticulously prepared outfit.
However, as soon as Haruna delightedly saw Yuko bouncing towards her, all bundled up like a ball, Haruna didn’t care anymore. She had more pressing concerns, such as worrying about the impending ‘date’, if she could even call it that.
“Hello. You didn’t wait long did you?”
Haruna shook her head. Yuko grinned and suggested that they head inside before they missed their train. Haruna silently followed, hoping she wasn’t going to be this chronically un-talkative during the journey. If so, how was she going to get Yuko to even consider taking her out again, or vice versa?
As soon as they got on the train, it was already packed with people and therefore stuffy like a sauna. It didn’t help by Yuko’s close proximity. Without thinking, Haruna unbuttoned her coat, letting some air in as she stood. She didn’t even notice Yuko do the same, or her appreciating gaze.
“You look beautiful Haruna.”
Haruna spun round with relative surprise, seeing Yuko’s familiar grin. She finally didn’t regret taking that extra hour in preparing herself. Then, Haruna witnessed Yuko’s adorable outfit, noticing the way the tight red jumper outlined her curves, and her stomach did a flip.
With her lingering stare and a gulp, Haruna replied, “So do you.”
Yuko’s smile widened and it was as if her eyes sparkled at her words, causing Haruna’s heart to fluster with pride, her words once again making Yuko happy.
As if finally gaining confidence from Yuko’s compliment and reaction, Haruna finally began to open herself.
The whole way they talked. They talked about each other’s family, their likes and dislikes, their pet hates, their goals, where they wanted to be in ten years, and what they looked for in a partner.
“So you want someone who is cute, fun, charming and huggable?” confirmed Yuko. “Like a little teddy bear?”
Haruna nodded, wondering if she described Yuko well enough.
“What about you?”
Yuko thought for a moment, as if given intense thought on her answer. Haruna held her breath, mentally ticking the qualities she had and what Yuko possibly was searching for.
“I don’t look for much.” she finally replied, making Haruna relieved. “I just want someone who I can talk to. Someone who I can trust with my deepest secrets, who will listen to my pettiest concerns, and completely understand. Someone who, when I’m feeling down, will bring me a mug of coffee in bed and hold me and I would totally feel comfortable even though we don’t say a word.”
Yuko’s words were like a spell and Haruna was completely enthralled. Oh how Haruna wanted to tell her she was that person.
“And it’s a bonus if they are beautiful.” grinned Yuko.
Haruna felt her jaw loosen, about to drop if she didn’t stop herself. Did she dare get her hopes up that Yuko meant her, remembering Yuko’s previous praise?
“Oh this is our stop.”
Haruna, captivated by Yuko’s words, snapped back into the present. She quickly followed, excitedly expecting where Yuko was taking her.
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The square was beautiful, with its glittering decorations, festive stalls, and massive circle ice-rink with, in the centre, a looming bright, shining Christmas tree. It was as if Christmas was concentrated into a single area and Haruna felt the merry spirit enter her. It was an enchanting sight.
However, as she overlooked the seemingly expert skaters going around the ice rink, Haruna felt a foreboding humiliation.
“I have to confess something.” she muttered, making Yuko face her. “This is my first time ice-skating.”
“You’ve never been ice-skating before?” exclaimed Yuko. “Now that is a crime. I guess I’m going to have to stick by your side for the whole way.”
Haruna felt guilty at holding her back, preyed by the thought that Yuko regretted asking her. However, she saw the earnest smile and then secretly wondered and hoped that Yuko wanted to spend time with her.
They quickly entered the area where they kept the ice skates, Yuko handing over her prepaid tickets and holding out the acquired pairs. She even helped Haruna put her skates on, much to her delight. However, as they waited for the present session to leave and for theirs to begin, Haruna felt the nervousness creep up again.
“Don’t worry.” Haruna heard, making her turn to Yuko. “I’ll stick by you and teach you the basics.”
Nodding, Haruna felt somewhat calmed. Yet as soon as the buzzer went off and it was their turn, Haruna felt anxious once again. However, with Yuko’s help and coursing, Haruna safely made it onto the ice. Even though she only shuffled along, tightly holding onto the wall around the rink, Yuko kept beside Haruna as promised. Appreciation and admiration grew within Haruna and she followed Yuko’s instructions when she became used to the ice. She held onto Yuko’s gloved hands with her own, letting Yuko pull her along. Even without seeing her full potential, Haruna knew Yuko was an excellent skater. Heck, she knew how to ice skate backwards!
After a while, and with Yuko suddenly letting go, Haruna went solo. She began to shuffle along the ice, then slide and then actually skate with small glides, and all this without falling.
“I think I’m getting it!” excitedly exclaimed Haruna.
She quickened her slides, her speed increasing, her feet hitting the ice harder. Haruna’s confidence increased as she continued around, with Yuko following her and encouraging, until she was at a small distance. Haruna went faster and faster until…
She fell flat on her ass.
Pain shot up Haruna’s buttocks and she urgently curled her hands into fists for fear of someone’s skates chopping off her fingers tips. Coldness immediately went up her as she felt the wet of the ice slosh as result of the thorough skating. She saw Yuko laughing in front of her and Haruna’s face soon became red, and not with the cold.
“Are you okay?” Yuko asked, her giggles subsiding, offering her hands.
With a pout, and a subdued smile, Haruna allowed herself to be helped up. From then on, Yuko held onto Haruna’s hand, even though her gloves were soaked from her fall. However, it seemed she didn’t mind, helping Haruna dance over the ice. Haruna wished she could freeze this moment in a snow globe. Then she could take it home and look at the two of them skating over and over again, with Yuko holding her hand forever.
However, it soon came to an end as the buzzer sounded, signalling the end of the hour skating session. Yuko skimmed along to the exit, with Haruna reluctantly dragged along. Returning the skates and exiting the building, Haruna felt her legs severely ache. She didn’t know how Yuko did it.
As if noticing Haruna’s fatigue, Yuko guided them to a low wall, where they sat. With a relieved sigh, Haruna rested, taking in the magical sight before.
“My gloves are all wet.” Haruna mused; finding the dampness rather uncomfortable but it was that or freeze her hand off.
“Mine too.” Yuko replied, making Haruna feel guilty for falling and her lack of balance. However, Yuko didn’t seem to mind, especially when she wore that assuring smile. “I have an idea.”
Haruna curiously observed as Yuko took of her gloves, and then proceeded to take Haruna’s, making her stomach twist in the process. Her heart jumped when she felt the cool grip of Yuko’s hands.
“Better?”
Haruna felt her head rapidly nod. She could have sworn she quietly gasped and squealed when she felt Yuko’s hands squeeze firmly.
“Let’s get some hot chocolate.”
Without a word, Haruna let Yuko guide her again, too absorbed by the Yuko’s grip. It was softer than she imagined, and so much better than her dreams.
After getting their got beverage, they returned to the wall and sat, overlooking the still busy ice rink and blinking Christmas tree, the dark and starry sky hanging over them like a veil. Haruna quietly sipped at the remains of her drink, thinking back to the morning. She couldn’t believe that it had only been one day and it felt like they were best friends. Haruna had never felt so connected to someone in her life and she didn’t want this wonderful day to end. However, it was soon to end with it being nearly midnight and with the trains soon closing, they had to leave soon.
“Thank you for coming with me today.” suddenly announced Yuko, interrupting Haruna’s energy depleting thoughts. “I’ve had fun.”
“Thank you for inviting me. I’ve had fun too.” Haruna replied, sincerely meaning each word.
Haruna stared at the square’s clock, counting down the seconds until Christmas Day. Even though it may not be a white Christmas, this had been the best Christmases of her life and she would never forget it. Haruna glanced to her side, the lights illuminating Yuko’s face perfectly. Haruna gulped. This was her chance. She was going to confess. She couldn’t keep the increasing feelings contained any longer. It was now or never.
“Yuko-”
“Haruna look!” interrupted Yuko, suddenly standing and pointing at the sky with their conjoined hands. “It’s snowing!”
Haruna’s eyes snapped upwards and to her disbelief, white flakes slowly floated downwards from the heavens. Each snow flake glowed as they gradually fell and Haruna held out her other hand, catching a single flake which immediately melted. However, Haruna was too thrilled and ecstatic to care. Her wish had finally come true. It was a White Christmas.
Her amazed eyes drifted from the sky to their still entwined hands, which slowly lowered but remained attached. She focussed again on Yuko, seeing her enchanted expression and bright smile. Haruna quietly smiled and tightened her hold, the hand warm and strangely secure. Perhaps she didn’t completely blow her chance after all. Maybe she could let her hopes build at the possibility that they may become more. A miracle had already occurred. There was no harm in wishing. Besides, they still had the rest of the day.
After all, Christmas is a time for magic.
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nice~~ XDb
i dunno if u have account in jphip~ ._.
i read your fanfic, but at tumblr, and in your web.. i love 'appearance' :grin: can i have some saerena again? x) thanks! :bow:
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Thanks for the amazing story!
It's a white christmas that haruna had wished for!
I chose to think that Yuko had prepared the tickets in advance and was planning to "try her luck" to ask Haruna out for a date on christmas eve! :heart:
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this is is so good :heart:
i love the way you end the story. at first i thought "oh, c'mon haruna, confess to yuko!!" but in the end she couldn't make confession. but, having someone that you like next to you is more important than a confession, right? XD
i love your story :twothumbs :twothumbs :twothumbs
You story is magic..
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@ fuu_kun : Aww thank you, quite a few people like Appearances XD Of course you can, I just have to finish my other requests...
@ DC2805 : Thank you for reading and you never know, that may be the reason ;)
@ O r i g a m i : Haha, yeah, I thought it would leave it at more of a cliffhanger and let the readers decide how it would end up for the two in the future. My pleasure :twothumbs
@ yukofan : Haha thank you I'm glad you thought that in the end :D
Well thank you again to the readers, especially the commenters and hope you enjoy this SaeYuki two-shot :)
Tragic Notions
I found it odd when people said that they would love with their whole heart.
A heart is only part of the body, a pumping machine. When I love someone, it shouldn’t be just one part of me that loves them; it should be with my entire being. From my knees to my fingertips. From the surface area of my skin to the endless flow of blood underneath. And all the spaces in between. My whole essence devoted to just them, living and breathing for their existence.
I loved you with my everything.
And as a result, my whole body was shattered.
Part 1
In the early 1900s, the beginning of the era of entering Westerners, I lived in a time when Japan began to open its borders to the outside world. Each side, fascinated with the other, began to indulge in the opposite’s culture. Like children playing with new and strange but wonderful toys.
I, being the only daughter and sole heir of the Kashiwagi family, one of the most prestigious families supporting the current ruler of Japan, was exposed to social gatherings concerning an increased number of diplomats and businessmen. Grown men who were very much like children in their own assorted ways. Selfish, argumentative, conforming, and reliant on others even if they didn’t want to admit it to anyone else much less themselves.
And that night was no different.
I felt uncomfortable, awkward, out of place and most of all, bored. These were the feelings you wouldn’t usually associate with an aristocrat ball. However, I wasn’t like the rest of them. I didn’t go out of my way to seem pleasing but secretly plan the other’s demise. That was just too much work.
I looked around the vast ball room, the glitzy decorations blinding, the people pretentious and ridiculously dull. My glances halt when I saw my father, mingling as usual. Of course, to my family, I was only attending at the request of my father. Stern, yet secretly loving, he believed that I would forever be the apple of his eye. However, deep down, I didn’t feel that way. I only put on the charade of adoration so he wouldn’t continuously pester me. He would never comprehend my inner, most personal thoughts. That there was only one true reason why I attended that night, like all the other nights.
There, amongst the arriving people, I saw her. I could spot her anywhere. If she were buried ten feet under, or hovering above the tree line, I would be able to see her. And if I could, I would have had caught, captured and pulled her, tethering her to me so she never disappeared from my sight. However, like most of my forbidden fantasies, I wasn’t brave enough to carry them out. She stood proud and straight, her chest puffed with overflowing confidence. Her smile was contagious, her eyes bright and sincere. It was a tragedy that she was wearing an oddly designed kimono, supporting her awful sense of fashion. However, I was quick to forgive her for that flaw because with everything else, she had an extraordinary charm. Her beauty was not just her face, but everything about her. She had the mind, heart and soul of an angel. And all I wanted to do was have her taint me.
Miyazawa Sae.
I felt my eyes instinctively follow Sae-san as she briskly moved from one group to another, her smile bright and focussed. She could socialise and make it seem like the easiest task in this world. It might as well be may for some, but for me, it was something I couldn’t conjure from thin air. I wasn’t a magical being.
I stared and mentally captured her beautiful profile, as if I was possessed. Perhaps I should have taken this blinding obsession as the first sign to retreat. However, like I said, I was possessed. The familiar wave of desire towards her washed over me and swept me off my feet, but I instinctively drew back. There was no way I could touch an angel without being cursed.
“Yuki!”
With great effort, I forced myself to look away and face the owner of the caller. I saw my younger cousin across the room, her smile bright, beckoning me towards her as she stood in front of two attention craving gentlemen. I felt a swift reluctance, but I allowed myself to follow her gesture like a dog. After all, she was my father’s older sister’s daughter.
Watanabe Mayu.
As I leisurely paced towards her, I examined what she was wearing. Her dress was salmon pink and short, yet tasteful with its white frills, like an upside down flower blooming. While mine starkly contrasted, black and floor length, glittering like the night sky. The afternoon before we were asked to choose between varied styles of Western dresses, one we have never seen let alone thought of wearing. However, it was a request of our parents, a strategy to impress the Westerners and show that we were embracing on their culture and that they should follow our example. That we were open-minded and therefore superior. Nevertheless, I felt like we were wearing costumes. It was something I was not comfortable wearing, showing excessive amounts of skin that only my family and female workers had seen. It’s tightness exposing curves that only men could dream of. I wanted to cover myself with Sae-san’s kimono. Only then would I feel at home.
My cousin, on the other hand, giddily welcomed the new wear almost immediately, like any other new materials she received.
Mayu was a delicate thing. So fragile that with one touch, she could have broken. So light that with one soft breeze, she would fly away. A life-sized porcelain doll. However, I knew better. Underneath that glass exterior, there was a stone core. Mayu was mature and much more thoughtful than others of her age, and on occasions, older. Though, given she was still an immature woman, she carried with an air that was almost intimidating. She calculated her moves and knew how to get what she wanted. And using her innocent charms, she would receive. However, she was still a young woman and she was naive as I.
As I approached, she giggled all so highly and freely, welcoming the stares of pacing gentlemen. I stood next to Mayu, greeting the pair of men with a small bow.
“Yuki, this is Matsumoto-san and Ryan-san. They are the partner directors of the company that sent us these lovely dresses.”
I looked at them and could see the lecherous glint in their wondering eyes. I focussed my gaze to the side trying not to show my disgust by looking at Mayu’s white heels.
“I see.”
“Oh I didn’t know Sae-san was coming tonight. Sae-san, over here.”
I turned my back to the men, something my father told me to never do, my neck almost snapping at how fast my head twisted. Mayu beckoned Sae-san in the same way she had done to me and all I thought was that we were connected by this simple gesture. Her smile was enchanting and as she glided to us my heart was pummelling the insides of my ribs, exclaiming to come out.
“Good evening Mayu-chan, Yuki-san.” Sae-san greeted, the bottom of her kimono brushing the tops of my feet.
Again we were connected by this brief contact and I was ecstatic. Realising that they were no longer the centre of attention, I heard the men shuffle away from behind us. I knew that if my father saw this I would receive a scolding, but I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was watch Sae-san, breathing the same air as she was, feeling more connected than the sun and moon.
However, when I saw Mayu grab hold of Sae-san’s arm, lightly touching her affectionately, resulting in Sae-san’s fond smile, my body reeled with treacherous envy.
“You do remember our plans for this weekend?” Mayu asked; her voice light and soft like high quality silk.
I stared at the two. I knew they were familiar, my resulting jealousy clearer than the blue sky, but I didn’t know they were that close. I was suddenly made even more of an outsider. They were an untouchable display that I so desired to touch but was out of reach because of the invisible glass. I was just a privileged visitor who was only allowed to view the display of certain tenderness.
“Of course Mayu-chan. How could I ever forget?”
I ached daily from the acknowledgement that Mayu was much closer to Sae-san than I. I was just the quiet, darker, older cousin who had barely spoken two words to Sae-san since I had met her.
As if Sae-san had just noticed me, she smiled at me. My heart fluttered like a thousand butterflies had burst from their cocoons and frantically flew towards freedom.
“Perhaps Yuki-san could join us?”
The suggestion and her smile froze me. Surely I must have misheard; there was no way that Sae-san would want my company.
However, from her focussed and gentle gaze I realised I heard correctly. I placed my hand on the display glass and Sae-san’s palm touched mine. Even though she was still unreachable, she acknowledged my presence.
“Yes Onee-chan. Come along.” Mayu answered; her smile slightly smaller than before. “It would be fun.”
I looked between Mayu and Sae-san, unsure on how to answer. If I acted as unsocial as a dead bug, how am I going to act on this outing? However, with one smile from Sae-san, my decision was made for me.
“Alright then. I will.”
~ XxXxX ~
I felt an insatiable pull that I have never felt to any man or woman. Sae-san was only visible in my eyes. I couldn’t eat, sleep or think without her name or face unexpectedly popping into my mind, like a jack-in-a-box.
However, I was not the only one that felt this force. Mayu did too. And my cousin stole her.
Falling in love with someone that belongs to someone else is painful. More painful than words can explain and acknowledging this reality is killing. The more you observe and learn how much they love each other, the more pain it causes. But the most painful part of it is when you are waiting to see if they notice you are right there.
I was so madly in love with Sae-san that I forgot to love myself. Yet, as if I was addicted to the pain, I kept coming back for more.
~ XxXxX ~
I just wanted to go home.
That feeling of being a third wheel, my existence completely ignored and forgotten, made me wonder why I was even invited in the first place and why on earth I would agree.
But then when I looked at Sae-san’s smiling face, I remembered why I agreed. And I knew if she would ask me again, I would jump at the chance like a lap dog. However, when Sae-san laughs at Mayu’s pretentious jokes, straight away I would remember why I hated this. Then I felt even more pathetic and needy. Yet, when Sae-san caught my gaze, she would flash a smile, and yet again I would feel the familiar jump of excitement and happiness that only she could make me feel. Then Sae-san would hold Mayu’s hand and I was thrown back into the depths of darkness, a feeling of pure loneliness. A vicious circle. And that was my life.
I slowly padded after Mayu and Sae-san, there arms interlocked like steel chains, staring at the grass blades crushed under my sandals. My long kimono dragged behind me as we walked carelessly around the Miyazawa estate, the vast gardens stretching out as if they were endless. Absentmindedly, not focussing on my growing loneliness, I glanced up. My heart pulsed when I suddenly met Sae-san’s gaze. She watched me as Mayu animatedly talked, not noticing Sae-san change of interest. I felt myself become unable and unwilling to break away from this stare. Her hold on me was infinite.
“So will you attend with me Sae-san?”
Mayu’s sudden question snapped both of us out of our trance. Our brief connection was broken once again by Mayu. I couldn’t help but feel resentment, a feeling that I’ve been guilty wielding towards my younger cousin.
“Of course Mayu-chan.”
Sae-san smiled a radiant smile that, though it was not towards me, I felt the warmth. It only fed my desire to make her mine and mine alone. However, even I, who was so blinded by my yearning, knew I could not measure up to Mayu’s standards.
“That's fantastic." Mayu cheered, hugging Sae-san as a result and resulting in me swallowing my urge to vomit. "This was lovely but I really must go now otherwise mother will be furious with me for missing another tea ceremony.” Mayu claimed.
Mayu hugged Sae-san again and Sae-san enveloped her with her safe arms. I couldn’t wait for Mayu to leave.
When Mayu finally released Sae-san, she smiled to me, walking towards me.
“Onee-chan.” she bid. “I’ll see you another time.”
Her arms came around me and I swear I could still smell the warm scent that only Sae-san radiated. I held Mayu and secretly inhaled, taking part of Sae-san and making it my own. I didn’t want to let go. If I couldn’t hold Sae-san, this was second-best. Unfortunately, Mayu let go and I had too before it became inappropriate.
With a final glance at Sae-san, Mayu disappeared back to the mansion where the maid would surely be waiting to take her.
As soon as she was out of sight, I heard Sae-san suddenly exhale deeply. I turned and was taken off guard when I saw the unfamiliar frown on Sae-san’s lips. It was frightening to see a new side of Sae-san but I liked it. It was just another piece of Sae-san that I could treasure.
“Sae-san?” I cautiously inquired, taking small steps towards her.
