I will warn that this is triggering about self-harm since it's pretty detailed (gathering from personal experience). So don't read it if you're uncomfortable about... well... reading these sort of things.
Otherwise, enjoy it! (or not)
The Struggle [JuriMayu]
“Mayu-chan! Mayu-chan! Take a look at this!”
My eyes lazily dragged over to the left side of my vision. A tall girl compared to my height turned half of her body towards my direction and showed me a sketch that she has done on her notebook. A poorly drawn figure of a female figure was standing right smack dab in the middle of the college-ruled page. Short hair scrawled right next to the oval-shaped head was accompanied by ridiculous pair of dots that represents her eyes. Arms and legs were drawn out like stick figures and the clothing was messily thrown on the figure. I raised one of my eyebrows as the shorter haired girl used the end of her mechanical pencil to point at the drawing.
“This is our sensei, Shinoda Mariko,” she chuckled.
“Jurina,” I rolled my eyes as I leaned back on my chair with my arms across my chest. “I know you draw better than that.”
Matsui Jurina in front of me stuck out her tongue with her eyes closed for a second. “I drew Shinoda Sensei on purpose this way.” The short black-haired girl flashed a dimpled smile at my direction when she reopened her eyes. A sigh came out of my barely parted lips in response.
At this time, it was already lunch and all of the students either scurried off to the cafeteria, the rooftop or within this classroom. Jurina and I both dragged our desks together earlier along with a few of our classmates. Bento box all sat on top of the wooden desk; each sitting in front of us. I wasn’t in the mood to be eating anything, showing off the light pink bento box still wrapped neatly in its same-colored cloth. However, aside from doodling on her notebook, Jurina has already eaten half of her lunch. The bamboo chopstick laid neatly on top of her box as she flipped to the next empty page.
I straightened my back, keeping my arms still crossed over my chest. My eyes then flicked over to the right, watching the other girls that combined their desks with us.
Takahashi Minami was easily seen to be staring with her mouth wide open at her best friend, Maeda Atsuko, who was sitting right next to her on the right. She was speechless at the huge amount of food the other girl could intake in such short amount of time. (Atsuko loves food, so it’s no surprise she would eat so much. It’s a mystery how skinny she is to this day.) Then there was Kojima Haruna across from the two, who was trying to ignore the talkative and perverted Oshima Yuko on her left. She rolled her eyes and even blocked Yuko’s attempt to touching her chest.
“You perverted squirrel!” she exclaimed, which was followed by a loud smack on a certain someone’s head. I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw Yuko hold the top of her head with two hands. Her eyes were watery and she rubbed the spot where she just earned a smack from the other brown-haired girl. “Itai… Why did you have to hit me, Nyan Nyan!” she whimpered while exaggerating her painful expression. Squinting her eyes and clenching her jaw closed, all she received was a groan of irritation from Haruna’s direction.
Then across from where both Jurina and I sat, there was both Kashiwagi Yuki and Matsui Rena. The two girls were busy reading out of a fashion magazine. Small giggles were heard from their direction, hinting that they were reading and staring at a specific clothing they liked.
“I really love her dress here,” Yuki commented while pointing her index finger to one of the two pages. The pale girl sitting next to her, Rena, took a bite into her melon bread before responding back to the other black-haired girl. She bobbed her head slowly and took another bite into her bread. “Her white dress does suit the upcoming summer season.”
While the six were on their own, Jurina from my left side nudged her elbow on my arm. “Neh, Mayuyu,” she began to speak when I returned my attention back to my friend. “Aren’t you hot wearing that gray sweater of yours?”
I blinked back at her. Then I felt my heart pick up its pace. No, it wasn’t becoming faster because I was embarrassed nor nervous. It was… fear. Fear from hearing that question. My heart was pounding against my chest roughly as I responded back in a cool manner compared to my internal self.
“No…” I muttered, bringing my arms closer to my body. My right hand was tugging at the sleeves’ surface, tearing my eyes away from her face. “No, I’m not hot.”
