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Author Topic: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)  (Read 45147 times)

Offline OTN1

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #20 on: June 04, 2007, 03:56:42 PM »
Iacus, it's just a small bit in My Own Private Funeral.  Alternate universe-type stuff.
Yeah, black velvet.  Aya's a "nice girl."  Hahahaha.

Chapter 3

When I got home, my parents were eating lunch.

"Miki-chan, Hiroshi-kun," my mother sang out when she heard me open the door.  "Dad bought some of that delicious bread from the bakery at the supermarket.  Come and have some."

For a moment - just a moment - I was happy again.  So my dad had bought that bread.  But my heart fell again because I had to explain why Hiroshi wasn't with me.

I popped into the room and looked at my parents.  They looked up at me.  My mother smiled and glanced behind to me to look for Hiroshi.

"Mom, dad," I greeted them, walking into the room and sitting on the opposite side of the table, putting lots of space between us.

They came to realise that something serious was going on and that Hiroshi wouldn't be joining us for the conversation.

"I know this is rather sudden," I said, taking a deep breath, "but I've decided to move out."

In the silence that followed, you could have heard a pin drop all the way in the Swiss Alps.

"With Hiroshi-kun?" my mother asked, expecting me to answer in the affirmative.

"No."

More silence.

"And where do you intend to move?" my father asked.

"Tokyo," I said bravely.

I didn't feel brave.  I felt like I would crumble the minute my parents raised their objections.

"What will you do in Tokyo?"

My father again.  His voice was far too calm and controlled.  I could tell that there was a storm gathering, and it was ready to unleash its power.

"I'm going to work."

Silence.

No need to ask what kind of work I was going to look for because it was obvious I had no idea.

"Did that friend of yours put ideas in your head?" my mom asked.

So it was that easy to tell that Aya had been involved?  I almost broke my eye contact with my mom, but doing so would have weakened my position.  I steadfastly kept my gaze on her.

"Aya-chan helped open up my eyes," I confirmed, "but this is something I've wanted to do for a long time."

That was the breaking point.

"You can't leave now," my father said, voice like a razor-sharp knife.  "You're starting your last term of the year at school.  You have a job, too, and responsibilities-"

"I don't care about school!" I exploded.

My father jumped to his feet and looked across the table and down at me furiously.

"Don't go throwing that kind of attitude around in this house!" he thundered.  "Nobody in this family is a quitter.  Nobody runs away from their duties.  You can't go and make a selfish decision like that and spring it upon us expecting our full support!"

I had never seen my father so angry.  He had never yelled at me like that before.  Such fury.  I tried not to tremble in fear as my mother stood up to pacify my father.  Her face showed, though, that she sided more with him than with me.

But wait.  Me?  A quitter?  Here I was about to embark on an exciting and difficult journey, and he was calling me a quitter?

I jumped up to my feet, and what could possibly be called the fiercest Fujimoto family feud began.

"I'm not a quitter, Dad.  I'm going down there to follow my dream," I said harshly.

"Miki, you can't just drop school.  That's quitting," said my mother in a firm tone.

I trained my eyes on her.

"No, Mom.  That's not quitting.  Quitting would be if I stayed in school," I bit back.  "If I stayed when every centimetre of me wanted to move out and pursue my own life.  Do you think I want to be a bookkeeper?"

I pierced my father with a glare.

"I've hated studying economics at school.  I've found it a waste of my time.  I've only been doing it because I lacked the motivation to get out of here.  I've been too scared to leave this safe place."

My father's face grew red.

"How dare you throw our kindness back in our faces like that.  We've given you everything and provided you with a safe and comfortable environment in which to grow up.  You're an ungrateful, spoiled child."

That hurt.  I wanted to scream at him, but I kept a tight rein on my temper before I said something that would get me disowned by my family.

"I do appreciate everything you've done for me," I said through grit teeth.  "I've had a wonderful life.  But it's time to move on and grow up.  Start my own life."

I wasn't sure if my words had had any effect, because my mother changed the subject.

"You're going to let some wild, famous girl convince you to do away with this good life?"

Wild and famous?  I had thought that she liked Aya.

"Aya-chan is not wild," I said in a controlled voice.  "And she only let me see what's out there.  She didn't force me into anything."

There was a pause in the air as everyone tried to think of something new to say.  I took advantage of it and broke the silence.

"And besides, what happened to you two supporting my dreams, huh?" I asked, the heat coming back to my voice.  "You were going to let me go that audition all those years ago.  If I'd made it, you would've let me move to Tokyo."

My parents both looked chagrined, and I knew that I'd hit upon a good argument.

"I was in school back then, too.  You would have let me leave.  The way I see it, you're just upset now because it has to do with money and convenience.  We pay for university classes.  It's convenient that Inaba-Baachan has known me for years and thus trusts me with handling the till at the restaurant.  It's a good thing for you two that your youngest daughter is studying bookkeeping so that she can take over the family business one day," I continued.  "What happened to my supportive parents who helped me fill out my audition applications?  My parents who let me practice in front of them?  Who nursed me back to health after that stupid flu, and who assured me that my chance would come again?  Did you forget all about that?  Your promise to support me unconditionally?  Were they just empty words?"

I was on a roll.  Nothing could stop me.  Years of bottled up dissatisfaction came pouring out of me.

My parents stood silently, my father with a disturbed look etched into his face, my mother looking blank and maybe a little pale.

"I can't believe I live with a couple of hypocrites.  I've just told you that I'm miserable with my life and what do you do?  On the surface you tell me you want me to be happy, but in reality, you chew me out and tell me I can't get out of my situation.  You try to play on some sort of guilt I should feel because you raised me well.  But I want to leave."

They certainly looked chastised.  My mother's eyes showed a little shock.  My father's concerned expression had deepened.

"If that's the way it's going to be, then I definitely don't want to stay here.  I'm moving.  You don't have to support me in any way.  I'll find a job and pay you back for everything you've ever done for me."

I fixed my father with a chilly look, and after a few seconds, I shifted my gaze to my mother.

"I don't see how my departure will affect anyone in the long run.  I've broken things off with Hiroshi-kun, and other than him, I don't think any of my other friends are going to be very heart-broken about my leaving.  I'll be out of your hair in a few days."

With that, I turned on my heels and walked calmly out of the living room and up the stairs.

Once in the privacy of my bedroom, I sat down on my bed and let out a breath of disbelief.  I reached up to fix my hair, but my hands shook uselessly.  I sat on them, a habit I'd had when I was young and got nervous easily, and tried to formulate a plan.

I had told my parents off and angered them.  I couldn't count on them for any support.

Next, I had to call the registrar's office at my university.  The only problem was that I'd have to wait because it was a holiday.  Nobody would be in until after the New Year vacation.  I couldn't stay here and wait that long.  I decided I would call from Tokyo.  Long distance charges be damned.

Next on my list?  I needed a plane ticket.  Or a shinkansen ticket.  Or a boat ticket.  Any way to get south of here.  I'd take care of that in the afternoon.  Luckily, I had a stack of money with me, so no holiday bank closures could stand in my way.

Next?  Baachan.  I had to go and explain things to her.  I'd do that after securing transportation.

And then?  Packing.  I could start that now.  I needed to calm down before going to the travel agency.  Moving around and sorting through clothing would help.

