JPHiP Forum

The Hello! Project Fanfics => Writers' Cafe => Topic started by: Mikan on November 27, 2006, 01:57:32 AM

Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on November 27, 2006, 01:57:32 AM
I thought this would be fun to do and I would love for everyone to take part

Its pretty simple. Write a news article (style of newspaper or TV report..watever..) about H!P (feel free to put pictures with your article)..I see some humourous protential...

And now to the headlines....

______________________________________________________________


In a press conference in Tokyo today, Hello! Project producer, Tsunku, has announced his purchase of the rights to Koji Suzuki's ultimately popular story - The Ring. A remake of this classical is planned to be released some time next June with all the current and ex-members of Morning Musume to feature. "The lead role of Sadako is currently under discussion" Says Tsunku "We think Iida Kaori will do well in the part with her freakishly long hair but really...it's mostly undecided".

Fans and critics eagerly await this controversial piece wondering whether it will gross as much as Sukeban Deka or follow the same path as the H!P sequel to Dawn of the Dead - Morning of the Musume.

________________________________________________________________

Over one hundred fans were treated with shock this afternoon after Matsuura Aya was removed by medical professionals during her make-up concert in Osaka. Witnesses say that partway through Zutto Sukide Ii desu ka the well-known soloist's jaw fell completely off. Paramedics that accompany Aya specifically for her treatment of her condition acted efficiently, hurrying her off stage and to hospital.

From inside Sawada Medical Clinic, Aya was put in for emergency surgery to reconstruct her face. As her real jawbone was not recovered, best-friend and rumoured lover Fujimoto Miki voluntarily put herself under the knife for a jaw transplant. Surgeons who operated on the two girls say the operation was a complete success. Miki's jawbone was an ideal match and Aya should be able to return to her singing career within a month. Fujimoto on the other hand will be taking the next year off, as her prosthetic jaw will need constant re-adjustments.

The whereabouts of Matsuura's real jaw is currently unknown. Video evidence shows us the bone flew into the crowd and was picked up by an anonymous fan as some sort of sick souvenir. Police expect in to appear on ebay shortly.

Aramaki Mikan reporting..

_____________________________________________________________

Yeah, I really do get a kick out of writing this stuff. *sigh* I pathetic so I hope some people can sympathise with me.

COMMENTS PLEASE!!! (;_; )
Title: Head Lines
Post by: JFC on November 27, 2006, 04:34:20 AM
Quote from: Mikan;244247
In a press conference in Tokyo today, Hello! Project producer, Tsunku, has announced his purchase of the rights to Koji Suzuki's ultimately popular story - The Ring. A remake of this classical is planned to be released some time next June with all the current and ex-members of Morning Musume to feature. "The lead role of Sadako is currently under discussion" Says Tsunku "We think Iida Kaori will do well in the part with her freakishly long hair but really...it's mostly undecided".
I can see that working pretty well, especially with Kaori as Sadako.


Quote from: Mikan;244247
Over one hundred fans were treated with shock this afternoon after Matsuura Aya was removed by medical professionals during her make-up concert in Osaka. Witnesses say that partway through Zutto Sukide Ii desu ka the well-known soloist's jaw fell completely off. Paramedics that accompany Aya specifically for her treatment of her condition acted efficiently, hurrying her off stage and to hospital.

From inside Sawada Medical Clinic, Aya was put in for emergency surgery to reconstruct her face. As her real jawbone was not recovered, best-friend and rumoured lover Fujimoto Miki voluntarily put herself under the knife for a jaw transplant. Surgeons who operated on the two girls say the operation was a complete success. Miki's jawbone was an ideal match and Aya should be able to return to her singing career within a month. Fujimoto on the other hand will be taking the next year off, as her prosthetic jaw will need constant re-adjustments.

The whereabouts of Matsuura's real jaw is currently unknown. Video evidence shows us the bone flew into the crowd and was picked up by an anonymous fan as some sort of sick souvenir. Police expect in to appear on ebay shortly.

I think Miki says it best...
(http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/3469/mikiwtfsy2.jpg)
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on November 27, 2006, 04:52:06 AM
Thank you!! finally a comment!! JFC, your always the one who seems to be my saviour. For a moment there I thought I was unoffically excluded from the fiction area for writing something so bizzare and well, ...moronic...
Title: Head Lines
Post by: JFC on November 27, 2006, 04:54:57 AM
Quote from: Mikan;244356
Thank you!! finally a comment!! JFC, your always the one who seems to be my saviour. For a moment there I thought I was unoffically excluded from the fiction area for writing something so bizzare and well, ...moronic...
:lol: Awwww...
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Slack on November 27, 2006, 05:32:01 AM
In the world of H!P, bizzare and moronic = :heart:.
If you don't believe me, look at Gomaki Penguin :heart: or Gomaki Suzume :heart: or any number of bizzare and moronic turns the H!M skits took.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: elgie on November 27, 2006, 04:55:37 PM
An unexpected vengeance?
The net has recently been flooded with lots of compromising material concerning most of the H!P staff. Voice recordings, pictures and personal messages posted in the most popular message boards, depicting the most intimate moments of the girls. The posts are signed by the mysterious nickname "Vengeance of the Underdogs"(...)