“Isn’t it almost summer though? I’m sweating like crazy here if I were in your situation!” she rubbed her eyes with both of her hands like a little child. I flicked my gaze back to her and smirked. “Let’s just say I’m capable of dealing with the heat. I’m just prone to getting cold easily even in such hot weather.”
Jurina simply gave me a ‘hah?’ and a confused expression written all over her own face. “That’s crazy of you,” she chuckled forcefully as her right arm came from behind my back and smacked it playfully a few times. If I decided to eat today, I probably would’ve accidentally dropped my chopstick due to her rough personality. Smiling at her with the corner of my mouth twitching, I saw her retract her hand away from me. My smile dropped instantly and returned to the usual feature I’ve had plastered on my face. “Anyway, I’m going to draw you something and hopefully give it to you tomorrow when we see each other in school again,” she said to me as her left hand picked up the mechanical pencil once more. While she stared at the blank page before her, a small smile formed on my face when I heard those words.
But then… something didn’t feel… right. My right hand soon trailed down to the end of my left sleeve, tugging at it nervously. There was a short stinging pain as the inside cloth of the sleeve brushed against a small part of my skin. I bit the bottom of my lip. This feeling… It’s always been here, but I didn’t want it to come back again so soon…
‘Resist the urge, Mayu,’ I mentally commanded myself. ‘You’ve done it three days ago and you’ve held it this long… Try to keep it in for another day at least…’
As much as I wanted to persuade myself, the urge to just do ‘it’ was strong. Even at such setting and happy atmosphere around me, it didn’t do anything to stop the strong urge. A long exhale left my nose as I glanced over at Jurina. The smile on my face was still there despite feeling ‘strange.’ The younger girl was pondering deeply; her facial feature reflecting her serious side. Her hand holding the pencil was against one side of her face; staring watch the blank page. A few long minutes has passed by before she managed to rip her hand away from her face and place the lead on top of the paper.
An outline was made and slowly formed into a rough, yet proper, sketch of a head. It was simple and showed the basic shapes that even preschoolers could point out and name them. But before Jurina was able to continue her work, the sound of the bell ringing signaled that it was the end of lunch. A few groans and complaints were heard in the background as desks and chairs were soon shuffled back to its original position. I shot a look at Jurina. She closed her notebook and sighed loudly.
“Looks like I’ll have to finish it when I get home,” she stated as she adjusted her desk in the correct spot.
“I can’t wait to see what it looks like,” I told her when the two of us walked to the back of the classroom to drop off our bento box in a safer location. Jurina turned her head towards me and smiled. “I’m sure it won’t look as good as yours though, Mayu-chan.”
I rolled my eyes for the second time that day. “Mou, Jurina… I told you to stop comparing our work to each other. I’ve been drawing longer than you have!”
“But I still say yours is still better,” she stuck out her tongue at me before patting me on the top of my head. I puffed my cheeks when she messed up my black hair. “I’ll talk to you more once class is over.” And with that said, she rushed off to where her desk was located. I grumbled quietly to myself as I fixed my hair; especially my black bangs. As I walked over to my desk, which was located on the opposite end of Jurina and at the very back of the classroom, I tried to push away the bad feeling that was bothering me.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Mayuyu! And oh! I’ll text you when I get back home!” Jurina waved to me before taking her leave. The two of us usually would walk home together; she dropping me off more like it since my house is a tad bit closer to the school compared to hers. I nodded and waved back to her. “Sayonara!” I called back out to her.
When I saw that she was far enough, I turned back around to face my house. There was the black gate that kept all intruders outside and away from getting inside of the small land my house resided in. Easily unlocking it from the other side with one of my hands slipping through the black metal bars, I pushed it opened. The sound of the gate creaked loudly as it moved forth. Walking inside, I closed it gently behind me. Once I securely locked it in, I adjusted the black straps of my school bag over my shoulder and proceeded forth to the front of my house.
