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Author Topic: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope  (Read 14211 times)

Offline Comrade

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In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« on: July 17, 2009, 06:53:14 AM »
Mods, if this does not belong here, I'm sorry.  Please move it to an appropriate place.  It's a tribute to one of our writers.

In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope

Commie loves you, Jab.

Sometimes I find it hard to express myself, especially when I'm talking.  I get nervous if there are a lot of important things to say, so I either talk a mile a minute and mess it all up, or I have long pauses where I search for words that just won't come.  Writing offers me a chance to think for a minute before I express.  I can't admit to being the best writer since I know I can't always express what's on my mind in writing (there's my definition of a good writer - being able to accurately convey what is exactly on your mind and exactly what you feel).  But of all the things I want to do right now, writing is it.  Writing is all I can do right now anyway.  My mind is so full of thoughts, yet it's blank.  I feel all these emotions, yet I feel numb.  I'm crying, and I'm not going to pretend I'm not.  I'm sure you must all know that feeling, too.  So my job as a writer has been made easier.  My job becomes simply pointing to a feeling and saying, "That one.  That's what I'm feeling", and your job is to nod and go "Ah, yes, I know that one."  It's much harder to explain something to someone who doesn't know what is being talked about.  Try and describe an apple to an alien who has never been to Earth...  Unfortunately, we all know this terrible feeling all too well.  I wish we didn't have to, but we do.

And since there is no better way to segue into what I have to say, I'll just go right ahead and say it without shame and without apologies.  I may have apologised for (possibly) sappy things I've written before, but this time, I refuse to do so.  This time I'm not ashamed.

Four years ago, the "4th Station" thread at Jpopmusic.com (JPM) was conceived by a small group of us.  We started to fill it with propaganda-like Maki stories that we'd started in the 3rd Station thread.  It became JPM's H!P fanfic thread.  It was a revolutionary thread.  I had encountered no other large collection of H!P stories (admittedly, I didn't really know how to look since I was a newbie at forum browsing), so 4th Station seemed very special and important to me.  I felt like I'd contributed something worthwhile to the first forum I'd ever become a member of.

In the beginning, there was just a handful of us fans writing stories, and possibly the most dedicated one there was a man who went by the name of Jabronisaur.  Jab, as I will call him from now on, was new to me then.  I'd never talked to him before.  He came into the thread, and I soon found that he was a unique individual.  He was such a guy!  He was such a gentleman.  Very easygoing.  Never said a nasty word to me when I was probably obnoxious and loud.  In fact, he was full of this incredible respect for me, which I didn't deserve.  I took an instant liking to him because he was... I don't know.  Everything I just said.  He was there, and when he was there, all was good.

He came with a story.  A wonderful, complicated plot full of action and adventure.  He posted it chapter by chapter, and even if there were longer-than-usual periods in between the posting of chapters, he always came through with another.  And we all read.  We read and posted our comments.  We cheered him on as if it were a race.  I remember he always left us hanging at the end of a chapter.  To be honest, I can now hardly remember what the story was about!  It's been so many years since he wrote it.  But he flung the girls of H!P into a precarious predicament, roughed them up, and then pulled them through.  They were in a haunted house of some sort after their bus crashed in the middle of nowhere, I think.  Maybe I'm getting it confused with someone else's story.  The point, though, is that he gripped us with this story, and no matter what, he finished it.  He finished it.

For some things in life, it's a whole lot harder to finish than to start.  I find that writing stories is often one of those things.  How many stories rest unfinished in this forum, at the old 4th Station, and on all the other sites on this world wide web?  What about those stories that remain in our heads, not even written down on a sheet of paper?  I know that most of my "in progress" stories lie dormant, probably never to be picked up again.  But Jab started one at 4th, he put all his effort into it, and he finished it.  I don't know what he did it for.  Did he do it for us, the readers?  Did he do it for himself?  For a sense of personal accomplishment?  Was it his tribute to the girls of H!P?  Did he write it for someone in particular?  Nobody can say for sure.  But I'd like to think it was a combination.

