Ch.7 Icy Distance
I hadn’t gotten very far when I froze. I just stood there outside of Rena’s apartment building with a blank look. How in the world was I going to get to Mayu’s house? I really didn’t think things through when I dashed out of the apartment. It wasn’t in a walking distance. I could hitchhike, but that was probably a very bad idea. What was I going to do? I didn’t know how else I could get to Mayu’s house unless I waited for Rena to get home which was until 7:00. I was about to give up and go back inside when I spotted a bright yellow color that proved to be my savior.
Of course. I could get a taxi. ”Taxi!” I called out and I quickly waved my hands to attract the attention of the taxi driver. It worked. The small car came to a halt in front of me. I got on without thinking twice. “1203 Dove Street please,” I told him in a rush. It occurred to me that the driver might not have understood me, but he began to drive so he must have somehow made up what I said. The ride was moderately long and dreadful. I told myself I needed to calm down. Mayu got sick often and it usually wasn’t something serious.
Even so I knew she didn’t like to be alone when she was sick and her parents are out of town. I felt even worst. I was a horrible girlfriend. Why did I have to be such a selfish person? Why did I let my stupid pride stop me from calling her? Mayu had done nothing wrong, but to state her opinion. We were bounded to have different opinions as a couple right? Why did I have to make such a big deal out of it? “Which house?” the cab driver asked as we enter Mayu’s fancy neighborhood. “The white big house at the end of the street,” I promptly answered.
The cab driver’s eyes grew wide, but he didn’t say a word. It wasn’t that most houses in that neighbor were small or anything. In fact they were quite large, but Mayu’s house was by far the largest. It stood out like a neon orange among pastels. It was the kind of house most people only dreamed of living in, but that was common in our world. Well the world I used to be a part of, but no longer was. I wondered what I should say to Mayu and how should I apologize. What reason could I possibly give for not calling her other than pure neglect?
The cab made a stop and driver extended his hand, “That will be $20.” I quickly opened my bag and looked through it looking for my credit card. Finally, I pulled it out and handed it to him. “Madam I do not take credit cards. There’s a sign outside the cab,” the taxi driver said with an annoyed look. “You’re kidding!” I replied realizing I had no cash on me.The man looked irritated and asked, “Madam do you have any other form of payment?” I quickly dug through my bag hoping to find a bill, but no luck. I began panicking until a hint of gold caught me eye. It was my gold watch. My very expensive gold watch. Worth way more than $20 dollars. But I guess that didn’t matter at the moment. ”Here. This is worth way more than a twenty. Trust me!” I said making a dash for Mayu’s house before the cab driver could object.
I think I heard him shout, but he must have been satisfied when he saw the watch up close because he drove away. I sighed in relief and proceeded to ring the bell outside the gate. I stood back so the camera could see me and then realized that I probably looked like a complete stranger. There were no indicators of the old me. I was wearing cheap boyish outlet clothes instead of my usually trendy clothes and my long hair was chopped to a short cut no bangs. My face was no longer covered with trendy make-up instead it was all natural. “It’s Jurina.” I tried saying to the guard behind the camera that monitor who went in and out of the big house. The gates remained closed for a moment, but then they opened. I walked to the house slightly nostalgic. Nothing had changed since the last time I been there.
The house was just a crisp and neat as I remembered it. The same elegant priceless artworks decorated the grand entrance. In spite of me living in an equally impressive house, Mayu’s house never failed to awe me especially now that I was living in Rena’s small apartment. It wasn’t that I missed living in a big house or anything. In reality, I hardly got impressed by big hotels and houses, but Mayu’s house had an air of unique superiority that I couldn’t exactly pinpoint. It was a strange feeling. “You came.” Mayu’s maid, Yuki, commented behind me. If I didn’t know any better I say her voice sounded rather disappointed. I shrugged it off and I turned around to face her. ”Yuki-san! Where is she? Is she okay?” I demanded my previous anxiety returning.
Yuki raised in eyebrow as she took in my appearance. I could tell she was slightly surprised by the way I looked. Even I was surprised every time I looked in the mirror. I looked so different than I did a couple of weeks ago. However if she was in any way shocked by the way I looked she didn’t voice it instead she simply replied, “Follow me.” I wanted to ask more questions, but I wasn’t getting a very good aura from the maid. She wasn’t being rude or anything like that, but for some reason I sensed she wasn’t too happy to see me. Again it might just be my imagination. I usually got along well with the girl the few times we spoken.
