Friday's Children are Full of Woe (a continuing story)

[edhead999]

Those have got to be the most random chapters I've ever read. Yet so funny.

... or maybe I'm still reeling from reading the 2005 and 2006 struggle...

Anyway, thanks for the new chapters!

[Mikan]

Alternate Version FTW!

See? You see what youve done? Now you have created this other angle to write from. A new series in which Miki confesses her love early but in a less sexual way, haha. It just completely changes the future for them.

I was thinking today about how OTN must be one of the most understanding people in the world. I mean, you do all these POVs....
Or I suppose I could put my usual weird, random and morbid spin on that and say you could just as easily have split personalities.

And this is where I stop bothering you. Thank you

[Tinnygy]

Love the Alternate version  , finally, finally, Aya knew who's the one she trully love ^^

Back to the main version ^^, well, how long will Aya recognize her feeling?

[OTN1]

I really really enjoyed (in a painful and embarrassing way) writing those alternate versions.  Truly.  Pure fun.  But I'm 100% with Amarghetta in agreeing that the non-alternate versions are more... "fun" because of the complications.  Hahaha!  Maybe we're a morbid couple of AM fans.

Ren, you like the drunk/sex refs?  Hahaha.  Well, I like sticking them in.

Oh, man.  Don't die.  If you die, nobody around here will get your "Best moments of..." reviews.  I enjoy those.

I was thinking today about how OTN must be one of the most understanding people in the world. I mean, you do all these POVs....

Haha, that struck me as a very sweet thing to think, but my writing these stories can't possibly reflect many good things about my character.  Look at the angst and the pain and the death and... Eep.  But thanks for thinking that thought just the same.

[OTN1]

The format of this story is going to change a little from now on so that it can flow into what I've already written in the other section of the forum.  Sorry for the inconsistency.  I wasn't expecting to make a "prequel" to the prequel of Lx2. (A prequel to a prequel?  This is very confusing…)

I Dream of You

9

It all started with a kiss.  On television, that is.  We were watching a movie together at her house, and the hero and heroine had just survived a terrifying ordeal.  They'd been hinting at their feelings for some time, but right after almost losing their lives, they collapsed into each other's arms, and the usual passion ensued.  So mushy it was soggy, so embarrassing it made me want to hit myself.

I saw Aya sigh, and I could almost see the fluttering hearts in her eyes.  I knew that she wanted some knight in shining armour to come along and sweep her off her feet, protect her from the cruelties or the world, and make her forget what time was.  That's why I had to keep quiet.

Almost since the first day of this stupid crush, I kept quiet because I knew that A, it was just that (stupid), and B, I wasn't that knight.  There was no way I could tell anyone, least of all her, anything.

The truth is that at first, I thought it was silly infatuation.  The usual idol worship.  I told myself that I really admired who she was and what she stood for because it's what I aspired to be and do.  I had myself convinced of this.  But the feelings wouldn't go away, and when I started having dreams, I officially panicked.

Most of the dreams took place in a cute and innocent world, and nothing terribly exciting happened.  We were just happy together, walking down a road, picking flowers, or eating ice cream.  Those dreams I could handle and looked forward to.

However, there were other dreams I had from time to time that were not innocent and cute.   They were, in a word, dangerous.  Steamy dreams that I'd wake up from covered in sweat, confused, and feeling like if I didn't find some sort of outlet for all my energy, I'd implode.  On those occasions, no matter what time it was and what the weather was like, I would get dressed, go outside, and run down the street until I was exhausted.  Then I'd run back home and be so beat that I'd collapse into bed and fall asleep right away.

But one time, I wasn't alone when I had one of those dreams. 

And it all started with that kiss on TV.

I watched her gush silently over the love struck characters and wished that she'd look at me like that.  All I could say to myself in comfort was that she never looked at Tachibana like that either.  Then in my mind, I started to construct an Indiana Jones-type fantasy where we just barely escaped with our lives, and I had to shake my head of my thoughts because the movie ended and she was asking me a question that I hadn't heard, yet was somehow answering.

She must have asked if I was tired.  It was early by our sleepover standards, but we had to work the next day.  Bedtime would be early.  We got up and got ready for bed as I tried to put those crazy thoughts out of my head.

Baths taken and pyjamas put on, we got under the covers, each of us laying claim to a side, and saying goodnight.  There would be no gossiping late into the night.  We had long days ahead of us.

Some time in the early morning, perhaps around half past three, I woke up with a wild start, my hands gripping the sheets tightly.  I'd just had the worst kind of dream I could have while on a sleepover with Aya.  It was intense.  The tension between us had been thick enough to see with the human eye, and we'd practically attacked each other before I woke up.  A dream about a mistakenly sent e-mail, a bottle of vodka, and complete lack of control was what made me wake up soaked with sweat, heart beating and brain racing.

I look around wildly and spotted Aya beside me sleeping peacefully.  My eyes bore a hole into her face, and I suddenly realised I had to get out of there before I did anything regrettable.

I slipped out of bed quickly and tiptoed out of the room, my hands shaking, my pyjamas sticking uncomfortably to my body.  I could hear the sounds of rain falling and strong winds blowing.  It was storming just like the weather forecast had predicted.

I had to fight every irresistible urge to jump back into bed and wake her up and do things I should not have.  Every urge.  It took all my effort. 

As I was leaving the room, I tripped over something on the ground, making a loud noise, and despite all my efforts to quietly regain my balance, my foot landed in a pile of CDs, which toppled over and made horrible squeaking and clinking sounds.

To my horror, Aya stirred in her sleep and her eyes started to open.  I dashed out of the bedroom, slamming the door shut and going to the living room.  I couldn't think.  I was confused.  I didn't know where I was.

I opened the window, and a blast of air hit my face, bringing stray raindrops in along with it.  The air was cool, and it chilled my sweat-soaked body, causing me to shiver out of more than just fear as my sweat began to freeze.

The door to the bedroom opened.  Eyes half shut and looking sleepy, Aya walked out.  She spotted me and headed straight towards me.

"What's the matter?  Are you sick?" she asked, no doubt noticing my face covered in sweat and my shivering.

I shook my head, willing her in my mind to leave me alone.

"I'm fine," I said lowly.

I leaned out the window, holding onto the ledge tightly.

"You're not fine," Aya said.

She was suddenly beside me, touching my shoulder to pull me back in.

"You're shivering."

I shrugged her hand off my shoulder violently and then looked at her.  She seemed hurt.  She couldn't understand that I couldn't bear to have her touching me.

"What's wrong?" she asked sadly.

"I had a nightmare," I lied.

She reached out again and took one of my sleeves.

"It's okay now.  You're awake.  It can't hurt you."

I shook my head.

"It can."

She didn't understand my answer, so she ignored it.

"Come on.  You're soaked.  You have to change or you'll catch a cold."

She pulled on my sleeve, and I let myself be dragged back.  She closed the window and then led me back to her room.  I stared at a spot on the wall as she looked for some extra pyjamas.  Finding some, she stretched her arm out to me and handed them over.

"Here.  Change," she commanded.

I took the clothes silently and was about to start to change when I noticed her just standing there.  I fixed her with an annoyed look.

"Do you have to watch?" I asked acerbically.

Aya stared at me for a moment through incredulous eyes and then turned on her heels.  She got back into bed and turned away, pulling the covers up over the back of her head.

She was pissed off at me.  I'd never get what I wanted.

I changed slowly, taking deep breaths to calm myself down.  I no longer wanted to jump her, but I had to either fall asleep within thirty seconds or leave the apartment building because I would eventually lose control.

