Wrote this during my exile and posting it on the fly. Kthnxbai.
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First LoveIt was a first love she never forgot, and would never forget.
~*~*~
First day in a new school. The girl sighed as she hefted her bag over her shoulder carelessly, walking with a swinging stride as she approached the gates of the imposing building.
Heads turned and whispers started to multiply as she passed; the girl noticed and smirked, holding up her head proudly as she continued on. She loved being the center of attention, loved being noticed by everyone else. Her dirty blonde hair was a definite attention grabber, as was her attire.
She had always been defiantly different from the rest. Where some girls hitched up their skirts to make them as short as possible, the girl noted this and went the other way and lengthened it instead, reasoning that doing the reverse of an already unconventional style was a certain way to gain attention. Her tie was also shortened beyond regulation, giving her an even more rebellious appearance.
Everything about her was pretty much non-standard, and despite the constraint of uniform, the girl had managed to go out of her way and customize it to be different. And everyone definitely noticed.
Unfortunately, so did the teachers, and before she even made it into her assigned classroom, the shrill screeching voice of a harpy, err, teacher, gave her her marching orders to the disciplinary office. The girl rolled her eyes and complied, strutting off towards the office with everyone's eyes still on her.
And so it was that Tanaka Reina, 2nd year high school student at Morning Girls' Academy, became the fastest person ever to receive detention for a new school term.
~*~*~
Reina yawned and stretched as she finally came out of the tiny classroom that doubled as detention area. It had been a long first day, especially with the detention on top of everything else.
Exiting the building, Reina looked around and saw a few of the sports clubs already practicing. The seniors had to train, after all. The academy had a reputation to uphold. Recruitment for the first years would not start until next week, and Reina supposed that she would have to join the first years in picking a club or society to join.
Otherwise though, the school seemed pretty quiet. Most people usually left school grounds the moment they could, unless they had club activities. Or detention, like she did.
It would be a little difficult fitting into a new environment, coming in like this as a second year, into an elevator school where just about everyone already knew everyone else. More than half of the students probably went as far back as pre-school together, so there was a definite exclusionary wall against outsiders.
Well, I don't need them. Reina sniffed haughtily. She was a one-woman sensation all on her own. She didn't need people to approve or disapprove of her, because she
knew she was special.
Given that this
was her first day, Reina decided she would explore the grounds a little, get to know the place a little better. Skirting the main areas where other people usually went, Reina wandered around, trying to spot good places where she could use as a hideout whenever hanging around people become a chore. While Reina liked being around other people, there were times where she just wanted to be alone for a while. Not very often, but there
were times.
The academy was pristine and beautiful; Reina knew that the current school grounds were relatively new, having been rebuilt a scant five years ago. The old school buildings were mostly torn down for the reconstruction, but there were a few of the older structures still standing on the far side of the academy.
That was where Reina eventually ended up. Ignoring the 'Keep Out: Danger' signs on the rusty gates, Reina slipped through a gap in the fence and looked around. She knew better than to enter the old buildings of course, she wasn't sure if they were structurally sound. But that still gave her a decent amount of space to roam in the open areas, and so she continued walking.
The grounds here were wild and overgrown, a sharp contrast to the carefully maintained lawns of the main school building. Stepping carefully, Reina looked around curiously. Given the relative desertedness of this area, she was fairly sure that if this had been a co-ed school, it would be a hit with couples seeking some 'alone time' away from prying eyes.
I guess an all girls' school probably wouldn't make use of this place like that. Reina thought wryly. Deciding that there probably wasn't much to see of this place anyway, Reina was going to turn and head back out when a melody reached her ears.
It was not quite a song, but a wordless tune that seemed oddly soothing. Curious now, Reina followed the music, wondering who would be in such a place aside from herself.
At the back of the compound, under a faded sakura tree, she found her answer.
It was a girl, of course. A student too, since she was wearing the same uniform as Reina (well, in the standard way). The tree she sat under arched over near the back entrance of a worn building, and the girl sat in the combined shade of tree and overhang, humming.