It wasn’t a small house but neither was it large. It’s a two story house that could hold at the most two parents and two kids. As I approach the front white door of my house, I pulled out a rusty, brown key from my left pocket and inserted it within the keyhole. Twisting it clockwise, I heard a click. I then removed the key from the keyhole and twisted the golden doorknob.
“I’m home,” I announced loudly as I came into my home. Removing my shoes one by one with one hand, I glanced around my surrounding. No response was heard and neither was there any sign of my parents’ presence in the house. After removing my shoes, I walked into my house with my white socks on. Heading straight into the kitchen to my right, there was a little white sticky note written on top of the kitchen counter.
‘Your Father and I are not going to be home for about a week or two due to work. Forgive us for leaving without informing you.’
My mother seems to have written the note in a hurry for her cursive handwriting was nearly unreadable. Scratching the back of my neck, I pulled the sticky note off of the counter and crumbled it up. I then threw it away as I passed by a nearby trash can. ‘I need to head to my room first...’
With my school bag still on me, I exited the kitchen and went to my right. Up the stairs I went, it split into two different direction: left which contains my parents’ bedroom and bathroom and the right, which contains my room and my personal bathroom. I turned towards the direction where I needed to go, taking my time climbing up. When I reached to the top, immediately I went into my room.
There were posters greeting me when I entered upon my private and personal bedroom. Posters of idol groups and anime were scattered around the walls. Dramas and some of my favorite actors too hung up on the walls of my room. Across from where I stood was my desk and to the very left of the room was my bed. A window with its curtains opened stood in between both the desk and furniture, letting the outside light shine into the room. The closet and dresser was seen located on my left as I closed the door behind me.
I threw my bag on top of my bed; my shoulder feeling the relief of carrying the heavy load from the bag. Stifling a yawn, I walked over to my small, black rolling chair and sat down upon it. My back instantly leaned backward and rested comfortably from behind as I stared at the wooden table before my eyes. Few paperwork were seen to be unfinished laid around here and there while a small cup holding all of my utensils sat in front of me. Hanging up on the walls were a few pictures that both Jurina and I have taken along with my other classmates. Many of them were either taken at school, amusement park, field trips, or just a hangout session at a restaurant. All of our faces brightly smiling and flashing their best expression at the camera… Or at least, most of them.
There was me in almost all of the photos. Upon closer examination would show my smile being… forced. It wasn’t easily to decipher that I was plastering a fake smile on my face on such happy occasion and when those I’m being surrounded with in the photo were truly flashing a smile. As I observed the photos hanging on my desk, I felt the ends of my mouth lower. My eyebrows were felt to scrunch together, forming a frown.
My eyes trailed down from the photos and down to one of the many drawers built within this desk. I pushed myself on the chair back a few inches before opening the one drawer I’ve kept my eyes on. Sliding opened, it revealed some common materials that everyone would see in a student’s desk. Notebooks, scrap pieces of papers for scratching notes, calculator… And a single band-aid.
I picked up the one object that was sitting isolated from the rest of the items. It was standing out from the others. Examining it back and front, I was about to stick the medical object back into the drawer when something stopped me in my track.
That feeling again. It… it was there again. I gulped when I felt it. My eyes shot down at my left arm and stared at it for a brief moment. It was covered up warmly by a gray-colored knitted sweater approved by the school. My heart was beating faster once again when I hesitantly slipped out of my sweater.
The school uniform underneath of my sweater was shown. The sailor’s uniform that was common during the summer season was shown as I took it off. My eyes was still trained on my left arm when I finally tore it off. The sleeves now gone from covering my entire arm, I squinted my eyes at such sight I was faced with.
Scars. Scabs. Red blood. Bumps from the fresh new wounds. I brought my shaky right hand over to the wrist of mine and trailed the tip of my fingers slowly over the wounds both old and new. Tears threaten to escape my eyes when I saw the gruesome marks made intentionally on my body. When my fingers brushed upon one of the newer wounds from three days ago, I winced when a stinging pain flashed across. I quickly retracted my hand from my wrist, still feeling the aching pain from that one wound.
