JPHiP Forum
The Hello! Project Fanfics => H!P Fanfics => Topic started by: almond on August 19, 2007, 05:04:53 AM
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Welcome to the Nakazawa's Cafeteria Adventures thread. :D
This started off as a random idea near the end of my "memoir" fic (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=11667.0) (which isn't NEARLY as serious as the title makes it sound), and, well, here it is. (Yes, I AM still working on the "memoir" sequel)
Basically, this is a loosely tied together series of one-shots. There's only one overall plotline (formerly the one shot I had planned called The Contest) and the rest is just random crap. This first part is just the intro to the entire storyline.
Oh and I came up with half this dialogue while I was a little bit drunk, so that might explain some of it. XD
Without further ado~~~!
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NAKAZAWA'S CAFETERIA ADVENTURES
HIERARCHY
Nakazawa Yuko leaned back in her chair and sipped her coffee. 'It's good to be the queen,' she thought to herself, surveying the UFA cafeteria. Her eyes wandered over to the table of Oranges or whatever those damn kids were called. They were giggling and half-rehearsing some song.
"HEY!" She shouted. The kids froze. After an uncomfortable moment, their tiny captain turned to face the almighty Nakazawa.
"Y-yes, Nakazawa-san?" she asked.
"Fetch me a bagel," Yuko snapped, turning back to her paper. Damn Yoshizawa, getting her addicted to that tasty breakfast treat.
"Uh, but, Nakazawa-san," Tsugunaga Momoko piped up. "We were about to leave so we wouldn't be late for rehearsal and - "
"Excuse me?" Yuko replied quietly. "Do you know who I am, peasant? I'm Nakazawa fucking Yuko. I AM rehearsals. Now get me a Goddamn bagel before I get your scrawny ass fired!" Momoko scrambled out of her chair and into line to fetch the requested item. Yuko smiled sweetly at the other girls and returned to her paper, calmly taking another sip of her coffee.
A loud laugh burst through the cafeteria. Yuko turned and glared at the tiny table in the far corner. Who the hell were those people and how dare they invade her domain?
Nakazawa stood up and slowly walked over to the table. As she neared it, she realized that the mysterious girls were some of those random backup dancers from the concerts. The ones with the uniform ugly haircuts and glasses.
"What are you serfs doing?" Yuko asked quietly. THE Possible jumped and stared at the Hello! Project leader.
"We're, um, just building a castle with these candy legos..." one of them offered up weakly, holding out one of the offending items.
"Oh, I see," Nakazawa replied, nodding sagely. THE Possible smiled at one another. Nakazawa wasn't as bad as everyone said, they thought to themselves just as said senpai slammed her coffee cup down, crushing the tiny candy building.
"Yuuchan, what are you doing?" Yaguchi Mari asked, looking from THE forlorn Possible staring at the pile of candy dust to the panicked Momoko screaming at a cafeteria worker about having him fired if that bagel didn't appear in her hand in the next five seconds.
"Ah, the court jester arrives," Yuko replied, walking back to her table. Yaguchi followed her.
"Uh, right. Anyway, Yuuchan, Fujimoto Miki's just been kicked out of Morning Musume."
"So?" Yuko replied, snatching the bagel from Momoko's shaking grasp and dismissing the girl with a wave of her hand.
"So... She did it kind of on purpose.... and I thought you might want to know?"
"The queen does not concern herself with trivial matters among the courtesans."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Yaguchi demanded.
"Oh, thank GOD!" Ishikawa Rika exclaimed, slumping down next to the Hello! Pro leader. "I'm dying for some caffeine. They're all out of coffee, so I'm stealing yours. You can yell at me for it later." Yuko raised an amused eyebrow as Rika proceeded to take a big swig from the mug.
"Tasty?" Yuko asked with a slowly spreading grin. Rika's eyes widened and her face began to redden.
"What the HELL!? Does that even have coffee IN it!?" Rika sputtered, running away from the table to get some water. Yaguchi leaned over a sniffed the offending cup. She made a retching noise and recoiled.
"Yuuchan! That's pure liquor!"
"No, there's a half a shot of espresso," Yuko replied calmly, taking the cup back.
"What the hell WAS that!?" Rika demanded, walking back over to the table.
"Morning Coffee," Yuko explained, taking another sip.
Mari led the still-sputtering Ishikawa out of the cafeteria in search of actual coffee. Those Oranges had left, presumably for that rehearsal they were mouthing off about. THE Serfs were still sadly looking at the dusty remains of their castle. Goto Maki was staring in the mirror by the door and adjusting her boobs. Yoshizawa Hitomi came up behind her friend and offered helpful suggestions, only to be rewarded with a smack upside the head.
Nakazawa Yuko leaned back in her chair and sipped her coffee. 'It's good to be the queen,' she thought to herself, surveying the cafeteria.
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"Yuuchan! That's pure liquor!"
"No, there's a half a shot of espresso," Yuko replied calmly, taking the cup back.
"What the hell WAS that!?" Rika demanded, walking back over to the table.
"Morning Coffee," Yuko explained, taking another sip.
...Goto Maki was staring in the mirror by the door and adjusting her boobs. Yoshizawa Hitomi came up behind her friend and offered helpful suggestions, only to be rewarded with a smack upside the head.
Nakazawa Yuko leaned back in her chair and sipped her coffee. 'It's good to be the queen,' she thought to herself, surveying the cafeteria.
:rofl:
Ow.. face cramps.
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Nice one, almond. :rofl:
I'm not one who usually reads fanfics, but when I saw the title, I had to check it out.
Come up with more of these or something in the same vein with Yuko-sama, and I just might check it out. ;)
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Yuuchan is the centre of the universe. :shocked: Kinda sadistic in this.lol Of course she doesn't know the names of the kids. :roll:
Yossie was being helpful to Gocchin. :yep: Maybe she was being a blockhead and thinking more like a guy with her suggestions?
