JPHiP Radio (12/200 @ 128 kbs)     Now playing: Supersnazz - R&R Is Here

Author Topic: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD  (Read 1127 times)

Offline Shandy0113

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« on: March 05, 2017, 03:33:23 AM »
Hello everyone~ here's the English version i made for "Sin of My Love"
Sorry if my English aren't that good as English not my main language 🙇
But feel free to comment or review it so that i could become more better~
http://my.w.tt/UiNb/EGUHKUkVfB

Offline kuro_808

  • Konkon + HKT + JPH!P= <3 and Happiness
  • Global Moderator
  • Member+
  • *
  • Posts: 23344
  • Natsu Oshi DESU!
    • Kurosawa87
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2017, 03:59:52 AM »
I like the start but keep it in Sae's POV for the whole story and see how it goes :)
Random Thought:

tumblr

R.I.P. Jab!  Dad/friend

Offline Haruko

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 2310
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2017, 04:21:36 AM »
I love it!! I miss saeyuki so much thank you
Follow me
http://haruko48.tumblr.com/

MY FANFIC
Surprise Gift ║ Kai x Atsuko
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=34484.0

Offline Shandy0113

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2017, 04:34:59 AM »
Kuro_808 Thank you for your advice 😁 It will be Sae's pov all along anyway, but it will also on Yuki's pov. But when Yuki's pov are secret 😂

Haruko Thank you to be excited about this fiction 😁 Actually i'm not really confident about my english, please look forward to this fiction 🙏

Offline Shandy0113

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2017, 04:37:27 AM »
I already post the link, you can scroll itu up.
Its on the first post i make here~

Offline Shandy0113

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2017, 04:47:35 PM »
Okay, because the admin here told me to post half of my fict, I will post the half at here
But! Still the full one on Wattpad! No objection 😁😂
Enjoy!



Spring has come. Flowers starting to bloom, cherry blossom starting to fall to the ground. Not for a certain girl. Her heart still doesn't know what she choose. She doesn't know what should she do as her "best friend". She only want to confess her feeling to her best friend, but she couldn't do it because there's one rule in this world that "people shouldn't love their own sex." That's also mean for her, the rule that she doesn't want to know. She just laying on the bed, confused of the same thing. Unconsciously, tears are dripping out from her brown eyes. She quickly wipe her tears with hand, not wanting to cry more longer.

"Sigh... I think i should get ready to the school... " The short hair girl then go to the bathroom while carrying her favorite blue towel.
"Sae-chan! Hurry up or you will be late for school!" Shout Sae's mom
"I know Mom! I'm already up okay?" Shout Sae back before go to the bathroom.

Right...
Someone that's afraid to fall in love to her friend are Sae Miyazawa.
Someone that's afraid to be hated by the world and people around her because of that "rule".

SAE POV

I already leave my house and starting to run a bit to catch up my train that will be going to my school. I running more faster to catch up my train, not wanting to be late.

"Attention to the passengers that the train on station A will be heading out for five minutes. Please all the passengers to getting on the train. Thank you for listening."

Then i run as fast as i can, thanks to my running skill, i could get in to the train before it's closed.
"Hah... Hah... Hah...  Yokatta... Make it on time!" I said while trying to catch up my breathe.
"Wait! I'm not getting on yet!" Said someone with familiar voice. I looking on my back and found out that's my best friend trying to running ad fast as she can to getting on the train.

Here's the full one: http://my.w.tt/UiNb/KhskTFSviB

Offline genkingblack

  • not hiatus/abandon my fics but really have no time to write.
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 301
  • タマです
    • genkingblack
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #6 on: March 07, 2017, 05:51:11 AM »
Hello there :)
It's nice to see someone writing my OTP, i assume you are saeyuki shipper? No?

I like the story and your english is fine to me.

Wouldn't it better if you update both? Like you choose to post your fic here, why don't you update here and wattpad at the same time?
Because it's easier for reader.

Again, welcome aboard.  :welcome
My Projects :
GenkingBlack's Vault [OS/Short Stories] Last update 4-Apr-17
Brave Enough On Going Last update 16-Mar-17
Love is Serious, When War is Involved   Hiatus Last Update 12-Mar-17
Heartsmith | On Going Last Update 19-Oct-17
Hidden Vault | Perv Section

Offline Shandy0113

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #7 on: March 07, 2017, 06:20:17 AM »
@Buciq : Hello! Yeah, I'm also SaeYuki shipper but i love SaeAtsu more 😁
Thank you for saying that, as I'm not really confident with my English 😢

I like that too, but if i update it only on Wattpad, i could see how many people reading it 😊
Even though there's many silent reader

Oh BTW, I'm also reading your fiction! Please update it 😍 I really like the story of yours!

