Holy crap school's been bombarding us with projects
. But I finally found the time to "proofread" this chapter... the grammar is still kinda iffy though. And I can't write emotional/ deep things even if my life depended on it..but I tried Dx. Nonetheless...the next chapter.
Chapter 5I know that I might come off as a huge flirt. From the way I talk, to even the way I walk, but that’s the just the way I am. I don’t mean to do it on purpose, but as I’ve mentioned before, that was just the way I turned out to be. And trust me, this is one of the many things that I really do hate about myself.
Just from my attitude alone, many would think that I would not be one to ever think about being involved in a serious relationship. But quite frankly, it’s more like the complete opposite.
People have told me that falling in love is one of the greatest treasures in life. Actually, I’ve been there… And let me tell you, it was definitely not how they described it in the fairy tales where everything just so happens to end happily ever after. Things like that just don’t exist in reality and I was naïve to think that they ever did. I’ve grown up from being the little, innocent and childish girl that I used to be.
Over the years, I’ve learned that you should keep your true feelings to yourself, unless you’re looking to get hurt. Funny, how I had to learn it the hard way.
It’s been a while now, hasn’t it?****************************************************************************************************
A couple years back...You decided to walk me home after school had ended, worried that I’d get into another fight again. You were lecturing me about being the bigger person and ignoring whatever nasty comments people were throwing at me, yet not a single word you’ve said had gone through my mind. It was currently more occupied with thoughts of you...
I’m quite surprised, why you would even bother with someone like me? I’m just another girl craving for your undivided attention. Yet, you took the time to wait over half an hour for my detention to end, just to make sure I’d stay out of trouble afterwards. Even though you were disappointed with my violent uproar and disagreed upon what I had decided to do, the first thing you did as soon as I walked out of the classroom was take a careful look at the slightly purple bruise that had already formed on my cheek since this morning. You had asked if it still hurt while gently touching the discoloured cheek and I could tell by your voice that it was filled with concern.
Even though the bruise on my face was still feeling a bit numb, your sympathy had made my heart feel anything but that. I couldn’t help but blush with you being so close to me, and you might have felt the slight change in warmth under your soft and gentle touch.
“It’s nothing really,” I looked away and gave a little laugh. “Nothing Goto Maki can’t handle!” I had given you the proud stance, the one where I placed one of my hands on my hip and the other extending towards you to show a thumbs up.
Apparently you found it quite funny since you gave me a light tap on the back of my head while playfully muttering “Baka..Let’s get going.”
We walked in silence until we were about three quarters of the way home when I suddenly snapped out of my reverie. I gave a quick glance over to your side and noticed that you had stopped to find a good pebble to kick around as we continued our way to my house all the while following the familiar path of the sidewalk.
My heart fluttered as soon as you noticed me staring at you. You then gave me one of your infamous cheeky grins. I bit my lower lip and had a hasty decision to make whether or not I should tell you about my feelings. I couldn’t tell if you liked me back since you were such a flirt around everyone, without even knowing it. It was quite cute though, the way you were always oblivious about everything around you.
Come on, I’m THE Goto Maki! I was afraid of nothing…well that was true, until you came into my life. I’ve grown so accustomed to spending my time with you that if my confession was going to ruin our friendship, I’d rather keep it in until my heart tore open. Well, actually if I were to get into an accident, right this instant and only had three seconds to live, then I might try spluttering AwmgYossiIThinkILoveYou all in one breath. Oh, and don’t think I would forget about the clichéd part in movies where I would reach over to my necklace and hand it over, making you swear you wouldn’t forget about me or else I’d be sure to hunt your ass down in my afterlife. But, then again that was the dramatic side of me speaking. Before I knew it, I remember being surprised with what I had blurted out next since I had no intention of doing what I said I wanted to do. If that made any sense at all..“Yossi… I need to tell you something.”
“Yah?” You looked at me curiously with those amazingly beautiful eyes. You tilted your head slightly to the side, adding onto how adorable I thought you looked at the spur of the moment.
It was now or never.“I like you.” I kept my eyes glued to the floor, as if it had suddenly became the most interesting thing in the world.
