JPHiP Forum
The Hello! Project Fanfics => H!P Fanfics => Library => Topic started by: OTN1 on April 08, 2007, 03:47:57 PM
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A quick idea that came to me this evening. Three parts, no more. I swear. It's just a little break from the other story I'm working on now.
[edited: no, it's more than 3 parts now. Read on.]
This one can be completely stand alone, but it's meant to fit into my Love x 2 story. It comes before any of the other stories I've written here.
Friday's Children are Full of Woe
1
Aya came strolling in at eleven-thirty in the evening. Miki, who had stayed in Aya's apartment watching television in the living room all evening, looked up and without delay, brought the volume down a few notches. She stood up quickly.
"So, how was your date?" she asked, walking towards Aya, looking nosey.
"It was okay," Aya smiled. "Dinner and a movie. Keita's not really creative, but I can live with it."
"I can't believe how much having a boyfriend has tamed you. I always pegged you for the type that would moan and complain about how unromantic her boyfriend is."
Miki ducked from a lame attempt at a punch by Aya.
"Just because I complain about your behaviour all the time, it doesn't mean I treat everyone like that. Keita's smart and mature, unlike some people," Aya retorted, shooting Miki a sly look.
Miki chuckled.
"Slept with him yet?" she asked with a wink.
"Miki!!" Aya scolded her, this time hitting the other girl's arm.
"Ah, I'm glad you had fun," Miki said sincerely.
Aya continued to look at her in a reprimanding way before she broke it off and went to get changed in her room.
"Oh, did you see the cover of Friday yet?" Miki called out with a smirk.
Aya came stumbling right back out in a bra.
"Excuse me?" she asked in surprise.
"I guess you didn't," Miki sighed. "I went out to get something to eat and couldn't help but notice your name in big bold letters on the front of Friday."
Aya advanced upon Miki and grabbed her wrist, shaking it.
"What did it say?" she asked in a terrified voice.
"Uh, well, I looked at the article briefly and there's sort of this big picture of you and then a few smaller ones. Oh, and an article about how you delivered groceries to Tachibana-san," Miki explained with a smile.
Aya let go of her wrist and plopped down on the couch, her head in her hands.
"This is not happening," she muttered.
"Oh, Aya-chan. It's okay. It just proves to the world that you have a life. I mean, wow. Toilet paper? That's a serious boyfriend!" Miki laughed, patting her friend on the back.
"No. This is terrible. How am I going to face work? My manager's going to kill me that I got caught," Aya groaned.
"Oh, second thing. The agency called. Three times," Miki said, holding up Aya's cell phone.
"I chose the best day to forget that thing at home," Aya sighed.
Miki laughed and passed the phone over.
"Could you stop laughing at me? This is serious. I could lose my job," Aya huffed.
"Lose your job? Girl, you are going to go up a couple of notches. A hot, famous idol caught on a date with another hot, famous idol? It's like you just breathed life into your career."
"My career doesn't need life breathed into it," Aya deadpanned. "And this kind of thing sucks life away. This is terrible. What am I going to do?"
Aya got up and began to pace desperately.
"Well, you could start by denying that anything happened," Miki pointed out helpfully.
Aya shot her a glare.
"I didn't need you to tell me that," she snapped.
Miki shrugged.
"And then you could break up with him."
The suggestion seemed to come out of nowhere.
"What?!" Aya cried. "Why? Just because of a magazine photo? Ridiculous!"
"Fine, suit yourself," Miki said nonchalantly with a shrug. "Your life. You choose."
Aya continued to pace for a while until she calmed down and sat on the couch, resting her head on Miki's shoulder with a sigh.
"Why does this happen to me?"
"Because if it happened to me, they'd somehow link sex, drugs, and alcohol to it, and then there'd be trouble," Miki replied lightly, putting an arm around Aya's shoulders comfortingly.
Aya laughed a bit.
"Do you think Tsunku-san will be mad with me?" she asked in a small voice.
"That player? No way. He'll be upset you didn't bring him toilet paper."
Aya slapped Miki's leg.
"Ah!"
"You're not helping," Aya pouted crossly.
"Don't worry. You'll be fine," Miki said, rubbing her leg with her unoccupied hand. "Trust me, it'll blow over in a week or two."
Aya let out another sigh, and they sat there together on the couch with a drama playing quietly on the television.
"Hey, Aya-chan," Miki mumbled suddenly, taking her arm away and pushing the girl to her feet.
"Yes?"
"Go put a shirt on."
"Oh. Right."
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2
I climb the steps up to my apartment wearily. I've had a nice time hanging out with Keita, but it's getting more and more monotonous as the weeks go by. He doesn't do anything exciting. I get more excited watching Maki-chan's goldfish swim around in his tank all day.
I open the door and hear the TV is on.
Ah, Miki. I let her stay over while I went out on a sudden date with Keita. He called just as Miki and I got to my place for a fun movie night, and he reminded me that we'd made plans. Miki didn't seem to have a problem with it, so I told her I'd be back before midnight and we could continue then.
In all honesty, I wish he hadn't called. I would have much rather spent the night with Miki talking and watching DVDs rather than going out with that dull shoebox. He didn't even pick an interesting movie.
I hear Miki has turned the volume down on the TV set, and she gets up looking excited about something.
"So, how was your date?" she asks me.
She seems more interested than usual. Why is she so interested? Is she happy for me? For us - me and Keita? Is she jealous? Is she being sincere? No?
"It was okay," I say with a calm smile. "Dinner and a movie. Keita's not really creative, but I can live with it."
That's not even the half of it. He's superbly boring. He's a doorknob. I've complained about it to Miki before, but something tells me I shouldn't talk about him around her too much or she'll get annoyed. That's coupled with my feeling of not even wanting to talk about him with her. We have other, more important things to discuss. Topics about him just ruin the mood between us. The chemistry. The friendly chemistry.
"I can't believe how much having a boyfriend has tamed you. I always pegged you for the type that would moan and complain about how unromantic her boyfriend is," Miki mocks me.
Oh, the nerve. I treat her like that because I care. I want her to be safe and happy, and so I tell her to pick up her clothes off the floor or to stop being a pest.
I try to punch her, but I don't put much effort into it. I don't want to hurt her. She ducks away expertly.
"Just because I complain about your behaviour all the time, it doesn't mean I treat everyone like that. Keita's smart and mature, unlike some people," I retort.
Keita's smart? And mature?
Who the heck am I kidding?!
He's neither. He's a brick wall. That's what he is. And I'm dating him.
These days I ask myself a very simple: Why?
Miki chuckles at my answer and then asks, "Slept with him yet?"
She winks at me, and I'm completely mortified. Just bringing it up like that is embarrassing, and she knows the answer is "no." I'd be even more mortified if the answer was "yes, " because then I'd have to tell her, and for some reason, it seems like a disappointing thing to tell her about.
No, not disappointing. Why would it be disappointing? It's not like she'd care. It's not like she cares who I sleep with.
Well, of course she cares because she wouldn't want to see me hook up with some bad person who's going to hurt me, but she knows that Keita's far from bad. He's as ferocious as a plastic bag.
So therefore, in conclusion, this should not be an embarrassing topic.
And yet I'm still embarrassed.
"Miki!!" I yell, trying to distract myself from these thoughts. I hit her on the arm.
"Ah, I'm glad you had fun," she says after I finish pummelling her.
She sounds so sincere. Maybe she really does approve of my relationship with Keita. Maybe she wants to see it work.
For some reason, this disappoints me, but I just glare at her, trying not to think about it.
Why do I want her to not approve of this relationship?
No. Don't think. Go change clothes. Now.
I get up and go into my room to get out of these clothes that smell like a yakiniku restaurant.
"Oh, did you see the cover of Friday yet?" I hear her call out just as I've taken off my top.
F... Friday?
I bolt out of the room and see that she's sat down on the couch again.
"Excuse me?" I burst out.
"I guess you didn't," Miki sighs.
Explain. Now.
I have a very bad feeling what this is about.
"I went out to get something to eat and couldn't help but notice your name in big bold letters on the front of Friday."
No no no, this is not happening.
I walk up to Miki and grab her wrist, shaking it.
"What did it say?" I ask, terrified.
"Uh, well, I looked at the article briefly and there's sort of this big picture of you and then a few smaller ones. Oh, and an article about how you delivered groceries to Tachibana-san," she explains. She smiles as she speaks.
Groceries? That favour? No, they've got it all wrong. Keita had been very sick, and one of his group mates called me to ask me to help him out. We agreed to split the shopping list between us. Shopping and delivering separately, we provided Keita with everything he would need for a few days.
Now this horrid magazine has gone and blown it all out of proportion.
And why is Miki smiling? Is she happy to see me fall? Is she glad the world will soon know about my relationship with Keita? Does she have some hidden agenda?
I let go of her wrist and I let my knees give out, plopping down beside her on the couch. I bend forward and rest my forehead on my hands.
"This is not happening," I mutter.
I'm going to be humiliated out of my mind, scolded by a dozen different authorities, and then fired.
"Oh, Aya-chan. It's okay. It just proves to the world that you have a life. I mean, wow. Toilet paper? That's a serious boyfriend!" Miki laughs, patting my back.
How can she say that? I won't have a life after this. I'll be fired and nobody else will ever want me to join their record label.
And I don't want him to be my serious boyfriend. He's a wooden table. He induces sleep. He's not interesting like... like... say, Miki, for example. Just for example.
"No. This is terrible. How am I going to face work? My manager's going to kill me that I got caught," I groan.
"Oh, second thing. The agency called. Three times," Miki says, holding up my cell phone.
So that's where I left it! I realised I had forgotten it once I met up with Keita, but there was no point going back to get it. It would take too long.
"I chose the best evening to forget that thing at home," I sigh.
Maybe it was a good thing. At least this way I can learn about the article and the pictures and then think of a good excuse.
Miki laughs and hands it over. Again with this laughing. I'm not feeling very comfortable.
"Could you stop laughing at me? This is serious. I could lose my job," I huff.
I don't want her to laugh. I want her to help me. I want her to sympathise with me. I want a hug.
"Lose your job? Girl, you are going to go up a couple of notches. A hot, famous idol caught on a date with another hot, famous idol? It's like you just breathed life into your career."
She thinks I'm hot? Well, of course I am. But she thinks so? I like that, I muse.
No, I snap at myself. Don't think about that. That's unimportant.
"My career doesn't need life breathed into it," I deadpan, trying not to let her see my thoughts. "And this kind of thing sucks life away. This is terrible. What am I going to do?"
I get up and start to pace. I'm at a complete loss. I need to do something, but I don't know what.
"Well, you could start by denying that anything happened," Miki points out stupidly.
Of course I'm going to do that. I wasn't born yesterday like Keita.
I glare at her evilly.
"I didn't need you to tell me that," I snap.
Her response is to shrug. It seems like she does that often. It's kind of her thing. Her cute little habit. If I say something she doesn't agree with or something she can't deny, she shrugs...
"And then you could break up with him," she says while I'm thinking.
B...break up with him? I would love to. But why is she telling me this? And why am I suddenly filled with a feeling of hope?
I clamp down on the feelings, repress them, and choose a response that will help cover up what I'm really feeling.
"What?!" I cry out. "Why? Just because of a magazine photo? Ridiculous!"
But I don't think it's ridiculous. I think it's a good idea. I wouldn't break up with him because of the magazine article, though. I'd break up with him because of... of... something else...
"Fine, suit yourself," Miki says nonchalantly with a shrug. "Your life. You choose."
There's that shrug again. But now she sounds like she doesn't care. I need her to care. I need her to be involved.
I continue to pace nervously, thinking more about Miki and her reactions than my actual situation.
Eventually growing tired, I sit down beside her and rest my head on her shoulder without thinking about it.
"Why does this happen to me?"
"Because if it happened to me, they'd somehow link sex, drugs, and alcohol to it, and then there'd be trouble," Miki replies, putting an arm around my shoulders.
That's exactly what I need. It feels comfortable. It's nice to be reminded that you have a friend looking out for you. I laugh a bit.
"Do you think Tsunku-san will be mad with me?" I ask worriedly.
"That player? No way. He'll be upset you didn't bring him toilet paper."
Ew. Tsunku wanting me? I hate when she makes gross jokes like this. It's worse than when she tries to pretend I'm her boyfriend.
No, I actually like that. The Tsunku jokes, though? I hate.
I slap her leg.
"Ah!" she cries.
"You're not helping," I pout.
But in reality, she is. Just by being here.
"Don't worry. You'll be fine," Miki says, rubbing her leg. "Trust me, it'll blow over in a week or two."
I sigh again. I trust her, but not her ability to predict things like this. I can just imagine the fans going nuts, the boycotting of products, the stupidities that I don't want to deal with.
Why can't life be easy?
Why did I have to start dating that blind, deaf, and dumb snail anyway? The reason completely eludes me at the moment.
"Hey, Aya-chan," Miki mumbles after a while of watching whatever drama is on channel eight right now. She removes her arm from around my shoulders and pushes me to my feet.
I want to protest, but I simply ask, "Yes?"
"Go put a shirt on."
I look down at my torso.
Ah. No shirt, I think calmly. I look at Miki, who has an amused expression on her face.
Before I can turn red, I say, "Oh. Right."
And I bolt.
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3
I'm sitting in Aya's living room, watching TV and wishing Aya was here, or I was out with her.
She's on a stupid date with her stupid boyfriend. I hate him so much. He's such a bore. Sometimes she complains about him being too boring, but I know she holds back a lot of it. It's odd, but she doesn't talk about him much with me. Not that I'm going to complain. I wonder why she does that. I guess I should just be thankful that she doesn't harass me with constant talks about her issues with him. The less I hear of him, the better I feel because the more I can pretend she has no boyfriend and is able to dedicate all her time to me, her best and closest friend in the world.
She strolls in at eleven-thirty, and I, anxious to see her, turn the volume down on the TV and get up quickly to go and greet her. I'm eager to tell her what I've found out. She might have found out, too, but I somehow doubt it.
"So, how was your date?" I ask.
I really don't want to know. I don't want to hear about holding hands or giggling or goodnight kisses. I'll just get insanely jealous.
Of him.
It's a weird concept, and I can't quite get my head around it, but I'm getting there. He's stolen away my best friend. I want her back. I want more than that. But I'll settle for less. As long as he's out of the picture. That idiotic wallflower.
"It was okay," Aya smiles. "Dinner and a movie. Keita's not really creative, but I can live with it."
Damn straight, he isn't creative. He took my Aya out on a date and made her sit through a boring, probably-war-related movie and then bored her to death with "conversation" over dinner? Come on. I could do better than him. I'm glad that she finds him boring. He's got a doughnut hole for a brain.
"I can't believe how much having a boyfriend has tamed you. I always pegged you for the type that would moan and complain about how unromantic her boyfriend is," I say for lack of finding something better.
Sometimes I let my mouth run wild, and I end up saying things like that. I need to learn how to control it. Aya tries to hit me, but I move out of the way easily. She's pretty lame when it comes to fighting. Unless, of course, it's a tickle fight, in which case, she has a severe advantage as I'm way more ticklish than she is.
"Just because I complain about your behaviour all the time, it doesn't mean I treat everyone like that. Keita's smart and mature, unlike some people," she retorts.
I love it when she scolds me and complains about my behaviour. I want it all for myself. I don't want to share the scolding with him. I'm glad she doesn't do it to him. All for me. Me me me.
But Keita is neither smart nor mature. I don't know why she just said that.
I chuckle.
"Slept with him yet?" I ask with a smirk, trying to make it sound like I'm just being silly.
In reality, though, I've been trying to find out the answer. I keep asking her, but not once has she given me a direct response. It pains me to walk by her and have to wonder just how deep this relationship of theirs really is. When it started, I thought they were just hanging out and being pretty casual about the whole thing. Lately, though, they seem to be getting closer. The closer they get, the more jealous I become.
"Miki!!" she scolds me, hitting me, but not answering the question.
You're only evasive when the answer is risky or embarrassing, right? Knowing Aya, "yes" would be the more embarrassing of the two possible answers. I really wonder.
But no. The answer is no. She hasn't. She would have told me if it happened. Best friends' pact.
I feel a little more at ease.
"Ah, I'm glad you had fun," I say, trying to sound sincere while feeling anything but.
She continues to look at me threateningly, but she quickly leaves to get changed. I'm wearing comfortable in-the-house clothes. I assume she'll join me and we'll start our movie night.
"Oh, did you see the cover of Friday yet?" I call out, smirking to myself. I've forgotten to bring this up until now.
That definitely grabs her attention. She stumbles out wearing pants and a bra, and for a millisecond of time, I stare at her in surprise.
But what's there to be surprised about? It's always Aya underneath all that clothing. Nobody else.
Half naked, of course, but that's nothing new.
I focus.
"Excuse me?" she asks, sounding surprised. Maybe even scared.
"I guess you didn't," I sigh. "I went out to get something to eat and couldn't help but notice your name in big bold letters on the front of Friday."
They had just put the magazine on the shelf. A man had been reading one, and of course since I'm naturally attuned to all things Aya, I noticed her name right away.
Aya advances upon me and I wonder if some would consider a famous, topless idol walking towards you with such determination a frightening thing. She grabs my wrist and shakes it.
"What did it say?" she asks, absolutely terrified.
"Uh, well, I looked at the article briefly and there's sort of this big picture of you and then a few smaller ones. Oh, and an article about how you delivered groceries to Tachibana-san," I explain with a smile.
I pretend to have difficulty recalling the article, but in fact, I can recall every single detail. I read it twice over. I also act like I'm amused, but I'm not. Having those two written about together and published in a national magazine does something strange to my heart. It's not pleasant.
Aya lets go of my wrist and sits beside me heavily. She leans forward and puts her head in her hands. It's a sad sight and I get a little gloomy seeing it.
"This is not happening," she mutters.
"Oh, Aya-chan. It's okay," I say. It just proves to the world that you have a life. I mean, wow. Toilet paper? That's a serious boyfriend!" I laugh, and I pat her on the back.
Again, I have said something that I haven't thought through.
I'm nervous. I want to tell her the right thing, but I keep making stupid jokes. Why? Why can't I just comfort her like a normal person would?
"No. This is terrible. How am I going to face work? My manager's going to kill me that I got caught," she groans.
Which reminds me
"Oh, second thing. The agency called. Three times," I say, picking up her phone from a pillow on the couch and handing it to her.
"I chose the best day to forget that thing at home."
I laugh and pass it over.
I think it's good she forgot it at home. If they'd called her and started demanding explanations right away without her knowing the whole story, she would have gotten flustered and probably messed up with her excuse making.
"Could you stop laughing at me? This is serious. I could lose my job," she huffs.
Oop. I've made her think I'm laughing at her. I'm just laughing because I'm nervous. I'm laughing at me.
"Lose your job? Girl, you are going to go up a couple of notches. A hot, famous idol caught on a date with another hot, famous idol? It's like you just breathed life into your career."
Is that what I think? I definitely think she's hot. She's on fire. But Tachibana? That was exaggeration. I don't think he's hot. I think he looks like a girl, and I conclude that if Aya would go for someone as girly as him, she'd go for me.
Not that I'd want...
Well, I'm not sure.
"My career doesn't need life breathed into it," Aya deadpans, snapping me out of my thoughts. "And this kind of thing sucks life away. This is terrible. What am I going to do?"
She gets up and starts to pace. My mind feels like it's in a very weird space right now. I calm down.
"Well, you could start by denying that anything happened," I point out stupidly.
As she shoots me a glare, I wince in my mind because I know I've just stated the obvious.
"I didn't need you to tell me that," she snaps.
In response, I shrug. Then I say something I've wanted to say for a long time, but haven't had the right chance to yet. This one is definitely thought through thoroughly.
"And then you could break up with him."
She looks surprised, but I'm dead serious.
She should break up with that moronic pebble and go back to her old life.
Her pre-Tachibana life where we had more sleepovers and got more chances to giggle and talk about the future together.
Her pre-Tachibana life where even though I've always known I'll never have a chance with her, at least it's easier to dream about.
"What?!" she cries in surprise. "Why? Just because of a magazine photo? Ridiculous!"
"Fine, suit yourself," I say nonchalantly with a shrug. "Your life. You choose."
But inside I'm fuming.
Fine. Keep your stupid boyfriend. You don't even like him, I think angrily.
I just wish she'd own up to it and get it over with.
She continues to pace, and it starts to drive me nuts, but when she finally calms down and sits on the couch, resting her head on my shoulder, I also calm down instantly. One touch sends happy warmth throughout my body, and my mind is suddenly clear and I feel satisfied.
"Why does this happen to me?"
Poor thing. Time to make her feel better.
"Because if it happened to me, they'd somehow link sex, drugs, and alcohol to it, and then there'd be trouble," I reply. As a secondary thought, I put an arm around her shoulders. She needs it. I need it.
She laughs at my joke.
"Do you think Tsunku-san will be mad with me?" she asks.
She sounds too scared. Again time for a joke.
"That player? No way. He'll be upset you didn't bring him toilet paper."
She gets angry when I say twisted things like that, even though I consider this one very tame. She slaps my leg, and it actually stings for a minute.
"Ah!" I utter in surprise.
"You're not helping," Aya she pouts.
She looks so annoyed. When she gets that pout on her face, I know I've done my job well. I do things to annoy her just so that she'll look at me with this adorable look. I will never get sick of seeing it, which is why I never stop doing annoying things.
"Don't worry. You'll be fine," I say, rubbing my leg. "Trust me, it'll blow over in a week or two."
She sighs and we both watch the TV.
Why can't my life be like this everyday? This situation - me and Aya sitting on a couch, watching TV, comforting each other over the latest crisis, holding or hugging or kind of touching each other or... ug. Whatever.
Tachibana is not my only obstacle, though. I know that even once he's out of the picture (and I'm pretty sure if they haven't slept with each other, it'll be much easier to get him out), I'll just continue in the same way I've been continuing for the past few months ever since I've discovered that I like Aya. That I really like her.
And then something occurs to me.
"Hey, Aya-chan," I mumble, pushing her to her feet.
"Yes?" she asks.
"Go put a shirt on."
She looks at me like a deer caught in the headlights, and I want to laugh and hug her, but I just look back amusedly.
She lets out a little squeak.
"Oh. Right."
And she bolts.
The End (I mean it)
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The End (I mean it)
Oh no you don't. :P
Excellent work, by the way. XD Keita as interesting as a doorknob. XD And the 3 different points of view. ^^ Loved it. ^_^
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I also loved it. :) I love how you give an objective point of view for the first part, but then elaborated on it by telling it from the Aya & Miki's POV and turned a simple, straight forward story into a more complex one. It comes in layers!
The End (I mean it)
Darn...sequel??
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Ahh! It can't end!
It was a great side story to your current project, mainly because it's not so depressing... with a hint of perversion added to it! Anyway, don't end it!
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This is like a single v in the form of a story. XD You got the original regular story, then you got the Aya POV version, and bonus! the Miki POV version. All you need now is the "making of" hehe
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Gah, I had so problems reading the first chapter! Why? Because I'm not used to reading objective POV from you XD seriously, it got me totally confused.
Loved all the Keita bashing esp. in Aya's POV, really creative.
And wrapping it up in a 3 in 1 way, instead of the usual "neverending story" concept :D
But don't let that stop you from elaborating
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GAM Keita-bashing FTW!!! :wahaha:
They really are two halves of the same whole. Meant to be together, they just...fit.
2
I don't want her to laugh. I want her to help me. I want her to sympathise with me. I want a hug.
"Lose your job? Girl, you are going to go up a couple of notches. A hot, famous idol caught on a date with another hot, famous idol? It's like you just breathed life into your career."
She thinks I'm hot? Well, of course I am. But she thinks so? I like that, I muse.
3
"Lose your job? Girl, you are going to go up a couple of notches. A hot, famous idol caught on a date with another hot, famous idol? It's like you just breathed life into your career."
Is that what I think? I definitely think she's hot. She's on fire. But Tachibana? That was exaggeration. I don't think he's hot. I think he looks like a girl, and I conclude that if Aya would go for someone as girly as him, she'd go for me.
Not that I'd want...
Well, I'm not sure.
They just need to find a way to put the pieces together.
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Hey, nobody died! :D Well, with all of the Keita bashing, he would have been the one to die . . .
Anywho! I love how you dissect stuff into different POVs. It's always so fun to see what those two are really thinking, hee-hee.
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Nooo...it can't just end like that!!!
give us moreee!!!! plz? ;)
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Oh no you don't. :P
Oh yes I do. :P This is like a single v in the form of a story. XD You got the original regular story, then you got the Aya POV version, and bonus! the Miki POV version. All you need now is the "making of" hehe
Clever! I never thought about it that way. Hahaha, that's a good name for the type of story this is. Hey, nobody died! :D
Hah, this is true, although if I continued, Keita might die (I get the feeling not many people would shed a tear over that).
Hah, you and me both, Coachie. I almost forgot how to write in 3rd person. It felt weird.
Taking these three points of views was fun. The first one was a general survey of the scene with little detail, and then the second and third filled in the blanks, making you realise that appearances can be deceiving and sometimes we don't have a clue what someone is truly thinking. I'm glad it only involved those two. Otherwise, I'd be itching to write the Shiba-chan (or Sayu or Maeda Yuki, etc) POV.
Thanks for reading, guys, but gee... sensing a little pressure here to continue. :D
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Are you gonna write out the whole Aya/Miki relationship in small bits like this one? Couse that would be awesome xD
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Just three chapters? I'm surprised! :o
No, really, I am! In a good way, though; self control and all that, you know... :p
I totally dig the 'as ferocious as a plastic bag' line. Actually, I think I might start using it in my MSN. :heart:
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Um... Gonna love this fic much, love the GAM POV, wish you could write more :rolleyes: :heart: :heart: :heart:
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Just three chapters? I'm surprised! :o
No, really, I am! In a good way, though; self control and all that, you know... :p
Self control? What self control? Apparently I'm (unintentionally) the biggest liar.
Because:
How Many Celebrities Does it Take to Fix a Light Bulb?
2.1
It was a Sunday afternoon. Aya had called Keita over to help her replace some complicated fluorescent light bulbs in the kitchen and to help her fix her screen door, which had been rattled off its track by strong winds from the remnants of a typhoon that had hit down south. Once the jobs were complete, Aya had taken Keita into her bedroom to show him some new pictures she'd gotten developed. One thing led to another, and they found themselves on the bed, kissing pleasantly and occasionally muttering a few unimportant words.
They proceeded without interruption, until, of course, there was an interruption. The door to the bedroom slid open.
"Hey, Aya-chan! The front door was unlocked, so I-"
Miki stopped in mid-sentence when she saw the two on the bed. Aya quickly scrambled up from underneath Keita, and they both fixed their hair.
Miki looked surprised for a second. Her expression quickly changed into a smirk.
"Oh, don't let me interrupt," she said playfully, making a show of backing out of the room and sliding the door shut again.
With an apologetic look to Keita, Aya got up and left her room to find Miki at the entrance, putting her shoes on to leave.
"Miki-chan, hi!" she called out before the girl could go.
Miki smiled and waved hello.
"Uh, sorry," Aya said, walking to the entrance.
"Don't be. It's your bedroom. Next time I'll be sure to ring the doorbell," Miki replied with a laugh.
"What did you come over for?" Aya asked.
"Ah, nothing," Miki said quickly, hiding something behind her back.
"And what's that?" Aya continued, pointing to whatever Miki was hiding.
With a sheepish look, Miki brought her hand out from behind her back and showed Aya what she was holding - a DVD.
"I thought we were going to watch this together today," she said carefully.
Aya winced.
"Ahh, Miki-chan, I'm sorry. I completely forgot," she groaned. "See, I had this broken light bulb. And, and then the screen door was off its-"
Miki interrupted with another laugh, patting Aya on the shoulder.
"Some broken light bulb repair work," she said, shooting Aya a suggestive look.
"No, really. It-"
"Don't worry, Aya-chan. Really. Have some fun," Miki said with a genuine smile.
As an afterthought, she fixed the bottom of Aya's shirt, which had flipped up at some point.
"You don't have to go," Aya said quickly. "Maybe the three of us can watch it together."
"Nah," Miki said with a look of distaste. "Don't want to be the third wheel. You go have fun today. We'll do this some other time," Miki said, starting to back off in order to leave.
"Oh, okay. See you... tomorrow?"
Miki smiled.
"See you tomorrow."
Miki left. Aya went back to Keita, who was sitting on the bed and looking confused.
"Where'd she go?" he asked.
"Miki-chan went home," Aya sighed. "She'll come over another day."
"Oh," Keita mumbled, looking down. "Sorry."
"It's okay."
They sat in silence for a minute.
"Want to watch TV?"
Another brief pause.
"Sure, Keita. Sure."
-
2.2
Honestly, all I wanted was for him to help fix the light bulb and the screen door. I should have thought twice about bringing him into my room.
We've accomplished our mission of fixing those things up, but now we're on another mission. A slightly more fun mission. One that involves lying on a bed, kissing, and a little bit of groping, too. It's supposed to be fun, but I'm distracted. I feel like I'm forgetting something.
That, plus the recent Friday article. We've discussed it, but I haven't been brave enough to take any action. We've simply avoided seeing each other for a few weeks. Just this week we've gotten back together. All those things I thought about breaking up with him have been pushed to the back of my mind because I have this feeling that if I let him go, I'll be in an awkward position. Like I'll have to make some sort of choice that I don't want to make because it's too weird and scary. Usually I don’t like to run away from my problems, but this one hits a little close to my heart. I'd talk to Miki about it, but I can't. She's kind of the problem.
But no!!
I don’t think about those kinds of things. No. Not ever. Because I’m just growing up here and having fun with boyfriends and best friends, and there's no need to worry about anything. We all get a little confused sometimes, but it doesn’t mean anything.
I've got it all under control.
No problems here.
None at all.
I mentally shake my head. It occurs to me that this is not the kind of thing one usually thinks about when one is doing what I'm doing. I try to concentrate, but I still feel uncomfortable.
I'm rescued soon enough. The door crashes open and a familiar voice calls out,
"Hey, Aya-chan! The front door was unlocked, so I-"
She cuts herself off, and my eyes snap open. Keita's still got his closed. He doesn't seem to notice that I've stopped kissing him and, oh, say, Miki is standing at the bedroom door staring at us.
Crap. She's seen me.
I push Keita off me, but he's clumsy and it's like his lips are glued to mine. Ug. I manage to get up, and I sit on the bed, fixing my hair and trying to compose myself.
I look up at Miki and she looks surprised. Is she surprised to have caught me like this (it's the first time she's walked in on something like this)? Or is she surprised for some other reason?
She smirks at me.
"Oh, don't let me interrupt," she says in a playful tone as she backs away and leaves the room, shutting the door.
I feel dismayed for some reason. Why isn't she angry? For reasons I can't fathom, I want her to be angry with me. Instead, she just seems amused. Supportive. I don't want her to be supportive.
I give Keita an apologetic look - a meaningless one since I don't feel sorry for him at all - and quickly run out to catch Miki putting on her shoes and getting ready to leave.
"Miki, hi!" I call out for lack of a better thing to say. I haven't greeted her yet, so I may as well start there.
She smiles and does a little wave hello, and I now feel relieved. Maybe it's better for her to be happy with me, not angry. Angry Miki would be a sticky situation to get through.
"Uh, sorry," I apologise as I walk towards her.
I'm not sure what I'm sorry about, though. She's the one that walked in without knocking.
"Don't be. It's your bedroom. Next time I'll be sure to ring the doorbell," she laughs.
But I don't want her to have to do that. I want us to be the kind of friends that don't need those kinds of formalities.
I notice that she's holding something in her hand.
"What did you come here for?" I ask, wondering if she's got something to show me.
"Ah, nothing," she says quickly, hiding what she's holding behind her back.
If she thinks that's going to work, she'd better get a new brain installed. Now I know that whatever she's holding, she brought it over to show me. She doesn't want to waste my time, though, so that's why she's hiding it.
"And what's that?" I ask, pointing to her hand.
Looking at me sheepishly, she shows me what she's holding. It's a DVD - the movie Armageddon. Something tugs at my mind again. We were just talking about this movie a few days ago, commenting on how we both hadn't seen it, which led to...
"I thought we were going to watch this together today," she says.
She doesn't speak in an aggressive or angry way. She says it carefully. She's not rubbing it in my face. She's simply reminding me. If anything, I'd say she sounds sad, not angry.
I wince. This is what slipped my mind. This is the reason I was hesitant about calling Keita over. Now I feel terrible because I've messed up plans with my best friend. How could I ditch her like this? She must feel so offended.
"Ahhh, Miki-chan, I'm sorry," I groan. "I completely forgot. See, I had this broken light bulb. And, and then the screen door was off its-"
She interrupts my explanation with a laugh and pats me on the shoulder.
"Some broken light bulb repair work," she says and tacks on a suggestive look that makes me feel flustered.
"No, really," I say. It-"
"Don't worry, Aya-chan. Really. Have some fun," she says with a smile that seems genuine.
I want to tell her that I'd be having more fun if I was with her, but the words don't come. She reaches over to me and fixes my shirt. I guess it must have gotten a bit twisted. That's very sweet of her.
"You don't have to go," I say quickly before she can leave. "Maybe the three of us can watch it together."
I really want her to stay. If she does, then I'll understand at least one person currently in my apartment.
"Nah," she says, looking at me as if the thought doesn't appeal to her. "Don't want to be the third wheel."
But Miki, I think, Keita would be the third wheel. Not you.
"You go have fun today. We'll do this some other time."
She starts to back off to leave, and I know I've lost her. It depresses me. First I make plans with her to do something, and then she walks in on me with my boyfriend in my room when she and I are supposed to be hanging out, watching a movie that she's been nice enough to go and rent.
"Oh, okay. See you... tomorrow?" I ask timidly.
We're doing dance practices at the studio, so I'll see her at some point during a break.
But I don't want her to go right now! I want her to fight for it. I want her to insist that we watch this film together. Then I can kick Keita out and have some real fun.
She smiles at me, which warms my heart a little. Such an understanding, selfless friend.
"See you tomorrow," she echoes, and she leaves.
Damnit.
Why do these things keep happening? Why??
I sigh and go back to my room to see Keita there. He's looking moronic and confused, and I've lost all desire to be with him at this moment.
"Where'd she go?" he asks.
She has a name, you dweeb, I think angrily.
"Miki-chan went home," I say aloud, emphasising her name. "She'll come back another day."
"Oh," he says.
One syllable. Great. What a compassionate individual. Smart. Well-spoken.
You Neanderthal.
"Sorry."
He'd better be sorry. The nerve of this boy. Trying to seduce me like this when I have a schedule to keep!
"It's okay," I lie.
We sit in silence for a minute, and I fume inwardly.
I ditched Miki for this? We're not even looking at each other. It's like I'm sitting here with an electronic dictionary. No, an electronic dictionary would at least tell me things if I asked it. He's an electronic dictionary without batteries. Or the whole dictionary part. In fact, he's just a big waste of space. A bunch of random atoms and molecules that somehow collided together to create this supremely boring subspecies of human that for some reason I thought was cute and decided to start dating.
What is wrong with me? Maybe I'm the stupid one here. What did I ever see in this guy?!
"Want to watch TV?" he asks me.
Brilliant. Come over, ruin my plans, and then invite me to sit in front of my own television set. Is he stupid?
Well, yeah. Of course he is.
What I mean is... well, that's exactly what I mean. He has no sense. He wants to sit around and watch TV like a twelve year old boy. Can't he tell I want to hang out with Miki? Have I not made it obvious?
I guess TV is better than going back to what we were doing before. At least if I get him focused in front of the set, he'll sit quietly and not bother me as I go off and do my own thing.
I suppress a roll of my eyes. It's like baby-sitting.
"Sure, Keita. Sure."
At least the light bulb and screen door problems got fixed.
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2.3
I skip up the stairs giddily, one by one, counting each one. I'm at one hundred and fourteen. The elevator takes way too long, and I'm filled with too much energy, so I've decided to get rid of that excess energy by running up the stairs.
I love movie days with Aya.
On hot days, we blast the air conditioning and drink iced tea while lounging on the couch, sometimes throwing ice cubes down each other's shirts and getting into fierce competitions to see which one of us can torture the other more.
On cold days, we sit close together snuggling for warmth under a blanket with the heater going. I like to stick my perpetually cold feet on her leg when she's least expecting it and make her scream.
I prefer cold days. Today, however, is warm, so there will be no snuggling.
I get to her door, and without even thinking, I twist the doorknob and the front door swings open. It's just an action that comes naturally to me.
I shake my head and think two things. One, that wow, I've really gotten used to coming over here because now I'm not even bothering to knock; and two, that her door is open, and that's really forgetful of her.
I'm not worried, though. I'm delighted. I may as well go in. Aya doesn't mind.
I wander in as I continue to think about our movie days.
We usually split the task of choosing a video evenly. Sometimes we don't like what the other has chosen, but we grin and bear it (or fall asleep) because our system is very fair.
Today we've decided to watch Armageddon. We kept mentioning it last week, so finally we agreed to watch it on Sunday.
Now it's Sunday. Our movie day!
I grin to myself and hum under my breath as I try to find Aya. Not in the living room, not in the kitchen. He bedroom door is closed, so I yank it open cheerfully.
"Hey, Aya-chan! The front door was unlocked, so I-"
Oh... shit.
I see the last thing I want to see. That retard of a boyfriend is on top of her, slobbering all over her cute face with his stupid clumsy lips and tongue, and he has the audacity to grope her outright. If I was Aya's dad, I'd slaughter him like a pig right there. However, I'm merely her best friend in the world, so I have to stick to being nice and supportive.
But honestly, I feel so low right now that I just want to jump out a window. Aya... my Aya... Doing that with someone like him.
She couldn't have picked someone cooler?
Like me?
"Oh, don't let me interrupt," I say with false playfulness and a smirk.
I back away and get out of there, closing the door before she can see my smile break into a look of despair. I rub my forehead with one hand, closing my eyes tightly, and then make my way to the entrance so that I can leave fast.
What happened to our movie day? I thought it was Miki and Aya time. Why did she invite him over? And why were they kissing on her bed?
No, that's stupid. They're a couple. Of course they'd do that.
But still, it's not fair. I don't want them together. I feel so... so secondary. Aya's mine. I want her for me.
But... no. Just no.
I start to put my shoes on. I want to kill Keita for coming into our lives, for stealing her away, for touching her like that... He's ruined everything. He's made me question myself, her... everything.
"Miki!" Aya calls out to me.
Oh, so she followed me? I thought she'd be too busy sucking face with that electronic-dictionary-minus-the-batteries.
I look at her and give her a bright smile and a wave.
I don't want her to be upset. The only thing worse than me being upset is her being upset. If I'm the cause of it, that's the worst.
She walks up to me, but I beg in my mind for her to just say goodbye and let me go before I do something stupid.
Like cry.
"Sorry," she says to me guiltily.
Sorry for cancelling plans at the last second? Or sorry for me having to see that unpleasant sight? Probably the former.
"Don't be," I say easily and with a laugh. "It's your bedroom. Next time I'll be sure to ring the doorbell."
"What did you come over for?"
Her question vibrates in my head.
Don't you know? I think sadly. Don't you remember?
I cover up my true feelings by carefully hiding the DVD behind my leg and trying to look nonchalant. I must not make her feel bad. If she doesn't remember our plans, I can let it slip by and she won't feel any guilt. She can go back to sex - or whatever the hell they were doing - and I can go back to my home and angst over her, because it looks like my entire afternoon and evening are now free.
"Ah, nothing," I say.
"And what's that?" she asks, pointing behind me to the DVD I'm holding.
There's no point hiding it anymore. She's going to bug me until she finds out what it is.
Carefully, and trying not to seem angry or all in-her-face, I show her the DVD I'm holding.
"I thought we were going to watch this together today," I say uncertainly.
She winces, and a little dart pricks my heart.
"Ahh, Miki-chan, I'm sorry. I completely forgot," she groans. "See, I had this broken light bulb. And, and then..."
My heart takes the plunge, down down down to the bottom of my feet. It slips under, and it gets crushed by my entire weight.
Why is she even bothering to make up stories? Lying horizontally on a bed and sticking your hands up each other's clothes is not how you change a light bulb.
But I'm still not angry with her. I'm just disappointed that I don't mean more to her. I don't deserve the truth.
"- the screen door was off its-"
I've had enough. I cut her off with a laugh and pat her on the shoulder.
"Some broken light bulb repair work," I say, raising an eyebrow and giving her a look full of suggestion.
"No, really. It-"
Well, maybe she's telling the truth. She doesn't have a habit of lying to me. But I still don't want to hear her excuse. Whatever happened has happened, and it's the end result that I hate.
"Don't worry, Aya-chan. Really. Have some fun," I say, smiling to show her that everything's okay.
Everything's not okay.
I don't want to be saying any of this. What I really want to do is grab her hands and ask her to tell me the truth. Beg her to tell me. Then I want to ask her to break up with him right there and come over to my place so that we can have a fun movie day. And then when night comes, we can watch more movies and fall asleep together in front of the TV, and I'll be able to laugh at Keita because in the end, she cared about me more.
I blame Keita for all my problems. Before he came along, I didn't have to think of anything. There were no threats to my friendship with Aya. Nothing to worry about when it came to spending time with her. I was more than willing to share her time with all her other friends and her job.
Enter Keita
He's inserted himself into her life, that presumptuous little bastard. He treats me like an amusing presence. No respect. If he had the guts, I bet he'd pat me on the head and give me a dog treat. He thinks I'm Aya's little lapdog who'll go away when she tells me to.
Okay, it's true that I kind of am (I really like it when she bosses me around because with me, it's her way of showing that she cares), but he's not allowed to think that! Only Aya and I can say that about me.
Ever since Keita has been around, I've never wanted Aya more. The old adage about never realising what you've lost until you can't have it is one thousand per cent true, and I can't believe I never realised before how much I needed Aya in my life. Not just as a friend.