Finished, I slipped back under the covers and turned on my side to stare at Aya's back.  It was covered in a blanket.  I couldn't see her.  Just the top of her head sticking out.  I tried to imagine what lay under the covers, but I clamped down on those thoughts because they weren't helping me get to sleep.  I closed my eyes and tried to forget where I was.

"Do you have to be such a bitch when I'm trying to help you?" Aya asked out of the blue.

I guess she couldn't go to sleep angry.  I felt bad.

"Sorry," I said reluctantly, opening my eyes.

She turned around to face me.  I really wished she hadn't.

"You need to control your temper," she told me, but I ignored her.  I just stared.  "Are you feeling better?"

I was glad about the change of subject.  I nodded once.

"You don't usually have nightmares," she observed casually.

I shrugged.  It was true.  I usually didn't.  And this was no exception.  I hadn't had a nightmare.  I'd had a good dream.  I was just in the wrong environment.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

I shook my head, controlling every action carefully.

"Did you lose your voice?" she teased me.

I shook my head, not laughing.  She studied me worriedly.

"You're really that terrified?" she asked, reaching a hand out to my shoulder awkwardly.

Please don't, please don't, please don't...

I didn't reply in any way.  I certainly was terrified, but not because of ghosts or monsters.  I was terrified of the urge I felt to lose control.  I was terrified of freaking her out.  I was terrified of being the monster.

"A dream bad enough to make you shut up?  Where can I find the people responsible?" she asked defensively.

You're the one responsible, I thought to myself.

"It's nothing.  I'm fine now," I spoke in a cautious tone.

"Look at that.  She speaks," Aya said with a glint in her eye.

I breathed slowly and deeply.  She tickled me lightly and I squirmed.

"You're funny," I managed to say dryly.

Then she gave me that beautiful smile that always got to me and made me feel good.  Like a star.  The one that said I could do no wrong.

I felt my heart fall hopelessly through a canyon full of soft clouds, and so I shut my eyes.

The truth is that I came so close to doing something stupid.  If I'd kept my eyes open for a second longer, that would have been the end of the hiding game I had been playing since this crush had started.

"You sure you're okay?" she asked, complete worry replacing any humorous tone in her voice.

I nodded slowly without opening my eyes.

"I'm fine," I mumbled.  "Just tired."

She hummed a response and then scooted in a tad closer to me as every muscle in my body tightened and I pushed her away in my mind.  She took my hand and put it on her forearm.

"If you have more nightmares, just squeeze and I'll knock some common sense into you," she said.

I could imagine her winking at me she said it, but I just kept my eyes shut.

"Okay.  Thanks," I said, trying to sound nice about it.

Just leave me alone, my mind screamed.

"Good night."

"Good night," I echoed.

Ten minutes later, her breathing slowed down and she fell asleep.  I opened my eyes and slowly took my hand off her arm, slipping out of bed and this time making sure not to make any noise as I left the bedroom.

Manoeuvring carefully through the dark, I went and sat down on the couch, crossing my arms across my stomach.

What am I going to do? I thought to myself in despair.

If I didn't do something, I would forever be stuck in painful situations like the one that had just happened.  That night was a deciding factor.  While sitting on the couch, I concluded that I had to tell her.  The next time I saw her after this sleepover, I would tell her.

And that was final.

[OTN1]

This is where things start to take off.  I started a story in the other fanfic section a while ago and I never continued it, but now I intend to finish it.  Friday's Children is what leads up to that story.  I'm going to post the chapters from that story here in this thread and then continue to write until I reach the end that I intend for it.  Some of you have read the next 6 chapters already, some of you haven't.  It's called Past the Barrier and to the Left.  As you can tell, the narration/point of view changes to third person.


Past the Barrier and to the Left

One

Miki walked into the room.  She had been wringing her hands nervously as she approached the door, but upon sliding it open, she retained her cool appearance, quietly sliding the door shut behind her and turning casually to face her target.

"Listen," she started.  "I wish you'd be clearer with me."

Silence engulfed the room, waiting for her to continue.

"But maybe more than that, I wish I was smart enough to understand you."

She took a slight step forward and stood her ground to carry on speaking.

"Sometimes I feel like you're playing a game with me.  Pressing to see how far you can go and then swerving around to go down another path.  I don't know how much is meant in earnest and how much is just you joking around and talking big."

She paused to take a deep breath and then ploughed on.

"And if I can't tell whether you're being serious or not, I can't figure out what to think.  You drop hints all over the ground and then run them over with a car while I'm trying to pick them up and read them.  It's hard.  I wish you'd either stop dropping the hints or let me pick up on them and interpret them.  It's not fair to me."

She felt her voice tremble, so she stopped, took a slow breath, and continued.

"It disappoints me so much when you do that because... because..."

She weakened momentarily.  She hadn't prepared this part of the speech very well.  She took another breath and hardened up.

"Because I like you a lot.  Just seeing you makes me happy.  Um, and your smile cheers me up.  And your laugh is cute. And the way you do things your own way is, well, unique.  Only you can do them that way and look that way when you do.  You always have advice for me when I ask, and whether it fits for me or not, you give it.  And you always listen to me when it really matters.  Even when it seems like you're ignoring me, you really are listening.  You surprise me all the time.  That's why I like you."

No response came as she paused and regrouped her thoughts.

"What do you think?  Um, because like I said, you're never clear with me.  I don't know what to think.  So... um, can you please tell me now?  Be clear?  Don't mess around with me?  Just this once?  Please?"

Only breathing could be heard after she finished speaking.

"Too much begging.  One more time," Miki muttered under her breath.  She exited the room and re-entered.

"Listen," she began again, looking at her target.  "I really like you."

She let out a deep breath and let her composure go, relaxing and walking over to the picture that was propped up on her desk.  She put it back in the drawer and picked up her phone from her bed.

"All right.  Ready."

Miki strode out of the empty room with confidence.  Rehearsal was over.  The real performance was on.

[OTN1]

Past the Barrier and to the Left

Two

Miki began to wring her hands together again as she got closer and closer to her destination.  Her face remained stoic, her shoulders at their usual broad poise, her legs stretched out in front of her and reaching towards the middle of the train car.  The only signs of her nervousness were in her hands' movements and in her eyes, which constantly flicked upwards to look at the upcoming stop announcement display.

Three more stops.  Three more stops.  Three more- two more stops.  Two more stops.  Two... she counted.

The train seemed to move like a pregnant snail.

Just knock on the door, get an invite in, say your bit, and hightail it out of there, she thought.  She proceeded to imagine horrific things happening, from being looked at awkwardly to being outright laughed at.

No.  I can't do it, she panicked.  I've got to go back.  Now.

She stood up to get off at the next stop to switch trains in order to go home, but when the train entered the next station, she had second thoughts about having second thoughts. 

No.  Stop being a stupid chicken shit, Fujimoto, she thought vehemently.  Just go there and speak your mind like you always do.  This is no different.

She sat back down.

One more stop.  Her hands twitched.

Fed up, Miki sat on her hands, attracting a vaguely odd look from the man sitting beside her.  She didn't pay him any heed, however, because he looked like he had been drinking.

Why am I the one doing this?  Isn't it supposed to be the guy being all brave and travelling forty minutes to confess...? she wondered.

Her stop was announced.  Her stomach flopped and she walked out of the station, shivering in the warm, humid weather.

Listen.  I want you to be... no, I need you to be clear with me, she practiced in her head.  I like you.  I really like you.  No, I love you.  No... I like you a lot.

These were her thoughts for the seven minutes she had to walk to get to the apartment.

Tell me if you like me, too.  Then we can live happily ever after.  The end, she laughed in her head.

