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Author Topic: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)  (Read 15749 times)

Offline maverickpanda

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #60 on: October 01, 2008, 11:10:11 PM »
Hello everyone. I figure I would bump this thread, because I have come to the realization that this whole fanfic writing thing was not just a random one time deal, so I was wondering if anyone could help me and beta my stories, or possible point me in the right direction to find one. I would appreciate any feedback on this subject because I wish to improve my wiiting so others could enjoy them.

Thank you in advance.
 :pandaaa:

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Offline Yuuyami

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #61 on: October 01, 2008, 11:46:39 PM »
Sure! I'll do it! XD Post the chapter here or PM it o_o (No emailing xD That's a bit ... xD )

Offline Yuuyami

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #62 on: October 16, 2008, 04:26:45 AM »
xDDD Forgive the lateness! It took a while for my Loser-chan and my schedule to match up so we could do this together o_o;

PS. No, that's not my Loser-chan's actual display name xDDD Trillian has this lovely function where you can rename your friends so I took the liberty of excercising that feature.......  :heart:








[17:45] Super Uke XD: lol okay honesty dj maimai..it's just...I can't see H!P cross over with harry potter

[17:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Neither could I XD

[17:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: While it is an interesting combo... It just.... xD......

[17:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: H!P and HP are like, two separate gods

[17:45] Super Uke XD: like i can see H!P having magic and all that...but..

[17:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Of different cultures

[17:46] Super Uke XD: seeing harry potter interact with like Miki is just...woah

[17:46] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Miyabi meeting Mr. Potter? Noooo o-o;

[17:46] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Mmhmm o_o

[17:46] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Super extreme xD

[17:46] Super Uke XD: lol

[17:46] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: While it is an interesting thing, seeing two cultural gods meeting each other, but uh.... It's kind of an awkward meeting.... xD

[17:47] Super Uke XD: yeah

[17:47] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: ANYWHO, shall we beta the actual writing content, snookums? -clings- <3

[17:47] Super Uke XD: -bricksss-

[17:47] Super Uke XD: >_>

[17:47] Super Uke XD: mm kay

[17:48] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Ah yes, this must be the second or third chapter xD

[17:48] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: -skimmed the entire story once- o-o;

[17:48] Super Uke XD: -skimming-

[17:48] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Wow, subjective much? xD

[17:49] Super Uke XD: lol

[17:50] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Hey, hey, don't just skim the entire thing xD Do it one by one so we have a worthwhile beta D<

[17:51] Super Uke XD: lol sry hold on i'm on the phone

[17:51] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: xD... Kay

[17:55] Super Uke XD: sry LOL back now and ready to review lol

[17:55] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Woo~

[17:55] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: -clings- I've missed you, honey ;-; the bed so coooold without you

[17:56] Super Uke XD: -bricks- off crazy...anyway, reading the first paragraph...I don't know....it seemed just weird reading it.

[17:56] Super Uke XD: too many short sentences

[17:56] Super Uke XD: like, Miyabi stretched in bed. Rolling over in bed... it's like awkward.

[17:57] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Subjective xD

[17:57] Super Uke XD: Be better to enlongate some sentences like, "Miyabi stretched and yawned, rolling in the bed she lied on.."

[17:57] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: And obvious xD

[17:59] Super Uke XD: in honesty i can't really read this..it's one of those stroies I avoid to read after skimming the first couple of paragraph..I think it's mostly due to that whole H!P/HP cross over thing..

[17:59] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Yeah... xD

[17:59] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: I can see the effort put into this, but... xD

[18:00] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: It's just not interesting at all to me... xD

[18:00] Super Uke XD: but i don't know, like the setting can be used but..like any mention of the harry potter characters should be subtle like..'there was a great wizard once who saved us all, he was once called the boy who lived' or something like that

[18:01] Super Uke XD: the HP char. actually interacting with H!P..is hard to grasp and see in my head lol

[18:01] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Yes... xD

[18:01] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: But let's ignore that and just focus on the style xD

[18:02] Super Uke XD: well, the style is nice, looks like a lot of work has been put into it..just..not enough work like for one as mentioned several times, the story is subjective..

[18:03] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Adjectives and adverbs are your friends DJ~ XD

[18:03] Super Uke XD: I also don't really get the sense of any 'real' plot in there either..

[18:04] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: I swear, the subjective-ness messes up a lot of stuff... xD

[18:04] Super Uke XD: it really does

[18:04] Super Uke XD: lol

[18:04] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: I mean, in the previous chapter, I didn't even go all doki doki even though there was action scenes and "tension"

[18:04] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: You know what, this is like a script o_o

[18:05] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: "Hey Miya! Read these lines and do this and we're set :D Go!"

[18:05] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Like that xD

[18:05] Super Uke XD: yeah you're right its like a script o_o!