The wound that was newly created was actually on the same spot that has been cut before. Only this time it was deeper. Red slash mark across made it look as though someone had used the end of a knife and dragged it from one end of my wrist to another. The pain lingered around as though someone provoking and poking at my wounded area with a sharp object. I never treated my wound, especially when I cut, so I wouldn’t be surprised if an infection occurred. I bit the bottom of my lip as the urge to do ‘it’ again was coming strong.
“Oh god, not again,” I whispered in a painful voice as I felt my right hand unconsciously reach out to the same opened drawer. The hand this time reached in a little deeper till it hit the end of the drawer. When it came out, there was a box cutter in hand. I stared in horror when I knew what I wanted to do.
It’s like an addiction. You just can’t seem to stop it. No matter what you do, the thought of just… cutting will come back. It haunts you. Haunts you like a ghost cursed upon your entire life. When you cut at first, it felt like the worse thing you’ve ever committed in your life. It hurts like hell. You don’t understand why you brought the blade and cleanly sliced it right through your skin, breaking it and letting the blood flow. But just when you swore to yourself you’ll never do such reckless act ever again, you did it anyway. You did it only because your aching heart couldn’t take on the pain anymore.
My parents weren’t home for the most part due to work and when they are, they didn’t really act like ‘parents.’ They were just there. Just a part of my life as pedestrians you past by on your way to work or school. They just… didn’t feel like someone that cared about you. Just there in your life with the status ‘Your Parents.’ I did everything in my life alone; I’ve struggled through my life alone. Even though I’ve had friends in my life, there are certain emotions that I couldn’t easily express out in public or even to anyone in general. I’ve learned to hide behind a ‘cyborg’ image (thus where my nickname of ‘Cyborg’ came from) and fake a smile every single day. And when you learn to keep that act up on a daily basis, it soon became a personification of you.
But when I come home, I just break down when I’m alone. I’m unsure why I resorted to cutting, but it’s better than having the terrible feeling of wanting to go away deep within your aching heart. The first time was stupid. However, I soon came running and wielding the blade in my hand before I knew it almost every single time I felt like I want to… vanish and disappear from this world.
Soon when I tried to stop myself from cutting myself a few months ago, it worked. Only for a short while, that is. Relapsing effect came along with cutting and I yearn for the blade to just come into contact with my skin. I yearn for it to cut and do its work. I yearn for the blood coming out of my wound. I yearn to hurt myself no matter what state of mind I was at the moment. When I’m smiling, I still want to cut. When I cry, it only made the urge to cut even stronger than normal.
It’s an addiction that I can’t stop. An addiction that I wish I could put a full stop. And I know that therapy isn’t going to get me anywhere since it doesn’t look like I can put this to a stop anytime soon.
My right hand was shaking badly when I brought the sharp object on a clean, smooth part of my wrist. In between two old scars that barely faded away. I was breathing heavily; inhaling and exhaling rapidly. Hyperventilation came into play with my respiratory system. My mouth was opened; my hands becoming numb. All thoughts came to a stop in my mind as it blanked out. I didn’t know what I was doing anymore.
And before I knew it, I was panting at a bloody blade in my right hand. The skin where I had just touched upon mere seconds ago was now a crimson red line. The crimson red line filled with blood as it leaked on both ends of the new wound. It wasn’t bleeding to the point it was dripping from my arm, but it was bleeding. I just stared at the wound… Kept on staring as though I was seeing it for the first time in my entire life.
That broke off when I heard a ding coming from my cell phone. I flicked my eyes directly at my school bag, which was located on top of my bed still. ‘Is Jurina texting me or something?’ When that one thought ran through my mind, I suddenly was slapped with realization. ‘Oh shit. What did I just do to myself!?’
I began panicking, unable to clearly comprehend to what lead me to bring the cursed blade upon my wrist once more.