As I walked with Yuki-san, I realized the girl reminded me of Rena an awful lot. Their aura were very similar carrying an odd princess-like aura in spite the fact that the two girls were from poor families. The two carried an air of elegance and refinement that simpy came naturally. Which was pretty ironic in Yuki’s case since she was a maid. Both girls were also extremely gentle and kind at least from what I have gathered from Yuki when I visited Mayu.
She seemed to do things for Mayu because she genuinely cared about her just like the way Rena did things for me because she cared not because I was a famous person or anything. When we reached the Mayu’s room, Yuki softly knocked on the door. “Mayu-sama, Jurina-sama is here.” Yuki announced. There was a short silence and then finally Mayu answered, “Come in.” Yuki opened the door and let me in. In the middle of the big bed with white bed sheets sat a very healthy Mayu who was currently braiding her hair.
…
My eyes widen as I looked at my girlfriend’s extreme make-over. I couldn’t believe how much she changed in only a few weeks. Her long black locks were cut off and her clothes were nothing like the clothes I was used to seeing on her. She usually wore trendy dresses or cute girly outfits and now she was baggy pants with a hoodie. Her face was no longer covered in make-up and had a more natural look. It gave her a more rough boyish look, but it wasn’t any less attractive. If anything I was finding her more attractive at the moment than before which I founded odd. She looked confused for a moment then angry. “I thought you were sick,” Jurina said her voice cold. I winced at her tone not expecting her to get that upset with my lie. I could tell she was trying to stay calm because she was clenching her fists.
Maybe telling Yukirin to lie to her and tell her I was very sick was a bad idea. Truth be told I didn’t expect her to rush over here. I thought that telling her would make her call more often, but I never dreamed she would show up here. I only wanted more of her attention, but the plan seemed to have completely backfired judging by the scowl in her face.
“I can explain,” I told her. Jurina looked at me disbelief all over face. “Do you realize this is the first time I left the place I am staying for weeks and I took a huge risk to come over here because I was worried sick about you! I even gave a 10,000 gold watch to a taxi driver to pay for the fare because I didn’t have any money on me! How dare you lie to me like that Mayu? This may be a game to you, but if I get found out I will never be able to lead a normal life!” Jurina yelled. Jurina had never had never yelled at me to I just sat there for a moment looking at her in shock. I expected her to be angry, but not this furious. Yukirin looked uncomfortable at the corner of the room as if wondering if she should get out of the room or stay. I hoped she didn’t leave otherwise I feel like I break down crying. The funny thing is I know I didn’t do anything wrong.
I mean sure I lied to Jurina and all, but I wasn’t the one who stopped calling or visiting. Well I knew she couldn’t visit, but she could at least answered my calls or called. I even thought she was cheating on me, but after that outburst I seriously doubt it. Putting that aside, did Jurina seriously think she could stay uncover forever? Was that really a normal life as she called it? It was completely insane, but I wasn’t going to point that out. “Look I am sorry. I just missed you and wanted to talk to you.” I explained hoping she calm down. Even so why did I have to apologize? I didn’t do anything wrong, I mean I lied, but she left me no choice.
“You could I taken my phone call! I was going to apologize for not calling and explain! You didn’t have to lie and worry me sick!” Jurina exclaimed a little calmer, but still upset. I bit my lip and sighed. “Yuki, can you leave us alone?” I ordered calling Yuki by her first name instead of Yukirin like I been doing lately. For some reason, it seemed strange to call her that in front of Jurina. It kind of took the feeling out of it. “Yes madam,” Yuki replied professionally and walked out the room. I heard a odd icy tone in her voice, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. I already had an upset Jurina to worry about. “Sit down,” I told Jurina gesturing to the spot besides me in my bed. Jurina seemed hesitant, but complied and sat besides me. It felt like I hadn’t seen her in forever. I wished she would just hug me like she always would, but instead she was acting rather stoic and cold towards me.
“I am sorry,” I said in a small voice looking at my hands. I wasn’t normally the sort of person who got emotional or who easily apologized, but Jurina’s sudden icy distance terrified me because I didn’t want to lose her. I don’t want to be alone. She can’t leave me all alone. She just can’t. We both just sat there for a while not saying a word. I played with my hands nervously. Usually the silent between us was comfortable, but now it was tense and dreadful. Finally Jurina spoke up,” I am sorry too.” I hugged her. I wasn’t much of a hugger and Jurina was usually the one hugging me, but I couldn’t stop myself from acting out of impulse. I expected Jurina to be happy and hug me back, but instead her arms hung loosely in her sides not responding to my hug. It felt like a slap in the face and it strung like hell. I held back tears as I pulled back awkwardly from the embrace.