[18:05] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: It shows what they're saying

[18:05] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: What they're supposed to stage think

[18:05] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: what they should do

[18:05] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: and the general setting

[18:05] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: That's it xD

[18:06] Super Uke XD: scripts are a nice format...if you're making a movie but in fanfiction it's a little hard to read it and stay interested to see the next chapter

[18:06] Super Uke XD: since in fanfics its like you're writing your own little online book

[18:07] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Mmhmm

[18:07] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: The author/ess is ALWAYS the one with the most vivid imageries of how their story is going to be like

[18:07] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: The hard part is putting words down

[18:08] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: to match it

[18:08] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: You're trying to make your reader dive into your world with only the help of words and no images

[18:08] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: So you HAVE to be able to have a sense of your world in your words

[18:09] Super Uke XD: i think the script like format there is good to draft out how you want your story to go and when you start to revise it, you try to find words that'll make readers delve into your imagination and see what you see

[18:09] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: If you can't get your world out of the words you wrote, then keep trying until you do XD

[18:10] Super Uke XD: lol

[18:10] Super Uke XD: its a unique idea no doubt

[18:11] Super Uke XD: but the format of it doesn't help much for the reader to be interested and leave comments saying 'woah! i hope this isn't the end ' or blahblahblah

[18:12] Super Uke XD: i think, it's best to start this story over in a less script like format..and less subjectiveness in there...try to find words that convey your world, if at first you don't succeed..try, try again.

[18:12] Super Uke XD: or however that saying goes =w=

[18:13] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Yeah xD

[18:13] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: You want us readers to see your world? Let us see your world then xD

[18:13] Super Uke XD: ^ god you're so cheesy and lame >_>

[18:13] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Just not like what you are doing, it's a script of your world xD

[18:13] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Of course xD

[18:14] Super Uke XD: okay next story

[18:15] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Hold it xD

[18:15] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: No ending messages? xD

[18:15] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Wait, I was the one who gave those ending messages o_O

[18:15] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: ... You have a message for DJ? XD

[18:16] Super Uke XD: i did, I gave that saying

[18:16] Super Uke XD: if at first you don't succeed try try again.. o_O what that's not a good ending message?1

[18:16] Super Uke XD: !*

[18:17] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Oh, then uh... kay xD

[18:17] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: :D....

[18:17] Super Uke XD: idiot >_>

[18:17] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: -waves goodbye to audience- :D.......

[18:17] Super Uke XD: >_>






So there you go <3





Oh and on a random note, an anonymous writer sent their PM to me and not my Loser-chan as well, so she got upset about it... xDDDD

[18:18] Super Uke XD: DAMN YOU PEOPLE THERE ARE 2 PEOPLE IN THIS BOOTCAMP!! NOT JUST THIS...THIS....STOOPID ROLLING WEIRD-O!! -points at yuuuu- (haha i made a pun there)

[18:19] Super Uke XD: D:(

[18:19] Super Uke XD: D : < (phailed fface)

[18:19] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: LOL XDDDD

[18:20] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Too bad they're not going to see that part xD

[18:20] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: ... Actually, they will :D

[18:20] Super Uke XD: TTATT

[18:20] Super Uke XD: o_o

[18:20] Super Uke XD: -bricks- you're an asshat! D<

[18:20] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Thank you xD

[18:21] Super Uke XD: -punches-

[18:21] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: <3333

[18:21] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: I love you~

[18:21] Super Uke XD: >_>


I named her that sn for a reason xDDDDDD
« Last Edit: October 16, 2008, 04:38:12 AM by Yuuyami »

Loser87

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #63 on: October 16, 2008, 05:32:23 AM »
^______________________________ YOU F*(&*(&$#(*!!!! WHORE!!! D< I'MA' GONNA' KILL YOU WHEN I SEE YOU ONLINE!! (if evarrrr lol) YARHGHHGHGHjfhkj..


I'm not a super uke >_> I'm not.

I can kick all of yer asses! D<!!

.....I hate you, Yuuchan...for making me spazz...

I haven't spazzed for a long time you stoopid ho! D<

-BRICKS- ...grahhhghh

Offline Yuuyami

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #64 on: October 16, 2008, 09:36:28 PM »
xDDD

My Loser-chan... Your ferocious-ness is like an adorable cute little fluff-ball baring its fangs at me xD

Well, to those who know you o_O;

xD I think you scared off a bunch of people, roffle.

Don't fret, y'all~! My Loser-chan isn't mean at all, really~! She's just mean to me only.  :heart: :heart: :heart:

Offline maverickpanda

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #65 on: October 17, 2008, 02:43:14 AM »
You guys are just so adorable :pandaaa:

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Offline kuro_808

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #66 on: May 09, 2012, 11:06:13 AM »
BUMP!!!! :lol:

I know I PM'd Yuu-chan about this a while back but I guess it wouldn't hurt to have a peer review and I'll be the martyr for this purpose, feel free to take it on, you can PM or post it here if your please.

Here's the entry

Try not to sugar coat it at all, it is all for improvement reasoning!
Random Thought:

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R.I.P. Jab!  Dad/friend

Offline kuro_808

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #67 on: January 11, 2013, 06:13:13 AM »
Random Thought:

tumblr

R.I.P. Jab!  Dad/friend

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