The problem was that she did not believe that.  There was no way there could be a "happily ever after."  Her previous attempts at relationships had told her that much.  Two broken hearts had taught her to stay away from all forms of romance.  Flings were acceptable if and only if they remained just that: flings.  The same applied for any sort of relationships she formed with people.  Friends were kept at a safe distance so that they couldn't break her heart either.  Authority figures, bosses, people in power - they were all kept far away so that when they turned on her, she wouldn't regret having trusted them.  It was for the best, though, because there was nothing valuable that she saw in herself.  There was no reason for those people to be loyal to her.

But she really missed that intimate closeness that one could only get with certain people.  Certain people that one clicked with.  Had chemistry with.  In other words, she missed skin and sweat and sex.

However, in the past two years, she had been so busy and so restricted in her activities, watched like a hawk by authorities she wanted to tie bricks to and drown, that she had not been able to go out and meet all those boys that would all but tattoo her number onto their skin just to have a chance at going on one date with her.

It drove her nuts.  To the brink of insanity.  It made her want to call up her boss and scream so loudly that he'd drive himself into a river by accident.  "Do you realise this is my youth?!" she wanted to holler into his ear.  "Those guys should all be mine!"

Imagine her shock when she realised one day that there was someone who had snuck past most of her defences.  Someone she didn't want to throw out of bed the next morning like she had the last boy she had picked up so long ago.  Someone she wanted to hang out with.

At the base of the apartment, her feet got cold.  She wanted to go home again.  A hand tugged at her, trying to pull her back, but she fought it. 

She found her way into the lobby of a building and into its spacious, clean elevator.  Her legs shook as she stepped out onto the floor.  She walked along, every muscle in her body tense, every strand of common sense telling her to stop.  Her sense of survival told her to run.

She reached the door and ran her fingers over the nameplate.  It was blank.  No name was engraved in or pasted on it, perhaps in order to avoid unsolicited attention.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

She wasn't all that sure why she knocked instead of ringing the doorbell.  Maybe it was because the physical action of banging loudly on a door helped her relieve a miniscule fraction of her tension.

When the door knob twisted and the door cracked opened, she felt like she was going to be sick.  The curry rice she had eaten for lunch was going to be regurgitated ungracefully onto the floor before her.  It would not be pleasant for either party.

When the door finished opening, however, she no longer felt the urge to throw up.  A calm aura engulfed her as she was invited in casually.  She removed her shoes and stood in the entrance, staring at an indistinguishable point on the white wall.  It was now or never.

[OTN1]

Past the Barrier and to the Left

Three

"Listen," she began.

Everything became deathly silent, especially in her head.  It was almost like talking to a photograph.

"I need you to be honest with me."

She forced her voice out, urging all parts of her body to stop trembling.

"Yeah?"

Attentive eyes waited for whatever she had to say.

"Does..." Miki took a deep breath and started her sentence again.  "Does this colour of eye shadow look okay on me?"

Blown.  Utterly and completely.  If it had been an exam, Miki would have received minus two hundred points and been expelled from school.

"Ahh..." came the surprised reply, "let me see?  Close your eyes."

Miki closed her eyes and sighed while wondering what sort of punishment she could inflict upon herself.  Something painful to remind her of her idiocy.

"Actually, it suits you really well, Miki-chan.  It makes your eyes look bigger.  Plus, it really goes well with your outfit."

Miki sighed.

"Thanks, Aya-chan."

If Aya really was the boy of their playful, for-the-magazine-interviews-only relationship, she would be the gayest boy that Miki knew.  Funny how she was always claiming to be the more guy-ish of the two.  When it really came down to it, she was 150% girl.

"Is that what you came by to ask?" Aya asked amusedly.

"Yu-huh," Miki said in a laid-back manner, groaning in her head, Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid...

"What?  Hot date tonight?" Aya snorted.

Miki rolled her eyes.

"I wish."

"No, but really.  That's all you came over for?  Or was it just an excuse to see me because you're bored out of your skull?"

"That's all I wanted to know.  Now that I'm here, though..." Miki trailed off, hinting to Aya that perhaps she really was bored out of her skull and wouldn’t mind company.

It happened to be true.  She had nothing better to do than be a nuisance to the friend to whom she wanted to confess her love.

"I thought so," Aya laughed.  "But the truth is, I'm getting ready to go out."

Miki took another look at Aya and noticed for the first time that she was dressed very nicely.

"Hot date?" Miki asked with a dash of jealousy.

Please say no.

"Yes," Aya replied with a wicked smile that Miki wished was aimed at her more often.

Her heart dropped.  If her doubts before had been wishy-washy, they were now solidified certainties.  Of course Aya didn't want her. 

Not when the entire pop industry, not to mention every single one of my fellow citizens in his or her right mind want her, she thought dejectedly

"Don't look like the world is going to end.  What, you actually believed me?" Aya giggled as Miki turned red.  "I have to go to some dinner show with Tsunku-san and Nakazawa-san.  Publicity thing."

Miki breathed a silent prayer of thanks in her mind.

"I see," was all she said out loud.

"I'd invite you, but I'm not in charge."

"I know, I know," Miki smiled. "Guess I'd better get going."

"I don't have to leave for another half hour," Aya said quickly.  "You can stick around."

It was moments like these that made Miki think for a heartbeat that whatever she wanted could possibly come true.  That Aya just might enjoy her company as much as Miki did hers.  Aya had spoken in a way that suggested she thought she might lose Miki forever if they didn't spend those next thirty minutes together.  She was a little too fast to react.  A little too casual as a result of overcompensating for the desperation she felt.  Altogether too unnatural.

However, a heartbeat was just a heartbeat.  It hardly lasted any time at all, and within the small space of that time, Miki had dismissed her thoughts as a result of her overactive imagination.

She didn't say anything, but she nodded and sat down on the couch.

While Aya walked to and from the bathroom and her bedroom, they chatted about unbelievably mundane things.  The hot weather, the rain, Miki's latest food obsession...

"You know what I want right now?" Aya asked out of the blue as she put her earrings in.

Me?

"What?  A vacation?" Miki asked.

"You read my mind!" Aya cheered.

"Where would you want to go?"

The game of 'anywhere but here' was one she and Aya often played, fantasising about being somewhere tropical or exciting with no work, no bosses, no responsibilities, and no disturbances.  It was their favourite game.

"I want to sit in an expensive bath all day and relax.  I want to do nothing but laze around."

"You sloth," Miki laughed, trying not to give in to the urge to get up, follow Aya, and poke her. 

Instead, she made up a dream vacation.  She rambled on about a trip to outer space.

"Why would you want to go there?" Aya asked, pausing in her preparations and scrunching up her nose at the idea of travelling hundreds of thousands of kilometres away from Earth.

"Because I'd have lots of time to think," Miki grinned.  "And nobody could bother me.  I could be alone and peaceful."

Aya became very quiet.

"So your dream vacation would be to stay cooped up all alone in a cold metal box with the same scenery outside for days on end?"

Miki laughed weakly.

"I was kidding, Aya.  Of course not.  I'm not that much of a loner."

Aya nodded, but she didn't smile.  She turned her attention back to her make up.  There was an awkward silence and Miki felt inexplicably guilty.

"Anyway, you know me.  I couldn't possibly have that much to think about."

Sometimes she prided herself in her ability to say the right thing at the right time.  It was a rare thing, so when it happened, she felt good.

Aya snickered in agreement, and even Miki beamed at the joke made at her own expense.  If it made that one special person laugh, it was all right.

They left the apartment after Aya finished getting ready, walking to the station together.

"What are you going to do this evening?" Aya asked before they split up.

"Hm," Miki shrugged.  "Watch a movie and be bored all by myself."

Aya gave her a scolding look.  'Don't try to guilt trip me,' it said.  She said nothing out loud and Miki smirked.

"See you... Tuesday?" Aya asked

"Yeah, Tuesday.  Bye bye."

