Aww, yeah! An update! To be honest, I was going to post this yesterday, but... To all of the brokenhearted Atsumina shippers of the world, I sincerely apologize. More than once I've prepared an update to post the next day and woken to the news of something in real life that affects the pairing. It seems my updates are cursed. Should I stop writing?
Now let's see here:
This chapter comes with these warnings/general fan fiction reminders/random thoughts from the author:
1- From here on out, the majority of this story will be purely of my imagination. (Sorry.) That said,
2- Characters may or may not be out of... well, character.
3- Some events/happenings (like the secret 'election' already made reference to earlier in the story) are obviously of my creation. If a real life event is mentioned, I will likely stray from the factual account of the event.
4- "Lullaby, and good night, sleep tight little Acchan."
5- This is
not going to become one of those, "Will they or won't they?" teenage angst/hormone driven stories.
6- EXPOSITION
7- Even more exposition!
8- Buckle up; you're in for a (sort of) long haul this time.
9- My original intention with this fanfic was to focus not only on Minami and Atsuko's relationship, but also their friendships with the others. With this and future updates, I hope to stay true to that goal.
Disclaimer:
Though all characters contained herein are based on actual persons, monetary profit has been neither sought nor gained with the writing of this story. This story is purely fictional, and nothing within it should be used as source material for Wikipedia.Without further ado:
“I told you we wouldn’t need to say anything, but you worried about it anyway,” Atsuko said with a sigh as she watched the two disappear. Minami responded with a sheepish smile and was about to step away when Atsuko spoke again. “So…” she began as she draped her arms around Minami’s waist. When she felt the other girl take her hands, she bent down to whisper in her ear with a teasingly seductive tone. “May I have an encore?”
Portraits
An AKB48 Fan Fiction
Chapter 4, Part 1
[I miss you.] Minami stared at the message on her phone and smiled bitterly. Placing the manga she was reading aside, she sat up against her headboard with a small groan. Nyaachan stirred beside her, purring happily in her sleep. Though Minami was always happy to receive a message from Atsuko, it served a heart achingly dual purpose of being a reminder that they were not presently together. She had received this same message six consecutive evenings now and each time had replied in kind,
[I miss you, too.] Thus began their nightly conversations. It was late, nearly eleven, and yet it was apparent that Atsuko was still out working somewhere and so was unable to simply call. Admittedly, however, there was a part of Minami that found a bit of relief in this fact. If Atsuko
were to call, Minami was certain that upon hearing the exhaustion in the other girl’s voice she’d be too upset to hold a pleasant conversation.
It had been over three weeks since she and Atsuko had become “official”, as Miichan liked to say, though the younger girl was always quick to emphasize that it didn’t make a big difference. As Atsuko had previously mentioned, the two had been a couple for years now as far as the other members were concerned. For Minami, however (and she was certain it must be true of Atsuko as well), the new status of their relationship only proved to accentuate certain aspects, most especially the harsh realities that came with their busy schedules. She didn’t quite understand why or how it was even possible, but she felt that she missed Atsuko
more now that their relationship had evolved.
Minutes had passed, and just as she picked up her manga to start reading again, her phone chimed and she dropped the book immediately.
[I couldn’t fall asleep last night, so finally I put a picture of you on the pillow beside me.] Minami, though blushing at the flattery, gave a slight frown at the admission, and a quiet, disapproving sound escaped her lips as her fingers quickly flew over the keys to type an answer.
It appeared that she was not the only one whose separation anxieties had amplified. Atsuko, too, seemed to be missing Minami even more. Such a thing was certainly understandable, and Minami felt guilty thinking about it. Due to
her hesitance, Atsuko had been made to wait an extraordinarily long time before achieving the relationship she desired. Then when they finally began that relationship, the two parties involved were too busy to spend any personal time together.
They both knew that being together would not be easy and that their growing careers would consume most of their time, yet neither could help but to feel a twang of loneliness whenever she saw the other on television, right there before her and yet so far away. Minami could count on one hand the number of times they’d seen each other in person, and all but one time had been at AKB events. The day when the others had been informed of their new “official” status had been one of those times. The majority of that day had been spent filming and bearing the teasing of others (namely Yuko and Mariko), though Atsuko had definitely not let any free time with Minami go to waste.
[You should have called me. I would have chatted with you until you fell asleep, even if my stories are not very good.] Minami leaned back with a sigh as she sent her message, remembering with a fond smile that the last time they had been together was five days ago, the day the election’s voting period had officially ended. After a serendipitous discovery that they had the same evening free, they met for an early dinner at a restaurant of Sae’s recommendation. Acknowledging their celebrity, the restaurant’s owner had offered them a separate room which they gratefully accepted. Once seated and left alone, they shared a quick look before breaking into laughter. It was no wonder the owner had recognized them; upon their arrival, they had noticed a large AKB48 poster displayed on the building opposite the restaurant. It was an experience they’d grown accustom to over the years; the unusual sensation of seeing a fifteen-foot tall image of you looking down at you.
Though the evening had been rather uneventful, nothing more than a simple dinner, it had been one of the best evenings Minami had ever had. They did the things couples do, like playfully feed each other, all the while holding hands beneath the table. However, it was that touch that made Minami more acutely aware than ever before that here was Atsuko, right beside her, a person whom she deeply loved and by whom she was deeply loved in return. They hadn’t spoken much that evening; there was nothing that needed to be said. Both somehow understood that by simply being in each other’s presence there was nothing more to be desired.
Minami remembered (fiercely blushing, though with a smile) that after an awkward moment staring at Atsuko (who, naturally, stared back invitingly), it had actually been
she that initiated their first kiss that evening. It was brief, no more than a few seconds and not much different from any of the times before, but her mind, body, and heart felt a strange sense of satisfaction from doing it. Atsuko quickly touched her lips to Minami’s once again, and the two spent the next half hour sharing more kisses between bites of food (or was it bites of food between kisses?), each kiss more passionate than the last, until the time came for the two to regretfully part ways for the evening.
Reflecting on it now, the initial kiss was, perhaps, a reaffirmation in that not entirely private setting that Atsuko was hers, and she Atsuko’s; that this was the path they had chosen together, that they were willingly walking beside each other, and that there would be no retreating. Yet the sensation that accompanied it was also evidence that in much the same way as their emotional relationship was evolving, so too was their physical relationship. Kissing had since become an activity that Minami was comfortable with, and, though she was incapable of ever admitting it, enjoyed. As their kisses were gradually becoming deeper, longer, and more frequent, their touches were also becoming more personal.
