JPHiP Forum
AKB48 Fanfics => AKB48 Fanfics => Topic started by: bou-j525 on October 29, 2010, 11:12:47 PM
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List of Chapters: Pink Vitriol List of Chapters: Pink Vitriol, Sequel
Prologue (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg804461#msg804461) Prologue (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg987516#msg987516)
Chapter 1 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg805287#msg805287) Chapter 1 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg990381#msg990381)
Chapter 2 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg807216#msg807216) Chapter 2 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg1001115#msg1001115)
Chapter 3 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg807685#msg807685) Chapter 3 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg1082679#msg1082679)
Chapter 4 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg809256#msg809256) Chapter 4 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg1102521#msg1102521)
Chapter 5 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg810990#msg810990)
Chapter 6 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg813160#msg813160)
Chapter 7 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg817587#msg817587)
Chapter 8 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg823592#msg823592)
Chapter 9 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg828418#msg828418)
Chapter 10 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg833714#msg833714)
Chapter 11 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg839191#msg839191)
Chapter 12 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg843825#msg843825)
Chapter 13 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg848866#msg848866)
Chapter 14 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg852637#msg852637)
Chapter 15 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg857026#msg857026)
Chapter 16 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg863781#msg863781)
Chapter 17 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg867867#msg867867)
Chapter 18 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg875441#msg875441)
Chapter 19 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg880521#msg880521)
Chapter 20 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg882176#msg882176)
Chapter 21 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg884708#msg884708)
Chapter 22 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg890717#msg890717)
Chapter 23 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg894878#msg894878)
Chapter 24 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg904077#msg904077)
Chapter 25 (Last chapter) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg911496#msg911496)
What is Pink Vitriol (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg911948#msg911948)
Summary of every chapter (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=26929.msg984718#msg984718)
TITLE EXPLANATION:
I decided to change the title of this fic for “Pink Vitriol”. It’s a translation from a French short story title I read at school, “Vitriol rose”.
Vitriol means acid. Pink is the color pink. These words are contradictions to each other. A pink acid? It doesn’t exist. Acid hurts and can kill someone while pink is more something about joy and love. This is exactly what Takamina will have to go through: pain and love. That’s why I thought the title was better.
Hello everybody!
Here's the preface of my new (horrible) fic XD TakAcchan of course... Not that I don't like others, just that everybody (you know who you are) suddenly decided to do a NamixRay fanfic, so I wanted to change xD
Sorry for the mistakes, English isn't my native language!
Preface, Takamina POV
-Congratulation! Everybody screams.
I hear applauses from everywhere. I can also hear someone saying:
-I love you!
It’s weird, isn’t it? There’s a lot of fan who tell us that they love us. Some even ask us to go out with them. It’s weird. When you think about it, they don’t even know who we really are. They don’t know the real me, nobody does. Nobody does… except her, the girl who’s in front of the stage, smiling and crying at the same time. I don’t know if she’s happy or not… I’m clapping for her. It’s the start of something new for her. There are balloons everywhere. Flowers too. We just finished our performance in the theatre. We’re celebrating her birthday. The birthday of the girl who knows the real me.
If someone arrived now, he would probably think we’re just having fun, celebrating like friends would do. We do, of course, but there’s something more. And I still don’t know if her tears are from happiness or sadness. I don’t know if the smile she has on her face is a real one. She’s looking at me. We’re both looking at each other. Then, she turns around and bows to the crowd. I’m smiling now. I’m smiling for her. I can still hear everybody screams. But this time, it’s different. The words are different.
-Congratulations!
Again… I hear this word again. There’s something following this word. I don’t want to hear it. She’s still laughing and crying. She’s not looking at me anymore. I’m smiling again, walking by her side in front of the stage. I can hear everything now.
-Congratulation for your graduation!
I’m crying.
End of preface.
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Omg~ its may be the intro only or something but you have me hooked... I can feel the emotion in it~! Please PLEASE continue and update soon.... you might make my head explode from thinking about this story too much... xD :panic: XD
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:w00t: :w00t: nice intro bou-j525 maaaan.... please update as soon as possible.... :yep: :yep:
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wow :wub: takacchan fanfic :heart: update soon
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BOU-J525!!! :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: you're saving my life!! Yeah, you know why is it.. Even if the preface is about the time I think I can't bear..but as long as it just a fic, then... GO FOR IT!!
Looking forward to your update. :inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
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:shocked I've never thought there would be so many answers !
Thanks you all!!!
But now it seems that I have much more pressure on me :nervous
Again, sorry for the mistakes.
Chapter 1
It was 9 in the morning and Takahashi Minami was recording with Haruna and Miichan for the new single of No Sleeves. They were working hard to finish it as fast as possible because Takamina had an interview after. The small girl didn’t really want to work today. She knew AKB48 was really important, but somehow she just couldn’t feel it today. The part of her who wanted to give her maximum was still sleeping in her body.
Haruna felt the same way. She had learned a bad new yesterday. She knew she couldn’t tell the others about it now, so she pretended to be a little sick. Of course, she wasn’t and could still work well, but she had something else in her mind. Yuko had told her something because she trusted her. She couldn’t just tell everyone like if there was nothing.
Miichan was probably the only one between the three who wanted to work. She had nothing bad in her mind and she felt that the new single of their group would be the best one. She did her best, but seeing her two friends unhappy depressed her. She knew why they weren’t happy. Well, for Takamina, she knew. For Haruna, she didn’t know what could bother her so much. She tried to be funny and so on, but her two friends didn’t react a lot.
Finally, the three of them just worked as usual, trying to do their best in order to make the best single ever. At the end, tired of seeing them that way, Miichan said:
“So, what will you do now?”
“I don’t know.” Haruna said without really answering the question.
“I’m going to do my interview, and then sleep.” Takamina said.
Miichan sighed. It wasn’t funny to be with them when they were so depressed. But she was worried for her friends and tried to know a bit more about what bothered them.
“Why are you so mad, guys? I thought you were happy to work on this single together. You know it’s been a long time since we worked only the three of us.”
“I am.” Haruna answered, trying to look a bit more positive. “I really like singing with you, it’s just that I don’t feel good today. I think I ate something bad… I was fine until yesterday.”
“I’m fine Miichan, don’t worry about me. I probably didn’t sleep well yesterday.” Takamina said as she smiled to her friend. “Don’t worry…”
Miichan didn’t believe them at all. Haruna had the look “I don’t want to talk about it” on her face while Takamina had the “I told you I was fine, but it’s a lie” one. She didn’t like to see them this way, but she knew there was nothing she could really do. She didn’t know what Haruna had and in Takamina’s situation… It was too complicated. She had already tried her best. Of course, Takamina was glad about it, but it didn’t resolve the problem she had.
“Do you think we should go to eat together?” Miichan asked.
Haruna didn’t answer. She was deep in thought.
“I think you should go home,” Takamina suggested. “It’s rare you have some time for yourself, you should rest a little. Tomorrow, we have a crazy day.”
“But-”
“You know, with the recording of AKBingo and so on…” Takamina added with a smile.
Knowing her friend was too polite to say “no”, she agreed with her. Miichan didn’t want to bother her. If Takamina wanted to be alone, well she would. But there was no way she would leave Haruna. Something in her mind told her to not leave her alone. She felt that her friend needed all the support she could have. Miichan said goodbye to her ex-captain as she followed Haruna. The tall girl didn’t want her to follow her. She pretended to have something more important to do than eating and ran away while Miichan was wondering what it could be. What could be more important than eating? Didn’t Haruna know that they could die if they didn’t eat?
Meanwhile, Takamina was walking slowly. She had to prepare for another interview. She didn’t want to. She really liked AKB48, as much as before, but somehow… Today she didn’t want to do anything. Her cell phone rang.
“I’m sorry to ask it so suddenly!
I need help with the new choreography.
Could you help me next time?
Wasamin”
Takamina sighed. Of course she would help her. She was the captain and wanted to do all she could do to help her friends and team members.
“Ok, we’ll work on it.
“Thank you!!! I leave it to you!”
Takamina smiled. She would always be there for the others members. She has been there before and would still be until her graduation. Speaking of it… When would it be? She knew her dream was to become a singer, but at the same time, she felt that her time hasn’t come yet. She still had things to do as a part of AKB48. Her team needed her. She liked to help them, no doubt about it. But she knew someday she would have to choose between her team and her career. She knew what her choice would be, but it was hard for her. She’d rather not think about it.
She looked at the sky. Nothing had changed since she had joined AKB48. It had been a long time. The others members still called her when they needed help, there was still the senbatsu election, AKBingo never stop being recorded, the new single was coming up soon… Nothing had changed.
She stopped at a conbini for a second. She wanted to eat something. While she was waiting for her bento to be heat up, she looked at the magazines. As usual, some were talking about bad news, such as an earthquake somewhere in the world. Some were talking about AKB48 and she was glad about it. The idol group had become more popular than ever, which was a little surprising, especially with what had happened last year. Then she saw an article about Flumpool, a Japanese group she liked a lot, and decided to buy it.
“Itadakimasu!”
Takamina began to eat as she opened the magazine. She turned the pages until she found the article she was looking for. She read it. As she finished her food, she closed the magazine. She left it there as she was going to recycle her garbage. When she came back, the wind had turned the pages. She looked at it and saw an interview. She blinked. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t seen it before. It was the latest interview about this person. Takamina smiled as she saw the picture. She read the title. “A gravure Idol and famous actress talks about her past!” She read some sentences.
“I miss my old life.”
“I think I’m one of the luckiest people in the world!”
“If I had the choice, I wouldn’t come back with AKB48.”
“Why?” Takamina thought as she read the end of this paragraph.
“It’s been a year since I stopped performing as an AKB48 member. I think there must be some differences now. If I came back, nothing would be the same. I liked being with them, but I think I don’t have a place in this group anymore. I changed a lot, and even if it still takes an important place in my heart, I have to focus on my current job.”
“Some differences…” Takamina thought.
It was true. Nothing had changed, but at the same time, everything was different. Takamina felt her heart hurt a bit as she turned the page, hiding Maeda Atsuko’s face.
***
Haruna opened the door of her house. It was 11 pm and she couldn’t sleep at all. She never had some free time until now, the only moment she couldn’t sleep. She was waiting for Yuko. She had called her as soon as her work was done. She wanted to be sure about what she had heard yesterday. Yuko had only told her about her intentions. She didn’t explain why or anything else. Haruna still couldn’t understand, so she had called Yuko. It was perfect, the two were free tonight. Of course, Haruna knew Yuko had something to do earlier the next morning, so she didn’t want to talk too much with her. She was about to close the door when she heard a voice coming from the street.
“Don’t close the door!”
Yuko was running as fast as she could. When she arrived near the door she jumped next to Haruna with a huge smile in her face.
“You wanted to see me?” She asked.
“Yeah…” Haruna replied. She hadn’t told the reason why she wanted to talk to her. Maybe it was why Yuko looked so happy.
“Come in.” She said.
They sat in the living room. Yuko was already trying to do what she did the best, touching Haruna. Her friend had called her. That must meant she wanted some affection. Well, if she wanted affection, Yuko was definitely going to give her some.
“Stop moving!” Yuko said as she tried to wrap her arms around Haruna’s neck.
“Stop touching me!” Haruna answered. There was no way she would accept it.
“I’m not touching you, it’s skinship!” Yuko said with a smile.
“Well, I don’t like skinship.”
Haruna’s voice was a little angry so Yuko stopped it immediately, wondering why her friend was mad. And plus, she could still touch her later, so it didn’t matter.
“Why did you want to see me?” Yuko asked.
Haruna hesitated.
“It’s about yesterday. I want to know why.”
“Why?” Yuko frowned.
“Why did you tell me you were thinking about graduating?”
Yes, yesterday Yuko had told Haruna that she was thinking to graduate. She wasn’t sure about it. But recently, she had received lots of request about dramas. She was becoming more popular as an actress and didn’t have lot of time to participate during the AKB events.
“I still don’t know what I’m going to do. I just wanted you to know what I was thinking. Maybe you could help me to decide.”
Help her to decide? Haruna frowned. Like she could do such a thing! She didn’t want Yuko to graduate! If she wanted her to help her to decide, she would just say something like “Don’t graduate now.” Seriously, what was up with graduation?! Last year was Maeda Atsuko, the face of AKB48, the number 1! And this year was going to be Yuko’s turn? The number 2 of AKB48, recently new number 1? Who was the number 3? Mariko? Seriously, how could Yuko graduate before Mariko?! She took a deep breathe.
“But why do you want to leave AKB48? You don’t like it anymore?”
“It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s just that I’m really busy, you know with the new drama… I tried to do both, but I don’t think I can do it. You know, it’s been a long time since my last performance with Team K.”
Haruna didn’t want to tell her how she felt. She wanted Yuko to stay, but she knew it wasn’t that easy to decide.
“I thought you wanted to be with me in AKB48.” She said as she tried to act as usual.
“Of course I do!” Yuko smiled. “Don’t make such a sad face! I’m not going to graduate now. I will still be with AKB for a moment. It’s not for tomorrow you know.”
Yuko liked the way Haruna was. She had told her because she was her best friend, not because she wanted her to be sad! Her graduation wasn’t for now! She was just thinking about it. She thought Haruna was really cute when she was anxious about her leaving the group.
“Don’t worry! I won’t make you sad!” She said as she kissed Haruna’s cheek.
“Don’t do this!” Haruna said, moving apart from Yuko.
Yuko laughed a little. The real reason why she didn’t want to leave AKB48 now was not because she didn’t want it. It was because she still wanted to be with Haruna. If she left the group now, she would never have the opportunity to talk to Haruna like she was doing now.
“C’mon Nyan Nyan! Come here!” Yuko implored as she didn’t move.
Haruna stared at her friend. She wanted her to come near her? Never. She was afraid of what could happen if she didn’t resist to her “skinship”. Yuko approached her with a pervert smile in her face. Haruna began to run in her apartment, followed by a Yuko who didn’t have the intention of letting her go. They were laughing and running, forgetting about the “graduation” subject. Yuko finally grabbed her arm as she said with a serious voice:
“I’m not going to leave you now. There’s already a depressive in the group, we don’t need another one.”
The two of them sat together as Haruna stopped laughing.
“You’re talking about Takamina, right?” She asked.
“Who else could it be?” Yuko asked with an ironic voice. “You know she’s not the same since Acchan graduated.”
“I won’t be like Takamina when you’ll leave!” Haruna said.
“Really?” Yuko asked. “You won’t miss my hugs?”
Yuko tried to hug Haruna who protected herself with a cushion.
“There’s no way I’m going to miss them!”
She was laughing a little. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t true. She was going to miss Yuko’s crazy side, but… Yeah. She became serious again as she said:
“But you know, I’m worried about Takamina. She said she’s alright, but she’s not even working as hard as before.”
“True.” Yuko nodded. “But nobody really knows what was going on between her and Acchan. They were best friends.”
“I am still in Team A and I can tell you there was something special between them. They were friends, but sometimes it seemed that there was something more.”
“Like us?” Yuko said as she tried to hug her for the second time.
“No way!”
“We’re not just friends!”
“Yes, we are.”
Haruna tried to push Yuko away.
“Today, it’s been a year since she said she had decided to leave AKB. Takamina didn’t seem to feel well at the recording.” Haruna said.
“I wonder why she didn’t graduate at the same time if Acchan was so important to her.”
“You know how she is. She probably thought she had to help her team again. And can you even imagine Team A losing both Acchan and Takamina? The fans would get crazy.”
“No… If Acchan and Takamina had graduated together, they would have been so happy. You know… Rumours.” Yuko smirked.
Haruna knew Yuko was right. She had heard so many stories about it that she knew them by heart. The fans would have enjoyed a double graduation.
“I’ll try to call her. Maybe she would want to talk a little.” Haruna said as she opened her phone.
She waited for an answer. It didn’t come. She turned to Yuko.
“Well, she didn’t answer. I think you should go home now. It’s late and you have work tomorrow morning.”
Yuko smirked.
“I could stay here for the night!”
Haruna blinked.
“No, you go home.”
“Please!”
“No!”
Yuko gave up as she walked towards the door. She was tired. She enjoyed being with Haruna a lot. One day, she was definitely going to confess to her. There was no way they could be just “friends”. If Haruna ever left AKB before her, she would probably look like Takamina for the rest of her life. And god knew she didn’t want to be like Takamina. She couldn’t believe Haruna when she said that she wouldn’t be sad.
***
It was midnight. Takamina was in her bed, trying to sleep. She couldn’t. She couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened the same day, one year ago…
Flash Back
Maeda Atsuko had called everybody from Team A for a meeting. Old Team A members were there too, wondering why they had to come while the rest of AKB48 hadn’t. The captain of the team, Takamina, had told them that Acchan wanted everybody to be there. They were all waiting for her to speak. She was in front of them, trying to stay calm, but fear and excitement were in her eyes. She wanted to tell them something important. She wasn’t sure of their reaction, but she wanted them to know it before she told Akimoto-san. It was her team after all. Well, in an official way, it was Takamina’s team, but also hers. She had to tell them in private. Well “private”, because Haruna had brought Yuko and Itano had brought the other Tomomi.
Acchan thought it was cute to see the two Tomomi always together. Even if they weren’t in the same team, they were always spending time together. They were talking together, eating, going to shopping together, thinking about the same things… She wondered if all their friendship was only because of their names. She liked to call them TomoTomo. She thought it was cute. She had once surprised them kissing and since that day, she never looked at them like before. She was going to miss them.
“Um… Since everybody’s here, I’m going to start.” She said hesitantly. “My agency told me that they found a great job for me as a gravure Idol. They said it’s a big project with a famous company.”
Everybody started to talk. They thought it was nice for her, but didn’t understand why she was telling them something about herself. She looked more pretentious than something else.
“I will probably be more busy than usual. I have two news dramas too I have to work on. I probably won’t perform with Team A for a long time.” She added.
Takamina looked at her friend. What was going on? She was talking about her career and her life. Did she want them to congratulate her?
“My agency said it’s a great opportunity for me to become more famous in Japan. They told me I could begin a big career as a gravure Idol and as an actress.”
Takamina knew Acchan was trying to be nice with everyone, but she couldn’t help feeling bad for Yuko. It was Yuko’s dream she was talking about. Yuko always wanted to be a famous actress.
“What I am trying to say is that I will take this opportunity. I have to take this chance if I want to have a real job for the future. Not that AKB isn’t, but you know guys you probably won’t stay with AKB until your death.”
Everybody began to understand what she was saying. They stared at her without talking.
“I really like AKB48 and Team A, old one and new one. That’s why I wanted all you guys to be there. I wanted you to know that I decided to take this opportunity. I decided to work on it only.”
Acchan tried to be strong. She knew it wasn’t easy to tell them about her decision, but she had to do it. She didn’t want them to learn it by Akimoto-san.
“What I mean by this is that from now on, I will work only on my future career.”
She took a deep breathe.
“I decided to graduate from AKB48.”
She looked at everybody, trying to imagine their future, remembering the great moment they had passed together. She would never forget them. She knew the last sentence she had said was a shock for them. She could see it in their eyes. She stared at each member. She saw tears, sadness and pain, but also smiles and wishes for her future… She didn’t say anything. She just kept thinking about her memories with them.
Wasamin, Lovetan, Shiichan, Haachan, Mocchi, Kojiharu, Sasshi, Mariko, Akicha, Harugon, Chiichan, Nakayan, Aamin and Natsumi, but also Miho form SDN48, Shiho, Nacchan, Reinyan, Tomochin, Kitarie, Miichan, Myao and Amina. Tomomi and Yuko were also there. Acchan was looking at everybody… Except one person. But it didn’t matter.
Because the person in question wasn’t looking at her too.
“Why didn’t she tell me this before?” Takamina thought as her eyes were avoiding Acchan’s. She was about to cry.
“Congratulations!” Miichan said with tears in her eyes.
She hugged Acchan for at least ten minutes. Then, another girl came and hugged her too. And so on until everybody did it. Acchan was talking and crying with the TomoTomo duo when Takamina finally decided to come and see her. She was trying to hold her tears. No, not “trying to hold them” because she couldn’t. She was trying to not cry too much.
“I’m glad for you.” She said with a sad voice. “I’ll support you no matter what.”
She hugged her friends as she tried to stop crying. Acchan was crying too. She knew it would hurt a lot to leave everybody, but it was even worst when she thought about leaving Takamina.
“I’ll support you.” Takamina said, still hugging her friend.
“I know.”
“I’ll cheer for you.” She added.
“I know.”
“Don’t forget me.”
“I won’t.”
They both burst into tears.
Takamina wanted to tell her more about it, but everybody was looking at them, so she just stopped there. Acchan talked again a little, saying thank to everyone. Takamina just pretended to have something to do as she left secretly.
End of Flash Back
Takamina felt some tears in her eyes. It wasn’t the first time she thought about it. But this time was different. It’s been a year since Acchan left. She still remembered the shock of the fans. They had been thousands to tell her to stay, but she had decided to follow her own way. They had even created a petition, to show her their “support”. Something even more strange had happened. She, Takahashi Minami, had received letters from overseas fans asking her how her reaction was. Some even asked her if she were leaving at the same time as her friend. Of course, she had answered to this question on her blog. She had told them that she had no intention of leaving AKB48. Then, the letters began to change. They were talking about how sad she should be, about how she didn’t have to worry for their friendship… It was weird to hear the fans telling her that. She already knew it. She had talk with Acchan after. Alone... She knew their friendship wasn’t going to change.
She looked at her phone, waiting for something to happen.
Of course, they were still spending time together, but it was rare. They sent mail to each other, but there was never a real call. They didn’t have enough time. They were still friends, but it was hard for them to spend time together. Sometimes, Acchan came to visit her, but it was never for a long time. She always had to do something after. But from what Takamina heard, she knew Acchan was becoming more famous than ever. She had read somewhere that her manager was one of the best of all Japan. She saw her friend in every single magazine, in popular dramas… She had definitely found her way. As she felt sleepy, her phone rang. She just received a mail.
“Have a good night!”
She smiled. It’s been one year since Acchan left AKB48. And it’s been one year since she received a “good night” message everyday.
TBC
End note: This is not a KojiYuu fanfic. There may be parts with them, but it's not a KojiYuu fanfic.
End note2: If Maeda ever decide to graduate while I'm writing this story, I'll stop it right away -_-
End note3: Do you mind if I call the members with their nicknames?
End note4: The end of this chapter is important, but not for the reasons you may think about.
End note5: Sorry for all these notes.
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so sad :cry:
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wooow..... :shocked u really good at writing a fanfic.... eventhough it's kind of sad but i like the story line.. :) please update as fast as u can... :bow: :bow: gud luck... :thumbsup
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GREAT fanfic~!!! :twothumbs
Want more!!!!!!!!! :fap
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Ah so very sad... :cry:
if this ever really happened... idk how i would take it... Acchan leaving? ITS TOO SOON~!!! :(
but this is a fabulous fanfic~! :cow: i love it~! please continue it~! :thumbsup
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1. I knew this is not a Kojiyuu fanfic.
