Since I have the time now, I shall write more!
Hope you like it and please comment!
F.Y.I
Chapter 29
Recurring Moments
January 3 (2.03pm)
From afar, she saw the lonely silhouette strolling towards the futsal training ground. Although she could not really discern the number on the back of the jersey the person was wearing, she knew who that person was. In the early stages of their relationship, she had never stared at her back for such a long period of time because whenever she saw her, she would run quickly towards her and hug her from behind. But recently, too many things had happened and on so many occasions in the past week, she was looking at her back from afar, imagining her voice when she stopped to speak to someone and her warmth when she hugged someone. Occasionally, she would question her own decision to wait for her whenever the fear of losing her penetrated her soul. But more often than not, she chose to believe that absence would make the heart grow fonder.
However, she knew she needed to approach her. She was evidently upset that day when she stomped off after hearing about the plan and she knew she needed to clarify. So she walked forward, concentrating on her footsteps and breathing, as she approached the silhouette that she daren’t near for some time.
“Yossie, please listen to me,” Rika pleaded softly as she grabbed her right hand from behind.
Without even glancing at her, Yossie replied flatly, “Sorry Rika. I’m afraid I can’t. Training is starting soon.”
At least she can recognize my voice. “Please, just one minute will do. The seniors came up with a simple yet effective plan to resolve whatever conflicts between them.”
Yossie stared blankly at the pavement leading to the futsal court located about 50 metres away from them. This route was so familiar to her so was the mix of trepidation and anticipation that she was feeling now because of this conversation. She thought, “They always say that time will change situations. Why do I find myself in the same situation over and over again even as time passes by?”
After knowing Yossie for 7 years, Rika knew that Yossie, being a conversationalist, would never fall silent in a conversation unless she wanted the other party to continue but she was too angry or upset to ask the other party to do so. Rika said confidently in a well-rehearsed manner, “Yuko said the most effective way is to find some entity that symbolizes their relationship and make them realise and treasure the value of it. So we thought of Towao – their dog. Probably someone will be in charge of ‘kidnapping’ the dog and then we will inform them separately that the dog is lost and they will begin to search high and low for the dog. Then, like an ending scene from the movie, they will find the dog and when they look up, they see each other and they will live happily ever after.”
Rika leaned forward to try to get a glimpse of Yossie’s facial expression. She was wearing a frown on her face. Rika chose to believe that Yossie was digesting the information.
After a few moments of silence, Yossie asked, “Why are you doing this?”
Rika replied without any hesitation, “I want the two of them to be together-”
“You want the two of us to be together,” Yossie interrupted in a manner that sounded as though she was just correcting a grammatical error.
Rika shook her head. “No, Eri and I just felt guilty that we were the culprits behind this whole mess and that’s why we came up with ‘No Strings Attached’. And I felt terrible especially after hearing from Eri how devastated Miki was that night,” Rika defended herself vehemently.
Did Eri narrate the whole story to her? I bet not, or else she wouldn’t be so calm. But then again, she probably did or else she wouldn’t come up with this rotten new plan. This girl is hard to understand. This time round, Yossie turned around and looked straight into her eyes – those eyes that she used to adore before saying, “Yes you want the two of us to be together.”
Rika bowed her head in an attempt to conceal the tears that were forming in her eyes.
Why can’t she understand that I’m not doing this to keep her with me? It’s purely altruistic… Yossie shook her head and glanced at the blue sky instead. She couldn’t bear to see the innocent girl whom she once loved being devoured by hatred and jealousy right before her very eyes. It was a clear blue sky but, unlike summer, one hardly noticed the strong rays emitted by the sun unless one looked at the sky. However, today, even as her eyes were fixated on the sky, she only noticed the chilling wind. Maybe that was because she thought that however strong the rays were, it would never beat the wind in winter. Because it was winter.
From afar, Yossie saw a haggard girl plodding in her direction. The bag on her shoulders seemed too heavy for her.
How fragile. Better don’t let her think that I’m part of the gang that caused her the pain.She looked at Rika whose head was still bowed and said softly but quickly, “Anyway, I got to make a move first because the coach wanted to meet me before the training commences.”
What a lousy lie. But she will believe. She took one step forward before she stopped in her tracks and said flatly, “By the way, your plan A, B and C are all great except one thing – you forgot to consider the human factor.” She pointed at her own chest before she leaned forward and whispered into her ears, “Because of the mess you’ve created, my heart is now with Fujimoto Miki. I love her. Period.”
After saying that, Yossie strode past her while she stood there, rooted to the spot with tears flowing down her cheeks. Regardless of whether it was the truth or a lie, the pain in her heart was real. She knew there was a possibility that she was just intentionally hurting her because of anger but she could not bring herself to believe in that possibility. She felt a strong urge to go up to every single mother on the street and say, “Did you tell your child that honesty is the best policy? Bullshit! What crap! What a pack of lies!” Would the ending be different if she had lied to say that ‘No Strings Attached’ was initiated to keep Yossie’s heart? Would the ending be different if she had lied that she would not wait for Yossie and begged Yossie to stay with her? Would the ending be different if she had lied that she was not part of all these crap? Would the ending…
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January 3 (2.58pm)
“Ok girls, I know everyone is still in the celebration mode, but this is our very first training of the year so let’s forget about whatever New Year celebration we had or are going to have and just FOCUS on training for the next few hours alright?” Yossie paused for a moment before she exclaimed with a grin on her face, “Let’s train hard today!”
