JPHiP Radio (22/200 @ 128 kbs)     Now playing: Ito Yuna - Precious

Author Topic: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~ [COMPLETE - EXTRA: Ch. 101 - (12/1)]  (Read 135788 times)

Offline SarangAi

  • TakaGaki<3
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 567
  • GAKI-SAN!!! <333
Hmm... yeah, so I'm new here XD

I was looking for somewhere to post my fanfic and I found... well, here  :nervous

So yah, I've always been writing but this is my first FanFic  *WOOT*  :cow:

So Here's a quick Summary (Original Ver.) + Summary (Character Ver.)


Summary (Original Ver.)

Niigaki Risa is a composer who believes every song has emotions and feelings of someone.  She believes every song has a purpose. 
When she gets a chance to meet the famous pop-idol group, High-Queen, she immediately seizes the opportunity to bring out her songs to the world through their voices. 
But what exactly is the relationship between her and the leader of High-Queen?  What happened to her best friend, Eri, and why is she acting weird?


Summary (Character Ver.)~ this should be more in depth
Meet Niigaki Risa, a composer who writes songs that can contain human emotions.  She is constantly reminded of her forgotten friend, and the dream they shared as children…

Meet Kamei Eri, a fashion designer who had to give up her first love for the sake of her cousin.  She is constantly abused by a High-Queen member even while she has a girlfriend.  She is someone who seems like she has no happiness in her life, yet she stays strong.

Meet Takahashi Ai, an idol singer in the group High-Queen who has a voice that can touch one’s heart… while she doesn’t even understand her own.

Meet Tanaka Reina, the second member of High-Queen who doesn’t believe in “bonds” such as love or friendship because of her past relationship that went wrong.

Meet Michishige Sayumi, Eri’s spoiled cousin and a patient in a hospital who has a weak body but a witty mind.  She’s been in love with Risa ever since they met and will do anything it takes to get her.

Meet LinLin, a college student who is striving to be a chef.  She is Eri’s underclassman who always admired her and asked to be her girlfriend.

Meet JunJun, a college student majoring in music to be a pianist.  She falls in love with Sayumi at first sight when she goes to the hospital for a benefits concert.  She wishes for Sayumi’s happiness, even if it means hurting herself.

Meet Mitsui Aika, a high school student who is Reina’s ex-girlfriend.  After 3 months of dating, she broke up with Reina for an unknown reason.


And... a TRAILER (cuz trailers are ALWAYS the best part)  And the subtitles are REAL (as far as I know) 8)



So yeah, if anybody's interested.... Chapter 1 is one its way!!! XD
« Last Edit: February 10, 2012, 12:00:45 AM by SarangAi »

avii&sig by the wonderful kawaii beam~!

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4843
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2010, 12:24:18 AM »
Wow, really interesting start. I'm looking forward to the first chapter already! A little EriLin in there, too? Pretty rare.

Btw, I love the trailer, a lot of the sound bites I recognized, but not the one's where Risa, Eri and Ai are crying and Sayu's line. A graduation, perhaps? And Lin's line: I wanted to see you again, so I came back

Offline SarangAi

  • TakaGaki<3
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 567
  • GAKI-SAN!!! <333
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2010, 12:35:22 AM »
Btw, I love the trailer, a lot of the sound bites I recognized, but not the one's where Risa, Eri and Ai are crying and Sayu's line. A graduation, perhaps? And Lin's line: I wanted to see you again, so I came back

haha yeah, it was Iida's graduation in Haromoni XD
and LinLin's line is from one of the DVD magazines =]

avii&sig by the wonderful kawaii beam~!

Offline writerjunkie

  • Junior Moderator
  • Member+
  • *
  • Posts: 598
  • KameShige= <3 ^_^
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2010, 12:41:09 AM »
Oh! This fic seems really interesting and promising! I can't wait to read it! I'm getting excited and happy thinking about reading it! XD *tries not to jump in my seat* Im curious to how the fic will turn out. You have interesting characters in there. I like how they're different and they each have their own thing they went through in life. The trailer is really good too! The way you put in the quotes and voices makes it really good and is a nice touch. I don't think I've seen a trailer like that so that's why I like it more. ^__^ You did a good job. I'll keep a look out for the fic. Even if I don't like TanaKame anymore. XD

Oh I forgot! You know I had the idea of making Linlin a chef too in a fic of mine I've made, but have not posted in a very long time. XD So it will be interesting to see how you write her. Since I picture her as one INTERESTING chef. XDDD

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4843
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2010, 01:45:11 AM »
Ah, thanks, I actually don't think I've seen her graduation. And I suddenly realized where I heard Lin's line when I read that. Makes me want to watch it again. XD

^ You don't like Tanakame anymore?! Le gasp!

