School love story.(Atsumina fanfic)

[Anugrahni]

First,i will you guys cast of this fanfiction :
1.Takamina
2.Atsuko
3.Yuko
4.Kojiharu

I will make this fanfiction soon. .ok?See you later,guys!

[black_maa]

First, Hello! 
Second, I want my Atsumina!!! 
 

[Saint0angel]

I'll wait  atsumina 

[Anugrahni]

Here we go!I hope you guys like it .And sorry for my bad english. .Its my first time to make fanfiction. .


Chapter 1
First sight
Acchan ran as fast as possible to her school.Occasionally she checked her watch.
"This is all because i forgot set up my alarm clock!"
Because she's not focus on run,she crash into the girl who was in front of she,and the girl fell to the ground.
"I'm sorry.Are you okay?"Ask Acchan.
The girl only stared Acchan and not speaking at all.Acchan craning his hand to that girl.But the girl still silent and still stared Acchan.
"Can you stand up?"Ask Acchan again.
"I'm fine"
"Once again,I'm sorry.I must quickly to school"
"Carefully on the street and do not crash anyone else"The girl smile to Acchan.
Acchan only nodding her head and go left the girl.The girl just stared Acchan until Acchan missing from her sight.
Fortunately,Acchan not came late into her class.Acchan sit in her seat.Kojiharu,her bestfriend come to her and sit in front of her.
"Acchan,you are so lucky because you are not too late!First lesson is Mr.Takahashi,the scary teacher!"
Acchan was still quiet set his breath that breathless.
When all students were having lunch in the canteen , Acchan and Kojiharu choose to sit back on the roof school.
"Acchan,why we do not go to canteen and have lunch in there?"
"I prefer here.The wind blows and blue sky look beautiful. i prefer here than have lunch in the canteen"said Acchan with a smile
See her friends smile,Kojiharu also smile.
"Mr.Takahashi have daughter.Her age is same with us,and i hear from another students,she will attend in this school from tomorrow"
"Really?"
Kojiharu nodding her head.
-----------------Acchan's house---------
When Acchan brushing her teeth,Acchan remember again when she crash the girl this morning.
"Her gaze very strange"
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The next day , class previously noisy , being silent when Mr.Takahashi enter the class with a new student girl.Acchan suprised when see the new student girl.The new student girl is who her crash yesterday.
"This girl is my daughter.From today,she will become student in this school."Said Mr.Takahashi.
"My name is Takahashi Minami.I'm 16 years old.Yoroshiku Onegaisimasu"
"You can sit in the empty seat"
"Yes"
Minami see Acchan.They looked at each other.
"Please,choose your seat.Hurry!"
"Yes,sir"
Minami sit beside Acchan.Because there is empty seat beside Acchan.
Acchan stared at Minami.Minami stared at Accan too.
"Ok..we will started class.Prepare your book"
"Yes,sir"answer all students.except minami and acchan who still looked at each other.
-----------To Be Contiuned---------

So,what do you think guys?I think,my english is so bad.Coment if you like/not like my fanfic .And,I'm so sorry for my english. :(I will update.But i dont know when i update it.Thanks for reading my fanfic

[faanpal]

it's cool since it's your first fic. but why don't try to put a space between paragraphs? as for me, it's rather difficult cuz my eyesights aren't so good. thanks by the way.

[black_maa]

Now I am confuse, where to leave my comment. 
But that was fast update.. that's cool. 
About story.. it's good  , but..   I think you mentioned "Acchan" name too many times.. maybe next time try not to do that and change it into Pov.. and sorry for saying that, cuz its just my opinion.
Also, take your time to write it.. 

[Drakon]

The boy only stared Acchan and not speaking at all.Acchan craning his hand to that girl.

So "boy" or "girl" ?

[Anugrahni]

Yeah..i return for my fanfiction

@faanpal : I'm so sorry if i make you difficult to read this fanfiction

@black_maa : Thanks for your suggestion .I will try to make this fanfiction with POV

@Drakon : Takamina is girl in this fanfiction

Here we go....

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Minami’s POV

I follow my father my father walks into my new class.Mr.Takahashi is my father,and he will be my teacher from now.
I hear the noise from the class, make my heart increasingly pounding.

When i and my father enter the class, all students directly silent looked at me

“This girl is my daughter.From today,she will become student in this school”

“My name is Takahashi Minami.I’m 16 years old.Yoroshiku Onegaisimasu”I introduced myself in brief

Because shame,i can only subdue my head.I don’t know how their expressions when i introduced myself to them.

“You can sit in the empty seat”

“Yes,sir”

When i look around class to find an empty seat,i see the girl seems no stranger to me.And apparently...she was a  girl who crashed me yesterday morning.
I silently look at her and she also look at me too.I think she remember me.I don't know why,but i’m very happy because i can meet her again even one class with her.

“Please,Choose your seat.Hurry!”My father yelling at me.

“Yes,sir”Answer me again.

I see an empty seat beside her .I walk into empty seat,and sit there.Now,i sit beside her.I’m very happy!

“Ok..we will started class.Prepare your book”

“Yes,sir”answer all students.

All students answer my father,s command.But,I don’t regard my father’s command.My gaze and my mind are only to this girl who sit beside me.I’m very..very happy.