She looked up and I froze. I realised I was getting ahead of myself.
“Yuki-san, do you enjoy attending events?” Sae-san suddenly asked.
I thought carefully. Of course I didn’t, but when Sae-san arrived, I wouldn’t miss them for the world.
“At times.” I answered.
“I detest them.” Sae-san replied, surprising me. From the way she easily flowed within all the crowds, like a fish in water, I would have never guessed otherwise. I was seeing a side of Sae-san which I never knew of, a side Mayu was not shown, and I revelled in it.
“And Mayu-chan has asked me to attend yet another event with her. How I wish I could say no.”
“Why don’t you?”
Sae-san stared at me. “If the daughter of the Oshima family asked you to attend an event, would you decline?”
The Oshima family was one of the most powerful royal families, and an invitation from them is held at the upmost privilege. Declining an invitation from them would be a sign of insanity more than anything else. Even though the Miyazawa clan was slightly below us in terms of riches and status, I didn’t know that this obligation applied to them when it came to the Kashiwagi and Watanabe family.
“I see.” I reply.
She smiles with an amused expression. “You are not one for words are you Yuki-san?”
I don’t know what it was but her question seemed to twine a nerve within me. However the urge to speak struck me, the twenty seconds of courage that may have changed how Sae-san looked at me.
“Words are but a sound. It is a choice if one wants to say something and it is a choice to be heard or not. I choose to pick my words carefully so I am heard and considered, rather than spout wind that is felt but ignored.”
I felt Sae-san stare at me intently which made me feel nervous and blessed.
“You act of someone who is extremely beyond her years.” she said.
“And Sae-san acts rather boyish even though you are of the same gender as I.”
She smirked. “Touché.”
I felt my lips merge into a small smile, a shape my mouth rarely formed. Sae-san began to pace and I found myself copying her, finally able to be next to her, the close proximity taking my breath away.
“This garden is the only place that I feel I belong in. Free, endless, unbounded. I am one with myself and nature.” Sae-san said. “Those aristocratic events, those types of environments, stifle me. Suffocate me.”
“So why do you choose to attend them?”
“Because where else can I observe pompous beings socialise amongst each other, chattering and pleasing each other’s egos until they are all buttered enough to shine.”
“Do you find my cousin to be one of those beings?”
Her resulting laugh haunted and blessed my dreams.
“No I don’t. Though she can be a rather playful one at times.”
I stared at her while she swung her arms above her, jumping to touch the leaves that were teased by the soft breeze.
“…And me?”
Sae-san turned to me, a leaf twirling in her hand. She stared at me, my skin itching from the attention. Her eyes held me and spun my heart like I was a leaf.
“I find you… intriguing.”
I didn’t know what that meant but I hoped it was a positive quality. However, my body tingled, the sensation similar to when I sit too long on my legs, except that it was all over me. Thankfully Sae-san had turned, otherwise I would have surely fallen to the ground if stared at for a moment longer with her beautiful eyes.
Time passed and before we knew it the sky was orange from the setting sun. I had to go before my father arrived home, our family dinners a must. I didn’t know time could pass so quickly. Sae-san had that effect on me, making me see nothing but her, especially when we talked about anything and everything. She walked me to the gate, my attendant waiting for me outside.
“Do you mind if I ask for you to come again tomorrow?”
That was the easiest question to answer of that day. I softly smiled towards her.
“Tomorrow.”
~ XxXxX ~
The moments I spent with Sae-san were the highlight of my entire life and I didn’t take them for granted. Each time we met, I was allowed to know more about her. For example, she liked eating noodles and playing with her kendama, or that she has a birthmark on her ribs and she is afraid of losing her friends. And I too disclosed facts about myself that I never told anyone apart from Sae-san. Such as, when no one is looking, I enjoy running on grass barefoot or when I’m bathing alone, I sing quiet melodies my mother used to sing to me when I was young or that at times, when I’m feeling most lonely, my head ached with how much I missed her.
Every moment was phenomenal and I felt incredible. And no one knew of our meetings, at least anyone whose opinions mattered to us. Not Mayu or my father knew of us. It was our secret.
However, I harboured another secret along with our shared meetings. My infatuation towards Sae-san grew each time I met her, sure that my heart was almost at its capacity and would certainly burst with the amount of adoration swelling inside me, every single cell in my body exploding with the overpowering sense of tenderness every time she touched me.
However, there were other factors to consider. Like the fact that Sae-san was still seeing Mayu. Although I knew it was a platonic friendship, it didn’t stop my mind from wondering. It was no surprise to me that I couldn’t tell her my feelings. I was smart and the smart ones keep themselves to themselves. Why would I want to risk the friendship that I had so painstakingly built to the level that it was? Even when I loved her dearly and wanted nothing more than to be close to her, dreamed about her when I was asleep and desired nothing more than to make her mine. Even so, the fantasy of us, it was too painful. I just wanted to know that I was part of her life. However, even then it was torture. To be next to her, who I felt so strongly for and know I can’t say the things that I want, was difficult to say the least. To see Sae-san flirt with Mayu, it was just enough for my heart to handle.
“Yuki? Yuki!”
I turned to Asuka, who was obviously annoyed with me for ignoring another one of her tales.
“What is wrong with you?” she scorned.
“Is something the matter?” Aki joined in, her concerned expression starkly contrasting to that of Asuka’s annoyed one. “You’re not acting like yourself.”
“You haven’t for a while.”
I had laughed. “Nothing’s wrong with me.”
However, even though they said nothing, their gazes spoke more than they had to. I had looked between the two of them, confused about their concern. To me, I hadn’t changed at all. Perhaps I had become more absent-minded and brasher, but I felt it was an improvement to my previously quiet and overly-observant self. I had become tired of my over-thinking and Sae-san helped me out of it. Nevertheless, in their eyes, I had changed drastically. I was almost an entirely different person. And if I saw myself through their judgmental stares, I probably would have been worried about me too.
However, what could I do? I was perfectly fine with where I was. I was lost in love. And Sae-san was the light that I had to reach.
So I nonchalantly dismissed their regard and just kept my mouth. I turned my head away, focussing my gaze back to the gardens and lost my mind once again in the maze of mine and Sae-san’s memories.
~ XxXxX ~
The sun warmed our skin as I casually walked beside Sae-san, on our usual walks. Our sandals clicked against the soft stone around the pond, the fishes splashing at our presence. I looked at the excited creatures and felt that their quick movements were similar to the one I felt my blood made when I felt Sae-san’s gaze on me.
And that was what I was feeling then. I glanced up and met Sae-san’s intent observation, her lips curling into a closed grin.
“What is it Sae-san?” I asked.
She just smiled and strolled to me until she was just two breaths away from me.
“I was just thinking how much you fascinate me.”
“Is that so?” I said, seemingly amused but internally frantic.
“Yes it is so.” she grinned. “I love all your little attributes.”
My mind blanked. Was this Sae-san’s declaration of love to me? Surely, I thought, I should say something. However, what could I have said in the situation like that. It isn’t every day a woman is declared to, especially not one like me and even more so by the woman who I have been secreting yearning for years.
“The way you smile timidly.” she began to list. “How your hair waves in the soft spring breeze, like a black ocean. When you think, your right eyebrow raises just slightly, but not enough for everyone to notice. And the way your eyes darken when you look at me, as if you are ready to consume me."
I locked in place, aware of Sae-san’s intent gaze, watching and waiting for my reaction. However, the only reaction she received was the rising blush to my cheeks. I didn’t even blink. I was far beyond shocked to do anything that required active cognitive thought.
“I also love that you are not afraid to speak your mind. That you care greatly about your family, always arriving on time for your dinner with your father. You are thoughtful and kind. You accept me for all my flaws and make me better. You are a bright existence in my life.”
I discovered that, after hearing the description of me seen from Sae-san’s perception, not everything was what they appeared.
“I love everything about you.”
Maybe at that time I should have noticed that Sae-san’s perception of me was somewhat askew. However, at that time all I heard was the words ‘I’, ‘love’ and ‘you’. I would like to believe that she was blinded by love as much as I was.
“If I should die, I think I would not regret it for this is the happiest moment of my life.” I whispered, my eyes prickling un-fallen tears.
“I would terribly hope you wouldn’t die.” Sae-san uttered, stepping until I was sure she could feel my exhale.
“Why is that?”
“Because if you did, I would not be able to do this.”
She tilted my chin and my eyes stared into her. This, I thought, was improbable. My body buzzed with what I thought and desired and wished and yearned with my entire being to happen.
It was so sudden I forgot to close my eyes.
My heart screamed out as we joined as one. Even as I kissed her back, I wondered if it was an intoxicating dream. Only the tears that filled my eyes told the truth. That Sae-san was the one. Her hands clasped my cheeks, her nails digging into my scalp, encompassing me deeper into her passionate kiss. We were now eternally bonded by our sacred touch. I would never let her go.
~ XxXxX ~
I loved Sae-san more than my body could contain. I couldn’t wait any longer; I had to tell her how I felt, and how much of that love it was. I had rushed to the Miyazawa abode, my heart pounding with the excitement of my impending confession. A maid greeted me, my mind too hasty that I didn’t even recognise her surprise at my entrance. I wonder what would have happened if I waited until our appointed day to see Sae-san.
“Where is Sae-san?” I urgently demanded.
“Sae-sama is in the gardens.”
“Thank you.”
“But Yuki-sama-”
Perhaps if I hadn’t run so quickly, I would have heard what the maid was about to say and it would have completely changed the events that came afterwards but it was too late and that was the life I was living. The reality I was forced to endure.
I brushed across the grass, almost like I was flying, hurrying past the trees and flowers waving me to come back. It was not long before I reached the stretch of plains where Sae-san and I have spent many hours frolicking like children and relaxing like adults. My breath hitched with exhilaration and my cheeks burned with anticipation. My hands tightly gripped my long kimono even though I had stopped. My eyes glanced around the land and finally I spotted Sae-san’s tall and recognisable build.
I was about to dash forward when suddenly Sae-san stepped around and revealed a smaller, more petite build that I also acknowledged immediately. It was as if I was struck by lightning because all my nerves whirred with utmost confusion and shock. My head spun, disillusioned by what I was seeing. I quietly stepped towards them, my presence not yet sensed. The ring of Mayu’s laughter burst my eardrums and Sae-san’s smile made me want to rip out my eyes.
I was just a few metres away now, my figure shadowed by the overhanging trees. Even though my mind screamed for me to turn, to look away, to take myself anywhere but there, my body frustratingly stood still with horror. Sae-san had complete control of me, even then.
I saw how Mayu stared adoringly into Sae-san’s glistening eyes. I imagined that was how I looked when I saw Sae-san; completely awestruck. From the pain in my chest and how suffocated I felt, I thought I must have stopped breathing for a long time. At least that’s what I told myself later because I didn’t want to believe that Sae-san could cause me that much hurt, so much that it felt like I had been stabbed, the blade piercing my spine in half. Paralyzed, I stared as Sae-san’s fingers lightly pinched Mayu’s small chin, tilting her head upwards. My eyes continued to gaze, the world slowed, as Sae-san edged closer and Mayu’s eyes though wide, closed blissfully when Sae-san was just mere inches away. My hand went over my mouth even when no other part of my body moved. My mind just kept saying ‘no, no, no’. Suddenly, my chanting stopped when I saw Sae-san’s head slightly turn to the side. I finally inhaled, my body relieved from being starved of oxygen but fed the pain until I was almost doubling over if it wasn’t for Sae-san’s gaze holding me.
She met my wide-eyed gaze. She held it for probably a second, but to me, felt like hours. Then, she turned so I could see the edge of her smile, and she leaned down.
Sae-san kissed Mayu. Right on her small, rosy lips.
The sight of Sae-san lips touching another’s… it was more than I could stand. Bile filled my mouth as quickly as the tears that sprang to my eyes, and I ran. The pain I felt that moment was like no other. It was like my intestines had been pulled from my body, knotted, and stuffed back inside me like the red string that I had once thought connected me and Sae-san. I sobbed even when my diaphragm begged me to stop. I ran past the maid, uncaring that my tears were seen and that my attendant had yet to arrive, I dashed into the darkening streets.
~ XxXxX ~
As I walked home, the streets dark and isolated, the images of what I saw just kept repeating itself over and over in my head, as if I was trapped in an infinite hell which tortured me by having to relive the same moment again and again, the pain increasing each time I remembered.
However, I was over the whole misery and tragedy concept. Instead, I felt a different emotion. Anger burned through my heart until it bled and spread through my being, my blood scorching the smirk on Sae-san’s face into my skin like a tattoo made from lava. I felt my face contort with permanent resentment and the desire to do something reckless.
“Hey little lady.”
My head spun to the source of the slurred voice and I saw the aged man lean against a wall for support, the smell of alcohol making me even more irritated.
“Why are you all alone? I should keep you company so no bad men can get you.”
His drunken laughter and lecherous stare made me bite the insides of my gum. However, what made my teeth puncture my mouth so I tasted warm blood was the man’s smirk. From then, I could only see Sae-san and the look she gave me before she kissed Mayu, betraying everything we had and what I felt. I was foolish and naively, I was taken advantage of. Well, I made sure no one would ever be able to do that again.
My fists clenched until my long nails pierced my skin, but I still felt nothing. A blinding rage filled me and for the next few moments, I was thrown into the cold and unforgiving environment of my dark mind. All I remember were the sounds of bones cracking and agonised moans before my mind completely switched off.
~ XxXxX ~
When I awoke, it was morning; I was on the ground, completely surrounded by strangers. Then, the authorities came and that was when I realised my fists were red with the blood of the man.
He was pronounced dead at the scene.
From then, it all happened rather quickly.
Thanks to the words of my friends and family, I was saved from being jailed or worse, executed, for my crimes. They said they noticed something was wrong with me and that I started acting peculiar, paranoid and quick-tempered. This was all true, but there was a reason for my actions. I was insanely in love. And the criminal psychologist agreed with me, just without the love part. When he examined me, he conquered that I was definitely out of my mind to even think of killing someone. However I think it was the fact that I, as a woman, would have to be cracked to lay hands on a man. I wondered what they would have done to me if I had said I killed the man because the woman I loved cheated on me.
Such a prejudice world we live in.
They said I was damaged, but not beyond all repair. Soon, after some buffering, I would return to being a model citizen. I was submitted into the mental institution, neighbouring the city of Kyoto. The residence of Japan’s historical tradition, yet untouched by the modernisation and tolerance of the Western world. I was to stay inside there was however long, until I was ‘better’.
I was forced to strip away my dazzling flower-patterned red kimono and into grey rags, much like the peasants of the town as if I needed to be reminded I was not better than them. I was in a solitude compound so I was alone with the exception of my weekly psychiatrist sessions and daily exercise and shower sessions. Even then I was kept at a distance because I murdered a man. Even though I have heard one woman had attempted to drown herself multiple times because she thought she was a mermaid and it was what she had to do to transform, and another who enjoyed licking pencils because it calmed the worms that lived inside her tongue; apparently I was the crazy one.
My room was plain, with only a sink, toilet, futon and a table. There was no clock, just a small window, so time passed with me knowing but the days blurred until I didn’t know what month it was. Soon, my life and attitude matched the colour of my room and clothes; grey.
Although I had one apparent luxury; I was allowed visitors.
But, I received none.
Not my friends.
Not my family.
Not my father.
Not Sae-san.
No one came.
[A/N]:
I don't know when I'm going to update the next part but hopefully it will be soon
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woooooooooow x3 I love the way you write, the story is very interesting
I'll be waiting for the next chapter!!!
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Me finally found this! Yeah o(><)/* the story saeyukimayu ! Agh sae so playboy >< why she keep kiss mayu, while she look yuki before?! Somekind I can feel the hurts too Dx pwease continue this! Pwease im beging you :bow:
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nice work as always melon-san :on GJ:
will patiently wait for the next part...
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Pwease TwT me so curious. :cry: pwease update..
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Thank you everyone for the comments and likes! I'm so sorry making everyone wait :cry:
I've been in a bit of a motivation funk, and with exams coming, I don't think I'll be able to update any of my fics any time soon, but hopefully everyone will wait for me...
Anyways, hope you enjoy the second and final instalment of this two-shot and don't forget to comment :D
Tragic Notions
When you’re trapped and have nowhere to go, time is an insignificant element.
Yet it is your only friend, the only thing that develops, is constant, and continues alongside you as you age and grow old with each day closer to your eventual death.
Part 2
I looked at the last pill in my bowl, the light from the tiny window of my cell reflecting the white powdery shimmer into my eyes. It’s strange that such a small thing was supposedly meant to control me. I threw it into my mouth and tossed back my head. There was a sense of melancholy as I swallowed it. And along with it, the tingle of arriving freedom. Suddenly, the locks on my heavily bolted door rattled, signalling the finality of my release. A guard nodded at me and I recognised this as a sign to follow.
As I walked past the rows of identical rooms, with much less security than what mine had, I realised I was being watched. Every pair of eyes was on me, no matter how crazed they were. At first, I pondered why I was the centre of attention. Every day we had someone be released, or admitted, and there was no big fuss. The screams and shouts covered the news of loss or addition. However, when I walked towards the door, there was absolute silence.
Suddenly, I felt empowered, like I was being blessed. This was no ordinary day and I was no ordinary person. I was the woman who murdered a man, still considered the craziest acts of insanity, and I was being released back into the real world, the world of the sane. They were staring because I was their beacon. If the insane woman who killed a man could be rehabilitated, perhaps there was hope for them too. Then, opening the always locked door, I was shown a world I had constantly remembered and forgotten all at once.
I changed into the same clothes that I had the day of my admission, my bright red kimono now dulled into a gloomy scarlet. I clasped the few belongings that I had during the day of my imprisonment and delivered during my sentence; my small purse, its contents, and my letter of disowner-ship from the Kashiwagi family.
Then, the standing guards opened the very same door I was pushed through and they let me go. I was suddenly hit by a wall of fresh air and bright light.
Finally, I was outside.
I walked away from the institution and didn’t look back.
~ XxXxX ~
Having little money didn’t take me far. Even though walking was free of charge; the price I had to pay was with the pain my feet felt after an hour in sandals treading on an uneven dirt road. I didn’t know how long it took to me get to the nearest village, but I knew it must have taken at least a few hours because by the time I got there, the sun was at its highest point in the sky, like a signal of my arrival.
At this peak time, even at the border of the community, there was a flock of noise. People and animals rushed around as if today was their last. Just being released on the same morning, it was overwhelming to say the least. This was the reality that I now had to live in, and it was more chaotic than the free time at the institution.
Even so, I had to organise myself. My first priority was to get a place and call it home. Then find a job. Thankfully it was summer so the days were long and I had more time to search for a new home. Walking through the bustling streets, I had never felt so surrounded yet alone, like a lone fish swimming in the deep ocean.
Luck must have finally been on my side after all those year of suffering because it wasn’t too long before I noticed a sign at a shop window. It said ‘Help Wanted’ and I quickly grabbed this chance. From its modest appearance, I wondered if its business was also unpretentious. When I cautiously stepped inside I instantly was wrapped by the cool air, a relief from the sweltering heat outside. Feeling my kimono quickly become cool, rather than a heavy insulating blanket, I realised it was a small antique shop. Artefacts and relics crammed together on the many rows of shelves and displays. It was like a library except instead of books, old objects took their place. The smell of old wood, expensive ink and scented opium made that evident that most, if not everything, was from everywhere but Japan. It was a stark contrast to the clean, bare and sterile environment of the institution.
Like a careless and curious child, I tried to touch everything, brushing my hand against the many textures. I could have browsed for hours, glancing at all the different items, if it wasn’t for spotting the hunched woman at the counter far into the shop, almost hidden in the shadows of towering shelves.
Cautiously, I approached the woman until I stood opposite her with only the distance of the small counter, the gap the same width I had between the guards and myself when I was in my cell room. However, this elderly woman’s face was much more different than the hardened faces of those guards. Lines of the years she had lived etched her skin, her hair glistened silver with all the problems she had faced, her probably bright eyes wrinkled shut with the endless laughter she had experienced and a withered smile showed the sorrows she had crossed.
“Hello young one.” the woman suddenly croaked. “How may help you?”
“I saw your sign.”
“Ah yes.” she concluded, not letting me continue as if she knew exactly why I was there. “Come this way.”
I did as I was told, following the woman as she hobbled out back. As I entered deeper into the store, it seemed impossible, but there was even more trinkets scattered everywhere I looked. Boxes stacked dangerously high, probably full with objects far older than the woman I followed, who even though was hunched over, manoeuvred herself easily through the pile of items and slipped through the closely positioned shelves while I tripped and squeezed tiredly behind her. By the time I was finally led into a clear square and taken up worryingly creaky wooden stairs, I was covered with so much dust that my hair almost matched the colour of the woman’s. Patting myself quickly, I saw the woman had already sat down at a small table, the same size as the counter downstairs. Seeing her give a brief nod, I sat myself across her. Even now, I held manners as my top self-rule.
