A/N: I'm sorry. This fic is an abomination that may go on to become a series. I don't have much experience with comedy, but here you go anyways — the Office AU you never thought you needed.
Table of Contents
Part 1 - Below
--
A normal weekday is not a normal weekday in the AKB Kingdom for Yokoyama Yui without her usual cup of coffee. She smiles nonchalantly to herself as she strides into her office and glances at the broken clock in her wall.
"Hah!" She giggles. "That clock doesn't work. What clock in this place does?"
She quickly takes out her phone and checks the time. 6:00 AM, exactly an hour before she's actually supposed to be in the office. Just like normal.
She flicks on the impressive light display in the reception area (Jurina refused to use any lights that didn't "intimidate the guests into utter submission", whatever that meant...). Yui then settles down at her desk, sipping her coffee and waiting for the chaos to begin.
After all, a bunch of crazy idols and former idols were currently controlling about 3/4ths of the world. What could possibly go wrong?
So somehow, a Japanese idol group managed to take over the world. With their fearless (and absolutely batshit insane) leader, Jurina, leading them, the super smart (and super idiotic) team conquered about 3/4ths of the world (We never speak of the 1/4th that's left... We also never speak of any of the methods that were used to achieve this status of world power.)
Anyway, for the next half an hour, Yui will warm herself up, taking sips of her coffee and mentally preparing herself for the day. She'll leave herself a couple of motivational quotes on Post-it notes, but the only one that actually gets to her when she's riled up is "Love thy neighbor".
At 6:35, Miyuki would walk in with Sayaka, listening to the slightly older girl rant about how she thinks that Jurina is governing the world all wrong. Yet despite all of Sayaka's complaining, Miyuki never hears Sayanee say any solution to Jurina's supposed problems, so she tunes Sayanee out after a while.
At exactly 6:38, Atsuko, Yuko, and Takamina would enter the office, cracking up over a scandal some J-Pop group member would be having, and how they don't have to deal with it anymore (they've formed a graduated members club, which in reality, is just an excuse to go out on the clubs together. Rena was recently persuaded to join). Yuki, Mayu, and Haruna come in a minute later, silently sobbing about how one of their favorite J-Pop members are leaving their respective groups because of their respective scandals.
Once the clock hits 6:40, Sashihara, Kitarie, and Mariko stumble into the office area, drunkenly cracking up about something that they found on 4chan earlier that morning. The other girls roll their eyes at them. They had seen that picture the day before.
Then, Annin rushes into the office at 6:45, apologizing about how late she is, when in reality, she's 15 minutes early. When someone points out this fact to her, she quickly becomes grouchy and leaves to go continue counting how many sheets of paper there are in the supply closet. (The prior day, she left off somewhere around 723,901,678,283.4973 sheets.)
Finally, at 6:53 on the dot, Jurina strides in, humming to the tune of Anaconda by Nicki Minaj. Her girlfriend, Rena, is always mere step behind her. They're still holding hands, but it's clear who the dominant one in the relationship is. Yui issues a clear greeting to Jurina ("Good morning!") and mumbles the rest to Rena. After kissing her cheek, Jurina bids her temporary farewell, telling her "to have Godspeed on her current mission", when in truth, Rena's just creating more problems right next door to her. Then, Jurina goes off to her private CEO office after Yui tells her news about any stirring rebellions. She opens the iron clad door, enters the room, and shuts it with a SLAM.
The silence that follows always lasts exactly 4.3187 seconds (Yui counts mentally.)
After that, things go back to normal. From 6:55, all the other key members of AKB begin trickling in. Tomochin, Chiyuu, Paruru, Miichan, Haruppi, Sakura, etc.
By 7:00 practically everyone is present. Except...
It's 7:03 when Ricchan comes into the scene, two tennis balls under each of her arms.
"Sorry!" She pants, "I was too busy playing with my balls!"
No one knows how to reply to that...
Until the clock hits 7:11, and everyone groans because that's when the real havoc begins.
--
Barely half an hour has passed before Sasshi throws a paper ball into Miyuki's work cubicle.
"HEY!" Miyuki yells in a very Sayanee-like, Mayu-like, Yuki-like manner and thumps the wall of her cubicle, wheeling out of her private space indignantly while being careful not to break the divider again. (Jurina flipped shit when she and Sayanee had broken it a few weeks ago.)