Three messages arrived just then in rapid succession. Shaken from her memories, Minami was instantly curious as to Atsuko’s reply.
[I want you.]
[I need you.]
[I love you.] She chuckled at the obvious allusion, though a feeling of guilt instantly washed over her. Atsuko had hoped for a date last night but it had been Minami that had to cancel. Though Atsuko’s words had been nothing short of understanding and accepting, the disappointment in her voice was unmistakable. Minami had tried her best to convince Atsuko to use the evening for herself, suggesting that she get some much needed rest instead. Atsuko was wearing herself thin, determinedly spending more time at AKB’s activities while not compromising her flourishing acting career. Like all the times before, Minami was genuinely worried about her.
[I love you, too.] She knew that it was likely not their separation alone that was keeping Atsuko awake the past few nights. The election results would be announced in four days’ time, and with them Atsuko’s fate within AKB would be decided. Ultimately, it was a decision that would also have a profound impact on their relationship, for it seemed that the majority of time that they were able to spend together was at AKB events.
Minami would be lying if she claimed she wasn’t nervous about her own positioning as well. Though she wasn’t facing a potential graduation, she was well aware of the importance of placing well in the rankings. Her popularity was a reflection of how well she would succeed if ever she achieved her dream of being a solo singer, which she was slowly beginning to fear might never come to be.
Her phone ringing startled her from her thoughts and she answered it in a flustered voice.
“A-Acchan?”
“Those are not the correct lyrics, Takahashi.” Atsuko’s voice was teasingly scolding, and Minami had no trouble imagining the playful smirk on the other girl’s face.
“Yeah, yeah; I know.” Despite there being no one present to witness their exchange, Minami felt herself growing embarrassed and her words came out a bit mumbled. “But I felt them to be the more appropriate lyrics.”
The sound of light laughter filtered through the receiver before Atsuko spoke again. “That confirms it; I really needed to hear your voice.”
“You sound exhausted, Acchan,” Minami observed with a frown. “You need to go home and sleep. Where are you now?”
Minami would have sworn she heard more giggling on the other end, but she cast the thought aside as Atsuko spoke again.
“I’m in a taxi.”
“On your way home?”
“No. I still have one last thing to do.”
“What?” Minami exclaimed. Her outburst startled the cat sleeping beside her and she reached out to pat its head apologetically. “Where could you possibly need to be at this hour?”
“I have an important meeting to attend, after which I’ll get a good night’s rest. You’re worrying too much, Minami.”
Minami sunk back into the pillows with a sigh. “Atsuko, I can’t help but to worry about you.”
There was a lengthy pause and Minami could distinctly hear the sound of a car door closing followed by a whispered thank you, sure signs that Atsuko had reached her destination.
“Why?” Atsuko asked, returning to the conversation.
“You know why. Please don’t overexert yourself.”
“Don’t worry.”
A faint sound at the door caught Minami’s attention, something akin to keys jingling, and she rushed out of her bedroom apprehensively, phone in hand.
“Acchan, w-where did you say you were?” she asked, approaching the door cautiously. Hushed laughter was the reply, though it occurred to Minami that she had not heard it through the phone. Casting a quick look through the peephole, she flung the door open in disbelief to find Atsuko standing there before her, her keys dangling from the lock.
“Surprise!” Atsuko cheered, stepping through the doorway to greet the dumbfounded Minami in a tight hug.
“Wait; why are you here?” Minami asked when they broke apart, the high pitch of her voice betraying her disbelief. Yet despite her words, her heart had leapt at the sight of Atsuko standing before her. She ushered Atsuko farther inside, and as the other girl slipped off her shoes Minami quickly stepped into the kitchenette, setting some water on to boil. She cleared her throat purposefully, earning a chuckle from Atsuko. “Y-you were still working just a little while ago. Didn’t you say you had somewhere you needed to be?”
“
This is where I need to be.” Atsuko smiled mischievously, stepping beside Minami to grasp her hand and lead her to the sofa. “I finished early,” she started, casting a flirty glance over her shoulder. “I deceived you for the sole purpose of surprising you, because we both know if I told you I wanted to come over at this hour you would have told me no.”
Minami could only shrug in agreement, as what Atsuko was accusing would likely have been true. Quickly glancing over the girl now seated beside her, Minami blushed when her memories from the restaurant quickly returned to mind. “Well, what about your pets?” she asked, catching a glimpse of Nyaachan slinking into the room to greet Atsuko. It was a meager attempt to focus her thoughts on what was happening
now.
“I’ve already gone home and fed all the animals,” Atsuko answered, gently scratching the cat behind its ears. “And now here I am, exhausted, but I’m thrilled to finally be able to spend some quality time with you, yet you seem to be attempting to get rid of me.” Minami blanched and started to stutter out a response, but Atsuko silenced her with a light laugh. Then, uncharacteristically, she looked aside and muttered, “I didn’t want to go another four days without seeing you.”
Though she may not have said so directly, by her tone it was apparent to Minami that Atsuko was here not only out of a desire to see her, but also because of the pressure of the looming election results. She looked away, feeling slightly ashamed that she hadn’t been able to sooner understand Atsuko’s sentiments.
“Me neither,” she whispered.
“I know you’re worried about me, Minami, but believe me: what’s best for me is to be here with you.”
“I’m glad you’re here. Honest.” She paused. “I’ve… wanted to see you, too.” The words felt strange to Minami, spoken by a selfish part of her that had been woken from dormancy the minute Atsuko appeared before her.
Feeling a slender finger beneath her chin, Minami let it guide her eyes to its owner’s gaze. She felt her breath catch in her throat as Atsuko leaned in closer, claiming her lips in a soft kiss. The contact sent a peculiar sensation down Minami’s back, a sensation she recognized from having felt it at the restaurant and all the times before when their kisses had become more intimate than usual.
A moment later the two slowly broke apart, though neither really wanted to completely separate from the other. Atsuko left her hand lingering against Minami’s cheek, cupping it gingerly. They stared at each other silently; both were unsure of what to say or that anything even need be said. Minami studied the look in Atsuko’s eyes, desperately trying to find a solution to ease the sensation that was now coursing through her body. She watched enraptured as Atsuko shyly (or was it nervously?) bit down on her bottom lip, as if hesitating to say something, and in that moment Minami believed she found an appropriate answer.
