OS List:
Happiness (WMatsui): Part 1 Part 2Why Do You Love Me? (KojiYuu)Maybe (KojiYuu)-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The results of my randomness~ Enjoy.
Part II will be posted shortly. ^^
-Thirdysaur :3
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Happiness (WMatsui OS) Part I
You know that feeling when you really screw something up really bad and no matter how much you want to take it back you just can’t? No matter how much you regret it, it still won’t change anything?
My name is Matsui Jurina and I just made the biggest mistake of my life.
---
Everyone would pretty much say that my life is indeed perfect. Managing my parents business, awesome friends, great family and above all, a loving girlfriend. I had everything a person can ask for their whole life.
Rena and I have been dating for almost 7 years now. Or should I say was dating before. You know that thing I was saying a while ago. Well, shit happens and this is one of them. And the worst one too.
---
I was never the perfect girlfriend for Rena. If ever you’re going to label who’s the perfect one. It’s definitely Rena.
Matsui Rena is the girl everyone could’ve dream of. She’s perfect. Well, except for sports. She really sucks in it but other than that she’s perfect in everything she does. And I really am a lucky bastard to have her.
But as I said I was never the perfect girlfriend for Rena. I ALWAYS screw things up for us and I mostly cause her and give her problems she never really has to deal with in the first place.
I don’t really know what’s gotten into me but Rena was not the only girl I dated in the past 7 years that were together. Yes, I two timed her, or even more than that. I fling and flirt with a lot of girls and I mean a LOT more than you think.
But Rena would always forgive me every time she caught me on the act or someone would tell her what I do whenever she’s not around.
---
I met her during high school. I already have a reputation of being a player and everyone probably knows who I am and how I roll.
Rena was different. I mean completely different. She’s an honor student. Straight A’s. The best of the best to be exact. Like I said before, she’s perfect. A princess. Miss goody-two-shoes. A saint. And she’s a really shy person too.
She was really different to who and what I am. I’m a good for nothing asshole who flirts and switches girls in a blink of an eye. I honestly am not good with anything asides from sports and flirting.
I honestly thought that I would never have a chance with a girl like her. She’s completely out of my league. Matsui Rena was the first girl that I, the great Matsui Jurina could never have a chance with. She’s the first girl that made me give up without even trying in the first place. She’s the first girl to make me realize that I can’t have everything I want. So yes, I never did anything to make her notice me nor made a move.
So when the day Rena suddenly confessed to me. I was mentally and physically shocked to the point that I fainted. As embarrassing as it may sound but yes, I did faint, in front of Rena and woke up in the infirmary with her besides me.
I did accept her confession and started going out with her but that didn't change a thing. I still play and flirt with other girls even though the whole school knows that I am dating someone and not just someone, it’s Matsui Rena.
It lasted for years but Rena never stopped me nor confronted me about dating other girls. She would just smile and look at me with those bright brown eyes of hers that never failed to make my whole world stop and tell me
‘It’s ok Jurina, as long as you come back to me it’s fine’ then she would take my hand and hug me like her life depended on it.
We both went to the same college and took the same course too. Rena helped me with a lot. Not just with studies but in everything else. You see, I was never a family oriented person but Rena fixed everything and I and my parents are in good terms again.
I grew up hating my parents because of childish reasons. They never really had time for me mainly because of business. I grew up alone, but Rena made me realize that I was never alone in the first place. She made me realize why my parents never had time for me, and that changed everything. She changed everything of whom and what I was before. She saved me. But I still took her for granted.
Don’t get me wrong though. I love Rena. I really do. But I guess I was really stupid for doing those things to her that she never really deserved in the first place. But as I said, I was really stupid. I blew everything off.
---
After years and years of waiting. I was finally ready. Ready to love Rena with all I've got. Willing to change myself in order to love her the way she deserves. I was already so madly and deeply in love with her that time. But I was too late to realize my true feelings.
In order to make myself perfect in front of Rena. I contacted all of the girls I have hurt and played before and apologized for everything I have done. I did this because I wanted to appear clean in front of her, leaving everything behind to make a new start and I know that she would be proud of me. I know she would be proud of me for facing and admitting every single mistake I did in the past. Some went well and some didn't. It even got to the point where I almost broke my nose and went home crawling because of it.
