I cannot believe there isn't a thread like this so here goes.....
"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
- Theodore Roosevelt
"The truth is incontrovertible. Panic may resent it, ignorance may deride it, malice may distort it, but there it is."
- Winston Churchill "Women don't forgive failure."
- Anton Chekhov
"Every failure is a step to success."
- William Whewell
"Happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness."
- Don Marquis
"Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints that a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious."
- P.G. Wodehouse
"He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree."
- Roy L. Smith
"Every man loves what he is good at."
- Thomas Shadwell "When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth."
- George Bernard Shaw
"Whatever women do, they do best after dark."
- John V. Lindsay
"The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you."
- Nancy Astor
"The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness."
- Eric Hoffer "Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands."
- Jayne Mansfield
"Faith which does not doubt is dead faith."
- Miguel de Unamuno "Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't."
- Pete Seeger "A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday."
- Alexander Pope "Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one."
- W.C. Fields
"Success is a poison that should only be taken late in life and then only in small doses."
- Anthony Trollope "There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy."
- Robert Louis Stevenson
"Marriage is the price men pay for sex; sex is the price women pay for marriage."
- Thornton Wilder
"There is never enough time, unless you're serving it."
- Malcolm Forbes
"If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it."
- Calvin Coolidge "A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams."
- John Barrymore "All fat women look the same; they all look 42."
- Margaret Atwood
"Success is a great deodorant. It takes away all your past smells."
- Elizabeth Taylor "Happiness isn't a goal; it's a by-product."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
"A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares."
- Elbert Hubbard
"There's nothing that will change someone's moral outlook quicker than cash in large sums."
- Larry Flynt "Conscience is a coward, and those faults it has not strength enough to prevent, it seldom has justice enough to accuse."
- Oliver Goldsmith
"A goal is not always meant to be reached; it often serves simply as something to aim at."
- Bruce Lee "A woman who has the divine gift of lechery will always make a superlative partner."
- Alex Comfort "Success is about having to worry about every damn thing in the world except money."
- Johnny Cash "Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length."
- Robert Frost
"The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is."
- George Bernard Shaw "If you don't sell, it's not the product that's wrong, it's you."
- Estee Lauder "It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do."
- Jerome K. Jerome
"There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more."
- Woody Allen "Most women are not so young as they are painted."
- Sir Max Beerbohm "It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail."
- Gore Vidal "To fill the hour - that is happiness."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Men are what their mothers made them."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson "All publicity is good, except an obituary notice."
- Brendan Behan
"Ugliness is in a way superior to beauty because it lasts."
- Serge Gainsbourg "There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is, I’ll get married again."
- Clint Eastwood "Women would rather be right than reasonable."
- Ogden Nash "Success is a public affair. Failure is a private funeral."
- Rosalind Russell "Great joys, like griefs, are silent."
- Shackerley Marmion
"I like a man who grins when he fights."
- Sir Winston Churchill "Nothing endures but change."
- Heraclitus
"We think in generalities, but we live in detail."
- Alfred North Whitehead
"Things do not change; we change."
- Henry David Thoreau "Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious."
- Oscar Wilde :ROFL
"You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play."
- Warren Beatty "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
- George Burns
"A true man hates no one."
- Napoleon Bonaparte "You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
- Al Capone "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
- Aristotle "It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without the temptations."
- Walter Bagehot "Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."
- Benny Hill
"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and he gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to."
- Bob Dylan
"A dinner lubricates business."
- Lord William Stowell
"There are only 2 ways of telling the complete truth - anonymously and posthumously."
- Thomas Sowell "You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club."
- Jack London
"A goal without a plan is just a wish."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery "It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back."
- Mick Jagger "My toughest fight was my first wife."
- Muhammad Ali :ROFL
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
- Winston Churchill "When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt."
- Henry J. Kaiser "Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd."
- Voltaire
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory."
- Albert Schweitzer "What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing."
- Oscar Wilde "Silence is the virtue of fools."
- Francis Bacon "When everyone is wrong, everyone is right."
- Nivelle de la Chaussee
"Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose."
- Bill Gates "Woman's virtue is man's greatest invention."
- Cornelia Otis Skinner
"Pioneering don't pay."
- Andrew Carnegie
"A truth which is clearly understood can no longer be written with sincerity."
- Marcel Proust "Change before you have to."
- Jack Welch
"You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don't do too many things wrong."
- Warren Buffett "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
- Aristotle Onassis "The secret of happiness is to make others believe they are the cause of it."
- Al Batt
"Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street."
- Elbert Hubbard
"Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right."
- Isaac Asimov "Have no friends not equal to yourself."
- Confucius "Why be a man when you can be a success?"
- Bertolt Brecht "If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster."
- Clint Eastwood :ROFL
"The secret of business is to know something nobody else knows."
- Aristotle Onassis "Fish and visitors stink after three days."
- Benjamin Franklin "If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything, is ready, we shall never begin."
- Ivan Turgenev "Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse."
- Groucho Marx :ROFL
"Anything worth doing is worth overdoing."
- Mick Jagger "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal."
- Henry Ford "One may learn wisdom even from one's enemies."
- Aristophanes "God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at once." :ROFL
- Robin Williams "It is in the darkness of their eyes that men lose their way."
- Black Elk
"
We hardly find any persons of good sense, save those who agree with us."