Slowly she lifted her hand, cradling Atsuko’s nape and drawing the two closer together, stopping with their lips just centimeters apart. Atsuko, sensing Minami’s hesitance, gently yet eagerly closed the distance between them. This kiss was more passionate, neither daring nor wanting to pull away until it became necessary. As they ever so briefly parted and more exchanges were made, Atsuko fell back and pulled Minami closer to her still, resulting in not only a shift in their position but also a shift in targets, as each slowly began claiming more than just the others’ lips with her own.
All sense of time had been lost when Atsuko huskily uttered Minami’s name. Together with the moist breath on her ear and the warm feel of Atsuko’s fingers tracing the curve of her breast, Minami was suddenly brought crashing back to the reality of their situation. She was bent over Atsuko with her lips firmly pressed to the exposed skin just below Atsuko’s collar bone, mere centimeters from her breast. Minami sat up in haste, realizing with a sudden panic the intimacy of their position as Atsuko’s unbuttoned blouse spared nothing to the imagination. Flustered, Minami hurriedly broke away from Atsuko, releasing her grip on Atsuko’s blouse and removing Atsuko’s hand from beneath her own. She stared at Atsuko, wide-eyed in disbelief.
“Minami, I-” Atsuko started, adjusting her blouse as she looked anxiously at the shocked girl before her. It was then that they finally noticed the shrill sound emanating from the kitchen, and Atsuko’s concerns were left unaddressed as Minami leapt from the couch, rushing to remove the whistling kettle from the stove.
Atsuko could only watch with a fearful heart as Minami wordlessly disappeared into the kitchenette. She sank back into the couch, closing her eyes as tears threatened to escape.
_
I… w-we… what were we doing? I-I mean, I know what, but… Minami took a deep, calming breath and exhaled heavily.
How long were we…? she wondered, too embarrassed to finish her thought. She absentmindedly retrieved two mugs from the rack at the stove’s side, the mugs clinking together as her hands shook with nervousness. The feel of Atsuko’s breath lingered on her ear and she slowly brought her fingers up to touch it.
I’ve never felt that before; such a reaction to her presence, her touch… She leaned against the counter with a sigh and shook her head in self-deprecation.
I can’t believe I lost control of myself. I-I’ve never done something like that. I never thought I could do something like that. Images flashed through Minami’s mind, her cheeks growing redder with each one.
Wait- where’s Acchan? Did she leave? Minami stepped from the counter and stole a glance at the sofa to see Atsuko, whom she noticed had since been joined by Nyaachan yet again, the cat lying peacefully on the young woman’s stomach. Atsuko had an arm draped over her eyes, undoubtedly doing her own reflecting on what had just occurred. Turning back to the counter, Minami hung her head in guilt, quickly losing herself in thought. After what seemed like hours she took another deep breath, finally bringing her nerves under control.
How long have I been in here? she wondered.
The water’s still warm, so… fifteen minutes at most? Why hasn’t Atsuko said anything? Stealing one last glance towards the sofa, Minami noted that Atsuko hadn’t come after her, and she frowned at the negative thoughts that suddenly sprang to mind. Carefully, she poured water into the two mugs before her.
If she hasn’t said anything, she must be really upset with me for running away, she thought, grabbing the tea mugs and turning to rejoin Atsuko on the sofa.
At the very least, she probably thinks I’m upset with her, but… it’s me that I’m upset with. With one last, deep breath, Minami determinedly stepped from the kitchenette.
“Acchan, I brought us some tea. I’m sorry I ran away, so let’s talk, okay?”
There was no response, and as Minami looked down at Atsuko’s unexpectedly peaceful smile she realized with a mixture of shock and amusement that her girlfriend had drifted to sleep, the feline atop her stomach also slumbering happily.
She was crying, Minami noted, seeing the tear streaks on Atsuko’s cheeks.
“At least she’s smiling now,” she whispered as she set the mugs on the end table and grabbed a nearby blanket. Shooing Nyaachan aside, she unfurled it over Atsuko and sat down beside her. The cat immediately reclaimed her spot with a victorious twitch of her tail, earning a quiet laugh and pat on the head from Minami. With a small smile, she reached out and raised one of the mugs in a toast.
“Well, here’s to a good night’s rest,” she proposed, enjoying a few cautious sips. Drawing her legs to her chest, she stole a quick glance at the slumbering Atsuko’s placid expression. “I suppose we’ll talk in the morning,” she muttered, wondering if she’d be able to calm her nerves again when that time came. She let out a heavy sigh, her thoughts once again settling on what had transpired between them. She sipped at her tea quietly, wondering how best to conduct the morning’s impending discussion. Knowing that she wasn’t especially skilled at expressing her thoughts properly or coherently during their most important exchanges, Minami was hopeful that Atsuko would be able to understand without her having to say much.
“Minami?” a sleepy voice sounded beside her, summoning Minami back from her thoughts. She felt a light squeeze on her hand and was mildly surprised to see that at some point she had absentmindedly taken a hold of one of Atsuko’s hands.
“I’m sorry; did I wake you?” Minami asked, setting her cup down to help Atsuko sit upright. Nyaachan leapt to the back of the sofa and quickly curled up, unperturbed about having to move. Atsuko watched the cat with sleepy eyes, reaching up to gently play with its tail.
“Not really. I wasn’t fully asleep,” she stated quietly, a small frown breaking on her lips. “I can’t believe I dozed off.”
“No mystery there, Acchan; your body must be exhausted. I’m pretty beat, too; I can’t imagine how tiring it must be to have a work schedule as loaded as yours.” Minami brought a hand to Atsuko’s back, rubbing it soothingly as she, too, frowned. As she’d feared, Atsuko’s busy schedule was certainly taking its toll.
There was a momentary, awkward silence in which neither spoke. The unaddressed issue from earlier lingered heavily between them, neither sure of what to say. Suddenly acutely aware of their position, Minami withdrew her hand. Atsuko felt her breath catch when the touch faded from her back and she slowly began to weep, fearful that Minami might have been repulsed by her earlier actions.