2. I don't think Acchan gonna do anything close to graduate right now, so please don't stop. :nervous :nervous
3. Call them in whatever ways you want to, I don't mind then.
4. For me, every details in your fic is important. LOL!
And I can't leave without saying this: YOU'RE AWESOME! I know it sad, really.. and yeah, many,many time I think about this special time.. Acchan or Takamina graduate..and what will happen for the one left behind, if they're not going to graduate together? 9 over 10 times I passed through that thought, and told myself: nah..too soon to think of this..and they MUST graduate together. I can't stand for something like that in reality. :cry: :cry:
Lastly, you fic is absolutely not somewhere near the area that call SUCK! believe me. :P :P
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Changes are good. I'm all thumbs up for the changes especially if the changes are this good. :thumbsup
Wow, a graduation fic. I never thought about that. I like it a lot! :w00t: kinda sad though. :(
Chap1 didn't suck. I can't find any sucky part there. So I don't know what you're talking about by it being sucky.
I'll wait patiently for the next couple of chapters to see if it sucks. (which I have a feeling won't.) :lol:
Update more! XD
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I'm gonna read this tonight!
I love sad stories,so I'm expecting this to be good. :)
edit:
I just read it,sad thinking that this might happen in the future.
Great fic!
-please update!
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Oh my gosh! I love this! :heart: I can't help but feel the same as TakaMina. I know how it feels when someone leaves and decides to take an opportunity somewhere else other than being with you in the same place. Well... it's a great opportunity for her so it's okay.
Keep it up! :thumbup
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THANKS FOR ALL YOUR MESSAGES!!! :bow: It helps me to write more! I'm so happy you like my story ^^
Here's chapter 2, not as sad as first one, but chapter 3 will probably be XD
Sorry for the mistakes. (and the beginning of this chapter is weird, I had no idea XD)
Chapter 2
The next day, the AKB members were working for another episode of AKBingo. After the recording, some of them had to go to a photo studio for their next photobook. Like it wasn’t enough, they all had a meeting with Akimoto at the end of the day.
Takamina was still sad about yesterday, but at least, she was smiling. She knew she couldn’t think about it all the time. Sometimes, she just had to work without thinking about something else. And today, she had to win this episode. It was Shoujiki Shougi, also called the “everyone, let’s humiliate Takamina” show. The three members of No Sleeves were participating. It was Takamina VS Miichan while Haruna was the commentator.
Every member was impatient about it. In fact, they were waiting for Miichan’s questions to Takamina. Some members even asked her to ask this or that question. They wanted to know how Takamina felt about Maeda’s graduation. Even after one year, they still wanted to know more. Unfortunately, Miichan didn’t listen to them except for one question. She was going to ask it only at the end.
The Bad Boys began to introduce the game. When they were done, it was Takamina’s turn to begin. She wanted to win, so she chose carefully her question. The camera zoomed on her face as she said:
“Number 7”
“Hey what is this question?!” Sata said with a fake angry voice.
“I think BAD BOYS are the worse actors ever.” Takamina said.
Miichan laughed a little as she denied it. It was a lie.
“Why did you ask this question?” Miichan asked.
“Well, everybody thinks that, so I thought you would too.”
“What’s that mean?!” The two boys said as everyone began to laugh. “Next question, hurry! Hey, you, stop laughing!”
Miichan thought a little and said:
“Number 2.”
“Isn’t it a little exaggerated?” Haruna asked as Miichan began to ask her question.
“Because it is pink, my room is the 8th wonder of the world.”
With her serious face, Takamina slowly said no. She really hoped it would work because if the others members knew it was… “BIP”. Damn.
“What?!” Everybody said with a surprised voice.
“We all know Takamina like pink, but it’s still surprising to hear it from a boyish like her. We never thought her room was so important to her.” Haruna explain.
“It’s not that!”
“I know” Yuko said with a pervert smile. “It’s probably because something happened in her room!”
“What could it be?” Everybody said as they tried to find out, without even looking at Takamina.
“It’s not that!” Takamina repeated.
Takamina was blushing. It wasn’t that! She really liked pink! Especially since Acchan had told her it looked great on her, but it was a detail… and a secret. A secret that the others didn’t need to know.
“All right, it’s Takamina’s turn again!” Haruna said, knowing how her friend was shy about it. But she still found it funny to know it was true. Really, it was surprising how cute she could be.
“Hey, I’m the one who’s supposed to say this.” Sata said.
Takamina ignored him and chose another question. She was definitely going to take revenge someday. Until now, she didn’t want to hurt Yuko, but since she had said something so… pervert, she didn’t care. And Miichan would probably lie about it.
“I want to take Yuko’s place as MC during AKBingo.”
Haruna blinked at Takamina. It wasn’t the best moment to ask this question. She knew Yuko thought about her graduation. She didn’t want her to feel apart. Miichan had to say the truth. But it turned out to be a lie.
“What? Why?” Yuko asked, pretending to look sad.
“It’s not that I think Yuko does a bad job. It’s just really funny to do the MC. I think I can help these two bad actors to look better.” Miichan explained.
Sata and Kiyoto were about to say something, but, as usual, nobody listened to them. Yuko seemed to understand what Miichan meant, to Haruna’s relief. Haruna didn’t want Yuko to think she didn’t have a place with them.
“Yeah, so it’s 2-1 for Takamina! Next question is…” Sata said.
“In fact, I think my solo is the best song of A6.”
Takamina tried to do her best again, but the lie detector beat her.
“Eh?” Haruna said.
She had participated in A6, even if it had been a long time.
“Give her a chance!” Tomochin said. “It was her first solo…”
“Thanks Tomochin.” Takamina said, trying to not be pretentious. She was glad Tomochin supported her. Her happiness ended as soon as it has appeared.
“She will soon realize that her first solo was not the only song of A6.” Tomochin smirked.
“Shut up!” Takamina said as she tried to “hide” herself on the floor.
“Soon?” Miichan asked. “It’s been more than a year!”
The Bad Boys said it was her turn.
“What kind of question is it?” Haruna asked as Takamina was saying the number.
“I like to dress as a man.”
Miichan looked surprise as she answered no. It was true.
“Why did you ask it?” Miichan asked to Takamina.
“You’re always looking at men’s clothes. And since Mendol is done, you talk about it a lot. Even if it’s been like… more than five years.”
“Kuu was a great character, but it doesn’t mean I want to dress as a man!” Miichan answered. “And we’re all women, it’s normal I want to see something different, you know?”
“Takamina got the wrong question. Miichan should have asked her this question.” Haruna said.
“I don’t like to dress like a man!” Takamina said.
“Well, you probably like it more than Miichan does!” Haruna replied. “Ok, the game will be over if Miichan has it.”
Miichan thought about it. She didn’t want the game to finish, but she wanted to win. So she chose the question she wanted to ask from the beginning.
“Even if it’s been a long time, I am still mad when I think about Miichan and Acchan “wedding”.”
Takamina froze as she heard Acchan’s name.
“No.” She said with a little voice.
Everybody waited. Takamina didn’t even know herself if she was lying or not. “BIP”. Well, she guessed she was.
“Really?” Haruna asked.
She had heard about it lots of time, but she would never have thought Takamina would still be mad about it. It was just for fun. Miichan was one of Acchan’s good friends and she wanted to know what Takamina’s reaction would be. So she just tried it… But she had never thought the captain would get so mad about it! And even now, it’s been more than three years!
“Well, no… Not really.” Takamina started to say.
“Not really? What kind of answer is it?” Miichan said.
“Well, no! I don’t care!”
“Did I tell you the lie detector was right at…”Haruna began.
“I know! 99.9%!” Takamina replied. She didn’t like this situation. Now, she was sure everybody would have weird ideas about her! The machine wasn’t supposed to make a sound! She wasn’t mad about it!
“You must miss her a lot now then!” Tomochin said.
“I’m not asking you if you miss Tomomi when she’s not here, so don’t ask about me!”
“Don’t be so cold!” Miichan said. “And it’s not the same situation, Acchan is-”
“Whatever, I’m not mad at you, you know…”
Miichan had doubts about it since Takamina had interrupted her without apology.
“Ok girls, we’re not here to talk about your relationship in AKB48, even if I’m sure lots of fans would love it. So Miichan is the winner of today’s game!” Sata said.
***
“So you’re still mad?” Miichan asked as they were eating.
She wanted to talk only with Takamina since she knew her friend must really miss Acchan a lot, but Haruna had insisted to be with them. And Yuko had insisted to be with Haruna, so they were a group of four instead of a duo.
“I’m not.” Takamina said as she ate her bento.
It was true. She wasn’t. Or at least, she thought she wasn’t. She knew there was nothing to be upset about since Acchan had left the group and that it had only been for kidding. But since the lie detector said it was true… She didn’t know how to take it. She couldn’t be upset about something so old, could she? Even if she could, what would that mean? Nothing. She like both Acchan and Miichan and it was stupid from her to think about it.
“You’re sure?” Haruna asked as she tried to protect herself from Yuko.
“Of course.” Takamina sighed.
“Really?” Miichan asked again.
“Yes.”
“Are you sure you’re not?” Haruna asked.
“Stop it guys!” Takamina mumbled.
She just wanted to eat in peace, couldn’t it be possible please?!
“You know, the lie detector is right at 99.9%, so stop denying it.”
“For the first time of my life, I agree with Yuko.” Haruna said.
“Really? Can I hug you as a reward?” Yuko asked with puppy eyes.
As Haruna tried to protect herself for the second time, Miichan stared at Takamina. The captain was eating really fast, as she wanted to finish as fast as possible. Miichan didn’t know if it was true, but she thought her friend must want to leave them now for eating so fast. She was right. Takamina hated being in this kind of situation and wanted to leave them. But she was too polite, so she wanted to finish her meal so she could find a better reason to leave.
“You know, it’s okay to miss Acchan.” Miichan said.
“I know. Everybody miss her anyway.” Takamina answered without even looking at her friend.
Miichan sighed. It wasn’t what she meant. She knew Takahashi had always been with Acchan. Her sudden leaving must had been a big shock. And she knew Takahashi was probably sadder than she looked. She didn’t really know what she could do for it. At the beginning, she thought Takamina would get better, but she hadn’t. There was still some moments were she was laughing with the others like before, but it wasn’t like when she was with Acchan. It was different. Even the way she laughed was different now.
“You know-”Miichan began.
“I know.” Takahashi replied.
Haruna and Yuko stopped their “game”. They knew that Takahashi didn’t want to talk about it just by the way she had answered. They decided to leave it like this. If she didn’t want to talk, they couldn’t force her. It was her problem, and if she didn’t want help to pass through it, they couldn’t do anything more for her than support her in their head.
In fact, Takamina had hoped this AKBingo recording would help her to forget a little Acchan… But it didn’t happen exactly like she had wanted to. She had thought a lot about Acchan instead of forgetting her.
***
“Are you still talking to Acchan?” Miichan asked to Takamina.
They were going to a photo studio to take pictures for the promotion of their new photobook. The captain really didn’t want to talk about her pretend sadness about everything that concerned Acchan, but answered to her friend with a normal voice:
“Yes. Sometimes we talk together at phone… But we are really busy so it’s hard.”
“So you want to see her more?” Miichan insisted.
“What are you talking about? Of course, we all miss having time for ourselves, right? Not just me and Acchan.”
“Yeah… I was talking… in general.”
Takamina knew she could often look sad about it, but it wasn’t a big deal. She didn’t want her friends to care about it. There were more important problems in the world than her friendship with Acchan… Yuko and Haruna stared at her a little, making her wanting to walk faster. In fact, they were almost there so she decided to take the lead and walked 3 meters in front of them. The situation was becoming… awkward.
They arrived to the studio. They were only four because they had missed the first photoshoot. They had to do it now while every other member had already done it. They couldn’t be there the first time because they were working for another show. There were others artists in the studio, busied with their own work so they didn’t care about them.
The subject this time was… Animal world. They had to dress like some random animals for a magazine. They only had to be cute for the fans, as usual. Miichan had to dress like a penguin. The fans had loved how she was playing with a mascot penguin during a PON episode so it was a blue one.
Haruna and Yuko had to wear the same outfits. They were lovebird. Of course, it was only fan service, but Yuko really liked this idea. And she really loved to play lovebird with Haruna. Haruna was trying to avoid her, but this time, it didn’t really work. So Haruna had a “lover” for today. She enjoyed it, but would rather die than admit it.
As for Takamina, she had to wear a wolf outfit. Not an old one, a puppy one. Staff wanted her to wear an adult one to show the fans she was the “leader” of the crew, but they thought the fans would liked to see her in a cute outfit, so they decided to change. The girls had not enjoyed the idea of animals at the beginning, but when they had seen how cute the outfits were, they just decided to play the game.
The photoshoot went well… only for Miichan. She had played her role perfectly. She was cute and was playing with a false cute fish. She was making cute faces and did her best to enjoy it.
When it came to Haruna’s and Yuko’s turn… It had not been exactly the same. Most of the pictures showed Yuko trying to kiss Haruna in order to “make it more realistic”. Of course, Haruna had tried to stop her… And all the pictures messed up. Yuko was hiding Haruna on the first one. Haruna was hiding Yuko on the second one. They were fighting in the third one. We didn’t see Haruna enough in the fourth… Finally, after a long time, Yuko decided to cooperate and took the pictures in a “normal” way. Right after it ended, she started again, making Haruna afraid of her. It was really funny to watch, especially when Yuko finally reached Haruna’s arm and didn’t let her go while Haruna was laughing and screaming with her.
Takamina’s turn went well too. They had nothing bad to say about it, she was cute and she was probably the one who did it the faster. Honestly, she was glad it went so fast. She was afraid she may not be cute enough, and she didn’t want to wear this wolf outfit for a long time.
They were about to take out their outfits in another room when the photograph called Takamina back.
“What’s wrong?” She asked while she was trying to take out the wolf ears she had on her head.
“We have to take the picture again. I don’t know what happened but they aren’t clear on the computer.”
Takamina almost fainted. She had to take them again?! Meant more wolf outfits and more cute faces?! Damn, she definitely hated this studio even if it wasn’t the first time she came here. Right, it was her job, but to dress like an animal wasn’t her dream. Yuko and Miichan decided to wait for her, while Haruna had to leave for another shooting, much to Yuko’s disappointment.
It took twenty others minutes for the staff to rearrange everything. Takamina could finally take her pictures. While she was taking the pictures, the next artist had arrived to the studio. The artist wasn’t really happy to see the studio was late. They were others places in the studio where they could take the pictures, but somehow the artist wanted it to be at this place.
The woman decided to go see who was making her wasting her time when she had another TV show in almost two hours. She was really surprise to see it was some AKB48 girls.
“Hello!” She said to Yuko and Miichan.
The two members turned around, jumped and hugged her.
“Hey! What are you doing here! Long time no see!” Yuko said with a huge smile.
“I’d never thought we’d see you there!” Miichan added.
“I know, I’m really busy but I wanted to take some pictures here. To remind me when I was with the group I guess. It’s been a long time!”
“You’re not going to regret it.” Miichan smirked. “It’s Takamina who’s late. Well, it wasn’t her fault but I like to think it was.”
The woman smiled. Miichan hadn’t changed at all. She was a great (and cruel) friend.
“Takamina? Really?”
“Yeah, wanna see her?” Yuko asked, still smiling. “She’s over there.” She said as she opened a little a big door next to them.
The point of view wasn’t the best in the world, but they could still see Takamina doing her poses. It was really funny and sometimes reminded a little the Heavy Rotation’s PV where she played a cat. But it was different too. Takamina looked way better. And Acchan’s eyes couldn’t move away from her anymore.
***
“Move your head to the right please!”
Takamina did so. She was smiling and trying to be as cute as possible. For about half an hour, they had to take the pictures and to check if everything was fine. It was. Takamina was glad she could finally take out her outfit, even if she began to like it a little. She left the room and joined her friends.
“I’m done. We can leave now, sorry guys.”
“How about waiting a little here?” Miichan suggested.
“No way, I’m tired now! And we still have to meet Akimoto-san with Haruna tonight… She added. “I don’t want to waste my time here…”
“But we met somebody here! She left for her photoshoot but she said she would come back after!”
“If it’s not Nakamori Akina, I don’t care.”
Miichan and Yuko stared at each other.
“But-”
“It is!” Miichan said, interrupting Yuko.
Takamina obviously didn’t believe her friend at all.
“What?” She said.
“What?” Yuko repeated.
“It’s her! Just wait a little!”
They waited, even if Takamina really wanted to leave because she knew it couldn’t be Nakamori Akina. They waited…Again… Again… A door opened. It was a man. Another opened a few minutes later, it was a woman, but they didn’t know her.
“How long are we supposed to wait for someone who’s not coming?!”
Her two friends didn’t answer. They were praying for Acchan to come as soon as possible. They wanted to surprise Takamina, not to make her angry.
“Hey, I’m leaving now.”
The door next to them opened. It was a man. But it was a man Yuko had seen with Acchan earlier. Trying to calm herself, she asked:
“Where is she?”
The man seemed to look at them a second before he said:
“She left. She has an interview.”
Seeing how much Miichan and Yuko were disappointed, he added:
“She just left a minute ago. I think you could still have time to see her if you hurry. She’s probably outside.”
The two girls began to run towards the door while the third one was walking slowly, tired of their game. What was up with them? It was impossible Nakamori was here… Wasn’t it?
“Takamina, why are you still so far! Hurry or we’ll miss her!” Miichan screamed as she was still running.
“Like I care…” Takamina mumbled.
She followed her friends outside. The sun didn’t help her to see clearer. She slow down, but seeing that Yuko was still running with all her might, she tried to hurry a little. As they arrived near the street, they saw a car ready to leave. Someone went inside, but they were too far to see who it was.
“RUN!” Miichan screamed.
“Ehh~?!”
Somehow, that reminded her some crazy episodes of Mendol when she had to run for absolutely nothing. They had almost reached the car when it began to leave.
“Wait a minute!” Yuko screamed too.
The car stopped. The woman went outside, wondering why three random people were running after her. When they arrived near her, Miichan and Yuko stared at her, speechless. Miichan was the first one to react, but it wasn’t what Takamina wanted to hear.
“Sorry, wrong person.” Miichan said as she slowly back up, hoping the woman wasn’t too mad.
Yuko and Takamina bowed. The woman didn’t seem to care a lot and left. Another car arrived near them and stopped while the three were still panting. Miichan and Yuko didn’t even take a look. They were apologizing to Takamina.
“So now, explain yourself.” The small captain said.
“We… kind of… Mixed two people?” Miichan tried.
“Right… Yuko, do you have a better reason?”
“We… we wanted you to see the car! Nice one, isn’t it?”
Takamina didn’t even try to understand her friends. Sometimes, they could be so weird. A door opened from the car that had stopped near them a minute ago.
“Why the hell were you running after a car?”
“Akimoto-san?” Takamina asked, surprised.
The creator of AKB48 was in front of them. He looked at them, amusing. He knew Acchan was at the same studio the same day, but hadn’t planned a meeting. It was funny to see the girls running for nothing. He knew Acchan was already far from here.
“We were looking for you.” He said. “We have to meet sooner finally. I think only Haruna had something to do for now, but I called her and she will join us. Come in.”
Another car followed Akimoto’s. Takamina, Yuko and Miichan went inside.
***
In the car, Takamina was sleeping while Miichan was trying to send a mail to Acchan as fast as possible. Yuko was just looking outside, hoping Haruna will join them soon. They were probably going to the theatre, but for now, it didn’t matter. Miichan finally got an answer from Acchan.
“Sorry, I had to leave for work.”
“What about Takamina? You haven’t seen her for a long time! Couldn’t you stay a little more?”
“No, I really needed to go.”
“She doesn’t know you were here. We didn’t tell her.”
“Why?”
Miichan didn’t really know what she could answer. She knew Takamina was a little sad about Acchan. She had wanted her to see her so Takamina could be happier… She wanted to help Takamina, as the good friend she had always been.
“She would be sad to know you were already gone.”
She sent it and waited. The answer was long.
“I’m sad I didn’t get the chance to talk to her too. But I am really busy now. Next month would be better. I think I have a little break so it would be great to see everyone! I’m sorry. Maybe I’ll call her later today. I have to close my phone now. My manager is waiting for me. Tell her I miss her! Talk to you later!”
Miichan sent a last mail, hoping she could still reach Acchan.
“I heard you manager was really great. Is it real? Do you have fun?”
Acchan didn’t answer.
The timing was perfect because the car stopped at the same time, waking up Takamina.
“We’re here.” The driver said.
They walked through a door and went inside the building. They went inside and sat. All the AKB48 members were there too.
“Just wait for Haruna while I’m checking something for SKE48.” Akimoto said.
They waited. They talked a little and Miichan finally told Takamina about Acchan. She wasn’t really angry about them.
“You should have told me that before.” She just said.
“She said she missed you.”
“I’ll talk to her later.”
“Why don’t you call her now?” Tomochin asked. She had heard everything.
“Didn’t you hear Miichan? She’s busy now.”
“I’m sure she won’t care to stop working if it’s you!” Tomomi added.
“And what if she had an accident! The last thing you would have thought about her would be something like “I can’t call her because she’s busy.” ” Sasshi said.
“Aren’t you a little extreme?!” Takamina mumbled.
They didn’t say anything more. Takamina wasn’t angry. She was a little disappointed though… She couldn’t believe Acchan was at the same place, the same time. She hated the computer for being so lame. If it hadn’t been so lame, maybe she could had seen Acchan a little instead of taking others pictures.
“Hello!” Haruna said. “Sorry for being late, I came as fast as I could.
“Haruna! We were talking about Acchan.” Miichan said as she began to explain what had happened in the studio.
“Really?” Haruna asked. “I can’t believe you didn’t see her Takamina!”
“Me too.” Takamina sighed.
They talked together about what could have happened if Takamina had seen Acchan. At the beginning, everything was fine. It was something like “Hug and talk together”. And it finished with a exaggerate scenario from Miichan where Acchan and Takamina would run away together in order to keep their friendship alive and so on. But it wasn’t the worst. Sasshi and Mayuyu liked to think Takamina would force Acchan to divorce with Miichan, even though they weren’t really married. And Tomomi added that the two of them would have fled to Hawaii and forget about Japan.
“Our friendship isn’t dead! What are you talking about?” Takamina asked.
“Well, I heard the last time you guys have been together was two month ago!”
Her friends didn’t know anything about the “good night” messages.
“We exchanged messages. It’s not like if we weren’t talking at all.”
“But it’s better to be with her instead of talking to her with a cellphone.” Haruna said.
“Can’t you see the positives points?!”
“But-”
“You know, we talk to each others, we still call each others… She’s still my friend!”
Takamina was right. They were still friends. Friends who didn’t talk a lot to each other, but still friends!!! Miichan’s cellphone rang at the same time Akimoto was coming back with some papers and started to talk.
“I do.”
It was Acchan’s answer. Miichan stared at it a second. She felt that Acchan didn’t tell her everything. But it wasn’t the time for it. She had to listen to Akimoto.
“All right, guys! First, I want to say I’m really proud of you for all the success we have now!”
Everybody smiled.
“I have an important announcement to do about the next concert. You know I told you it was going to be in July last year? Well, this time, your next concert will not be in Japan. For the first time, all the 48 members will move together for a concert in Paris!”
***
“I heard you manager was really great. Is it real? Do you have fun?”
Acchan closed her phone and didn’t answer. She had fun. She liked her manager too. She was a great woman, always ready to help her to become more popular. But this woman… was different from every people she knew before. She had a special aura.
