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The Hello! Project Fanfics => H!P Fanfics => Library => Topic started by: erink on January 19, 2007, 06:16:23 AM

Title: Complete
Post by: erink on January 19, 2007, 06:16:23 AM

I have this perfect girl.
I can't find a single thing wrong with her.
I think she is the most perfect creature in this whole world.
I racked my brain, but I can't even imagine finding someone more attractive than her. Maybe I am crazy. I am sure some other people would agree, or say, "yeah she is pretty good," and others wouldn't be interested at all, but to me, I don't think it can get any better.
I love the way her hair feels as I gently place my hand on her head.
The way she looks when she laughs.
Even the sound of her laugh.
It is bassically everything, isn't it? I like everyhting don't I?
She was sweet.
When we first started dating, thats the thing that stuck out the most, other than the aforementioned phsyical attraction that is.
I thought to myself, "Why is she with me?"
I figured there had to be something majorly wrong with her to chose me.
Something that would rear its head at a later date and then that light bulb would go off "Oh, so that's why."
Part of me thought, maybe she is just as sweet as I think she is. Maybe she is willing to give me a chance at happiness. Another part of me though maybe she was just an idiot.
I shoved both of those aside.
Nonsense.
In my life, nothing has worked out that way. I am programmed to immediately think I am being screwed over. And if it doesn't happen then, I assume it is just coming later and will be extra painful when it does.
But that didn't come.(Yet?)
Of course I don't want to rule out all possibilities of this really being the disaster I thought it would be, but I'll come back to that later.
It was months before we had sex.
And I didn't even care.
Go back and reread that, cause I know you think I am lying.
You are sitting there with that smile on your face aren't you?
Regardless of wether or not you are going to belive that last one, it is the truth.
I didn't even think about it.
Me, of all people, not thinking about it.
That smile is getting bigger and you are yelling "Liar!" at this aren't you?
I was happy just being with her.
Holding her hand, talking to her, kissing her,
It was enough.
More than enough.
The morning after, when I woke up and she was still there( you know part of me expected her to have ran off and fulfilled one of my 'This isn't going to work out' theories, but it didn't happen that way.) I felt happiness.
I felt love.
For the first time.
No, that's wrong. Scratch it out.
I understood love.
Maybe that is a better phrasing?
We go through our lives saying "I love this" "I love that" "I love you". We say it so much it has lost meaning. It is thrown around. It has lost its value.  I felt it for awhile, so I would never say it. You know that though, huh?
But in that instance, as I looked at her, so peaceful and beatuiful, I felt as though I understood. For the first time that thing in my brain clicked. And I thought that maybe all my crazy realist ideas about love being some sort of chemical reaction were completely ridiculous.
After that, things came into perspective.
Right now,
She is lying next to me. Her hair is slightly messy, and everynow and then she twitches a bit before giving a sleepy smile. I unconsiously smile back, even though I know she is sleeping and can't see me, I can't stop myself.
Her well defined stomach moves up and down rythmically and her slow even breathing is somewhat relaxing. She readjusts herself so she can put her arms around me.
She is perfect.
If it is true, if it is true that God or whatever higher power creates one being, and then separates that being into a male and female, female and female, or a male and male, and sends them off to earth where they play out their lives, maybe reuniting maybe not. If that whole thing is true (Hey, do you remember what book that is from?) I think she would be my other half.
The last bit was pretty good, huh?
A little sappy and of course I stole it from one of Murakami's(I think it was his...) books, but it works doesn't it?
This perfect girl, whatever her reasons are,
She loves me.
She treats me as though she is the one unworthy of being with me.(No, I haven't ruled out a drug problem. Yeah, I think she'd have to be on crack to feel that way, too.)
When she talks to me, even if it is about some stupid insignificant thing, she looks me straight in the eye and there is a twinkle there.
Her smiles are genuine and warm.
I don't think she is capable of doing me any harm.(even though I am still holding out hope, you know? I'm still really hard to sell on a happy ending.)
She's perfect.
Then why am I laying here with her and thinking of you?
Life,
      It's cruel isn't it?

Title: Complete
Post by: katatsumuri on January 19, 2007, 06:42:20 AM

Beautiful and sweet... :ONluvluv2:

but the twist at the end.  OUCH!:MKsniffle:

Title: Complete
Post by: JFC on January 19, 2007, 07:29:17 AM

Quote

She's perfect.
Then why am I laying here with her and thinking of you?
Life,
It's cruel isn't it?

:shocked:

Dude, you better be continuing this...

Title: Complete
Post by: iacus on January 19, 2007, 10:05:05 AM

Quote from: JFC;286620

Dude, you better be continuing this...