“Minami, I’m sorry,” Atsuko finally whispered, valiantly fighting back her tears while not daring to meet Minami’s gaze. “That is not the reason I came here. I just wanted to see you, honest, but… being so close to you like that, I was overcome by something and, well… I don’t know. I don’t know what to say.” She paused and shook her head. “What I did… I shouldn’t have done that. I realize it was probably too soon and you’re not-”
“Atsuko.” The named girl ceased her ramblings as she felt Minami take her hands firmly, drawing them closer together. “Atsuko, you did nothing wrong. I should be the one to apologize.” There was a gentle touch on her cheek and Atsuko’s heart quickly lightened at the feel of Minami wiping away her tears. “I’m sorry I ran away. I was just… startled, and a little scared.” Minami admitted honestly, pausing a minute in an attempt to organize her thoughts. She was determined to get her feelings across properly.
Atsuko couldn’t help but to smile when she saw the bright shade of red tingeing Minami’s cheeks.
“You weren’t the only one. I’ve never felt such a desire before,” Minami admitted, boldly meeting Atsuko’s gaze. Her voice was unwavering, surprising both parties with its clear, unabashed tone. “I only just acknowledged how I feel about you a couple months ago and since then we haven’t been with each other much and you know I’m not the most affectionate person and…” Realizing that she was rambling, Minami paused to take a deep breath. “I was surprised by how easily I lost control of myself.”
Atsuko stared into Minami’s eyes, admiring the sincerity that she saw harbored there. A small laugh escaped her as she swiftly wiped at her eyes to remove any lingering tears.
“To be honest, I was pretty nervous, too, but…” she paused, feeling the heat on her cheeks, “…they say that’s what love is like.” Atsuko gingerly cupped Minami’s chin, casting a happy albeit sleepy smile before drawing them together for a less passionate but no less heartfelt kiss than those from earlier. She pulled away before Minami could reciprocate, earning a questioning look from her girlfriend.
“Atsuko?”
“Though I don’t want to admit it, I’m exhausted. This visit was unexpectedly tiring.” The last part was barely a whisper, but the sudden flushing of Minami’s cheeks was a sure indication to Atsuko that the other had heard her. She continued with a smile, “I- no, we could use a good night’s sleep tonight. We both have early appointments, after all.” Sighing tiredly as she stood from the sofa, she took a moment to stretch before looking down at Minami, who sat looking up at her, awaiting further explanation. “Besides,” she began, a light pink barely visible on her cheeks, “we’ve kind of… lost the mood.”
“Well then,” Minami chimed, regaining her composure. She gently picked up Nyaachan and handed her to Atsuko. “Assuming that you intend to stay over, I happen to know a certain cat that would love to sleep beside you all night.”
Atsuko’s eyes widened as mild panic settled over her. “And you?” she asked, her voice wavering as she wondered if perhaps Minami really was now hesitant to join her.
“There’s no sense in letting this tea go to waste,” she said, gesturing towards the mugs on the table beside them. “Go on ahead; I’ll be there shortly. Use whatever you can find for pajamas.”
Atsuko could feel the tears returning to her eyes. Worried that her voice would betray her current doubtful emotions, she nodded silently, slipping past Minami with the cat in her arms. She paused when she felt a light touch on her elbow, enough to send a shiver down her spine, and turned to find Minami looking up at her earnestly.
“I really am glad you came here tonight, Atsuko. I don’t regret any of this.”
Atsuko gently wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, relieved to know that everything that had transpired between them seemed to now be peaceably and responsibly settled.
“Thank you for letting me be here tonight, Minami. Good night,” she offered with a warm smile. She walked to the bedroom door and paused a moment, turning back to Minami one last time. “I look forward to waking beside you in the morning,” she whispered before disappearing into the bedroom.
Minami turned back to the tea mugs with a sigh. Taking a few minutes to enjoy the now lukewarm tea, she shrugged before downing the drink she’d brought for Atsuko as well. Humming a familiar tune as she stepped towards the bedroom, Minami suddenly paused in the doorway for a moment, smiling contentedly as she watched Atsuko’s chest rise and fall evenly in slumber.
“She certainly was exhausted,” Minami mused aloud, rubbing a hand along her neck before stifling a yawn. Pushing off the doorframe with a small grunt, she stepped beside Atsuko and chuckled, noticing that Atsuko’s choice in pajamas had once again been Minami’s favorite
One Piece t-shirt.
Gently, she brushed aside Atsuko’s bangs. “And yet, she still went out of her way to be with me.” As she stood studying Atsuko’s peaceful features, Minami caught herself pondering about their future together, both the positives and the negatives that they were yet to encounter in their careers and their relationship. It was doubtless that these, too, were issues they would eventually need to rationally discuss together. The biggest question, however, was whether the times for such discussions would come sooner than desired.
Realizing that no good would come from standing there and overthinking things all night, Minami reprimanded herself with a heavy sigh and set about preparing to sleep. At some point Atsuko turned over, and as Minami quietly slipped into the bed a few minutes later she immediately claimed Atsuko’s hands in her own. With that physical reminder to comfort her, she finally drifted to sleep, the cat nestled merrily between them.
_ _ _
//Atsuko sank back into the couch, resting her head on the armrest. She closed her eyes in a vain attempt to prevent her welling tears from falling despite knowing that in the end it was useless. As she wiped at the escaping tears, a slight pressure on her stomach was a sure sign that Nyaachan had deemed it a comfortable place to rest.
“Nyaachan, I think I did something I shouldn’t have,” she whispered, absentmindedly stroking the cat’s fur. “It must have been too much, too quickly, too soon.” Atsuko sighed, upset with how the evening was turning out. “I didn’t come here hoping that something like this would happen. I just wanted to be in the same room with her, and now Minami ran away. Should I have followed her?” she wondered aloud, the sleepiness in her voice going unnoticed as she stole a glance at the kitchenette where Minami had disappeared. Though she couldn’t see her, Atsuko could hear mugs clinking together, a sign that Minami was indeed in there.
“No; I don’t want her to feel pressured. I’ll wait for her,” Atsuko decided, closing her eyes again. “This is her apartment, after all, so there’s no chance of her running away.”
//Though there is a chance she might ask me to leave.//
She shook her head.
//Right now I need to calm my heart.//
Taking a deep breath and then releasing it, she felt a tickle on her chest as her shirt’s fabric brushed against it. She slipped a hand beneath her blouse, her fingers coming to rest where Minami’s lips had been mere moments before. “That’ll definitely leave a mark,” she muttered, unable to keep from smiling.
As her thoughts grew foggier, she sank further into the sofa. Thankful for the respite, her body succumbed to exhaustion.// “Acchan!”
“What?” Atsuko jolted her head upright, torn from her thought of just a few days ago. The smile from her memory remained on her lips as she focused on Tomochin seated across from her, looking at her in a mixture of intrigue and worry.
