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Author Topic: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)  (Read 15477 times)

Offline Yuuyami

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #40 on: July 27, 2008, 04:16:37 AM »
ICHIGO-CHI~YAAAAAAAAAN~! (Strawb3rryKream that is o-o... )

We did some of your fluff xD Since my Loser-chan doesn't read pervy stuff.

Oh and Amber-san? Can you send that story over the PM to me? It's only going to be me reviewing since my Loser-chan doesn't read the super pervy stuff either xDDDD.






Anywho~ Onto le review~!

I was totally bored so I color coded this one xDDD




Yuuchan is lovely purple
And her Loser-chan is badass green


[21:34] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Review SUTAATO o-o

[21:34] MoMo: better days, it's good

[21:35] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: xD The only thing that bothers me is while she's following the correct story format, it's not exactly ideal for a forum xD

[21:35] MoMo: I don't have much of a thing against it, ichigo-chan did pretty good, describing things, feelings, painting a picture

[21:35] MoMo: its just...


[21:35] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: xD?

[21:35] MoMo: extremely short

[21:35] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Yeah

[21:35] MoMo: like a sudden thought in your head that passes by and disappears

[21:36] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: She's potentially a great writer, she just needs to write more, haha xDD

[21:36] MoMo: that's all really

[21:36] MoMo: I bet if anything, if she really wanted to, she could make one great epic story


[21:36] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Mmhmm, she's got the capabilities for it

[21:37] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: You should read that other link I sent you xD

[21:37] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: It's more in tuned to what she writes most of the time

[21:37] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Reassurance


[21:40] MoMo: reassurance?

[21:40] MoMo: I skimmed it

[21:40] MoMo: it was really cute


[21:40] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: xDDD

[21:40] MoMo: kamei/tanaka lurve~

[21:40] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: It is

[21:40] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: <3333

[21:41] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Now in regards to structure... xDDD...


[21:41] MoMo: I rarely see some eri/reina loving now a days =T

[21:41] MoMo: so props to her


[21:41] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Yosh xD

[21:41] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: You know what's also rare?


[21:41] MoMo: goto/reina?

[21:42] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Nope

[21:42] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: You as a seme ;x


[21:42] MoMo: ......................................

[21:42] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: xD Anywho~

[21:42] MoMo: -punches your face- D<

[21:42] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: @-@

[21:42] MoMo: asshat

[21:42] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Ah lav yew ~ <3333

[21:43] MoMo: -bricks yooo- >_>

[21:43] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: -bloodspurt- But yes, what bothered me was that she had some basic sentences like "She was sweating" xDDD

[21:43] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: It got better as the story went through though.


[21:43] MoMo: yeah, they're really short sentences

[21:43] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: xDD And she's telling, not showing

[21:44] MoMo: a little more use on these babies --> ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[21:44] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: If she shows instead of tell, then I feel like the story could be longer too xD

[21:44] MoMo: yea

[21:44] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: or mix both, I dunno xD

[21:44] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: It's good to see something short and simple, just not all the time :3


[21:44] MoMo: but other than that her stories are just pretty gosh darn cute

[21:44] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: xD You haven't read her more perverted ones

[21:45] MoMo: and i won't lol

[21:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Roffle xD

[21:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: I have read them so I'll just state my verdict here and now xDDD

[21:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Ichigo-chaaaan?

[21:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: your

[21:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: stories

[21:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: are

[21:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: too

[21:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: damn

[21:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: short

[21:45] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: xDDDDDD


[21:45] MoMo: LMAO

[21:46] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Make them more ongoing~

[21:46] MoMo: lol

[21:46] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Do whatever it takes to make it longer~ details, more sentences, more character thoughts, anything~

[21:46] MoMo: xD

[21:46] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: It makes me D: when I see that an entire one-shot can fit within my monitor xDDDD

[21:47] MoMo: XDXDXD LMAO

[21:47] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: So yes, you've got a LOT of potential, you just need to use it moar, that's all :3

[21:48] Lovely Yuuchan desu yo~ (  ¯ロ¯    );;: Anything from you, my Loser-chan? <33

[21:48] MoMo: lol, props to ya'

[21:48] MoMo: you post yuu-chan >_>


Offline strawb3rrykream

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #41 on: July 27, 2008, 04:51:34 AM »
Thanks, you guys! So I need to work on length and showing, not telling. I think I can manage that! Oi, I feel like I'm in 9th grade English class again. :lol:

Offline Yuuyami

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #42 on: July 27, 2008, 05:11:50 AM »
....

