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Author Topic: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ !!RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!! [4/16]  (Read 106096 times)

Offline ohayou

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ The Perfect Bodyguard (Chapter 13) [2/15]
« Reply #380 on: March 17, 2013, 12:42:26 AM »
Hi there minna,

I'm really sorry for the recent inactivity with my fanfics.
Lots of things has been happening in real life for me,
with the past few weeks being the worst.
If you've been following my Twitter and you know me well enough,
you would know how bad things got.
For those that don't, don't worry, you will find out soon enough.

I'm currently working on a SayaMilky OS which is based on what I've been through the last few weeks,
and mostly, based on... feelings and emotions and stuff.
Things that I have been thinking about doing but didn't have the guts to etc.

Once I finish, it will be posted.
But while I'm here, I just wanted to say,
my fanfics are also going to be posted in Max-sama's blog on Wordpress as well now.
And since I now have a Wordpress blog as well, I also intend to post my fanfics up on my own blog as well.
It will be like another little collection of the same thing.
I'm still working on setting up the blog though, so for the next few i don't know how many days/weeks,
it will just be posts of past works.

So once again, I apologize for such long inactivity.
And I'm also sorry that this isn't an update.
In the mean time, if you're thirsting for something to read,
Max-sama's blog have a lot of fanfics to read.
Many of them are VERY good.
And then, ofc, you have other writers' work on Jphip to read as well (^^)

Until next time~  :peace:

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My Fanfics Collection

Offline ohayou

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  • SKE全員大好き
Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ Personal Note~ <3
« Reply #381 on: April 01, 2013, 07:04:18 AM »
Last Touch (Sayamilky)

As promised, a Sayamilky OS based on the thoughts and pressure and mental strain that I’ve been going through in my life last month when things got too much for me because too many things were happening too sudden at the same time. Which feelings and thoughts were real and which wasn’t... That’s up to you guys to decide. (^^) I’m really sorry this update took such a long time to get to. I want this update to be one of the best update I have ever written, so I took the time to read through it over and over again. Enjoy! (^o^)/

Oh, and just a warning, this isn’t the most happiest OS you are going to read. And it’s also quite a long OS too.

(Italics = Things that happened in the past/memory)



I stared at the city beneath me, at the buildings, the cars, the people.
What had changed? I am not very sure myself.
The cars keeps honking on the streets, the people, they keep walking.
The society keeps functioning, and the Earth keeps spinning.

But me?
I want to move on, just like everyone tells me to.
But I couldn’t. Not with the chains with which life bounds me with.
I can’t move, I can’t breathe, I can’t think.
Ever since that day, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to control the things that happened.
I guess... that was when everything started falling apart.

How many times have I tried to bury myself into studying just to keep my mind off you?
How many times have I skipped school, just to dance from morning to night so I can distract myself?
And how many times have such futile attempts of distraction failed?

I don’t know anymore.
I don’t remember.

***

I could remember the day we first met, that day at school. Me in the dance studio alone as the rest of the crew had not come due to exams, practicing the dance that our school dance club was preparing for the talent show after the examinations, when you suddenly swung the studio doors opened so hard that the door knobs made a visible dent on the wall. I remembered my heart being caught by surprised at the sudden arrival of such a beauty that I stopped dancing and allowed our eyes to hold each other for those four seconds that changed my whole life.

Yes, it was four seconds. I remembered it clearly because you told me afterwards that you were counting how long it took for me to start replying when you asked me if this was the dance club. Of course, even till now, I have trouble remembering whether or not you actually asked me a question back then, even though I never have trouble remembering anything that you said to me. Perhaps it was because my mind couldn’t focus on anything back then but the fast pounding of my heart. I looked away back then, after you flashed a smile at me, telling me that you had to run to the studio because you thought that the dance club meeting was already over, even though I still haven’t said anything about me being in the dance club yet. But I guess it was obvious, since the music was still playing in the background and I was in my training clothes.

The way you smiled back then, I could still remember it. Although the corner of your lips almost reached the corner of your eyes, accompanying that smile wasn’t just those pearl white teeth, but also the tiredness in your eyes. It was the same smile that you were trying to force onto your face that last night when I visited you. It was the smile that you use whenever you wanted to convince others that you were okay, even though you really were not. Once I found my voice though and I told you that you weren’t late, you gave a huge sigh of relief and slid down onto floor and lay on your back, facing the ceiling with your eyes closed, trying to catch your breath...

*****

“Thank god I’m not late!” The girl cheered as she threw her arms up and allowed gravity to pull her body backward till she was lying on the ground facing up the ceiling.

Sayaka watched the girl from where she was still frozen, with the tip of her toes just touching the floor, the movement which was supposed to allow her to slide smoothly into one of the position near the front as she swap position with another girl. The orange glow that was shining in from the windows from the setting sun lit up the resting girl in front of her like the center dancer on stage that always has the spotlight. Sayaka with almost her whole life performing in a small dance company that her father’s friend owned, could tell from experience and a hunch, that the girl was a performer – a performer who shines even off stage.

Feeling a slight magnetic pull from the girl, Sayaka moved to the stereo and turned off the music before walking over to the girl and looked at the girl who had her eyes closed, “I’m Yamamoto Sayaka, the leader of the dance club.”

The girl suddenly opened her eyes at the name and sat up, staring straight at Sayaka with her widening eyes as she looked at the girl up and down, “Y-Yamamoto Sayaka!? Yamamoto Sayaka from the NMB dance company!?”

Sayaka blinked, surprised that someone would know her by her identity in the dance company. After all, NMB wasn’t yet at all a big dance company, although it is starting to gain some popularity ever since Sayaka joined and brought them to a perfect victory at one of the major competitions in the region, and the dance company has been growing slowly and steadily ever since. “Yes...” Sayaka nodded, “That is me.”

In a flash, the girl on the ground and jumped up and took Sayaka’s hand, shaking them with a firm but soft grip, “I’m Watanabe Miyuki! I had always admired you! You are like my idol! I also go watch your big performances! I was there when you took NMB to victory for the first time that night! Ever since, then, I’ve always aimed to be a good dancer like you so that I could one day join the company and dance on the same stage as you!”

Sayaka’s eyes widened as she listened to the girl talked. It was the first time someone Sayaka doesn’t know, came up to her and said something like this. Then Sayaka finally realized that she was more than just a high school student dancing in the dance company as training for her future dancing career. She was already starting to build a name for herself. Bathed in the happiness of such news, without thinking, Sayaka enveloped the girl in front of her into a tight hug.

Without releasing the girl, Sayaka allowed her tears of joy to slide down her cheeks as she spoke to the girl in a really small voice, “Thank you, Watanabe Miyuki. You are the first person outside of the dance company to say that to me.”

Miyuki was shocked at first, but she quickly recovered and returned the hug, giving the girl a small pat on the back as she tried to stop the girl’s tears, “Yamamoto-san has much more fans than just me. They are just not as shameless as me. They wouldn’t go blurting out things like that in front of someone they admire...” Miyuki finally pulled back from the hug, blushing slightly as she recalled her embarrassing outburst.

Sayaka grinned and wiped the tears from her face, “Maybe... But to my knowledge, you are my first one. Thank you.”

Miyuki’s eyes shone at the sincerity of the words and flashed a giant smile to the girl she admired again, “You are welcome, Yamamoto-san.”

“Please, just Sayaka will be fine,” Sayaka smiled, “Or Sayanaee. That’s what my friends call me. And you are joining the dance club too right? You might as well as get used to calling me that.”

“Sayanee it is then,” Miyuki held out her hand again for a proper handshake this time, “You can call me Milky.”

The smile never leaving her face, Sayaka took the hand and shook it. Her heartbeat beginning to increase in speed as her hand absorbed the comfortable heat radiating from Miyuki’s hand.

***

“Nee, Sayanee, did you have anything planned for after club today...?” Miyuki asked after the dance practices in a small voice, her eyes focusing on the floor rather than the girl she was speaking to, much unlike the Miyuki that Sayaka knew.

“Nothing in particular,” Sayaka answered honestly, “Why?” Sayaka saw Miyuki bit her own bottom lip as she threw the question out, as if she wanted to say something but was too afraid to. “Milky,” Sayaka called, slowly feeling worry and concern flowing out of her mind towards the girl who was being unusually quiet, “What’s wrong?”