“I was calling your name for a full minute just now. You’ve hardly touched your lunch at all,” Tomochin stated, gesturing towards the full plate of food on the table before Atsuko. Her own meal had been delicious, and as she devoured the last few bites Tomochin glanced at the waitress loitering nearby, waiting for the right time to come take the soon to be empty dishes. Tomochin returned her attention to Atsuko, happy to see her friend take chopsticks in hand. “You mind telling me what’s wrong with you? It’s not like you to leave food on your plate.”
Atsuko glanced from her meal to her friend in wonder. Embarrassed about having been so obvious, she shook her head and made a show of eating her meal. “There’s nothing in particular. I just have a lot to think about these days, that’s all.”
“Oh? Is that so?” Tomochin asked teasingly, not believing Atsuko’s answer. Having since finished her last bites of food, she propped her elbow on the table to rest her chin in her hand, using the other to play with her hair absentmindedly.
“Yes.”
Still skeptical, Tomochin did not reply, instead watching Atsuko hurriedly attack her meal. A smirk crept across her lips at the realization that Atsuko would not meet her eyes, a sure sign that she was indeed hiding something. Tomochin remained quiet, letting Atsuko stew in her own thoughts, until an opportune moment arose and she cast her bait.
“So then it wouldn’t have anything to do with Takamina’s strange behavior recently?”
“Eh?” Atsuko squeaked, dropping the food she’d just picked up.
Tomochin gave a small laugh as she ceased playing with her hair. “So it
is something in particular.”
Atsuko remained silent, though a light blush again tinted her cheeks.
“I’m honestly curious to know if it has something to do with Takamina’s lack of focus these past few days. I’m almost certain it must, since I just broke you out of the same faraway gaze. That was quite the smile you had.”
“It’s true that I did see her a few days ago. I just couldn’t wait until tomorrow,” Atsuko whispered, her words barely audible to Tomochin. Her cheeks grew just the faintest bit pinker.
Not giving up so easily, Tomochin went on. “She’ll randomly stare off into la-la-land. It’s bad enough that I caught her doing it during a TV interview yesterday. When I managed to call her back to reality she started blushing uncontrollably.” She paused a minute, hoping to gauge Atsuko’s reaction. “And then there’s her ear. She keeps touching it and smiling this goofy grin.” She smirked when she saw a spark of realization flash through Atsuko’s eyes. “So…” Tomochin started as she lowered her voice to a level just above a whisper. She leaned forward with both elbows now propped on the table, hoping her posture might seem either imposing or trustworthy enough to coax an answer from her friend. “Are you sure what’s captured your mind today does not have something to do with that midget’s odd behavior?”
Atsuko did not reply as she fumbled to take a sip of water.
“So what did she do?”
Still Atsuko did not answer, using the excuse of wiping up the spilled water to avoid Tomochin’s inquisitive look.
“Okay, what did she
not do?”
Atsuko shook her head and blushed brighter then, which did not go unnoticed.
Tomochin smiled coyly, knowing she was nearing the true answer. “Perhaps I should be asking what
you did?”
“It’s more a matter of what
we almost did, but in the end
didn’t, do,” Atsuko finally blurted, her voice somewhat muffled behind the glass of water. She absentmindedly reached her fingers beneath her collar, her fingertips resting against the mark on her chest.
Tomochin stared at Atsuko in disbelief before realizing that the answer had indeed been sincere and not a joke meant to stonewall her. “Really?” she asked disbelievingly, finding she was suddenly mildly embarrassed about having been so inquisitive. She took a moment to let the new information settle, bringing her glass to her lips but hesitating to drink. “Well,” she started awkwardly with a small cough, settling a serious but caring look on Atsuko, “If you don’t mind my asking, why didn’t you?”
“I fell asleep,” Atsuko admitted sheepishly.
“What?” Tomochin exclaimed, choking on her drink. She looked about her cautiously, making sure to have not drawn any attention their way. Only the waitress had glanced over, so she quickly signaled that there was no need for assistance. “W-what do you mean you fell asleep?” she whispered incredulously.
“Well, Takamina ran away and-”
“She ran away?” Tomochin repeated, both surprised and confused.
“We had a small… misunderstanding. She was gone for about… I don’t know; it was long enough that by the time she returned I had dozed off. Thankfully we were able to discuss things a bit later, but by that point the mood had been lost.” Atsuko paused a moment before quietly adding, “Honestly, it would have been a bit insulting for us to just pick up where we’d left off. When it does happen again, I want it to be more natural than just resuming would have been.”
“Like what nearly happened.”
“Yes. I don’t want us to be so conscious about our efforts. I want it to just…” Her voice trailed away, and she held her hands out before her, shaking them in frustration at her loss for words. It grew quiet between them once again, enough that one could hear the ice clink in their glasses as it melted. A loving smile slowly crept upon her lips as she stated somewhat bashfully, “Knowing how long it took us to get together, waiting a bit longer to reach that next step won’t hurt anything.”
“I see,” Tomochin muttered, and she grew quiet for a moment. “Wait… what’s the deal with her ear?” She asked with a playful smirk, enjoying Atsuko’s apparent discomfort as she watched a fierce blush creep across her cheeks.
“I may or may not have nibbled on it the next morning,” Atsuko mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper. She didn’t dare meet Tomochin’s gaze. A small pout settled on her lips. “She wouldn’t wake up, and she had an early call time.”
“Ah, so that’s what’s captured Takamina’s mind these past few days. She’s coming to terms with desire.”
Atsuko laughed lightly. “When you say it like that, it sounds almost too sensual, especially considering the person in question. But…” She trailed off then, and as Tomochin watched the light fade from Atsuko’s eyes she rested her hand on the other girl’s, gently encouraging her to continue. Atsuko did, her wavering voice betraying her conflicting emotions. “I can’t help but to think that perhaps things are better this way. Now we won’t have taken that step only to have our relationship tested right away by what may come to be tomorrow.”
“Acchan.”
Tomochin stated her name ever so gently but with an utmost seriousness, and when Atsuko met her eyes she saw they were brimming with sincerity. Seeing that she’d captured Atsuko’s complete attention, Tomochin granted her a warm smile as she spoke.
“Acchan, no matter whether you are in AKB or not, Takamina will love you.”