...

...

...

>_>






Boredom







xDDDD See what we become when there's nothing to do?

Offline poets

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #43 on: July 27, 2008, 05:25:15 AM »
Handcuffs  :on lol: :on lol: :on lol: :on lol: :on lol: :on lol:

*gives motorcycle helmet to Yuu* Here... wear this... i'm worried you'll get permanent brain damage from all the bricking <O_O>
Rika <3 So funneh

Offline strawb3rrykream

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #44 on: July 27, 2008, 05:28:26 AM »
Question: If I'm doing the prompts, do I post them here or PM them?

Offline Yuuyami

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #45 on: July 27, 2008, 05:33:33 AM »
xDDD It's your choice, dear.

Post them here or PM or in your one-shot thread, we'll read'em whereever xDDD

Offline moo

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #46 on: July 27, 2008, 05:42:09 AM »
 :lol: I was wondering when was this thread gonna be updated XD

Lol Yuuyami's 4komas are always the best  :w00t:


Offline strawb3rrykream

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #47 on: July 27, 2008, 07:50:31 AM »
Hopefully, this is good. I've been working on it for a few hours! :lol:
And btw, Yuuyami-san, I love your Ai-chan ava! :inlove:

Part 1:
    I’m interested in writing about Fujimoto Miki. She is currently a soloist in Hello Project. She was born on February 26, 1985 in Takikawa, Hokkaido, Japan. She auditioned for the 4th generation of Morning Musume in 2000 but didn’t make it. In addition to H!P, she also auditioned for Avex. In 2001, she was contacted to become a solo artist for H!P. She worked as a receptionist and debuted in 2002. Her first single, Aenai Nagai Nichiyoubi, sold fairly well but not as well as her third, Romantic Ukare Mode. Miki performed as a soloist on Kouhaku Uta Gassen 2002, proving that she had definitely made it in the industry.
    But Tsunku, producer of H!P, surprised everyone by announcing that she would be joining Morning Musume, along with the winners of the 6th generation audition. In 2003, she and Konno Asami, a 5th generation member, were placed temporarily in Country Musume. They released three singles.
    Miki joined the H!P futsal team, Gatas Brilhantes HP in 2004. She became subleader of Morning Musume in April 2005, with Yoshizawa Hitomi as leader. She and best friend, Matsuura Aya formed GAM in 2006. They were quite popular and released three singles, one album and had a concert tour.
     After Yoshizawa Hitomi’s graduation, Miki became leader and Takahashi Ai became subleader. This arrangement, however, lasted just 25 days. On May 25, 2007, FRIDAY magazine revealed that Miki had been dating Shouji Tomoharu, a comedian. The photos depicted the pair going to a sauna, at a convenience store and entering his apartment. It also appeared that Miki had spent 3 consecutive days at his home. To make things worse, she admitted that all of it was true on a radio show soon after, destroying UP FRONT’s cover. She resigned from the group on June 1, 2007.
     After the scandal, she went on a sort of “hiatus”, not appearing at the H!P 2007 Summer or 2008 Winter concerts. Miki came back into activity in February 2008, with announcements of a new solo single. She released Okitegami, a more traditional-style song on April 23, 2008.
     Beside becoming active in the music industry again, Miki started her career in theater. Her first stage play, entitled HAKANA, told the story of a courtesan’s life. She played the starring role of Hakana. She will play Rizzo in Grease in October 2008.
     I want to write about Miki because she seems like a person with many layers. She seems like someone who uses a façade to cover up parts of her personality. I think she is a tough girl who won’t let anyone get close or see her cry. Yet another part of her is lonely and longs for someone. She doesn’t want people to think of her as a girlie girl but inside, she can be.
     Fujimoto Miki has a lot of little quirks. For one, she’s extremely blunt. She doesn’t hesitate to tell people the truth, nice or not so nice. She has a quick wit and tends to tease friends and co-workers. She is the youngest child in her family, so she’s not too good at dealing with younger people. But Miki has said that she wishes to get married and have 3 kids someday, while continuing her career.
.................................

