Title: Forbidden
Why did I follow you here? Not only does it make me seem like some crazy stalker, but also this is a bad idea all together. You aren’t with me anymore, why can’t I accept that? It doesn’t matter if I’m still deeply in love with you. And it doesn’t matter if you might still love me back even just a little. What does matter, however, is what makes you happy and she’s the one that makes you happy. She can care for you in ways that I couldn’t. She can protect you, love you, and never let you down. She won’t confuse you or hurt you like I did. And I regret what I did the time we were together. I lied to you, cheated on you, and broke your heart more than anyone else can. I can’t fully explain why I did those things. I guess at the time I felt that this was a dream and that you were too good to be true. And maybe you would go away. I had this strange idea that if I go too attached to you or too much in love with you; that you would leave. You would suddenly get tired of me and cheat on me and do all the things I ended up doing to you. I felt that…if you were going to do that; I might as well do it to you first. So I wouldn’t end up the one broken and left in tears. I was so stupid then! I wasn’t thinking right. I never did when I was around you. My brain would turn to mush when you were near. You were something different in my life. You were love and kindness, relief and contentment, and all I was is a cold-hearted bitch trying to find ways to keep you out. I wanted you and yet I didn’t, because I was afraid. You were the only person who broke my walls and melted the ice around my heart and that scared me. Before you came along I only watched out for myself. Everything was about me and on how I could survive well on my own in this world. Those were my only concerns until you came. The whole game changed and new rules were set and that worried me. You never gave up on me though, in fact, you only tried harder to help me, to let me adjust. You forgave me in everything even though I made you cry countless times every night. You were always good to me, but I was cruel to you. You were miserable around me and we both knew it. No matter how positive you tried to stay about things, I always found ways to set them back down and break your spirit worse than I did before. I’m sorry I couldn’t make things better; that I couldn’t stop what I was doing and save whatever pieces of our relationship we had. I’m sorry about everything I did and everything I didn’t do to fix it. I could have mend everything back together if I wanted to. But I think at the time I really didn’t want to or a small part of me didn’t want to. Now, I’ll have to live in remorse and carry this burden. My head is filled with ‘What ifs’ and ‘I should haves’ all the time, but they’re no good now. But I can live with that, give me time and I will. Fighting and serving on my own in this world is what I know best and can easily do. Loving you- is something completely different and more complex than you think. I still haven’t yet to understand it and see how it works, but that-I’ll need even more time to decode.
“Kame, hurry or we’ll be late for the play!”
Intensely, I watch the scene before me unfold. She rushes out the clothes store with bags in both hands.
“Oi, Gaki-san, wait for me!”
Risa takes some of the bags in Eri’s hands and puts them into the car. Eri puts the rest of her bags in the trunk then opens the passenger seat door.
“What took you so long?” Risa asks, curiously
“I couldn’t decide on what charm to get us, but I picked the ones with the hearts on it so it’s ok now.”
Eri puts on her cheery smile that warms my heart and it makes me smile. Risa smiles back at her affected. Like I am then puts her hands into Eri’s. When I see their hands come together the smile on my face quickly transforms into a frown. You use to always want to hold my hand, but I would never let you. I would shake you off and you use to act like you were ok with it even if you really weren’t. You did that to make me happy, but I would never try to make you happy. My hands close up into tight fist and my stomach contracts with this sharp and hot feeling right in the middle of my gut. Is this jealousy or pity for myself that I’m having right now? I can’t tell anymore, when I think about you, so many emotions awaken within me all at once.
“Come on let’s go.”
Risa goes into the car and starts the engine. Once they’re both safely inside, Eri looks around to see if anyone is looking and gives Risa a quick kiss. That makes everything inside me die. You use to kiss me too or try to since I would mostly dodge them or make up some excuse. I did everything wrong back then. And I’m sorry. But she really does make you happy though, something I wouldn’t never be able to do. Risa strokes her hair affectionately and pulls into the road. I watch the car disappear into the distance and when I can’t see them anymore I walk away. Now I know, I know that she makes you happy. I know that you’re in safe hands and Risa can easily repair the damage I did almost instantly. And I’m happy for you both, even if I’m not happy myself. I sigh and walk down the block to go back home. I wipe the tears caught in my eyes and push away the others that are forming to replace the ones I rubbed away. I think I know why I could never fully make you happy now. It’s because you’re forbidden. You’re perched so high up on your pedestal I would never be able to climb. You’re something the Gods will never allow me to have. I might easily taint your innocence and angelic figure with my dirty hands. You’re pure in its fullest form. You’re my-Forbidden fruit.
Topic: Forbidden[one-shot] (Eri/Risa mentions of Eri/Reina) (Read 11675 times)