JPHiP Forum
The Hello! Project Fanfics => H!P Fanfics => Topic started by: OTN1 on May 24, 2007, 11:10:35 AM
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I've created far too many threads in the past 24 hours. I'm sorry.
But even sorrier for having written this. On the eve of a possibly no-good scandal, I present a "what if??" story in the key of Love x 2 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=11131.0). Two parts, both very different formats. If you're looking for my "typical" style of writing, skip to part 2.
Because you can't have 10 chapters of fluff without one or two chapters of pure angst:
Why? (Friday's Children are Certainly Full of Woe)
Part One
In a high-rise building overlooking Shibuya, a rare interview is taking place. The interviewer, a young upstart named Miyauchi who has just graduated from a prestigious journalism school, has been assigned the task of interviewing a selection of celebrities who are involved in a company that is yet again the target of gossip and scandalous writings. To be more precise, Miyauchi has been charged with the task of finding out what fellow Hello!Project members have to say about the scandal that Morning Musume leader Fujimoto Miki is currently embroiled in. One interviewee has piqued Miyauchi's interest, however, and he secretly (not to mention immorally) records the interview.
Miyauchi: What did you think when you heard about Fujimoto Miki-san's scandal?
Matsuura: [Freezes in the middle of fixing her hair] Well, of course I was surprised at first. I mean, I found out through a co-worker who called to ask if I knew anything since Miki-chan and I are known to be close. It was the first I'd heard of the scandal. It was Saturday afternoon. No, not afternoon. Just before noon, I think. Maybe around 11:30am.
Miyauchi: Were you aware of the relationship between Fujimoto-san and Shouji-san?
Matsuura: [Glowers] I knew they had met, but I wasn't aware of this non-stop three day love getaway, or whatever they're calling it.
Miyauchi: [Coughs nervously] Oh, I see. So you mean to tell me that you did not know that Shouji-san was Fujimoto-san's boyfriend?
Matsuura: [Nods] That's right.
Miyauchi: [Crosses legs and leans back into chair] Does this mean that the publicised friendship between you and Fujimoto-san isn't an accurate depiction of your real relationship with each other? If you two are close friends, shouldn't you be aware of such a large detail of Fujimoto-san's personal life?
Matsuura: [Darkly] One would think I'd be. Wouldn't you agree?
Miyauchi: [Shifts in seat nervously]
Matsuura: To answer your question in a little more detail, no, we really are close friends, so I'd say that our publicised friendship is more or less an accurate depiction of our relationship.
Miyauchi: [Interrupts] More or less?
Matsuura: [Glares and repeats resolutely] More or less.
Miyauchi: [Nods weakly]
Matsuura: And so now you can imagine why I was so surprised to find out that Miki-chan indeed had a boyfriend.
Miyauchi: Err... So... What does this mean between the two of you? Is this the end of not just Fujimoto-san's career, but also her friendship with you?
Matsuura: [Holds head up high] I don't think that's something the public needs to know. We're dealing with it privately. I'm sorry, but are we done here? I have an appointment.
Miyauchi: [Sweats] Um... yes. We're through. Thank you for your time, Matsuura-san.
Matsuura: [Politely but brusquely] Don't mention it.
[Tape ends here]
An hour later, Miyauchi makes a call and checks in with his employer.
"I couldn't glean much about the Fujimoto-Shouji scandal case from Matsuura-san, although Fujimoto-san's attention to complete secrecy is quite evident. Not even her supposed best friend knew of her relationship with Shouji-san. I have an appointment with Takahashi Ai-san later this evening, but I have a feeling we won't find out much from her either."
He is silent as he listens to his boss' opinion.
"Yes, that's true, sir, and I'll get on it. However, if you wish for me to also pursue this secondary scandal story - the dissolution of GAM's friendship - I have enough to get started on it..."
Miyauchi is silent for another few seconds.
"I'm sorry, from whom, sir?"
More boss talking.
"Occhi? It doesn't ring a bell."
More boss talking.
"She requested?"
Boss.
"Ah, I see. A connection. Got it."
Boss.
"Ah, right. I understand, sir. Higher ups are higher ups, after all."
Disgruntled boss.
"Um, yes, sir, I'd like to keep my job. I'm very sorry. I didn't mean anything like that at all. As far as I know it, you're at the top with them."
Placated boss.
"I understand, sir. No GAM stories because of that, um, what'shername-san. Got it."
Boss.
"Yes, sir! I'll check in after Takahashi-san."
Boss.
"Goodbye."
And now it's time for this part of the story to end and another more important one to begin.
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Part 2
Later that evening, I sit in a café. It's storming outside, a sign of the rainy season that's just around the corner.
The owner and manager, Ochiai, comes out to welcome me after one of the regular servers goes to the back to inform her I've arrived, but she must see the look on my face because she settles for simply nodding her head at me and slipping back into the kitchen.
My face is darker than the storm cloud-covered sky that has hovered over Tokyo the whole day.
Almost two years and then this.
Hell, more than two years. How long have we known each other? Add on a few years.
It's going to be my birthday in a month.
My birthday....
In Kobe two years ago...
I remain still as the anger in me builds up. I want to put on a perfect front of calmness because I have yet to find out any real information.
I lied in the interview this morning. I said Miki and I were dealing with this blow to our friendship, but the truth is that we haven't spoken about it. I sent her an e-mail yesterday asking her what Friday was all about, and she sent me back an e-mail saying she needed to talk to me. She suggested our usual haunt - Terrace Café.
So here I am.
Miki has some sort of boyfriend? It can't be. Last I checked, she was swooning over me. And I over her. We were happy and making it work. For two years.
For two freaking years.
Therefore, the magazine has to be wrong. The article has to be all wrong. It wasn't Miki they saw. Or it's all been made up. Or... or else it's completely true, and my best and closest friend in the world is not the person I thought she was. I thought she was honest with me.
I sit and fume silently.
I'm going to have to watch her carefully from the moment she walks in. She's so good at hiding her thoughts and feelings, and while I thought I was so good at figuring them all out, now I've worried myself into thinking that I'm not as skilled as she is. She may have been hiding all sorts of things without my noticing for the past... who knows how long. How long has she been seeing him? If it's true that there's something going on between them, that is. How come I never noticed before? If. If it ends up being true.
The door opens and a familiar figure walks in. She has her head bowed down as she looks at the door and closes it behind her. She turns around and raises her eyes to take in the café, searching for someone. Me, of course.
She spots me immediately. She averts her eyes quickly and puts her umbrella in the umbrella holder at the front entrance. She then walks over to my table, making a show of wiping off any stray raindrops that have fallen past her umbrella and onto her clothes. I can tell it's an act so that she doesn't have to look at me.
I fix her with a solid look, and when she finally meets my eyes, I can see apprehension in hers as clear as the sunny day that preceded this stormy one. To her credit, though, she doesn't break our eye contact until she sits down and looks up at the server who has appeared by her side and is handing her a menu.
"Thank you," she says politely, and the server walks off looking concerned, no doubt feeling the tension that has suddenly increased in the room upon Miki's arrival.
Miki gives the menu a cursory glance and then puts it down. She looks at the table and sees that I'm drinking iced tea. She doesn't make any motion to order a drink. I guess I'll be footing my own bill. No problem.
I stare at her, but she just looks down at her hands, which are neatly folded on the surface of the table immediately in front of her. Her nails are neatly done. I take a look at the rest of her. Her clothes are sharp, although a little wrinkled. She must have been busy with work-related things. Filming or interviews or press conferences or whatever. I have no clue.
"So, you and Shouji-san, huh?" I open up.
My voice comes out sounding far too bitter. Far too sarcastic. It's laced with poison that I didn't even know I was capable of producing in my own body.
She looks up at me sharply.
"Tomo-kun is..."
Tomo-kun, I think. So that's what she calls him. Pretty stupid if you ask me. Sounds girly. Not that I should talk.
I cough to clear my throat of that bitter taste that has been there for two days.
"Miki," I start, testing my voice and glad to hear that it's expressionless. "I've seen the news and all the other crap that they've been saying the past two days. I've even done an interview about it, which was an unbelievably embarrassing blow to both you and me and our public friendship. So I'm just going to ask you once. What's going on?"
I count the seconds that pass. She looks down at a spot on the table, focusing on it intently, not letting up her determination for anything. I can't even tell if she's breathing.
I count one hundred and twenty-four seconds go by.
"I do know him, and we did spend those three days together," she utters, the volume of her voice so low that I can barely hear her.
I wait for her to continue, but she doesn't.
"And?" I ask, pressing her to speak some more.
I'm not going to jump to conclusions. I've watched too many movies where at this point in the story, the victimised person bounces to her feet, slaps her companion, and screams accusations of infidelity, while her companion sits there, astonished, assaulted, and left without a chance to give his perfectly reasonable and truthful excuse that would make everything better.
Another thirty seconds pass, and when I think she's not going to say anything, she looks up at me, fear in her eyes. Is it fear because she thinks she's done something wrong? Or fear for her safety? Does she think I'm going to get mad at her and do something outrageous?
"The things that they're saying are, uh, kind of true."
Oh.
I feel like I'm floating on a cloud. Birds are singing in my head, chirping sweet songs to their cousins and neighbours. Down below, I see elementary school children playing in a park, and I spin around idly and think about cotton candy and ice cream.
Ain't life grand?
"So you and Shouji-san, huh?" I ask, my voice distant and calm as I unwittingly repeat what I first said to her.
She looks up at me, and the fear in her eyes has grown. She stays silent. She knows that I've interpreted correctly what she's telling me.
"Well, good luck with him," I smile.
I stand up and drop a bill on the table to cover the cost of my iced tea. Matsuura Aya never has any debts, after all.
My one purpose in life becomes to walk out of that café without any reaction at all. To stay completely calm, even to smile as I nod goodbye to the server who will hurry over to bid me farewell.
And I do. I nod at the server who scurries over nervously, and I slip out the door. I neglect to pick up my umbrella. Who needs an umbrella? Humans are seventy percent water, right? I'll be in my element.
I walk right into the storm, a strange ringing in my ears. I can't even hear the rain. I see a flash of lightning and feel the rumble of thunder that follows it, but it doesn't really register any further than that. They are occurrences that don't concern me.
I walk in the opposite direction of the train station, going somewhere else, although I don't know where.
The further away I walk from the café and Miki, the more detached I feel from my life. So much so that I could jump in front of a speeding train and I wouldn't feel any pain. I'm so numb that now I'm not sure if I'm breathing.
I walk headlong into a tree, and that's what wakes me up.
I'm in a deserted park. The rain is coming down in sheets so thick that I can't see a few metres ahead of me. I'm drenched, not a centimetre of me spared.
I reach up and touch my face to make sure it's still there. It's wet with rain, but it feels peculiarly hot. I have to keep blinking. Rain is getting in my eyes and irritating them. It burns and I can't see clearly. Too much rain. Too much... rain? No, it's not rain. Those are tears.
I'm crying. Crying very hard and very loudly.
Without a thought for my clothes, I kneel down beside the tree that I just walked into, and tears pour out of my eyes. I sob out incoherent words. I mumble Miki's name and ask why over and over and over again. I claw at the muddy ground on either side of my knees, my fingers sinking deeply into the earth.
Why has she done this to me? She's lied to me. She's thrown away everything we're supposed to have together.
I never expected this from her. Not her. Not the girl who, on that hot day two summers ago, had confided in me all her secrets. The one who had told me that she had been hurt before but that she trusted me not to hurt her.
She knows how it feels to be betrayed. So why has she done it to me??
"I hate you!" I scream into the rain, and I let out more sobs that threaten to cut off my air supply.
I don't mean that. I don't hate her. If I hated her, I wouldn't be reacting like this. I wouldn't feel so heartbroken.
But I want to hate her. I don't even want an explanation. What is there to explain? She went behind my back with someone else, all the while snuggling up to me and telling me she thought of nobody but me. I can't believe I let her do that. Or maybe I can't believe that I didn't see it happening.
I'm the world's biggest idiot. The world's biggest loser. I've been humiliated in so many ways. I've been violated. I've been broken. Trampled on. Shot through the heart.
So here I kneel, utterly helpless, rain and tears streaming down my face, no will to go on anymore.
And the worst thing about it?
I have to suffer through it all alone.
The end.
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First of - Terrace cafe, real place in Tokyo?
Second - Very heartbreaking.
Thridly - Do I say Love x 2? or should it be Rabu Rabu?
Forth point - Man, what a pain in the ass (this news)
And off the record - Post as much as you want and quick as you can. Reading the work of my favourite and most respected author seems to be the only thing that cheers me up even if the story makes me cry like a little girl.
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I still feel ill. Deadly ill. The news made me sad, this story made me sad (but in a better way than the news did lol).
Now I'm totally too down to write All Aboard. It's not your fault. It's just the shock of the news. I'll get over it...eventually. Sigh.
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Mikan:
1 - Not that I know of
3 - I've never thought about that. I always think of it in English, but I took the title from this picture (http://), which is in English.
Off the record: Thanks, you flatter me too much! Hahaha.
And yes, it's quite shocking news. That's why I feel bad writing about it so soon, but when the bug of inspiration bites...
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Friday stories always come in at least groups of three. Hah.
Part 3
Fuck.
Crapcrapcrap!!
What have I done??
That's all I can think as Aya smiles at me calmly and walks out of the café, displaying a devil-may-care attitude that gives me chills.
It all started ten months ago when I met Tomo-kun. He was funny and entertaining. He made me laugh. We exchanged e-mail addresses just to keep in touch. He seemed like a good and interesting guy to know.
A month and an inbox full of mail later, we started to hang out. Just going for coffee here or there when we had twenty minutes to spare. Nothing serious, although we were well aware of the potential reporters hidden around us in plain sight. We always made sure to be careful about where we went.
It was all innocent and harmless. We were just becoming friends.
The thing that I know I did that was questionable was that I didn't tell Aya a thing. When we went to bed and talked about what we did all day, I never mentioned that I met him for coffee. I never mentioned that he and I exchanged long e-mails every day.
Why? Because I loved (and still love) her way too much to worry her over something that shouldn't be worried over.
Then one day he invited me to go over to his apartment. I went, and while he was showing me some of his paintings around the house, he suddenly turned around and kissed me. My world was turned upside down because I really liked it.
I freaked out a bit, though, because I'd only known him for a little over a month. No, that's my front. Of course it was because I had Aya, with whom I was perfectly happy. He didn't know about her, though, so he thought he wasn't doing anything wrong.
The next day, he sent me a long e-mail apologising for scaring me and saying that he'd still like to be friends. He promised to never do anything like that again.
That's what made me fall for him.
I agreed to meet him again, and so we had coffee. We then went back to his place, and this time I made the first move and kissed him. He was surprised, but happily so.
We didn't go that far at all for a while. We just acted like we were fifteen years old, holding hands and making out on the couch, but eventually it got serious.
Two things of interest to note.
One was that I kept it all a secret. Aya didn't know about him, and he didn't know about Aya. He never questioned the time I spent with her. She never suspected that on the days I didn't spend the night with her, I was with him.
The second is that I was (and still am) massively in love with her. But I like Tomo-kun, too.
So that leads me to the here and now. I just want to be with them both.
Aya is like my safety net. My security blanket. But an exciting one! One that keeps me guessing. One that knows me inside out and backwards. One that knows exactly what to do to please me or annoy me. Always there for me. Always my pillar of strength. My inspiration. My idol. So adorable when she tries to be funny, because she's really not cut out for the kind of humour her fellow Kansai mates are seemingly born to produce.
But Tomoharu... He's new. He's different. He's funny. He treats me in a silly way, but respects me like mad. With him, I feel like a flirty high school girl. He's such a gentleman. He holds doors for me, and I actually like it.
What the hell?! How can I be in love with two people at the same time? And two people who are opposites in every way imaginable!
I know that what I've done is wrong, and I know that I should have come forward and admitted to Aya what I was doing. I should have gotten her forgiveness early on, forgotten about Tomo-kun before I really fell for him, and gone back to my happy life with her.
But that fresh and new something in him tempted me far too much, and...
Now I'm ruined.
I don't care what happens to my job. I've been getting sick of being UFA's lackey, and I've been sensing that the ship is about to start its painful descent into oblivion.
I do care what happens to my personal relationships.
Ever since Aya's nineteenth birthday, my fear has been a scandal involving me and her. I never imagined that I'd first be involved in a scandal with some comedian I met by chance at a television studio.
I want to explain it to her, though. I want to tell her that I have never stopped thinking about her. That everything I've said to her the past two years is true. Each time I've said "I love you", I've meant it even more than the last.
As for Tomo-kun... I have to tell him about Aya. About me and her. As painful and as awkward as it will be, I have to be entirely honest with him.
If I was an optimist, I'd think that I could explain things to both of them and then choose one to stay with. The one that was least pissed off with me.
But I'm an realist (usually), and I think that neither of them are going to be too pleased with me. If anything, though, Tomo-kun will be the lesser of the offended.
But I don't want to have to choose him. Not after seeing Aya in such a shocked state that all she could do was smile in the wake of such terrible and life-destroying news. I feel like I have to dedicate the rest of my pathetic life to making it up to her.
Then what am I waiting for?
I spring up from my seat, running by the server that has just seen Aya out and yelling something about money on the table. She'll get the point.
Just like Aya, I leave my umbrella behind. There's no time for that. I look around wildly, but I don't see her on the street.
I'm about to give up when the door to the café opens and the server pops her head out.
"She went that way," she says, pointing in the opposite direction the station.
She must have seen what way Aya turned after stepping out.
"Thanks!" I exclaim gratefully to the observant girl as I take off sprinting.
The surface of the street is slick with rain and devoid of pedestrians. Nobody - even people with full rain gear - dares to brave this storm. But I don't care. I'm soaked within thirty seconds, but finding Aya is more important.
However, I do slow down to a slight jog because I keep slipping. Also, if I'm going too quickly, I might run right by her.
As I scour the streets for her, I think of what I can possibly say to start making things better. I guess I have to start with an apology. But that's not going to be good enough. Not even close. After saying "I'm sorry", I'll be at a loss.
Then I see her. She's backing away from a tree in a tiny park.
What is she doing??
I carry on at a fast but cautious walking pace.
I watch with a heavy heart as she kneels down in the dirt and starts to cry.
So this is her true reaction. It has hit her now.
I move in closer.
Her skirt is getting muddy. I wish she'd stand up again. I can't bear to see her like this, getting dirty, crying, and looking helpless.
"I hate you!" I hear her scream clearly above the tumultuous roar of the rain and the wind.
The words stab me in the chest like no other words before. She has every right to say and mean them. I've hurt her. I've shredded her trust to pieces and thrown them to the dogs.
But I want her to know that it's not what I wanted to do. It just got out of my control. I made stupid mistakes. I got a bit confused.
I watch her mumble things that I can't hear, her face contorted in the most painful display of sadness I have ever seen.
I feel my eyes start to burn, and I swallow down my own tears.
I have no right to cry. I've been selfish and idiotic. I've thrown her away. Nobody's hurt me. This time I'm the one who has hurt the people I care about. I don't deserve to cry and be pitied.
I walk to her slowly, terrified of what her inevitable reaction to me will be. I fear serious bodily harm.
And then I find myself standing in front of her. She's got her face covered by her muddy hands.
"Aya..." I mumble under my breath.
My words are carried away by the wind. She hasn't heard me.
"Aya," I say a little more loudly.
She takes her hands away from her face, and when she sees me, the hatred in her eyes can't be mistaken for anything else.
Regardless, I kneel down in front of her. I want to wipe away the spots of mud that stick to her skin, but touching her wouldn't be a bright move.
"I'm sorry."
She looks right through my face. I don't know if she's heard me.
"Aya-chan, I'm sorry," I repeat.
"Leave me alone," she utters in a blank tone.
"Can't I talk to you for a minute?" I ask.
She shakes her head.
"I don't want to hear any lame excuses. Just stand up and get the hell away from me," she says, her words carrying a wild bite meant for my jugular.
"Please, Aya," I plead.
Her face is a stone when she looks up at me, and it tells me to leave or she'll get physical about it. I don't doubt it, but she can kick and punch me as much as she wants. I'm not going to give up.
"I've never stopped loving you, and that's the truth," I tell her in a soft voice that has just enough volume so that she can hear over the storm.