(...)officials suspect this could be a plan plotted by recently graduated ex-musume Ogawa Makoto. Reporters of this journal couldn't find the aforementioned in order to seek her version.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: rndmnwierd on November 27, 2006, 07:37:54 PM
Lol, this is great!


Tsuji Nozomi, 19, was arrested late last night for the murder of an unknown actor. The man was seen on Tsuji's show Curious Nono, but no where else. Police found ID on the man, but when questioned about who he was, they simply stated, "No one of importance."

When questioned about her motive, Tsuji had this to say, "Look at what I've been reduced to! Hosting a show where my guests are cardboard boxes and I'm stuck taking ques from that no name loser! Anybody in my position would snap after a while of that." It's not known whether her lawyers will plead temporary insanity or not, though that seems likely.

Bringing you more updates on this developing story in the future, I'm Rndmn Wierd. Back to you Mikan.


---My obsession spills over...
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Loser87 on November 28, 2006, 02:47:15 AM
Hello! Loser87 at the scene of the crime!!
Recently there have been many reports of cake robberies in many parts of tokyo, eye witnesses say they recognized her to be a former idol.
The cake robbery is costing alot of money here and business owners are not happy!

"It is crazy I tell you! People are going crazy now a days with stealing!"

"This isn't good for my business! I just ordered 20 dozen cakes and when I left to sign the shipping orders they were gone!"

"All I was left with are strawberries!"

Many believe it is Asami Konno, former musume member.
Who has a fondness for delicious sweets such as cakes and I'm sure we all remember she doesn't really like strawberries!
We have no real evidence except that many strawberries were left uneaten!
Police are tracking for the former Musume member until then, back to you Mikan!

~This was just random >_>
Title: Head Lines
Post by: glcorps2002 on November 28, 2006, 06:56:07 AM
This is GLCorps2002 reporting live from the HiP's Eye In The Sky. Right now we are witnessing a highspeed chase down I-19. Apparently the police are after Ayaka Kimura, or "Coconuts Ayaka" as some of her fans call her nowadays as she is suspected of vandalizing a juice bar for, and I quote: "not having a proper hawaiin fruit smoothie".
 
According to police and witnesses she took a sledgehammer from a nearby construction site and started to smash the tables and counter screaming "A smothee Does Not Have WASABII!!! EVERYPLACE I GO THAT STUFF IS IN EVERY F**KING SMOOTHIE!! STOP IT!!!". Also according to witnesses the wasabi was put in there by the driver of the getaway car, Mari Yaguchi, as part of some prank. Mind you it seems that she was assisting in the damage as well.
 
The police say that when they stop the car, they are going to tell Miss Kimura how the wasabi got into the smoothie and watch the fireworks fly.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on November 29, 2006, 06:20:22 AM
Haha, Oh god, this is becoming something cool. Love the reports ^^.
Lol Wasabi :D

I think this might be Erink, WaffleT and Comrade's cup of tea. Someone give a shout to them. And now to the news....



Ex-Morning Musume member Yasuda Kei has been reporting missing today. She was last seen Sunday 26th of November at 8:23am when a local 7-11 convinience store captured her purhasing her daily Onigiri and C.C Lemon. Police urge anyone with information to come forward.

_________________________________________________

Viyuuden centre girl, Ishikawa Rika or Charmy as she is known by fans, was called into custordy today by the Kanagawa-ken police as reports by concerned Green peace were verified.

Over the last month, local police have been watching the young Ishikawa closely as she has been making several suspicious trips to her apartment in Kanagawa. The reports filed by Green Peace state that this disturbed idol has taken her torture from TV shows and turned it into a sick sadistic rage towards animals of the feathered kind.

When the bust was made early this morning, Ishikawa was caught literally red handed cutting up the chickens into tiny portions ready to be made into Karaage. Police suspect the Karaage was then sold off to the convinience stores in the surrounding area as a way to dispose of evidence.

Health authorities and Green peace ask for all members of the public not to purchase the popular snack until all contaminated pieces have been reclaimed and filed as evidence in the up-coming trial.

Aramaki Mikan reporting...



Ahh!!! Sorry I just need to have a morbid report. And that one about Yasuda Kei is a running report that I tend to finish later :D
Title: Head Lines
Post by: ferrar1 on November 29, 2006, 07:49:24 AM
ferrar1 reporting on news 123 29/11/2006

Recently there has been numerous cases of molestation being reported on the Tokyu Den-en-toshi line. This has forced authorities to step up the vigilance and security by even including non-uniformed female policeman on the affected trains and lines. But somehow time and time again the offender has managed to escape the police ambushes. In fact the acts have been increasing and have gotten worse. Recent reports have included women' panties and bra being stripped of instantly. The chief police has been under barrage by the women independent party for not doing its job.

Chief police: We are really trying our best to catch this "guy" but i'm afraid this person is a repeat offender and very highly skilled as well as having a good understanding of a woman's body. He has mysteriously terrorised the Tokyo women since then and we have given a code name of 'devil groper' on "him".