Reina stood there quietly, listening to the melody without comment. It felt oddly familiar, yet not at the same time. There was an oddly half finished quality about it, as if the composer had yet to finish the rest of the score.
Shifting her weight, a twig cracked under Reina's foot, and the melody stopped. The girl under the tree paused, before turning to look straight at her. Despite the distance, Reina could see the anticipation on the girl's face, as well as the disappointment following it.
Deciding that it was best to introduce herself since she had already been exposed, Reina shrugged and approached the girl, who stood up politely to regard Reina with a curious look in her eye. Now that Reina was closer, she noticed just how totally and completely unremarkable the other girl seemed, with everything about her uniform according to regulation and a generally modest appearance. If this were anime, the girl would probably be Generic Shoujo A. Not that Reina said that out loud, of course.
"Hi, I was just exploring and didn't expect to see anyone here." Reina explained with a sheepish grin. The girl smiled.
"It's ok." Her voice was low and quiet, a voice that could fade into nothing and never be remembered. In contrast to her singing voice, it was a big difference, but Reina sensed that the girl was probably just shy.
After a few more moments of silence, Reina broke the silence easily. She always did know how to make conversation.
"So, I'm Tanaka Reina, second year in the high school section. I just transferred in."
"I'm Takahashi Ai, third year high school. Nice to meet you." Ai bobbed her head politely in greeting. Reina grinned.
"So I guess you're my senpai. What are you doing here anyway?" Reina always did get to the point. Ai smiled vaguely.
"I'm waiting for someone."
"Ah..." Reina did not press further, sensing that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to ask for details since she barely knew the girl. "Well, I'll just clear out now so that I won't disturb you."
"It's ok if you want to hang around. I don't mind." Ai smiled. "Waiting on my own gets a little lonely sometimes."
"Well if you say so! I don't feel like going home so soon anyway." Reina shrugged and made herself comfortable under the tree. After a moment's hesitation, Ai sat down as well.
It took a while to get Ai to start talking at all, so Reina did what she did best: talk. She filled in any potentially awkward moments by diverting the conversation to herself. She always had an amusing story to share, or just something to say in general. Ai was probably the best audience Reina ever had, quietly listening with a look of rapt attention in her eyes. She actually seemed interested, instead of simply
pretending to be interested.
Time flew by rapidly, and it was getting a little late when Reina finally decided she probably had to head home. When asked if she wanted to walk home together, Ai shook her head with the same mysterious smile.
"I think I'll continue waiting a little while longer." The smile grew a little brighter.
"It was nice meeting you, Tanaka-san."
"Eh, don't call me that. It makes me look around for my old man." Reina made a face, and Ai giggled lightly. Reina viewed that as an improvement, and noticed that it made the older girl look quite cute.
"Just call me Reina." It felt a little odd to let someone she had only just met this afternoon call her by her name, but somehow it just felt right. Ai nodded, replying.
"Then you can call me Ai as well." Her smile really was very sweet. Reina found herself smiling back unguardedly. It was nice to be around someone as sincere as this.
"Well I'll see you again. Take care!"
Reina left, feeling a little better about this new school. She had made a friend.
~*~*~
It was break time the next day, and Reina found herself back inside the old compound, not really expecting to find Ai there but going anyway. She wanted a nice quiet place to eat her lunch, and the sakura tree seemed good enough to her.
Ai was under the tree again as she approached. Reina caught the flash of disappointment that went through the older girl's eyes when she looked up to see who was coming.
I guess the person she was waiting for still hasn't showed up. Deciding it was none of her business, Reina greeted Ai normally, taking a seat next to her senior.
At some point in their casual conversation, Reina asked.
"Do you come here everyday?"
Ai hesitated. "Um...yes." She seemed awkward about the question, and a faint blush was on her cheeks. That just reinforced Reina's assumption of just who Ai was waiting for. Although the yankii did think that whoever it was that was making Ai wait was an idiot.
Dropping the subject, they moved on to more mundane things. Ai opened up a little as well, sharing little tidbits about herself, like the things she liked. Reina also learned that Ai had a little sister, who was attending the middle school section of the academy at the moment.
