JPHiP Radio (27/200 @ 128 kbs)     Now playing: Ailee - I`ll Show You

Author Topic: My Own Private Funeral  (Read 14257 times)

Offline Estrea

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 2627
  • ひゃっっほーい♪( ´θ`)ノ
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #20 on: March 08, 2007, 06:44:44 PM »
Oh wow. More more more! Yay! Shibata popped the question to her boyfriend? XD How...upfront. XD

Would love to see how Miki eventually goes on the road of healing. :)

永遠に咲き続ける花なんていない、すべてはいずれ枯れて朽ち果てしまう。

Currently writing:
- Lilium-related things. God save my soul.

On Hold:
- Everything Else. Too many to list.

I'm also on AO3!
http://archiveofourown.org/users/Estrea

Offline JFC

  • Miki's Birthday Twin
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 26538
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #21 on: March 09, 2007, 07:09:20 AM »
Quote from: Amarghetta;324850
There's more? I mean, will there be more? :w00t:
This is becoming addictive...
God I hope there's more. :) OTN1's writing is like crack!

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline OTN1

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 672
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #22 on: March 09, 2007, 09:30:47 AM »
^Hahaha!  Man, that's not what any of my past teachers would say.
Quote from: rndmnwierd;324889
Miki searches for closure and Shiba-chan sends her to Italy.
I laughed and laughed when I read this summary... because I realized it's perfect.  I really do like how you put things so bluntly and truthfully.
(But I do get a silly image of Shiba-chan shooing Miki out of Japan with a broom.)

Amarghetta, there will be more.  I'm going into this one a bit blind... but I started thinking of the ending this afternoon.

Offline Mikan

  • The Corruptor Extrodinaire
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 947
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #23 on: March 09, 2007, 01:28:51 PM »
Horse not dead yet I see XD

Read the complete Doki Doki!!

Offline Amarghetta

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 726
  • The likeness of a human
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #24 on: March 09, 2007, 04:41:24 PM »
Quote from: OTN1;325460
^Hahaha!  Man, that's not what any of my past teachers would say.  


Those who cannot write, teach... XD
(It applies most of the time!)

I'm so excited at the possibility of reading more of this fic, really. It's amazing how much you can write in so little time. I have friend who's also like this, and there was a time when I was like this, too. :p

Anyways, keep it coming!

[In a totally unrelated note: Are you francophone? ]

Offline OTN1

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 672
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #25 on: March 10, 2007, 12:20:18 PM »
Moi?  Non.  :lol:  Can I ask what made you think so?

I've had lots of free time these past few days.  Too much, if you ask me.

4

The next day, Shibata skipped out on an important dinner gathering with several professors in order to help me plan.  I knew what that kind of sacrifice could cost her, so I tried to be as amiable as possible as we sat at the computer in her apartment.  I doodled on the pad of paper I had brought with me and then put my pen down as I was filled with doubt.

"Are you sure I should go?"

"What do you think?"

Ug, that infamous Shibata expression.  Trying to make me think for myself!

"I guess it’d be nice to see a new place..." I said hesitantly.

She grabbed my shoulders and shook me enough to wake me up.

"Go.  It'll be good for you.  And if you don't go, I'll never talk to you again."

She was starting to sound a bit like Aya, which creeped me out more than making me feel warm and fuzzy.

"I don't even know where to start," I whined.

"How about Rome?" she said simply, and I groaned at the relaxed attitude showing through in her words.

"Fine.  So I'll go to Rome.  Then what do I do?  Look at churches and fountains all week?" I asked caustically.

"No, you don't have to stay in Rome.  Travel around a bit.  Maybe go up north to the mountains," Shibata said with such nonchalance that I put my foot down right there and pierced her with a glare.

"Oh no.  No, don't start with that.  I'm not going to go on a pilgrimage to some plane crash site so that I can make peace with the ghosts of the past and come back refreshed and ready to open my heart to the entire world," I snapped, foreseeing where her suggestion was going.

"I never suggested that," Shibata said quietly.  "I went up to the mountains when I was there.  It's beautiful.  I thought you might like it, too."

I could not tell if she was lying or speaking the truth.  Because I remembered I was trying to be nice, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.  I grudgingly backed off.

"Any place in particular?"

Shibata thought briefly, no doubt sifting through the great amounts of information in her brain, and then nudged me over to type something on the keyboard.

