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Author Topic: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions  (Read 9175 times)

Offline DeNight

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #60 on: December 25, 2016, 02:42:52 PM »
Dear Friends,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I promised a friend on Twitter that I would use a day off to write and post another update as soon as I could. So, here it is. Please do enjoy it as some kind of a Christmas and New Year gift :)

@Tupi: No worries. He's dead. The only one's hurting Yuihan now is just her mind and her memories. But, I'm sure with more support from others, she'll survive :)

@KyouyaAnis: Yes, she did. But, some people will help her... Well, perhaps not forgetting--because the more we try to forget, the more we'll remember. But, perhaps just forgiving... At least forgiving herself. :)

As always, thank you for reading the previous part, Friends. Another thanks for you who clicked on the thanks button. Another extra for the kind comments. Hope you'll enjoy reading this over the holiday :)



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MORNING LIGHT (5)



You see, Yui?

It doesn’t matter how dark the night was.

Eventually, the sun will rise and its light will cast the darkness away.



The first thought I had that morning was how beautiful the smile that had just lingered in my mind was. It felt like, with the mantra echoing in my head, the curse had finally been broken. I knew that it was the end of my nightmares.

I got up, trying not to step on Rie-san who was still sleeping soundly on the futon right next to the bed, and went to take a shower. Slowly, the sun rays sneaked in from the glass tiles window and I could hear some birds chirping. It was early.

It had been so long since I was able to wake up just before dawn and watched as the first morning light came in through the window. I used to just stay awake all night to see it. Then, the habit stopped about ten years ago when I forced my sleep cycle to change. The habit stopped after I realized that it did not matter how long I stayed up or how many times I drove around Saitama. I would not be able to see you again anyway... Or so I thought.


Shimazaki Haruka.


Who would have thought that I would see you again after all this time? Who would have thought that I would find you in my room for the second time after ten years of not even hearing anything about you at all? And I even had to be your son’s homeroom teacher? Life sure did love playing around—playing me around.
It was too much to take in. Too much. Especially, with my annual mourning period around the corner. Yes. I called it my “annual mourning period”. It was the time of the year when all the bad things I had witnessed in life came back to haunt me for a few days. It used to be worse.


“Yui-chan... You’re awake?”


I was having a cup of coffee while checking on some papers I had graded when Rie-san was finally awaken. She rubbed her eyes a few times then smiled—perhaps because she saw me in my work clothes, ready to leave. I tried to smile back and offered her a cup of that caffeine as well.


“Thank you. Feel better already?” she asked while receiving the mug I offered her.

I nodded, “A lot better than before. Thank you for helping me these past few days.”

“You know, last night, Sasshi just said that she’d like to visit you tomorrow. Just to make sure that you’re okay. But, it seems like there’s nothing to worry about anymore,” she smiled again.

“Yeah. All better now. I could finally get a good night sleep last night,” I responded, “It will be nice if she can come. But, I don’t want her to force herself to do that in the middle of her hectic schedule.”

“Nah, don’t worry about that. She’ll manage.”


There were a few minutes of silence. We just sat there sipping our coffee while drowning ourselves in our own minds. It was still 7.00. I still had about half an hour before I needed to take the bus to go to the school.


“This year’s mourning period of yours,” Rie-san finally broke the silence, “Seems shorter than the last time, doesn’t it?”

I thought about it for a while and answered, “Yes. It is shorter.”

Rie-san smiled, “It’s good, right? Perhaps, from now on, it will really get shorter and shorter each time until you don’t need to be bothered by it anymore.”

I doubted that but, I did not want to let her down so I gave her a small smile and said, “Perhaps.”


There was another minute of silence as Rie-san tapped on her phone—perhaps sending Sasshi-san a good morning text.


“Nee, Yui-chan,” she said when she was done tapping.

“Yes?” I answered absent-mindedly.

“Is it okay if I ask?” she seemed like she was hesitating.

“About what?” I asked back, wondering about her hesitation.

“Shimazaki-san.”


The sound of your name being mentioned was like a gun-shot to my ears.

I was just out of my mourning period. I still did not know what I should think about you. Neither did I know how I should act around you.

When Hikaru was transferred to my class, I just bitterly smiled as I read the name on his files—thinking that, if you were really pregnant and gave birth to a baby boy, he would probably be as old as that little guy now. But, then, a little over two months ago, I was stunned as I met his mother in the teacher’s office. It was really you—in the flesh.

I tried to act like I did not care—like I did not know you, like I had never met you. I tried to be as professional as I could because, I thought, you would not remember me anyway.

It had been a decade after all. Although there was time when I gave you rides, 36 times, back and forth, in over two months, it was always around midnight or even later. It was always dark and all you did was sitting at the back. You might not be able to see my face clearly and we only exchanged a few words occasionally. I did not even know your name—nor did you know mine.

Yes.

There was that morning. The morning when you cried about not wanting to be alone so I tried to keep you company. There was that morning when I took you home after our long ride to see the sunrise at the beach. The morning when I tried to take your misery away...with more than just a kiss and a promise that everything would be all right.

But, there was no way that you would remember me even after that. It was not me on your mind after all. I was sure about that. I was just a replacement, right? I was just a consolation. You even thought that I did it for money. So, why bother remembering the face of a stranger you paid just to get you through the night—or, in this case, the morning?


“Yui-chan?” I must had been silent for a while because then Rie-san said, “Sorry. We don’t have to talk about her if you don’t feel comfortable.”


I shook my head. No. It was actually not okay. But, it did not matter if we talked about it now or later. I doubted that I would be able to give her a better answer anyway—and I kind of owed her some explanation after the drama I put her in when you were here two days ago.


“No. It’s okay. What would you like to ask about her?” that was what I finally said.

Rie-san took another sip of her coffee before she carefully said, “You and her... Well, was she a friend of yours?”


Were you? It was interesting that Rie-san used the past tense in that question. I guess, the way I treated you left an impression that, even if we were friends, by the time she stepped back into the flat, we were not anymore. But, that was a really interesting question. Were we friends?
As much as I would like to think that we were, I was fully aware that we were not. It was all business, wasn’t it? You were just a customer and I was just a random taxi driver you happened to meet a few times. So, I shook my head.