Then I realized that if those girls hated me so much, then what did Rena felt this whole seven years for staying and tolerating someone like me?
I did a LOT of mistakes in the past and mainly contains hurting, playing and taking Rena for granted. But I've changed now and ready to be the perfect girlfriend for Rena and love her the way she deserves to be loved. But all of my realizations, all of it, everything was too late.
---
The night where I was suppose to tell Rena everything and ask her to marry me. Everything fell apart.
“Rena. I have something to tell you. And this is very very important so listen well.”
“But I have something to tell you first.” I nodded and gestured to her to go first.
“I’m sorry Jurina but I can’t do this anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t be with you anymore. I’m sorry.” She stood up and ready to leave but I stopped her by holding her hand.
”W-What do you m-mean?”
“I’m sorry Jurina. I know I promised you that I will always stay by your side, but right now I don’t know how I could do that anymore. I’m really sorry.” She said while sobbing hard.
“I don’t get it.” My brain is not functioning really well so stupid things are coming out of my mouth right now.
“Jurina. Listen well and listen carefully. I never wanted to tell you this but I am falling in love with someone else right now. I’m sorry. But don’t worry. I know you never really cared nor loved me in the first place so I know that this won’t be a big deal for you. Good bye. Oh and thank you for the past seven years. Thank you for everything Jurina. Don’t worry you still will be the first person to make me believe and feel what love is even if it’s one-sided. You will always be my first and greatest love.” She said and as she ran away from me.
As I watch her back running away from me. I felt my body slumped on the ground and for the first time in my whole life. I cried because of a girl.
“So this is what love feels like huh.” I mumbled to myself.---
I went home and felt like my whole world, the reason for everything I am right now vanished in a blink of an eye. Well it did vanished actually. Rena, she took my heart and soul when she left. She took everything.
As I drowned myself in my tears, I felt so pathetic. I never knew nor have the slightest idea that this would hurt like this. I would prefer being ran over by a truck over and over again so that the pain I would feel would be over in an instant after getting healed by doctors rather than constantly and continually hurting like this. How the hell did Rena survived all of these years with me continuously hurting her? I guess karma really is a bitch.
Like a miracle my parents suddenly came over and comforted me. One of the first time when my parents are actually there for me when I needed someone the most even though I wanted to be alone.
They talked me into it and not even once they blamed me for everything that happened which is surprising because everything that happened is obviously my fault since the beginning. I told them everything and they just patiently listened to all of the things I said.
“Sometimes, you really have to let go of the person you really love even if it means sacrificing your own happiness just to make them happy. If you care about somebody you should let them be happy, even if you wind up being left out.”
That line that my mom said made me realize why Rena never stopped nor confronted me about flirting with others before. A line that she always tells me flashed in my mind
‘If you’re happy doing that then I have no right to stop you from being happy. Your happiness means everything to me Jurina. And if you’re happy then I am happy too.’ I was desperately planning on how to get Rena back into my arms even if it means swallowing my pride whole and get down to my knees to beg for her forgiveness. Nothing else matters right now, not even myself. Rena does.
But everything changed.
Even if my heart doesn't want to. I will let go of Rena. The happiness of the person you love is what matters the most. I will do what Rena has done for me for the past years that we've been together. I will make her happy the same way she has done for me.
---
Weeks have passed and it took everything I've got to stop myself from calling Rena. I was really proud of my own self-control and isolated myself in my apartment. In the past, whenever I’m troubled with something Rena would be the first person I would call and just like that she would make everything alright again. But right now, it’s hard when the person you always run into is the cause of your problems.
I was actually doing surprisingly well without her. Kami-sama knows how much I wanted to see and hear her voice again. I had a gruesome battle with my heart and inner self but still, the sane side wins. I need to do this for Rena. I need to do this for the both of us. I wanted her to be happy.
---
But after thinking that after this suffering, maybe everything will be alright again between the two of us again if I gave her time.
Oh how wrong I was.
All of my efforts went in vain when one day I received an invitation, and it turns out that Rena is getting married a week from now.
My whole world for the second time shattered into pieces.