"There's a tiny place right on the border.  It’s where I went with my team."

"Team?" I asked, getting us off topic.

"Mmhm.  My photography team," she clarified as she took the mouse and started to go through some websites.

Shibata had a photography team?!

"Since when did you join a photography team?" I asked in surprise.

She stopped clicking on links and looked at me.

"It's one of my hobbies.  I joined a group a while ago, and every few years we go somewhere new in the world and take pictures.  Just an amateur thing, really.  I thought you knew."

She went back to surfing the internet and I looked around desperately for a hard wall to bash my head into.  Was there nothing this girl could not do?  I bet she had climbed Mount Everest, too.  She resembled one of those overactive, eager-to-please high school students that joined every club and every cause.  She wasn't as peppy and obnoxious as one, though.  

"Here," Shibata said, pointing to a webpage.  "It's small, but comfortable.  The people there were fantastic."

I stared at the words on the page.  They were meaningless to me because they were all in Italian.  I told Shibata that, and after apologising in advance for her lack of Italian skills, she proceeded to translate the entire page for me.

Her modesty was far too exaggerated, but at least it was genuine and better than the boastful alternative.

"It sounds nice," I said with a little less apprehension in my voice.

As I looked at the pictures of snow-covered mountains, I felt an indescribable chill pass through me.

"Okay, then how about you start in Rome for a few days and move up to..."

We spent the evening planning out my trip, Shibata making suggestions and giving me advice as I absorbed it all and tried to make decisions.

When I went home that night, clutching a neatly folded piece of paper with price estimates, recommended hotels, and names of tourist sites to see, I felt a mixture of confusion and relief.

I was relieved because Shibata had helped tremendously.  She had helped me map out an approximate route for my week-long stay, and she had provided me with helpful information and even the names of some Japanese friends she had in Florence.

I was confused because I still was not sure why I was going.  I had gotten angry at the thought of being sent there just so I could go and make peace with the mountains.  

The mountains that had caused so much pain for me.  They jutted out violently from the earth and towered over me, terrifying me, threatening to devour me, swallow me up into the rolling, never-ending cold and darkne-

I shut my eyes tightly.  I saw specks of colour dance across a backdrop of blackness.

I don't want to go and see where she died, I screamed in my mind.

I did not want to be reminded of it anymore.  I was sick of seeing it in my head and in my dreams.

I sat on my couch, shaking at the overwhelming feelings in me that triggered an urge to run away.  My fingers trembled as I tried to smooth out my hair a bit.  I needed a semblance of order in a world that I thought had become a chaotic and spinning mess of all that was negative.  I sat on my hands when they would not stop shaking and I took deep breaths, trying to push out of my mind the familiar vision of a plane crashing explosively into a mountain, people screaming in fear and pain, bleeding all over themselves and strangers, moaning for help, dying in unceremonious, disgraceful heaps on the freezing cold floor of the plane, burning into little bits as the flames consumed them indiscriminately, being forgotten by everyone that survived them...

I grit my teeth, closed my eyes again, and lay down on my side, curling up into a tight ball and holding my knees to my chest.  I trried to conjure up images of ice cream, cherry blossoms, my parents' faces... Anything pleasant in my life.  Anything that would flush out the nightmares that lived in my head.

Maybe my disowned friends were right.  Maybe I did need help.

Offline Estrea

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 2627
  • ひゃっっほーい♪( ´θ`)ノ
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #26 on: March 10, 2007, 12:26:33 PM »
Reading about Miki's pain makes me angst. Ahhhh. Pain! It's almost making me too constipated to write my own story. *cries*

I like the way you describe the feelings of Miki. It feels very real. :)

Write more soon! :)

永遠に咲き続ける花なんていない、すべてはいずれ枯れて朽ち果てしまう。

Currently writing:
- Lilium-related things. God save my soul.

On Hold:
- Everything Else. Too many to list.

I'm also on AO3!
http://archiveofourown.org/users/Estrea

Offline Sukoshi

  • Member+
  • Posts: 1266
  • Forever in love with the turtle and the hare
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #27 on: March 10, 2007, 01:41:36 PM »
I was trying so hard not to cry but once I hit the part about the cake I just couldn't hold it in anymore :ONpleeease:  I have 2 more chapters to go but my eyes are too blurry so I'll continue tomorrow :MKsniffle:

Offline Ready2

  • バカな翻訳者
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 65
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #28 on: March 10, 2007, 07:51:56 PM »
wow OTN1 awesome dude. I just love your style. Please do more it's addicting :)

Offline Amarghetta

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 726
  • The likeness of a human
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #29 on: March 11, 2007, 02:37:29 AM »
Quote from: OTN1;326112
Moi?  Non.  :lol:  Can I ask what made you think so?