“Eeeeeeh?” Rie-san showed her surprise, “She came all the way here to see you when you’re sick. So, I thought she was your friend and I let her in. I’m really sorry, Yui-chan! After lecturing you about the danger of leaving your key where it usually was, I was the one letting a stranger to enter your place! I’m really really sorry!”

I smiled at her reaction and shook my head again, “She was not a stranger either, though.”

“Eh?” Rie-san was clearly confused, “So, she’s an acquaintance after all? Has she ever been here before? When I met her, I did think that her face look familiar, so I was convinced that she’s your friend...”

I turned my gaze to the cup of coffee in my hand and said, “Well,... Her name is Shimazaki Haruka. Sashihara-san would definitely know her.”

“Eh? A friend of Sasshi’s?”

“Although it may be better if you don’t say anything to Sasshi-san. It seems like Shimazaki-san doesn’t want to attract too much attention to herself nowadays,” I added as an afterthought.


Rie-san seemed like she was trying so hard to remember—perhaps not believing that there was an old friend of Sasshi-san’s that she did not know or never heard about. She was probably trying to repeat your name in her head over and over again while going through all the memory in there. After a few minutes, her eyes suddenly opened wider. The realization came in that “Aha!” moment.


“Shimazaki-san?” her voice was an octave higher, “Shimazaki Haruka-san???”

It was hard not to chuckle at her reaction.

“The Salty Idol Shimazaki Haruka???”

I smiled and nodded.

“So that’s why she looked so familiar! When she was still active in that idol group, her face was all over Sasshi’s tabloids and magazines!” Rie-san smacked her own head, “So, how did you know her?”

“She was a customer. We met a few times when I was still driving the cab.”

Rie-san nodded.

“But, Yui-chan,... it was like ages ago...,” she hesitated again, “If she was just one of your passengers, I wonder how she knew about where you live and why she went through all the troubles to visit you after all these years. And...that didn’t explain the interaction between you either... I had never seen you like that to anyone before...”

I smiled again—although I knew that it was a bitter smile.

“I slept with her once.”

Rie-san almost spat out the coffee she was sipping.

“And now I’m teaching her son at school.”

Now, she was definitely choking on the coffee. She coughed a few times and needed to take a few deep breaths before she could respond.

“So, she was an ex and now you’re teaching your ex’s son???”

I shook my head, “She was not an ex.”

“Eh?”

“It was only once. We were not in a relationship. But, yes, I’m her son’s homeroom teacher. Complicated, eh?” I smiled.


For a moment, Rie-san did not say anything. She was just wiping her mouth and the some little drops of coffee she spilled on the table. I looked at the time on my phone.


“I need to leave in five minutes, Rie-san,” I said, “You’re staying another night, right?”

“Yes. I’ll just wait for Sasshi to come tomorrow and leave when she leave.”

“All right, then. I’m sure you know where everything is. If there’s anything you need, please don’t hesitate to text or call me.”


She smiled and nodded as I grabbed my bag and got ready to leave. She saw me to the door and wished me a good luck for the day. But, right before I left, she called me again and said:


“It’s probably not my place to say this. But, well, you know that I’m quite a meddler and you were like a little sister for me, so... If it’s possible, you should probably try to talk with Shimazaki-san again. She looked really worried when I found her in front of the door the other day. And,... I wonder if her visit had anything to do with your mourning period ended earlier... I don’t know. It’s just an old lady’s hunch.”


Her words lingered on my mind for the whole day. Even as I was in the middle of teaching the class, when I let the kids to do their assignment, my mind went back to those words. I did know that I had to see you again. There was another home visit already scheduled for a couple months ahead after all. I would not be able to hide or skip your house then. It was part of the job. Since it was inevitable, it would probably be better if I apologize for my rudeness as soon as possible.


“Yokoyama-sensei!”


I was just walking out of the class that afternoon when I heard the voice. I turned around and saw Hikaru running toward me from his class. He stopped right in front of me—trying to catch his breath.


“Yes?” I got down on my knees to get to his eye level.

“I am really really sorry, Sensei!” he suddenly bowed deeply, his body formed the 90 degrees angle.

“Eh? What is this about Hikaru-chan?” I asked, feeling glad that he was not doing a dogeza—or else, I might get called to the principal’s office to explain everything.

“I misunderstood things and was very rude to you. I did not even let you explain. Mom had told me everything. I’m really really sorry. Please forgive me, Sensei!”

I smiled. I did not think that you had really told him everything. But, I got what he was trying to say.

“It’s all right, Hikaru-chan,” I asked him to stop bowing and smiled, “I understood. You were just trying to protect your Mom, right?”

He nodded while still looking down.

“Is there... is there anything I could do to get your forgiveness, Sensei?”

I tried not to chuckle. After going to that language school, his Japanese did improve. But, sometimes, it was just too formal and awkward.

“Did you feel bad?”

He nodded again.

“Then, it’s all right,” I smiled and tried to make him look at me, “You realized that you were wrong. You felt bad. Then, you apologized. It’s enough, Hikaru-chan.”

“B-but...,” he tried to argue.

“It’s all right. I’m not mad at you.”


He looked down again. He did not seem happy with my acceptance of his apology at all. Then, once again Rie-san’s words from that morning crossed my mind. Should I really just do as she said?


“Hikaru-chan.”

“Y-yes?”

“Would helping me make you feel better?”

His face was suddenly lit up.

“Yes, Sensei!”

“Then, I do have a little favor to ask,” I smiled, “If it’s not too much of a trouble.”









To be continued...



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Offline KyouyaAnis

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #61 on: December 26, 2016, 04:52:19 PM »
Yeay update!!!  :on woohoo:

The feels really strike me this time cause Paruru is graduating  :mon cry: :mon cry: :mon cry:

Please update soon! And thank you for the update  :mon sweat:

Offline Minami-chan

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #62 on: December 27, 2016, 01:39:00 AM »
How lucky, I did not know you continued the story!

