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Author Topic: What Needed to be Done  (Read 25148 times)

Offline glcorps2002

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Re: What Needed to be Done
« Reply #200 on: May 01, 2007, 01:59:42 PM »
We do like you and your writing, so don't let that spark die! Force it to live so you may write another day!

Offline rndmnwierd

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Re: What Needed to be Done
« Reply #201 on: May 03, 2007, 04:21:10 AM »
Wow, it was like a song where the end just cuts off, but it's supposed to be like that. Like, dundun dun dundun dun dundun dun-! Just, god. That was so sad. And still, extremely fitting that they die inside without each other. Aya should have shot him... Then Shiba would die, she would go to jail and maybe get shanked in prison one day...

Offline Mikan

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Re: What Needed to be Done
« Reply #202 on: May 03, 2007, 06:20:38 AM »
Wow, it was like a song where the end just cuts off, but it's supposed to be like that. Like, dundun dun dundun dun dundun dun-! Just, god. That was so sad. And still, extremely fitting that they die inside without each other. Aya should have shot him... Then Shiba would die, she would go to jail and maybe get shanked in prison one day...

XD XD XD
....You have very unique comments

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Offline OTN1

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Re: What Needed to be Done
« Reply #203 on: May 03, 2007, 11:37:22 AM »
Hey, rndmnwierd, I like the comparison of my story with a song that has an abrupt ending.  Now I can say "I meant to do that" about the rushed feeling. :D  Hahaha!!


I couldn't end What Needed to be Done and Love x 2 - 1 happily, but because every story needs a sliver of sunshine (and because you all asked for a happy ending), I came up with this.  It was quite spontaneous.  I didn't intend to write it, but suddenly it was written and finished in front of me.


Perfection

In a bright meadow far from Japan, far from Earth, far from any known world, two girls meet.

"What happened to you?" inquires one, eyeing the other's torn and bloody clothing curiously.

"Plane crash, I think..." comes the puzzled but calm response.  "You?"

The first girl to speak opens up her arms in a wide gesture and takes a look at her own wet clothing.

"I got beaten up beside a river.  I'm assuming I was pushed in," she says resignedly.

They both know why they're here.  They both recognise each other, but they don't know each other since they've never met before.

"You're not her, are you," states the drowned victim.

"No.  And you're not her," the plane crash victim says.

Somehow they know this.

"Where do you suppose this is?" Drowned asks, looking up at the clear blue sky, not a cloud in sight.

Plane Crash mimics the action and squints as the light from the sun hits her eyes.

"I don't know. A judgement period?"

Drowned nods in acknowledgement, but she doesn't agree.  The truth is that Plane Crash doesn't believe it either.  It's simply something to say.

The weather is so beautiful that they decide by silent, mutual agreement to begin strolling through the greenery, unaware of where they're headed.

"What day is it today?"

"October twenty-sixth," Plane Crash replies.

"Nah, it's already November."

They look at each other, another mutual, silent wave of agreement passing between them.  So they come from different worlds or different times.  It doesn't matter.  Not here in this place where "world" has no meaning.

They walk quietly.  They reach the end of the meadow and come upon an expansive beach that stretches on for an eternal length.  The sand is the pure white kind found only in tropical vacation brochures, the sea a multitude of colours of green and blue shades.  The steady progression of the shades, from the pale blue of the shoreline to the deep blues and greens of the water where sky and sea seem to meet and become one at the horizon, takes both girls' breath away.  They stand at the invisible and impossibly sharp boundary line that divides meadow and sea, contemplating the myriad of colours they can see, perhaps seeing some of those colours for the first time in their lives.

"Beautiful," utters Drowned.

"Mmhm," agrees Plane Crash.

It seems that for twenty years they stand there taking in the scenery.  Perhaps twenty years do pass.  Who can say?  Time has no meaning, no authority here.

"Do you think there are others here?" Plane Crash asks, breaking the silence.

Drowned tears her eyes away from the ocean view and looks behind at the never-ending meadow.  Not a soul is in sight.

"There must be," she finally says with a confidence she has never felt before.

This place fills her with power.  Good and positive energy that makes her think she can fly if she just tries.  This is the kind of power that most people feel only in dreams.