I think all of this in one or two short seconds while looking at her.
I look down and see that her shirt has flipped up a bit. Probably because that brainless piece of paper she calls a boyfriend was on top of her and trying to stick his hands up her shirt and got it all messed up.
I reach out and fix her shirt for her because Captain Lamebrain in there wouldn't know to fix his girlfriend's rumpled shirt if his own girlfriend wrote him a letter and kindly asked him to. If he doesn't know how to treat a girl right, he should just stop bothering to try. Leave Aya to a guy who can treat her right. Or to me.
"You don't have to go," Aya says quickly. "Maybe the three of us can watch it together."
I really want to believe her, and I really want to stay, but I have to go. If I have to spend an afternoon with that guy, I'm going to say something nasty and upset both him and her (she always checks my manners), and then I'll be in her bad books, which certainly is not going to get me any closer to what I want.
"Nah. Don't want to be the third wheel. You go have fun today. We'll do this some other time," I reassure her.
"Oh, okay. See you... tomorrow?" she asks, sounding a little guilty.
I don't want her to feel bad, but it does assure me that I do mean something to her. That I'm not just that eager-to-please lapdog...
I smile to cover up an outburst that I feel coming upon me.
"See you tomorrow."
I turn my back on her and leave. I walk down the hall and to the stairs. When I hear the door click shut, a tear runs down my face, followed by another and another. I grip the DVD in my hand and push the door to the stairway open. I walk down at half the speed I went coming up. I sniff and try to wipe my tears away, but I can't control them as they fall silently.
I scold myself. I shouldn't be crying. She hasn't done anything wrong to me. Well, she's messed up our plans, but friends don't cry this much over that kind of thing. Usually they're a bit angry with their friends. In this case, though, I'm angry at Keita for existing, and still completely and hopelessly in love with someone I'll never have.
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May I kill Keita? Electronic dictionary without batteries indeed. I want to smash him into tiny little pieces. >_>
You have an irresistable urge to torture Miki and Aya, don't you? Everything you write, even the fluff, has something to torture them eventually. -_-; Gah. But I love your writing anyway.
Please write more. Because I need something to boot Keita out of the picture. Permanently, preferably. More!!!
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I do have that urge, but I promise that if I write that 10 chapters of fluff I've almost promised (once I finish What Needed to be Done), any angst that appears in it will be resolved.
I don't know if you'll believe it, but this is the song that I was to listening prior to writing the very first post of this story yesterday. It's kind of my theme song, even though it doesn't fit at all.
It's so... ridiculous. Just like me.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/ehlyl3
(actually, kind of like a dumb Keita theme)
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Man... the way the story is written, it's as if you want us to want Keita killed. Not that I mind, because I mean who the hell leaves the door open and openly gropes someone... yeah. Anyway, I'm looking forward to that 10+ chapters of fluff!
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I'm thoroughly disappointed!!!
Where is the Keita POV?
and HA! HA! at your selfcontrol - good for us, good for us
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I didn't think anyone would want to read Keita's pov. Here's some food for thought:
2.4
My life is so great right now. I'm making out with my girlfriend on her bed. And she's good! Luckiest guy on Earth. That's me.
Then something strange happens. Reality sets in again.
Her best friend walks in on us.
"Hey, Aya-chan! The front door was unlocked, so I-"
At first I don't realise 'cause I'm so into Aya. Nothing else can distract me from her, but then I feel her pushing me off, and something at the back of my mind tells me that the door is open and that we should stop what we're going right now. We both roll up. I fix my hair out of habit.
"Oh, don't let me interrupt," her friend says, and she backs out of the door.
Fujimoto Miki. That girl will be the end of this relationship. I just know it. I tried to like her at first. She's Aya's best friend, so of course I want to be on her good side.
But the more I've started to hang around, the more she treats me like some disease. She avoids hanging out when I'm around, and I feel all this hostility coming from her. I've taken to being just barely civil around her. I kind of treat her like a kid so that maybe she'll realise how silly she's being and back off.
There are two reasons why I think she could be acting like that around me.
One is that she likes me and is somehow angry that I've chosen Aya over her.
The other is that she's really protective of Aya and is jealous of me 'cause now they spend less time together.
I doubt it's the first option.
I feel Aya get off the bed, and I look up at her. Her look says "I'm sorry," but I don't really feel it's honest. She leaves the bedroom, and I'm left there alone. I can't hear what they're talking about, but she's gone long enough to make me feel awkward just sitting there.
The truth is, I don't think Aya likes me very much. It really kind of sucks because I liked her a lot.
I try to do things that I think she'll be interested in, but I'm not very creative. I can't think quickly, and I don't have enough experience with girls. People might think I'm this huge player just 'cause I'm famous, but I've only had one serious girlfriend before Aya. We were childhood friends, so it just worked out better. I was way more comfortable around her, and when I suggested boring things to do, she didn't mind because it's not like I needed to take her on a trip to the Savannah in order to impress her. I'm not really sure why we broke up. We just drifted away. I found this new career, and she went off to another school. Sometimes things fall apart senselessly.
But with Aya, I try to be normal because I think that's what she needs in life. She's always got her hands full with being an idol, and believe me, I understand how stressful it can be. I take her on dates to go see movies and go to dinner. It's hard to be in public places alone with her because of the attention we get from the magazines. Just a few weeks ago, we had a bit of a scandal.
But the more normal I try to be, the more I sense that she's bored. She doesn't tell me, but I'm not that dim. I can tell when a girl is bored. I'm just not very good at conveying my own feelings to her. I don't know how to apologise properly for it, or I don't know how to tell her that I think it's a good thing to be a little boring sometimes when our lives are so hectic.
I guess we don't see eye-to-eye on that.
And then there are the things she talks about... Miki and work. It's always about one of those two. I don't mind hearing about these things, but when it's all she ever talks about, it irks me. I get it, they're best friends and they do everything together, but sometimes I feel like I know Miki better than I know my own girlfriend. How messed up is that?
I know I'm losing her. I'm positive that Miki must be applying some sort of pressure for her to break up with me. I know that one day she's going to call me and end it, so nowadays, every time my phone rings, my heart sinks because I think it's that final e-mail. That final call. The one telling me that I'm a nice guy, but...
But would I really be that heartbroken? Of course I really like her, but if we don't click, we don't click. She can be fun to hang out with, and she really is such a good kisser, but I'm not a shallow guy. I need a little more than that to keep me in something big like this. If that's all I'm going to get from her, then Miki can have her back. I don't want to be "the boyfriend." The guy that sometimes shows up to help fix light bulbs and screen doors. I want to be a part of her life, and since that's not going to happen, I may as well get out of it while I still have some pride.
In the middle of contemplating all of this, Aya comes back to the room. The first thing I notice is that she's alone. I suspect she's invited Miki to stay over, so I wonder what's going on.
"Where'd she go?" I ask.
"Miki-chan went home. She'll come over another day," Aya replies with a sigh.
She sounds half annoyed at me, half annoyed at Miki. I'm not quite sure what I've done to inspire anger, but girls are weird. All of them. Sometimes they get all big over something that isn't worth anything.
"Oh," I mumble, looking down at my hands. Girls also have this natural ability to make me feel guilty even when I've done absolutely nothing wrong. "Sorry."
Sorry for being in the way. Sorry that you don't like me. Sorry that Miki doesn't like me.
"It's okay," she says.
Purely perfunctory forgiveness. She doesn't mean it. I can tell that much. Just from the tone of her voice.
Man, this sucks. Why can't my own girlfriend be into me?? Why is she so into her best friend?? I mean, if Miki was a guy, I would be raging with jealousy. I'd be after them all the time to make sure nothing happened between them. But Miki's not a guy, and so I can't be jealous.
And yet... I really really am. I'm insanely jealous.
My anger turns into a hopeless whisper in my mind that tells me that the good guys always finish last. I bitterly wonder if other girls are allowed in the race, too, because it feels like Miki's winning the gold medal while I haven't even got my running shoes on.
So what do I do? Break up with her before she can call me up and do it? Wait until she does it? Why is she even going out with me still? I'm being used for some purpose beyond installing new light bulbs, and I'm not sure what it is. Is it a power struggle? Is she scared of something?
Whatever. She can do what she wants. It's not going to last much longer.
"Want to watch TV?" I ask.
Maybe I can bore her so much that she'll break up with me right now so that I can go home and mope over what an absolute failure this relationship is.
There's a lull in the air, and I can just hear her thoughts. 'You oaf. You want to watch TV?' Or whatever.
"Sure, Keita. Sure."
She says it in such a condescending way, but I don't let on that I've noticed.
We move to the living room and sit down on the couch. We're not even sitting together. It's like we're occupying two totally different worlds. Our legs aren't even touching.
I pretend to become engrossed in the baseball game, but I can't help noticing that she leaves partway through. I can hear her typing things on her phone.
Probably sending Miki mail.
'Save me from this horrible baseball-watching monster!'
Or some such insulting thing.
My favourite player hits a homerun. Lucky guy.
I'll never be the heroic brave knight that rescues the princess. That's not what Aya wants. I'm just the ogre. Someone else is her knight. Hell, it could be Miki. For all I care, they can go off and live happily ever after together. I'll go and find myself someone else.
It was fun while it lasted, Aya, but now it's just a matter of time.
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I do have that urge, but I promise that if I write that 10 chapters of fluff I've almost promised (once I finish What Needed to be Done), any angst that appears in it will be resolved.
Hmmm. This only sounds half as nice, you know? Then again, we have to uncover the mystery! (That was part of the deal. :P) Anywho, we do know that Aya and Keita eventually break up, so . . . yeah.
I'm glad you continued this. I recently ran across a picture of Tachibana and actually drooled over him, but now . . . I'm with everyone else on wanting to kill him. Well, I was after reading Miki and Aya's POVs, but after reading his, I think he seriously needs help with women or maybe he just chose the right person for the wrong reasons. Or the right person chose him for the wrong reasons. Poor guy. D:
Actually, poor, poor Miki. She's so affectionate, and when she was calling herself a "lapdog", I couldn't help but laugh over its truthfulness. Also, you pinned down her jealous streak just right. :o I remember her mentioning on DokiMiki that she mostly got upset with Aya over jealousy. xD
Cute. :heart:
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Lol at least Keita knows that his continued presence isn't all that appreciated.
Oh, and his assessment of Miki was funny as heck. Reminds me of the Futarigoto where Miki says to Aya that if Aya got married, she would pick a lot of meaningless fights with her husband. Seems like that's exactly how Miki has been treating Keita the boyfriend. XD
And Keita needs to find someone who appreciates him more lol. XD
More please! ^^
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Tossing Keita's POV in there was an interesting twist. I mean, it's definitely easy to get caught up in the Keita-bashing ('cuz it's so much fun, for one thing ;D), but in doing so it's easy to forget that he's a person too, with his own feelings and perspectives on the situation.
The way he's written here, he's like your typical guy. Although he knows how he feels, he doesn't necessarily have the knowledge/ability to communicate to others how he feels. Also, like a typical guy, he thinks that girls overreact to some things that, from a guy's perspective, shouldn't be a big thing. Out of the three of them, he also seems to be the one who's the most "realistic" in that he realizes that he probably can't compete with Miki and that because of this, Aya likely won't feel for him what he feels for her.
Almost feel sorry for the guy. It's like dead man walkin'.
Even though you wrote this insight into Keita's POV, it's still not gonna stop you from writing more Keita-bashing stuff, right? >:D
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That Keita PoV is making me really iffy on the Keita-bashing.... mainly because if I were in a relationship with a Idol/Celebrity I'd probably do/act similar... x.x. I mean gogo Ayaya-Mikitty but poor Keita :(
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you really did it!
I start to feel sympathetic for the guy, I didn't expect these kinds of thoghts from a electronic dictionary without batteries - reminded me of myself. guess that means I'm one as well :D
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Wow. you even made ME feel pity for the gy *shakes head*.
But I had to laugh at the girls are weird comments he was putting out. Made me wonder if he was gonna say something like
"Ah, maybe I should just go back to men..."
I knew you couldnt let it rest....another chapter or you think this has done its dash?
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I've still got a bit more in me for this one!
I'm really glad you guys are sympathising with Keita more. Yes, he's human, and yes, he's got his own opinion about what's going on. Poor guy. He knows he's being jerked around, yet he's trying to be nice.
Losing Grip
3.1
Aya called Keita up one evening out of the blue.
"Can you come over now?" she asked.
"Um, now?" Keita asked, surprised. It was past nine o'clock and he had to wake up at five the next morning.
"Please?" Aya asked desperately.
Something in her voice told him he should go over right away, so he told her to hang on for half an hour and he'd be over as soon as possible.
Keita arrived at Aya's door at nine fifty and he rang the doorbell. He didn't have to wait long. The door was thrown open, and before he could say anything, he was pulled into the apartment by a pair of hands.
He found himself pushed up against a wall, being kissed with such vigour that he was shocked that calm Aya could be doing this. He eagerly participated, however, and soon, Aya was pushing him through the living room and into her bedroom.
He smiled under her kisses and let her push him onto her bed, holding her tightly to him as she eased herself onto him.
"Is this the big emergency?" he asked playfully.
"Mmhmm," she replied.
"You really need to have more emergencies more often," Keita grinned against her lips.
"Shhh," she said, running a hand along his face. "No talking."
His grin widened even more and he happily played along.
But then when her hands started fumbling with his belt and the zipper to his pants, he grabbed her hands and pushed her away.
"Aya, what's going on?" he asked, sitting up.
"What?" she asked breathlessly, pushing him back down and continuing her attack.
He took her wrists and pushed her off of him again.
"Slow down," he said.
Aya started at him, jaw dropped.
"Slow down? Are you even a man?"
Keita frowned angrily.
"No, it's not that I don't want to, but... is there something wrong? Are you okay?"
"Why? A girl can't do this to her own boyfriend? God, I thought you'd be happy," she replied angrily.
"I wouldn't mind, but with the fact that you've been so distant lately, I'm wondering if you've got some other reason for suddenly wanting to get into my pants."
"You- you- I- Arg!"
Aya got up angrily and stalked out of the bedroom. Quickly doing his zipper and belt back up, Keita followed her.
"Aya, I just-"
She held up a hand.
"No. Just get out."
"I-"
"Get out," her icy voice repeated.
Without another word, Keita left and Aya sat down against a wall and started to cry.
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3.2
I've just gotten out of the bath when my phone rings. I pick it up and am very surprised to hear Aya on the line.
"Can you come over now?" she asks.
"Um, now?" I ask.
It's a quarter past nine. I have to wake up at five to get ready quickly and then leave for filming. It takes me half an hour to drive to Aya's place from mine, so that means an hour of travelling time, plus whatever sort of thing I have to do at her place. I won't get to bed until quite late. The one day I decide to take an early night...
"Please?" Aya asks.
She sounds desperate.
Uh oh, I think. I hope everything's all right.
Maybe she was followed home or harassed by a stranger. Or maybe she's got bad news. Did someone die?
Even though we've been distant ever since her friend walked in on us two weekends ago, I still feel the intense need to help her. I want to make everything okay between us. I still really like her. I've been thinking of ways to be more outgoing without changing who I am, and I think there's a lot that I can do.
But first, I've got to go over there and make sure she's okay. I tell her to wait for half an hour and that I'll be there soon.
I push the speed limit so that I can get there as soon as possible, all the while thinking about what I can do to make Aya happy with me. Her nineteenth birthday is coming up at the end of June. I should start planning something nice for her. Maybe something big to show her that I care. But not just big. It has to be fun and meaningful. It's mid-April now, so I've got a little more time to think about it.
What can I get her?
A day at the spa?
No, it has to be something we can do together.
A musical?
No, not exciting enough.
I know. How about a trip? We can take off for a weekend and go somewhere tropical. Maybe Okinawa. Or even better, Guam.
Yeah, that's it. That's what I'll do. I'll take her to Guam. Then we can sit and relax on the beach and forget about all our worries and start anew.
I apply a little pressure to the accelerator and speed up.
I arrive at her apartment at nine-fifty. I park quickly and jog up the front steps, hopping into the elevator and riding up.
I really do hope Aya's okay and she's just overreacting about something.
Maybe there's a spider she needs me to kill. I laugh. She's done that before. Called me over to kill a spider. Of course by the time I got to her place, the spider had long since crawled off into a corner, but she wouldn't let me leave until we scoured her entire apartment. We never did find it.
Or maybe her kitchen sink has sprung a leak. That's always possible. I'm no plumber, but she might not be strong enough to turn valves or do whatever you need to do when your spring a leak. I don't know. I've never actually been through one.
But this is pathetic. Here I am driving to my girlfriend's house, and the only thing I can do is wonder what sort of menial task she's going to assign me. Is it just me thinking silly things? Or is it because that's how she treats me - like the handyman that sometimes she goes on dates with and makes out with in private?
I feel something in me deflate until I get to the door and ring the doorbell.
I almost yell when hands grab me and yank me into the apartment.
It's a set up! I think. Kidnappers have forced Aya to call me so that they can get the both of us and kill us!
But this kidnapper's hands are soft and small. This kidnapper's lips are also very very nice.
This kidnapper is my girlfriend.
I'm shocked out of my mind as Aya rams me into a wall and attacks my lips passionately, her hands rubbing my neck and then down my shoulders and arms. I wake up and kiss back as she reaches behind me and slams the door shut, locking it hastily and quickly letting her hands return to my body.
This girl is on fire! I can't believe it. Just when I think things are simmering down between us, she pulls something like this.
This is awesome!
If I end up planning that trip to Guam and every morning begins like this, I think I'll explode. In lots of ways.
She starts to push me towards her bedroom. I know the direction well. We stumble together, stepping all over each other's feet but never once breaking apart.
I smile when we reach our goal and she pushes me down onto the bed. I bring her down with me, and she climbs on top of me. This is no girl I'm dating. This is a woman. One hundred per cent sultry woman. Damn, I'm lucky.
"Is this the big emergency?" I ask playfully, breaking away from her lips and smoothing her hair back. It's getting into my mouth.
"Mmhmm," she replies in a delectably lazy way that just turns me on even more than I already am.
She bends down and finds my lips with hers again.
"You really need to have more emergencies more often," I mumble with a grin.
"Shhh," she says, running her deliciously smooth hand across my face in a loving way. "No talking."
No problem. I'll shut up. As long as she keeps doing what she's doing, I can lose an hour or three of sleep.
We continue along our sexy path, but I start to have doubts.
Why? Why is she doing this all of a sudden? She's been cold and distant lately, and suddenly she calls me up because she feels... what? Horny all of a sudden? She wants company?
Or is there something bigger going on here?
Maybe she's trying to make herself feel better about something. Maybe she had a fight.
A fight.
There's only one person in the world who can upset her enough to go nuts like this.
I groan in my mind, and suddenly, things don't look so good. I bet they had some sort of argument, and this is Aya's sick, twisted way of "getting revenge." She calls me up to get a little action while knowing perfectly well that Miki's got nobody. Well, I'm sure she doesn't have nobody, but I mean she's single.
I'm lost in thought, which is why I don't stop it sooner. "It" being Aya unbuckling my belt, unbuttoning my pants, and undoing the zipper.
No, I think. Not like this. Not when you don't mean it.
I have feelings, too.
I grab her hands and push her away from me.
"Aya, what's going on?" I ask, sitting up.
She looks at me, puzzled.
"What?" she asks in a breathless voice.
She pushes me down by the shoulders, and her hands grab at the waist of my pants again, getting ready to pull them down.
I take her wrists again and push her.
"Slow down," I tell her.
This is all sorts of wrong. She cannot possibly want to be doing this with me. Not when she's ignored me for two weeks. Not when I know she's not into me.
And yet she looks at me with her jaw dropped.
"Slow down? Are you even a man?"
That's it. That's crossing the line. This has nothing to do with being a man or not. This has to do with dignity. I'm saving hers and my own. I refuse to be used as some object in a game - a power struggle - between two friends that can't even figure out their own relationship.
And I know Miki's involved. There's no other logical reason.
I frown at her.
"No, it's not that I don't want to, but... is there something wrong? Are you okay?" I ask her.
I want her to talk to me. Even if she breaks up with me right now, if I hear the truth, I'll be satisfied. I want her to tell me what Miki's done to upset her. I want her to admit that what she's doing now is not out of love or anything kind-hearted, but out of revenge or something spiteful.
"Why? A girl can't do this to her own boyfriend? God, I thought you'd be happy," she snaps at me angrily.
She's lying to me. Lying so obviously that it hurts. My heart aches.
She might lie to me, but I won't lie to her. I'm going to speak my mind.
"I wouldn't mind, but with the fact that you've been so distant lately, I'm wondering if you've got some other reason for suddenly wanting to get into my pants."
I'm hinting at her to tell me. To let me know why she's doing this. I don't deserve to be lied to. I've done nothing wrong. I've been nothing but nice to her, and I've tried to tolerate Miki. I haven't thought a single nasty thing about her, I've never spoken ill of her to my friends, I've never bragged that I'm sleeping with one of the most popular idols (because really, I'm not. Sleeping with her, that is. Not yet anyway), and I've never forced myself on her or pressured her into doing something she hasn't wanted to do. I've been a model boyfriend, and, okay, maybe a little boring, but I've meant everything I've said to her.
And here she is wanting to rip my pants off just to prove something. Maybe prove something to herself or to her friend or... I don't know. I don't understand how she thinks.
"You- you- I- Arg!" she stutters angrily.
Then she gets up and stalks out of the bedroom.
What in the world is going on!?
I quickly do up my pants and chase her. I need to calm her down and then talk with her. I don't want us to fight like this, because I have no idea what we're fighting about.
"Aya, I just-" I start, but she holds up a hand.
"No. Just get out."
She's kicking me out? What have I done? Refused to sleep with her because I know she'll regret it if she does? Since when is this a bad thing? Since when does a girl hate her boyfriend for thinking of her mental sanity the morning after?
"I-"
"Get out," her icy voice repeats.
I grow angry. I don't deserve this at all. She's being unreasonable, but there's no way to let her know that. Girls are scary. Besides sharp nails, this one's got a way with words and gestures that can give a man chills.
I don't try and talk to her anymore. At least she's stopped trying to take off my pants. I mean, not that I would have minded if she'd succeeded... But no. I'm a good guy.
I don't even look at her. I just step into my shoes and leave, making sure the door swings shut quietly.
I shove my hands into my pockets and walk to the elevator dejectedly.
Some might think I'm the stupidest man on earth. I was about to get the hottest action of my life. Or probably. If Aya's better than my ex-girlfriend. She certainly was acting like she knew what she was doing.
But that sensitive side of me - the side that I know girls like - tells me that I have done the right thing. I've saved my pride. I've prevented her from regretting something big. Hell, I've probably even made her best friend want to crack open a bottle of champagne 'cause I didn't touch Aya.
This is so messed up.
Doing the right thing has never felt so shitty.
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3.3
It's been a great day. I've spent it all with Miki. We went shopping, bought tonnes of clothes, and then had dinner at a fancy Vietnamese place. We've come back to my apartment to relax, and we're at the end of a drama that we both follow regularly. It started a few months ago and is one of those really irresistibly bad dramas. One of the ones that nobody dares admit they watch, but come evening time, they’re glued to their screens.
As the end of the episode draws near, the main character, a twenty-three year old woman who aspires to be the manager of the corporate strategy department at the computer software company she works at, has just been told by her childhood friend a burning secret - that he's been in love with her ever since he can remember. The music swells up beautifully, and the childhood friend wraps his arms around the heroine, bringing her in for a dramatic and passionate kiss.
"Oh, please! He's not even cute!" Miki calls out, ruining the moment.
I hit her on the arm hard so that she shuts up, but she keeps going.
"If I was her, I'd go for the hottie that works on the second floor."
"Miki, you're ruining it," I hiss.
She crosses her arms and looks at me with a bitchy look that makes me forget about the TV show and start laughing.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I giggle.
"Because you're not listening to what I'm saying. This childhood friends of hers is sketchy," she begins her analysis just as the closing credits roll.
"What's so sketchy?" I ask, turning to her and mimicking the position she's in.
"He's been gone for four years," Miki says, sticking her nose up in the air.
"He was at university," I groan.
"Hah, we don't know that!" Miki cries, pointing a finger in the air triumphantly. I giggle because she gets way too into these kinds of things. "Second of all, he's ugly."
I frown.
"Okay, yeah, but that's not very nice to say," I tell her with a disapproving look.
"But Aya-chan, in these dramas, it's never the ugly guy that gets the girl. I mean, just look at him."
I frown again. Something in me tells me to stand up and fight for the guy even though I agree with her. I feel this need inside me. I sense an opportunity.
"So you wouldn't date a guy if he wasn't good looking?" I ask.
Miki stops and evaluates my question. She can tell we've left the realm of fiction and we're now having a real life discussion.
"Well," she says hesitantly. "I wouldn't want him to be hideous..."
"Well, what if he was a gorgeous man until he got his face burned off in an accident. Would you still love him?"
"Of course," she says without any hesitation.
"You don't sound so sure," I say, although I'm bluffing. She sounded pretty sure.
"Well, I don't really think about it. I've never met a burn victim before."
Nice try...
"So you wouldn't date someone who was different? Like, too different? Out of the norm? Someone others wouldn't approve of?"
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but something inside me is screaming at me to stop it now.
"I've dated my fair share of guys that nobody - especially my parents - approved of," Miki says with a wicked grin.
Oh, I know that. But what I mean is... What do I mean?
"What would you do for love? Or what would stop you from loving?" I finally ask.
There it is. The kicker.
My god, I can't believe we're talking about this. This is way too weird.
Weird because I feel something inside me. It's a box that I want to open, but I'm much too scared to.
"I, uh..." Miki's voice cracks.
I want to know exactly what she's thinking. I need to know. I'm freaking out here, and I don't even know why.
"Love is love," she finally says. "Who am I to decide what to do and not to do? I'll just do whatever it takes 'cause I can't control myself."
Not what I was expecting. I know that she has a good heart - a superb, stupendous, wonderful, loving heart - but it's surprised me that she's answered my question seriously. I thought she'd play it up and talk about leaping over tall buildings and swimming to the bottom of an ocean to do battle with a killer squid. Instead, she's left it open-ended and, in a way, sweet. She'll do anything, no matter how big or small. For that person she loves.
Who is that person she loves?
No, don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask. Repeat my mantra. Don't ask. Don't a-
"Anyone in particular in mind?" I ask.
I've asked. I'm dumb.
She looks at me, and for a second, I see a distant look in her eye. It's as if she's figured out the meaning of life and is about to let me in on the secret. Her expression quickly reverts to one of amusement, and a twinkle in her eye overshadows anything secretive in them that I saw before.
"Plenty of people," she quips. "My parents, my friends, and the ranchers that raise the tasty cows I eat when I go for yakiniku."
She rubs her tummy and licks her lips as a finishing touch.
She knows that's not the kind of love I'm talking about. I'm talking about romantic love. The kind where you want to touch the person you're with all the time. The kind where a kiss is like a breath of pure air.
"So what about you?" she asks. "What would you do for Tachibana?"
Keita? Nothing. Or not much. He's stupid. If he disappeared, I'm sure not many people would miss him.
"I don't know," I mumble, shrugging.
"Oh, so now you're evading my questions? And you get mad at me when I do that?" Miki gasps dramatically.
I push her shoulder.
"It's not that. I'm just not sure. He's not really, um..." I trail off.
What I want to say is that I don't like him and I want to break up with him right now.
But for some reason, I have a feeling if I say that with Miki here beside me, just the two of us in my apartment, things might get weird.
No. Why would they get weird? If anything, she'd party. I know she doesn't like him.
But still. It would be weird. And I might not be able to control what happens next.
No.
I must not think about it. There's nothing to think about.
"He's not really your type?" Miki asks.
Is that hope in her voice?
"No," I say quickly. "He is. He is."
She stares at me. I think I'm scaring her with my firmness. I smile.
"I'm just not sure yet what I'd do for him. We're still getting to know each other."
"Getting to know each other? I think you're beyond that stage at this point. How many months has it been?"
She starts to count, but I grab her hand quickly and make her stop.
"No, I mean... you can't know everything about a person in such a short time. Even after two or three years, you still don't know everything..."
I trail off and hastily let go of her hand.
This has to end now.
Miki starts to say something, but I look at my watch and cut her off.
"Hey, you know what? Actually, I asked Keita to come over this evening. He'll be here in about half an hour," I say quickly, pretending not to hear her start up with something.
She stops, looks at me like she doesn't know who I am, and stands up.
"Great. I'll see you later, then. I'll let you two have your alone time," she says.
She sounds barely human. More like a robot.
Suddenly I feel very crappy.
I walk her to the door and stand there awkwardly as she puts her shoes on.
"Mail me when you get home safely," I say with a wave.
"Right, because you'll come to my rescue if I've been kidnapped and can't mail," she says sarcastically.
She means it in jest, but something in her tone tells me she doesn't believe I'd go and help her if she was in trouble.
She leaves with a "good night" and I close the door, slumping down in my couch.
Would I go and help her if she was in trouble?
Of course. No doubt about it.
What would I not do for her is the better question. There's very little I wouldn't do for that girl. She's my best friend in the world. Sometimes I think-
No. I don't think.
I fumble for my phone desperately, trying to distract myself.
Keita. Call Keita. Get him over here now.
I find his number and hit dial.
Pick up pick up pick up, I chant in my head.
He finally answers.
"Can you come over now?" I ask quickly.
"Um, now?" he asks stupidly.
No, "now" as in "three years from this Tuesday." Arrrg. Of course now, I think angrily.
"Please?" I ask him, unable to keep the desperation out of my voice.
I want him to stop asking questions and to get here as soon as possible. I win, because he says he'll be here shortly.
I hang up quickly and start to jog around my room, trying to keep my mind off what has just happened. I try to forget my conversation with Miki.
I like Keita. He's my boyfriend and I'm lucky to have him. He has a car, and I admit that he can cook pretty well.
Why am I being so shallow? He has a car? Since when do I care about a car? If he was a jerk, would I still like him because he had a car? I hope not.
I'm now hopping around the room, replacing every thought of Miki with anything I can think of. Glaciers, rabbits, curry, ice cream cones, tissue boxes, anything not Miki.
About half an hour later, the doorbell rings. I know what I want.
I rush over and open it, grabbing the boy I see out there and pulling him in. I don't think. I just act. I start to kiss him, and I push him up to the wall. He warms up to me after his initial wave of extra dumbness. He might be brain-dead, but he's an amazing kisser when he's not slobbering all over me. He's not too bad with his hands, too.
He doesn't question me. He goes with the flow. That's the thing with guys. When you need sex, they are there. They are ready if you are. Oh, are they ever ready.
I lock my door and then drag him to my room. I'm now almost completely distracted from my problem. But I can't get Miki's voice out of my head.
"Love is love."
It certainly is.
"Who am I to decide what to do and not to do?"
I push Keita onto my bed and follow him down, not letting my lips and hands leave him.
"I'll just do whatever it takes 'cause I can't control myself."
I feel him smile.
"Is this the big emergency?" he asks playfully.
"Mmhmm," I reply.
I want him to stop talking. If he doesn't talk, I can pretend it's not him.
"You really need to have more emergencies more often," he smiles some more as I try to kiss him, and I put my hand on his face.
"Shhh. No talking."
He seems happy enough with that. Dumb dogs are easy to please.
I focus completely on the now. Maybe I should get him to talk to remind me that it's him, because this him - Keita - that I'm on top of. Nobody else. Keita.
I need to do more. I need to go further. If I can lose myself in a moment of bliss, I can put to rest any doubts in my mind. I can prove to myself, prove to other people, that I'm not questioning myself here. That I'm not going crazy.
I tug at his jeans. I get his belt undone and then I undo the button and the zipper, and like I said before, when you're ready, they're ready. He's ready to go. But suddenly he grabs my hands and pushes me away.
Maybe he wants to switch positions. Maybe he wants me on my back. That's fine. I'll do whatever he wants.
"Aya, what's going on?" he asks, sitting up.
What??
"What?" I ask breathlessly.
Maybe he fell asleep and is just waking up now in confusion. No matter. I'm sure he'll like what I have planned. I push him back down.
And he pushes me back up again.
"Slow down," he says.
What the hell is this? Slow down?!
Since when does a guy utter those words?
"Slow down? Are you even a man?" I ask scathingly.
This guy really pisses me off.
Apparently I piss him off, too, because he looks at me angrily.
"No, it's not that I don't want to, but... is there something wrong? Are you okay?"
There is nothing wrong! I yell in my mind. Absolutely nothing! Now take off your pants and let's get busy.
"Why? A girl can't do this to her own boyfriend? God, I thought you'd be happy," I snap at him.
He's got have lost a few brain cells. Maybe from when I pushed him against the wall.
"I wouldn't mind, but with the fact that you've been so distant lately, I'm wondering if you've got some other reason for suddenly wanting to get into my pants."
No. There is no other reason. Definitely not. I'm just feeling a need for a little loving. Is that too much to ask? I just want to hang out, have sex, you know. The usual thing you do with your boyfriend.
"You- you- I- Arg!" I scream at him.
I can't even phrase my thoughts correctly. Flustered, I leave my bedroom in a huff and go and sit down on my couch, arms crossed, breathing heavily with anger.
He comes out of the bedroom soon after, his pants all done up. So much for my spontaneous fun plan.
"Aya, I just-" he starts, but I hold up a hand.
I don't want to see him right now.
"No. Just get out."
"I-"
Shut up.
"Get out," I repeat in a voice that brooks no further argument.
He's so whipped. He stops talking and leaves. The minute my door closes, I begin to cry.
When did my life get so messed up? Why would I do something like this? Am I that depressed over the thought of losing a boyfriend? I don't even like him that much. The only reason he's still with me is that if I let him go, I'll be single and I'll be prey to other thoughts and to other people, and I'm too scared to change my life right now. Too scared.
I check my phone. Miki hasn't mailed. She should have been home by now. I have a feeling she won't mail me tonight.
A day that started so well has ended disastrously because instead of having at least one person with me, now I've lost them both.
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just one thing for now...
MIKI POV! MIKI POV! XDD
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Hahaha, it's finished, len.chan, but it's not proofread. I need to go to sleep now. You'll be able to read it later!
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i love u!!!!
thank you for keep it goin!!!
waiting for MIki POV!!! \o/
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Now I'm really feeling sorry for Keita... I mean, in my opinion he did the right thing. And Aya was pretty harsh to him... I dunno, this chapter was just too cruel =\
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yeah, I'm totally on keita's side now, too! Poor guy. Why was Aya dating him in the first place?
I can't believe you made me think the words "Aya" and "bitch" in the same sentence... and look, now I even typed them!!!
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Totally agree that Keita did the right thing in this case. He may be dull, but he's a gentleman. He wants it to be special if he and Aya ever take that step, the way it was happening here, it just wasn't right. He would have just been taking advantage of Aya's confused state of mind, which seems to be one of the big factors in this fic. All three people (Miki, Aya, and Keita) know what they want...usually. The problem is, they either can't find ways to tell the others that or they just can't bring themselves to admit the truth.
If Keita had "let it happen", sure it may have felt good at that time. But afterwards, it would have just started eating at them all inside. He would have felt shame over allowing himself to give in to doing something that he knew wasn't right, Aya would have come to realize the whole scope of what she had done, and Miki...she would have just been devastated, in all likelihood. It just wasn't worth going through that turmoil just to get laid, and Keita knew that. In this instance, I gotta give the boy props. He deserves to know where he stands with Aya...assuming Aya can ever figure that out and admit it herself.
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I can't believe you made me think the words "Aya" and "bitch" in the same sentence... and look, now I even typed them!!!
This... is the highest compliment. Hahaha! Thank you, I guess. :D
Aya's kind of turning out to be the "villain" of this story. I didn't mean for that to happen. Remember, she's also very confused and doesn't know what she wants. Well, deep down inside she does, but she's terrified to admit it.
In short, everyone in this story loses! Hahaha. But yes, I think Keita comes out as the one who realises how it's going to end, and perhaps the one we feel sorry for most because he's been dragged into something so crazy. It's one of those "wrong place, wrong time" things.
Anyway, here's Miki:
3.4
I've stopped bothering to comfort myself. After recent incidents, I'm pretty sure why I feel what I feel, so I stop telling myself that I'm just going through a phase or that I'm just a bit crazy. That's what I've been doing for months now.
At the moment, it's a matter of keeping it all nice and covered up. A big, big secret that nobody can know. Not even my best friend. Especially not my best friend.
I'm sitting beside her watching a stupid television drama that we adore. We're at her place.
I'm filled with all sorts of crazy thoughts. There's so much I want to say to her, but it'll have to wait. A couple of million years ought to do the trick. By then, nothing will surprise the girl, and then I can tell her that I really like her, more than a friend, more than anybody I've ever liked before. We're talking love, here.
I focus on the drama. The main character just got kissed by her childhood friend who's been gone for four years, and I spazz out.
"Oh please!" I yell out. "He's not even cute!"
I wouldn't touch that guy with a ten foot pole. The lawyer on the second floor, though. Yes, I would touch him. Very much.
Aya hits me as if to remind me that she's here, and I feel guilty for lusting over TV characters. Then I remind myself that she doesn't even know what I feel, so she doesn't care if I want to drool over someone who is not her.
"If I was her, I'd go for the hottie that works on the second floor," I say.
"Miki, you're ruining it," she hisses at me.
It's cute how she gets so into these dramas. I cross my arms and give her a challenging look, which she just starts to laugh over. How insulting! Here I am trying to be all intimidating, and all she can do is giggle. But it's cute, so she's forgiven.
"Why are you looking at me?" she asks between giggles.
"Because you're not listening to what I'm saying," I insist. "This childhood friend of hers is sketchy."
He really is.
"What's so sketchy?" Aya asks me, crossing her arms and trying to look intimidating just like me.
"He's been gone for four years," I point out to her.
She should have been able to figure that one out.
"He was at university," she shoots back at me.
"Hah, we don't know that!" I cry out, and she laughs as I try to make a point. "Second of all, he's ugly."
She frowns at me, and I wonder what I've said wrong. It's the truth, and she knows it.
"Okay, yeah," she agrees, "but that's not very nice to say."
She looks at me disapprovingly, and suddenly all my resolve crumbles. She's right, so now I have to explain myself.
"But Aya-chan, in these dramas, it's never the ugly guy that gets the girl. I mean, just look at him."
He really is not good looking, and you can tell that he's only going to be in a couple of episodes before he's booted out so that the heroine can pursue the other love interest at work.
Despite my good reasoning (I can recite the formula for TV dramas like poetry, so I’m very good at predicting what will happen in your typical drama), she still keeps frowning at me, and she looks like she's dying to say something,
"So you wouldn't date a guy if he wasn't good looking?" she asks.
Wow. That came right out of left field. I think about the question carefully. Sure I'm attracted to people who are actually good looking, but he doesn't have to be movie star material to keep me interested. But the question is really obsolete right now because I'm in love with someone who's really very hot.
"Well," I say. "I wouldn't want him to be hideous..."
"Well, what if he was a gorgeous man until he got his face burned off in an accident? Would you still love him?" she asks me.
"Of course," I say immediately.
I just imagine that it happened to the person I love... Nope, nothing could make me stop feeling the way I do.
"You don't sound so sure," she says.
What is she talking about? Of course I'm sure. I just don't think about these things.
"Well, I don't really think about it," I tell her. "I've never met a burn victim before."
Hah. I hope she gets a kick out of that answer.
"So you wouldn't date someone who was different? Like, too different? Out of the norm? Someone others wouldn't approve of?"
Why is she asking me all of this? She can't possibly want to know, right? And what do I say? I really haven't thought about it because I've always fallen in love with someone without meaning to. It sucks, but it's true. That's what love is. That's how love happens. Or at least I think so.
"I've dated my fair share of guys that nobody - especially my parents – approved of," I remind her, smiling as I remember the good old days.
Since when did I get so mellow? I used to go after bad boys. Ones that would skip school and smoke out in the open. Now I'm pining after a well-bred, by-the-rules, angelic girl. No. Princess.
What the hell, me? What the hell?
"What would you do for love? Or what would stop you from loving?" she asks me, and I gulp.
"I, uh..." my voice cracks as I try to find a way to phrase my answer.
What would I do? Anything. What would stop me from loving? Nothing short of death.
I look at Aya and she has this intense look in her eyes. She wants to know my answer right now. She needs to know it for some purpose I don't understand.
I take a deep breath.
"Love is love. Who am I to decide what to do and not to do?" I ask her. "I'll just do whatever it takes 'cause I can't control myself."
I keep looking at her as I say this. Maybe I'm playing with fire because I want it to seem like I'm talking with her in mind. I want her to catch me and ask me if I'm in love with her. Then that way I don't have to say it voluntarily, which I think is much more difficult.
She seems to think very hard about my question. I wonder what she's going to say in response. Maybe she thinks my answer is dumb. Maybe she's going to make fun of it.
"Anyone in particular in mind?"
I swallow hard. She had to ask. I can't tell her. Absolutely not. Not yet, anyway. Not at this moment.
I look at her and try to imagine what would happen if I did say "you."
I suppress a shudder and move my thoughts along. Whatever I say, I have to cover up the truth.
I let myself smile.
"Plenty of people," I say. "My parents, my friends, and the ranchers that raise the tasty cows I eat when I go for yakiniku."
I rub my tummy and lick my lips, thinking of the delicious meat that I love so much.
But you know what I would love even more? If I could lick her lips and rub her tummy. Now that would be interesting.
And very, very scary for her, so I won't do it.
"So what about you?" I ask, turning the tables on her. "What would you do for Tachibana?"
I don't want to know. I want her to tell me she hates his guts as much as I do.
"I don't know," she mumbles with a shrug.
It gives me hope.
"Oh, so now you're evading my questions? And you get mad at me when I do that?" I tease her.
She pushes me, her hand only touching me briefly.
Oh, no. Do stay... I invite it, but it's gone before I can regain my balance.