Offline writerjunkie

  • Junior Moderator
  • Member+
  • *
  • Posts: 598
  • KameShige= <3 ^_^
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #5 on: June 19, 2010, 01:53:54 AM »
^ I know isn't it a shocker?! Yet I continue to write TTCL! O.O It's because I'm attached to the fic. T_T I even plan to finish the fic. Shhhhh! Don't tell anyone that info though! *whispers* my favorite pairing is actually...kameshige! XD

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4843
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #6 on: June 19, 2010, 02:04:11 AM »
^ :lol: :lol: You make me lol. I guess my fav rokkie pairing is Tanashige, so I can't really talk either way. Though before that it was kameshige.

Offline SarangAi

  • TakaGaki<3
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 567
  • GAKI-SAN!!! <333
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #7 on: June 19, 2010, 04:08:26 AM »
sorry peeps, kameshige is a no-no in my story because they come out as cousins.... there's a bit of GakiShige though  :nervous
And Shige is... kinda... EVIL >:D
« Last Edit: June 19, 2010, 04:16:26 AM by SarangAi »

avii&sig by the wonderful kawaii beam~!

Offline badsaints

  • in love with Love
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 781
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #8 on: June 19, 2010, 05:55:24 AM »
Oh a TakaGaki & TanaKame's fic? I'll be reading this one :D You've already got me hooked on the trailer XD

So when's the 1st chap? *excited*

Offline SarangAi

  • TakaGaki<3
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 567
  • GAKI-SAN!!! <333
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #9 on: June 19, 2010, 07:37:35 AM »
So when's the 1st chap? *excited*

NOW  XD :cow:


Here's Chapter 1 everyone~ It's a little bit boring but I feel it's a necessary start to get the character development/relationships/introductions going.  I'll be posting Chapter 2 tomorrow right after so nobody gets too Un-hooked :D

Enjoy~


Chapter 1

   The sunlight pierced through the curtains to bring down rays of light onto the light green bed sheets.  The girl in bed twisted this way and that, trying to find a way to keep the sunlight away from her.  After realizing she had failed miserably, the girl proceeded to sit up on the bed, and ran her hand through her ruffled light brown hair. 

   After checking the clock, the girl lay back down in hopes of going to dreamland again but as soon as her head hit the pillow, her cell phone on her bedside table started to blare out the newly changed ringtone: “Subete wa Ai no Chikara” by High-Queen. 

   The brown-haired girl grumbled as she felt around the table for her phone, grabbed it, and held it by her ear as she pressed a button.

   “Moshi-moshi…” the girl answered in a hoarse voice.

   “Risa-chan! You’re still not up yet?” The already high-pitched voice flew up another octave at the second sentence.

   “I’m wondering, is there absolutely any valid reason for you to call my cell phone when you’re right downstairs?” Risa groaned, still not fully
awake.

   “I have eggs and bacon on the stove, I can’t leave it,” the voice squeaked.  “More importantly, you’re still not up, are you?”

   “I’m up, I’m up...” Risa answered in a tired voice.

   “When I say ‘up’, I don’t mean ‘awake’.  I mean, ‘did you get your butt off your bed’,” the high-pitched voice said coldly.  Risa could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

   “Mou, Eri-chan… I thought you were my childhood friend, not my mom,” Risa complained.

   “Well, I certainly hope I’m not your mother because I wouldn’t a fully grown 22-year-old daughter who still can’t wake up by herself,” Eri shot back. 

   “Or with the alarm clock,” Risa added.

   “You’re not making this situation any better for yourself, you know.”

   “I know, I know.”

   “You have ten seconds before I charge into your room, Risa-chan,” Eri said in a playful voice.

   “You wouldn’t,” Risa gasped as she jumped off from her bed.

   “Ichi… nii…. san…”

   “Uso, uso!  Matte yo, Kameha, just wait a second!” Risa desperately yelled into the phone as she started to busily run around her room. 