Part 2: Romance at it’s Best

     “I can’t believe it’s been a year already”, Fujimoto Miki commented, speaking to the girl in the kitchen. She had never stayed in a relationship this long before, so she really couldn’t believe it. “I know, huh?”, Takahashi Ai replied, the adorable grin evident in her tone. She was preparing dinner for them, because Miki wasn’t allowed to cook. Just thinking of the last incident sent shivers down the leader’s spine. “Ok, it’s done!”, she cheered, carrying the platter of meat into the dining area. “Damn, that looks good!”, Miki shouted, springing up from her seat. The large plate was piled with beef, cooked to perfection. Ai went back into the kitchen and returned with rice and vegetables.
     She had just set down the dishes when something heavy attacked her from the back. “AHH!”, her manly scream echoed. “Do you have to do that?”, Miki groaned, “It’s such a mood-killer” But the older girl continued to hug Ai from behind. “Thank you”, she whispered, planting a soft kiss on the younger’s neck before sitting down to eat. Ai blushed lightly, even though a year passed.
     “Oishi~”, the soloist squealed, as she took a bite of the tasty-looking meat. The 21-year old simply smiled, eating her own portion. But nearly choked because something was touching her feet. At first, a light brush but then it increased to rubbing over her slipper. She looked over at Miki but the woman was looking down at her food, seemingly engrossed. Ai scooted her chair back a bit and peered under the wooden tabletop. There, her feet sat with Miki’s slipper absentmindedly moving over them. “Miki…”, she said, “What are you doing?” “Hmm?”, Miki asked, slowly looking up before grinning deviously.
     The former leader decided to do the dishes, carefully easing them out of her protesting girlfriend’s tiny hands. “I’ll take care of it”, she reassured, relishing the feeling of soft skin as she ran her hand up and down Ai’s forearm. The younger, being the “wife” in this relationship tried to stop her but Miki was already in the kitchen. She sighed and made her way to the couch, plopping down dejectedly. She loved it when Miki helped out but couldn’t help but feel like her role was sort of….disappearing. Her little arms stretched over her head, a yawn escaping her ruby lips. She really really hoped a certain someone wasn’t feeling too…..frisky tonight.
     “Happy anniversary to us!”, Miki’s sing-songy voice cut the silence. She walked into the room, holding a pink cupcake with a candle sticking out of it on a little plate. Ai just looked at her, mouth open in shock. “Happy anniversary to the hottest couple in the world~”, the elder added, setting the little cake on the coffee table and pulling the dumbfounded girl into a gentle embrace. Ai could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Miki could be so romantic when she felt like it. “You’re crying, aren’t you?”, the aforementioned girl stated, pushing Ai up and looking at her sweet face, “But you haven’t blown out the candle yet.”
     The younger sat up and leaned forward. In her mind, she wished that she and Miki could have more anniversaries, just like this. Pursing her lips, she blew the candle out. Miki clapped enthusiastically and grabbed the trim waist. Ai pressed into her body with a soft thump, leaned back and craned her neck to face the other.

“Thank you, sweetie”, she murmured, placing a smooch on the corner of Miki’s lips.

“Anything and everything for you, my Ai”, the soloist replied, stroking the silky cheek facing her.
.............................

Jeez, everything seems longer on Word. :sweatdrop: XD

Offline Yuuyami

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #48 on: July 27, 2008, 02:49:05 PM »
Ohhh... xD....

The first prompt, you kinda strayed far from what we wanted.... xD...

We don't really want her history persay, we wanted her personality and how her mind works. That's what we meant when we asked "list everything you know about the person" xD...

'Cause the purpose of the first prompt was so you can have a better understanding about that character and how to write her in the second prompt, we were hoping you'd utilized some things you said about her in the first prompt in the second xD, haha.

I'd review your story, but I think my Loser-chan would punish me for doing it alone (Though the idea of her punishing me is kinda... <3333 ) so I'll just wait til she gets online before your story gets commentary'd by us xDDDD

Offline strawb3rrykream

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #49 on: July 27, 2008, 05:02:59 PM »
Shit. XD Sorry, I think I take some things fairly literally. Ugh. Ok, well, perhaps you should ignore it then? :D But then the story..... :doh:
*moans and bangs head on wall*

edit: This has totally been bothering me the whole day! :lol: I shouldn't have done this..... :depressed: :err:
« Last Edit: July 28, 2008, 03:11:27 AM by strawb3rrykream »

Offline Yuuyami

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #50 on: August 07, 2008, 05:47:25 AM »
o-o

>_>

<_<

The pictures used were ones already lying dormant in our computers xD -too lazy to take new pictures-


Even more boredom, but look! We're beautiful! O_o





xDD Aren't we adorable?