Thank you for welcoming me 🙇

Offline genkingblack

  • not hiatus/abandon my fics but really have no time to write.
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 301
  • タマです
    • genkingblack
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #8 on: March 07, 2017, 07:53:47 AM »
Hahahaha SaeAtsu also good! Sae is good to be pair with anyone XD
But we have atsumina shipper so strong, so i would say SaeAtsu is minority around her. Same with SaeYuki, but still gonna write about it.

If you aren't sure about your english you could ask someone to proofread it for you to check the grammars. But we all learning, aren't we?  :D

There's a view counter too in jphip though not spesifically can count the people, but hey 1 reader is still reader right? :)

EH? You did?? 😅😅😅
Which one should i update then? It's been long time since i write, busy in real life 😐
Kinda think that my fiction is rather suck hahahaha
My Projects :
GenkingBlack's Vault [OS/Short Stories] Last update 4-Apr-17
Brave Enough On Going Last update 16-Mar-17
Love is Serious, When War is Involved   Hiatus Last Update 12-Mar-17
Heartsmith | On Going Last Update 19-Oct-17
Hidden Vault | Perv Section

Offline Shandy0113

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #9 on: March 09, 2017, 03:48:33 AM »
@Buciq: Yeah that's kinda sad too, even though i loved them together 😁
I really like Brave Enough, and also Love is Serious when War is in involved! I have been waiting for your update but it's already a year 😂
Yeah, all people are busy with their private life. I'm also preparing for my exam right now but it's about one or two months away so i still manage to update 😊

Offline Shandy0113

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #10 on: March 11, 2017, 06:04:08 PM »
Here's the chapter 2!

Sae POV

We arrive at school and fortunately, the teacher haven't in class yet. I catching my breathe while walking like a zombie to my seat. My classmates are staring both of us confusely.

"Yokatta... Still... Make... It!" I said while i leaned against my chair.
"It's unusual for both of you to be late, usually you guys are the first one to come." Said Sayaka while walking to me.
"Nothing particular. It's just we're late and met at the train station before. So... Yeah" i smile wryly.
"Really? Are you sure you not... You know? Molester her body? She have nice body and especially that chest" said Yuko while she put on her old man-smile.
"N-no! I-its nothing like that! We just met at the train station and... " i got silence as i remember the accident on the train that makes my cheeks become hot.
"Hey~ Nani? Nani? What's going on before?" Yuko then pushing me to tell her what's happening before, luckily Yuki come to us.
"Stop right there! We just met in coincidence and Sae-chan helped me to get in the train. Just that, okay Y. U. K. O?" said Yuki with her Black mode. Yuko then got scared and hide behind Sayaka. Trust me, no one want to mess with Yuki Black mode.
"H-Hai! Okay if you s-say so."

Then homeroom begim. After some times, i got throwed with paper on my head. I took the paper and looking who's the one that throw this paper. And the culprit are Yuki, who's the one that throw the paper to me.

"Open the paper.." She said with low voice. Then i read the paper.
Here's the full link: http://my.w.tt/UiNb/bxRAQeRTqB

As always please review~ :)

Offline genkingblack

  • not hiatus/abandon my fics but really have no time to write.
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 301
  • タマです
    • genkingblack
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2017, 06:43:09 AM »
Damn you really know how to put salt over my wounds

Tegoshi you bastard!  :angry: lol
Really unpleasant feeling when i saw tegoshi's name

Okay, this time i noticed bad english.
Perhaps you really need beta reader or someone proofread it for you.

Usually the saeyuki's fans not really like to give comment (silent reader type)
But as nakama, i just want to say 'ganbareeee'  hahahaha
My Projects :
GenkingBlack's Vault [OS/Short Stories] Last update 4-Apr-17
Brave Enough On Going Last update 16-Mar-17
Love is Serious, When War is Involved   Hiatus Last Update 12-Mar-17
Heartsmith | On Going Last Update 19-Oct-17
Hidden Vault | Perv Section

Offline kuro_808

  • Konkon + HKT + JPH!P= <3 and Happiness
  • Global Moderator
  • Member+
  • *
  • Posts: 23344
  • Natsu Oshi DESU!
    • Kurosawa87
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2017, 06:52:25 AM »
You should post the whole chapter and use the Wattpad as a backup or in case of certain chapters  :nervous

The English does need some work but yeah a proofreader would work and to add to buciq's comment, the dynamics of fanfiction shifts every so often so as a reader you have to have something unique and fresh. Although most of the writers are currently on hiatus and then others who do pop in.