   Having Eri in her room was the last thing Risa needed.  She was always on a fashion rage, that girl Eri, which is understandable considering she was a fashion designer.  But whenever she noticed Risa didn’t get dressed yet in the morning, she would start to whip her hands around, in and out of Risa’s closet, trying to find the perfect outfit.  Some days, Risa would turn out beautiful, like a model.  But on other days when Eri overdid it, which was the case most of the time, Risa would look worse than a circus lion.  She preferred not to take the risk of letting Eri touch her clothes.

   “Shi… go… roku…”

   By this time, Risa was attempting to brush her teeth, pull up her jean shorts, and apply makeup, all at the same time.  She somehow managed to succeed, although she had to apply her lip gloss over and over again because she kept on missing her lips.  She dashed to her desk and grabbed her notebook full of songs and cell phone from her desk and threw them into her mini backpack. 

   Risa was a song writer, a composer of modern songs.  She would write songs that meant something to her or to other people, songs that could make people experience a different emotion.  She believed every song in the world had a purpose, whether it is to make one happy, sad, or mad. 

   “Shichi… hachi… kyuu…”

   Lastly, Risa yanked her brush through her curly brown hair as she grabbed her backpack.  She had a head band around her neck which she shoved through her hair on her head.  She reached for the door it suddenly burst open to reveal a pretty, light brown-haired girl.

   “Juu!” Eri shouted with a big smile.  As she took a look at Risa, smiling with her fingers held up showing a peace sign, Eri’s smile dropped into a pout.  Risa was wearing a yellow tank top with a short-sleeve cashmere sweater and jean shorts.

   “And I thought I was finally going to get to dress you today…” Eri pouted.

   “Um… Well there’s always another day,” Risa suggested nervously.  She didn’t want to accidently promise anything to Eri.

   “I guess so…” Eri sighed.  “Well, at least you look good.  Come on down, I made eggs and bacon.  We have to leave in 15 minutes, I promised to be there by 10 o’clock.”

   As Risa breathed out a sigh of relief, Eri skipped down the stairs into the kitchen.  Risa followed in and sat down at the table.  Eri twirled around with a plate full of eggs and bacon and placed it in front of Risa.

   “Douzo! Here you go!” Eri said, cheerfully.

   “Itadakimasu!” Risa replied.  She took a bite out of the eggs.  “Oishii!  Did you eat already?”

   “Yeah, because I got tired of waiting for someone to wake up,” Eri said with a smile.  “I thought you were really excited about meeting High-Queen, so I thought you would wake up earlier.  I guess I was wrong.”

   “Hey, habits are hard to change,” Risa contradicted.  “And I am excited.  I really am thankful you’re letting me follow you to work.  It’s great that your design got picked as High-Queen’s next single costume.”

   High-Queen was the biggest idol group in Japan at the moment.  It was a duo consisting of two girls, Takahashi Ai and Tanaka Reina.  They were the trendsetters in Japan; whatever they did landed on the headlines of magazines and newspapers, and their actions were soon followed by fans all over the country.  As a fashion designer, Eri was absolutely honored to hear that High-Queen’s management choose Eri as one of their official fashion coordinators.  This was the big break for her, a way of coming out to the world as a professional fashion expert. 

   Because Risa was a song writer, she was always looking for chances to make her own big break.  Since her best friend was now part of High-Queen’s staff, Risa saw this as her big chance.  She would tag along with Eri and try to get her songs noticed by High-Queen, and hopefully her feelings contained within her songs would be known by the world.  After all, High-Queen had amazing voices.

   “Yeah, I guess it is a pretty big deal,” Eri said, smiling.  “I’m really nervous about meeting them… I know that you’re going for your own job but I’m really glad you’re tagging along today, I need some moral support.”

   “Hey, what are best friends for?” Risa replied, smiling.  “I wish Sayu could come too… she would really love to meet High-Queen, wouldn’t she?”

   “Nah, she’s not interested.  She really has no interest in the world except for us, you know that.”

   “Yeah…”

   Sayumi was Eri’s spoiled cousin who was the same age as Risa.  She had a weak body so she practically lived in the hospital.  Although she seemed helpless on the outside, she was hot-headed at times, and cunning as well.  Sayumi, Eri, and Risa had always been together since childhood.  Eri and Risa had moved out together after college and had been living together ever since. 

   “Okay.  If you’re done eating, I think we should start to head out,” Eri announced.  “I don’t want to be late on my first day.”

