JPHiP Radio (17/200 @ 128 kbs)     Now playing: Shiina Ringo - Identity

Author Topic: Head Lines  (Read 11082 times)

Offline Mikan

  • The Corruptor Extrodinaire
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 947
Head Lines
« on: November 27, 2006, 01:57:32 AM »
I thought this would be fun to do and I would love for everyone to take part

Its pretty simple. Write a news article (style of newspaper or TV report..watever..) about H!P (feel free to put pictures with your article)..I see some humourous protential...

And now to the headlines....

______________________________________________________________


In a press conference in Tokyo today, Hello! Project producer, Tsunku, has announced his purchase of the rights to Koji Suzuki's ultimately popular story - The Ring. A remake of this classical is planned to be released some time next June with all the current and ex-members of Morning Musume to feature. "The lead role of Sadako is currently under discussion" Says Tsunku "We think Iida Kaori will do well in the part with her freakishly long hair but really...it's mostly undecided".

Fans and critics eagerly await this controversial piece wondering whether it will gross as much as Sukeban Deka or follow the same path as the H!P sequel to Dawn of the Dead - Morning of the Musume.

________________________________________________________________

Over one hundred fans were treated with shock this afternoon after Matsuura Aya was removed by medical professionals during her make-up concert in Osaka. Witnesses say that partway through Zutto Sukide Ii desu ka the well-known soloist's jaw fell completely off. Paramedics that accompany Aya specifically for her treatment of her condition acted efficiently, hurrying her off stage and to hospital.

From inside Sawada Medical Clinic, Aya was put in for emergency surgery to reconstruct her face. As her real jawbone was not recovered, best-friend and rumoured lover Fujimoto Miki voluntarily put herself under the knife for a jaw transplant. Surgeons who operated on the two girls say the operation was a complete success. Miki's jawbone was an ideal match and Aya should be able to return to her singing career within a month. Fujimoto on the other hand will be taking the next year off, as her prosthetic jaw will need constant re-adjustments.

The whereabouts of Matsuura's real jaw is currently unknown. Video evidence shows us the bone flew into the crowd and was picked up by an anonymous fan as some sort of sick souvenir. Police expect in to appear on ebay shortly.

Aramaki Mikan reporting..

_____________________________________________________________

Yeah, I really do get a kick out of writing this stuff. *sigh* I pathetic so I hope some people can sympathise with me.

COMMENTS PLEASE!!! (;_; )
« Last Edit: January 26, 2007, 01:52:46 PM by Mikan »

Read the complete Doki Doki!!

Offline JFC

  • Miki's Birthday Twin
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 25860
Head Lines
« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2006, 04:34:20 AM »
Quote from: Mikan;244247
In a press conference in Tokyo today, Hello! Project producer, Tsunku, has announced his purchase of the rights to Koji Suzuki's ultimately popular story - The Ring. A remake of this classical is planned to be released some time next June with all the current and ex-members of Morning Musume to feature. "The lead role of Sadako is currently under discussion" Says Tsunku "We think Iida Kaori will do well in the part with her freakishly long hair but really...it's mostly undecided".
I can see that working pretty well, especially with Kaori as Sadako.


Quote from: Mikan;244247
Over one hundred fans were treated with shock this afternoon after Matsuura Aya was removed by medical professionals during her make-up concert in Osaka. Witnesses say that partway through Zutto Sukide Ii desu ka the well-known soloist's jaw fell completely off. Paramedics that accompany Aya specifically for her treatment of her condition acted efficiently, hurrying her off stage and to hospital.

From inside Sawada Medical Clinic, Aya was put in for emergency surgery to reconstruct her face. As her real jawbone was not recovered, best-friend and rumoured lover Fujimoto Miki voluntarily put herself under the knife for a jaw transplant. Surgeons who operated on the two girls say the operation was a complete success. Miki's jawbone was an ideal match and Aya should be able to return to her singing career within a month. Fujimoto on the other hand will be taking the next year off, as her prosthetic jaw will need constant re-adjustments.

The whereabouts of Matsuura's real jaw is currently unknown. Video evidence shows us the bone flew into the crowd and was picked up by an anonymous fan as some sort of sick souvenir. Police expect in to appear on ebay shortly.

I think Miki says it best...

