CHAPTER 12
When Jurina woke up this morning, she was pleased to note she was feeling quite rested. Her schedule had been so tight this last month – with all the work surrounding her young WCenter and the release of their new single combined - that she couldn’t remember the last time she had a real, good night sleep. Yesterday evening, it was barely 9 p.m. when she went to bed, a time definitely unusual for SKE’s ace to go to sleep. She was so exhausted after her dinner with Churi, she fell asleep as soon as she reached the bedroom.
A quick glance at the alarm clock indicated her it was almost 9 a.m., and Jurina was thankful not having anything to do on this Sunday morning. It meant she could stay in bed a little longer if she wished, a luxury so rare she was not going to let this opportunity pass. Jurina blinked a few times to take in her surroundings, observing Rena’s bedroom thanks to the morning light penetrating the room.
Yesterday, she didn’t even hesitate when she was faced with the choice of going to her home, or to Rena’s apartment. It had been more than a month since she last saw Rena in Kyoto, and her cozy apartment had an undeniable appeasing effect on her. Rena may not be physically here with her, she could almost feel her presence in the very air she breathed, and at each step she took.
Yes, she was still troubled by the fact the older girl had not said a word about her kissing scene – and her frustration at the idea she had kept something from her had not decreased in the slightest since she discovered the picture in the magazine - yet a part of her couldn’t ignore the fact she missed her nevertheless. Jurina was all too aware of her conflicted feelings. How could she be upset at her, yet still love her so unconditionally? It wasn’t the first time she found herself facing such a contradiction; one that only seemed to arise when it came to the person named Rena Matsui.
Jurina let out a small sigh, noticing she was still wearing her everyday clothes. Last night events came to the forefront of her mind. That’s right. Not only she ended up eating much less than originally planned after her short talk with Rena on the phone – a mistake her grumbling stomach was now reminding her – she didn’t even bother to change into her pajamas. Jurina searched her memory to recall when such an occurrence happened before, but failed to identify a moment in particular. Jurina figured it had probably been many years.
Jurina pondered over going back to sleep for a little while, but soon discovered she really wasn’t feeling sleepy anymore. The view of the bedcover resting over her body brought a frown to her face, not remembering placing it here in the first place. In fact, she was pretty sure she fell asleep just like that as soon as her head hit the comfy mattress of Rena’s bed. Could she have covered herself with it at some point during the night?
Just as she was about to brush it off, her perplexity increased when she noticed that Rena’s side of the bed was untucked. Well, that was even more odd. Not only didn’t she get under the sheets last night, she always left untouched the left side of the bed when she slept alone at Rena’s place. Her bewilderment reached a new level when she caught a smell coming from the kitchen. Now, there was no doubt possible anymore. She was not alone in the apartment. Could she have invited Churi over after their dinner?
Even if she had voiced her desire to take her mind off things for a few hours she couldn’t help reliving her short conversation with Rena on the phone most of the time, and feeling a bit guilty about the way she had handled things. In the end, her bowl of noodles stayed mostly untouched, and it took her a lot of self-restrain not to come back on her decision and instead spill the beans to Churi about what concerned her.
That’s why it wouldn’t have been implausible for her to ask to spend the night with Churi, in order not to be alone when she was not in her right mind. However, Jurina realized quickly it was very unlikely. Yes, she could have spent the night at Churi’s apartment, but she was at Rena’s apartment right now. And she never invited anyone over at Rena’s place. Could she have made an exception this time?
Jurina straightened up and glanced towards the left side of the mattress, observing that – not only the bedsheet was definitely untucked - Rena’s pillow also showed signs of having been recently used. She was not alone right now, and someone had definitely slept here last night. Jurina pushed the bedcover aside and took a seat on the side of the bed, trying in vain to find the missing piece of the puzzle. Yes, she was exhausted last night, but she certainly didn’t drink a single drop of alcohol. She never did! Her failing memory made no sense whatsoever to her.
Jurina stood up from the bed and moved towards the door, well decided to get an answer to her questions. The smell reaching her nostrils grew stronger when she opened the door and took a step outside. Someone was cooking rice. The sound of cracking eggs gave it away that an omelet was probably also on the menu. Now her curiosity had reached its peak, and her feet unconsciously sped up on the floor a little.
Music playing softly on the CD player reached her as she entered the living room, and it didn’t take her long to recognize the familiar tune:
Osaka Lover, a song from
DREAMS COME TRUE. Rena’s all times favorite band.