The break was over all too soon, and Reina quickly stood up to head back. When Ai didn't get up to follow her, Reina looked back questioningly at her. Ai grinned, a slightly impish expression that made her look quite adorable.
"I run very fast. Now go on, or you'll be late."
Reina growled playfully at the jibe about her speed. She knew she shouldn't have shared those stories about how slow she was at running. Speaking of which, she really had to go, or it would be detention for two days in a row. And Reina definitely did not want that.
Ai watched as Reina hurried away. It was nice to have a friend after all this time.
~*~*~
The following weeks went by in a blink of an eye. Reina practically went to the old school compound every day, it having somehow become sort of a secret meeting place for her and Ai. On one hand it was a little sad since it meant that Ai was still waiting for whatever idiot who kept not showing up, but Reina was still glad to be able to find Ai there during breaks or after school.
It was nice having a friend who would listen to all her problems, nice to have someone to brag to about stuff, and just nice to be around Ai, generally. The older girl seemed so understanding, always willing to listen to her and have a smile ready for her. Despite everything, Reina found herself growing quite attached to the girl. Ai felt oddly reliable, despite how easily she cried at things, and how withdrawn she generally seemed to be.
They were young and it was all too easy for friendship to waver into affection, almost resembling infatuation. It was not something that occurred to Reina easily or quickly, given how remarkably dense she could be about certain things, but even she could not deny that she liked seeing Ai.
It took quite a while before Reina finally managed to ask something that had been nagging at her since the first time they met.
"Who are you waiting for?"
Ai hesitated, before answering slowly.
"Someone...important to me."
Though Reina had expected the answer, hearing it still brought an unexplained pang into her heart. So Ai liked someone, and obviously liked that person a lot, otherwise she wouldn't be waiting for that person every day.
"Someone you like?" Reina had to confirm it. Ai paused, then nodded with a blush.
Reina said nothing, her face suitably expressionless to hide the odd feeling welling within her. Of course Ai would have someone she liked. Despite her deceptively plain appearance at a glance, Ai was really quite pretty if one took the time to look.
"Does Reina have someone she likes too?" Ai asked curiously.
"Uh..." Reina thought back to her previous schools. She had never really grown attached to people in an intimate way. Some of the boys in her previous school had been kind of cute, but well, it wasn't really 'like' she felt for them.
"No." Reina said after that long pause. "No one really." She confirmed to herself a second time. Then she chuckled wryly. "I don't need to; boys used to confess at me at my old school but I just turned them down cos they were boring."
"That seems rather lonely." Ai remarked. Reina turned to look at her sharply. She had not expected a response like that. Ai looked up at the sky.
"Reina seems like the type to have a lot of friends, you know?" Ai continued as she gazed up wistfully. "Always surrounded by people."
"Un, I guess so..." Reina admitted grudgingly. She always did attract a crowd, either of people gawking at her, or people who just liked to hang out with her due to her outgoing personality.
"Yet, Reina comes here to talk to me every day, despite all the other people she could be talking to." Ai looked over at Reina with a grateful smile.
"Reina is very kind." Reina blushed at the compliment, looking down quickly and staring at her half eaten lunch, pretending to eat.
"But you're really lonely, aren't you?" Reina froze, her chopsticks poised over her lunchbox. Ai smiled sadly at the younger girl.
"Reina always has a lot of people around her, but those people only look at your appearance. They don't really look at
you."
"Reina doesn't need them." Reina muttered stubbornly. "Reina doesn't need other people. Reina only needs herself."
Ai's smile remained the same, understanding and sad. Sad not because of pity, but because of the understanding. Reina did not want to look at that face.
Ai did not seemed rebuffed by the silence. With a distant gaze, she went on.
"I admire Reina. To be able to do your own thing, to stand out and be different, to keep going even though you're scared and lonely..."
"Reina isn't scared!" Reina cried out, standing up abruptly. Her fists were clenched, teeth gritted into a tight line. She was on the defensive and she knew it.
"No, of course not." Ai agreed. "Reina is too proud to feel that way. Even if you are lonely, you'll still show a cool face to everyone else." Ai smiled.