I sat on my bed for half an hour, trying to gather the strength to stand up and start packing.

When I finally did stand up, it was on surprisingly strong legs that did not shake.  I went to my closet to find an appropriate suitcase or bag.  It was then when I heard a knock at my door.

It could only be one of two people.  I didn't want to argue anymore.  I just wanted them to leave me alone so that I could get my affairs in order and leave.

"I'm coming in," my mother announced, and she opened the door before I could object.

She walked in carrying a large bag.  I would have almost called it a sports bag, but it was a little more refined.  Classier.  She put it down in the middle of the room.

"I thought you might need a big enough bag for all your things," she said quietly.

I looked at her, keeping my expression neutral while my insides churned with disbelief.  I didn't say anything.

"If you want to leave, that's your decision.  I didn't realise we were holding you back and that you were so unhappy."

I started to feel bad because I hadn't been unhappy about everything.  Just certain things.  Important things.

"But I want you to know that the reason why we want you to stay is not because of money or convenience.  It's because we love you and worry that you won't be able to take care of yourself.  You seem to be going into this blindly and with high ambitions.  Tokyo life is tough.  Do you realise that?"

I sat down on my bed and looked up at my mother.  She didn't look angry anymore.  Her face was lined with anxiety.

"I'm not going blindly, Mom," I assured her, but she looked sceptical.  "I'll have Aya-chan to help me out.  She's letting me stay with her until I can find my own place to live."

This only made my mother give me a disapproving look.

"I don't want you to be a burden to other people.  Aya-chan's a kind girl, and I really like her a lot, but she's busy.  You know that.  She lives in a different world than the rest of us."

I balled my fists up.

"No she doesn't.  She's just like me.  Like us.  Why don't you give people a chance?" I snapped defensively.  "Just because she's a celebrity, it doesn't make her inhuman.  She has feelings too, you know."

Aya would have been proud.  I was fighting on her behalf.  My mother, much to my surprise, laughed.

"Oh my.  We've raised you so well that you've gone and out-moralised your own mother.  Must be my old age."

I unclenched my fists.

"You're right, Miki-chan.  I shouldn't judge like that."

My mother was a stubborn woman, but a smart one.  She knew when to admit she was wrong.  At least when it came to family members.

"It's okay.  It's natural to think that at first," I mumbled.

Even I had been guilty of that.  When I'd first seen Aya at the restaurant, my first thought had been "What's a top rate idol doing at my restaurant in Takikawa?"  But ever since she'd burst out with a plea to not think like that, I'd smartened up and done as she'd asked.

My mother came over and sat beside me on my bed.

"But still.  You can't impose on her forever.  And do you know how expensive it is to find a place to live?  A decent place?"

"She said she doesn't mind how long I stay," I insisted.

I was certain I could stay for a year and she'd love it.  I thought that she got a kick out of dominating me like she had the night before and then seeing me be all squeamish about it the next morning.

My mother still looked unconvinced.

Oh well.  Let her just assume Aya's just being polite on the outside.  I know for a fact that she means it.  Mom doesn't have to know the truth about last night.

"Anyway, Dad wants to apologise, too," my mom said.

"Eh?" I exclaimed with a frown.  "I thought he wanted to hurl me into the river."

"He got so angry because he loves you.  You're his little girl.  His favourite little baby.  You really gave him a shock."

Oh, Dad...

My heart ached just a little bit in advance.  Out of my whole family, I'd probably only really miss having my dad around the most.

"He's forgiven," I said quietly, and I looked up at my mother.  "I know you two want to protect me, but you have to let me go.  I'll be okay."

My mom smiled and ran a hand through my hair (everyone was doing that to me lately!).

"I know, Miki-chan."

We sat like that for a moment until my mother spoke again.

"Do you need any money?"

I squirmed.  I could use anything I could get, but I wasn't about to ask for it.  Talk about bad luck starting a period of independence by begging for a loan.

"No, I'm okay," I said with a persuasive smile.

"If you ever need anything, just call."

I nodded.

"When are you leaving?"

She didn't even try to mask her fear.  Or if she did, it didn't work.  I could read her perfectly.

"As soon as possible," I said softly as to not offend her.  "I'm going to JTB today to enquire about airfare."

My mother looked like she was about to say something important, but she exhaled and cut it off, starting in a different vein.

"If you need help packing, let me know."

And then she was gone, out of my room as though carried away by a strong gust of wind.  Such was the abrupt nature of the Fujimoto family.

I sighed and picked up the pseudo-sports bag.  It would do.  It was big enough for the essentials.  I'd have to buy a new wardrobe in Tokyo anyway.

Or borrow Aya's clothing, I thought slyly.

If she let me take off her clothes, I'm sure that meant we were close enough to wear each other's clothing on a regular basis.

For a moment, I pushed my parents out of my mind and I focused on starting to pack my things up.  I didn't even know when I'd leave, but I needed to do something to make it all feel more real.

I was single again.  I was going to drop school.  I was going to move to Tokyo.  I was going to live with a girl I'd met two months ago.

Life certainly did have the habit of throwing the oddest things out at the strangest times. 

This time, I was going to seize it and never let go, because suddenly my life had meaning.  Worth.  A purpose.  Thanks to Aya, I was finally going to start living.
« Last Edit: July 22, 2007, 03:32:10 PM by OTN1 »

Offline JFC

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #21 on: June 04, 2007, 07:24:36 PM »
Quote
"I know this is rather sudden," I said, taking a deep breath, "but I've decided to move out."

In the silence that followed, you could have heard a pin drop all the way in the Swiss Alps.
Silence is scary. You don't know what people are thinking or how they'll react if they silent.  At least if they spaz out you have an idea of where they (and you) stand.


Quote
"With Hiroshi-kun?" my mother asked, expecting me to answer in the affirmative.

"No."

More silence.
It seems somewhat natural that they might be expecting this, considering how long Miki and Hiroshi had been going out, it would seem like a pretty logical step.


Quote
"And where do you intend to move?" my father asked.

"Tokyo," I said bravely.

...


"What will you do in Tokyo?"

My father again.  His voice was far too calm and controlled.  I could tell that there was a storm gathering, and it was ready to unleash its power.

...

"Did that friend of yours put ideas in your head?" my mom asked.
Miki's parents would have obviously been more receptive if she declared she would be moving in with Hiroshi, simply because of the fact that they know and trust him.  It, unfortunately, is another of being reliant on having a "safety net". 


Quote
"Aya-chan helped open up my eyes," I confirmed, "but this is something I've wanted to do for a long time."

That was the breaking point.

"You can't leave now," my father said, voice like a razor-sharp knife.  "You're starting your last term of the year at school.  You have a job, too, and responsibilities-"
While his voice sounds angry (and he naturally is, at the moment), his outburst is more out of parental concern and fear for the well-being of his daughter. Every parent wants their child to be able to support themselves and to have a secure life. Right now, from the few, little bits that Miki's parents have heard, all that's in their minds right now is the fear that Miki will have a difficult life if she moves away so suddenly.



Quote
"I'm not a quitter, Dad.  I'm going down there to follow my dream," I said harshly.

"Miki, you can't just drop school.  That's quitting," said my mother in a firm tone.

I trained my eyes on her.