“I do.” She answered.
TBC
Endnote: Forget what I said, I like chapter 3 *.* Haha I'm cruel I know.
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wohohohoohhohho..... nice chapter.... :thumbsup :thumbsup i like it.... maaaaan u are so great.... :grin: but this kind of hide and seek sometime killing me.... :lol: but i like it... please update as soon as possible.... :cow: :cow: :cow:
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Oh man! I don't know what to think of that last few lines at the end. If that manager is hitting on Acchan.. I... I'll TakaMina. :nervous
Anyway, nice chapter. :D Too bad TakaMina didn't get to see Acchan. I would love to read how they will react. :D
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miichan asking takamina that question about her and acchan's marriage photo made me remember that said photo. :lol:
if I were miichan and yuko, i'd choke the photographers to death for them to mess up takamina's shots and miss acchan visiting them/her. :smhid or maybe that's just me. :P
not really sure what's up with acchan all of the sudden by thinking that her manager has some kind of special aura and saying that she does like her. hmm...is she crushing on her manager?! what would takamina do now?! are we going to see takamina in a wolf outfit in a PB or in a calendar?!
...coz that would be awesome. :lol:
i kid well, not really. :lol: anyway, update as soon as you can! your chap still didn't suck. :)
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^
Thank, I'm glad they still don't suck xD
So yup: THANK AGAIN EVERYBODY :bow:
You know I'm really happy to see you guys are still reading my fic because, from my point of view, I suck in English. So I am paranoid and I think there's a mistake in almost every word I write and I'm never sure if you will undertsand XD Feel free to tell me if you want to correct my text xD Just kidding :nervous
Say thank you to me again now :theking I wasn't suppose to post tonight (in fact I should be sleeping right now ¬_¬) , but I do because (always from my point of view), I prefer sad chapters XD I know what you're thinking: "ENOUGH! WHERE'S CHAPTER 3!?"... It's here ! :grin:
Chapter 3
“I have an important announcement to do about the next concert. This time, your next concert will not be in Japan. For the first time, all the 48 members will move together for a concert in Paris!”
Everybody looked at their boss. Did they hear well?
“All the 48?” Akicha asked.
“Yes! For a special concert in Paris. We’ll all go there for the Japan Expo again.”
“Japan Expo?” Sasshi pointed, knowing very well what it was. “But it’s next month!”
Everybody started to talk. Next month?! It was soon! Sure, they had already practice a lot for this concert without knowing where it was going to be, but knowing it was going to be in Paris again was a little surprising. The pressure doubled.
“Don’t need to worry about it. Everything is perfect. You just have to practice like you did before I tell you it was in Paris. The only thing that’s missing is French language. Of course, some of you already know a little how to introduce themselves, but for those who don’t, we have translators.”
“But… it’s… Kind of…”
“Don’t worry, Yuko.” Akimoto said. “I know it sounded big like this, but I swear you are all ready. Remember all those letters you got from overseas? And I’m not talking only about Yuko, everybody has received those kind of letters. From overseas fans, wondering when they would get the chance to see you and so on. Well, the time has come.”
Takamina was glad she could finally go to Paris with the group. But at the same time, she knew it meant she couldn’t talk to Acchan for a long time from now on. They were going to have lots of practice, more than ever. She could see some members were excited and scared at the same time. She had to help them to feel better.
Akimoto explained everything to them, trying to be as clear as he could be. Some girls were really happy and excited. Paris! Meant romance! And sweets! And everything!
“All right, do you have other questions? Be sure to practice more from now. We’ll leave in three weeks.”
Akimoto’s last word scared the girls. THREE? It wasn’t long at all! How could they get ready in such a short lap of time?!
“If you want to be alright with the new time, we have to leave in three weeks. You know, it’s morning now in Paris.” Akimoto explained. “I’m sorry, it is sudden, but it’s nothing we haven’t done.”
The group separated in smaller groups. Some were still asking Akimoto about it while others just talked together. It was so sudden, lots of members were afraid they couldn’t make it. Takamina suddenly felt Miichan’s glance at her.
“Why are you looking at me like it’s the end of the world?” She asked.
“Aren’t you sad?” Yuko asked instead of Miichan.
“Sad? Why should I? We’re going to France!”
“But…” Haruna began as Takamina suddenly stopped her.
“I’m not sad about leaving Japan. It’s been a year you know.” She answered, knowing what her friends were talking about. “AKB48 is more important now. And why am I repeating myself?! Stop talking about that!”
Some members still had doubts about what was more important to Takamina, but they didn’t say anything.
“We have to get ready now!” Takamina said as she smiled to them
“But…”
“Prepare yourself.” Takamina said. “We’re going to practice everyday, from the morning until the sun disappears in the sky.”
The others sighed. Maybe the real Takamina was back finally.
***
Or maybe not.
Takamina sighed. Even thought she had said she didn’t care about leaving Japan, she was still thinking about it. The day had been great, except for the photoshot. The meeting with Akimoto had surprised her. She was really happy to go to France! It would be her first time! And even if it was hard, she liked French language. She was glad she could finally meet her fans from this country because she had received a lot of fan letter from here. She posted an announcement on her blog. The fans would enjoy the news. She was still writing on her blog when she thought about something. It hit her. The fact that she was going overseas for the first time with AKB48… Without Acchan. As usual, thinking about Acchan made her sad. She thought about the last conversation they had had alone before she left. She hated herself for thinking about something so sad when she was so happy minute ago. But then again, she couldn’t help it. It was stronger than her.
Flash Back
It was the end of the party graduation for Acchan. It had been crazy. The fans had screamed so loud, the music had played at the maximum and the girls had danced like never before. At the end of the show, everybody had cheered for Acchan. Everybody had cried too. It had been in the theatre, but the show had been represented on giants screens on the street. The fans had been thousand.
It had been three hours since Acchan’s graduation was done. She was officially a graduate member of AKB48. She was going to leave soon and probably wouldn’t come back to the theatre for a moment. Even if the show was done for about two hours, Takamina was still sitting on the stage, crying a little. She didn’t want to move. So much time had passed since their first performance. She couldn’t believe she had never talked to Acchan before AKB48. And now, she was her best friend… It was crazy. Who would have thought her graduation would have come so fast. She was still thinking about it when she heard the door behind her. She turned around and saw Acchan walking towards her. Takamina tried to stop crying as she approached.
“Hey Acchan! I thought you were already gone.” She said, trying to smile.
“I’m not.” She just answered as she sat by Takamina’s side.
They both stared at each other, smiling. They were trying to look positive.
“So, what are you going to do now?” Takamina asked.
“I’m going to take pictures for a magazine.” Acchan sighed. “I have a lot of work to do from now on.”
She stopped talking. She began to cry a little. Seeing her friend crying made Takamina felt bad for her.
“Don’t cry. You know, we’ll still talk to you. It’s the beginning of your life as an adult now.” She smiled. “Well, I mean, you’ll have a nice job now.”
“Takamina, why didn’t you graduate with me?” Acchan whispered.
Takamina didn’t know what to answer. She could feel Acchan’s pain in her words. She knew Acchan wasn’t asking it in a bad way. She had thought a lot about this possibility, but finally, she had decided to stay with the group. She still had things to do.
“You know, I still have to help the others members. I have to find my way to become a singer too. I still have work to do. I’m not ready yet. Not like you.”
“It would have been nice. We wouldn’t be separate.”
“What do you mean? We’ll still be together! There’s no way I’ll leave you because you’re not a part of AKB48. We’re still friends.”
Takamina really tried to be positive, but she knew it was going to be hard to see her friend now. They both had busy schedule and it would be hard to find a moment to be together. Acchan was still crying. She didn’t want to leave her Takamina. They had had so much fun together, it was hard to say goodbye to everything.
“You know, I’ll try to talk to you every time I’ll have nothing to do.” Takamina said. “It’ll be hard, but we’ll see each other like before. It’s not the end.”
“I know, but it’s still hard. I can’t believe I decided to leave the group. I should have stayed with Takamina.” Acchan sobbed.
Acchan put her head on her friend’s shoulder as the little captain said:
“There’s no way I’m going to stop you to take this chance. I’m sure everything will be fine. You’re strong enough.”
Takamina really thought Acchan was strong enough to become what she wanted to be. But she knew something else. She knew she wasn’t strong enough herself. She was going to miss her presence by her side, just like now. It was probably the last moment they would spend together until…
“We’ll all miss you.” She added.
Acchan didn’t move. Her head was still on Takamina’s shoulder. Acchan took her hand as she said:
“I’m going to miss them too… And I’m going to miss you.”
She was crying and smiling at the same time, but she didn’t move. She didn’t know how to react. She should be happy, much happier than that… But at the same time, leaving Takamina wasn’t what she wanted.
“Me too.” Takamina whispered.
There was nothing more to say. The two friends stayed like this for a long time. They didn’t say anything. They only listened to their breathe. Acchan finally moved her head after what seemed an hour. She was still holding Takamina’s hand.
“It’ll be weird without you.” Takamina said.
“Don’t say that. The fans will soon choose a new number 1. They will forget about me, like they did with every member who graduated.”
“I don’t think so. But I was talking about the group. I was talking about us. Team A will never be the same.”
“It will. Someday, it will become exactly like before. You’d probably have a new member who will take my place. You’d… probably have a new best friend.” She whispered.
“No… It won’t be the same without you. I’ll feel the difference.”
“I will too. You won’t be with me from now on. It will be strange. I can’t imagine how I will wake up the morning.”
They laughed together.
“Don’t worry, everything will be alright.” Takamina said.
They didn’t talk for a moment.
“You know” Acchan said “I’ll be sad if you’re not with me.”
They stared at different directions.
“It’s not like we won’t be together again.”
“I know.” Acchan nodded. “I just think it will be the first time we’re not together. I can’t really imagine it. I can’t even remember my life before AKB48… It’d be great if we could be together forever.”
“I guess so…” Takamina whispered.
She felt the same way about Acchan. She was just too shy to say it clearly.
“It’d be great…” She whispered again.
The two girls didn’t move for a while. Silence remained. They didn’t need to say anything. Or maybe it was just that their words couldn’t come out.
“Remember when we were at school?” Acchan finally asked as her eyes met Takamina’s. “We didn’t even talk to each other.”
“Yeah…”
“It’s been a long time… Maybe we wouldn’t know each other if AKB48 hadn’t exist.”
Takamina smiled a little. AKB48 had brought her so much.
“We would probably be at different schools too.” She said.
“We would probably have different friends.” Acchan added.
“We would be chasing after our dreams”.
“We wouldn’t be together now.” Acchan whispered.
“We wouldn’t be sad too.”
“But I guess it’s better to be sad than not knowing you.”
They stop talking. They both wanted to say something else. Even if they didn’t know exactly what they really wanted to say to the other, they wanted to smile, to laugh and share great times together. But they couldn’t. They had always knew this situation would happen a day. It just happened sooner than they thought.
“I have to go.” Acchan suddenly said. “My new manager must be waiting for me.”
“What if I didn’t want you to go?” Takamina asked.
The captain wanted to scream to the world that she wanted Acchan to stay by her side. It would never be the same now. If Acchan left now… It would be the end. The end of her presence in AKB48, the end of their daily life together, the end of… If she left now, Takamina would stay behind, crying alone.
“My manager is waiting.” Acchan repeated.
She released Takamina’s hand.
“My manager is waiting.” She whispered.
“What if…”
Takamina wanted to say something else. She wanted to tell her how much she was going to miss her. How much things would never be the same. They hugged silently. Acchan could smell Takamina’s scent… And Takamina was breathing through Acchan’s hair. They both didn’t move. They wanted to stay like this forever. Takamina felt tears falling down on her shoulder. She was crying too. She was holding Acchan’s shirt and didn’t want to release it. She buried her face in her friend’s neck, trying to engrave this moment on her mind. She could hear Acchan crying. She could hear her whispered her name. She could feel how sad she was. But she couldn’t say anything. She could just hug her with all her might. She slowly opened her mouth, but Acchan was faster.
“Don’t talk. Please, don’t say anything else.”
“But…”
Acchan slowly moved apart from Takamina, taking deep breathe at the same time. Her eyes were red and she had difficulties to stay calm. It was too much. Her heart couldn’t take it. She would break into pieces and fall down on the floor if she stayed here. Her eyes got lost in Takamina’s, and for a moment, all she could see were Takamina’s feelings. It was so painful she had no choice but to avoid her eyes as she took a last deep breathe to remember her friend’s scent. She slowly walked away
Takamina was crying alone.
She heard Acchan closed the door as the lights turned off.
End Of Flash Back
Takamina was lying in her bed as she thought about it. She really didn’t like this feeling. How could she had been so happy and then… so sad. She hated it. It’s been a year, right?! How come she couldn’t stop thinking about it! She was going to France! It was another step for AKB48 and all she could think about was Acchan! She was the captain of team A, she couldn’t let her feelings control her.
“I’m so stupid…”
She felt bad. She knew something was missing with AKB48. Not just Acchan, she felt… She didn’t know. She wanted to accept the fact that she missed Acchan more than she thought she would when she had learned about her graduation, but she couldn’t. It would handicap her. She didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to cry for nothing. It she cried now, what would that change to the fact that her friends had her own life? What difference would it make? She would still be alone. She had friends in AKB of course, but Acchan was different. They were friends, but also the family of each others. They could tell each other things that they didn’t even tell to their own family. They could just stay together without saying anything and they would be happy… They didn’t even need to look at the other to know they were together. They could feel when one entered in the same piece. They could feel the other’s presence.
It had been a long time since they had seen each other. A very long time. And Takamina was beginning to wonder if she would ever have a day with Acchan again. It seemed impossible. Why didn’t she run after Acchan at the end of their conversation? She hadn’t even answered to her! She hadn’t even said “bye” to her! Or “see you later!” She had just stayed there in silence while her best friend was leaving! She had wanted to scream so much, why didn’t she do it?!
“I can’t cry… I must not cry… I…”
Tears were running down her face. She was alone with her pain.
“I miss you…”
She fell asleep as she finally accepted the fact that she missed Acchan more than she ever thought she would.
***
The photoshoot just ended.
“All right, everybody thanks for working so hard!” The photograph said.
It was late, but Acchan had just finished taking pictures for her new photobook, coming up next month. She worked hard on it because she knew the fans were expecting something big. She had to take pictures in different cities of Japan. The last one was Tokyo, the one she was doing tonight. She was done with it. But it wasn’t all, she had to prepare for a new drama that would begin tomorrow. Now, she had to come back home and learn her lines.
She took a few second to see Takamina’s blog. She liked to hear the news by her blog. She read the latest entry and was really surprise to learn that they were going to France. She was a little sad too, because it meant no Takamina for a while… And she wanted to talk to her about a problem she had, but now, she couldn’t. It wasn’t urgent. But at the same time, she felt that she had to talk about it as soon as possible. She went in a room to change and when she came out, her manager was waiting for her.
“Are you ready to go? You did a great job today.” Hiroko said.
Hiroko was Maeda’s manager. She was a twenty-three years old young woman. She was young, but was doing a perfect job in order to help Maeda to gain popularity. She had a special personality. Sometimes, she could be really nice and sweet, and the next second, an evil woman who would not be afraid to kill to have what she wanted. Or course, she never killed anybody, but sometimes, even Acchan was scared by her.
“Yes, wait a minute.” Acchan answered.
She really liked her… But she was also the problem she wanted to talk about with Takamina. It was weird. She liked her, but at the same time, she was afraid of her. Sometimes, her eyes were looking at her… Like she was a hunter chasing after her prey. Hiroko may be her manager, Acchan didn’t know a lot about her.
“Hurry sweetie, I told you we’ll go eat together to celebrate the end of your photobook!”
This was weird too. Each time Acchan finished a project, her manager would invite her to eat or to celebrate it. The girl had nothing against celebrating it, but it was weird her manager wanted to spend so much time with her. Well, she was nice… But really, Acchan didn’t want her to be with her all the time. Hiroko was a manager chose by her agency. She didn’t have choice but to accept her.
“I’m here.” Acchan said. She wore a nice shirt with a cute skirt. It wasn’t cold outside.
They walked together and went in a little place to eat. Nothing exaggerated. Anybody would think they were just old friends going out to eat together. But for Acchan, it wasn’t that obvious. Once, she had said “no” to her manager about going out to eat. Hiroko had been mad at her for three days. It was another part of the problem she wanted to tell Takamina. With all that, should she change her manager? She was afraid something worst would happen someday.
Because something had happened once.
Flash Back
Maeda Atsuko had just finished working on her drama. It had been a weird episode where she had to be partially covered by flour. As some actors were leaving, she decided to take a shower. She was glad they were in a pool. She could just go in the bathroom and wash herself a little. She had about an hour to get ready for her next job.
“Great job!” Her manager said. “I’m proud of you!”
Hiroko had been with her every time, watching for what she was doing. Maeda knew that she could trust her. She had always been there with her, supporting her when there was something hard to do and so on. She knew her manager was only there to make her more popular.
“Thank you.” She said as she bowed.
“I hope you won’t go to your next shooting with flour on yourself.” Hiroko said as she smiled to her.
“I was about to take a shower. I’ll be right back.”
She went in the bathroom and began to wash herself. She loved her job. She had a wonderful job where she could have fun and get money too. She did miss her friends though, but she was glad her career had finally begun. As she was ready to go out, she heard a door from somewhere in the bathroom. She saw someone through the steam but it wasn’t clear. She walked a little as she tried to see who it was. She heard the same door closed. But at the same time as the door closed, she saw her manager reflection in the mirror. She didn’t know if it was really her, but it seemed to be her. She thought maybe she just wanted to go to the bathroom, but it wasn’t the same place as the showers. She hurried and left.
She was outside the bathroom and was trying to find her manager. Where was she? She found her at the exit of the studio.
“I’m done.” She said.
“Great, we can move then.”
They started walking together towards the car. They were on their way to the next studio. Acchan froze as they were walking. Was that water on her manager’s pants? She didn’t want to ask. They reached the car. Before she could go in, her manager took her shoulders and began to give her a massage.
“You’re too stiff. Relax a little. It’s not good for you health to be too anxious.”
The actress wondered if what her manager was doing was normal.
“Thank.” She said. “But I’m alright.
She went in the car, feeling a bit nervous. As they were going to the studio, her manager said, without even looking to her:
“You don’t need to be afraid you know. I’m your manager. It’s my job to help you to feel better.”
“I know.” The idol answered.
“I know what I’m doing.” She said again.
“I trust you, don’t worry.”
Acchan was nervous. She really hoped they would arrive soon. The car suddenly stopped.
“Your popularity is in my hands. You understand that?”
“Yes.”
She was anxious. What did her manager mean by that? She thought that… the car started again. They were almost at the studio.
End of Flash Back
It was the only incident that she remembered.
They eat together and it was nice. There was no bad incident or anything like this. Acchan took a lot of pictures of her food and posted them on her new blog. She had created another one since she wasn’t on AKB48. She also looked at AKB48 members blogs.
“Are you still checking their blog?” Hiroko asked.
“Yes.” Acchan answered as she closed her phone. “I do.”
“Why? It’s useless. You aren’t with them anyways.”
Acchan didn’t like this part of her too. Her manager thought that, once something was done, it was REALLY done. But if she forgot all those points, Acchan thought it was a perfect manager.
“I like to hear about them.” She just said.
Maeda eyes blinked as she saw the look Hiroko was giving to her. She was… scared. There was a scaring aura coming from her. It was different from usual.
“You know it has nothing to do with you.” Hiroko said with a gentle voice.
“Don’t worry, I will still work as hard as I do now.”
“You’re so beautiful. You don’t even need to work to be popular.”
She smiled and the nice woman came back. Acchan wasn’t that afraid of her. It wasn’t the first time she did that. Even sometimes the idol had surprised her to look at her with a… pervert look. And sometimes, she touched her in a “friendly” way… Too much friendly to her. But it had been the same in AKB48 so it didn’t really annoy her. She was such a frightening woman. Maeda compared her to Yuko… But not as gentle as Yuko was. She felt she was like Haruna and Hiroko was like Yuko. Except when “Haruna” told “Yuko” to stop, she didn’t.
They finished eating and Maeda decided to go back home. Hiroko walked her home. They were talking and laughing together. For a moment, Acchan almost forgot about her problems about her. But it was only for a moment. As they reached Acchan’s house, Hiroko said:
“Well, good night Acchan! Sleep well for your drama tomorrow!”
“Yes, thank you very much.”
Acchan went in her house. She was glad she was finally home. She had to send her “good night” mail to Takamina before sleeping. She had decided to do this when she had left AKB48. Takamina was her best friend and she thought it would be a nice idea. Even if they couldn’t talk to each other, Takamina would know she thought about her. She missed her a lot. And since this day, she had sent a mail everyday to her. And maybe it was the time to write her a longer mail since she had time… But the doorbell rang as she was opening her phone.
“Yes?” She asked as she opened the door.
It was her manager.
“Hello Acchan, I’m sorry, I know it’s really late but I forgot to tell you something important about your drama. Can I come in?”
Acchan hesitated. She wanted to take her time to write a long mail to Takamina because it had been a long time but… She knew she couldn’t say “no” to something about her work.
“Of course.” She nodded.
“I won’t be long.” Hiroko said.
Acchan froze. For a second, she thought she had seen the pervert look that frightened her so much in Hiroko’s eyes.
“What do you want?” Acchan asked.
“Can I see your script please? There’s a modification I forgot to tell you.”
“Yes, wait a minute, it’s in my bedroom.”
Acchan went in her bedroom to take her script. Where was it? It took her five minutes to find it because she had left everything in a mess. She hated cleanup. Usually, Takamina did it when she came to her house. Since she wasn’t, Acchan didn’t clean a lot. She found it. As she turned around, she saw Hiroko had joined her in the room. She was in the doorway.
“I have it.” Acchan said. “What did you-”
“Don’t worry.” Hiroko interrupted her. “It won’t be long. There’s only a problem with the third page.”
Acchan walked towards Hiroko. She wanted to come back to the living room. She didn’t like the fact that her manager was in the doorway.
“How about we go back to-”
She suddenly stopped. Hiroko had those eyes again… And her heart began to beat faster as her manager closed the door behind her.
***
Takamina yawned. She was dreaming about One Piece when her alarm rang. She was dreaming she was Luffy and she had to kill a bad woman. A Japanese bad woman… what a weird dream. She didn’t feel really good today. She had a bad impression. Was it because they’ve learned they were going to Paris in less than a month yesterday? Was it because she had to get up and hurry? She already had a mail from Haruna, telling her she was late for practice. Usually, she was always the one who woke up the others. But since Acchan’s graduation, she was sleeping until the very limit of time. Now, she counted on others to wake up. Maybe her friends were right to think that she wasn’t the same.
She ate her breakfast, trying to stay awake. Yesterday had been crazy. What did she… Oh right, Acchan. She had thought about Acchan before sleeping. Again. She had accepted the fact that she was missing her a lot. And she would probably miss her a lot again since she was going to leave for France. And right now she was still thinking about Acchan. When would she finally stop thinking about her friend all the time! She didn’t think all the time about her when she was with AKB48! Why did she have to think about her when she was gone? Her cell phone rang.
“Where are you?!