- La Rochefoucauld "Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing."
- Abraham Lincoln "What is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after."
- Ernest Hemingway "The truth which makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear."
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
Virtue shuns ease as a companion. It needs a rough and thorny path."
- Michel de Montaigne
"Some people will believe anything if you whisper it to them."
- Louis B. Nizer
"Better a noble lie than a miserable truth."
- Robertson Davies "Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million."
- Arnold Schwarzenegger "Few love to hear the sins they love to act."
- Shakespeare
"Self-love is the greatest flatterer of all."
- La Rochefoucauld "Error of opinion may be tolerated where reason is left free to combat it."
- Thomas Jefferson "One isn't born one's self. One is born with a mass of expectations, a mass of other people's ideas, and you have to work through it all."
- V.S. Naipaul
"Crying is the refuge of plain women, but the ruin of pretty ones."
- Oscar Wilde
"Song is the licensed medium for bawling in public things too silly or sacred to be uttered in ordinary speech."
- Oliver Herford
"Praising all alike is praising none."
- John Gay "No woman is worth the loss of a night's sleep."
- Thomas Beecham "Better to be silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln "To be successful in show business, all you need are 50 good breaks."
- Walter Matthau
"People with vision usually do more harm than good."
- John Major "Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible."
- Evan Esar "A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears."
- Michel de Montaigne "I know of no case where a man added to his dignity by standing on it."
- Winston Churchill "Truth is never ugly when one can find in it what one needs."
- Edgar Degas
"The man who is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance."
- Laurence J. Peter "The world is what it is; men who are nothing, who allow themselves to become nothing, have no place in it."
- V.S. Naipaul "The final test of fame is to have a crazy person imagine he is you."
- Mel Brooks
"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him."
- David Brinkley "Rock and roll is not so much a question of electric guitars as it is striped pants."
- David Lee Roth
"A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds."
- Francis Bacon
"The gods help those who help themselves."
- Aesop "Marriage is a bribe to make a housekeeper think she's a householder."
- Thornton Wilder :ROFL
"The man who sees both sides of a question is a man who sees absolutely nothing at all."
- Oscar Wilde
"The strongest man in the world is the man who stands alone."
- Henrik Ibsen "Sentimentality is the only sentiment that rubs you up the wrong way."
- W. Somerset Maguham
"When a guy removes smoking, drinking, gambling and chasing women from his life, there's a whole lot of time to do other neat stuff."
- Tom Morey "Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor."
- Truman Capote "The future is purchased by the present."
- Samuel Johnson
"Hypocrisy is a homage that vice pays to virtue."
- La Rochefoucauld "What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!"
- Adam Ferrara :ROFL
"A man may fail many times but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else."
- J. Paul Getty "Fame usually comes to those who are thinking about something else."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other."
- Eric Hoffer :vibrator:
"The major civilising force in the world is not religion, it's sex."
- Hugh Hefner "There's no such thing as a free lunch."
- Milton Friedman "Conversation is the enemy of good wine and food."
- Alfred Hitchcock
"I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person."
- John Travolta "If the world were good for nothing else, it is a fine subject for speculation."
- William Hazlitt
"Always hold your head up, but be careful to hold your nose at a friendly level."
- Max L. Forman
"Behind every successful man there's a lot of unsuccessful years."
- Bob Brown "It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them."
- Alfred Adler
"Living in the lap of luxury isn't bad, except you never know when luxury is going to stand up."
- Orson Welles :ROFL
"Kill the other guy before he kills you."
- Jack Dempsey
"Reading is sometimes an ingenious device for avoiding thought."
- Sir Arthur Helps "Glamour: the indefinable something about a girl with a big bosom."
- Abe Burrows
"In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."
- Benjamin Franklin "The head never rules the heart, but just becomes its partner in crime."
- Mignon McLaughlin "Great eaters and great sleepers are not capable of doing anything great."
- Henri IV "Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet."
- Kin Hubbard
"Refusal of praise reveals a desire to be praised twice over."
- La Rochefoucauld
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
- Milton Berle "Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best."
- Woody Allen "Brevity is the soul of wit."
- Shakespeare "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
- John F. Kennedy "If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."
- Johnny Carson :ROFL
"Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of other persons."
- Mark Twain "It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them."
- P.G. Wodehouse "It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper."
- Errol Flynn
"In Russia, if a male athlete loses, he becomes a female athlete."
- Yakov Smirnoff :ROFL "The present is the funeral of the past, and man the living sepulchre of his life."
- John Clare
"Men have charisma; women have vital statistics."
- Julie Burchill "Everyone has talent at 25. The difficulty is to have it at 50."
- Edgar Degas
"The superiority of some men is merely local. They are great because their associates are little."
- Dr. Samuel Johnson "By the work one knows the workman."
- Jean de la Fontaine
"A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents."
- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg "Most women set out to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him."
- Marlene Dietrich "Taste is created from a thousand distastes."
- Paul Valery
"Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later. For another thing, they die earlier."
- H.L. Mencken "Conceit is the finest armor a man can wear."
- Jerome K. Jerome
"In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing."
- Oscar Wilde
"What we have to learn to do, we learn by doing."
- Aristotle
That's all I've to offer for now; I'd appreciate it if you guys take time to read through, pick your favourite ones, post any new quotes you might come across so all my work here isn't wasted and the thread be kept alive.