I called Watanabe Mayu, my best friend. She knows everything on what’s going on with me these past few weeks. She’s also Rena’s close friend because Mayu’s girlfriend, Kashiwagi Yuki is Rena’s best friend. She’s the one who keeps me up to date on what’s happening to the outside world, more specifically with Rena.
Every word and sentences that’s coming out of her mouth is like poison. Small intake and it is slowly but surely killing me inside out. Apparently Rena is more than happy with her future husband/wife to be. Furukawa Airi. Honestly I am not that surprised to know that Airi is the person Rena fell in love with.
Me and Rena and the rest of the gang met Airi in college, and I can tell right from the start that Airi have something special for Rena. Airi and I were never really in good terms though. The girl hates me to guts because of the things I do to Rena back then. Rena and Airi have a lot in common especially with their hobbies, and maybe that’s the reason why they fell in love with each other.
I know Airi is a great person based on what Rena tells me stories about her. Having the same interest and other things they both find in common about each other, and I know that whatever happens Airi would never hurt Rena the way I did.
“Are you coming to the wedding?” Mayu asked.
“Are you kidding? Of course not. Who in their right minds would go to an ex-girlfriend’s wedding especially when you still have feelings for them.” I said. Don’t get me wrong or anything though. I am not bitter about it. In fact I am happy for Rena. As weird as it may sound but I really am, as she finally found the person that would make her happy the way she deserves.
“Why not?”
“I know I’m stupid and did a lot of stupid things before Mayu. But I’m not that stupid. My heart is already and still shattered into millions of pieces, I can’t bare to see it get crushed and shattered again. I am not as strong as I look Mayu. I have feelings to you know.”
“But don’t you think it’s unfair on Rena’s part?”
“What do you mean?”
“Rena always stood by your side you know. Don’t you want to return the favor to her for one last time?” Mayu is right. Even if I had tons of girls clinging and surrounding me before Rena never left my side, not even once! She was and has always been there for me.
“I guess there’s no changing your mind then. If you don’t want to go then it’s up to you. But have you told Rena?”
“Told her what?”
“Oh God Jurina you’re such an idiot. Don’t tell me you never told her everything?”
“What’s the point of telling her anyway? She’s happy and that’s all that matters to me. Besides, even if I tell her everything nothing would change a thing.”
“Maybe. But you still won’t know if you don’t try. Yes, maybe it won’t change a thing but you still can set both of you and Rena free. Think about it ok? Talk to her when you got a chance. Oh and Jurina. For god sakes, get your ass off out of your apartment and get some sunlight on that skin of yours. You look hideous.” Mayu said chuckling. “I got to go now. Yukirin is waiting for me. Talk to Rena ok?” As she walked out of my apartment.
---
Today is the day, and here I am standing in front of the huge door that’s separating me from seeing Rena after these past few weeks of isolating myself on my apartment.
‘It’s now or never Jurina. You can do this!I gathered every ounce of confidence in my body for this moment.
I cheered myself mentally as I heard the priest say those magical words that always stops anyone’s heart during weddings.
“Who ever in here have anything against this wedding, please speak now or forever hold you silence.”
‘That’s my cue.’ I mumbled to myself as I dashed inside the church.
“WAIT!!”
Everyone was looking at me. Shock written all over their faces. Oh Kami-sama please help me.
All of my so-called confidence suddenly went down the drain in an instant.
“What is your name child?” The priest suddenly asked me.
“I’m M-Matsui J-Jurina.” I answered nervousness evident on my voice. Damn it Jurina! Get yourself together! THIS IS NOW OR NEVER!
“Very well then, do you have anything against this holy ceremony?”
“Yes. I mean NO! No father no.” Oh God this is not happening. Calm down Jurina. CALM DOWN GODDAMMIT! “I just wanted to say something really important. Is that ok?” I said and the priest just nod at me.
Damn! This is so embarrassing. Everyone is looking at me with different expressions. Who might would have thought that the great Matsui Jurina would barge in her ex-girlfriend’s wedding and makes a scene.
Everyone is here. Rena’s parents, my parents and almost all of our friends are here.
I saw Mayu gave me a
‘You can do it look’ with matching two thumbs up. Oh man, if we are only in a different situation I would really love to smack Mayu in the head as hard as I could with that ridiculous expression plastered on her face right now.