The moment the words slipped out, Miyuki burst into tears, surprising not just Sayaka herself but also all the other girls who were still packing, preparing to go home after their dance practice. Sayaka immediately dropped beside Milky and wrapped her arms around the girl’s trembling shoulders, trying to calm her down by softly stroking the girl’s shoulder as the girl buried her face into Sayaka’s shirt and let loose the water work. Sayaka saw one of her close friend, Aina, approach her, but Sayaka quickly shook her head and gave her a small reassuring smile, telling the girl that she will sort this out. Aina nodded, understanding the situation and respecting Sayaka’s decision. Quickly picking up her stuff, she left the studio, while silently rushing others to leave.

Even when the studio was finally empty, Sayaka stayed in the same position. Her arms wrapped around Milky, one hand stroking the girl’s arm and the other one softly patting the girl’s forehead, while Milky continued to cry into her shoulder. Sayaka didn’t say a word, but just allowed the girl to release all her emotions. Sayaka had never seen Milky like this. Milky had always came across to her as a bright and cheerful girl. From the day they met, to dance practices and performances and failing of their examinations, Milky had always had a smile on her face. It was one of the reason why the dance club members took such a big liking to the girl so quickly, welcoming her into the club in open arms.

Sayaka’s heart throbbed with a stabbing pain each time she heard Miyuki tried to breathe in in-between her sobs. She felt her own tears threatened to spill as she saw how broken Miyuki was right now. Sayaka knew that whatever happened, it must have been really big to have been able to break such an angel down to such a state.

Once Miyuki’s sobbing gradually turned back into small sniffs, Sayaka put a smile back on her face and patted the girl on the head again and fixed the girl’s fringe as well as wiped away the remaining tears from the girl’s face. “Feel better now?” Sayaka asked, glad to see the girl nodding to her question. “What happened, Milky?” Sayaka asked as she bend down to look at Miyuki’s eyes. Milky shook her head and pursed her lips again. “Milky,” Sayaka sighed as she kneeled down next to Miyuki so that she was looking up at the girl, forcing the girl to look at her, “Don’t tell me nothing happened. You are never like this before, Milky.”

Miyuki shook her head and stood up from where she was and forced a smile back, “I’m fine, Sayanee. There has just been too much stress from school lately and I didn’t know what to do. I’ve been bottling it up in me all this time and I guess the bottle is all full huh?” The girl let out a weak chuckle.

Sayaka looked at the girl, unconvinced, “Milky, you know you can talk to me about anything right?”

Miyuki nodded but smiled again, “I know, Sayanee. But there isn’t anything that needs to be talked about you see.” Giving a small laugh, Miyuki linked her arms with Sayanee and gave one of her usual puppy eyes again, “Can we go grab some dinner now please? I’m starving and I don’t want to go home and eat alone again. My parents are overseas again.”

Sayaka looked at the girl, her inner-self unable to contain the surprise at how fast Miyuki could recover. Here she was, holding onto her arms like she had always done, smiling as if nothing has happened. Figuring out that she was probably just thinking too much, Sayaka sighed again and patted the girl on the head, “Alright then, let’s go grab some ramen then.”


***

“I should’ve known that something wasn’t right back then... If only I knew earlier...” Sayaka said outloud, hoping her words would somehow reach the girl  as she spread out her arms and felt the cold wind swipe past her school jumper. The wind felt surprisingly soothing, despite the chilliness of it. Slowly allowing her eyes to open again, Sayaka looked up at the grey sky. The storm clouds were rolling in and Sayaka could almost smell it in the air, the fact that it was going to rain soon. But that didn’t matter to her, nothing did anymore. And just as quick as her thoughts came to her, little rain droplets pattered onto Sayaka’s face, as if trying to wash away her grief. Instead of moving for shelter, Sayaka just allowed a small smile to grow on her face as she watched with amusement at the people below, hustling to get to the nearest shelter while she stayed where she was and enjoyed the cooling sensation that the rain were bring to her.

***

“I can’t remember anything!” Miyuki threw herself onto the ground, frustration obvious on her face.

Sayaka smiled at the girl’s reflection in the mirror, but otherwise said nothing and kept focus on her own dance routine. She never liked breaking off in the middle of a dance unless it was really important. Once her round ended, Sayaka finally turned around and gave her full attention to the girl who was still on the floor, watching her intensely.

“You ignored me,” Miyuki pouted.

Sayaka grabbed her drink bottle and propped herself down next to the girl, “You know what I’m like when I’m practicing.”

“I do...” Miyuki frowned, “But I thought you said I was special~”

Sayaka blushed at the reminder of what she said last week. It was just an accidental slip from her tongue. That thought wasn’t supposed to be known to the world. But that time when Aina wanted her to help her with a dance but she was already busy with Miyuki, Aina had complained in a joking manner asking why Miyuki gets first priority, and the words just slipped from Sayaka. Miyuki was special to Sayaka though, Sayaka won’t deny it. Sayaka felt an unknown magnetic pull towards the girl, something about the girl drew her in, but she didn’t know what it was. However, so does many of the girls in the dance club, drawing people towards her, that was one of Miyuki’s charm. And it’s a perfect weapon on stage to use, it’s the perfect magnet for the spotlight.

“Mou~ Can you please help me with my dance now?” Miyuki whined as she shook her leg and arms on the floor, much like a five year old child begging for parents to buy them a new toy in the department store.

“Alright alright,” Sayaka put aside her drink bottle and pulled Miyuki up with her. “What you need to work on, Milky,” Sayanee said as she turned the girl around to face the mirror while she stood behind Miyuki and slowly gave her shoulder a soft massage, “is relaxing. You are too tensed up and stressed about not being able to remember the song that you are forgetting that this is a slow song.”

“That’s easy for you to do, Sayanee,” Miyuki complained, “You are a born natural dancer!”

Sayaka sighed and thought to herself, ‘Here we go again...’ She knew that whenever Miyuki couldn’t do something when it comes to dancing and Sayaka tried to encourage her to try harder, the girl would always say that. Not once would Miyuki consider even for a second that every time the club performed on stage for the school, all eyes would always be on Miyuki herself, and not so much Sayaka. But then Sayaka was used to Miyuki acting like this, since many of the kouhai in the dance company were also like that. Lack of self-confidence, is what Sayaka always say to them. And that barrier was also climbed over easily once Sayaka guide them personally through the whole dance, showing that what she can do, they can too. But of course, this certain technique doesn’t work on every dance, only the slow ones. Dances that require too much moving or jumping around would cause the technique not to work at all.

Ignoring the comment that Miyuki made, Sayaka clicked her fingers at the girl, “Close your eyes.”

“Eh?”

“Do you want me to help you or not, Milky?” Sayaka asked, putting on an impatient face even though she in fact, never loses patience when it comes to Miyuki. Not to mention the adorableness of the face of a confused Miyuki never cease to amaze her. “Close your eyes and focus on breathing only. Breathe in, breathe out. Block out everything else from your mind,” Sayaka said again.

Slowly, Miyuki nodded and closed her eyes. Sayaka waited for a while for the girl to properly calm down to a peaceful state, her face relaxed, almost looking like she was going to fall asleep soon.

“Now, just keep your body relaxed and follow my lead okay? I’m going to take you through the routine slowly first without the music and I want you to let your body feel the movement and memorize it,” Sayaka said as she slowly reached for both of Miyuki’s arms and put her arms into the position at the beginning of the dance. Suddenly, Sayaka felt a shift of weight from Miyuki and the girl leaned her whole body onto Sayaka.

“Milky, I said keep your body relaxed and follow my lead. Not keep your body relaxed and make me lead,” Sayaka pinched the girl’s cheeks, earning a soft giggle from the girl. But both girls turned serious again as Sayaka held onto Miyuki’s arms and began to lead the girl. Slowly, Sayaka took the first step forward along with Miyuki, and was glad that Miyuki actually stepped forward as well. Most of the time, with her other kouhais, if Sayaka didn’t tell them to remember the footsteps, they would often forget and Sayaka would ended up stepping on them when she steps forward.

Before either of the two girls realized, it had come to the ending part of the dance where Miyuki was supposed to lean backward until her back is parallel to the ground and stay in that position as the song ends. But being used to teaching her kouhais how to dance in this way, it was no problem for Sayaka and she brought the girl leaning backward slowly. About half way down, Sayaka felt the weight on her suddenly increased as Miyuki’s body began to tense again. Realizing this, Sayaka moved her head until her lips were next to the girl’s ear and whispered, “Relax.”

“H-How can I relax like this...?” Miyuki whispered back, afraid that if she spoke too loud, she would lose her balance and collapse on top of Sayaka.