---------------------------------------------------------------------

We move on to entertainment news for today. Fujimoto Miki of MM has been reportedly being seen around Yokohama-shi Aobadai ku. It is one of the main residential area along the stops on the Tokyu Den-en-toshi line. Sources within UFA has confirmed that she has relocated her house a month ago and is now living in that area.

:bounce::bounce::roll::roll: I hope someone understand the links between the 2 articles XD
Title: Head Lines
Post by: cheesesticks on November 29, 2006, 08:38:00 AM
__________________

Recently there have been random sightings of UFOs in the small town of Jericho. Accompanying these UFOs are various crop circles in the shape of giant "E"s all over the state. One man reports to have seen a glimpse of a bright flashing green dot streak across the sky followed by a "piko piko piko piko". Origins of these anomalies are being investigated further by UFO ethusiasts but the results remain inconclusive at this moment.
____________________

Hello, I am cheesesticks live reporting at the entrance to the Tokyo District Courts where former soloist turned musume Miki Fujimoto is currently being charged with mass molestation of fellow colleagues and random pedestrians alike. An UPDATE! Miki has just exited the building with 10 of her lawyers and are heading towards -wait, WHAT?! She's heading my way? What the hell do you mean she's heading my way? Didn't you say she was going to her limo? Wait she's coming closer - she's right behind me? AND SHE'S ABOUT T-- AHHHHHGHHH!??!! --

- And that was city news for the day, I'm Ken Takahashi, thank you for tuning in for tonight.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Masabi on November 29, 2006, 08:51:57 AM
I'm not creative but these were all really really interesting to read.  *laugh*
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Sukoshi on November 29, 2006, 11:06:21 AM
hehe great job everyone, these are pretty amusing to read =D
_______________________________________________________


Good evening folks, this is Sukoshi reporting

As you can see behind me, traffic in front of Tokyo TV has finally begun to move as the remainder of 20 emergency vehicles are clearing the scene.  Traffic came to a standstill as of 3 pm this afternoon as dozens of fire and rescue personnel were called to the scene to rescue an idol stuck in an air vent.  Recent updates have informed us that the idol in question is none other than 6th generation Morning Musume member Kamei Eri.  She was seen entering the vent during a break in filming but was unable to exit the vent an hour later.  After 3 hrs of delicate rescue procedures Kamei Eri has been successfully freed from the vent.  Upon rescue she apologized to rescue officials and vowed to stick to hiding in broom closets and lockers.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: ferrar1 on November 29, 2006, 12:02:33 PM
^ I thought it was because her thunderthighs got stuck somewhere :D
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Comrade on November 30, 2006, 05:14:46 PM
Got the memo.  This is funny. :lol:

It has been rumoured that Yasuda Kei, the former Nobody of Hello! Project, has become involved in a home decoration business collaboration with several big name brands in the United States of America.  Ms. Yasuda was seen in an undisclosed location in Nagoya while meeting with American representatives of the companies she is working with.  Her new product is said to be a new type of corduroy pillow. The purported slogan of her new product is "Cord pillows: we make headlines."



(Just think about it for a minute.)
Title: Head Lines
Post by: JFC on November 30, 2006, 07:57:38 PM
Quote from: Comrade;247041
The purported slogan of her new product is "Cord pillows: we make headlines."

(Just think about it for a minute.)

Such a bad pun, yet still I laugh. Man, where's a "rimshot" smiley when you need one?
:lol:
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on December 02, 2006, 08:44:33 AM
Quote from: Comrade;247041
Got the memo.  This is funny. :lol:

It has been rumoured that Yasuda Kei, the former Nobody of Hello! Project, has become involved in a home decoration business collaboration with several big name brands in the United States of America.  Ms. Yasuda was seen in an undisclosed location in Nagoya while meeting with American representatives of the companies she is working with.  Her new product is said to be a new type of corduroy pillow. The purported slogan of her new product is "Cord pillows: we make headlines."



(Just think about it for a minute.)


I've become a Hage now because of all the jokes you make that have been skimming over the top of my head. :(

Wait....NOW I GET IT!!!! HAHAHAH!! Yea....yeah thats cute ^^

AND NOW FOR THE HEADLINES!! (I apologise for the last report.Im just angry and have to be straight forward)
___________________________________________________________

It has been a week now with no leads for the police in regards to their search for under dog idol, Yasuda Kei. Ms Yasuda was last seen on Sunday 26th of November at the local down town 7-11. On that day she was wearing large dark sunglasses, jeans and a white fur lined coat. Her parents had this to say -

"Who?"

The posiblilty of a kidnapping hasnt been ruled out. Police are still urging anyone with any information to come forward.
__________________________________________________________

The Hello! Project in conjunction with the the Up Front Agency have issued a health warning with all of its products after the disasterous incident that happened at the release of GAM's full version promotional video clip of Melodies.

728 hospitals not only in Japan but world wide reported seeing to patients who had choked on their own drool after seeing the controversial video clip.