Seconded. This is absolutely fantastic.

Title: Complete
Post by: Mikan on January 19, 2007, 11:58:13 AM

3rd. Beautiful

*nudges Erink* awww, I didnt know you were such a deep romantist ^^ tehehe.

Is there a one shot or are we going to be enlightened at a later date?

Title: Complete
Post by: coachie on January 19, 2007, 03:05:05 PM

That was so beautiful... and the ending...

Title: Complete
Post by: Blizzard on January 19, 2007, 09:27:55 PM

4th.

Wow, that was incredible!  I don't really know what else to say.

Title: Complete
Post by: black velvet on January 19, 2007, 11:10:27 PM

This definitely has a different feeling than your other writings. It's very sweet, yet angsty. The twist at the end is . . . Is there more? D:

Title: Complete
Post by: erink on January 21, 2007, 06:30:43 AM

Today we were out walking. And out of nowhere, she called out that nickname.
The same one you called me by.
No one else knew that.
It was between us.
When I heard it coming from her,
It was like being punched in the stomach.
All of those old memories came rushing back.
It was so sudden, I felt like I was going to be sick.
My entire body tensed and I stopped moving.
I stood frozen.
Right in the middle of the sidewalk on a pleasant afternoon. The sun was warm and the sky blue. It was a picturesque day.
I felt like I was going to have some sort of panic attack.
My entire body,
Heavy, as if, for the first time, I felt aware of every single pound I possesed. But it was more than that.  
It felt like some force was crushing me.
I found it hard to breathe.
And then she turned around.
In only the way that the perfect girl can, she spun and walked back towards me.
Her head tilted to the side.
She smiled at me playfully and reaced out for my arm.
She moved herself in closer to me, pressing up against the right side of my body,  and contiued looking up at me with that lovable grin.
It was like the most popular girl in school had just given the class loser a kiss on the cheek. The girl was completely okay with it, while the loser was still trying to process it and not, you know, spontaneously combust.
It was kinda like that.
But not really.
She looked so damn beautiful at that moment.
The posterchild for innocent love.
At least I guess she did.
I had slipped into what could best be described as an out of body experience.
I mean, I was aware of what was going on, that she was holding my arm and looking at me,
Things like that, I had processed,
but at the same time I was a million miles away.
A million miles away.
That would put me straight back to you?
If there is a higher power,
I am officially convinced he is out to get me.

Title: Complete
Post by: Owaranai_sLaVe on January 21, 2007, 06:54:52 AM

Damn, what a freaking ironic coincidence. I was planning to write in a similar style for my story later on. haha, well now its taken, but at least I know that it would have looked well.

Yours is damn awesome.

Quote

You are sitting there with that smile on your face aren't you?

well now i am :)

Quote

We go through our lives saying "I love this" "I love that" "I love you".

THAT, is the truth. that's why I never use that word freely, especially in a relationship.

i have this weird feeling that Rika is in the story... like shes the "perfect girl" or the "other girl". But for a second, i thought she was the girl talking, but i ruled that out later on.

-Owaranai_sLaVe

Title: Complete
Post by: erink on January 22, 2007, 10:43:52 PM

Thank you all so much for the comments. I am trying to return to a state of semi regular updates on all stories. Keep checking.

Title: Complete
Post by: C60533 on January 23, 2007, 04:10:01 AM

Quote from: erink;290209

Thank you all so much for the comments. I am trying to return to a state of semi regular updates on all stories. Keep checking.

Okay. I will continue checking. How long should the intervals between checking be? 1 day? Hopefully? ^_^

Title: Complete
Post by: erink on January 23, 2007, 04:42:57 AM

A delicate vase sits in a shop. It is black and the patterns are intricate.
The vase rests in the middle of a table.
Children run about in the way that the young are accustomed to while their mother looks around.
It is an unpredictable time.
Everyone knows what will happen, but not when.
One child bumps straight into the leg of the table.
As the vase wobbles everyone watches, too stunned to make a futile attempt at a rescue, before the innevitible tilt to the one side occurs, and the vase crashes to the ground.
The shopkeeper painstakingly repairs it. Restoring the intricate patterns with the help of glue.
If you look quickly, you don't notice.
Even looking for extended periods of time, it is hard to see that there is anything wrong.
The shopkeeper continually places it in such a way that it's good qualities are exentuated while the larger cracks are facing the wall.
The vase is purchased.
You can tell it is damaged but it still remains beautiful.
Everynow and then you accidently jossle it.
It teters, but always manages to retain its balance and place.
Until one day, it doesn't.
Even the strongest glue can't hold forever.
It falls farther than it did before,
And when it hits,
it breaks into new, more complex, and intersting peices.
The parts that had been broken before, now shatter into
miniscule fragments
that hide in your carpet and stick in your foot if you aren't careful.
The repair this time is more difficult, and raises the question,
Is it even worth it?
To one person, a special kind of person, it is.
They paitently sit for hours, days, months,
rebuilding.
Knowning that it will be a long process,
a process that others consider trivial, especially when there are
bigger and better vases out there.
For a cheaper price.
The person gets cut on the shards everynow and then, but it doesn't deter them.
No matter, some of the pieces maybe too small.
There is only so much that can be done,
Before you are left with a mere reminder of what the beauty once was.