“What did you say your name was?” she asked.
I didn’t.
“Kobayashi Yuki.” I easily answered.
“That’s a lovely name.” she said.
“Thank you.”
It was not only a nice name but a very common one. I needed a new identity where I could blend in and not be easily remembered.
She asked another question. “Have you ever worked before?”
“Yes. At a sweet shop.”
I hadn’t worked a day in my life.
“So you know how to handle money?”
“Yes.”
Another lie. It tasted bitter sweet in my mouth. But it was addicting, and I wasn’t ready to surrender.
“When can you start?”
“Immediately.”
She softly smiled at my single truth. With a single nod, I knew I got the job. I couldn’t help but smile myself. That was one worry sorted. Now for the other.
“May I ask one question?”
“Of course dear.”
“Do you know if anyone has a spare room to hire?”
The old woman smiled again, like she had a sweet secret and I was the person she could finally tell.
~ XxXxX ~
It had been a week since I had lived with Oba-chan and never have I felt a presence of another woman so much within my life. I know I was surrounded by countless female attendees but they were only blank faces to me, faceless people that served me and acted on my every word. Oba-chan was the first older woman that cared for me; providing me a home, cooking meals for me, brushing my hair, making my baths and every other deed that symbolised tenderness.
I wondered if this was what it was like to have a mother. However, even though she tended to me like my own grandmother, if I had one, she knew nothing about me. Nor did she ask; which I was thankful for.
I lied in my semi-new futon like a sick person even though I knew I had to get up to open the shop. It reminded me of the time I was inside, when I was unable to think of anything even though I knew I needed something to distract me, when I didn’t want to do anything because I felt like I was nothing.
With a sudden burst of motivation, which I had felt for the past week and still felt it was something new, I crawled out of the warmth of the futon and got ready. It wasn’t long before I was greeted by the scent of breakfast as I trailed down the creaky, but so far reliable, steps. My maroon coloured kimono moved with me as I bid a good morning to Oba-chan and sat with her as we quietly ate, a comfortable routine. Next, I went through the shelves and into the front room and opened the shop while Oba-chan cleaned the dishes. Everything was ordinary and going according to plan. After, I would sweep the slim layer of dust away from every item while Oba-chan went to the market. Then, when morning became afternoon, Oba-chan would return with bags of groceries which she would put away and she would then sit with me at the counter for an hour, before she left and took her afternoon nap, leaving me alone once more. However, I didn’t mind this because even though I was alone, I always felt her presence; warm and inviting.
Rarely people entered the shop and those that did, were usually browsers who probably just wanted shelter away from the scorching heat. However I didn’t mind. It saved me from having to socialise when my communication skills had dwindled down to almost nothing after so many years of not talking to anyone. Not that it was much in the first place.
I heard the door open and I looked up. Beyond the shelves and through the minimal gaps, I saw the slim figure of a woman who wore a brilliantly bright blue kimono. Immediately I felt conscious of my own dulled kimono and I tucked my sleeves down as if that would hide the faded colour from the woman’s view, knowing this person was different. At the time I was unsure why but my eyes followed her, like a moth following the glow of a lantern. Through the openings between the shelves and many items, I saw her move slowly across the width of the room; her hand touching each item like mine had done before. My head moved up and down as if I was searching for someone lost through a dense crowd that were oblivious to my desperation. I wanted her to come forward so I could see who she was, if her face matched the elegancy of her wear and movement.
As she turned, I caught glimpses of her nose, brow, lips and cheeks. However they weren’t enough to complete the puzzle. She would need to step to the side and come round to the front before the pieces made sense to me.
I didn’t have to wait long before the answer came to me. And with that, shock and horror. Stepping through towards me, the woman lifted her head and our eyes met. Recognition made her freeze, and my muscles seize.
Miyazawa Sae.
Like a tidal wave, I was washed away by the memories of the torturous past, drowned by my suppressed emotions and the little bubbles of what I loved about her floated out of me to the surface. How she laughed, how her eyes slightly scrunched like the corners of paper when she smiled and the fluctuating tone whenever she said my name. Everything that I had once cherished buried me six feet under.
“Ah Sae-chan.” a voice croaked from behind me. “It’s been awhile.”
Immediately Sae-san’s eyes shifted from mine, while I lingered.
“Yes it has Oba-chan.” she answered, her small smile forced.
It’s been so long since I have heard her voice but it is exactly how I remembered.
“How have you been?”
The conversation from then faded. I became detached from everything and only the sight of Sae-san tethered me. I stared at her as she animatedly talked to Oba-chan, just over a metre away from me, completely ignoring my existence, pretending as if she didn’t know me, keeping quiet that she was the reason that I was imprisoned against my will.
As they continued to chat, I silently excused myself and slid upstairs to my room. Though callous on the outside, inside I felt sick to the pit of my stomach and if I stayed longer, I knew I would spew out the disgusting yellowy colour of truth.
~ XxXxX ~
Only a single day had passed since Sae-san’s sudden and completely unexpected visit, and she had haunted me for what felt like an eternity. How all the things she wouldn’t remember are the things that I would never forget just fuelled my despair that holed me in my room even when Oba-chan knocked for dinner, breakfast and lunch. Perhaps I expected more from Sae-san because I thought she would be willing to commit to me as much I was to her. However, I realised much too late that that was just a fickle fantasy.
I heard a knock on my door and assumed it was the Oba-chan. Finally I lifted myself from my futon, the warmth of it already beckoning me back, and opened the door. Again, my blood trickled as if it was ice water, chilling my entire body.
It was not Oba-chan. It was the one person I thought that I would never have to see again but I envision every time I closed my eyes.
It was Sae-san.
~ XxXxX ~
We sat in silence. An infinite silence. It wasn’t like I had an option. She had pushed open the door I had attempted to close and stepped in before I could utter a word. I was the dark room and she was the light that burst in without an invitation. She was the sun that I couldn’t look directly at.
Even so, I couldn’t help but scan her, examine her like Oba-chan’s collections. Sae-san’s hair had been cut short, like a boy’s, different from the long length I had known. Her face was slimmer, older and more mature. However, she was still the same woman I recognised and it pained me to know that.
“How did you find me?” my only question was.
“I didn’t know you lived here. I just came to visit Oba-chan. She used to take care of me when I was younger.”
My reply was silence. My question was answered and then all I wanted was for her to leave.
“How are you now?” she said.
I glanced at her and she was looking down. Even now I can picture the image of lost that Sae-san painted with her slumped shoulders and worried frown. However, I no longer felt angered by the painting. It was only in that moment that I felt like burning her.
“I’m well-adjusted into society now. A model citizen.” I sneer.
Finally she looks up but her gaze quickly darts away. It was like she was too afraid to face me, even though she was the one that barged in on me. This thought only irritated me more and I was about to demand her to leave, when I suddenly heard her whisper.
“What?” I said, her words going unheard, much like my screams during the nights when I remembered her voice.
“How was it?” she muttered.
Amazement and astonishment are two similar words that mean almost the same thing, and both described the feeling that I felt. I wondered what gave her the audacity to come in here and ask me such a thing, of all things. Did Sae-san not know she was the cause of everything?
“Being imprisoned against my will? Being made to speak about my problems, when I didn’t have any except from wanting to get out? Being disowned by my own flesh and blood? It was just fantastic.”
Sarcasm was dripping from my response, much like the red fury that encased the spite within each word.
“I’m sorry.”
My insides shook. I didn’t have an answer. The shattered pieces of my heart shuddered within me, never to be replaced. Her simple words opened the wound that wasn’t even healed enough to be a scab.
I stare and this is the first time since Sae-san has met my gaze and kept it, like she kept the remainder of my sanity. The hazel eyes that I fell in love with glistened and I felt my throat close. Sae-san reached across the table, no man’s land, and grabbed my hands. I gasped with the sudden contact, a flood of memories sweeping me away, the familiar warmth taking away the oxygen from my lungs.
“It has been three years and I have felt and thought of nothing other than you.” she mustered.
I couldn’t help but snort with disgust. Disgusted by her audacity. Revolted by the sudden rush of unwanted happiness that ran through me. I pulled my hands, but I was surprised when Sae-san held on, still looking at me earnestly. It was my turn to tear my gaze away because I couldn’t bear to let her see me crumble.
“I thought, when there was no way out, love was the only way.” I explained. “But you never came. Do you know how long I waited? How long I have thought of you?”
I took a heavy breath in; my body jittered; only Sae-san’s grip keeping me intact. Without my command, tears started to seep from me. I shake my head, defying my ability to live through this again. I couldn’t do it again.
“Look at me.” she said. “Look at me.”
I looked at her, the evidence of my tears still on my cheeks.
“Come back.” Sae-san pleaded. “Come back to me.”
The surprise caught in my throat. Though I thought I had seen every emotion that could appear on Sae-san’s face, I realised I had never seen her cry. The tiny liquid crystals transparent as the window of my cell and her desperation. She was the woman that made me feel everything. Lust, love, trust and hate. I guess that was what made me feel that I knew her. Which just made my sentence more devastating that I wanted it to be.
At the beginning of my imprisonment, I was unable to accept our separation.
One part of me had missed her. It missed her so greatly that on some days I would talk to myself and pretend she was there. I fooled myself so hard that some attendees truly thought I was talking to someone but when they came to investigate, saw that there was no one there and just reinforced the belief of my insanity. However, in my eyes, I saw Sae-san as clear as I knew that I was breathing air. Then, on some nights, when I was given my medication, I would cry myself to sleep because the void in my chest was so painful. Her name would be the first thing I said in the morning and the last I whispered before I slept. That was the half of me that continued to truly love Sae.
Then, there was the other part of me. The half that screamed at the imaginary Sae-san for deserting me. The part which threw various items at the Sae-san who simply watched, letting the items go through her and crash against the wall until someone came in and sedated me. Then, in the dream, I would envision the dagger that I would use to pierce her heart and I would watch as she crumbled to the floor, the pool of red as deep as the tears I had cried. When I thought of her, that other half would allow the hate to consume my heart and the flowers of revenge to bloom in the darkest parts of my mind and made me want nothing more than to make her suffer just like I had, only a hundred times worse.
I don’t have to say what half won me over when I agreed to meet Sae the next day.
~ XxXxX ~
That morning was filled with nervous agitation. Nervous as I waited for Sae-san to appear. Agitation at myself for allowing her to make me wait.
Then, without realising, I watched as Sae-san hurried towards me as I sat at the outdoor table, her short hair sticking to her face with a light sheen of sweat and I already felt myself being taken to the enchanted world of pure captivation.
As we sat and drank our jasmine tea, a now normal silence encased us. I wondered if every time we were to meet, our conversation would only consider of a greeting and mental monologues.
“Have you heard about Mayu-chan?”
I didn’t answer, but it did not mean I didn’t notice the familiar, casual address of my dear younger cousin and the tightening of my chest.
“She eloped last year with a young gentleman that served her father. It was quite a scandal.”
This news took me by surprise. I never expected Mayu to be so… promiscuous. However, I knew it would be a scandal, particularly since it included a member of one of the main families that served the emperor. I could just imagine my father’s devastation. First his own daughter was emitted to an institution, next his niece runs away with a commoner. It was unheard of. And a disgrace.
I couldn’t help but smile.
“I’m attending a birthday event next week.” Sae-san continued.
Her continued small talk kept the silence at bay, but had no effect on the jittering imp of awkwardness. I glanced up and saw the glint of expectation.
“Whose is it?” I politely returned, though I cared nothing about it.
“My greatest and most loyal companion.”
I noticed her tone changed and she had a content smile. A smile that I had long locked inside a forbidden box in my mind. This person seemed like someone Sae-san treasured, a flash of a young woman’s face appeared in my head, and I wanted nothing more than to see who this person was.
I didn’t know why she decided to mention this to me. I contemplated on the idea that she wanted to take me too. However, she didn’t and the silent monster crept up on us. I didn’t ask if I could attend with her.
“Shall we move on?”
I wondered if there was a double meaning behind that question. That question I had always asked myself but seemed impossible to answer. I felt my mouth open with a mute response. However, Sae-san had already stood, letting myself hang in limbo. Yet, I agreed and let myself be carried away once again.
~ XxXxX ~
The wind gusted against me, like the memories of the time I spent in this garden. The Miyazawa gardens. It was as if the heavens didn’t want me there, warned me to go before it was too late. However, it was already too late from the moment I saw Sae-san enter the store.
We walked aimlessly together, like the times from three years ago. Every now and again, her hand would brush against mine and I would feel my breath being taken away, like ice was being blown into me, inflating the hope that I didn’t want to grow. And when she touched me, I automatically flinched away. Perhaps Sae-san noticed because it seemed like every touch lingered for just a second longer, as if I was being broken in. Though I thought not, it worked. Gradually I became used to it, and before long she was holding my hand. I was made to endure the warmth that her hand brought to me, and I guiltily enjoyed it.
I turned to her and she smiled.
“It’s beautiful today.” Sae-san said.
And indeed it was. I never did take notice of the beauty of the Miyazawa abode, too focussed on the woman next to me. It’s odd when something so mundane could change when another view is taken.
“You’re beautiful.”
I felt my head turn to Sae-san again, my eyes widening. I didn’t know when we stopped, but I froze from the shock.
“Yuki…”
I felt her grasp on my hands tighten and on my heart, my gaze and chest freezing.
“I love you.”
~ XxXxX ~
My soul was rejoicing.
My mind was singing.
I felt as if I was making a huge mistake.
~ XxXxX ~
We rented a room in a local inn and as soon as we entered the dark room, we fell onto the futon in a passionate tangle. My lips were sealed with her kiss and my gasps were swallowed by her mouth. Her name slipped from my tongue when I felt her lips on my neck, as if it was permanently tattooed on the roof of my mouth. I felt the prickle of desire run down my chest, my stomach and my groin.
She begged, I fulfilled.
I moaned, she repeated what she was doing.
She sung like the birds that woke me up in the mornings during my days in the mental ward. Excited, frantic, high-pitched and annoying.
I cried out like the sudden anger that swept through me and producing the aggravated sound that I would release.
We joined as one as my insides tore apart.
~ XxXxX ~
The next morning was the end of the dream.
When I awoke I found myself staring at a face. In the awkward phase of being suspended between sleep and awake, it took me a moment to realise who I was facing. Suddenly, memories of last night struck my eyes into focus. I stared at Sae-san’s peaceful expression, never having been this close to her face since ever. I remember when I thought this was only a wild fantasy. I thought about how wonderful it would be to wake up next to her. And how impossible it would be.
Now, I laid next to Sae-san, her bare skin stuck to mine. I stared at the black spider leg lashes that bordered her closed eyes as I felt her constant and reassuring exhale on my cheek. I allowed myself to be slowly dragged by the soft waves of yearning out to the ocean of adulation even though I knew I would be inevitably drowned by the growing weight of my own selfish desires.
Her eyes fluttered open and I smiled at the brief, dazed look that reminded me of a baby just waking from its slumber.
“Morning.” Sae-san mist-fully greeted.
I smiled. “Good morning.”
She contently grinned and rolled onto her back, stretching with her arms raised, her toes peeking from the cover, her whine and face contorted like a cat.
“I could get used to this.” Sae-san mused, flipping to her stomach, laying her head on the pillow and once again looked at me.
I continued to softly smile, gently running her finger tips across the soft back, thinking about how it felt different to last night, where it was slick with sweat and exertion. Sae-san purred contently and I watched as her eyes closed, blissfully vulnerable. The cogs in my brain turned. This was my chance.
“Introduce me.” I spoke.
Her eyes opened and stared at me. I saw the sharp concern and worry. I did the only thing I knew could calm her.
I cupped her cheek and I felt Sae-san physically relaxed against my hand as if she had finally surrendered to her exhaustion. Her hand came to press against mine and she tightly held on to it, clinging on so I wouldn’t let go. I smiled again, reassuringly. I leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her trembling cheek.
“Trust me.”
~ XxXxX ~
Akimoto Sayaka was not who I envisioned to be.
Akimoto-san, Sae-san’s best childhood friend, was a dark beauty. Her handsome face placed on top of a tall stature matching that of Sae-san’s, perhaps even taller, with their riches matching their height, gave me an impression of a lion. Majestic and proud. I was surprised that I have never seen her before. Perhaps she was as much of a fan of these events as I was. Yet when I glimpsed at her from a distance, I could see the easy smile that resembled Sae-san’s. Only hers seemed more polite, rather than genuine.
However, Akimoto-san was not the only one I didn’t recognise. Bar from Sae-san, everyone was a new face. Either that or it was mutual forgetfulness. Misplacement of a gentleman’s face and the identity of a young woman. Perhaps the only recognisable thing about me, if anything, was my trademark red kimono, newly purchased by Sae-san. A gift amongst many; bribery for my forgiveness. I accepted every item and word.
We passed through the mist of people, giving brief greetings, until an invisible clearing appeared in front of the birthday girl. I curtsied when Sae-san introduced me, Akimoto-san’s broad smile and lingering gaze not going unnoticed by me. I’ve seen that look before. Countless times I have seen it reflected back at me in mirrors, windows and the pupils of Sae-san’s eyes. It was when I felt like time suspended and I was afloat, filled with the light and rose-scented air of infatuation. It was the look I had every time I thought of or saw Sae-san.
It was the look of love.
~ XxXxX ~
The night progressed on and I rarely strayed from Sae-san’s side. However, I did notice that Akimoto-san wasn’t too far behind me when I walked away. I wondered if I acted the same; desperate and consumed.
I most probably did, if not more desperate and consumed by my adoration. However, if I didn’t act as I did, I wouldn’t have called it love.
I may have been too quick to label what I felt for Sae-san when what I thought we had had been love. However, for me, love was what it was. An inexplicable, dangerous tsunami of pure emotion. The whirlpool of feelings which I was so gladly and ready to jump into, just so I could experience the push and pull of want and need.
However, back then, I was naïve. Now, I am practiced and like I was, Akimoto-san was drowning in her own desires. And I wanted to use this to my advantage.
Knowing full well what I saw, I decided to test my hypothesis.
I quietly disappeared from Sae-san’s side as she talked to some gentlemen I have never, and would likely not again, seen. Gliding towards the low balcony that led outwards to the night view of the Akimoto estates, I pretended not to notice Akimoto-san follow, stalking me like I was a rabbit and she were a fox. However, was she as cunning as one, it was anyone’s guess.
“It’s a beautiful night.”
Akimoto-san’s voice carried in the darkness, lit by the party behind us and her enthusiasm. She stood next to me, placing her hands on the wooden rail, her words ringing the memory of Sae-san’s similar words.
“Yes it is.”
“May I be impudent and ask a question Yuki-san?”
I revelled in the honorifics used after my name. I had forgotten how long it had been since I had been addressed in such a fashion. I felt important, like royalty.
“Of course. And please call me Yuki.”
She beamed like a child receiving a brand new toy. “Likewise; call me Sayaka.”
I smiled but didn’t answer. If I couldn’t’ address Sae-san nonchalantly, there was no way I would address someone like her so causally. However, I only said this in my head. In practice, I would do anything she asked.
“How do you know Sae?” she went on to ask. “I’ve never heard her mention a thing about you.”
I felt her intense stare and I saved it. “Let’s just say we go way back.”
“Well I can imagine why she would keep you a secret. You are incredibly beautiful. If I were her, I would keep you all to myself.”
Her playful and somewhat arrogant tone made me turn to Akimoto-san and I smiled. I took a bold step forward, like she did with her first question, and I lightly brushed my fingertips on her arm before dropping them. I tiptoed up and lingered, letting her inhale my scent before I placed a light kiss on hot cheek. Then, I placed my mouth next to her ear just so my lips just skimmed the hot skin of her ear.
“We should do this again.”
Taking I step back, I observed her reaction. She looked dazed and I smiled. If she was a fox, I was a hound. She was caught in my teeth. I stepped back into the party, leaving her lingering with my whisper, not bothering to look back. She was mine.
~ XxXxX ~
There had been countless times where I thought about committing suicide. In my mind I could easily count each of the moments where I thought about what method to use. Should I have had hung myself with my own robes, slit my wrists with the shards of broken china or let myself starve to death? It was my choice how I would disappear from the senseless and helpless world. If I were to go, there wouldn’t be a loss. The stars would still appear, the sun would still rise, the seasons would still change, the people will still move on.
So, why shouldn’t I disappear? Dozens would take my place. My death being their birthday.