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Charmy's Morning Coffee!!! :barf:
:wahaha:
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Oh that was wonderful! I especially liked how she refered to everyone as serfs or peasants, probably as a result of her 'morning coffee'.
If I was Yuko I would do the same thing. It's not like she has much else to do at this point... *sadness*
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Alls I gots to say is...FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! :rockon:
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Nice story XD
"What the hell WAS that!?" Rika demanded, walking back over to the table.
"Morning Coffee," Yuko explained, taking another sip.
LOL ~
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Yes, yes, we really need to know what's going on at the cafeteria. I wonder if the memoir sequel will involve lots of scene the cafe... XD
the only thing i can't stand with Yuko is her phrase 'It's good to be the queen.'
I was like, what the hell Yuko, drink too much of espresso? :lol:
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:rofl:
Ow.. face cramps.
:cool1:
Nice one, almond. :rofl:
I'm not one who usually reads fanfics, but when I saw the title, I had to check it out.
Come up with more of these or something in the same vein with Yuko-sama, and I just might check it out. ;)
Wow, thanks a lot! :luvluv2:
Yuuchan is the centre of the universe. :shocked: Kinda sadistic in this.lol Of course she doesn't know the names of the kids. :roll:
Yossie was being helpful to Gocchin. :yep: Maybe she was being a blockhead and thinking more like a guy with her suggestions?
Yeah, Yuko is kinda sadistic to THE Possibu. Honestly? Came up with that after drinking, so... XD
Oh and Yossi and Goto's conversation starts the next part, so... :D
Charmy's Morning Coffee!!! :barf:
:wahaha:
MORNING COFFEE nomou yo futari deeeee :whistle:
Oh that was wonderful! I especially liked how she refered to everyone as serfs or peasants, probably as a result of her 'morning coffee'.
Nah, I kinda think she'd do that regardless :rofl:
Alls I gots to say is...FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! :rockon:
XD
Nice story XD
Yay! Thanks so much!!
Yes, yes, we really need to know what's going on at the cafeteria. I wonder if the memoir sequel will involve lots of scene the cafe... XD
This is completely separate from memoir (as will be made abundantly clear in the next part). This is complete AlmondCrack writing.
Anyway, I'll be posting the next part in a few minutes - just need to re-read through it a bit.
The next part... is when I went completely nuts (ha ha, get it? Almond? Nuts? I'm a regular Iida Kaori over here), so I hope I don't lose too many readers with the antics that will ensue.
On a side note, something happened at work today that was SO FUNNY I'm writing it into this fic. I'll let you know when it shows up. O0
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waiting for the next part :wub: ~
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Sorry, I, uh, was distracted by Yoshizawa's thighs in the new Gatas pv... :shocked:
...where am I? Oh! Right! Fic. Yes.
Again, pure crack.
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THE CONTEST BEGINS
Goto Maki walked into the cafeteria and immediately made a beeline for the mirror next to the door. She had noticed in the elevator that the padding in her bra was making her boobs lopsided again, but there was a creepy salaryman in there, so she couldn't make the adjustment at the time. She moved the right one up, but now the left was too low. Hmm..
"Try moving the left one up and out a bit and then doing an Okada Yui-style KYU!" Yoshizawa Hitomi said, coming up behind the soloist. Goto smacked her friend upside the head. "WHAT! I'm serious!" Yossi laughed. Goto did the recommended adjustment.
"KYU!" she exclaimed, squeezing her boobs together with her forearms. Nakazawa Yuko started cackling with laughter behind them.
"See? What did I tell you?" Yossi said, gesturing at the ample rack before her. "Works every time." The pair walked over to an empty table.
"Why did you know that?" Maki asked, staring blatantly. "You don't have any." Yossi rolled her eyes.
"Please, you know perfectly well that have I almost as much as you do. I just don't have them busting out of my shirt thanks to the Super Boob 2000 bra." Goto started laughing. "And I learned it from Okada herself."
"Oh, really?" Maki said with a sly grin. "When did you learn THAT little tidbit?"
"Oh, I have my ways," Yossi replied with a smirk. Nakazawa snorted with laughter. The pair turned around to stare at their former group leader.
"Please, like you two rookies know anything about that," Yuko smirked, taking a long sip of coffee.
"Hey, at least I have enough skill to get someone in bed without getting them drunk off their ass first," Yossi retorted.
"That's not 'skill'," Yuko laughed. "That's just boring. Alcohol makes everything more entertaining." Yossi shook her head. "And I don't remember YOU complaining anyway," Yuko added pointedly. Maki pointed at Yoshizawa and started laughing. "You either, Goto," Nakazawa tacked on, making it Yossi's turn to cackle at her friend's expense. Goto opened her mouth to reply, but Yuko lifted her newspaper back up to read, signifying the end of the conversation.
"So, you bagged Okada Yui, huh?" Goto said, turning back to their table. Yossi grinned and nodded.
"Yeah, that was like a year ago, though."
"Really? What are you up to now? 10?" Maki asked.
"10 what?"
"Hello! Project members."
"Oh, no," Yossi shook her head. "It's gotta be more than that. I've done half of the current Morning girls alone." Goto raised an eyebrow.
"Yocchan, you're not hitting up jailbait are you?"
"NO!" Yoshizawa laughed. "There's only nine of 'em total nowadays. So, Ai, Risa, Eri, Sayu, and that new chick."
"What new chick?"
"Uh... JunJun."
"Isn't she like 15?!" Goto exclaimed.
"The hell?! She's 19!"
"Oh..." Maki trailed off thoughtfully. She absentmindedly adjusted her bra again, much to Yossi's amusement. "Seventeen!" she announced suddenly.
"Uh, no. NINEteen. Nine."
"No, not that," Maki replied. "I've bagged 17 of the H!P girls."
"Really? I've gotten...." Yossi trailed off. She silently counted off, occasionally tilting her head to one side thoughtfully. "Sixteen."
"HA HA," Maki laughed. "I win."
"Wait!" Yossi stopped her friend's glee. "Are we counting each other?"
