Chapter 2
“Uh…yeah…I mean, no!” I try to cover it up. I don’t want her to think that I’m weak. She stifles a giggle unsuccessfully.
“Which is it?” she asks. I take a breath so that I can answer her properly. I don’t want her to think that I’m stupid either.
“My neck and back hurt, but I should be fine,” I reply methodically. She gets up and walks to me. Keeping a reasonable distance between us, she looks at me with mysterious eyes.
“Sorry, I distracted you…I didn’t know I would cause so much commotion…” Maki apologises softly, her expression solemn.
What is she really here for? Why on earth would she want to watch kick-base practice? All these questions are starting to give me a headache. For the past two years since Futarigoto we never had much verbal exchange between us. Ok, so it was more like we avoided conversation, and I’m not completely sure why. If left alone we were always tense, always cautious, keeping up formalities such as Goto-san and Tanaka-chan. Though in my mind I refer to certain people by their given names, in person I just can’t bring myself to call them that, and end up going with formalities. Maki is one of those people. There’s no doubt that we could feel something not-so-platonic between us all this time…and now she suddenly shows up to watch me play kick-base, acting like it was a daily routine. It’s too overwhelming for me right now. I head over to sit down on the bench, burying my sweaty face in a towel, trying to make sense of her odd behaviour.
I hear her heels click towards me and feel the light wind as she sits down beside me. Her hand gently touches my shoulder and I flinch unintentionally. I peer at her from behind the towel. She looks a little annoyed and stares intensely at a locker. I feel nauseous. She looks at me and I can tell she wants to say something. I hold my breath.
“You like yakiniku, right?”
“…Excuse me?” I question in disbelief. That’s all she could come up with? Didn’t she have something more important to say to me? Or maybe I want her to say something important to me. I feel a bit disappointed and confused.
“You were injured because of me. I’m really sorry. I feel bad so…let me cook for you tonight?” she explains to me. She feels bad? She should feel bad! Having Yui ram into me at full force felt like having a caravan drive straight into me. I take a breath and tell myself to calm down. It wasn’t Maki’s fault that I just kept…staring at her. I look at Maki, and she’s anxiously waiting for my answer.
“Goto-san, that would be nice,” I reply, forcing myself to smile at her. I can’t believe this is happening. This isn’t normal. Wait a minute, nothing was normal when it comes to Maki and I. But isn’t dinner a little too much? What’s more, it’s at her place. I mentally tell myself to get a grip again. It’s just dinner between friends, isn’t it? There’s nothing to be worried about. All the same, I can’t help but feel a little uneasy. Feeling uncomfortable I stand up and walk to the centre of the room, and she follows me.
Maki draws closer to me until there isn’t any space between us. The air feels thick and heavy with uninvited tension. I stiffen up as she loosely wraps her arms around me. I feel embarrassed about the fact that I’m still sweaty and covered in dirt from practice. What kind of game is she playing?
“I’m sorry again, about this. I’ll come pick you up at seven,” she says without letting go. I can only stand there with my arms by my side, and my heart pumping rapidly. Pick me up? She’s trying to do something completely unnecessary again.
“I can go to your place on my own.”
“It was my fault you got hurt, it’s the least I can do, you know? To make sure you get there safely…”
Déjà vu slaps me upside the head. Images of her walking me to my doorstep that night flash through my mind.
“No, really. I know how to…” I trail off because she tightens her arms around me and lightly rests her head against mine. I feel warm and uncomfortable at the same time. Why is she being so persistent? She’s about to get her way again. Just like that night.
“…Tanaka-chan…” she whispers. Her warm breath tickles my ear, and a chill runs up my spine. It’s over, I lose to her again. I become completely powerless to resist her will. I nod my head in agreement but she holds on a moment longer than necessary.
She steps back and smiles at me. That smile. It’s so sincere and makes me forget my anxieties in an instant. How is she able to do these kinds of things to me?
“I’ll see you then. Take care going home,” she bids me farewell and exits the change rooms. I take a big, deep breath, hold it for a few seconds and then let it go. At least she didn’t offer to take me home on top of escorting me.