The warning states on the front of every product - "Merchandise may cause suffocation or abnormal heart pulpitation. Not suitable for children under 3, pregnant women, epileptics, people with a history of a heart problems or Wotas"

_________________________________________________________

Patrons claim to have heard the drunken confessions of none other than Hello!Projects very own Fujimoto Miki at a bar in Kabukichou last night. Fujimoto entered the bar alone, already intoxicated but still continued to drink. At 3am, she was removed from the bar after getting rowdy during a conversation with other customers. Whilst being removed from the premisses the idol continued ranting such things as quote: "Boo yeah, my Aya is one hot babe" and "I get into her pants everynight, Shizzam!"

Manager Tsunku has been pressed for answers to Fujimoto's actions to which he replied in a conference this morning - "Oh come on, as if you guys didnt already know?!"
Title: Head Lines
Post by: JFC on December 02, 2006, 10:07:37 PM
Quote from: Mikan;248528
It has been a week now with no leads for the police in regards to their search for under dog idol, Yasuda Kei. Ms Yasuda was last seen on Sunday 26th of November at the local down town 7-11. On that day she was wearing large dark sunglasses, jeans and a white fur lined coat. Her parents had this to say -

"Who?"

The posiblilty of a kidnapping hasnt been ruled out. Police are still urging anyone with any information to come forward.
:ROTFLMAO: @ the reaction of Kei's parents!


Quote from: Mikan;248528
The Hello! Project in conjunction with the the Up Front Agency have issued a health warning with all of its products after the disasterous incident that happened at the release of GAM's full version promotional video clip of Melodies.

728 hospitals not only in Japan but world wide reported seeing to patients who had choked on their own drool after seeing the controversial video clip.

The warning states on the front of every product - "Merchandise may cause suffocation or abnormal heart pulpitation. Not suitable for children under 3, pregnant women, epileptics, people with a history of a heart problems or Wotas"
That one is SO true. :D :drool:


Quote from: Mikan;248528
Patrons claim to have heard the drunken confessions of none other than Hello!Projects very own Fujimoto Miki at a bar in Kabukichou last night. Fujimoto entered the bar alone, already intoxicated but still continued to drink. At 3am, she was removed from the bar after getting rowdy during a conversation with other customers. Whilst being removed from the premisses the idol continued ranting such things as quote: "Boo yeah, my Aya is one hot babe" and "I get into her pants everynight, Shizzam!"
XD "Shizzam!" XD


Quote from: Mikan;248528
Manager Tsunku has been pressed for answers to Fujimoto's actions to which he replied in a conference this morning - "Oh come on, as if you guys didnt already know?!"
He does have a point there. :ONwahaha:
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Tanachan on December 03, 2006, 02:41:46 AM
And now for a breaking newsbreak with...umm...someone!
 
Thank you, Mikan. This weekend, the beloved girl-beater drunkard, Nakazawa Yuko (34) has been put under arrest for selling alcohol to everyone in H!P including the following:
Arihara Kanna
Sugaya Risako
Natsuyaki Miyabi
Tsugunaga Momoko
Kumai Yurina
 
All was interrupted when "the groper" whose Identity has still not been confirmed, came in to grope Yuko when all of a sudde, a bang, a crashing of glass bottles, and....
 
WHAT THE *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*??????
 
All was confirmed except the identity of the groper of Yasuda Kei, who bought the original alcohol, and was tricked into it by Yuko because it was "for a party" they were to supposedly to have with the elder members of H!P
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on December 10, 2006, 09:20:28 AM
Ex Morning Musume member, Yasuda Kei has been reported missing for over two weeks now. But an anonymous tip recieved by police a little after 1 pm this afternoon led them to her whereabouts.

Ms Yasuda was found in Tokyo Disney Land disguised as Mini Mouse. On sighting the SWAT team she fled but was quickly taken down as the novelty suit impaired her running abilities. She was taken away screaming, quote: "I just wanted to be loved"

Her parents had this to say in her defense. "Who?"


---------------

Come on, give it a shot...you know u want too
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Tanachan on December 10, 2006, 09:49:04 PM
This just in, apparently Ms. Yasuda Kei's parents are NOT her real parents. After a long search, and a few rounds of cake, she found her real parents. They had this to say -

"Who are you again?"
Title: Head Lines
Post by: JFC on December 10, 2006, 10:10:06 PM
^ Dayum those are so bad/mean, and yet hilarious! XD XD XD
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on December 11, 2006, 01:43:03 PM
Tsunku new promotion has the nation watching as he does a retake on the 40famine. The girls who volunteered were assigned a challenge they must stick to for 40 hours in the name of charity.

Miki gave up body contact (including sexual contact of herself)
Sayumi gave up singing (this so far has grossed the most money)
Eri accompanied by Ishikawa were put into dance classes
Kago was challenged to grow up and speak like an adult.
Nono was restricted to speaking only english
Yossui was locked in a room with food, her task being to finally eat something
Yaguchi enthusiastically volunteered, her challenge being to sit still

Headlines will be watching and reporting any updates on this event

----------------------

Im sorry, this thread has become my punching bag ^^

----------------------
Tokyo Theatres annouced the acceptance of Iida Kaori from Morning Musume into their company. The idol is expected to feature in an 'important role' for the companies up coming performance - The Lion King. The director was kind enough to tell us this after her audition -

"She's good. She's perfect. Just what we have been looking for! Do you know how many basketball teams we searched threw looking for someone like her?"