"It's not that. I'm just not sure. He's not really, um..." she trails off.
Not really smart? Not really cool?
"He's not really your type?" I ask, trying to mask the hope I feel.
If she tells me she's going to break up with him, I just might not be able to control myself. This whole day has been a test of my ability to restrain myself from doing or saying anything to scare her away. If suddenly she becomes single...
"No. He is. He is," Aya assures me firmly.
I stare at her to see if she's telling me the truth. She's worried me just a bit because she's changed from wishy-washy to secure in a matter of seconds. I don't want her to hide the truth from me, especially since I might really want to hear it.
"I'm just not sure yet what I'd do for him. We're still getting to know each other."
What? There is definitely something wrong if they're still there.
"Getting to know each other? I think you're beyond that stage at this point. How many months has it been?" I ask her.
I start to count the number of months they've been going out. It depresses me to see finger after finger marking month after month. Then the unexpected happens. She grabs my hand, squeezing it shut so that I lose track of my count.
"No, I mean... you can't know everything about a person in such a short time. Even after two or three years, you still don't know everything..." she trails off.
And for that one moment, I think she's talking about me. About us. About how even though we're close after a few years of friendship, we still don't know everything about each other. I don't know what she's thinking right at this moment, and vice versa.
But maybe she does want to find out all of the things she's supposed to know about me. I could tell her everything. I would do it right now. I'd whisper every single one of my secrets to her without hesitation, saving the big one for last.
She lets go of my hand, and I start to lean forward to declare animatedly to her that we should have no secrets between us, when she looks at her watch.
"Hey, you know what? Actually, I asked Keita to come over this evening. He'll be here in about half an hour," she says in a businesslike manner.
I feel physically ill.
Keita. She invited Keita to come over? And we were just having an amazing conversation about love and getting to know people. I was about to start us on some new level of friendship where we truly had little or no secrets between us. I was about to maybe begin to work up enough courage to tell her the things I feel because she seemed to be opening up to me by bringing up the subject in the first place.
But no. My hopes and dreams have been shattered.
Who the hell am I kidding?
Aya's a supremely awesome, shining goddess who can do anything.
Me? Well, I'm hot, but I'm a bit of a disappointment to people. I'm really just ordinary.
So why would Aya want to have me as her one confidante? As that one person who would know everything about her and be trusted to keep all her secrets?
Exactly. She wouldn't. Not when she has Mr. W-inds. Tachibana Keita, the guy that all the girls from elementary to high school are in love with. The guy that all the boys emulate and style their hair after.
She has gone and ruined a perfectly wonderful day by inviting him over at the end. And so late. It'll be at least half past nine when he gets here. I shut the doors in my mind so that I stop imagining what they'll get up to so late in the evening. Alone, unsupervised... No. Don't think about it.
I thought we were getting somewhere. I thought she didn't like him. I guess I've been wrong about it. Everything I've said today could be taken back and she probably wouldn't even notice.
"Great," I speak in a monotone, standing up without complaint. "I'll see you later, then. I'll let you two have your alone time."
It makes me sick. Sick sick sick. Alone time. Aya and Keita.
I want to push him in front of a speeding train.
Aya walks me to the door, but I barely notice her presence. She's essentially just kicked me out.
"Mail me when you get home safely," she says with a wave.
As if she cares if I get home safely or not. She'll be too busy with Mr. Spectacular. I bet he won't be able to control himself and she'll come crying to me tomorrow complaining about what a pig he is and how he undressed her when she told him not to.
And then I would actually go and kill him. I'd hunt him down and tell him never to touch her again. I'd punch him in that pretty face of his and make him bleed.
"Right, because you'll come to my rescue if I've been kidnapped and can't mail," I reply to her concern.
I say it sarcastically. Maybe she'll take it as a joke. Probably.
She does. She looks a bit amused. I mumble good night to her and leave.
I walk down the hallway. I really don't want to hurt her with my bitter words. I'm too upset to be very civil, but I still try to keep my anger at a minimum.
I think about my definition of love.
Love is love. I really can't decide what to do and what not to do. The feelings just take me over and make me do things. That's why I would hit Keita if he ever threatened the person I love. That's why if there ever was an opportunity and I got desperate enough, I would let Aya know how I feel.
I can't control this feeling in me. Nobody can.
So while I am very angry, I'm not angry at her. I'm angry at myself. I got myself into this situation. I'm the one who can't get out of it.
Love hurts, and that's the simple truth.
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awesome! :heart:
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Remember, she's also very confused and doesn't know what she wants. Well, deep down inside she does, but she's terrified to admit it.
Heh, I do believe that I sorta said that. Maybe not specifically, but something around that general vibe. :hee:
DAMN IT MIKI TELL HER ALREADY!!! YOU WANT TO TELL HER!!! SHE WANTS TO KNOW!!! :pleeease:
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Self control? What self control? Apparently I'm (unintentionally) the biggest liar.
Lol! That's why I was surprised, actually. It seems that you, like many of my author friends, cannot keep your word when it comes to wrapping up a fic... XD
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... damnit JFC keeps stealing what I want to say :D
But anyway, I was taking a break from What Needed To Be Done when I noticed this! You promised it would be short, so well, I was hoping for fluff. Oh how wrong I was~ more torment! :3
I never thought I'd like Keita, but the way you wrote his pov I could see how mature he really was (more so than either of the girls). Especially in stopping with Aya and asking what was wrong, I respected him for that. Although I should probably hate you for it :D ... now I want to re-read the Love x series~
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Wow in the last chapter, I feel as if I'm siding with Miki AND Keita... is that possible? I don't want to call Aya a bitch... but she's starting to get there...
This may sound evil, but I hope you don't turn this into pure fluff soon... I kind of want Aya to go through a breakdown, kind of like a just-desserts for the stuff she's putting Miki and Keita through. x.x Am I messed up for thinking like this? Hopefully not.
Then again, if you add in the crap that happens to Aya throughout your series and then in What Needed to Be Done, it kind of makes her not as bitchy.
Anyway, regardless of how you decide to plan out the story, it'll probably be good... but I still want a bunch of fluff!
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Its common for authors to take details from their own world and place them into the story...
*looks at kitchen table...curry...ice cream cones...tissues....stuffed rabbit on the bed...*
I cant help but wonder.....where did the glacier idea come from XD
Is there hints in here for What needed to be done or am I reading too deep and too desperately...
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Sorry, that last chapter was riddled with typos. Kind of embarrassing. I make really careless ones. I'm a messy typer.
Wow... edhead999, you're so sadistic. :D Wanting to see Aya go through a breakdown when the poor darling is driving herself crazy a few years down the future in my other story.
I'm just joking. Don't worry about the fluff. There are still a few more chapters to go before everything's peachy.
Speaking of which, if I have time later tonight, I'll type up (and proofread (properly)) what I wrote today. If not, expect it some other day.
edited to add:
No, this part has nothing to do with WNTBD. I'm not dropping any hints (although I did make a reference in WNTBD to something that happened in a chapter I just wrote. Hahaha!)
And: I like glaciers.
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It's true that Keita is a gentleman, and actually it's a pity(hmmmmm, well maybe not xD) that he can't express his thoughts more easily couse I think that if he could, Aya would hate him(figuratedly) a lot less, since he actually does think some coherent things. Funny that he's the dumbest of the 3, and yet the only one who is interpreting the situation right(or almost right).
Btw, are you gonna keep writing this story until connecting it with that other fic(well, not really fic, it was still part of Love x 2 but you started a new thread for it) you posted on the perv that happened right before the first Love x 2 chapter? The one where Miki starts planning that thing (I don't wanna give too much detail in case someone hasn't read it yet and wants to keep the surprise factor).
I heard the Hafanana song and I admit it, it's somewhat catchy xD
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Bingo. We have a winner. Yes, ChiruChaCha. It's my intention to lead this story into that one and then continue with Miki's POV until The Confession [dramatic music here].
Armageddon
4.1
April 29th. Showa Day. It was a national holiday, and, therefore, a day of no work.
Miki walked down the street, a DVD in her hand. She was heading to Aya's place for a make up movie day. This time, Aya had promised not to forget. They were going to watch the same movie they'd meant to watch last time when Miki had walked in on Aya and Keita in the bedroom.
Miki arrived at the entrance to the apartment building and reached out a hand to open the door. When she did so, she noticed someone beside her mirroring her action.
They slowly look at each other.
"What the hell are you doing here??" Miki asked Keita.
"Right back at you," he said with a cool blink.
They stood there staring at each other for a moment.
"I'm going to see Aya," Keita finally said.
"I'm going to see Aya."
"I won't be long," Keita sighed.
"I don't care," Miki snapped.
Keita rubbed his head and looked pained.
"Why do you hate me so much? I'm only trying to make her happy, not hurt her."
"She doesn't need you to make her happy," Miki burst out angrily. "She's perfectly happy without you."
"You mean with you," Keita pointed out quickly, which caused Miki to flare up again.
"Shut up. Just stay away from her."
"Why?" Keita demanded, becoming incensed. "She's my girlfriend."
Miki's glower deepened.
"Yeah, that's right. My. Girlfriend," he repeated. "Not yours."
"I didn't say she was mine. I don't want her," Miki insisted.
"Then why are you getting so riled up 'cause of me? What did I do to make you hate me so much?"
"Just... Just stay away from her. She doesn't love you."
Miki turned on her heels to leave.
"Yeah, well, she doesn't love you either. Or at least I don't see how she could."
Miki's hands tightened into fists, but she didn't turn around. She walked away quickly.
Keita looked at the building, let out an exasperated puff of air, and also left without seeing Aya.
Up in her apartment, oblivious to what was going on nine floors below, Aya sat and wondered why her company was late.
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4.2
I've pushed what happened last weekend out of my head. Being ditched again because of Tachibana didn't feel good, but the funny thing about love is that even when you're pushed away, you always come crawling back for more. That's the painful, pathetic side of love. It makes you weak. It makes you stupid. I love it all the same.
This time, we're going to try again. Aya's promised me that she won't forget our movie day and that the whole day and night will be just for me. No Tachibana invited.
Actually, something's happened between them. I'm pretty sure. But I'm not quite sure what. Aya refuses to talk to me about what happened between them last weekend. She avoided me at the studio during breaks in our respective rehearsals the next day. When we finally did have time to sit and talk for longer than ten minutes, she seemed agitated about something. Distracted. I even asked about The Boyfriend, but she seemed uncomfortable talking about him and quickly (and oh so skilfully) changed the subject. Therefore, I've been killing myself with worry. I dread to find out what happened between them, but I also desperately want to know.
I push these thoughts out of my mind. Movie day with Aya. This time it's going to work.
I approach the front door of the building to open it when I see someone doing the same thing. A guy's hand is in line with mine, both of us reaching for the door. I stop and look sideways.
Instant disappointment.
Tachibana. Here he is at Aya's apartment, no doubt there to meet her. I feel the familiar anger well up in me.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I ask, hoping my disapproval shows through loudly and clearly.
"Right back at you," he shoots back in his nasal voice.
I hate his voice. It's higher than mine and way more nasal. Way more. People who make fun of my voice have obviously not talked to Tachibana.
We have a face off. I refuse to answer his question.
"I'm going to see Aya," he says finally.
My muscles tighten, and I grip the DVD in my hand.
Not again. Aya invited me over. She promised not to forget. What kind of friend makes the same mistake over and over again?
"I'm going to see Aya," I say viciously.
Get out of here, my tone says. This is my time with her.
The boy sighs, but his sensitive act doesn't fool me.
"I won't be long," he claims.
Great. So he's here for a short time. Get in, get in, and leave as quickly as he came. I guess that's what Aya's called him here for.
No.
He probably called her up desperately and begged her for it. Asked for ten minutes of her time.
I check him out from head to toe.
Nah, five minutes. That's all it'd take.
I don't want him to go to see Aya. I don't want to think of them together. It's not fair.
It's not fair.
"I don't care," I tell him expressionlessly, keeping my thoughts under lock and key.
He rubs his head and looks pained.
"Why do you hate me so much?" he whines. "I'm only trying to make her happy."
I react to his words instantly with a burst of anger.
"She doesn't need you to make her happy!"
She doesn't. I know she doesn't. It's true. It has to be true...
"She's perfectly happy without you," I finish.
Right?
She doesn't need him, right?
"You mean with you," Tachibana says quickly.
This strikes a nerve deep inside me. How dare he say that? How dare he... ug. Just- how dare he??
"Shut up. Just stay away from her," I threaten him.
It ticks him off.
Spineless freak is trying to grow a backbone, eh?
"Why? She's my girlfriend."
My glower deepens, and the rage starts to surface uncontrollably. I think he notices it because he mocks me with his next words.
"Yeah, that's right. My. Girlfriend. Not yours."
You fucking bastard. Say that again and I'll break your pretty nose.
"I didn't say she was mine," I growl, on the defensive. "I don't want her."
I spit my words out, but I don't mean them. I just can't let him know how deeply this hurts me. If he finds out, he'll win. He'll smile that stupidly gleeful smile of his and make off like a weasel to go and sleep with Aya as much as possible just to show that he can have what I want and can't have.
"Then why are you getting so riled up 'cause of me?" he demands. "What did I do to make you hate me so much?"
You existed! I think. You took her away from me!
"Just..." I falter and try to sound authoritative. "Just stay away from her. She doesn't love you."
She doesn't. She can't. Right?
I turn around and face away from him.
I've never felt so unsure before.
I mean, what do I know about her? She doesn't talk to me about him, so I assume that she doesn't like him.
But what if she really does? What if she does, but she doesn't want to tell me because she's noticed how much I'm in love with her.
Am I that obvious? I wonder in horror.
Maybe that's why she keeps inviting Tachibana over when she and I are supposed to spend time together. Maybe it's her way of telling me she's not interested. She doesn't want to embarrass me by speaking to me about it, so she orchestrates all these incidents. These "chance encounters."
What's going on? Could she really be that crafty?
Damnit.
I feel like I'm going to cry again.
No. Hold it in. Don't you dare cry. Don't you dare.
I can't stay here. Aya doesn't want me here. That much has been made clear by her invitation to Tachibana.
He stoops to a new low in response to what I've just said, and he speaks the last words I want to hear.
"Yeah, well, she doesn't love you either. Or at least I don't see how she could."
I ball my hands up into fists and resist the urge to turn around and hurt him. Knee him in the gut or shove him to the ground.
Instead of choosing the path of violence, I walk away. Quickly. I squeeze the DVD in my hand, hearing the distinct sound of the plastic case cracking. My hand hurts from the pressure, and the broken edges now poke into my skin uncomfortably. I focus on the pain and shut my eyes as I walk. I don't want to see or hear him go into that building.
He's won.
Now he can go gloat. He can go do whatever he wants with her. Have her any way he wants. She can ask him to "make her happy" because that's obviously what she wants.
Message received loud and clear, Aya.
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4.3
I have to go and talk to Aya. She hasn't returned my phone calls, and her e-mails have been brusque. Not warm at all. I'm walking to her apartment now so that we can talk face-to-face. I don't like going over uninvited, but I have little choice, and this is very important.
What do I want to talk about?
Us.
It's pretty much over. Last weekend was the big deciding factor. Two days after it happened, she called and apologised tersely. She didn't explain herself. She just told me that she's been in a weird space lately and that she made some bad judgement calls. I've tried inviting her out for dinner three times this week, but each time, she claims work as her reason for not being able to join me. I've foolishly believed all week that if we can meet and talk and get things out in the open, we can start over.
Unfortunately, I no longer think there's any repairing this relationship. I think she's full of doubts. I don't know the cause of the doubts, and I might never know. She doesn't talk to me like she talks to her best friend. It hurts.
I reach her apartment, practising what I'm going to say to her when I see her. I don't want to be the one to dump her. It seems too cruel. I want us to talk it out like civilised human beings and reach a conclusion together. Let it be our last act as a couple. An amicable break-up.
I reach out to open the front door of the building, but the presence of another person doing the same thing comes to my attention.
I look, and my heart sinks. It's that "best friend" of Aya's. Miki. I can imagine this is not going to go well.
"What the hell are you doing here??"
I'm fine, thanks. You? I think sarcastically.
"Right back at you," I say, keeping my cool.
I refuse to stoop to her level. This girl has it in for me, so I don't want to give her the satisfaction of losing it.
She stands there staring at me, trying to intimidate me. As if some girl a head shorter than me could scare me.
Okay, I'm lying. It works. I'm scared. She's got some powerful glare.
"I'm going to see Aya," I say, wishing to avoid any more awkwardness.
"I'm going to see Aya," she says possessively.
Oh great, I think. Now she's going to think that I'm trying to crash their little holiday get-together plans. That's the last thing I want to do. I just want to clear the air between me and Aya so that we can get our lives back on track.
"I won't be long," I sigh.
I have a feeling that once I get up there, Aya will be forced to talk to me and want to get it over with quickly. Then Miki can have her for the rest of the day. The rest of her life, if she wants.
"I don't care," Miki snaps.
She's such a liar that it's embarrassing. I rub my head, feeling pained.
"Why do you hate me so much?" I ask her, suddenly feeling like talking to this girl.
If I'm going to go up and be all open with Aya, I may as well start down here and get this girl to talk to me. She has a problem with me and I want to know what it is before I go any further. She might say something important. Something I need to know about myself that I don't notice.
"I'm only trying to make her happy, not hurt her," I assure her.
"She doesn't need you to make her happy. She's perfectly happy without you."
What is she talking about? Has Aya told her that? Or is this another one of her insults to me?
Perfectly happy without me? I think Miki's trying to say she thinks Aya is perfectly happy with her.
She's jealous, plain and simple. Here I come, taking up a bit of Aya's time, and suddenly The Best Friend isn't invited over so often. Aya should choose her friends more wisely, though, because Miki is acting like she's twelve, not twenty.
"You mean with you," I tell her.
I don't expect her to praise my wit or anything, but her response is exceedingly ferocious.
"Shut up. Just stay away from her."
Oh, that pisses me off.
"Why?" I demand angrily. "She's my girlfriend."
And when I say those words - "she's my girlfriend" - Miki scowls at me even more.
What the hell is going on with her? Is she in love with her best friend or something? That's ridiculous.
If I had to guess, I'd say she's mentally unbalanced. One of those possessive types. Doesn't like her friends to have other friends because she needs all the attention.
I no longer feel the need to walk on eggshells around her. It's time for some payback for these months of being snubbed.
"Yeah, that's right. My. Girlfriend. Not yours," I remind her.
I know that gets to her. I can see it in her eyes.
"I didn't say she was mine. I don't want her," she says to me in an uncaring voice.
Again she lies. Is this girl pathetic or what?
"Then why are you getting so riled up 'cause of me? What did I do to make you hate me so much?"
I really want to know if she has a good answer.
"Just... Just stay away from her. She doesn't love you," she falters for a moment before hardening again.
I know she has an answer to my question, but she just can't say it. She can't say, "Tachibana, I'm jealous of you. It's stupid to hate you because of that, but I do." She'll be admitting to being a fool if she says that.
She turns around to leave. Maybe she's going to cry. I don't care. I want to take another stab at her. Something to show her that I'm not going to stand here and take crap like that from her. Aya's still my girlfriend, and whether or not Miki likes that, she should respect her friend's choices.
"Yeah, well, she doesn't love you either," I call out to her. "Or at least I don't see how she could."
I see her become incredibly tense, and for a moment, I swear she's going to turn around and pummel me.
I breathe out a bit in exasperation and a bit in relief when she walks away silently. She's let me have the last word. She's let me win.
But doesn't she realise I'm not a winner here? Didn't Aya tell her about the disaster last weekend? Can't she see the truth? That yes, Aya really doesn't love me? That she doesn't even like me much? And why does Miki act like some sort of jealous ex-boyfriend? What is she thinking? What does she think she is to Aya?
I lose my desire to talk to anyone. I turn away from the door and head back home.
Honestly, I don't care to know anything more about Miki, and Aya, and about their friendship. I've had it with these girls. I'm not getting mixed up in it anymore. They've been friends far longer than I've known Aya, so I'd better leave and let them either fix what's screwy in their friendship, or let it remain broken forever.
Either way, I'm out.
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4.3
She stands there staring at me, trying to intimidate me. As if some girl a head shorter than me could scare me.
Okay, I'm lying. It works. I'm scared. She's got some powerful glare.
i can really picture that scene xDDD
there will be Aya POV?
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Man... and Keita was getting so nice... now he's back to an asshole =\.
Wow... edhead999, you're so sadistic. :D Wanting to see Aya go through a breakdown when the poor darling is driving herself crazy a few years down the future in my other story.
Lol yeah my friends tell me I'm a sadistic person >:]. I think I saw the reference! It was in Miki's PoV right? Anyway, thanks for another good chapter!
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Just when I was starting to like Keita (not that I ever disliked him!)... I don't much to say about Aya, except that calling her a bitch would make me a hypocrite, lol. And well, just for that, I guess I won't complain about her making Miki miserable. :p
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the good thing about this (or bad.. all depends XD) is that we already know that Aya and Miki will end together and madly in love with each other (trying to forget the fact that OTN1 killed Aya in one reality and Miki in the other one XDD)
I love to see what's going on in Miki and Aya's mind when all started. And about Keita.. I don't know if hate the boy or feel sorry for him.. after all Aya's just using him to try to deny what she really feels..
And poor Aya too.. Keita ruined her plans with Miki again and she doesn't even know it XDD
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This may sound evil, but I hope you don't turn this into pure fluff soon
...
Anyway, regardless of how you decide to plan out the story, it'll probably be good... but I still want a bunch of fluff!
Don't worry about the fluff. There are still a few more chapters to go before everything's peachy.
How about we leave the fluff until the next new story? ;D
Btw, are you gonna keep writing this story until connecting it with that other fic(well, not really fic, it was still part of Love x 2 but you started a new thread for it) you posted on the perv that happened right before the first Love x 2 chapter? The one where Miki starts planning that thing (I don't wanna give too much detail in case someone hasn't read it yet and wants to keep the surprise factor).
I was actually thinking the same thing when I read yesterday's chapter (the bedroom incident). As soon as I read the part from Miki's POV where she had her "epiphany", I instantly thought this would/could be a good lead-up to Love x 2.
It's true that Keita is a gentleman, and actually it's a pity(hmmmmm, well maybe not xD) that he can't express his thoughts more easily couse I think that if he could, Aya would hate him(figuratedly) a lot less, since he actually does think some coherent things. Funny that he's the dumbest of the 3, and yet the only one who is interpreting the situation right(or almost right).
Well, between the three of them, he's probably the most objective right now, plus he seems to be the only one who has known right from the beginning how he felt (Miki only realized recently, and Aya's still not sure of herself).
Now for this chapter, I'm actually impressed that he stood up to Miki like that. He suspects that she and Aya find him dull (as well as other things about their relationship), and in some ways, he's like us, in that he's just trying to get answers and that if there is something that the girls are not admitting, he wants them to do so. It's a stupid guy thing, we like seeing all the cards on the table.
With that being said, dude, glad to see you haven't given up on your Keita-bashing. He probably called her up desperately and begged her for it. Asked for ten minutes of her time.
I check him out from head to toe.
Nah, five minutes. That's all it'd take.
:wahaha:
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this is why things go wrong in a drama, everyone's misunderstanding each other. if everyone just says what they need to say then all this stuff could've been avoided. but then we'd have no story either so :P
By the time you get through this Love x 2 saga you'd have this really thick book. :lol:
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aw man, Aya better buy a clue soon. Both Keita and Miki know what they want, Miki in a more secretive way.lol
I love how there's that burning passion within Miki when Keita says Aya's his gf not Miki's. This would be a great drama show. :heart:
Eventhough this latest chapter was full of anger, when I'm writing this reply all I could think about was this video of when Aya told the audience that Miki is so cute and how much Miki likes her during a concert<?> she was doing. Hehe, somewhat egotistical sounding but it's true and I bet Miki didn't mind.
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I think I saw the reference! It was in Miki's PoV right? Anyway, thanks for another good chapter!
You're welcome and thank you for reading another chapter!
The reference isn't really major.
FYI: Chapter 18 of WNTBD:
I know for a fact that the desperation I'm feeling is because I'm just that - desperate. Desperate for her to be alive again and pushing myself onto other people to help me lose myself and forget that this terrible thing is happening. I've done it at least once before. Thrown myself at someone because of Miki.
So Aya clinging onto Keita is that other time she threw herself at someone because of Miki, this time not to forget about Miki's death, but to try and deny what she feels for Miki. Ultimately, everything is Miki's fault! Hahahaha.
this is why things go wrong in a drama, everyone's misunderstanding each other. if everyone just says what they need to say then all this stuff could've been avoided. but then we'd have no story either so :P
Miscommunication is the most painful thing to watch. I hate it, so I can't believe I'm writing about it. By the time you get through this Love x 2 saga you'd have this really thick book. :lol:
Over 300 pages. Not something to print out, really. Hahah. It's pretty sad. I've spent all these words writing out the same story over and over from different points of view. Aren't you all sick of it yet? :D
JFC, there's always a little more room for "Keita bashing." Although he did get back at Miki by calling her pathetic (in his thoughts)...
And yes, an Aya POV is in the works.
Thanks again, guys.
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4.4
I'm not a starving child in a developing country, and I don't have cancer. I don't live in a shack or sniff glue or own a water pump, and I don't know the difference between malaria, yellow fever, and typhoid, although I'm sure they're all very painful.
I live in a nice area of the city, not a slum. I get a good salary every month and good benefits, no question about it. And I do indulge myself on my days off, not go to work. I can proudly walk down the street and know that I entertain millions. I believe in hard work, not slacking, honesty, not mistrust, and that Hello! Project is an honourable group to work with.
I have good friends, I have loving parents, and I do get out of the house. Not stay in out of fear. I do get out.
I am one of the top idols of Japan, I'm dating one of the most popular boys in the country, and I'm the front girl of Hello! Project.
My name is Matsuura Aya, and I am...
Confused.
I should be so happy right now, but I'm not. I'm miserable. Why is it that I have all these good things, yet I feel like I have nothing? Like I don't have what I want. I'd trade all my money and my status for that one thing to complete my life, but I don't even know what that is. I guess I'll never know. Or maybe in twenty years I'll know.
I sigh.
Things have changed in the past week. After Keita stopped me from ripping his pants off - something that I still can't believe - I was furious. Furious with myself. I realised what a big mistake I had almost made, but I couldn't (and still haven't been able to) really talk to him about it.
He's been trying to get in touch with me all week, but I've been ignoring his calls, sending him quick e-mails telling him I can't go to dinner with him because of rehearsal and so on. I did call to apologise, but the minute he answered the phone, I felt so embarrassed about what I'd done that I kind of mumbled "sorry" to him, told him I was feeling weird lately, and then hung up. It's the crappiest apology I've ever made, but I haven't been able to pick up the phone and talk to him again because I'm still ashamed.
I really was in a weird space. I felt like being with him like that would help me lose myself. I was wrong, of course, and for the first time since I've known Keita, I think he was right. He was right to stop me. Noble, even. If I wasn't feeling so confused, I'd probably be head over heels in love with him for being so kind and thoughtful.
But I can't be in love with him. I just can't. There's this mysterious force that makes it impossible, even though I really want it to be.
I really want to be in love with him, because if I am, I don't have to question my feelings ever again. I can know for sure that what I want and what I have are the same thing.
Instead, here I am with no clue. Well, I do have a clue. What I know is that if I let him go, I'll start to feel other things that I don't want to face.
I look at my watch. Miki's really late. She's supposed to come over for another movie day. We're going to retry it. I've promised her that the whole day is for her. The whole night, too, if she wants. We have to work tomorrow, though, so she shouldn't stay over too late. Not that I'd mind. It's nice to have the company. Especially if it's her.
Out of all the things I did last weekend, I feel the worst about what I did to her.
Which is weird, right? One would think I did the most wrong to Keita.
But no, Miki's the one that deserves my sincerest apologies. I had a fantastic day with her and then ended it abruptly by kicking her out, lying to her that Keita was coming over, and then calling him up in order to sleep with him in the attempt to drown out something I didn't (and still don't) understand.
I shouldn't have thrown her out. I should have calmed down and not let myself get so worked up over something trivial. Not that it feels trivial. It feels big. But if I don't get it, I shouldn't stress over it.
Anyway, she's my most important friend. I treated her like an acquaintance.
I wonder why she keeps coming back to me. If I were her, I'd be fed up with getting treated the way I've been treating her the past few weeks. I guess she really believes in me. She sees me as someone who can do no wrong. I would love to tell her that I'm not perfect. I'd love to tell her that those good things she thinks about me aren't all quite true.
But if I did, I'd be minus a best friend. I would jump off the tallest skyscraper in the world to prevent that from happening. I would swim to the bottom of the ocean and do battle with a giant killer squid. I'd leap one hundred metres in the air and jump over buildings to keep her as my friend.
These thoughts are starting to sound suspiciously familiar.
Love is love, I hear Miki's voice in my head, and I stand up instantly, desperate to get the voice out of my head.
I need a distraction.
I check my watch again. Only three minutes have passed since I last checked.
I look out my window in the hopes of seeing her, but of course it's futile. My apartment faces the back entrance of the building. Nobody but the custodial staff uses the back entrance.
Come on, Miki. Hurry up. I want to see you.
Half an hour passes. She told me she'd be here around one o'clock. It's now ten past two.
I e-mail her. No reply comes. Ten minutes later, I call, but she doesn't pick up. I leave a quick message.
An hour passes by.
She's not coming, I realise. She's not coming. She's probably mad at me about something. Or maybe she thinks I'm going to screw her over again and kick her out or invite Keita over.
But I won't. Never again! I've promised her.
Incidentally, I'm going to break up with Keita. She won't have to worry about me ditching her for him ever again.
I turn on the TV and drown my thoughts out with daytime dramas.
My name is Matsuura Aya, and I am still confused.
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I don't know why but I always imagine Aya's mind as if she had some kind of mental firewall that stops her from getting to the obvious conclusion about her feelings, it's quite a nerdy comparison even though I know very little about computers xD
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That reminded me of something you'd see in movies: "Hey, I'm (insert name here) and I'm an alcoholic (or some other addictive thing)."
I was waiting for something/someone else in her mind to say "Hi Aya".
Somehow, I feel sorry for all three of them. Although I'm not a writer (I'd be such a bad one too, people wouldn't even read my stuff), the ending I'd see for this story is: Aya and Miki get together and Keita and his first girlfriend get back together. But yeah, doubt Keita's gonna get something other than the short end of the stick (no offense meant OTN1).
Anyway, thanks for posting so fast! Pretty much every time I get back from class/work, there's a new chapter up. XD
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GAM + Keita Love Triangle.. :eek: Great OTN! ;D
If I was Keita, I would probably be angry at Miki too for being such a little kid and of course thought "Why do you hate me so much anyway?! Its not like you are her other boyfriend" kind of thing... ;D
I love the latest Aya's POV... She seems so klutzy and yet it just suits her, being the narcisstic person that she is... Just, suit her much! I don't know! :heart:
I don't know why but rather than having Miki confess to Aya, I like to see Aya to be the one who confess to Miki so she can clear Miki's angst and worries...
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Poor Aya. I feel for Miki the most, but all I can think to say is 'Poor Aya.'
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freakin confess already aya!...wait she can't confess cause she's confused, more like in denial...anyway as ren said i also hope that this time aya is the one to confess just cause i think miki has suffered enough and that tachibana guy is getting on my nerves, and as it was aya's idea to adopt him it would be a lot more fun if she cleared all this mess
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Denial. A powerful thing!
This story is a prequel to Love x 2, so if you want to see how it ends, most of the things I've written here are related to it and will show you. There are still some more details to be written. Of course. Hahaha. The never-ending story.
'Cause Breakin' Up Ain't Hard to Do
5.1
"I'm glad you agreed to meet up," Aya said, taking a sip of her tea steadily, a calm smile on her face.
"Of course. I'm here for you," Keita replied, leaning back in his chair and ignoring his own drink.
"So I wanted to talk about us."
Keita took a deep breath in and released it.
"I know," he said quickly. "And I think I agree with what you're going to say."
"How do you know what I'm going to say?"
"Because I just know. Listen, I've felt the tension the past while. With you and with me and Fujimoto-san, this is just not going to work out."
Aya frowned.
"Huh? Miki-chan? What's been going on with her?" she asked.
Keita shook his head and waved his hand.
"No, I don't mean anything. I just mean that this thing with us is not exactly sparkling with love."
Aya looked down at her hands.
"Yeah, that's why I think it's a good idea if we-"
"Split up," Keita finished for her.
She looked back up with a guilty expression.
"Are you angry with me?"
Keita snorted softly and shook his head.
"With you? No. Disappointed with the situation? Yeah. But you can't win them all."
"I'm sorry if I hurt you or insulted you. You're just not- we're just not cut out for each other."
"I know," Keita said with a hint of an amused smile. "I feel that."
"So it's over?"
Keita nodded.
"Well..."
There was an awkward pause.
"I'm going to sit here and finish my café au lait," Keita stated.
Aya thought it over for five seconds.
"Well, I'm going to sit here and finish my chilled lemon tea."
They smiled at each other, and sat there in each other's company, drinking.
After ten minutes and a bit of small talk, they split up.
"Take care of yourself. Say hi to Fujimoto-san for me," Keita said with a wave of his hand.
He turned around on his heels and walked off.
Aya stood watching him until he rounded a corner. She then took out her cell phone and typed a quick message to Miki.
Just broke up with Keita. Can we talk?
She turned on her heels and walked in the opposite direction her boyfriend had walked in.
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5.2
I'm sitting with Aya at a coffee shop in a mall. She called me up and asked me to meet her. I know what it's about. She's going to break up with me. I'm okay with it. It's what I tried to do a few days ago. We need to do it, and I don't want to vilify myself any further by being the monster that initiates the break-up, so I'll let her call the shots. Even if she wanted it desperately and I initiated it, I bet she or her friends would find some way to talk about it as if I was the worst scum on the planet Earth.
"I'm glad you agreed to meet up," she says.
She takes a sip of her tea, and she appears calm. That must be an act. She's never been this calm around me.
"Of course. I'm here for you," I reply.
I lean back casually in my chair. I don't want to seem angry or intimidating. I'm just a regular guy on a pseudo-date with his nominal girlfriend. Soon-to-be-ex.
I really mean my words, though. I can't help it if I still like the girl. There's a reason I asked her out in the first place. Feelings don't just stop because the situation changes. Humans are way more complex than that.
"So I wanted to talk about us."
I take a deep breath and release it.
So she's brought out the main line. That sentence is more powerful than the "we should break up" one that will inevitably follow. This is the classic line that topples the partner. Whatever happens after is merely for show. This one speaks a thousand words.
"I know. And I think I agree with what you're going to say," I tell her quickly.
"How do you know what I'm going to say?" she asks sceptically.
Maybe there's some part of her that wants to surprise me. Some part of her that wants me to be shocked and upset to hear those words from her. Maybe it's her way of pinching me just a bit before letting me go. Making me hurt as revenge for something I might have done to her.
"Because I just know," I say. "Listen, I've felt the tension the past while. With you and with me and Fujimoto-san, this is just not going to work out."
Aya frowns, and I wince inside. I've gone and mentioned that best friend of hers without meaning to. I don't want to bring her into it. She might have everything to do with what's going on, or she might have nothing to do with it. But I want today to be about me and Aya. Not anyone else.
"Huh? Miki-chan? What's been going on with her?" Aya asks obliviously.
Oh, come on. You can't be that clueless, I think.
It's impossible for her not to have noticed the tension between me and her friend. Maybe she's in denial. Maybe she's noticed the way Fujimoto acts, and it's kind of scaring her. Or maybe she likes it. I don't know. I don't care.
I shake my head and wave my hand to indicate I've made a mistake.
"No, I don't mean anything. I just mean that this thing with us is not exactly sparkling with love," I amend.
Sparkling with love? I think to myself. What kind of stupid wording is that?
She doesn't seem to notice that I've said something stupid, and she looks down at her hands. Here it comes.
"Yeah, that's why I think it's a good idea if we-"
I cut in and finish her sentence for her to let her know that I am on the same wavelength as her.
"Split up."
She doesn't even try to act like she's surprised. She looks up at me guiltily.
"Are you angry with me?"
She sounds a bit scared. A bit worried. Why is it that our relationship is ending, and it's now that she chooses to really worry about me and my feelings? Is it pity? Compassion? Real caring? Oh well. This is Aya. Or maybe it's a girl thing.
I snort softly and shake my head. Of course I'm not angry.
"With you? No," I tell her. "Disappointed with the situation? Yeah. But you can't win them all."
I may as well be honest, right? I wish it could have worked, but there's no way I can win Aya over. She's got her mysterious reasons that make her incapable of loving me.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you or insulted you. You're just not- we're just not cut out for each other."
I do feel a little hurt, and I have felt a little insulted, but I'm a big boy. I think Aya's a wonderful person. Her heart is essentially good. She might be too wrapped up in her own world to see that sometimes she hurts people, but she doesn't have malicious intentions. I know that. If it wasn't true, I never would have looked at her twice after I met her.
"I know," I reassure her with a smile. "I feel that."
"So it's over?" she asks for confirmation.
I nod.
It's over. No more us. Our agencies can be at peace and stop having to cover for us.
"Well..." she says as we pause awkwardly.
On television, break-ups are supposed to end with one party storming off, perhaps in tears, perhaps screaming obscenities, while the other sits at the table for two and thinks about his or her actions alone. This is not the situation we are in. There is no storming, no yelling, and no being alone.
So we've broken up. So we don't get along so well. That's no reason why we can't have a drink together.
"I'm going to sit here and finish my café au lait," I tell her, taking the first brave step.
I see her think about it. I hope that she can realise we can sit here at least as acquaintances and finish up our non-date.
"Well, I'm going to sit here and finish my chilled lemon tea," she says.
I smile at her, and she smiles back. We finally see eye-to-eye on something! Now that there's no pressure, I think she can let go of the reservations she has when she talks to me. I expect nothing from her, so she can relax.
We chat for ten minutes just about work. At least that's one thing we can understand about each other. After catching up, we say goodbye. We stand up and walk out of the coffee shop together. We stand outside of it, facing each other.
"Take care of yourself. Say hi to Fujimoto-san for me," I say with a wave.
Maybe I shouldn't mention that girl, but I know that she'll be happy to hear I'm out of the picture. It's my last hint to Aya to take this issue with her best friend a little more seriously. Pay attention to the girl and figure out what's going on with her. If she doesn't, the next time she gets a boyfriend, he's going to go through the same thing I've just gone through. The icy glares, the ignoring, the outright hatred.
I'm sure this will be the last time I get together with Aya. Our paths have diverged. I turn around and walk off, sticking my hands in the pockets of my jeans and not looking back. I turn the corner and slow down and sigh. It has gone so well. We've been so grown up about it.
I guess I was expecting my break up with Aya would involve more emotion and more tears. This is for the better, but it's a bit of a let down. I couldn't make her like me enough to cry over me. I like her enough to cry over it, but I won't cry now. I do have my pride to look after. Maybe tonight, though, when I'm home and I think about what's happened. I don't have to keep up images for myself. Just for the public.
I unexpectedly smile. Aya took me for an interesting ride. She didn't handle it all well, but at least I got to see what it was like to be with her. Ultimately, that's what I wanted.
Besides, dating isn't just about finding that one person you want to marry and love forever. It's also about finding out what you don't want. We've helped each other with that.
Thanks, Aya.
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5.3
I'm feeling ill. I should just get up and say I'm going to the washroom and then disappear forever.
"I'm glad you agreed to meet up," I say, putting my skills as an actress to the test and acting calm.
I take a sip of my drink. I'm glad it's cold. If it was hot, I'm sure I'd burn my lips carelessly.
"Of course. I'm here for you," he replies, leaning back in his chair.
Oh no. He sounds like such a concerned boyfriend when he says that. I don't want him to like me anymore. I don't want him to care about me.
"So I wanted to talk about us," I finally blurt out.
I see him take a deep breath in. I think he knows where I'm going with this, but there's a chance that he's as clueless as I think he is and that he doesn't know a thing. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the latter.
"I know," he says quickly. "And I think I agree with what you're going to say."
"How do you know what I'm going to say?" I ask him sceptically.
Does he think I'm going to propose to him? Or does he know that I'm going to break up with him?
"Because I just know. Listen, I've felt the tension the past while. With you and with me and Fujimoto-san, this is just not going to work out."
I frown. Miki? What does she have to do with this? Yes, she doesn't like him much, but why would she be involved in this? This is between me and him. Not him and her, and definitely not me and her. Definitely not.
"Huh? Miki-chan? What's been going on with her?" I ask.
He dismisses what he's said with a shake of his head and a wave.
"No, I don't mean anything. I just mean that this thing with us is not exactly sparkling with love."
I look down at my hands and try not to laugh. 'Sparkling with love.' That sounds like a very silly thing to say. I push it out of my mind, though. There are more pressing things to think about.
"Yeah, that's why I think it's a good idea if we-" I start, but he cuts me off before I can finish.
"Split up."
I look at him guiltily. Breaking up isn't a nice thing to do, and I think he likes me a lot more than I like him. I feel like I'm kicking a little puppy. A really cute one, but a really dumb one.
"Are you angry with me?" I ask him.
I don't expect that he'll be honest. He might just say 'no' and then find an excuse to storm out of there. His reaction surprises me. He snorts softly and shakes his head.
"With you? No."
That relieves me more than he can know. He says it earnestly.
"Disappointed with the situation? Yeah. But you can't win them all," he sighs.
I don't know what to say to that.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you or insulted you. You're just not- we're just not cut out for each other," I continue with what I originally planned to say.
"I know. I feel that," Keita says.
He looks amused. It's like I'm telling him a secret that he already knows.
"So it's over?" I ask to confirm.
I need to make sure he knows for sure. There is no more Aya and Keita.
He nods.
"Well..." I drawl.
What now? We still have drinks and we're sitting here. Neither one of us has stormed off, and we're not about to waste our money.