I shake my head at both Maki and myself. We both know that our feelings had never disappeared. Our relationship was already warped, in the awkward void between friendship and something more. It never went backwards or forwards. In coming here today, was she trying to drive it in a particular direction? If she wanted this then why did she wait so long? How did I even come to like another girl? Well, I can’t exactly change that now, but it still surprises me how easily I fell for her. The first girl I ever had these kinds of feelings for, would she be the last? All these questions were making my headache worse.
I survive the train ride home, though my entire body is wracking with pain. With a few hours to spare before Maki is due to arrive, I decide to soak in the bath for a while. My headache is still hanging around, and being confused and nervous at the same time isn’t really doing anything to help it. My bones and muscles feel like they’re burning by now, so forcing myself to get out of the tub and into some clothes takes a lot longer than I initially thought. I hope I don’t pass out on Maki.
7 o’clock arrives, and so does Maki, right on time, knocking on my door. I swing the door open and she flashes me a bright smile. At least she’s happy to see me, even if I’m just about ready to collapse. I greet her with a smile too, but she knits her brows at me. Do I really look that bad?
“Are you feeling alright?” she asks, concerned.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Should we go?” I reply in attempt to cover up how horrible I really feel. I wince as I bend down to put on my shoes. She steps into my apartment and closes the door behind her. I look up at her, confused.
“You’re not fine,” she states matter-of-factly, eyes piercing mine.
I must have given her some sort of look without realising it because her expression softens. She sighs as I stand back up. I try not to look like I’m in pain, but I don’t think it works. She takes a step closer to me and places her hands on my shoulders. I flinch a little because they hit the ground quite hard earlier and were still tender. I didn’t mean to let her see that. She looks terrible. I think she must be feeling pretty terrible too. She takes another step closer and wraps me in her arms again. This time I hug her back without hesitation, no longer afraid of showing any weakness.
“I’m really, really sorry,” Maki sadly apologises for the thousandth time today. “You don’t have to go all the way to my place today, you need to rest. I’ll make some dinner with whatever you have here”. I almost cry. And then another thought hits me. I don’t even have any food in my fridge. I tell her this and she says that we can order something.
For some reason, this meeting has lightened up the stiffness between us. I feel like we can speak with a little more freedom.
She tugs my hand, snapping me out of my thoughts. Why is she walking me towards my bed? A frantic internal panic begins. The next moment feels like one drawn out slow-motion blur.
“Goto-san?”
She tells me to lie down on my stomach. What is she thinking? Too confused to protest I comply with her. I don’t even want to think about where this could lead. My head spins and I feel like my stomach has jumped into my throat. She’s straddling me, her knees on either side of my hips. I feel her hands on my back, and before I could question her again, Maki beings gently kneading my back.
The tenseness I had a moment ago immediately disappears. I scold myself for how silly I had been. Sighing as her hands work away some of the pain I had acquired today, I wonder where she learnt to massage like this. I could die happy right now.
My eyes close in relaxation as she works the knots out of my lower back. I’m about to fall asleep when I feel her hands on my butt. My eyes bulge and I jerk my head up off the bed, which is a bad idea because it’s still aching.
“Sorry!” Maki yelps and quickly takes her hands off me. It’s good to see that she can be embarrassed too. “I just thought…your body is sore, isn’t it? If you don’t want me to touch you there I –“
“No it’s fine!” I squeak. I can feel my cheeks burn as soon as I say this. “I mean – just – it - ”
Neither of us are getting anywhere with our explanations. The air becomes awkward between us again. I take a moment and think about how I want to say this.
“I don’t mind at all. I was just surprised because I almost fell asleep. Your massage feels really nice, and I don’t want you to stop”.
There. I said it. It’s the honest truth. I close my eyes and hope she doesn’t get scared by what I just said.
“Are you sure?” she quietly asks. I’ve never seen this shy side of her before, and I think it’s really sweet of her.