Title: Complete
Post by: JFC on January 23, 2007, 05:40:17 AM

^ Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh metaphors! Coolness. :)

Title: Complete
Post by: Mikan on January 23, 2007, 10:02:11 AM

Yeh, love the metaphor.

How you doing Erink? I havent seen you round lately...

Title: Complete
Post by: _Hitomi_ on January 23, 2007, 03:44:14 PM

Oooh~ I'm impressed. :pen_clap:
You're really good on this. :kgreat:
I'll be waiting for more chapters ^_^

Title: Complete
Post by: erink on January 23, 2007, 11:24:11 PM

Quote from: Mikan;290630

How you doing Erink? I havent seen you round lately...

Yeah I know. I have no idea what is going on with me writting wise. Other than that, I'm okay.  Like I said, trying to get back to my regular state of updates.

Thanks for the comments.
Oh, and for the record, the metaphor was definately a pat on the back moment for me. Who really saw that one coming? Even I didn't.

Title: Complete
Post by: katatsumuri on January 24, 2007, 12:02:35 AM

Quote from: erink;291224

Oh, and for the record, the metaphor was definately a pat on the back moment for me. Who really saw that one coming? Even I didn't.

*gives you a back pat PLUS a massage*

your works are what make reading a pleasure~ XD

Title: Complete
Post by: C60533 on January 24, 2007, 12:13:14 AM

Beautiful metaphor :baa60776: This is a contemplative fic isn't it? I'm having to think. Haven't done that in a while. This is so good.

Title: Complete
Post by: erink on January 28, 2007, 09:41:59 PM

You know why I hate telephones?
No, it's not because they emit all those harmful radioactive waves. Although, that would just be my luck, wouldn't it?
It is because when I am on them,
I imediately get into this intense state of paranoia.
I just start panicking, worried that what I am thinking about (which of course is something either deep and dark, completely disgusting, embarassing, and or totally unrelated) will suddenly escape from my mind and flee into the other end of the reciever.
Those thoughts will  decide that they are sick and tired of only being thoughts.
They will have had enough of never getting the chance to be spoken.
The chance to become something more.
They will start a revolt.
They'll overpower my mind's sense of contorl.
Then they will make me pay for all the years I have just tossed them around.
Never acting on them,
or trying to forget them.
What will happen if these thoughts come out?
Whenever the phone rings,
I feel my stomach drop.
I try my best not to think these thoughts,
these thoughts that will hurt her if she hears them.
But in trying not to think about them,
you only think about them more, don't you?
I try my best to keep the conversation as short as possible.
Yes. No. Maybe.
If I elaborate, it means the conversation will last longer,
giving the snowball effect time to start.
I know if I am looking at her,
If I am there seeing her with my own eyes,
I will be able to control these thoughts better.
But when I'm not,
when she is out of sight,
when she is reduced to a voice and a mental outline of her appearance
each word, every slight utterance  must be meticulously planned out,
and I can't breathe again until I am sure it came out of my mouth the correct way, positive that it didn't switch to something else in the trip from brain to vocal chords.
What would happen if she were aware of my notions ?
What if I voiced these thoughts?
These thoughts of you.


* not happy with it, but it was close to the second page.

Title: Complete
Post by: rndmnwierd on January 28, 2007, 10:49:51 PM

I don't know what else to say but I LOVE YOU! Let me come be your fangirlie stalker! This is so incredible and deep and still in your own unique writing style. I'm dying for more.

Title: Complete
Post by: Owaranai_sLaVe on February 20, 2007, 07:13:00 AM

x_X Ugh, please tell me you're continuing this. My YoCharMi dramatic love triangle needs some feeding..badly...

Love the metaphors. I love the deep thinking thoughts as well.