"Of course."
"Then we're tied," Yoshizawa smirked. "17-17."
"Really!?" Maki grabbed her purse and pulled out a notebook. "This I gotta see.... where the hell is a damn pen when you need one!?" A black pen landed in the middle of the table.
"Give it back when you're done and I want the list, too," Nakazawa called from behind them, not looking up from her newspaper.
Maki bent over the paper and started writing names. Yossi stood up and peered over her longtime pal's shoulder.
"The hell, Maki, did you have a Melon orgy?" she snickered. Maki grinned.
"No, but we did go on tour together and I kept getting lost on my way back to my room." Yossi high-fived the soloist. "Your turn."
Yossi leaned over the table and quickly scrawled out her names.
"DAMN! Abuse your leader power much?" Goto exclaimed. "You've hit all of 5th gen and 2/3's of 6th!"
"WAY TO GO!" Nakazawa yelled helpfully.
"There!" Yossi proclaimed, throwing the pen over her shoulder.
"That landed in my Morning Coffee," Nakzawa complained. The player pair ignored her.
"HA! You got Yaguchi too?" Maki laughed, comparing the lists.
"Wow, you managed to get Abe?" Yossi exclaimed.
"Did you hit up Tsuji before or after she got knocked up?" Maki snickered.
"Before, you ass."
"Oh, is that why she's switched to men?"
"Please, if I messed up Tsuji, what the hell did YOU do to Kago for her to turn out like that?" Yossi retorted.
"Wait a sec..." Goto said suddenly. "Something's off about this list."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, between the two of us, we seem to have actually managed to bed everyone over 18 that's currently in H!P."
"Except Atsuko 'cause she's way too old," Yossi tacked on. The pen came flying back over and hit Yossi on the back of the head. "HEY! I didn't say YOU were old, Nakazawa!" Yossi yelled.
"It was implied, you little shit!" Yuko retorted.
"But, wait, if we break the list down." Goto continued, picking up the pen as though nothing had happened. "You'll see what I'm talking about."
Yoshizawa watched as Maki combined their lists and broke them down by group.
"I don't get it," Yossi said when Maki finished. Maki silently pointed to the group in question.
"Isn't someone missing here?" she asked. Yoshizawa's eyes widened.
"What the hell! How did we BOTH miss THAT!?" She demanded, sounding a bit pissed off.
"Hey, I wasn't leader!" Maki protested.
"Yeah, you were!" Yossi retorted. "Weren't you leader of Gomattou?"
"Weren't you leader of both MM. AND Gatas?!" Maki replied. "With as much as you groped one another on camera, I'm shocked quite frankly."
"Dammit. I would have won then!" The H!P pimps locked eyes and slowly began to grin.
"So," Maki said. "Whoever can get her in bed first..."
"...wins the contest," Yossi finished.
"Prize?" Maki asked.
"Slave for a month!" Nakazawa piped up. Yossi and Maki stood up and solmenly shook hands just as the girl in question walked into the cafeteria.
"Mikiiiiiii," Goto said smoothly, walking over to the perpetually annoyed, recently Friday'd singer. "How are you doing after being kicked out?" she asked, putting a concerned arm around Fujimoto's shoulder.
"What the hell are you doing?" Miki asked, looking Maki up and down.
"HEY! Miki!" Yossi called. "Maki and I have a bet going. Can we have sex so I can win?" Miki burst out laughing.
"YOSHIZAWA!" Maki yelled angrily, dropping her arm.
"Oh, like your smooth talk bullshit would work on Miki." Yossi scoffed.
"If you're THAT desparate to get laid, why don't you two go screw yourselves?" Miki replied, rolling her eyes.
"Please, we did that like 5 years ago," Maki retorted.
"Good to know," Miki said sarcastically. "Now, let me just make this clear, I will never, ever - "
"You two!" Nakazawa suddenly announced, interrupting Miki's declarations. "Go get me some beer."
"Do it yourself," Yoshizawa replied boldly. "We're in the middle of..." she trailed off as Nakazawa leveled her with a death glare. Yossi frantically grabbed Maki's arm and the two of them ran out to find the nearest liquor store.
"You!" Yuko pointed at Miki. "Come here." Miki raised an eyebrow and saunted over to the queen's table.
"What?"
"I'm disappointed in you, Fujimoto," Yuko said with a sad shake of her head. "I had higher hopes for you."
"Is this about the Friday crap? 'Cause I totally pulled that on myself to get out of that sinking craphole," Miki retorted.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Yuko replied, taking another sip of her coffee. Miki glanced down at Nakazawa's newspaper proclaiming the headline 'FUJIMOTO MIKI LOVE SCANDAL!' and raised an eyebrow. "No, I mean your conduct here."
"My conduct? I'm not sleeping with one of them for the sake of some stupid ass bet!" Yuko shook her head.
"Sit, sit, sit," she said, pulling out a chair. "Now, think carefully. Think... Nakazawa-ly. They both really want to win that bet."
"Right."
"So they both really want to get you into bed."
"Right."
"So..."
A slow smirk began to spread across Miki's face. "How could I have MISSED THAT!?" Miki exclaimed. Nakazawa patronizingly patted Miki's hand.
"Because you are not one with the way of the cafeteria," Yuko replied solemnly, finishing off her coffee just as Yoshizawa came panting back to the table.
"Here!" Yossi gasped, slamming the 6-pack onto the table.
"Hey, Yocchan..." Miki said in a soft voice. She slowly ran a finger up the Gatas captain's arm. "I don't really like beer... could you maybe go get me some vodka?"
"What!?" Yossi panted, still out of breath from running all the way to and from the liquor store. She wasn't even sure where she'd lost Maki on the way. "Why would I do something like that?!"
"Well... you do want to win that bet, don't you?" Miki replied, her voice deliberately innocent while her left hand was making a lazy path up Yoshizawa's inner thigh.