Nando koko e kitetatte No matter how many times I come here,
Mata kuru nowa anata ga oru kara ya mon I'll keep coming because you're here.
Tanoshisou ni shitetatte No matter how much fun it is,
Sore wa anata ga koko ni oru kara ya mon It's because you're here, you know.
Dondake kenka shitatte anata dake No matter how much we fight, you're the only thing
Honma ni taisetsu ya mon That's really important to me.Jurina’s feet paused when she arrived at the doorstep of the kitchen, and her mouth dropped open at the view of the other girl busy making breakfast. She had her back turned to her and as such not noticed her presence yet, but it didn’t prevent Jurina from recognizing her silhouette immediately.
Rena Matsui, her 25-year-old girlfriend, was tossing food in a pan while humming with enthusiasm the energetic song that was playing on the CD player.
“R-Rena?!” Jurina blurted out in incredulity, not believing the sight in front of her. What was the older girl doing in Nagoya? She never mentioned her return to her over the phone!
A pair of small brown orbs looked back at her at once, and a warm smile spread across the face of the former SKE member. Rena retracted her fingers from the pan and reduced the distance between them, Jurina not opposing any resistance when she captured her lips in a kiss. The moment was short and chaste, but it didn’t prevent the young girl from relishing the contact of Rena’s soft and familiar lips against hers.
“Hi,” Rena whispered when she pulled away. “You arrived right on time. Take a seat.”
Jurina heard the invitation well but her feet stayed stuck on the ground, her eyes glued on the older girl as she went back to take care of the food. Somehow, she was still having a hard time processing what was happening. Rena was standing in the flesh right in front of her. How was that possible?
She finally got the answer to her previous questions, but Rena’s presence was raising a few other ones. She swept over her form, taking in the red short-sleeved anime tee-shirt and white pair of pants that composed her pajamas. Her appearance was another proof that the older girl had slept here last night, and Jurina found herself astonished by the discovery. She must really have slept like a log not to notice anything.
“I-I don’t understand,” Jurina finally admitted her bemusement when she found her voice back. “You never told me you would be back so soon.”
“I didn’t tell you because I wanted to make it a surprise,” Rena explained, quite pleased with herself at the reaction her presence provoked. “I was planning on arriving unnoticed this afternoon, but I managed to catch an early train. However, you were already sleeping soundly when I came in the bedroom.”
“Yes, I was exhausted,” Jurina conceded. “I have been very busy lately… I think my body couldn’t refuse the respite any longer.”
“I can see that.” Rena grinned, scanning her from head to toe. “I don’t even remember the last time I saw you going to sleep still fully clothed.”
“Er…,” Jurina cringed. No, she wasn’t feeling very proud right now at the sight she was offering. As if she wasn’t feeling embarrassed enough, her stomach betrayed her hunger with a sudden growl. It had been twice now since she woke up this morning.
Rena stifled a laugh. “I agree. You definitely need to listen to your body. Sit.”
This time Jurina obliged and took a seat at the table, her chopsticks getting in action as soon as food was placed inside her bowl. Yes, she was definitely starving, Jurina realized as she tasted the cooking of her girlfriend. It was a simple meal, but she knew she was going to enjoy every second of it. After all, she had a demanding stomach to satisfy. From her peripheral vision, she soon noticed the older girl who had taken a seat opposite her was not touching her food, and she raised her gaze in curiosity. “What is it?”
“I’m just pleased to witness your appetite,” Rena replied in all honesty, before continuing on a lighter tone. “And I’m glad my modest cooking still appeals to you after two months.”
“Silly,” Jurina protested, smiling a little at the older girl’s playful expression. “If you don’t eat, I’m going to steal that melon pan of yours,” she threatened, sending a pointed look to the bread resting next to Rena’s untouched bowl.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Rena scoffed, a protective hand covering the precious food. “In eight years, no one has ever been able to take a melon pan away from me. Not even you and your sneaky hands.”
Jurina shook her head lightly at her childish behavior and resumed eating, her attention moving occasionally back to the older girl. A comfortable silence enveloped them while they ate, only the soft music of
DREAMS COME TRUE accompanying them in the background. Now and then they would exchange a smile, and Jurina realized progressively how much she had missed those simple moments of daily life.
All negative thoughts fell at the back of her head in an instant, Jurina enjoying instead the unexpected presence of the girl she had been separated from for so long.