Although the director, Mr Kawasaki, wouldnt say exactly what part Iida is schelduled to play it's rumoured she will be the Giraffe that appears in the opening act.

----------------------
^ That last one was inspired by a Kaorin disliker. I read there speil I while ago and they mentioned she looked stupid because she was too tall. I cant remember clearly but Im fairly sure they discribed her as a Giraffe.. So to who ever you are...this if for you~
PS I have nothing against these girls!! Im just a jerk
Title: Head Lines
Post by: rndmnwierd on December 11, 2006, 09:27:26 PM
Quote from: Mikan;255982

Nono and Yossui were locked in a room with food, their task being to finally eat something



Okay, now Hitomi "The Stick" Yoshizawa I can understand, but Nono needing to eat more? That girl actually has a pretty nice weight and she doesn't sway in a strong wind. In fact, she could probably stand a few weeks at the gym.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: JFC on December 12, 2006, 06:24:46 AM
Quote from: Mikan;255982
Sayumi gave up singing (this so far has grossed the most money)
For a real challenge Sayu should have to give up doing the "Usa-chan PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE" and/or NOT look at herself in a mirror for 40 hours.

:ROTFLMAO:
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on December 12, 2006, 12:25:53 PM
I new a Nono bashing would cause a few ruffled feathers. I was just playing around. When I see her I think that she could use some R&R. Dancing works a lot of muscles so maybe she just needs time to rest and let those muscles grow~

Sorry rndmn if I went to far
Title: Head Lines
Post by: rndmnwierd on December 12, 2006, 04:02:46 PM
Quote from: Mikan;256665
I new a Nono bashing would cause a few ruffled feathers. I was just playing around. When I see her I think that she could use some R&R. Dancing works a lot of muscles so maybe she just needs time to rest and let those muscles grow~

Sorry rndmn if I went to far


No, it's cool. You should have said something more like:

Quote
Nono was challenged to speak completely in English. (And no one could understand her anymore than usual.)


Or something like that. :D I just meant that her needing to eat more was strange.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on December 12, 2006, 06:30:31 PM
Lol. Yeah thats hell better than what I origanally had *edits*
Dude, please write a report. I wanna see what you got :D
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Loser87 on December 17, 2006, 01:28:38 AM
* bump bump bump *

Ahem, on today's top news! A brutal murder has happened at keio University!
The Murdered body of a 42-year-old man who was not a professor at all
His body has been stabbed several times with a fork that had remnants of cake on it
There is no word on who the murderer is but a message was left pinned to the dead body.
"STOP STALKING ME!! Merry Christmas ^__^"

On other news Tsuji Nozomi Former Morning Musume Member has visited America for the first time that isn't Hawaii!
She was spotted in L.A. visiting fellow ex mini moni member Mika Todd!
It was reported she managed to speak one full sentence in English that she claims Mika has taught her.
" Hello, How are you? F*****? wow that's great!"

Mika had this to say:
".....that's just F***** up..."

End of our coverage tonight.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on December 17, 2006, 10:43:17 AM
HAHAHAHAHAAHAH~
Yeah I think Tsuji could learn some English as long as they taught her something USEFUL!
Title: Head Lines
Post by: glcorps2002 on December 17, 2006, 10:51:12 AM
Quote from: Mikan;261024
HAHAHAHAHAAHAH~
Yeah I think Tsuji could learn some English as long as they taught her something USEFUL!
That is useful. You never know when you need to shout F*****!!! to someone, might save someone's life. Probably the guy your shouting at if he has enough sense to run.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Tanachan on December 17, 2006, 03:56:32 PM
That just made my day cheesecake girl!
Title: Head Lines
Post by: rndmnwierd on December 18, 2006, 07:52:57 AM
Tsuji Nozomi was arrested today at a local Putt Putt for vandalism and assault. Reportedly, the manager had asked her to stop abusing store property when the candy crane game wouldn't yeild the candy she wanted. At one point, Tsuji picked up a nearby stool and bashed in the glass of the machine, turning on the manager when he tried to restrain her and breaking his arm.

As the police dragged her away, Tsuji could be heard screaming, "My Tootsie Rolls! I want my Tootsie Rolls!"

It is not known whether she was under the influence of any substances, though one bystander suggested that maybe it was sugar deficiency instead.

We shall keep you updated as this story unfolds.


BTW: Putt Putt is an arcade and mini golf place thing that I went to tonight and got over a thousand freaking tickets, baby! Whoo! Ahem, and Tootsie Rolls are extremely addictive tiny chocolate log (or roll!) shaped things. And I go crazy for the stupid things...
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on December 21, 2006, 03:01:00 AM
Ive always wanted to know what a tootsie roll is...we dont have em over here :D
AND I LOVE PUTT PUTT!!!
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on December 24, 2006, 12:56:27 PM
Aramaki Mikan here LIVE at the Down town Tokyo police station as the city police go over evidence found in Yaguchi Mari's apparently. The idol was reported missing 3 days ago and after storming her apartment late last night Detectives found a letter addressed 'to whom it may concern'. The letter reads as follows:

To whom it may concern,

I have had to leave Japan immediately and return to my hometown due to an emergancy call from my previous employer. He is incredibly understaffed this year and requests my assistance. I shall stay there until I am no longer needed but I can guess that this may be some time around the 7th of January.