I had at least hoped Jurina would be smiling when I pulled away, but her face looked bored and uninterested. And I knew it wasn’t just our recent fight. Even before Jurina quit modeling, I could the terrible distance growing between us. Now that Jurina was living in another world the growing distance undeniable and inevitable. I knew that I was going to lose her. It was only a matter of time. I know that I am being clingy and that I should let go, but I can’t. I need her. Without her I have no one.
“Do you want me to bring some food up or something?” I asked trying to lighten the situation. Jurina shook her head. “I need to go already,” Jurina told me. I frowned. “But you just got here.” I reminded her. “I know. I am sorry. But I have something I have to do. By the way, can I borrow money for the cab? I don’t have any other watches,” she said with laugh. It was the first time she smiled since she arrived and it made me sad that it had to be over a stupid watch. How much had I reduced myself that now I was jealous of a silly gold watch? How long was I willing to keep this lie going? Because our relationship was a lie. I knew she wasn’t in love with me anymore. Not like before and yet here I was almost begging her to stay. Jurina got up and turned around starting to leave when I grabbed her hand. She turned around to face me startled. “Don’t leave.” I whispered softly feeling weak. It was pathetic, but I couldn’t stop myself from doing it. I wanted no I needed her to stay by my side.
“Mayu…” She uttered surprised by the desperate sound in my voice. She sat down again and I sighed in relief. I leaned in to hugged her again and this time she hugged back. Not the tight warm embrace I wanted, but it was better then her previous indifference. I parted from her a bit only to find her lips. I kissed her softly, but desperately. Her eyes widen and I knew she was surprised. It was rare for me to hug her let alone kiss her. She usually did those things. I wrapped my arms around her neck pulling her closer. Jurina gently pushed me down to the bed and parted our lips. “I love you,” she said, but it didn’t sound convincing. It sounded forced as if she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I knew she cared about me, but it wasn’t enough. The more I held her back the more I felt myself falling in an abyss of depression and self hate. “I love you too,” I replied cupping her beautiful face.
Oh how she changed. The old Jurina would be ravaging me by now planting sweet kisses in my neck and her hands would be wandering my body sending me to another world, but now this Jurina was just so cold and far away. The old Jurina was gone. I turned my face away and said, ” You should go do whatever you need to go do.” Jurina looked surprised again. I had just requested for her to stay a little longer a few minutes after all. “Are you sure?” Jurina asked sounding almost relieved. I nodded and kiss her cheek. “Just promise you’ll call me tonight,” I told her facing her again.
She was smiling. “Of course. I’ll call you at 7:30. I promise.” Jurina said and planted a chaste kiss in my lips. It was the first loving gesture she given me in a long time, so I could help, but feel my heart beat faster with the tender gesture. Jurina got off the bed and said, ” I just I’ll be leaving. Bye!” I forced a smiled and replied, “Bye.” My voice sounded hallow. She didn’t seem to notice and flashed me a smile before exiting the room. As soon as she walked out the room, I collapsed in my bed and stared at the ceiling. The tears I been holding began to spill wetting cheeks. I hugged a nearby pillow and attempted to silence the loud sobs that were threatening to escape fearing that someone might hear me and ask what was wrong. There was a soft knock on the door which was a habit of Yukirin. “Mayu, can I come in?” Yuki asked softly sensing something was amiss. “I want to be alone.” I answered honestly not wanting my friend to see me in such state. There was a silence behind the door and then I heard Yuki say, ” I understand.”
…
“I am home!” I announced as I walked into my apartment. Jurina was sitting in my sofa reading a magazine that I had never seen before. “Where did you get that from?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. “I bought it in the convenience store across the street. Did you know that the tabloids are saying that I underwent major cosmetic surgery to hide from the press? That’s unbelievable!” Jurina said with a laugh. My eyes widen at the sudden realization that hit me with her words. “Wait you went out!” I exclaimed setting my bag in the table and rushing to her side in the sofa. “Yeah I mean I look totally different and it was just across the street. Nothing drastic or anything. I wanted some magazine and snacks. You don’t really stock up your fringe much you know,” Jurina told me in a casual tone.