"No, Mom.  That's not quitting.  Quitting would be if I stayed in school," I bit back.  "If I stayed when every centimetre of me wanted to move out and pursue my own life.  Do you think I want to be a bookkeeper?"
Now here Miki is truly being honest with her parents.  Up until this point, she had continued with her studies (as well as stayed in Hokkaido) out of a sense of obligation to her parents. She doesn't want to disappoint them (which is understandable), yet at the same time she knows that she will because she's finally chosing to do something for herself rather than for someone else.  Unfortunately, her parents are bound to see that as her "being selfish".  And when you look at it, they're right, she IS being selfish.  However there are times when one NEEDS to be selfish. If Miki continues/finishes her studies, sure she may get a fairly steady job, but she'll be miserable. Moving to Tokyo is a big risk, but she's willing to take that chance if it gives her the chance to have a life where she can be happy.


Quote
"And besides, what happened to you two supporting my dreams, huh?" I asked, the heat coming back to my voice.  "You were going to let me go that audition all those years ago.  If I'd made it, you would've let me move to Tokyo."
Miki brings up an excellent point here.  The only difference between her wanting to go to the auditions back then and wanting to go to Tokyo now is her age. Everything else that matters is pretty much the same.


Quote
"But I want you to know that the reason why we want you to stay is not because of money or convenience.  It's because we love you and worry that you won't be able to take care of yourself.  You seem to be going into this blindly and with high ambitions.  Tokyo life is tough.  Do you realise that?"
And here we see and hear the TRUE reasons for Miki's parents reacting the way they did. More importantly, Miki now has heard them.  In the back of her head she probably knew that this was why they objected so strongly, but it's still better to hear the actual words being spoken.


Quote
"Anyway, Dad wants to apologise, too," my mom said.

"Eh?" I exclaimed with a frown.  "I thought he wanted to hurl me into the river."

"He got so angry because he loves you.  You're his little girl.  His favourite little baby.  You really gave him a shock."
Yeah, it's a typical dad reaction. 


Quote
I'd have to buy a new wardrobe in Tokyo anyway.

Or borrow Aya's clothing, I thought slyly.

If she let me take off her clothes, I'm sure that meant we were close enough to wear each other's clothing on a regular basis.
Kickass.  :twisted:



JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline len.chan

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #22 on: June 04, 2007, 07:56:48 PM »
Quote
If she let me take off her clothes, I'm sure that meant we were close enough to wear each other's clothing on a regular basis.

best psychology ever XDD

Offline rndmnwierd

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #23 on: June 04, 2007, 11:03:54 PM »
Go Miki, fight for Aya! Love is awesome.

Offline OTN1

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #24 on: June 05, 2007, 12:27:43 PM »
Love is awesome.  But OTN-style AM love is a bit bumpy.  Ah, c'est la vie.

Again, music set the mood for me.

Chapter 4

Plane ticket - check.

Baachan - check (but have to pick up last pay cheque tomorrow afternoon).

Parents - check and check.

Rest of family - check.

Hiroshi - check point five (one more talk).

School - x (call next week).

Aya - x (check e-mail now).

My mental checklist looked good.  Much better, in fact, than I ever thought it could.  Several things had been accomplished in the space of half a day: I had gone to the travel agency and booked myself a plane ticket for - and I couldn't believe it - the afternoon of the first of January; I had gone to Baachan's and gotten her enthusiastic blessings for my journey (old people were so grand that way); I had made peace with my parents after a reasonably long and calm talk with them (more like I listened to my dad lecture on and on about Tokyo being dangerous for a girl on her own and what kind of men to look out for); and Hiroshi had come back from his solo mountain hike.  It was decided that he would stay the night since it was late and he'd come all the way to visit.  My mother was the one who insisted on his staying, and I knew that some part of her was scheming to get us back together.  But no matter.  He would sleep in a different room, and I was resolute in my decision to end things with him.

All that was left to do that day was to get in touch with Aya.  I had e-mailed her earlier, but I had gotten no response yet.

Late that evening, we finished a delicious dinner.  My parents were washing dishes together (my dad actually did help with the housework), and Hiroshi was in the bath ("Guests first," said my mom).  I was in my room with my phone.  I had still not received a reply from Aya.  I was gripped with an icy and ridiculous fear that the things she'd said hadn't been heartfelt and that it had all been a bout of temporary insanity that had made her say and do the things she had.  Maybe she'd said them to get rid of me.  Maybe she-

My phone started ringing.  As I was receiving mail, I all but tore the screen off flipping it open to read.

I sighed with relief.  It was from Aya.  Her flight had been delayed and her phone's battery had died.  She'd just gotten home that minute.  She'd read my mail about my flight, and she said that it sucked that we couldn't spend New Year's Eve together.  I blushed at the thought of spending such a family-oriented holiday with her.  She also wrote that she missed me, which made me bury my face into my pillow and squeal in giddiness and mortification.  I quickly stopped that and composed myself.  Acting like a fifteen year old girl with a massive crush on Kimutaku was probably not an attractive quality on me.  So "un" Fujimoto.

I wrote back and, while sucking in a big breath of air and clenching my jaw out of embarrassment, said that I missed her, too, and that at least we could celebrate the first day of the brand new year together.  I said good night, and that was that.

It took so little to make me feel so happy.  So excited about the future.

I lounged around until Hiroshi got out of the bath.  I took mine and then got into my pyjamas, ready to hit the sack a little earlier than usual.  I was about to slip under the covers when I had a change of heart.  I padded out of my room and made the trek over to the guest room Hiroshi was staying in.  I knocked, asking if I could come in.

"Yeah," Hiroshi called out.

I walked in and saw him sitting on the bed playing a video game.  He looked up as if he had to check who I was and then quickly paused the game, putting it down and giving me his full attention.

One of the reasons why I liked him.  A guy who would pause his precious video game for me?  A winner.

When he looked at me, though, his eyes were still full of love.  Maybe a bit of hope, too.  Hope that I'd take him back.  I felt sorry for him because he had to be around me and not act like we had up until that very day.  If he really was uncomfortable, though, he could have left.  There were several polite ways to decline an invitation.

"Playing games, huh?" I asked in a mock-scolding voice.

He grinned like a little boy.

"I remember a certain someone who came over to my place last summer and wouldn't let go of the game controller for two days straight."

I scoffed at him, but then laughed and sat beside him on the bed.

"Thanks for being so understanding, Hiro-kun," I said, shifting gears and expressing what I'd come by to express.

He looked down at his knees.

"As long as you're happy, I can't complain.  Just... whoever he is, be careful."

I tried not to react too much to that because it was so much more complicated than I cared to explain.  I sighed

"I'm not leaving you for someone else.  I'm doing it for me.  And you.  You can do better than little old me," I said in a light tone.

He looked up at me, eyes wide with longing.

"But all I want is you."

I shook my head.

"I'm sorry."

He looked back down and then up again (I was getting dizzy watching him), a silly smirk gracing his face.

"I know you hate weak men, Micchan," he said.  "I'll stop with that whiney crap."

"Stupid," I said, bonking him on the forehead.  "I know you're strong.  It's okay for you to have feelings."

He grinned back at me, and it felt like old times when we'd sit around and flirt harmlessly.  Only now, it didn't mean the same thing.  It would lead to nowhere.