When she came back to her apartment the previous night, Rena had only removed a few essential elements out from her suitcase, not willing to take the risk of waking up the girl who was already sleeping in the bedroom. Now, they both had finished their breakfast, and she took advantage of the fact Jurina was busy taking a shower to finally empty it.
She started to place a few clothes back in the drawers, soon letting her gaze wander around the room in appreciation. After all these years, she was pretty much used to spending the night in hotel rooms, but there was nothing like being finally home. Her eyes suddenly caught sight of an unfamiliar rectangular box on her desk, an object she had completely missed the day before due to the darkness.
She continued emptying her suitcase but stopped halfway through, curiosity finally getting the best of her. She moved towards her desk, her fingers carefully unwrapping the red paper around the box that concealed its content. A familiar white wave appeared on the top, and her surprise gave way to a certain anticipation as she suddenly got a good intuition of what it could be. Her eyes lit up when she opened it, and saw a brand-new pair of red and blue sneakers inside the black box. A light squeal escaped her lips in delight and she took the shoes out without further ado, admiring them from every angle.
She truly couldn’t wait to put them on, and she made a mental note to properly thank Jurina once she would be out of the bathroom.
Shoes in hand she went to open a cupboard on her left, and she kneeled to place her newest pair of shoes amongst all the other pairs of sneakers carefully aligned. Rena admired her large selection of sneakers, her eyes falling on each pair that composed her cupboard. Some were shoes she had bought herself, others were given to her by famous brands. There was no way telling how many pairs she had - considering how impressive her collection was – but she was capable of situating each pair at a certain moment of her life. For nothing in the world, she would get rid of them, even if some were definitely worn out by now, or others didn’t fit her size anymore.
Rena noted she had little space left in her cupboard, and figured she would need to overcome this unfortunate problem. Her passion for sneakers was certainly not about to diminish anytime soon.
“Sometimes, I don’t know what’s the most impressive,” Jurina’s pensive voice sounded behind her back. “Your sneakers collection, or your scale model trains collection.”
Rena turned around, her gaze falling on the young girl leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, and now dressed in fresh clothes. She followed her eyes set on the glasscase that sheltered her train collection. “I don’t know which one is the largest, but I can tell you they are both
equally important to me.”
“I’m well aware of that.” Jurina smiled knowingly, finally noticing the Shinkansen 500 she had given her for her twenty-fourth birthday. “But your train collection is now complete. How will I know what to buy for your next birthday?”
“Already thinking about that?” Rena arched an eyebrow in mild amusement. “I turned 25 less than two months ago.”
“Yes, but time goes by quicker than you expect,” Jurina murmured, moving forward to take a seat on the side of the bed. “Don’t you think? Because to me, it only seems like yesterday when we were both members of SKE singing on stage in Nagoya. And now, you’re a full-time actress shooting dramas all around the country.”
Rena gazed at her in concern. Jurina’s mood had suddenly darkened, contrasting so much with the happiness she had witnessed upon her face earlier on in the kitchen. What had triggered the sudden melancholy she could now easily distinguish in her voice? Rena wasn’t exactly sure, but she guessed SKE’s ace was still somewhat having difficulties adjusting to her absence from the group.
She stood up from the floor and closed the cupboard - thinking carefully about what to reply – before taking a seat beside her. “I’m back in Nagoya now,” she assured as she took Jurina’s left hand inside hers. “Now that my shooting is over, I’m going to stay here for a little while.”
Yes, Rena was finally back, Jurina nodded as the older girl reminded her of her promise. She couldn’t be more delighted by the news; it was all she had been waiting for during their separation. She laced their fingers together and looked down to their joined hands, observing their matching rings. It was the symbol of her unfailing affection for Rena, and she couldn’t be more pleased that the older girl was also wearing it. What was she worried about? Everything was going to be fine now that Rena was by her side again.
However, her joy didn’t last as she soon remembered a subject that had been nagging her for weeks. She had been so distracted by Rena’s unexpected return – and blinded by the joy that resulted from it - that she had momentarily forgotten about it. She retracted her hand slowly and looked away, nibbling on her bottom lip as she searched the best way to broach this tricky subject. Now that Rena was physically by her side, the moment was ideal to finally let it out. She had envisioned this conversation in her head a few times in the past, but words surprisingly refused to come out when she opened her mouth to speak.
Jurina’s behavior went far from unnoticed from Rena who frowned a little, wondering why the young girl suddenly looked a bit uneased. “Is everything alright?”
