Sorry, I, uh, was distracted by Yoshizawa's thighs in the new Gatas pv...
...where am I? Oh! Right! Fic. Yes.
Again, pure crack.
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THE CONTEST BEGINS
Goto Maki walked into the cafeteria and immediately made a beeline for the mirror next to the door. She had noticed in the elevator that the padding in her bra was making her boobs lopsided again, but there was a creepy salaryman in there, so she couldn't make the adjustment at the time. She moved the right one up, but now the left was too low. Hmm..
"Try moving the left one up and out a bit and then doing an Okada Yui-style KYU!" Yoshizawa Hitomi said, coming up behind the soloist. Goto smacked her friend upside the head. "WHAT! I'm serious!" Yossi laughed. Goto did the recommended adjustment.
"KYU!" she exclaimed, squeezing her boobs together with her forearms. Nakazawa Yuko started cackling with laughter behind them.
"See? What did I tell you?" Yossi said, gesturing at the ample rack before her. "Works every time." The pair walked over to an empty table.
"Why did you know that?" Maki asked, staring blatantly. "You don't have any." Yossi rolled her eyes.
"Please, you know perfectly well that have I almost as much as you do. I just don't have them busting out of my shirt thanks to the Super Boob 2000 bra." Goto started laughing. "And I learned it from Okada herself."
"Oh, really?" Maki said with a sly grin. "When did you learn THAT little tidbit?"
"Oh, I have my ways," Yossi replied with a smirk. Nakazawa snorted with laughter. The pair turned around to stare at their former group leader.
"Please, like you two rookies know anything about that," Yuko smirked, taking a long sip of coffee.
"Hey, at least I have enough skill to get someone in bed without getting them drunk off their ass first," Yossi retorted.
"That's not 'skill'," Yuko laughed. "That's just boring. Alcohol makes everything more entertaining." Yossi shook her head. "And I don't remember YOU complaining anyway," Yuko added pointedly. Maki pointed at Yoshizawa and started laughing. "You either, Goto," Nakazawa tacked on, making it Yossi's turn to cackle at her friend's expense. Goto opened her mouth to reply, but Yuko lifted her newspaper back up to read, signifying the end of the conversation.
"So, you bagged Okada Yui, huh?" Goto said, turning back to their table. Yossi grinned and nodded.
"Yeah, that was like a year ago, though."
"Really? What are you up to now? 10?" Maki asked.
"10 what?"
"Hello! Project members."
"Oh, no," Yossi shook her head. "It's gotta be more than that. I've done half of the current Morning girls alone." Goto raised an eyebrow.
"Yocchan, you're not hitting up jailbait are you?"
"NO!" Yoshizawa laughed. "There's only nine of 'em total nowadays. So, Ai, Risa, Eri, Sayu, and that new chick."
"What new chick?"
"Uh... JunJun."
"Isn't she like 15?!" Goto exclaimed.
"The hell?! She's 19!"
"Oh..." Maki trailed off thoughtfully. She absentmindedly adjusted her bra again, much to Yossi's amusement. "Seventeen!" she announced suddenly.
"Uh, no. NINEteen. Nine."
"No, not that," Maki replied. "I've bagged 17 of the H!P girls."
"Really? I've gotten...." Yossi trailed off. She silently counted off, occasionally tilting her head to one side thoughtfully. "Sixteen."
"HA HA," Maki laughed. "I win."
"Wait!" Yossi stopped her friend's glee. "Are we counting each other?"
"Of course."
"Then we're tied," Yoshizawa smirked. "17-17."
"Really!?" Maki grabbed her purse and pulled out a notebook. "This I gotta see.... where the hell is a damn pen when you need one!?" A black pen landed in the middle of the table.
"Give it back when you're done and I want the list, too," Nakazawa called from behind them, not looking up from her newspaper.
Maki bent over the paper and started writing names. Yossi stood up and peered over her longtime pal's shoulder.
"The hell, Maki, did you have a Melon orgy?" she snickered. Maki grinned.
"No, but we did go on tour together and I kept getting lost on my way back to my room." Yossi high-fived the soloist. "Your turn."
Yossi leaned over the table and quickly scrawled out her names.
"DAMN! Abuse your leader power much?" Goto exclaimed. "You've hit all of 5th gen and 2/3's of 6th!"
"WAY TO GO!" Nakazawa yelled helpfully.
"There!" Yossi proclaimed, throwing the pen over her shoulder.
"That landed in my Morning Coffee," Nakzawa complained. The player pair ignored her.
"HA! You got Yaguchi too?" Maki laughed, comparing the lists.
"Wow, you managed to get Abe?" Yossi exclaimed.
"Did you hit up Tsuji before or after she got knocked up?" Maki snickered.
"Before, you ass."
"Oh, is that why she's switched to men?"
"Please, if I messed up Tsuji, what the hell did YOU do to Kago for her to turn out like that?" Yossi retorted.
"Wait a sec..." Goto said suddenly. "Something's off about this list."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, between the two of us, we seem to have actually managed to bed everyone over 18 that's currently in H!P."
"Except Atsuko 'cause she's way too old," Yossi tacked on. The pen came flying back over and hit Yossi on the back of the head. "HEY! I didn't say YOU were old, Nakazawa!" Yossi yelled.