Peace out!
Yagu <3

PS
Kei-chan, if you're wanting to stay over you are more than welcome just make sure you feed Mr. Winky and put the toilet seat down when your done. Im sick of shutting it
.

Tsunku is being questioned on where exactly he found this idol and why there are no records of her history before joining the Hello!Project.

More on this as it happens.
Im Aramaki Mikan.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: glcorps2002 on December 24, 2006, 09:49:36 PM
Quote from: Mikan;266477
Aramaki Mikan here LIVE at the Down town Tokyo police station as the city police go over evidence found in Yaguchi Mari's apparently. The idol was reported missing 3 days ago and after storming her apartment late last night Detectives found a letter addressed 'to whom it may concern'. The letter reads as follows:
 
To whom it may concern,
 
I have had to leave Japan immediately and return to my hometown due to an emergancy call from my previous employer. He is incredibly understaffed this year and requests my assistance. I shall stay there until I am no longer needed but I can guess that this may be some time around the 7th of January.
 
Peace out!
Yagu <3
 
PS
Kei-chan, if you're wanting to stay over you are more than welcome just make sure you feed Mr. Winky and put the toilet seat down when your done. Im sick of shutting it.
 
Tsunku is being questioned on where exactly he found this idol and why there are no records of her history before joining the Hello!Project.
 
More on this as it happens.
Im Aramaki Mikan.
Santa's hottest little helper, ha ha ha.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Tanachan on December 25, 2006, 01:38:05 AM
Whoo~!

This will end up being great as soon as some other good writers break into it like Yuuyami and Shoko, etc.

And I like the subliminal joke w/ Kei-chan!
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Yuuyami on December 25, 2006, 01:40:59 AM
Hey. Don't put the pressure on me XD

Sorry, but you won't see any headlines from me any time soon. Maybe when I feel like I'm creative enough, I'll contribute XD
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Tanachan on January 15, 2007, 02:12:36 AM
Good evening fellow HiPsters! Tanachan here to revive the thread of...


HEADLINES!!!!!

This week a car was stolen outside of the Hotel de Plot Contrivance. It was describes as an all pink car, with the word "GAM" written along the side in thin, yellow font. The alarm on the car is the song "Melodies", the headlights project a custom image of Miki drinking Juice in a white shirt and miniskirt, and has a vanity liscence plate with the word "THANKS". The co owner of the hotel, Ayaka Kimura, is expectant of the car being stolen by one Matsuura Aya, as the board left in its place had thousands of Ayaya stickers on it, and had the melody of "GOOD BYE NATSUO" reminating from a built in speaker.

More to come, I'm Tanachan.

This one is dedicated to Commie and Fen!
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on January 15, 2007, 05:36:45 AM
LoooooooooL!!! Cool one Tana.

I feel like I should write another one... *outs reporter cap on* ...I'll think about it...but first I should go find me a story~~
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Fenrir on January 15, 2007, 02:25:38 PM
Quote from: Tanachan;283156
Good evening fellow HiPsters! Tanachan here to revive the thread of...


HEADLINES!!!!!

This week a car was stolen outside of the Hotel de Plot Contrivance. It was describes as an all pink car, with the word "GAM" written along the side in thin, yellow font. The alarm on the car is the song "Melodies", the headlights project a custom image of Miki drinking Juice in a white shirt and miniskirt, and has a vanity liscence plate with the word "THANKS". The co owner of the hotel, Ayaka Kimura, is expectant of the car being stolen by one Matsuura Aya, as the board left in its place had thousands of Ayaya stickers on it, and had the melody of "GOOD BYE NATSUO" reminating from a built in speaker.

More to come, I'm Tanachan.

This one is dedicated to Commie and Fen!

ROFL!! XD XD :tfr9a7wg: Nice!

Oh evil Ayaya. XD XD Such a naughty girl. XD
Title: Tanachan for prime minister!
Post by: Comrade on January 16, 2007, 12:18:01 PM
LOL!  Nice one, Tanachan. :lol:  The ComFen Adventure made the headlines! :P
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Tanachan on January 21, 2007, 06:26:37 PM
And now, a special report. THe GAMmobile has been found in a dump somewhere in Hokkaidou. After Commie and Fen spent a full day recovering it to its full beauty, they set back onto the road. Ever since that day, Badger, Mushroom, and Snake deaths have risen by at least 400%. More coming soon, I'm Tanachan.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on January 22, 2007, 04:34:34 AM
XD XD
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on January 24, 2007, 04:52:02 PM
Ok ok!! I got one! FINALLY! It came to me while at eating out at the restaurant mentioned below ^^ Hurray for inspiration!!

----
In a deal settled over a month ago, popular food franchise Subway made a deal with Japan idol Matsuura Aya to do a series of advertisements for their new Smoked Ham Sub. Ms Matsuura was flown to America where she completed the series of ads in various locations including New York and Seattle.

However, in an unfortunate turn of events the ads did poorly in the Western Market. Subway lost an estimated 50K of sales in the first week after the ad's premiere. Trish White, market researcher for Subway, suggests that the loss is directly related to the pronunciation of their slogan by the Japanese Idol.