Why do we write?

When we have some kind of emotion in our mind that we want to convey to others.  When we need to make sense of something that is in our mind.  Seeing it written down can help.  When we want to give an experience to someone else.  When we feel the need to boost our self-confidence with the good feeling that comes from a reader taking a few minutes out of their lives to read what you have to say.  When we want to entertain.

Why did Jab write?

All of the above?  I don't really know, but I believe so.  Though as an unselfish man, maybe he mostly wanted to write the story to give us something to enjoy.  It's a lovely thing to wonder about and try to interpret in retrospect.

In the end, what we have is the result, and that's one of the first stories to be completed over at 4th Station.  To say that Jabronisaur played an important role in popularising H!P fanfiction is an understatement.  He was pivotal.  Without dedicated fans like him, we wouldn't have had hundreds of pages of success.  Without his steady presence, maybe the whole thing wouldn't have taken off.  In that respect, I owe him a big debt.  Like I said before, 4th Station felt like a big accomplishment.  It was a comfortable place where everyone knew my name and I knew theirs.  We could joke with each other, poke fun at each other, and invite new people into the fold.  Jab helped create that atmosphere.

I finally had the pleasure of meeting Jab face to face recently.  We both went to L.A. to see Morning Musume at AX.  I've met a good share of people from the forums, and each meeting is special to me.  I feel this sense of awe that I'm meeting someone that I've only chatted online with before.  When I met Jab, I kind of couldn't believe that it was actually him.  The Jab.  And I could hardly believe that we were actually meeting!  We got to chat several times over several days.  I remember when Dave and I had to go and meet Fen, get her car keys, put something in the car, and then give the keys back all while Fen was working.  We passed through the lobby and saw Jab sitting there alone.  We stopped briefly to say hi and find out what he was waiting for.  Apparently he was the meet up point for some Hipsters who were elsewhere.  I felt bad leaving him there, but we had to get the keys.  We told him we'd be back soon!  I don't remember which one of us came up with the idea, but he ended up with the nickname Beacon of Hope since he was the guy everyone would look for to gather as a group.  We got the keys and then waved to Jab as we walked by to get to the car.  Business finished, we came back, waved, went to Fen, and then went out to sit with Jab.  He said it wasn't necessary for us to wait with him, but we stuck around.  Beacon of Hope.  A name that suited him in so many ways.

The favour was returned later.  I was sitting out in the lobby alone, waiting for the closing ceremonies to finish.  Jab came by and sat with me even though I'm sure he would've like to go and see the impressive auction going on.  We watched a barely clothed cosplayer do SNSD's "Gee" dance.  Jab had questions about the JET Programme, a programme that, among other things, sends foreigners from different countries to go and teach English in Japan.  I came back last summer from three years on that programme, and Jab thought I could provide him with some answers.  He had high hopes of applying for the programme, and I encouraged him when he wondered aloud whether he could stand a chance.  I set him straight by telling him that his enthusiasm and his sociable nature gave him a very good chance.  All he had to do was get his application together and show that he was willing to adapt to situations that he may never have encountered on home soil.  He said he would probably have more questions in the next few months, and I told him that I would definitely be checking my messages at JPH!P.  It was a happy moment when we established that we wouldn't lose touch again.  I really felt it.  I knew that we would be writing to each other more frequently than the small handful over the previous years.  I was positive.  Absolutely positive.

He had dreams and a future full of possibilities.  Life wouldn't end soon.  It would stretch out far and long beyond eyesight, hearing, beyond belief.  He'd be a hundred and ten years old and laughing with us about the good old times over whatever futuristic chat system will be invented then.

For the past few days, I've been refreshing the thread that now reads "JABRONISAUR, R.I.P. Forever Remembered".  Every morning when I got up, I checked to see if there was any news.  Several times during the afternoon when I was doing nothing, I peeked in to see if there was any word.  I was confident that soon enough, I'd see a post from Daigong reporting that Jab was awake and getting better.  Instead, this evening when I came here, I saw something that just made me freeze up.  I didn't want to click.  Refused to for a good long time.  I may have said something out loud.  Maybe "no".  The tears fall too hard and the memory starts to fail, grow hazy, disappear.

