What Needed to be Done

[erink]

I often wonder that myself when I'm at an Asian wake.

Guessing you wouldn't be too enthused about an Irish one. For me, I like them that way. I guess it is all what you are raised with though. Here it is laugh and remember who they were, not how they are now. You cry and stuff but it is never really that bad. Someone will come up and say "Why are you crying? Don't you remember when so and so did that?" and then just stop, mid sob "You're right. f#*king bastard!" then you gigglesob for a few minutes and go back to laughing. I remember the first time someone I was close to died and the parents had a talk with me about remembering the times you had together and the things that happened. You don't need to see them in a wooden box, because that's not them. They aren't there. Funeral attendance is pretty much optional because of that.

Uhh off track much? Anyway, good stuff OTN1. Very good.

[edhead999]

Oh, sounds Shiba-chan's been busy.

Lol... busy. It was surprising to see Aya finally break down in front of other people (besides Shibata). That dream reminds me of the Love infinity dream Aya had... are they somehow related?

[ChiruChaCha]

Hey one question, do you do some kind of researches for what you're gonna write? Like for example the budhist funeral, I don't know if you were already familiar with that, but I mean in general, do you bother looking for that kind of things? I just ask it couse your chapter writing pace is so fast that it almost seems like it isn't really a great effort for you to write this story.

EDIT: I was wrong, I didn't notice 

[OTN1]

erink, thanks for sharing.  Off track is good!  I guess Aya would go crazy (crazier?) if they held an Irish-style funeral for Miki, huh?

That dream reminds me of the Love infinity dream Aya had... are they somehow related?

You mean the "in bed with multiple Mikis" one??  Hahaha, I don't see how you could have made that connection.  Funny!  No, they're not related.  Or at least I didn't try to relate them consciously.  Who knows what sorts of nefarious things my subconscious gets up to, though.

ChiruChaCha, I did do a little research because I wanted it to seem a bit realistic (plus, I've never attended a J-Buddhist funeral before, so I had to get an idea about it), but notice how I did gloss over a lot of details.  That's how I was able to churn out this chapter almost as quickly as the previous ones.

Miscellaneous note: I had written out the final chapter some time ago, and then I lost it.  I looked through all my papers and couldn't find it.  I got very discouraged because I would have it no other way than the way I'd written it on that piece of paper.  Luckily, I found it two nights ago.  I feel much better now!

[coachie]

I did it for you.

Is this Aya's subconciousness blaming herself for Miki's death? Or some kind of message from Miki?

The funeral wasn't at all what I expected, but then I don't know what I expected really, but it's different... it's good (sorry, I'm making no sense here)

It was very real and touching (and made me think back to my Dad's funeral)

[OTN1]

The former, I think.

The funeral maybe wasn't exactly the most gut-wrenching part of this story. It seems to have gone downhill since the morgue.  I don't know.  I can't remember who said it, but yes, there's that sense of growing accustomed to the situation.  Miki's dead, Aya's a bit crazy and very upset.  And sorry, some of you have talked about funerals and family members that have passed away.  I don't want to dredge up old pain or sad memories.


Chapter 23

"I met up with him again."

"What?  So soon?"

"His name is Takashi."

Silence.

"That's it?  No family name?"

"He didn't mention one."

Sigh.

"What did you talk about?"

"Ourselves.  Our hobbies.  He's really into photography."

"Great.  Photography.  Did you tell him who you are?"

"Just a first name and that I'm a student and part-time singer."

"And?"

"You're going to want to meet up with me to talk about this.  Are you free?"

"Yes.  Shall I go there?"

"No, I'll go and meet you there.  Half an hour?"

"Fine.  See you soon."

I hang up the phone and check the time.  It's nearing eight o'clock.  Shibata called early like she promised.  I've gotten about five hours of sleep, three if you subtract all the time I spent waking up and brooding.  I kept thinking I heard the phone ringing, imagining it was Sugiura-san calling to say he'd caught the murderer.

Somehow, that thought lets me down.  I want to find the person responsible.  I want to get to him first before the police can have him.

I dress quickly and put some water to boil.  I may as well thank my friend by having some warm tea waiting for her when she gets here.

Exactly half an hour later, the doorbell rings.  An army could use Shibata as a timepiece with her ability to be so punctual.  I let her in and we get right down to business after I pour us some tea.

"Talk," I say eagerly, taking a sip of my tea and then focusing all my attention on the girl sitting across the table from me.

"Takashi's made a proposal," Shibata begins.  "After I told him that I was affiliated with a small, independent label, he told me he knew some people in the music industry - clean, he insisted, and he did drop some legitimate names - that could help me get a better deal.  He said his hobby was photography, and that if I wanted to make a deal with one of these labels he was recommending, he could handle all the headshots and the artwork, and all that stuff we don't really think about as performers.  He happened to have his portfolio with him, and Aya-chan, this guy is good.  He could be a professional.  Very tempting."

I see where this is going.  Maybe Miki was trying to get some sort of photo deal out of this guy.  Maybe he's really a dirty man who wanted to do dirty things or take dirty pictures, and once Miki refused, he got demanding and violent and then killed her when she wouldn't take her clothes off for a shot.

Or not.

I don't know.  That could be it.

"I see what you're thinking," she interrupts my thoughts quickly, "but he doesn't give off a creepy vibe at all.  He's very relaxed, very calm.  He has a very trusting face.  A very handsome one."

"So he lulled you into a false sense of security," I state.

Shibata shifts uncomfortably.

"I don't know.  He seems pretty genuine.  And his portfolio is really tasteful.  More tasteful than some other people we've worked with in the past," she replies with a wince.

"So what do we do?"

Shibata mulls it over.  So do I.

What can we do?  Follow this proposal?  See if it leads us to Miki?  It's either that, or this guy is for real, and Shibata will end up with some sort of special record and photoshoot deal.

"I say I play along.  Pretend to be interested."

I nod.  Maybe Shibata's right.  I should trust her.

"Okay.  When are you meeting him next?"

"This afternoon."

That's so soon.  It almost seems to be going by too quickly.  I can't control it.

"Oh..."

Shibata looks at her watch.

"Listen, I've got to go now.  I'll be meeting Takashi in the early afternoon, but can I swing by here afterwards?  I can give you my report then."

She stands up, and I stand up with her to see her out.  I don't like being left all alone with nothing to do but mope.  I can't ask her to stay, though.  She has her life. 

"Be careful, Shiba-chan," I say before she leaves.  "I've lost one important person.  I don't want to lose another."

She smiles at me.

"Thanks.  I will be.  You take care, too.  Don't do anything I wouldn't do.  I mean it."

She waves and walks off to the elevator.

I wash out our teacups and ponder what to do next.

I end up calling Sugiura.  I casually ask him about the investigation.  He's still tight-lipped about it, but he lets on that they still have no idea who the killer is.  It seems like I'm still in his good books because he asks me how I'm doing and whether I attended Miki's funeral or not.  I answer brusquely that yes, I went, and that I'm doing as well as can be expected.  Afterwards, there's an awkward pause which I fill up with a technical question about the will-like note and about Miki's apartment.  When can I go there to start organising her things?

"We'll be out of there by tomorrow afternoon," he says in a definite voice.  "You can go any time after that."