"Uh..." Yossi cleared her throat. "I'll, um, yeah, ok, I'll, yeah, uh...." Without finishing a coherent sentence, Yoshizawa ran out of the cafeteria. Miki smirked as she watched the retreating figure.
Nakazawa picked up her newspaper while Miki surveyed the cafeteria. There were those random Eggs making artwork out of some chalk dust or something on their table. Damn, they were odd. In the corner, Takahashi Ai was spreading out her 500 yen coin collection on the table and making the new Chinese girls count it. And directly in front of them, occupying Yossi and Maki's old table, was Miyoshi Erika hard at work on what appeared to be an Ishikawa Rika voodoo doll.
Miki turned to Nakazawa.
"Nakazawa-san," she stated seriously. Yuko let the front of her paper drop down.
"Yeah?"
"Teach me."
"Huh?"
"Teach me the way of the cafeteria," Miki declared solemnly. Yuko looked her over for a moment before leaning over and grabbing a beer.
"You have much to learn, my young padowan," Yuko replied, cracking open the beer.
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I'm, um, gonna watch that PV again...
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Oohh~ Yoshizawa-san you're so wise in how to handle lopsided breasts. I would laugh so hard if they really did have some sort of rivalry with getting girls. They are counting off girls like they are counting how many sweets they got for Halloween. :rofl: TsujiKago, those two. :roll: :banghead:
I like how Miki's Friday incident was talked about in such a blasé way. Her way of getting back at those bigwigs who try to control everything in the girls lives. :angry:
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Don't have her teach Miki, do you know what would happen then?... You know what, never mind :grin:. And thumbs up for the Rika voodoo doll!!
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Sorry, I, uh, was distracted by Yoshizawa's thighs in the new Gatas pv... :shocked:
They ARE damn hawt, aren't they? :drool:
Goto Maki walked into the cafeteria and immediately made a beeline for the mirror next to the door. She had noticed in the elevator that the padding in her bra was making her boobs lopsided again, but there was a creepy salaryman in there, so she couldn't make the adjustment at the time. She moved the right one up, but now the left was too low. Hmm..
"Try moving the left one up and out a bit and then doing an Okada Yui-style KYU!" Yoshizawa Hitomi said, coming up behind the soloist. Goto smacked her friend upside the head. "WHAT! I'm serious!" Yossi laughed. Goto did the recommended adjustment.
"KYU!" she exclaimed, squeezing her boobs together with her forearms. Nakazawa Yuko started cackling with laughter behind them.
"See? What did I tell you?" Yossi said, gesturing at the ample rack before her. "Works every time."
Picturing Maki doing the "KYU!" alone makes it worth it! XD XD XD
I learned it from Okada herself."
"Oh, really?" Maki said with a sly grin. "When did you learn THAT little tidbit?"
"Oh, I have my ways," Yossi replied with a smirk.
Yossi got Yui? Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. :)
Nakazawa snorted with laughter. The pair turned around to stare at their former group leader.
"Please, like you two rookies know anything about that," Yuko smirked, taking a long sip of coffee.
"Hey, at least I have enough skill to get someone in bed without getting them drunk off their ass first," Yossi retorted.
Oooooo. :D
"That's not 'skill'," Yuko laughed. "That's just boring. Alcohol makes everything more entertaining." Yossi shook her head. "And I don't remember YOU complaining anyway," Yuko added pointedly.
Oooooooooooooooh. ;D
Maki pointed at Yoshizawa and started laughing. "You either, Goto," Nakazawa tacked on, making it Yossi's turn to cackle at her friend's expense. Goto opened her mouth to reply, but Yuko lifted her newspaper back up to read, signifying the end of the conversation.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! XD
What are you up to now? 10?" Maki asked.
...
"It's gotta be more than that. I've done half of the current Morning girls alone." Goto raised an eyebrow.
"Yocchan, you're not hitting up jailbait are you?"
"NO!" Yoshizawa laughed. "There's only nine of 'em total nowadays. So, Ai, Risa, Eri, Sayu, and that new chick."
"What new chick?"
"Uh... JunJun."
WTH JUNJUN!!! :o
...
NOICE!!! :rockon:
Maki replied. "I've bagged 17 of the H!P girls."
"Really? I've gotten...." Yossi trailed off. She silently counted off, occasionally tilting her head to one side thoughtfully. "Sixteen."
"HA HA," Maki laughed. "I win."
"Wait!" Yossi stopped her friend's glee. "Are we counting each other?"
"Of course."
"Then we're tied," Yoshizawa smirked. "17-17."
Oh man, here comes the contest part! :w00t: Maki "Da Playa" VS Yossi "Da Pimp"!
Maki bent over the paper and started writing names. Yossi stood up and peered over her longtime pal's shoulder.
"The hell, Maki, did you have a Melon orgy?" she snickered. Maki grinned.
"No, but we did go on tour together and I kept getting lost on my way back to my room." Yossi high-fived the soloist. "Your turn."
Ummm...yeah..."lost"...that's it...that's exactly it...yeah.
...
Lost. :grin:
Yossi leaned over the table and quickly scrawled out her names.
"DAMN! Abuse your leader power much?" Goto exclaimed. "You've hit all of 5th gen and 2/3's of 6th!"
"WAY TO GO!" Nakazawa yelled helpfully.
As Yuko would probably confirm, it's likely more a case of "the perks" of being leader. :yep:
"HA! You got Yaguchi too?" Maki laughed, comparing the lists.
Can't help but wonder how many girls are one both lists, and which ones are on one, but not the other (and why). :P
"Did you hit up Tsuji before or after she got knocked up?" Maki snickered.
"Before, you ass."
"Oh, is that why she's switched to men?"
"Please, if I messed up Tsuji, what the hell did YOU do to Kago for her to turn out like that?" Yossi retorted.
Did Maki and Yossi mess up W?
...
OSNAP!!! :on lol:
"Well, between the two of us, we seem to have actually managed to bed everyone over 18 that's currently in H!P."
"Except Atsuko 'cause she's way too old," Yossi tacked on.