The comment was true, albeit a tad unexpected, and Atsuko instantly felt a calming sensation course through her. Her worries were for naught, it seemed, as her very heart steadied its nervous rhythm in response to her friend’s kind words. “Thanks, Tomochin. I know that, and yet… it does make me feel better to hear it coming from someone else, though truthfully I wish Takamina had been the one to say it.”
“Would that dork really state something like that so bluntly?”
Atsuko chuckled. “Given the right situation it’s possible, though not without substantial amounts of stuttering and blush.” A sigh escaped her lips then, and Tomochin caught a hint of glum in Atsuko’s voice when she next spoke. “But… even though she has been more honest about her feelings lately, her “I love yous” almost always tend to be only in response to mine.” Her voice was incredibly soft, as if the words weren’t meant to be shared.
“Ah, I get it now,” Tomochin declared with a confident grin, wondering if perhaps it was best to pretend she hadn’t heard Atsuko’s last comment.
“Get what?”
“This was her idea, you know.”
“What was?”
“This lunch.” Atsuko stared at her, puzzled. “Takamina overheard me saying that you and I have not been able to get together for a long while. Knowing that you had a few hours free around lunch time and that she couldn’t join you, she asked if I would invite you out, a request to which I happily obliged.”
Atsuko stared blankly, unsure of what to say. “But… why?”
“The reason she gave me was that you’ve seemed a bit melancholy lately and that you could use some cheering up that could only come from one of your best friends. She loves you, Acchan. She’s worried about you.” There was a brief pause, and then she added, “We’re all worried about you.”
Atsuko stared at Tomochin in a state of mild shock and confusion.
Wait… does she know? When did she…? “It’s odd, isn’t it?” Tomochin quipped, sensing Atsuko’s unspoken question. “This unusual election they’re holding. Ever since they announced it, you’ve been in more theater shows than usual.” She looked Atsuko in the eyes and Atsuko gave a simple nod. There was no reason to deny that fact. “Also, when they announced it to us members they said to treat it as we would an election, but have you seen the supposed ballot on the backs of the tickets?”
Atsuko shook her head. She hadn’t taken the time to look at one of the tickets, though now she wished she had.
“It’s more like a simple survey, really, with basic questions like, ‘Who is your AKB48 oshimen?’ and ‘What is your favorite stage unit?’ Most of us believe that the fans don’t know the importance behind the questionnaire; that they’re actually voting in an election. They probably believe it to be generic, everyday information gathering.”
Dismissing what was left of her meal, Atsuko sank deeper into her seat, her hands fidgeting nervously in her lap.
Why would management do things that way? What reasons did they have to not inform the fans of the truth? “The theory making its way round is that the organizers were hoping to get more honest results from the fans,” Tomochin explained, as if having read Atsuko’s thoughts. “They were probably attempting to avoid people voting for a member that might not be their true oshimen simply so that person can beat another member the voter doesn’t like.”
The hypothesis brought to mind an unhappy memory for Atsuko. How many people had voted for Yuko in that election simply because they didn’t want Atsuko to win? How many people had freely stated their contempt for her? She had pleaded with them then, asking that they not transfer their dislike of her to AKB as a whole, the very AKB which she would possibly be leaving soon.
How many of those tens of thousands of voters, people that unwittingly held her future in their hands, still disliked her?
"Many of us got to talking and it wasn’t hard to figure out. Of course, that means that some of the fans could have figured it out as well.”
Tomochin’s wavering voice shook her from her thoughts, and Atsuko glanced up to find her friend looking at her with a pained expression, tears threatening her eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell any of us, Acchan?”
“I didn’t want to burden any of you.”
“So you’ve kept it secret this whole time. You should have told Takamina, at least.”
Atsuko smiled fondly. “I never told her directly, but she does know.”
“She never told any of us.”
“When I realized she knew, I asked her not to.” Her words earned a disapproving glare from Tomochin. “From what you’ve told me, though, I’d guess that it’s
because she knows and wanted to do something to help me that she was worried enough to suggest this lunch date.”
Before either could say anything more, a chime sounded from Atsuko’s bag.
“That’s my alarm. I need to go now,” she said as she stood. After a quick look through her purse she took out enough money to cover the entire bill, setting it on the table between them.
“Already, huh?”
“Yes, sorry. Tomochin,” Atsuko paused beside her friend and Tomochin looked up at her expressionless. Without warning, Atsuko bent down to hug her tightly. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you. THat was stupid of me. Thank you for today; for everything before today, and everything to come; thank you for being such a great friend.”
“You’re welcome,” Tomochin said earnestly with a smile, patting Atsuko’s arms as she pulled away. She sighed, watching as Atsuko disappeared out the restaurant. Flagging down the waitress to pay the bill, Tomochin took one last sip of water and sighed.
“We all would have been -and will be- nothing but supportive of you, Acchan. We all love you.”
_ _ _
Where is she? Atsuko nervously bit her lip as she glanced around the auditorium. All of AKB48’s members were gathered there, with the exception of, to Atsuko’s surprise and dismay, one very special person. Convincing herself that it was just her nerves getting the better of her, she shook her head to clear her thoughts. Minami had said she would be here beside her; what reason had she to believe otherwise?
She took a deep breath, counting to ten as she slowly exhaled.
Today was the day that Atsuko’s continuation in AKB48 would be decided, and to say that she was anxious would be an understatement. Within the next hour, she would learn whether or not she would be able to continue performing with all of the girls that had become her family. She loved everything about AKB48, of that there was no doubt. Of course there were the other members, the performances, the fans’ smiles; but most importantly, it had been AKB48 that led Atsuko to Minami. Of that she would always be grateful, no matter whether she was made to graduate or not.
The fate of their future together in the idol group was soon to be decided, but...
Minami, where are you? Sighing, she stared blankly at the stage before her. It was certainly a peculiar feeling to be seated a few rows back, looking up at the stage. How many days had she spent singing and dancing on that very stage? How much of her sweat and tears had been soaked into its floorboards? How many different emotions had washed over her during every performance as she stood up there, looking out upon the cheering audience?
Just as Togasaki appeared on the stage, Atsuko’s attention was torn from her thoughts by the feel of a small hand slipping into hers. Slowly, she turned and was relieved to find Minami seated beside her, an apologetic smile on her lips. Atsuko smiled back nervously, giving Minami’s hand a small squeeze.
“Sorry I’m late. Aki-P had something to discuss with me.”
Atsuko nodded understandingly, having caught a glimpse of AKB’s founder standing in the stage’s wing. “I’m just glad that you’re here.”