Atsuko’s POV.

I sit alone on the roof school.Kojiharu do not accompany me sit here today,because she wants to lunch,she did not have breakfast today.So,I let she to have lunch in canteen.

I look at sky.As usual, the beautiful sky make me comfortable here.I turned my head when i hear sound of a footstep right behind me.

“Ah..you come here”I smile to her.

“I will go now”She turned her body and start to walk away.

I chased she and pull her arm.I think it will be fun if she sit here with me.

“Hey,you are girl yesterday,right?Once again..i’m so sorry because my fault yesterday”

“No..no problem”She said with low voice.

“My name is Atsuko Maeda.You can call me Acchan if you want.Your name is Takahashi Minami,right?”

“If you want too...you can call me Takamina”She subdue her head and play with her  fingers.

I craning my hand to she.She smile and we shake hands.Her hand is very soft.I can feel it.

Finally,we two sit here.Yeah,just we two.I’m a little feel awkward because i just be friend with her today.Usually i sit with my bestfriend,Kojiharu.But today,i sit with this new student.

Atmosphere become silent.I don't know what i can say with her.

“So,you...like sit here when break time?”She finally asked me without see my face.

“I just want to soothe me here.And the sky very clearly seen here,i like sky!”                                                                       I said it with a smile on my face.

She just be quiet.I look at sky again and she also follow me look at sky too.


Minami’s POV

The bell school ring,i see all students go together leave class,i think they will go to canteen.But,the girl go to in a different direction .I choose to follow her. And apparently...she go to roof school. A place that i think quite desolate.

She sit and look at sky. I think it is very boring,aloof in a place like this and looked into sky.I approached she slowly,but she know it first.

“Ah..you come here”She smile to me.

I’m afraid she feels bothered because of me.So,i want to leave her.

“I will go now”

I turned my body and start to walk away from she.But suddenly,she ran to me and pull my arm.I feel a little suprised but i feel  happy too.

“Hey,you are girl yesterday,right?Once again..i’m so sorry because my fault yesterday” She said it    with the face pleading

“No..no problem”

“My name is Atsuko Maeda.You can call me Acchan if you want.Your name is Takahashi Minami,right?”

“If you want too...you can call me Takamina”

I told her to call me with my familiar name.Because she told me to call her with her familiar name too. What can i do is subdue my head and play my  fingers. She craning her hand to me.We shook hands.

Acchan ask me to sit with her.And surely,i want to sit with her.We mutually silent. I think what can i talk to her.

“So,you...like sit here when break time?”Finally,i get something can i ask to she.

“I just want to soothe me here.And the sky very clearly seen here,i like sky!”                                                                        She said it with a smile on her face.

When i see she say it with smile in her face, i dwell like froze instantly. I am happy can see her smile like this.

She look at sky again with that smile cannot be missing from her face  and  i follow her to look at sky too.

This will sound ridiculous, but  from this moment,i realized that i like her.....yeah,maybe.

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So,what do you think guys?I think,my english is so bad .Coment if you like/not like my fanfic .And,I'm so sorry for my english,because i'm just a student. I will update.But i dont know when i update it. .Thanks for reading my fanfic. 
See you later! 

[black_maa]

Your english skills is enough good and understandable, so it's okay..  .. and I think most of us still learning how to write right in this language..
Good, that you wrote it with POV's but....
{//[A suggestion for future - can you please not to repeat one situation/person two times in one sentence? I noticed it in few places, cuz its little bit confusing and distracting..  sorry for saying that.. ]//}

About story - Oh, sounds like love from first sight.. 

Thank you for your update and waiting next one.  Keep writing and it will be ok.!

[Anugrahni]

I am little do not understand with your suggestion,can you explain it in more detail?     

[blakwhite]

updateee, ty for update
btw, kl aku bisa bantu kl butuh bantuan :>

[black_maa]

I am little do not understand with your suggestion,can you explain it in more detail?     

For excample -->

Minami’s POV

I follow my father my father walks into my new class.Mr.Takahashi is my father,and he will be my teacher from now.

Too many times you mentioned name 'father' in this short of sentence. Maybe you should replace it with similar word or, for excample, something like  that --> "I followed my father into my new class. His name is Mr.Takahashi and from now on, he also will be my teacher."


I am truly apologize about my suggestions..  .. I hope you don't mind if I said something like that? It's Atsumina story and I love them. Of course you don't need to do it, what I said it before, cuz it's your own story and you do it how you want it. I apologize again. Sorry! 

[Anugrahni]

Ah....i see.Thanks for your suggestion.  .

[faanpal]

I like this but forgive me to say this.
I found some grammar mistakes here n there. I know english isn't ur native, but honestly, it decreases the enjoyment in reading it. Sorry.
Have u by any chance read the 'The AKB Fanfic Advice Community Thread'? I think it'll be a big help since there're many inspiring n helpful advices from experienced writers. There're also some helpful links regarding about grammar n writing techniques. Feel free to read it.
As for the story i'll look forward to it in a better way. Take ur time to update it n no need to rush. The readers will patiently n loyally waiting for it.
Semangat! :yoshi:

[cisda83]

Eh... Takamina already fell for Atsuko

So fast...

What about Atsuko's feeling?

What's going to happen next?

Can't wait to find out

Thank you for the update