However, though I was alone, I was never left by myself. Guards constantly stood outside my cell, rotating along with the moving Earth. Even when I felt most depressed, like my body emitted only pain, my mind cold with the dark thoughts and my heart empty of any positive emotion, I couldn’t take my life. Though I gave myself so many choices, I couldn’t pick any of them. I wondered if this was hell, where I had no free-will and was made to suffer continuously. I didn’t have anything or anyone to live for. I thought all hope was gone and that anything I did was just a feeble attempt to continue. No one was coming for me. I would remain broken and no one would fix me.
Then, I gave myself a purpose.
~ XxXxX ~
I didn’t know how Akimoto-san knew where I lived but it made everything easier.
She called on me and I followed, just like a dog. Taking advantage and using her was easy enough. Akimoto-san was infatuated, borderline obsessed, with me and I fed off it like a greedy blood-sucker. Regenerated by being wanted, I allowed Akimoto-san to grant her impure desires as reward for fulfilling my personal wishes. I let her do whatever she wanted with me and I did whatever she wanted me to do. In return for feeding me information about the Miyazawa clan. The only condition I had was no kissing.
Honestly, it was a mild miracle that Sae-san and Akimoto-san never met at the same time they visited me. However, I knew that the Miyazawa clan was lenient, but when it came to the only daughter within the family, amongst the three siblings, Sae-san was held on tighter. And when she could send a tender to my house, if Akimoto-san was here, I would tell her I was working and could not come with her, even though it risked my reputation. However, Sae-san’s family knew nothing about me. In turn, Sae-san knew nothing of Akimoto-san’s betrayal. And Akimoto-san knew how to keep a secret. She was a fox.
As time passed, I was slowly losing patience. Perhaps my idea wasn’t as well planned as I wanted it to be. Most of the information I received was useless.
That is, until one night.
I stared at Akimoto-san’s muscular back, the candle light reflecting the soft sheen of drying sweat off her skin. As I examined her body, I mentally compared it to Sae-san’s. Her hair was longer, lighter and coarser than the thick, glossy raven mass that I had gripped when Sae-san kissed my stomach. Akimoto-san’s skin was two tones darker than the light skin that glistened in the morning sun of the Miyazawa gardens.
As I compared the two women who were so alike yet so different, I thought of the next night. It was the night that the Miyazawa clan would dine with the king. The perfect setting.
All I had to do was simply watch as the world fell around her.
~ XxXxX ~
Everything was gloriously decorated and purposely placed. I could feel the nervousness radiating from Sae-san and the edginess from Akimoto-san. I walked into the mass of people, with the two women that had touched me on either side of me. Then, spotting the photographer, most likely from the local newspaper ready to mark this special day, I silently left the two to start my plan. None of them noticed, too busy greeting all the people who were socially more important than me.
It was easy to manipulate him, almost easier than using Akimoto-san. All there left was the second and final part of plan and all would end.
I returned to the crowd, weaving through like thread through a needle until I reached Sae-san. She beamed when she realised it was me clasping her hand and she led me to a quiet spot behind a large carved dragon statue. My back pressed against the cool stone as Sae-san hovered closely to me, her hand twirling a strand of hair between her fingers. Then, she grabbed the back of my head, passionately claiming my lips. My eyes stayed open with slight surprise, never seeing this possessive act before. Her hand gripped my hair, like I was her prisoner. Perhaps she sensed what I was planning to do next, her instincts sensing the trouble that I would bring for her future self.
However, it seemed the present Sae-san didn’t mind as much because while we kissed, she didn’t even notice the flash or click of a camera. After a moment, Sae-san pulled away and grinned cheekily.
“Meet me in the gardens.” I said.
Her smile grew and she nodded before rushing back towards her family, tending to the emperor. Quickly, I stepped from our hiding place, but instead of following Sae-san, I headed in the opposite direction. I spotted Akimoto-san easily, with her dark purple kimono that matched the colour of the sky, talking to some women. It seemed it was not only Sae-san that attracted the attention of other women. I stood and waited until she looked at me. I didn’t have to wait long. Akimoto-san met my eyes which beckoned her. She smiled before returning her attention back to the women, probably politely excusing herself. I walked through the doors that led to the Miyazawa gardens, feeling the night breeze that was similar to the night of Akimoto-san’s birthday.
Cool and tranquil, the calm before a storm.
Sensing a presence behind me, I turned. I smiled when I saw it was Akimoto-san, her silhouette illuminated by the lights from inside, shining through the screen doors, like she was an angel. When she cupped my cheek I felt indifferent, but I leaned into her touch, smiling. She was an angel and I was the devil. I passionately accepted Akimoto-san’s kiss and only one moment later, I felt a bright flash of light. I pulled away and turned to the side, pretending to be as shocked as possible. I saw the same photographer as before and Sae-san’s face beside him, the moon’s glow making Sae-san’s beautifully broken expression shine. It was the look of pure devastation and hurt. And like a repeat of history, I met Sae-san’s gaze but instead of me, she was the one that dashed away. Accomplishment swelled within me.
To think, one kiss could change someone’s life entirely.
~ XxXxX ~
It’s funny how revenge can motivate a person. Of course, when I was first released, it wasn’t my initial intention to make it my aim to ruin Sae-san’s life. In fact, I didn’t even expect to ever see her again. It was just a simple fantasy that kept me from going off the deep end. The fact that my wish was granted was just a dream come true.
Betrayal is something that cannot be easily forgiven. Particularly by someone of the likes of me. However time was on my side and an elaborate plan planted and grew in my mind as hate brewed within me as the years passed with me entrapped in the mental institute, until it was time to carry it out.
I learned that day, the day when I witnessed Sae-san, the day I killed a man, the day I lost everything, I learned a lesson.
Love isn’t enough.
It was quite hilarious really, for what one photograph can do, particularly one of a kiss between two women, especially if one of them was the daughter of an important diplomat. Days passed with news of my infidelity and Sae-san’s disgrace. Articles filled with the shame brought upon the Miyazawa and Akimoto families because of Sae-san’s love for me, a penniless woman.
That moment where her world feel apart and all she could do was stare blankly. The moment I cherished.
It’s strange that the woman who claimed knew everything about me knew nothing of my plan and her impending doom.
Even I knew my mind was warped.
~ XxXxX ~
I don’t know what made me decide to take a walk that night. It may have been because I’ve been holed up in the store for the past days, waiting for things to calm down so people wouldn’t recognise me from the papers. I wanted to feel the cool air on my skin, feel the open air enter my lungs and slip from my mouth like a loving whisper. Another possibility was that I wanted time for myself to think what to do next. With my l goal finished, I had to find another life ambition. I pondered if I should leave and travel; see the world that I wouldn’t have seen if I remained within the Kashiwagi family or in the intuition. Maybe meeting Sae-san was actually a good thing, without her making me see the reality of the cruel world; I wouldn’t have the chance of seeing it in action.
I froze when I heard steps behind me. I swung round and stopped when I saw who it was.
Sae-san.
I didn’t know if it was the flicking light above us or if it was actually Sae-san’s body, but she trembled in front of me, like she was holding something in that wanted nothing but out.
“How could you humiliate me like that?” she screamed. “I would never hurt you the way you hurt me!”
“But you already did.” I retorted. “You hurt me in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine. What goes around… comes round.”
There was a silence. A hush that echoed inside the empty me. I observed as Sae-san took a step closer, making me witness the pure rage that she wore like a mask. From her snarling mouth to her piercing glare to her dishevelled hair, she looked like a completely different person. She looked like the peple I left at the institution.
Suddenly, Sae-san slowly pulled out a black object from her kimono. It reflected the lamp’s light, glinting the light towards me. I knew immediately what it was. It was a developing weapon that Westerners were frequently using. It was somewhat similar to Akimoto-san. It was a dark, slim and beautiful.
It was a pistol.
Sae-san held it out in front of her and faced it towards me, point-blank. It shook along with Sae-san’s body. Even with the single source of light, I could see the sweat on her forehead, her brows furrowed with fright.
I could only laugh.
Guffaw at Sae-san’s ridiculous act and what I had become. I admired the monstrosity that I had turned into. Its hideous arms tangled me in its web while I laid in wait ready to be devoured. As I laughed, I saw Sae-san’s muscles clench and her hands trembled even more than before. Then her eyes closed with defeat and her arms dropped as if all strength had been drained from her. I smirked. It was my victory and she would have to suffer with what she did to me. Let it haunt her for eternity.
I was about to voice my triumph when suddenly I heard the gunshot. It shook my body and deafened me, even though I heard it echo across the village. I felt my body go from hot to cold in a second and I felt something damp on my kimono, like someone had splashed water on me. It wasn’t long before I realised the wet feeling I felt on my shirt came from me. Then I looked down, stared at the crimson stain that just grew from where my heart should be. I looked back up to face Sae-san, only to find she had long disappeared, leaving only a smoking gun.
She had left me alone again.
I fell, collapsing onto the dirty pavement, lying on the grimy leftovers of last night’s rainfall. I had enough strength to turn over onto my back before the pain was too much, overwhelming every nerve of my body. Silence filled my being, reminding me of the day I witnessed Sae-san betray me, the day I was released and when I was met Sae-san again. An unknown peacefulness swelled in me, one that I haven’t felt in a very long time. I stared up to the night sky, as my life bled from me, seeing the stars that I had observed all the nights before that led up until now.
Perhaps if I wasn’t such a bitch, I wouldn’t be dying.
What a tragic notion.
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Just a simple drabble with no specific pairing so relate to whoever you want :lol:
Hope whoever reads this enjoys and comments :D
First Love
When I was young, things were difficult.
I was exposed to a harsh world that had no pity on a young girl like me.
Everything was out to get me and I viewed everyone with contempt.
If they used me, I would use them.
I closed myself to protect myself; no one would penetrate this shield.
Until the day I met her.
When I first met her, she was as innocent and pure as a new born baby.
“Have you ever been in a relationship?”
“No.”
“Really! Never?”
“Yes.”
“You haven’t even had your first love?”
“What’s a first love?”
“It’s the first person you fall in love with.”
“How do you know when you’re in love?”
“You’re seriously asking me?”
“Yes.”
“Well… I don’t know. I haven’t really had a first love either. I was young so it might not count.”
“Ah, I see.”
She was like no one I’ve ever met.
She changed me.
I wanted her.
Desires gradually increased until they reached the climax.
“You know you said you’ve never had a first love.”
“Yes.”
“And that you said you’ve didn’t know what love felt like.”
“Yes.”
“How about I teach you?”
“…”
“Is that a yes or a no?”
“… Yes.”
Like grew into love.
Our desires blossomed by each passing day.
Each touch or brush of skin sent a shiver down my spine, blood to my cheeks and energy to my heart.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
However that didn’t last long.
She was a tornado.
She forcefully drew me in and mercilessly spat me out.
Feelings changed and time didn’t stop.
Our aspirations and future plans collided and we gradually grew apart.
“How come you picked all different universities?”
“It’s because all the universities you picked are made for art courses. I want to get a law degree and none of the universities you picked offered the course I wanted.”
“I thought this was a joint decision!”
“Well I didn’t agree to this decision.”
Dates became phone calls; phone calls became text messages, which became small greetings which turned to nothing.
Even though we left each others presence, she will always be in my heart and memories.
Even though I’ve moved on, my mind will always ask what happened to her.
Even though she may have forgotten me, I will always think back to those happy times
Even though I may find the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
She will always be …
…my first love.
*
When I was young, things were simple; the world was easy to understand.
I lived to please myself and love my parents.
I needed nothing but to fulfil my goals.
I thought of no one else and nothing influenced me.
Until the day I met her.
When I first met her, she was annoying and obnoxious.
“Why are you always alone?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“If you’re lonely, why not make friends.”
“I don’t need friends.”
“Well… I’ll be your friend.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because… you seem interesting.”
She was different.
She made me care.
A simple curiosity turned into forbidden attraction.
“Are you doing anything tonight?”
“… No.”
“Good, come to my house.”
“Why?”
“I need to ask you something.”
“Can’t you tell me now?”
“No, it’s a secret until we get to my house.”
“Am I sleeping over?”
“Do you need to ask?”
Your confession and passion opened my locked heart.
I finally knew what love was.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
However that didn’t last long.
It became confusing and a struggle.
Everything that I once knew became difficult to grasp.
“How can you love that girl?”
“I can and I will! I can die for her!”
“What about your future?”
“I don’t care!”
“… You do know the consequences if you don’t follow our orders. Don’t make us hurt her.”
Tears became a daily addition.
My soul was broken.
It wasn’t until much later I understood why the people who were supposed to love me the most said those painful words.
They were afraid.
Adults are more terrified than children because they have more to lose.
But I was scared too… scared to lose you.
But I had to be strong.
“Do you still love me?”
“… Maybe.”
“… I see.”
Distance was the only option.
Our relationship, that I thought would last forever, eventually ended.
Even though the sadness of leaving each others presence still cuts my mind, I’ll live.
Even though I still love her, I’ll keep it buried in my memories.
Even though I don’t know where she is, I wish her the greatest happiness.
Even though she may find someone else and forget about me.
She will always be …
…my first love.
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That bittersweet first love always my favourite story theme. I like this drabble. It's short but pleasing. And I can imagined that pair whom it's suit. Thanks for this some pleasant moments!
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I love the OS :hip smile:
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Wow it really has been a while. Well, since it's finally the holidays I hope to get back to writing. And to start things off, here is a special Christmas one-shot requested by Fuu-kun. Hope you all enjoy and have a very Merry Christmas :D
Snow in Shanghai
It was Christmas Eve. In one hour, it would be Christmas day. The national holiday that allowed everyone to spend time with their loved ones. A time for joy and love and happiness.
However, this did not apply to Miyazawa Sae.
She stood at her balcony, staring at the bright city of Shanghai, lighting the cold evening. Even though everyone below and around her were probably celebrating, finally having time off from laborious work, Sae’s heart wouldn’t let her rejoice. Due to yesterday’s blizzard, there was a country wide suspension of planes and so Sae was stuck in China. Away from her dear friends and family, Sae had never felt so hopeless and homesick. There was particularly one person who she wished with all her heart to see. Someone who would warm Sae’s heart and cold hands with just her smile. Whose voice was like hot chocolate that wrapped around her like a blanket.
Sae sighed. If only Santa would greet her one wish.
As Sae stared at the falling snow, awake in this infinite cold, she felt the desperate longing that had slowly built like the piling snow. While looking at the white flakes that calmed her hurt heart, she couldn’t help but remember the Christmas last year, where it snowed in the exact same way.
*****
Sae caught herself staring at her again. However, Sae couldn’t stop. She just looked so cute while she laughed, burden free, with a smidge of cream at the corner of her lip which Sae wished she could just lick. Matsui Rena was simply gorgeous.
“Sae, are you okay?”
She looked to her side and smiled at Yuko.
“Yeah I am.”
“Were you looking at Rena again?”
Sae blushed and nervously pushed Yuko’s arm. “No I wasn’t.”
Yuko looked at her with a raised brow. Then she glanced around the table, making sure everyone was involved in their own conversations before leaning closer to Sae.
“Are you going to confess again?”
Sae’s heart jumped at the whispered words. It was exactly one year ago that Sae had confessed to Rena but was sadly rejected. She only saw Sae as a close friend. It broke Sae’s heart and Yuko knew it, but Sae accepted Rena’s decision and it seemed their friendship was closer than ever before. However, afraid of being hurt again, Sae didn’t even think of speaking to Rena about her feelings again.
“No.” Sae honestly replied. “I don’t want to confess again.”
“Is that true? Do you not love her anymore?”
“Of course not.” Sae snapped. “It’s just…”
“You’re scared.” Yuko answered for her, to which Sae timidly nodded.
Even if her character seemed brash, inside, Sae was delicate. She was like a flower that was afraid to bloom.
“You know Sae; I had made over ten confessions to Haruna before she finally accepted me.”
Sae nodded, knowing this fact because every time Haruna rejected her, Sae was there to pick up the pieces.
“I say throw caution to the wind and try one more time. It’s Christmas after all. A miracle might happen.”
Mulling over Yuko’s words, Sae glanced again towards Rena. She was shocked to find Rena’s gaze on her, a rather stern look, which was quickly replaced by surprise and she quickly looked away. However, Sae continued to look at her, and though she was at the far end of the table, Sae could have sworn Rena’s cheeks were decorated with a cute rosy hue.
Sae thought, for the first time since last year, maybe she should reveal her feelings once more. If this time she laid herself bare and Rena still did not reciprocate, then Sae knew she would give up and move on, no matter how painful it may be. Wipe the slate clean, starting as blank as the snow outside.
After a few moments, Rena headed towards the toilets on her own. This was Sae’s chance. She headed to the toilets herself and waited outside until Rena stepped out again. She jumped when she saw Sae standing there.
“Sae-san, you scared me.” she said, clutching her pounding heart.
“Rena.” said Sae with a seriousness that she rarely showed. “Would it be okay if you meet me outside later?”
“Errr… yes. Of course.”
“Thanks.” smiled Sae, before returning back to their friends for the Christmas Eve party.
Soon with a merriment, everyone parted ways, wishing each other a wonderful holiday. Sae waited at the entrance with apprehension until Rena reached her.
“Did you wait long?” she asked.
Sae smiled and shook her head. Rena always showed her concern towards her. That was one of the reasons she fell in love with her.
“Let’s go.” Sae said, grabbing onto her gloved hand.
“Where are we going?” Rena asked, surprised by how excitedly Sae was leading them.
“You’ll know when we get there.”
*****
“So this is where you wanted to go.” Rena said, swinging her legs so her toes just touched her building snow.
Sae beamed, flashing her teeth that were as white as the snow. This park was the first place they ever went to on their own. The first place where Sae first noticed just how beautiful Rena was.
She looked down at the snow, listened to the way it crunched under her boot. The snow was Sae’s pure fear and she was going to conquer it today.
“Oh, it’s snowing.”
Sae looked up and just as Rena said, white flakes of untouched snow began to slowly fall. Suddenly, her watch beeped. Her birthday present from Rena. It was this time or never.
She turned to Rena and was greeted with a smile.
“Merry Christmas Sae-san.”
“Merry Christmas Rena.” she replied, her voice barely coming out.
Wetting her dry lips, tasting the snow, and wringing her numb hands, Sae suddenly knelt in front of Rena, her hands reaching into Rena’s lap. Rena sat still, bewildered. All that could be heard was the passing traffic and the soft clinks of the rusting chains on the swing. However, all Sae could hear was her rapid pulse under her skin, staring only at Rena’s lap. This was not like the first time. She was far, far more nervous than the first time. This time, everything depended on how Sae delivered her confession and on Rena’s response.
“You said before, you only saw me as a friend.” she began, fear grasping Sae’s heart in its icy grip. “At that time, I accepted your reply. I thought being your friend was enough. But I’m a selfish and greedy person. It isn’t enough for me anymore.”
Finally Sae lifted her head and met with Rena’s wide, glistening eyes, her hands still clenched in Rena’s lap while Rena’s hands gripped the steel chains as if they were the only support she had.
“I want to call you mine.” Sae breathed with her most inner breath. “I want to hold your hand forever. I want to kiss you without holding back. Always, I want to wait and know you’ll always come back to me.”
Before she knew it, Sae began to cry. The tears were hot in her eyes but cold on her cheeks.
“I love you Rena. You are the only one I will ever love.” Sae whimpered, surrendering herself for the final time. “Is my love… one-sided again?” she muttered, a sob choking her.
Rena stared at Sae, her own tears falling from her wide eyes. It was a tense moment for Sae before she saw Rena finally removing her hands from the swing and placing one of them on Sae’s hands, while the other cupped her cheek. Sae automatically leaned into the gloved hand, not caring if it felt cool against her frozen cheek.
“No. It isn’t.”
A joy burst inside Sae’s heart and her face exploded into a massive grin. She smiled so widely it hurt but Sae couldn’t help it. She was just too happy. This was all that she wanted. Sae’s wish had come true. A Christmas miracle.
Like joy was contagious, Rena smiled as well and they both laughed, relieved and in bliss. Unconsciously, they intertwined their fingers, their hands fitting together as if they belonged.
Then, boldly and uncharacteristically, Rena leaned forward and captured Sae’s lips. Instantly, when she felt Rena’s warm breath enter her, Sae felt her body burn with a new passionate fire that she had never felt before. And no amount of snow was going to put the fire out.
*****
Sae lightly touched her lips. Their first kiss tasted of salt and snow and how she wished feel those lips again. Her watch suddenly beeped. Midnight. Officially Christmas day.
“Merry Christmas.” she whispered to herself.