“I know. I just don’t have time to go grocery shopping all the time you know since I am busy with school and all.” I apologized realizing that I probably been leaving Jurina without food since I usually ate at school and never notice when the food was running low. Jurina shook her head. “Don’t worry about it, Rena-chan. I’ll take care of the grocery shopping from know on!” Jurina announced. I looked at her with a surprised look.
“Wait so you are going to start getting out of the house now?” I asked. Jurina nodded. “Well I mean I have to do it eventually and no one seemed to notice me so I think I should be good. I’ll just be super careful. I get boring being her you know, so I want to get out,” Jurina explained. The idea of her being stuck indoors all day always worried me so I was relieved that Jurina finally felt comfortable enough to leave the apartment. I got up and walked to the kitchen. My stomach was growling. I had skipped lunch.
“So what did you buy?” I asked. “Just some junk food,” Jurina said casually going back to read her magazine. When I opened my small fringe my eyes grew wide. It was more packed than I have ever seen it before. Jurina had really gone all out. There were like a zillion chocolate bars and all candy you can imagine. All the drinks were sodas and colored punches. The only normal non-cavity inducing thing left in my fringe was milk. I proceeded to check the pantry and was greeted by a huge assortment of potato chips and cookies. It was like was walking into the junk food aide in the grocery store. I didn’t bother to check my freezer, but I was pretty sure would be full of ice cream and such things if my pantry and fringe were any indicator of what was in store for me. “Jurina…” I started unsure of how to say what I wanted to say without sounding mean. “Yes Rena-chan,” Jurina answered sweetly. “You went overboard,” I told.
Jurina looked up at me and pouted. “I just wanted to be of some use to Rena-chan,” Jurina said sadly. I walked towards the sofa and patted her head. She was really puppy-like when she wanted to be. “I know, but if we live on chips and candy both of us are going to get really really fat. Next time I’ll make a list for you.” I replied. I settled for eating chips for dinner and sat next to Jurina in the sofa. “I never really got to eat junk food so I guess I got to excited.” Jurina explained in a more serious voice. I looked at her and noticed the pained look in her face. She done so many sacrifices. I could tell by her expression. I wonder why she would give up the dream she worked so hard for. After everything she worked so hard for why would she throw it away. Even though she said it was because she wanted to be herself again I wonder if someone could really be themselves when they were hiding from the world. It seemed like a paradox to me.
“Jurina you said you quit modeling because you didn’t want to lose yourself, but how could you be yourself if you are hiding from the world?’ I asked. Jurina flashed me a gentle smile. “I am not really hiding because I don’t want them to know who I am. I am hiding because I don’t want to deal with the media. I wouldn’t really care what they had to say to the world about me, but I don’t want to be stalked by them every second of the day. I may want the world to see me as who I am, but I want the privacy I never had in the past four years of my life you know. That’s why I am hiding. I know it sounds weird and stupid, but…” Jurina voice trailed off at the end. “No, its not. I get it,” I reassured. It must be horrible being followed everywhere you go and not having peace. Jurina has dealt with it for years.
I shouldn’t be so surprise that she wants a break now. It was only natural after all. Fame was a two-edged sword. It could make someone’s dream come true, but it could also destroy them. Maybe Jurina walked away just in time to save herself. Jurina suddenly scoot closer to me on the sofa. Our knees touched causing my heart to start beating faster at the simple contact. I looked up and saw that her face was only inches away from mine. Jurina had that habit of invading my personal space, but the look her face scared me this time. “J-Jurina?” I stammered nervously as her intoxicating scent filled my nose. Jurina smiled and lean closer our lips almost touching. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I just sat there not taking my eyes off her my palms sweating out of pure anticipation.
“Rena-chan…” her voice came out soft and husky slightly turning me on. I wondered if she realized the effect she was having on me. I was simply mesmerized. Her hand caressed my cheek gently sending jolts of electricity through my body. “I feel like myself around you.” she whispered and before I could even answer she captured my lips. Her lips were amazing. She was amazing. I was stunned for a couple of seconds, but then eagerly returned her kissed wrapping my arms around her slender waist. She bit my lower lip softly as if asking for entrance and I complied parting my lips slightly allowing her curious tongue to explore my mouth. I held back a moan as hands proceeded to explore my body as well just feeling every single part of me giving me an intense feeling I never felt before.