No… You had a kissing scene in Destiny and I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me! Jurina suddenly felt like venting her frustration. However, she restrained herself, not wishing to raise her voice in front of her. Somehow, she wanted to sort this out in a mature way now that they were face to face. She ended up being much more hesitant than planned when she spoke up. “Why didn’t you tell me about your…”
Jurina didn’t manage to finish her sentence, feeling a pang in her chest when a certain unpleasant picture invaded her mind. After that day, she had almost watched the designated episode to check how far it went between Arisa and Yoshiaki. In the end, she didn’t manage to go through with it, guessing it would hurt her even more if she saw something she didn’t like.
Jurina didn’t know why Rena deliberately chose to keep this information from her, but the idea of Rena kissing someone else intimately was also somewhat disturbing. Of course, it was only work and it didn’t mean anything, Jurina tried to convince herself multiple times. But it didn’t really manage to make things any better. In her shoes, she was not sure she would have agreed to shoot such embarrassing scenes.
And the idea of her girlfriend kissing another actor on screen whenever she pleased? She herself had stopped kissing other members on the lips when she and Rena became a couple. The older Matsui never asked her to, but Jurina didn’t wish to take the risk of offending her in any way with her playful behavior. It appeared Rena didn’t think one second of the potential consequences her actions could have on her. How else could she explain otherwise the fact Rena had not mentioned that kiss to her?
Jurina glanced back to Rena tentatively, and could tell by her concerned look she had no idea what was bothering her. There was no use beating around the bush any longer. “The kiss,” she finally blurted out. “Your character kissed Yoshiaki, and you didn’t tell me anything about it.”
Rena blinked in confusion, processing what Jurina had just announced. What? She was aware of the kiss? But how? Didn’t Jurina tell her she had been too busy lately to follow
Destiny properly, and as such would wait until it was over to catch up? Yes, Rena was positively sure about that. Jurina had indicated it loud and clear over the phone more than a month ago.
“I don’t understand…” Rena confessed. “You told me you were not following my drama. I thought we could watch it together when I return.”
“I didn’t watch it,” Jurina confirmed, failing to understand why she was bringing this up. She was completely missing the point! “But I heard about the kiss from Rara!”
Rena was slightly taken aback by the reproach she could easily read in her voice. The young girl was doing her best to keep her tone even, but failed miserably. She was boiling inside, that fact was much obvious. After all these years, she was capable of analyzing her body language very well. And right now, she was like a ticking bomb, ready to explode at any moment.
“I was going to tell you,” Rena assured, catching her hand and encircling her fingers gently. Somehow, she hoped her appeasing tone would help the other girl calm down effectively. “As soon as we would have watched the show together, I would have warn-”
“Why wait?!” Jurina cut her off, pulling her hand away instantly. Oh yes, she was losing her temper – something she promised herself not to do – but she just couldn’t help it. Rena’s arguments were making no sense to her. “Why not tell me straight away when you shot the scene?”
Rena watched her in incredulity when she stood up abruptly and walked away. For an instant, she even feared she was going to completely leave the room considering how agitated she looked. To her relief her steps stopped before that, and their eyes met again when Jurina turned to look at her, arms crossed over her chest.
She’s really angry at me, Rena realized, trying desperately to take a grasp of the situation. She believed to have good reasons for not telling Jurina about the kiss sooner. Reasons she wished to expose to her, if only Jurina gave her the chance. However, judging by her reaction, she could tell her patience was progressively slipping.
“This is a whole misunderstanding,” she started, hoping Jurina would not interrupt her this time. It was essential if she wished to make herself completely clear. “I knew you weren’t following my show anymore, so I didn’t want to make you vainly upset over the phone by mentioning this scene. I wanted to have that conversation with you when we would see each other again. The only thing is… I didn’t predict that you would hear about it.”
“You should have guessed there was a possibility I would learn about it nevertheless,” Jurina countered. Yes, she had been careful to stay away from spoilers, but Rena’s drama was very popular. The first kissing scene on screen of a former idol. Of course, it would draw attention! “A lot of magazines talk about your drama.”
“I’m sorry,” Rena whispered, realizing how reckless she had been by not telling Jurina sooner. Of course, she was aware of the success of her drama, but she had been mostly living in a bubble during her stay in Kyoto. This project was so important to her eyes – not to mention time consuming - that she wished to stay completely focused on her work. Did she end up shutting out everything around her? Maybe a little. In fact, her conversations with Jurina were the only thing that kept her connected to the outside world the whole time of the shooting.