TBH the majority of writers now are in your stage of getting better and/or developing a group of readers :nervous a lot will depend on who gets hooked or not :jphip:
Random Thought:

tumblr

R.I.P. Jab!  Dad/friend

Offline Shandy0113

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #13 on: March 12, 2017, 04:24:59 PM »
For everyone who reply to me, i'm thankful for the advise for my shitty fanfiction 😂
I'm sometimes having trouble with my grammar,and sometimes like i couldn't make a mistake for my bad english 😂
After all, please looking forward for this shitty fanfiction of mine and i will try to be more better than before 🙏🙇
I will post full chapter
BUT!
In another fanfiction 😂 I'm just too lazy to do that

Offline Shandy0113

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #14 on: March 22, 2017, 08:47:14 AM »
Here's the new update for this lame story of mind. Actually i have been thinking that my story are just like some lame story 😄
And i also still thinking that my grammar not that good as it's been a long time i haven't role played.
Should i stop this story or still going on?

Chapter 3


Sae POV

On the next day, I'm walking on the corridor while carry my bag. When I'm walking around, people starting to gossip about Yuki and Tegoshi. Yuki are well known because of her cold attitude to any guys that trying to get her as their girlfriend. And not to mention that she will says some hurtful words to them. That's why she get known as Ice Princess.

'There must be someone else saw them yesterday at the garden... ' I letting out a small sigh from my lips.

I'm still can't believe that Yuki have someone she like. Not once Yuki have talked about Tegoshi to me. Then i got into the class, found Yuki talking with the others. With my head a bit down, i walked to my seat. I don't want to talk or see Yuki... Cause i know that i will get angry to her.

"Sae-chan!" Yuki then come closer to me.
I tried to act like usual cause i don't want to make her worried or suspicious about me.

"Hm? Oh... Doushita Rin-chan?" I smiled to her.

"Where are you yesterday? Didn't i told you that we will go home together? I even come to your club and someone said that you're already go home."
"Ah... That? Daijoubu... Yesterday, i have something urgent so I'm going home earlier. Gomen me? For not telling you.. " Then i walked faster to my seat.
I put my bag on the table, and suddenly Yuki already in front of me.

"Sae-chan... You... Looked weird today. Are you-"
"I'm fine! It's just... I'm a little busy. Just that. Could you leave me alone, Yuki?"
"Sae... Are you-"
"I told you I'm fine, okay?! Just leave!" I raised my voice to her.
She looked shocked. As she never saw this side of me. Yuki then looking down, and i feel bad to get angry to her. I clenched my fists, feeling guilty.

Here's the link for full story: http://my.w.tt/UiNb/YmqaPqWvIB

Offline kuro_808

  • Konkon + HKT + JPH!P= <3 and Happiness
  • Global Moderator
  • Member+
  • *
  • Posts: 23344
  • Natsu Oshi DESU!
    • Kurosawa87
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #15 on: March 22, 2017, 07:32:58 PM »
A little more of using senses would help a bit. Anger is prevalent in this one but more from Sae as trying to be the one to feel that way until the end. :nervous
Random Thought:

tumblr

R.I.P. Jab!  Dad/friend

Offline Haruko

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 2310
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #16 on: March 23, 2017, 04:15:27 AM »
No way, that tegoshi guy is a asshole. OMG what's going to happen?!?!
Follow me
http://haruko48.tumblr.com/

MY FANFIC
Surprise Gift ║ Kai x Atsuko
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=34484.0

Offline Shandy0113

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: SaeYuki "Sin of My Love" Update ONLY ON WATTPAD
« Reply #17 on: October 17, 2017, 02:20:41 PM »
Hello everyone! 😅
Its been a long time that i didn't update this fict (I'm still updating it in Bahasa)
Actually i get lazy to translate it so... yeah 😅😅
Anyway!
Please for it, you can vote in the pool that i already make!
I will make it if you guys still want this fiction, but if you guys choose the opposite...
Then it will be only in Bahasa! 😅😰
Okay! I'm really waiting for the result!
Ciao~

JPHiP Radio (12/200 @ 128 kbs)     Now playing: Supersnazz - R&R Is Here