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline Mikan

  • The Corruptor Extrodinaire
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 947
Head Lines
« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2006, 04:52:06 AM »
Thank you!! finally a comment!! JFC, your always the one who seems to be my saviour. For a moment there I thought I was unoffically excluded from the fiction area for writing something so bizzare and well, ...moronic...

Read the complete Doki Doki!!

Offline JFC

  • Miki's Birthday Twin
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 25860
Head Lines
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2006, 04:54:57 AM »
Quote from: Mikan;244356
Thank you!! finally a comment!! JFC, your always the one who seems to be my saviour. For a moment there I thought I was unoffically excluded from the fiction area for writing something so bizzare and well, ...moronic...
:lol: Awwww...

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline Slack

  • Professor of Konkonology
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 3726
    • Slackius
Head Lines
« Reply #4 on: November 27, 2006, 05:32:01 AM »
In the world of H!P, bizzare and moronic = :heart:.
If you don't believe me, look at Gomaki Penguin :heart: or Gomaki Suzume :heart: or any number of bizzare and moronic turns the H!M skits took.
( ・e・) :heart: marimari  ● 川o・-・) :heart: Jabronisaur :heart: (・o_・`川 ● ノノl∂_∂'ル :heart: ChrNo ● Never Forget.

Offline elgie

  • Yossi's worth a good jerk
  • Member+
  • Posts: 1251
  • Miss you, Jab
Head Lines
« Reply #5 on: November 27, 2006, 04:55:37 PM »
An unexpected vengeance?
The net has recently been flooded with lots of compromising material concerning most of the H!P staff. Voice recordings, pictures and personal messages posted in the most popular message boards, depicting the most intimate moments of the girls. The posts are signed by the mysterious nickname "Vengeance of the Underdogs"(...)


(...)officials suspect this could be a plan plotted by recently graduated ex-musume Ogawa Makoto. Reporters of this journal couldn't find the aforementioned in order to seek her version.

R.I.P. Jabronisaur

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4844
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Head Lines
« Reply #6 on: November 27, 2006, 07:37:54 PM »
Lol, this is great!


Tsuji Nozomi, 19, was arrested late last night for the murder of an unknown actor. The man was seen on Tsuji's show Curious Nono, but no where else. Police found ID on the man, but when questioned about who he was, they simply stated, "No one of importance."

When questioned about her motive, Tsuji had this to say, "Look at what I've been reduced to! Hosting a show where my guests are cardboard boxes and I'm stuck taking ques from that no name loser! Anybody in my position would snap after a while of that." It's not known whether her lawyers will plead temporary insanity or not, though that seems likely.

Bringing you more updates on this developing story in the future, I'm Rndmn Wierd. Back to you Mikan.


---My obsession spills over...

Loser87

  • Guest
Head Lines
« Reply #7 on: November 28, 2006, 02:47:15 AM »
Hello! Loser87 at the scene of the crime!!
Recently there have been many reports of cake robberies in many parts of tokyo, eye witnesses say they recognized her to be a former idol.
The cake robbery is costing alot of money here and business owners are not happy!

"It is crazy I tell you! People are going crazy now a days with stealing!"

"This isn't good for my business! I just ordered 20 dozen cakes and when I left to sign the shipping orders they were gone!"

"All I was left with are strawberries!"

Many believe it is Asami Konno, former musume member.
Who has a fondness for delicious sweets such as cakes and I'm sure we all remember she doesn't really like strawberries!
We have no real evidence except that many strawberries were left uneaten!
Police are tracking for the former Musume member until then, back to you Mikan!

~This was just random >_>

Offline glcorps2002

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 360
  • Rina Akiyama: Booty Beauty
Head Lines
« Reply #8 on: November 28, 2006, 06:56:07 AM »
This is GLCorps2002 reporting live from the HiP's Eye In The Sky. Right now we are witnessing a highspeed chase down I-19. Apparently the police are after Ayaka Kimura, or "Coconuts Ayaka" as some of her fans call her nowadays as she is suspected of vandalizing a juice bar for, and I quote: "not having a proper hawaiin fruit smoothie".
 
According to police and witnesses she took a sledgehammer from a nearby construction site and started to smash the tables and counter screaming "A smothee Does Not Have WASABII!!! EVERYPLACE I GO THAT STUFF IS IN EVERY F**KING SMOOTHIE!! STOP IT!!!". Also according to witnesses the wasabi was put in there by the driver of the getaway car, Mari Yaguchi, as part of some prank. Mind you it seems that she was assisting in the damage as well.
 