“Uhuh,” I respond. We both start to relax again. “I never knew you were so good at this…”
She doesn’t respond and begins at my lower back again. Slowly, her hands drift downwards. She hesitates as she reaches my butt again, and this time I don’t react like before. I admit; it feels so good. Maki doesn’t stop there, kneading my legs and arms too. She even massages my head which sends me reeling because it feels so heavenly. I could get used to this kind of thing. As she massages my entire body I begin to fall asleep again. I let myself drift off.
A sleep induced body twitch wakes me up. I lift my head. Where did Maki go? I squint at the clock. 9.40? How long have I been asleep? I must suck at being a host. I force myself to roll off the bed, despite the aches still plaguing my body. I feel groggy. I bet I look groggy too. Faintly I can hear Maki’s voice at the door. Dragging myself out to the living room, I see that she’s ordered pizza.
She turns around and pauses when she sees me. She looks amused.
“Did you sleep ok?” she asks me as she sets the pizza down. I nod my head, still not completely awake. She walks over to me and combs my hair with her fingers. I probably had bed-hair.
“Thank you. For everything”.
She smiles at me and tells me to sit down. It feels good to be taken care of. The rest of the night flies by as we eat, laugh and chat about anything and everything. It almost feels like we’re best friends who haven’t seen each other for years and years and felt the need to catch up on everything that was missed out on. We speak excitedly, so fast that there isn’t any gap between words, barely taking a breath. It’s refreshing, and for the first time since we met, I feel at ease with her, letting myself go completely unguarded, freely expressing myself.
It isn’t until Maki eventually has to leave that my anxieties come flooding back. It’s like that surreal moment was being torn away from me, and I don’t want it to end. Walking her to the door I thank her again for looking after me.
“Hey Reina-chan, it’s ok to call someone by their first name, right?” did she just call me Reina-chan? What she said didn’t even sound like a question, but more a statement. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to reply. If that’s her way of telling me that I should call her ‘Maki’ then… I mentally shrug and give it a try.
“…Maki…-san?” I say unsurely for the first time. I look at her and she has a silly grin on her face, telling me that it was what she was implying I should do. I grin back and hers grows even wider if possible. In one fluid movement she has me in her arms again, her head bent down to be level with mine. I barely trust myself to wrap my own arms around her waist.
“I’m glad we got to spend some time together. I had a lot of fun, and I hope you did too. I know I’ve apologised already, but I’m sorry for getting you injured. Greasy pizza wasn’t nearly enough to compensate for it…” she trails off, still holding on to me. At this close contact I take note of her perfume – it smells sweet, it’s light, not too strong yet still noticeable.
“We should do this again,” it slips out before I can think over it. What if she doesn’t want to? That possibility is crossed out as soon as I feel her nod against me. All of a sudden I’m aware that the hold we have on each other seems to be going beyond the limits of friendship. What kind of friends refuse to let go even after several minutes have lapsed? This must be setting a new record for how long we’ve shared a hug. It’s as if we thought we would never see one another again, savouring every last second together. What I am thinking? I’m getting too mushy for my own liking. Finally, Maki slowly steps back, her eyes look as bewildered as I feel. What are we doing to ourselves? To each other?
“I should go,” she says quietly, the tone of her voice almost breaks my heart. Moments ago we were all smiles and laughter, and now we were returning from a funeral. Is she thinking of the same things as I am?
“Right, it’s getting late…” I can’t keep my eyes from avoiding hers.
“But we’ll do this again soon, real soon!” she snaps back into a happy-go-lucky character, but it seems so forced. I merely nod, and she frowns a little at me before bending down to give me a kiss on the cheek. It was light, soft, her lips barely touching my cheek, but all the same my heart flutters. I feel my face go slightly pink.
“Ok, let me know when you have time again. We’ll have real food this time, right?” I force myself into that same fake character, matching hers. Why are we covering up? Shouldn’t we be more mature than this? I smile at her and she nods and waves goodbye.
As she opens the door to let herself out, I can’t help but feel like a big idiot. And just like that, I feel insecure again. About myself, about Maki, and about the kind of relationship we have. A familiar pounding begins in my head once again. How long can I stand this before something inside me explodes?
Topic: Sun (updated 25th April!!! CHAPTER 12 up!) (Read 23222 times)