The younger girls shouted “Yes” rather energetically and in unison whereas some of the other members simply said it in a bored and unhappy manner. Yossie nodded her head with a smile plastered on her face. The reaction was expected and it was almost the same as previous years except for the missing loud chirpy voice and the vice-captain who would shout at the girls who had just given the lacklustre response. They were just simply leaning against the wall with their heads bowed, not uttering a single word. How much she missed their usual selves.
Yossie moved towards one of the two girls, pulled her to a corner, placed her hands on her shoulders and spoke gently, “Can you please show some zeal? This is not just about you. It will affect everyone.”
She stared blankly at her and nodded reluctantly.
While Yossie spoke to her, the other girl stood there, rooted to the spot with tears welled up in her eyes as she watched their every action. She couldn’t bring herself to bring herself to imagine what her most beloved said to that girl because it was just so painful to know that she could do nothing as she had lost the battle. And whatever form of struggle would only win some sort of sympathy and not love. What flooded her mind at that moment were not images of her most beloved but this one image of a little boy who ran down the hill with all of his might and shouted at the other shepherds that the wolf was there. However, her tale was not exactly a mirror image of ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’ because she couldn’t quite remember when she actually lied no matter how hard she tried. Maybe the trust was never built between them in the first place. That was perhaps the main reason why she cried.
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January 3 (5.33pm)
The training went as per normal from warm-up, drills to a mini match with the regular water breaks in between. By the time it ended at 5.30pm, most of the girls were extremely tired and were feeling somewhat warm inside despite the occasional cold wind that seeped through the gap between the door and the wall into the indoor futsal court. Some of the girls were lingering on the court, indulging in idle chatter while others made their way back into the locker room.
As Miki trudged towards the locker room alone, she stopped by the vending machine and contemplated on which drink to purchase to quench her thirst. It was not because she was extremely thirsty but it was more of because she wanted to be alone. She did not want to be with her teammates because she knew that they would note her presence and would ask questions like “How are you?” How was she supposed to answer this question? Even if she gave a half-hearted answer on the surface, her heart would ache deep inside. If it was not because of the sense of guilt she felt towards Yossie, she would not even bother to turn up for training today.
She would have wanted to buy a can of soda but Yossie would clearly disapprove it as it would hurt her stamina. There was orange juice as well and she would have opted for it as it was the healthier choice. But she did not want to be reminded of that night whereby she lied that the orange juice she was actually drinking was alcohol. She did not want to be reminded that she could not be honest even when she wanted to because of her pride.
Then her eyes rested on the can of coffee displayed on the vending machine and her heart sank instantly. In the past, she would not have even considered buying coffee from the vending machine at all because it would have paled in comparison with Aya’s specially made coffee. But that was in the past.
Will I ever have the chance to taste that coffee again?She pressed the button located below the can of coffee on display in the machine and before long, the can of coffee was ready for collection. She picked up the can, opened it and took a small sip. “Horrible,” she murmured under her breath. There was just simply too much sugar.
How much I hope I can pinpoint the problems in our relationship as quickly and easily like this. Why can’t I find the source of the pain to my heart? Why can’t I?
She walked briskly towards a trash bin and threw the can of coffee into it. Tears welled up in her eyes as the can landed on the heap of rubbish in the bin. It was just too normal and simple for her liking. It reminded her of those good old days when she volunteered to throw away the empty cans of soda into the trash bin when Aya and her ate together in one of their apartments. It was still the same action but now it was a very different scenario and sensation. Back then, it was pure bliss. Now, it was a mix of jealousy, sorrow, anger and that hurt pride.
She then dragged her feet towards the locker room and the empty corridor reminded her of her loneliness. How much she wished Aya was hiding behind one of the pillars and would leap towards her and hug her when she walked past. But with each step she took, she felt that her wish was drifting further and further away from her. How much she wished what she drank earlier was beer such that she would forget about the pain in her chest for a while. How much she wished she would be drunk until the day she regained the courage and confidence to speak to Aya and when she could finally cast away her pride and apologize to her and beg her to stay with her.
She inserted the key into its slot on her locker door and turned the key in a clockwise motion. When she swung the door open, her heartbeat quickened when she saw its contents. Apart from her bag and other personal belongings, there was an unfamiliar pink cup with a lid in it.
She’s the only one who has the spare key to my locker right? Perhaps, just perhaps… She turned around and scanned the quiet room quickly. Apart from Yossie, Mai and Erika, there was no one else in the room. The person she was looking for was not in the room.
Or maybe it’s Yossie who is just trying to cheer me up. She smiled to herself as she imagined how sheepish Yossie looked when she placed the cup in her locker.
She picked up the cup and removed the lid. Instantly, there was a faint coffee smell in the air. Coffee.
Will it be? No, I should stop creating false hopes. She took a small sip and she could feel a surge of adrenaline rush inside her. The milk to sugar ratio felt so familiar but she could not quite trust her tongue so she took another sip.
Yes, it is. It must be her! Without thinking, she dashed out of the room.
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January 3 (5.45pm)
Standing on the pavement leading to the futsal court, Aya smiled as she tried to imagine Miki’s face when she drank the coffee she made.
Would she be apprehensive? Would she smile after she tasted it? Or would she cry?After spending hours thinking of a way to approach her, she figured that this was the best way because she did not know what to say to her. She was also afraid that the words that she said would hurt the girl she loved even more. She hoped that the familiar scent and taste of the coffee could mend the heart that she had broken.
If only coffee can heal all forms of pain.
Topic: F.Y.I 29 - Recurring Moments (Read 152979 times)