Out of habit, I fixed his bangs, which I had displaced with my scolding tap.  I stroked the soft strands of slightly damp hair gently back into place and then took my hand away.

"You're a good man, Hiro-kun," I said in a moment of pure, unguarded honesty.  "Keep being good."

We shared a smile, and for a moment I thought that he was going to lean in and kiss me.  But he knew we were over.  He knew he'd upset me if he did anything.  I could see him restrain himself.  Very admirable.  But also fearful.  He knew I could throw quite a punch when I wanted to.

I stood up and walked to the door.

"Good night, Hiro-kun."

"Good night, Micchan."

I left.

Closure.

I sighed in relief.

I got into bed and checked my messages one last time.  Aya had written back to me while I'd been off chatting with Hiroshi.

Love you and good night!

Added on the next line were musical notes, a smiley face, and a heart.

I snapped my phone shut and turned the light out to try and lower the temperature of my face.

What a girl.

I had never expected in a million years that she could feel something like that about me.  It never would have occurred to me in the past two months we'd been hanging out.

Well, okay, no.  I admit that sometimes I wondered why she acted so familiarly with me, but I really had no proper inkling of her true feelings.  I chalked it all up to her friendly personality.  Not until last night had I had any real idea how strongly she cared for me.

I lay back and tried to remember every detail of the previous night.

I started to cry when we got to her hotel room.  It was something I hadn't done in front of another person for years.  But I desperately wanted her to stay.  My life became exciting because of her.

To try and let her know how truly grateful I was to her for being my friend, I reached out and hugged her.  She stood there stiffly for a moment, during which I was filled with the fear that maybe I'd been too presumptuous as to get close to her when she didn't want to have a friendship like that.  Maybe I'd crossed some sort of line that I didn't know was there.

But then she relaxed completely and hugged me back.

"Don't worry.  I'll visit again."

Liar, I thought through my tears.

I forced myself to stop crying, though, because it was humiliating.  Even in front of Aya, who I'd grown to trust more than some of the people I'd been friends with since elementary school, I couldn't stand being so weak.

I sensed something in that quiet moment, and before I knew it, she kissed me.  It was like a blunder.  One of things you couldn't help.  There was a tear on my lip, and she simply wiped it away with her own lips. 

But to me, it felt like more.  The way she did it was so full of adoration that it initiated some sort of urge in me.  Suddenly, I wanted her to do it again.  And I wanted to do it back.  I just wanted to stand there and hold her and maybe kiss her so that I wouldn't have to lose her so quickly.  Maybe by doing so, our friendship would deepen.  I didn't really understand, but it seemed exciting to me.  It felt right because it was different.  And she cared.  I could tell from that moment when our faces were so close together and her warmth became mine and vice versa.  It was something I had never felt, not even from Hiroshi.  It confused me, but made me happy.

I felt this overwhelming need radiating from her in that split second after she did what she did, but she controlled herself and forced me away from her.  She pushed a speechless me out the door.  I was about to allow myself to be shut out because I was in such shock, when my brain snapped.

This was what I wanted.  This moment and this situation.  I needed someone who understood me.  Aya was the only one who knew how I didn't like the direction in which my life was headed.  She knew I needed excitement, and she understood and supported me.

So I stopped her from closing the door.

"You know, I've never tried that before..." I propositioned her indirectly.

She snapped back without taking the bait, so I dug into her.  I got angry.  How dare she start something like that - give me the tiniest, briefest taste of excitement - and then yank it all away?  I wanted to see where she wanted to take that slip of the lips.

It seemed as though I angered her with my words, but quite the opposite turned out to be true.  She grabbed at me with needy hands, pulled me back into her apartment, and shoved me hard against the wall

They say there is a fine line between love and hate.  For a moment, I believed that the same was true for beating someone up and sex.  The way she dove into things with me was a shock to my system.  She seemed so desperate that she was almost rough with me, and she went much further than I thought she would ever have had the mind to.

But letting her take the lead, I grew courageous, and whatever desperation she felt was transferred to me through her kisses.

She seemed to know me so well.  Maybe even better than Hiroshi did.  She teased me.  Every minute we went at it, she would dangle something in front of me and laugh at how I couldn't get it.  She'd push and push and then retreat a bit, push some more, and then pull back.  It infuriated me in a completely animal way, and a primal side of me that I'd never known about came out to play.  I didn't even know what I was doing.  I had never even touched a girl like this before.

Well, actually, I was kissed by one once when I was in my second year of high school, but we were at a party and she was drunk.  She threatened to take off all her clothes in a room full of twenty-five boys and girls unless she got to kiss every single person in the room.  We figured letting her kiss each of us was the best thing, since she was a notoriously rowdy drunk who liked to run around outside.  Being completely naked while doing so would attract much more attention.  Small towns were not good for this sort of thing.

But it was time to stop reminiscing about my high school days while I was being... attacked.

The more she pushed me, the more I reciprocated.  We probably generated enough energy to heat all of Siberia for the entire month of January.

It had been a long, exhausting day.  I'd done school work in the morning, driven my sister to the hospital, and then gone immediately to work.  After work, I'd had to pick my sister back up, drop her off at her house, and then go on a hike with Aya to look at the night sky, where she dropped her bomb - she was leaving in less than twelve hours.  After that emotionally draining event, we'd gone back to her hotel room, talked, and then suddenly ended up in bed.

It grew very late - or rather early in the morning - and I could barely hold myself up anymore.  Aya was merciful, and she let me go to sleep.  As I lay there, drowning in waves of bliss and exhaustion, I felt her hand on my back.  I made a sound to acknowledge it.  She then drew a shape on my back.  A heart.  I groaned out loud, trying to tell her that it tickled and that I was too drained, my nerves too frayed, to deal with more of her teasing.  She put her hand flat on the left side of my back.  She was feeling for my heartbeat.  She wanted to feel the thing that was keeping me alive, pumping warm blood through my body.  Blood that she had just lit on fire.

It was a loving gesture that I would never forget.  Even if the next day we woke up and awkwardly parted with regret coursing through our veins, that one gesture would still mean something.  Millions of words.  She cared. 

I tried to mumble something, but I was far too sleepy to even take a deep enough breath.  I fell asleep while hoping beyond hope that this all meant something.


The memories were vivid in my mind.  As I recalled them, I started to feel the pressing need to see her.  To repeat last night.  This desire built up in me, and I started to fidget. 

What could I do?  She was almost one thousand kilometres away from me.  I held my breath, counted to twenty, and let it go.  I took another deep breath, and then counted to fifteen before letting that one go, too.  I forced myself to be still, and I took deep, calming breaths in an attempt to put myself to sleep.

It worked eventually, and my dream... was lurid.

In it, I got out of my bed.  I could sense with that mysterious sixth sense in dreams that Aya was nearby.

It was the dead of night and the neighbourhood was asleep.  Not a creature was stirring.  Not even a sheep.

I left the room and tiptoed past my parents' bedroom, slipping through the next door.  My sister's old room.  In the bed, basking in the moonlight that peeked in brightly through the thin curtains covering the window, was Aya, her skin looking smooth and inviting in the pale light.  I walked quietly and stood over the bed, studying her.

I reached out a hand and touched her cheek.  Her eyes opened slowly.  She smiled at me.  I looked down, serious, desperate.