Offline DeNight

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #63 on: December 29, 2016, 06:53:54 AM »
Dear Friends,

Thank you for the warm responses. Reading some great fics lately encouraged me to write more as well. So, here's another update :)

@KyouyaAnis: I understand that feeling. I couldn't even bring myself to watch the graduation live. So, I'll just pretend that it didn't happen and let YuiParu always live through my fics... But, anyway. Yeay! Here's the update :)

@Minami-chan: Hello, there! It's nice to see your comment again and I'm glad that now you know  :lol: . Hope you enjoy the continuation as much as you enjoyed the previous story :)

As usual, thank you for the comments, the thanks, and the silent reading, Friends. Have a nice end-of-year reading (while I get back to my end-of-year cleaning  XD ).



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MORNING LIGHT (6)



“Yes? Let me see...”

I adjusted the position of my glasses and looked closer to the screen.

[Is this all right?]

The man on the screen asked as he showed me the pattern of a new product.

“Yes, go ahead with the production of the samples. When will you be able to send them to me?”

[Next week? We can try to finish it faster, but it will probably just finish one or two days earlier. Unless... of course if we compromise on the quality of the end products...]

“No, I don’t want to take that risk. Next week is all right. Just make sure that you use the fastest shipping service to send the samples to me.”

[Understood, Ms. Shimazaki. Is there anything else I could help you with?]

“No, that will be all. Thank you, James.”


With that, I ended the Skype call and sighed. As much as I wanted to take a break, I knew that I still had some people to contact. So, I logged off Skype switched to another window to send some emails to my business partners. But, before I even typed a greeting, my phone vibrated, informing me that I got a FaceTime call.


 “Hello, Miss Itano.”

[Paruru-chan! How are you?]

Her smile made me smile as well.

“I’m fine. Thank you for asking. I was just about to send you an email regarding the new products.”

[Ah, yes. How is the production going?]

“I have just contacted the workshop in Ascot. They’ll send the sample of the new products to me next week. If everything goes well, they will be ready for the display by the end of this month. I hope that is all right.”

[Yes, no worries. As long as you can send the display before the end of next month, it will be all right. But...]

“But...?”

[How are you really?]

“What do you mean?”


There was silence for a while. Miss Itano just squinted as she looked at the screen—as if trying to take a better look at my face. Then, she took a deep breath and sighed.


[I am just a bit worried because, not only that you are quite late in sending this season’s display, but also... Well, I have seen the design you sent me. Isn’t it... a bit dark for a summer collection?]

“You think so? Should I change the color? I can also change the design if it’s that bad. I can still call James and delay the sample production for a day or two.”

[No, no, no! I don’t mean to say that it’s bad. To be honest, I quite like the design. The colors are still acceptable for summer. It’s just that... It’s not like your usual style or choice of color. So, I was just wondering if everything is all right over there.]

“Well... Everything is all right, Miss Itano...”

[But...?]

I bit my bottom lip before replying, “No. No ‘but’.”

[Are you sure? Is it about Hikaru’s father? If it’s too much to take, you can always come back here, okay? Or at least, move away from Tokyo. Smaller towns or even rural areas may be better for your health. Not to mention that the view may also give you some new inspiration.]


I took a moment to let her words sink in. I did have some uneasy feelings. But, was it because of that man? Was it because it seemed as if his presence was everywhere?

Yes. It was true. It did seem as if I could see him everywhere—and seeing him tended to give me uncomfortable feelings. I felt miserable. I felt defeated. I envied him because, after all that happened between us, he could still maintain his career while I had to lose mine. Why was it only me that had to suffer?

But, no.

As much as I hated his father, I would never regret having Hikaru. Despite all the difficulties, I struggled and I managed. I learned and I grew a lot over these past ten years—all because of Hikaru. As for his father’s annoying presence, I just needed to ignore it—or at least, kept on trying to do so.

So, what was it that kept nagging me and left me feeling uneasy?


You already know the answer, don’t you?

Argh... Annoying conscience. But, did I really? If I had to think about it... there was only one other person that I could think of.

See?

Could it really be because of her...?

If not, then who else?

But...


[Paruru-chan? Hello? Are you listening?]

“Ah, sorry. What was that again?”

[You really make me worried, you know. I said, my younger sister still lives in Kanagawa Prefecture. If you’d like to relocate, she’ll be happy to help. It’s not in Yokohama, but still not too far away from Tokyo. So, you can still commute if there’s anything you really need to take care of there. But, it may be easier to avoid seeing him in the small town than in Tokyo.]

I smiled.

“Thank you, Miss Itano. I really appreciate that,” I said, taking a deep breath before adding, “But, no. I’ve found a school and an additional language school for Hikaru here. He is still adjusting, but I can see that he really likes his new friends and teachers. It won’t be fair to make him change school again right when he just started to feel comfortable. Besides...”

[Besides...?]

“I can’t run away forever, right? Some things are inevitable. Sooner or later, I need to deal with whatever it is I need to deal with. So, it will be better if I learn to face my fear, one step at a time, just like what Doctor Jay said. It won’t be easy. It will be unpleasant and hard, but I need to keep going until I won’t feel bothered by it anymore.”

[...All right. Then, how is it so far?]

“Hard,” I laughed, “I’m not going to lie. It really is not easy. I prefer to turn the TV off and stay in the apartment as much as possible. But, whenever I need to go out, his face will pop up out of nowhere. But, I can’t just turn off the big screens in Shibuya or Shinjuku or Akihabara or wherever they are, right? I can’t buy all the newspaper and all the magazines in this city and burn them either. But, I’m still alive right now. So, I think it’s good.”

Miss Itano knitted her brows.

[Yeah... that must be hard. I’m very proud of you for being able to stay strong in the middle of that madness. If it’s me, I may not be able to stand even a day there. I’ll definitely book a ticket right back to London.]

I laughed at her response.

“Well, I can still handle it if it’s just about him...”

[If it’s just him?]

I sighed.

“I met someone else from the past and... For a certain reason, I can’t avoid this person either.”

[Eh? I didn’t know you have another ex besides Hikaru’s father. Didn’t you say he was your first and only boyfriend?]

“She’s not an ex.”

[She?]

“Well... It’s complicated. If it’s not you, Miss Itano, I may not even be able to mention this at all. Let’s just say that she was...well, still is, a really nice person. But, I did something wrong to her.”