The split up easily and quietly, going to their respective platforms.

When her train came, Miki got on and had to stand all the way to her station.  Rush hour had just begun.  She stood pushed up against the door and wished to be beaten for being such a failure.

You blew your chance.  Entirely.  There is no excuse.  You idiot.  Stupid.  Ug.

She had been prepared.  She had even practiced speaking.

Aloud.

To a picture.

She had done silly things all in the name of what?  Make up?  Eye shadow?

Does this colour of eye shadow look okay on me? she repeated acidly in her head, mocking herself.  My eye shadow.

She went home and spent an angry evening.  She watched an angry, violent movie, ate hard, crunchy food angrily, and didn't reply to mail from her sister and Yossi.  It was her temporary self-inflicted punishment.

[OTN1]

Past the Barrier and to the Left

Four

A few days passed.  It was a boring weekend for Miki.  Aya had a concert out somewhere far away and Miki had work, but far too much free time on her hands.

She was sitting on the floor in her apartment and eating lunch on Sunday afternoon when she got a one-line e-mail from Aya.

Keiko drives me crazy!! she read in her head.

Keiko was her manager.  Her stubborn, bull-headed manager.  She was cool, but her personality was just as strong as Aya's, so while they often agreed on things, they would sometimes have disagreements when their strong wills conflicted.

Nevertheless, Miki scoffed.  At least Keiko got to see Aya.

She wants a vacation... Miki mused to herself.  A vacation?

That was it.  That was what she had to do.

She wants to sit around all day?  I know the perfect place.

Miki put her bread down, no longer hungry, and she went to place a few phone calls and make some inquiries, sorting out and scribbling down details as she went.  All the while, she muttered phrases of encouragement to herself like a batty old lady who only talked to cats and any inanimate object within two metres of her sight.

By two o'clock that afternoon, she had a rough plan sketched out before her on a sheet of scrap paper.  In addition to a plan, she had a fresh feeling of courage.  She was going to do something crazy.  Something insane.  She was also going to speak her mind to Aya.

But she needed someone’s help in order to make it happen.

The next step was to call the person in question.

Aibon was shocked that Miki had taken initiative and contacted her out of her own free will.  After Miki finished explaining herself, however, the younger girl switched into 'mission mode' and forgot her surprise.  She told Miki to hang tight for twenty minutes and that she would make some calls.

Miki paced around her apartment for the twenty-three minutes it took Aibon to do what she had to do.  When the phone rang, she answered within two seconds.

Aibon, successful in her mission (although having had to call in a big favour) passed over the important information to Miki, who smiled widely and gave the girl her thanks, which came coupled with a threat not to tell a soul about their dealings.

There was a pause on Aibon's side of the line.

"Fine," sighed Miki after a beat.  "You can tell Tsuji-chan.  But keep it between you two only.  Or else..."

It would be for the better in the end.  That way Aibon would have someone to talk to about it and not go spilling the beans to any other person.  As annoying as they were, Aibon and Nono were a tight unit, and if they were given a secret to guard, Miki knew they would do their best.  There was nothing those two loved more than being sneaky.

The conversation ended and they both disconnected.  With a final breath, Miki picked up the phone and placed a call.

By half past three that same afternoon, she had accomplished what she had set out to do.

If I fail this, I will throw myself off a bridge.  I will pluck my eyes out and run into oncoming traffic.  I will drink rat poison.

She went to bed feeling excited.  Her new plan would work.  It had to.  It had cost enough.

In two weeks, Aya would get her longed-for vacation. 

A long vacation in Hakone.

[OTN1]

Past the Barrier and to the Left

Five

"...and then he says to the girl 'I don't need you!'  So of course she starts to cry.  And, like, I'm so there with her.  I'm on the verge of tears when the other guy that she met at the café the week before comes in and totally starts to dis her boyfriend and defend her.  I was cheering for him.  He’s so cool.  But then her-"

"Okay, okay.  I get the point.  Can we please go to sleep now?" Miki begged, tears of exhaustion threatening to fall.

"Oh, let me just tell you what happened.  It's half finished," Aya said, ignoring Miki's pain.

"No.  Please.  It's four-thirty.  I have to wake up in two hours.  Please, Aya-chan.  Please..." Miki pleaded, regretting ever having asked Aya if she had watched any good television shows lately. 

Tuesday had rolled around and they had met after work for dinner and a sleepover.  It was a common occurrence, and it usually ended up with Aya rambling and Miki wanting to go to sleep.  This time, however, they had talked too much and it was almost sunrise on Wednesday morning.

"Well... all right," the soloist said sadly, pouting ever so slightly.

Miki sighed.  If there was something Aya loved to do to her, it was to make her feel guilty.  This time, however, Miki refused to feel it.  She was the one who should be guilt tripping Aya.  They had stayed up all night talking, and while Aya was lucky and had evening work, Miki had morning work and of course had to wake up early for it.

She closed her eyes, feeling peaceful, thinking about the wonderful surprise present she was going to give Aya soon.  She was ready to fall asleep any minute.

Aya sighed.  Quite audibly.  An obvious, melodramatic sigh.  It drove Miki insane to hear it because no matter how tired to the bone she was, she could not ignore Aya, even though the girl was exaggerating and being a pest.

"Okay, what happened next?" Miki mumbled, not opening her eyes. 

The atmosphere of the room sprung right back up as Aya perked up and seamlessly launched right back into the explanation of the episode to Miki.

"So her boyfriend, who I know she's going to dump next week before he dumps her, freaks out at the café guy, but the café guy is cool, so he humiliates the boyfriend, and Minako is so in love with him.  You can see it in the camera angles and the music.  She's not even a good actress, you know?  But the story is so well written and the directing is surprisingly good.  In fact, this is the same director that did-"

"Aya!" Miki cried out.

"Yes?" Aya squeaked.

"The story.  Only the story."

Certain lines had to be drawn.

"Right."

No wonder they had given Aya the longest radio show.  She could talk for hours and never run out of things to say.  Lucky for her fans.  Unlucky for a tired Miki.

But as Miki lay there in the bed listening to Aya chatter on about the cheesiest drama in the world, she felt grateful.  She would rather have an Aya rambling on about miscellaneous topics rather than an Aya that had nothing to say to her.  At least she got to listen to that unique, humming voice that could relax her and put her to sleep.

In fact, it was working a little too well - the 'putting her to sleep' part.  She started to nod off while Aya spoke.  She blanked out and missed chunks of the story.  She snapped awake at one point when she felt herself almost drool.  She quickly turned onto her back, which prompted Aya to start talking even more, thinking that Miki was awake and restless.

"I... am tired," Miki slurred helplessly.

"Oh, but you have to see a picture of those two together.  It's the definition of perfect!" Aya kept on going.

Miki stuck out a hand and grabbed Aya's wrist, tugging on it weakly.

"Please... no...  Sleep."

"Are you tired?" Aya asked.

Miki's eyes shot open.

"I told you a billion times!  I'm about to die!" Miki exclaimed. 

She mentally scratched off 'always listens to me' from her list of reasons why she liked Aya.

"Then you should have told me before.  I would have shut up," Aya said, putting on her baby voice and looking at Miki sympathetically.

Miki rolled up and grabbed Aya's head, shaking it just enough to surprise the girl, but not hurt her.

"I told you," she groaned.  "Several times.  You kept going."

Aya shot Miki a doubtful look.  Miki fell back onto her side with an "oof" and closed her eyes.

"Good night, Talkative-chan."

There was a twenty second stillness where Miki thought she was finally going to be able to fall sleep.  Instead, she felt hands sneak across her body, and before she knew it, Aya had stabbed all ten of her fingernails into her abdomen.