"One more time," I whispered softly.

I demanded.

She looked surprised.

"Now?  You sure?"

I didn't reply.  She'd heard me.  I got onto the bed on my hands and knees and hovered over her.  I slowly lowered my face to hers.  Soon, we were clawing at each other's pyjamas, and I recall thinking in my dream that she looked so cute in pyjamas that it almost saddened me to take them off of her.  Almost.

But as we undressed in order to touch as much skin as possible, something about her felt different.  Familiar, but different.  The handful of X-rated dreams I'd had in my life paled in comparison to this one.  This one felt real.  Like she was actually there underneath me, doing things that made me shudder and gasp out mindless phrases.  Uttering them quietly, softly, muffling my sounds in her neck.  My parents were right next door, and in my dream, it was just as important as in real life not to subject them to play-by-plays of my sex life.

"Miki, I..." she whispered into my ear.

The chills I felt were not because of her warm breath hitting and tickling my ear, but because she sounded different.

I tried to pull back a bit, but things were spiralling forward, and I couldn't stop them.  Part of me pulled back, but part of me needed that release that was so near.  So I kept going.

Then two things happened.

One was that I felt impossibly good.  The other was that I felt the world come to a disastrous end.

The moment I was about to gasp out something - maybe her name, but most likely miscellaneous nonsense - I woke up.

The moment I opened my eyes and looked down, I realised that Aya was nowhere to be found.  I was not on top of her.  Instead, the person I was clutching to me as waves of ecstasy crashed through my body was Hiroshi.

The breath left my body, leaving me numb, unable to move.  He didn't seem to notice as he kissed me and then pushed me onto my back, continuing to move above me and then eventually muffling his own groan in the pillow under my head.  He fell (carefully) on top of me, both of us breathing hard, sweating, trembling.

He rolled off to the side and caught his breath while I lay there, stone still, trying to catch my own breath and figure out what was happening.

I was awake and in bed with Hiroshi.  Once again.

But I hadn't meant to come here.  I had been dreaming.  And not even about him!

What have I done? I thought in fear.

For the second day in a row, I cried in front of someone.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2007, 12:42:35 PM by OTN1 »

Offline Mikan

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #25 on: June 05, 2007, 12:38:43 PM »
If Miki gets pregnant then thats just gonna rock my socks.

Read the complete Doki Doki!!

Offline Kei-Br

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #26 on: June 05, 2007, 05:45:15 PM »
oh fuck!
i think i should stop reading this while i still think it won't make me cry...

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME? :cry:

Offline len.chan

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #27 on: June 05, 2007, 05:58:49 PM »
ok... so now Miki would feel guilty 'cause she betrayed Aya someway and will stay with Hiroshi as punishement while Aya kills herself 'cause she can't have the girl she love...
You know... people's gonna hate you if this doesn't have a happy ending XD

Offline rndmnwierd

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #28 on: June 05, 2007, 07:17:23 PM »
Gawd! It doesn't end! Lol, poor poor Miki, sleep sexing in the middle of the night.

Offline JFC

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #29 on: June 05, 2007, 07:57:00 PM »
Quote
Hiroshi - check point five (one more talk).
A final goodbye? :dunno:


Quote
Hiroshi had come back from his solo mountain hike.  It was decided that he would stay the night since it was late and he'd come all the way to visit.  My mother was the one who insisted on his staying, and I knew that some part of her was scheming to get us back together.
It's a mom thing. She means well.


Quote
"Playing games, huh?" I asked in a mock-scolding voice.

He grinned like a little boy.

"I remember a certain someone who came over to my place last summer and wouldn't let go of the game controller for two days straight."
That definitely sounds like the ol' competitive streak our Miki-sama has. :D

Quote
I started to cry when we got to her hotel room.  It was something I hadn't done in front of another person for years.

...

Even in front of Aya, who I'd grown to trust more than some of the people I'd been friends with since elementary school, I couldn't stand being so weak.
When you have that magical connection with someone, you're more able to just let your emotions go like that.


Quote
I had never even touched a girl like this before.

Well, actually, I was kissed by one once when I was in my second year of high school, but we were at a party and she was drunk.  She threatened to take off all her clothes in a room full of twenty-five boys and girls unless she got to kiss every single person in the room.  We figured letting her kiss each of us was the best thing, since she was a notoriously rowdy drunk who liked to run around outside.  Being completely naked while doing so would attract much more attention.  Small towns were not good for this sort of thing.
Now why can't I mean girls like that? :dunno:


Quote
The memories were vivid in my mind.  As I recalled them, I started to feel the pressing need to see her.  To repeat last night.  This desire built up in me, and I started to fidget.
Oh uh...I don't think I like where THIS is going.


Quote
It was the dead of night and the neighbourhood was asleep.  Not a creature was stirring.  Not even a sheep.
WTF is this? Christmas-time?

...


Oh wait...the story takes place in late December, right before New Years. I guess it IS that time of year after all. :P


Quote
I left the room and tiptoed past my parents' bedroom, slipping through the next door.  My sister's old room.  In the bed, basking in the moonlight that peeked in brightly through the thin curtains covering the window, was Aya, her skin looking smooth and inviting in the pale light.  I walked quietly and stood over the bed, studying her.
Oh crap...


Quote
The chills I felt were not because of her warm breath hitting and tickling my ear, but because she sounded different.
Oooooooooooooooooooooooh crap...


Quote
I was awake and in bed with Hiroshi.  Once again.
Gawdammit I KNEW it!  :banghead:


Questions now are:
- How will Hiroshi interpret what just happened? Might he think that Miki's changed her mind and decided to stay, or might he think that this was some type of "closure" that she needed?   :?
- Will Miki still go through with her decision to move out and go to Tokyo?
- Will Miki tell Aya what happened? If so, how will Aya react? :o
- Why the fuck couldn't I have been in Hiroshi's place????? :frustrated:


You know... people's gonna hate you if this doesn't have a happy ending XD
Only for a little while. Then we'll all be begging him to come back with his next fic because it's better than crack. ;D

Besides, except for the 10 chapters of fluff, since when does OTN1 guarantee a happy ending? :lol:
« Last Edit: June 05, 2007, 08:03:38 PM by JFC »

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline len.chan

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #30 on: June 05, 2007, 08:39:40 PM »
Quote from: JFC
Besides, except for the 10 chapters of fluff, since when does OTN1 guarantee a happy ending?

and remember... not even then we have guarantees XDD

Offline Amarghetta

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #31 on: June 05, 2007, 10:43:59 PM »
I sighed and picked up the pseudo-sports bag.  It would do.  It was big enough for the essentials.  I'd have to buy a new wardrobe in Tokyo anyway.

Or borrow Aya's clothing, I thought slyly.

If she let me take off her clothes, I'm sure that meant we were close enough to wear each other's clothing on a regular basis.
Domestic thoughts already?



But as we undressed in order to touch as much skin as possible, something about her felt different.  Familiar, but different.  The handful of X-rated dreams I'd had in my life paled in comparison to this one.  This one felt real.  Like she was actually there underneath me, doing things that made me shudder and gasp out mindless phrases.  Uttering them quietly, softly, muffling my sounds in her neck.  My parents were right next door, and in my dream, it was just as important as in real life not to subject them to play-by-plays of my sex life.