She breaks down crying again. I take this as my cue to reach out and hug her. She pushes me away violently, but I expect that to happen, so I just hold her tightly.
"Stop it!" she cries.
I don't let go.
"Stop!" she repeats again.
I tighten my hold on her, putting my head on her shoulder.
"Stop..." she mumbles, but she stops struggling, her voice losing its power.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper into her ear. "I'm so sorry, Aya."
She tries one more time to pull out of my embrace, but all her strength seems to have left her body.
"I'm sorry," I repeat again and again, and she just cries, her head hanging over my shoulder.
"Please," she manages to sob out.
"Please what?" I ask.
"...don't..."
Don't? Don't hug her? Don't stay? Don't leave?
"Don't what?" I ask gently, not wanting to set her off.
"D-don't- don't say you're s-sorry," she says between gasps of air.
I instinctively rub her back even though I know that more contact between us might make her get serious about trying to push me away. However, years of experience comforting her has built up automatic reactions in me, and this is just one of them.
"But I am. I can't believe I did this to you," I respond.
"Why did you do it?" she asks.
I wince. At least she's talking to me. The problem is that I don't know what to say.
"Would you believe me if I told you I was lost?" I try.
I can feel her shake her head.
"Aya, I was confused. It was all new with him, and it just unfolded that way."
That's got to be the lamest thing a cheater has ever said to the person who has been wronged.
She pulls away from my arms, but not in a rough way. I let her go because it doesn't feel like she's about to run.
"If you were bored with me, you should've said something," she says, her tone angry, her face hurt.
I put my hands on her shoulders, but she flinches away, so I take my hands away.
"No, I've never gotten bored of you. He was just different, and I enjoyed his company."
"I can't believe it, Miki. I just..." she breaks off as a lump of tears seem to come out of her eyes and spill down her cheeks, although with all the rain still falling, it's hard to tell.
"I made a mistake in judgement and I hurt you. But you have to know that I still love you. Even more than ever. You know that. I know you do."
I'm bluffing. I have no idea if she thinks I still love her. But it's the truth.
"I know!" she yells at me, suddenly clenching her fists. "And I hate you!!"
I flinch, but when I look at her eyes, they betray the opposite of her harsh statement. Those aren't eyes full of hatred. Sure she's sad, hurt, and angry, but she doesn't hate me. She's disappointed because she is looking at someone that she loves, but that someone has fallen from grace.
"You don't mean that," I say, and for some reason, the tears that I swallowed down earlier have resurfaced, and they start to climb down my cheeks slowly.
"No, but I wish I did," she hisses.
A loud clap of thunder that shakes the ground makes us jump, but we don't laugh like we normally would.
"Can you forgive me?" I ask, even though it's not the right place in the conversation to insert such a request.
"No," she replies in the same voice without thinking.
"Can you give me a chance?" I beg.
Her hesitation to reply gives me hope. It means that she's listening to what I'm saying and thinking about it hard.
"How can I?" she asks, all the malice in her voice gone again to be replaced by weakness. "You've betrayed my trust. You've ruined the entire foundation that you and I stood on. You killed my heart. I'm so... so embarrassed."
I sniff and scream at myself in my head for my tears to stop. She's going to get angry at me for crying. I don't deserve to cry.
"I'm sorry," I babble.
I'm starting to see the futility of my actions. We're going to go round and round and spar with our words, never reaching a conclusion that either one of us are satisfied with.
"I'm sorry," I repeat, and I stand up.
To my surprise, Aya looks up at me, slightly startled.
"If you don't want to listen to what I have to say, just tell me. I'll leave you alone," I say, defeated.
Another crack of thunder tears through the city, but this time neither of us jumps. We're locked in a battle of monumental proportions. A battle of two wills that are so stubborn that no good can come out of it.
Aya is the first to break and look away. She looks at her dirtied hands and wipes them on her skirt. She then stands up and faces me squarely, looking back into my eyes. She looks serious. A bit like when she's on stage and she's just about to start a song that means a lot to her.
"I'm going to give you one shot to talk, and that's only because we've known each other for the amount of time we have. I hate what you've done to me, Fujimoto Miki, and I'm not going to forgive you. But if it'll clear some of the air between us, then by all means, talk. And make it good."
I can't believe she's going to give me a chance to explain myself. Not that I have anything to say beyond what I've already said, but at least there's hope.
"But let's get out of the rain because I'm highly uncomfortable," she says.
She turns away and starts to walk to the main street. I follow quickly, wondering where we're going to go.
We walk like that the whole way. Aya in front, me trailing behind, and no talking. Just before we hit the main road, Aya turns around to me.
"I want us to be clear on something. You are a liar and a terrible person. I can't believe that I've been blind for however long you've been going around behind my back like that. I'll never forget what you've done to me. I'll never forgive you. Never. You disgust me. Clear?"
I nod in shock, and when she turns around and starts to walk again, I clench my fist as more tears spill out my eyes.
I know that she means it. No matter how many times I apologise and show her that I can be trusted, she'll never be able to forget this. She'll hold it against me for the rest of her life, and if I should die before her, not even that will thaw out her heart and let her forgive me.
Well, there you go, Fujimoto. You've gone and done it again. Ruined a perfectly good thing.
You stupid screw-up.
The end.
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I find it deeply ironic that after reading this, while yes, I feel predictably heartwrenched, I also feel a lot better. Strange eh? I wonder if my protective mechanism just kicked in and I'm distancing myself from them somehow.
Miki's dilemma feels familiar to me somehow. I can definitely understand why she did what she did in your take on this news, because I strongly suspect that if I were in her shoes, I may end up doing the same thing as well. Odd, but then again, I've always identified more strongly with Miki than I do with Aya (well actually I identify with both of them, just in different aspects).
As for Aya, heck, if someone close to me like Miki is to her did this to me, I would react the same way. Walk out, cry, then harden my heart and hold the grudge for the rest of my life. I might forgive, but I never forget. Which equals never actually forgiving, isn't it?
I like what you did here, despite the terrible heartbreak. I feel cleansed. I think I shall find a new couple to obsess over. :) Good work OTN1! Love ya. XD
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On the eve of a possibly no-good scandal, I present a "what if??" story in the key of Love x 2.
Inspiration can come from anywhere.
"I understand, sir. No GAM stories because of that, um, what'shername-san. Got it."
Okay, this whole part sorta confused me. ???
Later that evening, I sit in a café. It's storming outside, a sign of the rainy season that's just around the corner.
The owner and manager, Ochiai, comes out to welcome me after one of the regular servers goes to the back to inform her I've arrived, but she must see the look on my face because she settles for simply nodding her head at me and slipping back into the kitchen.
The same Ochiai-san from WNTBD? Interesting.
I remain still as the anger in me builds up. I want to put on a perfect front of calmness because I have yet to find out any real information.
...
Miki has some sort of boyfriend? It can't be. Last I checked, she was swooning over me. And I over her. We were happy and making it work.
Damn Aya's pissed. More to the fact, she's hurt and scared at the possibility that this might be true.
"So, you and Shouji-san, huh?" I open up.
My voice comes out sounding far too bitter. Far too sarcastic. It's laced with poison that I didn't even know I was capable of producing in my own body.
Perhaps, but it reflects how she truly feels at the moment.
She looks up at me sharply.
"Tomo-kun is..."
Shit that's just painful to hear.
"The things that they're saying are, uh, kind of true."
That's even more painful. (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/cry.gif)
Rain is getting in my eyes and irritating them. It burns and I can't see clearly. Too much rain. Too much... rain? No, it's not rain. Those are tears.
I'm crying. Crying very hard and very loudly.
It was bound to happen sooner or later, regardless of how much she wanted to maintain the look of being "civil" or "calm" about it.
I always think of it in English, but I took the title from this picture, which is in English.
The pic link doesn't work dude.
The thing that I know I did that was questionable was that I didn't tell Aya a thing. When we went to bed and talked about what we did all day, I never mentioned that I met him for coffee. I never mentioned that he and I exchanged long e-mails every day.
I'm guessing Miki probably didn't even realize that she was keeping Aya in the dark about this. After all, it DID start innocently enough. At the time, it likely wouldn't have seemed like it would be worth the bother to tell her or something like that.
Then one day he invited me to go over to his apartment. I went, and while he was showing me some of his paintings around the house, he suddenly turned around and kissed me. My world was turned upside down because I really liked it.
Life throws you curveballs more often than you know. If Shouji is your typical dude, he had probably fallen for Miki (and seriously, who could blame him?) way before he actually drew up the nerve to do that.
Two things of interest to note.
One was that I kept it all a secret. Aya didn't know about him, and he didn't know about Aya. He never questioned the time I spent with her. She never suspected that on the days I didn't spend the night with her, I was with him.
The second is that I was (and still am) massively in love with her. But I like Tomo-kun, too.
The heart allows us to feel the greatest joys possible. However, it can also be a complicated bitch that inevitably can cause us to feel great pain.
Aya is like my safety net. My security blanket.
...
But Tomoharu... He's new. He's different. He's funny. He treats me in a silly way, but respects me like mad. With him, I feel like a flirty high school girl.
...
How can I be in love with two people at the same time? And two people who are opposites in every way imaginable!
Unfortunately, yes it IS possible. Part of what makes us fall in love are the differences we see in those we love, and yet we also can fall for those who know us better than we know ourselves. Here we have Miki, for whom some may say is getting the best of both worlds. She has two loves, one that is like her second half, the other like something that she never knew she could possibly have. The only problem is, they're both tugging at/vying for her heart at the same time. And while we're wired so that's it's possible to be drawn to both, we just can't handle trying to have both at the same time.
I know that what I've done is wrong, and I know that I should have come forward and admitted to Aya what I was doing. I should have gotten her forgiveness early on, forgotten about Tomo-kun before I really fell for him, and gone back to my happy life with her.
If only it was so easy to do so.
I don't care what happens to my job.
...
I do care what happens to my personal relationships.
Jobs can be changed or replaced with something else. Personal relationships though, are a much more delicate thing and need to be taken care of.
If I was an optimist, I'd think that I could explain things to both of them and then choose one to stay with. The one that was least pissed off with me.
That would be a really hard call to make. Aya's more hurt than she is pissed. As for Shouji, while he may be pissed that she kept that secret from him, he's still likely to be crazy enough about her that he'll want to work things out.
But I'm an realist (usually), and I think that neither of them are going to be too pleased with me. If anything, though, Tomo-kun will be the lesser of the offended.
But I don't want to have to choose him.
That last part that she said there should be proof enough that she should be with Aya and not Shouji. To say that you "don't want to have to choose" him? If you really do love someone there's no "have to choose" about it. You just know.
Not after seeing Aya in such a shocked state that all she could do was smile in the wake of such terrible and life-destroying news. I feel like I have to dedicate the rest of my pathetic life to making it up to her.
Yet on the other side of the coin, this section makes it sound like picking Aya would be a "pity" or "guilt" choice. To choose based on that isn't healthy nor good either, because it isn't being made for the right reasons.
I've been selfish and idiotic. I've thrown her away. Nobody's hurt me. This time I'm the one who has hurt the people I care about. I don't deserve to cry and be pitied.
The thing is, she never meant for it to happen. It's not like she intentionally went and thought "I'm gonna date Shouji and I don't care if it hurts Aya". If she's looking for someone to punish her for having a heart, she's doing a good job of it herself.
"If you were bored with me, you should've said something," she says, her tone angry, her face hurt.
Oh crap I'm trying not to cry here. (I'm got a class this period, and while they're busy doing thier work, it wouldn't look good for the teacher to be suddenly getting all misty-eyed). (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/cry.gif)
"I want us to be clear on something. You are a liar and a terrible person. I can't believe that I've been blind for however long you've been going around behind my back like that. I'll never forget what you've done to me. I'll never forgive you. Never. You disgust me. Clear?"
This has got to be the worst thing that Aya could possibly say to Miki. However, given the circumstances, it's understandable and Aya is perfectly justified in saying it. This is definitely going to be a big break, a big hurdle to overcome in their relationship. Miki has a long way to climb to truly rebuild it and truly regain Aya's love and friendship. Like Estrea said above, while forgiveness may be possible, it's impossible to ask that Aya forget about it.
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Oh, man. I found about the news through this fic, lol. I was a tad confused, wondering where this came from. Then I read about it, and disappointment filled me. Why? Why? How could you get caught?!? xD
Fangirlism aside, I must say it's pretty sadistic of you to come up with a fic right after these shocking news. But you know, I think you're turning me into a masochist somehow... Now I just want to read the boy toy's boyfriend's POV! *hides from rabid GAM fans*
But, maybe that's stretching it a little too much...
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Wow, you pounced on this one pretty quick. Poor Aya and poor Miki.
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....YEAH! ANGST!!
i'll edit this later after i read. XD
edit: ........
Aya's pain is so real. Especially when she says "I want us to be clear on something. You are a liar and a terrible person. I can't believe that I've been blind for however long you've been going around behind my back like that. I'll never forget what you've done to me. I'll never forgive you. Never. You disgust me. Clear?" it's so full of malice and pain. A little on the harsh side actually (I was a bit startled) but quite real.
You're quite a pro when it comes to full on angst. lol : D
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it's so full of malice and pain. A little on the harsh side actually (I was a bit startled) but quite real.
I finished writing Aya's POV without that sentence, but I felt like something was missing. It needed a big kick to the stomach, so I added in the "you disgust me" part. I'm glad it worked.
Okay, this whole part sorta confused me. ???
I left it like that to see if anyone had a theory/could figure it out, but don't worry about it. It'll be explained.
Oops, I completely forgot the whole "paste" step in "copy and paste" in my previous post. This is the picture (http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f103/ocn4/lovex2AB.jpg) I ripped the title "Love x 2" from.
Yet on the other side of the coin, this section makes it sound like picking Aya would be a "pity" or "guilt" choice. To choose based on that isn't healthy nor good either, because it isn't being made for the right reasons.
Wow, I didn't think of this! It's true. Thanks for bringing that up. I'll have to be careful.
(And on a side note: you read this stuff while teaching class?! You're brave.)
Oh, man. I found about the news through this fic, lol. I was a tad confused, wondering where this came from.
Oh my! I'm sorry about that.
Fangirlism aside, I must say it's pretty sadistic of you to come up with a fic right after these shocking news. But you know, I think you're turning me into a masochist somehow... Now I just want to read the boy toy's boyfriend's POV! *hides from rabid GAM fans*
Yes, incredibly sadistic, but about two minutes after I read the news, the wheels started turning in my head, and nothing could stop me.
I'm not planning to write Shouji's POV, but there is more to this story. I'll type it up soon.
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Friday stories simply must involve as many points of view as possible. This one will (I hope) explain the first chapter a little. This is a character who first appeared in My Own Private Funeral and was later touched upon in What Needed to be Done.
Chapter Four
I have been asked before what my favourite pastime is, and I have always answered with the same answer: observing people. Never in my thirty-nine years of life has this answer changed.
I have been asked before to reveal information about high-profile patrons that frequent my shop, and I have always answered in the same way: no. That would be against all of my principles.
I have been asked before for advice, and I have always reacted in the same have: I have given the best advice I possibly can. I consider it a duty. A part of my job as the owner of a low-key café. But I also carry a sense of obligation to the world and the people who live in my society. It is my duty to know them and to help them.
I watch the news on television every morning. I read four newspapers (one foreign, one local, and two national) every day, and I scour the internet for tidbits of information to help shape me further into a broad-minded individual. I consider this also to be my duty, and it is because of this that I discovered a potentially volatile piece of information that would affect two of my most respected patrons.
By chance, I stumbled upon a gossip magazine website. I tend to stay away from those as a rule. The personal lives of celebrities as seen through the eyes of a stalker with a camera is not what I consider to be reliable insight into the characters of famous people. However, a name caught my eye. The name of my patron, Fujimoto Miki.
A three-day date with comedian Shouji Tomoharu was the main story being pushed, and I knew immediately that I had to do all in my power to quell the inevitable thirst for knowledge that would grip the public after reading such an article.
I therefore went straight to the top in order to deal with the situation.
But first, I feel I need to explain why I bothered to do such a thing.
Fujimoto Miki never comes to my establishment without Matsuura Aya. They came together for the first time about a year and a half ago, and have since come together almost every week. In the year and a half that I have been observing them, I have noticed certain details about their individual personalities. I have gotten a fairly good impression of what they are like as people despite not having sat down and had heart-to-hearts with them. I have also been able to note another aspect of them, which is in fact half of what I am interested in when watching people.
Before I go on, I have to mention briefly that there are two factors in my duty as Observer of The People. One is individual character profiles. In essence, what a person is like. The other is just as interesting (if not more so), and that is relationships. How people relate to one another. Whether they get along or not, and the how and why of it.
Enter Fujimoto and Matsuura.
After the initial months passed, it became clear to me that they were much more than close friends. It was my gut instinct after the first time I saw them together in my café, but I always take care to leave my final assessment open until I have gotten more than enough evidence.
It must be that my powers of observation are more finely-tuned than the average person's, but I think that Fujimoto and Matsuura are very loud about where they stand with each other. It's all in the way they look at each other. Their verbal communication - or sometimes their lack thereof - shows how in tune they are with one another. I've watched their relationship grow over time. It's been, all in all, a fascinating experience watching those two.
As I have said, my final assessment is that their relationship goes beyond close friendship. I know that these girls share theirs minds, their bodies, and their hearts completely with one another.
Or so I was led to believe all this time.
With the discovery of that gossip magazine blurb, I came to realise that I, in my self-proclaimed mission to observe and figure out the people around me, had missed something enormous. Rumour or not, this article could cause a potential storm, and I had a gut feeling that that was precisely what was about to happen. I was sharp enough to know that Matsuura did not know anything about Shouji. I knew that she would be upset. Such is the relationship between my two patrons. In my observations, I had never dreamed of the possibility that Fujimoto, the girl who, struck dumb with love, would stare unabashedly across the table at Matsuura, could be sneaking around in a man's apartment. It was a humbling experience, and I was reminded that my observation skills were only so powerful.
This leads me to my immediate action.
It was Thursday night at ten o'clock when I discovered the article on the internet after a particularly taxing day at work. Paying no heed to the time, I picked up my phone and called my contact at one of the hubs of the entertainment magazine world, a powerful man who patronised my shop for five years before he moved to Osaka for business purposes.
Suzuki is one of the authorities that guide the sordid world of celebrity gossip and rumour. He calls the shots almost entirely on his own, and it is he who determines what information we do and don't see in several big-name publications, as well as not just a handful of lesser weeklies. In short, he's a very powerful man.
Our conversation was charged, I frantic, he uncompromising.
"Suzuki-san. This is Ochiai," I greeted quietly after he picked up.
"Occhi!" he cried, using my old high school nickname that now only people from that era of my life call me (Suzuki being the only exception, as I did not attend high school with him). "How are you??"
We hadn't spoken in months. Not since his last business trip to Tokyo.
"It's been too long, hasn't it? I'm well. How's your family?"
"They're doing well. Ayako is finally in Kochi pursuing her dancing dream, and my wife is so glad that Kenji's started high school. Now she has more time to herself in the evenings."
I laughed.
His wife is an interesting character. I was glad to hear that she was no longer so stressed out. High school keeps an active kid like Kenji busy and out of the house until late. And the eldest daughter, Ayako, seems like a sweet and good-mannered girl that I would have loved to have met before she moved away.
"Suzuki-san, I have a favour to ask of you," I admitted immediately, a bit sorry to cut short our small talk.
"What is it, Occhi?"
I felt the atmosphere turn businesslike, my nickname being the only aspect of the conversation that fell outside the realm of professionalism.
"It's the headline involving Fujimoto Miki-san."
He sucked in a breath of air through his teeth.
"That's a big one. Juicy stuff. Big money."
Ever the businessman, Suzuki-san was. Ever the businessman.
"I can't pull the article, if that's what you're asking. It's written, bound, and waiting for delivery," he added quickly.
I shook my head. I understood that.
"I don't want there to be a follow up," said I.
The silence penetrated my ears, and I clutched the phone in anticipation. I was never a woman to demand things, but this time, I was adamant. I needed to get my way.
"No can do," Suzuki said after a beat. "There'll be more."
This was the point where our conflicting interests began their true battle.