"I'm going to sit here and finish my café au lait," he says.
Why, that little presumptuous-
No, wait. That's not him telling me to get out. That's him offering to hang out together until we finish out drinks. That's him being mature. He's displayed a lot of that lately. I mean, I still think he's boring, but he's proven that he does have a head on his shoulders that sometimes works.
"Well, I'm going to sit here and finish my chilled lemon tea," I copy his words.
We smile at each other. It feels nice to part on good terms. To agree on something. Finally.
We chat about work for ten minutes, after which we split up. It's probably the last time we'll ever do this.
"Take care of yourself," he says while we're standing outside the coffee shop. "Say hi to Fujimoto-san for me."
He waves and walks off into the crowds of shoppers.
Why does he have to bring up Miki? Again, she has nothing to do with this.
I watch as he walks off.
Have I done the right thing?
Part of me thinks "of course." I didn't like the guy anymore. He bored me. He annoyed me.
But now that he's gone and out of my life, that thing that I haven't been wanting to hit me is probably going to hit me. I'll have to walk carefully. I'm not into nasty surprises.
Speaking of surprises, I'd better talk to Miki. She hasn't been in touch for a few days, and I'm worried. Maybe this news will jolt her out of her silence.
Just broke up with Keita. I type. Can we talk?
I turn and walk in the opposite direction Keita walked in. I head down to the lower level to catch the bus that will take me to the station. I hold my phone tightly and wait.
Ten minutes later, my phone vibrates. I receive a reply.
I'm sorry. Come over to my place and give me details.
I smile. Businesslike Miki. I know that she'll be happy to see me. She has to be. She's never not happy when I show up. This should be no different.
Satisfied, I get a seat on the bus that has just come, and I ignore any other feeling but the strange happy one that takes over me.
I think my life is back on track now.
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Oh an update! :D
I feel bad for this Keita, but also happy that he's now out of the GAM world XD. But will the no guy as the third person means Aya and Miki will realize what's going on with them soon and then just hook up, or there'll be another third person? O_O
I have a feeling Miki will not be extremely happy with Aya broke up as she might think that Aya only needs her (message her) after she broke up with Keita and needs someone to hang around with XD. Kind of like the paranoid type "You only call me when you need me!" kind of thing :D.
EDIT:
Eh I think I missed something important O_O does that mean that after this chapter will continue straight to Love x 2 or you'll write some more chapters before Love x 2?
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Well, there's this story I started writing (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=7860.0, and yeah, I guess it really shouldn't be in that section). Friday will lead into Barrier, which will connect to Love.
5.4
Just broke up with Keita. Can we talk?
She's written me a few e-mails over the past three or four days, but that's the one that catches my attention. I'm sitting at home, nothing to do. I have no work because of yet another national holiday. I used to love this week when we'd get a bunch of days off to relax. Now I hate it. There's too much time to think, and the friend I want to spend my time with is my problem.
Getting ditched again by Aya because of Tachibana hurt a lot. I'm a bit angry at her, but it comes in small waves that don't stir up anything but guilt for being angry. I like her too much to be angry, and it bothers me. Still, even though I feel bad, I haven't replied to any of her mail. I simply don't want to set myself up for more disappointment. I've had enough of it.
That's why when I get her mail about Tachibana, I can't help but feel happy. She's broken up with him. He's out of the picture. Now she's all mine.
Well, no. It's not that simple. It never is.
He's gone. Now it's time for me to listen to her issues. I have to listen to the story, hear about the problems they were having, do the best friend thing where I comfort her. The only good thing is that I get to bash him, because that is the role of the friend. To bash the ex.
Then maybe I have a better chance.
After that.
After she gets over him.
And right after pigs fly, cows talk, and chickens take over France.
Yup. Piece of cake.
I scowl. What's the point of even replying to her? So Tachibana's out of the picture. Big whoop. It's not like I'm going to get anything out of it. I won't have to see his stupid face anymore, but I'm sure she'll move on to the next pretty boy in no time, and I'll have to hear all about him. She probably won't choose a good one. Not one that I'll approve of. And then she'll find ways to rub it in my face - whether she means to or not - and start abandoning me for him.
Shut up, Miki, I scold myself. She doesn't need your approval.
Aya's capable of choosing the people she wants in her life. And she's not going to cut herself off from me completely. I am a friend. At least I think I still am.
Although how close a friend, I'm not sure anymore. She's not definite about it. Sometimes I'm the greatest person in her eyes, but sometimes I think I'm an annoyance that she wishes she didn't have to deal with.
I think of all sorts of ways I could reply to her message. I start to type.
Good for you. Do you want to invite Tachibana over for our talk?
I delete my words. That's just my bitterness shining through.
Oh, you noticed I exist? Nice of you to come crawling back to me now that your boy is gone.
This is something beyond bitter. It won't do.
I'm happy to hear that! Now you're finally free! Let's talk.
Delete. It's too happy.
Does this mean you'll stop ditching me? I hope.
And that's not going to work. It's too confrontational.
How'd he take it?
No, that one has no heart in it. I don't really care how he is.
Let's get drunk and have sex.
I laugh and erase that one carefully, making sure not to press the send button by mistake. I'm being silly for my own sake.
I sober up and get serious.
Hi, Aya-chan. I missed you. Sorry for not replying to your mail. I’m kind of upset. Can you come here? You can tell me what happened between you two. But I also have some other things to talk to you about. Bye bye.
There. That's what I want to say.
And so therefore, I can't send it. What am I? One of those New Age, sensitive types that cares and shares and has to analyse and discuss everything? No. I'm not.
I'm sorry. Come over to my place and give me details.
I read it over once. It's perfect. Not revealing too much, but telling her that I want to learn more. It's a bit curt, but she knows that's my style. She won't be offended.
I press the send button.
Now I have to wait for her to come over.
What should I do? Should I look happy? Should I look concerned? Should I let her talk about it for an hour and then get us onto the topic of me being ignored?
Or should I forget about that last part and just let her talk about herself?
Or maybe I should speak my mind and tell her exactly what I think and feel.
Although as much as I want to do that last one, I have a feeling if I did, Tachibana's heart wouldn't be the only one to be broken today.
I sit. I wait.
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Oh LOL, I've just realized that I posted between the chapters XD. Sorry.
Miki should relax a bit more, if she can do it she'll have no problems with Aya XD. But she feels too insecure about her relationship with Aya :D...
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Mmm, reading this is kind of like the refreshment I need for "What Needed to be Done". I'm glad that Keita and Aya ended their relationship on good terms... kind of. Hopefully Keita will have something good happen to him by the end of the story.
Let's get drunk and have sex.
Lol, I wonder how the story would have turned out had Miki sent that reply...
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Keita realizes that life doesn't always go the way you'd like it to, and that the best thing to do keep is to roll with it and adapt. When you try and fight it, that's when you cause grief for yourself and those around you.
Besides, dating isn't just about finding that one person you want to marry and love forever. It's also about finding out what you don't want. We've helped each other with that.
So true, funny how a lot of people (especially younger ones) don't realize that.
Miki? What does she have to do with this? Yes, she doesn't like him much, but why would she be involved in this? This is between me and him. Not him and her, and definitely not me and her. Definitely not.
...
"Take care of yourself," he says while we're standing outside the coffee shop. "Say hi to Fujimoto-san for me."
He waves and walks off into the crowds of shoppers.
Why does he have to bring up Miki? Again, she has nothing to do with this.
Poor Aya's still in denial (or at the very least she's really confused).
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Ahhh I love this! I finally got around to reading all of it. The way you did all the POVs was awesome. Miki's is my favorite cuz her Keita insults made me laugh XD. This story is funny and sad at the same time. Very many tear jerking parts...I won't lie XD.
The next few chapters should be intereessttinng...I hope Miki confesses ^~^...and I hope Aya realizes she loves Miki...and I hope Keita realizes he's gay (we all know he is...c'moonn XD) Only kidddding kinda.
Looking forward to the next chapters ^.^
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That's okay, Ren. There's no problem with posting between chapters. Don't worry about it.
Thanks, KrazyForKamei. Although I'd say this story is more hair-tearing than tear-jerking. I mean, Aya's denial must be so frustrating to read about. Hahahaha! I'm almost tearing my hair out writing it.
So true, funny how a lot of people (especially younger ones) don't realize that.
My wise friend told me that when we were 15. I've never forgotten it. Lol, I wonder how the story would have turned out had Miki sent that reply...
ME TOO! Which means one day I'll have to write it. It'll be the "alternate alternate version," if we're going to stick to DO Me DO Me's single v analogy.
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Quickly before bed!
5.4 + ½: The Alternate Alternate Version
I think of all sorts of ways I could reply to her message. I start to type.
Good for you. Do you want to invite Tachibana over for our talk?
I delete my words. That's just my bitterness shining through.
Oh, you noticed I exist? Nice of you to come crawling back to me now that your boy is gone.
This is something beyond bitter. It won't do.
I'm happy to hear that! Now you're finally free! Let's talk.
Delete. It's too happy.
Does this mean you'll stop ditching me? I hope.
And that's not going to work. It's too confrontational.
How'd he take it?
No, that one has no heart in it. I don't really care how he is.
Let's get drunk and have sex.
I throw my head back and laugh while erasing it. I'm being silly for my own sake. I look down to type my next idea when I realise something's happening on the screen of my phone. I read it as it happens.
Sending message... 25%... 75%... 100%. Message sent successfully.
Oh. Shit.
I pressed the wrong button.
Unsend! There has to be an unsend button!
But there isn't. Right this moment, Aya's phone is ringing, she's opening it up, she's reading my e-mail...
What is she thinking?
I jump up and start to pace, chewing on my nails nervously. I haven't bitten my nails since I was in elementary school. Now, it's all I can do to keep from stuffing my hands into my mouth and chewing them to bits for being so stupid and clumsy. I start to jump around and groan in pain.
"I'm so stupid!!" I yell loudly, not caring that the neighbours can hear me perfectly. "Stupid stupid stupid!!"
I go to the wall and bash my head against it.
"OW!" I cry, rubbing my forehead. Bad idea to hit my head like that.
I open the window.
"Miki's stupid!!" I yell to the city.
Someone on the ground stops walking and looks up. I quickly hide in my apartment again, closing the window violently.
I start to chastise myself.
"Great. You're so smart, Fujimoto. Your best friend e-mails you to tell you she just broke up with her boyfriend, and you go and write something stupid about getting drunk. And sex. Oh my god. The drunk part is okay. The sex part? Unacceptable. Totally unacceptable. I'm being insensitive, I'm being immature, I'm being stupid, and I'm also a girl, which, last time I checked, is just not going to get me anywhere with her! GAH!"
I collapse on the floor, tired out by my freakout. I lie on my stomach and bury my face in my hands, groaning about how the end of the world is near.
My phone rings. Someone has sent me mail.
"No..." I whimper.
Hand shaking, I reach for my phone and flip it open, my eyes shut tightly. I open one eye, then the other, and I read the mail Aya has sent me back.
Okay! On my way.
My eyes bulge out of my sockets.
What?! Is she serious?!
My shock turns into pleasant happiness.
Well, good! One thing is going right.
My happiness turns into mortification, as I realise what her reply means. I smash my face down onto the floor.
"She's joking!" I groan my revelation into the carpet.
That's Aya. A joker. She tries to be all witty. It doesn't really work all the time, but this time, she's fooled me.
"Aaarrrgh! It's not fair!"
Why do I have to have this problem? I wish Aya didn't exist. Then I wouldn't have felt this way over anyone, and I wouldn't have sent her that stupid e-mail, gotten an exciting reply, and then realised it was all in my head.
I jump up, put on some Christina Aguilera, and then lie down on the floor again, looking up at the ceiling, feeling utterly defeated. I listen to her belt out a few tunes, some of which I like, some of which I don't. Then that stupid song that I hate comes on, but I can't help myself, and I start howling along with her, out of tune and scratchy. I sound like I'm drunk.
"'Cause I am beautifuuuuuul, no maaaatter whaaaat they saaaaay! Yes words caaaan't-"
My doorbell rings, interrupting my lovely crooning. That would be Aya.
I turn the music off quickly, hoping that Aya hasn't heard it. She likes that song, and I always make fun of her for wanting to listen to it. I have to keep up appearances.
I go to the door, wringing my hands and gritting my teeth. I'm more than a nervous wreck.
I open the door ever so slowly.
Aya's standing there holding a cloth bag. Her face lights up in a delightful grin when she sees me. I've lost my voice, so I emit a small airy sound when I open my mouth, but she ignores me, pushing me aside and entering my apartment. She closes the door and takes off her shoes and hauls my sorry, frozen butt into my living room with her.
"Hi," she finally says, her grin widening.
"Hi," I reply, my voice cracking much to my embarrassment.
She opens up the bag she's holding and takes something heavy out, showing it to me proudly. My eyes bulge, and suddenly, the possibilities of what might happen right after this moment in time become endless.
She laughs at my reaction, and then gives me the flirtiest look that I've ever seen grace her face.
"I hope you have juice," she says.
I silently reach out and grasp the bottle of vodka with one hand. I don't ask how she got it, I don't question her motives, I don't bring up the e-mail, and I don't point out that we haven't talked in days. In fact, I don't speak a single word as I turn around and go to prepare our drinks. A fifth of vodka inside of us will do all the talking soon enough.
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"I hope you have juice," she says.
I silently reach out and grasp the bottle of vodka with one hand. I don't ask how she got it, I don't question her motives, I don't bring up the e-mail, and I don't point out that we haven't talked in days. In fact, I don't speak a single word as I turn around and go to prepare our drinks. A fifth of vodka inside of us will do all the talking soon enough.
OH MY GAH!!!!!!!!!!!
Aya's POV please? ;)
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Unsend! There has to be an unsend button!
yeah, I sometimes whish there was one, too ^^
nice one
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5.4 + ½: The Alternate Alternate Version
That kicked SO much ass! Alternative Alternative versions FTW!!! (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/buttrock.gif)
And I second the request for Aya's Alternate Alternate POV. (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/twisted.gif)
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LOL! OTN1, you're my hero.
I silently reach out and grasp the bottle of vodka with one hand. I don't ask how she got it, I don't question her motives, I don't bring up the e-mail, and I don't point out that we haven't talked in days. In fact, I don't speak a single word as I turn around and go to prepare our drinks. A fifth of vodka inside of us will do all the talking soon enough.
It's like GAM gone wild... XD
On a separate note, this totally refreshed me! ::Is ready for more "What Needed to be Done"::
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Miki's silly. I had to restrain myself from laughing out loud at the Alternate Alternate Version.
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Too tired to think of an original comment. So... I agree with them. ^^
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Alternate version FTW.
Man, made me have a good chuckle...Especially Miki running around screamings shes stupid, sounds like something I'd do (read: Did yesterday)
Is there any other chapters or something or are we at the end of the road?
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And I second the request for Aya's Alternate Alternate POV. (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/twisted.gif)
Thirded :lol:.
Or the special chapter of, what happened after they got drunk. :lol:
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Of course there's an Aya POV! I would never leave you guys hanging like that. And thanks for the comments. I'm glad I could bring smiles to some faces. It's amazing what light-hearted stories can do, huh? Quite a different reaction from WNTBD. Hahaha!
5.3 + ½: The Alternate Alternate Version
Let's get drunk and have sex.
My first reaction is to laugh. Not a loud laugh. A chuckle under my breath. A surrendering chuckle. One that kind of says 'oh, you and your silly sense of humour.'
But that's not the first thing I feel. My outside and my inside are like two completely different people. Inside, an icy cold fear grips my heart.
Is she for real? Does she mean that? If she does, then... then I don't know. I have no clue.
How do I feel?
Scared. That's what. Terrified.
But why would I be terrified?
Well, no duh. My best friend, whether jokingly or not, is proposing we do something that intimate couples (or, fair enough, strangers) do. She must be joking.
But half of the reason why I'm scared is because part of me suspects she's not joking. I think she wants to. I think she's cleverly disguised her true feelings as a joke and sent them to me to test the waters of our relationship. Our friendship. She'll act according to my reply.
Which leads me to the other half of the reason why I'm scared. My reply. What I want. This can't be possible, but something inside me tells me to say "yes." It doesn't make sense to me. Why would I even want to agree to it? Getting drunk isn't all it's cracked up to be. Frankly, it's a bit disappointing the next day. And sleeping with her? Out of all the people in the world, it seems so wrong. I mean, talk about super embarrassing. And I wouldn't have a clue what to do with her. It's just wrong wrong wrong. No matter how much I love the girl (in a friendly way), I won't do that with her. Because it's wrong.
I become aware of my surroundings. I'm at the bus stop in front of the mall. I hope I haven't been muttering anything strange. Nobody's giving me funny looks, so I continue my line of thought.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. No sex. It's wrong.
Yet there I was just recently, ready to rip off Keita's clothes and get intimately acquainted with him, and I never even liked the guy that much. I surely like Miki more than I like him. So what's the problem?
That's what part of me keeps saying. Despite all the potential embarrassment, the screw ups, and the... the general, overwhelming wrongness of it all, that part of me tells me to do it! Now. The ticket to my future is in my hand. It's at my fingertips. I can type my reply and make something happen.
And maybe I need a change in my life. Maybe if I do something wild, that nagging feeling at the back of my brain will be put to rest.
Suddenly I feel brave. That's what I'll do. I'll take a chance. Throw away everything I've established with her to try this out. I'm going to do it! Maybe it really will make me feel better.
But there's a big but.
I can only do this if she really means it. I can't tell if her offer's a joke or authentic until I go over there and evaluate the situation.
I walk away from the bus stop. I can't believe I'm doing this.
I create a new plan and make a phone call to the person who can hook me up. A person who coincidentally lives just minutes away from where I'm standing.
"Hello," says the sweet voice that answers the phone.
"Hi, how are you?" I ask politely.
"Not too bad. And you?"
"Never better," I say. "Listen, Abe-san, I need to ask you a big favour. Can you get me a bottle of alcohol?"
I wince at the silence that follows.
"My my, Aya-chan. Going over to the boyfriend's place?" she asks amusedly.
"Uh, yeah, kind of," I mumble.
"Well, no problem. I have an extra bottle of vodka lying around. How soon do you need it?"
I mouth a silent pray of thanks.
"Is now okay? I can be there in ten minutes."
"Sure, sounds fine. See you soon!" Abe says with her trademark cheer.
We hang up, and I feel relieved. Trust that girl to be able to hook us younger ones up when we're in need. It's no secret to the girls that she's the one to go to when you want to get into something not-so-legal. Most people outside our group would assume we go to Nakazawa, but she's far too overprotective. She would never let any of us touch a drop of alcohol or a cigarette even after becoming of legal age. I've heard that she freaks out whenever she hears Yaguchi's had a few drinks. Imagine what she would do if she knew Aibon's started to experiment with smoking (something I just discovered last month).
Abe is indeed my saviour of the day.
I take out my phone and type up my message to Miki.
Okay! On my way.
I suck in a deep breath of air.
I'm actually doing this.
I press the send button before I can hesitate any further.
I close my phone and my heart speeds up. I've sent that reply because it can be taken either as a joke or seriously. I'll let Miki decide and then follow her lead. Either way, though, I suppose a bottle of alcohol never hurts to have around. It can be my excuse. Our excuse. If anything awkward happens, I'll claim the next day that alcohol stole my memory.
I head over to Abe's apartment, which is just a few blocks away. I knock at her door. She opens it up wearing a Big Nacchi Smile. The Big Nacchi Smile is Abe Natsumi's special version of what others might call a naughty, impish grin. She hands me a heavy cloth bag.
"How much do I owe you?" I ask, a little flustered by the all-knowing look she's giving me.
"Consider this a welcome-to-the-dark-side gift. First one is on the house."
I groan in embarrassment in my head.
"Thank you, Abe-san," I say politely.
"Now, you be careful with him," she begins to lecture me. "If you have any problems, I'm only a phone call away. And if he says he-"
"Thank you, Abe-san," I repeat a little more forcefully, dying of humiliation.
I smile nervously and back away.
"All right. See you later," Abe winks, and she closes the door as I turn around and leave hurriedly.
It takes me twenty-five minutes to travel to Miki's apartment from Abe's. By the time I get there, my nerves are frayed beyond recognition. I feel like I need a drink desperately. My opinion is slowly starting to change. Maybe getting drunk is a good idea.
I approach the door and hear familiar music playing. I also hear Miki singing along with it extremely badly. She sounds like she's already drunk.
Hey! I thought she hated that song. Little lying sneak, I think.
I ring the doorbell, and the music stops almost instantly. Footsteps come to the door. I detect a slight pause before the door is opened cautiously.
The girl is a mess of feelings, each one plainly written on her face.
She's terrified. She's actually scared of me. She doesn't know what to expect (I might laugh, I might kill her, I might reprimand her, I might cry). She's hopeful. I'm here like I said I would be, which means maybe my e-mail wasn't a joke. She's excited. For obvious reasons, of course. I'm at her door. She's always happy to see me.
It's plain to me that her e-mail - her suggestion - is not a joke. I don't know what possessed her to send it to me. But she did, and I got the message, which is now loud and clear as I stand in front of her.
And then within that split second, I also become aware of something else. I'm glad she meant it. I'm glad I'm here. Maybe Miki really is the reason why I broke up with Keita. Maybe she's even the reason why it never worked with him in the first place. Being with him was my fear's clever way of distracting me from what I really wanted.
Well, I won't stand for that any longer. Since when do Matsuura Aya and fear have anything in common?
Precisely! Since never. I'm a fearless, confident, and smart person, and I practically own this girl standing in front of me. The ball is in my court. It's my move. I hold both our tickets to the future.
I grin at her, and after she tries to say something and fails miserably, I push my way into the apartment and take my shoes off. She's more nervous than I've ever seen her before, and it thrills me as I drag her into her own living room.
"Hi," I greet her, my grin widening.
"Hi," her voice screeches and cracks.
It's adorable. My little Miki all scared of me. All unsure and shy and embarrassed. She's the one who sent me the e-mail. She should be teeming with confidence. She shouldn't be the shy one here.
God, I like her. A lot. No more stupid sack of Keita-brand charcoal to keep me away and make me deny it. Not anymore.
I open my bag and take out the bottle of vodka. It's a big one. If we drink it all, we'll be hammered through to the next morning. We'd better be careful.
I watch her reaction, and I see her come to conclusions in her head. We're going to drink. Whatever happens as a result depends not just on how much we drink, but also how far those hidden desires in us reach. Alcohol is merely what will loosen us up. There has to be something in us for something to happen. I guess we'll find out.
I laugh at her reaction, and then I look at her meaningfully. I don't want to waste another minute. I want her to know that I'm serious about drinking this stuff and about being here.
"I hope you have juice."
She stares back at me, her face seemingly without expression. I can read what she's thinking, though. Her eyes seem to say nothing, but in fact they speak volumes. They say 'let's do this.' Clear as crystal.
She takes the bottle from me, her hand brushing against mine slightly. She then turns around and goes to her kitchen. I put the bag down and watch her. She doesn't know I'm watching. Or maybe she does, but she doesn't turn around. She concentrates on what she's doing, pouring vodka quite liberally into two glasses filled halfway with orange juice. She turns around holding the two glasses and gives me a funny look when she sees me standing in the living room watching her. We walk towards each other and meet halfway. She hands me a glass.
So what happens now?
We look at each other. It's a stalemate.
It's a stalemate until she raises her glass.
"To break ups," she says with an ironic smile.
I smirk and raise my glass to that. I know what she really means, so I say it for her.
"To new beginnings."
That makes her smile. We say "cheers" and clink glasses together.
And so goes the beginning.
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Really shows how Aya is the one who controls the relationship :D. Nacchi as H!P blackmarket? Awesome ;D. And Aya was too much in denial :D.
Great to know that you'll never leave us hanging! :lol:
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"To break ups," she says with an ironic smile.
I smirk and raise my glass to that. I know what she really means, so I say it for her.
"To new beginnings."
That makes her smile. We say "cheers" and clink glasses together.
And so goes the beginning.
I must say I LOVE the alternate version!!!!!! (even tho I love the other one as well xD)
And i love the way u make miki shy and cute :D
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Wow! No joke! You dont leave us hanging! you actually did write it up :P
Awesomeness ^^
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Wait, if this is the Alternate Alternate Version where/what is the Alternate Version? *confused*
And following the law's of your universe... where is Abe's POV? ;D
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Lol Nacchi, that's so awesome. It's really funny to see Miki, the groping demon, so terrified of Ayaya.
Thanks for another (alternate) chapter and I hope you write more!
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Nacchi, that little devil. ;D
Loved the "Alternate Alternate" versions dude! ;D ;D ;D
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"To break ups," she says with an ironic smile.
I smirk and raise my glass to that. I know what she really means, so I say it for her.
"To new beginnings."
<3
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Nacchi the bad girl = LoveLove
Nakazawa the overprotective = Humor
And the mention of puffing Aibon = Hopes for another 'Friday' themed story? Maybe? Please? Just one chapter?
I love GAM and all but I just had to beg for something else. Just ignore me Oh Great and Mighty Powerful Writing One and continue with you glorious angst filled GAM stories.
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Wait, if this is the Alternate Alternate Version where/what is the Alternate Version? *confused*
Hahaha, you confused me for a minute, but I figured it out. n.1 is the Original Version. n.2, n.3, and n.4 are the Alternate [Miki/Aya/Keita] Versions. Therefore, n.2 (or 3 or 4) + ½ are the Alternate Alternate Versions. It's like math.
Hahaha, I don't think thre will be an Abe pov.
rndmnwierd, I'll think about the Aibon thing. No promises, but I'll keep it in mind. I have no ideas right now.
Thanks, all, for reading. Both alternate chapters were fun to write, especially Miki's. I need to get it back on track, though. If I have any other ideas for more alternate happenings, I'll definitely write them. They're a nice break.
For those interested, right now I'm working on WNTDB (I've written a chapter and need to type it up/edit). Back to death, depression, and so on.
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Hopefully it's not to late for me to comment. I love Aya and Miki's unreasonable, almost instinctual hatred of Keita, and the way that that speaks volumes about their relationship with each other. I'm also really impressed by how Aya and Miki's personalities are written and how smoothly and naturally they lead into Lovex2. Did you have this whole thing planned out in the back of your head ever since you started Lovex2?
http://www.sendspace.com/file/ehlyl3
...This isn't the song you were listening to while you were writing the last chapter of WNTDB is it?
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It's never too late to comment, and thank you.
No, I didn't plan anything out. The very first thread that I made here with the first 3 chapters of Lovex2 was all I ever intended to write. It's the only thing I planned. The rest just happened when I picked up a pen and wrote and wrote and wrote. I'm glad that it seems to flow.
I'm still going to continue this story (Friday's), so we'll see if I can keep it smooth. It's hard going back to square one and fleshing it out.
And haha, no, that's not the song I was listening to when I wrote the last chapter of WNTDB.
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And haha, no, that's not the song I was listening to when I wrote the last chapter of WNTDB.
Good, I was a little concerned for a minute there.
And hey, your continuing this? Awsome! I thought it was over. (shows how much I pay attention)
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I'm still going to continue this story (Friday's), so we'll see if I can keep it smooth.
Awesome, can't wait for the next installment ;D
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Before I post the continuation, promise me you'll all forget that the Alternate Alternate version ever happened in the grand scheme of things. It's totally unrelated to the story. Hahaha! Don't get the events in that brief slip into insanity mixed up with my real Friday story.
"All I can say is that my life is pretty plain..."
6.1
It began to rain suddenly. Fifteen minutes later, Miki opened the door and let her guest in with a kind greeting. Aya, the guest, removed her shoes, leaned her umbrella against the wall, and entered the apartment.
Once in the living room, they sat down and Miki made the first move to get them on track.
"What happened?"
"It's pretty short. I met up with him at a coffee shop just now. It was easy. He knew what I called him there for."
"Wait, so you broke up with him?" Miki asked, interrupting.
Aya nodded.
"He knew I was going to. He said he felt the tension building."
"Was he upset?"
Aya nodded.
"I think he still really likes me," she replied truthfully.
"Did he cry?"
"Miki!" Aya scolded, and then hastily added, "no."
"Did you cry?"
Aya pointed at her impeccably done makeup.
"Does it look like I've been crying?" she deadpanned.
Miki shook her head and grinned before rearranging her facial features back into those of a concerned listener.
"So now what?" she asked.
"Now what what?" Aya shot back.
Miki shrugged.
"I don't know. I mean, now you're single, huh?"
"Yes. I am," Aya confirmed.
"So... good..." Miki drawled. "Um, I meant not good. I mean that I'm sorry. I meant 'good' as in-"
"It's okay, I know what you meant," Aya said, raising her hand to stop Miki from further blunder.
"You do?" Miki asked in surprise.
"Yeah. It's better like this. Less of a chance for scandals to happen."
"Mmhmm."
"More free time for me."
"Yeah," Miki continued to agree.
"And it's way less of a hassle," Aya finished with a laugh.
"I guess, huh?"
Silence floated over their heads, threatening to rain awkwardness down upon them.
"So anyway, what we have to do," Miki said, perking up, "is to get you to forget about that little incident and get you to move on."
"And what would you suggest?" Aya asked curiously.
Miki stood up and went into her bedroom for a minute, emerging with something in her hand.
"We are going to watch this once and for all," she declared. "I don't care if world war three starts or your appendix bursts. We are going to watch this movie from beginning to end."
She held the Armageddon DVD over her head like a trophy.
"Isn't it supposed to be a sad movie? How's that going to cheer me up?" Aya inquired.
Miki paused in mid-step, halfway to the television set.
"Cry me a river, then. I don't care. We're watching, and that's final."
She arranged the disc in the tray, pressed play, and went to join Aya, who had sat up on the couch. They watched.
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6.2
As I sit, I think. Tachibana's out of the picture. It's about time, too. I knew it couldn't possibly last between them, but I need to hear the whole story before I make any judgements. For once, I'll be patient and wait for the information to come to me. It makes a whole world of difference whether he dumped her or she dumped him. A whole world.
Without warning, it starts to rain. I wonder if this will cause any delays. I also worry about Aya getting caught in the rain and getting soaking wet.
There is no delay. I don't have to wait for long. She arrives sooner than expected as I sit and contemplate what this situation means. The doorbell rings and I get up to let Aya, dry as a bone, in with my usual greeting. I feel like I sound a little more cheerful than usual. All my thoughts don't seem to matter once my eyes settle on her. I don't feel like I need to raise any complaints or remind her of any injustices I think have been done to me because of her spending time with Big Baby.
I watch as she leans her umbrella away from my shoes so that it doesn't drip water and get them wet. It's very thoughtful. Such gestures leave me inexplicably content. It takes something so simple to please me, at least if it's coming from her.
Once we're seated, I dive right into it. So I'm a little impatient. Kill me.
"What happened?"
I await tales of yelling, crying, angsting, and sorrow.
"It's pretty short. I met up with him at a coffee shop just now. It was easy. He knew what I called him there for."
What stands out most to me is that she called him there. That means she organised the meeting. That all means something possibly very good that I just have to confirm.
"Wait, so you broke up with him?" I ask, interrupting her before she can say anything more.
She nods.
"He knew I was going to. He said he felt the tension building."
So Mr. Braindead saw it coming. Good for him. All I can feel is a huge sense of relief. She broke up with him. She initiated it. That means she was the one not willing to try and make it work anymore, which means she doesn't like him anymore (if she ever really did).
Right?
"Was he upset?" I ask.
I hope so. I hope he can't sleep well for weeks. Then he'll get a taste of how I've been for a while.
She nods, and my heart soars, rife with feelings of gleeful revenge. I suppress my smile.
"I think he still really likes me," she says.
She sounds a bit sad, but that doesn't get me down. She's Aya and she has a big heart. No matter what kind of idiot comes her way, she doesn't like to be cruel to him or her. Of course she feels a little bummed out that she's broken a heart, but she'll get over it. She’s strong like that.
"Did he cry?"
I can't resist asking. I've got to kick the guy while he's down. I still hate him for those comments he made. Comments I won't repeat to Aya because I don't know how she'll take them. They might make her not want to be my friend anymore, so I'd rather not inform her just how big of a jerk her boyfr- ex-boyfriend is.
"Miki!" she chastises me, but she quickly adds, "no."
Damnit, I think, followed by an inward chuckle.
Now the next question I need an answer to.
"Did you cry?"
I don't think she did, but if there's a chance she did, I have to know.
She delights me by pointing to her face, giving me an excuse to stare at her unabashedly.
"Does it look like I've been crying?" she deadpans.
Her eyes aren't red, her cheeks aren't wet (not even from the rain), and her eyeliner and mascara exist only where they were meant to exist, not streaking down her cheeks.
I shake my head and grin. Of course she wouldn't cry for that single-celled dimwit. I realise, though, that I shouldn't look too happy quite yet, so I tone down my reaction and try to look concerned again.
"So now what?" I ask without thinking.
I want to know how she feels about dating again. If she has anyone else lined up. If she's going to go out on the prowl tonight. If she needs a rebound relationship. I need to know it all. It's not like I expect to be able to provide for or be the object of any of those things. It's just that in my mind, I play the game of possibilities, and a morbid part of me likes to distinguish between 0.2 and 0.3 per cent possibility of something happening between us.
I guess my question is too vague, not to mention strange.
"Now what what?" she asks back, and I resist slapping my forehead.
I shrug it off.
"I don't know," I say, searching for something else to ask. "I mean, now you're single, huh?"
If there's a supreme being up there guiding the heavens in their daily functions, I invite it to come and strike me down with a bolt of lightning for saying something so pointless, so stupid, that not even the perceptible Aya can understand.
"Yes. I am," she confirms her singleness.
I'm sure she thinks I'm weird. I'm sure she thinks I'm weird. I'm sure she thinks I'm weird...
"So... good..." I drag my words, trying desperately to come up with something. Anything. "Um, I mean not good. I mean that I'm sorry. What I meant by 'good' was-"
"It's okay, I know what you meant," she says, raising her hand to stop me.
I stop talking and I look at her in surprise.
"You do?"
Does she know what I'm thinking? Does she know what I want? Or does she think she knows something but is sorely mistaken?
"Yeah. It's better like this. Less of a chance for scandals to happen."
So I guess she hasn't clued into how I feel. I'm actually relieved about it because I'm not ready to face anything like that yet. Not for a billion years. I give her standard feedback as she continues to talk.
"Mmhmm."
"More free time for me."
And more time for me.
"Yeah."
"And it's way less of a hassle," she laughs.
So would I be a hassle if you and I...?
"I guess, huh?"
There's a stint of silence that I'm scared will lead to an awkward moment.
I don't want to rehash the past and get her to apologise for ditching me those times before, and I certainly don't want to carry out some sort of mangled confession of wanting to spend more time with her. That leaves me with only one viable option. The one other thing it seems I've been wanting to do for ages.
"So anyway, what we have to do is to get you to forget about that little incident and get you to move on," I say, chipper.
"And what would you suggest?" Aya asks me curiously.
Let's get drunk and h-
I stand up and go to my bedroom. I go to my bookshelf there and pull out the cracked Armageddon DVD case that I shoved angrily between two books after coming home from my surprise meeting with Tachibana. I go back out, holding the DVD above my head to show her.
"We are going to watch this once and for all," I say as if citing a law. "I don't care if world war three starts or your appendix bursts. We are going to watch this movie from beginning to end."
"Isn't it supposed to be a sad movie? How's that going to cheer me up?" Aya asks.
Cheer up? She doesn't need cheering up. The girl is fine. I think she just wants to move on. Get on with her life and forget about Tachibana. We should do something we've been planning to do for a while. It'll help her settle back into the rhythm. Our rhythm. We have our own special rhythm that nobody else can match, and I'm proud of it like nobody would ever believe.
That's why when I'm halfway to the TV set, I stop and look back at her.
"Cry me a river, then," I tell her. "I don't care. We're watching, and that's final."
I put the disc in and hit play. When I turn around, I see Aya's crawled up onto the couch, so I go and join her, making sure to sit just far away enough to be normal, but close enough so that I can feel her presence.
I wonder if she'll cry. I might. I would cry in front of her. I have before. And I don't just mean crying for the camera, which I've done before. That's the wonderful thing about her. I can do or say whatever I want in front of her and I don't have to be afraid that she'll judge me harshly.
But if that's true, then why can't I just tell her that one big thing on my mind?
In the end, I guess even I have my limits.
-
6.3
I'm on the train when it starts to rain. When I get off at the station, I duck into a convenience store quickly to buy an umbrella.
As I scurry carefully and quickly through the streets, crowds thinning out by the minute, I find myself wondering what to tell Miki. I want to tell her every single detail, yet I don't. I don't want to bog down our time together with something that's becoming more and more trivial as the clock ticks. It's not like I'm heartbroken and am in search of comforting. All I really want is to hang out with Miki and push the rest of this day out of my mind. Maybe we can eat dinner together and gossip about whatever we want. Do some late evening shopping. I want things to be back to the way they were before... before... before what? I want things to be normal? What's normal with us? Do we even have a normal groove?
I shake my mind of such thoughts and hurry up.
I get to Miki's place without any mishaps and I ring the doorbell. She lets me in. She looks thrilled to see me. I knew she would be. I'm thrilled to see her, too. I take my shoes off, make sure I don't get her shoes wet with my hastily purchased umbrella as I lean it against the wall, and proceed deeper into the apartment.
We sit down, and Miki is like a vulture, swooping down to grab what she can.
"What happened?" she asks eagerly.
No touchiness about the recent lack of communication, no anger, no hint as to why she didn't return my e-mails earlier. It's like the past few days never happened and we just saw each other yesterday.
"It's pretty short," I say plainly. "I met up with him at a coffee shop just now. It was easy. He knew what I called him there for."
That's really all that happened. I could recite our dialogue verbatim, but that would just be a waste of time. I could ask her why Keita mentioned her, but I feel that if I put her on the spot, it'll get messy somehow. Don't know how. Don't want to know.
"Wait, so you broke up with him?" she asks before I can continue.
Do I detect hopefulness in her voice?
No, it's my imagination. Or maybe she's just glad I came to my senses. She never liked him.
I nod.
"He knew I was going to. He said he felt the tension building."
Miki looks thoughtful.
"Was he upset?" she asks.
I don't think she really cares about him. I think she wants to bask in some sort of glory.
I nod again.
"I think he still really likes me," I reply.
It's not that I want to rain on her parade (although I don't exactly support getting off on someone's misery), but I want to be honest. I feel a little guilty for somehow making Keita like me so much when I never liked him. Well, I liked him a bit, but not nearly as much as he liked me.
"Did he cry?" she asks.
"Miki!" I scold her, not really scandalised, but feeling like I should be protecting his honour a little.
No, on second thought, why should I bother? This is Miki I'm here with, not a Friday reporter. I can tell her anything. And if she wants to be happy about his misery, then fine. I ditched her a few times because of him. She can get her kicks in now.
"No," I add in answer to her question.
"Did you cry?"
Now that's more personal, and this time I know she's not asking for kicks. She sounds like she really cares. But she also sounds like she's praying for me to say that I didn't cry. She's either a very defensive friend, or she has some other reason to want me not to have cried. Maybe by crying, it would mean I actually really liked him, which to her could-
No. It's the first one. She's just a defensive friend. End of story.
I point to my face, which she stares at cutely (makes me want to hug her).
"Does it look like I've been crying?" I ask in a flat tone.
Miki shakes her head and grins brilliantly at me. If I was genuinely sad and depressed, I'd be instantly warmed up by that look. Since I'm already happy by being here, though, the smile makes me happier. However, in lieu of a smile, she puts on a concerned face. It's sweet of her to try and push away her own feelings to sympathise with me. Sweet, but unnecessary this time.
"So now what?" she asks.
Huh? What does she mean by that? 'Now' as in right now at this moment after having had our talk? Or 'now' as in my post-Keita adventures into the land of love?
"Now what what?" I ask back.
Miki shrugs. Maybe she's hiding something. I don't know. I get the distinct impression that I don't want to know.
"I don't know. I mean, now you're single, huh?"
So it's the second option. But why is she bringing this up? It's cute because it's random and weird, but it's also scary because... I don't know.
"Yes. I am," I say.
"So... good..." Miki drawls.
It's good that I'm single? Why? Does she want to introduce me to someone? Does she think I neglected our friendship because I was dating someone? Will I ever stop questioning the reasons and motives behind everything she says?
"Um, I meant not good. I mean that I'm sorry. I meant 'good' as in-" she continues to stutter along until I hush her up with a raised hand.
"It's okay, I know what you meant," I say, although I'm not entirely sure.
"You do?" she asks, surprised.
Time to do that improvisation thing I'm supposed to be so good at.
"Yeah. It's better like this. Less of a chance for scandals to happen."
Oh, that's good. One point for me.
"Mmhmm."
"More free time for me."
Two points. That's another good one. Although I don't really mean free time for me alone. Now I can just go back to the way I used to allocate my time. Some alone time, some more for Miki, and so on.
"Yeah."
I wonder if she's even listening to what I'm saying. I mean, she looks concentrated on me, but maybe she's not really hearing my words.
"And it's way less of a hassle," I finish with a laugh that I hope covers my nervousness.
Keita was a hassle. Other people in my life aren't. Important people aren't. I want her to know that.
For no particular reason whatsoever.
"I guess, huh?"
Silence. I don't know what to think. I get this tingly, scared feeling inside me when there's too much silence between us. It never used to be like this. I always liked the silences that swept us up, but lately, they're too suffocating. Too full of meaning that I don't understand.
"So anyway, what we have to do," Miki says, perking up, "is to get you to forget about that little incident and get you to move on."
What does she have in mind? Alcohol? That makes you forget quickly. And it can also make you do crazy things you might not think of doing when you're sober, and this train of thought has to end now.
"And what would you suggest?" I ask, trying to sound curious.
Miki stands up and goes into her bedroom, and I'm left there sitting on the couch, wondering if I'm going to survive the evening. I might go nuts from the excitement and terror that grip my heart for no understandable reason.