[Well, I don’t know what your relationship with her was. Whatever it was, I’m not going to judge. But, if you did something wrong, why not just go talk to the person and apologize?]

“That’s what I’m still trying to do...”

“Moooooooom! I’m hoooooooome!”


I looked up from my phone. Having the conversation with Miss Itano, I did not even hear the sound of the front door being opened.


[Is that Hikaru?]

“Yes,” I smiled.

It did not take long until Hikaru popped up at my bedroom door, grinning from ear to ear.

“I’m home,” he repeated.

“Welcome home,” I said, as I gestured him to come closer for a hug.

[Hikaru-chan!]

“Aaaah, it’s Miss Itano! Hisashiburii,” he said while bowing to the phone.

[Huh? What’s with that? You usually just said that you miss me, no bowing. Don’t you miss me?]

 “Uuh... I do miss you. But, the sensei at the language school said that it was what I supposed to say and do if I see someone I haven’t seen for a long time...”

Miss Itano laughed.

[I can see that you’re learning a lot, Lad. I miss you, too. But, I have to go now. Be good to your mom, okay?]

“I will.”


We said our goodbyes and ended the FaceTime video call. I put my glasses and my phone away, then went to prepare some afternoon snack for Hikaru. He followed me to the kitchen and I could not help but noticing that he kept on grinning.


“Well, you look awfully cheerful today. Are you really that happy that you got to talk to Miss Itano?”

“Yes!” he exclaimed, “That and I have something for you, Mom!”


I raised my brows as he ran to his backpack, took a purple envelope out, and ran back to give it to me.


“What is it?” I asked as I took the envelope from his hand.

“Yokoyama-Sensei finally came to school again today!”

His words stopped me from opening the envelope.

“I went to see her after school to say that I was really really sorry. She’s really kind! She said that it’s all right. When I asked if there’s anything I could help her with, because I felt really bad, she just asked me to give the letter to you!”


Hikaru then went to wash his hands. Meanwhile, I was torn. I wondered what Yokoyama-sensei wrote in the letter. But, I was too afraid to open it.


Didn’t you say that you need to face your fear? One step at a time?

Argh... damn conscience!

Well,... You’re the one who said so...

I know, I know.


I gathered all my courage to open the envelope and took a piece of paper out. As I opened the folded paper, I could see that she did not write much. The content of the letter was only:


I’m really sorry for the other day. Perhaps, we started it off on the wrong foot.
If you don’t mind, let’s meet up and start over from the very beginning.

Yokoyama Yui


Under her name, she left her number and a LINE Id.

I knew that she meant well. She was a kind person indeed. I was the one who needed to apologize. I left her confused after my breakdown and Hikaru’s accusation. Then, I came to her house uninvited and unannounced. But, she went out of her way to apologize first. I should have been grateful and accepted her invitation to meet up... Right?


Right.

But...

But, what?

I don’t know if I’m ready. What if it doesn’t go well? What if something happen and I break down again? What if...

So what if they do happen? Would you let those what ifs to control your decision? Your life?

I don’t know... What should I do?

I don’t know. What do you think you should do?










To be continued...



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Offline KyouyaAnis

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #64 on: December 29, 2016, 03:34:10 PM »
Yashhh update!!~~~  :on woohoo:

I wonder who the father is? :mon huh: But all I know is he's a bastard  :angry1:

Well hope you'll update soon! Thanks for the update  :kneelbow:

Offline Erza_Jerusalem

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #65 on: January 04, 2017, 03:02:58 AM »
Need moooore!!!  :inlove: :inlove: :inlove:

Offline DeNight

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #66 on: July 02, 2017, 02:34:03 PM »
Dear Friends,

How are you? It has really been a long while, hasn't it? I hope that you are all well. A big change happened in my life earlier this year. It was a positive change. But, this change was also the reason why it took me about 6 months until I could start writing for fun again. I will try to post some more chapters this month. But, after that, I may need to take another long break to focus on life. Thank you for everyone who had been reading the previous chapters. An extra thanks for those who left a thank you. Another extra thanks for those who left a comment. And my special thanks to anyone who was still patiently waiting for more story in this thread. It really means a lot to me :)


@KyouyaAnis: Well, he is, isn't he? I am still torn whether I should make him appear in the next chapters or not. I don't want him to mess with YuiParu. But, I understand that conflicts may make a story more interesting. Although...it may also make it a lot longer than I intended to write...  :P

@Erza_Jerusalem: Here's more. Sorry that it took such a long time for this update.  XD

@Tupi: No worries, Tupi-san. But, I agree. She should not think too much.  :)


So here's a new chapter. Hope you enjoy reading it, Friends.



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MORNING LIGHT (7)



I pulled over at the school’s parking ground. In a few minutes, the bell would ring and the school would be over for the day. I stayed behind the wheel, hesitating for a moment.

What am I doing here?

I berated myself. I knew Hikaru could just take the bus to the language school. There was no need to pick him up. But, here I was anyway—dreading the possibility of seeing her with picking up Hikaru as my excuse. Not that I actually needed an excuse to be there.

The sound of the school bell startled me back from my self-musing. I stepped out of the car and closed the door—trying to do everything very slowly before I decided to just stand there and braced myself for the inevitable.

Then, I saw her walking out of the class to the corridor. Children had started to flood the school yard—happily chatting with one another as they walked out of the school premise without forgetting to greet their sensei as they went. She smiled as she replied their greetings—reminded them to be careful on their way home and to do their homework later.

Had I ever seen her smiled like that? Yes, I thought I had. It was the same smile she showed me a few times—the smile that always seemed sympathetic and full of understanding yet… at the same time, it also felt kind of… lonely?


“Mom!”


Hikaru squealed happily as he saw me. It startled me and it seemed to startle her as well. As Hikaru came running toward me, her eyes met mine and she immediately bowed politely.


“Are you going to take me to the language school? I can go there by myself you know,” he said that, but he was smiling from ear to ear.

“Well, if you don’t want me to, I can go home now,” I said as I ruffled his hair.

“Noooooooooo,” he protested as he held my hand.


I was still teasing Hikaru further when I sensed her coming closer.


“Good afternoon, Shimazaki-san,” she bowed.