   “Of course not,” Risa answered.  She grinned as she got up and put her empty plate in the sink.  “Iku yo!”

~~~~~~~

Like  I said, there's no real action yet~ it gets a bit more exciting in Chapter 2. 
Here was my reaction while I was writing the next chapter:  "RUN GAKI-SAN, RUN!!!" XD

avii&sig by the wonderful kawaii beam~!

Offline badsaints

  • in love with Love
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 781
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #10 on: June 19, 2010, 01:21:57 PM »
I had to read twice to ensure I didn't read wrong. Eri is the motherly figure to Risa? That's something new :lol:

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4843
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #11 on: June 19, 2010, 01:31:46 PM »
^Haha, I know, right? I was like, 'what? Risa can't get up in the morning? Isn't she always ridiculously early?' :lol: :lol:

Quote
Here was my reaction while I was writing the next chapter:  "RUN GAKI-SAN, RUN!!!"
:O :shocked What? What what what?! I must restrain myself from shaking my monitor in an effort to get the next chapter. Which I definitely can't wait for now!

Offline SarangAi

  • TakaGaki<3
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 567
  • GAKI-SAN!!! <333
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #12 on: June 19, 2010, 06:40:07 PM »
I had to read twice to ensure I didn't read wrong. Eri is the motherly figure to Risa? That's something new :lol:

Quote
^Haha, I know, right? I was like, 'what? Risa can't get up in the morning? Isn't she always ridiculously early?' :lol: :lol:

Ha yeah~ I wouldn't say motherly figure.  Eri's not anymore mature in this story than Risa, except for the fact that she has a sick cousin she always checks on.  But I depicted Risa as an easy-going kind of girl; she has big dreams and determination but she's not the type to desperately want an extravagant life or something, you know?  So she's a bit more relaxed and sleeps in when she pulls an all-nighter writing songs =]

avii&sig by the wonderful kawaii beam~!

Offline SarangAi

  • TakaGaki<3
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 567
  • GAKI-SAN!!! <333
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #13 on: June 19, 2010, 07:17:09 PM »
Here's Chapter 2!!!  Are the updates fast enough?  :thumbsup
This one's a little longer than chapter 1.  Here you will meet the main characters and their personalities (kind of)  8)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

   “Kameha, you’re hurting my hand.”

   “Gome.”

   The two friends were in the elevator of Down-Front Agency.  Eri was to attend the meeting at Room 905 to be introduced to High-Queen and their staff.  She was bobbing up and down while tapping her feet restlessly, much to Risa’s annoyance.  Her grasp on Risa’s hand loosened a little bit but it was still firm enough that Risa couldn’t slip out of Eri’s clutches.

   “Eri, you’ll be fine,” Risa reassured the nervous girl.  “Sure, you’re new but they must have picked you because they like you, right?  So don’t be such a nervous wreck and relax.”

   “Okay, I’ll try,” Eri croaked. 

   “… Kameha, my hand.”

   “Gome.”

   The elevator door slid open and Eri started to shake as if she was in the North Pole.  Risa just rolled her eyes and smiled at her friend, and led her out of the elevator and into the hallway.  They walked for a while until the two girls reached Room 905.

   “Ready?” Risa asked energetically.

   “Not at all,” Eri answered, gulping.

   “Great! Let’s go in!”  Risa reached for the door handle and stopped when her hands hit the cold metal, making a face.

   “Kameha, my hands.”

   “Gome.”

   The brunette finally opened the door to reveal a large room with a very long table and rows of chairs.  In there was about ten people, two of them standing out like shining stars in the night sky.  They all looked up when the door opened.  The man seated at the center stood up and offered his hand to Eri.

   “You must Kamei Eri-san.  I am Tsunku, the producer,” the man said, smiling.

   “Yes,  I’m Kamei Eri.”  The fashion expert smiled her beautiful smile, seemingly at ease.  Risa let out a breath of relief, which attracted the man’s attention to her.

   “And… may I ask who this is?”

   “Oh, um, she’s my friend.  She wanted to see what the DFA building was like, so I brought her along.  Is it a problem?”

   “Well, of course not.  But I prefer if she waits outside the room during the meeting.  I’d like to keep everything that goes on “behind-the-scenes” about High-Queen and the staff to be a top-secret, you see.”