"Fujimoto-san is a patron of mine, and an esteemed one at that. I don't want her hurt. I don't want this continued," I said firmly.
"Fujimoto-san has friends and family and co-workers, yes. So does Nemoto-san, who was busted last week, and Sanada-san the week before. These magazines tell their news and rumours without discrimination in that sense. Everyone has lives and loved ones. We can't treat anybody specially. Otherwise, we'd have no news."
He was going to be a tough nut to crack. I had to find a way to compromise.
It came to my mind almost instantly. I had to at least protect Fujimoto and Matsuura's relationship from becoming a subject of public inquisition. Being positive that Matsuura didn't know about Fujimoto's predicament, I could see that the poor, young soloist might become a target of the corrupting forces of the business and entertainment worlds, a lethal combination of ruthless extravagance. They might target her ignorance and attempt to have her reveal that she and Fujimoto were not friends. Knowing what pressure could do to a young mind, I felt the need to protect Matsuura from such a situation in the event that she might not be able to keep a level head about it and stumble over her words, saying something that would blow the Fujimoto-Shouji scandal out of the water and make the entire nation focus on the overshadowing Matsuura-Fujimoto scandal that would follow.
A wild, perhaps far-fetched idea, but certainly a possibility. I would take no chances.
"Leave the GAM duo out of it, then. Nobody is to publish a word about what Matsuura-san thinks about her own friendship with Fujimoto-san."
I did not ask. I told.
Suzuki was obviously with me in being two steps ahead of the game, because I could sense in his pensive silence that he was considering the ramifications of skipping out on such a juicy scoop.
"And why not?" he asked.
He was a businessman, but deep down inside, he was a human like me. I had to appeal to that sense of humanity.
"They're young girls. They don't need to have their names smeared across magazines and their friendship open to public scrutiny. Imagine if one of them was Ayako-chan."
Ayako had suddenly become a weapon for me to use against her own father, and as luck would have it, I knew that Ayako was indeed daddy's little girl. Nobody in the world cared about that girl than the man I was currently tied up with on the phone. I knew it, he knew it, and I won.
"No GAM stories. This is for you because I owe you. I consider us even now."
I had set out to win, but I had not actually thought I would win, especially not with such ease.
He spoke with a grudging respect. I had somehow played my cards well and ended up at the top. Suzuki appreciated a good round of will versus will.
"Thank you, Suzuki-san," I said quietly into the phone.
I knew I could trust him.
"You're an amazing fighter, Occhi," he laughed, and I heard a voice calling out to him. "Oh, there's my son asking for help with math homework. He doesn't seem to mind that it's past ten. It was nice talking to you again."
We said our goodbyes, and we hung up as I sighed in relief at our amicable parting.
And that brings me to the here and now. I'm sitting behind the scenes of my little business. I just went out to greet Matsuura a minute ago, but I couldn't approach her. The pain and hatred on her face was such that it hurt to look at, so I nodded quickly and ducked back into my safe haven.
I keep an eye out the door, and I see Fujimoto walk in. I don't even have to look at her to know that she's nervous. She sits down across from Matsuura, and they begin to talk. There are more pauses than sentences. I can see the anger in Matsuura's shoulders and the guilt in Miki's eyes. I feel sorry for the both of them. They're both kindred spirits. Matsuura's feeling betrayed and Fujimoto's feeling guilty and confused.
I watch Matsuura get up with an impressive display of self-control, and she leaves. Fujimoto sits and wallows in self-pity for a minute, and then jumps up to run after the anything-but-calm girl.
Good luck, I think as I walk out into the main room.
I've done what I can to protect them from further harm. Now all I can do is sit, wait, and see if they can repair what they have between them.
Something at the door catches my eyes, and I sigh.
I've just inherited two more umbrellas.
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Bring on as many POVs as you want. I suppose its when you move onto inanimate objects I'll start worrying
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You know what dude, I hate to say it, but I never really paid much attention to your choice of title for this fic (as well as for it's previous namesake). At the time, I figured it was just you being "a writer" :P. But...I was on my way to class this morning, and the fact that you called it "FRIDAY'S Children are Full of Woe" just hit me like a ton of bricks (don't worry, I was at a stoplight at the time :D). Particularly with the recent Miki incident..it all just made SO MUCH more sense. Kudos dude, MAJOR kudos. (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/bow.gif)
Yet on the other side of the coin, this section makes it sound like picking Aya would be a "pity" or "guilt" choice. To choose based on that isn't healthy nor good either, because it isn't being made for the right reasons.
Wow, I didn't think of this! It's true. Thanks for bringing that up. I'll have to be careful.
No no no no no no, I didn't mean that in a bad way. I didn't mean you were making it look like Aya would be a "pity" choice. I was referring completely to Miki's motivations for choosing Aya, and that if she chooses her that it's because she's TRULY the one she wants to be with.
(And on a side note: you read this stuff while teaching class?! You're brave.)
Nah, the kids see the "girly" banners at the tops of the page and think I'm looking at porn. :lol: Then they ask me how I'm able to bypass the school filters. :wahaha:
I'm not planning to write Shouji's POV, but there is more to this story. I'll type it up soon.
Considering he has absolutely NO idea of the special relationship that Miki and Aya have, and the fact that you've sort of established that Miki hasn't really talked about Aya that much with him, his POV wouldn't really contain much except him gushing and pining for her.
This is a character who first appeared in My Own Private Funeral and was later touched upon in What Needed to be Done.
Ochiai-san POV? This should be very interesting.
I have been asked before to reveal information about high-profile patrons that frequent my shop, and I have always answered in the same way: no. That would be against all of my principles.
Nice to see that there are still "people of principle" in the world. :)
It must be that my powers of observation are more finely-tuned than the average person's, but I think that Fujimoto and Matsuura are very loud about where they stand with each other. It's all in the way they look at each other. Their verbal communication - or sometimes their lack thereof - shows how in tune they are with one another.
See, most people who may not know them as well would probably just figure that they didn't have much to say to each other. Ochiai-san has the intuition and, due to her experience as a shop owner and people observer, the ability to read people in more subtle ways than the average person.
As I have said, my final assessment is that their relationship goes beyond close friendship. I know that these girls share theirs minds, their bodies, and their hearts completely with one another.
Or so I was led to believe all this time.
In some ways Ochiai-san probably knows them better than anyone else does other than Aya or Miki themselves. Seeing Miki getting FRIDAY'd must have really come out of left field for her.
It was a humbling experience, and I was reminded that my observation skills were only so powerful.
Even the best and/or most-skilled at what they do can't be perfect all the time.
Paying no heed to the time, I picked up my phone and called my contact at one of the hubs of the entertainment magazine world, a powerful man who patronised my shop for five years before he moved to Osaka for business purposes.
Suzuki is one of the authorities that guide the sordid world of celebrity gossip and rumour. He calls the shots almost entirely on his own, and it is he who determines what information we do and don't see in several big-name publications, as well as not just a handful of lesser weeklies. In short, he's a very powerful man.
...
"Suzuki-san. This is Ochiai," I greeted quietly after he picked up.
"Occhi!" he cried, using my old high school nickname that now only people from that era of my life call me (Suzuki being the only exception, as I did not attend high school with him). "How are you??"
We hadn't spoken in months. Not since his last business trip to Tokyo.
...
"Suzuki-san, I have a favour to ask of you," I admitted immediately, a bit sorry to cut short our small talk.
..
"It's the headline involving Fujimoto Miki-san."
...
"I can't pull the article, if that's what you're asking. It's written, bound, and waiting for delivery," he added quickly.
Oh wow, she's going to bat for them. More importantly, she's doing it for the right reasons. She's not doing it to keep someone from getting fired or to keep a tour from being cancelled. She's doing it because she knows that not only will the article be a devastating blow to their friendship, but the insuing circus that would follow would completely destroy them.
"Fujimoto-san is a patron of mine, and an esteemed one at that. I don't want her hurt. I don't want this continued," I said firmly.
"Fujimoto-san has friends and family and co-workers, yes. So does Nemoto-san, who was busted last week, and Sanada-san the week before. These magazines tell their news and rumours without discrimination in that sense. Everyone has lives and loved ones. We can't treat anybody specially. Otherwise, we'd have no news."
He's right, as much as others may feel that he isn't. These magazines don't publish these types of articles with the intent of messing up careers and causing scandals. They're doing it to sell magazines. It's how they pay their bills. It's their job, after all. Actors act, teachers teach, singers sing, dancers dance, and magazines publish news articles. It's never about being personal. As much as it sounds like an excuse or cliché and as much as it sucks, it's "just business".
"They're young girls. They don't need to have their names smeared across magazines and their friendship open to public scrutiny. Imagine if one of them was Ayako-chan."
Damn, the trump card has been pulled. Bravo Ochiai-san!
I've done what I can to protect them from further harm. Now all I can do is sit, wait, and see if they can repair what they have between them.
She's like thier secret guardian angel, she is. And she's right, she's done her part, now the rest is up to Aya and Miki.
Like I said previously, it's nice to know that there are still "people of principle" here in the world.
This was a GREAT chapter dude. Just...great. :)
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Go Occhi power!
Something at the door catches my eyes, and I sigh.
I've just inherited two more umbrellas.
I giggled.
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rndmnwierd, hahaha, there was no other way to end the story but that way. I'm glad you had that reaction.
You know what dude, I hate to say it, but I never really paid much attention to your choice of title for this fic (as well as for it's previous namesake). At the time, I figured it was just you being "a writer" :P. But...I was on my way to class this morning, and the fact that you called it "FRIDAY'S Children are Full of Woe" just hit me like a ton of bricks (don't worry, I was at a stoplight at the time :D). Particularly with the recent Miki incident..it all just made SO MUCH more sense.
Hahaha, I'm glad it hit you. When I made the original story, I thought I'd just modify the nursery rhyme (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monday's_Child) so that I could have in the title the name of the magazine that started of the story. When I came to write this one, it simply had to have a modified Friday sub-title. No no no no no no, I didn't mean that in a bad way. I didn't mean you were making it look like Aya would be a "pity" choice. I was referring completely to Miki's motivations for choosing Aya, and that if she chooses her that it's because she's TRULY the one she wants to be with.
No, I understood what you said and I didn't take it in a bad way. I think my reply was a little messed up. I didn't really mean "careful". I was just surprised that I was the one who wrote it and yet I never thought of that interpretation (which, on the other hand, might make me sound stuck up and as if I have to know every possible interpretation, which I don't really). ANYWAY, good point, JFC. :lol: I think we can all agree on that.
Ochiai, the secret guardian angel? I like that. It's sweet.
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When I made the original story, I thought I'd just modify the nursery rhyme (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monday's_Child) so that I could have in the title the name of the magazine that started of the story. When I came to write this one, it simply had to have a modified Friday sub-title.
THANKS GOD you explained that xD
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I don't know where this came from and if I will actually write more, but it's a kind of continuation to this thread's story. If I can't get ideas for "Restart", at least I can write other stories.
Prelude
I stare at the old, dog-eared photograph in my hand. I haven't looked at it in a long time. Years, I believe. It's the same as I remember it. Maybe a little gloomier.
No, that's probably just my mood at the moment.
It's been about ten years, I think, addressing the subject of the picture in my mind. Ten years since we last spoke to each other.
I sigh and put the photo back in the folder I keep it stored in, burying it in the back of the drawer with the small pile of things to which I've attached the invisible and fitting label of "memories".
I sit and wonder what she's doing now. I look at my watch. Probably still at the post office. There was a long line up and she was near the back of it when I saw her.
When I saw her. I saw her just now. Not twenty minutes ago. At the post office near my new apartment complex. After ten years. She has no way of knowing I live in this neighbourhood now, so her visit must have been unplanned. It couldn't have possibly been an attempt to make herself seen by me. To rub in my face what we've lost. No. What I've lost.
I wonder what she does these days. She quit the business a few years after we stopped talking. The reason she gave to the public and her fans was that she wanted to concentrate on her life and starting a family. Now whenever her name comes up in the news, it's a sighting of her with a man or with a child, and there is no lack of fervent speculation as to what it all means. She's done an excellent job avoiding the press and prying eyes. Nobody really knows what her situation is. Is she married? Does she have a child? What does she do for a living?
She's a mystery and will remain a mystery to the end. Even to me. I used to be the closest thing to her. Closer to her than her own skin. But that all changed. Mistakes were made and there was no returning to a normal life after that.
The way in which she got angry at me... It still chills my blood to think about it. To see the look on her face when she sat me down in that café and asked me to tell her the truth. The way she cried and yelled later in the rain. And then it was like a light switch was turned off, and she became a blank piece of paper to me. She shut me out completely and didn't let me know what she was thinking. We went somewhere to talk - another café - and I explained things to her, and she sat there, not protesting, not crying, not giving me dirty looks. When I was done, she said that she didn't want to talk to me ever again, and she said it in the calmest voice I've ever heard her use. Then she stood up and left, leaving me to pay the bill.
Of course that wasn't the last time we talked. Work called for us to talk. But just barely.
I got kicked out of Hellopro for having a boyfriend for ten months while I'd had Aya for two years, but not before some super-tense meetings. Aya was at some of them, and we had to be civil to one another. Being in the Project hadn't taught us nothing. We were good actors when we needed to be, and so we used that skill around each other.
I got chewed out by various authorities, and even Tsunku expressed his concern.
What a hypocrite. He was always telling me he wanted me to be happy. When he told me he was going to allow me and Aya to work together, he said it was to make us happy. And then when I was photographed and stuck in a magazine without my permission, he got angry and told me I should be more serious, take responsibility, and not hurt those around me.
Come to think of it, maybe he knew about Aya and me. Maybe he got defensive because he always liked her better. That was no secret. Aya could do no wrong in his eyes. She was the perfect example of how he wanted his students to turn out. I never had a problem with this, even though it left me with an inferior position as the slightly off-kilter sister who was just one point shy of matching the star. I honestly didn't care what he thought. All I cared about was what I thought and what Aya thought. But if his adoration for that girl was the reason why he was so strict with my punishment, then I had to raise the "it's not fair" flag. He probably couldn't stand to see her heart broken, and so he took revenge in her place. He dealt me the ultimate blow. He cut me from the roster. He fired me.
And one of these days, I'm going to have to stop being so paranoid. Tsunku probably didn't know about me and Aya, and even if he did, he was too much in love with money to bother with petty revenge. The truth was that he saw that I was no longer of financial use to the Project, and so he cut me loose.
I drifted around after that trying to find work. I found some here and there. It seems like I still had marketable potential. But the big companies I could have gone to didn't want me. I wasn't fresh meat. People knew my name, and I already had a reputation. They preferred introducing new talent to an unsuspecting audience, not re-using other companies' leftovers.
So now I work for a magazine. I'm not even sure what my official job description is, but it keeps me busy and amused. Of all the people to work for, I work for Michishige Sayumi. At first I refused to work for her, but when I couldn't find anything better, I figured I could just treat her the same as I always did and I could get away with it because we were old comrades who worked side-by-side on a battlefield long ago.
I was pretty much right. Shige lets me trample all over her playfully, and she keeps telling me she's the cutest thing on Earth. She certainly is cute, but I'm never going to admit to her that I agree with her. She never uses her position as owner of the magazine to force me into submission. She listens to my suggestions and lets me speak honestly with no holds barred. I guess my job description could be aptly put as "Boss' Right Hand Man". Not her secretary. I have a lot of say in what goes into our weekly publication. I attend meetings and meet high-profile people. I make big decisions all on my own. I only make tea for myself (and sometimes Shige if it's cold out and I feel sorry for her). Not bad for a girl who only finished high school.
I work all day, but when I come home, I revert to an unprofessional me. I sit around, read, listen to music, eat, and do normal things just like everyone else does.
Unlike today. Today I took the day off. This morning I went shopping and then to the post office. That's how I was happened to see her. I got home at twelve-fifteen and am now sitting here. I haven't prepared anything for lunch yet, although I know I should. Instead, I'm sitting on my bed looking at a picture of a girl I knew ten years ago. A girl I haven't seen in all those ten years. A girl who I keep trying to forget about. There have been things that have helped me erase those memories, but every once in a while there's something that reminds me.
I sigh. The front door opens and I wince. I should have gotten something for lunch.
"I'm home," says a voice.
I smile. This is probably my favourite thing. Those rare days meet up at home for lunch on a week day. It happens maybe once every year if we're lucky. I lean back and wait. I hear soft footsteps come towards me and I look up.
"Welcome back," I say, opening my arms for a hug.
I'm smothered with a good one, and I hold on tightly, trying to get the bad taste out of my mind. Trying to forget about seeing Aya. It's just a moment that I know will pass, but I want it to pass quickly.
"You're uncharacteristically affectionate today, Micchan."
I laugh.
"I missed you."
"Made anything for lunch?"
I scowl.
"What am I? Your personal chef?"
I expect nobody to expect anything from me.
"Don't get angry. You know I don't mean it."
Good save. I like our playfulness.
"Let's go out," I suggest.
"Where?"
I think.
"Anywhere away from the post office," I mutter without meaning to.
"Eh? Why?"
I take a long look at the man who has sat down beside me. He doesn't have any idea about that chapter of my life. I'd like to keep it that way. Nobody should know.
I delay my answer to him.
What would my life be if he hadn't come to Tokyo? He's an old friend from school. One of the ones I left when I moved down here. Everyone always thought we'd end up together. I delighted in proving them wrong for a few years, but it turns out they were right. He happened to come to school and then find work here, and somehow we picked up our friendship where it was left off when we were teenagers. Our friendship had always carried that potential to someday become something more. We were given the chance.
But why? Why did we have that chance? Because I messed up what I was really supposed to have. But I've resigned myself to settling for second best. Although I hope Hiroshi never finds that out.
"Because there's a good Korean restaurant in the opposite direction," I quip, jumping up and grabbing Hiroshi's hand to pull him up. "Let's go."
As I pull him after me, I wonder what the near future will hold for me. Somehow I believe that seeing Aya at the post office can't have been a coincidence. It must be a sign. One of those signs that I don't believe in, but a sign nonetheless. A prelude to a dramatic three-act play that will unfold in my life and rock the steady boat that I sit relatively comfortably on. I make a mental note to have my proverbial umbrella ready for the downpour.
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I don't know where this came from and if I will actually write more, but it's a kind of continuation to this thread's story. If I can't get ideas for "Restart", at least I can write other stories.
Ah, there you go again, saying you don't know what you're doing or what's going to happen with a certain plotline, right before dropping yet another awesome, angsty vignette upon us. That's malevolence, you know. (j/k)
:rofl:
Anyhow, you brought Shige-chan back, yay! Believe it or not, I was starting to miss her. I'm not particularly fond of her, but she's fine when you look past the narcissism.
You also brought Hiroshi back, and after thinking of pros and cons, I guess he's a good second best. Hahaha!
Maybe Aya coming back into Miki's life really is a sign, but not many are willing to risk their stability over something like that. Besides, Miki's older now (in the fic), hopefully more mature, and probably not so impulsive anymore. Age does marvelous (or horrific) things to people's disposition, and she wouldn't be an exception.
In any case, I'd say this is neither a happy nor a sad ending, just realistic. So, kudos for that.
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I stare at the old, dog-eared photograph in my hand. I haven't looked at it in a long time. Years, I believe. It's the same as I remember it. Maybe a little gloomier.
No, that's probably just my mood at the moment.
It's been about ten years, I think, addressing the subject of the picture in my mind. Ten years since we last spoke to each other.
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, another "future" story. :O
I sigh and put the photo back in the folder I keep it stored in, burying it in the back of the drawer with the small pile of things to which I've attached the invisible and fitting label of "memories".
Given the tone of it so far, I'm guessing that this is Miki's POV.
I saw her just now. Not twenty minutes ago. At the post office near my new apartment complex. After ten years. She has no way of knowing I live in this neighbourhood now, so her visit must have been unplanned. It couldn't have possibly been an attempt to make herself seen by me. To rub in my face what we've lost. No. What I've lost.
Okay, it most DEFINITELY has to be Miki's POV. She's had no contact whatsoever with Aya, to the point where she didn't even know that Aya lives in the neighbourhood she's just moved into? One could call it some type of karma, then again one could also say that fate it just playing a sick joke. Question is, is Miki going to do something about it? Is she going to find a way to let Aya know that she's living there now? They're bound to run into each other at some point. Or would Miki just hide from Aya for the rest of her life? She still knows that it was her fault that they haven't spoken for so long, would Aya even be willing to try to bridge that gap? Would she even recognize or acknowledge Miki?