We’re waiting for you!”
Now it was Miichan’s turn to tell her she was late. She sighed as she deleted the mail. But she hurried up more. As she was finally leaving her house, she realized something important. Yesterday, she had fallen asleep so fast that…
She opened her phone and checked her mails.
It’s been a year since Acchan sent her mails without exception.
365 messages, no exception, but…
There was no message from Acchan from yesterday.
TBC
ENDNOTE: Now I think you can all understand the type of Manager Acchan has.
ENDNOTE2: The chapters may be shorter from now on because I have a lot of work! Sorry!
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Oh my god! Did something happen to acchan? I know I shouldn't say this but I'm scared of the 'main character got raped' kind of fics so I really don't know if I could read the next chapter :(, but don't worry, you still a great writer :D
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:banghead:
What did that Manager do to Acchan! If she had done something... :mon zoom:
I don't like her personality. Too risky, unpredictable and arrogant. >_>
Love this chapter. ^^ Keep it up. :twothumbs
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^ yeaaaaah....also curious what happen to acchan.... :banghead: :banghead: OMG i hope she is okay... :( :(
well i guess her manager really scary this time... and want to know what happend next.. :shocked
you are such a good writer bou-j525 :thumbsup keep it up.... i dont mind if the chapter will be short but please update it as soon as u can... :yep: :yep: i love this story... :yep: :yep: :cow: :cow:
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omg! acchan got herself a wacko manager?! :shocked
I was NOT expecting that! i didn't know this is a dark fic. :shocked
doesn't mean I didn't like it though. :twothumbs :twothumbs
i like reading stories that draws emotions from me, which your fic did by the way. :)
i'm really curious on how everything will play out in your fic. especially on what taka would do.
hope she kills that nutcase of a manger maeda has. :angry:
go TAKA! bring out your lightsaber and...whack the wacko. :lol:
anyway, hope you update as soon as you can. :twothumbs
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OMG!!! What's gonna happen to Acchan??? You make me sooo worried.. If that B***ch manager lay a finger on Acchan, just let Takamina kick her ass!! Ahh.. I didn't expect this either..
Seriously, you created an incredible fic! I love to read what I can't predict.. luckily, I have a lot of that stuff recently.. haha.. Can't wait for your next update.
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Great chapter.
I'm waitin for the update :grin:
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Well... looks like JPHIP went down November 8th to me... so how come people posted comments at November 9th?! >.< And I have to go read chapter 15 of FoF's fic >_<
So yeah, I tried to post this chapter from November 8th since today, but the forum was always "down for maintenance", so I'm late... blame it on the forum, not on me xD
Also -->I know I shouldn't say this but I'm scared of the 'main character got raped' kind of fics so I really don't know if I could read the next chapter :(,
Omg thank for telling me :nervous I kinda forgot some people may not like this kind of situation, so thank to remind me about it. Well, I know I shouldn't spoil you guys, but since some people may not like it: DON'T WORRY, NO RAPE SCENES IN THIS FANFIC. First, I don't know English enough to write about it :nervous . And second, as I say before, I don't want some of you to dislike my story because of it. Even though it would be great to have this kind of situation, I won't make them.
So to answer your question, yes, you can read it without fear.
This story may looks like a dark one, but later... It will get better. Maybe... Probably. Anyways, I'm not as cruel as you think I am XD I'd rather focus on the character's feelings ^^
Finally.... THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENTS!!! :bow:
Chapter 4
Takamina laughed as she saw Yuko doing her chicken imitation. Honestly, how could Yuko imitate a chicken so good? It was so funny! Even after a hundred times, she was laughing as much as the first time she saw it. Yuko stopped and came back to sit with the others.
“So this is your famous imitation? It’s really credible!” The presenter said.
Takahashi Minami, Oshima Yuko, Kashiwagi Yuki, Sasshihara Rino, Watanabe Mayu, Shinoda Mariko, Akimoto Sayaka and Kasai Tomomi were all participating at a TV show. They were here to talk about the next concert of AKB48. It was the last thing they had to do before leaving for Paris. Their departure was tomorrow.
“Thank you!” Yuko said. “I always do it when I feel we need to laugh.”
“So, tomorrow you’re all going to leave. All the 48 members are going to do a concert in Paris, right? It’s the first time all the group will leave Japan!”
“Yes.” Takamina said. “We’re going to do two concerts in Paris. The first one will be during the Japan Expo and the next one a week after the event. We wanted to be sure everyone could go to one of them.”
“We need to thank everyone!” Sasshi added. “If we’re so popular, it’s because of Japanese fans, but also because of overseas fans that support us! We want them to know we like them.”
“How do you feel when you think it’s the first time everybody leaves Japan together?”
“I think it’s a great thing.” Mariko explained as everyone nodded. “It’s the first time overseas fans will see the entire group. I think its represents the fact that we’re becoming popular. And also, overseas fans must have different oshimen, so it’s great they could be able to see their favourite member.”
“We hope Japanese fans aren’t mad at us for leaving like this.” Kasai laughed.
“Are you able to speak French?” The presenter asked. “I know some of you already went to Paris.”
“We have learned a little…” Takamina said.
They all laughed. Their lessons about French had been the more ridiculous ever. They wondered if the fans would be able to understand them. Even thought they had sung “Sakura no hanabiratachi” in French once, it didn’t mean they could speak French. Not at all.
“Sayaka can talk in English, so at least they will understand a bit.” Mayuyu said. “But I’m really happy I had the chance to learn a bit more than “my name is”.
“Really? What can you say?”
“Merci de votre… Supp… Suppart?” Mayuyu said.
Everybody laughed as Sayaka corrected her.
“Merci de votre support. [thank for your support]” Sayaka said.
“On espère pouvoir revenir bientôt. [We hope we could come back soon] ” Mariko added. “And also… How do we say that… Oh yeah! We will ask them “Voulez-vous que l’on revienne? [Do you want us to come back]” And also “Qui est votre membre pré…pré….”
“Préférée. [Who’s your oshimen]” Kasai corrected.
They could say some others phrases, but nothing too hard.
“We still had difficulties with the “r”.” Sasshi said. “I wonder how French people could talk this way! It’s so hard!”
“I’m sure they wonder how you can talk so fast in Japanese.” Yuko pointed.
“When will the group come back to Japan?” The co-presenter asked.
“After the second concert, we’ll stay another day for an AKBingo special episode in France. And then we’ll come back.” Takahashi said.
“Really? It’s a long trip! Anything to say to the fans here?”
“We’ll miss you, but we’ll come back as soon as possible!” Yuko said.
They were about to finish the recording when the presenter asked them another question.
“One last question we received from a fan before the show. I know it’s been a long time, but how do you think it will go since it’s the first time AKB48 leaves Japan without Maeda Atsuko?”
“We know Acchan had overseas fans too so we expect some of them to ask us about her even if it’s been a year. Some things can’t change. Acchan was an important part of AKB48, so we think questions about her are inevitable. We are prepared for everything. And even if we’re sad she’s not here, I think everyone’s fine.” Yukirin said.
Everybody nodded. The presenter talked about them and their departure a bit and then, the show was over. The members went in different ways. Kasai and Mayuyu had photoshoot while Sasshi, Yukirin and Sayaka had to go somewhere else for another TV show. Mariko and Yuko had two hours off so they decided to spend time together as Takamina left them. She wanted to practice again. And since she had free time too, she was going to walk around a little before. It was 13 o’clock. Mariko and Yuko had already eaten.
“I’m glad everything came back as usual.” Mariko said.
“I can’t believe we’re going to be in Paris tomorrow!” Yuko said.
They were going to leave tomorrow morning at five o’clock. They couldn’t wait more. Fashion, food, concerts, fans… It was going to be epic.
“It’s nice. The group will finally go overseas all together. Even Takamina seemed to be happier!” Yuko said.
“I know! Isn’t it great?” Mariko pointed. “I thought she was depressed because of Acchan, but during those past two weeks, I thought I saw the real Takamina. The one we’ve always knew!”
They were both smiling. During the two weeks of practice, Takamina changed. She wasn’t the same. She was smiling more than before, she was the captain they had always known. She was back.
“It’s great… I don’t know why she suddenly changed so much, but I’m glad she’s back. I couldn’t believe it when she called me to wake up! I thought I was dreaming!” Yuko continued.
“Do you think she saw Acchan?” Mariko asked.
“It’s impossible. We’ve practiced a lot. I didn’t even have the time to update my blog! And Takamina was always the first one to come the morning… And the last one to leave too. If she has seen Acchan, she must have a twin.”
“Well, I guess she like France.”
“Or French guys.”
They both laughed. It would be great if it was that simple. Of course, they knew it couldn’t be only that, but seeing Takamina positive again made them happy. The last year had been horrible. It was nice to know she was still able to laugh. Yuko was about to add something when Mariko asked:
“So… How it’s going between you and Haruna?”
“Well, it’s normal.” She answered.
“Nothing more?” Mariko asked, surprised.
“I did nothing if it what you wanted to know. And I’m not going to do anything for now. We’re fine.”
Mariko frowned. Like she could believe something that stupid… But she didn’t say it.
***
Takamina was walking around the street. Three weeks. Three weeks since she had received Acchan’s last “good night” message. Three weeks since she had discovered that there was more than “Acchan” in her life. She had not received a little mail from Acchan since that day she had fallen asleep instead of waiting for it. And tomorrow, she would be leaving for France.
Those past three weeks had been crazy. She had worked like never before. She had practiced until she fell asleep on the dance floor. But everyday, she took a moment to think about what had happened the morning she hadn’t received Acchan’s mail.
That morning, she had felt bad. She had wanted to sleep again. And when she had seen that Acchan hadn’t sent her a message, it had been like a slap in her face. She had been sad. She had almost cried. Was it the end? Had Acchan forgotten about her already? Was their friendship dead like others members had told her? She had felt… Alone. Without anyone by her side. She had felt exactly the same as the week after Acchan had left AKB48. Alone. A part of her was gone. She had thought nobody was there to support her now. Acchan was like a sister to her. She had lost a part of herself.
How could she still live without a part of herself being gone?
It was when she had realized how stupid she had been until now. Her first though was that she had been stupid to care only about Acchan while the group needed her so much. She had not received a mail that day. So what? Was she dead? Was she crying and praying for a mail? No. She wasn’t. She was as usual. Nothing had changed. It wasn’t because Acchan hadn’t sent her a mail that it was the end of the world.
It wasn’t because Acchan hadn’t sent her a mail that she had to cry.
Of course, she missed her mails. A lot. Really, she missed them. But there was no way she could change the fact that Acchan was probably busy with her own work. What was she thinking? Was she hoping that the mails would last forever? No… it was impossible. The fact that she hadn’t got a mail… kind of bring her back to reality. It was okay to miss Acchan. It wasn’t great to think only about her though. She missed Acchan. She missed having fun together, crying together, eating together, and talking together… Like Acchan, she missed her old life. She wanted to come back one year ago… Maybe she would have had enough strength to tell her to stay with her now… Maybe she wouldn’t have been so afraid of telling her she was going to miss her.
But she was trapped in the present.
But still… Even though she had not received a mail… It had been okay for the first three days. And after, she had started to wonder about the reasons why Acchan had suddenly stopped her mails without a word. She had sent her a mail, asking her if everything was alright. The only answer she had had was “I can’t talk to you now.” How was she supposed to take it? Was it a great new? It meant her work went well, right? Or was it a bad news to know that her worst bad dream had become reality… Acchan was so busy that she couldn’t talk to her anymore. Takamina had started to think that Acchan hadn’t time to talk to her. She hadn’t time for their friendship. She was busy. She had a life, a job, dreams… and she was working for it. Unlike her. She had been sad for a day. And then she had become herself, the captain who always worked hard for her team.
She had come to the conclusion that Acchan was fine...She didn’t need her for now.
She had come to the conclusion that she had to think about her own life.
And then, she had doubted about her own words… What if Acchan wasn’t alright?
“But I guess she is…” Takamina thought as she walked towards the dance studio to practice again for their next concert.
As she walked, she saw posters of Acchan announcing her new drama. It was a love story between her and an actor she didn’t know. It reminded her of Q10, the drama Acchan had worked on when she was with AKB48… Just before she left. Except this time, Acchan wasn’t playing a robot, but a real woman. Somehow it was funny. Her character was a woman really busy with her work. The unknown actor played a random guy coming from nowhere who suddenly fell in love with her. And between them, there was Acchan’s character’s best friend who was jealous of the two lovers. Takamina started to think that if there was a remake, Acchan would still play her character… the random guy would be replaced by “work”… and she would probably be the best friend. And she wondered which one Acchan’s character chose at the end…
***
Flash Back
What was going on? How did she get in such a situation? What was happening now? The door was closed. It was closed. In others words, she couldn’t escape from her bedroom. She couldn’t do anything but stay here while her manager was by her side. Her hand was on her shoulder. Acchan was shaking. What exactly was going on right now? What was she going to do?
“I’m sorry,” Hiroko said, “You must think I’m crazy. But I want to talk to you seriously.”
“What do you mean?” Acchan finally said.
“I am the one who control your career. You must know that.”
So what… What did she mean by that? How was she supposed to take it? She started to breathe again as her manager moved apart.
“I don’t think you understand what it means. Why don’t you trust me more? I can see you’re afraid of me right now. I don’t want it to be like this. We should work together.”
Together? But Acchan was afraid something could happen. It wasn’t like the first time she had met the members of AKB48. That time, she had felt she could trust them, but with her manager… She didn’t feel at ease.
“I don’t like when you read the blog of the members of AKB48. They’re from your past now.”
“So what?”
“Past belongs to past. You have to realize that you can’t always think of AKB48. It will handicap you when you’ll work!”
“No! I mean… until now, I gained popularity, right? And I was thinking of my old group all the time! So it doesn’t matter!”
“You know you can trust me instead of thinking about them. It was just a little group where hopeless girls go when they believe it will help them to realize their dream.”
What? No! She couldn’t. She couldn’t accept it…
“In case you still haven’t realized it, I was in AKB48, and I wasn’t hopeless!”
She thought a little about Takamina before she added:
“AKB48 isn’t a group where “hopeless” girls go! It’s a real job where members work hard in order to realize their dream! They don’t believe it will help them, they know it!”
Her manager moved closer. Acchan didn’t know what was happening. She wanted to flee far away from here. She was breathing heavily. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t…
“Why did you leave your perfect group then?” Hiroko asked as she touched Acchan’s shoulder.
Acchan didn’t say anything.
“If everything was so nice with them, why did you leave? Do you know? I will tell you why. You realized that nothing could happen if you stayed in the group. You realized that even if it was fun, it wasn’t a real job. It wasn’t a job that would help you to survive. You realized AKB48 couldn’t bring you what you really wanted.”
Well, right now, she wanted to see Takamina and AKB48 could have brought her Takamina, so Hiroko’s argument wasn’t the best one. She looked everywhere, trying to find an excuse or a way to go out of here. She didn’t want to stay here alone with her. She was afraid of what her manager could do. She wanted to call someone to help her… Maybe Takamina… But as she moved her hand to take her cell phone, Hiroko innocently said:
“I’m sure you don’t want to buy a new phone…”
Acchan froze. She stopped moving her hand. She stopped thinking about her phone though she was screaming in her head for Takamina. Her friend would know what to do. She would protect her. Like she had always did when she was in AKB48. She would help her to flee… She would find a way… Why didn’t she call her before? Why?
“Listen to me. I know you must think I’m overreacting about your group… But soon or later, you will loose popularity because of this…”
She stopped talking a little, thinking about something.
“I heard you were Takahashi Minami’s best friend in the group. Is that right?”
What the hell did Hiroko want to say about Takahashi! Acchan was ready to fight. Nobody could talk about her friend in a bad way.
“Yes…”
“You still think about her right? Was it her you were going to call?”
“Yes.” Acchan’s voice wasn’t shaking anymore.
“This is the best example I can give to you. If you don’t stop thinking about her, you won’t be able to work correctly. What did you think? That you could stay friend with her for the rest of your life? NO! You are popular now. You have to be friend with popular people. Is Takahashi popular? No. I know, you say she will be because her dream is to be a well known singer… But she won’t!”
Acchan glared at her manager with a curious feeling. She wanted to kill her. Nobody could talk about Takamina in a bad way. EVER.
“She has a great voice, right… But she won’t be popular. Because fans don’t want a mini boyish singer. They want someone like you. Cute, popular, nice… someone who’s a winner.”
“Are you saying Takamina isn’t?”
“She’s not like you. Once she’ll be popular, if she ever became popular, she will have her own friends. She won’t have time to think about you either.”
Acchan didn’t like the way the conversation turned out. It wasn’t true! What was that?! Takamina would always have time to talk with her… Right? She hated herself for believing Hiroko for a second. It wasn’t true. It could not be true.
“Come here.” Her manager commanded her.
Hiroko was sitting on her bed, waiting for her to come. But Acchan didn’t move. She couldn’t. She wanted to open the door and run as fast as she could. She never knew things would turn out this way. It was becoming dangerous. Hiroko grabbed her arm and forced her to sit by her side. Acchan was anxious to death. She was sitting on her bed… with a frightening manager by her side… and she couldn’t call anybody. It wasn’t the scenario she had imagined for tonight.
“Sleep. I know you’re tired…”
Acchan was way too scared to sleep. Her heart was pounding hard. Hiroko was so closed to her… They were so closed she could hear her breathe… And they were talking a minute ago! How could she sleep now?! Acchan lay down on her bed, knowing it was the only solution for her to be more distanced from Hiroko. She thought about Takamina and it helped her to stay calm… Or at least it helped her to not scream. She couldn’t close her eyes. Her manager was staring at her.
“Close your eyes.”
Hikoro’s voice was gentle, like she really cared about Acchan. The idol closed her eyes. She had to do it or she would regret it. She felt it. She dived into darkness. She saw nothing but black. As she began to breathe in a normal way, her manager’s voice came back to hunt her.
“I like the way you are now.” She heard her manager whispered. “You know, when you sleep, you don’t think about AKB48, right?”
She felt a pressure on her shoulder. Her manager must have put her head on it. She heard her manager sighed. And she kept thinking about Takamina. She wouldn’t be so calm if she didn’t. She needed to think about her friend to stay calm. Otherwise, she would just break into pieces. She wanted to cry but couldn’t. Her manager did nothing to her… She didn’t touch her…It was just the situation she didn’t like. Acchan would remember this feeling all her life from now on. The feeling of waiting for a friend that wouldn’t come.
Acchan slowly opened her eyes after what seemed to be an eternity. Hiroko was sleeping. Her head was on Acchan’s shoulder. If she hadn’t done what she did before, Acchan would have thought it was only a nice friend, sleeping like a baby.
But she knew she wasn’t. She went outside and, while the wind began to caress her face, she began to sob.
End of Flash Back
She was still thinking about this moment. She was in a café, doing nothing. It’s been three weeks now. The three longest weeks of her life. She had stopped to send mail to Takamina after this incident. She wanted to, but she was afraid Hiroko would get upset about it. She didn’t want to loose her friend, but she was ashamed of what had happened. She had left AKB48 to work on her new job. She couldn’t tell Takamina she did the wrong choice a year after her graduation. She couldn’t tell her she wasn’t as happy now… Takamina would hate her. Or at least, she thought she would. She was afraid of asking her for help. She knew Takamina would be the first one to help her if she needed, but she didn’t want to bother her. She had read AKB48 was going to France in the newspapers. She couldn’t ask her friend to stay with her when there was something so important happening to her. She couldn’t ask her to choose between her and AKB48. It would kill Takamina, and she knew it.
So she endured it. She endured her manager, because she knew if she didn’t, she would have nothing left to her. She would have left AKB48 for nothing. Her manager had done the same thing twice. One the next day after the first event… And the second a week ago. She had threatened Acchan. To her, Acchan HAD to stop thinking about her old group. If she didn’t, she would make sure her career would be dead. She always said the same thing: She would regret it later. She controlled her. Acchan could do nothing. She was not strong enough to confront her. She couldn’t ask for help… others wouldn’t believe her. Others saw Hiroko as the perfect manager since Acchan was always the number one idol and actress.
The first time Acchan had met her, she looked nice. She was a beautiful woman, ready to work with her in order to make her the best idol of Japan. She had told her how glad she was to work with her, how they would do their best… They had almost become friends. Sure, they weren’t as friendly as Acchan was with the AKB members, but they still laughed together. They had normal conversations together… The last thing Acchan would have thought about her was that she was so… cruel. Even when Hiroko had begun to act strangely, Acchan had still trusted her… It was only after the bathroom event that she had wanted to tell someone… But now it was too late. She had discovered why Hiroko had been in the bathroom. When she had looked at her cell phone after, she had seen all her pictures had been deleted. She had waited too much. Not that Hiroko had touched her… But the way she had talked to her…
“Acchan?” A voice asked.
The idol turned around and saw Sae standing in front of her table. She hadn’t seen her approached.
“Sae?” She asked, surprised to meet her here. “Long time no see!”
They hugged. Sure, they had not being in the same team, but it didn’t matter. Acchan liked Sae a lot. They hadn’t talked a lot together after her departure, but it was great to see her again. And it helped her to forget a little about her crazy manager.
“I thought all the members were busied to pack their things for France.” She said with a smile. “You’re going to leave tomorrow, right?”
“I was just going to buy something to eat. I haven’t eaten anything since seven o’clock. I’ll prepare right after.”
Sae was glad she could see Acchan before leaving. She knew the actress/idol was really busy. It was surprising she wasn’t working now. When she asked Acchan about it, her friend just answered:
“It’s hard to believe, but actually I have a break. I have nothing do to until 6 pm.”
“Really? Why didn’t you call us! It’d be great to have some news sometimes you know!”
“I’m sorry… I know you’re all busy with the trip so I thought I would disturb you.”
“There’s no way you would. We talked about you today. Everyone miss you, but it’s okay. We know you’re leaving your dream now, so we’re glad for you. ” She smiled.
They stopped talking a little as Sae buy her food. Acchan wanted to scream that, no, she wasn’t that happy… but she couldn’t.
“I’m sorry, I don’t have a lot of time to talk with you… But I hope you’re fine with your work! We’re proud of you, you know.” Sae apologized.
“Don’t worry,” Acchan smiled, “I hope your trip will be alright. France looked so nice.”
Sae stared at Acchan. Somehow, she could see sadness in her eyes. It was really faint though, but…
“Takamina miss you.” She suddenly said.
“Really?” Acchan asked. “I miss her too.”
“I mean…”
Sae didn’t know how to say it to make Acchan understand how much Takamina seemed to miss her in the group.
“I mean, maybe you should call her before we leave… she’d be happy.”
Sae knew she couldn’t do a lot for the captain of Team A, but meeting Acchan now… She just had to say it. And then again, Acchan looked so… confused. She left as Acchan promised her she would do if she had time. But the girl didn’t have the intention to call her. She didn’t want to disturb her. She knew Takamina must be crazy about the concert… She didn’t need to bother her more. But maybe she could send her a mail… It’s been already three weeks…
And last time, she had answered nothing more than “I can’t talk to you now.” It hadn’t really nice from her. Takamina deserved more than that kind of mail. But it was the only thing she could have told her before. Takamina would probably think she had work and that was perfect. She wouldn’t care too much about her. She couldn’t have told her “I’m sorry, my manager is threatening me”, right? But since her friend would be overseas for a long time… Maybe it was time to her to start sending mail to her again. She opened her phone. She still didn’t know if she had to send her a mail or not.