She comes back out waving something that I can't make out.
"We are going to watch this once and for all. I don't care if world war three starts or your appendix bursts. We are going to watch this movie from beginning to end."
She stops waving the object, and I immediately recognise the cover of the Armageddon DVD. The DVD we were supposed to have watched by now.
"Isn't it supposed to be a sad movie? How's that going to cheer me up?" I ask, scepticism in my voice.
Is she trying to make me cry? I bet she is. I bet it's her excuse for me to be even more weakened so that she can feel all strong and protective, falling into the powerful role of the comforter.
Hah! Who am I kidding? She'd never do that. She'd rather be the one sobbing her eyes out and being pampered by me. This is probably her ploy to turn the tables. What a sneak.
Or maybe it's just that now's the best time since there's no Keita to interrupt us and we have the rest of the evening and night free to do as we please.
She's halfway to the television when she turns around and shoots me one of her looks.
"Cry me a river, then. I don't care. We're watching, and that's final."
As she puts the DVD in, I get up on the couch and lean back.
Just relax, Aya. Just relax, I think.
Miki comes and joins me on the couch.
Oh, there's no way I'm going to be able to relax. Something's going on with her, and I'm not going to rest until I find out.
One day.
But first, let's watch the movie.
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Yay, the awkward conversation chapters. I like how they were both thinking along the same lines with alcohol.
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mmm... so both of them are really scared about where their relationship is leading, i mean miki knows what she wants but she is too scared to do something, serious, about it and aya kind of knows what she wants and what miki wants but she is still being conservative and morals first and what is people going to think if i do this or that so she denies her feelings and miki's too in the process so....that leaves us in...nothing ¬¬ ekekek anyway i believe aya is the one that has to make a move cause she knows what they both want but miki seems really clueless, and i'm ranting way too much so now i'll only say, i'm very much looking forward to the next chapter
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It IS pretty hard to forget the alternate version though... with the overprotective Yuko and the blackmarket Nacchi... and the Miki singing like a yankee... then of course the "lets get drunk and have sex". But I'll try :(.
Anyway, for some reason when I read the last two chapters I felt as if Aya was being a little biased to make her look like the better person... dunno, but IMO Keita sounded like the more mature person in the breakup scene... yeah.
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"Did he cry?"
I can't resist asking. I've got to kick the guy while he's down.
...
"Miki!" she chastises me, but she quickly adds, "no."
Damnit, I think, followed by an inward chuckle.
Now the next question I need an answer to.
:wahaha: Have I mentioned just how awesome Miki is? ;D
"Did you cry?"
I don't think she did, but if there's a chance she did, I have to know.
She delights me by pointing to her face, giving me an excuse to stare at her unabashedly.
"Does it look like I've been crying?" she deadpans.
Her eyes aren't red, her cheeks aren't wet (not even from the rain), and her eyeliner and mascara exist only where they were meant to exist, not streaking down her cheeks.
She's just being thorough, that's all.
It'll help her settle back into the rhythm. Our rhythm. We have our own special rhythm that nobody else can match
I want things to be back to the way they were before... before... before what? I want things to be normal? What's normal with us? Do we even have a normal groove?
They think along the same lines, how can that NOT be a sign that they're meant to be together?
"So... good..." Miki drawls.
It's good that I'm single? Why? Does she want to introduce me to someone? Does she think I neglected our friendship because I was dating someone? Will I ever stop questioning the reasons and motives behind everything she says?
Ah the naiveity...rather cute despite the fact that you want to smack her and say "HOLY CRAP HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE WHAT'S GOING ON!?!?"
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It IS pretty hard to forget the alternate version though... with the overprotective Yuko and the blackmarket Nacchi... and the Miki singing like a yankee... then of course the "lets get drunk and have sex". But I'll try :(.
It was fun! Maybe I'll do something like that again one day. Anyway, for some reason when I read the last two chapters I felt as if Aya was being a little biased to make her look like the better person... dunno, but IMO Keita sounded like the more mature person in the breakup scene... yeah.
That's the danger (or beauty) of first person narration. It's a completely biased point of view. :D It can make people sound like total idiots.
It feels like it's been a while. Do you guys still remember what's happened in this story? Hahaha! Here's some more.
The Phone Call
7.1
A week after the unpublicised break-up of Aya and Keita, Miki and Aya were lounging around at the former's apartment in the evening, reading magazines and mumbling occasional and unimportant observations about what they were reading to each other.
Aya's phone began to ring, and so she answered it as Miki continued reading, not looking up.
"Hi, Aya-chan," Keita's voice came from the phone. He sounded neither cheerful nor upset.
"Ehh..." Aya let out a strange mumble, looking at Miki, who didn't seem to notice. "Hi."
She hadn't expected a phone call from him. She let him continue.
"I was just calling to ask something."
"Sure. What is it?" Aya asked, her surprise morphing into curiosity.
"Are we still friends?"
"Are we still friends?" she repeated back immediately, but then quickly lowered her voice. "Umm..."
She took a moment before answering.
"Do you want to be?" she asked.
"Do you?"
Miki closed her magazine, finished with it, and she looked across at Aya briefly as if confirming she was there before inspecting the pile of magazines for something interesting.
"Uh, I... sure?"
"Is this a bad time?" Keita asked, a frown in his voice.
"No no no," Aya said quickly. "I'm just, um, surprised you called."
"So are we still friends? I wouldn't mind. Just as long as I don't have to see Fujimoto-san."
"As long as... Mi- uh, huh?" Aya sputtered in surprise.
"So can we be?"
"S-sure. But, um, I mean how can we be if, you know, if being seen together looks like... you know..."
There was a silence over the phone.
"I guess you're right," Keita said dejectedly.
"Well, no," Aya quickly interjected before he could get too depressed. "I mean, it's just a practical thought. But, um, we can still mail each other and, um..."
Keita sighed.
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"And if it's not just the two of us, then it's okay to go out," Aya said very quietly into the phone.
Miki got up and poured herself more tea, going back to the table and opening up another magazine and leafing through it.
"I understand," Keita said, now a smile apparent in his voice.
Aya smiled a bit, too.
"That's all I really wanted to ask. I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing. See you around."
"Bye bye," Aya said quietly, and she hung up.
She put her phone away and went back to her magazine after casting a glance at Miki, who was still reading. Aya turned to the horoscope page.
"So, who was that?" Miki asked conversationally. "It sounded classified."
She laughed at her own joke, which annoyed Aya.
"Nobody important," she said.
"Oh, you mean Tachibana?" Miki asked with a raised eyebrow and a devilish smirk.
Aya's silence told her she was right.
"Was he calling to get his things back?"
"No!" Aya exclaimed. "He just wanted to know if we could still be friends."
Miki nodded.
"I see. And?"
"Well, I told him yeah, but we can't hang out together. Not just the two of us, at least," Aya mumbled.
"Oh, okay," Miki said, taking a hint to tone down the mean streak. "Anything else?"
Aya shook her head.
"No. That was it."
Miki nodded a few times, taking it in, and then she looked down at her magazine.
"Says here that soaking stinky feet in a solution of vinegar and water will help get rid of the smell."
Aya's face screwed up into one of surprise. What a strange thing to segue into.
"Ew, Miki-chan, that's gross. I don't have smelly feet, and neither do you."
They continued to read for another half an hour and then went to get dinner.
-
7.2
I'm sitting in the living room of Miki's apartment and flipping through a magazine half-heartedly. I'm reading, but I'm not really paying attention to the information. In my mind, I keep replaying the events of the past month. Things have been busy, and not just with work. My life - my social life - has been full of happenings namely involving two people. The two main characters. It hasn't been easy because their roles have fluctuated radically. One moment, one is the protagonist and the other the antagonist. The next, it's the other way around.
Miki's role has been the hardest to decipher. She's completely on my side. There's no doubt about it. But there's something about her that has me worried. I think her treatment of Keita has been particularly harsh. I know he's hopelessly stupid and boring, but what she seems to feel for him borders on hatred of the violent variety. I can't figure out the reason why!
Stirring me from my thoughts is the sound of my cell phone ringing. I pick it up and check the number, but it's blocked. I answer anyway with a "hello."
"Hi, Aya-chan."
I blink in surprise. It's Keita. Why is he calling me now?
"Ehh..." I utter, trying to think of what to say to him.
I look at Miki, but she's not paying attention. She's reading her magazine with a stoic face.
"Hi."
"I was just calling to ask something."
"Sure," I say, suddenly turning curious.
What could he possibly want to ask me? It'd better not be about getting back together. That's never going to happen.
"What is it?"
"Are we still friends?" he asks.
Now there's a question.
"Are we still friends?" I repeat without thinking.
It's too loud! I avoid looking at Miki and I lower my voice, turning my head a bit to the side. All of a sudden I feel very uncomfortable having this conversation. The two main characters of my recent life have managed to come onto the scene together once again.
"Umm... Do you want to be?"
If I throw the question back at him, maybe we can finish this conversation without me having to say too much on my side. I can just agree with whatever Keita says.
"Do you?"
His question is a monkey wrench thrown into the cogwheel that is spinning my idea.
Just then, Miki closes her magazine and looks at me for a split second as if she's just surveying the room and reorienting herself after an intense read and I happen to be in her line of sight. She looks away and I try not to wither under that brief of a gaze. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. But why should I? I'm just talking to someone on the phone. I watch as she looks through the pile of magazines, and I wonder what she would think if she was paying attention to my conversation.
"Uh, I... sure?" I reply to Keita's question distractedly.
"Is this a bad time?" he asks.
I can hear a frown in his tone.
"No no no," I say quickly, paying attention to him again. "I'm just, um, surprised you called."
I look at Miki out of the corner of my eye. She's found another magazine and seems to be absorbed in it.
But why am I looking at her? I ask myself. I tear my eyes away from her and look straight ahead at the wall.
"So are we still friends?" Keita asks hopefully. "I wouldn't mind. Just as long as I don't have to see Fujimoto-san."
Miki?! I think. What is with him and Miki??
"As long as... Mi- uh, huh?" I sputter in surprise, quickly cutting myself off before I say Miki's name out loud and alert her that she's the subject of discussion.
I look over at her, but she's still reading. I wonder if she's noticed or not.
"So can we be?" Keita asks, not bothering to explain why he's brought up Miki.
I know that he doesn't get along with her, but again, she has nothing to do with him and me.
"S-sure. But, um, I mean how can we be if, you know, if being seen together looks like... you know..." I trail off.
It doesn't matter whether we're friends or enemies. If we're even spotted standing in the same train car, people will assume that we're still dating, and the magazines will go nuts taking their pictures and writing their exaggerated articles about our torrid love affair.
My reply causes Keita to stay silent for a moment. He finally says, "I guess you're right."
"Well, no," I interrupt quickly, feeling guilty for many things, including having been a bad girlfriend. "I mean, it's just a practical thought. But, um, we can still mail each other and, um..."
I must sound pretty lame. It's not as if I totally hate his guts. I just don't want to be associated with him in that way, and unfortunately, in the public eye, that's how we will always be viewed as until we get married to different people. My career is not worth losing over an association with him, be it in love or in friendship. Whether I like it or not, the public has a large say in whether I get to keep my career as successful as it is now.
It suddenly hits me. Will there ever be anything more important to me than my career? Will I ever be so hopelessly in love with something or someone that I would quit my job without any second thoughts or regrets? Sometimes it feels like there is something in my life that I'd do that for, but I don't know what it would be. Sometimes it feels like nothing could ever take me away from what I love to do - singing and performing.
Keita sighs and I remember he's on the line.
"Yeah, I guess you're right," he concedes.
"And if it's not just the two of us, then it's okay to go out," I add very quietly, stealing another glance at Miki.
Surely I can't ask her to chaperone us if we ever decided to meet and chat over coffee. Someone would end up dead. I find myself hoping it would be Keita and not Miki. Just then, Miki stands up and goes to pour herself another cup of tea. I watch through my peripheral vision as she walks back to the table and gets another magazine out of the pile. She starts to leaf through it as I wonder just how much of my conversation she's listening to.
Again, Keita interrupts my wandering thoughts.
"I understand," he says.
He sounds a little more cheerful. It's as if he's on the same wavelength as me and understands what I'm getting at. That's a rare thing for us. I smile.
"That's all I really wanted to ask," he says, bringing our conversation to an abrupt end. "I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing. See you around."
I refrain from sighing in relief. I'm glad our talk has been short. I'd much rather not go on and on about these things with Miki in the room. It's just... wrong.
"Bye bye," I say softly, and I cut the connection, putting my phone away and picking up the same magazine I was reading before the call.
I glance quickly at Miki. She's still reading. She must be curious what I talked about. Who I talked to. I can sense anticipation in the air, although maybe it's just my imagination. Or maybe I want her to ask me. I'm a bit nervous about what she might be assuming, and I'm also wondering if she caught my slip up when I almost said her whole name out loud.
"So, who was that? It sounded classified," Miki asks, breaking out into that ridiculous laugh of hers.
I huff in annoyance. I don't know why. I mean, I asked for it - for her to say something - but somehow her turning it into a joke makes me not want to tell her anything. I want her to take it more seriously because... I don't know.
"Nobody important," I reply curtly.
"Oh, you mean Tachibana?" she asks, raising her eyebrow and smirking at me in that evil way of hers.
I'll admit that I like the look because she looks so bad that it's cute, but I find myself regretting ever wanting her to ask me about the call. I don't want to talk about Keita with her. I don't want her to ask what we talked about. She might get mad or upset, and ever since ditching her those times, I've wanted to do nothing to bother her too much.
I've been silent for too long, and she's smart enough to figure out what that means.
"Was he calling to get his things back?" she asks.
His things? What things? It's not like he and I moved in together! It's not like he ever kept a toothbrush or an extra shirt at my place. The nerve of her saying that when she knows perfectly well it's not the case.
"No!" I exclaim. "He just wanted to know if we could still be friends."
There, I've told her. Now I know she's going to ask more. It strikes me that she just said that to get a rise out of me and make me tell her the truth.
Miki, you tricky fiend...
"I see. And?" she asks, not showing any reaction.
I know that she can't possibly be happy about me being friends with him, but to her credit, she doesn't make a big fuss. Not yet, anyway.
"Well, I told him yeah, but we can't hang out together. Not just the two of us, at least," I mumble back.
I start to regret what I've told Keita. Maybe I should have just told him that it's a bad idea to be friends. I don't think I could ever live it down if Miki got angry at me and stopped being my friend just because I stayed friends with Keita. In the grand scheme of things, she's way more important than him.
No, that sounds weird. I don't mean like that. I mean we're friends and we understand each other and she's not boring or stupid or- well, sometimes she's stupid, but she's not actually stupid. She's pretty smart, and I'm sure she could do anything she wanted. She's got street smarts for sure. Her book smarts aren't the greatest, but with a little application and studying she-
Breathe! I command myself.
Sometimes I get too carried away thinking about Miki and I get off topic and completely forget what I was thinking before. Is that weird? Maybe. But she just has so much potential...
"Oh, okay," says Miki. Maybe she thinks my deeply pensive look is some sort of hint to tone it down, because she seems to take it down a notch. "Anything else?"
I shake my head and say, "No. That was it."
I purposely leave out the fact that her name was mentioned. I instinctively know that it's not a good topic to bring up. Awkward with a capital "a."
Miki nods a few times and then looks down at her magazine.
"Says here that soaking stinky feet in a solution of vinegar and water will help get rid of the smell."
Out of all the things to say, that's the last I expect. Why is she talking about stinky feet and vinegar? We're supposed to be talking about me!
I don't attempt to hide my surprise.
"Ew, Miki-chan, that's gross," I sniff. "I don't have smelly feet, and neither do you."
Despite the weirdness, however, I need to accept that this is simply the way Miki is. I have a feeling I haven't heard the last from her on this topic (Keita and I possibly being friends), but for now, I'll let her keep her silence. In fact, as I've said before, I prefer not to talk about that guy with her because he's not worth it. Our time is too precious.
We continue on as if the phone call hasn't happened, and I have the same difficulty concentrating on what I'm reading. All I can think about now are Miki and Keita and how I'm trapped in a situation that feels ridiculously like a love triangle.
Am I ever glad when dinner time rolls around.
-
7.3
I've managed to get Aya over here to hang out. She's been so busy with her tour and rehearsals with Melon and W that we've barely even spoken to each other all week. I've captured her for one evening, which is nice for the both of us. Our respective work ended relatively early, so we have come to my place to lounge about. I'm starting to get hungry, though, so I'm soon going to suggest we go and find dinner.
I feel much calmer these days. Ever since Aya dumped Keita, I've felt like a weight has been taken off my shoulders. It's funny how that works. I don't have to worry about her thinking he's more important than I am, because now he's totally out of the picture.
Now that he's gone, though, I've been thinking about what to do. Should I say anything? Or just let things go on as they are? If I say something, I could mess everything up forever. If I let things go, I may never get a shot at what I want. On the other hand, if I say something, I might get exactly what I want. And if I let things go, they might drift naturally in the direction I want them to drift in.
Ug. Decisions. I hate them. But this one is easy to make. I'm a chicken around Aya, or at least about this one very important thing, so I won't say a word. I'll let my feelings hover in the air around me. Maybe she's perceptive enough to pick up on them. Sometimes I get the feeling that she can sense them, but it's probably all in my head. Sometimes she says or does something that makes me think she's thinking the same way. But I'm wrong. I have to be.
These are the things I think as I pretend to read a magazine. Secretly, I'm not even looking at the words on the pages. I'm sneaking glances at Aya, wondering what she's thinking. Sometimes she makes a comment about what she's reading, so I force myself to reply.
We've been sitting there for about twenty minutes when the phone rings. Aya's phone. I don't look up. I pretend to continue reading as she answers cheerfully and waits for the person to be identified.
"Ehh... Hi," she says.
My ears perk up. I can't help but wonder who she's talking to. She seems surprised and maybe not too thrilled. If she's being harassed, I can help her find an excuse to get off the phone.
I don't show my interest, though, and I stare at an ad for shampoo as though it's a riveting piece of artwork.
"Sure. What is it?" Aya asks.
She now sounds curious.
"Are we still friends?" she asks in surprise.
My heart drops. It sounds like she's repeating a question, and the only person I can think of that would ask her something like that is the number one person on my hate list.
Tachibana.
I steal another glance at her, and she looks horrified at having repeated the question out loud.
Does she not want me to hear? Why?
"Uh..." she pauses for a long while. "Do you want to be?"
What I wouldn't give to be able to hear Tachibana's side of the conversation, too. How dare he call her after she's told him she doesn't want to see him anymore? Who does he think he is trying to weasel his way into her life again? He's supposed to be out of it.
I close my magazine angrily. I look up and my eyes meet Aya's for a millisecond. I want to give her a hurt look. One that asks why she's on the phone with my enemy when she's at my place. But I don't. I look away and look around the room, pretending to reorient myself. I start to go through the pile of magazines that's on the table, pretending to look for something that will top what I have just supposedly read.
"Uh, I... sure?" Aya says distractedly.
Did I just distract her? Did I make her remember that I'm in here, too?
"No no no," Aya responds quickly, trying to deny something. I wonder what. "I'm just, um, surprised you called."
I am, too. Very surprised. Now hang up before I grab the phone from you and yell some sense into that wallflower's ear.
"As long as... Mi- uh, huh?" Aya sputters in surprise.
I almost jerk my head up when I hear the first syllable of my name. Was that was she was about to say? My name? Why are they talking about me?
I feel humiliated. Here I am in my own apartment while my best friend is chatting to her ex-boyfriend about me right in front of my face. It feels even worse because of what I feel for my best friend. Isn't she going to jump to my defence? I'm sure he can't be saying anything polite.
"S-sure. But, um, I mean how can we be if, you know, if being seen together looks like... you know..."
She's speaking far more quietly than when the conversation started, but I can still hear every single word. I just want to walk out because I can't believe what I'm hearing. If I'm hearing it right, that is. Are those two going to start hanging out again? I can't believe it. There's a reason why people end relationships. It's not so that they can go on as if nothing ever happened a week later. At least give it more time.
But there I go being ridiculous. Why not let them be friends? I should believe Aya when she says she doesn't want that idiot as her boyfriend. She's strong-willed and won't let herself be fooled into reigniting old flames.
"Well, no. I mean, it's just practical thinking. But, um, we can still mail each other and, um..."
No. Don't mail him. You can mail anyone in the world, but not him, I think angrily.
"And if it's not just the two of us, then it's okay to go out."
I resist snorting. She's better not ask me to come along. No freaking way. I'd kill him.
I feel too antsy, so I get up to pour myself some more tea even though I don't want any. I can sense Aya's eyes on me for a moment. She must be wondering if I'm listening to her conversation. I wonder if she feels guilty. I hope she does...
I go back to the table with my tea and I open up another magazine, flipping to an Adidas shoe advertisement and staring at it intently.
"Bye bye," Aya said quietly, and she cuts the line.
That's an abrupt ending.
I watch out of the corner of my eye as she puts her phone away and picks up her magazine again. I notice her look up at me and then look back down.
If I ever want to find out what that conversation was just about, I have to ask. It's now or never.
"So, who was that?" I ask, trying to sound nonchalant. "It sounded classified."
I start to laugh at my own joke. I'm not at all amused. I'm nervous and upset.
"Nobody important," Aya says, getting annoyed at me.
I think she hates it when I laugh at my own jokes.
"Oh, you mean Tachibana?" I ask, giving her my special smirk.
I get my kicks in where I can. She set that one up perfectly.
She doesn't reply, so I know I'm right. It's so obvious anyway.
"Was he calling to get his things back?" I ask.
I know that there's only one way for her to respond. I know that they were never at the point where they kept things at each other's apartments, so she has to tell me I'm wrong.
"No!" she exclaims, sounding a lot more irritated than I thought she would. "He just wanted to know if we could still be friends."
I wasn't expecting to get as thorough an answer as she's provided. And such a passionate one. She definitely wants to drive home the point that she and Tachibana weren't that close. I can interpret this as something hopeful for me...
All I do is nod. I can't show what I'm thinking.
"I see. And?" I press on.
I want to know why my name was mentioned. Or at least I think it was.
"Well, I told him yeah, but we can't hang out together. Not just the two of us, at least," she mumbles.
I figured as much already. But what does she think about it? Does she really want to hang out with him? And does she expect me to be nice to him? Because I won't be. She could beg me to, she could give me everything in the world, but I would never be nice to Tachibana.
Well, okay, if she really begged me, then I'd be civil to him. But she'd really have to turn on her charm. As much as I love the girl, "be nice to Tachibana" is simply not in my vocabulary.
"Oh, okay," I say, taking the edge off my voice a bit as I think about how nice it would be if she really did get down on her knees and beg me to be nice to that guy. That way I would know I was important enough that she'd do something like that. "Anything else?"
My name. My name. My name...
But she shakes her head.
"No. That was it."
I nod a few times, but I feel a little blank. I guess I'm not allowed to hear what else they talked about. I'm not important enough. What a slap to the face.
I swallow and look back down at the magazine. I'm not going to cry. I'm feeling too annoyed to cry. I'm not even that annoyed at Aya. A little, yeah, but not as annoyed as I am at that moron. If he hadn't called, I'm sure Aya's memory of him would fade into oblivion.
Maybe I have to do something to make her forget him.
I look at the article beside the Adidas ad. It's an advice column. An anonymous person has written in complaining about constantly smelly feet, and my eyes flick to the advice that's written. Vinegar and water, huh? Maybe I should force feed that to Tachibana. I'd love to see his grimace of disgust.
"Says here that soaking stinky feet in a solution of vinegar and water will help get rid of the smell," I say, signalling that I want to stop talking about this and move on.
Aya looks surprised. I'm sure she can't figure me out at that moment, but I don't particularly care.
"Ew, Miki-chan, that's gross. I don't have smelly feet, and neither do you," she insists.
Of course our feet don't smell bad. Silly Aya. She must know I don't think that. It cheers me up, and we continue to read for half an hour until I suggest dinner.
Just before opening my mouth, however, I recall something.
Maybe I have to do something to make her forget him, I repeat my earlier thoughts in my head.
Perhaps it's time I stop being so stubborn about being a wimp and start doing something about what I feel. Seize the moment. Grab at whatever opportunity I can. Take advantage of what I've got. We're not going to live forever, and I obviously want this badly enough.
I need to do something drastic. Something daring. Maybe not quite a "let's get drunk and..." type of scenario, but who knows. Maybe that would work, too. I'll have to start thinking about it, and quickly, too. Aya's next suitor isn't going to wait for me to have my shot.
Ug. My life is so difficult.
-
AhHA! Miki is awesome. I think I love her POV most of all. Its just...blunt I suppose in a way.
So, uh...is this it? Is there more? (God, why do I feel so panicked at the thought of not reading your work?!)
Vinegar and water eh....
-
"Nobody important," she said.
"Oh, you mean Tachibana?" Miki asked with a raised eyebrow and a devilish smirk.
Awesome-est comment EVAH!!! :wahaha:
I look at Miki out of the corner of my eye. She's found another magazine and seems to be absorbed in it.
But why am I looking at her? I ask myself.
Ain't it obvious? ;D :heart:
It suddenly hits me. Will there ever be anything more important to me than my career? Will I ever be so hopelessly in love with something or someone that I would quit my job without any second thoughts or regrets? Sometimes it feels like there is something in my life that I'd do that for, but I don't know what it would be.
Love the foreshadowing (even though we already know what happens). :P
Surely I can't ask her to chaperone us if we ever decided to meet and chat over coffee. Someone would end up dead. I find myself hoping it would be Keita and not Miki.
...
In the grand scheme of things, she's way more important than him.
No, that sounds weird. I don't mean like that.
IT'S A SIGN DAMMIT!!! :frustrated:
I purposely leave out the fact that her name was mentioned. I instinctively know that it's not a good topic to bring up.
Smart move. (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/yep.gif)
"Are we still friends?" she asks in surprise.
My heart drops. It sounds like she's repeating a question, and the only person I can think of that would ask her something like that is the number one person on my hate list.
Tachibana.
...
Did I just distract her? Did I make her remember that I'm in here, too?
...
"As long as... Mi- uh, huh?" Aya sputters in surprise.
I almost jerk my head up when I hear the first syllable of my name. Was that was she was about to say? My name? Why are they talking about me?
Miki is surprisingly observational, especially with the little details like that that most people may not have noticed.
"And if it's not just the two of us, then it's okay to go out."
I resist snorting. She's better not ask me to come along. No freaking way. I'd kill him.
Damn right she would, probably wouldn't even break a sweat doing it. ;D
"Nobody important," Aya says, getting annoyed at me.
I think she hates it when I laugh at my own jokes.
"Oh, you mean Tachibana?" I ask, giving her my special smirk.
I get my kicks in where I can. She set that one up perfectly.
That she did, that she did. Miki's the tsukkomi queen of H!P, after all. (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/yep.gif)
"No!" she exclaims, sounding a lot more irritated than I thought she would. "He just wanted to know if we could still be friends."
...
All I do is nod. I can't show what I'm thinking.
Which, at this moment in particular, is probably something like THIS: (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/woohoo.gif)
"Anything else?"
My name. My name. My name...
But she shakes her head.
"No. That was it."
I nod a few times, but I feel a little blank. I guess I'm not allowed to hear what else they talked about. I'm not important enough. What a slap to the face.
NOOOOOOOO!!! That's not true! You are!!! Aya just hasn't realized it yet!!!
:pleeease:
I need to do something drastic. Something daring. Maybe not quite a "let's get drunk and..." type of scenario, but who knows.
Hey, if it finally knocks some sense into her, why not? (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/twisted.gif)
-
There's more, Mikan!
Love the foreshadowing (even though we already know what happens). :P
Hahaha, it's fun to do that.
So Right
8.1
As Aya was about to knock at Miki's dressing room at half past twelve on a late May day, she heard the girl's muffled talking. She couldn't hear what was being said, but she considered not going in. If Miki had someone over, she didn't want to interrupt. However, curiosity got the better of her, so she knocked three times and waited.
The door swung open seconds later to reveal Miki still dressed in her dance practice clothes and holding a folder in one hand, her phone in the other.
Aya looked behind Miki and saw nobody. She looked at the phone and then figured she must have been talking to someone on it. She looked a little on edge. Perhaps it was because of the suddenness with which she seemed to have ended her phone call.
"Hi. Are you busy?" Aya asked, wondering if Miki had to call the person back right away.
"Uh, no. I'm not. Come in," Miki said, backing up, tossing the folder on a chair, and putting her phone down on the table in an effort to not look busy.
Aya walked in slowly and looked around just in case there really was someone else in there. There was nobody.
"What's up?" Miki asked in a somewhat unnaturally loud voice.
"Nothing. I just thought you might want to grab lunch at the convenience store with me," Aya offered tranquilly.
Miki's eyes wandered over to her folder, an action that Aya caught clearly.
"But if you're busy, don't worry. I'll see you later," she added quickly with a smile.
"No, I'm not busy!" Miki exclaimed, waving her hands ridiculously and then grabbing Aya's sleeve to make sure she didn't leave. She let go hastily when she realised she was acting strangely. "Just sit and give me a minute to change."
Aya sat down in the chair and studied a take out menu for pizza that was on the table as Miki changed into her street clothes and touched up her eyeliner.
"Ready!" the freshly changed girl cried out, all signs of nervousness having left her voice, replaced by excitement.
Aya looked at her amusedly.
"I was thinking we could eat up on the eighth floor. It's a clear day."
The eighth floor was often deserted at lunch time, and so it was one of their favourite retreats. It offered a spacious lobby full of high quality couches and an incredible view of the skyline, all tucked away behind a series of hallways that few people bothered to go down. On fine days, one could see far into the distance.
"Sounds good," Miki said, linking her arm around Aya's and pushing her out the door swiftly.
Aya laughed, and for their walk to the store, they goofed around like childhood friends that had known each other for twenty years.
-
8.2
I get out of dance rehearsal at a quarter past twelve, and I rush to my dressing room to change. I'm hungry enough to eat three cows, and I'm worked up from the amount of brain power I've had to use this morning. Dancing while keeping spatial orientation in mind is tough! I need to eat lunch and unwind. There's nobody I like to unwind with more than Miki. If she's free, we can go stock up on food at the convenience store and spend our break on the eighth floor, our favourite place to hang out.
Once I'm done getting ready (even for a quick run to the convenience store, an idol has to look her best), I hurry down a floor to her dressing room. I pass by Ogawa and Niigaki, and we wave hello to each other.
As I approach the door, I hear talking. I can't hear what's being said, but it sounds rather important. I slow down a bit and consider leaving and coming back later, or maybe just going to the store alone. I don't want to disturb Miki if she's busy. I understand that the kind of work we do doesn't leave us with much time to spend freely.
But I really want us to eat lunch together. We've been so busy that we haven't been able to hang out much. I can try knocking at the door, and if she's really busy, I'll at least get to see her for thirty seconds.
With a little reluctance, I knock three times on the door. The talking stops and footsteps come my way. Miki swings the door open. She's holding a folder full of papers in one hand and her cell phone in the other. She must have been talking about work to someone on the phone. She ended the conversation pretty quickly, though, which makes me think she needs to call him or her back. Either that, or somebody's in her room with her.
"Hi. Are you busy?" I ask, although it's pretty obvious she is. I feel bad for having interrupted.
"Uh, no. I'm not. Come in," Miki says nervously.
She backs up to give me room to walk in, and she tosses her things aside as if they're not the least bit important. It looks like she's actively trying to look free when she's truly not. She could be being polite, not wanting to send me off after I've made an effort to come and see her. I question whether or not to enter, but of course my own selfish desires mute any other reasonable thinking, and I enter her dressing room.
I look around briefly to confirm that there's nobody in there. Not a soul is in sight.
"What's up?" Miki asks loudly, as if she wants the people next door to hear her.
She's acting awfully suspiciously. Maybe she was doing something questionable, although I can't imagine what. Drug dealing and prostitution are out of the question. I laugh at the thought of Miki snorting coke or trying to collect a fee for sleeping with someone. Those things are so not her. Maybe she was scheming with a friend. Maybe they're going to play a prank or throw a wild party. Something not illegal, but perhaps disagreeable to the authorities that govern us in this business.
But I have to stop thinking about that and answer the question she's asked.
"Nothing," I say in a peaceful way, perhaps to help her calm down. "I just thought you might want to grab lunch at the convenience store with me."
She looks surreptitiously at her folder, but I notice it, and I know that I shouldn't be here bothering her.
"But if you're busy, don't worry," I say quickly. "I'll see you later."
I add a smile to my words. I don't want her to think I'm angry. I really do want her to get her work done properly.
"No, I'm not busy!" she exclaims.
She waves her hands in a silly way and then grabs my shirt sleeve in order to keep me from leaving. I've come to expect odd behaviour from Miki when she's around me. I'm used to it, but still, she's such a strange one that I must give her some kind of amused look. She lets go and looks embarrassed.
"Just sit and give me a minute to change," she says as she moves off to find her street clothes.
I stifle a laugh and I sit down in a chair. There's a take out pizza menu on the table, so I pick it up and read it. I can hear Miki flinging clothes around wildly as she gets ready in her speedy way, but I don't look up. I tell myself it's because I'd probably burst out laughing at the rushed look on her face. But maybe that isn't the whole truth.
Oh look! I think, latching my eyes onto a picture on the menu. Shrimp pizza. Looks good. Please, shrimp pizza. Distract me for a few more seconds. Distract me with your yummy shrimpy cheesiness until Miki is-
"Ready!" she cries out.
All signs of nervousness have left her voice and have been replaced by excitement.
I chuckle as I put the menu back down on the table and finally look up. Only food can get Miki this happy and enthusiastic.
This girl is destined to marry a chef or the owner of a restaurant, I think to myself.
I can just imagine the wedding. The banquet afterwards would probably be the most scrumptious meal I ever ate in my life. There Miki would be with her new husband, who would keep her well-fed for life. There her parents would be. Her father would be glaring at the man, watching his every move and waiting for an excuse to come down hard on him. Her mother would be swooning, all excited about her daughter's happiness.
I'd be right beside Mr. Fujimoto, glaring at the new addition to the family. Tempt my Miki away with food? I don't think so. When they coined the saying "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach," they left out one important thing, and that's all mention of Miki. "A man's heart and Miki's heart," it should be.
I've always found that saying to be treacherous. As if you need to trick someone into loving you by feeding him. Well, if some chef tricked Miki into loving him because he could cook well, I'd certainly have something to say about it. If they had a Western-style wedding, right at the "is there anyone who opposes this marriage?" part, I'd jump up and declare war on the groom, claiming he didn't really love her, pulling Miki aside and imploring her to stop the silly shenanigan that was just a marriage of convenience and not love.
Sheesh, I'm starting to sound like Miki when she gets all protective and jealous of me. Her ways are rubbing off on me far too much.
"I was thinking we could eat up on the eighth floor. It's a clear day," I suggest.
We've got such a nice view from there. I love it when we're all alone and just hanging out there. Maybe eating lunch or even just sitting on the comfortable couches and chairs that are set up near the window. I love the silences that settle over us like warm blankets. It seems even cosier when there's a storm outside. We can sit and watch the lightening and the rain, listen to the thunder, and be dry and at peace together.
Am I cheesy? Am I as cheesy as that pizza I was just reading about? Maybe I'm even worse. But why can't I enjoy those moments? They make me feel crazily good.
"Sounds good," Miki says in reply to my question.
She links her arm around mine unexpectedly and pushes me out the door. I feel her elbow poke into my ribs, and I wonder what this feeling inside me that wells up is.
Probably just hunger, right?
I laugh it off and we skip down to the street level to go and find some food to bring up to our secret, eighth floor refuge.
-
8.3
It's been eight days since I decided to do something about Aya. I've tried to think of all sorts of ways to confess my feelings, but none of them are good. All my scenarios end in disasters, and all my speeches sound so stupid that I'd rather share a broccoli milkshake with Tachibana the Terrible.
Every minute of every day is devoted to figuring out my situation and formulating a plan. I'm all right at multitasking, so the girls don't notice me not truly paying attention to them when we're around each other at the studio or at performance venues, but it doesn't mean I'm at peace. My mind doesn't stop. Only for about six or seven hours each night does it stop thinking about Aya, and that's because I'm asleep. Even then, however, I have dreams, many of them based on the things I think about during the day, the main thing being Aya. It's terrible and yet nice at the same time.
It's late May, and I'm sitting in my dressing room after a strenuous dance rehearsal. I've declined offers from Yossi and Takahashi to go and get lunch together because I need to sit and think. I've been doing this every break I have had. Sitting and thinking and plotting.
I have a folder full of magazine cut-outs. I can't believe I've stooped so low, but the sad reality of it lies between those two blue pieces of bound plastic. The magazine cut-outs are from advice columns and articles about love and relationships. Readers writing in and asking for advice on how to confess their love to the people they want. I've been reading them to get ideas, but none of the advice given is any good. None of it is my style.
"Write a letter to him and share with him honestly how you feel," writes one advisor.
"Seduce him with sexy lingerie and wine" writes another advisor from a more risky magazine.
I'm into honesty and wine, but the first one is too Care Bear, and the second one is too ridiculously unbelievable. Nobody really falls for that. Not in a long-term way. It's too superficial for what I feel. Moreover, Aya's certainly not going to fall for it. She's not even into me.
So why am I sitting here thinking about what to do when I know it's a lost cause?
Simple. Because I'm pathetic.
I laugh out loud. I'm so silly. Here I am feeling this incredible angst over my situation that nobody else has a clue about. It's funny because nobody would suspect me of thinking about these things. Maybe they don't even think I'm capable of thoughts like these. Little Kamei and Shige and Niigaki all think I'm so cool. So tough and balanced, not a care in the world. Nothing can take me down. I'm invincible. They bow down in fearful awe of me.
What would they think if they could see me now with a pathetic pile of magazine cut-outs from even more pathetic readers who can't think for themselves, looking for an answer that I know I'm not going to find yet keep searching for anyway?
They'd laugh, think I was someone impersonating the Fujimoto they know, and walk off quickly before the real me got back and went all violent on the impostor.
"Dear Aya," I say aloud to nobody. "This is a letter for you. Please listen to my thoughts. I like you a lot!! Have a nice day!"
I smash my face into my hands.
"Nooo," I groan.
That would be the worst letter ever written. A first year elementary school student could do better than that.
I take out my phone and find a picture of the two of us. We're making silly faces at the camera, our cheeks mashed together in an endearing way. You can see my arm stretched in front of me and going out of the shot, signalling that I'm the one holding the phone.
We look happy. We look like we fit together. Why can't she just see that and come to me? She's got magnificent ways of saying things. So eloquent. So right. If I heard her say to me first that I was the most important person to her, I'd rest assured that she was being honest and not speaking under duress or out of an awkward sense of obligation. That would give me the confidence to say, "I feel that, too, about you."
"Listen. I really like you a lot. Sometimes I wonder if you feel the same way," I say, improvising my speech as I address the picture of us. "Do you like me? You do things that make me think you might. I-"
Three knocks at my door interrupt my monologue. I flush red with embarrassment and pray that I haven't been heard speaking out loud to myself. Still holding the folder and phone, I go and open my door, ready to go back into my cool and collected mode. I feel a wave of terror pass through me when I see Aya on the other side of the door. That's not how I usually feel when I see her, but the fact that I've been speaking my confession out loud to a photo just might have something to do with it. Just might.
She looks at my folder and my phone, and my guard snaps up. I don't want her asking about what's in the folder. It's far too embarrassing. My phone. My saviour! Maybe she'll think I was talking on my phone. I clutch it a little more tightly and hope that she comes to that conclusion.
"Hi. Are you busy?" she asks.
She sounds a bit eager. I know she wants me to say "no." I've learned how to decipher her way of emoting. It's like a code. A special Aya code that I've cracked. Some things, however, still remain a mystery. I don't know how to measure the intensity of her eagerness, or what kind of eagerness it is. Eagerness to bother me? Eagerness to get an opinion from me? Eagerness to just see me?
"Uh, no. I'm not. Come in," I say.
I want to look convincing, so I throw the folder and phone off to the side, backing up to give her room to walk in. I want to appear completely free and available, because that's what I am. I'm desperate to do something other than sit around talking to myself (or pictures).
Aya walks in slowly and looks around. Maybe she thinks somebody's in here, but when she sees nobody, I hope she assumes I was on the phone.
"What's up?" I ask loudly, trying to distract her from any suspicious thoughts she might be having. I don't want her thinking I'm crazier than she already thinks I am.
"Nothing. I just thought you might want to grab lunch at the convenience store with me."
She speaks in a calm manner. She can probably tell I'm a bit nervous and she's doing her best to calm me down without even knowing the circumstances. That's the sign of a true friend.
I can't help myself, and I look over at my folder. I hope she doesn't ask what's in it. That would mean the end of the world. I'd have to move, change my name, and cut off all ties with my family if that folder were to ever be discovered in my possession.
Or maybe that's an exaggeration. Needless to say, I'd be highly humiliated.
I'm yanked out of my fantasies about entering a witness protection program by Aya saying, "But if you're busy, don't worry. I'll see you later."
Oh my god, she's probably noticed I'm looking at the folder. I don't want her to leave. I just don't want her to see my magazine articles. I swear right then and there to throw them all out once lunch is over.
"No, I'm not busy!" I exclaim.
I advance forward and grab Aya's sleeve without thinking. Her smile increases in amusement factor, and I realise I'm being bizarre. I let go of her clothing and back up a bit.
"Just sit and give me a minute to change."
She follows my instructions and sits down. Now I just have to change my clothes and we can get out of there.
"Seduce him with sexy lingerie and wine"
The written words of the advice columnist run through my head.
I'm not wearing sexy lingerie right now, but if she waits for a minute, I can go and grab a bottle of wine...
I look over at her, but she's reading a flyer that I accidentally brought over with me this morning. It slipped into my bag along with some important papers I had to bring.