I wonder what she does these days. She quit the business a few years after we stopped talking. The reason she gave to the public and her fans was that she wanted to concentrate on her life and starting a family. Now whenever her name comes up in the news, it's a sighting of her with a man or with a child, and there is no lack of fervent speculation as to what it all means. She's done an excellent job avoiding the press and prying eyes. Nobody really knows what her situation is. Is she married? Does she have a child? What does she do for a living?
You can't help but wonder (especially considering what Miki says about Aya being seen with a guy or with a kid), if she's gotten over Miki? If Aya DID get married and start a family, was it what she really wanted at the time, or was it something she did to get out of the spotlight. Her happiest times were (presumably) when she was on stage performing (espcially with Miki). Could it be that after Miki's screw-up, performing just became too painful for Aya?
I got kicked out of Hellopro for having a boyfriend for ten months while I'd had Aya for two years, but not before some super-tense meetings.
...
I drifted around after that trying to find work. I found some here and there. It seems like I still had marketable potential. But the big companies I could have gone to didn't want me. I wasn't fresh meat. People knew my name, and I already had a reputation. They preferred introducing new talent to an unsuspecting audience, not re-using other companies' leftovers.
As much as this sucks from a fanboys' perspective, it's the harsh truth of the entertainment industry.
So now I work for a magazine. I'm not even sure what my official job description is, but it keeps me busy and amused. Of all the people to work for, I work for Michishige Sayumi. At first I refused to work for her, but when I couldn't find anything better, I figured I could just treat her the same as I always did and I could get away with it because we were old comrades who worked side-by-side on a battlefield long ago.
I was pretty much right. Shige lets me trample all over her playfully, and she keeps telling me she's the cutest thing on Earth. She certainly is cute, but I'm never going to admit to her that I agree with her. She never uses her position as owner of the magazine to force me into submission. She listens to my suggestions and lets me speak honestly with no holds barred. I guess my job description could be aptly put as "Boss' Right Hand Man". Not her secretary. I have a lot of say in what goes into our weekly publication. I attend meetings and meet high-profile people. I make big decisions all on my own. I only make tea for myself (and sometimes Shige if it's cold out and I feel sorry for her). Not bad for a girl who only finished high school.
It's pretty obvious that the H!P members would have known the official reasons why Miki was booted out, but I can't help but wonder if they also knew about Miki and Aya, and what happened between the two of them?
And way to go Sayu for becoming a Magazine big-wig. I presume this is the same business she had when you wrote her up and had Miki call her in "Private Funeral"?
I sigh. The front door opens and I wince. I should have gotten something for lunch.
"I'm home," says a voice.
I smile. This is probably my favourite thing. Those rare days meet up at home for lunch on a week day. It happens maybe once every year if we're lucky. I lean back and wait. I hear soft footsteps come towards me and I look up.
"Welcome back," I say, opening my arms for a hug.
Ah, so she and Shouji are still together, huh? They married?
"You're uncharacteristically affectionate today, Micchan."
I laugh.
"I missed you."
WTF...Micchan? But that would mean that's...Hiroshi? :o
What would my life be if he hadn't come to Tokyo? He's an old friend from school. One of the ones I left when I moved down here. Everyone always thought we'd end up together. I delighted in proving them wrong for a few years, but it turns out they were right.
Sunovabitch it IS Hiroshi! :o
He happened to come to school and then find work here, and somehow we picked up our friendship where it was left off when we were teenagers. Our friendship had always carried that potential to someday become something more. We were given the chance.
But why? Why did we have that chance? Because I messed up what I was really supposed to have. But I've resigned myself to settling for second best.
Ouch. Painful, yet somewhat understandable. Miki's saying that while she's very happy being with Hiroshi, she's never been happier than when she was with Aya.
I wonder what the near future will hold for me. Somehow I believe that seeing Aya at the post office can't have been a coincidence. It must be a sign. One of those signs that I don't believe in, but a sign nonetheless. A prelude to a dramatic three-act play that will unfold in my life and rock the steady boat that I sit relatively comfortably on. I make a mental note to have my proverbial umbrella ready for the downpour.
I say if you feel up to it dude, go for it. :thumbsup
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Huzzah an OTN1 update! My day has been officially made!
I apparently missed when you updated this in the past. Turns out I had never read parts 3 or 4 either, so I got a lot out of this. I must say that I loved part 4 because I've always liked your character of Ochiai. Plus there was a return of Hiroshi, too. I think one of the coolest things about your writings is how they all intertwine with each other. All of them connect somehow (even if it does involve different realities or alternate endings).
This part was chock full of the lovely GAM angst that I have grown to expect from you. I've got to applaud, 'cause no one writes angst quite like you, OTN1. I love it and hate it so much!
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I'm half ecstatic that I've finally managed to pick up my pen again, half frustrated that I ended up writing more of this and not the other story that I'm trying to get through.
And way to go Sayu for becoming a Magazine big-wig. I presume this is the same business she had when you wrote her up and had Miki call her in "Private Funeral"?
Yes, it is.
I think one of the coolest things about your writings is how they all intertwine with each other. All of them connect somehow (even if it does involve different realities or alternate endings).
Haha, thanks. I like to keep things consistent (even in stories with alternate endings) and make references throughout this series of stories just because it's fun for me to work them in. I also get a kick out of it when someone picks up on a really minute reference that I think nobody will notice! Kind of a huge ego booster for me, or something. So be careful. Hahaha.
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Prelude 2
I saw Miki at the post office today. She thinks I didn't see her. She looked all proud when she dodged her way out of my line of sight, hiding behind the tall man that stood in front of her.
But I saw her. It was definitely her.
She hasn't changed much. She looks older, of course, but still the same. She's aged well, and I'm surprised. One would think that she would have let herself go downhill. I guess it's just another one of those surprising aspects that you learn about someone you think you know really well. And with her, I've got some experience finding out that kind of thing.
I thought that without me, she might have given up caring. That maybe her last few words to me were true and that I did matter. That whatever I said mattered.
But evidently I didn't (and still don't) matter quite enough. She looks like she's doing very well for herself, and part of me is angry because I want her to look rundown because I haven't been there to take care of her. I want her to feel even more regret about what she's done.
I sigh. I haven't thought like this in years. Once I stopped talking to her, I quit thinking about that whole period of my life. I banished all thoughts of Miki's actions from my mind. I actually came to accept her in a way. Not quite forgiveness, but I realised that thinking about it and being angry all the time wouldn't get me anywhere. I let go of it all.
I tolerated my job for two years after that. Thank god she got kicked out right away. If she hadn't been, I would have quit. Perhaps I should have quit anyway. Just seeing all those other people made me think of her. But I stuck through it and worked hard. I saved up an incredible amount of money. When I finally went to my manager and showed her the letter of resignation that I was going to hand over to the agency, I had nothing to hold me back. No insecurities. I knew exactly what I wanted.
Once I was out of that bad atmosphere, things looked up. I moved to a suburb of the city where an apartment just as nice as mine was a fraction cheaper, and I invested my money. I didn't know how to on my own, so I asked a banker friend of mine to help me, and he did so happily and expertly.
I didn't work for a few years. I didn't have to. I spent my time relaxing, taking a well-earned break. I mostly stayed around my neighbourhood and took up some activities in and around home, but I got out and travelled a bit around the country and a few times overseas. It was during my travels within Japan that I met someone that could distract me from my misery and my recently developed fear of getting close to people.
Kazuyoshi became my best friend, actually, and I told him everything about myself.
Everything.
In turn, he told me everything about himself.
He had a daughter named Yuki from a previous marriage. She was one-and-a-half years old. Her mother, Kazuyoshi told me, was actually a lovely woman, but they simply didn't click. They'd always known that and they had jumped into marriage without any deep consideration. His ex-wife had agreed to let Kazu take care of Yuki because she was planning to move to China to take up a job there. Apparently she was always wild and not so good with commitments. As a result of having sole custody of their daughter, Kazu often brought Yuki along when we got together.
When Yuki started addressing me as "mommy", we knew something had to be done. Children are intuitive little creatures, though, and Yuki was always exceptionally brilliant. She could sense something in the air when I was around her father, and so she clung onto the idea of me being her mother. She knew I wasn't her real mother, but aside from being brilliant, she was forgiving, and didn't seem to have any qualms about welcoming me into her little family of two. No feeling of being betrayed by her blood mother. No feeling that I was trying to replace some other woman.
Kazu and I had a discussion. We didn't have to say much. It was pretty obvious what we felt. A few months and a short ceremony later, I officially became Yuki's stepmother. I swore just the day before that I would never be evil. I would never treat Yuki like Cinderella. I told her so much in a half-joking way, but she didn't understand the reference. One day soon I'll sit her down and make her watch the Disney movie. Hopefully we'll be able to laugh about it together.
So I became involved in another one of these unconventional relationships that I so much like to be in. Married to a divorced man who has a daughter and is on amiable terms with his ex-wife. I don't think my mother has quite forgiven me yet. My sisters, however, have stopped thinking I'm stark raving mad. My father straddles a tipsy wall. On the one hand, he wants to support his wife's opinion. On the other, he wants to support his daughter. Thus, he is always dodging the bullet, avoiding questions and simply not becoming involved in anything that requires mention of Kazu. He is an atypical father. None of my friends' fathers are like him. I'm lucky to have him, but sometimes I wish he'd take a firmer stand and tell me what he really thinks. Whether he approves or not. I want to know.
I disappeared from the entertainment world right after my retirement. I refused to be associated with anything public anymore. I received intermittent requests to do ceremonies or benefit concerts, but I always turned them down, often without reply. Tsunku, the man who helped me start my career, gave me the occasional call just to check up. Even though painful memories resurfaced whenever I spoke with him, I took his calls because he was genuine in his caring. I trusted him to keep his mouth shut and not say a word to anyone about where I was and what I was doing. I told him about Kazu and Yuki, and I told him I was happy. He confided in me some of his secrets, and the first time he told me personal things about himself, I felt like I had finally grown up enough and was now invited to go and sit with the grownups at the grownup table.
Ceasing all entertainment industry activities didn't keep me out of newspapers and magazines. That would go on (and still goes on), but they had nothing but empty speculation. I was spotted with Kazu or Yuki (or both), and then whole pages were written about my secret pregnancy and the shotgun marriage. I did my best to ignore it all. My family and my friends knew the truth.
As for Miki... I didn't care what she thought. It would be better if she believed those articles. Then she wouldn't think I was heartbroken forever. She'd see I had a life. A post-Miki life. That she didn't matter anymore. Not one bit.
I expel another sigh. Thinking of Miki makes me think about my entire life. I have to push her out of my mind. Otherwise I'll sit here all afternoon and reminisce, analyse, criticise, and blah blah blah. She's not important. Not important.
But sometimes Kazu tells me that she was important. Maybe not anymore, but that once upon a time, before step-moms and step-sisters were a thing of reality in my life, she did matter. I'm not sure that he's right. Once upon a time I was misguided. Blind. Or blinded by something. I thought something was important when it really wasn't. I get angry at him for telling me what I thought. I'm me. I should know. He becomes silent when I snap at him, and it makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty. As if maybe I've just proven the point he was trying to make.
My phone rings.
I check and it's Kazu. I hold the little ringing machine in my hand and watch it, knowing that after ten more seconds, the caller will be directed to my voicemail box.
After nine seconds, I pick up.
"Hi."
There comes a thoughtful pause from Kazu's end.
"What's bothering you?" he asks.
It's obviously not what he is calling to talk about. Who calls someone out of the blue and asks "what's wrong?" when they have no idea something could possibly be wrong? He must've picked up on my mood. But from one short greeting? That's pretty amazing. Yuki definitely gets her smarts from him.
"Nothing," I lie automatically, and then I think better of it. "Uh, I'll tell you later tonight."
And I will. Hiding things from people is no good. I've learned that.
"I hope you're okay," he says, and I can picture him winking at me as he says it. "I was just calling to ask where you are."
"I'm sitting on the left side of the new couch," I reply in a serious tone.
He laughs, which is what I intended.
"Is Yuki-chan still out with Aunt Yuu?"
Aunt Yuu is Kazu's aunt. Yuki loves her more than she loves me and Kazu combined. That's because Yuu spoils the girl rotten.
"Yeah, they were just breaking for lunch before going to the zoo last time I got mail from them."
"Okay, then. Come and meet me for lunch!"
He sounds excited. Maybe something good happened at work. He works at a lumber company that imports from North America. He's the head of his department and loves his job. I've never met someone who loves and knows so much about lumber. Japan is lucky to have such a dedicated man working for the sake of the people.
I tell him I'll get ready and go meet him.
"Meet me in front of that fountain across from my building, okay? We're going for Korean," he says enthusiastically.
When he's bursting with excitement, he gets bossy like that. It's funny because sometimes I check him. I tell him to stop ordering me around, and he flushes with embarrassment and quickly retracts everything he has said. This time I don't tease. I tell him I'll be there as soon as I can. We hang up, and I sit back on the couch before getting up.
I haven't brought Miki up in conversation in a long time. A few years at least. I feel apprehensive about doing it today. I'm worried. I don't want him to think that I'm obsessing over something. Because I'm not. I'm not obsessing over anything. It was just a chance meeting.
A chance meeting, but an odd one. What are the chances of going to the post office and almost bumping into someone you haven't seen in ten years after you've just moved into a new apartment complex in the neighbourhood? Maybe she works in the area and was taking some time off to pick up or deliver something. Kazu happens to work within easy walking distance. I'll have to be careful in the future. If Miki does work around here, I don't want to make it a habit of bumping into her. She might not matter anymore, but-
No. That's it. Full stop. She does not matter anymore. No more. The only thing she's important for is as a reminder of the tough lesson that I've learned.
I stand up and go to the washroom, touching up my makeup and then making my way out to make sure I have everything I need in my purse. I turn off all the lights and lock the door.
I get the strangest sense that I'm forgetting something. Maybe an umbrella. But the weather forecast has called for clear skies and zero percent chance of rain. I shake my head and take the elevator down to the street.
I take out my phone and message Kazu.
I've just left the building. Be there soon.
I look down the street in the direction of the post office. I sigh for the umpteenth time. I turn on my heels and walk in the opposite direction.
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Yay! OTN1 is writing again! This just made my day.
I hope you keep working on this one. This one is unlike all your other stories which start happy and end angsty. If this one starts angsty then it should end happy right? I mean there is no where to go but up! *trying to look on the bright side for Miki and Aya's sake*
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I also get a kick out of it when someone picks up on a really minute reference that I think nobody will notice! Kind of a huge ego booster for me, or something. So be careful. Hahaha.
That almost sounds like a challenge. ;D
I saw Miki at the post office today. She thinks I didn't see her. She looked all proud when she dodged her way out of my line of sight, hiding behind the tall man that stood in front of her.
But I saw her. It was definitely her.
OSHIT, Aya saw Miki too! :OMG: It's going to be really interesting to see and hear Aya's thoughts on this. Has she been thinking about Miki the way Miki has been thinking about her, or was she so hurt by "that incident" that she tried to completely push any memories or Miki out of her life? It would be ridiculous to think or hope that Aya has forgiven Miki for what she did, but considering how deep their relationship was (even before they "got together", they were best friends for many years), could/would she have tried to forget her? :cry:
She hasn't changed much. She looks older, of course, but still the same. She's aged well, and I'm surprised. One would think that she would have let herself go downhill. I guess it's just another one of those surprising aspects that you learn about someone you think you know really well. And with her, I've got some experience finding out that kind of thing.
I thought that without me, she might have given up caring. That maybe her last few words to me were true and that I did matter. That whatever I said mattered.
But evidently I didn't (and still don't) matter quite enough. She looks like she's doing very well for herself, and part of me is angry because I want her to look rundown because I haven't been there to take care of her. I want her to feel even more regret about what she's done.
One of the things that made Aya and Miki "work" was how well they completed each other. They needed each other and helped keep each other at their best.
I guess for Aya, seeing Miki like this (in that she apparently is doing well for herself and hasn't let herself go downhill) sort of gives her the impression that maybe Miki didn't really need her as much as she professed. Part of what makes relationships work is that feeling of being needed, the feeling that you're important enough that your partner can't do without you. Here Aya can't help but think that "maybe she didn't need me that much after all (if she ever really did)".
I sigh. I haven't thought like this in years. Once I stopped talking to her, I quit thinking about that whole period of my life. I actually came to accept her in a way. Not quite forgiveness, but I realised that thinking about it and being angry all the time wouldn't get me anywhere. I let go of it all.
Well, in a way it's good that she's been able to do this. To continue dwelling on it and being troubled/angered by it just wouldn't be healthy. It would have started to affect how she dealt with co-workers and people in general if she continued to let it bother her like that. Again, that's not to say that she should have forgiven Miki, but there's no reason for her to bring those issues and feelings when she was with other people who had absolutely nothing to do with it.
I tolerated my job for two years after that. Thank god she got kicked out right away. If she hadn't been, I would have quit. Perhaps I should have quit anyway. Just seeing all those other people made me think of her. But I stuck through it and worked hard. I saved up an incredible amount of money. When I finally went to my manager and showed her the letter of resignation that I was going to hand over to the agency, I had nothing to hold me back. No insecurities. I knew exactly what I wanted.
Remaining in H!P must have, undoubtedly been very painful for Aya. Even with Miki gone, there's just too much history between the two of them there. As for "knowing what she wanted", at the time...what exactly was that? To just get away from H!P? From all the memories of Miki? From everthing?
It was during my travels within Japan that I met someone that could distract me from my misery and my recently developed fear of getting close to people.
Kazuyoshi became my best friend, actually, and I told him everything about myself.
Everything.
In turn, he told me everything about himself.
Well, regardless of who it was, Aya NEEDED to talk to someone about "what happened". She probably couldn't talk to anyone else in H!P about it, as everyone there was just too close to the situation (and/or to Aya and/or Miki) to truly be objective about it all. Aya needed to talk to someone who had absolutely no knowledge of it, she needed to tell someone who wouldn't/couldn't make any judgements based on how well they knew the situation or either of them. The fact that he was so open with Aya (much in the same way that Miki was) must have given her a sense of security, since he wasn't holding anything back, and was being completely honest with her.
Reading this part, I can't help but wonder if Miki has been as forward with Hiroshi about her history with Aya as Aya has been with Kazuyoshi? Miki's obviously the type of person who can open up to people if she really feels close to them, but would she have told Hiroshi about this, about what happened and how she lost Aya? It's obviously a part of her life that she's ashamed of, but assuming that he didn't already know, would she have kept it from him? Has Miki been able to talk to someone about it the way that Aya was able to with Kazuyoshi?
He had a daughter named Yuki from a previous marriage. She was one-and-a-half years old. Her mother, Kazuyoshi told me, was actually a lovely woman, but they simply didn't click.
...
When Yuki started addressing me as "mommy", we knew something had to be done.
...
Kazu and I had a discussion. We didn't have to say much. It was pretty obvious what we felt. A few months and a short ceremony later, I officially became Yuki's stepmother.
...
So I became involved in another one of these unconventional relationships that I so much like to be in. Married to a divorced man who has a daughter and is on amiable terms with his ex-wife.
While it looks like Aya's managed to find some happiness here, you can't help but wonder, is she truly happy, or is she like Miki and settling for "second-best"? How much of a factor was Yuki's attachment to her when Aya agreed/decided to marry Kazuyoshi, and how much of it was truly because it was what she really wanted? Miki had made it clear that for her, even though she's happy with Hiroshi, nothing would/could ever top being with Aya. So then, how does Aya really feel about Kazuyoshi?
Tsunku, the man who helped me start my career, gave me the occasional call just to check up. Even though painful memories resurfaced whenever I spoke with him, I took his calls because he was genuine in his caring. I trusted him to keep his mouth shut and not say a word to anyone about where I was and what I was doing. I told him about Kazu and Yuki, and I told him I was happy. He confided in me some of his secrets, and the first time he told me personal things about himself, I felt like I had finally grown up enough and was now invited to go and sit with the grownups at the grownup table.