***
“I can't turn this around
I keep running into walls that I can't break down
I said I just wander around
With my eyes wide shut because of you”
Takamina closed her Ipod. She liked the refrain of this song, even though she didn’t like the artist too much. She had discovered this song after Acchan’s graduation. She thought it represented how she felt about it. Her work was done. She only had to wait until... her departure. She wondered if Acchan knew they were going to France… Well, she must know it because it had been in every newspapers of Tokyo. She liked how AKB48 was getting more popularity overseas. She had always been afraid that overseas people would not like them… The fans couldn’t understand anything… She had been really surprise when letters from overseas fans had begun to arrive. It had been a great new.
She was at home, reading fan letter she had had from those fans. The fans she was going to meet in less than a week. It was crazy. She knew some fans from America would be there too. She was so exited she almost didn’t sleep all night. She stayed awake, reading their letters again and again. She didn’t want to read those with the name of Acchan inside. She didn’t want to think about Acchan. She wanted to forget about her. If she began to think about her, she would forget about AKB48 again. She wanted to focus on AKB48. It wasn’t the time to be confused by Acchan. Her cell phone rang.
“Takamina, where are you?” Miichan’s voice asked.
“I’m home.”
It was now 6 o’clock pm. It was perfectly normal she was home. She wanted to relax before leaving.
“We have a party remember?! To celebrate our trip to France!”
Really? Takamina looked at her calendar. Crap. She had forgotten.
“Um… I…”
“Don’t tell me you can’t come!” Miichan interrupted her. “We’re waiting for you!”
She hanged up. Takamina went outside. She had no choice but to go. She locked her door, knowing she would probably not come back until the end of their trip to France.
She arrived to Yuko’s apartment. There were balloons everywhere and majority of the members was there.
“Come inside!” Yuko screamed as she saw Takamina. “We’ll have fun now!”
She gave her a cocktail. Takamina knew she wasn’t supposed to drink, but she was old enough now. She told herself it wasn’t that bad… It would probably help her to be more positive. Music was playing everywhere. It wasn’t too loud though. It wasn’t the kind of parties clubs had. It was just having great time with friends. It couldn’t be bad to her. She really needed to laugh.
“Come here Takamina!” Sasshi said.
Everyone was in the living room, watching old videos or talking together. The ambiance was nice. Some members didn’t drink anything, but Takamina felt better with a little alcohol in her body. It couldn’t be that bad. She knew her limit though and didn’t take another.
“Where are Tomochin and Tomomi?” She asked.
“They said they didn’t want to come. They want to be together. They’re boring.” Yuko said.
Yuko was excited. It was nice to be with her friends… And Haruna was here too. She was in heaven. Nothing could be bad now. Takamina heard some conversations, but didn’t really want to say anything. She felt great the way she was, just listening to them and laughing about their jokes.
“You should be happier than that.” Mariko said to her.
“I am.” Takamina answered.
Why did everybody still think she was unhappy! She was! She really was! There was no way she could be mad, right?! Seriously, did she have to smile all the time to show them she was okay?
“Okay… But don’t cry when we’ll leave.” Mariko said.
The captain smiled.
“I have no reasons to.”
Mariko stared at her. She wanted to believe her… But… But there was always a “but” somewhere and she felt she had to say “but”. Takamina apologized to her as she walked in the kitchen to take something to eat. She was hungry and since she had come after all the other, there was no food left. They had eaten everything. She felt bad for Yuko who had to receive everyone. And they would probably leave directly to the airport. Her friend would have lot of cleanup to do when she would come back. She heard a conversation from Yuko’s bedroom as she walked in the hallway. It was Miichan and Haruna. Takamina sighed. Every time she heard someone talking secretly with someone else, it had to be them. She didn’t want to hear them since she knew it wouldn’t be really nice from her but…
“She said that?” Haruna’s voice said.
“Yes.”
“Acchan called you and…”
“Shh! Don’t scream. She called me yesterday. She said she had called nobody else.”
Takamina froze. Acchan had called Miichan? Yesterday?
“She hopes we’ll have a nice trip. She said she missed us. But she also said she didn’t want Takamina to know she called me.” Miichan whispered.
“Why?” Haruna asked.
It was exactly the same question Takamina had on mind now.
“I’m not sure… She said she didn’t want to talk to her now…”
Takamina left. She had heard enough. Acchan didn’t want to talk to her? Well… It wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear, but she had to respect this point. She didn’t want to hear more.
Unfortunately, Miichan had not finished talking.
“She also asked me for help. She had something to say to Takamina about a problem, but she doesn’t know how to talk about it.”
Haruna didn’t answer. She didn’t understand exactly what was going on. Acchan wanted to talk to Takamina to ask her about a problem, but she didn’t know how? Why? She and Takamina were best friends. It couldn’t be so important…
“She didn’t tell me more. She told me she had to leave. But before, she wanted me to promise her I won’t tell anybody… But I’m worried.”
“I don’t know what it could be… She didn’t give you a hint? Something that could help you to understand?”
Miichan chose her word carefully before she said:
“I’m not sure… But I think I heard a woman telling her she had to hang up if she didn’t want her cell phone to be broken.”
They both froze. They were about to leave for to France… They couldn’t help their friend. It was painful for them to do nothing to help Acchan.
***
Acchan was working again. She hadn’t seen her manager yet. She wanted to leave the studio as soon as possible. She felt bad when she was working now. She didn’t feel as comfortable now… She was always anxious. She knew her play was probably horrible now. She couldn’t be her character. She couldn’t understand her character nor understand her feelings. All she had on mind was Hiroko. Hiroko… and what her manager did to her.
Just before the beginning of the recording, she had received a mail from her manager, telling her she would be waiting for her at the end of her work. She was afraid. She was afraid it might be true. As she opened the main door of the studio, she saw a black car waiting in the street. She knew this car. It was her manager’s. She felt like she had a lump in her stomach. She knew her manager had probably already seen her. All she could do was walking in the car’s direction.
As she reached the car, the door opened automatically.
“Remember,” her manager pointed to her as the idol sat by her side, “You own me popularity. To me, not to anybody else.”
What a cruel woman… But Acchan had no choice. She said nothing as the car left.
“Let’s go to my home this time…”
Acchan froze. It was the words she had feared almost everyday. She opened her mouth.
“Don’t say anything.” Her manager commanded.
“She’s going to kill me. She knows I talked to Miichan…” Acchan thought as she felt more anxious.
They arrived at Hiroko’s home. It was late. Acchan had no idea what the time could be. Midnight, maybe… Or one in the morning…
“Come in.” Hiroko said.
At the beginning, it was nothing bad. They ate together. As friend would do. Except Acchan didn’t feel she was eating with a friend. She felt Hiroko was a predator. A woman who waited to attack. But this time, Acchan felt ready. She felt ready to protect herself. Takamina would want her to protect herself. She would probably want her to attack too. She would say something like “Don’t let the other control you”. And Acchan wanted to do as Takamina would say.
“Sit here.” Hiroko said as she pointed the couch. “Don’t be afraid, I just want to talk.”
Acchan didn’t trust her for a second, but did as she said.
“See?” Her manager asked. “There’s nothing bad now. Stop believing I would rape you or something pervert like this. I’m not like this, understand?”
Achcan didn’t know if it was true, but she told herself that if it was, Hiroko would probably have done it. So she thought it must be true. But still, she was ready to attack.
“Let’s begin… Can I have your cell phone?”
***
Acchan left Hiroko house. She wasn’t asleep even though it was late. She had no idea how much time had passed. She was not crying, she was not sobbing… She was… nothing. She felt she had lost something about herself. She had been ready to attack… Like Takamina would probably have told her if she had called her.
But tonight, her manager went further than before… Acchan didn’t know exactly was her manager had done, but she had seen her sending a mail to someone. Then… She had taken her phone… And she had given her another one.
In her head, she had screamed so loud for help… For an unreachable help.
She opened her phone… Her new phone. She hoped it wasn’t too late… But it was. The only number she had on her phone was Hiroko’s. Takamina had changed her phone a week ago. She didn’t know her number by heart. She knew it because it was on her phone, but now… She was alone.
***
Takamina was in the airplane with the others members. They were ready to leave. The party had finished five hours ago. They had arrived to the airport at three o’clock in the morning. Two hours later, they were sitting in the airplanes, waiting for it to leave Narita airport. Takamina was smiling with excitement. She had waited all her life for this moment. France, AKB48, success… it was perfect.
“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Miichan asked Takamina for the third time.
“Stop worrying about me!” Takamina answered with an angry voice.
She was not that sad! She wanted the others to understand. If she needed to be mad at her for that, she would be! Sure, she would miss Acchan, but since she had not received news from her since three weeks, it wasn’t so bad. And she couldn’t help but feel disappointed about the fact that Acchan had talked to Miichan instead of her. She closed her eyes, waiting for the takeoff. She opened them faster. She had forgotten to close her phone. She opened it and was about to close it when she received a mail. Acchan’s name appeared on her screen. Her anger vanished as she read the words that were on the screen.
“I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
The airplane left at the same time. Takamina stared at the window for a long time. Mariko had told her not to cry… She didn’t. Was it true? Acchan really didn’t want to talk to her?
She wanted to get out of this airplane. But she was already gone.
TBC
ENDNOTE: Chapter 5's already finished since I had time because the forum was down. But I'll post it later... Or maybe sooner if I got many comments from you :grin:
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Thanks you so much for the update and for your having read my comments, I really didn't you would care (sorry about that) :P
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Yo, bou! Just wanted to leave a comment to let you know I'm still reading your fic. A great one at that.
But OMG...can I kill Acchan's manager!? C'mon, just let me throw a few punches so she looks like this -> :bleed eyes:
Of course, AFTER Takamina does the job first.
Seriously, that Hiro-ugh I don't even want to say her name. D: She goes way beyond creeper level.
I know she has a tiny bit of good intentions to keep Acchan's career on top...but what she's doing is just... ...is it my turn to beat her up yet? :tama-mad:
And what's worse is that from the beginning to end of this chapter, we knew Takamina (and AKB as a whole) wouldn't be in Japan to physically help Acchan if Acchan had the guts to just tell them straight of what's happening. :doh: And now there's a whole misunderstanding and more drama. :doh: :doh:
Oh well, I guess that's what I like about fics like this. So keep writing. :)
WTF, I've been a member here since 2008 and this is my first post!?...Congrats. XD *back to lurking and giving thanks*
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:shocked I want to friggin kill that manager of hers. QBOQBFBLAKSB! :banghead:
How could she be too cruel to Acchan... >_> She's so selfish...
And... what would happen now? Their friendship (or more than that) to be destroyed by this... :smhid
Anyway, I know how it is when you want to post something or read but the site has been down. I'm glad it is back on. ^^
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Is it alright to kill the manager of hers? Ya know like stay about a mile or so away with a sniper and go BANG~!? :3 that would be nice... that would be very nice... :D
on another note... please post up the next chapter (>.<) someone save Acchan!!! D;
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Hmmm... I've decided to take a page out of Acchan's manager's books.
I'm gonna be manipulative.
Since I know the both of you read my fic too... with-holding chapter 21 until I get an update from both you and FoF. :D
MWAHAHAHHA...
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Thanks for all your comments :bow: Okay, more enthusiasm: THANKS YOU!!!!! :bow: :cow:
So... look like everyone here wants to kill the manager :nervous
... Choose a number between 1 and 10 and the right one will get the chance to kill her! XD :lol:
By the way, immo, I hate you. :smhid
I was supposed to post it only Wednesday… but here's chapter 5! (Already?! O_O) I don't know for you guys, but I miss Taka and Acchan talking together...
Again, sorry for the mistakes.
Chapter 5
“I don’t want to talk to you…” This sentence hunts me. What do you mean by this? I’m coming back… I’m coming back to see you, Acchan. I’m glad I can come back sooner than the others members. Akimoto-san has been very nice with me. He gave me a week off. I worked hard on those two concerts, but I’m not going to participate to the AKBingo recording. I’m coming back now… I want to know the reason of your sudden rejection. We’ve been friends for a long time, right? Why did you suddenly say you didn’t want to talk me? I didn’t stop thinking about it all the time. I couldn’t even work properly. I thought I couldn’t do it.
Some fans were asking me about you, about your new life and your career. They were curious. It surprised me they knew so much about you. Some told me it was because they had people who were translating the Japanese articles about you. It surprised me to see them so organized about AKB48 things. It’s great, isn’t it? It means they really like us. But as they were asking me everything about you, I realized that I couldn’t answer. Are you truly happy? Are you working as hard as before? Do you miss AKB48 as hard as they miss you in the group? With whom are you working? Are they nice with you? What will you do once you’ll finish your drama? So many questions I didn’t know the answer. That’s when I realized I didn’t know anything about your new life. That’s when I realized how far you seemed from me.
I’m coming back now... because I want to see you. I want to learn about you again. Even if you don’t want to talk to me, I’ll look at you. Maybe you could see my feelings instead of hearing them.
***
Takamina was thinking about Acchan in the taxi. She was heading for her house. She was sleepy. Her trip to France had drained all her energy. And the fact that she was supposed to sleep (it was midnight in Paris) didn’t help her. She wanted to see her friend now… But she knew the first thing she would do if she saw Acchan’s bed would be sleeping. So she decided to go to her house first. She was going to need to have all her energy if there was a confrontation with Acchan. She wondered if the French fans already knew she was coming back sooner to Japan… The Japanese fans had already talked about it in the news. She sighed as she remembered how hard it was to have privacy in her life because she was an idol.
As the taxi stopped in front of her house, she opened her phone. There was no message. She had not received a mail from Acchan after the one that hunted her day and night. She had not sent an answer to it too. She thought what she had to say needed to be said in live. She walked in her house and lay down on her bed. As soon as her eyes were closed, she was sleeping. She missed her “good night” mails too.
***
She woke up earlier than she thought. To her surprise, Haruna had sent her a mail saying the entire group hoped she was alright and they hoped her airplane hadn’t crash. Very funny.
She suddenly remembered the reason why she had come back sooner. She had to talk to Acchan. It was a death or life question. She ate as fast as she could and went outside. It was sunny. It wasn’t cold neither hot. It was midday. It was perfect. Since she had no idea where Acchan was, she sent her a mail. Then, she waited for an answer. She waited… she didn’t know how long she had waited, but when the answer finally came, it was not really a nice one.
“Told you I didn’t want to talk to you.”
Takamina frowned. Even if it were true, Acchan would never be so cold with someone. Even if she… it broke her heart to think Acchan really didn’t want to talk to her. Maybe she should respect it… But she knew she couldn’t. She had to know the reason. Even if it was hopeless, she needed to know why her friend had changed so much. She didn’t recognize her. So she did the only thing she knew she had to do. She began to run in the street. If Acchan didn’t want to talk to her, she would force her to. She would find her and she would talk to her. She had already missed the chance to tell her how she felt during their last conversation after her graduation, she would not miss the chance now. Acchan needed to know how much Takamina missed her.
***
While Acchan was working hard on her episode, Hiroko closed her old phone. This Takamina had sent her a mail. After so long time, she thought she would have forgotten about Acchan! She had had no choice but to answer the same thing. Maybe she would understand now. She knew Acchan would never stop talking to her friend from AKB48. So she had to make her friend stop talking to her. She had to. She was sure of it. Really… all she did was because she was afraid for Acchan. She just knew if she told Acchan, she would not believe her. She knew maybe she was wrong… But she didn’t want the same thing to happen a second time.
“I hate you.”
She sent another mail… Just to be sure.
***
Takamina read the mail and froze. She hated her? Acchan said she hated her? After saying she didn’t want to talk to her anymore? Nothing could be worst than that. Nothing could be worst… How could it be? All the time they had passed together, had she already forgotten it? But then again, she had the feeling Acchan could never act like that. She had the feeling her friend, if she was still her friend, would never do something like that… So she ran even faster.
She was going to every place she knew Acchan liked. She was asking to the employees if they had seen her, if somebody they knew had seen her… but she got nothing but negative answers. She hated being in this kind of situation. She felt like she was chasing after something invisible. She felt like she was walking on an endless road. She felt like she was the only one trying to save their friendship… She kept repeating to herself that it couldn’t be true. It couldn’t be true… More than five years of friendship… It couldn’t be erased so easily.
She was out of breathe when she reached Acchan’s house. She would wait here. It may take all her the week off she had, but she would wait for her friend to come back. She sat on the stairs and waited. She was definitely going to talk to Acchan. She would wait… She would see her… She didn’t come back for nothing…
***
Acchan was walking towards her house. God, she had had a horrible day. Really, she began to hate this drama recording. Really… her work… it’s not that she didn’t like it, but she was even busier than when she was with AKB48. She had no time for herself. Fortunately for her, her drama would finish soon. In three days, she would finally finish it. Then, her manager had promised her the first week off for a year. She couldn’t wait for it. Speaking of her manager… she had been fine today. Unlike before… she had done nothing bad to her. But she frowned as she thought about their conversation. The day after Takamina and AKB48 had left… Maybe she wouldn’t do something as horrible again… Maybe all she needed to do was to change her cell phone. Great… The only thing missing was Takamina’s number. Okay, before she left AKB48, they weren’t sending mail to each other, but now it was the only way they had to communicate on a regular basic… Even though they hadn’t talk to each other for a moment.
She looked at the moon a little. It’d be great if she could go there… It seemed so peaceful, with nobody here to disturb you… She was still far from her house. She decided to stop at a conbini to buy something to eat. She was hungry. It was not too cold, but she bought a hot chocolate too. She liked it. Takamina liked it too. She had heard that the group would come back in three days. She had heard their concert had been nice. With lot of fans and so on… she would have liked to go there too. She wanted them to come back soon. If they did, there would have lot of interviews and she would watch the majority of them just to see her friends. It was an advantage they were so popular: she could see them everyday even if she wasn’t with the group anymore.
As she was reaching her house, she had almost finished her drink. God knew how much she wanted to sleep. Her house had two entries. The main one and a second one behind the house. For once, she decided to go with the second one because she would arrive near her bedroom. As she was walking towards the second entry, she saw someone sleeping in the stairs. Who was it? She couldn’t see it well because of the darkness. It couldn’t be her parents, they were out of town for work. What if it was a killer? Or a thief? Or worst… a crazy fan that wanted to do crazy things with her!
She went in her house and took a knife in her kitchen. Who ever the person was, she would protect herself. She was paranoid.
***
Takamina was not really sleeping even if it was late. She had slept enough this morning. She was thinking about what she was going to say to Acchan. She hoped she was coming back tonight because she didn’t want to catch a cold… Not that it was cold, but it wasn’t really comfortable. She wanted to come back home… She felt that if Acchan didn’t want to talk to her, she would avoid her. She would not come back to her home… She kept thinking about this mail she had received… What did she mean for God sake?! She hated her… She said she hated her… She said… What does the word “hate” meant to her anyways? Acchan couldn’t just decide she hated her like this! She was still thinking about this painful situation when she suddenly heard the door opened behind her and turned around.
Acchan was standing behind her, a big knife in her hand, ready to attack her.
She screamed.
And so did Acchan.
They both screamed in the middle of the night. When the neighbour light opened, they finally stopped. Takamina hurried and took the knife from Acchan’s hand.
“What the hell were you doing?!” She asked, almost screaming.
It wasn’t the kind of “hello” she expected. She knew Acchan didn’t want to talk to her but she didn’t expect her to kill her! She knew Acchan somehow hated her, but she didn’t except it to go so far. Acchan wanted to kill her!? What had she done?
“I thought you were a thief! I didn’t recognize you! You don’t wear a ribbon!”
“Eh? I don’t… what?!”
“Just kidding.”
They both stared at each other. Takamina gave her the knife.
“Sorry. I… I thought you wanted to kill me or something.”
Acchan avoided her eyes as she said:
“Um… Sorry, I’ve never thought it could be you.”
She realized who she was talking to.
“Ta… Takamina?”
Was she dreaming?
“Um… Long time no see, Acchan.”
No… She wasn’t.
“Aren’t you supposed to be… in Paris?”
Takamina didn’t answer the question.
“Can I come in?” She shyly asked.
“Sure.” Acchan answered, not knowing what else to do.
It was so sudden. She was happy to see her… But… Why was she here?
They went in Acchan’s bedroom. Even if there was nobody in the house, they felt better there.
“I’m glad to see you.” Acchan finally said after a minute of silence. “I’m so happy to see you! I’m…”
She hugged her friend. She deserved a better welcome than one with a knife. She was so happy to see her! Her Takamina was back!!!
“Really? Do you want me to suffer more later or what?” Takamina thought, even if she didn’t say it loud.
“Why are you here?” Acchan asked, wondering why Takamina was so far from Paris.
Takamina hesitated to answer. Now that she was here, she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to talk about it. It had been so long time…
“I wanted to see you.” She said, not adding the “why do you hate me” part. “Akimoto-san said I wasn’t myself after the concerts… He told me I could come back sooner. I came back yesterday…”
“So… You wanted to see me?”
Acchan didn’t know what to say either. It was surprising. She wanted to smile at Takamina, but somehow… because of her manager… she felt that she couldn’t.
“Well… It’s been a long time… and you know… I wanted to know if everything was fine.” She continued, not adding the “and why do you hate me?” part again.
Acchan smiled to her friend. Even if they weren’t in the same group, Takamina still cared for her. It was cute… But Acchan could see in Takamina’s eyes that there was something else.
“Everything is fine.” She lied. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m sorry… I know I haven’t talk to you a lot… I was busy.”
Takamina smiled to her, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes. Was Acchan lying in front of her? Saying she was glad and everything… Takamina was glad too, but remembering the “I hate you” message tormented her.
“So… Anything new?” Takamina said with a happier voice.
“My work’s going well. I’ll have a week off in three days… Maybe we can go somewhere together…”
“Really?” Takamina asked as hope appeared in her eyes. Maybe Acchan didn’t hate her that much finally…
It seemed that they had not gone somewhere together for a year! Well, it was near reality.
“Why are you looking at me like I just told you something incredible?”
“It is incredible!” Takamina said while she was laughing a little. “You’ve been so busy!”
“You were too!” Acchan answered, smiling too.
It was nice they could still smile together and laugh as good friends.
“You know…” Takamina began as she remembered the main reason why she had come. “I want to talk to you… Even if you don’t… I want to. I told you that remember? That we’ll still talk together even if we become old ladies.”
Acchan frowned. It had been a long time. Couldn’t they just laugh together? Why did she have to be so serious? Please… Acchan hated being serious after such a hard day.
“What do you mean?” Acchan asked.
Takamina didn’t answer. It was like she couldn’t speak. She didn’t want to talk about something so depressing.
“What do you mean?” Acchan insisted as she forced Takamina to look at her by holding her shoulder.
Takamina looked at Acchan. How could she hate her, even after receiving such a mail? She was cute. She was even cuter since the last time she had seen her. No…She was gorgeous. She could just stare at her forever and she would be happy. Anything but being far away from her again. She felt a little guilty to think something so pervert about her friend though. She couldn’t think of her friend that way, it was impossible.