I wonder if I can hold him to his word. 

As for Miki's final will, he has contacted the Fujimoto family about her bank account, the sum of which she has left to them.

"I don't mean to pry, Matsuura-san, but do you need some help?" Sugiura asks, his voice going into super-sensitive mode.

Help?  With my own investigation?  He doesn’t know I'm doing that.

"I could give you some numbers or recommend some people who are trained in counselling," he elaborates, oblivious to my thoughts.

Wait, professional help?  A psychologist or psychiatrist, or whoever that person is that checks your head to see if you're loopy?  No thank you.

"I'm fine," I reply curtly.

"In times of grief, especially when you've lost a, uh, loved one, you really need to be able to talk about it to-"

"I'm fine," I repeat.  "I have friends.  Good friends."

I think of Shibata.  She'll listen to me and give me better advice than some stranger could.

"All right.  If you ever need to talk, you can call me.  I'll refer you.  Given your situation..."

What? I almost say.  I want to challenge him to finish that sentence.  Tell me what my situation is.  Then I want to trample all over what he says and tell him to get off his butt and start doing real work for once.  There's a killer on the loose.

Instead of blowing up, I thank him coldly and end our conversation.

To pass the time, I take out Miki's notebook and journal and I read them over and over.  I lie on my back on my bed and try to remember the tune of her song.  I hold the lyrics above me and try to sing them along to the tune.  I make up my own tune when I forget how the original one goes.  Maybe I should fix up this song and record it.  Miki's words communicated through music and poetry after her death.  A touching thought.

At two-forty, Shibata mails me.

I'll be there in fifteen minutes.

All right, Shiba-chan.  More tea it is.

[edhead999]

If I didn't know any better, it sounds like Shibata is falling for this guy... or not. Anyway, it feels refreshing to get a suspenseful chapter instead of a sad, there's no reason to live anymore, chapter (no offense meant).

Oh and, this is a weird question, but does Shibata and Aya end up hooking up? Because that's what it sounds like... yeah.

Thanks for updating so fast!

[JFC]

Guessing you wouldn't be too enthused about an Irish one. For me, I like them that way. I guess it is all what you are raised with though. Here it is laugh and remember who they were, not how they are now. You cry and stuff but it is never really that bad. Someone will come up and say "Why are you crying? Don't you remember when so and so did that?" and then just stop, mid sob "You're right. f#*king bastard!" then you gigglesob for a few minutes and go back to laughing. I remember the first time someone I was close to died and the parents had a talk with me about remembering the times you had together and the things that happened. You don't need to see them in a wooden box, because that's not them. They aren't there. Funeral attendance is pretty much optional because of that.

Yeah I know. I probably should have elaborated a bit. There are times at Asian wakes (which can sometimes last several days) when you can't help but wonder if people are there to actually pay their respects and remember the departed, or if they're just there to mooch some free food & drink (I personally find instances of the latter to be...distasteful, to say the least).

"I met up with him again."

"What?  So soon?"

"His name is Takashi."

Silence.

"That's it?  No family name?"

"He didn't mention one."

So now we have a name. 

"Takashi's made a proposal," Shibata begins.  "After I told him that I was affiliated with a small, independent label, he told me he knew some people in the music industry - clean, he insisted, and he did drop some legitimate names - that could help me get a better deal.  He said his hobby was photography, and that if I wanted to make a deal with one of these labels he was recommending, he could handle all the headshots and the artwork, and all that stuff we don't really think about as performers.  He happened to have his portfolio with him, and Aya-chan, this guy is good.  He could be a professional.  Very tempting."

For some reason, the instant I finished reading that part I thought "yakuza".  It could definitely explain why Miki was meeting with them so often.  If Miki wasn't that satisfied at U-Con, it could be that she wanted to have more hands-on control of her career instead of leaving it in the hands of some producers. 

I'll be meeting Takashi in the early afternoon, but can I swing by here afterwards?  I can give you my report then.

It's like they're spies. Really HOT spies, mind you. But still...spies. 

"Be careful, Shiba-chan," I say before she leaves.  "I've lost one important person.  I don't want to lose another."

She smiles at me.

"Thanks.  I will be.  You take care, too.  Don't do anything I wouldn't do.  I mean it."

Shiba-chan has a right to be concerned about this. Aya's still really emotionally involved in this. Can't take a chance she'll do something impulsive that would/could hamper their efforts now.

Afterwards, there's an awkward pause which I fill up with a technical question about the will-like note and about Miki's apartment.  When can I go there to start organising her things?

"We'll be out of there by tomorrow afternoon," he says in a definite voice.  "You can go any time after that."

I wonder if I can hold him to his word. 

I wonder if he's going to try something sneaky like bugging Miki's place and secretly using Aya as bait in case that something might happen while she's over there organizing Miki's stuff.

"All right.  If you ever need to talk, you can call me.  I'll refer you.  Given your situation..."

What? I almost say.  I want to challenge him to finish that sentence.  Tell me what my situation is.  Then I want to trample all over what he says and tell him to get off his butt and start doing real work for once.  There's a killer on the loose.

Well, cops aren't always known for having good tact. But he DOES mean well.

At two-forty, Shibata mails me.

I'll be there in fifteen minutes.

All right, Shiba-chan.  More tea it is.

Espionage & tea go well together, don't they?

[OTN1]

It's very 007, but with tea instead of martinis.

Oh and, this is a weird question, but does Shibata and Aya end up hooking up? Because that's what it sounds like... yeah.

Ah, the timeless question from my readers (or some of them).  Hahaha.

Chapter 24

In what is developing into our routine, Shibata comes in, sits down with some tea, and starts to report.

"Takashi's bringing some people to the café so that we can meet."

More people?  This has got to be the extra people who Ochiai said were meeting with Miki.  They must be one big team of killers.

"We're going to have a casual chat.  Nothing big, he said."

"When?"

"Actually, this evening."

This evening?  Already?  That's really suspicious.

"I'm going with you," I say determinedly.

"No you're not," she replies without a skipping a beat.  "Everyone knows who you are.  It's too dangerous.  I can handle it on my own."

"No.  I'm going to go and have a look.  If they're the same people that met with Miki, I want to know."

"How will you even know?" sighs Shibata.  "Ochiai-san can confirm it, and I can come back here and tell you everything."

I shake my head.

"Not good enough.  I want to see these guys.  I'll hide out in the kitchen, and I promise not to show my face."

"No," Shibata says in a final tone.  "There's no way I'm letting you go."


An hour and a half later, Shibata and I walk into the Terrace Café.  I've won our argument.  I keep my head down low and follow behind her.  Surprisingly, there's nobody in the little shop, so we call Ochiai out.  I explain to her what I want to do, and I ask if it's all right to stay in the kitchen with her.  She agrees to it, and I'm quickly ushered in while Shibata goes to wait at her table.  She's a bit early, so she orders a coffee.

I stand in a corner of the kitchen and avoid the occasional curious looks I get from the staff.  Two of them are making sweets, while another one is seated and eating a sandwich.  Ochiai is sitting out in the shop as a lookout, so I have nobody to talk with.  I wait, fidgeting and shifting my weight every few minutes.

