Borough police also reported that Lohman may have squirted bodily fluids on Asian female students as they rode on University shuttle buses.
How the fuck does that happen?
Get one of those little squirt bottles they sell 3/.99c, fill it up with jerk juice, and you're in business. I thought everybody knew that.
Make sure you store the bottle in the veggie crisper over the month or so that it takes to produce a bottle's full of "juice." Helpful hint, add just a dash of saliva which contains antimicrobial qualities. Cuz otherwise, after a few days, the stuff goes bad and gets fungusy, and that's really nasty. And don't put it in the freezer. Unless you've got a flash freezer like in a spermbank, putting it in the freezer will form ice crystals in your spunk, and then it's useless.
Hope that helps. I read it online somewhere. Obviously, I've never actually done anything like that. Cuz then I'd be a registered sex offender, and I'd be violating the terms of my probation by posting online to a site like this. Which is clearly not the case, so don't bother looking for my probation officer.