   That made Risa’s memories click.  She was here to support Eri but also to get herself noticed!  She started to scan the room and immediately picked out the two beautiful idols, seating by the table.  The smaller girl had her curly highlighted brown hair partially tied up with a ribbon around it.  Her eyes flickered towards Risa and Eri, then flickered back to her nails, which caught Risa in a startle because she was expecting Tanaka Reina to give off a smile or a wave with her usual “Yappii!” personality.  But now, she seemed completely uninterested in the entire situation going on in front of her and her eyes were so cold.  “Maybe she really is a Yankii…”  Risa thought. 

   The song writer then started to focus on the older girl next to her.  After all, she was the leader.  Takahashi Ai had her hair loose and slightly wavy and was wearing a white t-shirt with a blue denim jacket.  When Risa decided to try to get her attention, she was surprised to find that the singer was already looking at her… no, she was staring at her.  Her eyes were opened wide and her mouth slightly ajar… an expression of shock or astonishment.  Risa immediately got drawn into her eyes and couldn’t help but stare back…

   “Risa, you’ll have to wait outside, I’m sorry.”  A high-pitched voice cut off Risa’s thoughts.

   “What, huh?”

   “I said you’ll have to stay outside.  Wait for me, okay?”

   “Oh, okay.”  As the door closed, Risa tried to lean in and catch a glimpse of the singer again, and found that the girl was still staring at her with a surprised expression.  Finally, the door closed and Risa found herself staring at the dark wood as if she still could see those deep brown eyes.

   “Why was she looking at me like that?” Risa wondered.  “I guess I kind of got caught up in the staring thing too but...”  Her cheeks suddenly started to feel hot as Risa imagined those deep brown eyes again.

**  **  ** 

   Eri quickly scanned the people in the room.  They all seemed friendly enough.  She suddenly felt really calm and belonging.

   “Everyone, this is Kamei Eri-san.   She’ll be working with all of you as High-Queen’s fashion coordinator since Tsuji-san retired to have a normal family life,” Tsunku stated.

   “Kamei Eri desu.  Yoroshiku onegaishimasu,” Eri greeted, bowing at a 90 degrees angle.  The various other staff members started to get up to shake Eri’s hand; the make-up artist, the hair stylist, the nail artist… all the staff members relating to High-Queen’s appearance stood up to greet their new co-worker.  But the most important girls didn’t stand up.

   “Takahashi, Tanaka!  Aren’t you going to greet your new fashion coordinator?” Tsunku said in a firm voice.

   Reina lifted her head to look at Eri.  There was nothing but coldness in Reina’s eyes, which made Eri shiver again. 

   “I hope you’re not as loud as Tsuji-san,” Reina warned.  “Yoroshiku.”

   “Tanaka, I’m glad that you at least act politely in public but I wish you’d be like that in reality as well,” Tsunku said.  Reina glared up at Eri as though she didn’t hear her producer, then went back to touching her nails.

   “Takahashi, are you okay?  Takahashi!”

   “Huh?  What?  Oh, sorry sir… I just spaced out for a moment.  I really didn’t get enough sleep last night,” Ai answered, startled.  She then composed herself and stood up to offer her hand to Eri.  “Nice to meet you.  I’m Takahashi Ai.  Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.”

   “Onegaishimasu,” Eri answered as she took Ai’s hand with a smile.  “It’s an honor to be able to work with you, Takahashi-san.”

   “No, the honor is all mine.  I’ve looked at your designs, and I really like them.  Please continue to create beautiful clothes for us, Kamei-san.”

   “Now then, I believe you High-Queen girls have a recording scheduled, don’t you?” Tsunku reminded.
   
   “Yes, we’re due at Song Fighter.  So if you’ll excuse us… come on, Reina.”

**  **  ** 

   The door opened to let out the two idol singers.  Risa immediately got up from her crouched position and met eyes with the leader of High-Queen as they walked past her.  This time, Ai stared but her face showed no emotions.  Risa stared back, completely forgetting her original plan to catch them and to offer them her songs.  Only after the “ding” of the elevator was heard, Risa came back to her senses and ran across the hallway, ignoring Eri’s shouts behind her.

   “Matte gudasai!  Wait!”

   But the elevator door closed a second too early for Risa.  She started to hit the elevator button over and over to no avail.  But she wasn’t about to give up.  After all, another chance like this may never come.