Now, Rena connected the dots with Jurina’s recent behavior on LINE. Their conversations had considerably shortened these last weeks, and Rena never doubted the other girl’s sincerity when she stated more than a few times how exhausted she was. Why wouldn’t she believe her? She was all too aware of her busy schedule with SKE, and - even if Jurina never spoke much about the difficulties she encountered - guessed her newest WCenter was not lifting up the pressure from her shoulders, far from it.
After the conversation they just had, Rena realized she had not been completely honest with her. Jurina had been acting this way not because she was tired, but because she was upset with her. And she had not seen anything. She had been completely fooled by Jurina’s explanation. An explanation she still strongly believed until this morning, after discovering a fully clothed Jurina sleeping soundly onto her bed.
“I’m really sorry...” Rena repeated, guilt washing over her as she imagined easily what Jurina had been going through because of her omission. Not only Jurina was under a lot of pressure with her work, her silence about the kissing scene must have convinced her she was purposely hiding something from her. “I never meant to hurt you. You need to believe me.”
Rena’s convincing tone and pleading look got the better of Jurina. Now, there was no doubt the older girl was truly remorseful about her actions, and listening to her explanation managed to alleviate her anger. However, there were still a few things she wanted to ask. “Was it the only kissing scene?”
“No…” Rena replied. She was a bit hesitant to continue, but she could tell the other girl had now thankfully considerably calmed down. Besides, she deserved to know the entire truth. “I did another kissing scene at the end of the drama. Both were very chaste kisses, I assure you.”
Jurina felt a bit relieved the scenes were not as explicit as she feared, even though she couldn’t deny the idea still made her a bit uncomfortable. “So… you’re really alright with doing such scenes on screen?”
“I’m not saying I especially enjoyed shooting them,” Rena answered, sensing she needed to tread carefully with this somewhat sensitive subject. “I think those scenes were necessary for the development of the story. I wouldn’t have agreed if it was only gratuitous.”
Jurina didn’t say anything, but read between the lines easily. Rena didn’t mind doing those scenes, and was not opposed to shooting kissing scenes again. Never once in her life did Jurina try to influence or meddle in Rena’s career, and she was not about to start. However, it certainly didn’t mean she always understood her decisions. Agreeing to her transfer to Team E. Not protesting against her kennin in Nogizaka46. Those were choices – amongst a few other ones – she still couldn’t fathom after all this time.
Jurina already knew she was definitely going to skip Rena’s kissing scenes when she would decide to watch
Destiny again, and would apply the same logic if Rena chose to do more kissing scenes in other dramas. The prospect of Rena doing more kissing scenes was still disturbing to her, but she was going to respect her decisions nevertheless.
She always would.
Jurina had been quiet for a little while now, and Rena couldn’t help gazing at her in apprehension. Somehow, she could tell by her pensive look she was still processing what she had said. Wishing to put an end to the distance separating them she stood up from the bed, and took a few steps forward.
“Are we… alright?” she asked, a bit hesitant to touch the other girl yet, in case the issue was still not completely solved.
“Of course...” Jurina nodded, a faint smile moving to her lips when she could literally see the relief spreading across Rena’s features. No, she was not mad at Rena anymore, but she wanted to make sure of one thing: that she never relived what she had been through. “I know you never meant to upset me, but I need you to promise me something. Next time you do a kissing scene, don’t wait to tell me. You have no idea how painful it was to learn about it from someone else.”
“I promise.” Rena cupped her cheek tenderly. “I won’t make the same mistake twice.”
Jurina didn’t oppose any resistance to the affectionate gesture and even leaned a little into her touch, before pulling her into a hug. Two arms wrapped around her neck in reaction and a gentle kiss was placed against her temple. There was no word strong enough to say how much Jurina was relieved the matter was finally over, and she tightened her hold around Rena's waist.
If there was one thing she hated above all, it was fighting with Rena. Something that thankfully very rarely happened. Jurina was now conscious it had only been a terrible problem of communication, unfortunately enhanced by the distance separating them. But now, Rena was finally back in Nagoya. Jurina wanted to believe everything was going to be fine again. Rena had always been her rock, her anchor. As long as she had her by her side, she could overcome any obstacle.
TO BE CONTINUED
Topic: Heartbeat (20/20) + Partners (23/23) + Destiny (41/41 END) [WMatsui] - REPLIES (Read 365210 times)