The police say that when they stop the car, they are going to tell Miss Kimura how the wasabi got into the smoothie and watch the fireworks fly.

Offline Mikan

  • The Corruptor Extrodinaire
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 947
Head Lines
« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2006, 06:20:22 AM »
Haha, Oh god, this is becoming something cool. Love the reports ^^.
Lol Wasabi :D

I think this might be Erink, WaffleT and Comrade's cup of tea. Someone give a shout to them. And now to the news....



Ex-Morning Musume member Yasuda Kei has been reporting missing today. She was last seen Sunday 26th of November at 8:23am when a local 7-11 convinience store captured her purhasing her daily Onigiri and C.C Lemon. Police urge anyone with information to come forward.

_________________________________________________

Viyuuden centre girl, Ishikawa Rika or Charmy as she is known by fans, was called into custordy today by the Kanagawa-ken police as reports by concerned Green peace were verified.

Over the last month, local police have been watching the young Ishikawa closely as she has been making several suspicious trips to her apartment in Kanagawa. The reports filed by Green Peace state that this disturbed idol has taken her torture from TV shows and turned it into a sick sadistic rage towards animals of the feathered kind.

When the bust was made early this morning, Ishikawa was caught literally red handed cutting up the chickens into tiny portions ready to be made into Karaage. Police suspect the Karaage was then sold off to the convinience stores in the surrounding area as a way to dispose of evidence.

Health authorities and Green peace ask for all members of the public not to purchase the popular snack until all contaminated pieces have been reclaimed and filed as evidence in the up-coming trial.

Aramaki Mikan reporting...



Ahh!!! Sorry I just need to have a morbid report. And that one about Yasuda Kei is a running report that I tend to finish later :D

Read the complete Doki Doki!!

Offline ferrar1

  • エロリン ~ 大っスキ ~
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 1833
Head Lines
« Reply #10 on: November 29, 2006, 07:49:24 AM »
ferrar1 reporting on news 123 29/11/2006

Recently there has been numerous cases of molestation being reported on the Tokyu Den-en-toshi line. This has forced authorities to step up the vigilance and security by even including non-uniformed female policeman on the affected trains and lines. But somehow time and time again the offender has managed to escape the police ambushes. In fact the acts have been increasing and have gotten worse. Recent reports have included women' panties and bra being stripped of instantly. The chief police has been under barrage by the women independent party for not doing its job.

Chief police: We are really trying our best to catch this "guy" but i'm afraid this person is a repeat offender and very highly skilled as well as having a good understanding of a woman's body. He has mysteriously terrorised the Tokyo women since then and we have given a code name of 'devil groper' on "him".

---------------------------------------------------------------------

We move on to entertainment news for today. Fujimoto Miki of MM has been reportedly being seen around Yokohama-shi Aobadai ku. It is one of the main residential area along the stops on the Tokyu Den-en-toshi line. Sources within UFA has confirmed that she has relocated her house a month ago and is now living in that area.

:bounce::bounce::roll::roll: I hope someone understand the links between the 2 articles XD
« Last Edit: December 01, 2006, 05:41:18 AM by ferrar1 »

4th Pic of Eri courtesy of t-motion's gallery ~ Sangokushi Taisen anyone ? http://sangokutaisen.blogspot.com/ ~ Lame attempt at a personal blog ~

Offline cheesesticks

  • Member+
  • Posts: 98
Head Lines
« Reply #11 on: November 29, 2006, 08:38:00 AM »
__________________

Recently there have been random sightings of UFOs in the small town of Jericho. Accompanying these UFOs are various crop circles in the shape of giant "E"s all over the state. One man reports to have seen a glimpse of a bright flashing green dot streak across the sky followed by a "piko piko piko piko". Origins of these anomalies are being investigated further by UFO ethusiasts but the results remain inconclusive at this moment.
____________________

Hello, I am cheesesticks live reporting at the entrance to the Tokyo District Courts where former soloist turned musume Miki Fujimoto is currently being charged with mass molestation of fellow colleagues and random pedestrians alike. An UPDATE! Miki has just exited the building with 10 of her lawyers and are heading towards -wait, WHAT?! She's heading my way? What the hell do you mean she's heading my way? Didn't you say she was going to her limo? Wait she's coming closer - she's right behind me? AND SHE'S ABOUT T-- AHHHHHGHHH!??!! --

- And that was city news for the day, I'm Ken Takahashi, thank you for tuning in for tonight.
J'aime le fromage.