Miki let out a surprised shriek and twitched violently.  It was not painful, and she was too shocked to feel ticklish, but she wanted to kill Aya.

She whipped her head to the side to glare at Aya, but Aya had closed her eyes, her nose upturned, a light, triumphant smile on her lips.

"Good night, Grumpy-chan," Aya said sweetly.

Miki wondered if she should cancel the Hakone trip and get a refund. 

If this was a regular Tuesday night with Aya, imagine two nights and two days of this kind of non-stop torment, she thought.

She couldn't wait.

[OTN1]

Past the Barrier and to the Left

Six

"What are you doing next Monday?" Aya asked one late night the next week.

"Uh, what am I doing Monday?" Miki repeated, her mind racing to find an excuse.  "Yeah, um, I'm not sure.  I might have stuff."

Brilliant, she thought.  Stuff.  I might have stuff.

"I've got a few days of rest, so if you're free..." Aya trailed off and left it open-ended.

I know you have a few days off.

"I'll check with my manager and let you know," Miki lied.

She had no need to check with her manager, and she had no intention of letting Aya know.

"If you're free, maybe we can-"

Aya interrupted herself with a high-pitched shriek. 

"Hang on!" she said quickly. 

Miki frowned and hung onto the phone and listened to more shrieking, some crashing sounds, and then silence.

What the... Is she being attacked?! Miki thought, suddenly becoming worried and getting up to run over there and try to help.

Right after the silence, however, she heard someone pick up the phone again.

"Sorry.  Spider."

"Oh..." the rest of the words died on Miki's lips as she was not quite sure what to say. 

She was part relieved, part amazed.  It was certainly a good thing nobody was attacking Aya, but was all that commotion necessary?  It was a spider, for heaven's sake.  She did the only thing she could do, and that was laugh.

"So if you're free, let me know so we can do something," Aya concluded.

"I will," Miki lied again, although without feeling a trace of guilt.  She was beyond that.  The outcome would be much better and quite worth it.  "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?  I have to do some things before bed."

They said goodnight and hung up. 

Miki sat down in her air conditioned living room and thought, thinking being what she had to do before going to sleep.

She crossed her arms and looked ahead at the television set.

"Listen," she said, addressing the blank screen.  "I brought you here because I wanted - no - I want to tell you something important.  Please listen.  No, I already used that word."

Miki crossed her legs.

"Listen.  I need to say something important.  Please don't freak out."

She chewed on her words in her head for a second and then laughed.

"'Don't freak out'?  I may as well ask her not to breath, sleep, or eat."

She rolled her eyes at herself.  It was never going to work.

"Ug!  I can't say anything right!" Miki yelled, throwing her hands up in the air.  "She's going to freak out or laugh and think it's a joke and then leave.  And then... why am I talking out loud?  Ug!"

Frustrated, Miki got up and went to her washroom, where she splashed cold water on her face.  Having cooled down a bit, she turned off the lights and went to her bedroom.

She lay down in the dark and stared at the ceiling.  The lights were off, but the room was alive with light and colour from the great outdoors.  Her neighbourhood was quiet, but Tokyo was a big city with big lights that left no square centimetre untouched.

Why? she thought.  Just... why?  Why everything?

She closed her eyes and tried to relax, something she hadn't been able to properly do in months.  Not when her head was abuzz with thoughts.  Always busy, always thinking.

Maybe I have bad luck.  I was born with no charm and no grace.  I can't express myself properly.  I should never have come to Tokyo.  I should never have become friends with Aya.  Cupid's arrow wasn't supposed to hit me at that hour on that day, whenever that was.

And this is what she thought in those last few moments before entering the world of dreams and nightmares.

Why me?

But if not her, who else?

[Ren]

Ren, you like the drunk/sex refs?  Hahaha.  Well, I like sticking them in.

I like them, brings in the randomness .

It all started with a kiss.

Oh I thought Miki kissed Aya! O_O

Miki had lots of wet dreams starring Aya?

So those alternate alternate versions are from Miki's dreams... great!

I changed slowly, taking deep breaths to calm myself down.  I no longer wanted to jump her, but I had to either fall asleep within thirty seconds or leave the apartment building because I would eventually lose control.

I kind of read this as "Jump off from the apartment building because I would eventually lose control". Oh me and my eyes.

Oh how I wish Aya can have more senses with Miki's feelings ;_;.

Waoh, I thought Miki was already confessing... I was confused as there was no replies from Aya, then she was only rehearsing, LOL.

[Yuuyami]

Yay, you're finally working on it? <3~!

Can't wait til the confession deary! From the time of that story to now, you pretty much have a better writing style. So I can't wait to see the new point of view on an old situation <3 Ohhh Miki <33 xD

[JFC]

Oh, man.  Don't die.  If you die, nobody around here will get your "Best moments of..." reviews.  I enjoy those.

Don't worry dude, I'm easily revivable. 

Almost since the first day of this stupid crush, I kept quiet because I knew that A, it was just that (stupid), and B, I wasn't that knight.  There was no way I could tell anyone, least of all her, anything.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww...so sad.

I watched her gush silently over the love struck characters and wished that she'd look at me like that.  All I could say to myself in comfort was that she never looked at Tachibana like that either.

Yeah, that's sort of a catch-22 right there.

Some time in the early morning, perhaps around half past three, I woke up with a wild start, my hands gripping the sheets tightly.  I'd just had the worst kind of dream I could have while on a sleepover with Aya.  It was intense. 
...
  A dream about a mistakenly sent e-mail, a bottle of vodka, and complete lack of control was what made me wake up soaked with sweat, heart beating and brain racing.

Way to tie in the "Alternate alternate" versions in there dude!

She was pissed off at me.

More like her feelings have been hurt.

Then she gave me that beautiful smile that always got to me and made me feel good.  Like a star.  The one that said I could do no wrong.

Aya doesn't realize how she has that ability to just make people all dreamy-eyed about her.

If I didn't do something, I would forever be stuck in painful situations like the one that had just happened.  That night was a deciding factor.  While sitting on the couch, I concluded that I had to tell her.  The next time I saw her after this sleepover, I would tell her.

And that was final.

And so the saga comes full circle.

Past the Barrier and to the Left

You going to re-post and then continue it here? Sweet. 

[OTN1]

Hahaha, I thought some of you guys would like alternate alternate version tie in.  Just don't expect me to write what happens after Aya shows up with the bottle of vodka and they do their "cheers."

Thank you, Yuuyami.  And yes, I never wrote the "moment of truth" from Miki's point of view, so this should be interesting to try after so long.  I hope to not disappoint.

I kind of read this as "Jump off from the apartment building because I would eventually lose control". Oh me and my eyes.

Hahaha, actually, that sounds like something I'd write Miki thinking.

Yesterday, I forgot to post this chapter that I've already written.  I think I'm going to change the narration style to first person for the next chapter because I'm a cheap wimp.  I think it's much easier.  Would anyone kill me if I did that?

Past the Barrier and to the Left

 Seven

Two more days, Miki thought to herself.  Two more days until... my life ends.  Her thoughts turned sour.  She'll kill me.  She will murder me.  She will strangle me and then beat me over the head with a shovel.  No, she'll beat me with her fists first, then with a shovel, and then strangle me.  With my own shoelaces!

One could say that Miki had lost her optimism, but first of all, that was an understatement, and second of all, there was none to lose as she never had any to begin with.

I'm going to have to do something to prevent that. Prevent my utter humiliation.  Or at least stave off my death.  I have to stay alive.  At least I have a fighting chance that way.

She began to wring her hands together.  Wringing her hands lately meant that she was thinking about Aya.

Two more days until my life ends...

"What do you think?" someone suddenly asked her.

She looked up, startled.

"About what?" she asked, clueless, refocusing on her surroundings. 