"Because that's how Reina is."
It was too hard to argue against her. So Reina turned and ran away. Leaving the older girl to stare after her forlornly. Ai looked up, staring at the faded sakura tree above her.
"If I could only have been half as confident..."
~*~*~
She did not go to there the next day. Or the next. Nor the day after.
Reina spent the whole time interacting with her classmates, reasoning to herself that she needed to bond with them even if they were not completely open to outsiders like her. After all, she still had a little more than a year and a half to spend with this class until they graduate. It would be better if she made friends there as well.
It was a little awkward and difficult at first, but Reina's natural charm managed to win some of them over. The girls who were originally rebuffed by the seemingly yankii appearance slowly discovered that Reina was actually far more trendy and girly than her image suggested.
She even went out with some of her classmates, going to the movies and to karaoke, and taking purikura together. It felt like normal for once, something ordinary high school girls would be doing. Nothing like the semi-clandestine meetings she kept having with Ai. As if they were secret lovers or something...
It was almost two weeks later before Reina finally slowed down in her frenzy of social activity. Two weeks without seeing Ai. Despite going out with so many different people, doing different things each time, it all still felt empty. She enjoyed the outings, but they never felt truly meaningful, unlike the long conversations she had with Ai under the sakura tree.
It was then she realized she missed the older girl. Missed seeing her, missed talking to her, missed being around her in general.
Deep down, Reina knew Ai had been right that time. She was lonely, and had been for a long time. She had always been able to hide it before, even from herself. She drew attention to herself with unconventionality, as if to fill that void. But all it had really brought in the end were empty words and empty smiles.
Reina wanted to see Ai. Because the older girl
understood. And was the first one to notice just how utterly alone Reina had been all this time.
~*~*~
"You're back."
Ai greeted Reina neutrally, a tentative but welcoming smile on her face. Reina paused, before thrusting out a carefully wrapped box.
"Sorry about the other day." Reina muttered. She had woken up extra early to make an additional lunchbox for today. Reina was surprisingly domestic, yet another side most people never saw to her.
"It's alright." Ai smiled gently back. The lunchbox was set aside, but Ai did not touch it. Reina looked at her questioningly, and Ai just shook her head, hugging her knees to herself. Reina tried not to stare at the expanse of thigh revealed by the action, stopping at the pair of boyshorts Ai wore under her skirt. Reina smirked at the boyish side to the seemingly demure Ai, and thought about how they both hid other sides of themselves from other people.
"I'm not really hungry." There it was again, that sad and faraway look. Looking at Ai, Reina felt a sense of irritation growing within her. It bothered Reina how Ai always looked so sad, waiting on her own under the tree for someone who just never came.
"You shouldn't have to keep waiting like this." Reina finally said out loud. Ai shook her head.
"It's something I chose to do."
It really annoyed Reina how Ai was so devoted to this mysterious person even after all this time. Couldn't the girl take a hint from the continual no-shows from that person?
"They're not coming." Reina said flatly. Ai tensed, but didn't respond.
"You shouldn't waste your life here. You have to move on." Reina urged the unmoving Ai.
"I asked her to meet me here. What if she comes after I leave?"
Her? Reina mentally recoiled at the fact.
So it was a girl all this time...Irritably, Reina said. "Whoever she is, she has no right to make you wait!"
"But I wanted to." Ai said calmly. Stubbornly.
"Someone worth waiting for isn't someone who would make you wait like this." Reina said flatly. Now on a roll, she continued.
"I've known you for months, and every time I come here, you are still waiting for that person who never shows up." Reina sounded upset.
"You always look so sad, like you're about to cry all the time. You're even lonelier than I am!" Reina almost yelled. She felt irrationally angry for some reason.
Ai didn't answer, burrowing further into her own arms. Reina knelt down in front of her this time, making sure that Ai couldn't avert her eyes short of pulling away.
"You deserve to be happy, with someone who makes you happy." Like me, her heart added, but Reina shoved that little voice aside.
"I don't know who that girl is and how she made you feel about her, but if all she is doing right now is make you feel sad, then she isn't worth your feelings." Reina concluded.