This situation I'm in is really absurd when I think about it.  I'm hiding in a kitchen, acting like a spy.  Do I really think I can catch a killer?  I'm way out of my league here.

While moping over my situation, I hear the wind chimes signal that the door has been opened.  I peek out the kitchen and see a tall figure walk in.  My gaze shifts toward Ochiai's immediately.  She has the same idea, and she looks in my direction casually and nods once.  Our signal for Takashi.

A server immediately goes to seat him, so I can't see his face until she moves away.

My god, he's handsome.  They haven't been exaggerating.  He walks in with an air of confidence, but modesty.  His face is set in a peaceful expression, his eyes gentle.  He looks like he's in his thirties, but a young thirties.

Suddenly I don't feel so sure about myself.  Even I'm swooning over this man's perfection.  I can only imagine what Miki must have thought when she saw him.  I can see him approaching her, her eyes going starry staring into his.  He tells a joke and she giggles.  He compliments her on her fashion sense and she blushes and thanks him.  Maybe there was something going on between them...

No.  That's not how Miki would act anyway.

My jaw hardens and I go into denial mode.  I watch him walk over to Shibata's table.  They greet each other with smiles, and he sits down right beside her.  They begin to talk.  It seems like small talk.  He pulls out his cell phone, and it looks like he's showing her some photos on it.

They are interrupted five minutes later by two other men.  I look at Ochiai.  She nods twice subtly.  They're the same men that met with Miki.

I fight the urge to run out there and start demanding to know what their meetings were about.  It takes every bit of willpower to keep myself from doing anything but stand and watch.

The men are introduced to Shibata, and they all sit down together.  Takashi pulls out a folder and takes a sheet of paper out of it, placing it in the middle of the table.  They start to discuss something, and I'm dying to know what.  They keep it up for twenty minutes, and then just as quickly as they started, they finish.  The two men leave.  Takashi and Shibata sit and chat for a few more minutes.  Then they also leave.  Together.

Where are they going??

Ochiai comes back into the kitchen, but my mind is whirling with too many thoughts to start a conversation with her.  She starts it instead.

"Those two men met with Fujimoto-san.  The meeting they just had now looked just like the meetings she had with them."

This can't be happening.  What is going on?  What's their hidden agenda?

"Did you hear anything?" I ask.

Ochiai shakes her head.

Flustered, I take out my cell phone and mail Shibata

Where are you going?!?

Twenty minutes pass and I get no reply.  My heart starts to beat at a crazy speed.  What if Takashi's going to drown Shibata?  What if he's going to take her back to his apartment and do who knows what with her?  I refuse to let him get to anyone else anymore.  I have to protect what's left of my friends.  I'm not going to let Shibata become his next victim.  I'm about to jump out of the café and go looking for them when my phone rings.

"Aya-chan, h-"

"Where did you go?!" I yell into the phone, completely losing my nerve.

"Don't worry.  We walked to the station together.  He's gone now."

I try to breathe evenly.  I try to quell the hatred rising up in me.

"Okay," I mumble.

"Stay put.  I'm going back to get you."

She hangs up and I feel weak from my outburst.  Ochiai lets me have a seat at a table and she brings over some water, sitting across from me.

"She means a lot to you, doesn't she," she says.

Who is she talking about?  Miki or Shiba-chan?  Of course they both mean a lot to me.  But in different ways.

I shrug uncertainly.

"I don't think she would have done anything to hurt you," Ochiai continues.  "Like I told you, I'm a people watcher.  I can tell that much."

I think she's talking about Miki.  If she's as good a people watcher as she claims to be, then it must have been pretty obvious to her just how much Miki meant to me (and vice versa) when I was with her at the café.

But wait.  Didn't Ochiai say Takashi gave her a bad feeling?  That he was a nice man on the outside, but disturbed on the inside?  I wonder why Shibata hasn't picked up on that.

Maybe she's smitten with him, too, I think sourly.

"I'd love to believe you," I tell her.

She gives me a strange look.  One that tells me I should trust her.  But how can I?  My self-esteem is being broken down bit by bit as the minutes tick by.  A thousand letters from Miki cannot comfort me.  A million memories of kisses cannot make me see past the thick fog that has settled over my eyes.  A fog full of uncertainty and jealousy. 

"Wallowing in your self-pity won't do you any good," she says suddenly.

Those are the harshest words I've ever heard her speak.  She sounds like Shibata on one of her inspirational tirades that start with her chastising me.

"Stop feeling so insecure and sorry for yourself, and stop questioning a dead girl's actions as if you really know about them, because you don't.  I was here and I was watching her.  I would know if her feelings changed at all.  They never did.  If you really liked her and knew her, then you wouldn't be doubting her."

Oh... my...

She's right.

I sit there, shocked, my eyes locked with Ochiai's.  This woman must be some mystical being.  An angel or... something.  She's like an all-knowing, omnipotent person who has dug into my mind, brought forth my issues, and displayed them on the table so that I can see them clearly.

But I don't know if she fully understands or not.  It's not that I don't trust Miki.  It's just that I really don't know where I am anymore.  The world has no up and no down, and I'm floating around in it without knowing which way I'm going.  I'm lost, not because I can't find the road, but because there is no road.  There's no precedent.  This has never happened before.  I have nothing to go on, no example to follow.  If anything, I'm making the road as I go.  Nothing makes sense to me.  It seems that everything I've believed up until the point of Miki's death can't be trusted anymore.  Everything is the opposite now.  I'm no longer a confident person.  I'm weak and unsure of myself.

I have to stop that feeling.

I swallow hard and don't say a word until Shibata comes running in.  She bursts upon the scene like a nuclear explosion, stunning me out of my silence.  Ochiai seems surprised, too, and her expression softens as she looks at Shibata.

"Um, sorry to interrupt..." Shibata says uncertainly, no doubt sensing the tension between me and Ochiai.

"No, have a seat.  I was just leaving."

Ochiai gets up and gestures to her chair.  With a firm nod directed at me, she floats off into the kitchen.  Shibata looks after her with a puzzled frown, but then quickly sits down.

"Shiba-chan," I say, but I don't continue.  I can't think of what to say to her.

"Okay, that meeting was really weird," she starts off.

"What happened?" I ask, getting into thinking mode again.

"Well, first, we just chatted.  About sports, actually.  He's a big curling fan.  Then those men came in.  They were nice.  We just discussed my schedule for the next few months.  They told me about some of the projects they've worked on before.  Just a meeting to get to know each other."

"I don't see what's so weird about that," I say.

Shibata shakes her head.

"It wasn't the discussion that weirded me out.  It was the feeling."

Oh no.  Here it starts.

Shibata lowers her voice and continues to speak.

"Ochiai-san was right.  There's something strange about that man.  He's really charming, and he's a great conversationalist.  I mean, he made curling sound interesting.  But when those other men got here and we started to talk business, things changed.  He got really focused, and not just the normal kind of focused.  Almost obsessively so.  He wanted to know every single detail about everything.  I've never seen anybody get like him.  I mean, you're a hard worker and you pay attention to detail, but he was a hundred times worse than you at your most concentrated."

"Did he threaten you?" I ask concernedly.