Sayaka chuckled as she began to lean back a bit more, “If you don’t relax, Milky, both of us will fall because I won’t be able to take on both our weight.” That statement seemed to have made Miyuki even more nervous as the girl tried to move back up, but Sayaka wouldn’t let her. “Na-uh, not until we finish the dance. Don’t waste what we did just then, you were going really good, Milky,” Sayaka said, “Just finish this part like the way you did with the rest of the dance, and I promise you, you would be able to dance this no problem afterwards. It’s the same for everyone.”

However, that did nothing to help calm Miyuki down who was still beginning to struggle. Sayaka sighed, having met this situation many times before as well. She knew all she needed to do was to wait till the other girl gives up struggling and let her finish the dance. However, Miyuki’s weight was much more than Sayaka had expected, and Sayaka had to admit that her back was starting to feel sore. Both of them were probably around 30 degrees off from being parallel to the ground, it wasn’t exactly the most comfortable position to be in.

Then, as if someone had been waiting for just the right timing, the door to the dance studio burst open. Surprised at the sudden intrusion, Sayaka lost focus as well as her balance and fell backward. Sayaka gasped as Miyuki fell down on top of her, knocking the air out of her lungs.

“I FORGOT M- Oh...” A girl barged into the studio only to stop in the middle of her words as she stared at the scene in front of her.

“Ainyan!?” Sayaka stared at the girl in surprise. The girl looked at the clock in the studio and then back at the intruder, “Ainyan, it’s already six thirty! Don’t you have cram school at seven?”

“I do but.... I left my...” Aina quickly looked around the studio and then retreated backward out of the studio, “Uh, it’s not here... Nevermind... I’m uh... sorry for intruding on you two. Um, just... go back to whatever uh... you two... were... doing before...” Quickly clearing her throat, Aina exited the room, closing and locking the door behind her.

The room was filled with silence for a long time before Miyuki became the first to break the silence. “That...” Miyuki said as her eyes kept fixed onto the closed door, “was awkward.”

Sayaka nodded as she too kept staring at the door, still trying to understand why Aina said what she said. “Oh,” Sayaka blurted out when she finally realized what situation she was in right now. ‘No wonder...’ Sayaka thought to herself as Miyuki’s body shifted slightly on top of her, as if getting to a more comfortable position.

“What?” Miyuki asked, confused at the girl’s word.

“That’s why Ainyan left,” Sayaka facepalmed herself, unable to believe herself for realizing what thought Aina was thinking when she barged into the room. Seeing Sayaka down on the floor with Miyuki on top, it doesn’t even take an idiot to know why Aina thought she was disturbing something. Sayaka tapped Miyuki on the shoulder, “Are you going to get off me?”

Miyuki didn’t answer, but instead flipped herself around so that she was lying on Sayaka with her stomach, surprising Sayaka. But before Sayaka could even say anything, Miyuki snaked her arms around the girl’s waist and laid her head on Sayaka’s chest, listening to the girl’s heartbeat with her eyes closed.

“M-Milky!” Sayaka looked at the girl, “W-What are you doing!?” Surprised that she received no answer, Sayaka lifted her head slightly to peer down at the girl. Sayaka ignored all the parts of her which were warning her that what she was going was wrong, but the girl brushed it off as she observed Miyuki’s face. She didn’t know what Miyuki was doing, but honestly speaking, Sayaka just really didn’t care. Being in such a position with Miyuki brought her heartbeat racing again, but yet at the same time, she was feeling calmer than ever. ‘Ainyan locked the door behind her anyway,’ Sayaka thought to herself as she brushed away a strand of hair that was blocking Miyuki’s closed eyes.

“Milky...?” Sayaka called the girl gently after seeing no movement from the girl at all after she had shifted position. Of course, not expecting it, Sayaka was surprised to find that the girl had fallen asleep on her chest. Sayaka thought about waking up the girl, but decided against it. ‘The girl has been practicing for a while anyway,’ Sayaka thought to herself with a small smile, ‘Might as well as let her rest for a while.’

Sayaka doesn’t know how long it has been, and she didn’t know what time it was anymore. She didn’t bother to turn her head to check. Deep inside, Sayaka was really beginning to enjoy the comfort of having Miyuki so close to her. Usually, when forced into a silent environment, Sayaka could never help but have her negative side of thinking coming back and haunt her, reminding her often of things that she does not want to think about. However, listening to Miyuki’s slow breathing, and feeling Miyuki’s warmth seeping through into her, the silence didn’t haunt her anymore. In fact, Sayaka welcomed the silence into her mind. Closing her eyes, she was glad that she could just enjoy the moment of hearing nothing but just Miyuki’s breathing. Before she realized, her mind has also drifted away into a different world.

When Sayaka woke up, the first thing she did was blink, making sure her eyes was not imagining things. Slowly feeling her entire body functioning again, Sayaka cleared her throat and stared at the face that was hovering at an extremely close distance to her own, “Milky... What are you doing...?”

“I like this,” the girl answered showing no sign of retreat. With the usual innocent face, Miyuki turned away and rested her head back on Sayaka’s chest just like she had while she was sleeping. With a softer voice, Miyuki asked, “Don’t you?”

“E-Eh?”

“I wish things could stay the way they are now...” Miyuki mumbled, her eyes wandering off into the distance, deep in thought.

Sayaka frowned, her brows knitted together. Not understanding at all what the girl was on about. “What are you talking about, Milky?” Sayaka asked, “Why would things change? What’s wrong?” Miyuki shook her head and ignored the question, her bottom lip unconsciously curling under her teeth. Sayaka know something was wrong, Miyuki could never lie. She wasn’t a lying person. Sitting up and pulling Miyuki with her, Sayaka wrapped her arms around Miyuki and pulled her into a tight hug.

“Milky,” Sayaka called as she rested her chin on the girl’s shoulder. The girl waited for Miyuki to tilt her head slightly, a signal that Sayaka has her attention, before she continued, “I’ve said this before right, Milky? You can talk to me about anything. You know that right? What’s troubling you, Milky? Tell me your troubles, Milky, let me share your worries. That’s what friends are for.”

“I...” Miyuki paused for a second before shaking her head and looking back up at Sayaka with a smile, “Nothing. Nothing is troubling me, Sayanee. I just wanted to stay like this for a while.” With that said, Miyuki wrapped her arms around Sayaka’s waist again and hid her face in the girl’s neck.

Sayaka automatically returned the hug and slightly shivered when she felt Miyuki’s breathe on her neck, but otherwise did not move and stayed in the same position. Enjoying the warmth from the hug, Sayaka closed her eyes as she felt her fatigue from the day returning to her. All of a sudden, Miyuki lifted her head slightly and whispered three words into Sayaka’s ear. Sayaka’s eyes widened at the words just as she felt something warm pressed against her lips after. Not knowing how to react, Sayaka just simply relaxed and allowed Miyuki have her way. With that soft touch, the glow that Miyuki had always had in Sayaka’s eyes expanded into a sun, lighting up the studio with her mere presence. Realizing what she herself had felt for Miyuki since the very beginning was the exact feeling that Miyuki was feeling too, Sayaka gave a smile and closed her eyes, just simply enjoying what the girl was offering to her.

Although not knowing what had come over the two of them to make them both act in such a way, Sayaka had no regret about what happened that night. It didn’t take long for Sayaka to response to Miyuki, and from the girl’s action, Sayaka was very sure that Miyuki had been satisfied with Sayaka’s response. Neither of them had been in a rush to go home that night. Neither of their parents were home anyway. Despite the cold air in the school’s dance studio, the two enjoyed their night bathed in each other’s warmth. An experience that Sayaka had never imagined she would have, ended up being the best night Sayaka had ever had. And if Sayaka had another chance, it was a night that she would want to spend with Miyuki again.


***

Sayaka closed her eyes as the memories played back into her mind like a movie. Despite the mixture of tears and rain rolling down her face, Sayaka smiled. It was truly a wonderful night, even though that night was almost half a year ago. Of course, everyday that the two of them spent together afterwards stuck together like glue, were just as good and wonderful, but that night was really like a dream. Then it struck Sayaka’s mind. It had been almost half a year already. Half a year since everything had begun to go downhill. Half a year since Miyuki left her.