"Oh where did it go?" Sasshi says with a shrug, "I swear it was just in my hand."
"Take your damn paper back." Miyuki says, chucking the paper ball back at Sasshi with less than perfect aim. It lands at Sasshi's feet, to Miyuki's dismay, who picks it up again.
"HEY!" Sasshi yells back with a perfect imitation of Miyuki before crossing her fingers. "Last one to touch it dumps it!"
Sakura hears Miyuki humph in annoyance and then, "Fine, take it Sakura", and then there's a soft thud on the back of her head.
Sakura swears her eye twitches before she nods meekly, "Fine..." And tosses the ball into her recycling bin without another word of complaint.
--
"Hello? ...Sorry to disappoint you, but no, I am not a sex hotline." Sayanee puts down the phone, before her eyebrows furrow and she re-dials the number.
Suspiciously, a phone somewhere else in the office begins ringing.
A familiar voice answers the phone, and the sound of muffled laughter can be heard.
"Hello?"
"Mariko-sama, we need to have a talk."
--
"Hey, Yoshida?" Miichan calls from her cubicle next to where Suda Akari was printing some papers.
At the mention of the NMB Akari's name, Dasu's eyebrow twitches in annoyance. "What is it, senpai?"
In the back of her mind, Dasu sends some prayers to Yoshida Akari, and silently questions whether she gets similar treatment or not.
"Geez," Miichan says, smirking at Dasu's forced, happy tone. "Someone obviously woke up in the wrong side of the bed this morning."
On Dasu's other side, Churi pokes her head up from behind the divider. "She's just mad that you didn't pronounce her name correctly. It's 'YoCHIdaaaaaaa...'"
"Oh, rightttttt. Hey, YoCHIdaaaaaaaaaa—"
"GODDAMNIT!" Dasu shrieks, "HOW MANY MORE TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT MY NAME IS 'SUDA' BEFORE I PUNCH YOU BETWEEN THE EYES?!?!?!?!?!"
Elsewhere in the office, a tall, model-like girl could be seen shaking her fist and baring her teeth to the ceiling. "Damn you, Jonichi Kei!"
A frightened Miichan quickly ducks back into her cubicle, while Churi continues laughing from her side, high-giving the snickering, cowardly Kaotan, who had remained safely hidden behind the divider throughout the whole exchange.
--
Yuria giggles happily, watching Annin continue to count the sheets of papers in the supply room. "Annin, do you enjoy counting the papers?"
"Yes." Annin replies, not even turning back to look at the other girl. "Now shhhh... I'm almost finished..."
Suddenly, the door to the supply closet opens, and Mayu and Paruru stride in. They go up to the current pile of papers that Annin is counting, and take two whole armfuls of the paper.
"Hey!" Annin cries, "What do you think you're doing?!"
"We need the paper to make propaganda posters and fliers to release when we fly the blimps over the many countries we're governing." Mayu explains from behind the armful of paper.
"And we have a LOT of citizens." Paruru adds.
Annin rolls her eyes, and turns back around to get back to counting, but when she is about to begin...
"DAMMIT YOU TWO! YOU GUYS MADE ME LOSE FRIKKIN COUNT NOW I NEED TO START ALL OVER AGAIN FUDGENUGGETS DAMN YOU!"
Mayu and Paruru flee with their lives while Yuria laughs her head off, watching Annin suddenly shrivel up into a little ball of Annin.
--
It's 10:39 AM when Chiyuu wheels into Tomochin's office space, spinning on the super-comfy spinny chairs, her laptop on her lap.
"Hey Tomo, Tomo, Tomo, Tomo!" The older girl says, spinning around the younger girl's workspace.
When Tomochin doesn't respond, she tries again. "Hey Tomo, Tomo! Why are the servers down, Tomo? Huh? Huh? Hu—"
"Leave. Now."
"But I need the servers working or I can't work... And Jurina's a scary kid..."
Tomochin frowned, finally looking at the annoying child. "Do I look like I care? I can't help you, Chiyuu. Anyways, I'm not the one you should be telling that to. Go ask Rena."
"But Tomoooooo—"
"I don't care. LEAVE. NOW."
"... Yes ma'am."
When she was left alone again, Tomochin smiled to herself and took out her self made router, made especially for situations like this when the company servers were down (which was often) and went back to watching Dance Moms.