Togasaki cleared his throat and the excited murmurings instantly ceased. Having gained everyone’s attention, he briefly and expertly summarized their reason for being there that day.
“As all of you already know, for six weeks there was a survey printed on the back of the theater tickets, inquiring as to fans’ favorite member from AKB48 only. Fans were encouraged to complete the survey for a chance to win a prize package of merchandise pertaining to their AKB oshimen. Unbeknownst to the fans, this survey was actually an election ballot form.”
Atsuko cast a side glance at Tomochin. The others’ suspicions had been correct, and Atsuko grew even more nervous at the idea that perhaps some of the fans had caught on as well.
“In this way, we were hoping to gage the opinions of those fans that know AKB48 and its members at their most intimate; those fans whose hearts were won by your performances here in this theater, on this very stage. In other words, for this secret election, we have returned to the very roots from which AKB48 was started.”
Despite Togasaki’s affections for the members, his emotions remained hidden behind his firm tone, a fine example that he was a true business man to his very core.
“As it is our desire that the results of this election remain a secret from the fans, we will be announcing the results to all of you now, in private. Those of you that place well will be rewarded by your placement in new stage units. So then, we’ll start at number twenty,” he stated, clearing his voice as he withdrew a sheet of paper. Then, without wavering, he started down the list of names.
“Twentieth...”
There were excited whispers, gasps, and cheers as all present turned to look at the girl who’d been called. Shocked speechless, she stood and bowed. After a half-minute’s time in the spotlight, she sat down again and the next name was called.
“Nineteenth… “
The process was repeated. A name was announced, reactions were made; the named girl stood, bowed, and sat down again. It was that simple. There would be no speeches made this morning. For the others present, it was just business again as usual.
“Eighteenth…”
And yet for Atsuko, it most definitely was not business as usual. Despite her mental preparations leading up to this day, panic washed over her instantly. Her chest was aching; her stomach was aching; her heart was racing; true, physical, nauseating pain, all a product of her doubts and anxiety. Realizing that her nerves and thoughts were preventing her from focusing, she tightly shut her eyes in a vain attempt at relief and emotional stability.
“Seventeenth…”
Please… I need to stay in the top fifteen to stay in AKB with Minami. Atsuko glanced beside her, hoping to meet Minami’s gaze, but the other girl’s attention was focused on the member whom had just been called.
“Sixteenth…”
She drew a sharp breath. Her name was not among them. As more names were read the fear grew and she withdrew further into her defenses, readying herself for the inevitable. Everything began to grow darker as her worries resurfaced to the forefront of her thoughts.
“Fifteenth…”
What if my name isn’t called? “Fourteenth…”
What if, after all the time it took for us to get together, Minami and I are unable to cope with such sudden separation? AKB is one of few things that let us be together. If I graduate, that would mean less time spent by Minami’s side. For me there would be no more concerts, no more PVs, fewer talk shows… “Thirteenth… “
Suddenly, her breath caught in her throat alarmingly. Calm came over her as her mind grasped upon a surprising revelation.
“Twelfth...”
There was an unusual ringing in her ears, accompanied by a comforting clarity.
If I did graduate, would that really be… “Eleventh…”
Her calm demeanor dissipated at the word and her anxiety returned, more debilitating than before.
Eleventh. Ten more names; ten more members; ten more rivals; ten more friends. If my name is called, I stay. If not… “Tenth…”
To Atsuko, Togasaki’s voice now sounded as if he were standing underwater. Or was it she that was now underwater, and he calling out from above? Her breathing grew rapid and shallow, her thoughts murky, and though she didn’t believe it possible, she felt herself sink further still inside herself; deeper and deeper, away from her uncertainties and anxieties. It was at this moment that she felt a gentle pressure on her hand and a light filtered into her internal sanctuary. Instantly, the feel of Minami’s hand in hers served to anchor her to reality.
That’s right, she thought, resting her head against Minami’s shoulder.
Minami’s right here. As long as I have her beside me, no matter what happens, I’ll be fine. She squeezed Minami’s hand tightly. Perhaps even too tightly, but Minami was not the type to complain about such a thing.
"Ninth: Takahashi Minami."
Yet just as Atsuko let out a relieved sigh, Minami’s warm hand somehow escaped from her grip as the room filled with gasps and excited whispers. Atsuko watched in wonder and incredulity as Minami stood and bowed, acknowledging her position in the rankings. Then, as quickly as it disappeared, the hand returned back in hers.
“Eighth…”
“Don’t worry, Acchan,” Minami whispered as Togasaki continued, and Atsuko was startled to see tears threatening Minami’s eyes. “They haven’t called your name yet, which means you’re in a great position, both in the ranking and in the fans’ hearts.”
“But, Minami-”
“Seventh: Maeda Atsuko.”
The announcement of her name did not register in her mind. Her eyes still wide with shock, she could not tear her focus from Minami’s unexpected tears.
“Acchan, stand,” Minami instructed softly in Atsuko’s ear. It took a small push from her for Atsuko to finally shake free of her stupor and stand to be recognized. Again, the room filled with whispers and sounds of surprise. As Atsuko slowly reclaimed her seat, out of the corner of her eye she caught Minami hurriedly wiping away stray tears. Still in disbelief she turned fully to Minami, unsure of what to say.
“Minami, I-”
“Congratulations, Atsuko,” Minami greeted, gathering Atsuko in a hug. “You did it. I told you, didn’t I? That you needn’t worry. The fans still love you. I’m happy for you. “
Atsuko nodded, grateful to know that what Minami said was genuine and not just meant to comfort her. Instantly relief once again washed over her. But it was only momentary, as it was suddenly replaced by a peculiar sensation. Although it was familiar, Atsuko could not yet put a name to it.
“Sixth…”
“Acchan, are you all right?” Minami asked worriedly, noting Atsuko’s pale expression.
She nodded. “I’m fine. Just a little overwhelmed, I think.”
“Fifth: Shinoda Mariko.”
This time, instead of surprised gasps, the room filled with confusion-induced laughter. They were all now honestly stumped. It was expected that the results would show a direct relation to theater attendance and yet Mariko was notorious for being the member that was least at the theater. She stood and bowed and then shrugged, as if to say that she was just as confused as the rest of them, but she was elated nonetheless.
Atsuko was so lost in her thoughts that when she returned her attention to Togasaki, she realized that he had finished the list of names, no doubt concluding with a generic congratulations to all those that were called.