Offline Masabi

  • ミ★
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 2080
  • metallica orz
Head Lines
« Reply #12 on: November 29, 2006, 08:51:57 AM »
I'm not creative but these were all really really interesting to read.  *laugh*
The artist formerly known as Gray.

Offline Sukoshi

  • Member+
  • Posts: 1266
  • Forever in love with the turtle and the hare
Head Lines
« Reply #13 on: November 29, 2006, 11:06:21 AM »
hehe great job everyone, these are pretty amusing to read =D
_______________________________________________________


Good evening folks, this is Sukoshi reporting

As you can see behind me, traffic in front of Tokyo TV has finally begun to move as the remainder of 20 emergency vehicles are clearing the scene.  Traffic came to a standstill as of 3 pm this afternoon as dozens of fire and rescue personnel were called to the scene to rescue an idol stuck in an air vent.  Recent updates have informed us that the idol in question is none other than 6th generation Morning Musume member Kamei Eri.  She was seen entering the vent during a break in filming but was unable to exit the vent an hour later.  After 3 hrs of delicate rescue procedures Kamei Eri has been successfully freed from the vent.  Upon rescue she apologized to rescue officials and vowed to stick to hiding in broom closets and lockers.

Offline ferrar1

  • エロリン ~ 大っスキ ~
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 1833
Head Lines
« Reply #14 on: November 29, 2006, 12:02:33 PM »
^ I thought it was because her thunderthighs got stuck somewhere :D

4th Pic of Eri courtesy of t-motion's gallery ~ Sangokushi Taisen anyone ? http://sangokutaisen.blogspot.com/ ~ Lame attempt at a personal blog ~

Offline Comrade

  • Master of the FujiGoto Yogurt Technique
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 1622
Head Lines
« Reply #15 on: November 30, 2006, 05:14:46 PM »
Got the memo.  This is funny. :lol:

It has been rumoured that Yasuda Kei, the former Nobody of Hello! Project, has become involved in a home decoration business collaboration with several big name brands in the United States of America.  Ms. Yasuda was seen in an undisclosed location in Nagoya while meeting with American representatives of the companies she is working with.  Her new product is said to be a new type of corduroy pillow. The purported slogan of her new product is "Cord pillows: we make headlines."



(Just think about it for a minute.)
Sweet dreams, Jab.  Love you forever.

Offline JFC

  • Miki's Birthday Twin
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 25860
Head Lines
« Reply #16 on: November 30, 2006, 07:57:38 PM »
Quote from: Comrade;247041
The purported slogan of her new product is "Cord pillows: we make headlines."

(Just think about it for a minute.)

Such a bad pun, yet still I laugh. Man, where's a "rimshot" smiley when you need one?
:lol:

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline Mikan

  • The Corruptor Extrodinaire
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 947
Head Lines
« Reply #17 on: December 02, 2006, 08:44:33 AM »
Quote from: Comrade;247041
Got the memo.  This is funny. :lol:

It has been rumoured that Yasuda Kei, the former Nobody of Hello! Project, has become involved in a home decoration business collaboration with several big name brands in the United States of America.  Ms. Yasuda was seen in an undisclosed location in Nagoya while meeting with American representatives of the companies she is working with.  Her new product is said to be a new type of corduroy pillow. The purported slogan of her new product is "Cord pillows: we make headlines."



(Just think about it for a minute.)


I've become a Hage now because of all the jokes you make that have been skimming over the top of my head. :(

Wait....NOW I GET IT!!!! HAHAHAH!! Yea....yeah thats cute ^^

AND NOW FOR THE HEADLINES!! (I apologise for the last report.Im just angry and have to be straight forward)
___________________________________________________________

It has been a week now with no leads for the police in regards to their search for under dog idol, Yasuda Kei. Ms Yasuda was last seen on Sunday 26th of November at the local down town 7-11. On that day she was wearing large dark sunglasses, jeans and a white fur lined coat. Her parents had this to say -

"Who?"