"Miki, I..." she whispered into my ear.

The chills I felt were not because of her warm breath hitting and tickling my ear, but because she sounded different.

I tried to pull back a bit, but things were spiralling forward, and I couldn't stop them.  Part of me pulled back, but part of me needed that release that was so near.  So I kept going.

Then two things happened.

One was that I felt impossibly good.  The other was that I felt the world come to a disastrous end.

The moment I was about to gasp out something - maybe her name, but most likely miscellaneous nonsense - I woke up.

Ah, quite different from that other sleepwalking scene with Miki. And I'm intrigued by the mindless phrases she uttered... 

Offline OTN1

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #32 on: June 06, 2007, 10:12:58 AM »
Haha, JFC, the drunk/I-want-to-get-naked girl is based on a real life story.  Parties were often "interesting" when that friend was around.

Len.chan, hah, it's too late.  People already hate me.

WTF is this? Christmas-time?
I couldn't help it.  It was too tempting.

Ah, quite different from that other sleepwalking scene with Miki. And I'm intrigued by the mindless phrases she uttered...   
Quite.  And hmm... did I write "mindless phrases"?  I meant "unintelligible moans and groans".  :lol:

I didn't give the mindless phrases too much thought.  Would Miki have a dirty mouth?  A lovey dovey one?  (I kind of don't really want to explore that.)

sleep sexing
This is a positively awesome phrase.  Gigglesobs and sleep sexing.  Love x 2 is developing a vocab of its own.

Chapter 5 is coming along smoothly.  I wonder how long until I fall off this wave of fast-paced writing.  It's too convenient and fun.  There's got to be a catch.

Offline OTN1

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #33 on: June 06, 2007, 03:24:07 PM »
 Chapter 5

The next few minutes passed with varying degrees of speed.  At first, the entire world slowed down, and I could feel each tear tumble down my cheek like large boulders rolling down a gradual incline.  Before Hiroshi could notice, I rolled onto my side, facing away from him, unsure how to explain what I felt.  I didn't even know what was happening.

Then time sped up.  Some minutes passed, and I felt him sidle up to me, spooning me, kissing my exposed shoulder tenderly.  He reached a hand down in front of me and tucked it in between the side of my stomach and the mattress, holding me like he always did when we spent the night together, tracing small circles on my skin with his thumb.

"Micchan," he whispered.  "You surprised me."

He spoke in a calm voice, his desires satiated.  He was oblivious to what I was thinking.  I tried to respond, but all that came out was a choked sob.  He craned his neck and peered into my face.

"What's the matter?" he mumbled.  "Did I hurt you?"

I burst out with a laugh and a sob.  He hadn't hurt me.  As far as I could tell (although it was all based entirely on conjecture), he'd done nothing wrong.  I was the one who'd make a mistake and hurt myself.  It was all very funny while not being funny at all.

"Miki..."

I took a shaky breath.

"Hiroshi, I, uh..."

How could I tell him I'd been having a dream about Aya and I'd accidentally sleepwalked into his bed, thinking he was her.

"I didn't mean to do that," I said quietly.

He let go of me and backed away, pulling gently on my shoulder and rolling me onto my back.  He had a perfect view of my tears, and nothing but concern played across his features.  He wiped the tears away from my cheeks, looking surprised.  He hadn't seen me cry since the summer before we'd entered high school.

"Were you awake?" he asked, his voice cracking in fear.

He desperately wanted to be told I'd been awake the whole time, but I had to be honest with him.  I shook my head.

"I was dreaming."

He moved further away from me, letting out an unsteady breath and smoothing his hair back nervously.

"I-I'm sorry," he stammered.  "I didn't mean to-"

But I brought a hand up to silence him.

"Not your fault.  Don't apologise."

A part of me did hate him, though.  How could he not have noticed that I was sleeping?  I'd done things like this a few times before - come onto him while I was asleep - but never had I gone this far.  I guess the part of him that still wanted me had denied the scepticism within his heart, and he had convinced himself that I was awake and back for more.

I saw his expression grow cloudy.

"Were you dreaming of me?"

His voice was weak and pleading.  He wanted me.  He wanted me so badly.  I was still attracted to him (these things didn't simply disappear overnight), but a sense of loyalty to Aya protected me.

"No," I replied solidly.

I didn't want him to follow up his question, although it inevitably came.

"Who was it?" he asked.

How could I tell him?  It barely made sense to me.  I could never explain it to him.

His eyes pierced me with a glare, and I grew angry.

He wanted to know?  He had the audacity to ask me after what he'd done to me while I was asleep?  Her name was on the tip of my tongue.

No! I yelled to myself.  Get a grip.

"Never mind," I mumbled.

He became visibly incensed.  He sat up and grabbed my wrist.  I fixed him with a icy look, daring him to hurt me in my own home, my protective father right next door.

"I believed you when you said there wasn't anyone else and that you broke up for your own sake."

"I told you it's complicated," I snapped back.

"No, it's not.  You're just making it out to be.  Cut the crap already and tell me.  Is he from Tokyo?  Did you meet him here?  Did he trick you into a glittery, cosmopolitan life in the capital?  Did he dangle stories of excitement in front of you just to capture you for his own pleasure?"

I shook his hand off me violently.

"Aya-chan's not like that!" I hissed.

I immediately regretted it.

"Who?" he demanded.

"Never mind," I said with a blank look, praying that he hadn't heard.

"That girl you're friends with?" he asked in disbelief.

He tried to compute, but there wasn't enough believable data.  The wires got crossed in his mind.

"Miki, tell me what's going on."

By now, our voices were at normal speaking levels.

"Did she somehow-" he started, but he cut himself off uncertainly, aware of how embarrassing it would be if he spewed out his assumptions and was chastised for thinking such naughty things.  "Are... She...  Do you like her?"

I sighed.

"Things happened.  Complicated things."

Understanding dawned on him.

"Is that where you were last night?  With her?"

I gave no reply, which of course meant a loud and clear "yes!"

"Did you sleep with her?"

I shot him a look that could have frozen Ecuador.

"I can't believe this.  You cheated on me with some girl from Tokyo, and now you want to go off and live with her?" he muttered, laughing bitterly.  "Have you gone insane?!"

I rolled up from the bed.

"Keep your voice down," I hissed.

I got off the bed and put my pyjamas back on.

"No," he snapped back.  "I think I deserve a bit more than all this secrecy."

I ignored him and stalked out of the room.  I didn't want to talk to him anymore.  I couldn't face him.  I'd cheated on him, broken up with him, and then somehow cheated on Aya, even though Aya and I had not exactly established yet where we stood with each other.  I still felt like I was cheating her heart.

I heard him jump up and scramble to put his clothes on as I made my way downstairs and slipped on my heavy jacket and a pair of warm boots.  I opened the door and left as quickly as possible, but I heard Hiroshi coming down the stairs in pursuit.  I zipped up my jacket as I trudged through the driveway and into the snowy street.

The front door to my house opened sooner than I expected, and Hiroshi raced out.  I tried to walk quickly, but his legs were longer.  He confronted me, forcing me to stop.

"How could you let some girl you barely know seduce you like that?" he demanded.

"She didn't seduce me!" I yelled back, now feeling a little less restricted.