But it doesn't end like this.  It can't.  We are all hurting.  Some knew him better than others.  Some didn't know him at all.  But it affects everyone here in some way.

The trip to L.A. had revealed to me an important thing.  JPH!P is a family, and family sticks together.  This group doesn't cease to amaze me in how tightly knit it is.  So tightly knit, yet so easy to unravel and let a new person into the fold, only to have the threads tighten gently, protectively around them as a new member of the family.  I've always known this somewhat.  I have been lurking around here for years.  I've been posting under another username, though not so many people know that as I don't publicise it.  I've gotten a taste of what it's like to be accepted as a JPH!Per.  I know that Jab is the epitome of a JPH!Per.  Fits all the criteria.  Part of the family.  And he is part of the web that keeps it - and always will keep it - together.  He is part of the reason why I love this place and all you guys so much.

I wrote a story about Jab.  I was going to put it in as a later chapter in my ComFen Adventure report about Morning Musume at AX.  I was hoping he'd be better by the time I reached that point in the story.  He won't be able to read the story now, but I know that if he did, he might laugh hard, maybe slap me on the shoulder in a friendly way and tell me what a dork I am.  I finished it yesterday afternoon, so he was still with us.  A small comfort, perhaps.  I won't post it now because it's not time for that, but one day soon when the right time comes and we can smile a bit more, it will appear.

We've gotta smile and be happy about the fun we had with Jab.  We have to think of him, his loving family, and send them our thoughts and well wishes.  We have to stick together and remember the good times and help each other out if we need it.  We have to remember that Jab knew people from a wide variety of angles and affected them in different ways.  My connection with Jab is one of fanfic, so that's why I'm posting in this part of the forum.  I'm sure we could put up a monument dedicated to him in just about every website and livejournal on the net.  He was that loved.

Finally, I have read every single comment to date in Jab's thread.  The outpouring of love makes my heart ache and burst at the same time.  Something Stryfe said on page 6 just makes me burst into tears every time I read it.  It's the kind of thing that describes what I'm feeling.  What I think many of you are feeling.  What maybe we should all continue to feel, because we can put a positive spin on it.

What Stryfe said was: "I love you Jab, man. I don't wanna let you go."

I don't want to let go either.  So we won't.  Ever.  Never ever ever.

"Mistress Commie" is still hovering over you at 4th Station, Jab, holding a whip and telling you to write write write.  You'll always have a special place in her heart.

We love you, Jabronisaur, Brother.  We love you.  
« Last Edit: July 19, 2009, 01:02:52 AM by Comrade »
Sweet dreams, Jab.  Love you forever.

Offline Rei-chan

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2009, 07:00:10 AM »
What Stryfe said was: "I love you Jab, man. I don't wanna let you go."

I don't want to let go either.  So we won't.  Ever.  Never ever ever.

We love you, Jabronisaur, Brother.  We love you. 

That deserves to be quoted a million times. It's exactly how I feel, how i bet we all feel. I can't let go. It doesn't feel like he's really gone or like he'll ever be. Probably because he never will be. We have too much to remember him by. We're blessed because of that.

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Offline TotallyUncool

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2009, 07:05:49 AM »
That's wonderful  --  I think you said it perfectly.  I didn't know Jab, but after reading that, I feel like maybe I know him now.   
And it makes me realize how little I've been doing with my life lately  --  if somebody can inspire people even after he's gone, that's something  --  and that means that in a lot of ways, he isn't really gone.

Offline daigong

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2009, 08:39:31 AM »
Beautiful post. Wow. You know, whenever we talk about how we discovered JPH!P, I remember clearly. Jab saying it was Comrade who showed him this little perv place. Thanks Commie  :heart:



It was so amazing how we just all met for those few days in LA. Forever will we hold that moment, and everyone at JPH!P can look back at the good times we all had.