"No, not at all.  But I'm going to watch out from now on.  That kind of obsession isn't healthy."

It's not what I've been expecting to hear.  If anything, I thought he'd get aggressive or angry.  Not obsessed with tiny details.  I find that I'm wanting him to do something violent so that we have an excuse to start taking more action than just chatting over coffee and hiding in kitchens.

"What's the next step?" I ask.

"We're meeting tomorrow evening."

"With those other guys?"

"How'd you guess?" Shibata asks bitterly.

We share a miserable look.

"What do you think is going on?  Honestly."

Shibata sighs.

"I don't know.  From the looks of it, they really want me to work with them.  We're establishing a good relationship.  Maybe it's to help our professional relationship go smoothly," she speculates.

"Do you think he wants, um..." I stutter.  "That he wants, like, you to, uh, you and him..."

I trail off and the look on Shibata's face shows me she understands what I'm asking.  It also scares me.  She looks like she has no clue.

"I don't know.  For all I know, that could be what he's after.  It could be what he was after with Miki.  If it was, she obviously didn't like it when she found out his true intentions."

That makes me feel a little better.  It's true.  Ochiai said Miki became angrier during the meetings as time went on.  If she was happy with Takashi and those other guys, she wouldn't have gotten angry.

"What do we do if that's what he's doing?"

Shibata looks at me apprehensively.

"You're not going to like this, but we'll have to call the police."

I start to protest, but she raises a hand and her voice.

"We should have gone to them before any of this started," she reminds me.  "If they're some sick group of perverts who get their kicks by promising a girl success, forcing her into having sex or killing them, we can't handle them alone."

"But if they had all those meetings with Miki, they must have known she was successful.  I mean, they must have known who she was to call a meeting with her," I point out.

"Then I guess they had a really good deal for her.  Better than the things she'd already done."

A chilling thought.  What could they have tempted Miki with?  Before they began to threaten her, that is.

What was it?

"Have you talked to Tsuyoshi-kun lately?" Shibata asks out of the blue.

"Huh?"

"Tsuyoshi-kun," she repeats slowly.  "Have you talked to him?"

I shake my head.

"Not since before the funeral."

"You should give him a call.  See how he's doing."

Is this Shibata's way of trying to distract me?

She's right, though.  I haven't talked to Tsuyoshi, and he must be wondering how everything is going.  I'll call him tonight.

"All right.  I will.  What are you going to do tonight?" I ask.

"Me?  I have some papers I have to work on," she replies, standing up.

I stand guiltily.  I've been keeping Shibata away from her own work in order to pursue this chase of mine.  I need to let her get her things done.

When we say good night to Ochiai, I avoid eye contact with her.  We leave and catch trains home.

The whole way home, I feel like somebody's watching me.  I look around and over my shoulder, but there's nobody there.  I shrug it off as paranoia and get into my apartment.

I go into my room as I think about the events of the day.  Two meetings with Takashi, and a business proposal.  It's unbelievable.  I lie down on my bed while still wearing my jacket and I stare up at the ceiling, letting my mind wander.  It's like this that I fall asleep, neglecting to call Tsuyoshi or to change into my pyjamas.

[Mikan]

I, Aramaki Mikan, have a theory. Yes, it shocked me. A thought to call my own
< < < Ok, so Miki felt guilty that Aya quit the company for her so she decided to find her another job and thats where this man comes in. Miki goes and has these secret meetings and discusses the possibility of Aya going to work at this different company. Things go wrong, Miki dies and there are a lot of things Im clueless on but there you have it. My stab in the dark > > >

[JFC]

I want to see these guys.  I'll hide out in the kitchen, and I promise not to show my face."

"No," Shibata says in a final tone.  "There's no way I'm letting you go."


An hour and a half later, Shibata and I walk into the Terrace Café.  I've won our argument.

Miki's stubborn streak is still alive in Aya.

This situation I'm in is really absurd when I think about it.  I'm hiding in a kitchen, acting like a spy.  Do I really think I can catch a killer?  I'm way out of my league here.

And now we see Aya finally starting to realize just how BIG this thing is that she's gotten herself, Shiba-chan, and even Ochiai-san into.

My god, he's handsome.  They haven't been exaggerating.  He walks in with an air of confidence, but modesty.  His face is set in a peaceful expression, his eyes gentle.  He looks like he's in his thirties, but a young thirties.

Suddenly I don't feel so sure about myself.  Even I'm swooning over this man's perfection.  I can only imagine what Miki must have thought when she saw him.  I can see him approaching her, her eyes going starry staring into his.  He tells a joke and she giggles.  He compliments her on her fashion sense and she blushes and thanks him.  Maybe there was something going on between them...

No.  That's not how Miki would act anyway.

Don't let his good looks be a distraction. Just because something/-one is physically good-looking doesn't mean that it can't be deadly/dangerous.

"Wallowing in your self-pity won't do you any good," she says suddenly.

Those are the harshest words I've ever heard her speak.  She sounds like Shibata on one of her inspirational tirades that start with her chastising me.

"Stop feeling so insecure and sorry for yourself, and stop questioning a dead girl's actions as if you really know about them, because you don't.  I was here and I was watching her.  I would know if her feelings changed at all.  They never did.  If you really liked her and knew her, then you wouldn't be doubting her."

Oh... my...

She's right.

Aya really needed to hear that. She's been running on nothing but pure emotion in regards to this situation; after a while, it's not surprising that she has been starting to have her doubts about a lot of stuff (even Miki).

Shibata shakes her head.

"It wasn't the discussion that weirded me out.  It was the feeling."

Oh no.  Here it starts.

Shibata lowers her voice and continues to speak.

"Ochiai-san was right.  There's something strange about that man.  He's really charming, and he's a great conversationalist.  I mean, he made curling sound interesting.  But when those other men got here and we started to talk business, things changed.  He got really focused, and not just the normal kind of focused.  Almost obsessively so.  He wanted to know every single detail about everything.  I've never seen anybody get like him.  I mean, you're a hard worker and you pay attention to detail, but he was a hundred times worse than you at your most concentrated."

Ok, so it's one of those things where first impressions seem fine, but upon closer inspection you see more of what's really there, and it usually doesn't look good.  Shiba-chan's right, paying attention to detail is one thing, but being THAT interested in absolutely everything is just overkill, and usually a warning sign.

But hey, I watch curling from time to time. I find it interesting. Should I be worried?

"Do you think he wants, um..." I stutter.  "That he wants, like, you to, uh, you and him..."

I trail off and the look on Shibata's face shows me she understands what I'm asking.  It also scares me.  She looks like she has no clue.

"I don't know.  For all I know, that could be what he's after.  It could be what he was after with Miki.  If it was, she obviously didn't like it when she found out his true intentions."

That makes me feel a little better.  It's true.  Ochiai said Miki became angrier during the meetings as time went on.  If she was happy with Takashi and those other guys, she wouldn't have gotten angry.

Miki would have probably decked him if he tried to get her to do anything like that. If Takashi really is the killer, he could have snapped at being rejected.

"You're not going to like this, but we'll have to call the police."

I start to protest, but she raises a hand and her voice.

"We should have gone to them before any of this started," she reminds me.  "If they're some sick group of perverts who get their kicks by promising a girl success, forcing her into having sex or killing them, we can't handle them alone."