"Then you're going through a phase," he said.  "You're just bored, but if you'd come and told me, we could've fixed it."

"It's not a phase," I insisted.  "And there's no fixing what you and I have.  It just doesn't work unless I want to get married and become a shepherd's wife."

"But... she... she's a girl!" he sputtered incoherently.

The last person in the world who I thought would be close-minded was Hiroshi.  The only reason I didn't knee him in the crotch for saying something like that was because he had a reason to be spewing nonsense angrily - I'd done him wrong.

"Don't give me that crap," I growled.  "It just feels right with her.  Okay?  I can't explain it any better than that."

That shut him up, and for the first time, I realised that it was freezing cold.  Maybe minus ten degrees.  I was shivering.

"Damnit, Miki.  I thought... I don't even know.  What the hell...!?"

He threw his hands up in the air.

"I mean... how long has this been going on?"

I crossed my arms, hoping it would make me look tough, but really, it was just for warmth.

"We've been friends for a few months," I said firmly, "but nothing happened between us until last night."

I didn't mind being honest about that much.  In fact, it was kind of a relief to talk to somebody about it, even if that somebody was slowly turning into a raving lunatic and happened to be my ex-boyfriend as of that morning.

My answer did nothing to relieve his anger and worry.

"God, Miki.  How could you?  What did you even do with her?  How-how the hell would you know?"

I uncrossed my arms and shoved him viciously.  He fell to the ground, caught completely by surprise.

"Don't be an ass, Hiroshi," I spat out.  "If you understood even a tiny bit how confused I feel over this whole thing, you wouldn't be talking so rudely to me."

He didn't get up immediately.  He sat in the snow, looking up at me.

"I hope you're happy with her.  Maybe she can give you whatever I can't."

His tone was bitter and sarcastic.  However, somewhere underneath all of that was some kind of sincerity.  In a way, he conceded that he couldn't make me happy, but that Aya could.  It made me angry, though, that he refused to see things from my point of view.

"This is not fair," I railed on.  "I can't help who I fall in love with.  It's not like I planned the whole thing or was dreaming about her ever since I met her.  I've been miserable about my situation for a long time, and you haven't noticed.  When Aya-chan came here, she noticed right away, and she made me feel better about myself.  We clicked.  So I'm sorry if I hurt you, but things happen.  Bad timing or not."

Finished with my tirade, I stuck my hands in my jacket pockets and stared across the dark street.  Hiroshi sat on the cold, wet ground.  We must have stayed like that for five freezing minutes.

"And anyway," I spoke up again.  "At least I let you know as soon as possible.  As soon as I knew that my feelings had changed."

He looked down at his knees and then stood up with such speed that for the briefest of moments, I thought he was going to lunge forward and hit me.

He didn't, though.  He wiped the snow off his pyjama pants.

"Let's just end this here," he said quietly, turning away from me.  "Let's just end our association now.  I think that's best."

So much for trying to stay friends.

"You've always been one of my best friends, Saito Hiroshi."

He needed to hear that.  Or it could be that I needed to say it.  Maybe we'd drifted apart in the last few years, but we'd still gone through thick and thin together.

"It's my birthday next month, but do me a favour.  Don't call me."

His words were like an old, rusty nail hammered through my heart by a clumsy carpenter.

I deserved it.  I deserved it for every bad thing I'd done in the past twenty-four hours.  I deserved it for breaking his heart.  I deserved it for becoming one of those girls that I hated hearing about.  Those girls who seemingly let their voracious sexual appetites get in the way of every meaningful relationship they could potentially have.

But no, it wasn't about sex, I told myself.  It was so much more than that.

But then why had I had a dream like that?  A dream that had created such a desire in me that I found the closest non-family member to take it out on?

Ugg.  Hormones confused me.

But Hiroshi was not to know that I was so affected.  I walked by him and turned to face him.

"You coming back to my house?" I ask in a casual, unaffected voice.

He shrugged, a habit he'd picked up from me.

"I'll be back in a minute."

Those were the last words he spoke to me.

I nodded distractedly and turned away, walking back to my house and leaving the door unlocked so that he could get in later.  I went back to bed, numb with cold, numb with sickness, and terrified.  I had completely lost one important person that day.  The other, Aya, might very well follow if what I had done came to light.  If I lost her, too, I felt like I would lose myself.
« Last Edit: June 06, 2007, 03:39:40 PM by OTN1 »

Offline Kei-Br

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #34 on: June 06, 2007, 11:43:50 PM »
THANK YOU!
i was dying thinking she would give up going to tokyo because of that err...sad and confusing episode u.u

Offline JFC

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #35 on: June 07, 2007, 01:15:27 AM »
Quote
Haha, JFC, the drunk/I-want-to-get-naked girl is based on a real life story.  Parties were often "interesting" when that friend was around.
Dude, you gotta introduce me to these friends of yours.  :pimp:


Quote
Some minutes passed, and I felt him sidle up to me, spooning me, kissing my exposed shoulder tenderly.
Wasn't there an episode of Seinfeld where they were debating the merits of spooning? Like, a "to spoon or not to spoon" type of thing? :dunno:


Quote
"I didn't mean to do that," I said quietly.

He let go of me and backed away, pulling gently on my shoulder and rolling me onto my back.  He had a perfect view of my tears, and nothing but concern played across his features.  He wiped the tears away from my cheeks, looking surprised.  He hadn't seen me cry since the summer before we'd entered high school.

"Were you awake?" he asked, his voice cracking in fear.

He desperately wanted to be told I'd been awake the whole time, but I had to be honest with him.  I shook my head.

"I was dreaming."
Remember what he told you when you first started going out Miki. He'd rather you be honest and break his heart quickly rather than prolong the tension/agony by trying to "protect" his feelings.


Quote
"Were you dreaming of me?"

His voice was weak and pleading.  He wanted me.  He wanted me so badly.  I was still attracted to him (these things didn't simply disappear overnight), but a sense of loyalty to Aya protected me.

"No," I replied solidly.

I didn't want him to follow up his question, although it inevitably came.
If Hiroshi continues with his current line of inquiries, it's not going to be pretty. He managed to maintain his calm and control himself when Miki actually broke things off with him, but that's when he was fully awake and cognizant of what was going on. Here, he's just been woken up, and is both physically and emotionally spent.  Now is definitely not the time to lose it and have a fight, especially when you're in the same house as Miki's folks.


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He became visibly incensed.  He sat up and grabbed my wrist.  I fixed him with a icy look, daring him to hurt me in my own home, my protective father right next door.

"I believed you when you said there wasn't anyone else and that you broke up for your own sake."

"I told you it's complicated," I snapped back.

"No, it's not.  You're just making it out to be.  Cut the crap already and tell me.  Is he from Tokyo?  Did you meet him here?  Did he trick you into a glittery, cosmopolitan life in the capital?  Did he dangle stories of excitement in front of you just to capture you for his own pleasure?"
To find out that Miki was dreaming of someone else, that she was wanting to be with someone else instead of himself, must have finally been the straw that broke the camel's back for Hiroshi.  And when guys get pissed off, we shift into "ultra-simplistic" mode.  None of that "complicated" crap. Hiroshi's feelings (not to mention his ego) have been badly hurt. He wants answers. We (as guys) want to know what, where, when, why...and we want to know NOW.