“Ranks one through fifteen will be forming three new stage units, as follows: Ranks one through four, ranks five through nine, and lastly, ranks ten through fifteen.” There was another round of applause and congratulations, during which Minami and Atsuko watched nervously as Akimoto stepped from behind the stage and whispered something to Togasaki.
“There is just one more announcement before you ladies are free to go,” Togasaki stated flatly. There were more hurried whispers as the members quickly speculated what it could be. Knowing she’d just met with Akimoto, Atsuko glanced at Takamina, who shook her head negatively. Whatever was happening, she hadn’t been previously informed.
Regaining their attention, Togasaki continued. “Until further notice, you are not to make any mention of what I am about to tell you to anyone not present here today.” They all nodded, signifying their consent. The previously stoic Togasaki could no longer mask his excitement, and he smiled as he announced, “In two months’ time, we will be staging a concert in the Saitama Super Arena.”
There was a silent moment of disbelief before cheers rang out, yet even with a celebratory smile plastered on her face Atsuko couldn’t help but to focus on that strange, heavy feeling in her gut. She’d placed well enough to remain in AKB with Minami and the others. She should be elated, and she could honestly say that she was, creating a peculiar sensation of conflicting emotions flowing within her.
What is it, exactly, that I’m feeling? A pair of arms about her shoulders briefly distracted Atsuko from her ponderings and she eagerly returned Minami’s hug. She looked up to find that everyone was now bustling about excitedly, unable to contain their happiness.
“Let’s join the others,” Minami whispered in her ear, the feel of her warm breath combined with her husky tone sending shivers down Atsuko’s back despite their location. The two stood and joined in celebration with the others, standing beside each other with their hands clasped together. They were quickly greeted with hugs and congratulations, the room having since been pervaded with feelings of elation and disbelief. Minami excused herself from their group after a few moments, taking it upon herself to greet the other members that had placed well in the election.
As the others chatted, Atsuko remained uncharacteristically quiet. The unusual feeling was still settled in her stomach. Having trouble focusing on what the others were saying, she silently observed them with that not completely honest smile still on her lips. A short while passed before she realized that, whether intentional or otherwise, she’d been keeping an eye on Minami’s movements throughout the auditorium, watching as she congratulated other members and was congratulated in kind, all the while with a large smile on her face.
Minami was holding a conversation with Yui when she glanced in Atsuko’s direction and their eyes briefly met. The connection was there for no more than a second but it still elicited a small gasp from Atsuko.
“Acchan, is something wrong?” she heard someone ask her, accompanied by a slight nudge.
“I’m fine,” she answered dryly, returning her focus to Minami.
Behind the smiles and cheer in Minami’s eyes, Atsuko could see that there was something troubling her girlfriend. Somehow, perhaps instinctively, she understood that the feeling Minami was hiding behind her cheerful act was the same, burdensome feeling that had taken up residence in her own heart. Instantly she was overcome by the urge to return to Minami’s side.
The number of members remaining in the auditorium had dwindled considerably by this point. Easily arriving at Minami’s side, she claimed the shorter girl’s hand with a firm grasp. All that she had wanted was the contact of their hands together, and now that she had it, she waited patiently for Minami to finish her conversation.
Minami had turned to her with a smile at one point, her eyes once again locking with Atsuko’s, and the name of that mystery feeling crept upon Atsuko like a chilling fog.
It was, unmistakably, doubt.
“Acchan?” Minami’s worried voice sounded beside her. Atsuko turned to find that the conversation had ended, Yui having since disappeared. “Atsuko, are you feeling well? You look a bit pale.”
“I’m fine. I’m just… over thinking things.” She tightened her grip on Minami’s hand. Quickly glancing about their surroundings, she leaned closer and whispered, “I love you, Minami.”
Minami knew she was blushing as she returned Atsuko’s touch. “I-I love you too, Acchan,” she stuttered, absentmindedly touching her ear.
Atsuko couldn’t help but to smile at the gesture. “Would you like to catch lunch?”
“Sorry, Acchan, but I have a photo shoot this afternoon. I ought to be leaving here soon. Dinner?”
Atsuko shook her head. “I have a 3am make-up call time tomorrow morning. Dinner tomorrow evening, perhaps?” she asked hopefully.
It was again Minami’s turn to shake her head. “No good. I have a meeting and then no3b is scheduled for a late-night radio program.” It was an all too familiar conversation, following a strict pattern that had occurred countless times since even before they were dating. Minami sighed, running her free hand through her hair. “Things are only going to get busier with this new concert,” she murmured.
Both knew the implication behind her words: getting together would be even more difficult now.
“You know, Atsuko, I’m really glad that you’re able to stay,” Minami admitted happily. “AKB wouldn’t be the same without you.”
Atsuko turned away from Minami as she was quickly overcome with something akin to guilt, her unfinished thoughts from earlier suddenly returning now, uninvited.
If I did graduate, would that really be a bad thing? “Minami-” she blurted suddenly, surprising even she with the small, emotional outburst of the other’s name.
“Hm?” Sensing desperation in her voice, Minami gave Atsuko her full attention, but the taller girl did not say anything more. Noticing her hesitance and the silence growing between them, Minami took Atsuko’s other hand in hers and held their hands up between them, lacing their fingers together. For Minami, such a personal touch was a more effective method than words to express her feelings.
Atsuko met Minami’s gaze once again, her heart skipping a beat as she saw the smile Minami wore. It was a genuine smile, perfectly reflecting her true emotions of the moment. It was not the smile from earlier, the mask that Atsuko knew had been hiding Minami’s doubts.
”Nevermind,” Atsuko whispered with a dismissive shake of her head. She smiled down at Minami, wondering if her smile was just as genuine as her girlfriend’s. “It’s time you left,” she proposed, leading Minami by the hand toward the exit. “Let’s go freshen up and then share a cab. We can at least spend the ride together.”
End Chapter 4, Part 1
"Hitobo, how can you still write Atsumina?"
1- I will see this story through to completion no matter what. I will not abandon it. The writer in me would never allow such a thing to happen.
2- I've stated elsewhere on this forum that when I write RPF, I write as though the people the characters are based on are themselves fictional characters. In other words, the events of Real Atsuko's life (Congratulations, by the way) will not affect my writing unless I choose to let them.
Until next time folks.
Topic: Portraits (Atsumina) Chapter 4 Part 2 (Read 56168 times)