If this is something that these guys have done before with other women, then they're serial killers.  If that's the case, they really do need to call the authorities.

"But if they had all those meetings with Miki, they must have known she was successful.  I mean, they must have known who she was to call a meeting with her," I point out.

"Then I guess they had a really good deal for her.  Better than the things she'd already done."

A chilling thought.  What could they have tempted Miki with?  Before they began to threaten her, that is.

What was it?

Even if Takashi is as charming as he's portrayed to be, it would take something really significant to get Miki interested.  Strangely, I can't help but wonder, what if these guys are part of some upstart new company trying to land they're first "big-name" singing. They could be looking for a "face" for their company (like how Hamasaki Ayu is/was for a long time with Avex), and thus would have promised a lot of exposure and likely, money.

I go into my room as I think about the events of the day.  Two meetings with Takashi, and a business proposal.  It's unbelievable.

It does seem like things were moving really fast in terms of how soon they came forth with the business proposal. Can't help but be suspicious about that.

[rndmnwierd]

This story is so fascinating, I keep running over the evidence in my mind and coming up with the same conclusion Aya has. Nothing. So I shall wait patiently for the next chapter.

[OTN1]

Nice theory, Mikan, but my lips are sealed.

No offence meant about the curling, JFC.  I'm not a fan, myself.  I guess I was going to insult someone no matter what sport I chose.

Chapter 25

That night, I have violent dreams.  I chase after and catch Miki's killer.  I'm straddling him, beating him senseless as I scream incoherent words of hatred.  At first he has no face.  When I look at it, it's blank as if it's been censored.  Slowly, though, it becomes clearer and clearer.  It's Tsuyoshi's face.

I wake up in a cold sweat, an image of the boy's blood-covered face stuck in my head.  I try to shake it out as I get out of bed.  I'm still in the clothes I was wearing yesterday, but I'm too disturbed by my dream to feel disgusted about that.

It's all Shibata's fault.  She planted the idea of not being able to trust Tsuyoshi.  This dream is the result of that, coupled with the fact that he was on my mind since I had meant to call him.  I can't let Shibata's idea take root because it's ridiculous.

I get out of my clothes and take a hot shower.  When I get out, the steam rises quickly from my skin into the cool air, and I look into the mirror.  I'm startled to see a tired, angry girl staring back.  That's not my usual face.  I've always looked vibrant and healthy.  Now I'm starting to look like a mess.  I haven't been sleeping or eating properly, and I've been obsessing over tiny details, stressing my mind, straining all my nerves.

Just a little bit more, I think to myself.  Hang on just a little bit more.

I'll be able to rest after I've found the killer.  Right now, I have to try and stay focused on the goal.

I go and get ready for the day slowly.  No job and no Miki means there's not much to do.  I don't want to see my other friends, and I don't feel like doing cheerful things to distract myself.  Shibata's meeting isn't until the evening, but she's busy now.  I can't go and hang out with her.

Tsuyoshi.  I should call him.  I meant to last night before I fell asleep in my day clothes.  It's not quite ten o'clock.  He must be at work.  I dial his number.

Six rings later, I'm about to give up when a voice answers.  It's an older woman.  Do I have the wrong number?

"Hello, is Tsuyoshi-kun there?" I ask uncertainly.

"Oh, he's just getting into the taxi," says the woman.

I frown suspiciously.  Since when does Tsuyoshi's job as secretary include getting into taxis in the middle of the morning?  What's he doing?  Where's he going?

"Taxi?" I ask.

"Yes, for the airport.  He's off to Kyushu for a week."

Airport?  Kyushu?  A week?  How convenient for him to be taking off now as Shibata and I are getting closer to Takashi and his group.  Maybe they're in cahoots...

"Actually," the talkative woman continues, "we're all going.  The whole family.  We're visiting our son - Tsuyoshi's brother - there at his university."

I breathe a sigh of relief.  I'm talking to his mother, and it's not a solo trip.

"Oh."

"Good thing you called.  I don't think he's realised he's forgotten his phone.  Would you like to talk to him?  I'm just going out to the taxi."

"No, that's all right," I say quickly.  "I'll call him some other time when he's not busy."

No point trying to talk about my private investigation with him when he's surrounded by people.

"All right, then."

"Thank you.  Goodbye."

I hang up and am ridden with guilt.  I can't believe I suspected him when I heard he was taking off for the airport.  How could I?  It's a family trip.  He's not jumping ship and fleeing the country because he thinks I'm going to unveil him as Miki's killer.

I get up, grab my light jacket, and go out for lack of anything better to do.  I end up walking for two hours, wandering around aimlessly.  My life is so pointless right now.  There's only one thing I want to do.  No, two.  One is to catch Miki's killer.  The other is to wake up from this nightmare.

When I realise I'm hungry, I head back home and scour my kitchen for edible food.  I'm running out.  I'll have to go shopping.  Maybe this afternoon.

No, wait.  This afternoon I can go to Miki's apartment.  I have to call to find out when I'm allowed.  Not that that stopped me before.

I slurp down half a bowl of instant noodles (see how low I've stooped?) and call Sugiura.  Luckily, I get him while he's on his lunch break.  I ask about going to the apartment, and he gives me the green light.  They cleared out two hours ago.  I thank him and let him return to his lunch.

With nothing keeping me in my apartment, I get up and leave again.  Miki's key is still with mine, so I don't have to worry about trying to find it in my apartment.

On my way there, I try to piece together all the information I know.  Miki was killed sometime in the early morning.  She was beaten and pushed into a river.  She drowned there, meaning she must've blacked out from the pain before being pushed in.  Otherwise, she could have swum to safety.  Before that day, Miki was having lots of meetings, something which started at the beginning of September at the Terrace Café.  Ochiai said that each meeting was held at the same time and same place with the same man - Takashi - and several of his friends.  The meetings started pleasantly, but eventually turned the opposite.  Miki became upset and argumentative.  What remained constants were the time, the place, and the fact that Miki always left the café with Takashi.  In her journal, Miki made reference to a threat.  "They say if I tell anyone, they'll kill her," she wrote.  I have assumed that the "she" in the sentence is me.  I've also gone and assumed that the "they" means her killers or aggressors, and currently, I strongly believe that Takashi and his men fit that description.  Now, Shibata has made contact with those men, and she's been offered a record deal plus some promotional photography.  That's it.

That's nothing.

We have no idea what Miki and Takashi discussed.  They could have been arranging their wedding ceremony for all I know.

I shake the bitterness out of my mind.  There I go being absurd again.  At least thinking about it has distracted me.  I find myself standing in front of Miki's door.  I take a deep breath in and open the door.

Everything's almost the same as when Shibata and I snuck in.  Some things have been tucked back away where they belong.

I walk around the whole place.  All this stuff is mine now.  The clothes, books, CDs, jewellery, shoes, the contents of the fridge.

The fridge.  I open the door and find fruit and vegetables that have just started to go bad.  I sigh and start to sift through everything, throwing out what's expired.  I throw out about half of what's in the fridge.  Next, I have to check the trash pick-up schedule.  Then I have to take what I can use from her fridge before it expires.