:rofl:
The pen came flying back over and hit Yossi on the back of the head. "HEY! I didn't say YOU were old, Nakazawa!" Yossi yelled.
"It was implied, you little shit!" Yuko retorted.
Eep. :hee:
"Isn't someone missing here?" she asked. Yoshizawa's eyes widened.
"What the hell! How did we BOTH miss THAT!?" She demanded, sounding a bit pissed off.
Someone's missing? There's actually a legal H!P member that's not on either of the lists? WHO??? :o
"Hey, I wasn't leader!" Maki protested.
"Yeah, you were!" Yossi retorted. "Weren't you leader of Gomattou?"
"Weren't you leader of both MM. AND Gatas?!" Maki replied. "With as much as you groped one another on camera, I'm shocked quite frankly."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIT!!! :w00t: Don't tell me it's....
The H!P pimps locked eyes and slowly began to grin.
"So," Maki said. "Whoever can get her in bed first..."
"...wins the contest," Yossi finished.
"Prize?" Maki asked.
"Slave for a month!" Nakazawa piped up. Yossi and Maki stood up and solmenly shook hands just as the girl in question walked into the cafeteria.
"Mikiiiiiii," Goto said smoothly, walking over to the perpetually annoyed, recently Friday'd singer. "How are you doing after being kicked out?" she asked, putting a concerned arm around Fujimoto's shoulder.
IT IS!!! THE CONTEST IS TO GET MIKI-SAMA~!!! :wahaha:
"HEY! Miki!" Yossi called. "Maki and I have a bet going. Can we have sex so I can win?" Miki burst out laughing.
"YOSHIZAWA!" Maki yelled angrily, dropping her arm.
Hey, they never said anything about not telling Miki about the bet. 8)
Now that Miki knows though, if she holds true to form she's gonna have some fun with this herself. O0
"You two!" Nakazawa suddenly announced, interrupting Miki's declarations. "Go get me some beer."
"Do it yourself," Yoshizawa replied boldly. "We're in the middle of..." she trailed off as Nakazawa leveled her with a death glare. Yossi frantically grabbed Maki's arm and the two of them ran out to find the nearest liquor store.
Never, EVER deny the Queen when she wants her booze. :yep:
"You!" Yuko pointed at Miki. "Come here." Miki raised an eyebrow and saunted over to the queen's table.
"What?"
"I'm disappointed in you, Fujimoto," Yuko said with a sad shake of her head. "I had higher hopes for you."
...
I'm not sleeping with one of them for the sake of some stupid ass bet!" Yuko shook her head.
"Sit, sit, sit," she said, pulling out a chair. "Now, think carefully. Think... Nakazawa-ly. They both really want to win that bet."
"Right."
"So they both really want to get you into bed."
...
A slow smirk began to spread across Miki's face.
NOW Miki realizes. :twisted:
NB - "Nakazawa-ly" - (adverb) An ideology and method of acting in which one takes a situation and uses and abuses it as much as possible to obtain a position of psychological/emotional superiority (sometimes resulting in servitute and/or various other means of private or public humiliation) over another person/persons. Said ideology can also be used in the procurement of free material goods (aka gifts) from other people which would otherwise not have been procured or which one would have to procure it for oneself.
"How could I have MISSED THAT!?" Miki exclaimed. Nakazawa patronizingly patted Miki's hand.
"Because you are not one with the way of the cafeteria," Yuko replied solemnly, finishing off her coffee just as Yoshizawa came panting back to the table.
Embrace the way of the cafeteria Miki! Learn the ways of Nakazawa-sempai. She can be your shishou! :bow:
"Hey, Yocchan..." Miki said in a soft voice. She slowly ran a finger up the Gatas captain's arm. "I don't really like beer... could you maybe go get me some vodka?"
"What!?" Yossi panted, still out of breath from running all the way to and from the liquor store. She wasn't even sure where she'd lost Maki on the way. "Why would I do something like that?!"
"Well... you do want to win that bet, don't you?" Miki replied, her voice deliberately innocent while her left hand was making a lazy path up Yoshizawa's inner thigh.
"Uh..." Yossi cleared her throat. "I'll, um, yeah, ok, I'll, yeah, uh...." Without finishing a coherent sentence, Yoshizawa ran out of the cafeteria. Miki smirked as she watched the retreating figure.
(http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/avatars/YodaCloneWarsAvvy.jpg) - Learning fast, this one is. Mmmmmmmmmmm.
Nakazawa picked up her newspaper while Miki surveyed the cafeteria. There were those random Eggs making artwork out of some chalk dust or something on their table. Damn, they were odd. In the corner, Takahashi Ai was spreading out her 500 yen coin collection on the table and making the new Chinese girls count it. And directly in front of them, occupying Yossi and Maki's old table, was Miyoshi Erika hard at work on what appeared to be an Ishikawa Rika voodoo doll.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh...the complete randomness that is Hello! Project.
*sighs*
Gotta love it. :kekeke:
Miki turned to Nakazawa.
"Nakazawa-san," she stated seriously. Yuko let the front of her paper drop down.
"Yeah?"
"Teach me."
"Huh?"
"Teach me the way of the cafeteria," Miki declared solemnly. Yuko looked her over for a moment before leaning over and grabbing a beer.
"You have much to learn, my young padowan," Yuko replied, cracking open the beer.
(http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/avatars/YodaCloneWarsAvvy.jpg) - Stole my line she did. However, if continues this fic, sue for copyright infringement, I will not.
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I wonder who got Rika, and Aya... :lol:
And what's Miyo-chan doing with that voodoo doll of her leader? XD
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:on lol: :on lol: I love your sense of humor
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I want to quote something but I'll end up quoating the whole chapter!! XD
But i love this part too much.
"Did you hit up Tsuji before or after she got knocked up?" Maki snickered.
"Before, you ass."
"Oh, is that why she's switched to men?"