"It was implied, you little shit!" Yuko retorted.
"But, wait, if we break the list down." Goto continued, picking up the pen as though nothing had happened. "You'll see what I'm talking about."
Yoshizawa watched as Maki combined their lists and broke them down by group.
"I don't get it," Yossi said when Maki finished. Maki silently pointed to the group in question.
"Isn't someone missing here?" she asked. Yoshizawa's eyes widened.
"What the hell! How did we BOTH miss THAT!?" She demanded, sounding a bit pissed off.
"Hey, I wasn't leader!" Maki protested.
"Yeah, you were!" Yossi retorted. "Weren't you leader of Gomattou?"
"Weren't you leader of both MM. AND Gatas?!" Maki replied. "With as much as you groped one another on camera, I'm shocked quite frankly."
"Dammit. I would have won then!" The H!P pimps locked eyes and slowly began to grin.
"So," Maki said. "Whoever can get her in bed first..."
"...wins the contest," Yossi finished.
"Prize?" Maki asked.
"Slave for a month!" Nakazawa piped up. Yossi and Maki stood up and solmenly shook hands just as the girl in question walked into the cafeteria.
"Mikiiiiiii," Goto said smoothly, walking over to the perpetually annoyed, recently Friday'd singer. "How are you doing after being kicked out?" she asked, putting a concerned arm around Fujimoto's shoulder.
"What the hell are you doing?" Miki asked, looking Maki up and down.
"HEY! Miki!" Yossi called. "Maki and I have a bet going. Can we have sex so I can win?" Miki burst out laughing.
"YOSHIZAWA!" Maki yelled angrily, dropping her arm.
"Oh, like your smooth talk bullshit would work on Miki." Yossi scoffed.
"If you're THAT desparate to get laid, why don't you two go screw yourselves?" Miki replied, rolling her eyes.
"Please, we did that like 5 years ago," Maki retorted.
"Good to know," Miki said sarcastically. "Now, let me just make this clear, I will never, ever - "
"You two!" Nakazawa suddenly announced, interrupting Miki's declarations. "Go get me some beer."
"Do it yourself," Yoshizawa replied boldly. "We're in the middle of..." she trailed off as Nakazawa leveled her with a death glare. Yossi frantically grabbed Maki's arm and the two of them ran out to find the nearest liquor store.
"You!" Yuko pointed at Miki. "Come here." Miki raised an eyebrow and saunted over to the queen's table.
"What?"
"I'm disappointed in you, Fujimoto," Yuko said with a sad shake of her head. "I had higher hopes for you."
"Is this about the Friday crap? 'Cause I totally pulled that on myself to get out of that sinking craphole," Miki retorted.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Yuko replied, taking another sip of her coffee. Miki glanced down at Nakazawa's newspaper proclaiming the headline 'FUJIMOTO MIKI LOVE SCANDAL!' and raised an eyebrow. "No, I mean your conduct here."
"My conduct? I'm not sleeping with one of them for the sake of some stupid ass bet!" Yuko shook her head.
"Sit, sit, sit," she said, pulling out a chair. "Now, think carefully. Think... Nakazawa-ly. They both really want to win that bet."
"Right."
"So they both really want to get you into bed."
"Right."
"So..."
A slow smirk began to spread across Miki's face. "How could I have MISSED THAT!?" Miki exclaimed. Nakazawa patronizingly patted Miki's hand.
"Because you are not one with the way of the cafeteria," Yuko replied solemnly, finishing off her coffee just as Yoshizawa came panting back to the table.
"Here!" Yossi gasped, slamming the 6-pack onto the table.
"Hey, Yocchan..." Miki said in a soft voice. She slowly ran a finger up the Gatas captain's arm. "I don't really like beer... could you maybe go get me some vodka?"
"What!?" Yossi panted, still out of breath from running all the way to and from the liquor store. She wasn't even sure where she'd lost Maki on the way. "Why would I do something like that?!"
"Well... you do want to win that bet, don't you?" Miki replied, her voice deliberately innocent while her left hand was making a lazy path up Yoshizawa's inner thigh.
"Uh..." Yossi cleared her throat. "I'll, um, yeah, ok, I'll, yeah, uh...." Without finishing a coherent sentence, Yoshizawa ran out of the cafeteria. Miki smirked as she watched the retreating figure.
Nakazawa picked up her newspaper while Miki surveyed the cafeteria. There were those random Eggs making artwork out of some chalk dust or something on their table. Damn, they were odd. In the corner, Takahashi Ai was spreading out her 500 yen coin collection on the table and making the new Chinese girls count it. And directly in front of them, occupying Yossi and Maki's old table, was Miyoshi Erika hard at work on what appeared to be an Ishikawa Rika voodoo doll.
Miki turned to Nakazawa.
"Nakazawa-san," she stated seriously. Yuko let the front of her paper drop down.
"Yeah?"
"Teach me."
"Huh?"
"Teach me the way of the cafeteria," Miki declared solemnly. Yuko looked her over for a moment before leaning over and grabbing a beer.
"You have much to learn, my young padowan," Yuko replied, cracking open the beer.
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I'm, um, gonna watch that PV again...
Topic: Nakazawa's Cafeteria Adventures [AGAINST THE ODDS] 08.27 (Read 13561 times)