I've had lots of free time these past few days.  Too much, if you ask me.


Ha, I figured you weren't, but I had to ask... It was just a phrase (can't remember which one at the moment), it seemed very French-like to me right then. :P

Another update! I'm starting to worry about this. If you suddenly leave, what will I do without my Miki angst fix? XD

Offline JFC

  • Miki's Birthday Twin
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 26538
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #30 on: March 11, 2007, 02:46:32 AM »
Quote
"Are you sure I should go?"

"What do you think?"

Ug, that infamous Shibata expression. Trying to make me think for myself!
Classic Miki. :yay:

If you have the inspiration, keep 'em comin' dude! :thumbsup

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4843
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #31 on: March 11, 2007, 05:46:03 AM »
One step closer and one step farther away.

Offline OTN1

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 672
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #32 on: March 11, 2007, 10:28:10 AM »
Exactly.
Quote from: Amarghetta;326435
Ha, I figured you weren't, but I had to ask... It was just a phrase (can't remember which one at the moment), it seemed very French-like to me right then. :P
Hahaha!  If you ever remember, let me know.  I'm curious.
Quote from: JFC;326439
Classic Miki. :yay:

If you have the inspiration, keep 'em comin' dude! :thumbsup
Okay, man. :lol:  I like Miki classic and lazy.

I hope all of the mood switches in my story aren't "overly choppy. "  They're supposed to be irregular to some extent, but I want it to look like I'm meaning to do it that way.  Miki can't decide what she feels (read: I can't decide what she feels. Hah).  

I had a bit of fun in some parts of this one.


5

For the first time in four years, I overslept and was late for work.  We had a meeting first thing in the morning with bosses from our two main sponsor companies.  I was supposed to be present at that meeting for reasons I could not understand.  Maybe they wanted to check out the goods to make sure it was worth keeping their money in our company.  They were always a bit sleazy like that, but I could not complain.  It was business after all.  We used them in other, worse ways.

I ran into the building at half past ten, trying unsuccessfully to catch my breath.  The meeting had been slated for nine o'clock sharp.  It was supposed to go for two or three hours, including a break at the midway point.

When Tanaka, the secretary, caught sight of me, she jumped up and grabbed me, ushering me into a little room beside the meeting room while scolding me for being so careless.  I outranked her in our company, but she was older than me and I really respected and liked her, so I hung my head down and allowed her to unleash sharp words about how I looked like a mess and was not presentable to the rest of the world and that the inevitable fall of our company was entirely my fault, etcetera, etcetera.

When she finished her scolding, I found myself feeling bad.  She took pity on me, smiled, and told me that I still had a chance to save everything.

"Just be yourself.  Everyone likes that tough Fujimoto charm."

I snorted.

"Don't try to fool me.  Nobody likes that."

She looked like she had been caught in a lie and then laughed while patting my shoulder.

"Well, they might not like it, but they'll definitely fall victim to it.  They all do."

So I went into the meeting room.  Feeling a bit stronger because of Tanaka, I bullied the two big bosses - by sweet-talking and complimenting them - into agreeing to a three-year binding contract with us.  I had perfected the art of passive aggressive coercion, and I could see my boss almost tearing up with gratitude.

When the talks were concluded, my boss came up to me in private.

"You did a wonderful job here.  Thank you very much."

I smiled and nodded.  He lowered his voice.

"If you are ever late for another meeting again, I will fire you."

I sighed as he walked out of the meeting room.  I knew he did not mean it, but this would be all over the company within hours.  I could just hear the conversations now...

"Miki got the big boys to sign a three-year contract, but she was late for the meeting!"

"I heard Bossman threatened to fire her."

"Where'd you hear that?"

"From his secretary.  She overheard."

"That Miki.  She's got it coming to her."

"Yeah.  What's up with her anyway?  Always so stoic.  Gives me chills."

"But she's so hot.  I mean, she's two years older than  me, but she doesn't look it."

"Huh!  Yeah, I'd do her.  I don't care how old she is."

"I  hear she's single."