All of a sudden, she heard a knock on her door. Sae wondered who it was. Mariya had already flown home two days ago, avoiding the blizzard and the other SNH members were surely with their family. Sae had no clue on who it could be so she cautiously looked out of the peep hole before she thought of opening the door. To her surprise, there was no person. Instead, at her door step, was a massive present box.
Carefully, Sae opened the door. She stood in amazement as she simply stared at the massive present. With a curious instinct, Sae prodded the box. Then, the box exploded.
“SURPRISE!”
Sae fell back with shock, stumbling back through her door as she clutched her heart which almost jumped out of her chest. There, right before Sae’s eyes, stood Rena in the box. She looked haggard, as if she had ran to the hotel, but Rena couldn’t look more stunning to Sae.
“How did you get here?” she exclaimed, rushing back to her feet, watching as Rena climbed out and pulled the box into the room before closing the door behind her.
“I waited at the airport until they said that the planes were okay to fly.” Rena replied matter-of-factly. “You said you would wait for me forever. And I’ll come to you wherever you may be.”
Sae was gobsmacked. She was utterly speechless. However, even so, her entire body swelled with the amount of adoration Sae felt for the woman in front of her.
Rena just smiled, stepping towards the frozen Sae. She pulled Sae towards the sofa and sat her down. Finally at eye level, Sae finally looked at Rena. She stared at the glistening eyes which she had first fallen in love with. Still smiling, while Sae was still in a state of shock, Rena slipped her slim arms around Sae’s waist. She lightly rested her forehead against Sae’s, feeling each other’s warmth and inhaling each other’s presence, Rena let out her emotions she was clasping.
“I missed you so much.” she muttered.
Sae felt her heart strings gently being tugged by Rena’s words. She forced herself to suppress the tears that threatened to fall.
“I missed you too.”
And even with all her might to hold them back, hearing Sae’s shaky words, Rena’s tears fell. Then, Sae’s tears followed stead and finally, their lips met. It tasted of salt and snow. Cool and yet addictive.
After a moment, they broke apart and smiled. They brought their heads back but they remained in each other’s embrace, their desire for each other too great to be broken.
“I love you Sae.”
“I love you too.”
“Merry Christmas.” they chorused before sinking into each other in the snowy city of Shanghai.
Sometimes you get more than you originally wanted.
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huwaaaaaaaa! melon saaaaaan! yaaay!! yaaay! yaaaaaay x') *cry in joy* this is the best os christmas that I ever read!! wuhuuuuuu ! thanks! thanks! thank you very muuuuuuuch :bow: :bow: my heart so fluffy fluffy right now >///<
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Aww~ so fluffy. :wub:
Love the Christmas topic on this one. It's so cute. :) You rarely see these pairing in this forum. Rarely. :P
People should write more of this pairing. :)
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@ fuu_kun : I'm glad you liked it! Your words are too kind~ Hope you like this one too :D
@ Haru_Jei : I know, SaeRena aren't really written as a pairing but I find them adorable so I agree XD
As by request of Fuu-kun, fatefully seen on twitter, I have written a belated valentine's day one-shot (as the title suggests).
Read, enjoy, like and comment :P
Belated Valentine’s Day
Yuki looked outside on the bright day, dry from the previous days of rain. She stared outside at the couples who happily chatted, or the others entering stores to pick gifts for their partners. It filled Yuki with utter disgust.
“What’s wrong with you?” Sae asked, returning with two drinks, placing one in front of Yuki.
“I chose this seat specifically so I didn’t have to look at the lovebirds feeding each other coffee and cake. But now all I see are couples. I really hate Valentine’s.”
“You know we didn’t have to come here.” Sae mumbled with the straw still in her mouth.
“But I wanted to try the specials!” Yuki moaned. “I wish I had a date.”
“You could have asked someone.” Sae said.
“Don’t you think I would if I could?” Yuki snapped. “There was no one to ask. Maybe I shouldn’t have broken-up with my boyfriend… at least not so close to Valentine’s.”
Heaving a heavy sigh, Yuki moved the straw lazily with her tongue. Once in her mouth, she lightly sucked and tasted the sweet caramel coffee with streaks of raspberry. It tasted delicious. However, even the sweetness couldn’t bring a smile to Yuki’s solemn face.
Sae looked at Yuki as she miserably drank her special drink.
“How about I be your date?”
This stopped Yuki. She sat up, facing Sae.
“What?”
“Seeing as we’re both alone and tomorrow is Sunday, how about I take you somewhere?” Sae said.
Yuki thought for a moment. It definitely beats the thought of her at home, while her parents went on a romantic date, alone watching films and eating ice cream.
“That actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea.” she mused.
“Great.” grinned Sae. “I’ll let you know the details tonight.”
“Tonight? Why not now?”
“Well I need to come up with the perfect date. It’s got to be fun for you.” casually said Sae, not knowing how her direct words affected Yuki, making her heart jump unexpectedly. “And I have to go to cram school today so I need to get going.”
Sae began to put on her coat before Yuki could even saw anything.
“You’re leaving me here?” Yuki demanded. “Alone? On Valentine’s Day?!”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Sae replied, already heading to the door before Yuki could grab her.
“Hey!”
However, Sae was already gone. Yuki glare followed Sae, while she happily waved through the window before disappearing in the crowd. Yuki continued to stare at the direction of where Sae vanished, downing her drink to cool her anger, and thought that tomorrow better be good.
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Tightly clutching her bad and constantly checking her watch, Yuki stood at the bus station. She had never felt this nervous. She didn’t know why but even choosing her hairstyle was difficult. Since Sae invited her to this “date”, there’s been something wrong with Yuki.
She had waited impatiently for Sae’s text, her heart palpitating in an unusual way, her body squirming from the inside making Yuki constantly move. When she finally received the text, her stomach fluttered in a way as if she was falling. Then, she couldn’t sleep until she picked the perfect outfit. It was so different from the dates Yuki waited for with her ex. She had never felt this unsteady in her life. Yuki had never acted so strange. Yet, it was only Sae, so why was she acting like this.
Just then, Yuki saw a familiar figure and it felt like her heart was going into overdrive. However, as Sae came closer, Yuki’s quickly returned to normal. Her face almost became blank as she stared with unease. Seeing Sae’s fashion, it made Yuki’s eyebrow twitch.
“Morning.” greeted Sae, waving quickly until she was in front of Yuki. “You look nice.”
This compliment had so effect on Yuki. In fact, it made her jaw clench with annoyance.
“What are you wearing?” cried Yuki.
Sae raised her brow in confusion. “Doesn’t it look good?”
“No!” Yuki snapped. “What happened to the clothes we picked out?”
“They’re in the wash.”
Yuki sighed and quickly came to a decision. “Okay we need to go shopping.”
“But that’s not part of the plan.”
“I don’t care. I can’t go around with you looking like that?” Yuki exclaimed, before recognising how harsh her words might have sounded.
However, Sae just shrugged. “If that’s what you want to do, I don’t mind.”
“It is.” huffed Yuki.
All of a sudden, Sae grabbed her hand. It made Yuki pull back her hand with surprise, but Sae had a tight hold.
“What are you doing?” asked Yuki.
“Isn’t this what people do on dates?”
“It might be but…”
Yuki trailed off. She was taken over by the sudden nervousness again. She wondered if she should go to the doctor for a check-up.
“You think too much Yuki. You need to relax. Thinking too much can only cause problems.” Sae said. “Anyway, here’s our bus.”
Unknowingly, Yuki too concerned about identifying what she was feeling, didn’t notice she got on the bus with their hands still connected.
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Yuki tapped the ground impatiently with her foot, waiting for Sae to come out of the changing room. This already the third store they’ve visited and with every outfit Sae chose, it made her look ridiculous. Finally, Yuki took command and chose clothes which would Sae. Sporty, casual and sophisticated. With the pile she gave her, Yuki knew it was going to take long. She prayed this was going to be it.
When Sae stepped from the curtains, Yuki felt her face instantly turn warm. This was it. Dressed with pink cropped jeans, blue lace-up loafers, white top with a simple design, and a navy denim short to over the top. As Yuki stared, she swore her heart skipped a beat.
“How do I look?” Sae asked, rather tiredly. After trying on so many clothes, she was ready to go home.
“You look great.” Yuki wistfully replied, caught in a daze.
Sae beamed, finally feeling her confidence again. “Okay let’s buy it. I’ll wear this today. Do you want me to try on the rest?”
Yuki shook her head quickly, returning to normal. “No, it’s fine. Just buy what you like from what I picked.”
“Okay. And after this, I’m going to start my romantic date.”
Sae swiftly entered the changing room again. Yuki was glad she did because when she clutched her face with her hands, she felt the burning heat. It was hard to admit, but Yuki was extremely excited.
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From then, for Yuki, it really was like a date. They started in the park, holding hands and feeding the ducks together. Sae bought Yuki ice-cream which she found absolutely delicious even though it was the usual van ice-cream. Then they rode on a boat together, with Sae doing most of the rowing, gently floating over the clear water in the cool day. On the boat, Sae gave her hand-made chocolates, the first product she had ever made herself. Yuki was amazed at Sae’s efforts, and even though they were bitter, they tasted sweet to Yuki.
All the while, they just simply talked and enjoyed each other’s company. They talked about everything, from what they wanted to do in the future to funny incidences in their past. It was any normal day really. Yuki had always felt this affection for Sae, the only person she could truly be herself with. However, today it seemed she saw Sae in a new light. She was much prettier and more charming.
As the sun began to set, Sae took Yuki to a new place. A mellow restaurant located on the seventh floor of a building. However, though it was on the small side and dimly lit, it was an intimate setting. Softly, a live jazz band played, making Yuki fall for the romantic music.
She was humming along when suddenly a waitress came to their table.
“Good evening and welcome to Jazz Palace.” said the tall woman. “It’s nice to see you back again Sae.”
This perked Yuki’s interest. Honestly, she didn’t think Sae had any other friends outside of school. Maybe she was from her cram class. Yuki observed intently, wanting to find out more.
“Hi Sayaka.” Sae happily greeted. Too happy for Yuki’s liking. “You busy today?”
“Not really. But you should have been here yesterday. I’ve spilt so much drink in my life.”
Sae laughed but Yuki only smiled. She still couldn’t decipher their relationship.
“Oh, this is Yuki.” Sae said, as if she completely forgot about Yuki’s existence.
“Oh is this the girl you’ve talked about?” Sayaka exclaimed. “It’s nice to meet you at last.”
“Sayaka!” snapped Sae, with a harsh whisper.
She darted a quick glance at Yuki, but she seemed to not notice. Sayaka awkwardly laughed at the situation she got herself into, before quickly adding “I’ll get your appetizers.” and disappeared. Even though they hadn’t even ordered yet.
There was a moment of hesitation, where Sae rubbed the back of her head nervously, and Yuki just sat quietly, with a rather soft smile on her face.
“So you’ve talked about me?” Yuki asked, her grin growing when she looked at Sae’s coy expression.
“Yeah.” she replied. “Briefly.”
“Hmmm… What did you say?”
“That you were my friend from high school.”
“Is that it?”
Sae finally looked at her and then darted her gaze away. If it weren’t so dim, Yuki would have said she was blushing.
“… The other stuff is a secret.”
“But I should know.” Yuki returned. “We are on a date. Secrets are not allowed.”
Yuki could see Sae’s hesitation but it made her wonder even more what it could have been that Sae had said about her. She had never seen Sae look so nervous. It couldn’t be anything bad, at least Yuki hoped.
“Okay, I’ll tell you.” Sae finally said. “But don’t say anything afterwards.”
Yuki nodded, highly expecting. Sae took a deep breath and looked directly at Yuki. She had such an unusually serious expression on her face that Yuki couldn’t help but feel rather anxious herself.
“I said that you were my best friend at school… and you are the girl I like.”
Yuki froze and stared at Sae with incredibly wide eyes, so open that they could have burst. She couldn’t believe her ears. Sae, her best friend, had just said she liked her. It was the first time she had ever heard such words addressed to her.
Only having been in one relationship, which she entered only because the boy was popular and her friends had convinced her to ask him out, Yuki had spent so long wondering what it would be like for someone to tell her that they liked her. She had wondered why no one blatantly laid their feelings for her. She wondered if her flaws were really that major. However, now that someone finally did like her, Yuki didn’t know how to react. She didn’t know what to say.
So, she ended up sitting still, her throat closed. Sae, seeing her reaction tried to laugh it off and they continued eating, but eye contact was completely avoided.
In conclusion, they finished their dinner in utter silence.
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The travel home was awkward to say the least. They even sat on separate bus seats on the way to the changing bus stop. They waited in silence for their respective buses. In all that time, even though Yuki felt direly uncomfortable, she couldn’t find the courage to speak.
Then, Sae’s bus came round the corner.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” eventually said Sae.
“Yeah.” Yuki replied. “Thanks for today. It was fun.”
Even Yuki knew she sounded forced.
Yuki avoided her gaze but at the last moment she turned and saw the despaired expression on Sae’s face. Her heart broke at the sight. It almost made her reach out to her. However, before she could, Sae was already heading to the bus. She could only watch as Sae got on the bus until the doors closed.
So many things ran through Yuki’s mind in those few moments.
Yuki imagined a life without Sae. No one to listen to her, no one to hold her, no one to make her laugh or catch her tears. Suddenly, Yuki was overwhelmed by an unimaginable sadness. Sae was the first person Yuki thought about when she woke and the last when she fell asleep. Everything Sae felt or said, swayed her so easily. She was the one person she went to first to make her feel better, even if it was a little bit. Sae did not complete her, but Yuki couldn’t imagine a life without her.
However, was this not just a description of a best friend?
Yuki then thought of if Sae had someone else, someone who was closer to her than Yuki was now. Someone who Sae would greet first thing in the morning and lastly at night. Someone who could hold hands with her, freely embrace her, kiss her, be intimate with her. Suddenly, Yuki was overcome with a burning envy, so hot that it hurt. Out of nowhere, Yuki remembered words her mother once said a long time ago.
“The moment you know love, is when love hurts.”
Then, Yuki imagined if she were together with Sae. If Sae was the first person she saw when she awoke, and the last person to see before she slept. If she was there next to her in bed, able to feel her entire warmth without holding back. If Sae’s lips were the ones that greeted her. It filled Yuki with such an unspeakable happiness that she was taken aback.
Without realising, Yuki had perhaps fallen in love with Sae.
Suddenly, she started to run. Yuki sprinted full pelt towards the bus that was gradually departing.
Banging on the doors, it stopped. Apologising to the bus driver and paying, she headed to the back and sat next to Sae, who was completely surprised. Yuki simply sat, with a simple grin on her face, almost cheeky. After a moment, when no one was looking, she suddenly turned to Sae who was looking at her sceptically. Then, without warning, Yuki leaned forward and lightly pressed her lips against Sae’s. It was only a second, that it was long enough for Yuki to feel that spark and know this was it. This was what she was looking for.
Yuki could have said so many things then, expressing how sorry and joyous she was right then. But with a soft whisper while still looking at Sae’s now dazed expression, Yuki said a few words.
“I like you too. Happy belated Valentine’s Day.”
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yeaaay! thankyou verymuch melon saaaan :bow: :bow: :bow:
this the only saeyuki valentine fic that I read this years :cry:
me happy!! yokatta~ x)
ugh... why not I love you instead of I like you? :( but its okay XD
my saeyuki feels is blooming~ :cow:
now wait for the white days >w<
thankyou again melon saan... :D
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@ Fuu_kun : I'm glad you enjoyed it again. It was a little bit rushed but I'm happy if you're happy :D
Finally completed a one-shot! I don't know how long it's been but I missed this. As requested by a tumblr user, it's a RenaYuki fic :twothumbs
Now, without further ado, please enjoy, like and comment :P
P.S. It's a bit OOC and there is a mature scene with a link to where you can read it in the appropriate section
Piano Hands
The concert hall filled with hundreds of people, all to see the famous Tokyo University of the Arts (Geidai) recital, consisting of performances from first years that showed the most promise in their instrumental field. Five students had already played, each unbelievably talented. Violin, clarinet, drums, xylophone and saxophone. Finally, it came to the last performance, the grand piano.
A single female walked onto the stage and bowed. Silence waited with anticipation. Positioning herself on the seat and clicking the hands, and inhaling a deep but short breath, the performance began. The woman clearly did not need to say a thing, the piano spoke for her.
With a mesmerising ease, the notes and octaves combined into a captivating harmony. Her fingers held as she played five scales in an instant followed by a choir, a skill even professional pianists find difficult, while she made it seem like child’s play. Her hands moved with a beautiful fury but her expression was one of pure bliss and tranquillity. Each chord progression rang through the auditorium, and each tre corde plucked everyone’s heart strings. It was as if the audience were under a spell.
Amongst the admiring audience, there was a single person who was completely hypnotised by the performance. She stared at the stage, at which she had seen countless performances from all the previous years since she was merely eight years old. Although she remembered every single performance, each unique, this performance captured her. She couldn’t tear her eyes away, completely enthralled by the instrument and its player. She had never seen someone play the way this student was. As the piece continued, each note, movement and expression became imprinted on her mind.
Matsui Rena was awestruck.
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With a heavy backpack filled with music sheets and music books, and her instrument case, Rena ran towards the massive building. It was her first day at Geidai and she couldn’t believe she was already running late. Passing the many students, carrying various bags and instruments cases, Rena dashed inside. With a heavily beating heart and a trembling uneasiness, she jogged to her class, stopping when she reached the designated room. Rena thanked her mind for remembering the layout of the massive building and for her parents who introduced her to this musical world. Looking through the glass panel, Rena saw a single woman sitting on the far side of the room, with a violin at her side and two music stands, looking rather annoyed. Swallowing her fear, she opened the door, entering the sound proof room.
Instantly the older woman looked at her with a stern gaze who made Rena’s heart freeze and her body stiffen.
“And what time do you call this?” her voice whipped.
“I-I’m sorry.” spluttered Rena. “I-”
“Forgot to set your alarm? Took your time eating breakfast? Transformed into a snail on the way here? Or do you just feel that this class and this institution is just a joke, a place where you can breeze through until you graduate?”
“No ma’am.” Rena answered, using all her might at holding back her tears and her gaze ahead.
“My name is not ‘ma’am’. It is Kashiwagi Keiko.”
Rena gulped, the situation not getting any better.
“Kashiwagi-sensei.” Rena corrected. “I know what it takes to get into this school and I intend to spend my time practising and performing very seriously.”
The woman stared at her for a moment, while Rena maintained her gaze. In the terrifying silence, Rena felt herself begin to sweat once more. Was she going to be kicked out of her first lesson?
“Well, I think it’s time to prove yourself.”
Rena took a moment to comprehend what the instructor just said. Suddenly, Kashiwagi-sensei heaved a sigh.
“Are you just going to stand there like a clueless dog or show me what it took for you to get into this university?”
“Yes! Of course.” Rena quickly replied, not believing she was given a second chance.
With unsteadiness, Rena hurriedly took her bag off and nervously got her music sheets out. With shaky care, she unlocked her case and took out her violin. Even if she wasn’t looking, Rena could feel Kashiwagi-sensei’s impatient stare. As soon she got herself ready, she took a few calming breaths and let her fingers feel the smooth strings. Then, with a long blink, Rena began to play.
In these moments, Rena knew this was where she belonged. The feel of the strings submitting to even the slightest of her touches, producing the sounds that moved the souls of others, along with her own. Each note carrying her heart to a world only she could open.
Then, with a final pull of her bow, Rena finished the piece.
Opening her eyes, she released an exhale of relief. It was over. Though it was fun, it was nerve-wracking at the same time. Rena looked over at Kashiwagi-sensei. She wore an expressionless mask and it made Rena even more on edge.
Finally, Kashiwagi-sensei said. “That was fine.”
Rena felt a sudden surge of joy.
“If you intended on giving me a mediocre performance.”
And it diminished in a matter of seconds.
“It seems like we have a lot of work to do especially if you want to pass the semester recital. So I expect you to arrive promptly the next time I see you. Is that understood?”
“Yes Kashiwagi-sensei.”
“Good. Now let’s decide what you are going to play in a few months’ time.”
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Johann Sebastian Bach: Partita in D minor for Violin No.2 (BWV 1004)
One of the most famous violin compositions by Bach. A piece which showed the exploration of range, with almost every string used and the flowing chords that travelled from one end to the other like a steady stream. Fast paced and yet mellow, brilliantly complimented like a dramatic story with the most difficult ending, the ciaccona. A glorious musical classic that had been played by many and mastered by few.
And Rena was now one of them. In three months’ time, Rena had to at least decently play the nearly fourteen minute violin piece in front of the exam board. If not, if she didn’t pass, she would have to repeat the performance the next semester, along with another piece. Rena could only imagine the length of practice she would have to put into that, along with the basic need of survival, there wouldn’t be enough time. And if she were to fail that second chance, she could kiss her violin career good-bye. So failing was not an option.