I clench my fists suddenly and walk away from the kitchen, unable to stand having to think of all these details.  It's not fair.  I shouldn't have to be throwing out an expired carton of juice.  Miki should have been alive this past week drinking it before it could see the light of its expiration date.

I walk into her bedroom and lie down.  It's comfortable and warm.  But it's missing something.  Someone.

I turn my head and look at the bookshelf.  On it is a framed picture of Miki, me, and a group of our Hello Project friends and coworkers from Takahashi Ai's birthday party two years ago.  There are seven of us in total.  In the front row, Miki and I are standing beside each other, Ai to her left, Eri to my right.  We're all smiling happily and giving V signs to the camera.  I stare at Miki's face for a whole minute.

"It's time for you to come back now," I speak to her picture in a small voice.

But she doesn't come back.  The front door remains closed.  All I hear is traffic outside.

Unnerved by the silence, I get up and go to the stereo in the living room.  I turn on the power and press play to find out what Miki was listening to last.  Some band I don't know starts singing.  It's in English, so I can't understand.  It sounds like the mix CD her foreign friend and former co-worker Katherine made for her.  I've only listened to it once before, so I can't say for sure.  Whatever it is, though, it's a nice song, so I leave it playing in the background.

I lie down on the floor, looking up at the white ceiling, remembering a time I was in a similar position.  Miki's conversation topics were sometimes beyond strange, but I somehow put up with them...

"What would you do if you found out I was a psychotic axe-murderer?" she asked me one night last year.

We had just gotten back to her apartment from a party, and we'd collapsed on the floor, exhausted, a little tipsy, and looking up at the ceiling as though observing the starry night sky.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" I asked, turning my head and raising my eyebrows in mock suspicion.

"No no no!" she exclaimed, looking back at me.  "But... what if?"

I paused, looked up, and thought.  That would be a tough call to make.

"Morally and legally, I'd be obligated to report you to the police," I started.

"But?"

"But... all those other things.  Um, heartfully, emotionally, whateverly, I'd be forced to keep my mouth shut and just keep on living with you around."

"And pray that I never went psycho on you," she winked.

"Yes," I agreed with an exaggerated nod.

"So which would you do?" she asked almost seriously.

"Which?  Um..." I stalled.

I didn't want to sound like a lawbreaker, but I didn't want to be cold-hearted.

"It would depend on how badly you pissed me off before I found out."

I rolled onto my side and looked down at her.

"If you annoyed me, I'd go straight to the police.  But if you acted like your adorable self, like you are right now," for emphasis, I pinched her cheeks with one hand, squishing her lips together, "then I'd stay quiet."

She shook my hand off her face and pouted, which made me even more resolute about not giving away her hypothetical homicidal streak to the police.

"Thanks," she said.  "I guess I'd do the same for you."

"You guess?" I asked dangerously, prepping for a battle.

Instead of taking the bait, she smiled peacefully.

"I mean of course."

Actually, I was glad she didn't rise up to the challenge and start one of our playful sparring sessions bursting with witty banter.  I was far too tired and my brain was a little too woozy.  I lay myself back down on the floor, and we continued to watch the imaginary stars above us.

I turn my head to look beside me.  Nobody's there.  Just a ghost of a memory.  I sigh longingly and continue to reminisce, as being in this apartment brings me deeper and deeper into the past.

I nod off for an hour while thinking.  After my nap, I get up and rummage through some things.  I sit down in front of the shelf by the television set and look through it.  This time at a much slower and calmer pace.  Last time I looked through these things, I was bending the law.

I come across an old postcard that I sent her from Hiroshima during my tour.  I read what I wrote back in the spring and I laugh at how stupid I sound.  It's a very rushed postcard.  "Hi, wish you were here" and "bye."  But it's the thought that counts, right?  I hope.

But... maybe I didn't do enough for her.  I think back on all my actions, and I find myself wondering what kept her around for so long.  Was she really happy being around me?  She wrote so on paper, and she said so in person, but maybe that's because she didn't know any better.  Maybe I just happened to be the nicest person she knew.  She could have done better, but she stopped when she found a decent level of caring.  I was just Mediocre, but if she'd ditched me, she could have had time to find Stellar.

What sorts of things did I do?  Let's see.  I list them off on my fingers as I go.

I purposely forgot her birthday every year.  I scolded her for being immature.  I made her keep her apartment spotless.  I made her wake up on time for work and always made sure she left a little early (except for a few times).  I yelled at her when she pissed me off.  I refused to talk to her when I was in a bad mood.  I teased her to make her turn red in embarrassment.  Even before the beginning, I dated that dull plastic bag boy just to put distance between me and her and to make me deny the attraction I felt.

To my credit, though, I never got jealous, but that seems to have been my only redeeming quality.

What a way to show you care about someone, I think acerbically. 

I put the postcard back on the shelf between two books.  I lie back down on my back.

Maybe she would have been better off not knowing me.

[edhead999]

I have a ton of theories on how this story is gonna go... but none of them end up good

::Is still hoping for a spinoff of Sukeban Deka::

Thanks for another chapter!

[rndmnwierd]

Miki would be angry if she knew what Aya was thinking right now.

[JFC]

No offence meant about the curling, JFC.  I'm not a fan, myself.  I guess I was going to insult someone no matter what sport I chose.

No worries bro, just keep dishin' out the crack and I'll be fine.

I chase after and catch Miki's killer.  I'm straddling him, beating him senseless as I scream incoherent words of hatred.  At first he has no face.  When I look at it, it's blank as if it's been censored.  Slowly, though, it becomes clearer and clearer.  It's Tsuyoshi's face.

...

It's all Shibata's fault.  She planted the idea of not being able to trust Tsuyoshi.

Whoa, THAT is not a good sign. Aya's still running on fumes, and her ability to think calmly and coherently is starting to waver.

This dream is the result of that, coupled with the fact that he was on my mind since I had meant to call him.

Well, let's hope it's just that. It's sometimes said and believed that dreams are how one's unconsciousness communicates with one's conscious self.  It could be that despite how she trusts Tsuyoshi, deep down, without realizing it, she might be "not so sure" about him for some reason.

*NB. It's past 1am as I type this. Great time for pulling weird tangets/shit outta my ass.*

"Yes, for the airport.  He's off to Kyushu for a week."

Airport?  Kyushu?  A week?  How convenient for him to be taking off now as Shibata and I are getting closer to Takashi and his group.  Maybe they're in cahoots...

Another sign that Aya may not be completely thinking straight.  But then again...more often than not a person's instincts are correct.[/conspiracy mode]

I slurp down half a bowl of instant noodles

Instant noodles FTW!!!

Even before the beginning, I dated that dull plastic bag boy just to put distance between me and her and to make me deny the attraction I felt.

Friday's Children reference!!!

Maybe she would have been better off not knowing me.

Here we have the old "If I wasn't in her life she might not have gotten mixed up in whatever it was she got mixed up in, meaning she'd probably still be alive" theory. Aya's starting to think that even though they would not have known each other and had been a part of each other's lives, Miki would at least still be alive.  It causes one to think if the old addage is true. Is it really "better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved before?"