More on this as it happens.
Aramaki Mikan reporting...

It might take a while. Just think about it XD

(http://www.subway-siegen.de/images/burger.jpg)
Title: Head Lines
Post by: tanakachi on January 24, 2007, 06:31:19 PM
^haha had to read the last line and then i got it, and i LOL'd hard!!! hahaha
Title: Head Lines
Post by: shindoushiz on January 25, 2007, 12:09:12 AM
It took me awhile to get the Subway joke...only because I was trying to pronounce Subway and Smoked Ham Sub first...instead of the slogan.  That's what happens when I don't read carefully. :evil:

But hmm...you never know, some people might be intrigued by this new twist on the slogan.:o
Title: Head Lines
Post by: JFC on January 25, 2007, 03:55:34 AM
Just goes to show, make sure that you have celebrities do readings first before you sign them to any promo deals. :lol:
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on January 25, 2007, 02:30:47 PM
I started ROFLing big time at the thought of Shindoushiz sitting at the computer going -

"Smoked Ham...Smmmooooooked...Haaaaaam....smuuurrked....haaaarm..."

You would have attracted a few odd looks ^^
Title: Head Lines
Post by: elgie on January 25, 2007, 09:06:42 PM
I don't get it... :(
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Tanachan on January 25, 2007, 09:45:03 PM
it'd have sounded like "saabuuwai, eeto fleshu!" aka "subway, eat flesh!"


XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD
Title: Head Lines
Post by: shindoushiz on January 25, 2007, 11:58:23 PM
Quote from: Mikan;292941
I started ROFLing big time at the thought of Shindoushiz sitting at the computer going -

"Smoked Ham...Smmmooooooked...Haaaaaam....smuuurrked....haaaarm..."

You would have attracted a few odd looks ^^


lol more like "Sumo~kudo Hamu?" then thinking if there's some sort of trick into making it sound like something else.  
I also started trying out different Japanese accents.D:

本当に何やってんだ、私:doh:
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Tanachan on January 26, 2007, 04:32:35 AM
O.O

I just noticed a typo now at the beginning of the thread XDD

In Mikan's introductory post, it says "Right an article"
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on January 26, 2007, 01:46:47 PM
*Goes back and changes* Yeah, I make those mistake often...I know the difference it's just they slip out!!

Anyyyyyway!! for those of you who didnt get the joke!! I'll go through it now
1. Japanese people sometimes pronouce L's as R's and visa versa...

Theeerefooooore!!! The slogan becomes
SUBWAY EAT FLESH!

Mmm Ham anyone?


(Still done believe me? Or just cant imagine them saying it like that?)
Ok Remember that English lesson with Thane? He teaches them the word refridgerator and Yossui pipes up "Refresh kara?". Listen closely, she says Reflesh.
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Tanachan on January 28, 2007, 04:50:53 AM
OOH~! *broke out the honeybaked ham*

And now for a breaking news update! The reported murder of Kusumi Koharu, age 14, has occured by being run over by a van, dubbed the "Obbachanmobile" after a Nakazawa Yuko.

Sayumi Michishige, who is in a pure state of shock, had this to say.

"It just came out of the trees, man, like a freakin' Nazi, it came out of the trees!"

Sayumi's sanity at this point in time is questionable, but we will come forth with more updates at a more convenient time. *returns everyone back to Utaban*
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Mikan on January 28, 2007, 07:03:27 PM
HAHAHAAHAH!!! Sayumi saying that would be the funniest moment and would definately beat my current and long standing number one of Yaguchi copping it in the crutch
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Tanachan on February 04, 2007, 05:33:55 AM
Hehe, freaking love that moment. Got it subbed and everything...

"Ow~~~! And it's not even a real enema!"
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Blizzard on February 06, 2007, 12:03:07 AM
This is your road roving reporter, Blizzard, coming to you with breaking news.  Police are receiving report after report concerning a series of drive-by coconuttings.  Yes, you heard right.  Coconuttings.  

According to witnesses, a metallic jungle green SUV has been seen driving erratically with its passengers throwing coconuts at anyone and everyone in their path.  One victim claims that a mean looking blonde was the coconut launcher and, as they sped off, was heard yelling, "Drive Miki, drive!"  It is unknown exactly who this "Miki" may be.  Another victim claims that a set of twins opened the side doors and started hurling the coconuts from there.  However, everyone is unsure exactly what to believe from these statements due to the fact that the victims were just hit in the head with a coconut.  

Police have been able to pursue the suspects on a couple occasions, but because of broken windshields and the general disregard for traffic laws by the driver of the SUV, these pursuits have failed to apprehend the suspects. Apparantly, the main getaway for the SUV is to drive through parks, and police are wary to follow.

*vvvrrrrooooooommmmmmmm*

Police are urging pedestrians to be aware of their surroundings and are asking for anyone with any information to call them at...    Wait.  Do you hear that?

*vvvrrrrroooooommmmmm*

What the...  It's coming from over that hill in the park.

*VVVRRRROOOOOOOMMMMMM*

Oh my god!  Is that a coco...   DUCK!