"Think we should find them?

Drowned stays quiet for a long time, the question echoing in her head.

"Or we could get to know each other first.  Explore this place first.  I have a feeling we'll have plenty of time to find whoever else is here."

Plane Crash nods and lets the words roll around in her head like the waves she sees before her.

"Okay," she consents after five years of consideration.  "Let's do that."

She holds her hand out to Drowned, who by this point has dried off in the pleasant heat.  Drowned looks at the pale, outstretched hand, and without another thought, she grasps it in her own. 

Smiling, the two cross the threshold and walk onto the silky soft sand of the beach.  They walk and walk and walk until they agree to stop, not a word passing between them the whole way.  They approach the water, kick off their shoes, and step in.  It's delightfully warm, and they wade in further until their knees are submerged.

"Are we being reborn?" Plane Crash asks.

Drowned shrugs.

"Maybe we're getting a second chance."

"Second chance... maybe..." echoes Plane Crash.

"Maybe our worlds weren't perfect like this one.  We're finally getting our break."

For a moment, Plane Crash remembers the person she's left behind far away in that other world she's come from.  It's all a distant memory, though, and the person in front of her  now is the same person as the one she knows, only completely different.  Such a paradox, in this strange place of no rules, is completely sensible.

Drowned has the exact same thoughts.

"Let's forget everything and start anew," Plane Crash proposes.

Drowned grins.

"Nice to meet you," she says, extending her hand for a shake.

"Nice to meet you, too," Plane Crash replies, extending her own hand.

Drowned grabs it, yanks Plane Crash forward, and then with two hands, throws her into the water with a laugh.

As Plane Crash shrieks half in anger, half in amusement, her head goes under the water and she comes face to face with the world under the sea.  She smiles in wonder.  She likes it here.

Twisting around deftly with skill she's never had before, she hones in on Drowned's bare legs and reaches out to grab them in order to throw the girl off balance.

Just before she does this, she realises that maybe this is not a judgement period.  Maybe this is just a perfect, eternal moment.

~End~

Offline Amarghetta

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Re: What Needed to be Done
« Reply #204 on: May 03, 2007, 02:59:52 PM »
You're a romantic! There's nothing wrong with that, but... I never considered the possibility of you being that way. :p

Reading this made me think of three things mostly: the last scene of a novel, a scene from Strangers in Paradise, and the plot of Skyhigh manga. But all those three were darker than this, hehe.

Abrupt endings aside, I enjoyed the reading. ;)

Offline rndmnwierd

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Re: What Needed to be Done
« Reply #205 on: May 03, 2007, 03:33:19 PM »
That was beautiful. See, I knew you had it in you! You don't always have to destroy them, it's just easier...

Quote
Hey, rndmnwierd, I like the comparison of my story with a song that has an abrupt ending.  Now I can say "I meant to do that" about the rushed feeling.   Hahaha!!

Lol, no problem. I do occasionally pluck sense from my brain and write it down.

Offline JFC

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Re: What Needed to be Done
« Reply #206 on: May 03, 2007, 06:31:43 PM »
If you ever start publishing, you could take over the world!!! Actually, if i help you can I get Hawaii? ;D
Can I call dibs on Japan?

EDIT: If not Japan, can I get Hong Kong? I just want somewhere I can get sweet electronics/tech schwag. ;D ;D ;D



Quote
Perfection
That was nice. Fate did have a way for them to be together. :)
« Last Edit: May 03, 2007, 06:34:15 PM by JFC »

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline Mikan

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Re: What Needed to be Done
« Reply #207 on: May 04, 2007, 09:16:05 AM »
I was wondering how you were going to end it. ^^
But seriosuly, are you happy with this ending? I know that you are deep down a true romantic but I mean...yeah...are you happy with this as the last piece?

Its a wonderful chapter that, believe it or not, I didnt cry over. No Bullshit. hahaha. Thanks for another wonderful story

Read the complete Doki Doki!!

Offline edhead999

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Re: What Needed to be Done
« Reply #208 on: May 04, 2007, 09:43:25 AM »
That alternate ending really brought closure. It wasn't too overly romantic, and it wasn't depressing. It was... nice. Thanks for the alternate (er... I guess if it is one)!