I got up from my seat, switching views at both my wrist and the bloodied box cutter. I closed my mouth and clench my teeth, hearing my every breath from my eardrums. ‘I have to clean it up quick and fast.’
“Oi~ Mayuyu!” I stared at Jurina with a dull expression when I saw her calling for my attention as usual. Sighing quietly, I tossed out whatever attention I have towards her. The two of us were walking to school for the morning and we just left my house. We have a lot of time in our hand and quite a distance to cover before we reach our destination. So we took as much time as we needed.
The younger yet taller girl suddenly took ahold of my right hand since she was walking on my left side. I swore my heart could’ve stopped when she did that. But to my luck, I was still in my sweater and wearing a wrist band in addition to covering up my tracks in case I was forced to pull my sleeves down. So the next second, I was exhaling loudly with relief when Jurina didn’t ask about my sudden reaction to her holding my hand. She glanced at my direction and grinned.
“Since today’s Friday, do you want to hang out tomorrow morning?” she asked. “I found this great place in Akihabara to hang out and buy some of those anime stuff you always like.”
We both then stopped in our track. “So what do you think?”
There was a small pause coming from me before I answered with a shrug from both of my shoulders. “Sure. I don’t see why not.”
A giggle left Jurina’s barely parted lips as her hand trailed up to my wrist. I nearly flinched as the fresh new cut I’ve recreated yesterday came back to bite me with its consequential pain. I tried hard to keep a straight face on as she and I resumed walking. Only this time with her hand holding onto my wrist instead. To worsen my position, she was happily swinging it back and forth from our plan for the next day. As much as I liked to stay in the position with Jurina and too happily swing my arms with her, I had to bite back the pain. I didn’t want to be rude and brush off my best friend’s excitement over an incident that I’ve hidden from everyone, so I kept my mouth shut.
‘It’s going to be a long walk…’
The school day has ended and I’ve landed myself back at my house once more. Jurina had already dropped me off and waved farewell before leaving me.
“Remember about tomorrow, Mayuyu!” her voice echoed within my head. “I’ll stop by the house at around 8 o’clock, so you better be up by then! If not, I’ll take pictures of your sleepy face!”
A little red anger mark could be imagined forming on the corner of my head. ‘Remind me why I gave Jurina the spare key to this house…’ Since she was my best friend and she’s slept over at my house a few times, I gave her the other duplicate in case my parents weren’t home and I’ve lost it. But she hasn’t recklessly used the key to get into my house and always informed me when she was going to be coming; always informing at least thirty minutes ahead of time.
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I went up the stairs and straight to my room. ‘Tomorrow’s the day to hang out with Jurina…’ I glanced at a nearby calendar that hanged on one part of my wall. ‘Guess I’ll have to remind myself to wake up early for that occasion… And…’ I tugged the end of my left sleeve. ‘I should try hard to keep myself from doing anything reckless tonight.’
With that thought in mind, I performed my usual activity I always did when I was alone at home and when I wasn’t cutting. I organized my desk of any books and papers that were scattered around; I cleaned up my room for a bit; I checked my closet and took out the clothes that I was going to wear tomorrow; I checked my purse to see if there was anything that I needed to put in it; texted Jurina back; took a quick shower. Dressed in my pajamas, which consisted of matching plain blue colored shirt and pant, I went straight to the bathroom to organize the medicine cabinet.
‘I’m surprised the urge to cut isn’t bothering me much tonight,’ I wondered to myself while making my way to the bathroom. ‘Maybe because I’m hanging out with one of my friends tomorrow, it isn’t affecting me much?’ Emotions can really be hard to decipher and understand sometimes. But as I was pondering and wondering about it, I flicked on the light of the bathroom.
It was small and merely holds a bathtub, a sink and the toilet. Just enough for one person to do their personal cleaning and needs. When I walked over to the cabinet, I stared at the mirror. I saw myself. I saw a Japanese girl staring back at me. Her dark brown eyes and perfect black bangs that swayed to one side accompanied by her dark straight hair. The female figure was in her pajamas, just blinking with her usual normal expression looking back at me. It’s a wonder how this girl staring at me can be a cutter… It’s a wonder really.