Offline strawb3rrykream

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #51 on: August 07, 2008, 06:11:01 AM »
Wow, Yuuyami-san, you're really pretty!!!
And Loser-san is so cute!!!
I want 4koma!!!! :lol:

Offline tru_harmony

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #52 on: August 07, 2008, 06:15:16 AM »
Yuuyami-san Loser-san, are you both single? J/K!

There's typhoon in my head...

I might be needy of your assistance... hmm...

Offline sweeety

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #53 on: September 04, 2008, 01:47:56 PM »
"ok"
Sweeety and lolipopgirl (who knows nothing about this so do not punish her) have a break from their plotting. In their little break, sweeety, who has been way in the back of the room since the beginning (but has simply forgotten all about this thread for like a few months now) slowly stretches her arms and yawns lightly.

 Sweeety gets up and starts heading towards the door.
 Yuuyami sensei: Where are you going? -_-
 Sweeety: Lil girls room ;)
 Yuuyami sensei: Wait.... *scribbles something on paper* here's the toilet pass *hands paper to sweeety*

 Looking down at the note as she made her way to the bathroom, instead of finding a signature on some printed paper, Sweeety was met with a note saying "Call me...anytime." accompanied by a phone number and a few lovehearts.

 Sweeety scrunches up the note and throws it in her pocket. It was just another day. She walked up to the toilet door and after looking around took a quick left and half ran out the school doors.

 Smiling she let the sun caress her face as she smellt the cool summer breeze that carried the scent of the native flowers. She skipped around the side of the school untill she reached a room emitting the familiar sound of her teachers' yelling "LOLI SPIT THAT GUM OUT!" Snickering she crouched low and grabbed the stuff in her pocket... all she had to do now was wait for the signal.....

 "Cuckoo, cuckooo!~" She called and after about a minute, her cry was answered with the phrase "Boy those birds are flying low today!"

 Upon hearing the codewords Sweeety pounced, throwing the product in. The bomb landed silently right under the teachers' desk, unnoticed by most including the teacher. She now had about 185 seconds to get back before the explosion so her name would stay intact.

 Performing an epert roll she passed under the window and continued her way to the back of the school. She ran around the back all the way to the door but when she got there it was locked! Panicking now, she pulled her sunglasses off and looked around. Seeing her chance she went for it, diving headfirst through the open window.

 Landing with a roll, she quickly picked herself up and ran as fast as she could, making her way home. But she wasn't in the clear yet! As she turned a corner she clearly saw the outline of the school janitor pikapikapika who was backing out of the closet and entering the corridor! jumping up as high as she could, Sweeety reached the beams supporting the vents. Grabbing them tight she flatened her body against it.

 Pikapikapika rolled his trolley past her, limping ever so slightly from the knee injury that kept him from becoming a proffesional badminton player and destroying his life. He walked over to the canteen where that fresh pile of puke was waiting for him as the sweat that had started forming on Sweeety's brow fell to the floor, making a deafening splash in her ears. Lucky for Sweeety though he was busy listening to "Taco flavoured kisses" on his mp3 player and heard nothing.

 After having passed her and turning a corridor Sweeety looked at her clock. She had about 30 seconds left before the bomb exploded. Running as fast as she could she walked into another dillema.....Pull the most epic prank of all time or go home with what she's already got? Well.... let's just say that Sweeety is never happy...never satisfied..... that might help you understand what happens next.....

 Knocking softly on the door, she walked in when the teacher permitted her entrance. She slowly made her way back to her seat, feeling the teachers eyes burning a hole in her back. She sat down and opened her book, ignoring the inquisitive gaze directed her way from one lolipopgirl as she started working on the exercises in her textbook. Out of the corner of her eye she looked at her wristwatch and found out that the bomb should've gone off about three seconds prior to that moment.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Chaos ensued at the school as staff and students ran around in a frenzy. People who fell didn't get back up as the flurry of maddened footsteps dominated their skin. Sweeety took lolipopgirl by the hand and dragged her to their hangout on the roof. Smirking they watched as their plan came into action.