Given what he did and what he said to Miki when he fired her, and what she said from her POV, it indeed would appear that he favoured Aya more and would be more likely to side with her. Does Aya know that though? It's pretty safe to assume that Tsunku hasn't been keeping in touch with and checking on Miki the way he's been doing with Aya. Does she realize, know, or even care about what he did/said when he fired Miki? If she didn't know, and she found out, would her opinion of him change?
What if the roles had been reversed, and it was Aya who had cheated on Miki and had gotten FRIDAY'd? Would he have been as stern with her as he was with Miki? Or would have been more forgiving because she was one of, if not the darling of H!P? More importantly, would Miki have reacted the way that Aya did?
As for Miki... I didn't care what she thought. It would be better if she believed those articles. Then she wouldn't think I was heartbroken forever. She'd see I had a life. A post-Miki life. That she didn't matter anymore. Not one bit.
I find that last part hard to believe. If Miki didn't matter to Aya anymore, then she wouldn't be so concerned about showing Miki that she had "moved on" so to speak. The question here though is, why does she want Miki to see that she wasn't heartbroken? Was it because she wanted to show her that she could indeed move on, or was it because somewhere, deep down, she didn't want Miki to worry about her being lonely/heartbroken. There are 2 ways for her to say "See? I'm okay and I don't need you." One way is spiteful, and is said like slap in the face, the other way is like telling someone, "Look, I can do it on my own now" like when a child learns to ride a bicycle on two wheels for the first time without mom/dad having to hold them up. It's pretty clear that Aya was trying to give Miki a message here, but in which way was she trying to give/tell her that message?
Thinking of Miki makes me think about my entire life. I have to push her out of my mind. Otherwise I'll sit here all afternoon and reminisce, analyse, criticise, and blah blah blah. She's not important. Not important.
But sometimes Kazu tells me that she was important. Maybe not anymore, but that once upon a time, before step-moms and step-sisters were a thing of reality in my life, she did matter. I'm not sure that he's right. Once upon a time I was misguided. Blind. Or blinded by something. I thought something was important when it really wasn't. I get angry at him for telling me what I thought. I'm me. I should know. He becomes silent when I snap at him, and it makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty. As if maybe I've just proven the point he was trying to make.
Kazuyoshi's right, even if Aya wants to deny it, Miki was a very big part of her life for a long time. She, in part, helped Aya define who she is now (obviously both in good and bad ways). She can't deny her past, she can't deny that for a long time, she was her other half, and vice versa. You can't just erase that.
"Okay, then. Come and meet me for lunch!"
...
I tell him I'll get ready and go meet him.
"Meet me in front of that fountain across from my building, okay? We're going for Korean," he says enthusiastically.
Oh shit...this is where it'll get interesting.
What are the chances of going to the post office and almost bumping into someone you haven't seen in ten years after you've just moved into a new apartment complex in the neighbourhood?
...
I'll have to be careful in the future. If Miki does work around here, I don't want to make it a habit of bumping into her.
Damn, that means that they've both just recently moved into the neighbourhood. I wonder how close their respective apartment buildings are to each other? (Don't tell me that you're looking for so much angst that you actually had them move into the same or neighbouring building. O_O)
She might not matter anymore, but-
maybe she does.
I get the strangest sense that I'm forgetting something. Maybe an umbrella. But the weather forecast has called for clear skies and zero percent chance of rain. I shake my head and take the elevator down to the street.
Dude, what is it with you and umbrellas? :P Come to think of it, a LOT of fics her have recently been obsessed with umbrellas. :lol:
I take out my phone and message Kazu.
I've just left the building. Be there soon.
I look down the street in the direction of the post office. I sigh for the umpteenth time. I turn on my heels and walk in the opposite direction.
Hot damn, here we go. o_o
-
Haha, I like your logic, Novaforever. Unfortunately, I'm not a very logical person, so nobody can say how this one will end. Well, except me. But it's all a big secret.
JFC, seeing as you how to analyse deeply, I'm wondering what you're going to have to say about future chapters and the ending. Just a few more to go before I'm finished this story (it's not too long). I'm almost finished writing it, but there's a big connecting chunk that has yet to be penned. I've also gotten back into Restart and wrote a chapter today. I have plenty of ideas again. I want to finish off this one first, and then finish Restart. And then... that's it!
-
Act I
My vision is blurred by the tears pouring out of my eyes. Hiroshi says something to me, but I can't pay attention to him. Whatever he's saying is unimportant in the face of my greatest challenge since I was born. I look in the direction of the door where two customers have just entered.
"Miki!" Hiroshi's voice finally gets through to me, and I sniff, looking back at him.
I'm still blind.
"Are you okay?"
I grab a tissue from my purse and wipe my eyes and nose, followed by gulping all of my water down. A waiter who is sensitive to my distress is standing nearby, and he quickly fills my glass up again.
"Ahhh," I gasp, finally able to make a sound, my breath laboured. "That was spicy."
I shudder as I think of the size of the chilli pepper I just ate. It was just sitting there in my food looking all mild and delicious. How was I supposed to know that this restaurant used the real thing and not the dumbed down version for wimps (of which I can swallow down ten at a time)? I hadn't been mentally prepared. I like my food spicy, but I have to know. I need that vital information.
"Why'd you eat it?"
Does he have to ask me such a stupid question? It's food and was on my plate. Do I have to explain it to him?
I reply by scowling, and he pouts angrily at my reaction. We sit there glaring each other while I take frequent sips of water to sooth my burning mouth. The waiter hovers nearby, frightened by the looks on our faces but obligated to refill my water glass.
"Oh, come on," he finally huffs out in a frustrated voice. "Don't glare at me like that."
I can't help but smirk. He's always the first to break. I let the smirk turn into a pleasant smile, and I stop looking at him as if I want to kill him.
"Then don't ask me stupid questions," I sniff jokingly. "Are you done yet?"
I eye his plate which has one last bean sprout left on it. He looks down at it and then catches my eye.
"That's a statement," he says, indicating the solitary bean sprout. "I won't eat it. It stays behind."
I roll my eyes at his wannabe artiste-ness, and he stands up and goes off to pay the bill. I hurry close after, wishing I had a bottle of water to take with me. My tongue hurts. I stand beside Hiroshi as he pays and I look through my bag for anything to soothe my mouth. A piece of gum, a candy, a chocolate... anything.
I get a prickly sense at the back of my neck. It's like my Spidey senses are acting up, except that I don't have Spidey senses. I look around the restaurant and see a few couples and a family. It's on the later side of lunch time, but it looks like none of them have ordered anything yet.
I brush off the feeling, hook my arm around Hiroshi's, and pull him out of the restaurant as he fumbles to put his change away. I take a look back and see movement out of the corner of my eye, but all I see are people ordering lunch. No assassin coming to shoot me.
I pull Hiroshi over to a nearby ice cream shop, and finally my mouth is soothed and starts to return to its normal state. We stand on the street in front of the shop and eat our cones. I look at all the people walking by us, keeping a careful eye out for anyone I know.
"What's got you all riled up today?"
He sounds a bit rude asking, and if I didn't know him any better, I'd shove him away and stalk off. I know, however, that it's his weird way of displaying curiosity.
"I'm not riled up. I'm just recovering from that pepper."
Hiroshi bites down into his ice cream with top and bottom teeth. I suppress a wince. It looks painfully cold to do that. He doesn't notice my discomfort at his way of eating ice cream, and he continues obliviously, staring at me and waiting for an answer.
"Did something happen to you this morning?"
I shake my head.
"I went shopping. That's all."
I don't even want to mention the post office. If I do, I might start to say too much.
"You're no fun."
He scrunches his nose up at me and then takes off walking, his legs capable of long strides.
"Wh- hey!" I yell angrily, running to catch up with him.
"If you're going to be like that then I may as well get back to work."
He sounds a bit angry with me.
"I went to the post office and saw someone I used to know a long time ago, okay? I'm just a little worked up because of that."
He stops walking at his fast pace and slows down to a slow shuffle, allowing me to keep up with him perfectly well.
"Old friend?"
"Something like that. We parted on bad terms," I mumble.
He takes a deep breath and thinks it through.
"Since when does Micchan get all gloomy about people that are obviously not worth having as friends?"
I would have laughed if he'd been right, which he would have been in any other situation. In this case, however, I'm the one who is not worthy to be had as a friend. I'm the one who did something very, very wrong.
"Since it's Micchan's fault," I reply.
"The reason why you fought?"
I nod.
He thinks again. It looks like he's going to pull up the best thing he can from his mind and pass on his wisdom to me.
He slaps me on the shoulder like I'm one of the guys.
"The past is the past, eh?" he laughs. "You lived it, you learned from it. Now you get over it!"
He gives me a cheerful grin, to which I reply with a nervous smile that must look more like a grimace. He then takes off with his long strides again.
"Walk me to work, will you?" he asks me.
I stay silent, but jog to catch up with him, shocked by his reply to my worry. He really has no idea the kind of terrible things I've done in the past. The way I've lied.
He can never know.
I walk him all the way to work. If he thought I was riled up before, I wonder what he thinks now. He doesn't seem to notice that I've become one hundred times tenser, however. I say goodbye to him at his office, and I then wander back down the street in the general direction of my house, hoping to make it back without incident.
-
JFC, seeing as you how to analyse deeply, I'm wondering what you're going to have to say about future chapters and the ending.
Just depends on if I have a lot to pull out of my ass. :P
I've also gotten back into Restart and wrote a chapter today. I have plenty of ideas again. I want to finish off this one first, and then finish Restart.
Awesome! :thumbsup
And then... that's it!
For the time being. :D
My vision is blurred by the tears pouring out of my eyes. Hiroshi says something to me, but I can't pay attention to him. Whatever he's saying is unimportant in the face of my greatest challenge since I was born. I look in the direction of the door where two customers have just entered.
And heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go. :O
"Ahhh," I gasp, finally able to make a sound, my breath laboured. "That was spicy."
I shudder as I think of the size of the chilli pepper I just ate. It was just sitting there in my food looking all mild and delicious. How was I supposed to know that this restaurant used the real thing and not the dumbed down version for wimps (of which I can swallow down ten at a time)? I hadn't been mentally prepared. I like my food spicy, but I have to know. I need that vital information.
Eh? :?
"Are you done yet?"
I eye his plate which has one last bean sprout left on it. He looks down at it and then catches my eye.
"That's a statement," he says, indicating the solitary bean sprout. "I won't eat it. It stays behind."
I roll my eyes at his wannabe artiste-ness, and he stands up and goes off to pay the bill.
Huh? So...have Aya and Kazuyoshi even arrived there yet? :pig huh:
I get a prickly sense at the back of my neck. It's like my Spidey senses are acting up, except that I don't have Spidey senses. I look around the restaurant and see a few couples and a family. It's on the later side of lunch time, but it looks like none of them have ordered anything yet.
I brush off the feeling, hook my arm around Hiroshi's, and pull him out of the restaurant as he fumbles to put his change away. I take a look back and see movement out of the corner of my eye, but all I see are people ordering lunch.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm...maybe Aya and Kazuyoshi DID arrive, but were seated in a different section of the restaurant where they wouldn't see Miki and Hiroshi. And even though Miki did look towards the entrance, they might have arrived when she was tearing up from the chili and was "blinded" by her own waterworks. Talk about freakish coincidences.
If that's what happened, dude that's just an insanely cruel tease on your part. :roll:
"Did something happen to you this morning?"
...
"I went to the post office and saw someone I used to know a long time ago, okay? I'm just a little worked up because of that."
He stops walking at his fast pace and slows down to a slow shuffle, allowing me to keep up with him perfectly well.
"Old friend?"
"Something like that. We parted on bad terms," I mumble.
Ah, so this means she HASN'T told Hiroshi about Aya. Will she continue to keep this to herself? He might end up finding everything out anyway. :mon unsure:
"Since when does Micchan get all gloomy about people that are obviously not worth having as friends?"
...
"Since it's Micchan's fault," I reply.
"The reason why you fought?"
I nod.
Damn, poor Hiroshi really has no clue about what happened. Miki must have been too ashamed of it to tell him, lest he think less of her. :(
"The past is the past, eh?" he laughs. "You lived it, you learned from it. Now you get over it!"
Heh...that's how guys look at and deal with things like this. Unfortunately this time, it's just not that easy, at least, it isn't for Miki.
He really has no idea the kind of terrible things I've done in the past. The way I've lied.
He can never know.
It could be now that Miki's just plain scared of losing Hiroshi like how she lost Aya. She might be thinking that if he knew what she had done, that he wouldn't want to be with her anymore. She knows what it's like to hurt the person she loves and lose them because of it. She's done it once already, she likely doesn't want to risk it happening to her a second time.
I walk him all the way to work. If he thought I was riled up before, I wonder what he thinks now. He doesn't seem to notice that I've become one hundred times tenser, however. I say goodbye to him at his office, and I then wander back down the street in the general direction of my house, hoping to make it back without incident.
Ok, THIS is where the angst/drama is gonna pop up, right? If she DOES see Aya (and/or vice versa)...what will Miki do? Will she try and hide again? Pretend like she doesn't recognize her (like that would work)? Act as if nothing happened (no way she could do that)?
:dunno:
-
Yay new chapter!
I wish Aya could hear Hiroshi's words of wisdom on 'the past is the past.' They her and Miki could make up and everything would be lovey dovey and perfect.
Of course that would never happen so perfectly in one of your stories now would it?
-
Just a few more to go before I'm finished this story (it's not too long). I'm almost finished writing it, but there's a big connecting chunk that has yet to be penned. I've also gotten back into Restart and wrote a chapter today. I have plenty of ideas again. I want to finish off this one first, and then finish Restart. And then... that's it!
You shouldn't make promises you can't keep... Especially when you work so hard to build the tension up. XD
-
Especially when you work so hard to build the tension up. XD
He loves doing that to us. :D
-
Haha, no, I mean it this time. I've planned out an ending for the entire series. I could keep writing alternate stories in the same world, but it's getting tedious. Everything's starting to sound the same to me. One might look at it as "my style", but to me it seems more like I just have limited ways of expressing things, and they've all become exhausted, overused.
But the end is still a little while away.
-
Act II
We walk into a Korean restaurant. The room isn't that big, but it's long, making it appear twice as spacious as it is in reality. Kazu is updating me on his morning. He's gotten a promotion and is now in charge of a new sub-department in addition to his regular one.
"... so we got Canfor to sign the deal with us after such a short period of time. And they met all our requirements. No compromises. If it proceeds well, we'll start the operation within the month and..."
Kazu continues to talk, but I do not continue to listen. I come face to face with her and fear spills through my guts.
She's crying and she looks right up at me. Across from her is a man whose face I can't see. What did he say to make her cry? Did I just walk in on a break-up?
But then she wipes her face with a tissue and drinks water as the man says something to her in surprise and concern.
"...spicy," is all I hear from the conversation.
"This way," Kazu says, tugging at my elbow to lead me to a table.
I tear my eyes off of Miki. Why is she here at a Korean restaurant that I'm supposed to be enjoying my lunch at? Who is that guy with her? And why did she do a stupid thing like that and order a dish too spicy to eat?
We sit down. I happen to take a seat where, if I shift a bit, I can see Miki's table. I have to be careful our eyes don't meet. She looked right at me a few seconds ago, but I don't think she saw me because of her tears.
Kazu goes on about his dead trees while I sit and pretend to listen, all the while dreading the moment when Miki realises I'm in the room and comes up to me to talk.
No, she wouldn't do that. She's either too cool or too scared of me. Once we fell out, she wasn't one of those annoying stalker-types that kept calling to ask if we could talk. She got the message and stayed away from me.
"... and with fifteen bananas, we can create a thermonuclear shield that will bring balance to the force."
"Fifteen bananas, huh?" I mumble, imagining feeling a hand tap my shoulder.
"In our battle against the Temperons."
"Oh, those Temperons," I agree, looking down at my hands.
I feel a hand tap my arm, and I jerk up, looking up and beyond Kazu.
"Right here," Kazu says.
I look at him and see him waving one hand at me, the other on my arm. I sigh with relief and give him an apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry," I say.
"No problem. I was having fun talking to you about imaginary aliens."
I smile warily.
Should I say something to him? Should I alert him to the fact that Miki is sitting in this very room? Or should I just keep my mouth shut and not make a big deal of it? If I point out that she's in here, I'll have to explain about the post office, and if she happens to overhear me... it's not a situation I'd like to be in.
I'll keep quiet. I'll tell him later. Besides, when I walked in, it looked like the two were almost finished their meal.
"Would now be a good time to tell me what's up with you?" Kazu asks, interrupting my internal debate.
"No," I say quickly. "Later when you get home, okay? Now I want to enjoy lunch with you."
I smile and chuckle inwardly at myself as I begin to relax. There's nothing to get worked up about. So what if that girl is sitting across the room from me? It's not like I'm obligated to talk to her. It's not like I did something terrible to her. It's not like she can hurt me now. There's nothing she could say - nothing - that could make me hate her more than I hated her for a long time. The hate has worn off with time, and so while I would push her out of the way of a oncoming traffic or call the police if a gun was pointed at her head, I would not want to speak with her. I have nothing to say to her. I am indifferent to her and her opinion. I'm beyond it all.
"I kind of tuned out. What were you saying about a can of four?" I ask, trying to get Kazu back onto his beloved topic of trees.
"Oh, Canfor. The lumber company. So we signed a contract with them..."
And just as he begins to explain everything I tuned out for the first time around, I see Miki and her date get up. I look over Kazu's shoulder carefully and watch as they leave. The man goes ahead and pays for the dinner and Miki walks up to him, still looking a bit pained from the spiciness of the food.
All of a sudden, as if she knows somebody is watching her, her head twitches up and she looks around the restaurant through searching eyes. I feel a chill go up my spine as I watch her eyes seeking out the person that's staring at her. I shrink back a fraction of a centimetre, and then as her eyes sweep by our table, I bend down and rummage through my purse, pretending to grab at a vibrating phone.
When I straighten up and put my purse back down without retrieving anything, I see that Kazu is still talking and Miki has turned away, apparently satisfied with her inspection of the restaurant. I see her cling onto her companion's arm and pull him out, and a flash of something goes through me. Perhaps it's sympathy. For the guy.
Good luck handling her, I think.
I wonder if she can be completely honest with him. If she can tell him about her past and still have his respect.
As soon as Miki is gone, though, I stop thinking about her. She's like a mosquito. Only an issue when in sight, but when not around, forgotten. Kazu and I finish our meal with a normal conversation. A very family-oriented one. We discuss schools for Yuki. The time is coming soon for her to start primary school, and we want to make sure she goes to a respectable one.
We leave the restaurant talking about the schools available in our neighbourhood, and by that time, I've forgotten all about the post office encounter.
"Don't you think Yuki'd like a sister? Or brother?" Kazu asks me while in the middle of crossing an intersection.
I stop. Kazu has to grab my arm and pull me to safety because the light has turned red. We get to the sidewalk and I refuse to go a step further until I've thought about what he's just said to me.
We haven't talked about that in a long time. We did initially, but he was so distressed at the thought of having to be away on frequent business trips that he refused to let anything happen while he wasn't around for half of it. We decided there was no rush. We had Yuki. We were young.
But now with things soaring at work and fewer business trips, he can be home more often. I'm more than ready for it. I'm not getting any younger. But now is not a good time to talk about, what with being on a busy street corner.
"Maybe she does need some company," I agree with a smile. "See you after work."
He smiles back happily and says goodbye quietly. I walk home, cheerful, nothing able to shatter my happy world.
-
Act III
I push the post office incident out of my mind. Several days pass and I mostly forget it has happened.
Shige calls me in for a one-on-one meeting on Friday afternoon, telling me that she has a new project we're going to get started on for the issue that will appear in the last week of next month.
"Anniversaries," she says to me when I walk into her office.
I take a seat and look at her blankly.
"Whose?"
"Suzuki Haruka: three years. Onitsuka Mayo: four years. Yumi: two years. Do you know what all these three have in common?"
I don't know what she's getting at.
"They're all girls?" I ask.
Shige shakes her head, no doubt wondering where all my intelligence has gone.
"Um, they all like the colour pink?" I try again, only trying half-heartedly to guess at what she's talking about.
This time she rolls her eyes.