I shook my head and opened the medical cabinet.
All sorts of medicines could be seen. Advil, Tylenol, and more were seen. Both pills and liquid form of these substances were seen on the shelves. As I reached out and reorganized them in the correct order, a sudden thought flashed through my mind.
I halted in the middle of my action from putting back an Advil pill bottle. I squinted my eyes in confusion. What was I thinking there for a split second? That’s ridiculous. I shook my head once again and resumed putting the bottle back in its proper position.
‘Isn’t it better if you weren’t here anymore?’
I froze in my spot once more. And this time, I knew that I wasn’t thinking straight. My left hand was still gripping around the bottle even though I was placing it back on the shelf. Blinking, I retracted my hand along with the medical object. My breathing pace picked up along with my heartbeat when I stared at the bottle. ‘Just take the damn pills and it’ll all be over. Why keep cutting when you know no one cares enough to even know why you kept a sweater on at such hot season.’
These thoughts… They were coming back to me. And it was getting worse.
‘Take it. Isn’t it better if you weren’t alive in the first place? Your parents didn’t care for you at all.’ As much as I wanted to put these dangerous and triggering thoughts aside, I couldn’t. It just kept coming in waves like the ocean tidal waves during the night. I was consumed by my own self-hatred. My self-hatred had already taken control of my mind and action.
Before I knew it, I had about a dozen or so clear blue pills staring at me on the palm of my right hand.
‘I wanted to… die.’
I never knew I wanted to die this badly before. I didn’t know what overcame me, but I began to realize why I cut. I cut because I wanted to die. But because I was a coward, I didn’t perform any sort of action that would lead me to die. I simply kept on cutting… and cutting… and cutting as a bad habit.
Dying seems like a peaceful way to end all suffering in my life. All of the bad thoughts and bad scenarios that had happened in my life all came back to me; tormenting me of remembering such terrible memories. Soon I was crying. Tears flowed down my cheeks uncontrollably as I bent down with my other hand gripping the opposite arm. I was beginning to hyperventilate again.
‘Just tip the damn pills into your mouth and swallow them.’ It isn’t that hard, yet I’m struggling to bring my mouth opened. And when I did manage to bring my mouth opened, I was terrified of trying to even bring my hand close to it.
After ten agonizing minutes with the only sound of my rapid breaths leaving my system, I was already at the stage where I just needed to tip my hand to let the foreign object enter my mouth. Just tip it slightly and it’ll be all over. Just tip it slightly and it’ll all be over…
“I can’t!” I yelled at myself. “I can’t do this!”
But I wanted to at the same time. I just wanted all of this to end. All of this damn suffering from cutting and being alone to end.
“M-MAYUYU!? What the HELL are you doing!?”
That voice. That familiar voice. Instantly in a flash, I saw the pills all dropped and scattered on the hard floor beneath my feet. My body was pulled by someone rough and greeted with warmth. A tight grip was held on both sides of my body. The scent… It was also familiar.
“Mayuyu… Oh god, what were you thinking?” Matsui Jurina spoke through her teeth as she tightened her hug around my frail, small body. I was speechless. Speechless that my best friend came to me at such timing. Was it luck or was it misfortune that she came at this time?
When I didn’t answer, it seemed that Jurina panicked.
“Mayu,” she firmly said my name. We still didn’t separate and kept close to each other, feeling both of our bodies tremble with fear and horror. “Please… Don’t leave us behind… Don’t leave me behind… I love you oh god, don’t leave me behind.”