"Please, if I messed up Tsuji, what the hell did YOU do to Kago for her to turn out like that?" Yossi retorted.
Yossie totally rock!!
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Goddamn, another chapter of win XD
Your sense of humour is amazing :rofl:
I wanna learn the way of Nakazawa too :twisted:
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XD :rofl: :lol: :on lol: :mon lmao: :mon XD:
Most excellent, almond, loved every bit of it.
YUKO-SAMA~!!!!! :hump:
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hahahahaha this fic is a win! :k-thrilled:
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They are counting off girls like they are counting how many sweets they got for Halloween. :rofl:
:on lol:
Don't have her teach Miki, do you know what would happen then?... You know what, never mind :grin:. And thumbs up for the Rika voodoo doll!!
Yeah, I thought about expanding on the voodoo doll, but decided to leave it as is for now. :lol:
Sorry, I, uh, was distracted by Yoshizawa's thighs in the new Gatas pv... :shocked:
They ARE damn hawt, aren't they? :drool:
That reminds me, I haven't watched that PV today. *cough*I preordered the Single V after one watch*cough*
Oooooo. :D
Oooooooooooooooh. ;D
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! XD
:mon thumb:
As Yuko would probably confirm, it's likely more a case of "the perks" of being leader. :yep:
Undoubtedly. :lol:
Can't help but wonder how many girls are one both lists, and which ones are on one, but not the other (and why). :P
I actually made the full lists, but I'm not gonna post 'em. :hiakhiakhiak:
Someone's missing? There's actually a legal H!P member that's not on either of the lists? WHO??? :o
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIT!!! :w00t: Don't tell me it's....
IT IS!!! THE CONTEST IS TO GET MIKI-SAMA~!!! :wahaha:
HAAAAAAI!
Ok, random babbling time~!
My original idea was far more insane, but as manamin pointed out, would be very hard to write since I don't write perv. So, here it is:
Yossi and Miki are comparing notes one day and realize they've managed to, between the two of them, sleep with every of-age girl in H!P and are tied! Then they both realize the only person missing is the other.
So basically, they're both trying to seduce the other without being the one seduced. They finally decide that whoever gets naked last wins. After much insanity, Yossi thinks she's won only to have Miki to reveal she still had one sock on. :rofl:
....ok, it amuses me. If anyone wants to write that, go for it.
ANYWAY!
(http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/avatars/YodaCloneWarsAvvy.jpg) - Stole my line she did. However, if continues this fic, sue for copyright infringement, I will not.
JFC, what did I tell you about getting in my brain?! ;)
I wonder who got Rika, and Aya... :lol:
*consults list* Rika's on both. Aya's on one. That's all I'm saying.
And what's Miyo-chan doing with that voodoo doll of her leader? XD
Honestly? No idea. Just thought it was funny. :D
:on lol: :on lol: I love your sense of humor
:k-thrilled:
I want to quote something but I'll end up quoating the whole chapter!! XD
But i love this part too much.
"Did you hit up Tsuji before or after she got knocked up?" Maki snickered.
"Before, you ass."
"Oh, is that why she's switched to men?"
"Please, if I messed up Tsuji, what the hell did YOU do to Kago for her to turn out like that?" Yossi retorted.
Yossie totally rock!!
:nya:
I wanna learn the way of Nakazawa too :twisted:
I think we all want to learn the way of Nakazawa. :pimp:
Most excellent, almond, loved every bit of it.
YAY! I'm glad you enjoyed the 2nd part!
hahahahaha this fic is a win! :k-thrilled:
YAAAAY!
Ok, I FINALLY finished this part. It took a ridiculously long amount of time. At one point, I was all
"....ok, now what? Oh, I know, I'll bring in -----. ...ok, now ----'s there, so.... now what?" XD
Anyway, Nakazawa's Cafeteria Adventures: AGAINST THE ODDS coming up in a few!
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AGAINST THE ODDS
Kamei Eri glanced nervously around the empty cafeteria. Well, empty except for the ever-present Nakazawa. Wait a sec...
"Eh!?" Eri exclaimed, forgetting her worries for a moment. "Who's that with you, Nakazawa-san?" In unison, the two women occupying the queen's table let the front of their newspapers drop and gazed emotionlessly at her. "Fujimoto-san!?"
"I'm in training," Miki replied flatly .
"Training?" Eri repeated.
"Yep," Miki replied, taking a long drink out of a mysteriously unlabeled bottle.
"What are you in - "
"You might want to run about now," Nakazawa interjected, glancing behind the girl.
"Kamei-san." Eri visibly jumped and whirled around.
"A-a-a-ah! I'll have it next week!" she exclaimed, backing herself against a wall. Sudou Maasa and Kumai Yurina advanced on her.
"You said that last week, Kamei-san," Yurina stated, folding her arms across her chest.
"Right! But, um, I, um, didn't get paid?"
"We all work for the same place," Maasa said with a raise of her eyebrow. The two Berryz giants stopped mere centimeters from the shaking turtle's face.
"NEXT WEEK, I SWEAR!" Eri squeaked out.
"Ah, this is pitiful," Nakazawa commented, taking a swig of her beer.
"Yeah," Miki agreed. The pair returned to their newspapers.
"Kamei-san, I'd really like to let you off with another warning," Yurina said with a sad shake of her head. "But we're under strict orders here."
"B-b-b-but," Kamei protested. "Won't it make trouble for your boss if I look beat up?"
"Not our problem. Boss' orders." Maasa shrugged, cracking her knuckles.
"Boss said just not to touch the face," Yurina added. "Anything else is fair game since there's no concert right now."
"I'LL PAY DOUBLE NEXT WEEK!" Kamei pleaded. Miki groaned and threw her paper down.
"DAMN you people are annoying!" Fujimoto exclaimed, standing up and walking over to the trio. "No one is beating up Kamei, especially not you two little twerps," she declared, staring up at the two Berryz towering over her. "And if your damn boss has a problem with that, she can yankee up and come talk to me, ok?" Maasa and Yurina exchanged nervous glances.