“Good afternoon, Yokoyama-sensei,” I bowed back.


For a moment, both of us seemed at loss for words.


“I believe that you have received my letter?”

“Yes.”

“Once again, I apologize-”

“Yes, about that,” I cut her off mid-sentence, “I actually come to talk to you in person.”

I took a deep breath before continuing with, “I need to take Hikaru to the language school first. Would you mind coming with us?”

I could see that she was hesitating for a second.

But, in the end, she smiled that lonely smile and said, “No, I don’t mind.”


The air in the car was so thick, anyone could have cut it with a knife. But, oblivious to the high tension between us, Hikaru just chatted happily with his sensei along the way. When we finally pulled a stop at the language school, Hikaru stepped out of the car and said his goodbye. I offered Yokoyama-Sensei to move to the front seat and drove away.

She did not say anything. She just kept looking out of the window at her side. When we stopped at a traffic light, I glanced at her. She smiled as she looked down at her hands.


“What is it?” I asked as the light turned green.

She shook her head.

“Nothing. It just feels nostalgic in a reverse kind of way. Being in the same car with you, I mean.”

I did not reply although I understood what she meant.

“Are we going somewhere?”

No. We were not going anywhere. I did not know where to go. I just knew that I had to see her and talked to her.

“If you haven’t decided on a place,” she said, as if reading my mind, “Would you mind going here?”

She showed me a location on her phone.

“But, it will be one hour drive from here,” she smiled, “So, I don’t mind if we go somewhere else.”


I did not mind. There were still three hours until Hikaru came home from the language school. Long drive always made me feel calmer. Driving away from the city might also help in avoiding any annoying image of that man. So, I agreed.

We spent the next hour in silence, except for some random comments here and there about how the view had changed in the last ten years. I could see that she really tried to start some light conversations—perhaps hoping to make the atmosphere feel less awkward for the both of us. I really appreciate that. But, I was never good at keeping a conversation going—even more so when I tried to find my way in an area I was not familiar with.

However, as the coastline had started to be visible from the side of the road, I realized that I actually knew the place.

I pulled over at one parking spot and stepped out of the car. The beach was not long. But, it was really beautiful. Some small shops lined up closer to the road and the parking spots. It was not yet summer, but some people could be seen sitting or lying down on the beach sand while chatting with friends. It looked kind of different. Perhaps, it was because we came in the afternoon when the sun was still shining brightly. But, it had also been ten years after all. Many things had changed.


“This place is--“

“Yes,” Yokoyama-sensei responded, “It has been a long time, hasn’t it?”

I did not answer. I just started to stroll on the shore. Yokoyama-sensei quietly followed.

“That was the place where I used to wait for the sun to rise,” she said after a while.

I looked up to the cliff she was pointing at. I recognized the faded white fence bordering the edge of the cliff. So, it really was the place she took me that one time.

“I did not come there anymore. It’s the first time I visit this place after ten years…”

That caught my attention. I turned around and tilted my head a bit to the side.

“Why?” I asked.


But, she just smiled and continued strolling. No explanation given. Perhaps, it was none of my business anyway. So, I did not ask further. But… ten years?


“Aaah! Yui-chan! It’s Yui-chan, right?”


An old lady walked out of her small seaside shop when she saw us passing by. Yokoyama-sensei smiled and bowed politely.


Hisashiburiiii,” the old lady affectionately held her hands, “Are you here to visit your aunt and uncle?”

Yokoyama-sensei shook her head, “I’m here with a friend.”


Friend? I did not know if the term could correctly describe our relationship. But, there was no need to confuse the lady. So, I just tried to be polite and bowed.


“Aah, come, come! I have some dango at the shop. Why don’t you two come and have some?”


The old lady left no room for argument as she took our hands and pulled us along. I glanced at Yokoyama-sensei. She gave an apologetic smile.


“I’m really sorry, Shimazaki-san,” she finally said as we sat in front of the shop with some dango in our hands, “Yamada-san never takes no for an answer.”

I raised the dango I was holding.

“She just gave me something to brag about. Hikaru will be so jealous. So, there is no need to apologize.”

She chuckled.

“So… Yamada-san is a relative?” I asked, trying to return the favor and started a conversation.

She shook her head.

“A family friend. She’s my aunt’s best friend. We used to live close to each other.”

“Aah… so your aunt and uncle live around here?”

She smiled, “I guess you could said so… They are buried in the temple’s cemetery up the hill.”

“Ah! I’m really sorry--“

“It’s all right. It’s been a few years.”


We fell silent. For a few minutes, there were only the sound of the wind, the waves, and other people talking to each other. I did not know how to resume the conversation after that. Perhaps, it was time to do what I came here for.


“Yokoyama-sensei.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Eh?”

“For being very rude when you came over the other day.”

I looked at the sand beneath my feet as I said, “No, Sensei. It’s me who should have said sorry. First, I suddenly cried uncontrollably and got you in a complicated misunderstanding with Hikaru. Then, I came to your house without even asking if it’s all right. I could only hope that I didn’t get you into an argument with your girlfriend when I left so abruptly.”

“My girlfriend?”

“Yes… Kitahara-san, right?”

She burst out laughing. I could only look at her, confused.

“I think you don’t need to apologize, Shimazaki-san. You just need to stop making assumptions.”

“Excuse me?”

“She’s a really good friend. But, not a girlfriend,” she laughed some more, “Her partner will immediately come all the way from Hakata to strangle me if I dare to be anything but a really good friend of hers.”

“Aah… I’m really sorry!”


Yokoyama-sensei waved her hand in front of her face, signaling that it was all right—although she was still laughing. I felt so embarrassed. Perhaps, I should just stop talking before I embarrassed myself even further.


“About what happened during the home visit, you really don’t have to apologize,” she said when she finally stopped laughing.

“Emotion is a tricky thing. It may come and wash us over whenever it likes and we may not always be ready for it.”

“But…,” I tried to reason, “I did not even try to explain anything to Hikaru and he ended up accusing and blaming you for everything, Sensei.”

She smiled and moved her gazed from the sea to the sand beneath her feet.

“Shimazaki-san… If we can turn back the time and repeat the day all over again, do you think you will really be able to explain it to Hikaru?”