*thunk*  

*VVVRRrooooooommmmmm*

They missed?  They missed!  HAHA!  YOU MISSED US!

*squeeeeeeaaaalll  vvvrrrrrOOOOOMMMMM*

Oh shit!  They're coming back!  Run!  RUN!

*thunk*

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

We are experiencing technical difficulties.  Please stay tuned as we return you to your regularly scheduled program.  

------------------------------



I finally had inspiration strike for a good news report! :ONding:  It's based on two fics, and I really hope erink and Mikan don't mind. :ONkneelbow:
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Tanachan on February 06, 2007, 03:19:52 AM
OMFGLMAORDAHOACAIABAATIASP

(Oh my god laughing my ass off rolling down a hill off a cliff and into a bottomless abyss and then into a snake pit)
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Amarghetta on February 06, 2007, 04:18:40 AM
Quote from: Mikan;291977


It might take a while. Just think about it XD


When I read that it was to be read as FLESH, I lol'd big time... In the end, it turned out to be such an innocent thing, not even related to the phrase I came up with while trying to guess the pronunciation. :sweatdrop: XD

Good one, btw. :thumbsup
Title: Head Lines
Post by: JFC on February 06, 2007, 07:14:35 AM
Quote from: Tanachan;301586
OMFGLMAORDAHOACAIABAATIASP

(Oh my god laughing my ass off rolling down a hill off a cliff and into a bottomless abyss and then into a snake pit)

Man, I don't know what's funnier, the latest headline or that response. XD
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Blizzard on February 06, 2007, 11:13:53 PM
Quote from: Tanachan;301586
OMFGLMAORDAHOACAIABAATIASP

(Oh my god laughing my ass off rolling down a hill off a cliff and into a bottomless abyss and then into a snake pit)

You forgot one letter in your translation.  The most important one at that!  Just what is that mysterious "F"?!  :MKevil:

Yes, I know what it is.  :P
Title: Head Lines
Post by: Tanachan on February 08, 2007, 01:53:04 AM
Let's just say it's "emphasis"
Title: Re: Head Lines
Post by: wings4dreams on April 28, 2009, 05:26:57 AM
Whoa, I've never seen this section before! Sooo funny! Okay I want a shot at it too. 

@@@

Breaking News!! 

An asteroid has been reported to be blazing a direct course toward our vulnerable unprotected planet.  NASA, top Japanese Scientists, and other super smart overpaid people, have no idea how to stop the giant space rock that is hurtling towards us with such deadly precision.  After an exhaustive search, political leaders have turned their final hope to a young Japanese pop idol fresh out of middle school. Despite the pressure, Koharu Kasumi (14), has been working extensively on our deliverance from what has become the single most devastating event in written world history.  When questioned on her progress towards our salvation, Koharu, had this to say. 'I've determined that asstroids are just like thighroids, except for the ass.'

...

...What the hell?! The audience was left speechless.


In other news...
Rika's ass.  I repeat.  Rika's big fat ass.

This has been Fujimoto Miki reporting for the last time.

@@@



*sigh* this one's weird even for me...*sheepish* next time I'll try to plan something out instead of trying to think of something off the top of my head.
Title: Re: Head Lines
Post by: JFC on April 28, 2009, 05:31:50 AM
Koharu, had this to say. 'I've determined that asstroids are just like thighroids, except for the ass.'

...

...What the hell?! The audience was left speechless.
(http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/rimshot.gif)
Title: Re: Head Lines
Post by: Kuji on April 28, 2009, 05:34:25 AM
Ahaha... Koharu is a genius. XD

I love this section, I need to read all the rest now. Thank the gmods for the restructuring and unburying this thread.
Title: Re: Head Lines
Post by: rndmnwierd on October 14, 2009, 04:42:21 AM
Aww, man, we definitely need to bring this back. Hmm, lessee here.


Breaking news!

Today, Jpop Idol Niigaki Risa was arrested for assaulting her fellow bandmate, Michishige Sayumi, at one of their live concerts. In the middle of one of their more energetic songs, the girls had been dancing together and hugging one another, when all of a sudden, Niigaki lunged at Michishige and started to beat her senseless.

It took a combined effort of all the other girls to pull the enraged Sub-Leader away from her victim. Niigaki was heard to have said, "That's for kissing my Ai-chan again!" alluding that the start of the assault had been triggered by Michishige planting an innocent kiss on Takahashi Ai's, current Morning Musume leader, cheek.

Witnesses say that kissing on stage is not anything new for the close knit group and never has it caused such a storm of drama in public. Though rumors have recently spread that the long time friends and coworkers, Niigaki and Takahashi had finally started a more than friends relationship.

Perhaps this incident confirms the rumors, perhaps Niigaki has simply cracked under the pressure of being in the public eye for too long. The young woman in question could not be reached for comment.

Michishige is reported to be in good condition after the beating and should be back to work in a couple of weeks. Now back to you.




Hmm, it's been a while. Wish Mikan would get back on and see this!
Title: Re: Head Lines
Post by: lil_hamz on October 14, 2009, 02:05:31 PM
^ LOL! That was awesome. I wish you were the editor of H!P newsletter :D