--
"What, what, what?!" Mayu shouts as she scans the checkered board. "What the hell?! How does that even work?!" She searches the board frantically with her amateur eyes, trying to spot the mistake as Haruppi sweeps the the white queen off the board.
The HKT ace cackles, "I love being evil."
It's now lunch break and Mayu challenged Haruppi to a chess match in order to improve her skills, which was not going so well. She had just gotten owned.
"I don't understand." Mayu whimpers, "I had everything planned out and..." She helplessly watches Haruppi setting her black knight on the space Mayu's queen once stood. "How and why are you so good at this?"
"I played with Annin." Haruppi says with a shrug. "Though she sucks at teaching other things, she's pretty good at chess."
"I dunno..." Mayu says hesitantly. "Paruru and I pissed her off pretty bad earlier..."
Haruppi simply smirks and pats her on the back. "Oh, don't worry, I got you."
10 minutes later, Mayu finds herself facing Annin, staring intently at the board and god, it's so damn awkward.
"How does the castle move again?" Mayu asked awkwardly, flailing her arms around randomly.
Annin's eyebrow twitches dangerously.
"Here," she said, demonstrating to Mayu how to move the 'castle' for the nth time, and not evening bothering to correct her on the fact that it was a rook.
"Like this?!" Mayu yells, moving the rook in spastic motions all around the board, knocking off some of the other pieces.
And then, with a wild howl, Annin stands up and flips the chess board over, launching the remaining pieces onto Mayu.
--
It's only 2 in the afternoon when Kojiharu drunkenly rolls into Yuko's work area. She wheels in like a boss, moving her fist near her head in a cranking motion, her face completely red.
"Hey gurllllllllllllll! Wassup?" She smiles, seemingly speaking to the wall of the office.
"...NyanNyan?" Yuko says, looking up.
"Yes?"
"Are you drunk?"
"Uhhuh!"
"... Because you haven't played video games?"
"GURL, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT STRUGGLES I AM GOIN' THRU RITE NAO. ALL I NEEDED WAS A SHOULDAH TO LEAN OHN, BUT NOBODY AINT LIS'NIN' TA ME! BUT GURL, YA NO WAT? DATS ALL OKEYDOKEY! CUZ I AM AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN. AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DONT NEED NO MAN! I DUN NEED NO SHOULDAH! I'M GONNA BE A SOLDIAH! I JUST WANNA FEEL SUMTHIN' I DUN UNDERSTANDDDDDDDD—"
"... Get the hell out of my office before I do something I regret. You're too hot when you're drunk, NyanNyan. We'll settle this when we get home."
--
Working hours finally end, and at 7:15, the official quitting time, everyone simultaneously lets out a deep sigh of relief when they realized that they could finally get away from all the lunatics in the office.
The first to leave is Sayanee, who upon glancing at the time, jumps up from her office cubicle and sprints out of the office area, screaming, "SEEYA SUCKERS!" as she races away as fast as she can.
Ricchan is the next to leave, wanting to go play with her (tennis)balls. Annin follows her, afraid of what would happen if she left Ricchan alone. Then goes Renacchi, who says something about wanting to go to Chipotle before she goes home to rewatch Mean Girls, a movie that she's watched a few too many times.
Eventually, everyone leaves except the core, or senbatsu, members of the AKB Group. The remaining members always stay a bit later to say some bad extensive farewell. Sayanee always ends up returning because she never would pass up the opportunity to insult the rest of her frenemies.
"Sayanee, you suck." Yuria says as she, Dasu, and other Golden Age SKE members exit the office together, off to do something stupid and probably gay.
"Not as much as you." Sayanee replies, thinking of nothing else better to say. Beside her, Miyuki rolls her eyes and smacks her on the head before following the other girls.
The rest begin trickling out as well. Then Sayanee, realizing that she's going to be left alone, quickly turns to follow, making sure to trip Jurina on the way out the door. She quickly catches up to Miyuki, and they continue on their way hand-in-hand.
This leaves Yui to sigh and turn off the lights before joining the rest of the group. She makes a mental note to pour glue on Sayanee's seat the next office day.
Topic: The Chaos that Happens when the AKB48 Group Works in an Office (19/01/2016) (Read 10597 times)