Great. Pizza is more interesting than me. I don't know what I was expecting, though. Why would she want to look at me anyway? So much for that stupid columnist's advice. Even if I was wearing the nicest clothing I owned, she wouldn't be paying attention to me. See? Trash. All of those magazine articles. Pure trash.
I rush to get ready, all shyness gone and replaced by a general feeling of "ug." I could start line dancing in my spot and she wouldn't notice because she's so absorbed in - I squint to see what picture she's looking at - shrimp pizza.
Shrimp: 1.
Miki: 0.
But maybe she's keeping her eyes averted because she somehow feels embarrassed. Maybe she's actively trying not to look at me. That would be nice. My little Aya trying not to be creepy. I like that. I prefer this way of thinking over any other.
My confidence shoots up a bit as I fool myself into believing this, and I become excited. We're going to eat lunch. Food is fun. Food is half of my life. Food with Aya is even better because she's the other half of my life. She just doesn't know that.
Yet.
"Ready!" I cheer.
Aya looks up at me from the picture of Pizza-La's shrimp special and she looks entertained by the sight of me.
"I was thinking we could eat up on the eighth floor. It's a clear day," she suggests.
I love you! I think dorkily.
That's our special hangout place where nobody else goes. It's quiet up there and it's often just the two of us lounging around, talking, reading, or just staring at the scenery of the capital. When we go there, I feel like the rest of the world ceases to exist. All the encumbrances of daily life are forgotten, and we are in our own little world. It's one of my favourite things to do with Aya.
"Sounds good," I say happily.
I link my arm around hers without a single hesitation, and as she laughs, I cheerfully lead us to the elevator so that we can go down to the ground floor to buy lunch. Days like this are the kind that remind me the world is perfect and that me and Aya... we're so right for each other.
-
I've been on a bit of a writing spree/roll the past 2 days. I wrote another alternate alternate version for the chapters I just posted.
Please remember: the following 2 chapters have nothing to do with the storyline. They are digressions from the main path.
I promised lots of fluff, right? Well, here's some. Horrible, terrible fluff. I think I just got a cavity.
8.2 + ½: The Alternate Alternate Version
Once I'm done getting ready (even for a quick run to the convenience store, an idol has to look her best), I hurry down a floor to her dressing room. I pass by Ogawa and Niigaki, and we wave hello to each other.
As I approach the door, I hear talking. I can't hear what's being said, but it sounds rather important. I slow down a bit and consider leaving and coming back later, or maybe just going to the store alone. I don't want to disturb Miki if she's busy. I understand that the kind of work we do doesn't leave us with much time to spend freely.
But I really want us to eat lunch together. We've been so busy that we haven't been able to hang out much. I can try knocking at the door, and if she's really busy, I'll at least get to see her for thirty seconds.
I get closer to the door, and a naughty thought strikes me. I edge towards the door quietly, ready to put my ear against it to listen in on Miki's conversation.
"No!" cries the little angel on my right shoulder. She's the spitting image of me, but pure goodness incarnate. "Don't do it. You'll feel bad, and it's not right. It's impolite."
"Do it!" sneers the little devil on my left shoulder. She's the spitting image of me, but pure evil incarnate. "She'll never find out, and it's not like you've never eavesdropped on people before. Everyone does it."
The two figures do battle, and I shove them both aside. Screw goodness. This is Miki. As if she'd feel any remorse doing what I'm about to do.
I put my ear to the door and listen.
"Dear Aya," says Miki.
For a second I panic and think that she's discovered me. My racing heart slows down, though, because there's no way she could know I'm here.
"This is a letter for you," she continues. "Please listen to my thoughts."
She's written a letter for me? And she's reading it out loud in a silly voice? Miki's so strange!
"I like you a lot!! Have a nice day!"
I stand there a little befuddled. She likes me a lot? What kind of letter is that? She can just tell me that in person. It's not like she hasn't before.
"Nooo," I hear her groan, and I frown.
What is she doing? Is she drunk? It's not even one in the afternoon yet.
"Listen," she starts up again.
Maybe the letter isn't finished. I listen.
"I really like you a lot. Sometimes I wonder if you feel the same way."
That's when my heart starts to race and a thousand words and questions go through my head.
Is she saying what I think she's saying? Is she confessing some sort of strange love for me? Out loud to herself? Is she practicing? Or is it just a joke? And would she freak out if I said "yes," or would she actually be happy?
"Do you like me?" she continues, unaware of my presence. "You do things that make me think you might. I want to hear it from you. When you touch my hand, what do you feel? Do you feel excited like I do? Do you have daydreams about me like I do about you? Am I on your mind all the time like you're on mine?"
I've never heard Miki speak in such an embarrassingly mushy way before. She's never expressed these things about anyone, not even guys she's dated while I've known her. I've always been under the impression that Miki shares everything with me, but she's never shared these feelings with me. Of course, I understand she wouldn't want to say anything to me because these thoughts are about me, but still. It's a big surprise. It's almost as if I had thought all along that she wasn't capable of being so gushy about love. I know she's capable of love, and I've always known that she's a sentimental, soft person, but not to this extent. Especially not about me. It's no secret that she loves me. I love my friends, too. But like this? This is more like being in love someone, which is a whole separate category from just loving someone. Definitely not a friendly love.
That's not the only surprise that I face. Some sort of massive wall of ice that has been surrounding my heart for the past while begins to melt. I didn't even know it was there until now. It quickly vanishes, and warmth floods my entire body as I realise what I've been missing all along. It has taken an immoral act to make me see that the reason I've been so riled up, nervous, and distracted is because of the girl inside this room. Somehow, somewhere along the path of life, my best friend has become more than a best friend, and I haven't even noticed it.
No, that's a lie. A damned lie. And I know it because I've been repeating it to myself for months even though I've known deep down inside that it's a lie. I did notice long ago. I was just terrified.
Well, not anymore. If Miki has the courage to admit those things to herself, and I have the courage to finally start breaking down the barrier of lies that I've created to block her from getting closer to me, then I think I can stop being afraid, walk in there, and let her know what's on my mind.
I do feel a bit guilty because I'm standing here with my ear pressed up to the door, hearing Miki's intimate thoughts when I don't have permission. I figure, though, if I say things that I know will make her happy, she'll forget about my little indiscretion.
There's only one way to do this.
I put my hand on the doorknob and gently twist it, opening the door silently. I poke my head in and see Miki holding her cell phone high up in front of her face, staring at it while continuing to mumble her words. Her back is turned to me, so she hasn't noticed the door open. I walk in, shutting the door just as silently as I opened it, and I approach her.
Her sixth sense flares up, and she must sense a change in the atmosphere because she stops talking and starts to turn around. She catches sight of me just as I'm at an arm's length away, and for a second, I can read her expression perfectly. She's too shocked to say anything, dismayed that I've heard everything. Her face changes, and she looks like she's about to cry, which catches me off guard. I suppress my surprise, though, and I reach out my hands and put them on her shoulders, drawing her into a wordless hug.
She doesn't return my hug in any way. She must be wondering what I'm doing. Or maybe she's wondering how many seconds it's going to take for me to start badmouthing her and telling her to forget it, there's no chance, and so on.
I have no intention of doing what she's thinking. Instead, I raise my head a bit to her ear and say quietly,
"Yeah. Me too."
When I feel her hands on my back returning my hug, I know that everything has changed from this moment on.
-
8.3 + ½: The Alternate Alternate Version
"Dear Aya," I say aloud to nobody. "This is a letter for you. Please listen to my thoughts. I like you a lot!! Have a nice day!"
I smash my face into my hands.
"Nooo," I groan.
That would be the worst letter ever written. A first year elementary school student could do better than that.
I take out my phone and find a picture of the two of us. We're making silly faces at the camera, our cheeks mashed together in an endearing way. You can see my arm stretched in front of me and going out of the shot, signalling that I'm the one holding the phone.
We look happy. We look like we fit together. Why can't she just see that and come to me? She's got magnificent ways of saying things. So eloquent. So right. If I heard her say to me first that I was the most important person to her, I'd rest assured that she was being honest and not speaking under duress or out of an awkward sense of obligation. That would give me the confidence to say, "I feel that, too, about you."
"Listen. I really like you a lot. Sometimes I wonder if you feel the same way," I say, improvising my speech as I address the picture of us. "Do you like me? You do things that make me think you might. I want to hear it from you. When you touch my hand, what do you feel? Do you feel excited like I do? Do you have daydreams about me like I do about you? Am I on your mind all the time like you're on mine?"
I pause and turn to face the window. The blinds are shut, but I can still tell it's a sunny day outside.
"I don't know how long I've felt like this. It seems like forever. I know it hasn't been that long. I mean, it's not like the second I met you, I felt these things. But I think I always knew that you had the potential to become the most important thing to me. I really, really hope I'm that important to you. If not, then I guess you can say goodbye to me and never talk to me again. It'll probably creep you out to hang around me after hearing something like this from me. I think-"
I suddenly stop because I feel like something has changed in the room. The air feels different. I turn around slowly, afraid of what I might see. A monster? A ghost?
What I see is more terrifying than any ghoul a horror film can offer.
It's Aya. She's about an arm's length away from me, and she's looking at me with this intense gaze. I think she's heard everything I've just said.
I want to die, and this time I'm not exaggerating. I really don't want to go on living like this, facing embarrassment every time I see her from now on. Remembering how I stupidly believed I could get a bit of privacy in my own dressing room. Repeating the words of rejection that she's going to sing to me any minute now.
She reaches out and puts her hands on my shoulders, and I know that the end is coming. She's going to let me down gently, but firmly. She's going to make it clear that she harbours no such feelings towards me and that I should forget about anything between us ever happening. It's just a joke when we say it on television. It's just something to shock the fans and make them watch our shows.
Then she hugs me. She actually hugs me. It's not exactly what I imagine a speech of absolute rejection to start out with, but she has her own ways.
I don't bother to hug back. How can I? I just want to cry.
She doesn't say anything for some time. She just hugs me lightly. Why does she have to drag this out longer than it has to be? Just say it. Something akin to "in your dreams, Fujimoto," and I'll get the picture.
Instead, she lifts her head slowly to my ear.
She says very quietly, "Yeah. Me too."
It sinks in slowly. The words permeate every layer of my mind.
And for once, I don't analyse. I just accept. I haven't coerced her into anything. She's heard my thoughts on her own and now she's making hers clear.
I reach up carefully and put my hands on her back, hugging her.
From this moment on, everything's going to be very different.
-
ALTERNATE VERSIONS FTW!!!!!
Miki's POV are the best!
ur fics are just amazing!
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I squealed. I squealed! You are the most awesome person in the world for this amazing piece of fluff and I squeal in reverence.
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I liked the original version more... Complication provides me lots of fun. ;D
-
There her parents would be. Her father would be glaring at the man, watching his every move and waiting for an excuse to come down hard on him. Her mother would be swooning, all excited about her daughter's happiness.
That 'man' will be Aya :D. If only she knew...
Ayaya is in too much denial. I feel more and more bad for Miki :|. But the alternate alternate chapter brought me a big smile :D.
I love how you repeatedly bring some references to the "Let's get drunk and have sex" XD. And also, Miki seducing Aya in sexy lingerie and wine? That's gotta be the coolest mental image ever.
I wonder how long will it took for Aya to stop being in denial, realize Miki's and her own feelings.. XD
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8.1
As Aya was about to knock at Miki's dressing room at half past twelve on a late May day, she heard the girl's muffled talking. She couldn't hear what was being said, but she considered not going in. If Miki had someone over, she didn't want to interrupt. However, curiosity got the better of her, so she knocked three times and waited.
The door swung open seconds later to reveal Miki still dressed in her dance practice clothes and holding a folder in one hand, her phone in the other.
Aya looked behind Miki and saw nobody. She looked at the phone and then figured she must have been talking to someone on it. She looked a little on edge. Perhaps it was because of the suddenness with which she seemed to have ended her phone call.
Oh jeez did Aya almost walk in on Miki planning the secret-surprise vacation to Hakone?!?!?! (yep, I've got events somewhat memorized now). ;D
8.2
I need to eat lunch and unwind. There's nobody I like to unwind with more than Miki.
Heh, yeah, Miki wants to "unwind" with Aya too. >:D Than again, wouldn't we all? >:D >:D
She waves her hands in a silly way and then grabs my shirt sleeve in order to keep me from leaving. I've come to expect odd behaviour from Miki when she's around me.
Oh, if only she knew why... ::)
I can just imagine the wedding.
...
Her father would be glaring at the man, watching his every move and waiting for an excuse to come down hard on him.
...
I'd be right beside Mr. Fujimoto, glaring at the new addition to the family. Tempt my Miki away with food? I don't think so.
The seeds of rabu-rabu have already been planted! All they need are the right conditions to grow!!! :hee:
She links her arm around mine unexpectedly and pushes me out the door. I feel her elbow poke into my ribs, and I wonder what this feeling inside me that wells up is.
Probably just hunger, right?
Wrong...it's :luvluv1:
8.3
It's been eight days since I decided to do something about Aya. I've tried to think of all sorts of ways to confess my feelings, but none of them are good. All my scenarios end in disasters, and all my speeches sound so stupid that I'd rather share a broccoli milkshake with Tachibana the Terrible.
Ouch...and...eww. (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/crazy.gif)
I have a folder full of magazine cut-outs. I can't believe I've stooped so low, but the sad reality of it lies between those two blue pieces of bound plastic. The magazine cut-outs are from advice columns and articles about love and relationships. Readers writing in and asking for advice on how to confess their love to the people they want.
Awwwwwwwwww that's cute...in an embarassing sort of way. :sweat:
So why am I sitting here thinking about what to do when I know it's a lost cause?
Simple. Because I'm pathetic.
Wrong again. It's because of :luvluv1:
I want to look convincing, so I throw the folder and phone off to the side, backing up to give her room to walk in.
Miki's lucky the contents of the folder didn't spill out.
My confidence shoots up a bit as I fool myself into believing this, and I become excited. We're going to eat lunch. Food is fun. Food is half of my life. Food with Aya is even better because she's the other half of my life. She just doesn't know that.
Yet.
For GAWD'S SAKE you have to tell her!!! :pleeease:
I've been on a bit of a writing spree/roll the past 2 days. I wrote another alternate alternate version for the chapters I just posted.
Please remember: the following 2 chapters have nothing to do with the storyline. They are digressions from the main path.
I promised lots of fluff, right? Well, here's some. Horrible, terrible fluff. I think I just got a cavity.
SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!! (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/bow.gif)
8.2 + ½: The Alternate Alternate Version
I get closer to the door, and a naughty thought strikes me. I edge towards the door quietly, ready to put my ear against it to listen in on Miki's conversation.
"No!" cries the little angel on my right shoulder. She's the spitting image of me, but pure goodness incarnate. "Don't do it. You'll feel bad, and it's not right. It's impolite."
"Do it!" sneers the little devil on my left shoulder. She's the spitting image of me, but pure evil incarnate. "She'll never find out, and it's not like you've never eavesdropped on people before. Everyone does it."
OMGASS! Angel Aya VS Devil Aya!!! SO KAWAII~~~!!! :wriggly:
The two figures do battle, and I shove them both aside. Screw goodness. This is Miki. As if she'd feel any remorse doing what I'm about to do.
Heh, she does have a point there. ;D
I put my hand on the doorknob and gently twist it, opening the door silently. I poke my head in and see Miki holding her cell phone high up in front of her face, staring at it while continuing to mumble her words. Her back is turned to me, so she hasn't noticed the door open. I walk in, shutting the door just as silently as I opened it, and I approach her.
Her sixth sense flares up, and she must sense a change in the atmosphere because she stops talking and starts to turn around. She catches sight of me just as I'm at an arm's length away, and for a second, I can read her expression perfectly. She's too shocked to say anything, dismayed that I've heard everything. Her face changes, and she looks like she's about to cry, which catches me off guard. I suppress my surprise, though, and I reach out my hands and put them on her shoulders, drawing her into a wordless hug.
eep. (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/cry.gif)
I raise my head a bit to her ear and say quietly,
"Yeah. Me too."
When I feel her hands on my back returning my hug, I know that everything has changed from this moment on.
8.3 + ½: The Alternate Alternate Version
Instead, she lifts her head slowly to my ear.
She says very quietly, "Yeah. Me too."
It sinks in slowly. The words permeate every layer of my mind.
And for once, I don't analyse. I just accept. I haven't coerced her into anything. She's heard my thoughts on her own and now she's making hers clear.
I reach up carefully and put my hands on her back, hugging her.
From this moment on, everything's going to be very different.
GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! :imdead:
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omg in the alternate version even i felt kind of embarrased for miki...but it was really cute
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Those have got to be the most random chapters I've ever read. Yet so funny.
... or maybe I'm still reeling from reading the 2005 and 2006 struggle...
Anyway, thanks for the new chapters!
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Alternate Version FTW!
See? You see what youve done? Now you have created this other angle to write from. A new series in which Miki confesses her love early but in a less sexual way, haha. It just completely changes the future for them.
I was thinking today about how OTN must be one of the most understanding people in the world. I mean, you do all these POVs....
Or I suppose I could put my usual weird, random and morbid spin on that and say you could just as easily have split personalities.
And this is where I stop bothering you. Thank you
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Love the Alternate version :D, finally, finally, Aya knew who's the one she trully love ^^
Back to the main version ^^, well, how long will Aya recognize her feeling?
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I really really enjoyed (in a painful and embarrassing way) writing those alternate versions. Truly. Pure fun. But I'm 100% with Amarghetta in agreeing that the non-alternate versions are more... "fun" because of the complications. Hahaha! Maybe we're a morbid couple of AM fans.
Ren, you like the drunk/sex refs? Hahaha. Well, I like sticking them in.
:imdead:
Oh, man. Don't die. If you die, nobody around here will get your "Best moments of..." reviews. I enjoy those. :D
I was thinking today about how OTN must be one of the most understanding people in the world. I mean, you do all these POVs....
Haha, that struck me as a very sweet thing to think, but my writing these stories can't possibly reflect many good things about my character. Look at the angst and the pain and the death and... Eep. But thanks for thinking that thought just the same.
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The format of this story is going to change a little from now on so that it can flow into what I've already written in the other section of the forum. Sorry for the inconsistency. I wasn't expecting to make a "prequel" to the prequel of Lx2. (A prequel to a prequel? This is very confusing…)
I Dream of You
9
It all started with a kiss. On television, that is. We were watching a movie together at her house, and the hero and heroine had just survived a terrifying ordeal. They'd been hinting at their feelings for some time, but right after almost losing their lives, they collapsed into each other's arms, and the usual passion ensued. So mushy it was soggy, so embarrassing it made me want to hit myself.
I saw Aya sigh, and I could almost see the fluttering hearts in her eyes. I knew that she wanted some knight in shining armour to come along and sweep her off her feet, protect her from the cruelties or the world, and make her forget what time was. That's why I had to keep quiet.
Almost since the first day of this stupid crush, I kept quiet because I knew that A, it was just that (stupid), and B, I wasn't that knight. There was no way I could tell anyone, least of all her, anything.
The truth is that at first, I thought it was silly infatuation. The usual idol worship. I told myself that I really admired who she was and what she stood for because it's what I aspired to be and do. I had myself convinced of this. But the feelings wouldn't go away, and when I started having dreams, I officially panicked.
Most of the dreams took place in a cute and innocent world, and nothing terribly exciting happened. We were just happy together, walking down a road, picking flowers, or eating ice cream. Those dreams I could handle and looked forward to.
However, there were other dreams I had from time to time that were not innocent and cute. They were, in a word, dangerous. Steamy dreams that I'd wake up from covered in sweat, confused, and feeling like if I didn't find some sort of outlet for all my energy, I'd implode. On those occasions, no matter what time it was and what the weather was like, I would get dressed, go outside, and run down the street until I was exhausted. Then I'd run back home and be so beat that I'd collapse into bed and fall asleep right away.
But one time, I wasn't alone when I had one of those dreams.
And it all started with that kiss on TV.
I watched her gush silently over the love struck characters and wished that she'd look at me like that. All I could say to myself in comfort was that she never looked at Tachibana like that either. Then in my mind, I started to construct an Indiana Jones-type fantasy where we just barely escaped with our lives, and I had to shake my head of my thoughts because the movie ended and she was asking me a question that I hadn't heard, yet was somehow answering.
She must have asked if I was tired. It was early by our sleepover standards, but we had to work the next day. Bedtime would be early. We got up and got ready for bed as I tried to put those crazy thoughts out of my head.
Baths taken and pyjamas put on, we got under the covers, each of us laying claim to a side, and saying goodnight. There would be no gossiping late into the night. We had long days ahead of us.
Some time in the early morning, perhaps around half past three, I woke up with a wild start, my hands gripping the sheets tightly. I'd just had the worst kind of dream I could have while on a sleepover with Aya. It was intense. The tension between us had been thick enough to see with the human eye, and we'd practically attacked each other before I woke up. A dream about a mistakenly sent e-mail, a bottle of vodka, and complete lack of control was what made me wake up soaked with sweat, heart beating and brain racing.
I look around wildly and spotted Aya beside me sleeping peacefully. My eyes bore a hole into her face, and I suddenly realised I had to get out of there before I did anything regrettable.
I slipped out of bed quickly and tiptoed out of the room, my hands shaking, my pyjamas sticking uncomfortably to my body. I could hear the sounds of rain falling and strong winds blowing. It was storming just like the weather forecast had predicted.
I had to fight every irresistible urge to jump back into bed and wake her up and do things I should not have. Every urge. It took all my effort.
As I was leaving the room, I tripped over something on the ground, making a loud noise, and despite all my efforts to quietly regain my balance, my foot landed in a pile of CDs, which toppled over and made horrible squeaking and clinking sounds.
To my horror, Aya stirred in her sleep and her eyes started to open. I dashed out of the bedroom, slamming the door shut and going to the living room. I couldn't think. I was confused. I didn't know where I was.
I opened the window, and a blast of air hit my face, bringing stray raindrops in along with it. The air was cool, and it chilled my sweat-soaked body, causing me to shiver out of more than just fear as my sweat began to freeze.
The door to the bedroom opened. Eyes half shut and looking sleepy, Aya walked out. She spotted me and headed straight towards me.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?" she asked, no doubt noticing my face covered in sweat and my shivering.
I shook my head, willing her in my mind to leave me alone.
"I'm fine," I said lowly.
I leaned out the window, holding onto the ledge tightly.
"You're not fine," Aya said.
She was suddenly beside me, touching my shoulder to pull me back in.
"You're shivering."
I shrugged her hand off my shoulder violently and then looked at her. She seemed hurt. She couldn't understand that I couldn't bear to have her touching me.
"What's wrong?" she asked sadly.
"I had a nightmare," I lied.
She reached out again and took one of my sleeves.
"It's okay now. You're awake. It can't hurt you."
I shook my head.
"It can."
She didn't understand my answer, so she ignored it.
"Come on. You're soaked. You have to change or you'll catch a cold."
She pulled on my sleeve, and I let myself be dragged back. She closed the window and then led me back to her room. I stared at a spot on the wall as she looked for some extra pyjamas. Finding some, she stretched her arm out to me and handed them over.
"Here. Change," she commanded.
I took the clothes silently and was about to start to change when I noticed her just standing there. I fixed her with an annoyed look.
"Do you have to watch?" I asked acerbically.
Aya stared at me for a moment through incredulous eyes and then turned on her heels. She got back into bed and turned away, pulling the covers up over the back of her head.
She was pissed off at me. I'd never get what I wanted.
I changed slowly, taking deep breaths to calm myself down. I no longer wanted to jump her, but I had to either fall asleep within thirty seconds or leave the apartment building because I would eventually lose control.
Finished, I slipped back under the covers and turned on my side to stare at Aya's back. It was covered in a blanket. I couldn't see her. Just the top of her head sticking out. I tried to imagine what lay under the covers, but I clamped down on those thoughts because they weren't helping me get to sleep. I closed my eyes and tried to forget where I was.
"Do you have to be such a bitch when I'm trying to help you?" Aya asked out of the blue.
I guess she couldn't go to sleep angry. I felt bad.
"Sorry," I said reluctantly, opening my eyes.
She turned around to face me. I really wished she hadn't.
"You need to control your temper," she told me, but I ignored her. I just stared. "Are you feeling better?"
I was glad about the change of subject. I nodded once.
"You don't usually have nightmares," she observed casually.
I shrugged. It was true. I usually didn't. And this was no exception. I hadn't had a nightmare. I'd had a good dream. I was just in the wrong environment.
"Do you want to tell me about it?"
I shook my head, controlling every action carefully.
"Did you lose your voice?" she teased me.
I shook my head, not laughing. She studied me worriedly.
"You're really that terrified?" she asked, reaching a hand out to my shoulder awkwardly.
Please don't, please don't, please don't...
I didn't reply in any way. I certainly was terrified, but not because of ghosts or monsters. I was terrified of the urge I felt to lose control. I was terrified of freaking her out. I was terrified of being the monster.
"A dream bad enough to make you shut up? Where can I find the people responsible?" she asked defensively.
You're the one responsible, I thought to myself.
"It's nothing. I'm fine now," I spoke in a cautious tone.
"Look at that. She speaks," Aya said with a glint in her eye.
I breathed slowly and deeply. She tickled me lightly and I squirmed.
"You're funny," I managed to say dryly.
Then she gave me that beautiful smile that always got to me and made me feel good. Like a star. The one that said I could do no wrong.
I felt my heart fall hopelessly through a canyon full of soft clouds, and so I shut my eyes.
The truth is that I came so close to doing something stupid. If I'd kept my eyes open for a second longer, that would have been the end of the hiding game I had been playing since this crush had started.
"You sure you're okay?" she asked, complete worry replacing any humorous tone in her voice.
I nodded slowly without opening my eyes.
"I'm fine," I mumbled. "Just tired."
She hummed a response and then scooted in a tad closer to me as every muscle in my body tightened and I pushed her away in my mind. She took my hand and put it on her forearm.
"If you have more nightmares, just squeeze and I'll knock some common sense into you," she said.
I could imagine her winking at me she said it, but I just kept my eyes shut.
"Okay. Thanks," I said, trying to sound nice about it.
Just leave me alone, my mind screamed.
"Good night."
"Good night," I echoed.
Ten minutes later, her breathing slowed down and she fell asleep. I opened my eyes and slowly took my hand off her arm, slipping out of bed and this time making sure not to make any noise as I left the bedroom.
Manoeuvring carefully through the dark, I went and sat down on the couch, crossing my arms across my stomach.
What am I going to do? I thought to myself in despair.
If I didn't do something, I would forever be stuck in painful situations like the one that had just happened. That night was a deciding factor. While sitting on the couch, I concluded that I had to tell her. The next time I saw her after this sleepover, I would tell her.
And that was final.
-
This is where things start to take off. I started a story in the other fanfic section a while ago and I never continued it, but now I intend to finish it. Friday's Children is what leads up to that story. I'm going to post the chapters from that story here in this thread and then continue to write until I reach the end that I intend for it. Some of you have read the next 6 chapters already, some of you haven't. It's called Past the Barrier and to the Left. As you can tell, the narration/point of view changes to third person.
Past the Barrier and to the Left
One
Miki walked into the room. She had been wringing her hands nervously as she approached the door, but upon sliding it open, she retained her cool appearance, quietly sliding the door shut behind her and turning casually to face her target.
"Listen," she started. "I wish you'd be clearer with me."
Silence engulfed the room, waiting for her to continue.
"But maybe more than that, I wish I was smart enough to understand you."
She took a slight step forward and stood her ground to carry on speaking.
"Sometimes I feel like you're playing a game with me. Pressing to see how far you can go and then swerving around to go down another path. I don't know how much is meant in earnest and how much is just you joking around and talking big."
She paused to take a deep breath and then ploughed on.
"And if I can't tell whether you're being serious or not, I can't figure out what to think. You drop hints all over the ground and then run them over with a car while I'm trying to pick them up and read them. It's hard. I wish you'd either stop dropping the hints or let me pick up on them and interpret them. It's not fair to me."
She felt her voice tremble, so she stopped, took a slow breath, and continued.
"It disappoints me so much when you do that because... because..."
She weakened momentarily. She hadn't prepared this part of the speech very well. She took another breath and hardened up.
"Because I like you a lot. Just seeing you makes me happy. Um, and your smile cheers me up. And your laugh is cute. And the way you do things your own way is, well, unique. Only you can do them that way and look that way when you do. You always have advice for me when I ask, and whether it fits for me or not, you give it. And you always listen to me when it really matters. Even when it seems like you're ignoring me, you really are listening. You surprise me all the time. That's why I like you."
No response came as she paused and regrouped her thoughts.
"What do you think? Um, because like I said, you're never clear with me. I don't know what to think. So... um, can you please tell me now? Be clear? Don't mess around with me? Just this once? Please?"
Only breathing could be heard after she finished speaking.
"Too much begging. One more time," Miki muttered under her breath. She exited the room and re-entered.
"Listen," she began again, looking at her target. "I really like you."
She let out a deep breath and let her composure go, relaxing and walking over to the picture that was propped up on her desk. She put it back in the drawer and picked up her phone from her bed.
"All right. Ready."
Miki strode out of the empty room with confidence. Rehearsal was over. The real performance was on.
-
Past the Barrier and to the Left
Two
Miki began to wring her hands together again as she got closer and closer to her destination. Her face remained stoic, her shoulders at their usual broad poise, her legs stretched out in front of her and reaching towards the middle of the train car. The only signs of her nervousness were in her hands' movements and in her eyes, which constantly flicked upwards to look at the upcoming stop announcement display.
Three more stops. Three more stops. Three more- two more stops. Two more stops. Two... she counted.
The train seemed to move like a pregnant snail.
Just knock on the door, get an invite in, say your bit, and hightail it out of there, she thought. She proceeded to imagine horrific things happening, from being looked at awkwardly to being outright laughed at.
No. I can't do it, she panicked. I've got to go back. Now.
She stood up to get off at the next stop to switch trains in order to go home, but when the train entered the next station, she had second thoughts about having second thoughts.
No. Stop being a stupid chicken shit, Fujimoto, she thought vehemently. Just go there and speak your mind like you always do. This is no different.
She sat back down.
One more stop. Her hands twitched.
Fed up, Miki sat on her hands, attracting a vaguely odd look from the man sitting beside her. She didn't pay him any heed, however, because he looked like he had been drinking.
Why am I the one doing this? Isn't it supposed to be the guy being all brave and travelling forty minutes to confess...? she wondered.
Her stop was announced. Her stomach flopped and she walked out of the station, shivering in the warm, humid weather.
Listen. I want you to be... no, I need you to be clear with me, she practiced in her head. I like you. I really like you. No, I love you. No... I like you a lot.
These were her thoughts for the seven minutes she had to walk to get to the apartment.
Tell me if you like me, too. Then we can live happily ever after. The end, she laughed in her head.
The problem was that she did not believe that. There was no way there could be a "happily ever after." Her previous attempts at relationships had told her that much. Two broken hearts had taught her to stay away from all forms of romance. Flings were acceptable if and only if they remained just that: flings. The same applied for any sort of relationships she formed with people. Friends were kept at a safe distance so that they couldn't break her heart either. Authority figures, bosses, people in power - they were all kept far away so that when they turned on her, she wouldn't regret having trusted them. It was for the best, though, because there was nothing valuable that she saw in herself. There was no reason for those people to be loyal to her.
But she really missed that intimate closeness that one could only get with certain people. Certain people that one clicked with. Had chemistry with. In other words, she missed skin and sweat and sex.
However, in the past two years, she had been so busy and so restricted in her activities, watched like a hawk by authorities she wanted to tie bricks to and drown, that she had not been able to go out and meet all those boys that would all but tattoo her number onto their skin just to have a chance at going on one date with her.
It drove her nuts. To the brink of insanity. It made her want to call up her boss and scream so loudly that he'd drive himself into a river by accident. "Do you realise this is my youth?!" she wanted to holler into his ear. "Those guys should all be mine!"
Imagine her shock when she realised one day that there was someone who had snuck past most of her defences. Someone she didn't want to throw out of bed the next morning like she had the last boy she had picked up so long ago. Someone she wanted to hang out with.
At the base of the apartment, her feet got cold. She wanted to go home again. A hand tugged at her, trying to pull her back, but she fought it.
She found her way into the lobby of a building and into its spacious, clean elevator. Her legs shook as she stepped out onto the floor. She walked along, every muscle in her body tense, every strand of common sense telling her to stop. Her sense of survival told her to run.
She reached the door and ran her fingers over the nameplate. It was blank. No name was engraved in or pasted on it, perhaps in order to avoid unsolicited attention.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
She wasn't all that sure why she knocked instead of ringing the doorbell. Maybe it was because the physical action of banging loudly on a door helped her relieve a miniscule fraction of her tension.
When the door knob twisted and the door cracked opened, she felt like she was going to be sick. The curry rice she had eaten for lunch was going to be regurgitated ungracefully onto the floor before her. It would not be pleasant for either party.
When the door finished opening, however, she no longer felt the urge to throw up. A calm aura engulfed her as she was invited in casually. She removed her shoes and stood in the entrance, staring at an indistinguishable point on the white wall. It was now or never.
-
Past the Barrier and to the Left
Three
"Listen," she began.
Everything became deathly silent, especially in her head. It was almost like talking to a photograph.
"I need you to be honest with me."
She forced her voice out, urging all parts of her body to stop trembling.
"Yeah?"
Attentive eyes waited for whatever she had to say.
"Does..." Miki took a deep breath and started her sentence again. "Does this colour of eye shadow look okay on me?"
Blown. Utterly and completely. If it had been an exam, Miki would have received minus two hundred points and been expelled from school.
"Ahh..." came the surprised reply, "let me see? Close your eyes."
Miki closed her eyes and sighed while wondering what sort of punishment she could inflict upon herself. Something painful to remind her of her idiocy.
"Actually, it suits you really well, Miki-chan. It makes your eyes look bigger. Plus, it really goes well with your outfit."
Miki sighed.
"Thanks, Aya-chan."
If Aya really was the boy of their playful, for-the-magazine-interviews-only relationship, she would be the gayest boy that Miki knew. Funny how she was always claiming to be the more guy-ish of the two. When it really came down to it, she was 150% girl.
"Is that what you came by to ask?" Aya asked amusedly.
"Yu-huh," Miki said in a laid-back manner, groaning in her head, Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid...
"What? Hot date tonight?" Aya snorted.
Miki rolled her eyes.
"I wish."
"No, but really. That's all you came over for? Or was it just an excuse to see me because you're bored out of your skull?"
"That's all I wanted to know. Now that I'm here, though..." Miki trailed off, hinting to Aya that perhaps she really was bored out of her skull and wouldn’t mind company.
It happened to be true. She had nothing better to do than be a nuisance to the friend to whom she wanted to confess her love.
"I thought so," Aya laughed. "But the truth is, I'm getting ready to go out."
Miki took another look at Aya and noticed for the first time that she was dressed very nicely.
"Hot date?" Miki asked with a dash of jealousy.
Please say no.
"Yes," Aya replied with a wicked smile that Miki wished was aimed at her more often.
Her heart dropped. If her doubts before had been wishy-washy, they were now solidified certainties. Of course Aya didn't want her.
Not when the entire pop industry, not to mention every single one of my fellow citizens in his or her right mind want her, she thought dejectedly
"Don't look like the world is going to end. What, you actually believed me?" Aya giggled as Miki turned red. "I have to go to some dinner show with Tsunku-san and Nakazawa-san. Publicity thing."
Miki breathed a silent prayer of thanks in her mind.
"I see," was all she said out loud.
"I'd invite you, but I'm not in charge."
"I know, I know," Miki smiled. "Guess I'd better get going."
"I don't have to leave for another half hour," Aya said quickly. "You can stick around."
It was moments like these that made Miki think for a heartbeat that whatever she wanted could possibly come true. That Aya just might enjoy her company as much as Miki did hers. Aya had spoken in a way that suggested she thought she might lose Miki forever if they didn't spend those next thirty minutes together. She was a little too fast to react. A little too casual as a result of overcompensating for the desperation she felt. Altogether too unnatural.
However, a heartbeat was just a heartbeat. It hardly lasted any time at all, and within the small space of that time, Miki had dismissed her thoughts as a result of her overactive imagination.
She didn't say anything, but she nodded and sat down on the couch.
While Aya walked to and from the bathroom and her bedroom, they chatted about unbelievably mundane things. The hot weather, the rain, Miki's latest food obsession...
"You know what I want right now?" Aya asked out of the blue as she put her earrings in.
Me?
"What? A vacation?" Miki asked.
"You read my mind!" Aya cheered.
"Where would you want to go?"
The game of 'anywhere but here' was one she and Aya often played, fantasising about being somewhere tropical or exciting with no work, no bosses, no responsibilities, and no disturbances. It was their favourite game.
"I want to sit in an expensive bath all day and relax. I want to do nothing but laze around."
"You sloth," Miki laughed, trying not to give in to the urge to get up, follow Aya, and poke her.
Instead, she made up a dream vacation. She rambled on about a trip to outer space.
"Why would you want to go there?" Aya asked, pausing in her preparations and scrunching up her nose at the idea of travelling hundreds of thousands of kilometres away from Earth.
"Because I'd have lots of time to think," Miki grinned. "And nobody could bother me. I could be alone and peaceful."
Aya became very quiet.
"So your dream vacation would be to stay cooped up all alone in a cold metal box with the same scenery outside for days on end?"
Miki laughed weakly.
"I was kidding, Aya. Of course not. I'm not that much of a loner."
Aya nodded, but she didn't smile. She turned her attention back to her make up. There was an awkward silence and Miki felt inexplicably guilty.
"Anyway, you know me. I couldn't possibly have that much to think about."
Sometimes she prided herself in her ability to say the right thing at the right time. It was a rare thing, so when it happened, she felt good.
Aya snickered in agreement, and even Miki beamed at the joke made at her own expense. If it made that one special person laugh, it was all right.
They left the apartment after Aya finished getting ready, walking to the station together.
"What are you going to do this evening?" Aya asked before they split up.
"Hm," Miki shrugged. "Watch a movie and be bored all by myself."
Aya gave her a scolding look. 'Don't try to guilt trip me,' it said. She said nothing out loud and Miki smirked.
"See you... Tuesday?" Aya asked
"Yeah, Tuesday. Bye bye."
The split up easily and quietly, going to their respective platforms.
When her train came, Miki got on and had to stand all the way to her station. Rush hour had just begun. She stood pushed up against the door and wished to be beaten for being such a failure.
You blew your chance. Entirely. There is no excuse. You idiot. Stupid. Ug.
She had been prepared. She had even practiced speaking.
Aloud.
To a picture.
She had done silly things all in the name of what? Make up? Eye shadow?
Does this colour of eye shadow look okay on me? she repeated acidly in her head, mocking herself. My eye shadow.
She went home and spent an angry evening. She watched an angry, violent movie, ate hard, crunchy food angrily, and didn't reply to mail from her sister and Yossi. It was her temporary self-inflicted punishment.
-
Past the Barrier and to the Left
Four
A few days passed. It was a boring weekend for Miki. Aya had a concert out somewhere far away and Miki had work, but far too much free time on her hands.
She was sitting on the floor in her apartment and eating lunch on Sunday afternoon when she got a one-line e-mail from Aya.
Keiko drives me crazy!! she read in her head.
Keiko was her manager. Her stubborn, bull-headed manager. She was cool, but her personality was just as strong as Aya's, so while they often agreed on things, they would sometimes have disagreements when their strong wills conflicted.
Nevertheless, Miki scoffed. At least Keiko got to see Aya.
She wants a vacation... Miki mused to herself. A vacation?
That was it. That was what she had to do.
She wants to sit around all day? I know the perfect place.
Miki put her bread down, no longer hungry, and she went to place a few phone calls and make some inquiries, sorting out and scribbling down details as she went. All the while, she muttered phrases of encouragement to herself like a batty old lady who only talked to cats and any inanimate object within two metres of her sight.
By two o'clock that afternoon, she had a rough plan sketched out before her on a sheet of scrap paper. In addition to a plan, she had a fresh feeling of courage. She was going to do something crazy. Something insane. She was also going to speak her mind to Aya.
But she needed someone’s help in order to make it happen.
The next step was to call the person in question.
Aibon was shocked that Miki had taken initiative and contacted her out of her own free will. After Miki finished explaining herself, however, the younger girl switched into 'mission mode' and forgot her surprise. She told Miki to hang tight for twenty minutes and that she would make some calls.
Miki paced around her apartment for the twenty-three minutes it took Aibon to do what she had to do. When the phone rang, she answered within two seconds.
Aibon, successful in her mission (although having had to call in a big favour) passed over the important information to Miki, who smiled widely and gave the girl her thanks, which came coupled with a threat not to tell a soul about their dealings.
There was a pause on Aibon's side of the line.
"Fine," sighed Miki after a beat. "You can tell Tsuji-chan. But keep it between you two only. Or else..."
It would be for the better in the end. That way Aibon would have someone to talk to about it and not go spilling the beans to any other person. As annoying as they were, Aibon and Nono were a tight unit, and if they were given a secret to guard, Miki knew they would do their best. There was nothing those two loved more than being sneaky.
The conversation ended and they both disconnected. With a final breath, Miki picked up the phone and placed a call.
By half past three that same afternoon, she had accomplished what she had set out to do.
If I fail this, I will throw myself off a bridge. I will pluck my eyes out and run into oncoming traffic. I will drink rat poison.
She went to bed feeling excited. Her new plan would work. It had to. It had cost enough.
In two weeks, Aya would get her longed-for vacation.
A long vacation in Hakone.
-
Past the Barrier and to the Left
Five
"...and then he says to the girl 'I don't need you!' So of course she starts to cry. And, like, I'm so there with her. I'm on the verge of tears when the other guy that she met at the café the week before comes in and totally starts to dis her boyfriend and defend her. I was cheering for him. He’s so cool. But then her-"
"Okay, okay. I get the point. Can we please go to sleep now?" Miki begged, tears of exhaustion threatening to fall.