She was not at home, but out at a restaurant.  She was drinking coffee.  Aya was sitting in front of her.  They were supposed to be having a nice, friendly chat, except that after Miki's question, Aya looked annoyed and anything but friendly.  The girl let out a sigh.

"Could you listen to me for once?"

"Sorry?" Miki pleaded with a wince.

"About the nails.  The colour I suggested.  What do you think?" Aya asked in a dangerously exasperated voice.

"Um... Yes?" Miki tried cautiously.

Aya looked grumpy, but then made a sound to acknowledge Miki's answer as something she agreed with.

"I'm counting on your opinion here," Aya warned her.  "If it doesn't work, it's my reputation at stake."

"Since when did lowly me become Her Majesty's fashion advisor?  You're the almighty expert," Miki giggled, speaking with exaggerated airs as she announced Aya's title.

She was serious, though.  She did not see why Aya would consult her about something that didn't necessarily require her opinion.  Aya always went ahead and did what she wanted.  When it came to fashion, she really was queen.  And even if it was a fashion disaster, she could make it work, or at least nobody would laugh at her until she was out of the room.  She did command some respect in the great wide world of popular culture.

Aya, however, seemed to forget all of that on that rainy Friday evening.  Perhaps she was curious about what humble pie tasted like.  She pulled it all in and seemed to retreat within herself for a minute, looking like she was trying to find the right words to speak her mind.  Maybe words to tell Miki to stop being a pain.

"Your opinion does matter."

It sounded so honest that Miki could do nothing but believe it.

"But only when it's not that important."

And that was the humourous catch.  Aya always was thrifty with her compliments, not giving them out often.  She would disguise jokes as compliments.  Miki knew that she did not like to let her guard down too much, but she wondered why she bothered to keep walls up with Miki.  When she let them down, it was not as if Miki ever did anything bad.  Miki chalked it up to personality.  She had no problem with it, so long as she was allowed past the walls once in a while (which she knew she was).

Miki rolled her eyes and Aya laughed evilly.

"You didn't think I was getting all mushy on you, did you?" she cackled, patting Miki's cheek.  Miki pulled away and glared.

"Fine.  Paint your nails puke green, for all I care," she muttered.

She wasn't genuinely angry, but she sometimes did wish Aya would stop joking around with her like that.  It made her uncomfortable hearing any compliments because she felt they would inevitably be followed by a punch line.  When they were not, it felt incomplete.  Like something lay in hiding, waiting for the right moment to pounce and tear open her jugular.

Aya gave her a look and they both laughed it off.  Aya launched back into a long-winded rant about who knows what while Miki stared at her glass of iced coffee.

I can't do this.  This is not good

She took a sip of the bitter drink.

"Don’t you think I did the right thing?  What would you have done?"

Oh brother, Miki thought.  Here I go again.

She made a decision.

I just won't wear shoelaces on that day.

She took a breath to muddle her way through another pickle, Aya inevitably scolding her about her recent short attention span and Miki cringing and apologising as though she were five years younger than her scary friend.

And so passed the last evening she would have before surprising Aya.

[DO Me DO Me]

dangit, I can't keep up anymore LoL You really need to write up the order in which to read this crazy series.

[rndmnwierd]

W00T!  I liked this story, well, I like all of your stories, but this one was a little more silly than serious.

[Amarghetta]

Two more days, Miki thought to herself.  Two more days until... my life ends.  Her thoughts turned sour.  She'll kill me.  She will murder me.  She will strangle me and then beat me over the head with a shovel.  No, she'll beat me with her fists first, then with a shovel, and then strangle me.  With my own shoelaces!

Uhm, with this kind of imagination, Miki should really consider writing eroguro novels for a living... 

[OTN1]

dangit, I can't keep up anymore LoL You really need to write up the order in which to read this crazy series.

Haha, glad you brought it up.
Chronologically, it's:

-Friday's Children
-Past the Barrier
-Love x 2 (parts I, III, and III)
-Love x 2 - 1
-Love x 2 = ∞
-My Own Private Funeral
-What Needed to be Done

Now I've gotten to the part I think I've been wanting to write for ages!

Past the Barrier and to the Left

Eight

June twenty-fifth, 2005, somewhere just past Nagoya.

I sit alone in a reserved seat on one of the fastest trains in the country, looking out the window and fretting over what to do.

I stayed up late last night trying to think of something good to say.  When bedtime came, I was too worked up and couldn't get to sleep.  As a result, I've only had three hours of sleep.  Yet somehow, I've managed to get through the work I've had to do and make it on time to catch the shinkansen for Kobe.

I check my bag for the fifth time since leaving Tokyo station.  I have my printed reservation confirmation paper for the hot spring resort in Hakone and the concert ticket that Kago handed to me yesterday with a devilish grin.  That girl is going to enjoy Aya's surprise.

I close my eyes and try to get some sleep, but I'm too nervous.  I haven't come to any decision about what to do.  Right at that moment, my plan is to go backstage after the concert, give Aya the paper, and then hope that there's a good opportunity to start spouting the nonsense I've been practicing in front of mirrors and pictures for the past few days.

I remain uptight for the rest of the ride to Kobe.

When Shin Kobe station is announced, I practically jump up from my seat and head to the door, eager to get out.  The minute the doors open, I race off to catch a connecting train that will take me to the concert hall.

Before leaving the train station, I duck into a washroom and change my clothes.  I don't want to call attention to myself, so I dress down, making sure not to wear anything flashy.  I then slip a medical mask on my face and leave the washroom looking completely different from when I entered.

I really like you, I practice in my head.  I just came by to give you this and to tell you that you're the greatest person in the world...  No!  That's terrible!  I can't say that.

I walk down the street and scold myself at the same time.  I must look crazy.

Once I locate the concert hall, I walk a few blocks to a convenience store where I will read magazines to kill time.  I'll slip into the hall ten minutes after the concert is slated to start.  It's the best way to remain anonymous because all the fans will be doing their concert preparations.  They won't pay attention to me coming in late.

Each minute that passes, the tension inside me grows.  My stomach flips and flops like a landed fish.  I have the feeling that this is it.  This is the day.  No more blunders.  No more eye shadow questions and sidestepping the issue.  My mere presence will raise a million questions in her, and I'll have to answer them.  I'll have to eventually get it out, even if it's a short "I like you," in a tiny voice.

Am I ready for it?

Oh, no.  Not at all.

The time draws near.  I start my walk to the hall, and before I know if, I'm at the entrance giving my ticket in, having my bag checked briefly, and being ushered off to my second floor seat.  The lights begin to go down just as I find my row, and I squeeze my way through cheering fans, making sure to look away from them.  I'm sure that ninety-eight per cent of the people in this room could recognise me in an instant.  I have to play it safe.

The stage lights go on, and suddenly I feel very nervous for her.  I never feel nervous before I'm performing, but for her, I want everything to go right.  It's her birthday today, after all.

When Aya appears on stage, I lose myself and just stare.  I'm not used to seeing her like this.  Not live at a concert from the audience.  It's a very different experience for me.  She looks and sounds great, of course, and I start to cheer up as I listen to the energetic songs.

When Kago comes out singing my last single as a soloist,  I sigh.  I feel nostalgic for the good old days of that silly song, and I also feel that the louder half of the Top Two does it justice.  Of course nobody can replace me doing that song.  I am the original.  But I feel proud of Kago just the same.  I don't even know her that well, but we have shared the stage a lot together since I joined Morning Musume, and that makes us team mates, no matter how many times I've gotten annoyed at her silliness.

I stop paying attention for the talking part that comes after her song even though Aya's there, but I'm snapped back into the world when I hear the first sounds of Melon's sexiest single.  I've heard Aya complaining about trying to master the dance, and now I'm going to see it.