***

“Milky is what!?” Sayaka stood up from her seat and shouted into her phone, earning looks from surrounding students as well as a very angry librarian. “Why am I the last one to know!?” Sayaka shouted into her phone as she closed her textbooks, not bothering to mark down the pages which she was on, and threw them into her bag along with her pencil case. “I will go there right now,” Sayaka said as she dashed out of the school library and jumped down the stairs straight from the top, not giving a single thought to the kouhais who luckily scampered out of the way just in time before the girl could crash into them and possibly throw them off the side of the stairs and down onto the basketball court that was about three stories below.

The school bell rang the moment Sayaka’s toes touched the ground floor, signaling the start of the next class in which Sayaka was supposed to be in History for. “Yes, I have history, but Shinoda-sensei will understand!” Sayaka said into her phone just as her said teacher walked out of the staff room. Sayaka stopped just in time before she crashed into the teacher. Knowing that she still had to keep the most basic of manners, Sayaka put her call on hold and gave the teacher a small apologetic bow, “Sorry sensei, something really emergency just came up and I have to go. I’m afraid I won’t be able to attend today’s class. I will catch up with my work from my classmates later,” Sayaka quickly gave another bow and dismissed herself before the teacher could say anything.

Sayaka placed her phone back next to her ears as she spun and slid around the hall, avoiding the students who were beginning to come out of their classrooms and move on into their next class. “Yes, Osaka General Hospital right? Seventh floor? End of the right hallway? Got it,” Sayaka nodded as she sprinted out of the school gate and waved a taxi over, “I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Disconnecting the call, Sayaka dived into the backseat of the taxi and closed the door behind her, “Osaka General Hospital onegaishimasu!” Luckily for Sayaka, the taxi driver was smart. Seeing how much of a hurry that Sayaka was in, the taxi driver stomped onto the accelerator, steering the taxi through the traffic, not even bothering to tell Sayaka to put on her seatbelts, or turning the meter on.

The taxi skidded to a stop in front of the hospital and Sayaka fumbled for her purse to take out the money for the fare. “Don’t worry about it, miss,” the taxi driver turned back to the girl and quickly pushed the button which opened Sayaka’s side of the door, “I can see you are in a hurry, just go.”

Normally Sayaka would argue and insist in paying as she had never liked taking small advantages, but being in such hurry, Sayaka didn’t bother and just quickly thanked the taxi driver and jumped out of the taxi. Not even bothering to close the door behind her, Sayaka ran as fast as she could up the stairs and into the hospital and just managed to slide into the closing elevator.

The barely three minutes wait inside the elevator felt like hours as Sayaka stood restlessly at the very front of the elevator, watching the digits slowly changing as the elevator moved at the speed of a turtle from the first floor to the eighth floor, stopping on the third and the fifth floor on the way. The surrounding people inside the elevators gave Sayaka weird looks but Sayaka couldn’t care less. All she could focus her mind on was that the elevator was now on the eighth floor. The moment the door slid open, even before it open fully, Sayaka dashed out again and immediately making her way towards the end of the right hallway where she could already see other girls with the same school uniform as her standing.

“Sayanee!”

Sayaka skidded to a stop in front of her friends and pressed herself against the door, trying to hear what was going on inside. Her friend shook her head at Sayaka’s action and pulled the girl back, “Milky didn’t want any of us to listen. It’s only Milky’s doctor and herself in there now. The moment she woke up, I swear if she could move, she would’ve kicked us all out of the room herself.

“Ainyan, when did this happen?” Sayaka asked as she finally calmed down slightly and allowed her friends to guide her down onto one of the chairs on the side.

“Last night,” another one of her friend from the dance club, Nana, began to talk, “We don’t know exactly what happened. Remember when we told you that we were going to go do a bit of dance practice down by the harbor? In the middle of it, Milky just suddenly collapsed.”

“What?” Sayaka stared at her friend, confused. How do one just suddenly collapsed? Was she dancing too much? Did she pull a muscle? But neither of these two would cause anything big enough to need to call an ambulance for, let alone have a surgery and be assigned to a room on the intensive care floor where patients are watched 24 hours a day.

Aina sighed and pulled Nana back, taking over the explanation, “Milky suddenly stopped dancing and was literally clawing at her chest. We thought that maybe she just couldn’t catch her breath so we let her rest for a while but nothing changed. In fact, it got worst and she kept repeating that her chest hurts. We got really worried so we called an ambulance and the moment the doctor checked her up, the people were in some sort of frenzy and threw her onto the ambulance right away and then straight into the surgery room. We didn’t even know what was happening and the doctors wouldn’t tell us anything, saying that Milky wouldn’t let anyone else know about anything and we didn’t have the right to ask for the details because we weren’t her parents and stuff like that.”

Sayaka sat there, absorbing all the information, while Aina sat down catching her breath from that hurried summary of what had happened. Once her mind was sorted, the questions starting popping out. What really happened? Why had such things happened? Has Miyuki’s parents been contacted? Where were they now? Why had Miyuki refused to let the doctors tell them what happened? What was the doctor and Miyuki talking about right now in the room? What could be something that Miyuki didn’t want them to know? Was it a bad thing? Was it something good?

As Sayaka sat there in silent, struggling with her own thoughts, the door to Miyuki’s room creaked open a small gap as the doctor prepared to leave. Sayaka immediately shook her thoughts away and bounded up from her seat, waiting impatiently for the doctor to leave the room so she can see Miyuki’s condition.

“I have to contact your parents about this,” the doctor voice spoke from within the room, his large hand resting on the door handle, “I’m sorry, Miyu-chan. I know you are over 18 now, but they are your parents. Even though there is we can do to change the situation anymore, your parents still have to know. Informing them earlier will give them enough time to prepare. I don’t want my brother to be caught unprepared.” Miyuki didn’t speak again, earning a sigh from the doctor as he opened the door fully and stepped out. Giving a quick look at Sayaka and her friends, the doctor turned around to Miyuki again and said in a solemn voice, “Your friends deserve to know too. The earlier you tell them, Miyu-chan, the better it is.”

The moment the doctor left, the girls all rushed into the room. Questions flew out of Aina and Nana’s lips at the speed of light, to which all Miyuki could do was laugh at the girls as she waited for the girls to finish so she could ask them to repeat their questions again slower in an understandable speed. Sayaka stood at the back. The questions that were exploding in her head before had completely disappeared the moment Sayaka saw Miyuki. All Sayaka felt was relief. Relieved that Miyuki was fine. Or, as fine as a girl strapped with machines beeping by her side, in an intensive care unit could be.

Though relieved, seeing Miyuki in such a state broke Sayaka’s heart. The heart rate machine on the side was beeping, which is good, however it wasn’t beeping at a normal rate. Although steady, it was beeping at a faster rate than usual. The tube which was attached to Miyuki’s nostrils was normal, but the blood that was being sucked out every now and then wasn’t. The whiteness of Miyuki’s skin was also normal, but it was paler than usual. Sayaka bit the bottom of her lip as she tried to hold in her tears at seeing her loved one in such a state while she was standing by her side, hopeless, and unable to do anything.

Suddenly, Miyuki’s weak voice spoke from the midst of Aina and Nana’s blabbering, “Sayanee... You guys didn’t... tell her... Did you...?”

Sayaka’s heart ached at that tone of voice. The tone of voice which told Sayaka that Miyuki hadn’t intended to or even wanted to tell her about her being hospitalized. If Aina had not called her, then how long would Sayaka have to wait before Miyuki would tell her? Would she ever tell her?

The two girls stopped talking and looked down, guilt spread across both their face. Miyuki’s eyes widened, “You guys told her...” Then suddenly, for the first time since any of the girls met Miyuki, the girl raged. “I told you not to tell Sayanee!” Miyuki shouted, “I told you two! You two promised you guys wouldn’t tell her!” You gu-“ Miyuki’s shouting was cut short when air got caught in her throat, causing her to cough constantly. Accompanying Miyuki’s coughing was the increased crazy beeping of the girl’s heart rate monitor. “You t-“ Miyuki tried to speak again, but no sentence could be formed as Miyuki’s coughing continued. As the beeping increased, Miyuki’s breathing also hastened. The girls could tell that Miyuki was having trouble breathing but no one knew how to help her.

Within a few minutes, the previous doctor was coming rushing back into the room with a nurse following behind. “Miyu-chan, Miyu-chan, listen to me!” The doctor stroked the girl’s back and whispered something quickly to the nurse who hurried away, “Miyu-chan, you have to slow down your breathing. If you keep going like this, you will go into hyperventilation and the painkiller won’t have its effect. The pain will return. Slow down your breathing. Take deep breaths. Breathe in, and breathe out. Brea-“ The doctor was interrupted when a sudden burst of red exploded out and stained the white bed sheets. “Miyu-chan!” The doctor stared at the blood for a few seconds, shocked, but quickly recovered and turned around, calling for the nurse to hurry up. “Sorry, girls, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave the room for a few minutes while we tend to Miyuki,” the doctor said apologetically.