Ai was crying. Silently, but crying all the same. She seemed so fragile, almost unreal. Reina felt her heart twist sharply at the sight, and the words came spilling out of her mouth before she thought about them.
"I like Ai, so I want Ai to be happy."
Reina's voice was oddly quiet, subdued by her standards. She was also blushing furiously as she lowered her head, shocked at her own unexpected confession.
Several moments passed in dead silence, before a small voice spoke up.
"Thank you, Reina."
A soft kiss was placed on her cheek, and Reina felt like she could faint that instant.
She did.
~*~*~
"Tanaka, Tanaka?"
Reina slowly opened her eyes, wincing at the bright sunlight piercing down on her. Her head felt fuzzy, and she rubbed at her eyes groggily.
"You ok?" Reina squinted at the girl opposite her. Another ordinary face.
"Yeah..."
"What are you doing here?" Another girl behind the first girl asked. Reina frowned. That girl was from her class. Michishige, was it? Yes, yes it was.
"I was...talking to a friend." Reina muttered, placing her hand over her eyes as she leaned against the sakura tree.
"Here?" Michishige's friend next to her, also behind the first girl who had addressed her, sounded a little doubtful. And a little scared too, she noticed.
Actually, now that she was paying attention, Michishige and her friend...Kamei, Reina's mind supplied. All that socializing also brought in the gossip. MIchishige was never seen without Kamei by her side whenever class was out. Anyway, those two were clinging to each other somewhat nervously, and they were also sticking very close to the other girl who had woken her up.
"Is there something wrong?" Reina asked somewhat pugnaciously, folding her arms and glaring.
"Gaki-san, she's still new so I guess she doesn't know about...you know." Michishige whispered, but Reina heard her clearly. The one she addressed as "Gaki-san" grimaced.
"Tanaka, you shouldn't be here. It's out of bounds to all students."
"
You three are here." Reina pointed out. Gaki flushed.
"I'm with the student council, and since you were missing from class after break and didn't come back for your things even after class let out, we went looking for you."
Ah yes, the responsible student council. The academy had a fairly independent student council who were instrumental in getting the students involved in things. It seems that the ultra-responsible Gaki-san was a perfect example of the council.
"How did you find me anyway?"
Gaki frowned. "Actually, I'm not entirely sure myself. I just felt like I had to look in here when I passed by the old fence. Like...someone telling me to."
Kamei trembled behind her, ducking into an equally shaky Michishige's arms. "Wahhh Gaki-san, don't talk about these things!"
Reina was confused. "Ooook...so uh..." Reina looked around. Her own lunchbox was still on her lap, unopened. The other one she had brought along though, was missing.
"Did you guys see another student around here?" All three stared at her weirdly. Reina couldn't help but notice that they seemed a little freaked. Kamei in particular looked like she was about to bolt immediately.
"You were alone when we found you." Gaki said firmly. Too firmly, as if to convince herself of something. Reina ran a hand through her hair.
"I guess Ai left first huh..."
"What did you say?" Gaki said sharply. Reina blinked. Kamei and Michishige started looking around nervously, bumping still closer to Gaki.
"Uh, my friend? Takahashi Ai, a third year."
They tensed quite obviously, and the previous nervousness grew more obvious. Reina raised an eyebrow as the three friends threw glances at each other. Finally, Michishige spoke.
"Um, I think you have to meet someone..."
~*~*~
There was something oddly familiar about the person they brought her to meet, after dragging her out of the old compound at top speed that is. Kamei had nearly torn her arm out of its socket with the way she took off faster than a scared rabbit, which was odd since well, shouldn't a turtle be slow?
Her side profile looks a lot like Ai... Reina admitted to herself. She was still wondering why the crazy trio had brought her here.
"Ano...Yuu-chan?" The girl looked up, and Reina blinked again. The girl had a definite resemblance to Ai. It was almost uncanny.
"Sayu?" The smile on her face was eeriely familiar. She turned to look at Reina. "Hi, aren't you that transfer student?"