   She found the emergency stairs and ran down like a mad person, trying not to trip.  She could still hear the echoes of Eri’s voice shouting her name, but she didn’t care.  This was more than just giving High-Queen her songs.  This was about making her dreams come true, about releasing her thoughts and feelings to the world.  Feeling rushed, Risa started to skip three steps at a time while keeping balance by holding on to the rails.  She had never ran so fast before.

   After reaching the first floor, Risa flipped her head this way and that in an attempt to spot the two singers.  It wasn’t that hard considering there was a mob of reporters surrounding them and they were the only ones wearing sunglasses indoors.  She started to chase after them as the singers stepped outside.  When she reached the crowd, Risa pushed and shoved her way through the cameras and the reporters to finally be within hearing distance of High-Queen.  But Tanaka Reina was already inside the car as Takahashi Ai was about to get in.  Risa shouted in her loudest voice.

   “Takahashi Ai-san!  Matte gudasai!”

   At that moment, Ai stopped for a while, processing the unfamiliar voice in her head.  She turned around to face the song writer, despite the cameras flashing all around her; an action she would usually not do.  Risa talked fast.

   “My name is Niigaki Risa, I’m a song writer, please sing my songs!”  She shoved her notebook into Ai’s hands.  “Please, at least take a look at them!”  She had never felt more stupid in her entire life.

   Risa tried to get eye contact but that wasn’t happening because the celebrity was wearing sunglasses.  But Ai could still see her eyes, and all the sincerity and determination in them.  She smiled a little.

   “Okay,” Ai answered in an amused tone. 

   “Ai.”  Her partner’s cold voice rang crystal clear despite the loud commotion.

   “I’m coming.”  Then, the idol immediately slid into the car, shut the door, and drove away.  Risa stood at the same spot to stare at the back of the car as the crowd started to deform around her.  Then, she felt a hand on her shoulders along with the sound of unsteady breathing.

   “Risa-chan… what… why… you…” Eri huffed.

   “I gave her my notebook,” Risa answered in a whisper.  “I never planned to give her my entire notebook.  My entire life and work is in that notebook.  Do you know what this means, Kameha?”

   “But I… You… Okay, what?”

   “It means this is my first and last chance.  If Takahashi Ai doesn’t like my songs, it means she doesn’t like a single thing in that notebook, a single thing in my entire work.  And that means… I’m done for.  I just risked everything I had on one person.”

**  **  ** 

   A pair of long, slender hands slid across the cover of the blue notebook.  The owner of the hands smiled a little.  She was quite amused.  Nothing like this had ever happened before.

   “Ai, why did you do that?” the younger girl beside her asked.

   “Do what?”

   “Listen to her.  I know you’re the nice one in our group but I thought you were also the strictly professional one.  Professional idols don’t stop in the middle of cameras and flashes to accept an amateur song writer’s request.”

   “Well, I’m glad to see you asking me this because it means you’ve taken an interest in something.”

   “I’m being serious.”

   “I know.  When are you not serious?”

   “Do you know her?”

   “No…”  Her hands opened up to the first page in the notebook.  The heading read, ‘Shouganai Yume Oibito’.  “At least… I think I don’t.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope that was a little bit more enjoyable than Chapter 1  :)

There are so many characters that it still takes time for them to develop.  More entrances of new characters in Chapter 3 and 4!!!  :twothumbs


oh, and feel free to leave critiques on my writing.  I take them fairly well... :banghead:
... and they help me improve   :P
« Last Edit: June 19, 2010, 08:53:20 PM by SarangAi »

avii&sig by the wonderful kawaii beam~!

Offline kuro_808

  • Konkon + HKT + JPH!P= <3 and Happiness
  • Global Moderator
  • Member+
  • *
  • Posts: 23550
  • Natsu Oshi DESU!
    • Kurosawa87
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #14 on: June 19, 2010, 09:01:31 PM »
Chapter 1: Eri being the motherly figure caught my eye and just Risa being the childish one was quite a read

Chapter 2: I thought it was quite good, but was the "matte gudasai" purposely or that is how you learned it??? I would assume you know the word but just was worth asking, in any case it was a good chapter and Risa being nervous around the Ai