Offline DO Me DO Me

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2009, 09:43:48 AM »
Yes! That's the Jab I knew, the fic writer. I believe his fic was one of the first fics I've read at 4th station and the story you described in your post sounds like the one I've read, although I've forgotten what it was about. And then somewhere along the way I got sucked into writing with you guys. So he takes credit, along with you, for making me join you crazy writers. :P

I just looked at his profile on JPM and read his pasts posts. Sadly, only 9 of his 800 posts exist now since the forum underwent major upgrading. It traces back to 2005 and it includes several comments in the Funny Caps Thread, the only major thread I made. I still remember that Konkon avatar of his. I feel like reading his fic again but seems like 4th station is long gone from JPM, but I think I have back ups of the old 4th station somewhere in these hard drives. But overall, from what I remember of him he was a really nice guy. One of the best usernames I've seen too, can't forget a name like that. Makes me wonder what kind of dinosaur does that look like? hehe

Great post Commie, as expected from a great writer.  ;)

Offline LaJon

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2009, 12:39:35 PM »
I wish I had been able to meet him.  Great guy, and he will be missed.

/salute

Offline strawb3rrykream

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2009, 03:57:58 PM »
Wow, AWESOME post, Comrade. :bow: I regret not knowing the fic writer side of Jab but you're definitely giving me a taste of it...and I like it. :D
We're all keeping him alive in our hearts. :heart:

Offline JTRIX

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2009, 04:41:08 PM »
Beautiful writing Comrade.... too bad I didn't get to know much about Jab but his spirit is here in JPH!P forever... R.I.P.!
The 5 beams: Sexy Beam, Mayuge Beam/Akabiman Beam, Miracle Beam, and Usa-Chan Beam


Offline kelseygirl06

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #8 on: July 18, 2009, 12:58:38 AM »
damn life without jab is gonna suck hard  :cry: :cry: :cry: wish i knew him  :cry: :cry: :cry:
Frankie Boyle: I would have loved to have a gay dad. Do you remember at school, there were always kids saying "My dad's bigger than your dad, my dad will batter your dad!" "So what? My dad will shag your dad. And your dad will enjoy it."

Offline Comrade

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2009, 02:29:31 AM »
Thank you, everyone, for reading my ramblings.  I was inspired by Tris-chan and Rei-chan over on the radio last night.  They sucked it up and got on the air to talk about their friend, which I thought took a lot of courage and willpower.  It made me feel less down and alone listening to them and to Jab's old radio show.

Dai, I love that picture.  The one with my camera came out all fuzzy.  Now I can say that Jab will forever be standing over me because of that photo. <3  I think that one will be going into my wallet.

I'm in the process of procuring the archive of the old 4th Station posts, so I'll try and see what treasures I can find there.  I think he once wrote a story about me and Dragonn88 in that thread.  It put such a huge smile on my face and made me so happy... Oh, Jab.  Remember that one, °e?

I think instead of clicking the "thanks" button for my post, you should find one of Jab's old posts and send him a thanks.  He's the one who deserves it.  Without him, my post means nothing.

If anyone has anything they want to share - any kind of story or thoughts - please don't hesitate.  Don't be shy.  I don't really know what the topic is, but I'm sure something will work out to make it fit...
Sweet dreams, Jab.  Love you forever.

Offline Dragon88

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2009, 08:24:03 AM »
Commie, I remember that story he wrote about us. Hah, I'd love to re-read some of those old gems from 4th Station. On that note, I'm amazed that the link to DTTS in my sig still works. I forgot all about those last few parts I wrote... and I only introduced Ensign Kusumi and never did anything with her!  :D Wow seeing that site brings back a lot of memories...