"June!" she tells me in a shrill, all-knowing voice.
"Their birthdays?" I ask, wondering if it's part of my job description to know those kinds of inane details.
"No!" she scolds me. "Their month of debut."
Oh.
Well how the hell was I supposed to know that?
"I hate June," I mutter.
"Here we go again," Shige mutters back in response.
Here we go again, I think about her statement.
"I know that you have some built-in genes that don't let you let go of your past, but could you, like, try for once not to mention it out loud?"
Oh, nice one, Shige, I think. You actually sound intelligent. You also sound like Hiroshi.
"I wasn't complaining about that," I say defensively.
She thinks I'm making reference to getting kicked out of the Project.
"About what?" Shige asks.
Is she dumb? She's the one implying things with her sentences.
"Getting kicked out," I roll my eyes. "And anyway, I wasn't talking about that. I just hate the month."
Plenty of other things - good and bad - have happened in June. I traditionally hold it as my unlucky month of the year.
"Well, if it's not that, then it's something else. But you know, it doesn't really matter what it is. Why should you let it bother you anymore?"
"Listen," I say, shifting to the edge of my chair. "I don't have a complex where I can't let go of the past, or whatever. I just don't like this month."
I'm actually itching for her to continue. I feel a need to yell something at somebody. Shige makes an excellent scapegoat for my pent up frustrations. She always forgives me in the end.
"Maybe it's because it's Matsuura-san's birthday," Shige goes on, not seeming to have heard me.
There's an unspoken rule between us. We don't talk about Aya. All she knows is that Aya and I don't talk anymore, but she never questions it. She has respected that until this very moment.
"What??" I ask in disbelief. "That has nothing to do..."
"I know you guys haven't talked in forever. Maybe that's what's bothering you," she says, sounding thoughtful and a little inquisitive.
The girl must be taking random shots. She can't possibly know I saw the girl just days ago. It must be all one huge coincidence.
It's ridiculous. Why does this sort of thing have to happen in my life? Why can't my life be normal? Without stupid occurrences that seem more like instances of divine intervention rather than just coincidence.
"No, that's not it."
"Or maybe it's 'cause you got dumped by the guy that caused you to lose your first job," she continues.
That was a cruel thing to bring up.
Right at the end of June, that oh-so-wonderful, funny, relatively new, great guy introduced a new element into our relationship, and that was the break-up. He had found someone else, and he'd given me a day's notice before going to move in with her. Some who knew what I did to Aya would have thought I had it coming to me, but it was a very different situation. I cared about both people. Mister Spectacular stopped caring about me completely. It was like the light bulb illuminating his eyes died and could not be replaced.
Don't. Freaking. Remind me.
If Shige were a doctor, I'd complain about her bad bedside manner.
"It was-"
"-an amicable break-up," Shige says with me. "I know, I know."
She doesn't believe that, though. Of course not. I always say it, but a few people know it's not true. I've even talked to her about it when she was caught in a similar situation and I was imparting my wisdom.
"Then maybe it's the recent rainy weather," she finally finishes, a hint of a caustic tone in her words.
"Yeah, it's the weather. Makes me cranky," I mumble, praying that our discussion is over.
"Anyway," Shige says, reverting to her bubbly tone, bouncing up from her chair and handing me a paper. "Take a look at this. It's just an outline of my idea. Let's set a meeting for tomorrow and discuss it. Bring your ideas!"
I find myself taking the paper and switching to my professional demeanour, making some preliminary comments off the top of my head. I then excuse myself to go back to my own office. When I get there, I sit at my desk.
Do I really let the past have such a hold on me? It's not like I'm still longing for days of old. I no longer obsess about going back into time and fixing my huge mistakes. I don't constantly sit there and think "I wish Aya'd forgive me." But Shige's right. I have to stop thinking negatively. Hiroshi's right. The past is the past. I've got to get over that last bit of it. I'm almost there.
I look at the list of names on the sheet of paper Shige has given me, and I start to think about past Junes. June twelve years ago: good. Eleven years ago: good. Ten years ago: everything went bad. The next two Junes I wallowed in self-pity the entire month. Now the month approaches again, and while in the last few years nothing has gone awry, I still remember certain things. The weather reminds me. The things in the city that I see remind me. The dates on the calendar remind me.
However, this is work. I don't want to let our readers down by being so self-involved that I don't do my part properly in producing an interesting magazine for them to read. I swallow whatever hesitation I have, and I jump into the work.
That evening, Hiroshi and I go out to meet some friends of ours. We are lucky and have Saturday off, so we can stay out late and sleep in late. There's nothing like a night out to erase all worries from my mind.
The following Saturday, we wake up at noon and go out for lunch. After we are stuffed with soba, we take a walk in the park. We're talking about a story one of our friends told us yesterday, and I hang onto his arm, squeezing it as I laugh until a tear makes it way out of the corner of my eye.
It is then, gasping for breath from so much laughter, that I come face-to-face with the last person I want to meet.
-
Haha, no, I mean it this time. I've planned out an ending for the entire series. I could keep writing alternate stories in the same world, but it's getting tedious. Everything's starting to sound the same to me. One might look at it as "my style", but to me it seems more like I just have limited ways of expressing things, and they've all become exhausted, overused.
But the end is still a little while away.
Well, it was bound to happen, I guess. This isn't General Hospital, after all. ;)
Just don't run away from the creative scene, it'd be such a waste...
It is then, gasping for breath from so much laughter, that I come face-to-face with the last person I want to meet.
JFC's right, you just love building the tension up.
-
Well, it was bound to happen, I guess. This isn't General Hospital, after all. ;)
Just don't run away from the creative scene, it'd be such a waste...
A quick check up in the Wiki showed me that General Hospital has lasted for a long time. Hah, god forbid I write something obnoxiously neverending like that. Good thing I'm stopping myself.
I would never run away from the creative scene! No arts, no life.
-
Act IV
Kazu and I have a nice and long talk that evening after tucking Yuki into bed. When I was a bit younger, planning the future used to come with a mixture of fear and excitement (mostly the latter), but now this time, it comes with a huge sense of relief. It's a comfort to learn that we both are on the same wavelength.
A few days pass, and I feel recharged. I consider the future of my career. I have a secret from the world. I may have removed myself from the entertainment industry, but I have certainly not taken music out of my life. I've kept practicing on my own, and I've been working on creating my own music. Kazu is my greatest supporter. He's always hinted that I should go back out into the public and show them what I've been doing. I've always ignored those hints. But now... Now I might consider it. I don't want to make a big deal about it, but it would be nice to show where I've managed to go since quitting the business.
On Saturday, Kazu has a day off. Yuki goes off to play with her second cousin, so Kazu and I go for a long walk in the park. We stop for ice cream and eat it by a tiny pond filled with carp. Then we continue on our way, no plan in mind.
We walk along a small path wide enough only for two. I notice another couple in the distance coming towards us, so I make a note to remember to move out of the way when we cross paths. What I don't make a mental note of is what to do in case it's Miki, and of course (because my life is full of silly twists of fate) it happens to be Miki and that man I saw with her at the Korean restaurant.
I notice this when they are about three metres away. I look up and simply don't believe what I see. Miki is hanging off of Korean restaurant man's arm and laughing till she's crying about something. This is the second time I've seen her crying in the past few days, although these tears are brought on not by sorrow. The last time I saw her crying out of distress was ten years ago.
She looks up, her eyes lock with mine, and then it's clear that we're in a whole load of something that is not shaping up to be pleasantly fragrant like fresh roses.
I stop. She stops. Kazu looks at her. I look at Kazu. He recognises her. Miki looks at Kazu. She looks at the man she's with. I look at the man she's with. He does not show any sign of recognition. He looks at Kazu. He looks at Miki. Miki looks at me. I look back at her. She takes in a breath. Maybe she's going to say something.
Say "excuse me" and walk by. There's not even an acquaintanceship between the two of us.
"Friend of yours?" Miki's man asks, seeing the obvious flash of recognition between us.
Don't start. Please, I find myself begging desperately in my mind.
She's hanging off of his arm and they seem close, but if he doesn't know who I am, then I wonder how close they really are.
Also, have I really changed that much in ten years? Have people forgotten my face? He seems to be at an age where he should have known who I was growing up unless he was raised in a remote island village in Okinawa or a foreign country.
"Yeah," Miki says in a quiet tone. "Old co-worker."
The man looks at me a little more closely and understanding lights his eyes up. Now he recognises who I am. I guess he hasn't seen an updated photograph of me in years, much like the rest of the public. I've been largely forgotten. Three quarters of my old fans probably wouldn't notice me in a crowd.
"Long time ago," I add redundantly, speaking my first words.
There's a silence. I can feel Kazu beside me. Miki, Kazu, and I understand the tension in this situation. It seems as though this man Miki is with hasn't a clue. Miki has let go of his arm. The four of us stand as if locked in a face-off. The awkwardness doesn't come close to anything I've felt before.
"I'm Tabe. Nice to meet you," Kazu says suddenly, addressing Miki and the mystery man.
What are you doing?
"Oh. Sato Hiroshi. The pleasure's mine."
Now the man has a name. It sounds vaguely familiar, but I don't have time to think about it. My eyes lock with Miki's. She looks away.
"Fujimoto," Miki says simply to Kazu, and then gives him a trace of a smile to lighten the impact of her greeting. "I used to work with Aya-chan."
She gestures toward me with a brief flick of the hand. I cringe at my name being spoken by her. In a way it seems right that she still address me like that, but in another way she shouldn't even be using my name. It's strange. I should simple be "this girl" or "her". Not "Aya-chan" or "Matsuura-san".
"Yes. I've heard so much from Aya," Kazu says pleasantly, and for a moment I want to kick him.
Great. Now Miki can jump to conclusions and imagine what sort of a nasty picture I've painted of her.
Miki's reaction is no reaction at all. If she's upset to find out I've told Kazu things, she hides it well. No surprise there.
The tension is such that I can see the man named Sato starting to feel it. I look up at Kazu, who meets my gaze for a brief second before turning his head to Miki.
"Say, why don't you two go grab a coffee and catch up. I've got to go and attend to some business anyway," he says.
Oh my god. You are dead, Kazu. Dead. When we get home tonight, I'm going to beat you to a bloody pulp, drown your head in the toilet, fling you over the side of the balcony and-
"Oh, I don't want to take up any of your time," Miki says quickly, addressing me verbally but looking at Kazu.
However, her oblivious man (whose aggravatingly innocent role in all this reminds me briefly of a certain boy I used to date), pipes up.
"Yeah, why don't you two go on?"
I can tell from the way Miki's eyes narrow the slightest bit that she, too, wants to murder the man she's with.
Now wouldn't that make an interesting novel? Two girls with a complicated history reunite ten years later and murder their respective husbands, leading to a thrilling epic tale of two girls turned friends turned lovers turned enemies turned accomplices in crime over the course of over a decade. Racy. Unsettling. A page turner.
"I think-" I start.
"Excellent, then. It's settled," Kazu says, clapping his hands together and then turning to Miki. "It was nice to meet you."
And before I know it, the two boys have walked off, leaving me and Miki standing in the middle of a park on a sunny, warm day.
"What the hell, Hiroshi," Miki mutters under her breath.
I see she hasn't lost her particular charming self over the years.
I don't say anything to her. What do you say to someone you haven't seen in ten years? Someone who you used to be so close to but then was betrayed by? She doesn't say anything either. I wonder if guilt is eating at her.
"I'm sorry," she says suddenly, cutting into my thoughts.
For a second I think that she's apologising for ten years ago, but then she speaks some more.
"I didn't mean for us to get us into this situation."
It's not like she could have prevented it. We both happen to be strolling through the same park at the exact same time. We also both happen to have aggravating significant others.
We don't speak another word, and in silent agreement, we start to walk to an empty bench by the fountain. We sit down facing the water and both look forward.
Just as I've always thought. We have nothing to say to each other.
"So is that guy your husband?"
No. She doesn't deserve to ask that question. She doesn't deserve to know anything about my life now.
"Yes," I reply simply.
I'm too polite to avoid answering a straightforward question.
"What are you now? Tabe Aya?"
It sounds funny to hear her say that. Like she's tasted something peculiar and isn't quite sure what to make of it. Like tasting two fruits never before mixed together.
"Oh, no. I kept my name," I reply firmly.
"That's just like you," she comments with a small, genuine smile that seems out of place here.
And she would know, wouldn't she. I have to resign myself to the fact that despite her stupidity in the past, she knows my character well.
"What about you? Married?"
She shakes her head.
"Not yet. It's been a busy few years."
What has she been doing? I wonder.
Nothing to put her on billboards or television commercials is all I can figure out. It's amazing how even when you completely ignore the entertainment industry, you can know so much just from the everyday things you see pasted on every available surface in the city.
"What have you been up to?"
The part of me that doesn't want to talk to her is slowly diminishing. I'm extremely wary of what I say to her, but once faced with the beast, curiosity outweighs flight instincts, and I decide a little poking and prodding can't hurt.
She raises curious eyebrows at me.
"I suppose you don't read that magazine, then."
Enigmatic reply. She's been in a magazine recently? For what? Modelling? She's too old for that. She doesn't look it, but she can't get away with lying about her age since it's an easily checkable fact.
"Remember Shige-san? Sayu?"
Michishige Sayumi? A name I haven't heard in years. I nod.
"She's the head of the most famous girls' magazine in the country. Ever heard of Superbly? I work right beside her editing that."
I try not to let my jaw drop in surprise. Of course I've heard of Superbly. Nobody in Japan hasn't heard of it. I've never touched a copy, but I've seen the cover of it at stores since it started as a small, humble fashion magazine. To learn that Miki is some sort of high-ranking staff member of that magazine sends me into fits of disbelief. That's only half of the astonishment I feel to hear that Michishige heads the publication.
How could a dolt like Miki be an editor? Aren't editors supposed to be intelligent university graduates who are good at reading and writing and have an excellent command of the Japanese language? Aren't editors supposed to be... not like Miki at all? Where'd she get the smarts to do that sort of thing? Miki meeting deadlines while under strict management is fine because she's motivated by a natural aversion to punishment. But Miki meeting deadlines while being the management is impossible to believe. Simply impossible.
"Oh," I say aloud, hiding my true thoughts.
She looks at me. Peripheral vision allows me to see her eyes studying my face.
"You don't believe it, do you," she states.
I angle my head to return her look.
"But it's true. Some time in the past ten years I really grew up. Left that path of youth we used to walk down. It's far behind me now."
She really has changed. I can tell. She's still the same Miki, but she's done extraordinarily well for herself. Working as the sub-head of Superbly, living with a tall, handsome gentleman, and still looking not a day over twenty-five.
But as I look in her eyes closely now for the first time in ten years, I see something more there. Under the thick layer of good feeling rests a kind of uneasiness. It's probably brought out by my presence, but it seems something she's accustomed to.
"Are you happy?"
Maybe I'm bullying her with this question. Maybe I'm trying to wrest out some admission of misery from her.
Her look doesn't change at all.
"Yeah."
She sounds like she means it.
"Are you?" she shoots back.
I think over my life.
Am I happy?
Yes. Yes, I definitely am. I'm surrounded by people who love me and who I love back. That's what I've always needed and wanted.
"Yeah," I echo her reply.
But there's one thing I'm not happy about, and that's her. I realise that she represents my one failure in life. The one big one. She represents all my regret, because she's the only thing I truly regret. But not in the way one might think. I think if I never got to know her, I wouldn't be the person I am now, so I don't regret meeting her. Kazu is right. She was important. Was. I guess the thing that I regret is that it couldn't have worked out for the better or at least ended in a cleaner way. That maybe it was destined to happen this way, and nothing could stop that stupidity we went through. I regret that it happened, but understand that it had to happen. We had to carry it out to the bloody, painful conclusion.
"Have any regrets?"
More bullying courtesy of me. But I'm curious. That's all.
She shoots me a look.
Should I not go there? Or does she not mind and is just surprised?
"Don't we all?" she asks with a hint of acidity in her voice.
Well, I'd say I just struck a nerve. However, I don't feel so good about it. I need to stop before I become nasty, cruel.
I stand up, making it clear that I want this conversation to end soon.
"Well, I hope that you can get over them. No use worrying about the past anymore."
It almost sounds like forgiveness coming from me.
She stares down at the dirt.
"See you," I finally say after she doesn't reply.
I turn around to go, thinking that leavings things like this will be a lot better than how they've stood for the past ten years. I'm not refusing to acknowledge her and she's not begging for forgiveness.
"Aya," she calls out before I can leave.
Do I want to hear what she's going to say? I kind of don't. Her voice sounds a little anxious.
Don't say anything stupid, I beg her. Don't say anything awkward. Don't say anything to rehash a past that's done and over with and buried underneath heaps of rubble. And most of all, don't admit your undying love for me. Just let me walk away.
I stop and turn around, taking a few paces forward to the bench so that she doesn't have to broadcast her thoughts to the ravens that are puttering about nearby.
"I'm really sorry," she says quietly. "For everything."
This time, I know for sure that it's an apology for all that mess. I haven't heard one in ten years.
I've imagined this moment before. We meet again after many years and she apologises... and I snub her. I rub her bad deeds in her face, or I just ignore her words. I say something nasty to hurt her.
"It's okay. Don't worry anymore," I reply in the same genuine tone.
And then I give her a bit of a smile. Not a big one. Just a small, comforting one.
I am Ayaya, after all, and always will be no matter how much I grow up and remove myself from the period I used that name. Hatred doesn't suit me. Love does. Compassion does. It's time I remember that. If I can smile and forgive Miki, then my heart can be saved from becoming a bitter, vengeful organ that holds grudges that do nothing but fester and make me feel like a dreadful person.
I hope that she can tell I mean it. I want her to stop thinking about it. I don't want to see her or anyone suffer. The past is the past, after all, and I should make an example of taking my own advice.
I get a good look at her face before I nod goodbye and turn around to walk home. I'm conscious of every step I take. I half expect to hear footsteps come running after me, Miki asking in a roundabout and awkward way if we can be friends again. But I know deep inside that she won't do that. Before I turned around to leave, I saw in her eyes acceptance. I saw gratitude. And I saw understanding. We're not best friends again, and we can probably never be, of which I am ninety-nine point nine nice nine percent sure of that. I am sure she knows that, too. She knows that it's best to just leave things as they are: on the good side of neutral.
And if we see each other on the street again from this day on, we can exchange polite greetings and continue on our separate ways.
I have a feeling, though, that this isn't our last meeting. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring, but the way things have always worked out in my life, twists of fate seem to rain down on me in sheets. If I decide to go back out into the public world, we might end up crossing paths at work. Regardless of the direction of my career, we might end up in the same line at the supermarket.
The past will never come back. Only our future will come. And it won't be nearly as shiny and ideal as the one we imagined together a decade ago. But that's okay. We have our other sources of happiness. Or at least I do.
I walk home no longer wanting to kill Kazu. I want to hug him and thank him. Not many people would do what he's done for me. Because of him, I've discovered that I'm able to forgive. That, I now know, is one of the most important things you can do with your heart. Now that I've written the final sentence of the book that's been unfinished and waiting for years to be concluded, I feel renewed, and after ten years of going through life as though swimming through molasses, I can now start living life at my normal, vibrant pace.
I stop once I'm far away enough, and I turn around. I can't see Miki, but I imagine that I can. In real life, I take a deep breath and hold it in to remember everything that has just happened before turning around and walking home; in my mind, I smile at her, wave bye-bye, and skip off cheerfully towards the horizon.
-
I would never run away from the creative scene! No arts, no life.
Good to know! ;)
I stop once I'm far away enough, and I turn around. I can't see Miki, but I imagine that I can. In real life, I take a deep breath and hold it in to remember everything that has just happened before turning around and walking home; in my mind, I smile at her, wave bye-bye, and skip off cheerfully towards the horizon.
The end?
-
In keeping with Friday story tradition (?), there's still one more story left to tell.
-
Please do. You keep me being all Doki Doki. Is it gonna be angst, or them miraculously being together again or....Miki getting married? Arrrgh! Please no! Judging from past stories tho'.....Nah I'd better not. :depressed: I can't predict your next move at all. I don't even want to try. :lol:
-
There's the confrontation, now to see what exactly does happen between them. An itch that's waiting to be scratched. :grin:
-
Act II
Kazu is updating me on his morning. He's gotten a promotion and is now in charge of a new sub-department in addition to his regular one.
