Character Study #12
Symphony in Angst, Movements 1-41It doesn’t hurt, really.
It shouldn’t hurt at all, really.
It’s a lie, isn’t it? It did hurt, didn’t it? I thought, among all of the way, she’s chosen the harsh way. Being a narcissistic and poison tongue chara while she wasn’t really like that in the inside. That sure was difficult. At one point I admire her for her strong side but, I feel bad for her because she has to go through this.
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2Yuu-chan bought me a book about depression- or managing emotions or something. I don’t remember the last time I read something that wasn’t work-related or a glossy magazine. So, the book said I’m probably experiencing depression from my life-changing decision.
You know, most book that’s filled with physiology one, my teacher said, that most of it were full of lie. So, I don’t think that she’s..wait, she may have a depression from the way she talked. But, I think..more than depression, it’s rather a sadness.
What was so bad about my life here anyway? But why can’t they just let me produce myself instead of needing to ‘wait my turn’ at the roster? Who will I turn to for comfort and advice when I’m no longer part of a larger whole? What is so bad about wanting more? If I fail, who will save me?
when i positioned myself at her position, i feel hopeless. like, will there will be someone that come and save me? that's such a terrible feeling.
A slice of meat delicately held up between chopsticks in front of me interrupt my spiraling madness. I blink at the proffered item and then look up.
And I find salvation in Rika-chan’s smiling face.
Maybe all of this time that she need was someone else’s support..
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3Just standing and watching the girls filming our latest shuffle studio PV now. I actually woke up early today and decided to get into the studio to study my script for Hello Morning here. It doesn’t pay to not have a life outside of work and the dogs. Maybe I should take up an instrument- start a woodwind duet unit with Kei-chan. Yeah- a bassoon, thass the ticket. What the hell is a bassoon?
how could she start such unit. Umm.. lol, if my memories of nodame is right, bassoon is some kind of wind instrument?
Great, I’m nori-tsukkomi-ing myself, in my own head.
I look up, my response sluggish and my temper short, to see Yoshizawa bounding up to me like an overexcited puppy in her uniform. I have no doubt that in that girl’s slightly messed-up head, her internalization goes something like: ‘Ah, sugoi kakkoii, Nakazawa Anego coolly looking up from her new mobile phone to regard me with a burning, sexy gaze’. This is all that is keeping me from yelling at her.
As much as this job strips me of my sanity and dignity, it’s the girls that restore it back, bit-by-bit. I feel my sanity knitting together, surrounded by these crazy people I call my friends and family. It’s what makes me come back day after day even when there isn’t much to come to.
Life as an entertainer is harsh. No, really..i mean they have to keep their happy face always even though they aren’t happy at all. Her character study is funny yet sad at the same time.
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4But one thing I cherished most of all, was the laughter.
It was an absolute joy to cause that laughter- and a bonus if she were laughing with you, rather than at you. Although, I admit I miss being laughed at by her. It’s masochistic, I know, it just feels really good when she laughs gleefully at me. I must say something brilliantly stupid one of these days.
That’s masochistic? For some reason I thought that it isn’t. Nah, isn’t it just cause of her strong feeling? No harm in that laugh..i mean, it isn’t caused by some mean things. But, it is kinda cute.
We never spoke of it again, but I think somehow, our silent contemplation that day managed to bridge the gap between us awkward social niceties couldn't before.
It ends nicely. Somehow…somehow..i get this cloudy feeling after read the character study. Like some kind of realization that life sure is hard. It isn’t easy and we have to struggle in order to walk through it.
sankyuu for the update ^__^
will wait patiently for more update, and till that time, Gracula-san ganbare~ ^o^)/