Nacchi... kawaii XD

Offline OTN1

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Re: What Needed to be Done
« Reply #209 on: May 08, 2007, 09:44:10 AM »
You're a romantic! There's nothing wrong with that, but... I never considered the possibility of you being that way. :p
HAHAHA!  Yes, I am.  It's embarrassing.

But seriosuly, are you happy with this ending? I know that you are deep down a true romantic but I mean...yeah...are you happy with this as the last piece?
Yeah, I'm happy with it.  If this were to be the very last piece I wrote that wrapped up this world I've created, then I would be happy with that.

But, I know never to say "this is the true end, and I mean it this time!" because sometimes more ideas come out of nowhere. :D

Thanks again for the kind comments.  Back to Friday!

Offline g4rfield

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Re: What Needed to be Done
« Reply #210 on: August 25, 2007, 01:11:22 AM »
OTN1!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! :frustrated: I hate you!!!  :bleed eyes: YOU made me wailed and sobbed like a demented person! Please please please :pleeease: :pleeease: do a more happy ending, like they were being reborn with a little of past memories or something! I can't stand this! They were so good together, yet torn apart by destiny which made them one in the first place! It's too cruel. It's like there's no hope in your paradox world. I beg of you, don't end it like this!  :pleeease:

Every time I finished reading each of the series, I've got a sinking feeling, :imdead: and in this one Miki was killed! Noooooooooooooo!!!!  :OMG: :OMG: :OMG: How could you do that!!! :scolding: I know the ending is not that sad but, THEY'VE DIED!! So it means, if you want you can do another closure that's far far happier than the last one. I'm repeating myself, but please think about it. You'd do another one right??  RIGHT?!!

Ahem...well, after letting go my emotions, here's my review from a more stable point of view,

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"You bastard," I repeat.  "I'm gonna shoot your face off."
Yes Aya, please do! I hate him as much as you do!

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..."What did you ever do to me?" Takashi asks in disbelief.  "What did you do to me?!  You hurt me.  You killed me.  You gave me something and then carved it out of my body with a dull knife.  I bled to death because of you!" he hollers.

...."In 2004, I photographed you during a promotional video shoot.  You complimented me on my work.  We had an instant connection.  And then you ignored me after that, no matter how many times I called."
Okay, it's official, the guy's a nutcase!


Quote
"Why'd you kill Miki?" I ask into the stillness of the air that seems to have enveloped this tiny corner of the world.

"Why?" Takashi repeats my question.  "Because I want to take everything away from you.  I know what she meant to you.  I've been watching you for years.  You and her, and you," he nods towards Shibata.
Not only he's a nut case, he's also an example of a sad sad excuse of a psycho human being.


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Miki's death was a senseless, meaningless act in order to teach me a "lesson."  Takashi used her love for me to trick her into going along with him.
This is why I hate psychos! I'm repeating myself now, but bashing Takashi is so much fun! Borrowing a sentence from Aya, I want to shoot his face off badly after hearing this twisted reasoning!

Quote
The word "anger" shouldn't be used.

Nor rage.  Nor fury.

There is no word in any language that can describe the chaos that has overtaken my mind.  Only action.
I love how you kinda describe the depth of Aya's feelings here without actually describing it using words. I think this is one of the powerful scenes in this chapter.

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"Die," I speak in a low, unstable, dark tone.
My mind's eye can actually see this happening and  see Aya's grim murderous face when she said it.

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"She was everything to me!" I scream at the top of my lungs.  "Everything!"
I wailed right when I read this. Nuf said.....The 'everything' part...it's just that.... I can relate to it very very closely....

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Then I let out another scream so chilling that I feel sick hearing it.  I clutch at my head as though someone's trying to rip it off.  My nails claw into my scalp and I scream until my breath runs out.

"You'll rot in hell!"
And this part add more wailing because.......it's so believable and right out of Jdrama script book! :lol:


And so this conclude my thoughts, and complaints and everything else in between about this long series of fic. Thank you for writing and sharing a wonderfully sad monogatari. (and turned me into such a mushy crybaby!)  :kneelbow:
« Last Edit: August 25, 2007, 01:41:29 AM by g4rfield »

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