Finally I couldn’t hold it any longer and released a soft moan into her mouth causing her to pull away surprised. “Rena…” Jurina whispered just calling me by my first name for the first time. I turned bright red and covered my face not wanting her to see my expression. I felt like a pervert. Jurina giggled and tried to pry my hands off my face. “Don’t laugh,” I pleaded with a pout. Jurina smiled and hugged me. Her body felt warm against mine and the moment was just sweet and perfect. I never thought someone like Jurina could notice me and now her she was kissing me and hugging me and touching me in ways I never even dreamed of before.
“I love you,” I blurted out before I could stop the words from leaving my mouth. It was true. I wasn’t sure when I realized this now obvious undeniable fact, but I loved her. I loved her more than I loved anything else before. I wanted to be with her forever and I never wanted her to leave my side. I never thought I would come to think this intensely about her and it seemed so unlike my nature, but that was how I felt. “I love you too,” Jurina replied resting her head in my shoulder. Somewhere around the apartment the clock read 7:30, but none of us was preoccupied with the time. No, because Jurina had just pulled away from hug and started planting soft hot kisses in my neck. I fell back in the sofa and gave Jurina more access to my skin. Yes time was irreverent.
…
7:30. She promised to call at 7:30 and yet the phone was not hang. I sat in my bed motionlessly feeling the world shallow me whole. It was over. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew we were done even though there were no words exchanged between us. I think that made it worst though. The fact that there were no words said between us. It made it seem less real, but it didn’t make it feel less real or painful. If those three words “we are done” were exchanged perhaps it be easier to move on and not cling to useless hope. But I can’t blame Jurina from not saying them because it is me who is begging her so desperately not to go. I begin to wonder why am I doing this to myself. Why am I torturing myself like this? I used to think it was because it was better than being alone, but I am just not sure anymore. I don’t think loneness is worst than this painful make believe relationship. There was a knock on the door. Yuki.
“Mayu, dinner is ready!” Yuki announced. “I thought I told you I didn’t want dinner,” I yelled back taking out my frustration on my friend. I felt guilty, but I really didn’t want to do anything right know. The door swung open. It was the first time Yukirin walked into my room without my permission even after we were friends, so I was shocked. “Yu-Yukirin!” I exclaimed in uttered shock. Yuki sat down next to me and hugged me. My eyes widen in surprise. “Just stop this Mayu! Don’t you understand how helpless I feel watching you suffer and not being able to do anything about it? Even though we are friends now? I can’t just leave you here locked up in your room. What kind of person would I be if I did?” Yuki blurted out as she squeezed me tight. Meanwhile I was bright red surprised by her sudden actions.
Her hug felt quite nice. Nicer than I would have imagine. I had no idea I was making Yuki sad, but I didn’t want to do it anymore. “Okay I get it. I’ll go have dinner only if we have ice cream for desert.” I told her pulling away from her tight hug. Yuki smiled making me feel warm inside. “If your mom heard you she would kill you.” Yukirin said with a giggled. I laughed too forgetting completely about my earlier problems. “She would huh? But guess what? My mom is not here!” I exclaimed dramatically and a hysteria of giggled erupted. We couldn’t stop giggling for a couple of minutes until Yukirin finally got up and helped me up. “Come on silly. Go eat.” Yukirin said.
I furrowed my eyebrows. “Wait you are not eating with me?” I asked sounding slightly puzzled. Yukirin looked at me as if I just mentioned the craziness thing in the world. “Eating with you? What in the world are you saying Mayu? Of course I am not eating with you. The help cannot eat in the main dinner table!” Yuki said with disbelief as if she couldn’t believe I even expected that of her. I pouted. “Well if Yukirin doesn’t eat with me I’ll just stay in my room and cry myself to sleep.” I declared with a spoiled child.
“Ehh? But Mayu do you have any idea how much trouble I would get in if your mother caught me eating with you? I could lose my job!” Yukirin said. I smirked and replied, “Did we not just establish that my mother was not here?” Yukirin giggled, but still looked tense. “If you say so.” Yuki answered. I grabbed her hand. “Come on let’s go!” I told her. Maybe I wasn’t as alone as I thought. Maybe no one was. Maybe we just needed someone to remind us that they cared.
Topic: Kawaiiidolworld Fanfics~ New Fic Backwards Drama (WMatsui) Ch.9 12/09/2017 (Read 79662 times)