"Oh, let me just tell you what happened. It's half finished," Aya said, ignoring Miki's pain.
"No. Please. It's four-thirty. I have to wake up in two hours. Please, Aya-chan. Please..." Miki pleaded, regretting ever having asked Aya if she had watched any good television shows lately.
Tuesday had rolled around and they had met after work for dinner and a sleepover. It was a common occurrence, and it usually ended up with Aya rambling and Miki wanting to go to sleep. This time, however, they had talked too much and it was almost sunrise on Wednesday morning.
"Well... all right," the soloist said sadly, pouting ever so slightly.
Miki sighed. If there was something Aya loved to do to her, it was to make her feel guilty. This time, however, Miki refused to feel it. She was the one who should be guilt tripping Aya. They had stayed up all night talking, and while Aya was lucky and had evening work, Miki had morning work and of course had to wake up early for it.
She closed her eyes, feeling peaceful, thinking about the wonderful surprise present she was going to give Aya soon. She was ready to fall asleep any minute.
Aya sighed. Quite audibly. An obvious, melodramatic sigh. It drove Miki insane to hear it because no matter how tired to the bone she was, she could not ignore Aya, even though the girl was exaggerating and being a pest.
"Okay, what happened next?" Miki mumbled, not opening her eyes.
The atmosphere of the room sprung right back up as Aya perked up and seamlessly launched right back into the explanation of the episode to Miki.
"So her boyfriend, who I know she's going to dump next week before he dumps her, freaks out at the café guy, but the café guy is cool, so he humiliates the boyfriend, and Minako is so in love with him. You can see it in the camera angles and the music. She's not even a good actress, you know? But the story is so well written and the directing is surprisingly good. In fact, this is the same director that did-"
"Aya!" Miki cried out.
"Yes?" Aya squeaked.
"The story. Only the story."
Certain lines had to be drawn.
"Right."
No wonder they had given Aya the longest radio show. She could talk for hours and never run out of things to say. Lucky for her fans. Unlucky for a tired Miki.
But as Miki lay there in the bed listening to Aya chatter on about the cheesiest drama in the world, she felt grateful. She would rather have an Aya rambling on about miscellaneous topics rather than an Aya that had nothing to say to her. At least she got to listen to that unique, humming voice that could relax her and put her to sleep.
In fact, it was working a little too well - the 'putting her to sleep' part. She started to nod off while Aya spoke. She blanked out and missed chunks of the story. She snapped awake at one point when she felt herself almost drool. She quickly turned onto her back, which prompted Aya to start talking even more, thinking that Miki was awake and restless.
"I... am tired," Miki slurred helplessly.
"Oh, but you have to see a picture of those two together. It's the definition of perfect!" Aya kept on going.
Miki stuck out a hand and grabbed Aya's wrist, tugging on it weakly.
"Please... no... Sleep."
"Are you tired?" Aya asked.
Miki's eyes shot open.
"I told you a billion times! I'm about to die!" Miki exclaimed.
She mentally scratched off 'always listens to me' from her list of reasons why she liked Aya.
"Then you should have told me before. I would have shut up," Aya said, putting on her baby voice and looking at Miki sympathetically.
Miki rolled up and grabbed Aya's head, shaking it just enough to surprise the girl, but not hurt her.
"I told you," she groaned. "Several times. You kept going."
Aya shot Miki a doubtful look. Miki fell back onto her side with an "oof" and closed her eyes.
"Good night, Talkative-chan."
There was a twenty second stillness where Miki thought she was finally going to be able to fall sleep. Instead, she felt hands sneak across her body, and before she knew it, Aya had stabbed all ten of her fingernails into her abdomen.
Miki let out a surprised shriek and twitched violently. It was not painful, and she was too shocked to feel ticklish, but she wanted to kill Aya.
She whipped her head to the side to glare at Aya, but Aya had closed her eyes, her nose upturned, a light, triumphant smile on her lips.
"Good night, Grumpy-chan," Aya said sweetly.
Miki wondered if she should cancel the Hakone trip and get a refund.
If this was a regular Tuesday night with Aya, imagine two nights and two days of this kind of non-stop torment, she thought.
She couldn't wait.
-
Past the Barrier and to the Left
Six
"What are you doing next Monday?" Aya asked one late night the next week.
"Uh, what am I doing Monday?" Miki repeated, her mind racing to find an excuse. "Yeah, um, I'm not sure. I might have stuff."
Brilliant, she thought. Stuff. I might have stuff.
"I've got a few days of rest, so if you're free..." Aya trailed off and left it open-ended.
I know you have a few days off.
"I'll check with my manager and let you know," Miki lied.
She had no need to check with her manager, and she had no intention of letting Aya know.
"If you're free, maybe we can-"
Aya interrupted herself with a high-pitched shriek.
"Hang on!" she said quickly.
Miki frowned and hung onto the phone and listened to more shrieking, some crashing sounds, and then silence.
What the... Is she being attacked?! Miki thought, suddenly becoming worried and getting up to run over there and try to help.
Right after the silence, however, she heard someone pick up the phone again.
"Sorry. Spider."
"Oh..." the rest of the words died on Miki's lips as she was not quite sure what to say.
She was part relieved, part amazed. It was certainly a good thing nobody was attacking Aya, but was all that commotion necessary? It was a spider, for heaven's sake. She did the only thing she could do, and that was laugh.
"So if you're free, let me know so we can do something," Aya concluded.
"I will," Miki lied again, although without feeling a trace of guilt. She was beyond that. The outcome would be much better and quite worth it. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay? I have to do some things before bed."
They said goodnight and hung up.
Miki sat down in her air conditioned living room and thought, thinking being what she had to do before going to sleep.
She crossed her arms and looked ahead at the television set.
"Listen," she said, addressing the blank screen. "I brought you here because I wanted - no - I want to tell you something important. Please listen. No, I already used that word."
Miki crossed her legs.
"Listen. I need to say something important. Please don't freak out."
She chewed on her words in her head for a second and then laughed.
"'Don't freak out'? I may as well ask her not to breath, sleep, or eat."
She rolled her eyes at herself. It was never going to work.
"Ug! I can't say anything right!" Miki yelled, throwing her hands up in the air. "She's going to freak out or laugh and think it's a joke and then leave. And then... why am I talking out loud? Ug!"
Frustrated, Miki got up and went to her washroom, where she splashed cold water on her face. Having cooled down a bit, she turned off the lights and went to her bedroom.
She lay down in the dark and stared at the ceiling. The lights were off, but the room was alive with light and colour from the great outdoors. Her neighbourhood was quiet, but Tokyo was a big city with big lights that left no square centimetre untouched.
Why? she thought. Just... why? Why everything?
She closed her eyes and tried to relax, something she hadn't been able to properly do in months. Not when her head was abuzz with thoughts. Always busy, always thinking.
Maybe I have bad luck. I was born with no charm and no grace. I can't express myself properly. I should never have come to Tokyo. I should never have become friends with Aya. Cupid's arrow wasn't supposed to hit me at that hour on that day, whenever that was.
And this is what she thought in those last few moments before entering the world of dreams and nightmares.
Why me?
But if not her, who else?
-
Ren, you like the drunk/sex refs? Hahaha. Well, I like sticking them in.
I like them, brings in the randomness ;D.
It all started with a kiss.
Oh I thought Miki kissed Aya! O_O
Miki had lots of wet dreams starring Aya?
So those alternate alternate versions are from Miki's dreams... great! :D
I changed slowly, taking deep breaths to calm myself down. I no longer wanted to jump her, but I had to either fall asleep within thirty seconds or leave the apartment building because I would eventually lose control.
I kind of read this as "Jump off from the apartment building because I would eventually lose control". Oh me and my eyes.
Oh how I wish Aya can have more senses with Miki's feelings ;_;.
Waoh, I thought Miki was already confessing... I was confused as there was no replies from Aya, then she was only rehearsing, LOL.
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Yay, you're finally working on it? <3~!
Can't wait til the confession deary! From the time of that story to now, you pretty much have a better writing style. So I can't wait to see the new point of view on an old situation <3 Ohhh Miki <33 xD
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Oh, man. Don't die. If you die, nobody around here will get your "Best moments of..." reviews. I enjoy those.
Don't worry dude, I'm easily revivable. :D
Almost since the first day of this stupid crush, I kept quiet because I knew that A, it was just that (stupid), and B, I wasn't that knight. There was no way I could tell anyone, least of all her, anything.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww...so sad. (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/cry.gif)
I watched her gush silently over the love struck characters and wished that she'd look at me like that. All I could say to myself in comfort was that she never looked at Tachibana like that either.
Yeah, that's sort of a catch-22 right there.
Some time in the early morning, perhaps around half past three, I woke up with a wild start, my hands gripping the sheets tightly. I'd just had the worst kind of dream I could have while on a sleepover with Aya. It was intense.
...
A dream about a mistakenly sent e-mail, a bottle of vodka, and complete lack of control was what made me wake up soaked with sweat, heart beating and brain racing.
Way to tie in the "Alternate alternate" versions in there dude! (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/thumbsup.gif)
She was pissed off at me.
More like her feelings have been hurt. :(
Then she gave me that beautiful smile that always got to me and made me feel good. Like a star. The one that said I could do no wrong.
Aya doesn't realize how she has that ability to just make people all dreamy-eyed about her.
If I didn't do something, I would forever be stuck in painful situations like the one that had just happened. That night was a deciding factor. While sitting on the couch, I concluded that I had to tell her. The next time I saw her after this sleepover, I would tell her.
And that was final.
And so the saga comes full circle.
Past the Barrier and to the Left
You going to re-post and then continue it here? Sweet. ;D
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Hahaha, I thought some of you guys would like alternate alternate version tie in. Just don't expect me to write what happens after Aya shows up with the bottle of vodka and they do their "cheers."
Thank you, Yuuyami. And yes, I never wrote the "moment of truth" from Miki's point of view, so this should be interesting to try after so long. I hope to not disappoint.
I kind of read this as "Jump off from the apartment building because I would eventually lose control". Oh me and my eyes.
Hahaha, actually, that sounds like something I'd write Miki thinking.
Yesterday, I forgot to post this chapter that I've already written. I think I'm going to change the narration style to first person for the next chapter because I'm a cheap wimp. I think it's much easier. Would anyone kill me if I did that?
Past the Barrier and to the Left
Seven
Two more days, Miki thought to herself. Two more days until... my life ends. Her thoughts turned sour. She'll kill me. She will murder me. She will strangle me and then beat me over the head with a shovel. No, she'll beat me with her fists first, then with a shovel, and then strangle me. With my own shoelaces!
One could say that Miki had lost her optimism, but first of all, that was an understatement, and second of all, there was none to lose as she never had any to begin with.
I'm going to have to do something to prevent that. Prevent my utter humiliation. Or at least stave off my death. I have to stay alive. At least I have a fighting chance that way.
She began to wring her hands together. Wringing her hands lately meant that she was thinking about Aya.
Two more days until my life ends...
"What do you think?" someone suddenly asked her.
She looked up, startled.
"About what?" she asked, clueless, refocusing on her surroundings.
She was not at home, but out at a restaurant. She was drinking coffee. Aya was sitting in front of her. They were supposed to be having a nice, friendly chat, except that after Miki's question, Aya looked annoyed and anything but friendly. The girl let out a sigh.
"Could you listen to me for once?"
"Sorry?" Miki pleaded with a wince.
"About the nails. The colour I suggested. What do you think?" Aya asked in a dangerously exasperated voice.
"Um... Yes?" Miki tried cautiously.
Aya looked grumpy, but then made a sound to acknowledge Miki's answer as something she agreed with.
"I'm counting on your opinion here," Aya warned her. "If it doesn't work, it's my reputation at stake."
"Since when did lowly me become Her Majesty's fashion advisor? You're the almighty expert," Miki giggled, speaking with exaggerated airs as she announced Aya's title.
She was serious, though. She did not see why Aya would consult her about something that didn't necessarily require her opinion. Aya always went ahead and did what she wanted. When it came to fashion, she really was queen. And even if it was a fashion disaster, she could make it work, or at least nobody would laugh at her until she was out of the room. She did command some respect in the great wide world of popular culture.
Aya, however, seemed to forget all of that on that rainy Friday evening. Perhaps she was curious about what humble pie tasted like. She pulled it all in and seemed to retreat within herself for a minute, looking like she was trying to find the right words to speak her mind. Maybe words to tell Miki to stop being a pain.
"Your opinion does matter."
It sounded so honest that Miki could do nothing but believe it.
"But only when it's not that important."
And that was the humourous catch. Aya always was thrifty with her compliments, not giving them out often. She would disguise jokes as compliments. Miki knew that she did not like to let her guard down too much, but she wondered why she bothered to keep walls up with Miki. When she let them down, it was not as if Miki ever did anything bad. Miki chalked it up to personality. She had no problem with it, so long as she was allowed past the walls once in a while (which she knew she was).
Miki rolled her eyes and Aya laughed evilly.
"You didn't think I was getting all mushy on you, did you?" she cackled, patting Miki's cheek. Miki pulled away and glared.
"Fine. Paint your nails puke green, for all I care," she muttered.
She wasn't genuinely angry, but she sometimes did wish Aya would stop joking around with her like that. It made her uncomfortable hearing any compliments because she felt they would inevitably be followed by a punch line. When they were not, it felt incomplete. Like something lay in hiding, waiting for the right moment to pounce and tear open her jugular.
Aya gave her a look and they both laughed it off. Aya launched back into a long-winded rant about who knows what while Miki stared at her glass of iced coffee.
I can't do this. This is not good
She took a sip of the bitter drink.
"Don’t you think I did the right thing? What would you have done?"
Oh brother, Miki thought. Here I go again.
She made a decision.
I just won't wear shoelaces on that day.
She took a breath to muddle her way through another pickle, Aya inevitably scolding her about her recent short attention span and Miki cringing and apologising as though she were five years younger than her scary friend.
And so passed the last evening she would have before surprising Aya.
-
dangit, I can't keep up anymore LoL You really need to write up the order in which to read this crazy series. :P
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W00T! ;D I liked this story, well, I like all of your stories, but this one was a little more silly than serious.
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Two more days, Miki thought to herself. Two more days until... my life ends. Her thoughts turned sour. She'll kill me. She will murder me. She will strangle me and then beat me over the head with a shovel. No, she'll beat me with her fists first, then with a shovel, and then strangle me. With my own shoelaces!
Uhm, with this kind of imagination, Miki should really consider writing eroguro novels for a living...
:glasses:
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dangit, I can't keep up anymore LoL You really need to write up the order in which to read this crazy series. :P
Haha, glad you brought it up. :P
Chronologically, it's:
-Friday's Children
-Past the Barrier
-Love x 2 (parts I, III, and III)
-Love x 2 - 1
-Love x 2 = ∞
-My Own Private Funeral
-What Needed to be Done
Now I've gotten to the part I think I've been wanting to write for ages!
Past the Barrier and to the Left
Eight
June twenty-fifth, 2005, somewhere just past Nagoya.
I sit alone in a reserved seat on one of the fastest trains in the country, looking out the window and fretting over what to do.
I stayed up late last night trying to think of something good to say. When bedtime came, I was too worked up and couldn't get to sleep. As a result, I've only had three hours of sleep. Yet somehow, I've managed to get through the work I've had to do and make it on time to catch the shinkansen for Kobe.
I check my bag for the fifth time since leaving Tokyo station. I have my printed reservation confirmation paper for the hot spring resort in Hakone and the concert ticket that Kago handed to me yesterday with a devilish grin. That girl is going to enjoy Aya's surprise.
I close my eyes and try to get some sleep, but I'm too nervous. I haven't come to any decision about what to do. Right at that moment, my plan is to go backstage after the concert, give Aya the paper, and then hope that there's a good opportunity to start spouting the nonsense I've been practicing in front of mirrors and pictures for the past few days.
I remain uptight for the rest of the ride to Kobe.
When Shin Kobe station is announced, I practically jump up from my seat and head to the door, eager to get out. The minute the doors open, I race off to catch a connecting train that will take me to the concert hall.
Before leaving the train station, I duck into a washroom and change my clothes. I don't want to call attention to myself, so I dress down, making sure not to wear anything flashy. I then slip a medical mask on my face and leave the washroom looking completely different from when I entered.
I really like you, I practice in my head. I just came by to give you this and to tell you that you're the greatest person in the world... No! That's terrible! I can't say that.
I walk down the street and scold myself at the same time. I must look crazy.
Once I locate the concert hall, I walk a few blocks to a convenience store where I will read magazines to kill time. I'll slip into the hall ten minutes after the concert is slated to start. It's the best way to remain anonymous because all the fans will be doing their concert preparations. They won't pay attention to me coming in late.
Each minute that passes, the tension inside me grows. My stomach flips and flops like a landed fish. I have the feeling that this is it. This is the day. No more blunders. No more eye shadow questions and sidestepping the issue. My mere presence will raise a million questions in her, and I'll have to answer them. I'll have to eventually get it out, even if it's a short "I like you," in a tiny voice.
Am I ready for it?
Oh, no. Not at all.
The time draws near. I start my walk to the hall, and before I know if, I'm at the entrance giving my ticket in, having my bag checked briefly, and being ushered off to my second floor seat. The lights begin to go down just as I find my row, and I squeeze my way through cheering fans, making sure to look away from them. I'm sure that ninety-eight per cent of the people in this room could recognise me in an instant. I have to play it safe.
The stage lights go on, and suddenly I feel very nervous for her. I never feel nervous before I'm performing, but for her, I want everything to go right. It's her birthday today, after all.
When Aya appears on stage, I lose myself and just stare. I'm not used to seeing her like this. Not live at a concert from the audience. It's a very different experience for me. She looks and sounds great, of course, and I start to cheer up as I listen to the energetic songs.
When Kago comes out singing my last single as a soloist, I sigh. I feel nostalgic for the good old days of that silly song, and I also feel that the louder half of the Top Two does it justice. Of course nobody can replace me doing that song. I am the original. But I feel proud of Kago just the same. I don't even know her that well, but we have shared the stage a lot together since I joined Morning Musume, and that makes us team mates, no matter how many times I've gotten annoyed at her silliness.
I stop paying attention for the talking part that comes after her song even though Aya's there, but I'm snapped back into the world when I hear the first sounds of Melon's sexiest single. I've heard Aya complaining about trying to master the dance, and now I'm going to see it.
I like my sexiness sexy, not raunchy. This choreography borders on the latter, but when I see Aya moving around as if the steps are completely natural to her, I blink and re-evaluate. I didn't realise the girl could move like that and look smooth. I guess she does have it in her. That proud feeling I felt when watching Kago perform my song fills me again, only this time multiplied by a factor of ten and full of more love than anything else.
The whole concert is lots of fun to watch. Everybody seems to get along perfectly, and you can tell it has been rehearsed well. Aya sticking her nose in her birthday cake makes me want to run up on stage and join them all for the celebration. I can't, though. I'm stuck up here on the second floor.
My favourite part of the whole evening is when Aya sings her latest single, "Zutto suki de ii desu ka." I know that she didn't write the lyrics, but they are striking all the same. I feel as if she's channelling me and singing about my heart. It's bittersweet, but her voice is so pure and so dead on that nothing but the good parts of it affect me while she's in the midst of singing. When she's finished, I clap the longest and the loudest.
The show wraps up, and they do their final bows after an encore. While they're still on stage, I slip out of my seat and go to find a staff member. I have a backstage pass courtesy of the conniving twin, and it will get me past security and into the dressing room area, although I'm sure that one show of my face will suffice.
I get in without a hassle, and I wander the halls until I find Aya's dressing room. I lean against the wall as I wait. I have an urge to check for the paper I'm going to present to Aya. I hold myself back, though, because she could round that corner at any given moment. The paper rests in my pocket. I transferred it there for easy access.
It takes a while for the triumphant crew to show up. I suppose they're doing a post-concert celebration and eating cake.
Then I hear it. Laughing and talking. They're coming. I hear the Top Two serenade Aya with a stupid song. As ridiculous and funny as it is, I don't laugh. My stomach has tightened painfully, and I start to tremble at the thought of what I'm about to do.
Chill out, I tell myself. You're just here to have fun with her. That much she'll understand.
I hear lone footsteps. They falter for a moment, and I know she's seen me. I listen as she continues to approach much more quietly, and I shift my position.
The moment of truth...
I turn around. Skin glistening with sweat, face screwed up in confusion, make up thick but artistically done. There Aya stands looking every bit as great as she's always claiming to be.
It excites me to know that I know what lies beneath that exterior. Beneath the make up, the bravado, and the extroversion. She's still the same person, but she's not impenetrable. I guess that's the difference between knowing someone and knowing of someone. To me, she's not impossible. She's accessible. I can know her. To the guys sitting on either side of me at the concert moments ago, she's part of another world. They can never really know her no matter how many books, articles, and interviews they read.
The look on her face is one of shock. After the initial surprise, she's either going to be excited that I've come all the way to Kobe to see her, or creeped out by my extreme act. The way I see it, these are the only two possible reactions Aya can have to any of my actions. Nothing in between.
"Heeee...?" she lets out in surprise as she stops walking.
"Hi," I say, blanking out and not saying anything else.
Aya looks around and sees that we're the only ones in the hallway.
"Wh- what are you doing here? Are you here to see me?" she stutters.
I pray for her not to go down the road of disgust. I don't want her to be put off by what I've done.
"Yeah, I dropped by to see you," I say far more casually than I mean to.
"'Dropped by'? Miki, where did you come from? Tokyo? Farther?"
This is that defining moment. I can just imagine she's going to freak out once I tell her where I've come from. Of course, I could always lie and say that I was working nearby.
"Er, Tokyo..." I say hesitantly.
I just can't lie to her. She stares at me with an expression I can't read. Is it shock? Disgust?
"I wanted to wish you a happy birthday..." I say timidly.
I've reverted to a mouse in front of a lion. A very kind, beautiful lion, but nevertheless, a creature that is stronger than me and can squash me with one paw. The question is, will she go for the kill or give me a chance?
I think she's about give me a chance because she starts to laugh. It's her defence mechanism for when she's so surprised she doesn't know how to react, but she knows nothing's wrong. I begin to relax.
"Miki, that's really sweet, but you could've just mailed me. Or called," she giggles.
She looks positively thrilled, and she walks the rest of the way towards me and hits me gently on the arm. I get so embarrassed by what I've done that I look down at the floor, unable to look at her.
"But that's what I did the last few times for your birthday since we were both working. It gets monotonous, Aya," I murmur at the carpet.
I feel her take my hands and pull me to her, and for a moment, I wonder what's going to happen.
"You are the best friend I could ever hope to have," she says.
Heart soaring, I finally look up at her and laugh. I like hearing about how great a friend I am from her. It fills me with that confidence I need to take those big steps forward.
"So, happy birthday, Aya-chan," I say, this time with much more strength.
I shake her hands off of mine and I grab her in a big hug. I'm no longer bogged down by fears of her being repulsed by my actions. She's obviously quite content to believe that I'm such a good friend that I've travelled a long distance to see her on her birthday. She doesn't suspect that I could possibly have any further feelings towards her, or if she does suspect it, she's good at hiding it.
I never want this hug to end because it might possibly be the last one I ever have with her. While this moment is one I've deemed to be good, who can tell what will happen one minute or one hour from now? I might let something slip out and she might react badly. She might want nothing to do with me after that, and of course that will mean no more interaction of any kind.
So I savour this warm moment as best I can before pulling out of it so as to not scare her. It could be my imagination, but she looks a little disappointed. I push it out of my mind. I'm too hopeful. But still, something inside me tells me to keep an eye out for any signs. I want her badly for some reason. Maybe she wants me for those same, unknown reasons.
Aya suggests we go into her dressing room because she has to get changed, so we go in. She finally takes note of how I'm dressed, and while she stands there looking at me, she pushes some hair out of my eyes. God, I love it when she does that. It makes me want to grab her hand and tell her to play with my hair some more. I want to simply sit still while she runs her fingers through it. I don't like when people other than my hair stylist touch my hair, but I don't mind if it's Aya.
When she asks me if I went to her concert, I feel like we've reached crossroad number two. Here's another chance for her to either turn away from me in disgust or to be happy.
I score good points again, because she laughs and hugs me when I tell her I watched her concert from the audience.
"How was it?" she asks me, genuinely interested in my opinion.
I'm unable to restrain myself, and I gush out, "It was amazing!" while grinning stupidly, remembering watching her the whole time.
"What was your favourite part?"
How am I supposed to answer that question? I can't tell her because she'll ask why, and how can I explain why a song about an unrequited love that she'll feel forever no matter what speaks to me so much?
"'Nikutai wa shoujiki na eros'?" she asks in a teasing voice when I fail to reply.
I can't help flushing because she's making one of those jokes again. One of those ones where she implies that I want her because she is just too hot for her own good. It's all a silly thing meant in jest, but she doesn't realise that it's actually true.
I shake my head.
"But that was pretty sexy, Aya-chan. Didn't know you had it in you," I admit with a bite. I may as well have fun.
She rolls her eyes at me.
"You know I'm damned sexy. Don't deny it."
I wasn't going to, I think.
Out loud, I giggle and pat her cheek. Before I know it, I've got my nose right up against hers, and I think I'm about to do something stupid. Like kiss her. Or some other absurd action. She scrunches her nose up at me. I can see directly into her eyes.
"Of course you are," I say.
I've spoken an honest thought to her finally. What I really think about her. Now the question is, can I keep going?
I'm not given an opportunity to test it out because Aya bumps her nose against mine and pulls away with a silly look that masks something I can't read. I think I just frightened her a bit there.
"But really... what was your favourite part? Your favourite song?" she insists.
She really does love to hear about herself, doesn't she? That's okay. That's what makes her the Ayaya that I love.
"Your performance of 'Zutto suki de ii desu ka.' That's my favourite song of yours..." I answer seriously after a moment's hesitation.
I wonder if she'll ask why.
"Thank you. That performance meant a lot to me," she says.
"Me too," I agree a little too quickly. I scurry to cover it up with, "Um... because it's a touching song, and... it's always nice to see your best friend sing something so deep."
"Thank you. Very much," Aya says shyly. "I'm glad that you could hear it today, too."
Does she mean it? Eyes wide with love, I look at her.
"Really?"
"Of course," she shrugs.
She's acting like me when I downplay something. Could she be doing that?
No, it can't be.
I think I pin her with a love struck look. She just grins back.
Time to try again.
"I wish I could've been onstage with you," I begin, regulating my breathing so that it's even, "and I wish I could've sung for you, too. I wish I could've sung with you. And, uh, I just want you to know that you looked beautiful up there. Absolutely gorgeous and cute and mature..." I trail off and chicken out before I can tell her why I think that.
Damnit, just say it. Just tell her you're absofreakinglutely in love and get it over with.
But I can't. Rarely can I follow my own advice. It never sounds like very good advice.
She lifts my chin up because I'm looking down. Maybe she's going to help me along with what I have to say.
"Thank you, Miki," she says with a serious look. "I wish you could've been onstage with me, too. That would've made the perfect birthday gift."
Birthday gift? Right! I almost forgot one of the reasons why I've come down here. Confessions of love pushed aside, I reach into my pocket and hand the paper in it over to Aya. I watch her face carefully as she reads. When her eyes widen the slightest bit, I know that this is another crossroad.
"Tomorrow?!" she bursts out.
I laugh and nod energetically, hoping to convince her to have a positive reaction.
"Are you nuts?! Are you joking? Are you on drugs? Do you even have time? Where'd you get the money?!"
Despite her questions, I know that I've scored my next point on the good side. She looks utterly pleased and, at the moment, utterly speechless. I grab the paper out of her hands and then write "surprise" on it, circling it with a heart. She looks at the word and a million kinds of emotions cover her face. I wonder if she's going to burst out crying, and then I wonder if this mix of feelings is a good thing.
It turns out to be a very good thing. She grabs me in a hug and kisses my cheek as she jumps up and down excitedly. I start to laugh because this is exactly how I've wanted her to react. She pulls back, looks at me, and then hugs me again, surprising me and making me go "oof!" as she giggles over my shoulder.
Maybe now is a good time to say a few of those words I've been practicing...
"You didn't have to do this, you know. You didn't have to give me anything. Especially something so huge," Aya murmurs before I can say anything, the vibrations of her voice making my shoulder feel nice and funny.
I shrug, and I carefully reach up and hug her back now that I have my balance.
"I wanted to," I reply.
I'm about to start speaking again when Aya pulls out of the hug. I consider not letting go and making her stay, but it's not good to forcibly keep someone, especially Aya, in a hug. It's not nice. It's not normal. I let her go, hoping she doesn't notice my hesitation.
"I didn't know what to get you anyway, so I figured I may as well go with what you said you wanted," I end up saying.
"The fact that you came to visit me just now is the best birthday present you could ever give me, you know that?"
I blush because it makes me happy to hear, but I have to get us off this topic because I feel like I'm going to die of embarrassment.
"I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier. Work," I say with a roll of my eyes.
"Idiot," Aya says, hitting me lightly. "You're here now. That's all that matter...s..."
She trails off suspiciously. She sounds like I do. Silly and in love. This is when I seriously start to suspect something's going on. Or is it wishful thinking?
Ug. I still can't tell.
"Well, I'm glad I could come and watch. Nothing could've made me happier," I reply.
The awkward atmosphere that we find ourselves in is unbearable. At least I'm not the only one acting strangely, but I'm dying to know what the motivation behind her odd behaviour is.
"I guess I should get changed," Aya laughs after breaking the silence with a cough.
I laugh along because I'm so nervous, and I go to sit on the couch while she changes.
I can't look at her, I think. If I do, I will cross that boundary line and stray from good friend to creepy stalker territory.
So I stare at everything that is not Aya. At one point I stare at a pillow on the couch and I wonder how long it would take to make one similar to it. The stitching is tight, surely done by a machine. Could I mimic a machine's work? I could try. I could go to Parco and buy some cheap thread, a few needles, fabric, and stuffing, and then...
Why am I thinking about sewing a pillow? This is really pathetic.
I look up to see if Aya's finished changing. She's just adjusting her shirt, and so I know it's safe to be looking at her.
Except that when she turns to look at me, I look away. I don't want her to think I was staring at her the whole time.
But wait. I wasn't doing anything wrong by looking at her. I look right back at her. She smiles, so I smile back, but I feel guilty. What are we doing? What kind of communication is this?
I ask myself this as Aya walks over to the couch and sits beside me. I hope that she can think of something to say that will get us out of this awkward rut we've dug ourselves into.
She asks what I want to do tonight, and I have to confess that I have very little money on me. I probably have just enough to buy a meal at the convenience store. Oversights happen, and I left my bank card at home, making me unable to withdraw any more money from an ATM before leaving Tokyo. It was a choice between missing my train or having no money. Seeing Aya was (and still is) more important. I couldn't miss that train for anything.
Aya offers to spot me money, but I decline until she hits my leg to silence me.
"Don't you dare start with that. And don't you dare not stay in my hotel room tonight," she says, and my heart skips a beat or two. "I know you don't know anyone in Kobe to stay with. Now come on, where do you want to go?"
She gets up and pulls on my hand to make me follow. I stand up and laugh to cover my excitement.
"You're the birthday girl. You tell me," I say, leaving the decision to her.
But isn't she going to go out with the girls? I know that she enjoys the Melons' company. I figure they must have planned something in advance knowing that they'd be in Kobe overnight.
"Aren't you going out with the girls anyway?" I ask.
"We thought we might, but I just want to spend my time with you," she says, and then quickly adds, "I mean, I just spent the whole day with them. I'm sure they're sick of me..."
I could never get sick of her. Not really. Get sick of the way she's holding my hand right now? Never.
"Sick of you? Hah. As if," I mutter, which makes Aya grin.
She then lets go of my hand to gather her things.
Hey, I was enjoying that, I whine in my mind.
She says something about dropping our things off at the hotel, and I just nod because I'm thinking about grabbing hold of her hand again and not letting go.
Instead, we leave the room, and I conclude that there will be no confessing right at this moment. We're going to meet the rest of the girls and get driven back to the hotel, so it wouldn't be a good idea to spring something so huge on Aya.
I talk about my day, which is a bit strange because we don't tend to talk about work, and all I did today before coming to Kobe was work. I tell her about some filming I did with Yocchan and Takahashi for some promotional thing that I can't even remember because it's not important, and we make our way to the back entrance of the concert hall like any two friends would.
So far so good. I haven't made any huge mistakes. If I can keep this up, I can build up my courage and say something. I'm going to have to be quick, though, because bedtime isn't that far away, and it would be nice to say something before midnight.
Midnight. That's it. Midnight will be my deadline. I will say or do something before midnight to communicate this mess in my mind.
Midnight.
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Wow, it REALLY has come full circle. It's like I'm reading your first chapter from your first fic here, except it's the other side of the coin. :D
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it's near it's neeaaaaar!
we'll finally know what's on Miki's mind that night!
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Yay! Let see how Aya would react. Waiting for the night :heart:
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I can read your mind about your Miki :D! I feel great *gets kicked* :lol:
Woah its just like reading the Love series all over again. Great. And of course I will never mind to re-read all the chapters :heart:.
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Wow, it REALLY has come full circle. It's like I'm reading your first chapter from your first fic here, except it's the other side of the coin. :D
Love x 2 revisited after almost a year and a half. Pretty wild. Never though I'd end it at the beginning. :D
Almost done!
Past the Barrier and to the Left
Nine
Aya and I run into the van laughing at how we're holding everyone up by being so slow. We climb in one after the other and everyone inside shifts spots so that we have room to sit. Tsuji and Kago grin at me and wink. I can't help myself, so I grin back. It's thanks to their help and silence that I've been able to give Aya this birthday surprise. Aya catches the smiles we're exchanging and she looks at us suspiciously as she pieces together what's happening.
"You two knew she was coming to visit and you didn't tell me?" she demands.
She sounds like an older sister who is angry after being left out in the dark about some secret. It's so cute!
"But isn't it better as a surprise?" Kago asks.
She's on the same wavelength as me. Good girl.
I look over briefly at the Melons, and Shibata catches my eye. We nod hello to each other. We're not particularly close, but we do play futsal together. It's amazing, though, that I hardly have any interaction with her off camera and off the field. She's a nice girl, though, and I remember her smiling and laughing onstage with Aya, looking like she was having the time of her life.
I look back at Aya, who is in the middle of telling the Top Two that she loves them. I'm having a ball just listening to the way she talks to them. She's not that much older than them, but she seems so. She's acts so maturely compared to them (noses stuck in cakes aside). Of course she's not mature all the time, and that dichotomy within her is yet another one of those beloved Aya traits that gets to me.
"I guess this means birthday celebrations with us are off," Saito pipes up with a grin.
"Yeah, leave the two lovebirds alone," Masae finishes for her.
I feel two things. One, of course, is utter humiliation. It's not like I meant to sweep in here and destroy their evening plans. I'm embarrassed to have called so much attention to myself because of my actions towards Aya. The other thing I feel is anger. I come this close to telling Masae to shut up and mind her own business. I don't, though, because there's no need to cause tension, and I will admit that the anger I'm feeling now is reckless and almost entirely brought on by my underlying nervousness.
I look back at Aya and see that she, too, looks a bit embarrassed.
What are we? Hello!Project's scapegoat "couple"? Come all ye merry jokers and release thy naughty jokes upon us?
"I never said anything like that," Aya complains, rolling her eyes.
"Nah, it's ok," Hitomi laughs. "I'm actually exhausted. I don't think you could drag me out for any more fun."
I look over at the Melons to see Shibata yawning exaggeratedly and resting her head on Murata's shoulder.
"Well," Aya says, causing me to look back at her, "I'm not asking you to stay in your hotel rooms. If you want to go out with us, come along."
What?!
I thought we just agreed a few moments ago that we'd spend some time together without anyone else around. Why is she suddenly going back on that plan? Does she not want to hang out with me because I'm creeping her out? Or did she already forget our plan? Why can't we be able to communicate telepathically? I'd remind her with a sharp poke to her mind.
Shibata and her crew confer silently with one another, and to my extreme relief, they decide that they'll stay in. I breathe easy once again because I know that the twins won't want to come along if there isn't a massive amount of eating of candy involved.
Right on queue, Kago asks, "Will you be eating cakes and sweets?"
I look at Aya and we both shrug simultaneously.
"We'll probably just have some dinner. Maybe go for coffee."
Aya's response inspires indifference in the two youngest girls, and they claim they'll order room service. I laugh as Aya reminds them of last week, and they glare at me for being so insensitive as to laugh at their pain.
When she came back to Tokyo after her concert last weekend, Aya had told me the story of how Tsuji and Kago had spent the night eating so many sweets that they hadn't been able to fit into their costumes the next afternoon. They had had to suck it up when squeezing into their skirts and pants, and apparently they looked a little green around the gills each time they had to twirl.
The rest of the van ride passes silently. I see the Melons all pass out at roughly the same time, followed by the Top Two, who, like babies, just conk out exactly the way they're sitting.
I feel Aya rest her head on my shoulder, and of course I feel a little mushy. I want to say something to her in this moment of weakness where she's about to fall asleep, but we're surrounded by people. I'm fairly certain they're all asleep, but if by any chance they're not, I would be making a huge mistake. All I can do is offer my shoulder as a pillow and enjoy the fact that she's leaning right against me.
I cross my arms across my stomach, and I lean my head against the window so that if I fall asleep, it doesn't droop over and bang against Aya's. That's happened before and it's painful.
Can I really do it? Can I confess my undying love before twelve o'clock?
That question sees me off to sleep.
When I wake up, my cheek is resting against the window and Aya is looking up at me. We seem to have just stopped, and Aya looks like she's just woken up. We smile at each other as if it's the morning and we've just awoken after eight hours of perfect sleep.
We file out of the van, say goodbye to everyone, get serenaded again by Tsuji and Kago, and finally get to Aya's hotel room. We drop our bags on the floor, and after seeing Aya fall back on the bed, I opt to take a seat in the chair. But maybe if I went to sit beside her, I could finally say something. I mean, we're both alone.
No, it's bad timing. We just got in. We need to eat some dinner first, and eating an awkward birthday dinner is not an option.
But maybe we don't need to go out to eat dinner. She looks exhausted lying there. It looks like the only thing she'd move for would be to escape from a missile attack. We could order room service, or maybe I could run downstairs and buy something for the both of us.
"Hey, if you want to just stay in, that's fine with me. You must be exhausted," I say quietly, afraid to speak any louder and disturb her moment of repose.
She rolls us with a jovial smile.
"Nonsense. You came all the way to Kobe. You are not leaving without going out and having some fun."
"But I came here to see you. I am having fun," I mumble.
It's strange. It's strange, and I know it the minute the words leave my mouth. She just smiles, though, showing no hint of thinking what I've said is as strange as I think it is. She reaches to the ground and tosses my knapsack to me. I catch it in surprise. It almost seems like she's kicking me out and telling me to take my belongings with me.
"Come on. Get changed. Let's go," she orders me.
Oh, so that's how it's going to be. She's starting with her bossiness again.
Two can play at this, I think gleefully. I love our power games.
"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" I ask with a glare, daring her to tell me.
"You look like a boy. I'm not going out with no boy tonight. This is a girl's night out," she claims, rolling her eyes at me as if saying I'm so dumb for not being able to figure that out.
I laugh. She's won. I'm perfectly happy to let her win.
I quickly change my top so that now instead of that ratty old shirt, I'm wearing a much more flattering top.
Seduce him with wine and sexy lingerie?
Well, I've got a tank top and dinner. That will have to do.
"Okay, now that we're dressed decently, let's go," Aya says after giving me a look of approval.
No compliment? Just "dressed decently" and no jibe about how sexy I am? Even if it's a joke, I want to hear it.
Oh well. We still have some hours ahead of us. Nothing can make me feel down right now. I'm hungry and ready to eat. I grab her hand, and we skip down the hallway to the elevator.
"What'll it be, Birthday Girl?" I ask.
She squeezes my hand before letting it go to fix her hair.
"Anything suits me. What do you want?"
"You know what I want," I answer cheekily.
I wonder what would happen if she said she knew I wanted her. Hah!
She looks sneaky for a moment, and then breaks out her impish grin.
"Meat?"
I nod. That's the non-naughty answer to the question.
"I know a place," she says.
Having grown up nearby, she's been to Kobe many more times than I. I trust her to lead me somewhere good, and so I tell her that.
We end up in a cosy little restaurant where we're the only customers. We chat about life while we eat. I completely forget my nervousness because I'm so relaxed here with her. It's like old times. We just talk and talk, and sometimes we're just silent as we eat.
We finish up, and I have to watch ashamedly as she picks up the bill. Once we get outside, I grovel at her feet and thank her for feeding me. She laughs and tells me to shush up. I blush because she's too kind, but then I'd do that same for her. She'd never be forgetful enough to leave all her money at home, but if she ever did, I'd be there for her in an instant.
We start to walk down the streets. I follow Aya because she seems to know where she's going.
"What should we do now?" I wonder aloud.
"I wonder..." she repeats.
"I'd say karaoke because it's been ages, but you've just been doing that all day," I snicker.
She nods.
"Yes. No more singing in enclosed spaces, please. I need fresh air."
We walk a few more paces.
"How about we just keep doing what we're doing?" I ask, indicating the road ahead and our walking.
She smiles warmly, and so we decide that wandering will be good enough. She takes my hand and swings it playfully as we walk in the dark and listen to the sounds of the night.
Now would be a perfect time to say something. It's late at night, we're pleasantly sleepy, satisfied from a good meal, it's not cold out, we're alone, it's dark, she's holding my hand...
By the way, I really like you a lot.
I don't say it. We talk about other things, but we don't talk about my feelings for her. I can sense that she has something on her mind, too, but I don't ask what it is. She might shoot the question back at me and ask what's on my mind. I'm a chicken...
We fall into a deep, pensive silence that I break when I realise she's not paying attention to the streets.