“Stop talking to me so friendly…” Takamina whispered as she avoided Acchan’s eyes again.
Acchan frowned. Even though Takamina had not finished her phrase, she knew her so well she could tell the end. “It hurts.” It hurt her because she was friendly? It wasn’t what she expected…
“I’m sorry,” she said softly, “I usually talk in a friendly way to my friend.”
She had said the last part with a smile in her face, trying to make her friend happy too. But it didn’t work. Takamina was still avoiding her eyes. Acchan didn’t like this situation. She felt as bad as with Hir… Okay, maybe not as bad, but not at ease.
“You know… your mails… I’ve kept them in my cell phone. I haven’t erased them.” She whispered. “Because it’s the only way we could talk together.”
Acchan was glad to hear that. She had kept the ones Takamina had sent to her too… But they were on her other cell phone. The one her manager had cruelly… She didn’t want to remember this. Oh right, she wanted Takamina’s number… But before she could say anything, she heard Takamina’s painful voice telling her:
“Even the one where you said you didn’t want to talk to me.”
It took a few seconds to Acchan to understand what she had said.
“What?” Acchan asked.
“Even the one… you said you hated me.” Takamina whispered again, without answering Acchan’s question.
Acchan slowly turned Takamina’s head so she could see her better. She knew Takamina hated being so close to someone, but she was her friend and there was no way she could accept something like this.
“These mails… Can I see them?” She asked with a gentle voice even though she had a murderer feeling growing up in her heart.
She knew Takamina was shy. And she also knew how much Takamina was about to cry. She knew her very well. She could tell Takamina would cry if she asked her something too abruptly. She knew the true Takamina. The one the fans didn’t know. The one the others members couldn’t even see. She knew the boyish girl who was ready to do anything to prove she was strong enough. She knew the shy little girl who was afraid of loosing something important to her. She knew the idol who sometimes wanted to have a normal life. She knew the pink fangirl she was. She knew the funny person always ready to laugh with others. She knew the cute side of Takamina when she was in front of ribbons… Most of all, she knew her best friend like no one ever did.
Takamina gave her cell phone to Acchan. She hesitated a little before… What if Acchan had forgotten about it? What if… it was an accident? Would Acchan remember this and told her it was true? While her friend was taking a look at it, she looked at her bedroom. It’s been such a long time. Then… she noticed…
“Where is your dog? You know… The smaller...”
“He died.” Acchan answered, still looking at Takamina’s phone.
Takamina flinched. He died? Why didn’t she learn it before? Why didn’t Acchan tell her that? She must had been so sad… Knowing the ex face of AKB48 very well, she knew Acchan had probably cried a lot... alone. Why didn’t she call her?
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She hesitantly asked.
“I didn’t want to bother you. It was when the new single has just been released.”
Takamina forgot about the “I hate you” mail and hugged her friend, even if Acchan was still looking at the mails with a serious look in her face. She knew her friend had always wanted to support pain by herself, but she knew it must have been hard. And she knew behind those serious eyes was hiding a shy and hurt girl.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.” She just said.
She didn’t move. She knew it would change nothing if she did something else. Just being there was enough. Acchan suddenly broke the silence as she said:
“I changed my phone.”
Her voice was serious… but also… Takamina wasn’t sure, maybe sad? Or guilty?
“What?”
“Someone stole my cell phone. I bought a new one.”
She showed it to Takamina. A mini black ribbon was hanging on it. She had bought it when she had been alone. She put it elsewhere when she was with her manager. If she ever knew about it… As Takamina stared at the mini ribbon, Acchan pointed:
“I bought it because I thought it would help me. Whenever I see it, I think of you so it makes me laugh.”
“Hey, what do you mean by “laugh”?” Takamina asked, pretending to be mad.
“Nothing…” Acchan smirked.
Takamina stared at the ribbon, then Acchan, then the ribbon again. Why didn’t she have one! She wanted it so bad! It was so cute! It was a ribbon! For a moment, she just forgot about what they were talking about.
“I bought one for you too.” Acchan said as she gave her a mini pink version of the same ribbon. “I thought you would like it.”
Takamina smiled. She had a mini ribbon! Her friend knew her so well… She immediately hanged it on her phone before she said:
“So… When did you changed you phone?”
“Um… I don’t remember exactly when.” She lied with confidence. “But I never sent you these mails.”
Takamina forgot how to breathe for a moment.
“You didn’t?” She asked.
“Never.”
Takamina blinked.
“Then… Who…?”
“I don’t know. I lost my phone.” Acchan lied again.
She didn’t like to lie so much to her friend, but she didn’t want her to know about her problem. She would resolve it alone. And Takamina had probably enough problems like that, she didn’t need to bother her more.
“That’s great!” Takamina sighed, relieved.
“I really thought you hate me!” The captain added, smiling a little.
Takamina pretended the problem was done… But somehow she felt that Acchan was hiding something from her. She could tell it just by the way she looked at her. And really, how could Acchan loose her phone? She was the person that used it the most in the world! And didn’t she say someone stole her phone? Wait a minute, did she loose it, or did somebody steal it? She didn’t understand anything. Where was her damn phone?!
“You know I would never hate you!” Acchan said.
“Well, you know… when you stopped your mails…”
“I’m sorry about that. I had more work…”
“Oh yeah… Not that I was waiting for them every night, not at all. I just thought… maybe you didn’t want to talk me…”
Acchan smiled at Takamina. She was so cute when she was afraid of loosing her! If she wasn’t her best friend, she could just fall in love with her cuteness side.
“There’s no way I would stop talking to you.” She said.
At the same time, she made the promise to have a good talk with Hiroko. She couldn’t just send mail to her friends like this! Now she understood why Takamina had wanted to see her so much! Others would think she hated them! She didn’t hate them! How could she ever hate Takamina! Once she had also lov-… liked her very much. There was no way she could hate her.
Every tense there was seemed to disappear after this simple phrase. Takamina was so relieved, she just didn’t know what to say. She didn’t need to say anything, Acchan could read it in her eyes.
“Remember, we’re friends. It won’t ever change.” Acchan said seriously.
“Yeah…” Takamina said.
Somehow… She didn’t like the word “friend” to describe their relationship. But she didn’t know why. She was so happy to know Acchan didn’t hate her she couldn’t think properly.
“So… You came back from Paris to see me because you were THAT anxious?” Acchan asked, amusing.
“Don’t laugh!” Takamina blushed. “It’s normal to be anxious, right? If the same thing had happened to you, you would have just stayed there and did nothing?”
“No…” Acchan thought as she nodded. “I would have fled to Paris to see you… But you don’t need to know that.”
“You would?!” Takamina said as she saw her friend nodded.
“Who knows…” Acchan pretended as she looked at the roof.
“How cruel!” Takamina said as she threw her a cushion.
“Hey, don’t do that!” Acchan replied as she did the same.
“What the…?”
They began to run in the house, forgetting about the awkward conversation they just had. As they were jumping everywhere, Takamina accidently broke a vase in the living room.
“I’m sorry!” She said as she stopped to take the pieces.
She knew it was Acchan’s favourite vase. It was the one her grandmother had gave her before she died. Acchan was looking at her, pretending to be “really” mad. Well, she was, but not as much as she pretended to be.
“How could you?!” She screamed as Takamina finished cleaning.
She went in her room and slapped the door while a speechless Takamina was looking at her. Takamina had no idea why she looked so mad… She knew it was important but…
“Acchan?” She asked as she slowly opened the door.
At the moment her head was in Acchan’s bedroom… She received a pillow in her face. The time it took for her to stop being surprise, Acchan was already in the kitchen, hiding herself under the table.
“I’m gonna kill you!” Takamina said as she ran after her with the same pillow. “You are so dead!”
Really… She had missed Acchan a lot.
***
“Merci de votre soutient!” Miichan screamed to the fans.
They were recording AKBingo and some fans had recognized them in the street. It was great she had learned this easy phrase to thank the fans. She was happy people recognized them in such an unknown country for them. They were taking a little break. Later, they would have a “Muchaburi Dodgeball”... French version. She was afraid of it. She didn’t know what the punishment would be, but she knew it would probably be worst than usual. But the overseas fans would enjoy it. Especially the French one because they were probably going to speak French… How nice…
“Hey, look!” Haruna said as she gave her cell phone to Miichan.
Miichan looked a bit. It was Acchan’s blog. She read it.
“No way! She’s with Takamina?!” She almost screamed as she saw the picture of the two friends smiling together… and some feather in the background.
“Everybody…
Takamina is here! (^_^)
LOOK! SHE’S HERE!
*picture*
Do you remember Takamina? From AKB48!
It’s been a long time! I’m so happy!
She didn’t change at all, she’s still 148.5 cm!
I love you Takamina <3
Stay here! <3”
Miichan stared at the picture for a moment. So Takamina came back to Japan to see Acchan? It was great… But did it mean Takamina had left AKB48 to see Acchan? It was really surprising… But thank to that…
“She looks really happy on this picture.” Miichan pointed to Haruna. “She has this huge smile I haven’t seen for long time. The one she seemed to have only with Acchan.”
“Yeah… And Acchan too. They both looked like it’s the best day of their life!” Yuko added as she saw it by looking over Haruna’s shoulder. “It’s great, isn’t it?”
They nodded. They both looked great on this picture. It had been a long time since they had seen Takamina’s smiled reach her eyes.
They had almost finished sending a message to Acchan as they saw another post, following the first one. They looked at the time. One hour had passed since the first post. It meant they were still together after an hour. Really… they could hardly believe Takamina would be with Acchan instead of AKB48. She was their leader, right? The others members learned about this fact too. They were… shocked.
“Look at this!
*Picture of a broken vase*
“She broke it! （；_・）
She really broke it!
*Picture of Acchan pretending to be mad at Takamina*
Guys, I have a question for you!
Would you forgive a friend who broke something precious for you?”
Miichan stared at Haruna, who stared at Yuko, who was staring at Miichan. What the hell was going on? Takamina had REALLY left to be with Acchan? They thought it was because she didn’t work well! Even if the post had been posted only for two minute, there were already some comments about it. Fans were hungry for what they once called TakAcchan or even Atsumina. It had been a long time.
“I would because my friend is someone precious to me too!”
“I don’t mind as long as she does something to apologize!”
“You two looked so cute together!”
Okay, the last one wasn’t an answer, but it was cute. Miichan looked at it for a second time. Really… Acchan didn’t look sad at all.
***
Hiroko sighed as she saw the two posts Acchan had made. She knew Takamina was her best friend back when she was in AKB48. And now she knew she was back. Acchan’s best friend. She closed her phone as she frowned. She didn’t want Acchan to see her.
**Two days later**
Takamina was waiting outside the studio. Today was the beginning of Acchan’s week off. AKB48 would come back later today. She felt guilty to have done nothing while all the others members had worked so hard, but she was happy Akimoto-san had given her time to relax. She needed it. And she was ready to work even if she still had some days off… But now she just wanted to enjoy her time with Acchan. They were supposed to go in a café.
As Takamina was waiting outside, Acchan had problems with her manager inside. Her manager knew she couldn’t just say to Acchan “You won’t have your week off because you saw your old friend.” It wasn’t a good reason for it. All she had to do was to make sure Acchan would not pass too much time with her old friend.
“I have a collection of cell phone.” She said. “I can easily bring you another one, so stay away from her.”
“No. I can’t.” Acchan frowned. “I don’t mind now. If I want to see my friend, I don’t see why I couldn’t.”
When she had seen Takamina, she had realized how much she wanted to share good times with her again. She had realized that she could fight with her manager. Anyways, it was her job to help her, not to control her. But it looked like Hiroko didn’t see it the same way.
“Really?” Hiroko asked as she narrowed her eyes. “Remember I can make a scandal whenever I want.”
“But you won’t.” Acchan said though she was a little scared.
“And why do you think so?”
“Because you are my manager. If there is a scandal, you would have problems too. People may not trust you as much as they do now.”
“I’m going to make sure it has nothing to do with me. You think I’m stupid or what? Anyways, just do as I told you and everything will be fine. No scandal, no fear, no popularity decreasing.”
“But-”
“No. Nothing. You just listen to me! Trust me! How many times should I tell you that so you could finally understand? You made a promise right?!”
Acchan froze. The promise… She hadn’t agreed with it. She had been forced. She saw Takamina through the window. She and her manager were just at the exit of the studio. She could see her. But she didn’t think Hiroko had seen her yet.
“I’m not going to listen to your stupid rules anymore!”
As soon as she pronounced it, she regretted it. Seeing Takamina gave her strength… But maybe a little too much.
“What did you just say?” Hiroko said with a frightening voice.
Acchan didn’t answer as Hiroko grabbed her arm.
“I told you to trust me!” She said. “I told you I knew what I was doing.”
Acchan had doubts about it. She thought about what had happened two days ago. She had seen Takamina… She had had so much fun with her! Even though she had broken her vase, even though she had pretended to kill her, it had been so fun! It had been one of the happier moments since two months! They had exactly done the same they did when they were both in AKB48: Having fun. They had not cared too much about their problem. As soon as they had resolved the “cell phone” case, they had forgotten it and had played together as old friends. Nothing had changed between them.
“I don’t want you to send any mails to my friends like you did for Takamina!” She managed to say.
“It was the best thing to do. You don’t need her.”
“You don’t know what I need…”
“Of course I do!” Her manager interrupted her. “Your friend is useless to you.”
Acchan stared at her manager for a second. She seemed to hate Takamina so much… Why?
“This Takamina… She will betray you one day! If not, she will leave AKB48 for you and just be a normal person. She won’t be popular. She doesn’t live in the same world as yours.”
“It’s not a reason to make her believing I hate her! I don’t hate her! I’m her friend and I will still be! It’s not you who will tell me who I should choose for friends.”
“Really?”
Before Acchan could say something, Hiroko brought her outside. The idol’s heart was pounding. What again… Will Hiroko go farther than… As her manager began to bring her towards her car, she saw Takamina waiting. And Takamina saw Acchan going outside the studio too, forced by a strange woman. She didn’t move though… Somehow… it reminded her someone.
“She’s already here…” Hiroko whispered to herself.
Acchan didn’t say anything even if she wanted to run towards her friend as soon as possible. She didn’t want Takamina to believe she had problem with her manager. She thought the way her manager was looking at Takamina was weird. She… She had a dreamy look, like she thought about something. Hiroko let her go.
“She’s already here.” She said coldly. “I guess you can go now… But this is the last time. Listen to me next time and stop seeing her! Remember our promise!”
She left. Acchan started walking towards Takamina who did the same.
“Hey! Everything’s fine?” Takamina asked.
She wasn’t shy anymore since she knew Acchan still wanted to see her.
“Yeah…” Acchan answered without conviction.
“Are you sure?”
Acchan didn’t answer. She saw Hiroko looking at her from inside her car.
“Is she your manager?” Takamina asked.
Acchan nodded. She had never told her friend who her manager was. Takamina frowned a little before she said:
“I’ve heard about her… She’s Hiroko Sato, right?”
TBC
ENDNOTE: Just before anyone had the great idea to think like *cough*thedeath93*cough*NoOffense*cough* : I read all you comments and when there's a modification to do, I do it. If you ever want to tell me an idea/suggestion/something to improve/something too extreme/something you dislike/something you like/something you want to happen/and so on, just tell me and I'll try to do something because YES I DO CARE ABOUT IT :thumbup
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OMG!!! I've just surfing around and you post the new chap!! I'm so lucky!! XD XD
And..do I imagine, or just my feeling that somehow Hiroko and Takamina knew each other? Like they... have some past things or something..the weird look from Hiroko toward Takamina and the reminding from Takamina..
You make me really,really curious!! You're talented! Please update soon..
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:shocked NEW CHAP! :twothumbs
I'm an emotional person and I read this chapter with instrumentals of Nakeru Basho & Kimi ni Tsuite.. :nervous
I love TakaMina and Acchan finally talking again. :D This chapter is so touching. :thumbsup Love it.
Though I don't really know why Hiroko hates TakaMina or dislikes Acchan's AKB48 friends. With this chapter, things came up and I got a few thoughts about it.
Maybe, like dee1711 said, TakaMina and Hiroko knew each other?
Maybe Hiroko was abandoned/hated by her friends when she left the idol industry? or when she got famous, she was forgotten? That's why she's doing those cruel things to Acchan because in her mind, when Acchan becomes more famous than now, she would be forgotten or be in different worlds with her AKB48 friends and she wouldn't need them anymore?
But I don't know. ^^; Just ideas and thoughts. Will wait for the next chapter. Keep them coming. :thumbsup
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She thought the way her manager was looking at Takamina was weird. She… She had a dreamy look, like she thought about something.
WTF.. Is Hiroko crushing on Minami now.. :lol: .. Great chapter BTW :twothumbs .. finally some Minami-Acchan live interaction post-Acchan's Graduation..
Can't wait for more update from you..
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Great great great chapter :cow:
Waiting for the next update. :D
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Had to read the last two chap you posted and I could conclude that Hiroko is one messed up character. :angry:
Like seriously, what the hell is her problem blackmailing Maeda like that?! And for her to tell Maeda to stop communicating with her friends?! :smhid
I'm somehow glad that she didn't rape Maeda though. If she did then someone should: CUT HER HEAD OFF! :lol:
I feel bad for Maeda who seems to be struggling quite a bit with her new manager. Though, it seems that Taka is struggling a bit too. :lol:
I'm curious to know what kind of past this Hiroko psycho has. And for her to look at Taka 'in a dreamy way'? Is she crushing on her or something that's why she's trying to keep Maeda away from her? A crazy fan of Taka perhaps? Intriguing... :lol:
Cute Takaachan scene and Maeda blogging about Taka is so like in reality. :lol:
Can't wait to read more! Update as soon as you can. XD
and yeah, I know it's evil of me to say this but...i'm actually glad that immo is doing his/her evil thing on you too. kinda makes me feel that i'm not alone with his/her evilness. hehehehe. sorry bou-j525. don't worry, you're not alone. *pats your back* :lol:.
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Hello guys! I wanted to wait for immo new's chapter... but I decided to post my new chapter today coz I won't have time to do it until Tuesday and, unlike a certain person I won't name *cough*immo*cough*, I don't want you to wait too long!
Here's some quotes... coz I have time tonight XD
I'm an emotional person and I read this chapter with instrumentals of Nakeru Basho & Kimi ni Tsuite.. :nervous
OMG :lol: Sorry, really, but I NEEDED to quote this xD Something similar happened to me once...
Great chapter BTW :twothumbs .. finally some Minami-Acchan live interaction post-Acchan's Graduation..
Yeah, sorry it took a long time I know... Speaking of it, more TakAcchan/AtsuMina interaction will come from chapter 8. But it doesn't mean chapters 6-7 are not important. THEY ARE IMPORTANT because... it will help with TakAcchan/AtsuMina later XD SO READ CHAPTERS 6-7 TOO!
and yeah, I know it's evil of me to say this but...i'm actually glad that immo is doing his/her evil thing on you too. kinda makes me feel that i'm not alone with his/her evilness. hehehehe. sorry bou-j525. don't worry, you're not alone. *pats your back* :lol:.
How dare you :smhid But as you can see, I'm not like you and immo and I post my chapter even if immo didn't. So... why don't you leave me out of this and continue this "game" only you two? XD Tsssss :smhid
And finally: THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENTS AND "THANKS" :bow:
Also, sorry (again) for the mistakes. I feel I have to say sorry at the beginning of each chapter, so yeah...
Chapter 6
“I’ve heard about her… She’s Hiroko Sato, right?”
Acchan froze. Had her friend heard about her manager?
“Yes… It’s her.” She slowly said, unsure about what to say.
Did she really want to know what Takamina knew about her? Yes.
“Really? I’ve never thought she would work as a manager!” Takamina said with a surprised voice.
“Why?” Acchan frowned.
“Because she’s…”
Takamina suddenly stopped talking. She looked like someone who was going to say something bad. She took a deep breathe and started again.
“Didn’t you hear about her?”
“Well…”
“But she’s your manager! How could you not know? Oh… Well, now that I think about it they destroyed every article about her…”
Takamina stared a little at her friend, wondering if she were really serious. How could she ignore it? Hiroko Sato… She had seen her name in almost every newspaper when she was fourteen years old. Right, it had been a long time so maybe Acchan didn’t read the newspaper at this time but still… She must had watched TV right? It had been on TV too! And also… Hiroko Sato, how could she forget her? She was… It was her, for God sake…
“She was the child of the most popular actress of the 80s, Sayuri Okamoto. She took the name of her father though, that’s why their names are different.”
What was Takamina talking about? Acchan had never heard anything about her. Well… She didn’t really like the 80s life style so it was a bit normal. And she didn’t like to listen to the news too so… Yeah, when she was young, she had no interest at all about actuality. Her life was something as simple as school, friends, family and most of all: food. She kinda wished she could come back to the times where she was just a little child… And where the biggest problem she had was to know what she was going to eat.
“But people must only knows her mother, not Hiroko herself.” Acchan said.
“Not exactly…” Takamina continued as they began to walk toward the café. “Sure, at the beginning, they only knew her mother… In fact, every drama she did was the most popular the week later, so even if they tried to ignore it, they couldn’t. I even think she was one of the best actresses of all history of Japan. And you know what? I think she began her career as an idol.”
Acchan started to understand a little what her friend meant. If her mother were so popular, Hiroko must have been well known too, even if she were just a child. The child of a star… must have been hard.
“And then, Hiroko Sato grew up. When she was thirteen, a production company wanted her to be an actress too. They thought she must have the same talent as her mother. But all she wanted was to have a normal life. She was aware of the popularity of her mother, but all she wanted was to enjoy her time with her. Her father had left them when she was young.”
Acchan could easily imagine a young Hiroko who just wanted to have a normal life. It wasn’t her fault if her mother were so popular. They arrived at the café. As they were waiting for their meals, Takamina said:
“She hated having a famous mother. She said she could never be alone with her. She began to hate the photographs, the medias and even her mother’s fans. Once, someone has tried to kidnap her to have money. I think she was young when it arrived… maybe around seven, I’m not sure. Since that day, her mother has protected her a lot. She was really closed to her… well at least when she was there. I think Sayuri almost left her job for a year in order to have time with her daughter. She knew she didn’t share enough time with her and she probably knew too that Hiroko was sad about it.”
Their meals arrived. Acchan wanted to know more about Hiroko. How come she didn’t know about all those things? Seriously… she had never really asked her manager about anything. The only thing she kinda knew about her was that… she could be violent.
“When she came back to her work, Hiroko was smiling all the time in the pictures they took together for the newspapers. It looked like everything was fine after this year off. And the producers soon decided to bring her back in front of the cameras. She was as famous as before. It looked like if nothing had happened. Her fans were waiting for her. Even people who didn’t really care about her were waiting for her because they had heard about her hiatus.”
Acchan felt suddenly bad about it. She knew what was going to happen.
“One day, she was late for a recording. Remember when I told you she began her career by being an idol? Well, I think that day, an old friend from her idol group had called her. They were long date friends. Her friend had had an accident and she wanted her to help her. Hiroko’s mother had once again chosen her friend over her work. She had helped her instead of going to her recording. To Sayuri, nothing was more important then friendship. She had made sacrifices to be popular and she didn’t want to make the same mistakes. She had lost a friend because she had only thought about her career. But this time, it was her best friend and she didn’t want to loose her.”