In attempting to form a response for this post, I did some google searching on writings and quotes about death. As expected, it is a topic often touched upon by writers. One common thread I discovered is that no matter how up-beat or cynical the writer, and whether from the 20th Century or the Ancient World, most do not see death as an end. The Roman philosopher Seneca wrote

Quote
The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.

and from William Shakespeare:

Quote
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come!
<- I am not worthy.
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Offline PerfectxPurple08

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #11 on: July 18, 2009, 08:49:17 AM »
Man, I wish I have the chance to meet him.

Offline Tyler_Wood_2005

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #12 on: July 18, 2009, 09:21:57 PM »
I remember Jab from years back in the 4th fanfic thread, he never ever had an bad comments about my stories. Infact I could always count on getting a positive review from Jab <3, he made writing fun.

And as a tribute to him, I will continue a story I started years back, it's called "Mutant Musume.", I stopped adding to it awhile back. But I'll continue it for Jab, writing will remind me of how awesome Jab was <3.

Started crying again....I miss him so much, and I always will, he was such a friendly person, I'm going to miss his "WOODY!!." he would always say whenever I entered the IRC. Always brought a smile to my face, his was always overflowing with kindness.

I'll see you again brother, I know it.

Offline JFC

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #13 on: July 19, 2009, 12:45:12 AM »
I never even knew that Jab was a fic writer until someone else (don't remember who it was, though it was probably Jab himself) mentioned it in passing in the IRC a while back.


I love the whole "Beacon of Hope" analogy, because I never realized just how true it is. How often during the trip did I hear someone say "just find Jab" whenever they weren't sure where the group was meeting up? Like Commie, I'm not really that good at expressing how I feel about stuff. Analyzing/Commenting on stuff is easy. It sort of cliché-ish for me to say this, but I don't think any of us realized how much of a pillar Jab has been, both on JPM and JPH!P. Sure he may not have had the highest post count here, but his presence both on the forum itself as well as (and perhaps more significantly) in the IRC are undeniable. And while we may have lost a dear friend, we all shared a bond with him and with one another that may be damaged, but that will never break. Jab would be the first to encourage us all to stick together, to help and support each other, and to keep going like we normally would.

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline daigong

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #14 on: July 20, 2009, 12:17:07 AM »
Here's a more HQ Version of the pic:

He surely is the Beacon of Hope haha. Like I be going "WHERE ARE YOU JAB!?" and he's TRYING to call me back but my inbox is all full except him going "You really really need to learn how to use your voice mail. I dun understand a thing your saying"  XD You can see him in the photos at the line up for badges, all business while I'm goofing off.

TBH Jab woulda appear to had more posts but his first account got mangled or smth. shit I can't remember. His preseence at JPH!P has been from the start. FOUNDATION budddy. Oh man.


Offline Saburo

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #15 on: July 20, 2009, 12:54:35 AM »
Very moving tribute.  Don't ever let go of the better days -- they're all we have at the end of each and every day.

Offline Mugen

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Re: In Loving Memory of Our Beacon of Hope
« Reply #16 on: July 22, 2009, 09:54:15 AM »
Prior to my trip to LA, I never knew how Jabby looks like in real life though I've talked to him occasionally in threads and in the chat channel. When we first met during In and Out burger, I knew right away it was Jab. He was very well spoken and open minded. My encounters with Jab were very brief throughout AX with some random small chitchat and what not but we shared rooms together during the trip with Daigong and Flyp. He was very apologetic about him snoring though I didn't mind lol. I knew him as a person who put others over himself first. He came off as a reliable and sociable person to JPHIPsters as well as other random MM fans in other forums. I'm happy that he managed to meet Jun Jun and made it a memorable encounter with her during the reception. I was absolutely peeved that Jabby didn't get to eat with us at our very last night's dinner in LA together due to Pablo the shady limo driver. He offered to stay back in the hotel room to protect the poster instead. But during the last night in the hotel room when everybody went to 7-11 for the second time, me and Jab who were left in the room had some very inciteful and momentus talk about ourselves and of course, MM. Unfortunately, the next day, he woke up late and had to rush to the airport and all I could say was, "It was nice meeting you man!" and shook his hand before he left Mayfair for the last time.

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