The posiblilty of a kidnapping hasnt been ruled out. Police are still urging anyone with any information to come forward.
__________________________________________________________

The Hello! Project in conjunction with the the Up Front Agency have issued a health warning with all of its products after the disasterous incident that happened at the release of GAM's full version promotional video clip of Melodies.

728 hospitals not only in Japan but world wide reported seeing to patients who had choked on their own drool after seeing the controversial video clip.

The warning states on the front of every product - "Merchandise may cause suffocation or abnormal heart pulpitation. Not suitable for children under 3, pregnant women, epileptics, people with a history of a heart problems or Wotas"

_________________________________________________________

Patrons claim to have heard the drunken confessions of none other than Hello!Projects very own Fujimoto Miki at a bar in Kabukichou last night. Fujimoto entered the bar alone, already intoxicated but still continued to drink. At 3am, she was removed from the bar after getting rowdy during a conversation with other customers. Whilst being removed from the premisses the idol continued ranting such things as quote: "Boo yeah, my Aya is one hot babe" and "I get into her pants everynight, Shizzam!"

Manager Tsunku has been pressed for answers to Fujimoto's actions to which he replied in a conference this morning - "Oh come on, as if you guys didnt already know?!"

Read the complete Doki Doki!!

Offline JFC

  • Miki's Birthday Twin
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 25860
Head Lines
« Reply #18 on: December 02, 2006, 10:07:37 PM »
Quote from: Mikan;248528
It has been a week now with no leads for the police in regards to their search for under dog idol, Yasuda Kei. Ms Yasuda was last seen on Sunday 26th of November at the local down town 7-11. On that day she was wearing large dark sunglasses, jeans and a white fur lined coat. Her parents had this to say -

"Who?"

The posiblilty of a kidnapping hasnt been ruled out. Police are still urging anyone with any information to come forward.
:ROTFLMAO: @ the reaction of Kei's parents!


Quote from: Mikan;248528
The Hello! Project in conjunction with the the Up Front Agency have issued a health warning with all of its products after the disasterous incident that happened at the release of GAM's full version promotional video clip of Melodies.

728 hospitals not only in Japan but world wide reported seeing to patients who had choked on their own drool after seeing the controversial video clip.

The warning states on the front of every product - "Merchandise may cause suffocation or abnormal heart pulpitation. Not suitable for children under 3, pregnant women, epileptics, people with a history of a heart problems or Wotas"
That one is SO true. :D :drool:


Quote from: Mikan;248528
Patrons claim to have heard the drunken confessions of none other than Hello!Projects very own Fujimoto Miki at a bar in Kabukichou last night. Fujimoto entered the bar alone, already intoxicated but still continued to drink. At 3am, she was removed from the bar after getting rowdy during a conversation with other customers. Whilst being removed from the premisses the idol continued ranting such things as quote: "Boo yeah, my Aya is one hot babe" and "I get into her pants everynight, Shizzam!"
XD "Shizzam!" XD


Quote from: Mikan;248528
Manager Tsunku has been pressed for answers to Fujimoto's actions to which he replied in a conference this morning - "Oh come on, as if you guys didnt already know?!"
He does have a point there. :ONwahaha:

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline Tanachan

  • The Cheat~~~~
  • Member+
  • Posts: 365
  • Currently Attending Reina's "Erebeta Pati"
Head Lines
« Reply #19 on: December 03, 2006, 02:41:46 AM »
And now for a breaking newsbreak with...umm...someone!
 
Thank you, Mikan. This weekend, the beloved girl-beater drunkard, Nakazawa Yuko (34) has been put under arrest for selling alcohol to everyone in H!P including the following:
Arihara Kanna
Sugaya Risako
Natsuyaki Miyabi
Tsugunaga Momoko
Kumai Yurina
 
All was interrupted when "the groper" whose Identity has still not been confirmed, came in to grope Yuko when all of a sudde, a bang, a crashing of glass bottles, and....
 
WHAT THE *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*??????
 
All was confirmed except the identity of the groper of Yasuda Kei, who bought the original alcohol, and was tricked into it by Yuko because it was "for a party" they were to supposedly to have with the elder members of H!P
If Helen Keller falls in the woods and no one is around, does she make a sound?

Official [WHOA] member, master and commander of the Tokunaga Chinami branch.

JPHiP Radio (17/200 @ 128 kbs)     Now playing: Shiina Ringo - Identity