I like my sexiness sexy, not raunchy.  This choreography borders on the latter, but when I see Aya moving around as if the steps are completely natural to her, I blink and re-evaluate.  I didn't realise the girl could move like that and look smooth.  I guess she does have it in her.  That proud feeling I felt when watching Kago perform my song fills me again, only this time multiplied by a factor of ten and full of more love than anything else.

The whole concert is lots of fun to watch.  Everybody seems to get along perfectly, and you can tell it has been rehearsed well.  Aya sticking her nose in her birthday cake makes me want to run up on stage and join them all for the celebration.  I can't, though.  I'm stuck up here on the second floor.

My favourite part of the whole evening is when Aya sings her latest single, "Zutto suki de ii desu ka."  I know that she didn't write the lyrics, but they are striking all the same.  I feel as if she's channelling me and singing about my heart.  It's bittersweet, but her voice is so pure and so dead on that nothing but the good parts of it affect me while she's in the midst of singing.  When she's finished, I clap the longest and the loudest.

The show wraps up, and they do their final bows after an encore.  While they're still on stage, I slip out of my seat and go to find a staff member.  I have a backstage pass courtesy of the conniving twin, and it will get me past security and into the dressing room area, although I'm sure that one show of my face will suffice.

I get in without a hassle, and I wander the halls until I find Aya's dressing room.  I lean against the wall as I wait.  I have an urge to check for the paper I'm going to present to Aya.  I hold myself back, though, because she could round that corner at any given moment.  The paper rests in my pocket.  I transferred it there for easy access.

It takes a while for the triumphant crew to show up.  I suppose they're doing a post-concert celebration and eating cake.

Then I hear it.  Laughing and talking.  They're coming.  I hear the Top Two serenade Aya with a stupid song.  As ridiculous and funny as it is, I don't laugh.  My stomach has tightened painfully, and I start to tremble at the thought of what I'm about to do.

Chill out, I tell myself.  You're just here to have fun with her.  That much she'll understand.

I hear lone footsteps.  They falter for a moment, and I know she's seen me.  I listen as she continues to approach much more quietly, and I shift my position.

The moment of truth...

I turn around.  Skin glistening with sweat, face screwed up in confusion, make up thick but artistically done.  There Aya stands looking every bit as great as she's always claiming to be.

It excites me to know that I know what lies beneath that exterior.  Beneath the make up, the bravado, and the extroversion.  She's still the same person, but she's not impenetrable.  I guess that's the difference between knowing someone and knowing of someone.  To me, she's not impossible.  She's accessible.  I can know her.  To the guys sitting on either side of me at the concert moments ago, she's part of another world.  They can never really know her no matter how many books, articles, and interviews they read.

The look on her face is one of shock.  After the initial surprise, she's either going to be excited that I've come all the way to Kobe to see her, or creeped out by my extreme act.  The way I see it, these are the only two possible reactions Aya can have to any of my actions.  Nothing in between.

"Heeee...?"  she lets out in surprise as she stops walking.

"Hi," I say, blanking out and not saying anything else.

Aya looks around and sees that we're the only ones in the hallway. 

"Wh- what are you doing here?  Are you here to see me?" she stutters.

I pray for her not to go down the road of disgust.  I don't want her to be put off by what I've done.

"Yeah, I dropped by to see you," I say far more casually than I mean to.

"'Dropped by'?  Miki, where did you come from?  Tokyo?  Farther?"

This is that defining moment.  I can just imagine she's going to freak out once I tell her where I've come from.  Of course, I could always lie and say that I was working nearby.

"Er, Tokyo..." I say hesitantly.

I just can't lie to her.  She stares at me with an expression I can't read.  Is it shock?  Disgust?

"I wanted to wish you a happy birthday..." I say timidly.

I've reverted to a mouse in front of a lion.  A very kind, beautiful lion, but nevertheless, a creature that is stronger than me and can squash me with one paw.  The question is, will she go for the kill or give me a chance?

I think she's about give me a chance because she starts to laugh.  It's her defence mechanism for when she's so surprised she doesn't know how to react, but she knows nothing's wrong.  I begin to relax.

"Miki, that's really sweet, but you could've just mailed me.  Or called," she giggles.

She looks positively thrilled, and she walks the rest of the way towards me and hits me gently on the arm.  I get so embarrassed by what I've done that I look down at the floor, unable to look at her.

"But that's what I did the last few times for your birthday since we were both working.  It gets monotonous, Aya," I murmur at the carpet.

I feel her take my hands and pull me to her, and for a moment, I wonder what's going to happen.

"You are the best friend I could ever hope to have," she says.

Heart soaring, I finally look up at her and laugh.  I like hearing about how great a friend I am from her.  It fills me with that confidence I need to take those big steps forward.

"So, happy birthday, Aya-chan," I say, this time with much more strength.

I shake her hands off of mine and I grab her in a big hug.  I'm no longer bogged down by fears of her being repulsed by my actions.  She's obviously quite content to believe that I'm such a good friend that I've travelled a long distance to see her on her birthday.  She doesn't suspect that I could possibly have any further feelings towards her, or if she does suspect it, she's good at hiding it.

I never want this hug to end because it might possibly be the last one I ever have with her.  While this moment is one I've deemed to be good, who can tell what will happen one minute or one hour from now?  I might let something slip out and she might react badly.  She might want nothing to do with me after that, and of course that will mean no more interaction of any kind.

So I savour this warm moment as best I can before pulling out of it so as to not scare her.  It could be my imagination, but she looks a little disappointed.  I push it out of my mind.  I'm too hopeful.  But still, something inside me tells me to keep an eye out for any signs.  I want her badly for some reason.  Maybe she wants me for those same, unknown reasons.

Aya suggests we go into her dressing room because she has to get changed, so we go in.  She finally takes note of how I'm dressed, and while she stands there looking at me, she pushes some hair out of my eyes.  God, I love it when she does that.  It makes me want to grab her hand and tell her to play with my hair some more.  I want to simply sit still while she runs her fingers through it.  I don't like when people other than my hair stylist touch my hair, but I don't mind if it's Aya.

When she asks me if I went to her concert, I feel like we've reached crossroad number two.  Here's another chance for her to either turn away from me in disgust or to be happy.

I score good points again, because she laughs and hugs me when I tell her I watched her concert from the audience.

"How was it?" she asks me, genuinely interested in my opinion.

I'm unable to restrain myself, and I gush out, "It was amazing!" while grinning stupidly, remembering watching her the whole time.

"What was your favourite part?"

How am I supposed to answer that question?  I can't tell her because she'll ask why, and how can I explain why a song about an unrequited love that she'll feel forever no matter what speaks to me so much?

"'Nikutai wa shoujiki na eros'?" she asks in a teasing voice when I fail to reply.

I can't help flushing because she's making one of those jokes again.  One of those ones where she implies that I want her because she is just too hot for her own good.  It's all a silly thing meant in jest, but she doesn't realise that it's actually true.

I shake my head.

"But that was pretty sexy, Aya-chan.  Didn't know you had it in you," I admit with a bite.  I may as well have fun.

She rolls her eyes at me.

"You know I'm damned sexy.  Don't deny it."

I wasn't going to, I think.

Out loud, I giggle and pat her cheek.  Before I know it, I've got my nose right up against hers, and I think I'm about to do something stupid.  Like kiss her.  Or some other absurd action.  She scrunches her nose up at me.  I can see directly into her eyes.

"Of course you are," I say.

I've spoken an honest thought to her finally.  What I really think about her.  Now the question is, can I keep going?

I'm not given an opportunity to test it out because Aya bumps her nose against mine and pulls away with a silly look that masks something I can't read.  I think I just frightened her a bit there.