Random conspiracy/pulled-out-of-my-ass theory time - Miki was going to quit UConn and go to work for Takeshi's company. Tsuyoshi finds out, and is really REALLY upset about it. After work on that fateful night, he confronts Miki about it and they argue. She tries to leave, he grabs her to stop her because he doesn't want to stop the argument. They struggle for a bit and it turns into a full-blown fight, ending up with Miki getting hurt/knocked out. Tsuyoshi panics and rolls her body into the river.   
  



It's lame, I know. Like Aya, I'm tired right now and am running on fumes trying to get caught up on all these fics. 

[OTN1]

Miki would be angry if she knew what Aya was thinking right now.

Exactly.  Kinda of wish she was still around to beat some sense into Aya (although beating is bad, so maybe not).

Friday's Children reference!!!

Haha, well, I figured I may as well start tying the stories together.

Random conspiracy/pulled-out-of-my-ass theory time
...
It's lame, I know.

No, it's not lame.  It made me sad, especially the part about Tsuyoshi panicking and dumping her body in the river.  Just picture that.  Or not.  It makes me shudder.

[OTN1]

Chapter 26

Know what snaps me back into reality?

Funny enough, not Miki's words, but Ochiai's.

"Stop feeling so insecure and sorry for yourself, and stop questioning a dead girl's actions as if you really know about them, because you don't."

For the time being, I'll push my insecurity to the side and not let it get the better of me.

For the time being.

Ochiai is at least half right.  I do need to stop with all this self-pity.  I am me, after all, and I'm not supposed to be insecure.

I let it all go and somehow find the will to get up and rummage through her drawers and closets.  I spend the rest of the afternoon and early evening looking through all her things, finding things of mine she had stolen and I'd forgotten about, and separating everything into neat piles.  A lot of her clothes I can use, but do I really want to?  I don't think I can feel comfortable wearing a dead girl's clothes.  Yet if I don't use them, nobody will, and they'll sit there and fade away with time.  I decide to take them home with me and make up my mind later.  It might be too soon now, but maybe in a little bit I'll want to wear the things she wore.  Maybe it'll make me feel a little connected to her.

Some of her books I want to keep, particularly the ones she always recommended to me but that I never read.  Now I'll read them all cover to cover.  I'll absorb every single word, because that, too, will make me feel more connected.

I start to suspect that I'm not going to be able to let go of anything of hers.  My pile gets bigger and bigger, while the pile for her family and friends grows at an infinitesimal rate.

I almost shriek when my phone rings, so concentrated am I on my clean-out job.

I scramble for my phone and see Shibata's number on the display screen.

"Hi," I say in what I hope is a relaxed voice.

"Hey, Aya-chan.  I just finished my meeting with Takashi and company."

"How'd it go?" I ask eagerly.

"The same as the last meeting, but this time Takashi asked me to do him a favour."

I wait for her to explain, but she doesn't.

"What favour?" I urge her on.

"He didn't say.  He said he'll talk to me about it later.  I have no idea what it could be, and he didn't give me any hints."

There's a pensive pause over the phone as we try to make sense of that.  Eventually, we both conclude that we can't figure it out.

"Be careful," I tell her.  "Don't get into anything weird."

"I know," Shibata says, and I can hear the grateful smile in her tone.

See?  I can care about someone other than myself.  I am a good person.  Sometimes.

"When's the next meeting?"

"The day after tomorrow," Shibata says with a sigh.  "At this rate, I'm going to see them more than I see you."

That makes me laugh.

"You actually sound upset about that.  I thought you were sick of me."

"Sick of you?  No!" It's Shibata's turn to laugh.  "Despite the horrific situation, you make life interesting.  And I do care.  I want to help you."

"Thank you," I manage to say embarrassedly.

"Anyway, let's not talk about this mushy stuff anymore.  It's not our thing.  I've got to get going, but I'll be in touch."

"Thank you," I repeat, this time with much more heart.

"Anytime.  See you."

We hang up.

The next week and a half flies by with conversations much like that one (minus the mushy parts).  Shibata meets with Takashi and then calls me up (or meets me) to report everything she's learned.  She meets with him six times in eleven days.  They've mostly just been social gatherings, but one has been a real planning session.

Life without Miki doesn't get any easier after a few weeks.  In fact, it gets a little harder each day.  Reality already set in at the wake and funeral, but now it's repeatedly slapping me in the face with memories, daydreams, nightmares, and the general feeling of pain and longing.  It feels like phantom limb syndrome.  Part of me has been cut off, but I can still feel like it attached to me sometimes.  Like Miki's ghost is whispering something in my ear so I don't forget a thing.

I'm almost finished going through her apartment, and I've been in contact with Miki's mom and Sugiura about legal details.  I don't understand a word of it, although I try hard to.  All I know is that I have to finish going through the apartment as quickly as I can.

Tsuyoshi e-mails me and we get to chatting.  It turns out his brother was sick, which is why the family went down to visit him.  It was just influenza, but apparently, his mother is overprotective of her eldest son.  He comes back after a week, but we don't make any plans to get together.  Right now we're dealing with Miki's death in our own ways.

I still haven't found a job, but I'm okay for money.  Since Miki's death, I haven't felt like doing anything.  Somewhere in the back of my head, something tells me that that's not good for me, but the rest of me doesn't care.  My purpose is to be focused on one thing and one thing only.

I'm fixing up a late dinner one evening.  It's cold outside and I've just started using my heater.  I put it in my kitchen and stand beside it as I chop up an onion.  Just then, my phone rings.  It's Shibata.  It must be time for her usual report.  I rinse my hands off quickly and answer my phone.

"Aya-chan, I need to meet you right now."

She sounds absolutely terrified.

"What happened?" I demand.

"Meet me at the Family Mart near my station in thirty minutes," she says hurriedly.

"I-" I start, but I hear the line cut off.

She's hung up on me.  Something's really wrong.  I don't bother to clean up the kitchen.  I grab what I need and rush out of the door, locking it behind me.

I catch the appropriate trains and get to the convenience store in twenty-five minutes.  I'm about to e-mail Shibata when I look in the window and see her inside the store at the magazine section.  I pop in discreetly and walk up beside her.

"What is this?  A crime movie?  What's going on?" I ask seriously.

Shibata lowers the magazine she's reading (out of all things, she had to choose Friday) and looks at me.  Her eyes show the intense worry she feels.

"They mentioned Miki."

Suddenly there's nothing more important in the world than this moment.  The lights go on in my head.  They've been off this whole time.  I've had no leads.  This is the first hope I've had in the past week and a half.  I'm going to grab on and not let go.

"What did they say?" I ask harshly, lowering my voice.

"It was Takashi.  And he didn't mention her name specifically.  He made reference to a girl who was working for him, but who met with an untimely end."

I swallow hard.  Was he talking about Miki?

"What exactly did he say?" I demand.

Shibata looks flustered, and I'm sure I'm not helping.

"He was about to ask me this favour.  He said it was time.  I told him to go ahead and ask me, but then he stopped and asked me if I trusted him.  I had to say that I did, but I don't think he was convinced.  He brought up Miki.  He said he had a girl working with him recently but that she didn't trust him.  He said that he fired her, but the way he said it sounded like a threat.  Like he meant something else with the word 'fired' and that he might do that to me, too if I didn't trust him."