Really? It was surprising. It was rare to see famous people leaving their work for someone else. Seeing the surprising look of Acchan, Takamina added:
“Well, Hiroko’s mother and her friend were really closed. They were best friend for a long time, if I’m not mistaken. And then, after she has helped her, Sayuri realized she was late for work. And it was one of the most important drama because it was going to be presented overseas. So she hurried because she knew she had to do it at time if she didn’t want her career to go down. But…”
Acchan stopped eating. She knew what was coming. Her friend asking her for help, her choosing to help her friend instead of working, her being late for an important work…
“But she has an accident as she was going to the studio. She has a car accident.”
Acchan stopped breathing. Now that she thought a bit more about it, her parents had talked about it when she was young… But she hadn’t listened to them. She had not cared about it. And the reason was pretty stupid. At this time, she thought the name “Okamoto” was ugly. So she hadn’t listened to them... And now she regretted it.
“Sayuki died right away. The ambulance driver didn’t even need to go to the hospital to know she was dead. There was blood everywhere. The picture has been shown everywhere. The popular actress was now known as someone who had chosen her friend over her work and who had obviously regretted it.”
“What about…” Acchan asked, without even finishing her phrase.
“Hiroko was seventeen. She has learned it by the news. She saw it on TV. She read about it in the newspapers. She heard her friends talking about it behind her back. She saw her mother covered by blood everywhere. She was almost dreaming of it. But she was old enough to take care of herself, so nobody really helped her.”
Acchan was speechless. Was it really the past of her manager? Her manager… the woman so strong who talked with her with a powerful voice?
“Hiroko…” Takamina said as she looked Acchan in the eyes. “Everything she knew about her mother’s death, she had learned it because of the medias. Right after the accident, she put the blame on Sayuri’s friend. The one who had called her for help. To her, her mother had died only because she had decided to help her friend instead of going to work. She knew her mother and the other woman were really closed when they were both on the idols group. So she put the blame on her, saying it was her fault her mother has died.”
“Why did she do that?”
“Because everything she knew was coming from the news. In the newspapers and even on TV, the reporters always said that her mother had decided to help a friend. They made her believing that, if her mother hadn’t help her friend, she would still be alive. They made her believing that because of her friend, Sayuri was dead.”
Acchan could perfectly understand the situation. Hiroko had thought her mother died because of a close friend… But it was only an accident…
“She said she hated idols. She said she hated medias. She said she hated her mother’s friend for being so selfish by calling her the day she had to work on the most important job of her life. She said she would never work in such a cruel industry where everything has to be perfect. And even if she liked her mother a lot, she said she couldn’t forgive her for choosing her friend over her work. She even talked to her mother’s friend, blaming her for her death.”
“But…”
Accchan stopped talking. There was nothing to say. And Takamina looked really serious.
“When she had learned it, she had felt alone. She had lost her mother. A mother who wasn’t with her all the time, but who cared a lot for her. She had been so alone… She was so sad… Nobody helped her…”
Acchan frowned. How Takamina could know how Hiroko had felt? And… Takamina looked sad too. It was impossible she knew everything like this. Why was she sad for someone so cruel like her?! Oh right, her past was sad… and she hadn’t told Takamina about what Hiroko had done to her. Takamina paused a little before she said:
“That’s why I’m so surprised she decided to be your manager. Because she said she hated this industry…”
Acchan felt there was something more behind Takamina’s words. Right, Hiroko was mad after the industry, she blamed the death of her mother on her friend… she realized it was really similar to her situation. She was a popular actress. Her career had begun because of an idols group… And she still talked to her friends from this group too. She still thought a lot about her friends, especially Takamina, from AKB48. Maybe Hiroko was afraid the same thing may happen to her… But would she choose her friends over her work like Sayuri did? And Acchan was still a little surprised Takamina knew everything.
“It’s not all…” Takahashi whispered.
Acchan stared at her friend. She looked… confused. She looked… sad. She looked like she was trying to remember something from her past.
“What?” Acchan asked.
It wasn’t the kind of meeting she had thought she would have with Takamina, but it was important. It was about her manager. What she learned now could help her to figure out a lot of things. Like the reason why Hiroko hated idols so much.
“What surprised me the most about the fact that she’s your manger is not that she had said she hated this industry…”
Takamina opened her cell phone. She had pictures of her friends, of her family, but also of famous people she admired. Except Nakamori Akina, she also had one of Sayuki Okamoto.
“Here.” She said as she showed it to Acchan. “She was young… maybe around twenty when this picture was taken, but it’s her.”
Acchan frowned as she looked at the picture.
“I think you got the wrong picture.” She said.
Takamina denied it.
“It’s her. It’s Sayuri Okamoto.” She confirmed.
Acchan froze as she realized what her friend was trying to tell her. She and Sayuri looked alike. A lot.
***
Acchan frowned as she thought about the conversation she had had earlier the same day with Takamina. They had left each other after their meeting at the café. It wasn’t the way Acchan thought she would celebrate the beginning of her week off, but… what she had learned was great. Now that she thought more about it, she had never learned nor asked anything to Hiroko about her past. Well, usually, people didn’t ask that kind of question to their manager since they only had to work with them. Personals problems weren’t the most important thing to know… But knowing that her mother had been so famous and had had such a tragic death was chocking. Was it the reason why Hiroko was so mad about her thinking about her old friends? It would be stupid… she wasn’t like her mother was. Well, now that she mentioned it… The picture Takamina had shown to her was… special. It looked a lot like her! Same hairstyle, same face, same cute smile to the camera… And hell she had thought she was looking at a picture of herself! Hiroko couldn’t believe she was the reincarnation of her mother, right?
RIGHT?
And something else was bothering her. The way Takamina looked when she had spoken about Sayuri Okamoto was strange. Sure, Acchan knew Takamina had told her everything she knew… but she felt that she hid something from her. She knew her enough to know when something was wrong and she could tell that this afternoon, she had hid something from her. She didn’t know what, but Takamina had looked confused when she had learned Hiroko was her manager. And it wasn’t only because of Hiroko’s mother sad story.
Acchan fell asleep as she thought that, even if she had her first week off, she would have to meet her manager to talk about it. She couldn’t just let her control her because of something that had happened years ago.
***
Takamina had just waked up from a great ten hours night when her cell phone rang. She saw Miichan’s number and sighed. Right, AKB48 had come back yesterday… And they probably knew now why she had come back to Japan earlier… And they probably wanted to have a great and long… painful talk with her.
“Hello?” She said.
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” Miichan’s angry voice asked.
Takamina could easily imagine Haruna and Yuko listening to their conversation. Usually, it was her who was angry at the others when they weren’t working… She could understand a little why Miichan was so mad about her.
“I asked you: WHERE…… HAVE YOU BEEN?” Miichan repeated when she heard nothing.
She had suddenly yawned in the middle of her sentence, making it looking way less serious than before.
“Are you alright?” Takamina asked with a little voice.
“Well, unlike you, I didn’t sleep tonight because I was at the airport! You know… coming back from work!”
Miichan was really glad Takamina looked happy from Acchan’s picture on her blog, but she hadn’t taken the fact that the captain wasn’t working while they were. She was the captain, for God sake! And she Haruna and Yuko were thinking the same thing but were too shy to scream at the captain. Well, she wasn’t too shy! She would show her she wasn’t happy about it.
“Akimoto-san told me I could come back to Japan because I wasn’t feeling well.”
“You would be supposed to sleep then, not playing with Acchan.” Miichan retorted.
“I was sleeping right now!”
“Well, yesterday you went to see Acchan and had a great time with her while WE were working hard on AKBingo’ special episode!”
“But-”
She stopped her sentence, hearing Haruna and Yuko trying to calm Miichan a little. It didn’t work. It was rare Miichan was upset but now…
“What do you mean by “but”?!” She almost screamed. “Don’t you think we’re tired too? Don’t you think we want to sleep too? Don’t you think we want a break sometimes too and we just want to relax a little?! Don’t you think we miss Acchan too? So what? We don’t take a break because we know we have to work. We know we have to work for the fans. We know we can’t just stop because we miss somebody! As Team A captain, you should know that too!”
There was a moment of silence before Miichan sighed:
“There has been a lot of graduation and none of them has made you stop working. Probably because you knew you had to work for your dream. And you knew the fans were counting on us to keep on going stronger than before. You knew you had to show the fans that it wasn’t because a member has left the group that we couldn’t work as hard as before.”
Takamina could hear Haruna and Yuko trying to take off the phone from Miichan’s hands. She could hear them imploring her to stop about it. She could hear them saying that she would kill them. Was it really the reputation she had in the group?! She wasn’t a killer!
“Takamina, what Miichan means is that… We don’t recognize you. You’ve never stopped working before because of such a simple reason like this. The girl we used to know would encourage the others, not being encouraging by them… The girl we used to know would never stop working to see an old friend just because she missed her, you know that.”
Hearing Yuko told her that made Takamina sad. Yuko was someone who could be really serious when she talked to someone. And now, she was. Takamina frowned. It wasn’t the first time someone told her something like this. It was… the fourth time… The fifth maybe? She suddenly realized something. Was Yuko telling her that…
“Takamina, what you did… It’s like you decided Acchan was more important than AKB48. You know… leaving PARIS to come back sooner just to see her… You know, PARIS! I mean, we know you miss her but still…”
“Please Yuko, don’t tell me you seriously think I’m going to stop working in AKB48 because of Acchan!” Takamina finally managed to say.
There was no answer.
“Come on guys!” Takamina insisted. “You know I’m not like that. You can’t be so mad about it!”
“We thought everything had come back to normal before we left for Paris. You were working, you were doing your best… you were smiling…”
“I’m not that sad! And I still smile!” Takamina answered. Did Yuko think she was going to kill herself or what?
Her friends had first thought she was going to kill then, then they believed she wanted kill herself… Why did her reputation always need to be about death?!
“When will you come back?” Miichan asked as she seemed to have the control on her phone.
“Well… I still have four days off.”
“Do you feel sick?”
“Um… No.”
“Who are you and what did you do to Takamina.” Haruna’s voice reached the phone after a moment of silence.
“You are not going to work for four days and you aren’t even sick?!” Yuko asked right after.
“Before Acchan’s graduation, Takamina would have never done that!” Miichan protested a second later.
Takamina sighed. It was useless to talk to her friends this way.
“Aren’t you have days off too guys?” She asked.
“It’s different! We just came back from France, it’s normal for us to be free a little! But you didn’t just come back, you’re here for half a week!”
“Can’t I miss Acchan and want to see her?!” Takamina grumbled, becoming slightly impatient.
“Can’t we be mad at you because you DID choose Acchan instead of your work and it’s not normal?!”
Who was talking? Takamina frowned because she didn’t hear well.
“We miss her too! But hey, it’s been a year! Stop thinking about it and bring your ass here so I can tell you what I think about it!”
Mariko…-sama?
“It’s not normal you stopped working because of something like this! I’m sure you wouldn’t do that if someone else had graduated instead of Acchan! Who are you? A boyfriend’s missing her girlfriend?”
Yes, it was Mariko… and she seemed angry.
“She’s not my-” Takamina began as Mariko interrupted her.
“Everyday since one year, all we heard from you was “Acchan…”! Can’t you just focus on the group for once?! How do you think we feel when we want to take a break but we can’t! How do you think we felt when we saw you heading back to Japan earlier? How do you think we felt when we saw that picture of yours on Acchan’s blog the following day?! Please, don’t tell me it’s not your fault! Even the others members were speechless! It’s NOT the real you, and you KNOW it!”
Well… Takamina didn’t dare to say something after that. She had never thought she was talking THAT much about Acchan… She could understand a little why Mariko had used the term “girlfriend” now… She must have looked like she was crazy in love with Acchan since she talked so much about her. But she never thought they would be so mad at her! It was the first time she ever did that. First time since six years, they could understand, right?!
“Well, sorry for being so selfish, but I would have done nothing anyway if I had stayed in Paris.” She said with a cold voice.
Mariko seemed to calm down as her normal voice said:
“Hey Takamina… Tell me… You wouldn’t really choose Acchan over the group, right?”
“What are you talking about? Of course not!”
“I just wanted to be sure.” Mariko whispered as she hanged out.
Takamina stared at her phone for a moment. What a weird way to begin a day… Really, her friends were worry about nothing. She could think a little about Acchan. Right after her days off, she would come back and everything would be normal again. She didn’t need anybody to tell her what was more important between her job and her friend… did she?
***
Acchan woke up later than ever before. It was great to sleep as long as she wanted. She had slept for almost eleven hours and it felt so great! She had always slept… four or fives hours per day. For the first time, she felt she could be happy at the beginning of a day. She went to take a bath. As she finished, she accidently hit her arm on the wall. She looked at the wound she had on her arm. It was… blue? Green? She couldn’t tell. It reminded her…
Flash Back
AKB48 had left Japan yesterday. The newspapers were talking a lot about it. Acchan had seen it twice on TV this morning. But now, she was in her living room with her manager by her side, ready to “talk” to her. It had been a long time since their last “conversation”. But today, her manager looked… even more dangerous. Was it because of AKB48 departure? Or maybe she had learned she had talked to Miichan?
“You are alone.”
Hiroko’s voice broke the frightening silence of the piece. Acchan froze. If THAT was the beginning, she was probably going to cry later. She hated it. Hiroko began to play with Acchan’s old phone.
“You are alone!” She repeated with a happy voice.
Did she like to make Acchan sad?! She looked like she was enjoying it a lot which Acchan didn’t like at all.
“They left you. They finally left you.”
Acchan frowned.
“They left you alone! You can’t talk to them now. You can’t call them. You can’t ask them anything. They had something more important to do than talking to you. They are elsewhere!”
Acchan didn’t like this conversation.
“So now,” Hiroko said with a serious voice, “do like them and focus on your work.”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t you think I didn’t see your acting during the past week? You were absent! You didn’t work well for the last four days, even the producer told me that! It was because you were thinking about the departure of your friends, right? I told you, if you focus on your friends, your work will suffer from that.”
Acchan just wanted to tell her it wasn’t AKB48 that was in her mind… It was her, Hiroko, her manager, the cruel woman who had taken her cell phone! But it looked like she was convinced it was because of her old group.
“Do you want to be fired? Don’t you see you worked like a beginner?! FORGET about them! Erase them from your head, from your memories!”
“I can’t…”
“Acchan, how many times do I have to tell you…” Her manager said as she went closer to her. “Yesterday… Do you remember yesterday?”
Yesterday? Acchan frowned. What had happened yesterday? Yesterday, AKB48 had left Japan, she had worked, she had eaten, she had slept…
“You cried yesterday.” Her manager said with a fake sad voice.
“So what?” Acchan thought. “There’s nothing bad with that.”
“Let me remind you…” Hiroko whispered in her ear. “You cried during a happy scene. You cried in the happier scene of all the drama!”
She had said the last sentence with an angry voice.
“Need I remind you why you cried or you think you are able to think by yourself for once?!”
Acchan didn’t like the way her manager was talking to her. She was obviously telling her she wasn’t dumb.
“Need I remind you we had to start this scene twenty five times before you stopped looking sad?! You were supposed to laugh!”
There was no way Acchan needed it. She remembered it perfectly. But she had not cried only for AKB48. She had cried because… Yes her manager was right, she was alone now. If she needed help, she couldn’t call anybody. She had no friends out of AKB48. It was hard to her to assume it, but it was true. Sure, she had some contacts, but they weren’t really her friends. She couldn’t talk to them the way she did with the members of AKB48.
“You were useless yesterday! And you are still today! You changed! You aren’t the same and you know what, I even think the fans saw it too!”
The words her manager was saying to her were hard to take. Plus, Hiroko didn’t seem to care if she hurt the idol. Not at all.
“Promise me you will forget about them.” Her manager threatened her. “I have a reputation too. You know, I’m the one that succeeded to make you popular. The best manager of all Japan. I don’t want you to ruin it!”
She grab Acchan’s arm.
“Promise me you will stop talking to them! You are ruining your life!”
Acchan looked straight at her and said:
“I’m not ruining my life!”
“You are! I see it! I’m not as blind as you are. Everything you’re doing now will count later. Everything… And all you do now is thinking about this damn group!”
Acchan began to fear about what was going to happen. She couldn’t say anything.
“Promise me you will forget them! Especially that Takamina!” Hiroko repeated.
“No.”
“No? You dare answer “no” to me?”
Acchan’s voice was shaking as she slowly answered:
“I can’t forget a friend. I can’t forget Takamina, the group nor my past. It represents who I am now.”
“You are a bitch right now which represents the group a lot! You don’t listen to me at all, even if I’m your manager, right?”
Acchan jumped as she heard the way Hiroko was talking to her. She was even more frightening like this.
“Stop wasting my precious time and promise it!” She said as she threw Acchan’s real phone on the floor, making the screen broke a little.
Acchan stared at her phone, thinking that if it continued that way, she would be on the floor too soon. She could say goodbye to her phone now… How could her manager be so cruel?
“I won’t-”
Acchan didn’t even finish her sentence that Hiroko did something she had never done before.
She slapped her in the face before punching her arm.
Acchan was shaking as she opened her eyes slowly. Did… her manager really…
“So?”
Hiroko’s voice was cold. She was waiting for an answer.
“I promise…” Acchan whispered with a painful voice.
She didn’t move, holding her arm. It hurt. She closed her eyes, waiting for another punch, but she heard the front door slapping while the silence invaded her house.
After a few seconds, she began to cry.
End of Flash Back
Acchan didn’t want to think about it, but the pain reminded her this situation all the time. It hadn’t healed yet. She had to talk with her manager about what Takamina had told her… She had thought her manager was only a poor woman who wanted to protect her from a terrible fate, but now that she remembered this event… She didn’t know what to think. Should she hate her?
She called her manager. She was free today. They could meet. Acchan was still afraid of her, but she really needed to know more about it.
Three hours later, around midday
“So… Why did you want to meet me today?”
For the first time, Acchan thought Hiroko looked nice today. She was talking to her with a smile on her face, she had not this frightening look on her face, she was pretty normal. Acchan smiled. She should have more days off, it had positives effects on her manager. She felt bad to ruin her mood. Since she was smiling, she could have had a nice conversation with her… But she wanted to know…
“It’s about…”
She took a deep breathe and prayed to not die yet.
“… Takamina.”
The beautiful smile her manager had on her face suddenly vanished as she heard the name of Acchan’s friend. She didn’t say anything, letting Acchan going on.
“I want to know… the reason why you don’t want me to see her.”
As soon as she saw her manager’s reaction, she suddenly wanted to flee. Maybe it wasn’t the great time to ask about it… Maybe the best time was… never.
“I told you…”
“No!”
Acchan froze. Did she just interrupt her manager? Did she… want to die? Fortunately for her, Hiroko was patient today. She just sent her a cold look, but Acchan could still talk.
“I… I mean…” Acchan took a deep breathe again, trying to stop stammer. “She… She told me something about your past…”
“What?”
Acchan avoided her eyes as she said:
“She told me… about your mother being popular and then… the accident.”
Acchan eyes met Hiroko’s. The idol froze as she saw a mist of tears in Hiroko’s eyes. She looked really sad… She looked like a little child trying to keep her dignity.
“So what?” She answered with her usual cold voice, even though Acchan knew she must have affected her.
“She… told me about the accident… and the reason of it. She told me it was because of your mother’s best friend.”
“We can’t call this kind of person a “friend”. She killed her.”
Acchan wasn’t happy to make her manager so sad. She knew it must be hard for her to keep her cold voice. She knew she must hurt her by talking about it. She thought all her manager needed was love… Love from her family… But then again, she remembered the punch she had received and it brought her back to reality. Her manager wasn’t the nice woman she pretended to be.
“She told me that… So… I was wondering… If it had something to do with me… Since your mother… looked a lot like me when she was young…”
She stopped talking, waiting for an answer. It didn’t come. Her manager wanted her to keep talking.
“I was wondered if… You were worried the same thing might happen to me.” Acchan said. “Do you think I would help my friend instead of going to work? Do you think I’d have an accident if it happened? Do... Are you worried about me?”
Acchan had said the last sentence without really knowing if she could ask this question. The answer seemed obvious: Her manager would never care about her, she had hit her! Her manager wasn’t the kind of person that would care for someone else than herself.
“What is the most important to you?” Hiroko asked, trying to keep her “I’m not sad” expression.
“Well, it’s…”
Surprisingly, Acchan couldn’t answer. She couldn’t choose between…
“Then you have your answer.” Hiroko said..
Really? Acchan was surprised to learn her manager could be worried about her. She would have never thought it could have a link! She would not have an accident like Hiroko’s mother, of course, but… It was great her manager could worry about her. Maybe she wasn’t that bad. Acchan could understand her manager was sad about it. Loosing her mother that way and having to confront such consequences must had been so hard for her. And she had been so young when it happened.
“But it’s not the only reason.”
Acchan froze. What could be worst? She could understand her manager’s feeling… Her story was sad… What did she have to add? And plus, did it mean her manager was ready to have a real conversation with her? Thinking about it helped her to relax. Maybe she could finally know what was going on… She stared at Hiroko. Was her manager going to explain something or was she supposed to wait here for nothing? Wait a minute… Was her manager really going to talk to her about her past? Her painful past? It seemed… unreal. How could her manager even talk to her… without the angry voice she always had before? Was it THAT important?
“That Takamina…”
What was she going to say about Takamina? Acchan prayed for it to be something good, even if she had doubts about it. It couldn’t be something good, but she knew that if her manager said something bad about her friend again… She would never take it. This time, it was true, she was ready to protect her friend, no matter what.
“What? What about Takamina?” Acchan asked, hoping her manager would talk.
“She didn’t tell you everything…” Hiroko hesitantly said.
Acchan thought it was great to see her manager so unsure for once. For the first time, maybe she could just stop being afraid… Her manager didn’t look frightening at all. For the first time, she felt she was dominating her manager. And if felt great. She was ready for everything now. And then again… this feeling of invincibility disappeared as soon as she heard Hiroko.
“When I was young… We were… friends.” She whispered.
TBC
ENDNOTE: So... now that you know what Takamina knew about Hiroko (about this, it's a little cliché, but believe me, I will still surprise you later hehe...) and that you also know what Hiroko did to Acchan when AKB was gone... Do you still hate Hiroko?
ENDNOTE2: Did I mention that I really like to end my chapters with a... "revelation"? XD
ENDNOTE3: My chapters looked shorter when I posted them here and I hate it >_>
ENDNOTE4: I know my endnote are stupids, please don't kill me xD
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*flails around* please continue~! I'm dying here! I don't know whether I should hate her manager or not... I NEED TO KNO WHAT HAPPENS~!!! kjfaskfhfkjsdf *fails even more* TAKAMINA~! ACCHAN~! (X___x)
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woooooow....u are reallly great bou-j525 :w00t: :w00t: maaan.... i really like your fanfict... i really curious what would happend next... is it would be the same like i'm thinking right know? :shocked if it is??? :shocked :shocked but who cares...... continuuuuuueeeeeee pleeeaaasseeeeee..... :bow: :bow: give the update as soon as possible... :thumbsup
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Yes, I still hate Hiroko. :tama-mad: No matter what her past is, it doesn't justify her current behaviour.