"Haha, I bet she goes through 'em like fire through tissue."

"Well, I heard she hasn't had a boyfriend in over ten years."

"Yeah right.  She's probably been fucking the boss.  Why does he always get the hot girls and we don't?"

"Because we're only security guards.  And you're married, you wanker."

"Yeah, but that didn't stop me before."

"You two are horrible!"

"Uh... ah... Fujimoto-san.  H-how can I help you?"

"You can start by confessing to your wife and apologising to her!"

"AAAAAAA!!!!"

Screaming ensued.


I smiled as I imagined scolding them, unleashing my sexy and dangerous words on them.

Sometimes I let my imagination run wild with the conversations that the people around me must have had regarding me, and they often ended with me bursting onto the scene and scaring them.

"Fujimoto.  Call on line two!" Tanaka's voice called out, breaking me out of my reverie.  

I walked out of the empty room and over to the phone at Tanaka's desk.  My heart sped up to insane speeds and I swallowed down my fear as I picked up the phone, pressing the button for the correct line.

"Hello?"

"Have you done it yet?"

I groaned.

"Shiba-chan, leave me alone."

Last night after my strange fit, Shibata had happened to call me to give me a final pep talk just before going to bed.  She had made me promise to tell my manager the next day about my upcoming trip and then she said good night and hung up while I sat there wondering why I felt like a tamed lion that was being made to jump through the hoops that she held.

Since when did I get totally and completely owned by Shibata?!

"You haven't, huh?  Do it now!" she encouraged me.

Ordering me around like she's my master.

"I'm gonna do it in a second.  Relax!" I snapped in reply.

Nobody but one person had ever owned me.

"I am relaxed.  You're the one who's uptight," she laughed lightly.

Teasing me.  Nobody got away with teasing.  Just one person.

"Why didn't you call me on my cell phone?" I demanded.

I always insisted that calls to me on the main line at work were in the case of emergency only.  Emergencies like having to notify me of a sudden death...

"I did but you didn't pick up."

I tucked the phone between my ear and shoulder and used both hands to search through my purse.  I could not find my phone.

"Shit," I swore quietly.  "I left it at home."

I tried to picture in my mind where I would have left it.

"-an, are you okay?"

Did she just call me Miki-tan?  If she did, I'm going to kill her!

"Miki-chan?"

I'm hearing things.  I'm hearing things...

"I'm fine!" I barked into the phone, quite obviously not fine.  "Don't call me again here.  I'll call you later."

I slammed the phone down on the hook and Tanaka jumped.

"Get drunk and give your work number to a stranger last night?" she asked jokingly, but I was in no mood for kidding around.

"A really annoying friend," I growled, and I stalked off, probably killing my chances of ever becoming friends with Tanaka.

I headed to the little alcove they called my office and I sat down on my chair, turning the stereo on and plugging my earphones in to listen to music.  The digital readout said that my files were being played randomly.  Old Christina Aguilera music started to screech into my ears and I picked up a pen and doodled on a piece of paper on my desk.

Christina switched to Suzuki Masako.  Suzuki Masako switched to Koda Kumi.  Koda Kumi switched to Matsuura Aya.

I hit skip.

Britney Spears' earlier works.  Two tracks played.

It switched into Matsuura Aya.

I hit the skip button.

Natsukawa Rimi.  Boring.  Not in the mood.  Skip.

Matsuura Aya.

SKIP.

Matsuura Aya.

SKIP.

Matsu-

SKIP!

I yanked the earphones out and slammed my hand down on the stereo's power button.  I got up and went over to the window, opening the blinds.

"It's not funny," I mumbled to the city that lay before me.  I had a good view of Shinjuku from the twenty-fourth floor.

"Stop playing with me.  Stop it."

I was not quite sure who I was addressing.  Maybe a higher power.

Maybe a ghost was playing with me.  A mischievous spirit.

She was always mischievous.  Always liked to cause me grief.  Maybe she was here controlling my stereo, urging Shibata to call me at work, filling my mind with visions of her death.

I hit the glass of the window and turned around slowly.  I knew what I had to do.  I walked to my desk and sat in my chair again.  I thought carefully about what I was about to do.  I did not like it, but I needed to do it.

I took a deep breath and then picked up the phone.

I dialled a number that I had not dialled in months.  Quite possibly a year.

The phone rang five times.  I was about to give up when a never-changing, sweet and cheerful voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi," I said shakily.  "Can I talk to you?"