"Where are we?" I ask.
She snaps awake and looks around at the buildings uncertainly. She hums and points in a direction.
"That's the way to the main street," she says confidently.
I contest her point. I could swear that the correct street is the one opposite to the one she's pointing at. We start to pull at each other's hands until I finally give in and let her lead the way, questioning whether we're going to end up more lost than we already are.
She's right, of course, and I decide to not question Aya when it comes to places she's been to far more times than I have. She obviously knows her way.
We get to the entrance of the hotel, and I sneak a peek at my watch. It's eleven-forty-five. I have fifteen minutes left before my self-imposed deadline. If I don't confess what I feel before twelve, I will hate myself. Such a failure will show that I have absolutely no backbone, no strength, and no will to succeed.
"You know, we didn't do much partying tonight," I say conversationally as we wait for the elevator.
"Well, we went out for a good dinner..." she points out.
"Yeah, but we didn't drink or sing or... I don't know. Party stuff," I shoot back.
How I wish we could have had something to drink. Even just one cocktail or a glass of wine. It would have relaxed me so much.
"I'm not old enough to drink," she reminds me.
It's funny how Aya's playing that card. I've seen her drink before. She's not a heavy one, but I've seen her cheeks get rosy from the alcohol
"Didn't stop you those other times," I say to her with a sly look.
"That's because we weren't out. We were at somebody's place."
Indeed. Abe sure knows how to throw a party.
I roll my eyes at her, though, to dismiss her flimsy excuse as we get into the elevator. I grab her hand and pull at it to get her to listen to me.
"So what now? Sleep?"
I can imagine she's tired. And when we're lying there in the dark, I can say something...
"I could go for a bath," Aya says with a yawn, letting go of my hand and stretching her arms out. "Get into bed, watch some TV, maybe order room service and eat sweets like Tsuji and Kago are doing right now..."
How cute! But I feel bad because I don't want to keep her up. I would sacrifice my happiness and leave if it meant she could get some rest.
"Is it really ok for me to stay with you tonight?" I ask. "I figure you need some down time. Er, alone time. That concert must've taken a lot out of you. You probably don't want to hear people talking or even moving around you."
I confuse myself a bit with that sentence, but I kind of hope that she doesn't want me around, because I'm starting to chicken out again.
"Sure I don't want to hear just anyone talking or moving," she agrees. "But I want to hear you talking and moving. Of course I don't mind. I'd be lonely on my own..."
She smiles at me and squeezes my hand.
The words are at the tip of my tongue.
Aya-chan, I-
But "PING!" goes the elevator, and we get out.
Better luck in the next ten minutes.
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Oh you tease xD
One more chapter to go! *-*~~!
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And here it is. Love x 2 has come a full circle. Thanks for reading a year and half's worth of work.
Past the Barrier and to the Left
10
Once we reach the room, I turn on the television set and pretend to become immersed in some variety show. I hear Aya go into the bathroom and start running a bath, and I'm suddenly filled with dread. While this is no different from our every day life when we get together, the fact that I'm so resolute about confessing my love makes me a whole lot more ill at ease.
"Bath time!" she cheers.
I hear the sounds of her taking off her clothes, and I keep my eyes glued to the TV screen. I know she's inviting me to go in there with her, but I just can't. My control is slipping. I've also seen something that makes my heart drop. On screen is the time. It's one minute past twelve.
I've missed my midnight deadline.
"You can go first," I call out in a preoccupied voice.
Before I know it, she has come up behind me and is dragging me towards the bathroom. I want to complain, but that'll look suspicious.
"Let's go," she insists.
We reach the bathroom, and I give up trying to be modest or in control of myself. I roll my eyes at her and strip down. I find myself calming down as I wash up then slip into the big tub of hot water. There's a lot of laughing and splashing, but we don't really talk about anything. Aya mumbles something about being tired, and with a sigh, she leans her head back and closes her eyes.
Unable to resist, I look at her. I stare at her.
What if I were to open my mouth right now and tell her that I like her more than a friend? More than yakiniku and animals and being an idol? More than anything? She'd probably be incredibly disgusted. Here we both are, naked as the day we were born. It's just not a good situation.
But it could be. It might get my point across. It might even turn out to be a good thing. Who knows...
Say it now before she opens her eyes.
But instead, I simply watch her, because looking at her makes me feel good. For a person that makes me get so worked up, she really does a good job of relaxing me at the same time. When her eyes are closed and she's resting, unaware of the world around her, she is able to reassure me that my life is a good one because no matter what has happened in it, I have been led to this point where I can be beside her and look at her.
I continue to gaze at her as I think these deep thoughts, and without warning, Aya opens her eyes. I'm staring directly at her face, and so our eyes meet and everything in me freezes. I swallow down the lump that pops up in my throat, and I look away.
"What?" she asks, her voice cracking.
I start to shake my head and am about to make some stupid excuse or joke, when I stop. This is my chance. Maybe it's past midnight, but we're still awake and alive.
"You just look so peaceful," I say softly.
What I really want to say is I just want to kiss you, but I have to start at a safe point.
"Do you like watching me sleep?" she teases me.
Something in her voice betrays another feeling. I don't think she believes me entirely. I'd better do something to earn her trust.
I nod my head to her question, which makes her blush. She lowers herself into the water a little.
"You do? When?" she asks, and my mind goes abuzz with thoughts.
This crossroad is going to be one of the hardest. What I say next will most certainly freak her out. But I have to say it because she's asked. I can't keep lying to her. Or covering up the truth. Same thing.
"Just... uh, sometimes when I can't sleep. Or... uh, when I wake up before you when we're sleeping over at each other's places," I mumble. "When I see you sleeping, it calms me down a bit if I watch you."
Aya nods.
"Mmhmm. I see. Interesting," she says in a voice devoid of emotion or understanding.
This sets me off. She looks like a scientist studying an amoeba. Why does she have to do that to me? Why is it that I'm starting to confess the feelings in my heart, and she nods at me like I'm some specimen in a laboratory experiment? Can't she be a little more sensitive to the things going on in my mind? Can't she see? She's supposed to be smart.
I hit the water angrily. Angry at her, angry at myself for being such a chicken and missing my deadline, and angry at the world for being full of complicated emotions that I can't explain or express.
"Don't give me that look," I growl.
"What look?" she asks innocently, frowning.
"That look," I repeat. She knows what I'm talking about. "The look where I've just said something weird and you try to pretend its normal. That condescending look."
This is it. I haven't scored any good points at this crossroad. I've creeped her out.
"Miki, I don't think you're weird..." she mumbles.
Great. So convincing, I think sarcastically. She could at least try to make up a better way of lying to me.
"Then why do you do that?" I demand.
A change comes over her eyes, and I realise I've angered her.
"I don't know. How am I supposed to reply to something like that? I don't exactly have a repertoire of stock phrases in my head," she snaps. "Don't blame me when you say abnormal things I have no answer for."
That settles it. She's disgusted. I don't know what she thinks I feel, but I can tell that I've crossed the line.
Goddamn her and her stupidity. Why do I have to fall for someone so inept at sensing other people's feelings? I know I don't show my feelings easily, but she's supposed to be my best friend. She's supposed to be able to read the things that other people can't see.
Fed up and unable to be in the same room as her, I stand up, grab a towel, and stalk out of the bathroom. I dry myself quickly and scramble into my clothes. I'm so angry that I breeze through all of the motions at light speed, and I'm starting to walk off to the door when I feel my bag has been snagged on something. I turn around to get rid of whatever is holding it back, and I come face-to-face with a towel-clad Aya. She's holding onto my bag and looking irritated.
"Where are you going?" she demands.
"I'll find some other place to stay," I mutter.
I don't know. I'll sleep in front of the station. I just can't be in this room with her.
She looks like she's about to spring forward and fight what I've said, but she suddenly deflates, and she looks down, letting go of my bag. I'm free to leave.
"Fine, just go," she murmurs.
Guilt washes through me. She's so tired, probably puzzled by me, and it's her birthday. I've treated her horribly. I hesitate and don't leave like I wanted to seconds before. I look up at her.
"I..."
"Do you always have to react like that when you don't like something? Is it possible to wait a few minutes and get an explanation for something you might be misinterpreting?" she asks before I can speak. Not that I have anything good to say.
"I'm sorry," I whisper.
That's the only good thing I can think of to say to her. I'm sorry for so many things. She shrugs at my apology, and I wonder if it means there's nothing to be sorry about, or that she's not forgiving me.
"But I'm sorry for saying all that stuff in the first place. It was weird," I admit.
There's nothing I can say to take back what I said. I've said it, and there was no reason for me to lie to her before. All I can do now is apologise for its eeriness.
"No, it wasn't," she says. "Why do you think so?"
Why? Because everything I do will garner one of two reactions from you. Creeped out or happy. There's no way you could be happy about me staring at you while you sleep.
"Because it just is. I mean, come on. Staring at you while you sleep? Don't tell me that doesn't creep you out," I deadpan, turning it into a bit of a light statement with an injection of humour.
"Should it?" she asks. "It's you. Not some creep."
"Yeah, but..."
The truth is I don't want to argue her point. I want to agree and say that she's right. I'm definitely not some strange prowler that's followed her into her hotel room. I'm Miki, and staring at her is not meant to be creepy.
But I still don't understand her answer from before. I drop my bag and look her in the eye.
"What did you mean by your answer, then?"
Stock phrases and abnormal things that I say. Do I say a lot of abnormal things? Do I often make her uncomfortable?
"Just that... Well, it's a surprising thing to hear. I don't mind, Miki. It's nice and not weird to me at all..."
She trails off, or maybe it's just that I don't listen anymore. The way she speaks settles my heart. It tells me that there's something inside her, too, that wants to get out. Something she wants to say to me.
Just do it, do it, do it... I chant in my head, and so I take a deep breath and hug her carefully. She twitches, but then realises that it's just me. She hugs me back.
And then her towel starts to fall. She catches it before it completely unravels, but it's a bit embarrassing. I laugh at her, but I'm sure I look embarrassed, too. I kind of caused that.
"I didn't mean to get angry, but sometimes you can be really frustrating," I tell her.
I say it gently so that she knows I'm not picking a fight.
"...I know," she admits to me.
It makes me feel good to know that she can admit something like that to me. She's so sure of herself that sometimes it looks like she wouldn't be able to note her own shortcomings. But she knows she can frustrate me, and she admits it, so I know that she can see her weaknesses. That makes her stronger, and a stronger Aya is even more lovable.
"But you know better than to get all fiery when I say something questionable," she continues.
I sigh. I know that. My temper can flare up at untimely moments, and with her, sometimes I let it loose because she's like family to me. Just like I have no qualms about having screaming matches with my mom, I have no qualms about letting Aya know I'm pissed off at her.
"It's my nature," I say, and we both roll our eyes because I've used that excuse before.
We both smile at each other, and with that action, all is forgiven. We don't need to say "I'm sorry" anymore. Maybe we are kind of telepathic that way.
Then somehow, I start a tickling war. I push her, she pushes back, and then I jab my fingers into her ribs and push her down onto the bed, intent on making her scream out for mercy. I just want to touch her in a non-creepy, friendly way because I feel like it. I want to goof around and have fun because the past few minutes have been serious and uncomfortable. We need to forget about them. Laughter is the best medicine.
She shrieks and shrieks, and before long, I have a feeling that I'm going to ruin her vocal cords if I go any further, so I stop to let her catch her breath. She's crying from laughing so hard, and she wipes the tears away with a mixture of a grimace and a smile on her face.
I stay there on top of her, ready to launch into a second round of tickle torture, when I really take a look at her and see the situation I'm in. I look at her face and can't help but feel all of those lovely feelings kick in. I stare at her without reservation. I don't care if it creeps her out now. I'm going to have my say and way.
"Well... Anyway... Happy birthday," I say with a small, calm smile.
Something's rumbling under the surface of my skin.
Aya turns her head to the clock and then looks back at me, sticking her tongue out at me.
"It's already the 26th. It's not my birthday anymore," she informs me.
That's right. I've missed my midnight deadline. But that doesn't mean I can't still do this. I can.
I grin at my confidence.
"Okay. Happy start of the first full day you'll be nineteen years old," I say, making up a silly congratulatory sentence just to keep me there for a few extra seconds.
Thanks," she replies with a shy smile.
I look down at her and wonder how to start this off. I know I'm going to. I can feel it inside me. It's at the tip of my tongue.
All of a sudden, I find my head moving down quickly, and I kiss her quickly like I've seen people do in Hollywood movies with good friends, or even family members. It's always weirded me out a bit to see that, but now it seems like a good excuse here. If she asks, I'm just imitating all those people on TV. Not a smart answer, but a good excuse.
She looks back up at me and smiles. She looks utterly calm. It's like she knows I'm just being friendly. I turn a little more serious. I need her to change that opinion.
So I do it again. The exact same way, brief and soft. It can barely even be called a kiss.
We stare at each other, neither one of us smiling anymore. I can see a question in her eyes. She's asking me what this means. She's asking why I'm doing this.
She wants to know? I can't find the right words. They still won't come. I bend my head down, this time not just brushing my lips against hers, but actually giving the kiss a bit of substance, a bit of depth.
When I pull back, I can feel her heart pounding underneath me. I can see her trying to evaluate the situation. Now she knows exactly how I feel and exactly what I want to do. It's up to her. This is the final crossroad. She can either push me off and kick me out, or she can tell me that she likes what's happening. Either way, it's her call. I can't do anything but wait.
When she pulls me into her and continues what I've started, I lose it. I lose my control because finally, I'm getting what I want. I've asked her a question. This is her reply. After months of waiting, endless anxiety over her relationship with Tachibana, and fearing complete rejection, this is the result. This is my reward.
Perhaps because I'm getting this thing that I've waited so long for, I take it too far and scare her. I deem her towel to be in the way, so I kind of move it aside. She doesn't do anything to stop me, which is my excuse that I can keep going. And while I'm kissing the soft skin of her stomach, she suddenly blurts out, "Have you done this before??"
I come back to Earth, and I can see where I am and what I'm doing. I sit up quickly and look down at her, frowning. I know what she's asking.
"No," I mumble, embarrassed by what she's asking and upset that she has to ask. "I thought we had no secrets between us. I would've told you."
"Well, it seems like we kept this all one big secret," she says.
I can almost sense a nervous laugh in her tone.
"That's... that's different..." I mumble.
She puts her hands on my knees. Maybe to comfort me.
"I know," she says.
I want to say something, but I don't know what. I'm in shock.
"Miki-chan, it's ok," she says in an unconvincing voice. "It's all very weird to me, too."
I look down at her. She looks confused. I can't even tell if she's happy or not, such is the amount of uncertainty written on her face. This angle I'm seeing her from is new and different. She looks so... so exposed just lying there. So overpowered.
Oh god. Is that what I've done? Tricked her into a tickling match and forced myself on her without giving her a choice? Fooling her into thinking that she wants to do this with me by buying her off with an expensive birthday gift and then demanding this as payment?
What kind of monster have I become?
"God, what am I doing to you?" I ask aloud in disgust at myself and this whole mess as I jump off of her. "Oh my god..."
I hear her calling me back, but I just grab my bag and leave. I can't believe how wretchedly I've acted. I've lost control on my best friend. My best friend who has counted on me all this time to be a fine friend. My friend who has trusted me.
I head in the direction of the elevator, intent on going to sit out by the train station until it opens later in the morning. I'll get on that shinkansen and not look back. I'll go back to Tokyo and cut Aya out of my life. I'll delete her information from my phone, throw out my pictures of her, and send back anything of hers that's at my apartment.
I hear her follow me.
"Miki, wait!"
I ignore her.
"Why are you leaving? Stop."
Why does she have to make me say it?
"I'm sick, Aya. This isn't right. Just leave me alone," I growl back, my sights set on the corner.
Just as I'm about to round it and go to the elevator, she screams, "What the fuck is the matter with you?!"
I freeze in my spot. She sounds absolutely livid. And her language... I've never heard her yell at someone like that before. I can't do anything but stand still, afraid that the world will end if I keep walking and inspire any further wrath from her.
I hear her come right up behind me slowly, and I feel sick at the thought of the tongue-lashing I'm about to get.
"First you drop in unexpected with some mushy reason and a birthday gift, and you act as if it's the most important thing in the world, treating me like a princess. Then we go out and have a lovely night and get back and take a bath where you throw a fit, I win you back, we get all sexy on the bed," and at this point I grit my teeth and she walks in front of me, "and then you jump up and get mad and leave again. What the hell? Are you bipolar? Do you like me or hate me?"
I meet her eyes and stare back at her, stubbornly refusing to let her confuse me any longer. This causes her to sigh and throw her hands up in the air as if in defeat.
"I don't know what we're doing either, okay?" she admits. "But why can't you just go with the flow? Don't tell me you weren't having fun just now."
She can't really mean that. Not after what I did to her. I don't reply and keep my face the way it is, set in its hard expression.
"What is your problem, Fujimoto? Just tell me."
"My problem?" I growl angrily. "Is that I like you too much. And I have for a long time. Longer than you'd care to know. And it's all wrong because you don't really like me that way."
There. I've finally said the words, except it's definitely not how I planned to tell her. I have wanted the words to be caring and said softly. The words I have just spoken have been harsh and angry, and they are carried along a note of defeat.
"... How the hell do you know that? Have I even said anything to you about it yet?"
How can she think she wants me? Can't she tell that she's been tricked into it? I haven't meant to manipulate the situation. It's just unfolded this way.
"No, it's because I made you do those things just now. I set it up so it would happen."
The look on her face breaks my heart. She looks like she's going to throw up.
"What do you mean you set it up? What are you talking about?"
I glare back. I guess I'll have to spell it out for her.
"I'm pretty sure if Maki or Yossi had given you that gift and come all the way to see you and sweet talked you like that, you would've been flattered out of your pants, too."
I choose the first two names that come to my mind, but I really could have said anyone. Maybe I should have dropped Tachibana's name in there to remind her of him and how she fell for him so easily.
Instead of slapping me or doing anything violent like I'm afraid she might, she starts to laugh. My anger grows. How can she be laughing at a time like this? Why is she laughing at me when I've apologised and am clearly on my way out of her life?
"Ew," she says, and I have to agree. Ew. "You think I'd do that with those two? Or anybody else, for that matter?"
Caught unawares, I unclench my jaw and let a bit of softness back into my face. She wouldn't do that with anyone else? But does that mean with me... it's okay?
"Miki, I'll tell you one thing right now even though I'm still pretty confused about it all: I wouldn't let anyone - anyone- touch me like that. Nobody but you."
I must be hearing it all wrong. She's saying that she doesn't mind that I just jumped her? Threw myself upon her and didn't let her get up?
But why? Why me?
"Why?" she asks, voicing my question as though a mind reader. "I don't know. I guess I really like you. A lot."
So it was all in my head? I just imagined she was creeped out by my earlier actions? My god...
"But you're confused..." I say.
I feel dumb, but I have to find some sort of excuse for her feeling that way about me. It's just not possible for her to feel the same way for me as I do for her. It's too convenient. Too much of a happy ending.
"Well, of course," she replies. "You've been confusing me for a while, you know?"
I have? She's been the one confusing me for a while.
"Every time you do something that I like, I get these strange feelings, and I don't know how to deal with them. You make me feel things I don't feel when I'm around other people."
She does? Because... me too.
"I thought it was just because we knew each other very well, but... Obviously I was enjoying our foray into the unknown just now, so I guess it's a little more than just a friend thing, don't you think?"
It occurs to me that she has stolen my moment from me. All the speeches I've prepared and rehearsed have been rendered useless because she's gone and spilled all her thoughts in a much more elegant way than I ever could. I hollered angrily at her to tell her I liked her. She... she just spoke them as if reciting beautiful poetry.
I stay silent, and so does she. I don't know what to say anymore.
"Come on," she says to me after our moment is over. "We're waking the other guests."
She turns around and walks away.
This is her test for me. This is the crossroad that she's set up. She wants to know whether I'm going to follow or not.
Do I have a choice? This is Aya. There's no stopping to think and make a decision. There is only action. The right action.
I follow right behind her, and when she reaches for the handle to the door of her room, I quickly put my hand over it to stop her. We have to clear one thing up. I need to hear directly that she wants me here tonight despite our arguments and all the harsh words we've exchanged.
"Are you sure you want me to stay here tonight?" I ask in a serious voice.
I realise that by asking, I'm implying that I expect things to happen behind this door. Things that will have us going down that same path we were on just before I panicked and ran out. Things we won't be able to escape from in the future should we need or want to.
Aya reaches a hand up and traces a line with her finger from my chin, along my jaw, and to my forehead.
"Are you sure there'll be no more big secrets between us?" she asks me.
No more secrets? That's a promise I can handle. I nod and remove my hand from on top of hers, letting her open the door, after which we walk into the room silently.
I place my bag down in the corner and go and sit on the bed. She follows and sits beside me.
Now what? How do we get out of this awkward situation we've created? A promise to not keep secrets means nothing if we feel anxious about being in the same room together.
The solution to our problem comes with Aya's laughter. She starts to giggle, and I catch her laughing disease and start to giggle, too.
We are so ridiculous. The things that freeze us up are so trivial. I'm glad we can recognise that now.
I feel so much better after that release of laughter, and she looks a million times more relaxed. We lie back on the bed beside each other and study the ceiling.
"I would kill for some strawberry and mango pudding," Aya tells me.
"Mmm. Give me a piece of chocolate ice cream cake, and I'll be the happiest person in the world," I say, thinking of how nice it would be to bite into a slice of that.
"Or I could go for a caramel. You know those cheap kinds at the supermarket? Red bean flavour."
I scrunch my nose up at that.
"Ew. I'll take a package of those chewy strawberry milk candies from Welcia. You can have the caramels to yourself."
"You only like those because they say 'Hokkaido' on the package in big letters," Aya teases me.
"No I don't," I protest. "You've tried them and you like them, too. They're delicious."
"Yeah, okay. I guess," Aya huffs playfully, giving in.
She rolls onto her stomach just then and puts her arm across my stomach, snuggling into me and making me revert back to my uneasy, awkward self. I'm not quite used to this yet. I can see her face, and I see her close her eyes, reminding me that she's just put on two concerts. I reach up to the little plastic panel above the head of the bed and turn the light off. We're not exactly dressed for sleep in our street clothes, but I'm too comfortable to care.
"You should get some sleep, Aya," I say soothingly. "You've been up since... what? Seven?"
I've been up since half past six, but my work today was far less straining than hers.
"Six," Aya corrects me, her voice muffled by my shoulder.
"Ouch," I say sympathetically.
Aya takes her head off my shoulder and looks up at me through the. The slightest bit of light comes through the curtains so that I can see her face. It takes on a mysterious air as her eyes shine intensely.
"But I'm okay," she claims happily. "I don't feel tired. I feel, er, energized..."
I imagine she blushes, but I can't see the colour of her face in this lighting. She quickly puts her face back on my shoulder, and I smile. Aya's just as shy as I am in this situation. I have nothing to fear. We're walking along new ground together.
I gently lift her head off my shoulder and peer into her face. I miscalculate the distance, because in the dark, I apparently have no depth perception. Or maybe I do, but I mess up on purpose. Nevertheless, I find my face much closer to hers than I mean for it to be, and it only takes a slight movement to close the gap that opened between us about twenty minutes ago.
She sighs in relief. I can tell. Me, too. I can't believe any of this is happening, least of all that I'm the one restarting it.
Off come our clothes, and I give into her completely. Call it a kind of apology for suddenly jumping into things before. I let her control me, and I love it. We're both natural born leaders, but she's a natural born leader of girls named Fujimoto Miki, so while I have control of my own mind in all other situations, I'm completely at Aya's mercy whenever she flexes that leadership muscle. The thought might have scared me once, but now I don't have time to feel scared. Just a million other fantastic things.
What is happening is a bit wild. You can tell we're both crazy for each other by the way we simply don't let each other rest.
And then much, much later (I'm not in the right mind to check when), it's time to stop and go to sleep.
High from a flood of hormones coursing through my body, I clutch her to me firmly. I momentarily close my eyes, waiting for my breath to even out and slow down.
I'm not ready to fall asleep yet. I am overcome with drowsiness, but what I have to say is far more important, for at this moment, I grasp the scope of what I'm in, what has happened, and what will happen after tonight. I want Aya to know everything about me. She's asked for there to be no more secrets between us, and we've shared just about everything else that we possibly can. I feel that I need to take the first step in breaking down and passing through the final barrier that remains between us.
I open my eyes, and still hugging her to me closely, I put my mouth right near her ear so that she can feel my words as well as hear them. I begin to talk in a whisper in an unprecedented spilling of all my thoughts. I have not considered saying all these things until this very moment.
I tell her a bunch of things that might be considered pointless but that I want her to know regardless. I save the most important things for last. She doesn't speak a word while I have the floor.
I finally start the latter part of my speech with a painful topic.
"I've been raving jealous of Tachibana since you met him," I say. She still says nothing and listens. "I wanted you to look at me the way I imagined you looked at him. I hated him because I thought he took you away from me. He had something I wanted."
I pause to let the next thoughts form in my mind.
"I've been trying to tell you how I feel since you broke up with him, and I came so close so many times. That's why I've been getting angry or nervous around you. It's been anger towards me, not you," I say, but I quickly reconsider it. "Well, I got angry at you for not being able to figure me out, but now I realise that maybe you did. I think maybe you knew this was coming. That this would happen eventually."
She still doesn't speak, but I can see flickers of affirmation in her eyes as she thinks about the events I'm describing.
"I hate it when I become weak. I mean, there are other things in me that I dislike, but it all boils down to weakness, I think. And mine isn't a regular weakness. It's a despicable one. Nothing honourable about it. And I also hate how I say the wrong thing at the wrong time, especially around you."
Silence. She lets me regroup.
"When I first met you, your presence struck me as... I don't know... so definite. There was no doubt that you were there. I was scared that maybe you wouldn't be as nice as the person you acted like while in the spotlight, but I found that you were even nicer. To me, at least," I finish that sentence with a little laugh. "I was happy that we became friends, and that was fine for a long while. But then I started to think of you too much. It scared me so much that I tried to ignore it, though when Tachibana came around, I had to admit to myself that I was in love with you. You know that, right? That I'm in love with you? That I have been for a long time? I think you've known."
Her eyes glitter with words unspoken. I think she agrees with me.
"When I was thirteen," I continue in a completely different vein, "I had a fight with my best friend. We didn't talk for four days. When we spoke again, we couldn't remember or care what the fight had been about. To this day, I don't remember. But it really affected me back then, and I think it changed how I viewed my friends. I start treating them better. That's why I am the way I am with the special, close friends I have now, including you. I cherish all of you because good friends are hard to find, and I know that you're all on my side. It takes a while for me to build up that trust. I've been hurt by people close to me."
I loosen my hold on her a slight bit just to give her free reign to move if she needs to, but she lies there waiting to hear what else I have to say.
"Some of the guys I've dated," I start, uncomfortable about bringing the subject up while I am where I am, "I've really liked. A lot. But a few of them hurt me tonnes in the end. Not all of them, though," I add quickly as to not paint a gloomy picture of my love life.
I haven't been kicked around in all my relationships since I was born. I'm not one of those ill-fated girls. Far from it. However, I have had a few knocks here and there.
"But it's always been the ones that I've been most head over heels about that have hurt me the most. I don't know why. I'm sure it boils down to my tastes and what I find attractive in a guy."
I'm about to go off topic here. I'm sure she doesn't want to hear all about my past love life. I mean, I've told her about it before, although not in detail. Casual "yeah, I've had a few boyfriends, and two were nice but the rest were jerks" types of conversations.
I look at her face, but the expression hasn't changed. She looks like she really wants to hear everything that I have to say. It's amazing. If I was the one listening now and she was talking about Tachibana, I would have thrown a pillow over her face at the first mention of his name. I'm still a little sore about that, but I guess that's between me and him, not me and her.
"But I have to say one more thing, and that's that what I feel for you is twenty billion times what I've ever felt for anybody else."
Again, no reaction, but I can see that in her eyes, she doesn't looked frightened. She might think I'm exaggerating or she might feel the same. Either way, it doesn't matter. I have to say it.
"And I know that you're a good person. So I'm going to trust you completely with everything about me from now on. I've made mistakes before, but I know that you're not a mistake. I'm going to protect this thing that we have. It's valuable beyond belief. You just... um, you make me happy."
I pause, wondering if there's anything left.
There's nothing. I can't think of anything else to say to her.
I feel surprisingly light. I don't feel ashamed or exposed from spilling so many of my deep thoughts in such a short amount of time. I'm relieved. Now Aya knows all about me. If she wants to shift away from me, she can. If she wants to stay, all the better.
I move my head away and rest it on the pillow, closing my eyes in peace. I haven't felt this clear in years.
Aya then runs a hand through my hair, stroking my head without a word. I smile with my eyes still closed. She can see my smile. I know it. And I imagine her smiling back at me. She reaches down and grabs a hold of the sheets, covering the both of us. She then settles down right against me.
I know that what I've said has gotten to her. She doesn't say anything, but the feeling I get is that she's relieved, too. My saying all these things to her has made it clear where I stand in this life of mine. She no longer has to worry or question what I'm thinking, because she's been told and she will continue to be told from now on. I sense that she wants to be here just as much as I do. She hasn't said it directly. She hasn't told me that she loves me or wants to be by my side forever and all that. She has, however, treated me kindly, lovingly, even protectively, and she hasn't pushed me away in a creeped out and disgusted rage.
With us, we don't need as many words as other people do. One look can do the trick. One touch, too. She's given me so many more indications than that. I'd be a blind fool not to know what she feels.
I imagine putting my ear on the left side of her chest to listen to her heartbeat. I'm too spent to actually move and do it, but with my words and my actions, and with her decision to stay by my side, it's been proven that I've passed the barrier and turned left into her heart.
There is no other way to go but forward. From now on, though, we will walk together.
The End/Beginning
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ok, I'm gonna be the first...
I guess there's a lot of things in my mind right now that I'd like to say.. but there's just one word I can think about it. END. The circle is full. I don't know if I should feel happy 'cause I've been able to finally read the perfect ending for this amazing fic that it never seemed to end or sad 'cause, indeed, ended it. It's like.. 'is this really the end, isn't it?' You're not going to come with another parallel world right? XDXD
I'm just gonna say one more thing. Even if it's amazingly written, I thing I'm going to forget about Aya's and Miki's deaths in their respective dimensions and live happy with the first end at the hotel's room in Sapporo XD
aah~love you OTN1
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Before I say anything, I would really like to apologize for never commenting and being such a big, bad lurker. I've been reading this since you posted Love x2 on jpopmusic.com and I was hooked. I'm sad to see it end, but happy that it had THE perfect ending (or beginning). Thank you for writing such a wonderful story! And I promise I will try comment on your future fics and stop being so antisocial :D
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So.. this is the last chapter O_O? A part of me says "Amazing ending. Perfect story" but another part of me says "Ah.. no.. I can't say the end to this fic, please write more"
I am having a mind fight here XD;.
Its time to do some re-reads to get the story in one piece for me :D.
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"You two knew she was coming to visit and you didn't tell me?" she demands.
She sounds like an older sister who is angry after being left out in the dark about some secret. It's so cute!
Yes it is! :wriggly:
"Yeah, leave the two lovebirds alone," Masae finishes for her.
Of course, everyone else sees it. ;D
I feel Aya rest her head on my shoulder, and of course I feel a little mushy. I want to say something to her in this moment of weakness where she's about to fall asleep, but we're surrounded by people. I'm fairly certain they're all asleep, but if by any chance they're not, I would be making a huge mistake.
Irregardless of if the others are sleeping or not, they're still physically there. Thisis a moment that's just meant for the two of them.
I cross my arms across my stomach, and I lean my head against the window so that if I fall asleep, it doesn't droop over and bang against Aya's. That's happened before and it's painful.
Like when Gomatto was on Utaban. ;D
"You look like a boy. I'm not going out with no boy tonight. This is a girl's night out," she claims, rolling her eyes at me as if saying I'm so dumb for not being able to figure that out.
I laugh. She's won. I'm perfectly happy to let her win.
Damn right she's right! Aya doesn't want to go out with some plain-looking boy, she want's to go out a hot-looking girl! :cool1:
"I'm not old enough to drink," she reminds me.
It's funny how Aya's playing that card. I've seen her drink before. She's not a heavy one, but I've seen her cheeks get rosy from the alcohol
"Didn't stop you those other times," I say to her with a sly look.
"That's because we weren't out. We were at somebody's place."
Indeed. Abe sure knows how to throw a party.
Damn, now I'm curious about Nacchi the party girl. :P
"Sure I don't want to hear just anyone talking or moving," she agrees. "But I want to hear you talking and moving. Of course I don't mind. I'd be lonely on my own..."
That has got to be the ULTIMATE signal to say it! SAY IT MIKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! :pleeease:
The words are at the tip of my tongue.
Aya-chan, I-
But "PING!" goes the elevator, and we get out.
Better luck in the next ten minutes.
Stupid timing. (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/doh.gif)
"Bath time!" she cheers.
Oshit... :dizzy:
My control is slipping. I've also seen something that makes my heart drop. On screen is the time. It's one minute past twelve.
I've missed my midnight deadline.
Oh.............shit. :err: :fainted:
I simply watch her, because looking at her makes me feel good. For a person that makes me get so worked up, she really does a good job of relaxing me at the same time. When her eyes are closed and she's resting, unaware of the world around her, she is able to reassure me that my life is a good one because no matter what has happened in it, I have been led to this point where I can be beside her and look at her.
See? That's real rabu-rabu right there. (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/J-F-C/wub.gif)
It makes me feel good to know that she can admit something like that to me. She's so sure of herself that sometimes it looks like she wouldn't be able to note her own shortcomings. But she knows she can frustrate me, and she admits it, so I know that she can see her weaknesses. That makes her stronger, and a stronger Aya is even more lovable.
...
I sigh. I know that. My temper can flare up at untimely moments, and with her, sometimes I let it loose because she's like family to me. Just like I have no qualms about having screaming matches with my mom, I have no qualms about letting Aya know I'm pissed off at her.
The fact that they can be so "real" with each other, it's a sign. A sign I say!
What kind of monster have I become?
To TRULY admit to someone, as well as to be able to show someone how you really feel about them.....that's not becoming a monster. It's finally having the courage to try and take that next step in the relationship.
What the hell? Are you bipolar? Do you like me or hate me?
This statement in itself gives a hint that Aya may have known (or at least suspected) how Miki really felt after all. :)
"I'm pretty sure if Maki or Yossi had given you that gift and come all the way to see you and sweet talked you like that, you would've been flattered out of your pants, too."
Oooooooooooooooooooooo...that's just the proverbial slap, right there. :scolding:
All the speeches I've prepared and rehearsed have been rendered useless because she's gone and spilled all her thoughts in a much more elegant way than I ever could. I hollered angrily at her to tell her I liked her. She... she just spoke them as if reciting beautiful poetry.
But once you get past that, you see that Aya feels the same way that you (Miki) feel for her! THAT'S the important thing! :luvluv1:
Aya's just as shy as I am in this situation. I have nothing to fear. We're walking along new ground together.
Walking that path together, again, that's what's important. That's the sign that both are doing this willingly.
But it's always been the ones that I've been most head over heels about that have hurt me the most. I don't know why.
Love is like a roller-coaster. The bigger the highs, the bigger the lows. You can't have big love without the possibility of facing big pain.
There is no other way to go but forward. From now on, though, we will walk together.
The End/Beginning
That's it. I'm done. No other fics, no matter how awesome they may be, will ever come to the same level as this. :imdead:
Dude, this has been abso-fucking-lutely awesome.
EDIT: I just realized how wicked it would be now to see how this would pan out from Shiba-chan's POV. *hint "I watched love" hint* ;D
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The Beginning. I like that. I like Aya and Miki.
And I totally dig your writing.
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This is probably going to be my longest reply ever made to comments. I don't usually reply to every comment that's posted (and I don't mean that as an insult or anything like that), but I'm in a talkative mood now.
On a general note: Thank you! Thanks to everyone who read, enjoyed, and got something out of this (I say something like this at the end of all my stories, right? Haha).
Before I say anything, I would really like to apologize for never commenting and being such a big, bad lurker. I've been reading this since you posted Love x2 on jpopmusic.com and I was hooked. I'm sad to see it end, but happy that it had THE perfect ending (or beginning). Thank you for writing such a wonderful story! And I promise I will try comment on your future fics and stop being so antisocial :D
First of all, thank you very much. I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed it. And second, no worries about not commenting. I don't mind. It's not like I'm a big commenter myself. I understand the lurking well. So extra thanks for breaking out of your lurking habit and commenting. Hahaha! It takes some willpower to do that.
So.. this is the last chapter O_O? A part of me says "Amazing ending. Perfect story" but another part of me says "Ah.. no.. I can't say the end to this fic, please write more"
I am having a mind fight here XD;.
Its time to do some re-reads to get the story in one piece for me :D.
Yes, it's finally finished! I need to collect all the stories, do some editing, and then post them in one big thread. Maybe that will make it easier for anyone who is suicidal and wants to try reading all that crap again.
ok, I'm gonna be the first...
I guess there's a lot of things in my mind right now that I'd like to say.. but there's just one word I can think about it. END. The circle is full. I don't know if I should feel happy 'cause I've been able to finally read the perfect ending for this amazing fic that it never seemed to end or sad 'cause, indeed, ended it. It's like.. 'is this really the end, isn't it?' You're not going to come with another parallel world right? XDXD
I'm just gonna say one more thing. Even if it's amazingly written, I thing I'm going to forget about Aya's and Miki's deaths in their respective dimensions and live happy with the first end at the hotel's room in Sapporo XD
aah~love you OTN1
I love you, too? :D The Sapporo hotel room is a nice way to end it, and please feel free to think of the story as being finished there. I mean, there are tonnes of other paths I could take the story down, and many with happy endings at their ends, but I'd be here forever trying to write them all, and trust me, you'd all get very bored and fed up with me.
The Beginning. I like that. I like Aya and Miki.
And I totally dig your writing.
Thanks. I totally dig yours, too. So are you fully converted to an AM fan? Ready to dump the Top Two? (Hahaha, I'm joking.)
Like when Gomatto was on Utaban. ;D
Can you believe that I only thought of that after I wrote this? :D When I was re-reading, I suddenly remembered that moment. Hahaha, what a funny thing.
Damn, now I'm curious about Nacchi the party girl. :P
Hmmm.... Me too...
That's it. I'm done. No other fics, no matter how awesome they may be, will ever come to the same level as this. :imdead:
Dude, this has been abso-fucking-lutely awesome.
That right there is far too nice. But thank you. I feel fuzzy inside, and oops, there goes my ego inflating beyond the capacity of this room... Hah.
EDIT: I just realized how wicked it would be now to see how this would pan out from Shiba-chan's POV. *hint "I watched love" hint* ;D
Just for you: :rolleyes:
Haha, I've been thinking of continuing that, but I don't know if I have it in me. If anything, I could do some highlights from certain scenes I would like to add Shiba-chan's thoughts to, but that might be too confusing if I don't give a slightly more detailed unfolding of events/feelings.
Right now I'd rather think up something for Badgirl Nacchi. :D
...... or those 10 chapters of pointless fluff that have been churning around in my mind. Hmmmm...
I kind of mixed up all these quoted comments and they're no longer in the order they were made in. Oh well.
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Right now I'd rather think up something for Badgirl Nacchi. :D
I can live with that. ;D
...... or those 10 chapters of pointless fluff that have been churning around in my mind. Hmmmm...
Holy shit there's potential fluff??? SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!! :o
Please don't make me beg. :wriggly:
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Yes, it's finally finished! I need to collect all the stories, do some editing, and then post them in one big thread. Maybe that will make it easier for anyone who is suicidal and wants to try reading all that crap again.
I don't mind in a one big .doc file too. :lol:
...... or those 10 chapters of pointless fluff that have been churning around in my mind. Hmmmm...
YES PLEASE :heart:.
Right now I'd rather think up something for Badgirl Nacchi.
Awesome :D. I see ebil Nacchi beyond her smile.
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...... or those 10 chapters of pointless fluff that have been churning around in my mind. Hmmmm...
I vote for this! Two times! *raises both hands up*
*pokes OTN1 with a pointy stick*
or I can always spam your mail :kekeke:
OTN1 :heart:
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...... or those 10 chapters of pointless fluff that have been churning around in my mind. Hmmmm...
how many tiems can i vote for this? :heart:
please? =D
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*raises a hand for the fluffy stuff*
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So are you fully converted to an AM fan? Ready to dump the Top Two? (Hahaha, I'm joking.)
I don't think I'll ever give up on W, no matter who gets married and has kids, but GAM is currently warring with Ishiyoshi for number two in my heart, and that's mostly thanks to you.
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And here it is. Love x 2 has come a full circle. Thanks for reading a year and half's worth of work.
Lucky me then! I got to read all that in just a few months... ;)
I'm going to miss the updates, the thrill and such; but I'll survive. But if you feel like torturing us with more angsty complication, you're welcome to try!
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I'm going to miss the updates, the thrill and such; but I'll survive. But if you feel like torturing us with more angsty complication, you're welcome to try!
Oh, I will. Whether you want me to or not! If I have an idea that will make the AM life a little more complicated, I'll follow it through. I'll miss updating this big "series" of stories. Thanks. :)
I don't think I'll ever give up on W, no matter who gets married and has kids, but GAM is currently warring with Ishiyoshi for number two in my heart, and that's mostly thanks to you.
Wow. Tell me what I can do to give them a definite number two spot! Hah, I'll do it.
Begging for fluff. Yes. That's what I wanted to hear. Earn it. Muwaha.
(I'm joking. I have some things written. It's just a matter of organising them all, although all the chapters are unconnected. It's plotless, pointless, and so on.)
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Wow. Tell me what I can do to give them a definite number two spot! Hah, I'll do it.
If GAM ever beat Ishiyoshi, I think I'd cry, lol.