I opened my mouth to reply. But, nothing came out. Yokoyama-sensei turned her smiling face towards me. I turned away to avoid her gaze.


“I have a confession to make.”


Her words turned my face back to hers.


“I have PTSD.”









To be continued...



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Offline Miniju

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #67 on: July 03, 2017, 05:33:55 PM »
Thanks a lot for this new update ! :D

It's amazing, as always ! *0*

I'm waiting impatiently the next chapter ! ^_^"


Offline Haruko

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #68 on: July 03, 2017, 10:05:43 PM »
OMG! that was so intense. I really want that both remember about that crazy night together~
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Offline DeNight

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #69 on: July 07, 2017, 07:12:11 PM »
Dear Friends,

I hope you enjoyed the previous chapter. As promised, I come back with another one :) I am feeling quite productive this week. Let's hope that it will persist until at least another week  :lol:


@Miniju: Thank you. Hope I didn't make you wait for too long for this chapter :)

@Haruko: Was it really? I wonder what you think about this one then. I tried to fulfill your wish... Well, kind of. I'll see what I can do in the coming chapters :P



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MORNING LIGHT ( 8 )



“Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. You had probably heard the name before.”

I still stayed silent. She turned her gaze back to the sea.

“Something bad happened a long time ago. But, it still comes and haunts me through recurring flashbacks. Sometimes they come when I am asleep, sometimes when I am wide awake. They tend to get worse at a specific time of the year, around the anniversary of the incident. When that happened, I can barely function. I lost control of some things. Emotion is just one of them.”

I tried to process what she was telling me.

“After knowing this, won’t you be worried to leave your son in my care, Shimazaki-san?”

“Should I be?”

“Well, it is not the kind of state which will make me hurt anyone. But, it may still create some confusion or scare some people. So, although I seem to get better over the years, when it happens, I prefer to take a leave from the school until it passes.”

“Then, I do not need to worry.”

“No. But, some parents may still be. That is why I don’t usually talk about this with others, especially parents.”

“But, you are telling me this.”

“Yes, Ma’am. I was kind of gambling on what your reaction might be,” she chuckled. “I am sharing this because I want to assure you that there’s nothing to apologize for when you lost control of your own emotion. I don’t know what happened in your life, but I kind of understand. It must be something big if it could bother you that much.”

I did not admit or deny her words.

“I am also sharing this to explain why I was being rude to you before. I am not proud of what I did. But, it was that time of the year and I really wasn’t in the condition to be a proper host. I deeply apologize for that.”

I let a second passed before responding with, “I’m sorry. But, I cannot accept your apology, Sensei.”

“…I see.”

“Because there is no need to apologize,” I tried to give her a smile. “If my losing control over my emotion was not something to apologize for, then your inability to entertain an uninvited guest was not a mistake which need apologizing either.”


She looked stunned for a moment. But, then, she responded with a smile of her own. Right at that moment, I felt like we had both come to an agreement. We had revisited and accepted everything that had happened in the recent past. We had let them go, and we had moved on.


“Thank you for your understanding,” she said.


We let some time passed in silence while we finished our dango. It was not an awkward or uncomfortable silence at all. It almost felt like we were just two old friends sitting in front of a seaside shop in an unplanned reunion. Surprising. But, not unpleasant. It was interesting how an exchange of a few words could turn a situation around.


“Shimazaki-san…,” she said at last. “May I ask you a question?”

“Yes?”

“It may make you feel uncomfortable. So, it’s all right if you don’t feel like answering.”

I turned my gaze from the sea to her face.

“When I came for the home visit, did I… Was it because of something that I did? Did my presence trigger a bad memory?”


I knew that this kind of question would come up. When I strengthened my resolve to see her, I had also prepared myself to explain what happened at that time. But, I never imagined that she would ask with such an expression. It was as if she was embarrassed… or ashamed. It was as if she felt guilty of a mistake she never made.


“No,” was my answered.

But, she did not seem convinced.

“Well,” I said as I tried to form better words in my mind. “It was not because of you, Sensei. It was not what you did. It was what you brought back.”

She looked confused for a moment, but then her expression changed.

“The money.”

I tried to smile. But, even to me, it felt bitter. Very bitter.

“It was not my money. I didn’t want it back.”


I could feel my chest started to tighten. I did not like this feeling. I felt like throwing up. But, I understood that I needed to explain this. I did not know what the future held. But, there was always a chance that I would need to explain this to someone else. To some other people. So, I needed to be stronger.


“It was given to me by someone.”


My eyes felt hot. They were brimming with tears. I tried to hold them back.


“Ten years ago, … It was given to me so I could… So I would…”


Why was it so hard to say the word? That stupid word.


“It was given to me so I could go to a clinic to…”


I tried again and failed miserably. Hikaru’s face flashed in my mind. I could not hold back my tears any longer.

A handkerchief was handed to me. Again. I took it in silence and buried my face in it.


“Hikaru’s father?”


I could only give her a nod. I tried to hold back a sob. But, again, I failed miserably.

I hated this. I hated when I felt like this. It had been ten years for God’s sake. Why did it still hurt so much? Why did it still feel so hard to talk about it? Shouldn’t I feel angry? Wouldn’t it be better if I could just spit it out? Wouldn’t it be all right to talk about this and curse him? Talk badly about him and his stupid decision? About the decision he forced me to make? He had ruined my life after all.

Then, why? Why was it that after ten whole years, the only thing that I could feel was pain? Why couldn’t I let go? After all, he didn’t love me. Although he said that he loved me. I thought he loved me…

I felt my body shook as I continued sobbing. Then, almost immediately, I felt an arm went around my back. I was pulled into a warm embrace where I stayed until the very last of my silent sobs.

Yes. She was a friend. I never needed to lay myself bare. She already understood. She did not judge. I felt accepted. I felt safe.


“I’m sorry about that,” I finally said. “It seems like, each time we meet, I always end up ruining your handkerchief.”

She laughed.

“Don’t worry about that. I still have some spares at home.”

It made me laugh a little as well.

“How many handkerchiefs do you actually have?”

“Hmm…,” she acted like she was silently counting. “Enough?”


We laughed again. This time, my tears were no longer of misery. I dried them with her handkerchief.