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"Aya-chan's not like that!" I hissed.

I immediately regretted it.

"Who?" he demanded.

...

"Is that where you were last night?  With her?"

...

"I can't believe this.  You cheated on me with some girl from Tokyo, and now you want to go off and live with her?" he muttered, laughing bitterly.  "Have you gone insane?!"
And thus...the truth, and Hiroshi's emotions, comes out.


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I ignored him and stalked out of the room.  I didn't want to talk to him anymore.  I couldn't face him.  I'd cheated on him, broken up with him, and then somehow cheated on Aya, even though Aya and I had not exactly established yet where we stood with each other.  I still felt like I was cheating her heart.
As hard as this is for Hiroshi to take in (because it is, after all, one HELL of a bombshell), Miki has much, much more that she has to personally deal with. She's still the one who has to actually find a way to sort things out (if that's even possible).


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I tried to walk quickly, but his legs were longer.  He confronted me, forcing me to stop.
As painful as this is going to be for both of them, it has to be done. This is probably the only way that Hiroshi will truly know where he and Miki stand on things. Until he gets that, he could never truly let go of her. Likewise, Miki needs to truly realize that in trying to establish a new life for yourself, those first few steps can be really painful. Not just for what or who you're leaving behind, but for HOW you're leaving them behind.


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"Then you're going through a phase," he said.  "You're just bored, but if you'd come and told me, we could've fixed it."
Girls, you have to realize, as guys...we try to fix things. Even if we know that the chances are next to impossible, we have to try. Hiroshi, understandably, is currently angry, but also desperately scared that he's really losing Miki. Up until this point, he probably still held hope in the back of his mind that they'd eventually get back together. If she was bored with him, he'd be willing to do whatever it took, change himself in whatever way that she wanted him to, in order to keep her.  The fact that, in his mind, she's leaving him for another woman...right now it's just more than he can handle.


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"Don't give me that crap," I growled.  "It just feels right with her.  Okay?  I can't explain it any better than that."

That shut him up, and for the first time, I realised that it was freezing cold. 
This was it. When Miki said this, Hiroshi knew he no longer had a chance to win her back. To say that things felt "right" with Aya meant that it didn't feel "right" with him. Despite his anger and confusion, he knows that Miki deeply loves him too. However, if it's not right...it's just not right.  Hiroshi knows that.


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"I hope you're happy with her.  Maybe she can give you whatever I can't."

His tone was bitter and sarcastic.  However, somewhere underneath all of that was some kind of sincerity.  In a way, he conceded that he couldn't make me happy, but that Aya could.  It made me angry, though, that he refused to see things from my point of view.
Considering the circumstances of what Hiroshi's just been told, it's a bit much for Miki to expect him to be "understanding" right now.  Hiroshi still knows that he and Miki do still love each other, and because of that, he honestly does want her to be happy. It's just hard for him to accept that she's more happy with Aya, whom she's only known a few months, than she is with him, a guy she's known since childhood.


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"At least I let you know as soon as possible.  As soon as I knew that my feelings had changed."
Miki did remember what he said to her. She did her best to end things quickly, like he asked her too. 


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"It's my birthday next month, but do me a favour.  Don't call me."

His words were like an old, rusty nail hammered through my heart by a clumsy carpenter.
Hiroshi's not saying this out of malice or hatred against Miki. He's saying it as a defence mechanism. To love someone as deeply and honestly as he loves Miki...it's going to take a LONG time for him to be able to deal with this on his own. To do that, he's cutting off contact with her for as long as he possibly can. Maybe then he won't think about her as much. Maybe then he won't miss her as much. Maybe then he won't remember that they loved each other as much as they did.


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"You coming back to my house?" I ask in a casual, unaffected voice.

He shrugged, a habit he'd picked up from me.

"I'll be back in a minute."

Those were the last words he spoke to me.

...

I had completely lost one important person that day.
As much as Miki would like to have some type of contact/relationship with Hiroshi in the future, she knows that it's next to impossible. He's in too much pain. They both thought he could deal with it, and if the circumstances had been different, if he had found out the details another way...maybe he would have been.  But for now...right now...there's just no way.


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The other, Aya, might very well follow if what I had done came to light.  If I lost her, too, I felt like I would lose myself.
The question now is, will Miki keep the secret of this night?  If she tells Aya, how would she react? Furthermore, if she DOESN'T tell Aya, and she somehow finds out anyway, how would she react then?

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline rndmnwierd

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #36 on: June 07, 2007, 03:14:14 AM »
Miki should tell her anyway. And cry. Crying is a good way to confess horrible things.

Offline len.chan

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #37 on: June 07, 2007, 05:49:23 AM »
just one thing

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I can't help who I fall in love with.

so, even if she tried to deny it before.. IT IS LOVE!

Offline OTN1

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #38 on: June 07, 2007, 10:32:48 AM »
Wasn't there an episode of Seinfeld where they were debating the merits of spooning? Like, a "to spoon or not to spoon" type of thing?
I don't know.  I haven't seen that one.  But I'd be on the "to spoon" side all the way.
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The fact that, in his mind, she's leaving him for another woman...right now it's just more than he can handle.
Yeah.  That's got to hurt.  I have a friend who was involved in that kind of situation where he woke up to find his girlfriend making out with his best (girl) friend.  It didn't bother him, though.  He let them go their way, and they all stayed friends.  I wrote Hiroshi with this friend specifically in mind.  I wanted Hiroshi to be the complete opposite.  I didn't want him to make any excuses for Miki (something like "oh, well, I can't help it if Miki likes girls now, so I guess I've got to forgive her", or even "Wow, hot.").  No double standards.  To him, cheating is cheating.  Leaving someone - no matter who/what sex you're leaving for - is still leaving someone.  I wanted him to be genuinely hurt.  That's because I like emotionally traumatising my characters.  Hah.  But actually, I side with Miki in this story, in this specific case.  Maybe that night with Aya was kind of her trial run (not to sound cruel).  She couldn't possibly know what was in her heart until she tried it all out.  It would blow for her to break up with Hiroshi with the intention of hooking up with Aya, and then find that she and Aya have absolutely no chemistry together.  Part of her coming to an understanding about what she felt involved spending that night with Aya and doing naughty things.  And now it's time for me to stop pulling things out of JFC's butt.  Hahaha!


I'm not that cruel, Kei-Br.  I do like to see those two together.  But JFC brings up an appropriate point here.  Will Miki tell Aya?  Or not?  And if so, how will Aya react?  I agree with rndmnwierd - tears can endear you to the person who cares about you.  Yet still...

What's the answer?  Not even I know.  Time to write fluff.  Hahaha.

Offline Nana Oosaki

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Re: Restart (Love x ∞ Part II)
« Reply #39 on: June 07, 2007, 11:01:07 AM »
Quote from: OTN1
That's because I like emotionally traumatising my characters. 
And traumatising your readers. C'mon, tell us the truth, you like see us crying :P

Quote from: OTN1
Will Miki tell Aya?  Or not?  And if so, how will Aya react?
Aya must understand that that Hiroshi was Miki's almost-fiance. You can't erase what you feel for someone in only one day.

About Hiroshi: If Miki don't wants him, I do  :roll:

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