~

Offline Estrea

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 2627
  • ひゃっっほーい♪( ´θ`)ノ
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #33 on: March 11, 2007, 10:50:27 AM »
The whole thing was so...Miki. No other word for it. You really know how to write her. XD

The part with the evil stereo really got me. I know the feeling sometimes, when the shuffle mode switches to the music you least want to hear at the moment, and it makes me wonder if something isn't controlling the stereo to be evil that way. Haha.

Who did Miki call, I wonder??? I really want to know! Sweet and cheerful voice??? *has a few options* Ahhhhh I don't know...I must see what happens next!! *sits quietly and patiently in a corner* :)

永遠に咲き続ける花なんていない、すべてはいずれ枯れて朽ち果てしまう。

Currently writing:
- Lilium-related things. God save my soul.

On Hold:
- Everything Else. Too many to list.

I'm also on AO3!
http://archiveofourown.org/users/Estrea

Offline iacus

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 633
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #34 on: March 11, 2007, 12:59:02 PM »
This is a very well written and utterly compelling piece of work. I especially like the way you write your characters, everything they do comes off as natural and real; nothing seems forced or awkward or like they're only doing something to help advance the plot. And speaking of the plot, it feels the same as the characters, nothing forced or unnatural, just a graceful unfolding of events. I have a great desire to read  more of this, please, keep up the good work.

Offline coachie

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 1166
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #35 on: March 11, 2007, 03:28:42 PM »
Woah, first I thought Tanaka??? Not Reina, a secretary, hahaha.

Quote
I smiled as I imagined scolding them, unleashing my sexy and dangerous words on them.


I did too XD

I think the mood swings really work fine with the story. It's Miki after all and it's all very real and believable.

Really wonder who she calls.

*off to make a new hot chocolate*

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4843
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #36 on: March 11, 2007, 04:20:10 PM »
Who would Miki call? *racks brain*

Offline OTN1

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 672
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #37 on: March 11, 2007, 11:53:21 PM »
Quote from: iacus;326777
nothing seems forced or awkward or like they're only doing something to help advance the plot. And speaking of the plot, it feels the same as the characters, nothing forced or unnatural, just a graceful unfolding of events.
That's a relief to hear.  Thank you.  That's what it feels like.  It's unfolding slowly in my mind, revealing itself to me as I write.  I've already changed my mind twice about how I'm going to end it, but I'm sure that once I hit that last chapter, it'll change again.  I'm glad that it doesn't seemed forced.  The last thing I want to do is have everything seem stiff.  I want it to flow.
Quote from: Estrea;326744
Who did Miki call, I wonder??? I really want to know!
Hrm, me too.  I'm not sure yet. :lol:

No, just joking.  I started writing the next part and I know who she calls, but to be perfectly honest, I didn't see that one coming at all until I wrote it.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I'm wondering...  Hahahaha.

Just gotta have faith faith faith in daddy otn.

Offline Estrea

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 2627
  • ひゃっっほーい♪( ´θ`)ノ
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #38 on: March 12, 2007, 04:22:36 AM »
Quote from: OTN1;327072

No, just joking.  I started writing the next part and I know who she calls, but to be perfectly honest, I didn't see that one coming at all until I wrote it.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I'm wondering...  Hahahaha.


I know that feeling, it happens to me all the time when I write. Impromptu ideas can be useful. :)

Quote from: OTN1;327072

Just gotta have faith faith faith in daddy otn.


Of course we have faith! *nods* You haven't disappointed us so far anyway. XD

永遠に咲き続ける花なんていない、すべてはいずれ枯れて朽ち果てしまう。

Currently writing:
- Lilium-related things. God save my soul.

On Hold:
- Everything Else. Too many to list.

I'm also on AO3!
http://archiveofourown.org/users/Estrea

Offline coachie

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 1166
My Own Private Funeral
« Reply #39 on: March 12, 2007, 01:30:09 PM »
Quote from: OTN1;327072
That's a relief to hear.  Thank you.  That's what it feels like.  It's unfolding slowly in my mind, revealing itself to me as I write.  I've already changed my mind twice about how I'm going to end it, but I'm sure that once I hit that last chapter, it'll change again.


you could always write all of them, making alternate endings like "bonus material"! XD

JPHiP Radio (27/200 @ 128 kbs)     Now playing: Ailee - I`ll Show You