<3
Chapter 44: Inerasable Sin
It’s either being accepted or being rejected…
“It’s pouring harder than I thought…” Maki sighed as she watched the rain pestering the earth heavily under the safety of her navy blue umbrella.
“Perhaps we should go back to the apartment?” Reina suggested as she walked lazily with her dark purple umbrella shielding her from getting soaked.
“That’s a good idea…” Maki smiled at the younger before focusing her head into the direction of the aforementioned location.
There was a rather heavy silence that plagued the two singers as they walked down the empty streets. Both women could not bear the silence which hung over the air, tempting them into saying something to break it. However, with what the two wanted to say, it was like breaking something precious, something that tied each other together. With careless utterance of those words, the silence will be broken, among other unimportant, yet important things. When a silence is broken by confession, fear would crawl up Reina’s skin, afraid of rejection. When a silence is broken by reminiscence, fear would crawl up Maki’s skin, afraid of evasion. When a silence is broken by words, one would feel pained because of what the other would think of this sudden break.
Words are very powerful.
Reina bit her lip at a loss of what to do. She could bring up what she had wanted to say to Maki these past weeks. However, there was always apprehension which would always embrace that sort of thought, a heavy burden she could do without. She could not help but feel that ill darkness approach whenever her mind brought up the idea of confessing.
She was not supposed to feel this way.
She had even tested the older’s reactions to see if Maki would take her pain away if there was a slight flicker of attraction, to see if she would shun her away if there was a slight flicker of resentment. Even when Maki caught her from the taping of the door many weeks ago, there was a flicker of attraction, Reina thought, because if there wasn’t, Maki would immediately push her away instead of holding her for so long. There was also that time where Maki had taken her out for a flight, the seventh head wouldn’t do such a thing if there wasn’t some sort of mutual feeling attached, right? There were so many occasions where Reina’s mind was sent reeling because of those past intimate situations, because she felt that Maki was doing the act of returning her feelings.
But how come Reina felt like her heart didn’t confirm it?
Why was this contemptuous trepidation clouding her optimism? Was it because she didn’t perform enough tests? Was it because what she had received from those tests was physical contact instead of words? Reina did not believe in the ‘actions speak louder than words’ adage at all. Embraces and kisses are meant to be accompanied by three words. If she had heard those three words from her, then she would believe them. If she had been embraced or kissed, she would not believe them—not until she heard those definite words with that warm touch. She would believe it. All of her tests came out without those definite words to back them up.
She did not believe her.
And that shadow sabotaged all of Reina’s thoughts of acceptance.
Her courage. It’s what she needed most at this time.
Amidst her deep thought, she had failed to notice that she was not walking on the same pace the older was. She was slowly being left behind. However, the change of speed did not fail to escape Maki’s grasp.
“Is there something troubling you?” Maki asked, turning around to face the younger.
Reina slowed her walking to a stop, lifting her face to look at the other’s face. Mustering all of her strength, Reina began.
“I…I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something. Feel free to laugh at me if I seem like an idiot…”
Maki felt confused at Reina’s sudden change of behavior, but kept silent.
Reina gathered what was left of her power, and forced that power into a question. A question that had polar consequences.
“Do you love me?”
She was bound to notice it… She has to have noticed it… If she doesn’t, then is our relationship in general just a simple ‘nothing’ to her?
Maki grew slightly pale when she had registered what Reina had asked. With a frown, Maki replied, “Are you foolish?”
Reina felt that same darkness consume her again.
“I did not think you were this foolish…” Maki lowered her head, staring at the ground.
Reina felt the black aura constrict her heart.
“I’m not going back to the apartment. I think I’m going to go elsewhere. You can go alone,” Maki turned around and started walking again.
The darkness binding Reina was like Maki embracing her. Rendering her immobile. Rendering her thoughtless. Rendering her speechless. Rendering her hopeless.
Why did she have to do that?
Why did she have the power to do such things to her?
Why did she have to represent the darkness that has been tearing her apart?
“Maki…” Reina walked after the older, “Please wait…” She reached out to grab her hand, “Please hear me out!”
“You don’t know anything!” Maki ripped her hand away from Reina’s, turning to face her as she did so. “You don’t know what I’ve done!”
Reina’s eyes widened. Maki hated this. She does not like this at all. She saw the other’s eyes cloud itself in a storm of emotion. She did not like that expression. She saw the other’s eyes grow moist and eventually gave form to tears. She hated that she was the one who caused Reina to cry.
“My father…” Maki averted her gaze to the ground again, “He should not have died…His death… It’s all my fault…”
How could a monster be loved?
“Dad… Are you sure this is the right way? We’re really close to the cliff…” Maki drawled with each step taken higher up the steep and rocky path.
“I’m sure it is,” her father turned to smile at her, “And you should hurry up, you wouldn’t want to be left behind!” he laughed melodically as he continued walking and climbing over rocks.
“Maki is right; maybe we are straying off path…” Maki’s mother called out to her husband.
“Dad! Wait for me! I want to walk next to you!” Maki herself called out again, now running to keep up with her athletic father. Running and jumping from rock to rock wasn’t that hard, she was sure she wouldn’t fall off the cliff with the direction she went in. However, she lingered ever closer to the high cliff with the frantic steps over whatever rock was the closest to her. Eventually, she stepped on a rock which should not be stepped on, for it was teetering dangerously on the border of the cliff and the air.