The girls were reluctant to leave their friend after witnessing such an event, but had no choice when the nurses returned with things in their hands that they had never seen. One of the nurses kindly pushed the girls out of the room and closed the door behind her. The air outside the room was dead silent as all three girls stared at the door, trying to process in their mind what had just happened. Sayaka’s mind in particular, was dead. Not a single thought could be processed as she replayed the scene of Miyuki coughing out blood onto her bed sheets. Feeling her legs grow weak, Sayaka slid down onto the floor.

“Sayanee...” Aina bend down and patted the girl on the back, trying to calm the girl down. Being probably the only one who knows about the relationship between Sayaka and Miyuki, she could imagine the pain that Sayaka must be going through right now. “C’mon, Sayanee,” Aina snaked one of her arm around Sayaka’s waist and pulled the girl up to sit properly on the chair, “Sit properly.” It hurt the girls to see their friend in such a state, not knowing what to do but comfort the girl and hope with all their might that Miyuki would be fine, both Nana and Aina patted the girl’s back.

At the kind gesture, Sayaka finally broke into tears. She couldn’t help the scenarios that she sees in dramas replaying over and over again in her mind. Scenarios where the doctors draw the curtains and pulls Miyuki’s bed sheet over her body. Or the doctors coming out and telling them that they were sorry but they did everything they could do in their power. Sayaka’s imagination was killing her. She didn’t know what would happen to her if Miyuki suddenly left her. She couldn’t imagine what life would be like without her. All the silent support and encouragement that they give each other, Miyuki to Sayaka so that the girl will perfect another dance performance and reach her dreams of being a professional dance, and from Sayaka to Miyuki so that the girl will be more than prepared for the upcoming audition for her dance company...

The mere thoughts of not having Miyuki by her side anymore, even just as a mere moral support, it scared Sayaka so much she couldn’t stop shaking. She could feel Aina and Nana trying to calm her down, rubbing her arms up and down as if trying to warm her up, but she couldn’t calm down. The coldness of fear, loneliness, death, they were all that Sayaka could think of.

“Sayanee... Miyuki will be fine...” Aina hushed the girl as she tried to calm the girl in every ways that she could think of. Patting her, hugging her, holding her, but none of the method seems to be working. Then a lightbulb flicked on in the back of her mind and she patted Nana’s hand, “Nee, Nana, can you go down to the vending machine and get her a cup of hot chocolate? It should be able to calm her down.” Her friend nodded and bounded off.

By the time Nana returned, Sayaka had calmed down slightly, but she was still shaking. Handing over the hot drink, Nana gave a quick glance to the door, feeling more and more worried with each passing minute. Sayaka thanked her friend and held the cup to her lip, breathing in the sweet scent and allowed the sweetness of the smell to calm and warm her senses. But before Sayaka could take a sip from the drink, the door to Miyuki’s room finally opened and the nurses exited, leaving behind only the doctors doing a thorough ending checkup on the girl.

Sayaka immediately rushed in with Aina and Nana trailing behind her. Relief once again filled Sayaka as she saw Miyuki no longer coughing out blood and had fallen asleep, her breathing at a peaceful state. The doctor placed his finger to his lips, gesturing for the girls to be quiet with a small smile before turning back to the clipboard in his arm. The girls nodded in apology and silently moved over to Miyuki’s side, satisfied that girl was finally okay again.

Having finished his last check on the monitor readings and Miyuki’s condition, the doctor slipped the clipboard back into the holder at the front of the bed and made his way out to the door. But before leaving, the doctor turned around to the girls and said in a whisper before closing the door behind me, “Please don’t get Miyu-chan too pumped up. Her lungs can’t keep up if the pace of her breathing suddenly increases. So please be careful, girls. And if anything out of ordinary happens, don’t hesitate at all and call me or the nurses immediately okay?”

Once the door closed, Sayaka sat herself down onto the metal chair next to Miyuki’s bed and her hands immediately found the cold hands underneath the blankets that were covering it. Avoiding the tube that was sticking out, Sayaka rubbed Miyuki’s hand between hers and breathed into it, attempting to warm up the girl. Aina saw this and knew that Sayaka was planning to stay the night there. Glad that someone was taking care of Miyuki, Aina backed away and gave Sayaka a small tired smile, “Well, I’ve been missing out most school today. I should get home and tell my parents what happened. Unless I want to feel their wraith when the school calls them and tell them I missed school.”

Nana looked at her phone and realizing that she was late for cram school, she too backed away and headed towards the door, “I have to go too. Gomen ne, Sayanee.”

Sayaka shook her head and smiled at the two girls, “It’s okay. You guys have been taking care of her the whole time. I’ll take over from here.”

“Mail us when Milky wakes up okay?” Aina asked. With a reassuring nod from Sayaka, Aina smiled and the two girls bided a quick goodbye to their club leader and left the room, closing the door silently behind them.

Sayaka turned back to Miyuki and stroked the girl’s hand with her thumb, an action which she tempts to do often when holding onto Miyuki’s hands, an old habit of hers. “Why wouldn’t you let them tell me what was going on...?” Sayaka asked the sleeping figure, even though knowing that the girl won’t be responding, “How long do you plan on keeping this away from me?”

Sayaka’s head suddenly nodded forward as her tiredness hit her. The energy required of her from school, studying for examinations as well as running all the way down to the hospital and worrying about Miyuki took too much from her. Realizing that Miyuki won’t wake up anytime soon, Sayaka shuffled in her seat into a more comfortable position and leaned her head against the wall. A small sigh left the girl’s lips as she closed her eyes and listened to the beeping of the machines around her. It was so difficult to hear Miyuki’s breathing now, and for some reason, that made Sayaka really uneasy. With that uneasiness, Sayaka slowly drifted off to sleep with their hands still connected in a firm grip.


***

“SAYANEE! WHERE ARE YOU!?”
“SAYANEE! YOU’RE GOING TO CATCH A COLD! WHERE ARE YOU!?”
“SAYANEE!”

Sayaka frowned as she looked around her. She could hear someone calling for her, but there was no one in sight. Not yet. “So much for my peace and quiet time with Milky...” Sayaka mumbled as she turned her back away from the closed door. “But that doesn’t matter right, Milky?” Sayaka smiled at the sky, “I said back then that I would be for you and with you in the future. That’s what I will do.”

***

Sayaka woke up to the sudden movement in her hand. Her eyes flew open and she stared at the hand that she was holding and saw that the fingers were twitching. Looking up, Sayaka saw that Miyuki’s eyes were beginning to flutter open. Seeing this, Sayaka couldn’t hold in the joy and shuffled closer to the girl, holding the girl’s hand tightly within her own, hoping with all her power that this was not a dream. And lucky for Sayaka, it wasn’t.

“Sayanee...” Miyuki breathed out as she looked at the girl beside her.

“You’re finally awake!” Sayaka cried, tears beginning to form in the corner of her eyes again.

“No wonder I felt so much at peace,” Miyuki gave a small smile and turned her gaze towards their connected hands, “You were beside me the whole time. There was no pain, not like right after the surgery.”

“How are you feeling now?” Sayaka asked the girl.

Miyuki gave her a smile, “Never been better.” Sayaka could tell that smile was forced, and she hated that kind of smile from Miyuki, but she pushed that aside as there were more important things for her to get her head around.

“Milky,” Sayaka called to the girl, wanting to ask her the question that had been bugging her the whole time, “What happened to you?” Miyuki turned away and stared at the door, avoiding Sayaka’s question. Seeing this, Sayaka released her hold on the girl’s hand and turned the girl’s face to look at her, “Milky, why won’t you tell me what’s going on? Didn’t we promise never to lie to each other? It’s really making me worry seeing you like this. If Ainyan had not called me, how long were you planning to keep this away from me? Were you ever planning to tell me that something was going on with your body?”

The girl gave Sayaka a small smile, “Nothing happened, Sayanee. I just got really sick and had to be sent into the hospital. The doctors said, once my parents come and sign some papers, I would be able to go home. It’s nothing serious really. It’s just that my doctor is my uncle and he is making a big fuss out of little problems.”