Practice was gruelling, especially under the teaching of Kashiwagi-sensei. It was even more difficult to find a place to practice out of lesson hours, with almost all rooms occupied by nervous students getting ready for their first examined performance. In addition, with many students seeing each other as competition, Rena was having a hard time making friends, even though it had already been a week. However, with practice lessons and theory classes, it was rather isolating. Away from her home town, Rena wondered if she would be able to fit in.
After another moment of searching the university, Rena began to think it was hopeless. She was going to be forced to practice at home, in a house shared with five other musical students that play different instruments. Loud instruments. It was a wonder they haven’t even received a single neighbour complaint. Rena found it almost unbearable, especially when she was becoming increasingly stressed with the distraction and lack of practice.
However, not giving up hope just yet, Rena decided to try one last area, a place where not many students go. It was a remaining part of the old building, where it has become neglected with the new rooms and remodelling of the other buildings, and it therefore lacked air conditioning. In the summer it was too hot and in the winter it was too cold. It was a difficulty finding a balance between temperatures in the room, if too cold; it was difficult to move fingers, if too hot too much sweat can heed one’s ability. Even worse, the extreme temperatures can damage instruments, with wooden joints being cracked or metal instruments going out of tune, it was too much of a risk for most. However, with the place abandoned – free from noise - , Rena thought it was a perfect place to practice.
With it still being spring, the temperature was controlled, and it seemed other students had the same plan as Rena. Walking past the rooms, Rena’s hope was slowly diminishing with each room being occupied. However, there was still one room, right at the end of the corridor which was so desolated that even the hallway lights had stopped working. Nervously, Rena looked through the glass panel.
Success!
She finally found an empty room, it even had a piano. At least, that’s what Rena thought until she saw the silhouette of a slender figure standing by the window. Rena mentally cursed. It seemed like she had to practice at home after all. With a heavy sigh, she was about to walk away when suddenly the figure walked to the piano and sat. And like an opening of a film, she began to play.
Rena stared through the glass panel, completely fixated. Rena watched the silent performance. Even without sound, the woman’s body seemed to convey everything the song represented, from the fast moments to the slow drawls. It was hypnotising. Like watching a geisha, who moved like a snake to the rhythm of a song. There was only one other performance that had made her feel this way, excited and inspired, and it was the reason why Rena decided to enter Geidai, in Tokyo. Even if it was hours away from her hometown in Nagoya and the hustle so much different to the quiet of home, Rena had to come here because that’s where the pianist was.
Suddenly the figure looked up and Rena found her back pressed against the wall, panic in her throat.
“Did she see?” Rena wondered.
After a few heart-pounding moments, Rena decided it was safe to check. Slowly moving her head, she leaned through the panel. Suddenly she felt herself scream and jump back when she saw a face stare back just beyond the glass. With her heart racing, Rena stared as the amused female opened the door.
“You know, you can come in and practice too.”
Rena could only stare at her smile, one she had only ever dreamed of seeing. And she couldn’t believe that the woman who had inspired her a year ago could be aiming the smile at her. There was just one word that went through Rena’s mind.
“Pretty...”
Still in a haze, Rena didn’t even realise that she walked through the door that was left open in welcome.
“I’m Kashiwagi Yuki.” she introduced, as if she didn’t know anyone knew her name.
However, Rena already knew. Almost everyone knew of her, the woman who was called a piano genius. The one who many called illusive yet so admired and envied.
Kashiwagi Yuki. Rena’s idol.
“And your name is…”
“Matsui Rena!” Rena quickly replied, her nerves still jittering from tenseness.
“Rena-san.” smiled Yuki.
All of a sudden, seeing that smile again, Rena felt the whirlwind of emotions calm within her.
“Please, come sit. I was just finishing my practice.”
With a shy nod, Rena headed towards the open piano while Yuki closed the door.
“I assume you play the violin.” Yuki said.
Rena looked up at her and darted her eyes away when she saw how close Yuki was, standing at the edge of the piano. This was the closest she had ever been to her inspiration. And the fact that Yuki knew one aspect of her life made Rena’s heart jump with excitement.
“How did you know?”
“You’re carrying a violin case. Either that, or it’s a rather long ukulele.”
Rena stared at Yuki with wonder while she simply smiled. Not only was she pretty, she was observant and smart and had a humorous side. Rena was learning so much.
“Would it be okay if I hear you practice?”
Rena looked at Yuki with surprise. Playing in front of her idol? Did Rena hit her head on the way here?
“Is that a no?” Yuki said, a light pout on her lips.
Rena instantly shook her head. She could have sworn her heart melted when Yuki beamed again. With a sudden tenseness, Rena stood and awkwardly opened her case, very aware Yuki was staring with keen eyes. With her back turned from her, Rena took in three short breaths before turning around. Yuki smiled at her as she slipped into the seat, just where Rena was sitting. Rena couldn’t help wonder if Yuki felt her lingering warmth, did she radiate as much as her cheeks felt like they were doing now. Looking away and concentrating as much as she could, Rena brought the violin to her chin and positioned her bow. Feeling her spine straighten, Rena took one more breath before playing her favourite piece; Ode to Joy by Ludwig van Beethoven. An appropriate piece considering how she felt at this very moment. Rena wished she could just stop time.
With an ease, Rena lost herself as soon as her bow glided effortlessly across the first C note. Suddenly, as if her hands were not her own, she played with a practiced fury that others would think was beautiful or madness, it depends on who’s looking at the performance. Rena sank into her own world as the vibratos resounded through her body and shielded her from any outside influence. This was her element and she owned it.
Then, with the final note, Rena relaxed and slowly opened her eyes. It lasted only a few minutes, but it was as if Rena was far, far away, where time was just a concept rather than truth. Remembering where she was, she quickly blushed and dropped her arms, turning to Yuki. When she saw her reaction, Rena again felt her body heat heighten. Yuki was smiling ecstatically, as if she was completely enthralled. Suddenly she gave her own enthusiastic applause and it made Rena even more bashful. However, it didn’t mean she wasn’t happy; in fact Rena was thrilled.
“That was wonderful.” Yuki praised, still clapping.
“Thank you.” Rena muttered quietly, still not believing the situation.
“I think for that, I’ll let you listen to my own composition that I’ve been working on.” Yuki said. “If that’s alright with you? Or would rather practice some more?”
“No, no!” hastily replied Rena. “I would be honoured.”
Yuki giggled. “You are cute Rena-san.”
It felt as if the redness in her cheeks would remain a permanent feature on her face from the frequent bouts of blushing that was happening in such a short amount of time. The symptoms worsened when Yuki moved along the seat and patted the space next to her. Gulping her nerves, Rena sat down next to her, feeling the remaining warmth from the seat and the heat radiating from Yuki’s actual body. Rena wondered if she was going to faint from this over stimulation.
Suddenly with a signature crack of her fingers and a deep breath, Yuki began her performance. It was mesmerising, so much like the first time Rena witnessed Yuki perform. She again was completely awestruck. However, this time so much more so and she was up close and personal to the real action. Rena watched as Yuki’s fingers moved with a flurry, up and down the piano keys in one second. Every time Yuki’s body swayed, it was as if she was chasing the musical notes. It was enthralling. However, it was soon to end as Yuki’s piece slowed and then the room became silent.
Rena mirrored Yuki’s actions, enthusiastically applauding.
“That was amazing.” she breathed, the adrenaline only good music could bring, rushing through her.
“Thank you.” smiled Yuki. “It’s one of the only pieces I’ve composed that I’m actually happy with, though I still need to work out some kinks.”
“It was amazing.” Rena repeated, not knowing how else to describe the overwhelming happiness. “You must have long fingers Kashiwagi-san.”
Rena mentally slapped herself.
“What was that?”
She must have had a brain fart because it was the stupidest thing she could have said. Rena wanted to bury herself now.
“Oh really?” Yuki said, looking at her own hands with wonderment.
Rena looked at Yuki with surprise. She was for sure Yuki would have ridiculed her for the silly comment. Yet, Yuki was genuinely interested. Rena decided, as with any good musician, to just go with the flow.
“Yes, they are perfect piano hands.”
Suddenly, Yuki took Rena’s hand, holding it out. Rena blushed when Yuki brought her hand up against her own. Her finger tips could just go over Rena’s.
“They do seem rather long compared to yours.” Yuki mused to herself. “But yours are so slender.”
Suddenly Yuki entwined her fingers with Rena’s and held her hand. A jolt went through Rena, causing her to look at Yuki with astonishment. However, Yuki was still gazing at their holding hands. It was as if they were connected by a string, tightly tied around their hands, knotting each finger to one another. However, it was just for a moment which was already over and it seemed Yuki had no reaction. Therefore, with a sullen heart, Rena ignored the feeling even if her heart continued to frantically pulsate.
There seemed to be a moment of silence between the two, their hands detached again, before someone spoke.
“So who’s your violin teacher?” Yuki asked.
“Kashiwagi Keiko.”
Yuki winced, an expression Rena saw for the first time which she found adorable and already treasured.
“Tough luck. She’s strict isn’t she?”
“You don’t know the half of it.” Rena sighed, finally having someone to relieve the weight off her shoulders. “One lesson she made me practice scales a hundred times and finished the lesson, telling me to practice at home. Another time she just made me pluck strings for half an hour. Even though she is brilliant, sometimes I can’t help but think she’s horrid.”
Yuki nodded, completely understanding. “All I can say is, sorry about my mother. I’m sure she means well.”
Rena’s mouth dropped open. “She’s your mother?” she exclaimed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”
“Don’t worry about it.” Yuki grinned. “I’ve heard worse. And it’s my fault anyway, going to a university where my mother works. It’s a good thing I’m majoring in piano.”
“Even so, I shouldn’t have said those things.” said Rena. “I apologise. I’ve heard that she is one of the best violin instructors and was a great violinist in her time. I’m honoured that she’s my teacher.”
“You’re very cute Rena-san.”
Rena didn’t know if it was the compliment or the way Yuki said her name, but she felt her heart flutter each time.
“My mother was a very good violinist, if I remember well. Perhaps I could show you one of her performances.”
Rena wasn’t sure how to answer. It seemed like Yuki was talking more to herself than to Rena, another factor of Yuki that Rena found endearing. In the end, Rena decided not to say anything, just basking in Yuki’s presence. However, before she realised, Rena saw how dark it had become.
“Oh I have to get home.” Rena regrettably said, but knowing she had to get the train back to her dorm.
“Yes it’s gotten a lot darker than I realised. I think this is the latest I’ve stayed in a practice room.” commented Yuki. “Will you be back tomorrow?”
Rena looked at Yuki and hoped that the expression she wore was one of expectance.
“Yes.” she instantly answered, to which Yuki smiled.
“Then I’ll see you tomorrow Rena-san.”
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Rena waited for Kashiwagi Keiko to tell her the next piece she was to study for next semester. Having performed well, Kashiwagi-sensei had told her that she would pick a special piece that would highlight her talents. Rena could only expect a much harder and vigorous piece which would require hours of practice each day. At least, this gave her an excuse to be in the practice room with Yuki.
“You will be playing one of the ‘The Four Seasons’ concertos by Antonio Vivaldi. You and your partner are to decide which season you will like to play.”
“Partner?”
“Is that a problem?”
“No Ma’am.” Rena reactively answered, no way disagreeing with Kashiwagi-sensei.
“Good. I expect an excellent performance at the end of the term.”
Rena nodded but she was suddenly burdened by a great anxiety. Not knowing what to do, Rena at least knew exactly who she was going to talk to later.
“Next semester I have to play a violin concerto, and I’m one of the main violinists.” complained Rena, lightly bouncing her bow off her violin.
“Congratulations!” Yuki cheered. “Not everyone can get to perform in a concerto, especially as a main.”
“It’s not good news. I have to play with one other person and an entire strings orchestra and I don’t even know what they’re like and if we are going to harmonise well together.”
“I’m sure you’ll do fine. Put everything aside and you’ll be able to produce beautiful music.”
Rena pouted with doubt, until Yuki lightly patted her head. With this simple action, she couldn’t feel anything but better. For the past weeks, which seemed to pass so quickly, Rena realised she had developed a senpai-kouhai relationship. She never really had anyone to look up to during her school times, with being an only child and a very independent person. However, it was a nice change, with Rena being allowed to confine in someone who could give reliable and applicable advice. Although, it may be nice because the senpai was Kashiwagi Yuki.
Smiling at Rena, Yuki said. “It’ll be fine.”
It turns out, it wasn’t fine. Rena’s partner was someone beyond her imagination.
Matsui Jurina, the young prodigy of the entire string department. At only seventeen, Matsui Jurina was the youngest person to be part of a concerto. Rena was completely intimidated. When Rena stepped into the practice room, Jurina simply introduced herself and shook Rena’s clammy hands - good-naturedly not commenting on it – and dove straight into the project.
“I think we should play Autumn. It’s warm and peppy and by the time we perform it, it will be the right season.”
Dazed, Rena could only nod. Then, Jurina pulled out her violin, nodding to Rena, before practicing. In awe, Rena watched as Jurina performed. She sounded so astounding that Rena couldn’t even be worried; she was too involved in the music that the younger woman could so easily produce. Shame snapped Rena out of her daze and she quickly opened her case and, not wanting to lose face, tried to join in. Surprisingly, she was able to create a harmony that sounded pretty okay.
When they finished the piece, Rena opened her eyes – which she did when she lost her self in playing – realised Jurina was looking at her with a massively childish grin.
Turns out, Jurina was far more friendly and joyous than she had imagined. She introduced her to many of her friends that were from different parts of the strings department. Suda Akari, the guitar hero. Takayanagi Akane, the bass god. Hata Sawako, cello magician. Ashida Anna, harp angel. Kizaki Yuria, rebab player. Furukawa Airi, viola expert. Nakanishi Yuka, the mandolin master. And finally, Yakagami Kumi, the bouzouki queen.
Like their instruments, they were all different. But they fitted together, belonging to the same family, and having one thing in common (other than giving themselves the titles). They were all wonderful people. Before Rena knew it, she actually had friends herself, other than Yuki.
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Rena sat amongst the strings department, a place she finally felt like she belonged. Another perk of it was that she could see the piano department just in front of her. Even though it was just the back, Rena could easily recognise Yuki, who sat amongst her fellow peers. She couldn’t describe the wanting she felt as she saw Yuki silently laugh amongst her friends, but at the same time, Rena was content they had their own lives. It’s what made them individuals.
As soon as Kashiwagi Keiko stood on the podium, everyone turned silence. It’s unusual how a music university, known to produce endless noise, could be so silent so quickly.
“I would like to say well done.” Keiko began. “Everyone performed excellently in the exam. And I would like you to congratulate yourselves. I think we’ve had the best results this year. As you know, those who perform well in both semesters have the honour of performing in the end-of-year recital.”
Rena remembered that time as if it was yesterday. Nearly two years ago, when she first saw Yuki, Rena couldn’t even possibly imagine performing on the same stage as Yuki once did. Even now, that dream was a distance. Having met many talented people, it was a dream that was growing further and further away. However, even so, Rena was still happy. Even though it was already nearly the end of her first year and it has gone impossibly quick, the time she could spend with Yuki and her newfound family was enough. She would just keep trying her best.
“Perhaps there is a chance that you would be able to play.” Keiko spoke out, as if she had read Rena’s doubt. “However, don’t get cocky now. There is still a long way to go. For the final years, it isn’t too long to go, but continuing with the progress and work with modesty and pride, you will be successful.”
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Rena stared at the board, not believing what her eyes were seeing. Those that knew her congratulated Rena and those that didn’t cursed their own luck. However, there was only one person Rena wanted to know of her success.
Lightly plucking at her violin, she sat on the floor of their practice room, watching Yuki practice her scales.
“I’m not good enough to play in the recital.” Rena said when Yuki finished.
Amongst the hundreds of first year students, one student from each instrument speciality had the honour to play in front of important sponsors, parents, other students and guests. The recital was the event which Rena had intended and made her decision to attend Geidai. It was the same stage Yuki had once stood on. Now, Rena was chosen as the violinist who showed the most promise out of all the first years in the entire strings department, even beating Matsui Jurina. It must have been some sort of mistake.
Yuki looked at Rena with a casual look “But you are. That’s why you were chosen.”
“But I have to present with a full-length music piece of my own!” Rena exclaimed. “How can I play music like you Yuki-san?”
Yuki paused for a moment. Lightly she patted the seat next to her, inviting Rena to sit. Timidly, Rena sat next to her, fully aware of the closeness.
“Take your most emotional memories and pile them in your mind. Think of all the things that you wanted to do but can’t say or the feelings that you can’t really put into words. Things like that, as they overwhelm you, can turn into things like music or art. They gush out like a flood from your heart, from your body… and can create the most amazing things.”
Rena stared at Yuki and felt the usual turmoil that overcame her whenever she thought about her feelings for Yuki. She looked at Yuki, as she always done. When Rena gaze landed on Yuki’s closed lips, she felt the rush of desire again. The urge burned in her heart and was about to burst from her chest.
And then, Rena kissed Yuki.
It was a chaste kiss but it was Rena’s first. When they broke apart, Rena didn’t know what to do, filled with uncertainty. Her entire body felt hot but she trembled, even her lips quivered. She had wanted to kiss Yuki for so long that after her wish was fulfilled, Rena couldn’t even look at Yuki. However, Yuki touched Rena’s shaking cheek and leaned in. Again, Rena felt Yuki’s lips on hers and she thought she was dying because her heart was beating so erratically it hurt and she swore she caught a glimpse of heaven.
When they broke apart, Rena slowly opened her eyes, and found Yuki smiling at her. Rena imagined her eyes as cameras, capturing this moment. However, once her uncertainty about Yuki’s feelings was dismissed, Rena felt a new fear.
“I’m scared.” Rena finally whispered, meaning more things than one.
Yuki took Rena’s trembling hands into her warm palms, her fingers folding over them like a bird’s wings. “You shouldn’t be. You’re very talented.”
“That’s rich coming from someone like you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You are perfect. You play the piano so well that even the professors struggle to keep up with you. I saw. The teacher always scolds me for making mistakes. You’re just amazing and I’m… mediocre.”
“Let me tell you a quote one Jascha Heifetz said; ‘I play as many wrong notes as anyone, but I fix them before most people can hear them.’”
“I wasn’t always good at piano. In fact, I was once terrible. My first piano instructor suggested that I even quit piano before I waste too much time and money. However, I wanted to continue. I loved playing the piano. How each note seemed to tremor through my ears to my heart and how the keys felt nimble yet strong under my fingers, with pedals a foundation under my feet. I wanted to prove him wrong. And I did. I make just as many mistakes as you, maybe even more. But I fix them. If your professor points out your mistakes, it means you can fix them. You have the opportunity and ability to greater yourself. You just need patience and perseverance to do so.”
Rena felt tears in her eyes, before Yuki kissed her cheek.
“I believe in you Rena.”
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Notes screeched from Rena’s violin as she frantically, almost violently, manipulated the violin strings. At least twice today her fingers had cramped due to the way she was holding her bow, her fingers and hands feeling the brunt of her determination.
“You’ve practiced enough.”
Finished with her song, Rena turned to Yuki, sitting freely on Rena’s bed. Having now visited Rena’s student room frequently, Rena was used to the sight. However, the first time Yuki came over, Rena only imagined what it would have been like with Yuki lying below her, with herself hovering over Yuki’s supple frame.
“But the recital is tomorrow night!” returned Rena, pushing her dirty thoughts aside.
Even though her shoulder ached, Rena wanted to continue. Yuki looked at her for a moment, with a stern expression. She always showed that expression when Rena worked too hard.
“Let’s go for dinner.” Yuki said. And before Rena could retort, she added. “Everyone needs energy to practice.”
As Yuki ushered Rena to get ready, Rena discreetly watched her, pondering on how this Yuki was so different to the one that her friends saw. When she first introduced Yuki, Rena discovered that Yuki could be shy. It was so different from the image she portrayed to Rena. She had only known Yuki as charismatic and rather bold. That side of her, cutely timid, Rena found she also adored.
However, Rena was still uneasy. As selfish it was, she wanted to know in black and white, what their relationship was. Of course, since their first kiss, they have done many other intimate acts such as going on dates and holding hands. However, nothing went beyond that. Rena wanted to know what Yuki thought of her. And most of all, she wanted to know if they could kiss again.
“Since that day, we never really talked about our feelings.” Rena said, as she casually examined herself in the mirror in pretence, but focussed her gaze of Yuki’s reflected expression.