-Owaranai_sLaVe

Title: Complete
Post by: erink on March 17, 2007, 04:28:24 AM

I'm going to hell.
I used to be vaguley aware of this.
This minor little thing I felt inside me.
Not saying that I was a really horrible person,
Just saying that I did a my fair share of things that would qualify me(I bet you know more than a few of those). And
if I wasn't going before,
if I was really just being hard on myself,
if the standards that I thought were set by whoever it is that runs it were off,
Then I have certainly cleared all tiny insignificant specs of doubt.
I'm going straight to hell.
For sure, yo.
Don't comment on that last bit. Just let me have my moment.
So why is it?
Why is it that I am destined to spend my life in eternal suffereing?
Why is it that I'll be rubbing elbows with Hitler and Stalin?
Why else would it be?
Reason Number One:
She is absolutely gorgeous.
Okay, okay, this all goes back to personal preferance and opinion, but
I guarantee
That it would be easy for any person to find at least one thing attractive about her.
Guarantee.
So what do I do with this gorgeous girl?
I spend my time thinking about someone...
Someone,
That's rather impersonal, isn't it?
I spend my time thinking about you.
Ah there we go, that is much better.
That's horrible.
But I'm sure if you, for some reason, skipped some of the other things I have mentioned, you might say,
But that really isn't that bad, cause if she isn't a good person...
Which brings us to
Reason Number Two
She is a good person.
I wish I was one of those people that was lucky enough to get stuck with a beautiful girl who was absolutely wretched.
Because then,
every single thought
every single action
can be justified on the premise of her being a bad person, and bad people deserve to be treated badly.
If only things could work that way.
Not only is she a good person, she is the epitome of good people everywhere
At some place
Some where
I am absolutely sure there is a statue errected in her honour.
Honestly, you could even push wholesome. How many people our age can fall into that category that
A) aren't in some cult guised as a religous group and
B) don't live under a rock.
A really
Really
Big rock?
Hell, just thinking about her I can picture her in some plain jane dress singing on a flower covered hillside with brids and vairous furry woodland creatures scurrying about and basking in her beauty.
What have I gotten myself into?
This isn't what I signed up for.
I applied for the standard get dicked over hard and long
have fun picking up all the broken peices of your life once this is over
and don't ever expect to see any of the money you spent on me every again.
That's how it always is,
That's what I always get.
You know I don't like change.
You know I have a hard time dealing with it minor or big.
You know what, I'll get back to the list later.
Right now I just think I am going to curl up in a nice dark corner and scream
why me?
over
and
over
again until I cry myself to sleep in truly depressing fasion.

Title: Complete
Post by: Owaranai_sLaVe on March 17, 2007, 06:59:13 PM

Sigh, once again, it's just too good. You've really hit a nerve in me, especially since its so coincidental that something similar is happening *not to me though*. But I would assume this is what my friend is talking about. Heh.


I'm glad you've continued it ^_^

-Owaranai_sLaVe

Title: Complete
Post by: Ren on March 18, 2007, 06:51:39 PM

I am so curious about who are the characters O_O

Great fic! :)

Title: Complete
Post by: rndmnwierd on March 19, 2007, 02:42:05 AM

Wow, that was a beautiful metaphor. Or a broken one or something.

Title: Complete
Post by: rndmnwierd on March 19, 2007, 02:44:07 AM

Heartwrenching.

Title: Complete
Post by: nkcac on March 20, 2007, 02:00:34 AM

this is seriously awesomness, waiting for more

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: Owaranai_sLaVe on May 04, 2007, 04:15:35 AM

>__> *SUPER PUNCH* Bump'd
I hate bumping, usually because it seems like I'm nagging. and I hate nagging. But I just really like this story, so angsty and poetic in a way. Definitely different from your comedy fic, and that's in an awesome way.

-Owaranai_sLaVe

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: erink on May 04, 2007, 11:19:57 AM

Haha, the bump is okay.  In all actuality I was writting another section of this last night, but with the forum problems I just decided to finish it up today.

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: erink on May 04, 2007, 08:44:08 PM

Caught by suprise, without an umbrella.
Thats what it took for me to realize
what this feeling is.
We were just walking,
like always, nothing
special
or
extrodinary about it.
Just walking.
All of a sudden, a rain
the really shocking rain
that sneaks up on you in the middle of a beautiful day started.
The rain drops were massive, when they hit you,
you felt it.
felt it soaking your clothes
felt it chill you to the bone
They were so big that they made a loud steady noise as they
ping
panged
splashed
over all the surfaces
cars
houses
us.
I grabbed her hand
and I ran.
Just ran
the kind of run where you don't think, you just move your body
moving by feeling,
by instinct
and we both ran, getting completely soaked
we ran to a tree and when we got there
huddling together we laughed.
looking up through vision distorted by hair that had been plastered to our faces,
the tree was nothing more than a glorified twig.
the branches were small and weak.
it had a noticeable absence of leaves.
our shelter wasn't so much of a shelter.
I lowered my head, and looked right at her.
There she was, looking back at me
I kissed her.
Right in the middle of that pouring rain
Right in the middle of it all
I knew.
I knew,
that I loved her.
I knew.
I knew,
that she was the one.
There's only one problem.
That didn't happen with her.
It happened with you.