All I can see is the colour red.  If Takashi hired someone to kill Miki, I'm going to find the hit man and I'm going to kill him.  Then I'll go after Takashi and make sure he screams so much that he'll choke to death on his own tongue as he sucks in a desperate breath of air.

"After that, we were interrupted by some more of his friends, and that was that.  He never asked the favour.  We have a meeting tomorrow afternoon."

I can't think.  I can't make anything out.  Shibata's words don't make sense to me.  They're not in my language.  I just want to find Takashi and beat him senseless.  He's got to be talking about Miki.

"I'll kill him," I state, finding my voice.  "I'll kill him."

"Aya, shh," Shibata says quietly, looking around.  Some of the patrons in the store are now looking at us curiously, but I don't care.

"Where's Takashi now?  Give me his number so I can stalk him and beat him."

I've never felt so violent before in my life.  When Shibata doesn't budge, I start to walk out of the store.  She grabs my arm.

"Let go!" I yell at her, drawing a gasp from an elderly woman paying for a carton of tea at the cash register.

I shake Shibata's hands off me and storm out the door.  I don't know which way I'm headed.  Any direction will do.  I'm so angry that nothing matters.

"Aya, wait!" Shibata's voice calls to me. 

I ignore her.

Suddenly I feel hands grab me again, and before I know it, I'm being pushed backwards towards a building, Shibata in front of me, her face angry like a tormented bull's.

"Get a grip!" she yells at me, pinning me against the wall.

I give her a crazed look.  Is she insane?  Get a grip??  I don't want to grip anything but the knife that will plunge through Takashi's eyeball and rip into the softness of his brain.

"Just stop and think.  We don't have enough proof that he did it.  Also, there's no way you could overpower him," she hisses angrily.

I try to fight her, but she's a lot stronger than I ever imagined.  She's got my upper arms pinned, which severely limits what I can go.  I'm not coordinated enough to do some magical jump kick from a standing position, so I stop struggling.

"What do you want me to do?  Stand idle while he throws the fact that he had Miki killed in our faces as a threat?" I spit out.

"Yes," Shibata says through grit teeth, her jaw hard.

"I can't do that," I say, my voice turning into a desperate, pleading one.  "I need to find him.  Please, let me go.  I can't rest until I find out why he did it."

"You're not going anywhere.  Not as long as you're acting so bloodthirsty.  Think.  If you do something outside of the law, nothing is going to stop the police from coming down hard on you.  They're not going to care about your situation.  They're going to see your threat or crime or whatever you do to him as simply wrong.  I'm not going to let you throw away your entire life because you're blinded by some personal vendetta."

I hate her.  I don't want to believe her.  She's so right, but this longing inside me is like a drug that overpowers me.  Its cloying taste sends me reeling into the depths of deathly sweet hysteria and rage.

Involuntarily, I start to relax my body.  She's right.  She's right.  She's right.

She notices my body relaxing because she lets go of her hold on me and backs up a few paces.

"Please trust me," she says in such an honest voice that I'm sucked into whatever it is that makes Shibata who she is.  Warm, comfortable, and even safe feelings surround me.  If I've got Shibata looking after me, I'll be okay.  Just trust her.  Trust her.  Trust her.  I repeat this in my mind until my heart rate goes down and I stop seeing red.

"I'm sorry," I stammer.

I'm still angry, but it's been quelled.  The only question that races through my mind is about Takashi.

Who is he?  Who is he really?

I still can't understand why he'd do such a thing.

If it even was him.  I think it was, but if Shibata tells me to wait to make that conclusion, then I guess I have to.

"Come on.  Go get some rest.  Let me take you home," she says softly.

She must think that I've understood her and that all I have to do is go home and get some rest.  She's partially right.  I do understand what she's said, and I'm no longer about to fly off the handle and go on a killing spree.  However, rest is not going to cure what I feel.  It will only make it worse, since I'll be waking up with nobody beside me, the blank spaces that fill my life painful reminders of what I've lost.

I just nod, though, and she gently takes me by the arm and leads me to the station.

Once inside, I insist that I can find my own way home, but she doesn't listen.  She takes me all the way to my apartment, and then comes in, helping me clean up my kitchen.  I've lost my appetite for dinner, so I lie when she asks if I've eaten, and I tell her I was just cooking a meal for tomorrow to kill time.  A white lie won't harm either of us.

She tells me to call her if I need to talk, and she leaves me by myself to my own thoughts.

By this time, my mind has returned to a blank state of shock.  I take an emotionless bath and get into bed.  When my head hits the pillow, that's when all the questions surface in my mind. 

Who is Takashi?  Why did he have Miki killed?  What's he doing with Shiba-chan?

I fall asleep to those thoughts, unsure of what the new day will bring.

[JFC]

I'm almost finished going through her apartment, and I've been in contact with Miki's mom and Sugiura about legal details.  I don't understand a word of it, although I try hard to.  All I know is that I have to finish going through the apartment as quickly as I can.

In other words, the landlord wants the apartment empty so he can rent it out ASAP.

Tsuyoshi e-mails me and we get to chatting.  It turns out his brother was sick, which is why the family went down to visit him.  It was just influenza, but apparently, his mother is overprotective of her eldest son.

Wonder how Tsuyoshi feels about that?

"They mentioned Miki."

...

"He was about to ask me this favour.  He said it was time.  I told him to go ahead and ask me, but then he stopped and asked me if I trusted him.  I had to say that I did, but I don't think he was convinced.  He brought up Miki.  He said he had a girl working with him recently but that she didn't trust him.  He said that he fired her, but the way he said it sounded like a threat.  Like he meant something else with the word 'fired' and that he might do that to me, too if I didn't trust him."

...

I can't think.  I can't make anything out.  Shibata's words don't make sense to me.  They're not in my language.  I just want to find Takashi and beat him senseless.  He's got to be talking about Miki.

"I'll kill him," I state, finding my voice.  "I'll kill him."

And thus the tension and the waiting are now obviously really getting to Aya. She's desperately seeking answers that need time and patience to show themselves, and right now she has neither. The anxiety of it all must be driving her up the wall.

Who is Takashi?

Indeed, who is this guy and what exactly is his scheme?

Why did he have Miki killed?

As Shiba-chan said, right now they stil haven't confirmed that he had her killed, or that it was even Miki he was referring to (for all we know he was talking about some other random woman that was working for him).

What's he doing with Shiba-chan?

What are his plans for her? Are they the same promises he made to Miki? What is this favour that he wants her to do? Why does she have to be the one to do it?

I fall asleep to those thoughts, unsure of what the new day will bring.

A new chapter.

[rndmnwierd]

Holy crap. O_O

I was just reading this all 'La lala lala.' and then it was all:

"Aya-chan, I need to meet you right now."

She sounds absolutely terrified.

I sat up in my chair and my jaw dropped. I read on at a fevered pace, rereading the things I'd skipped in my haste and finding myself completely drawn into this world, into Aya's world. When she saw red, so did I, when she strugged against Shibata, I found myself moving in my chair.

I'm so fascinated by everything that's going on, from the storyline, to the small details, to the way they interact with each other. You truly have a gift with words, friend.

And I swear I'm not high...