Hmmm...good for him.
"... so we got Canfor to sign the deal with us after such a short period of time. And they met all our requirements. No compromises. If it proceeds well, we'll start the operation within the month and..."
Hmmm...what company does Hiroshi work for again?
I come face to face with her and fear spills through my guts.
She's crying and she looks right up at me.
Oh geez, it WAS Aya and Kazuyoshi that had walked in when Miki bit on that chili. But...she couldn't see because her eyes were tearing up so much. I wonder if Aya realizes that, or if she thinks that Miki actually saw her?
Across from her is a man whose face I can't see. What did he say to make her cry? Did I just walk in on a break-up?
I wonder if Aya has been aware of Miki's life the way Miki has been aware of hers? Obviously Miki's moved on since "the incident" since she's now with Hiroshi...but did Aya know that, or has she really been trying to avoid any mention of Miki during these last few years?
We sit down. I happen to take a seat where, if I shift a bit, I can see Miki's table. I have to be careful our eyes don't meet. She looked right at me a few seconds ago, but I don't think she saw me because of her tears.
The fact that Aya took the seat that lets her see Miki's table might be a sign that despite what she's told Kazuyoshi before, some part of her is still curious about what Miki's been up to and how she's been. If she was still uberly-pissed at her, she likely would have discreetly told Kazuyoshi that she wanted to leave and eat somewhere else, or at the very least ask for a seat/table that wouldn't let Miki see her.
Deep down inside, maybe a small part of Aya actually misses Miki? :cry:
Kazu goes on about his dead trees while I sit and pretend to listen, all the while dreading the moment when Miki realises I'm in the room and comes up to me to talk.
No, she wouldn't do that. She's either too cool or too scared of me. Once we fell out, she wasn't one of those annoying stalker-types that kept calling to ask if we could talk. She got the message and stayed away from me.
Aya almost sounds...hopeful here. It's like she's trying to convince herself of something. Miki stayed away like Aya told her too, and for Aya, that should be a good thing, right? It was, after all, what she wanted, right?
Maybe not. Maybe some part of Aya wants to have Miki back in her life, regardless of whatever capacity that might be. Even if it's just as the casual neighbours that they appear to have become...at least it's something. All these years Aya's been able to manage because she and Miki had not been physically near each other. Now, here they are, running into each other for the second time in as many days. It's likely that they'll run into each other more unless one of them moves. Can Aya handle that proximity and still want Miki to stay away?
There's nothing to get worked up about. So what if that girl is sitting across the room from me? It's not like I'm obligated to talk to her. It's not like I did something terrible to her. It's not like she can hurt me now. There's nothing she could say - nothing - that could make me hate her more than I hated her for a long time. The hate has worn off with time, and so while I would push her out of the way of a oncoming traffic or call the police if a gun was pointed at her head, I would not want to speak with her. I have nothing to say to her. I am indifferent to her and her opinion.
...
As soon as Miki is gone, though, I stop thinking about her. She's like a mosquito. Only an issue when in sight, but when not around, forgotten.
Really?
"Don't you think Yuki'd like a sister? Or brother?" Kazu asks me while in the middle of crossing an intersection.
...
We haven't talked about that in a long time. We did initially, but he was so distressed at the thought of having to be away on frequent business trips that he refused to let anything happen while he wasn't around for half of it. We decided there was no rush. We had Yuki. We were young.
But now with things soaring at work and fewer business trips, he can be home more often. I'm more than ready for it. I'm not getting any younger. But now is not a good time to talk about, what with being on a busy street corner.
"Maybe she does need some company," I agree with a smile.
Hmmm...interesting. If this is truly what Aya wants, it would be nice, as she's evidently shown she can be a good mom with Yuki.
Act III
Shige calls me in for a one-on-one meeting on Friday afternoon, telling me that she has a new project we're going to get started on for the issue that will appear in the last week of next month.
"Anniversaries," she says to me when I walk into her office.
...
"Suzuki Haruka: three years. Onitsuka Mayo: four years. Yumi: two years. Do you know what all these three have in common?"
...
"June!" she tells me in a shrill, all-knowing voice.
...
"Their month of debut."
Oh.
...
"I hate June," I mutter.
It would be a bit of a slap in the face to be reminded that certain people's careers were beginning just as your's was being forced to end.
Plenty of other things - good and bad - have happened in June. I traditionally hold it as my unlucky month of the year.
"Well, if it's not that, then it's something else. But you know, it doesn't really matter what it is. Why should you let it bother you anymore?"
"Listen," I say, shifting to the edge of my chair. "I don't have a complex where I can't let go of the past, or whatever. I just don't like this month."
Question is, had Miki always thought that way about the month of June, or was it something that developed more recently?
Looking at it from Sayu's point of view, it would look like Miki's still bothered by what happened. As her friend (as well as as her boss), Sayu knows that to continue to dwell on it just won't do any good whatsoever. However, in Miki's defence, Sayu can never truly understand how hard it is for Miki to let it go, especially since she blames herself for it.
"Maybe it's because it's Matsuura-san's birthday," Shige goes on, not seeming to have heard me.
There's an unspoken rule between us. We don't talk about Aya. All she knows is that Aya and I don't talk anymore, but she never questions it. She has respected that until this very moment.
Uh oh. :O
"Or maybe it's 'cause you got dumped by the guy that caused you to lose your first job," she continues.
That was a cruel thing to bring up.
Right at the end of June, that oh-so-wonderful, funny, relatively new, great guy introduced a new element into our relationship, and that was the break-up. He had found someone else, and he'd given me a day's notice before going to move in with her.
Oh...shit. :k-crazy:
Some who knew what I did to Aya would have thought I had it coming to me, but it was a very different situation. I cared about both people. Mister Spectacular stopped caring about me completely. It was like the light bulb illuminating his eyes died and could not be replaced.
It's true that given what happened, upon first impression most people would say that Miki got what she deserved. She screwed up something special, chose one relationship over another, and then ended up with nothing. It was still a harsh thing to happen, and the way it happened to Miki was particularly cruel. The loss and the pain she caused herself...she has no one to blame but herself for that. However just because it happened to her, it doesn't make it right or fair.
Now...THIS Aya must have known about. I mean, considering the hub-bub that was caused when it was discovered the two were dating, imagine the coverage when it was found out that he had dumped her and was living with someone else? Here Miki basically lost her singing career for him, and he just casts her aside and moves on to the next piece of ass? The tabloids would have had a field day with this (assuming of course, that any of them still cared). But yeah, even if this happened after Aya quit H!P and married Kazuyoshi, surely she must have heard about this on the news or saw it in a magazine, even if it was just in passing?
"Then maybe it's the recent rainy weather," she finally finishes, a hint of a caustic tone in her words.
"Yeah, it's the weather. Makes me cranky," I mumble, praying that our discussion is over.
Good move Sayu; best not to push the subject any more.
Do I really let the past have such a hold on me? It's not like I'm still longing for days of old. I no longer obsess about going back into time and fixing my huge mistakes. I don't constantly sit there and think "I wish Aya'd forgive me." But Shige's right. I have to stop thinking negatively. Hiroshi's right. The past is the past. I've got to get over that last bit of it. I'm almost there.
Unfortunately, there are times when mistakes cannot be rectified, when they can't be forgiven. Not everything can come full circle, no matter how much we'd like it to. Miki's starting to realize that this just might be one of those types of situations. As much as she would like for things to have some resolution, it might be that in this case it's just not possible. Better to move on then, and just let this thing go.
The following Saturday, we wake up at noon and go out for lunch. After we are stuffed with soba, we take a walk in the park. We're talking about a story one of our friends told us yesterday, and I hang onto his arm, squeezing it as I laugh until a tear makes it way out of the corner of my eye.
It is then, gasping for breath from so much laughter, that I come face-to-face with the last person I want to meet.
Here we go. :shocked:
Act IV
I consider the future of my career. I have a secret from the world. I may have removed myself from the entertainment industry, but I have certainly not taken music out of my life. I've kept practicing on my own, and I've been working on creating my own music. Kazu is my greatest supporter. He's always hinted that I should go back out into the public and show them what I've been doing. I've always ignored those hints. But now... Now I might consider it. I don't want to make a big deal about it, but it would be nice to show where I've managed to go since quitting the business.
It's nice to see that Aya hasn't walked away from music/singing. Especially now that she's basically on her own (i.e. without management-types telling her what to sing or how to dress or whatnot), she can really start to sing and make the type of songs that SHE has wanted to make. Some guys would be extremely worried, if not even completely against that idea if they were in Kazuyoshi's place. After all, he's married to Ayaya, super-idol for many an adoring fan/wota back in the day. If she chooses to make a comeback, the attention that she'll get could be enormous, and that could be intimidating for a husband. Good to see that he's supportive of her efforts, rather than trying to discourage her.
On Saturday, Kazu has a day off. Yuki goes off to play with her second cousin, so Kazu and I go for a long walk in the park. We stop for ice cream and eat it by a tiny pond filled with carp. Then we continue on our way, no plan in mind.
Here it comes...:O
She looks up, her eyes lock with mine, and then it's clear that we're in a whole load of something that is not shaping up to be pleasantly fragrant like fresh roses.
I stop. She stops. Kazu looks at her. I look at Kazu. He recognises her. Miki looks at Kazu. She looks at the man she's with. I look at the man she's with. He does not show any sign of recognition. He looks at Kazu. He looks at Miki. Miki looks at me. I look back at her. She takes in a breath. Maybe she's going to say something.
o_o
Say "excuse me" and walk by. There's not even an acquaintanceship between the two of us.
That would probably be the quickest solution right now.
"Friend of yours?" Miki's man asks, seeing the obvious flash of recognition between us.
D'oh...smooth move Hiroshi.
She's hanging off of his arm and they seem close, but if he doesn't know who I am, then I wonder how close they really are.
Well, if the situation was reversed, and Aya was the one that had screwed everything up, if she felt the shame that Miki felt and was scared of what effect telling Kazuyoshi about it would have (i.e. if it might cause him to lose respect for her or even leave her), would she be so willing to talk about it?
Also, have I really changed that much in ten years? Have people forgotten my face? He seems to be at an age where he should have known who I was growing up unless he was raised in a remote island village in Okinawa or a foreign country.
Close, it was Hokkaido.
"Yeah," Miki says in a quiet tone. "Old co-worker."
The man looks at me a little more closely and understanding lights his eyes up. Now he recognises who I am. I guess he hasn't seen an updated photograph of me in years, much like the rest of the public. I've been largely forgotten. Three quarters of my old fans probably wouldn't notice me in a crowd.
Aya probably never really noticed it (that people weren't noticing her as much out in public) over the past few years, but yeah, when you're not in the public spotlight, you gradually go from the "hot" list to the "where are they now" list. For Aya it was likely a good thing in that it allowed her to live a regular, normal life with Kazuyoshi and Yuki over these last few years. It's also bad though, as it leads to really awkward situations like this.
"I'm Tabe. Nice to meet you," Kazu says suddenly, addressing Miki and the mystery man.
What are you doing?
"Oh. Sato Hiroshi. The pleasure's mine."
Well, SOMEONE had to break the tension. Besides, there's no reason for Hiroshi and Kazuyoshi to not be polite to each other.
"Fujimoto," Miki says simply to Kazu, and then gives him a trace of a smile to lighten the impact of her greeting. "I used to work with Aya-chan."
She gestures toward me with a brief flick of the hand. I cringe at my name being spoken by her. In a way it seems right that she still address me like that, but in another way she shouldn't even be using my name. It's strange. I should simple be "this girl" or "her". Not "Aya-chan" or "Matsuura-san".
I would say that Aya should see this as a sign that Miki still cares about her, even after all that's happened. Aya was mad at her, told her she hated her, and she had every right to do so. It never changed the fact that she was still important to Miki. Miki never said that she hated Aya.
The tension is such that I can see the man named Sato starting to feel it. I look up at Kazu, who meets my gaze for a brief second before turning his head to Miki.
"Say, why don't you two go grab a coffee and catch up. I've got to go and attend to some business anyway," he says.
Oh my god. You are dead, Kazu. Dead. When we get home tonight, I'm going to beat you to a bloody pulp, drown your head in the toilet, fling you over the side of the balcony and-
EHHHHHHHHHHHHH? :OMG:
"Oh, I don't want to take up any of your time," Miki says quickly, addressing me verbally but looking at Kazu.
Miki would probably like to, but as far as she knows Aya is still royally pissed off at her and as she told her back then, doesn't want to be anywhere near her.
However, her oblivious man (whose aggravatingly innocent role in all this reminds me briefly of a certain boy I used to date), pipes up.
"Yeah, why don't you two go on?"
I can tell from the way Miki's eyes narrow the slightest bit that she, too, wants to murder the man she's with.
...
"Excellent, then. It's settled," Kazu says, clapping his hands together and then turning to Miki. "It was nice to meet you."
And before I know it, the two boys have walked off, leaving me and Miki standing in the middle of a park on a sunny, warm day.
LULZ at the subtle smack at Tachibana.
It seems like the guys are trying to set it up so that Aya and Miki can settle things once and for all and find some resolution. They both know that the two of them still weigh on each other's minds from time to time, so in typical guy mentality, they said "why not?" :bigdeal: After all it's been what, 10 years? Surely by now they can at least be civil (maybe even friendly) enough with each other to be able to have a cup of coffee together?
"What have you been up to?"
The part of me that doesn't want to talk to her is slowly diminishing. I'm extremely wary of what I say to her, but once faced with the beast, curiosity outweighs flight instincts, and I decide a little poking and prodding can't hurt.
...
"Remember Shige-san? Sayu?"
Michishige Sayumi? A name I haven't heard in years. I nod.
"She's the head of the most famous girls' magazine in the country. Ever heard of Superbly? I work right beside her editing that."
I try not to let my jaw drop in surprise. Of course I've heard of Superbly. Nobody in Japan hasn't heard of it. I've never touched a copy, but I've seen the cover of it at stores since it started as a small, humble fashion magazine. To learn that Miki is some sort of high-ranking staff member of that magazine sends me into fits of disbelief. That's only half of the astonishment I feel to hear that Michishige heads the publication.
I guess Aya really hasn't been paying much attention to the entertainment world since she walked away from it. It would be nice to think that Aya's happy and maybe even proud that Miki's been able to do well for herself, but it's a bit too soon for that.
"I'm really sorry," she says quietly. "For everything."
This time, I know for sure that it's an apology for all that mess. I haven't heard one in ten years.
We all knew that Miki would eventually say this should the two of them meet. Everyone knows that it still bothers her and that she blames herself for what happened. Even though it's their first time speaking to each other in a decade, Aya can see that. Back then, she probably would have no trouble seeing Miki be troubled by this for the rest of her life. But what about now? Regardless of how Aya feels about Miki right now, can she honestly be okay with leaving things the way that they did?
"It's okay. Don't worry anymore," I reply in the same genuine tone.
And then I give her a bit of a smile. Not a big one. Just a small, comforting one.
...
I hope that she can tell I mean it. I want her to stop thinking about it. I don't want to see her or anyone suffer. The past is the past, after all, and I should make an example of taking my own advice.
I get a good look at her face before I nod goodbye and turn around to walk home. I'm conscious of every step I take. I half expect to hear footsteps come running after me, Miki asking in a roundabout and awkward way if we can be friends again. But I know deep inside that she won't do that. Before I turned around to leave, I saw in her eyes acceptance. I saw gratitude. And I saw understanding.
Not quite forgiveness, but she's at least acknowledging that Miki's apologizing for what happened. Back when it originally happened, Aya totally disregarded Miki's apologies, treated them as if they were nothing but empty words. By acknowledging it this time, she's letting Miki know that she's willing to hear and accept it now. Accepting an apology is just as big as being forgiven. Depending on the person, the former can actually be more important, especially when it's from someone that you're really close to. When you're mad at someone, or vice versa, it's more the acceptance of the apology and not actually being forgiven, that can determine how things will progress or if they'll "be alright". Once can accept an apology, not forgive someone, and they'd still be able to get along somewhat and have a chance to rebuild what they once had. But to outright REJECT an apology is to say what Aya originally said and did when she completely cut off all ties with her. No chance for forgiveness (though Miki might not have been looking for it), no chance to tell her how sorry she was, no chance at anything. That, if anything, would have been the most painful for Miki.
We're not best friends again, and we can probably never be, of which I am ninety-nine point nine nice nine percent sure of that. I am sure she knows that, too. She knows that it's best to just leave things as they are: on the good side of neutral.
And if we see each other on the street again from this day on, we can exchange polite greetings and continue on our separate ways.
...
The past will never come back. Only our future will come. And it won't be nearly as shiny and ideal as the one we imagined together a decade ago. But that's okay. We have our other sources of happiness.
Even with what just happened, what happened in the past might just be too big, and it might be too late to overcome it. It's honestly a bit much to think that they could recapture what they once had (even just on a friendship level). A lot has happened in these past 10 years for both of them. They've both grown up, changed, probably so much that they just won't fit together anymore like they once did. But again, this is something that they both have to accept and live with. For the time being, the good side of neutral is the best result that they could have hoped for. Neither Aya nor Miki were able to really close this chapter in their lives. No ending would be right if it didn't happen between the two of them. Now it has happened, so now they can truly put it all behind them, and continue on freely as they both deserve to.
I stop once I'm far away enough, and I turn around. I can't see Miki, but I imagine that I can. In real life, I take a deep breath and hold it in to remember everything that has just happened before turning around and walking home; in my mind, I smile at her, wave bye-bye, and skip off cheerfully towards the horizon.
Nice that in her mind (if not in her heart), Aya can still remember (in a good way) and is still able to be "Ayaya". Perhaps leaving things the way they were affected Aya just as much as it did Miki. She likely hadn't "been" Ayaya since the incident, because of how much it hurt her. Now that the two of them have had their talk and Aya's accepted Miki's apology, she can let herself be "Ayaya" again.
In keeping with Friday story tradition (?), there's still one more story left to tell.
/me wonders if either Aya or Miki ever frequented Ochiai-san's shop after the incident or if they ever saw/talked to her again.
Perhaps it's a little blurb from Kazuyoshi's & Hiroshi's POV after they leave the two girls alone (and both hoping that they don't get killed by their respective "better halves")?
-
G4rfield, sometimes I am predictable, though. And everyone likes to grumble and predict what sort of angst I'll throw in. Haha! I don't mind, though. It's interesting to hear everyone's thoughts.
Shindoushiz, let's see if there's a resolution (or, as you put it, if that itch can be scratched). Aya seems pretty satisfied with how things end up. Now to see how satisfied Miki is.
JFC, haha, your analysis is longer than what I've written. Interesting thought about Occhi. There's a big blank space of ten years, and a lot could have happened involving Occhi. But I'm not inclined to write it. It'd all be too long. Although I'm sure she never stopped trying to help her two favourite customers. I have a feeling the girls wouldn't have gone to see her willingly. If they had, they might've gotten some advice that could've saved them from a big 10-year gap in their communication.
As I said before, the next chapter is the end of this alternate story. Soon I'll continue and wrap up Restart, and then I'll graduate from writing stories centred around the Love x 2 world. It's about the size of a full-length novel by now. Enough!
-
Act V
Why? Why do we have to meet like this? On my day off. In such a peaceful atmosphere. When I was having so much fun and finally forgetting about my sighting at the post office.
"Friend of yours?"
Those are the words that pull me out of my trance. Hiroshi speaks them, and I remember that we're in a park. He and I have been walking and laughing, and we've run right into two people. One who I know, one who I don't. I stare at both of them.
"Yeah," I reply almost straight away, surprised that my voice sounds normal, although quiet. "Old co-worker."
That has to be the greatest exaggeration ever. "Friend of mine"? The answer to that is not even close to "yeah". Now if it was "former friend of mine", then yes, that would be right. But Hiroshi has no idea.
How can he have no idea who Aya is? He knows I've worked with her. She's famous! Stupid Hiroshi. Can't even tell when he's standing in front of one of the most famous idols in-
Former. Former idol. Many years ago...