"But really... what was your favourite part?  Your favourite song?" she insists.

She really does love to hear about herself, doesn't she?  That's okay.  That's what makes her the Ayaya that I love.

"Your performance of 'Zutto suki de ii desu ka.'  That's my favourite song of yours..." I answer seriously after a moment's hesitation.

I wonder if she'll ask why.

"Thank you.  That performance meant a lot to me," she says.

"Me too," I agree a little too quickly.  I scurry to cover it up with, "Um... because it's a touching song, and... it's always nice to see your best friend sing something so deep."

"Thank you.  Very much," Aya says shyly.  "I'm glad that you could hear it today, too."

Does she mean it?  Eyes wide with love, I look at her.

"Really?"

"Of course," she shrugs.

She's acting like me when I downplay something.  Could she be doing that? 

No, it can't be.

I think I pin her with a love struck look.  She just grins back.

Time to try again.

"I wish I could've been onstage with you," I begin, regulating my breathing so that it's even, "and I wish I could've sung for you, too.  I wish I could've sung with you.  And, uh, I just want you to know that you looked beautiful up there.  Absolutely gorgeous and cute and mature..." I trail off and chicken out before I can tell her why I think that.

Damnit, just say it.  Just tell her you're absofreakinglutely in love and get it over with.

But I can't.  Rarely can I follow my own advice.  It never sounds like very good advice.

She lifts my chin up because I'm looking down.  Maybe she's going to help me along with what I have to say.

"Thank you, Miki," she says with a serious look.  "I wish you could've been onstage with me, too.  That would've made the perfect birthday gift."

Birthday gift?  Right!  I almost forgot one of the reasons why I've come down here.  Confessions of love pushed aside, I reach into my pocket and hand the paper in it over to Aya.  I watch her face carefully as she reads.  When her eyes widen the slightest bit, I know that this is another crossroad.

"Tomorrow?!" she bursts out.

I laugh and nod energetically, hoping to convince her to have a positive reaction.

"Are you nuts?!  Are you joking?  Are you on drugs?  Do you even have time?  Where'd you get the money?!"

Despite her questions, I know that I've scored my next point on the good side.  She looks utterly pleased and, at the moment, utterly speechless.  I grab the paper out of her hands and then write "surprise" on it, circling it with a heart.  She looks at the word and a million kinds of emotions cover her face.  I wonder if she's going to burst out crying, and then I wonder if this mix of feelings is a good thing.

It turns out to be a very good thing.  She grabs me in a hug and kisses my cheek as she jumps up and down excitedly. I start to laugh because this is exactly how I've wanted her to react. She pulls back, looks at me, and then hugs me again, surprising me and making me go "oof!" as she giggles over my shoulder. 

Maybe now is a good time to say a few of those words I've been practicing...

"You didn't have to do this, you know.  You didn't have to give me anything.  Especially something so huge," Aya murmurs before I can say anything, the vibrations of her voice making my shoulder feel nice and funny.

I shrug, and I carefully reach up and hug her back now that I have my balance.

"I wanted to," I reply.

I'm about to start speaking again when Aya pulls out of the hug.  I consider not letting go and making her stay, but it's not good to forcibly keep someone, especially Aya, in a hug.  It's not nice.  It's not normal.  I let her go, hoping she doesn't notice my hesitation.

"I didn't know what to get you anyway, so I figured I may as well go with what you said you wanted," I end up saying.

"The fact that you came to visit me just now is the best birthday present you could ever give me, you know that?"

I blush because it makes me happy to hear, but I have to get us off this topic because I feel like I'm going to die of embarrassment.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier.  Work," I say with a roll of my eyes.

"Idiot," Aya says, hitting me lightly.  "You're here now.  That's all that matter...s..."

She trails off suspiciously.  She sounds like I do.  Silly and in love.  This is when I seriously start to suspect something's going on.  Or is it wishful thinking?

Ug.  I still can't tell.

"Well, I'm glad I could come and watch.  Nothing could've made me happier," I reply.

The awkward atmosphere that we find ourselves in is unbearable.  At least I'm not the only one acting strangely, but I'm dying to know what the motivation behind her odd behaviour is.

"I guess I should get changed," Aya laughs after breaking the silence with a cough.

I laugh along because I'm so nervous, and I go to sit on the couch while she changes.

I can't look at her, I think.  If I do, I will cross that boundary line and stray from good friend to creepy stalker territory.

So I stare at everything that is not Aya.  At one point I stare at a pillow on the couch and I wonder how long it would take to make one similar to it.  The stitching is tight, surely done by a machine.  Could I mimic a machine's work?  I could try.  I could go to Parco and buy some cheap thread, a few needles, fabric, and stuffing, and then...

Why am I thinking about sewing a pillow?  This is really pathetic.

I look up to see if Aya's finished changing.  She's just adjusting her shirt, and so I know it's safe to be looking at her.

Except that when she turns to look at me, I look away.  I don't want her to think I was staring at her the whole time.

But wait.  I wasn't doing anything wrong by looking at her.  I look right back at her.  She smiles, so I smile back, but I feel guilty.  What are we doing?  What kind of communication is this?

I ask myself this as Aya walks over to the couch and sits beside me.  I hope that she can think of something to say that will get us out of this awkward rut we've dug ourselves into.

She asks what I want to do tonight, and I have to confess that I have very little money on me.  I probably have just enough to buy a meal at the convenience store.  Oversights happen, and I left my bank card at home, making me unable to withdraw any more money from an ATM before leaving Tokyo.  It was a choice between missing my train or having no money.  Seeing Aya was (and still is) more important.  I couldn't miss that train for anything.

Aya offers to spot me money, but I decline until she hits my leg to silence me.

"Don't you dare start with that.  And don't you dare not stay in my hotel room tonight," she says, and my heart skips a beat or two.  "I know you don't know anyone in Kobe to stay with.  Now come on, where do you want to go?"

She gets up and pulls on my hand to make me follow.  I stand up and laugh to cover my excitement.

"You're the birthday girl.  You tell me," I say, leaving the decision to her.

But isn't she going to go out with the girls?  I know that she enjoys the Melons' company.  I figure they must have planned something in advance knowing that they'd be in Kobe overnight.

"Aren't you going out with the girls anyway?" I ask.

"We thought we might, but I just want to spend my time with you," she says, and then quickly adds, "I mean, I just spent the whole day with them.  I'm sure they're sick of me..."

I could never get sick of her.  Not really.  Get sick of the way she's holding my hand right now?  Never.

"Sick of you? Hah.  As if," I mutter, which makes Aya grin.

She then lets go of my hand to gather her things.

Hey, I was enjoying that, I whine in my mind.

She says something about dropping our things off at the hotel, and I just nod because I'm thinking about grabbing hold of her hand again and not letting go.

Instead, we leave the room, and I conclude that there will be no confessing right at this moment.  We're going to meet the rest of the girls and get driven back to the hotel, so it wouldn't be a good idea to spring something so huge on Aya.

I talk about my day, which is a bit strange because we don't tend to talk about work, and all I did today before coming to Kobe was work.  I tell her about some filming I did with Yocchan and Takahashi for some promotional thing that I can't even remember because it's not important, and we make our way to the back entrance of the concert hall like any two friends would.

So far so good.  I haven't made any huge mistakes.  If I can keep this up, I can build up my courage and say something.  I'm going to have to be quick, though, because bedtime isn't that far away, and it would be nice to say something before midnight.

Midnight.  That's it.  Midnight will be my deadline.  I will say or do something before midnight to communicate this mess in my mind.

Midnight.

[JFC]

Wow, it REALLY has come full circle. It's like I'm reading your first chapter from your first fic here, except it's the other side of the coin.