I felt wet drops falling down upon my shoulders, soaking up small parts of my pajamas. But that didn’t matter for I simply slumped in her grip and cried. I cried and my tears ran down as though they were waterfalls. I cried and cried and… cried for a long time. And I heard Jurina’s hand rubbing my back, trying to soothe and calm me down while she too was crying. I buried my face into her shoulders as she rested her chin on top of my head. We both soon were sitting down on the bathroom’s cold flooring; her body trying to provide the warmth in contrast with the temperature in this room.
I didn’t want to die. I truly didn’t want to die. I’m so scared and couldn’t believe I was so close to ending my life. Just what was I thinking?
When I’ve finally calmed down, to two of us separated.
“Mayuyu… What lead you to turn out like this?” Jurina questioned me as her right hand caressed one side of my face. In her eyes I saw worries. Worries… Sadness… Guilt. It made me sad to see her feel all of those emotions just from me alone. From me acting so recklessly and on instinct. I shook my head slowly left and right in her arms, feeling numb from such traumatizing event occurring not too long ago.
“I don’t… know what overcame me… I felt… that there’s no reason to live… My parents stopped caring for me since who knows when and… I-I began cutting… Thinking that I could erase the pain in my heart… I thought I had no one to turn to tell how I felt…”
Jurina frowned at me. “But I’m always here for you, you know that…” There was silence hanging in the air between us before she spoke again. “Were you… scared?”
I thought about it. Then I nodded my head in a slow motion. “I-I guess… I meant, I’ve been fighting my own battle for a very long time… without anyone’s help… for 16 whole years of my life.”
There was a sigh coming from the other girl before she brought me into another hug. And this time, instead of letting me go, she lifted my right arm up between the two of us. Although she wasn’t looking at what was underneath the sleeve of my pajama, her fingers went under it. It came upon the scars; feeling the bumps and the scabs left behind from such brutal infliction. Her eyes sadden when she felt them. “God, Mayu… I’m so sorry… I-I didn’t know…”
“You don’t need to apologize… Jurina,” I interrupted in a small voice. “You’ve… saved me from tonight. If-If it weren’t for you coming in… I-I would’ve… been…”
I took in a shaky breath, trying hard not to think about what would’ve happened if Jurina hadn’t come for me. The taller girl removed her hand from under my sleeve and reached up to the other side of my face; holding it with both of her hands. “Don’t think about it, Mayuyu. You’re alright and safe right now.” When she reassured to me that I wasn’t in anymore danger, I leaned against her body and turned my body around so my back was resting against the front part of her body.
It was… strange to suddenly open up to someone. Especially when it’s your best friend. To open up and tell them why you cut… Why you almost committed suicide… Why this all had to happen… This was new. As I closed my aching eyes from crying so much, a question still lingered within my mind.
“Hm?” When she heard me call out her name, she responded back with a gentle squeeze from behind; her arms still wrapped around my body. I shuddered slightly and tried to focus on the warmth coming from her body.
“Why did you suddenly… come here at this time?”
“Oh. I forgot to give you something.”
My eyes opened up when I felt one of her arms disappear from wrapping protectively around my body. I turned my head around to my left to see what she was doing. I was soon faced with a drawing on a single sheet of notebook paper.
A picture… of me.
“I forgot to give you this during school, so I wanted to stop by your house and give it to you. But you didn’t answer the doorbell at all. So… I had to go in with that spare key you gave to me. I’m sorry for the sudden intrusion.”
My eyes fell upon the drawing. It was an accurate depiction of me if I were an anime character. The eyes… The hair… The bangs… The smile… The smile that looked… sincere instead of the fake smile I had to wear almost every single day in the outside world. I then looked at her and gave her my smile. The smile I had though wasn’t the one I usually wear. It was… an actual smile full of being grateful.
“Arigatou… Jurina… For everything.”
She smiled back at me; trying to dry her wet cheeks with the back of her arm.
"Don't you ever try to do anything that reckless, Mayuyu... I really do care for you... Remember that I'm always there for you." She then picked up both of my hands with hers as though she was protecting them. "So let's clean up this place. I'll sleep over here tonight if you don't mind and we'll have fun tomorrow, okay?"