She chuckled lightly before repeating what I had said just seconds ago. “I like you too Gocchin.”
I knew she wouldn’t understand. God she was so AGH!... “No really. I mean it as in I like, like you.”
She stopped walking and stopped to grab my arm as I was still strolling at the same pace. If not, even faster than before.
“Where are you going?” She asked.
“What do you mean?”
“This is your house right?” She pointed to the number engraved in stone, which rested on the right side of the elegantly smelted gate.
I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I didn’t even realized that I was already home.
“Uhm…yeah.” I scratched my head sheepishly, all the while trying desperately to cover how embarrassed I was.
“I guess..I’ll see you tomorrow?”
I gave her a nod and went to push in the correct numbers into the keypad near the gates.
“Hey, Maki?” She looked up from the ground and returned her gaze upon me just as I was about to walk through the gates.
“Hmm?”
Walking briskly to my side, she waited for a few seconds before cupping my face lightly. She moved her lips closer and planted a light and tender kiss on my bruised cheek. Moving further up a little from my cheek, she whispered into my ear.
”Hope that feels a bit better tomorrow.”
Leaving me dumbfounded, she stepped back and I could have sworn that I saw a smirk on her face. As she turned around and began making her way back home, she flung her arms into the air and rested her hands behind her head. There was nothing I could do but stand there and stare at the slowly fleeting figure. My legs remained fixed to the concrete floor under me as I suddenly realized that she was long gone, just like my sense of rationality.
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On the outside I seem to have gotten over it. And I have… but lately these feelings that I’ve learned to forget about are slowly beginning to resurface again. I know that I shouldn’t even think twice about them since we’ve become best friends. Like I’ve said before, your charms were and still are, irresistible. And no matter how much you’d like to deny being nice, you manage to show the caring side of you whenever I’m feeling under the weather.
Sometimes I wish you knew how I still feel about you, despite the countless years we’ve spent together and stupid things I’ve said. And I have no doubt that I’ve already done it countless times before, regarding the dim witted remarks I like to make. But with all joking aside, there are some nights where I lay around in bed, wondering if I had taken the time to reminded you about how I felt, instead of pretending nothing had happened that day, would things have turned out differently?
I want to have someone there for me, someone who’s willing to help me back up whenever I fall. Someone who’s there to reassure me that everything’s going to be alright no matter how bad the situation is. I want a shoulder that I can cry on, a shoulder that I can sleep on. I want to be able to fall into a deep slumber all the while being surrounded by someone’s warm embrace, an embrace that’s going to keep me safe as long as I’m with them.I just want to spend my time with that one special person who I know I can share the best and the worst of times with, without being judged. I want to be loved by someone…
someone like you. Under the surface I’m usually the one in high spirits, while on the inside, it’s quite a different story. I’m kind of glad no one has been able to see through this fake facade yet. But I have no idea how much longer I can take this before I end up subsiding to these bottled up emotions.
On several occasions, I’ve let that side of me slip out, where I’m a total mess. I’ve been meaning to hide this part of me from the presence of others, but being the fragile girl that I really am on the inside, you have no idea how scared I really am.
I’m scared…even terrified because the feelings I have for you right now are starting to grow stronger and stronger with each passing day. Even a mere glance from you could send butterflies to my stomach. I must be good at hiding these feelings of mine though, cause obviously, you haven’t noticed. I guess what I’m trying to say is… this isn’t just a crush anymore…
I think I might be seriously falling for you.The spurious front that I’ve set up is slowly crumbling and I don’t want anybody to see me in my moment of vulnerability. But right now, all I can do is smile and bear with it. And maybe, that’s why on the outside I have to maintain the reputation of being a player. It’s because…
I’m so tired of having my feelings rejected.What would you say if you knew I was actually that insecure? With you being the Yoshizawa Hitomi I’ve learned to adore, you’d have too many admirers to even bother with one measly crush. So, would you laugh at me or would you ignore it? And, what if I told you, and you alone, would be the only one to have that effect on me?I’m disgusted with myself because I don’t want to deceive those who are closest to me anymore, yet I still do it. And I do it… because it helps me forget about the person I truly don’t want to be…
That person being…Me.