Oh damn. I knew that this was a bad idea. Of all the days I could have picked to talk to Rena. Why the hell did I pick today. Especially on her wedding day! I’ve had enough giving Rena troubles. It all ends here. Here goes nothing. Like I said, it’s now or never.
“I just wanted to say.” I said as I turned to Mr. and Mrs. Matsui. Rena’s parents and bowed. “I really am sorry for hurting your daughter, I know this is a really wrong place and time to say this things but I know sorry is not enough for all of the things I did and made Rena feel these past few years. I AM REALLY SORRY! I know sorry is not enough but it’s the only thing I am sure of right now.”
I stood up from the bow and faced Airi.
“You. Please take care of Rena. Please love her the way I never did. Please make her happy and promise me to never make her cry nor hurt her the way I did. Promise me ok? Because if you ever make her feel the things she felt when she was still with me. I swear I will rip you alive with my bare hands.” I chuckled while letting all of my tears fall from my eyes. “I know you’re a great person Airi. And I know you can make Rena a lot more happier than any of us could. If we have met in a different place and in a different time. I know we could’ve been great friends.”
I said and continued while wiping the tears that’s continuously flowing out of my eyes right now. Damn. This is the first time I cried in front of so many people. I always swear to myself before that I will never cry in front of anyone but I guess things changes huh. Rena did change everything from me.
I just can’t imagine the look on our friends faces while looking at me at this state, the great Matsui Jurina cry shamelessly like a lost child in front of everyone. Gaah. Mayu will mock me forever because of this.
“And you.” I said as I finally faced Rena. God, she’s so beautiful right now. Airi is really a lucky girl. “I’m sorry for this. I know I’ve cost you enough trouble and I promise this would be the last time I would be a pain in the ass for you.” I said as I took the deepest breath I did in my entire life. “I never had the chance to tell you what’s going on my mind and I know I picked the wrong-est time to tell you this but I just know that I will never have this opportunity again and I’d rather die in humiliation than let this chance pass by. I wanted you to know and tell you everything of what I feel right here and now.”
“But before that I wanted you to have this.” I took off the necklace I always wear with a ring pendant on it. The ring was given to me by my grandmother. She told me its family tradition to pass down rings to the families next generation. It was a very special ring. She gave it to me when I was still a really young girl.
“Listen to me Jurina. This is a special ring and I want you to take care of it.”
“Thank you grandma. But what is this for?”
“Jurina that ring is very special and important to our family because it was from your great great grandmother. It’s tradition to pass it down. You are only to give that ring to the person you love the most and going to marry someday.”
“How would I know if I found the right person to love and to give this to?”
“I know you are too young to understand this but if you feel that that person is the one you can’t leave without then that person is the one. Give it to the person you love more than you love yourself.”I gave the necklace to Rena and take a look at her very shocked expression. I always told her the story about this particular ring, I always told her before that I am only going to give this to the person who I will love more than I love myself and want to spend the rest of my forever with, and I’m 101% sure that she is surprised to see that I’m giving it to her.
“Rena I really can’t think of anything else to say to you except I’m sorry. I’m sorry for causing you nothing but pain, trouble and heartaches. I’m really sorry for everything I’ve done to you and lastly. Thank you. Thank you for loving me Rena and for making me realize what love really is. I really don’t get it until now on how on earth did you end up falling in love with someone like me in the first place, but I’m glad that you did. Thank you for changing my life. I’m sorry it took me this long to realize how much you mean to me. I know it’s too late but I just wanted you to know that I LOVE YOU Rena. I really do. I know it’s hard to believe but I really do love you with everything I’ve got. Your happiness is everything that matters to me right now. I know you are more than happy right now and I’m glad that you are. You’re the one that made me believe in forever.
Matsui Rena, you are the best thing that happened in my life. Thank you for giving me the chance to be part of your life. I love so much. Please be happy. You’ll always and forever will be in heart. I never realized before that it’s humanly possible for someone to love someone more than anything else, greater than anything else. But seeing you right here right now. You are just making me fall for you more than I did before. I love you Rena. I may not be part of yours but you will always be my forever. Good bye.” I said as I dashed out of the church while tears are still flowing non-stop from my eyes.
Setting Rena free is the right thing to do right? I did the right thing right?
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To be continued
So how was it?