"Uh yeah..." Reina looked in Michishige Sayumi's direction, and the girl stepped closer, an uncomfortable expression on her face. As usual, Kamei stuck to her side.
"Tanaka, I would like you to meet my friend since elementary school..." Sayu trailed off, then finished hesitantly.
"...Takahashi Yuu."
Reina stepped back. She stared. Yes, the resemblance was there, and the name was definitely the same. Ai had a sister, but that sister was still in middle school. She should not be in high school, and definitely not in the same grade as she was.
"Is there something wrong?" Yuu seemed confused. Sayu looked even more uncomfortable.
"Do you have a sister named Takahashi Ai?" Reina asked suddenly, gripping the edge of the table tightly. The girl seated in front of her seemed shocked at first, then looked down.
"Yes..." Reina swallowed hard. Yuu wrung her hands together.
"...but Onee-chan died two years ago."
Reina froze. She did not hear that. It could not possibly be true.
Gaki, or rather, Niigaki Risa, stepped up from behind, placing one hand on the stunned Reina's shoulder. Her voice was gentle.
"Ai-chan was...in an accident two years ago, at the old compound. No one knew why she was there alone, but part of the building came down on her while she was inside and..." Risa trailed off uncertainly, her own unshed tears brimming in her eyes.
"She was waiting for someone." Reina said quietly. Four pairs of eyes stared at her.
"How did you know that?" Yuu sounded stricken, yet oddly hopeful.
"She told me." Audible gasps all round. Sayumi looked around nervously.
"No one's ever...seen her." Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Some girls have heard a voice singing at the most, but no one's actually..."
"She was always there." The crushing realization came down on Reina, its full weight settling on her shoulders. Her voice cracked as she went on.
"She was always there, waiting, for two years, alone." Reina held back a sob. She could not imagine how much pain Ai must have been in, waiting alone for all that time.
"Onee-chan..." Yuu whispered, her own tears falling unchecked.
Sayumi cupped a hand to her mouth, holding back her own tears. Kamei was biting her lip, eyes squeezed tightly shut. Risa tightened her grip on Reina's shoulder, her own voice hoarse with shock.
"Are you sure?"
Reina nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Risa sat down heavily in shock, unable to express herself any further.
Reina felt dizzy as well. Her hands were shaking, and she wiped her gathering tears away angrily. Her fingers slipped down to her cheek, remembering the soft touch she had felt there before...
Then she suddenly turned and ran, leaving the others behind.
~*~*~
She wasn't sure what she would find there. What would she have done if she had seen Ai there again? Reina didn't know. She really didn't.
"Ai!" Reina called out. She circled the sakura tree, calling Ai's name in intervals. No one responded, save for the birds chirping in the distance.
"Ai..." Reina sank to her knees. She felt confused. She felt like she should be scared, but she really wasn't. No, not scared of the fact that Ai was actually a ghost, and not of this world. Yes she was scared, but what she was really scared of was losing her.
It made absolutely no sense. The feelings were real, the time she spent chatting with Ai had been the best times she had ever had with anyone alive. Literally. Now she knew why.
A hysterical giggle came from Reina's lips, retreating just as quickly into broken sobs. Her hands closed on the long grass, crushing them in her fists even as her tears fell into the soft soil.
"Why..." Reina asked, looking up at the faded sakura tree.
"Why does it hurt so much..."
A bright spot of color caught her eye on a distant ledge, and before Reina registered the motion, she was already up and moving. The spare lunchbox she had made this morning returned to her hands, the cloth it had been wrapped in still sitting on the ledge.
Hands trembling, Reina opened the box.
There was nothing inside, save for a short note. Very brief, just like
her.
Reina hugged the box to herself, her tears beginning to flow again.
Thank you, it read.
I can move on now.
Be happy, Reina.Her first love was over almost as soon as she had realized it. Clutching the box close to herself, Reina wiped her tears away as she gazed into the faraway sky.
Reina will be happy, Ai. It's a promise.A promise she would never forget.
========================================
I thought of this while lying in bed unable to sleep. Haha.
Topic: Estrea's Sandbox [6/4 - Treat] (Read 203879 times)