She fell over, plunging.
Overcoming the horror, the man ran after and jumped after the falling girl without regard of what might happen after he had jumped.
Maki wasn’t falling for long. She called upon her seven wings to keep her aloft in the air. However, realizing that that her father was now taking the plunge for a reason wasted, Maki flew after the man, trying to get to him before the ground did.
She beat her wings furiously with the gravity, gaining speed at an alarming rate. She reached out her hand to her falling father and he also tried reaching out for her.
He was a strong man, a kind man, and a calm man, Maki had always thought. She never saw him angry. She never saw him sad. She never saw him scared. It had frightened her. It had frightened her how his frightened face was desperately reaching out for her as gravity lulled them closer to the ground. It had frightened her how closer to the ground they were getting, and how she thought she wasn’t going to get to him in time.
She really tried. She beat her wings as fast as she could. She felt the muscle fatigue burdening her with haste. She couldn’t allow that to happen, she exerted her strength further. She tried to extend her arm further. She can’t let this happen to her father! She had to reach him in time! She felt her limits being reached again, but she pushed harder for the sake of her Father. She went above her limits.
It was too late.
As he landed on the ground, Maki heard a noise she never wanted to hear again. She saw a sight that would always haunt her. There her father was, sprawled out on the bloody ground like a thrown away marionette. This was too much. She couldn’t bear to look at him anymore. This was too horrific for a seven year old to bear witness to.
Maki landed on the ground with a gentle zephyr, walking slowly to the body near her. “Dad… I’m so sorry…” she felt tears come to her eyes. “Dad… Please… Please say something to me… Don’t die on me!” Maki collapsed to her knees despite the excessive amount of blood.
Blank eyes stared back at her, furthering Maki’s regretful tears.
Gathering his energy, he uttered.
“I won’t forgive you…” he breathed. And then, he breathed no more.
A scar too painful to be forgotten…
“It was also a secret from him… The fact that I was an Orochi. Only Mother knew about me. I didn’t want him to find out I was this thing…” Maki held a hand to her face, trying to hold her tears back. “If I told him before that hiking trip… He would not have jumped in for me. He would have waited, and saw his daughter soar back onto the path unscathed. If I had at least told him… Or if I had at least grabbed his hand in time…I would have saved him. Instead, because of my ignorance and weakness, I couldn’t save him like I wanted to. I killed him.”
Reina gripped her umbrella tightly despite her slightly trembling body.
“Surely, you can’t forgive me for such a thing. I never forgave myself.”
“To forgive you or not to forgive you… Are those my only choices?” Reina looked up at the older. Her eyes gave off a rather venomous aura despite the cold tears coming from them. “Do I have to say one or the other?!”
Maki removed her hand from her face, watching the younger in front of her with eyes of stone.
“Can’t you understand? I love you. I love you regardless of what you have done in the past. It is not my place to pass on judgment of forgiveness. Maki, have you not noticed how much I’ve come to love you?”
Maki stared at her. She stared at Reina with distant eyes. Rika had always reminded her many times of her incompatibility with love. At first, Maki had doubted her words, at least a part of her separate from the spirit had doubted her. As time went on, she slowly began to believe those heartless words. Those words which consumed her like an ocean. Eventually, she was completely submerged into that ocean devoid of light.
Then she had to pull her out of the water. Reina’s hand had dived into the cursed sea to grab Maki’s hand.
Maki had felt irritated.
She felt afraid.
She was going to tell Reina to not get involved with the curse. Then that revolting Miki had to appear and prevent her from doing so. Then the first head told her to apologize to Reina… So she bought that necklace for her to make Reina forgive her…
She didn’t mean to do it.
She wasn’t supposed to get so involved with Reina.
She wasn’t supposed to fall in love.
And it pained her to say her reply to Reina’s confession.
“Your love is an illusion.”
She could not see. She could not hear. She could not speak. She could not think.
She watched as Maki turned and walked away, the rain washing her trail away. Attempting to erase all existence of her as she slowly disappeared into darkness.
Why didn’t time stop when she said that?
Why didn’t the rain stop when she said that?
Why didn’t the world stop when she said that?
Why didn’t Reina die when she said that?
She released her grip on the umbrella, unable to think—no, refusing to think about what had just happened. The rain continuously pestered her already numb body, taking her tears with them.
She wanted to run blindly in the darkness.
She wanted to find her again.
She wanted to embrace her.
But to what effect? Simply be brushed off like some inanimate object?
Those words that pierce my heart…
Reina heard running from behind her. She heard exhausted breathing from when the running stopped. She turned around slowly, for the numbness rendered her almost immobile.
It was the last person she had wanted to see.
“You… Are you happy that you won? Are you happy that everyone is coming to you instead of coming to me?” the woman panted.
Reina noticed a glint in the woman’s hand.
“Are you happy that you destroyed my world?” Rika glared, the knife in her hand gleaming.
You have killed me.
I'm going to get slaughtered >> -wears hardhat-
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Topic: Our Cursed Gift [Chapter 47: Our Final Promise][COMPLETE] (Read 132595 times)