I'm baaack! Grr arrgh *various zombie noises*. I missed you guys so much. 
And so, an omake. It might or might not fit into the current timeline.
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The Orientation of Doctor Konkon
Konno Asami knew they were in for it when she saw the sign at the entrance. Someone had hastily scribbled ‘Medical’ over the word ‘Surgical’ and added a few other mildly discriminatory statements in lipstick; so the sign read “Wellcome First-Year
Surgical Medical Interns and various Noobs”.
Her best friend, who fell into the ‘various Noobs’ category was already too drunk to care. Already, Konkon had to haul Makoto off Dr. Yoshizawa who was also too drunk to notice that a strange lab tech was humping her leg. They escaped by offering repeated apologies to the senior surgical resident, and was saved by the timely intervention of Ai-chan who seemed a lot more chummy with her boss when she had half a bottle of chocolate vodka in her.
As the only person actually sober in the room (and the Decade’s Most Promising Young Doctor, according to the National Medical Board of Examiners), Konkon felt that it was her moral duty to keep the situation from degenerating any further. They had to make a good first impression after all. Herding her friends and batchmates to the back of the hall, she made a mental tally to make sure everyone was present and accounted for.
Ai helped by putting a headlock on both Reina and a flailing Risa. She licked a smear of chocolate sauce off Reina’s cheek before taking a swig of vodka. Reina was unconcerned since she had an entire bowl of chocolate sauce clasped to her chest like it was her first-born child.
Konkon counted off again, “Eight, nine…” And came short of two. She wasn’t too concerned about Eri, but the other one- the most dangerous one of all, was not in sight. “Gosh darn it, where's-“
A drumroll interrupted her train of thought and the lights dimmed. Dr. Fujimoto stood on the stage, making a fair vocalised mimicry of a drumroll and cymbal splash. “Ladies and- uh, mannish- ladies, I present to you, the pride of Asa University Hospital and Pulse…”
“Ohfuckme.” Apparently her friends were not too far gone to stare in shock at Konkon's uncharacteristic lapse in etiquette.
“Doctor Okada ‘Velvet Harddazzle’ YUIII!”
Dimly, Konkon could hear her colleagues from her class repeat her sentiment, but the most torrential of swearing from Miyoshi Erika was obscured by a faint approximation of what can only be described as porno music.
“Sing louder, Kame! Goddammit,” Miki stage-whispered.
After a mild whimper, Eri's vocalisation of bass thumps and drawling synth imitation into the microphone increased in volume, but maintained its shakiness. That didn’t hinder the magnificent entrance of Okada Yui, dressed in nothing but tassels and a labcoat, strutting flamboyantly onto the stage from the wings to raucous cheering.
“Yeah! Work it, Dazzle-chan! Take it off, baby!”
Far be it from Yui to disobey a direct order from the Chief of Staff, Nakazawa Yuko. And so she ‘took it off’ with much jiggling and very little modesty. After a series of complicated dance moves and bouncy thrusting, she finished her routine by flinging her tassels into the wildly approving crowd.
Miki was beaming as she applauded loudly beside an exhausted Eri who looked as though she had lost something precious in life. Jogging back onto the stage, Miki smiled fondly at the stripper. “And now, our getting-to-know-you Q&A session! Tell us- what is your most valuable achievement to date?” Miki held out the mic, conveniently resting her hand on a generous boob.
Yui flashed a brilliant smile at the crowd and replied earnestly, “I figured out how to balance a wine bottle on my chest so I don’t have to tip it with my hands. Breathing has new meaning.”
Everyone clapped. The resident laughed and smacked Yui on the ass firmly. “Learn something new every day. Sign of a great doctor.”
From the back of the hall, Ai laughed at the antics onstage, despite the mild feeling of watching a train wreck. “Oh man, I’ve never seen Fujimoto-san happy like that. Konkon, you watching? Konkon?” Turning back to locate her friend, she found the usually teetotal Konno chugging a whole bottle of vodka.
And then the orientation party started getting into full swing.
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Bonus Material- Morning After: The Disorientation of Doctor Konkon
“Should I go talk to her?”
Risa sighed. “Makochin, I understand what you’re going through, believe me. But you need to- to explore your newly-found sexuality with someone else who isn’t your lesbian role model.”
“But, I really love Yoshizawa-san.”
“You idolize her, you don’t love her.”
“We kissed! It was mutual!”
“And after that she grabbed Ai-chan and shoved her tongue in her ear. What does that tell you?”
“It was an interesting sensation,” Ai piped up for the first time since the entire conversation.
“Ai-chan, you’re not helping,” Risa scolded. “Ponchan, say something to Makochin!”
The Decade’s Most Promising Young Doctor merely stared blankly ahead with dead eyes. Eri was propped up beside her, both hands firmly attached to either side of her head as Sayu lovingly spoon-fed her Ai’s oatmeal concoction of the day.
“Don’t disturb Konno-san. She’s had a rough night,” Reina rasped as she dug into the green mush.
“NOTHING HAPPENED!” Konkon roared loudly, or at least in as loud a decibel as her weak vocal cords permitted. Grabbing Reina by the collar, she fixed wide eyes at the shorter girl. “Nothing. Happened.”
“Okay, alright. Nothing happened.” Reina twisted out of Konkon’s grip easily and settled her disturbed friend back to her seat.
The senior residents jolted out of the silent contemplation of their breakfasts like so many meerkats when they heard the outburst from their juniors’ table across the room. Deciding that it was probably not worth the hangover headache to find out what was going on, they returned to their tight huddle.
“Yossi, do you know that the new lab tech has been making eyes at you all morning?” Rika asked, casually sipping on her coffee.
“I need new fucking locks, is what,” Yossi said. “And Mikitty, why is Yui-chan passed out on your lap at our table?”
“Which idiot assigned Mikitty to provide last night’s entertainment anyway?” Maki muttered.
“That would be Iida-san.” Miki replied, effectively shutting up the low murmur of dissent around the table.
“Doesn’t make it any less idiotic.”
“You don’t get to say that, Yocchan, seeing as how you seemingly enjoyed yourself the most last night.”
“Speaking of people having the most fun last night, the Decade’s Most Promising wasn’t as impressive as I thought she would be,” Aya interjected in a conspiratorial whisper.
“I thought the DMP was plenty promising,” Tsuji said with a laugh. “Did you see us at the liquor table? She built a working radio transmitter out of stuff we found in the trash.”
“In retrospect, it was probably a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw,” Kago added sagely.
“Still not wasted enough to carve a watermelon sculpture of the Death Star with a laser scalpel. Imma have that thing bronzed. Konkon rocks!” Tsuji enthused happily. “You rock, Konkon!” she yelled over to the intern’s table.
“NOTHING HAPPENED!!”
And so, the new medical interns began their first day at Asa University Hospital.
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This omake was pounded out in the course of roughly two hours at the behest of Essy. Blame her.
Topic: On Call [Chapter 12- 7July] (Read 37733 times)