Sayaka noticed that Miyuki wasn’t giving her any eye contacts at all when explaining and knew straight away that the girl was lying. Miyuki could never lie, or at least not to Sayaka. Sayaka gave the girl an unconvinced look and sighed, “Milky, you suck at lying. You have never been able to lie. Why won’t you tell me the truth about what happened? What’s keeping you from doing so? We have never lied to each other before!”

The smile on Miyuki’s face disappeared almost as soon as the words left Sayaka’s mouth and that just proved that Sayaka was correct. Miyuki was lying. ‘But why?’ Sayaka thought to herself. Why did Miyuki lie to her? Was the thing that Miyuki was keeping away from her so big that she must lie to her about it?

“I...”

Sayaka pushed aside all her thoughts and listened to the girl, waiting patiently for the girl to continue to speak, hopefully to explain herself.

“I... have a tumor in my lung... A really big one...” Miyuki mumbled, still not looking at the girl by her side. Sayaka’s eyes widened at the news and was about to say something but Miyuki cut her off as she continued, “I had a surgery for it a few months ago, but it grew back....” Miyuki trailed off, not completing her full explanation.

“That’s why you broke down crying after one of our practices a few months ago...” The puzzles inside Sayaka’s mind were beginning to fit together. But there was still a missing piece, the piece which explained why Miyuki didn’t want to tell anyone.

With a grim smile, Miyuki nodded, “I wanted to tell you then, Sayanee. I really did. But... I was afraid...”

“Afraid of what?” Sayaka asked.

“Just afraid... Afraid of your reaction...” Miyuki said with a small frown, her eyes looking like tears would spill out any moment.

Sayaka shook her head and smiled at the girl, pushing back her own tears, “There is nothing to be afraid about, Milky. I’m here for you. I was there for you then, I’m here for you now, and I will be there for you in the future.” Suddenly, Miyuki looked back up at Sayaka and broke out into tears as she threw herself towards Sayaka and hugged the girl. Seeing this, Sayaka gave a small smile and hugged the girl back, stroking the girl’s back like she did that day when Miyuki broke down, “There there, Milky. Everything will be fine...”

Sayaka sat there for who knows how long, repeating the same words over and over again, waiting patiently for Miyuki to finish releasing her emotions and calm back down. “Everything will be fine now, Milky, nee?” Sayaka smiled and pinched the girl’s cheeks.

 “Mou~ Stop doing that! It tickles!” Miyuki pouted and pulled her face back while taking Sayaka’s hands away from her face. Keeping their hands intact, Miyuki lay back down on her bed and looked up at the white ceiling. After a short while of silence, Miyuki spoke again, “I want to leave here... I want to go back to the dance studio. I want to dance...”

Sayaka reached over with one of her hands and patted the girl on the head, “You will be able to soon. Just rest well and recover, and then you will be able to dance again soon. And you better focus on nothing but quick recovery too. NMB is going to be holding audition soon right after our national at Hokkaido next week. I’ve even got you the forms already, I put it in your school locker.”

There was a small flick of guilt in Miyuki’s eyes for a second, but it was gone so quickly that Sayaka wasn’t sure if her eyes were simply playing tricks on her. “Thanks, Sayanee,” Miyuki smiled, “I will be able to dance together with Sayanee soon.”

“We are already dancing together, silly,” Sayaka laughed, “We do that for club remember?”

“But I want to dance with Sayanee on the same stage, as an NMB dancer!”

“Alright alright,” Sayaka poked the girl’s forehead, “Once you past the audition, I promise I will get the manager to put you under my team so we can train and perform together too.” Seeing Miyuki grinning at her, Sayaka couldn’t help but grin back. “But until then, I want you to get better okay? I want to see you better by the time I get back from Hokkaido.”

Miyuk nodded, “And I promise I will be up and running by the time you come back.”

Sayaka smiled and patted the girl’s head again, watching as the girl closed her eyes, enjoying the small interaction.


***

“I had a feeling holding me back that day you know,” Sayaka confessed outloud into the rain, “I was going to visit you one more time before I left with for Hokkaido. But I woke up later than I expected and ended up rushing to the airport because I was about to miss my flight. When I sat on the plane, Milky, I had this really heavy feeling in my heart,” Sayaka looked at the keyring in her hand and rubbed her thumb over the photo, feeling her previous guilt consuming her again, “I felt like I shouldn’t have done that... and I guess my feelings were right...”

A metal door creaked open behind Sayaka and Sayaka could hear footsteps tiptoeing up the stairs, as if the intruder didn’t want Sayaka to notice. Too bad Sayaka had good ears. Sayaka swung her legs around the empty air below her as she leaned forward and looked at the city underneath her.

“Sayanee...” a girl called the girl softly from behind her, probably about five meters away from Sayaka, if she estimated correctly. But then it was raining, so she couldn’t really hear the voice properly. Might be closer, might be further.

“Hey, Ainyan,” Sayaka responded without looking back, knowing very well who that voice belonged to.

“What are you doing here, Sayaka?” Aina asked, her voice slightly trembling.

“Visiting Milky,” Sayaka smiled and finally turned her head around and looked at her friend behind her who was grasping tightly onto the umbrella with both of her hand as the wind was starting to grow in strength and threatened to pull her away. “Isn’t the rain beautiful today?” Sayaka spoke with admiration at the sight before her. She didn’t know when, but somehow, although still raining, there was a patch of cloud which wasn’t as dense as the others, and beams of sunlight were seeping through.

***

“KANPAI!”

The girls cheered along with their managers as they celebrated their greatest success so far with the winning of the national title.

“I can’t believe we would actually win!” The manager laughed, “I mean I saw you girls rehearsals and stuff and we all knew that it didn’t go good. So when I saw that we were up against such fierce competitions I thought we would get knocked out quick. But honestly speaking, you girls blew everyone’s eyes on the stage. That was the most amazing performance I had EVER seen and I love you girls for it!”

“It’s all thanks to Sayanee!”
“Yeah! Sayanee really went hard out with our last rehearsal, making sure that we all had everything done correctly!”
“Sayanee worked the hardest!”

Sayaka chuckled and shook her head, “No no no no, all of you girls did it with your own power. I helped you guys, but in the end, it was you guys who stood on the stage and shined the brightest. Our performance shook the audience, and it was thanks to everyone.”

The door to their booked room slid open and waiters came in with plates of sushi and sashimi on their trays. “Eat to your heart’s content tonight, girls, all my treat!” The manager declared as he ordered another round of sushi even though the first round had not even been touched yet. The girls cheered and hi-fived each other.

“ITADAKIMASU!”

The girls began eating to refill the energy the performance today took from their body. A few jokes were thrown across the table along with teasing of one or two of the girls and even the manager himself. But everyone was in such a good mood that no one minded much.

“Next goal,” the manager held up his drink.

“INTERNATIONAL!” Everyone held up their drinks again and cheered.

Suddenly a phone rang from the pile of bags that had been thrown into the corner of the room by the girls. The room was silent for a while until Sayaka shuffled towards the pile of bags, “Sorry about that. Don’t mind me, continue you guys!” The celebration continued as Sayaka hunted for her bag and took out her ringing cellphone.

“Moshi moshi~ Sayaka ya nen~” Sayaka spoke into her phone as she reached over the table and stole one of the sushi on one of her kouhai’s plate. The leader grinned at the shocked look on her kouhai’s face but the grin quickly disappeared as she suddenly stood up from her spot and excused herself from the room.

Once in a quieter place, Sayaka placed the phone back next to her ears, “What’s wrong, Ainyan? You don’t sound so well, is everything okay?”

“Sayanee... Um... Milky... She.....”

Sayaka’s eyes widened as Aina began talking and her trembling hands unconsciously reached up and covered her mouth as she stopped herself from making too much sound. By the time Aina had finished explaining everything, Sayaka was already on the floor, her knees finding no energy to hold her body upright anymore.

“T-This is a j-joke right...?” Sayaka’s voice shook as she spoke. There was no reply on the other side of the phone. The silence dragging on for so long that Sayaka couldn’t stand it. “Please tell me that was a joke, Ainyan!” Sayaka cried into the phone, her joy from the victorious competition completely gone.

“I’m sorry, Sayanee...”

Sayaka disconnected her phone and pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, trying to bring a little comfort to herself as her mind tried to somehow twist Aina’s words into something completely different so that it doesn’t mean what it was supposed to mean. But Sayaka’s mind couldn’t work. All her mind could do, was repeat Aina’s words over and over and allow the truth of reality to sink deeper and deeper into Sayaka’s broken heart as tears began to roll down her cheeks.