"That's all well and good, Fujimoto-san, but, um, if we don't do our jobs, she'll kill us," Yurina explained.
"But if we do our jobs, Fujimoto-san will kill us," Maasa replied.
"Yeah, I guess we're dead either way," Yurina agreed thoughtfully.
"What the hell is this, Tokkaekko?" Miki asked. Nakazawa started laughing.
"Yoshizawa was never quite the same after she hung out with those drag queens," Yuko mused.
"What's 'Tokkaekko'?" Maasa asked quietly to an equally confused Yurina. Nakazawa glared at them. No respect for the history, those damn kids.
"Get the hell out of my cafeteria," Nakazawa snapped.
"But we - "
"GET OUT!" Nakazawa roared, sending the two girls running out of the room.
"Aaaah, thank you so much!" Eri sighed, flopping to the ground. "I really thought they were going to get me this time."
"What'd you lose on this time?" Miki sighed, helping her former fellow member up.
"Who'd get knocked up next," Eri replied. "I mean really, Iida-san!?"
"Oh, that reminds me, I still haven't collected my winnings from that bet," Nakazawa mused, grabbing another beer.
"Who'd you bet on then?" Miki asked.
"Goto-san."
"GOTO MAKI!?" Miki burst out laughing. "Are you JOKING!??"
"Well, she has the sexy image now, so I thought..."
"GOTO FREAKING MAKI?" Miki repeated. "Are you retarded? I don't think she's ever even KISSED a guy unless you're counting Yossi."
"Never the same after those drag queens..." Yuko shook her head.
"Counting Yossi for what?" the so-called only guy in H!P asked, standing in the doorway. She glanced curiously at the large shipping box by the door before heading towards the group.
"Goto having kissed a guy," Miki replied with a grin. Yossi's normally cheerful expression fell into what can only be described as a face of utmost unamusement.
"Very funny," she said sarcastically. "What brought up this little gem?"
"Kamei bet that Goto'd get knocked up."
"Dammit, Eri!" Yossi groaned. "I told you to stop betting! You always lose."
"But, she keeps telling me that it's a sure thing this time!" Eri protested.
"How much do you owe this time?"
"45,000 yen..."
"45,000!?" Yossi exclaimed. Eri nodded sadly. Yossi sighed and slung an arm around the slumping turtle's shoulders. "Fine. Wash my car and I'll lend you the money...again."
"SUCH A NICE SENPAAAAAAAAAI!" Nakazawa squealed out.
"I sure as hell didn't learn it from you," Yossi muttered.
"Damn straight," Yuko agreed. "Oh!" she called after the departing pair. "While you're out, buy me s'more booze!" Yossi gave them a one-fingered salute as she walked out the door.
------------------
If you have never seen Tokkaekko.... go watch Tokkaekko. Preferably while mildly intoxicated. XD
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Miki, learning from the boss of H!P. :cool1: Nakazawa did say that she used to be like Miki when she was young so who better to teach than someone that is already following your footsteps. Nakazawa, drill into those kids about respecting the past. :smoke:
Eri, being bullied by Berryz. She should've used her lame jokes to make them move away from her :badluck:. Why does she bet with so much money? :roll: Even in fanfics, Yocchan has to take responsibility for other people's situations. I think Maki should stick with the type of guy she's kissed already. Kinda worried about her since she has that airhead aura that sneaks up, safer to stick with girls. :k-great:
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XD Keep it going, almond, just keeps getting better. :thumbsup
Turtle girl gonna get beat down by kids: BERRYZ SMASH!!!
:bow: Yuko-sama~!!!! :bow:
"Yoshizawa was never quite the same after she hung out with those drag queens," Yuko mused.
Pics or it didn't happen. :P :P :P :P
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I actually made the full lists, but I'm not gonna post 'em. :hiakhiakhiak:
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease??? :cry: At least PM them to me...after all I keep making all these mental comments in your fics. =P
My original idea was far more insane, but as manamin pointed out, would be very hard to write since I don't write perv. So, here it is:
Yossi and Miki are comparing notes one day and realize they've managed to, between the two of them, sleep with every of-age girl in H!P and are tied! Then they both realize the only person missing is the other.
So basically, they're both trying to seduce the other without being the one seduced. They finally decide that whoever gets naked last wins. After much insanity, Yossi thinks she's won only to have Miki to reveal she still had one sock on. :rofl:
Geez that IS insane! :rofl: It probably could have worked though if you had kept "The Challenge" as a one-shot. I must say though, doing it THIS way is muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch better. :yep:
"I'm in training," Miki replied flatly .
"Training?" Eri repeated.
"Yep," Miki replied, taking a long drink out of a mysteriously unlabeled bottle.
Was it in a brown paper bag too? :P
"You might want to run about now," Nakazawa interjected, glancing behind the girl.
"Kamei-san." Eri visibly jumped and whirled around.
"A-a-a-ah! I'll have it next week!" she exclaimed, backing herself against a wall. Sudou Maasa and Kumai Yurina advanced on her.
"You said that last week, Kamei-san," Yurina stated, folding her arms across her chest.
"Right! But, um, I, um, didn't get paid?"
Eri owes money? Okay, to whom...and for what? :?
And LULZ at Maasa and Yurina being "the goons". :lol:
"DAMN you people are annoying!" Fujimoto exclaimed, standing up and walking over to the trio. "No one is beating up Kamei, especially not you two little twerps," she declared, staring up at the two Berryz towering over her. "And if your damn boss has a problem with that, she can yankee up and come talk to me, ok?" Maasa and Yurina exchanged nervous glances.
"Yankee up"? Reina's got a little gambling ring going on? :O
"That's all well and good, Fujimoto-san, but, um, if we don't do our jobs, she'll kill us," Yurina explained.
"But if we do our jobs, Fujimoto-san will kill us," Maasa replied.
"Yeah, I guess we're dead either way," Yurina agreed thoughtfully.