Yuki sat still for a moment, looking into her lap, while Rena remained standing and staring at her mirror. Suddenly Yuki looked up and her gaze penetrated the mirror and bounced into Rena’s eyes. They were so passionately dark that Rena felt a shiver through her body. Slowly, Yuki stood, walking to Rena until she was right behind her. Rena’s heart stopped when she felt Yuki’s body pressing into her hot back. The hairs on her skin rose as Yuki’s fingertips drifted up Rena’s arms until one cupped the side of Rena’s neck and the other touched Rena’s soft lips, so lightly Yuki touched her lips that it tickled. Rena wondered if Yuki felt her gulp.
“Let me be clear.” Yuki said, as she stared into the mirror, into Rena’s eyes. “I want to kiss you again Rena.”
Rena shivered once more. Her legs felt weak while Yuki’s right hand, which was wrapped almost possessively around her neck, made its way back down until Yuki’s arm went around Rena’s waist, bringing Rena’s body even closer to her.
“Ever since you appeared at the door of that music room, you filled my mind.” Yuki whispered.
The image in front, Rena found endlessly erotic. Her half-hooded eyes, her open mouth, her rising and falling chest, Yuki’s fingertips just on her lips… Rena couldn’t believe she could ever look like that. And the way Yuki’s strong gaze claimed her, as if Rena was hers… it sent another shudder through her.
“I love you more than you can imagine.”
Then, Rena collapsed. However, Yuki was right there to soften her landing. Rena wasn’t sure where all her strength went, but it was replaced with relief. She lightly sniffed as she felt the tears of happiness blur her sight. Rena quickly wiped them away so she could clearly look at Yuki.
“Me too.” Rena said. “I love you Yuki.”
She had never wanted so much to belong to someone. However, Rena already knew, on some level much before, from the first moment she saw Yuki perform, her heart already belonged to Yuki.
***EXPLICIT SCENE (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=33951.msg1287179#msg1287179)***
When Rena awoke, she found Yuki was staring at her. Smiling with pure glee, Rena couldn’t help but peck Yuki’s lips. Yuki grinned, returning the gesture. Continuing to just lie down, they looked at each other, basking in the opposite’s presence, each thinking that this was heaven.
“What are you going to call your piece?” Yuki asked in a hushed tone, not wanting to ruin the atmosphere.
Rena thought for a moment and then she suddenly thought of a very appropriate name.
“The Lover.”
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The next day, the audience stood when the final performance was over, their applause the loudest music heard. Rena stood with her violin in one hand, bow in the other, and then bowed, ecstasy running through her veins. She beamed as she stood and stared into the crowd, seeing amongst them was Yuki who smiled, clapping as if her life depending on it.
Rena’s performance was over. She had played flawlessly.
***OMAKE***
Yuki and Rena clinked their glasses of champagne, proud of the success of the recital.
“I’m surprised.” Yuki said, sipping at her drink.
“Of what?” Rena asked. “That I played so well?”
“In a way.”
“What do you mean?” Rena retorted, hurt that Yuki did not believe in her as she had said.
Yuki looked at her and placed her glass down at the table. Then, she turned around and suddenly lifted her shirt. Wide-eyed, Rena just stared at her with confusion.
“Didn’t you get carpet burns?” Yuki asked incredulously.
Suddenly, Rena saw the deep red marks across Yuki’s back.
“My mother was saying that it was the most emotional performance I had ever given.” Yuki pouted. “I can’t even imagine what her face would look like if I told her it was because I was trying to keep myself from crying from the pain of having intense floor sex.”
Even though she felt guilty, Rena couldn’t help but laugh and laugh, the tinkling melody making everything feel a bit lighter.
[A/N]: It has been kindly pointed out that the omake scene may not make sense when Yuki complains about performing. It was because before I had a scene where Yuki performed as student of the year, but I omitted that scene out because I thought it didn't really add anything to the story and I didn't change the omake scene (because I forgot...) so hopefully this clears it up :)
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YOU ARE GOD DBBDJHQWBJHDWBJHQ
for real....
your narration was so good that I had goosebumps :cathappy: :cathappy:
I also loved the story and the smut :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:
I'm in love w/ this OS :inlove:
Thank you so much *A*
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Wow RenaYuki........it's interesting :inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
I have read many fic you wrote, so it a few RenaYuki fic :(
I hope u will write more RenaYuki fic :D
Can I trans your fic :)
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oh boy what did i just read :otomerika:
i think this is the best YukiRena fic i have ever read.. including the hot smut scenes thereee :hip smile:
I can't stop drooling lol that's the best!! :cow:
Please write more RenaYuki~ :grin:
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***OMAKE***
Yuki and Rena clinked their glasses of champagne, proud of the success of the recital.
“I’m surprised.” Yuki said, sipping at her drink.
“Of what?” Rena asked. “That I played so well?”
“In a way.”
“What do you mean?” Rena retorted, hurt that Yuki did not believe in her as she had said.
Yuki looked at her and placed her glass down at the table. Then, she turned around and suddenly lifted her shirt. Wide-eyed, Rena just stared at her with confusion.
“Didn’t you get carpet burns?” Yuki asked incredulously.
Suddenly, Rena saw the deep red marks across Yuki’s back.
“My mother was saying that it was the most emotional performance I had ever given.” Yuki pouted. “I can’t even imagine what her face would look like if I told her it was because I was trying to keep myself from crying from the pain of having intense floor sex.”
Even though she felt guilty, Rena couldn’t help but laugh and laugh, the tinkling melody making everything feel a bit lighter.
I'm confused~ Is this Yuki talking? (The part in bold?)
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Replies:
@ Koneki : LOL! I really am not but now that you consider me that... bow down before me :mon evil: Just joking :P Thank you so much reading and for your comment!
@ noel nguyen : I also like RenaYuki, one of my underrated couples :lol: And by all means, please translate. Just don't forget to credit :P
@ affiber : Wow! Really? The best? I'm sure there are better but I'm very happy to read that :D And I'm glad you liked the additional scene :wub:
@ MaYukiIsLife : Ahhh~ Yes I can see the confusion. Before I had a scene where Yuki also performed as the student of the year but I omitted that part from the fic because I thought it was unnecessary to the story. However, I didn't change the omake (because I forgot....) so thank you so much for pointing that out to me and hope this helps explain it! :twothumbs
Thank you everyone for the lovely comments and the wonderful likes. Keep them coming! XD
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@Melon_Lover I think you should've added that Yuki scene~ Anyway thanks for clarifying it for me~
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I cant express how much I love you right now. :wub: Been a big fan of your fic esp the BlackGeki ones so thank you so much for treating us with an amazing RenaYuki piece. And the choice of music was great too lol. :thumbup
Just a couple of minor details I hoped would be helpful:
"Instantly the older woman looked at her with a stern gaze who made Yuki’s heart freeze and her body stiffen. "
"Walking past the room, Yuki's hope was slowly diminishing..."
I think you mean to type Rena instead of Yuki for both sentence above ^^ was your initial intention that Rena has the piano hand intead? ^^
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@ dukkong :
Omg thank you so much, terrible proofreading on my part lol maybe should start sending it in first for proofreading
Yeah, initially it was Yuki who was the main character, while still playing the piano and she looked up to Rena the violinist.
However, I thought it didn't really suit her character as being the shy kouhai, especially as Yuki was a member first and she is actually older than Rena (even if it's by a few days XD) But by that time I thought of doing the switch, I had already written most of the fic, so I had to spend some time changing things around, but I guess I missed some haha
So yeah, thank you for pointing that out and thank you as well for all your love :inlove: :twothumbs
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I really love all of your stories
especially this one and "Royal Persuasions" :wub: :wub:
I'm so much move on how their stories escalated and how far it goes from there.
I'll be waiting the next one :bow: :bow:
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Greetings everyone! I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I've posted anything! I've been quite a busy, stressed, bee. But for now, during this summer, I have to do what I want, which includes writing for all you lovely people! This fic has been requested by qyyzz101 so I hope you like and to all the other readers, enjoy :D
Not That Type of Girl
The alarm bell rings and my hand automatically slams down on the clock. It reads 7:00 in neon numbers and I mentally moan. Another Monday, meaning another school day. Forcing myself out of the comfort of my bed, I slip to the bathroom, making sure not to wake Mum next door. She had another late night. I feel sorry for her, having to work two jobs. Even though I work part-time, I don’t think it’s enough. Yet, Mum insists that I stay in school. And out of respect and a forced promise, I do. At least, until I can qualify for a real job and earn cold hard cash for Mum and me.
After doing all the bathroom business, I return to my room and grab my uniform from the hanger. Throwing it on the bed and stripping down, I quickly put it on. Then, standing in front of my mirror, I see myself again. I gaze at reflection, the top shaping my slim body, the skirt revealing my toned, long legs. I am an all-round girl who I would, if I was a boy, find totally attractive. Except from two flaws, I am way too tall and I have a boyish cut.
Being tall, I can’t do anything about. My dad was massive and apparently all the family members on his side were tall; at least that’s what Mum has told me. However, the boy cut, I can do without. That’s what I get for letting Mum, who insisted she knew how to cut hair even though she only worked in a hairdresser’s for two months, cut my hair. You would not think I had long wavy locks down my back, but I did and they all vanished within minutes of giving the scissors to Mum. Yet, at the same time, after years of wearing this do, I can’t seem to get rid of it. It was my first cut from Mum and since then, she’s cut my hair. With her working two jobs, we barely get to spend time together so once a month, when she cuts my hair, it truly is our time. No worries about money, food, school, work. Just us.
Plus, it’s so much more convenient to handle. No more split ends, no knots or tangles and no more time occupying hair brushing. It’s also cheaper, saving water with no more ridiculously long hair wash time, and no less product use. It’s all good; even if the sacrifice is that I look like a boy.
Staring at myself, I grin and ruffle my chocolate brown hair until it looks kind of presentable and I quickly rush to school.
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Swinging my school bag over my shoulder, I walk to school while listening to my mp3, the music singing into my ears. However, even though I try to immerse myself into the songs, I hear the girly voices around me.
“Look at her.”
“She’s so tall and handsome!”
“She’s like a boy! So cool.”
“I wonder if she likes girls.”
“She must do.”
Even though I try hard to ignore, it’s happening again.
This is only one of the moments where I wish I wore a wig, a nice glossy long wig so no one mistakes me for a tom-boy. It’s times like these that I sometimes wonder if my body is a curse. I’m sick of all this attention. I hate labels. It seems like every time I walk outside, giddy schoolgirls are surrounding me, gesturing at my ‘manliness’ or ‘handsomeness’ or how they ‘wish I was a boy’. Their stereotypical and judgemental views on my appearance just because I may look a bit different from what a ‘normal’ high school girl would look like. Just because I’m out of the norm, it seems like it gives them the right to comment on it. Well, it doesn’t. They don’t know who I am and I don’t know who they are. So why is it that they can say what they like, as if they are my friends?
I don’t know how to fix cars. I can barely fix my bicycle. I don’t know how to do DIY. I can just screw in a light bulb without electrocuting myself. I don’t just wear boyish clothes, I like dresses too. I’m not part of an athletics club. I don’t have guy friends. And most of all:
I DO NOT LIKE GIRLS.
It doesn’t help that I go to an all-girls school (not because I chose to, it’s the closest high school to me). Their constant background chatter drives me insane. They’re like a swarm of mosquitos, waiting for me to drop my guard so they can go in for a taste. I am a girl and I am active and I have short hair and I am quite tall. That doesn’t make me a tom-boy. It seems like I go out of my way to prove them wrong. Once I even went to the lengths of placing a picture of a random guy on my phone and saying it was my boyfriend. However, that seemed to make it worse and raged girls demanded to see him, to witness what made him so much greater than they were and what made him more dateable than them. This harassment drove me insane, and finally I said that we broke up. Sometimes at night, I think about how sad that whole situation was. I had made up a boyfriend just to stop some girls talking about me. However, they were forcing their image of a “Prince” onto me and I despised it.
For one thing, at least he was of the male gender, even if he was fictional. Even though it may not look like it to others, I do like boys. I like to be protected and I like to have someone hold my hand who had longer fingers than I did, who was warmer than I was. Someone who listened to me, wiped my tears, and held me close. Is that so wrong for me? For me, a girl, to desire the feel of a man’s body? To wish that one day, I am going to wake up next to the love of my life and kiss them good morning. So utterly and carelessly in love that I don’t even care about morning breath.
It seems like it was wrong because all the voices around me, they dictated that I should be anyone other than myself.
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As I enter the classroom, again, the twitters ring in my ear. They are even more annoying than my morning alarm. I bet if I slapped them too, it would shut them up. But I can’t do that, I’m not that type of girl.
Blocking out the girlish whispers, I head to the only other girls who know exactly how I feel. Akimoto Sayaka, the other “Prince”, and the girl who loves girls and doesn’t care about a thing, Oshima Yuko.
“Hey guys.” I greet.
“Hey Sae.” says Akimoto, fist bumping me.
“Morning Sae.” Yuko greets. “I see your flock has disappeared.”
I sigh. “Don’t even start.”
Sitting on my seat, in front of Yuko and to the right of Sayaka, I turn to see Yuko staring at me like she had a secret and Sayaka looking as if she was going to soil herself.
“Guess what?” finally Yuko bursts.
“What?” I ask, already not in the mood for jokes.
“Do you want the bad news of good news?”
“Bad.” I like to get things out of the way so I can enjoy the rest of my life. Like school. I can’t wait to get out of this place.
Yuko grins like a Cheshire cat. “That rumour is heating up again.”
My heart sinks. I glance at Sayaka and see she’s clutching her head, trying to prevent a new headache.
Recently there has been a rumour spreading around school that Sayaka and I were dating. This of course isn’t true. But of course, because of how we are and what how we appear – Sayaka being of the tall build and handsome in her own right and our close friendship allowing frequent thoughtless skinship– we were labelled as a couple. Even though I know for a fact Sayaka is dating Anton, a guy from the neighbouring male high school. It’s amazing how fast gossip can spread, like wild fire, burning the truth in its path. There’s nothing we can do to stop but let it run its course until people stop talking about it, which meant more energy spent on enduring whispers.
“So what’s the good news then?” I ask.
“We’re getting a new transfer student.”
I stare at Yuko. “How is that good news?”
“Another girl to add to your posse.”
I am about to hit Yuko when suddenly the bell rings and we straighten in our seats. With usual pinpoint punctuality, Mr Yasushi enters carrying his black briefcase that he has never opened and the pot belly that his shirts could never quite cover.
“Silence everyone. Welcome back for another week and to start it off, I have an announcement. Joining us, we have a new transfer student.”
I feel the air instantly buzz with anticipation, the mosquitoes awakening again. Whoever it is, I hope it’s someone who can take – or at least share – the burden of attention.
“Come in.” Mr Yasushi called.
A silence falls on the class and all eyes are on the door. Finally scoping eyes are off me. When the door opens, I hear some breaths still and others sharply intake. She walks in, her steps the only sound in the room, drawing the focus from all. Even I can’t tear my gaze away.
“This is Kashiwagi Yuki.” introduces Mr Yasushi, who no one looks at. “Our new transfer student from Tokyo.”
There is a sound of awe but I barely notice. I just stare at her, completely enthralled. Her long straight hair – like the type of hair I has wished for - and her skim womanly figure that I have longed for. She also has pupils are black as a starless sky. However, her skin is like the moon in contrast, glowing pale. Then, there are her lips that I catch myself staring at. They are rosy, like she is wearing lipstick. She is so different from me. Like a beautiful, feminine geisha.
“Hello everyone.” she greets after her short bow. “Please call me Yuki. I hope we get along.”
Even her voice is like a princess’s. Yet, like a witch, she has me completely enchanted.
Suddenly her eyes meet mine.
My heart skips a beat.
Damn.
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My eyes have never been so focussed on the front board in my life. All throughout class, since Mr Yasushi announced that Yuki would sit next to me, at the last empty seat, I have forced myself to keep my eyes away from Yuki. When the bell rings to signal lunch, I make sure my eyes are still ahead, even when Yuki was standing next to me one second, disappearing out of the classroom the next. My lungs finally relax, after remaining contracted for four hours. To be honest, it’s a good thing she’s gone. I could see the flock of mosquitos, swarming after hearing the hot gossip of a new student. Though it is not a surprise people are drawn to her. She is the new, mysterious, beautiful entity that everyone desired to know. And for the first time, we are taking part in the buzz of curiosity.
“I wonder why she moved here.” begins Yuko.
“Probably because of her parents job.” says Sayaka.
“It must be depressing to come from Tokyo to here, a dainty countryside.”
I don’t reply. I don’t have an input. Nor do I have the answers. But I wish I knew everything about her.
“She’s definitely hot.” Yuko muses, myself mentally nodding along. “But she has nothing on my Haruna.”
“She is very pretty.” agrees Sayaka. “But she’s rather quiet.”
“Well it is her first day.” I say. “I would be nervous too.”
“If you think that, we can invite her to have lunch with us.”
Before I can protest, I see Yuko’s gaze go beyond me. I turn and I freeze when I see the object of our conversion is standing back at her desk.
“Hey Yuki, do you want to have lunch with us?” Yuko hastily asks, unknowing that my heart is pounding furiously.
However, even with this, I watch her with anticipation. I feel those dark eyes on me and I shudder. I have yet to decide if it is from pleasure or fear. Then, when I think she will decline, Yuki gives a small nod. With a massive grin, Yuko cheers while Sayaka calmly smiles. As with me, I turn away, hiding my face. I don’t want anyone to see because that would make my happiness real - even though my lips move into a smile on their own accord, the strain to hide the smile hurting my cheeks.
Soon Haruna joins us and our usual lunch party begins. As we eat, no one comes to us. We are like gods, untouchable, but their voices reach us. However, our voices overpower the buzz. Well, most of ours. Neither Yuki nor I speak, but Yuko, Haruna and Sayaka fill the gaps just fine. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t bring myself to say anything. Even my palms are sweaty, making my chopsticks slip in my hand. I glance to the right of me and Yuki is the same, silently eating her lunch. However, from the small smiles and the light glint of enjoyment in her eyes, I can tell she is paying attention to the conversation. Unwittingly, with her attention elsewhere, I am concentrated on Yuki. It distresses me, but at the same time, I feel this unstoppable pull. I study her round nose, up to her long eyelashes. Every feature of her is attractive, so much so that I can’t look away. Suddenly, Yuki turns to me and I immediately look away, my face red as if I’d been caught doing something bad. To be honest, this is bad. I can’t be feeling like this, especially with another girl. It would mean everything that I’ve hated about what others have said about me, would be true. I can’t have that. I can’t let them define who I am. I won’t let them.
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It’s the end of class and I’m relieved. At least at my part-time job I can lose myself and earn some good money.
“Bye Yuki.” says Yuko loudly.
I turn to my right and see Yuki is already packed. She’s faster than she looks. Yuki smiles and again I feel my heart pulse.
“Bye.” she quietly says, before speeding out of the class again.
When she is gone, Yuko turns to me. “I like her.” she announces.
I just nod, getting ready to leave as well. “But I don’t think you do.”
I look at Yuko, confused. “What do you mean?”
“You don’t look at her. You didn’t speak to her at lunch. You barely acknowledge her existence. How can I say otherwise? Right Sayaka?”
Sayaka hums in agreement. “What happened to the Happiness Queen? You’re usually far more talkative. You were so cold today.”
“I don’t know, I just didn’t feel like speaking.”
However, the two don’t look convinced. “Whatever.” I say. “I need to get to work anyway. See you guys tomorrow.”
“See you.” they say.
When I walk out of the door, I hear Yuko shout. “At least try to smile at her tomorrow.”
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I walk out of the staff room, tying my apron around me, and already my manager is in front of me.
“Sae-chan, I’ve something to tell you.”
Nerves hit me. However, I know he’s not going to fire me because I’m the only other worker in his book store. With endless numbers of books to sort and organise, and Mr Uta’s increasing age, I know he needs me. Yet, I am nervous. I wonder what he wants to say.
“I know you’re having trouble, especially as I’m not exactly the youngest person. So I decided to hire someone else so you’re not as drained and you have someone other than an old man to talk to.”
“Mr Uta, don’t be silly. I’m still grateful you gave me this chance.”
And that’s the truth. He’s the only male role-model who I’ve actually looked up to. Even though knowing my school did not allow students to have a job, he allowed me to have this job on the promise that I wouldn’t tell anyone from my school. I’ve kept this promise, and in return he welcomed me with open arms and a place where I could lose myself in different worlds.
Mr Uta kindly smiles like he was a grandfather. “I know. But still, you have to do too much already, and you need energy to study.”