***

“Sayanee, you can talk with Milky even over here, why must you sit over there?” Aina asked, her voice filled with worry and concern for her friend.

“Because Milky is there,” Sayaka pointed to the sky with a smile, “I feel the closest with Milky when I’m here, at a place where if I reach out just a little bit more, I will be able to touch her again.”

“Sayanee...” Aina looked at her friend and couldn’t think of what else to say. She couldn’t even bring herself to say that she understood the girl’s feeling because she knew she didn’t.

“Did you know, Ainyan,” Sayaka looked at the sky at the spot where she was pointing to before, “That was the only time Milky had ever broken a promise with me? She promised she would be healthy again by the time I get back from Hokkaido.” Aina stayed quiet and allowed Sayaka to continue. “But then, this is the first time I broke a promise too. I promised her I would let the manager put her under my team so the two of us could perform together. Nee, Ainyan, which one of us broke the promise first?” Sayaka asked.

After receiving no reply, Sayaka smiled bitterly and looked down at her hanging feet, “But then I guess you wouldn’t know...”

“Sayanee, can you please just come back first? We can talk later once we get your dried up,” Aina urged as the rain and wind got stronger by each minute. It was almost a raging storm, “Milky wouldn’t want you to get sick.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Sayaka said, “If I get sick now, she can look after me later then.”

“Sayanee... Can you please come back?” Aina repeated again and took another step closer, “Everyone is worried about you.”

Sayaka turned back around and looked at Aina in the eye, “There isn’t anything to worry about.” Looking back away and down at the empty streets below her, Sayaka could’ve sworn she saw a glimpse of Miyuki’s shadow in the corner of the streets, but she knew it was impossible. Not after what happened. An infection, they said. They attempted to remove the tumor, but somehow, instead of healing properly, she caught an infection from inside her body. Sayaka never thought it was possible, she didn’t want it to be possible. But it happened, an unpredictable death.

Sayaka never got a chance to go and visit Miyuki one last time before Miyuki’s parents buried her ashes. Sayaka never had a chance to say good bye. She didn’t get a chance to uphold her promise and she never would be able to do so again. The worst part was finding out about Miyuki’s death at a time where she couldn’t go home. She didn’t want to ruin everyone’s happiness, not after such hard work from them, so she stayed behind for the rest of the celebration, forcing out a smile at everyone and pretended that nothing happened for the next three days until the Hokkaido trip was finally over and they could fly back to Osaka.

“I’m tired, Ainyan,” Sayaka finally confessed the thought that had been on her mind ever since Miyuki’s death, “I’m tired of going through the things I go through everyday without Milky. She was my motivation and she was my determination. She was the light in my heart, she was the sun of my world. A world without the sun, that’s my world right now... I loved her...”

“I know you do, Sayanee,” Aina finally got over her fear and wanted to walk forward towards Sayaka to give the girl a hug but stopped immediately when she saw Sayaka looked back up at her and shuffled further off the edge, a silent warning. Hoping to somehow calmly persuade the girl back, Aina stayed where she was and prevented herself from provoking the girl into moving anymore. “But you know what, to many other people, you are the sun to their world, Sayanee. If you leave now, you might get your sun back, but at the same time, you would’ve taken away the sunlight from the world of the kouhais in your dance company.” Aina allowed a couple of seconds of silence to let the words sink into Sayaka first before continuing, “Did you know, Sayanee, that people use the moon and stars to navigate during the night? It would be difficult to live without sunlight, but it’s not impossible. If you know how, you can live only by the moon and star.”

“But I don’t know how,” Sayaka’s finger traced invisible circle on the hard surface of the edge that she was sitting on, “and I’m tired of looking for a way.”

“Then just allow yourself to rest and let us help you. Let us, your friends and family, be your moon and star. We will guide you back for as long as it takes for a sun to finally rise in your world again. And if that sun, or any other suns in the future ever set again, we will always be there again to keep lighting up your world. You are not alone, Sayanee, you never will be.”

Sayaka could hear the caring and kindness under that soft voice of her friend’s, and it reminded her so much of how Miyuki used to speak with her whenever the girl was cheering her up, and that brought an aching pain upon Sayaka’s already broken heart. Shaking her head, Sayaka slowly leaned forward until she was staring straight ahead at the street below her, “Humans can’t survive forever with only moonlight. The world can’t survive under only a moon. Everything needs sunlight. The world would be imperfect without the sun.”

“Nothing in the world is perfect, Sayanee...”

Sayaka heard Aina gave a small sigh and couldn’t help smiling at the action, “That’s not true. My world was perfect when Milky was there.” Being greeted with nothing but silence, Sayaka guessed that Aina probably didn’t know what to say back to her. Probably because what she said was true. Her world had been perfect back when Miyuki was with her. Sighing, let go of one hand and reached out further into midair, hoping to be able to reach Miyuki’s shadowy figure in the distance.

Aina gasped when Sayaka released one hand and watched as the girl’s body swung around on the hinge of her last remaining hold on the building. “Sayanee!” Aina rushed forward.

“Don’t, Ainyan,” Sayaka ordered the girl to a stop with a firm voice. Looking down, Sayaka began to calculate the distance it will take for her to finally be able to see Miyuki again. A normal building around this height shouldn’t take more than a few seconds, Sayaka was too lazy to calculate the exact time in her mind. “Now that I’ve finally made my decision, shouldn’t you all be happy?” Sayaka asked the girl who was out of her view, “You guys have always been saying that I need to let go. That’s what I am doing right now.”

Aina shook her head, “That’s not what we meant and you know it, Sayanee! Oh my god, please don’t do this! Think about your kouhais! What about us!? What about the dance club!?”

“You guys can do without me. The world doesn’t revolve around me you know. As you said before yourself, people can live without sunlight, if that is how people see me as. They can learn to adjust.”

“Are you going to be so selfish and just leave them behind!? Leave all of us behind!?” Aina screamed at the girl, her fear for what is going to happen maximizing the volume of her voice.

Sayaka gave a chilly laugh in reply, “I have been selfless for my whole life. I have been putting everyone in priority before myself and my own wants and needs. No one would mind if I make a selfish decision for once.”

“What about your grandma?” Aina threw in the subject, knowing that even if Sayaka didn’t care about leaving everyone in the world behind, she could never leave her grandma behind.

Sayaka smiled, knowing this was coming, “I have you guys don’t I? And the rest of my family. My grandma wouldn’t mind.” Before Aina could say anything more however, Sayaka shook her head and leaned slightly backward, feeling the emptiness of having nothing support her weight but the strength of her arm, “Even if I stay behind now, I would only be a walking corpse. It’s better if I live my life somewhere else with Milky no?”

“You wouldn’t be living then, Sayanee...”

Sayaka chuckled, “What happened to you guys convincing me that Milky was still living but just in another world?” Hearing no reply from Aina, Sayaka took one last look at the grey sky above her and then turned her head and looked at the part of the clouded sky where the sunlight was still visible. “I don’t think I’m going to miss this kind of weather,” Sayaka softly said as she clenched tightly onto the keyring, not wanting to lose it on the way, “but I am going to miss you guys.” Without waiting for a response from Aina, Sayaka released her last remaining hold on the building and closed her eyes with a smile.

*****

Did it feel like that for you that night, when you drew your last breath?
Your parents kept telling me that you were in a lot of pain but near the end, the pain subsided.
It must have been a great relief for you.
I can feel it too, the relief from being released from the expectations and responsibilities that others wanted from me.
Maybe I should’ve done this a long time ago,
Instead of bothering to try and live on with the chains around me without you by my side.

I’ve missed you a lot, and I hope with my heart that you have too.
I know it was selfish of me to make such a decision,
But... being selfish once in a while isn’t a bad thing right?
You were selfish too you know, when you didn’t tell me that you knew you were leaving.
So it is only even that I get to be selfish this time too by joining you.

You wouldn’t mind would you, Milky?