I correct myself. I scold myself. Hiroshi shouldn't be expected to remember Aya's face so many years after she disappeared. The only reason why I remember her is because I knew her. He never knew her. He never met her. And I have rarely spoken about her. He knows we had a falling out, and that's about it. He asked me before - a long time ago - what it had been about, but I gave him a vague "it's a girl thing" kind of answer and that averted his curiosity.
I look at him quickly, and I see him eying Aya and starting to recognise her.
’Atta boy, Hiro-kun.
Sometimes he acts like a dumb dog, which is weird because he's so smart. I love that about him. But now is not the time to be thinking about my favourite Hiroshi charm points. I let go of his arm subtly.
"Long time ago," Aya speaks, and after ten years, her live voice flows into my ears.
She sounds exactly the same. Exactly. It matches perfectly with my memories. Memories of good times listening to that voice on lazy days, and being lulled to sleep by it...
Stop this line of thought now.
I follow my own command, and am engulfed by the awkward silence that settles over us.
Finally, the man Aya is with speaks.
"I'm Tabe. Nice to meet you," he says to us.
And who are you, Tabe? I wonder.
Her boyfriend? Her cousin? Her co-worker?
Her sugar daddy?
Don't think things like that!
I look at her, and she has an unreadable look on her face, although if I had to guess (and it's really not hard to), I'd say she wants to break up this little party as soon as possible.
I wonder if she'll hit me. Slap me or punch me. Or scream at me...
"Oh. Sato Hiroshi. The pleasure's mine."
My Hiroshi is as polite as ever, and even though he's starting to sense something a little off about this group of four, he keeps his nerves in check and turns on the charm.
Aya looks at me, and I look away quickly, addressing this boyfriendcousinsugardaddy named Tabe.
"Fujimoto," I say in a voice that is far too serious.
If I act angry, I'm not going to get anywhere. I'm not going to get anything. I'd better be polite. I smile a bit.
"I used to work with Aya-chan."
The minute I say that, I bite my tongue. What am I doing referring to her as if we're still friends?
But better yet, what do I think I'm going to gain by being my most polite? It's not like she's going to suddenly run up to me, give me a hug, and suggest we go for manicures and catch up on the past ten years. I'm surprised she hasn't walked off already.
"Yes. I've heard so much from Aya," Tabe says.
I resist the terrific urge to raise an eyebrow and look at Aya. What has she told him? Everything?
I keep my outside features perfectly calm.
It doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me... I chant in my head like a monk.
Tabe looks up at Aya and then at me.
"Say, why don't you two go grab a coffee and catch up. I've got to go and attend to some business anyway."
"What are you saying, you idiot?! If you've heard so much about me, you obviously know that Aya never wants to talk to me again. What the hell, you moron? Get off my planet!" is what I want to say.
Of course I don't say that.
"Oh, I don't want to take up any of your time," I say, looking at Tabe.
I can't look at Aya. I'm afraid of what I'll see.
But maybe I should. Maybe Tabe is privy to some information about Aya. That she wants to talk to me. That she wants to be friends with me again. That... I'm delusional and should be shot for thinking I'd ever be forgiven.
I cast a quick look at Aya, and I breathe a sigh of relief in my mind. She's looking at Tabe. She's looking a little angry.
I try not to feel like my one little flame of hope has been trodden on. I know a snowball has a better chance of surviving in hell, but I suppose seeing how much she doesn't want to be left alone with me stings nonetheless.
"Yeah, why don't you two go on?"
Oh my god. Shut up, Hiroshi!
I can't help but narrow my eyes and look at him. If Aya doesn't want to be alone with me, I don't want to be alone with her. I don't want to be in a scary situation where she obviously does not want to be there and is liable to blow up at me at any time.
"I think-" Aya starts, and I praise an almighty being for giving her an idea of how to get out of this.
However, she's interrupted by her own man.
"Excellent, then," he says with a clap of the hands. "It's settled."
And the truth of it all is that I'm glad. Even if she doesn't want to talk to me. Even if she throws dirt in my eyes (which is a real possibility). I want to give it one try.
"It was nice to meet you," Tabe continues, looking at me.
The boys nod goodbye to us, and they leave us standing on the path together.
"What the hell, Hiroshi," I mutter, trying to relieve the enormous tension I feel by scolding someone else aloud.
It doesn't work too well. I'm a bit terrified that Tabe is going to say something to Hiroshi. Hiroshi is best left in the dark. It's not that I don't trust him. He'll just worry. And my past is my past. Mine mine mine. It's private. He doesn't have to know. They're my accomplishments and my mistakes. They've shaped me, and he gets the final product. That should be a good enough thing for him.
So here we are. Two former friends in a park. There's an obvious pause where the first has to be brave and speak up. I decide that I have to be the first.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for us to get us into this situation."
Not that it's my fault, but I figure she's going to blame anything that goes wrong on me. She'd probably blame me for last year's huge and fatal flood in Rio de Janeiro. Anything to take a stab at me.
She doesn't say anything to me, and I stand there feeling awkward, my face probably red from embarrassment.
And what happens next? Something that gives me hope.
After the uncomfortable silence, we make a decision together silently just like in the old days and move to sit on a nearby bench. We still have that synchronised touch. It seems it becomes one of the laws of nature when we are in each other's presence.
We sit facing a fountain. I don't dare try to start the conversation again. My attempt before was too lame.
But I have so many questions. I have so much I want to say to her. I can't keep quiet. Not when I have this chance. The tiny flame of hope is re-lit. She hasn't shoved me in the fountain and run off laughing like a madman, so it means she can tolerate being in my presence.
I need to apologise to her. I need to say I'm sorry for all the bad things I did to her. But if I do, she'll get angry. I can tell. She doesn't want to hear another apology from me.
I settle for a polite but nosey question.
"So is that guy your husband?"
"Yes," she replies.
She doesn't even seem annoyed that I've asked her something personal.
But wait. They're married? Well, that's... a relief? I guess all wounds heal after time.
Right?
How much time left until mine heal?
"What are you now? Tabe Aya?"
It sounds weird to say that. I could never imagine her changing her name. Tachibana Aya. That would've been ridiculous. Tabe Aya... that sounds even stranger.
"Oh, no. I kept my name," she replies with a shake of the head.
Now that's a true relief!
"That's just like you," I say, the relief showing through in a smile that I let past my defences.
She looks a little irked to hear me say that, and I hush up, trying to wipe the smile off my face. I don't need to remind her that once upon a time, I was the closest thing to her. Before I screwed up.
"What about you? Married?" she asks me.
Her turn to be intrusive. I wonder if she really cares or if she's just being polite and returning my inquiries with fake interest.
"Not yet. It's been a busy few years," I say with a shake of the head.
It's not because I can't get over you. Don't think that for a minute, I think a little too forcefully in my mind.
"What have you been up to?"
Is she serious? She doesn't know?
"I suppose you don't read that magazine, then," I say, raising my eyebrows in surprise.
I guess when she disappeared from the public, the public disappeared from her, too. Like, seriously disappeared. If she hasn't heard about me and Sayu and our magazine, then she must be living under a rock.
She gives me one of her "go on" looks. I remember that expression. She used to use it a lot with me...
God, even her expressions are still the same.
But then what did I expect? A completely different person? Maybe parts of her are different, but her mannerisms are all exactly the same. Of course she's far more cautious around me now, but there are things, expressions, that she can't control and that I know oh so well. It starts to hurt just a little bit more. What did I do? How could I have been so stupid?
No. I have to answer the question.
"Remember Shige-san? Sayu?" I ask Aya, picturing Shige's cheerful face in my head, willing myself to concentrate on it so that I don't lose myself in a puddle of regret.
I think Shige would die of happiness to hear I am visualising nothing but her face in my mind and trying to make it as cute as possible. The cuter it is, the less I'll think about my problems. The more I'll want to poke fun at Shige for being so sickeningly adorable.
Aya's eyes light up in recognition.
"She's the head of the most famous girls' magazine in the country. Ever heard of Superbly? I work right beside her editing that."
Aya keeps her head pointed towards the fountain, but I can see the utter shock on her face. That expression. That one I know so well. I used to get it a lot, although often as a joke. But sometimes I really did do and say things to surprise her to great extents. Let out some hidden layer of myself or made a smart statement she'd never have thought me capable of.
"When did you turn smart, Miki? How the heck can you be editing a magazine when you can barely spell?" is what I bet she's thinking.
"Oh," she utters aloud, her voice filled with barely-hidden disbelief.
"You don't believe it, do you," I say, a little amused.
She looks back at me and says nothing.
"But it's true," I assure her. "Some time in the past ten years I really grew up. Left that path of youth we used to walk down. It's far behind me now."
I don't need you anymore. I don't I don't I don't...
Who am I trying to convince?
Left that path of youth? I may have left it, but I didn't advance forward. I'm walking on a path parallel to it and trying to find a bridge that'll take me over to the side I belong on.
Lend me a hand, will you? Throw me a line. Show me a weakness in the wall.
But I hide my desperation behind my well-practiced adult face. I'm a grownup now. I'm over thirty years old. I have to be responsible for my life. I can't go gallivanting around and messing things up like I used to. Back when I thought there was no harm in giving two people my heart. Different parts of my heart, but still the same organ. Now that I have what I have, I need to settle down with it and keep it. Not gather more and more.
I laugh at myself. Who am I kidding? I don't even have a choice about gathering more. Aya's definitely not going to be coming over for tea any day soon.
But wait. She's looking at me closely. She's studying me. What is she thinking? She doesn't look angry. She looks curious.
"Are you happy?" she asks me.
It's as if she can sense this inner struggle of mine. Maybe she's getting her secret weapon ready. She's going to stab me in the gut with a phrase. Make me feel terrible all over again.
So I decide on my answer.
"Yes, I am happy. Hiroshi makes me happy. Maybe not as happy as yo-"
Good thing I've learned how to think before speaking. Sometimes.
"Yeah. Are you?"
She pauses to think. Her face looks pleasantly pensive.
"Yeah," she says in the same tone as I just used, yet she manages to sound three thousand times more confident. "Have any regrets?"
That's it. She's officially gone into bitchy bully mode. I don't deserve the luxury of being angry. I deserve exactly what I'm getting. But I'm not going to follow the rules. I shoot her a look that's halfway between angry and sad. She must know that I have tonnes of regrets. Tonnes.
"Don't we all?" I ask, trying to mask most of the bitterness.
I stare at her, wanting to yell at her for asking me such a thing.
But her eyes change. Something goes through her like a ghost through a wall, and she's a different person than she was a millisecond ago.
She stands up and looks down at me.
"Well, I hope that you can get over them. No use worrying about the past anymore."
I need to clean my ears about because she can't have said what I think she just said.
Or can she have?
It sounds like she's forgiven me. She's telling me not to feel bad anymore. She knows what my regrets are. But does she know my thoughts right now - that I regret the past, and that despite everything Hiroshi and Shige and the entire world tell me, I want to reclaim that past?
I stare down at the ground. I can't answer her. I don't know what to say. I want her to know everything that I'm thinking right now. I want her to tell me again without a doubt that I'm forgiven. That I'm not the evil monster I think I am - or was. That she knows I didn't mean any harm. That she understands what we've lost. That she'd do anything to get it back.
"See you," I hear her voice come in through my partially blocked ears.
She turns around to leave, and no. I can't let her. Not until I've said something. Anything.
"Aya!"
I call her back to me.
Oh my god. She's not going to turn around. She can tell what I'm thinking. I'm sure of it. She doesn't want to turn around because she's scared of me. My thoughts. What I want.
She turns around, though, and walks up to me. She doesn't sit, but she stands beside me and listens. She doesn't look angry. She doesn't look nervous. Just attentive.
What do I say? What do I say to that face that won't give me any kind of clue?
Shige's face floats past my eyes again.
"I know that you have some built-in genes that don't let you let go of your past..."
She gives me a menacing look that just looks cute.
Hiroshi joins her.
"The past is the past, eh? You lived it, you learned from it. Now you get over it!"
He laughs and gives me a playful whack on the head.
I do want to get over it. I do want to fix my DNA and make it so that I don't care about Aya.
But you can't fix something when it's not broken. My genes are not broken. It's the way they were from the beginning.
But Aya's genes are different, I guess. She's better at adapting to changes. She's better at moving on. She's a better person than me. Always has been. Always will be. That's why she deserves to keep this happy life she's found. Who am I to ruin it for her again? I have to show her that I'm not a degenerate human being. I have a heart.
"I'm really sorry," I almost whisper. "For everything."
Everything bad I did to you. Even everything good I did to you. Because if I hadn't been around you at all, you wouldn't have had to deal with all that crap I put you through. You could've done better.
She considers my apology, which is a lot better a reaction than I would ever have expected.
And then she speaks magic words. They're the open sesame and abracadabra of my heart.
"It's okay. Don't worry anymore."
And accompanied with her acceptance of my apology is a smile. One of the ones she used to give me when I was sad and needed a little bit of subtle cheering up. A smile specially reserved for me that I never saw her use on anyone else.
She stands there staring at me, and I wonder if she wants to say more. I want her to say so much more.
But I know it'll never come.
She nods goodbye.
Maybe I'll never see her again.
She walks off slowly, but with a purpose. I stare after her.
I wish she hadn't said those words to me. She's given me more than I have earned. She's handed me a pass that should lead me out of my prison of regret.
But it doesn't, because after talking to her again, what I want is not just forgiveness, but her. Hiroshi can take the apartment and all the furniture and the money. All I want is that person walking away from me.
Just you, I think, staring at her back.
But she turns off the path and walks beyond some trees.
And that's the moment where I know without a doubt that I have finally completed the process of losing the most important thing in my life.
-The end.
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OMFG! Is there any story of yours where the ending is equally beautiful but happy?? Cuz my tear gland can't stand to shed more tears any longer. :OMG: So...this is it?!! :bleed eyes: This is the end huh?
I WANT MORE!! I want Miki to fight and get Aya back. Arrgh! damn you! :angry1:
I complaint and complaint and yet I came back for more. Seriously...what's wrong with me??? *shakes head* :frustrated: :depressed:
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JFC, haha, your analysis is longer than what I've written.
The ass was genki for some reason. :shakeit:
Interesting thought about Occhi. There's a big blank space of ten years, and a lot could have happened involving Occhi. But I'm not inclined to write it. It'd all be too long. Although I'm sure she never stopped trying to help her two favourite customers. I have a feeling the girls wouldn't have gone to see her willingly. If they had, they might've gotten some advice that could've saved them from a big 10-year gap in their communication.
Yeah, you're probably right. I could even just be that they couldn't go back to the teahouse because of the memories of what happened the last time they were there.
As I said before, the next chapter is the end of this alternate story. Soon I'll continue and wrap up Restart, and then I'll graduate from writing stories centred around the Love x 2 world. It's about the size of a full-length novel by now. Enough!
So that means you'll still continue writing in general, right? :D
Act V
Why? Why do we have to meet like this? On my day off. In such a peaceful atmosphere. When I was having so much fun and finally forgetting about my sighting at the post office.
Ah, Miki's POV. Seems only right that we see it through her eyes too.
"Long time ago," Aya speaks, and after ten years, her live voice flows into my ears.
She sounds exactly the same. Exactly. It matches perfectly with my memories.
There's something about the sound of a person's voice that can bring a great deal of intimacy to the table. Especially in a situation like this, where the two of them haven't spoken to each other in so long, and the last time Miki heard her voice (not counting the times they had to act friendly to each other in public) was when she was angry and her. It's hard walking around with that playing in your mind.
Maybe Tabe is privy to some information about Aya. That she wants to talk to me. That she wants to be friends with me again. That... I'm delusional and should be shot for thinking I'd ever be forgiven.
That's Miki for you. While she's hopeful, she's also a realist.
Ever heard of Superbly?
...
That expression. That one I know so well. I used to get it a lot, although often as a joke. But sometimes I really did do and say things to surprise her to great extents. Let out some hidden layer of myself or made a smart statement she'd never have thought me capable of.
"When did you turn smart, Miki? How the heck can you be editing a magazine when you can barely spell?" is what I bet she's thinking.
Well, basically...it was. :P
It sounds like she's forgiven me. She's telling me not to feel bad anymore. She knows what my regrets are. But does she know my thoughts right now - that I regret the past, and that despite everything Hiroshi and Shige and the entire world tell me, I want to reclaim that past?
Sad thing is, Miki and Aya both know that that will never happen, no matter how much they want it to.
I wish she hadn't said those words to me. She's given me more than I have earned. She's handed me a pass that should lead me out of my prison of regret.
But it doesn't, because after talking to her again, what I want is not just forgiveness, but her. Hiroshi can take the apartment and all the furniture and the money. All I want is that person walking away from me.
Just you, I think, staring at her back.
But she turns off the path and walks beyond some trees.
And that's the moment where I know without a doubt that I have finally completed the process of losing the most important thing in my life.
-The end.
No one ever said that closure would be a good thing. It's just what was needed.
OMFG! Is there any story of yours where the ending is equally beautiful but happy?? Cuz my tear gland can't stand to shed more tears any longer. :OMG: So...this is it?!! :bleed eyes: This is the end huh?
I WANT MORE!! I want Miki to fight and get Aya back. Arrgh! damn you! :angry1:
I complaint and complaint and yet I came back for more. Seriously...what's wrong with me??? *shakes head* :frustrated: :depressed:
You're hooked, just like the rest of us. :yep:
Yeah, I know, this one's hella short compared to what I did with Aya's POV. It basically would have been repeating everything that I said then, so if you really need to, just re-read what I posted previously. It's pretty much all there.
I still think it would have been interesting to see what happens afterwards when Miki meets back up with Hiroshi and Aya meets back up with Kazuyoshi. But "le sigh". C'est la vie.
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One door closed, many more to go. :oops:
This is just another bittersweet ending of yours, he. It reminds me so much of the typical manga ending, which serves its purpose but could be easily exploited for more complicated subplots. But, you said this is the end, and that you really mean it this time. So, the end it is! :roll:
I wonder what you'll do next, once you're done with the Love x 2 universe. Another intricated, cumbersome series? :lol: (just kidding!)
Anyway, I meant it when I posted that I'd like to read more from you, even if it's not H!P related stuff. ;)
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Oh no it's over! It was a fitting end. As much as I would have loved to see Miki and Aya get back together, it's so much more fulfilling to read a realistic, well written end.
So I guess this just leaves Restart right? Now I'll have more of that to look forward to. I think I'll be sad when all of your Love series and spin offs end, but you've done more with the storyline than I ever thought was possible. So even if you've closed the door off to that story-universe I hope you keep writing other things. I'll basically read whatever you feel like posting now!
-loyal follower
Novaforever
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My well, now that I've caused g4rfield to suffer a massive coronary and incurable mental distress...
So that means you'll still continue writing in general, right? :D
Yeah, if I'm moved to do so.
Actually, I will continue by writing a full length novel about the trials and tribulations of being cute. From Sayu's point of view.
Do I still have any loyal followers left?
Just kidding. I won't write that.
Amarghetta, there's something satisfying about bittersweet things. You get the best (? hmm) of both worlds. Happy and sad. Aya kind of wins, Miki kind of loses (poor little sucker). Of course I could carry it on until they're old and grey and die natural deaths... but then everyone would complain that I'm killing off my characters again. :lol:
As usual, thank you for reading and being so nice without your comments. I didn't know people could be so nice on the internet.
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Wow! This came as a surprise.
And wow, I haven't slept in a while, so I'm going to go crash, but I just wanted to let you know that the ending is awesome. Miki's POV was definitely not something I was expecting.
Well done, as always, thank you!
And if you do want to write about Sayu's and her cutsieness, then by all means, I'm all for it! XD
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:cry: Miki-chan! One mistake that will never leave you for the rest of your life. lol Since Aya's POV was slightly positive and open ended, I thought something might happen but with Miki's POV, leaves you feeling that the final door has been shut for good. Bittersweet but still an ending that was fitting.
I wonder how long you can actually stretch the idea about Sayu's cuteness. It will be challenging for sure, more challenging than Miki/Aya since it's such a thin topic. :grin: For your next theme, I would like something with my squash loving girl. :lol:
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I wonder how long you can actually stretch the idea about Sayu's cuteness. It will be challenging for sure, more challenging than Miki/Aya since it's such a thin topic. :grin:
Writing about that much cuteness would be one HELL of a fluff chapter. It would INDEED be a challenge. :lol: