(This is a fan fic based on the "public images" of various Hello!Project artists and is no way, shape or form trying to imply anything about the personal lives of the real people behind the public images.)
Note: The kanji for road that the teacher was looking for is the same kanji that is in the last name Michishige, something that "Sayumi" should have known (sort of).
The kanji for island that Saki got correct was the same kanji that is in the last name of Nakajima.
An Annoying Paradise Part 21 ("serialized in sho-komi")
"Itai! I think you guys gave me the wrong size for the school shoes."
Oh yeah, sure, Sayumi. That's really transparent. It's not obvious that you're cheating by hiding notes in your shoes.
Aika smiles. I guess it's okay though since she's doing this to get a lower score, not a higher score.
"Kuso!" Reina has gripped her pencil so hard that it breaks in two.
What is she doing? She is just staring at the broken pencil. "Sensei, may I have another pencil?"
After Takaki gives Aika another pencil and goes back up to the front of the room, Aika slips Reina the new pencil.
Finally the test is over and it is graded. It is already evening, but the lights in the room makes it look like only a little time has gone by.
"Okay, class. Before we give out the results, there are many answers that we must carefully, seriously, and with great erudition, make fun of. Let's start off with the Kanji questions."
The class groans.
"This test had Kanji that you learned in each of your first six grades. Is everyone confident that you did well?"
Aika and Yurina raise their hands.
"Shouldn't idols have more confidence than that?"
One by one the rest of the girls raise their hands, with the last one to gain confidence being Sayumi.
"Sayumi, this is good. It is good to be confident. Let's look at one of your Kanji. We wanted a Kanji for the idea of a road. Here is what you drew." Takaki puts up a slide showing the Kanji Sayumi drew. "This is not a road (michi). This is the kanji for a worm (mushi). This is disturbing. What message does this send to the kids out there that even for a national idol there are still worms on the road that they walk?"
Sayumi hides her head in "shame" but secretly snickers.
"Another question was 'which Kanji has the idea of an island?' and, Saki!"
Saki jumps a little bit. "Yes?"
Takaki displays her answer. "Your answer was correct."
"Thank goodness."
"Now, let's talk about the Geography questions. You were asked to outline Russia on a map. Reina!"
Reina jumps two inches off of her chair.
Takaki puts up a slide with Reina's incorrect answer. "Reina, this is no good. Suppose you were going to do a concert in Russia and you flew to Australia instead? The promoter would be frantic. They would find out where you were and it would be a scandal. How would T explain that you would rather perform in a warm climate than a cold climate?"
Reina giggles and tries to cover up for the mistake. "I would depend on the airport people put me on the right plane."
"Is it really good for a national idol to be this carefree? Now, we also had the geography question: name the capitals of China, Mongolia, and Italy. Risa!"
"Yes?"
"I enjoy these foods as much as you do, but pizza is not the capital of Italy."
"No way!"
"Genghis khan is not the capital of Mongolia."
"You're kidding?"
"And, chow fun is not the capital of China."
"Ohhh! This sucks!"
"You do know the capital of Japan, right?"
"Tokyo, of course."
Takaki smiles. "That's good. I was expecting you to say Takoyaki was the capital of Japan. Next up, we had math questions. In this question we are to solve for 'x' in this equation." Takaki displays the equation with a projector. "Sayumi!"
Sayumi looks at the teacher suspiciously. "Yes?"
"Your answer was wrong. But it was cute."
This is my cue. "Sensei, this test isn't about being cute."
"No, it isn't. But her answer was cute."
"What's cute about a wrong answer in math?"
Takaki slams his hand down on his desk. "If I say it's cute, then it is cute."
"So, now it is time to find out who the ahojo is."
The class collectively groans.
"We will start from the top score and go to the bottom score. Coming in at number one was a member of the Shabondama Four club."
Risa groans. "Hey, that isn't me!"
"No, it is not, it is Yurina who scores a ninety five percent."