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Offline chichay12

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ Last Touch (Sayamilky) [4/1]
« Reply #382 on: April 01, 2013, 11:19:50 AM »
OHMYGOD MY  :ptam-cry:
sayamilky  :err: :gyaaah: :frustrated: :pleeease: :tantrum:
this was so sad... :cry:
but i really love it even though its sad!!
:on gay:
thank you so much for this :on GJ:
« Last Edit: April 01, 2013, 07:14:17 PM by Chichay12 »

Offline Kimcoton

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ Last Touch (Sayamilky) [4/1]
« Reply #383 on: April 01, 2013, 02:08:01 PM »
Ehhhhhhhhhhhh~~~ T^T this is soooo sad ..
my sayamilky heart T.T

Offline fuu_kun

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ Last Touch (Sayamilky) [4/1]
« Reply #384 on: April 01, 2013, 07:06:14 PM »
Aaaaa me crying :cry: this so emotional feeling TwT it just i can understand what sayanee feeling.. TwT can you let sayanee happy? Reborn milky again TwT

Offline ohayou

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ !!RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!! [4/16]
« Reply #385 on: April 16, 2013, 01:12:36 PM »
>>Chichay12
Thank you for commenting, Chichay-san.
I'm glad Chichay-san loves it despite it was an angst OS.
Many people don't like angst for some reason.
I love this genre of fanfics the best (^ ^)
I'm really happy that you liked it, really.
Thank you!

>>Kimcoton
Thank you for commenting, Kimcoton-san.
I'm sorry for breaking your SayaMilky heart (^ ^)
I hope my new updates will hopefully heal your heart (^_^)

>>fuu_kun
Thanks for commenting, Fuu-kun.
It's quite nice to see someone saying that they understand what Sayanee feels,
even just a little bit. Because then it means I wrote the piece right.
As in making Sayanee happy... Hmm... I wonder....
Maybe in another fic somewhere one day (^ ^)
But for now, sorry Fuu-kun, Milky have to remain dead hahaha...


>>EVERYONE
Hi everyone, Tako is back. (^ ^)
Um... I have something to tell you all...

Those who have been reading my fanfics from the very beginning of my time here in jphip, thank you. m(__)m Those who have stayed all the way and continued to read my fanfics and supporting me, thank you. Jphip means a lot to me, you know. It was because of the fanfic communities here, the authors and the readers (not sure about the staff since I don't interact with them much), that I gained the courage to post my first fanfic here. And it was because of the same people that I gained the motivation to continue writing and posting.

However.....

As much as I love this community, we all know it isn't the same as it used to be. I don't know what happened, but.... let's just say jphip isn't the same anymore. I have only been here for a little more than a year you know, but I'm still surprised at how much things can change in a year. Many of the writers that I used to follow are long gone, and many of the very motivational readers I have are... well.... either gone or hidden. I don't know. Of course, I would want to know, but... maaa....

Fanfics on here, they are still good you know. But not only do I not have the time to read through them anymore, they are... also not the kinds that I used to read before anymore... I'm not talking about the plot and stuff, but.... I don't know.... It's hard to explain without accidentally offending people, so I'll just leave it at that lol... Though I don't know the exact reason anymore because I'm so confused right now, but....

I think I want to retire from writing fanfics on jphip.

That probably doesn't mean a lot though. I mean, like, I'll still be writing, and posting them in Max-sama (Anonymousedowner-sama)'s blog and my own WP, as well as my Tumblr if it's an OS. But.... I won't be posting on jphip anymore. Maybe I'm just lazy? I don't know.

I've been through a lot lately, and is still going through a lot. I actually have been thinking about leaving here for a while already, but I guess I didn't really put it to action until the last few weeks... I will be keeping this thread here instead of deleting it, in case anyone wants to re-read my fanfics, not that anyone would want to do that ahaha...

I'm sorry for the jphip readers who are still reading my fanfics. I really am. But... Jphip really just isn't the environment that I can motivate myself to write for anymore. I mean, it's no one's fault and stuff, it's just me but... argh... I should just shut up.

I've spoken long enough. I guess I should stop here.
I'm retiring from jphip as a writer, not sure about as a reader yet though...
But yeah... I might still be around here and there in the shadow, lurking between few of the remaining fics that I still read,
but other than that, my existence on jphip would be as visible as a needle in a stack of hay...
I have two updates on hand right now, one is a prologue of a new fic and one is for AGP.
If anyone are still interested, they would be posted on Max-sama's blog which is here and my own Wordpress which is here.
That is if anyone still wants to read them.
If not... well, then I wonder why you are reading this in the first place ahaha...
Anyway, this is it I guess...
It has been really nice knowing all of you.
I'm sorry to leave so suddenly like this.
I hope you all enjoy the rest of your stay in jphip.
I loved it here and I don't regret posting here for my first attempt at fanfic.
Perhaps when jphip once again becomes the jphip that I used to know,
then just maybe, I would return. Until then...  :peace:
« Last Edit: April 16, 2013, 01:21:31 PM by ohayou »

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Offline chichay12

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ !!RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!! [4/16]
« Reply #386 on: April 16, 2013, 01:47:52 PM »
i will surely miss u and your fic ohayou-san!!
 :ptam-cry: :ptam-cry: :ptam-cry:
and i will wait to your comeback!! :on GJ:

Offline mo-chan

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ !!RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!! [4/16]
« Reply #387 on: April 16, 2013, 02:37:28 PM »
hope u ll have a good begin ;)
I post my fics in Max's blog too :D
welcome to AKBlasphemy48 :)

Mayuki&WMatsui
Jurina is my oshi forever!! (>w<)/
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Don't be ashamed when you love me
 One Shots
My Page

Offline Rena-chan Daisuki

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ !!RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!! [4/16]
« Reply #388 on: April 16, 2013, 04:19:18 PM »
i really am going to miss u too
'cause ur fic is one of the fic that i really love to read
and i've been waiting for the update since the first time i get into jph!p

Offline Kamen Knight

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ !!RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!! [4/16]
« Reply #389 on: April 16, 2013, 07:16:53 PM »
you scared me there.. when I read the title, I thought you're going to stop writing or something.. I might not comment so often and usually just give 'thank yous' to your fanfics, but actually I really like your fic you know.. It'd be really sad if I lose a good fanfic writer like you, and I'm relieved to hear you'll keep writing :)

I'm looking forward for your next fic!

Offline fuu_kun

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ !!RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!! [4/16]
« Reply #390 on: April 16, 2013, 08:13:51 PM »
Ohayoo saan.. TwT milky cant reborn, and now youre retire.. Nooo Dx hoping i can read your upcoming fic.. Please dont stop writing.. Thanks for all fanfic that you made.. :bow:

Offline sakura_drop_

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ !!RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!! [4/16]
« Reply #391 on: April 16, 2013, 08:41:38 PM »
I'll stalk your fics on Max-san's blog ;)

I might not comment but I always read your fics.

We're gonna miss you here...

I agree with you, this place changed but...

I think I am just indifferent to surroundings...

So see you soon somewhere~

 ;) :deco:
"人間みんな変態だから" - 古川愛李, SKE48 新高柳チームKII 「シアターの女神」千秋楽公演, 2014.04.18 <"Because all people are perverts." - Furukawa Airi, SKE48 New Takayanagi Team KII [Theater no Megami] Last Stage, 2014.04.18>

My Blog: J-Pop and K-Pop Abode   The list of my fics in JPH!P: My fics   My fics can be found here also: AKBlasphemy48   Let's have fun here: Acchan48   My home and family: United Nations Society of Adorkable Writers



My KamiOshis: Yuuko-sama, Rena-sama  Oshimen: Yuihime Other favorites: Mirukii, Juri-tan, Ripopo

Offline Wmatsui22

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ !!RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!! [4/16]
« Reply #392 on: April 25, 2013, 07:17:30 AM »
Hi. Ohayoo-san! :D

Finally, I finished reading it the Chapter 24 of your work...

But it's very worth to read it! (Happy)

My stress is slightly gone when I read the WMatsui sweet moments (Heart)

I hope Rena accept Jurina's confession.

I really love and idolized the WMatsui pairing :D

Pls. Update...

Thanks :D

PS: I also hope you update the Perfect Bodyguard....
       I really like it also! (BOW)
hello.

I am a fan of AkB48.

I really love their songs.

I really like their fan fiction.




Offline Shinoki

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ !!RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!! [4/16]
« Reply #393 on: April 27, 2013, 01:02:27 AM »
.....cries..........
The SKE All Girls' Private School was such a good story! What will happen with Airi??
And then
The Perfect Bodyguard
NOTHING ELSE TO SAY BESIDES PERFECTION!!!!
Togisaki is so evil.....grr.....
I felt like crying and dying when reading it, so wonderful.....
Stories in that era are hard to write........

Offline Archer1992

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Re: Ohayou's Fanfics Collection~ !!RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!! [4/16]
« Reply #394 on: January 12, 2014, 07:54:36 PM »
do you finish all the FF please!!!

TT.TT

como on!!

i will wait!!!!

UPDATE SOON!!!!

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