“Thank you…,” I whispered.

“No, Shimazaki-san,” she shook her head. “Thank you for sharing. It’s never easy to share something like this with others. Pain, however small, will always come along when we try to recall an unpleasant memory.”


Yes. She did. She understood completely.


“To be honest, the money made me feel very uncomfortable as well. There was time when I was disappointed and furious because I thought that you left it for…,” she seemed like she was trying to choose her words carefully. “For what happened between us that one morning…”

“No! it’s not like that at all!” I tried to explain as I felt my face flushed. “I just didn’t want to hold onto that money and I thought… I thought…”

“You thought that I might need it more than you did?” she smiled.

“Yes…,” I quietly admitted. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t make such judgment either.”

She shook her head.

“No, you shouldn’t. Now that I know where that money came from, I kind of understand. But, at that time, I didn’t know anything and I felt humiliated. The fact that you were already gone before I woke up didn’t help either. Some explanation might have spared us some misunderstanding and discomforts. But, although I tried to look for you after that, I couldn’t find you. I couldn’t get that explanation.”

“I’m sorry…”

She shook her head again.

“I am not telling you this to make you feel bad or to get your sorry, Shimazaki-san. I am just trying to explain the situation from my point of view, to let you know why I kept the money all this long despite my resentment toward it. There were times when I thought that I would never see you again so I should probably just give the money to charity or something. But, each time I tried to do just that, I couldn’t. Perhaps…”

She stopped.

“Perhaps?”

She took a deep breath and sighed.

“Perhaps, somewhere in the back of my mind, I still believed that I would see you again someday.”
She did not look at me as she said that. Her gaze was fixed to the sand beneath her feet.

“And, suddenly, here I am.”

She chuckled bitterly.

“Yes. It was really a sudden. Right when I was about to lose all hopes, too.”


I studied the side of her face as she said that. How deep had I actually hurt this woman? How big was the pain that I left without knowing? Did that morning mean that much to her?


“I’m sorry. I know that we barely knew each other. I didn’t even know your name,” she tried to laugh. “And it was just one morning…”


But, I felt like I’ve known you forever.


Somehow, I kind of expecting her to finish it off with that sentence. But, she just sat there, biting her bottom lips with her eyebrows drawn, forming a squint. Her eyes never left the sand beneath her feet.


“When I saw you again at the school, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was really you,” she smiled. “But, it had been ten years. You must have met many different people in life. So many different faces to remember. What were the chances that you would recognize a taxi driver who appeared in your life for just a blink?”

“But, I did recognize you.”

“Yes,” she smiled again, “Yes, you did. That was when I thought that I might have the chance to return what was yours and get my closure.”

“Then, I dragged you into my mess.”

She laughed.

“It’s not a bad thing, though,” she looked at me. “Otherwise, we might not have the chance to explain and hear each other out. Thank you, Shimazaki-san.”

I shook my head and replied with, “Thank you.”


She smiled. Then, she got up to say thank you to Yamada-san before asking whether I was ready to walk back to the car. I looked at the time and realized that we should really get going or I would be late to pick up Hikaru from the language school.


“Sensei,” I said when we were already on our way back. “Since you asked me a question, may I also ask you one?”

“Eh? Sure.”

“The reason you haven’t been coming to the cliff to watch the sunrise… Was it because of the bad thing which left you traumatized?”

“No,” she replied while looking straight ahead. “It was actually one of the reason I started waiting for the sun to rise.”


I raised my eyebrows. But, I did not say anything. I just made the turn to exit the highway.


“The flashbacks used to happen a lot more frequently,” she continued. “During the first couple years, they happened almost every day. They also tended to come at night. So, I had trouble sleeping and feeling very exhausted almost all the time that I couldn’t even attend school. My aunt was a psychologist and my uncle was a teacher in a local school. They saved me…”


Her voice quivered. From the edge of my vision, I could see her turning her head to look outside the passenger window.  Yes. It was not easy to share one’s past to someone else.


“My aunt and my uncle adopted me. I was home-schooled. My uncle always tried to get home early from school so he could have the whole afternoon tutoring me. Meanwhile, although I was treated by a psychiatrist, my aunt also had an important role in my healing and recovery. She walked with me through every step of the long process. When I couldn’t sleep, she stayed up with me and we would talk about any random things. One morning, after staying up all night, she took me to see the sunrise. She showed me that, no matter how dark the night might be, the light would eventually shine through. I started developing the habit of watching the sunrise after that.”


She looked at her hands now. There was a smile on her face. It still seemed a bit lonely. But, it did not seem forced.


“Wonderful people,” I commented.

“Yes. They really were,” she responded.

“So, you stopped watching the sunrise after your aunt and uncle passed away?”

She shook her head.

“They passed away a few years ago. I stopped even before that.”

I raised my eyebrows again and made another turn before continuing with, “May I ask why?”

“You may,” she smiled. “But, we’re here.”


I pulled a stop in front of the school. She mentioned earlier that she still had some things to take care of before going home. So, I agreed to drop her at the school on my way to pick up Hikaru.


“So, I guess it’s a story for another time,” she said as she unbuckled her seat-belt.

“I guess so,” I gave her a smile.


She said her thanks before going out of the car. I replied with a similar thank you and waved her good bye. I caught her reflection in the rear-view mirror as she walked away. I started to drive away soon after.

I did not pursue further for an answer. I could not pursue further. Part of it because I knew that it was not easy to share personal details of one’s life to others. The other part is because, somehow, I felt like I already knew the answer for my own questions.









To be continued...



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« Last Edit: July 07, 2017, 07:37:02 PM by DeNight »

Offline Miniju

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #70 on: July 07, 2017, 09:51:56 PM »
It was fast ! :D

We finally know a bit about what happened with Yui \o/

Thanks for your update ! :D

Offline Haruko

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #71 on: July 07, 2017, 10:22:09 PM »
I really love how this story is going. Now a lot of questions have been answer it. I wanna know that happen next.. Friend? or just Teacher-mother relationship..?
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Offline DeNight

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #72 on: July 14, 2017, 12:18:30 PM »
Dear Friends,

Thank you for reading the last chapter. Another thanks for those who clicked the thank you button and/or leave comments. I tried to keep on writing. I knew where I wanted to take this stories. I'm just still having troubles picturing how I wll take it there. So, any suggestion is more than welcome :)


@Miniju: No worries. I did try to update as fast as I can :)

@Haruko: Thank you. I am also wondering about that... :)


Anyway, here's the continuation. It's kind of short. I was conflicted between writing this or writing a new story for Yonjujo. Well... perhaps we'll see some updates on that thread as well? Perhaps...



