Jonathon "The Impaler" for President 2008

[Foxy Brown]

Are you tired of traditional politicians who care more about their political party, and major contributors, than you? Are you tired of living in fear?

Fed up with terrorists, criminals, corrupt politicians, law enforcement that abuse their powers and act like "KGB Agents?"

Do you want a change in government? Would you love to live in a nation that reminds you of Camelot?  Where everyone lives without fear of criminals, and having their leaders sell them out?

Are you hoping to have a peaceful and tranquil life? Looking for a leader who is of the people, for the people?

Then Jonathon "The Impaler" is your answer. The Impaler will end the reign of terrorism that this nation has been suffering under for years. Terrorists and criminals will live in fear of Jonathon, instead of instilling fear in the innocent.

[JFC]

[madambaster]

Psh, I already know where my vote is going (if I could vote):
http://www.walken2008.com/

[Tuffty]

My name is Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey, L.D.D.D., Ph.D., I am mostly known to the world as a Sanguinary Satanic
Vampyre, and a Hecate Witch. My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares, named after the Greek God of War.  It is true; I
am an ordained Satanic Dark Priest, a proud follower of Lucifer as well as the Goddess Hecate. I live by, and believe
in The Vampyre Creed.

Sounds like a lovely fellow!

[Shumatsu Samurai]

What exactly are the requirements to run for president in the USA?

[JFC]

^ According to wiki:

Requirements for holding office

The President must be a natural born citizen of the United States (or a citizen of the United States at the time the U.S. Constitution was adopted), at least 35 years of age, and a resident of the United States for at least fourteen years.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/President_of_the_United_States#Requirements_for_holding_office

[ferrar1]

a proud follower of the Goddess Hecate

He supports MIKI!!!

Quick everyone vote for him :ROFL

[Shumatsu Samurai]

^ According to wiki:
 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/President_of_the_United_States#Requirements_for_holding_office

Thanks.
If that's really all you need, I'm surprised we don't see much more strange candidates...

[Foxy Brown]

The 2008 presidential bid just got a little more challenging for the race’s only satanic vampire candidate.

Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, a 42-year-old New Jersey man who is running under the Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party, is currently being investigated by the Secret Service for potential threats toward President George W. Bush.

[StreakInTheSky]

Looks like The Impaler and Lucifer might be looking for a war with Bush and God. He should've ran last election .

I wonder if he'll get enough votes to win his party atleast one seat in the house.

[Foxy Brown]

Did I have sex with Kat? I did, and loved every heated moment of passion. Granted, we had sex the first weekend in 1988, and I didn’t know she was my half-sister (I found out in 1996). But, after 1996 I not only seduced her, but enjoyed every passionate moment of it.

I had a Pagan Hand Fasting with Kat in 2005, after she told me she was pregnant. I later found out she lied to. I did eventually get her pregnant, but once she lost the baby, I left her.

The last night I had sex with her was in May 2007. If she has her way, I am sure that will not be the last time.

[bokunosonzai]

Did I have sex with Kat? I did, and loved every heated moment of passion. Granted, we had sex the first weekend in 1988, and I didn’t know she was my half-sister (I found out in 1996). But, after 1996 I not only seduced her, but enjoyed every passionate moment of it.

I had a Pagan Hand Fasting with Kat in 2005, after she told me she was pregnant. I later found out she lied to. I did eventually get her pregnant, but once she lost the baby, I left her.

The last night I had sex with her was in May 2007. If she has her way, I am sure that will not be the last time.

Wow...he's definitely RIGHT for the job.

[mini*wheat]

Forget the Impaler.

[Foxy Brown]

http://jonathontheimpalerforpresident2008.blogspot.com/2007/09/staying-true-to-my-word.html

US Department Of Justice
Attn: Criminal Division
950 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20530

RE: Meranda ***********
and the domestic terrorist group
known as Vampyre Hunters she belongs to.

To Whom It May Concern,

Per my conversation this morning with a member of your staff, I am writing to request your office investigate and then prosecute my former girlfriend Meranda ********* of; of **** ****** Street, SW, Rochester, Minnesota, 55902 (***) ***-**** and (***) ***-**** for being part of a domestic terrorist group who have repeatedly threaten to assassinate me for almost two years now.

If you are unaware of who I am, my name is; Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey. I am the 2008 VWP Party Presidential Candidate (see ABC News and Time Magazine stories on me in attachments). According to some Democrat Party Web sites, the some Dems are trying to have me be appoint as the next US Attorney General. This means, though the chances are slim, I may become your boss!

As you are aware from the stories, I am a Vampyre. The society responsible for making these threats against me are professed Vampyre Hunters. Meranda has admitted to being part of this group (see emails dated; 15 Aug 07, 20 Aug 07, and 24 Aug 07). According to her, a friend of Meranda’s named Michael from California, may be assisting her in trying to assassinate me. Additionally, I have reasons to believe that Meranda’s parents (Clayton D. and Amy L.) are also involved in conspiring to assassinate me. On Friday, 24 Aug 07 her father Clayton called me on my cell phone and threatened me.

I developed arsenic poisoning on 15 Aug 07, the same day she admitted to being a member of this group.

I and my half-sister have repeatedly asked Meranda to supply the names and locations of her fellow Vampyre Hunters. She was repeatedly refused. Meranda has informed me, that she would file charges against me and my sister for harassment with the Rochester Police Department, if I continued to question her about the hunters.

As a result of Meranda’s actions, I have addressed this matter with Rochester Police Sergeant Elisa Umpierre, and supplied her with Meranda’s emails. Though I have informed Sgt. Umpierre that Meranda’s actions violate the Patriot Act, she refuses to act upon them.
Not only am I a Presidential Candidate being threaten, but I am a victim of having my Civil Rights violated by those who profess hatred towards Vampyres. These people actions are surely a violation of the Patriot Act. I will be in DC the beginning of October for the showing of Impaler (www.impalerthemovie.com) the movie documentary made about my run last year for Governor of Minnesota.
Additionally by months end, I will be addressing the General Assembly at the United Nations. One of the matters I will address in my speech is how my kind are easy prey for hunters, prejudice and lack of protection from the Bush Administration.
I hope you will take the proper approach to this matter of not only threats being made to me, but my Constitutional Rights being violated as well.
If I was the AG right now, you’d be ordering the FBI to arrest Meranda, Sgt. Umpierre, and all hunters who attack Vampyres, Witches along with other non-Christian based religions.
I await your response. Please know the media is well aware of this matter. I have interviews with numerous US as well as International media groups (Russia, Germany, France, Switzerland…) to address my being victimized by these domestic terrorist groups.
Nel Sangue,
Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, Ph.D., L.D.D.D.