Random Thought:

tumblr

R.I.P. Jab!  Dad/friend

Offline SarangAi

  • TakaGaki<3
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 567
  • GAKI-SAN!!! <333
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #15 on: June 19, 2010, 09:05:19 PM »
Chapter 2: I thought it was quite good, but was the "matte gudasai" purposely or that is how you learned it??? I would assume you know the word but just was worth asking, in any case it was a good chapter and Risa being nervous around the Ai

that's the way i learned it... wait, doesn't it mean "wait a moment"?   :shocked
It's very possible I made a mistake... I wrote this at 3am  :?

avii&sig by the wonderful kawaii beam~!

Offline kuro_808

  • Konkon + HKT + JPH!P= <3 and Happiness
  • Global Moderator
  • Member+
  • *
  • Posts: 23550
  • Natsu Oshi DESU!
    • Kurosawa87
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #16 on: June 19, 2010, 09:48:57 PM »
Chapter 2: I thought it was quite good, but was the "matte gudasai" purposely or that is how you learned it??? I would assume you know the word but just was worth asking, in any case it was a good chapter and Risa being nervous around the Ai

that's the way i learned it... wait, doesn't it mean "wait a moment"?   :shocked
It's very possible I made a mistake... I wrote this at 3am  :?

I see, I read how it was and assumed matte kudasai, I thought it was a play on the word :D :lol: don't worry about it too much it was just an honest question
Random Thought:

tumblr

R.I.P. Jab!  Dad/friend

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4843
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #17 on: June 20, 2010, 12:21:40 AM »
The 'Kame, my hand' bit was great! XD XD

Quote
Tsuji-san retired to have a normal family life
Tsuji! XD Oh god, I can imagine what their costumes were like before! Actually, Nono isn't a bad designer.

Reina, for some reason, makes me giggle. I'm sure it will wear off in the next few chapters. And I like the Takagaki interaction already. Can't wait for more!

Offline amEthystx

  • The Bishop NI
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 350
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #18 on: June 20, 2010, 06:27:40 AM »
Ohhhhhhhhh~ :) New story~~

The video is great~ love the part whereby you exactly sub in their real voices to fit in with what parts of the story might be..  :thumbsup

Chapter 1.

OMG! *shock*

Eri is actually earlier than Risa!? LOL~ how come that be be be~? XD but the whole dolling up Risa 'plot' is funny~~ I guess probably Kame-ha woke up early is to hopefully get a chance to get Risa off guard~ XD

Quote
Here was my reaction while I was writing the next chapter:  "RUN GAKI-SAN, RUN!!!"
LOL! OMG~ I wonder what Kame-ha had for Gaki-ha to do that! lol

Chapter 2:  :rofl: Gaki-ha hands~~~ awwwwwwwww....Reina is the badass. Again~ .Usually~ At first~~ haha.. I think 90% she always started out as mean, cold and hard to get along character... which always end up into a softies~ haha.. Sooooooooooooo... Kame-ha is gonna melt that big (....at least 151.7cm) block of ices? XD Turtle power~~~

Non-chan as designer?! LOL~ Good for Reina part i guess...but AI?! with the big ribbon and stuff!? LOL!

Now i know why Gaki-ha is to run~ lol~  "RUN GAKI-SAN, RUN!!!" May i add... "for your life and Love (AI)~!" XD

Quote
I know you’re the nice one in our group
soooo..probably she is as cold as well?  :shocked but Idols are human too~ lol

Quote
Shouganai Yume Oibito
fav song.  :thumbsup Sooo....... what song had Tsunku wrote in this story!? LOL! Gaki-ha is upgraded to Tsunku?~


Offline SarangAi

  • TakaGaki<3
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 567
  • GAKI-SAN!!! <333
Re: Kokoro no Uta ~Mainly TakaGaki, TanaKame~
« Reply #19 on: June 20, 2010, 07:13:25 AM »
Non-chan as designer?! LOL~ Good for Reina part i guess...but AI?! with the big ribbon and stuff!? LOL!
I thought the same thing but hey, Nono seemed like the "fashion expert" type  :P

Quote
I know you’re the nice one in our group
soooo..probably she is as cold as well?  :shocked but Idols are human too~ lol

Ai is actually WAY more human than Reina in this story... But she can get very serious and thoughtful  :D

Quote
Shouganai Yume Oibito
fav song.  :thumbsup Sooo....... what song had Tsunku wrote in this story!? LOL! Gaki-ha is upgraded to Tsunku?~
YA YA YA Tsunku is JUST the producer now!  Gaki-san is da :twothumbs   XD

avii&sig by the wonderful kawaii beam~!

JPHiP Radio (22/200 @ 128 kbs)     Now playing: Ito Yuna - Precious