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



MORNING LIGHT (9)



What kind of food do you like, Sensei?

Eh? I like many kinds of food…

What’s your favorite?

Perhaps…
Niku-don. Why?

Let’s go somewhere that has
niku-don next time. I just happen to know the best donburi shop around this area.

Eh? Why? What about you, Shimazaki-san? Don’t you have anything you would like to eat, too?

Don’t worry. That place also happens to serve the best
shio ramen.

Aah, so
shio ramen is your favorite food?

Eh? Not really. I like many kinds of food.



Yokoyama Yui smiled at the memory. Life sure was full of surprises. Who would have thought that she would be able to befriend the woman who had left her so broken-hearted and ashamed years ago? Until last year, even meeting the person again seemed like nothing but impossibility. But, now, they met up for lunch and some occasional hang outs almost regularly.

Granted. It was not the kind of relationship Yokoyama Yui ever hoped for. But, she had decided to stop hoping anyway. She just tried to live and enjoy the here and now. After all, being able to spend that much time with the woman, without any awkwardness filling the atmosphere between them, had been a miracle in itself.


“Ooh, Yui-chan’s smiling! What a rare sight! I wonder if it will rain tomorrow!”


Oshima-sensei’s voice brought Yui back from her self-musing. She was in the teacher’s office that afternoon, looking over the grades of her homeroom students. Oshima Yuko just came into the room and walked straight toward her.


“And you look like your usual cheerfully loud self, Oshima-sensei,” she replied.

“Well, I really am loud all the time, aren’t I?” Oshima-sensei laughed. “Wait! What’s with the ‘Oshima-sensei’? It’s Yuko-chan, you know! Yuko-chan! Why do you act so distant? We’ve known each other since way back!”

“Well, the distance had grown since you deliberately gave out my address to people without my consent.”

“Ooh… so you’re still sulking about that? Come on, Yui-chan! it’s been over a month! And it’s not like I gave it out to just anyone! Besides… didn’t it work out well in the end?”

“What make you so sure about that?”

“Well, that smile of yours, of course.”

Yui gave her a sideway glance with an irritated expression.

“Is it really that rare for me to smile?”

“Well… not really.” Oshima Yuko tried to think before continuing with, “It’s not really the frequency. It’s more about… the intensity? The impression? Let’s just say that your smile seems more genuine and happy lately.”


Yui did not respond. She did not want to admit that Oshima-sensei was right. But, she knew that it was true. The more time she spent with Shimazaki Haruka, the more at ease she felt. It seemed like she could take her mind off of anything. She could just focus on the light conversation they were having. Even though the conversation was not about anything in particular. Even though the conversation might not mean anything at all--at least, not for Shimazaki Haruka.

All this time, she had gone through her life feeling numb most of the time. The only times she felt something were when she was terrorized by the reminiscent of her horrible past. Sure, she had some friends with whom she interacted with. Sure, she had smiled, laughed, and even get mad at them from time to time. But, it never lasted long. It was always just fleeting reactions she tried to give at the appropriate times to stay functioning and fitting in the society. Even when she experienced some sort of emotions, she could tell that the numb feeling was still there, inside her, nagging. So, she never felt truly excited or furious. Well, almost never. Because, apparently, Shimazaki Haruka was like that much-needed extra tug, which tipped her off balance. In a good way. Or so she hoped.

There she went hoping again. Even after she had told herself over and over again to stop. She sighed.


“Ooh… Now Yui-chan is sighing.”

Yokoyama Yui felt more irritated.

“Why are you here anyway?” she asked the gym teacher.


It was late in the afternoon. All the other teachers had gone home or wherever else they needed to be. Yokoyama Yui decided to stay a bit longer to review her students’ grades to see if any of them would need to take some make-up classes and exams before the report cards were handed out.


“Ooh, that’s right!” Oshima Yuko put her hands together as she exclaimed. “I just finished my rounds to make sure that all students have left the building and locked the rooms up. I was about to go home, too. But, then I saw Shimazaki-san at the parking ground. I thought she might be waiting for you so I decided to come and let you know.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”


Yokoyama Yui took her phone out of her bag. She always put it in silent mode while she was at school. She had not checked it because she was busy working on some papers before. That was why she missed some LINE messages from Shimazaki Haruka, asking whether she was still at the school and wanted to have dinner together. She decided to call.


[Hai. Moshi moshi.]

“Ah, Shimazaki-san! I’m really really sorry! I was working and I didn’t see your messages.”

[No, it’s all right. We didn’t have a plan to meet today and I should have called instead of texting you.]

“Are you still at school?”

[Yes…]

“I’m really sorry to make you wait for such a long time! I’ll be there in a minute!”


Yokoyama Yui ended the phone call and scrambled to tidy up the papers on her desk. Oshima Yuko watched in amusement. Her lips formed a smirk.


“Are you really sure that nothing good happened lately?” she teased.

“No,” Yui answered.

“Hmm...it looks like something for me~,” she continued in a sing song voice.

“Yuko-san,” Yui finished her tidying up and grabbed her bag. “I really have no time for this.”

“All right, all right! Go! Don’t be late for your date!”

“It’s not a date!” Yui shouted back as she hurried out of the teacher’s office.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll just make sure that you’ll tell me all about it later,” Oshima Yuko grinned.






To be continued...






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Offline Miniju

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #73 on: July 14, 2017, 12:38:21 PM »
YuiParu date ! Yeay~ :D

Thanks for your update ! :D


Offline Haruko

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #74 on: July 14, 2017, 08:12:29 PM »
HAhaha Oshima sensei knows! Another date?! What is thinking Haruka?! Also I want to know about the lesbian thing... Haruka consider herself like a bi or something like that
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