Ouch, talk about being between a rock an a hard place (that's also a rock :grin: ).
"What the hell is this, Tokkaekko?" Miki asked. Nakazawa started laughing.
"Yoshizawa was never quite the same after she hung out with those drag queens," Yuko mused.
TOKKAEKKO!!! :rofl:
Even after HPS released a subbed version of that, I still didn't quite get all of it. :mon sweat:
"What'd you lose on this time?" Miki sighed, helping her former fellow member up.
"Who'd get knocked up next," Eri replied. "I mean really, Iida-san!?"
Hey, never underestimate the ones who don't get a lot of spotlight time...especially if they got legs like Kaori does. :drool: Seriously, after her uber-sexy "ITAAAAAI~" when she and Konkon got that foot massage on H!M a few years back, it should have been obvious that she was no nun. :twisted:
"Oh, that reminds me, I still haven't collected my winnings from that bet," Nakazawa mused, grabbing another beer.
"Who'd you bet on then?" Miki asked.
"Goto-san."
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh so Eri bet that Maki would be next? :hump:
Wait a sec, Yuko got winnings? After being in 1st gen with her, she must have known that Kaori "had it in her" so to speak. O0
See here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Veh_MBjSBP8 ;D
"Kamei bet that Goto'd get knocked up."
"Dammit, Eri!" Yossi groaned. "I told you to stop betting! You always lose."
"But, she keeps telling me that it's a sure thing this time!" Eri protested.
Poor Eri, she has the worst luck. Plus she's apparently really gullible. XD
Question is though, who exactly was it that told Eri "it's a sure thing"? : :hehehe:
"How much do you owe this time?"
"45,000 yen..."
"45,000!?" Yossi exclaimed. Eri nodded sadly. Yossi sighed and slung an arm around the slumping turtle's shoulders. "Fine. Wash my car and I'll lend you the money...again."
Shit, if I was going to loan out that much money I'd get her to do more than just wash my car.
*FYI - ¥45 000 (Yen) equals approximately €283 (Euros) / $387(USD) / $406(CDN) / $466(Aussie). :)
"SUCH A NICE SENPAAAAAAAAAI!" Nakazawa squealed out.
"I sure as hell didn't learn it from you," Yossi muttered.
"Damn straight," Yuko agreed.
Why be nice? It's not Nakazawa-ly. It does not follow the Way of The Cafeteria. :wahaha:
"Oh!" she called after the departing pair. "While you're out, buy me s'more booze!"
Now THAT is Nakazawa-ly. :mon thumb:
Yossi gave them a one-fingered salute as she walked out the door.
Is it weird that I find the thought of Yossi flipping people off like that to be attractive? :pig huh:
...
...
...
...
Naaaaaaaaah. :kekeke:
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I can't get enough of Yuko and I could just see her and Miki sitting there watching over everyone waiting for a moment to verbally pounce :twisted:
Oh oh oh, the evil two (Miki/Yuko) vs the kawaii two (Kago/Tsuji back in the day)... Two top would run circles around Miki and Yuko, literally :P
ok that was random :lol:
JFC, thanks for the currency conversion and I love that u put Aussie not AUD btw, makes me feel special :D
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I'm wondering who the "boss" is that sent Maasa and Yurina to do her bidding. XD
Having the two giants under her, must be an HPK. >3
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"Yoshizawa was never quite the same after she hung out with those drag queens," Yuko mused.
Pics or it didn't happen. :P :P :P :P
Ah, someone hasn't seen Tokkaekko (http://www.hello-online.org/index.php?act=tracker&CODE=details&torrent=6948).
(http://img524.imageshack.us/img524/9974/clipboard05mn1.th.jpg) (http://img524.imageshack.us/my.php?image=clipboard05mn1.jpg) (http://img251.imageshack.us/img251/5663/clipboard04qc3.th.jpg) (http://img251.imageshack.us/my.php?image=clipboard04qc3.jpg)
EDIT - that first one would make a good OH MY GAH avatar.... :lol:
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"DAMN you people are annoying!" Fujimoto exclaimed, standing up and walking over to the trio. "No one is beating up Kamei, especially not you two little twerps," she declared, staring up at the two Berryz towering over her. "And if your damn boss has a problem with that, she can yankee up and come talk to me, ok?" Maasa and Yurina exchanged nervous glances.
Hm...I suddenly had a thought, the boss couldn't possibly be Captain, could it?...Nahhh...
Or maybe Melon Kinenbi's Saito?
"What's 'Tokkaekko'?" Maasa asked quietly to an equally confused Yurina. Nakazawa glared at them. No respect for the history, those damn kids.
"Get the hell out of my cafeteria," Nakazawa snapped.
"But we - "
"GET OUT!" Nakazawa roared, sending the two girls running out of the room.
:lol:
"But, she keeps telling me that it's a sure thing this time!" Eri protested.
Really curious to know who's this she.
Kamei, its so like her to lose all her bets XD
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Ah, someone hasn't seen Tokkaekko (http://www.hello-online.org/index.php?act=tracker&CODE=details&torrent=6948).
(http://img524.imageshack.us/img524/9974/clipboard05mn1.th.jpg) (http://img524.imageshack.us/my.php?image=clipboard05mn1.jpg) (http://img251.imageshack.us/img251/5663/clipboard04qc3.th.jpg) (http://img251.imageshack.us/my.php?image=clipboard04qc3.jpg)
EDIT - that first one would make a good OH MY GAH avatar.... :lol:
DO IT! XD
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Ah, someone hasn't seen Tokkaekko.
Nope, haven't ever seen that one.
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Ah, someone hasn't seen Tokkaekko.
Nope, haven't ever seen that one.
Watch it at your own risk dude. It's like an acid trip on an acid trip. :on lol:
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"GOTO FREAKING MAKI?" Miki repeated. "Are you retarded? I don't think she's ever even KISSED a guy unless you're counting Yossi."
:rofl: Miki was sooo suuureee!!! I love her for that!!!