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: Owaranai_sLaVe on May 05, 2007, 02:55:52 AM

Holy crap, last few lines got me. Man, I just can't help but totally dig Love Triangles. Best kind of triangles, totally beats the geometric ones, dammit.

My guess:
Yossui's the torn one who is with Rika but loves Miki.
Or, this one of those sneaky fics that smack me on the ass and it's a Miki (as the confused girl) who's with aya, but Miki likes ...Yossui or Rika. hahaha, I can live with that.

Can't wait to read more! (Good to know my nagging bumping was a waste then!)

-Owaranai_sLaVe

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: Ren on May 10, 2007, 02:20:01 PM

Quote from: Owaranai_sLaVe on May 05, 2007, 02:55:52 AM

Yossui's the torn one who is with Rika but loves Miki.
Or, this one of those sneaky fics that smack me on the ass and it's a Miki (as the confused girl) who's with aya, but Miki likes ...Yossui or Rika. hahaha, I can live with that.

For me, I think it is Yossi who is with Miki and likes Rika O_O.
But now I'm not even sure they are really H!P characters :D.

Good to see an update, can't wait for more :).

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: erink on May 26, 2007, 04:05:00 AM

People always ask

                              What do you want to be when you grow up?

I thought
thought hard

                                                                      and long

about my

                                                       answer

I could never narrow the jobs down
they seemed endless.
As I got older I decided on one simple thing.
Things like how much money I

                                      made

How many things I had,
where unimportant.
It would be nice to have them but
I thought I could live without it
My answer was one

                                                         simple

thing.

                                                     I want to be happy.

I didn't care what I was doing.
Where I was doing it.
I just wanted to be happy
That was my answer.
That was my goal.
That was my plan.
So why'd you have to go and ruin it?
---------

Formating is an absolute bitch. Don't hold your breath on seeing it again.(more than that, it drives me nuts that the text changes) Somewhere inbetween being MIA and throwing an update up out of guilt my style shifted rather noticeably and kind of derailed whatever sort of flow I had going. I think you can find the sections I'm talking about. We'll see.

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: JFC on May 26, 2007, 04:55:48 AM

Yeah, it's definitely a bitch all right, but in this case the hard work definitely pays off. I absolutely LOVED how you separated those particular lines from the rest of the text. I read them together, then I read the "separated" lines just on their own.  Veeeeeeeeeeeeeery nicely done. :)

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: rndmnwierd on May 26, 2007, 08:07:52 PM

Wow, that separte text message thing was cool, I wouldn't have thought of doing something like that.

You know, a guilt chapter is better than no chapter my friend! Now, if only someone doesn't use that on me...

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: Owaranai_sLaVe on May 28, 2007, 09:16:42 PM

Damn, formating does seem like a bitch.
Sigh, so dramatic! Keep your awesome-nes flowin' man!

Owaranai_sLaVe

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: erink on June 12, 2007, 04:49:08 AM

Will you knock it off?
Acting like that,
You're not going to live forever, you know?

Of course I know.
Undoubtedly my
Time's got to be up sooner or later

Well I want it later, not sooner.
As if It doesn't matter,
You're out of control.

Don't bother,
On the off chance something happens,
Which, I'm not saying it will,
No worries, I've got a pretty resilient body.


All I lack is a resilinet heart.
But you probably already knew.

------
Five points for the first person to figure out the alternative(or main, depending on perspective) way of reading it.

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: JFC on June 12, 2007, 06:11:58 AM

First letter of each line. If you read them from top to bottom, they say "WAY OUT WAY DOWN AB". Dunno what the "AB" is supposed to mean though. :dunno:

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: erink on June 12, 2007, 11:36:29 AM

haha, ignore AB. I needed that last little twist in there and try as I may I doubt I am creative enough to build something around AB. Although, after I typed that I figured I could have continued the trend with C but it's entirely to late for that now.

Title: Re: Complete
Post by: rndmnwierd on June 13, 2007, 05:56:13 AM

It took a couple tries, but when I tilted my head, I saw WAY OUT WAY DOWN.