 The teacher evacuated the room as soon as the smell of the fartbomb reached her nostrils. She took care to avoid a rush or any injuries and they all managed to come out of there allright. That's all and good and lolipop's plan was done but that's when Sweeety's new idea comes into play.

 You see, in the hurry to get out, the teachers forgot their coffee mugs in class. Teachers cannot function without coffee; that's a well known fact. So after calling all students to the hall for a brief assembly they snuck off and made themselves coffee. Little did they know Sweeety had infused something 'extra' to their cofees.

 Two minutes later the teachers were racing to the toilets, pushing over anything and everything that got in their way. The plan worked well but here's when stage three came into place.

 The first few kids to make it to the hall are the ones that actually saw it. After that the rest of the students followed suite. If they weren't running to get out they were running to see what had happened and if they weren't running to the hall to see what was the deal they were running to get out. Before long the whole school was in a violent frenzy as students franticly tried to escape and teachers raced from one toilet to the other, seeking relief.

 After putting the fake snakes in the hall, Sweeety had just enough time to sneak the laxatives into the cofee. She then ran all the way to the room, stopping only for a few seconds to compose herself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Sweeety - after getting lolipopgirl out safely - walked back into the school. She hummed a tune from a movie as she walked to the hall. She picked up the fake snakes -which looked oh so real- and put them in her pockets. She then skipped back outside, while humming the same old tune.....

 Inside her pocket was the number of the beast...
 she might call someday.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2008, 01:52:48 PM by sweeety »
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Offline maverickpanda

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #54 on: September 04, 2008, 03:41:06 PM »
Is it to late to enlist in the bootcamp?

I want to improve my writing for the greater good of the forum.

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Offline lollipopgirl

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #55 on: September 04, 2008, 06:49:01 PM »
*backs away a little from sweeety's rant*
Seriously guys, I had nothing to do with that and I'm just as scared and freaked out as the rest of you :lol: *nervous laugh*
Wait a minute sweeety, did you just call Yuuyami a beast? HELL NO! :mon wtf:

Offline Yuuyami

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #56 on: September 04, 2008, 09:29:59 PM »
-looks at Sweeety- o_____O'

I'm a beast huh? xD

As long as I'm sexy, I don't mind being called that xDDDDD -blatant narcissist-

Anywho.... o-o;

Anyone could join the bootcamp at any time! <333333

Just send us a piece of work whether it be a chapter (or for those who want a beta for the next chappie of their story which has yet to be released to the public, feel free to send it in PM or something xDDDD) or a one-shot of sorts, even your original stories, we'll do it!

I'm not sure about Loser-chan since she's got college now, but I'm still in High School (though a Senior, so I'll have hectic times when it calls for it) AND I don't even work (yet) so I have A LOT of time on my hands. Therefore, any work you send is most likely going to be returned to you (edited and commented on) within the next ten minutes unless you also want my Loser-chan to make a comment, which will mean that the edit will be sent later xDDDD.

But yes, everyone is free to join in and send in their stories for a lovely edit xDDDD.

Dear Estrea also volunteered to help out from time to time, so if you really want a hardcore critique, I might ask her to help as well xDDDDD.

Send them in~! <3333
« Last Edit: September 04, 2008, 09:33:41 PM by Yuuyami »

Offline maverickpanda

  • Yaguchi&Yossi: awesome begets awesome
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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #57 on: September 04, 2008, 10:10:40 PM »
okay I sent you my first fic, I hope that through bootcamp my writing can be refined to better serve the will of Ishiyoshi

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Loser87

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #58 on: September 05, 2008, 01:32:16 AM »
wow, the boot camp is sorta' back haha, i thought it died XD

I'm still around yuu-chan just....not around haha;;


Offline DJ Maimai

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Re: Writers Bootcamp! (YEA!)
« Reply #59 on: September 05, 2008, 03:02:42 AM »
I feel late for some reason.
 :sweatdrop:

Ah well, would you mind critiquing mine for me?

The rundown is; It's a Buono! cross Harry Potter fanfic -I'm such a dork- and Miya, Momo and Airi have witnessed a death eater attack and are just waking up after having their memories modified by Mad Eye, Tonks and Hagrid.
XDDD
The fic's called Love's Spell (just for now though, until I come up with something better to call it)

3:30 pm, Grand Pacific Le Daiba Hotel, Tokyo, Japan.