I finally nod and follow him. With high shelves packed full of books, it is hard for me to spot anyone else in the store. However, once reach the till area, I see one person standing behind the desk wearing the same apron as I am. Immediately I freeze.
“Sae, this is your new co-worker.”
She smiles at me and bows. “Nice to meet you. Please take care of me.”
I just stare at her, completely flabbergasted. Kashiwagi Yuki looks at me, still smiling.
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Standing next to Yuki, I feel the same nerves I felt before. I stack the newly arrived books, organising the displays, with Yuki following suit. The silence is killing me.
“I didn’t know you worked here.” Yuki suddenly started, the first conversation we’ve ever had.
“Yeah.” I reply, my voice coming out strange for having not talked for so long. I blush and clear my throat, but Yuki doesn’t seem to notice or mind. “I didn’t know you applied to work here.”
“Well I saw the opening on the day I moved here, so I decided to apply. I didn’t think I would get the job so quickly.”
“It means Mr Uta likes you.” I say, knowing Mr Uta’s strict judge of character.
“That’s good. I need this job.”
I look at Yuki, but she is too preoccupied with her work. I wonder, if she moved here for reasons similar to why I’m working here too. Then, I notice her slim hands and my eyes concentrate.
“You have pretty long fingers.”
Yuki stops and glances at them, giggling. “Really? A lot of people have said that to me. Maybe because I played piano.”
I smile. The conversation is going well and it’s pretty casual. I open my mouth to ask about her piano history. Suddenly, someone comes in. I know instantly because she comes in, looking rather ragged and tired, with a screaming child in her arms. So much for smooth conversation.
“Can someone please help me?” the woman asks.
Instantly, even before I can even comprehend the situation, Yuki is in front of the woman and helping her with the fussy child. I look at where she was and see books she dropped, coincidently landing in a neat pile. I wonder, is she always this fast.
I hang back because I don’t want to crowd the woman, and I’m also not that comfortable with children, especially those that are attempting to burst everyone’s ear drums. I just return to my work, monitoring the situation now and again. Despite Yuki’s quiet demeanour, she seems to be handling the situation pretty well. I already know she’s a good listener, but I see her red lips move in response. Suddenly, Yuki faces me and I freeze. Yuki strolls towards me and I think she is going to scold me for staring. However, she rushes next to me and looks quickly amongst the shelves. Suddenly, she reaches forward, her body brushing against mine. Her face goes so close to mine that her hair tickles my cheeks. However, Yuki is gone as quick as she arrived, leaving a space in the shelf where a thin book used to be. Even though she has returned to the woman, the ticklish sensation still remains, like a lipstick stain, on my cheek.
After talking for a few more moments, the women smiles and the child calms down as soon as she sees the book. Immediately grasping it, the child doesn’t let go and grins cutely at Yuki, completely the opposite of the screaming child. Yuki returns the smile and again I feel my chest lighten. Then, the two head to the till area, paying for their purchase, and Yuki returns with light steps.
“So how did it go?” I ask.
“It was okay.” Yuki replies, picking up her dropped books. “It turns out that the baby-sitter accidently threw away her son’s favourite book and she was wondering if we had it. It’s quite old, but luckily I remember seeing it in your hands.”
Yuki smiles while she talks and it brings a grin to my face.
“You’re really good at talking to customers.” I compliment.
“Thank you.”
“I wouldn’t have guessed.”
“Why?”
My brain immediately fumbles. “Well…because….” I stutter.
“I have an unapproachable aura?”
I glance at Yuki and her grin calms me. “Something like that.” I admit.
She lightly giggles and something flutters in my stomach.
“Many people have misconceptions about me. In my old school, I was the dark, gloomy, emo kid in the back of the room. However, I’m nothing like that. I’m cheerful and energetic. I just need to get to know people first, before I’m comfortable letting my guard down. But people assumed that I had a dark personality and withdrew from me. Then because the guys liked me, they thought I was a slut. I don’t even like men.”
She knows how to casually drop a bomb.
“This is my third school now…” Yuki confesses. “I just want to fit in.”
Her story makes my chest ache. Unknowingly, my hand is already on her shoulder, offering a comforting touch.
“Don’t we all.”
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Weeks pass and I realise what Yuki meant. She really is bright and quirky, and sometimes ditzy, showing her exaggerated reactions and range of expressions. At school, she would play along with Yuko’s antics and practice drama lines with Sayaka. However, after school, all her time is with me. I would go home, excited for tomorrow, completely different from my past self. She suddenly became the person who I am most excited to see, and the last person I think about before I fall asleep. A part of me wonders, if I should be so involved in this friendship, which has quickly become part of my life. But then I think, how can something so good, be bad?
Yuki and I are on cleaning duty, and I am going to throw the rubbish bins away. However, what was supposed to be a quick duty, turned into Mr Yasushi stopping me in the corridor and lecturing me to make a suitable choice for my future. I’ve heard this so many times before - him telling me that I could do so much more than just working, that my grades could get me to a great university and that he would write me an excellent reference, that I could even try a new Chinese exchange programme and how it could open new opportunities for me. I’ve heard the same speech so many times that I can’t help roll my eyes. I just nod and let my mind wonder.
Eventually he just sighs, and lets me go. I quickly bow and rush back to the classroom. I hope I didn’t leave Yuki for too long. When I reach the door, I expect to see Yuki smile in welcoming, but instead I notice a dark aura around Yuki. For once, I understood why most people found Yuki difficult to approach. When I left, Yuki sent me away with a smile, but I recognise the unsettling change. She sits at her desk, staring at her phone, with a dark and troubled gaze. Honestly, I find it difficult to walk up to her. It’s almost frightening. However, I suck it up and quietly step towards Yuki because I’m being ridiculous. There must be a reason for why Yuki is upset and I’m determined to find out why.
“What’s wrong?” I quietly ask.
“…Nothing.” she utters, not even looking at me.
If she wasn’t staring down, I’m sure Yuki would have seen the hurt flash across my face. The pain surprises me, and the sudden anger flushes me.
“Are we really going to do this?”
Finally Yuki looks at me, and I wish I didn’t snap. I see the glaze of unshed tears in her eyes, and I feel even worse.
“I got dumped.”
My heart jumps. It aches greatly and I don’t know why. I’m also irritated, and I don’t know why.
All I can say is, “I’m sorry.”
I feel the urge to hold her hand, to tell her it’s alright. But I don’t move.
“It’s okay. What did I expect? She still lives in Tokyo while I live here. It wasn’t going to work out.”
“Still, it’s sad.”
Yuki looks at me and lightly smiles. I never knew a smile could be so heart-breaking.
“It is, isn’t it.”
Suddenly, the tears silently roll down her eyes and Yuki quickly starts wiping at them.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me.”
When I see Yuki cry, my throat ties itself into a knot and my heart aches so much. I don’t know what to say, but I grab her frantic hands. She stares at me, her tears momentarily stopping, and I bring her into an embrace. There is a moment where I know Yuki doesn’t know what to do, but then I hear her sniff, and her body trembles. Then, she starts to cry and her hands grab hold onto me. As she sobs, I just hold her, stoking her soft hair, shushing like Mum used to do for me to calm me down.
I don’t know when Yuki will stop crying, but we are late for work. However, I don’t care. I just stay as Yuki loses control, and I lose myself in the scent of strawberries and tea.
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I stare at the girl, almost unable to hide my contempt. I look at her small nose, wide eyes and rather nervous expression, I really wonder why me.
“Sae-senpai…” she almost whimpers. “I love you Sae-senpai.”
Holding in my sigh, I gaze at her dead in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Suddenly, the tears fall from her face, her face contorted into devastation and all this looks so familiar. I’ve hurt someone else again.
“I knew you would say that.” she says. “I saw you and Yuki-senpai yesterday.”
My heart jumps.
“What do you mean?” I demand.
However, she runs past me, most likely going into the arms of her best friend. She doesn’t care about how I feel at this moment. It’s all about her. This is fair enough, because I don’t even know her name.
Still, what she said shocks me. What did she see? What did she hear? Are people going to talk about us? Are they going to spread rumours of me of Yuki?
Suddenly, a disgusting taste fills my mouth and I want to spit it out. I think, it’s the taste of pure hate.
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I’m stacking the books and Yuki is next to me. There’s simple conversation between us. We don’t talk about yesterday, but we have a mutual understanding and gratitude. However, I was to ask her the question that has been pestering me since the girl confessed to me, which may make Yuki annoyed at me.
“What do you like about girls?” I ask her. “I’m sorry if I sound insensitive, but I just don’t get it.”
Yuki stops stacking, and looks at me. I watch her as she hesitates, as if she’s juggling her words to put them in the right order to form a comprehendible sentence.
“I don’t know.” she finally says. Yuki hesitates again, looking at me with her doe like eyes, and asks me. “Have you ever fallen in love?”
I don’t even hesitate. “No.”
Yuki nods, not judging. “Then I don’t know if I can explain it properly… But I can try my best.”
She sits next to the pile of books, as if she were a storyteller in a library, about to tell the epic story of love and romance. “I think once you’re in love, it’s exactly the same as any other normal relationship. It’s like a planted seed. You don’t know when or how it happens, but naturally, feelings grow. Feelings you can’t touch, but like air, you know it’s there. You breathe it in and it fills you head to toe. It completes you. It’s warming, secure, but can be chilling when it’s lost. When you’re with that person, that person you love, you get butterflies. And when you’re away from them, you miss them. It just so happens that the person, who makes me feel this way, is a girl.”
I don’t realise when Yuki stops talking until a customer walks in and Yuki leaves to serve him. Yet,her words haunt me like a ghostly whisper, entering me and holding onto my bones. This feeling doesn’t leave me and like a weed, it grips onto my heart and doesn’t let go. I’ve always thought that that love would be given to me by a man, and I would feel like that for him. However, that image of a faceless man, has recently taken shape into a different person. I can’t quite see who it is, but at the same time, I don’t want to know. I’m afraid to find out who it is.
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“So you’re going back to Tokyo?”
“Only for a few days.” Yuki reassures. “My dad is going to having a meeting with some of his business partners and he wants me to come. And I can visit my family and friends.”
I should feel happy for her, but already I feel the loneliness creeping in. For half of the year, there hasn’t been a day when I haven’t seen Yuki. It’s going to be strange when she goes. It suddenly strikes me. I wonder when I had become so dependent on another person.
Suddenly, Yuki drops her charger on the floor and I reach over from the bed to pick it up. However, the attempt fails because I somehow fall off the bed and I grab the first thing to hopefully stop my fall, which is Yuki’s top. However, my weight pulls her down. This causes Yuki to land on top of me, the impact pushing the air from my stomach. The shock subsides and suddenly I just do one thing. I laugh. Then, I feel Yuki’s shake and her laugh rings next to my ear. My body slightly hurts but I just find it incredible how we ended up like this. It’s hilarious.
Still laughing, Yuki lifts herself up with her arms and I sit up. We are still giggling, our legs intertwined in a careless manner. I grin largely, so much that my cheeks hurt. But then, when the laughter subsides, I realise how close we are. Our bodies are so close that I feel the heat radiating from her body. It’s comforting, and unsettling. I want to move, but my body doesn’t. So contradictory. I think Yuki notices the same thing because I see her eyes dart to our legs, to the tiny space between our torsos, then to my lips, and back to my eyes. I feel my throat close when I gulp. I don’t remember when I have ever felt this nervous before. There is a wall of tension between us and through it, we look at each other. Yuki stares at me, as if we are about to kiss.
However, we don’t.
I tear my eyes away, laughing as I untangle myself from her and these feelings. I brush my legs, patting off the lint as if it was Yuki’s gaze.
“Let’s continue packing.” I say, cringing as I hear how shaky my voice is.
Suddenly I feel my body being swung round and lips on mine. It’s soft yet forceful. My body remains frozen while heat fills me, burning within me like her kiss is fire and I am paper. Suddenly, I see the eyes of dozens of people on me, their lips moving with silent, hurtful words. Then, I realise who I’m kissing. A girl, who I know I am not attracted to, and in no way would have intimidate feelings for.
I roughly push her away, stepping back.
“What are you doing?” hearing my words full of anger.
Yuki looks stricken. “I thought-”
“What? That I liked you?”
I see the hurt in her eyes and immediately I feel the painful regret. But the fear and confusion consumes me.
“Just because you like girls doesn’t mean I do!” I grab my things and rush away, before uttering some last words that I know would hurt Yuki the most. “I’m not that type of girl.”
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With the first buzz of my alarm, I slam it into silence. My body is exhausted and heavy. My eyes sting from the dryness. I couldn’t sleep. All night, like last night and the night before, I spent replaying what I said and did. I regret everything and I wish I could turn back time. However, I can’t. So, I have to own up to what I’ve done and how much I must have upset Yuki.
I check my phone. No new messages. I don’t expect anything, especially as I haven’t brought myself to contact Yuki first. I’m still scared. I’ve had the whole weekend to think, but I’m still uncertain of how I feel and what I’m going to do. I love my Mum, and I know I love my friends. But this is, completely new to me. It’s far too unstable and unpredictable and it’s freaking me out.
When I arrive at school, Yuko is the first to point of my eyes.
“Why are they so bloodshot? Spent too much time watching porn last night?”
“Ha ha.”
“She isn’t you.” Sayaka replies.
The two continue to banter and I enter the classroom. Then, I see Yuki and again, my body freezes. Is she going to ignore me? Is she going to hit me? I don’t know and I’m scared. However, I suck it in and force myself to step towards her.
“Hi Yuki.”
My heart is jittering, but unlike my expectations, she looks up and smiles at me.
“Morning Sae.”
I’m slightly confused by her reaction, even if it relieves most of my nervousness. However, when I see the smile doesn’t reach her eyes, I know everything is not okay.
“How was your father’s?” I ask, sitting at my desk next to hers, attempting to keep it as casual as possible.
“It was really nice. I got to see all my friends and family again.”
“That’s really good.”
Then, there’s a silence between us. I feel the awkwardness. Swallowing, I bring myself to face her.
“I’m sorry… about last time.”
Without looking at me, Yuki says. “It’s okay.”
Unconvinced, I continue. “It was my fault really. I shouldn’t have freaked out like that.”
“It’s fine. I shouldn’t have forced myself onto you.”
My heart, like a glass, drops and shatters on the floor.
“You didn’t do that. I-”
Suddenly, I hear loud whispers.
“Look, they are talking.”
“See! I told you they are together.”
“The Prince and Princess.”
I glance at the crowd of girls at the door, and I look at Yuki. I realise, they are talking about Yuki and I. Immediately, my blood boils and a fire rages within me.
“They really suit each other.”
“I wish I could have seen what they were like in the classroom.”
“I bet they kiss and stuff.”
“They must love each other so much.”
The anger explodes with a fury.
“WE ARE NOT TOGETHER!”
The classroom is stunned silent. My hands sting from me slamming my palms on the desk with frustration. My breathing is deep and my face still feels hot and my heart heavy with burden.
“Sae…”
I turn and face Sayaka, and she looks at me with worry. I glance at Yuko who shares a matching expression. Then, when I slightly calm down, I turn to Yuki. Her expression is what makes my chest ache the most and the tears spring to my eyes. I’ve never seen such hurt and disappointment in my life.
Before I can sputter an excuse or apology, the bell interrupts me and like clockwork, Mr Yasushi enters the room.
“Silence everyone, homeroom is beginning.”
I take one last glance at Yuki, but again, she’s avoiding my gaze. It hurts. A lot.
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School ends and I get ready to go to work. I’m not sure if I should wait for Yuki, but she packs up at my pace. Then, she turns to me.
“Are you ready?”
Her question stuns me because I thought for sure she wasn’t talking to me, especially as she disappeared at lunch and didn’t return until the end. We haven’t said a word since my morning outburst. And it’s the same on the way to work.
The walk is silent and tense. When I open my mouth to speak, I close it again because I’m not sure how to begin. When we enter the staff room, we change quietly. I glance at her to at least attempt a conversation, but my cheeks instantly flush when I see Yuki, bending over her bag to retrieve her work clothes. Immediately I turn back round, unable to speak again, but this time because of the image of Yuki bent over in her underwear, still flashing inside my head.
Usually work goes quite quickly, but today it’s been the slowest day. Just a few hours feel like days and what used to be chatty times, were now just me filling the void with my mental words. However, this day has made me realise again, just how dependent and relying I’ve become on Yuki. Again, the rush of fright goes through me. Yet that fright, compared with the consuming fear of losing Yuki I felt during the weekend and today, does not even compare.
Again we are back in the staff changing room. This time, instead of looking at Yuki, I let my mind speak for itself.
“About today-”
“It’s okay.” Yuki interrupts. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
“But I want to.”
Suddenly, I hear a frustrated sigh and a thud. I turn and see Yuki half naked once more. However, I concentrate only on her face because it’s the first time I’ve ever seen Yuki glare at me.
“Fine.” Yuki exasperates. “Let’s talk about it. All I wanted was to be friends and stay friends. But then, I started… I didn’t fall in love with you because of your gender. I fell in love with you, as a person. From how your eyes cutely scrunch together when you smile to how you snort when you laugh. I love you, simply because you’re you.”
Yuki’s in love with me. She loves me. She’s in love with me.
“I know you don’t feel the same way but I did not like the way you embarrassed not only me, but yourself in front of everyone. And-”
Before I know it, I’m in front of her, looking at her wide, surprised eyes. Then, without thinking, I kiss her. The joy explodes in my heart and it’s such a happy pain that tears suddenly fall from my eyes. What was a deep sweet kiss, now tastes salty. We break apart but not fully, our foreheads supporting each other’s. It hurts to breath, but it feels delightful. I can’t stop crying. All these feelings overwhelm me. Then, the words fall from my mouth.
“I love you.” I sob.
Yuki smiles and just nods, holding my face as her thumbs wipe my salty tears. Then, she holds me close, explanation no longer needed. I don’t know when, but I hear Yuki is crying too.
“I love you.” I repeat, like a mantra, repeating the words that I’ve kept hidden from even myself for so long. “I love you.”
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“I loved my father. My father was my hero and saviour and my idol. I loved him with all my heart. When I was 10, I lost him. My father was taken from me, by a reckless drunk driver, leaving me with just my m=Mum and me. That pain I felt that day, when Mum told me, I would never forget. If I lost another person that I loved, I don’t know what I’d do. Perhaps, that’s why, I’m so frightened. I don’t want to let anyone else in who had the potential to leave me.”
Yuki holds my hand all the way through my tale and it reassures me.
“After my father’s death, we had to move because my mother couldn’t afford the house with just her salary. But then, when we moved to a new neighbourhood, I heard people gossip about my mum. Even though I was young I understood. They ranged from time to time. One rumour was that my mother had run away after an affair and had chosen to raise me alone in shame. Another was that my father had run away with a younger woman. Others were just spiteful words derived from stigma against single mothers. Even when they saw how hard my mum was working and how we were suffering, they just badmouthed her. From then, I just hated people who flocked around us, prying about our past and present, but never getting too close or too involved. My mother did not make any true friends. So I decided, when I grew up, I would earn money for my mother so we can move from this horrible area that just cares about gossip.”
My eyes are wet when I think about all the pain my mother had to go through because of me and it strengthens my dream, to get a good job so I can buy my Mum a brand new house in a great neighbourhood, where she doesn’t have to work anymore and she can just relax.
When I calm down, I look at Yuki and she’s crying again. I smile, wiping her tears with my thumb.
“But I guess, it’s not so bad anymore.” I joke light-heartedly.
Yuki laughs, smiling through her tears. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Thank you for crying for me.”
She stares at me, her eyes searching me, as if to check if I am really okay. Then, Yuki pulls me in and embraces me. She strokes my hair as my head rests against her soft chest, like how I did when Yuki cried. It’s a strange feeling, my mother used to do this when I was young. It’s relaxing as I hear her heart beat against my ear in a steady rhythm. Then, I feel Yuki’s fingers run over my cheeks, down to my chin, lightly lifting my head. Her smile blinds me with happiness and she bends down and kisses my lips. It’s only been a day, but I can’t even imagine how I handled not kissing her.
Turns out, maybe I am that type of girl, maybe I’m not. Maybe I have changed since I’ve met Yuki, maybe I’ve always been the same but I’ve become more open minded. But who cares? It doesn’t need labels. It turns out; I’m just a girl, who loves another girl.
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WoW
BEST SAEYUKI FIC!!!
MORE!!!!!
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Finally!! SaeYuki fanfic... And it's great author-san... It's been a long time since I found SaeYuki fanfic... Good job... can't wait to read another SaeYuki story... :twothumbs
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An awesome fic! I'm not into SaeYuki but I like the story itself.
Great words, I don't know how to express it, but it's indeed beautiful.
Thanks for the story (∩_∩)