The girls give Yurina a hand.
"Number two, is someone whose name ends with the 'ah' sound."
Risa smiles and prepares to celebrate.
"That person is ... Aika who scored a ninety two and got a perfect score in math."
Sayumi pushes Aika from behind. "Being good in math isn't cute."
"In third place is someone from the first row."
"That's not me!"
Saki, Risako, and Sayumi brighten up.
"That person is ... Saki who scored a eighty eight."
Saki breathes a sigh of relief.
Eri raises her hand. "Teacher, this isn't fair. All of the top people so far have been in the Shabondama Four."
"Fair? Fair? Life is not fair. School is not fair. We graded the test according to the correct answers, not to distribute the high scores to the individual clubs."
Takaki regains his composure and paces at the front of the class. "Now, as we all know, by the results of the tests, we are placed into classes. So far, the people I have called have all been in the 'A' class. That is the class you want to be in. The next person will be the last person in the A class. And that person is ... someone whose name ends in 'oh'."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Momoko taps her hand on her desk.
"And that person is ... Risako with a score of eighty six."
"Eeeeeeh!" The members of the class who were not in the Shabondama Four raise their voices in indignation.
"So, class A will be all members of the same club. However, those who cannot get into class A can get into class B. You will want to be in class B because, those in class B cannot be ... the ahojo!"
The class groans.
"So the first member of class B, and the fifth highest score, is ... someone in the second row."
Risa again puts on a happy face.
"And, that person is ... Maasa who scores an eighty three. But, this means that we have only five places left. We have gone through half of the class. Place raise your hand if your name hasn't been called yet."
Sayumi, Risa, Eri, Reina and Momoko all raise their hand with embarrassed looks on their faces.
"Now, still in class B we have ... Risa with a score of eighty one."
Risa pumps her fist in the air. "Finally!"
"Which brings us to the last person in class B. And, this last person is ... Momoko with a score of seventy nine."
Momoko and Maasa slap each other high five.
"So now, one of the final people remaining, one of the members of class C is going to be the ahojo. Who can it be?" Takaki goes around and inspects the hair of Sayumi, Eri, and Reina.
Risako is grossed out. "Teacher, please stop smelling the hair of the students. It's perverted."
"I was looking at their hair to see if any of their locks were sticking up. There are no perverted teachers here. We're all here to help our students."
Risako rolls her eyes, unconvinced.
"Next up, the top of class C, is ... is ... Eri with a seventy five. I must say, though, that this class is one of the best groups of students ever. Usually, a seventy five is good enough for the top of class B."
Risa pats Eri on the shoulder to comfort her.
"But now, we have the moment of truth. Either Sayumi or Reina is going to be ... the ahojo."
Aika notices that while Sayumi gives a good reaction, it is a faked one, as if she wants to be last.
"And, so, number nine, with a score of seventy two is, ... Sayumi!"
"I am?"
"So, Reina, with a score of sixty eight is the ahojo!"
One of the camera people hand Reina a hair bow that has one giant lock of hair that sticks straight up on it.
"Please put on your prize."
Reina reluctantly puts on the bow and poses for the camera.
"And, that's a wrap! Thank you everyone!" Takaki breaks character and is all smiles since the show will probably bring a high rating number.
Aika finds a private place to change back, then goes to try to find Reina again to comfort her.
Reina barges past Aika and heads for the door of the mansion.
Sayumi catches up to Reina. "Hey, I'm sorry, I thought I threw enough questions to take the heat."
Reina ignores her and runs out.
Aika tries to catch up to her but is held back by Sayumi.
"Aika, there's something you should know. When Reina went on the regular UtaMecha show she was badly teased by Takaki and she took it really badly. I should have known that Takaki would make her nervous now. This is my fault."
Aika looks straight ahead, stunned. "It's okay. No one said being an idol was easy. We'll just have to support Reina in class next week, okay?"
"Okay."
To Be Continued