Miyabi stretched and yawned. Rolling over in bed… wait, bed? She sat up quickly. She didn’t remember going to bed… or coming back to the hotel for that matter. Weird. The last thing she remembered was leaving the hotel with Airi and Momoko to get some food at the cities newest restaurant. She looked over and at Airi and Momoko asleep in their own beds. The three had opted to share a deluxe triple room on the 6th floor of the swanky Grand Pacific Le Daiba Hotel in Tokyo.
   
Miyabi got up slowly, she was even in her pajamas. She was sure she would have remembered putting those on, even weirder was that her hair had been put into the French braid she usually slept in to keep it from tangling. She decided to shrug this off and wake up the other two girls. Miyabi walked over to Momo and then prodded her. ‘Wake up Momo-Chan; we have to get ready for supper.” She said. Momo rolled over, so that her back was to Miyabi, muttering something. Miyabi sighed and grabbed Momo’s pillow, pulling it out from under the girls head. “Get up.” She said, hitting her lightly with the pillow before throwing it onto the nearest chair.

The commotion had woken Airi, who was now sitting up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “What time is it?” She groaned.

“Around 3:30”  Miyabi replied, looking at the alarm clock on her bedside table. “We’re going to have to have an early supper if we want to eat before the concert.”

“God I must have been sleeping really deeply, I don’t even remember going to bed.” Airi commented. Miyabi decided to keep it to herself that she had experienced the same thing. There was no point in worrying the other girls. They were all just tired from touring and doing concerts every night, it wasn’t surprising that they would have been so exhausted after they got back from whatever they had been doing that they had just went to bed and not remembered it… right? While Miyabi was trying to explain away the afternoon’s events Momo had finally woken up, or rather, fallen off the bed. In any case, she was now awake. The trio quickly got dressed and ran down to one of the hotels restaurants, Oshima for supper.



3:30pm, Grand Pacific Le Daiba Hotel, Tokyo Japan.


A group of dark figures congregated around the television in a superior single room of the Grand Pacific Le Daiba Hotel, their eyes glued to the live news broadcast that was now airing. “20 people were killed today in an event police can only call ‘baffling’. All twenty have been found dead in the newly opened restaurant Sun Sushi here on Aoyama Street, Police have not disclosed the details but an insider informs us that all twenty seem to have died of natural causes, however unlikley the insider states that there is no evidence of fowl play.”

The narration was accompanied by a view of the scene, free of bodies of course, but frightening none the less.

“Hey Lucious,” Goyle turned to the blond haired man sitting next to him. ‘Weren’t there three people sitting at that table when we came in?”  Goyle said, pointing to a table in the right hand corner of the restaurant on t.v.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure there were three pretty girls sitting there. Actually, I know there were, I remember one had red-ish hair and I thought it looked nice.” Crabbe chimed in, obviously not realizing how odd the statement must have sounded.

“Get to the point quickly you two.” Lucious replied, usually he wouldn’t have listened to their chatter but today he was in a good mood, a good killing always did that for him.

“The point is that I didn’t see their bodies.” Crabbe said, the fact was quickly confirmed by the rest of the group; no one under the age of 19 had been killed.

This absolutely spoiled Lucious’s mood. Those girls, if they were still alive, might now be privy to a number of valuable secrets. Secrets the Dark Lord would not be pleased to have disclosed to the public.

“Find them.” Came a female voice. She had been sitting in the shadows, not bothering with silly muggle newscasts. “And when you do, I expect you to bring them to me. We must find out exactly how much they have repeated before we kill them.”

“Yes Bellatrix.” Murmured the death eaters, all except for Lucious. He was too busy rolling his eyes at her silly notions of superiority to answer. There was an obvious reason the two had been given joint responsibility for this mission. Bellatrix was too impulsive to make wise decisions. But, he could not argue with her logic and so did not object to her plan. They would get the girls, find out what they knew, and then –his favorite part- kill them.

- - - - - -

I posted the second chapter because it's the shortest and the best (except maybe for the one I'm writing now.)
:3

Thanks in advance if you read it!
:usagiii:

"Remember, the enemy's gate is down."

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