Anyway, way to stick it to mean authors who withhold chapters! :thumbup (jk)
Keep it up, I'm really curious about the Takamina-Hiroko thing.
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after that i dont think i have the patient to wait for the next chapter I"M CURIOUS MAX!!!
super curious about takamina-hiroko
and acchan reaction
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Don't you tell me that Takamina is the daughter of Hiroko's mom's best friend!! I have a HUGEEE feeling about that! really, you did a fantastic job, BOU-J525!! Even it a little weird, you know, imagine all the closest members in AKB angry at Takamina..especially Miichan and Mariko..
But ignore me and my babbling things!! just UPDATE please.. lols. And I do love the fact that you didn't like *ahem* a certain *ahem* someone *ahem*
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^ :lol: :lol: man....that kind of speculation is also come up in my mind... :lol: if takamina n hiroko were friend their age different will be quite far isn't it? :yep: :yep: but still, GIVE ME THE UPDATE......!!!! :panic: :panic:
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Oh snaps, what a cliffhanger! :O
I had a feeling something like that was coming when Takamina was holding back on another detail to the story... ...OH SHNAPS!!! XD
Anyways, sad past or not (just when you were making me sympathize with the b*tch), no one abuses Acchan like that! :angry:
We'll see how I feel about her once the WHOLE shabang is out in the open.
And drama with the group. I know all that yelling was because they care.
I foresee the possibility of Takamina reenacting that accident instead of Acchan...and if Takamina used to be really close to Hiroko and Hiroko is sort of "protecting" them both in her own cruel way (separating them so neither chooses the other over work)...we'll see where you take this fic. :P
Got me out of lurking the second time. Let's see if you can get me to come back with a third comment. :ph43r:
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Damn! I'm late! >_> Sorry... had no net for three days...
Anyway. Wow... I'm so sorry for what happened to Hiroko's mother but for her to blame the friend for it.... I'm not with her on that. :nervous
Anyway, I knew it!!! TakaMina and Hiroko knew each other. *dances*
But now I'm interested on their past as well. :P
Please continue. ^^ Will be waiting again. :D
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she cared more to takamina than acchan i think!!!!
i love this fic... please update!!!!!
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Hey, nice fic :thumbsup ... I've been reading your fic for quite some time now and I have to say, I really like it... :) :)
Well, i think this is the first time I've encountered this kind of fic because, well, when there's a fic about Akb48 (especially Takahashi sama and Atsuko san) it ends up as a love story. I think this fanfic is just more on their friendship, which I found it cute :mon lovelaff: (Well, that's what I only think :mon sweat:.... I don't really know... Pls. don't kill me :on kimbo:)
Pls. update soon author san.... :mon cute: pls..... :mon pray2: :mon pray2:
thanks very much for your hard work!! :mon heh:
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^ About this... just quote myself... :nervous
Hello everybody!
Here's the preface of my new (horrible) fic XD TakAcchan of course...
... (http://i959.photobucket.com/albums/ae80/bougie525/whistle.gif) Well, love isn't here for now, but it will.
ANYWAYS... My math exam went really well today, so I decided to post my new chapter tonight because I wanted to share my happiness XD Even though this chapter isn't really about happiness, but yeeeeaaaahhhh.....
THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENTS!!!!! I AM HAPPY YEAH! (http://blog-cdn.oricon.co.jp/_images/no3b/image/2010-11-21T11:58:33-7.gif) (http://blog-cdn.oricon.co.jp/_images/no3b/image/2010-11-21T11:58:33-7.gif) (http://blog-cdn.oricon.co.jp/_images/no3b/image/2010-11-21T11:58:33-7.gif)
Got me out of lurking the second time. Let's see if you can get me to come back with a third comment. :ph43r:
Is it a challenge? :smhid
So… Speaking of Hiroko and Takamina ages... I edited because I thought it would be strange xD So there's 3 years of difference between them. I don't know if it's credible, but in my fic, ANYTHING can happen >_>
I also want to say: I have a lot of work until the end of... well... February XD Because I have to create a magazine about Japan for school (ya know, texts, pictures, page layout, etc), so I may take more time to update, sorry about that.
Okay.... so where were we? Oh yeah, Hiroko was Takamina's friend!! O_O
Oh yeah, lot of Flash Back in this chapter, but I thought it would be better than just description.
Sorry for the mistakes!
Chapter 7
Flash Back
She was young. She was seven years old. She just moved to Tokyo. It had been a week only. She didn’t know anything about this big city and was a bit afraid of it. She was scared of the big cars. She was scared that all those big buildings in the city might crash and fall on their little house. Her mother was in the kitchen, but she was playing outside. There was a little, mini, park near. Her mother trusted her enough to play outside alone. After all, it was Japan, a country where almost nothing could happen to a child in the middle of the afternoon. Also, she was really a good child and she knew she couldn’t go somewhere else. She knew she must not talk to a stranger. She was happy, even though she wished she had stayed at her home town.
She was playing with a small plastic ball. It was sunny. She was smiling because she knew she didn’t have to go to school for a while. And the sky was so beautiful… Not a single cloud in it. She was running after her little ball, jumping around and having fun when she heard a voice calling her.
“Hello!” The unknown person said.
The little girl slowly turned around, holding her ball so who ever the person was, she would understand it was hers. It was a girl, standing by her side, smiling. She was a little older, not too much though… She looked nice, but the little child knew her mother didn’t want her to talk to somebody she didn’t know. So she didn’t answer anything and shyly smiled.
“Can I play with you?” The unknown asked. “My mother is busy so I don’t want to be alone.”
She was wearing a cute dress and was obviously trying to be nice. The young child knew her mother didn’t want… But… She didn’t like being alone too. Nevertheless, she didn’t want her mother to be angry at her. She wanted to have a dessert today, and she knew if she didn’t listen to her mother, she wouldn’t have a piece of the delicious strawberry cake.
“Mommy doesn’t want me to talk to you.” She shyly said.
The unknown girl smiled as she said:
“But you are talking to me now.”
“I’m not.” The little girl pouted.
The unknown smiled even more as she said:
“You know you’re cute when you’re making this face?”
The little girl didn’t pay attention to her and continued to play with her ball.
“I won’t tell your mother, it will be our secret.” The unknown girl told her.
“Okay… But the ball is mine.” The child said with a little voice as she protected her pink and red plastic ball with her tiny hands.
“It’s alright, how old are you?”
“I’m seven!” The child proudly said.
“I’m ten.” The older answered. “We only have three years of difference.”
“Seven is better than ten!” The child repeated, pretending it was more than ten.
“Of course! You are such a big child now! Can I see you ball?”
The child didn’t want her to touch HER ball. It was a gift she had had from her friend before she had left her home town. She didn’t want to break it or loose it.
“But…” The little child hesitantly said.
She was shy and even though she wanted to have a friend here, she was afraid of the people from the cities. But she finally gave her the ball, even though she was staring at every move the unknown girl was doing.
“Do you want to play together?” The older girl asked.
The child nodded, smiling. She was glad, maybe she would finally have a new friend! And she could tell her mother… No, she would wait to tell her mother because she wanted to have cake for dessert.
“Hey, what is your name?” The unknown asked her after a moment.
“Tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine!” The child smiled.
The other girl couldn’t resist to so much cuteness and answered with a gentle voice:
“I’m Hiroko Sato.”
The young child seemed to try to remember the name for a minute.
“Hiro… ko… Sato?”
The child saw Hiroko nodded as she happily answered to her new friend:
“I’m Takahashi Minami!”
End of Flash Back
Everything…
Everything her manager had done to her before disappeared from her mind. Even her pain seemed to leave. It was… just… out of her mind. In fact, the only thing she was thinking about was the last sentence she had just heard. She suddenly remembered the great times she had shared with Takamina, her graduation, the meeting with her new manager, the pain she had felt after the punch, the conversation… And the revelation her manager had said to her. She almost had a heart attack when she heard herself asking:
“Fr… Friends?”
Hiroko suddenly seemed to realize what they were talking about.
“Yes,” she said, coming back to her glacial voice, “but I bet she didn’t tell you that.”
She didn’t even wait for Acchan’s answer as she kept talking with an angry voice.
“And I’m sure the only thing she told you about me was about the sad past I had, right? She must have told you everything about my mother and my life, right? But probably not a word about the relationship we had together, right?”
Somehow, Acchan thought Hiroko seemed both sad and angry. And she wasn’t sure if she really wanted to know the truth about it. Her manager and Takamina… friends?! How could the person she hated the most right now and her best friend forever and ever be friends?! It was the last thing she thought that would have happened.
“You probably know my life now… and the life of my mother too, don’t you?”
As Acchan stared at her manager, she really thought she only seemed to be… mad. Well, she had no choice but to accept it. Her manager must not like to talk about her mother, especially in this kind of situation. Acchan hated it when people suddenly changed their comportment with her when they learned about her being the popular Maeda Atsuko. She could understand Hiroko’s reaction. Maybe she was afraid she would never talk to her the same way… Maybe her manager thought she was going to pity her and be nice… Well, she wouldn’t, but it was sure Acchan would never look at her the same way now that she knew about her past. But Acchan knew how Hiroko was. She knew the last thing her manager wanted was pity.
“Don’t look at me with those eyes! It looked like you’re sad about what happened to me!”
The cold and dark Hiroko was back. The one Acchan feared. The one that probably hid the real heart-broken woman behind this fake personality. Acchan could understand this reaction… And she felt that for the first time, Hiroko was just a child trying to hide her pain… But it didn’t help her to know more about what really interested her: Takamina.
“She told me about you… because I asked her to.”
“Did you tell her about what I did to you?” She asked with a frightening voice.
It freaked Acchan to see how fast Hiroko’s question was.
“N… no, of course.” She stammered. “She told me that she had heard about you… So I asked her about that.”
Hiroko was not really happy to learn it. She had thought she could FINALLY have a “normal” relationship with someone who didn’t know about her past… She thought she could finally talk to someone without caring about what the person thought about her… But it seemed that everything was over now. She knew even if Acchan pretended she wouldn’t, the idol would never act as before with her. It was always the same… As soon as her friends or acquaintances knew about her past… their comportments changed too. She hated it. She hated being the sad little girl everyone had to care about. That was why she was so rude now. She wanted to show Acchan she wasn’t weak. She was strong.
“She told you everything, I guess…” She whispered to herself.
She really hated it. She thought she would have a more normal life after her mother’s death. She thought that maybe now people would stop seeing her always as “Sayuri’s daughter”… They didn’t even call her by her name! It was always “Sayuri’s daughter”! She thought she could have a normal life after this tragedy… But the way it happened had messed everything. Now, it wasn’t only “Sayuri’s daughter”… No, now it was something like “The-child-of-Sayuri-that-you-have-to-take-care-about-because-she-is-sad-about-her-mother”. Or even better: “the child of the celebrity who died in tragic circumstances”. How could she love those nicknames? Nobody would.
“What did you mean by “friends”?” Acchan asked, trying to stay as calm as possible.
Hiroko sighed impatiently as she answered:
“Well, what do you think? Friends… You know, like you and she are right now!”
Acchan didn’t really like the comparison. She and Takamina had a… special relationship. They were friends, but at the same time, they were more than just friends. And once she had lov-… liked her very much! And… she knew she still had this feeling, sleeping somewhere deep in her heart. Each time she saw Takamina, she still had this warm feeling in her heart… So yeah, she really hated this comparison. She didn’t know what Hiroko was thinking when she said that, but it was definitely the worst comparison she had ever heard. Like if she was reading in Acchan’s mind, Hiroko frowned and said:
“How can you be so stupid? Not like this! We were friends like normal persons would be, unlike you.”
Acchan frowned at Hikoro’s last words. “Unlike you”? What did she mean by this?! That she wasn’t normal?!
“Don’t you think I haven’t seen how you looked when you thought about that girl?” Her manager said with a “it’s so obvious” look. “Hello? Welcome to earth Acchan! Seriously, you really had to like the only girl in the world that would be blind enough to not see you’re in love with her!”
Acchan blushed as she listened to her manager. She wasn’t…
“And to answer your silent question, we were friends. Only friends. But we were as close to each other as sisters would be.”
Hiroko tried her best to keep her mad expression, but failed. In fact, she looked frustrated, but sad too.
“What happened that made you so frustrated about her?” Acchan asked.
“The same thing that will happen to you if you stay with her.” She answered with a cold voice. “Once something new will happen to boost her career, she will cruelly leave you.”
Acchan didn’t understand well. Was Hiroko mad because of something so… stupid? She felt she was in some teenager movies where the ex best friends of the main character was trying to take revenge for something that had happened years ago. This was just stupid. And did Hiroko really want her to leave Takamina because of this?! Acchan was totally lost… and against it.
“I don’t think so.” Acchan said.
“What?”
“She’s not like this anymore.” She answered, thinking that Takamina would never do something like that. “The fact that something bad happened to you doesn’t mean it will happen to me. Plus, you wouldn’t have hit me if it was the only reason.”
Hiroko froze as she heard Acchan talking about the punch.
“Don’t think about it anymore. Past belongs to past.” Her manager said.
Acchan’s fear disappeared.
“Well, if past belongs to past, stop thinking Takamina is cruel and heartless!”
“She is.”
Acchan didn’t move. The way she had said those two words was just… just…
“But you’re right to think I’m worried about you because of my mother. It may be selfish, but I know I’m doing the right thing.”
Acchan wanted to scream that, no, it wasn’t the right thing at all! Stealing her cell phone, hitting her, saying those horrible things to her… It wasn’t a good way to tell someone that you were worried about her!
“Stop talking this way about Takamina.” Acchan said with a painful voice.
She didn’t like this situation at all. She felt useless to defend her friend. She still wasn’t sure if she really wanted to know about it. The only thing she was sure about was that Takamina would never hurt a friend without a great reason. It must had been misunderstand… But what was so horrible to make Hiroko hated her friend so much?
“What do you know about her?”
Acchan frowned.
“Why do you ask me this question?”
Hiroko looked sadly at her.
“Because, dear Acchan, I’m sure you don’t know her as much as I do.”
Acchan wanted to argue, but she didn’t know what to say. What could she answer to this question? She didn’t even know anything about Hiroko and Takamina friendship.
“I know her since she’s seven.” Hiroko told her. “I supported her when her father died. I protected her when she was victim of ijime (bullying). I helped her practicing for the auditions of AKB48.”
Acchan froze. Takamina had been a victim of ijime? When? She never knew about it! Sure, she knew about her father being dead, but she never learned anything more about it. Takamina never talked about those things.
“As you probably begin to understand, I know her from our personal life.” Hiroko said. “We used to talk about anything. We used to help each other anytime anywhere. Unlike you, we didn’t only talk about AKB48 or anything related to work. We were normal friends. We were having normal conversations.”
The idol froze as she realized how right her manager was. It was true… Most of the time, she had seen Takamina because of her work. If not, they saw each other for fun… but they always ended up talking about AKB48. Now that she wasn’t on the group anymore, they could talk about something else… but they never got the chance to be together. What did she know about Takamina’s personal life? They never talked about it…
“Really, as your manager, I’m not even supposed to talk about it with you. We’re supposed to be only co-workers! If it wasn’t because of her, everything would be fine!”
“Ijime?” Acchan whispered, still thinking about this.
“Well,” Hiroko said with an ironic voice, “that’s what we call being late in the news. Didn’t you know about it?”
Hiroko seemed to have forgotten about her “I don’t want to talk about it”. Now, it seemed that all she wanted to do was to talk about Takamina… Like she really needed to release all those feelings that were stuck during so long time in her heart.
“Seems that you really don’t know about it…” Hiroko said as she saw the way Acchan looked. “What were your conversations about?! I and she were friends for about seven years… And during almost four years, she had been victim of ijime! It’s a big part of her life. How could you not know about it?! And you still call yourself her friend? You’re even more idiot than I thought you would be. Didn’t I tell you to leave her? See, now you want to know everything about her… And it will hurt you to know about it since Takahashi never tell you herself about it.”
What Hiroko didn’t say to Acchan was that, even if she talked to her this way, she felt guilty. Another reason why she had wanted Acchan to leave Takamina was because she knew something like that was going to happen. And each time she saw Acchan, it remembered her mother… They looked so similar… It was the reason why Hiroko had wanted to work with her at first. Then, she had discovered that Acchan was a pretty nice girl… until she knew how close she was with Takamina. Of course, she had heard about it, but she never thought it could be so close to reality! Takamina was even closer to Acchan than she had been with her when they were children.
“I don’t want to know…” Acchan whispered.
She wanted to ask Takamina instead. If her friend hadn’t told her about it, there must have a good reason, right? But Hiroko was cruel. She knew Acchan didn’t know a damn thing about it… She wanted her to know. She wanted Acchan to realize that she didn’t know Takamina like her, Hiroko, did. She wanted Acchan to realize their friendship wasn’t the way she thought it was.
So maybe if the same thing happened… Maybe if one day Takamina called Acchan while she was working… Maybe Acchan would not help her… Even if the way of doing it was heartless, Hiroko just wanted to protect Acchan from what had happened to her mother, years ago.
“I found out about it when I came back from school… At the beginning, I thought she was a child like… you know… normal. And then, after only one week, I discovered that she was really more mature than any other child I knew. She almost thought like an adult. We knew each other for about two months only, but we were already close to each other. Takahashi didn’t know anybody except me…”
Flash Back
Takahashi was trying to hold her tears as she was walking home alone. It had been a month since she had begun to go to school to Tokyo. At the beginning, everything was fine. Other children were talking to her and wanted to know about her. And then, without reason, they had begun to avoid her. Without reason… well… not really. In fact, they said she was coming from another country then Tokyo so she couldn’t play with them. So the little seven year old girl was always playing by her side. She was also mature for her young age, which probably didn’t help her. They had begun to say she wasn’t welcome here… That she should go back to her home town… That everybody hated her. She never thought people could be so cruel with somebody.
“Hello!” A happily voice said behind her.
“Hiroko?” Takahashi asked as she turned around.
Hiroko was older than her and was already going to college next year. But the two girls were best friends. After their first meeting, they had played a bit together… before seeing each other practically everyday.
“Are you alright?” Hiroko asked nicely to her young friend.
Takahashi slowly nodded
“Really? You don’t seem to.”
Takahashi wasn’t especially shy with Hiroko since they were great friends… But she knew she was younger than Hiroko so she didn’t want to look weak when she was with her. She wanted to look as strong as Hiroko. In fact, she was afraid her only friend may leave her alone too so… she NEEDED to look stronger.
“I’m alright.” Takahashi answered with a little voice.
Somehow, she wanted Hiroko to understand she wasn’t. It was always like this. She always said something she didn’t think, and hoped the person would understand it was false. Luckily for her, Hiroko was that kind of person. She was also taller than Takahashi. So she squatted down and looked at the little girl in the eyes while she said:
“You aren’t.”
Takahashi began to sob. Even though she wanted to look strong, she just couldn’t. Her day had been horrible. The other children weren’t nice with her at all. She wasn’t as strong as she wanted to be. If she were a guy, she could totally kill them. Well, maybe not kill them, but take revenge.
“Takamina, look at me please.” Hiroko asked.
Takahashi raised her head.
“Takamina?” The child asked. “What is that?”
“It’s cute, isn’t it? It’s a nickname I created for you! So use it whenever you want!”
“A nickname?”
“Because we’re close friends, I didn’t want to call you “Takahashi” or “Minami”… Since you’re special, I wanted a special nickname too!”
Takahashi Minami looked at her while her eyes began to shine. A nickname! She had a nickname! Now, she wasn’t only Takahashi Minami, she was also Takamina! She was so glad… It meant someone really cared about her.
“Thank… you…” Takamina said. “Do you want me to find one for you?”
“Don’t’ worry about it, tell me what’s wrong.”
Takamina felt so good with Hiroko. She was like the sister she never had.
“I’m... ictim…me.”
“What?” Hiroko asked. “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand.”
At the same time, a group of children from Takamina’s class passed near them. A little girl pointed Takamina and said something as the others began to laugh. It didn’t seem to be nice. As they walked farther, Hiroko frowned and asked gently:
“Tell onee-chan what’s going on.”
“Ijime…” Takamina managed to say with a guilty voice, like if everything was her own fault.
Takamina closed her eyes, expecting Hiroko would stop being her friend… but she suddenly felt Hiroko’s arms around her shoulders. She hugged her while she said:
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it. If you ever want to talk to someone about this, come to see me.”
Since this moment, Takamina had being supported by Hiroko a lot. She was still sad at school, but when she came back, she was smiling, because she knew her friend would be there, waiting for her. She was talking about it to Hiroko, crying a little, hoping things would get better. One day, it went farther as a boy hit her. But then again, Hiroko had protected her as her onee-chan. Seeing Hiroko cared so much for her made Takamina cry even more.
“I promise… when I’ll be older, I’ll be stronger and it will be my turn to protect you.” She once said to Hiroko.
From this day, Takamina had always wanted to be stronger… But she had no idea about what was going to happen…
End of Flash Back
Acchan stared at the woman in front of her. Was Hiroko really talking about herself? All Acchan could see when she saw Hiroko was a cruel woman who had hit her… And now the same woman was telling her she had helped Takamina when she was young?! She felt like she was dreaming.
“And what was going to happen?” Acchan asked, sceptic.
The actress/idol had doubts about it. Really… Takamina being harassed? It was hard to believe… Acchan knew Takamina as the boyish from AKB48. The one so strong and so nice and cool, sometimes sweet and… yeah. Were they talking about the same Takamina?! And how come she didn’t know a thing about it?
“Well…”
Acchan didn’t want her manager to stop, even if she knew she should ask Takamina instead… But she also knew Takamina must have had a great reason to hide it from her.
“I need to go somewhere…” Hiroko suddenly remembered. “I told my grandmother that I would visit her today… She’s at the hospital…”
Acchan didn’t have the intention of ending the conversation now.
“Tell me about it!” She said.
Hiroko looked at her.
“I really have to leave now, but if you want, we can talk in the car. I’ll leave you at Shibuya.”
Acchan was glad to hear it. She had to meet Takamina in Shibuya later. It was almost twenty minutes from here. And for the first time, she though she could trust her manager to do what she said. They went in Hiroko’s car as she started to tell Acchan what had happened.
Flash Back
Hiroko and Takamina were friends since almost one year. Hiroko spent most of the time with her since her mother was never with her. Takamina was her only way to stop thinking about her mother’s popularity. Sadly, Takamina was still victim of ijime at her school. Her mom had tried to talk about it to the director, but he hadn’t believed her. He had said they were just little kids playing around, which was a lie. But Takamina had Hiroko. The pain she felt at school was replaced by happiness when she came back home. Hiroko was always there, waiting for her. She helped her to be happy. She showed Takamina that she could still survive even with those problems.
One day, after school, Takamina had come back from school, a few students from her class following her. She didn’t know about them. She had come back and her mother had told her a horrible new… It didn’t take a long time for the others students to understand what had happened. Takamina’s father was gone.
As perfect children they were, they had listened a lot to their parents. They were saying that a family needed a man to help his family. They were saying that, if the husband died, the family would be useless to society… Like when a man lost his job. So unfortunately, they children thought the same too. The week after they had learned about Takamina’s father being dead, they had insulted the poor girl like never before, saying she and her mother were useless. But they could also say things more horrible like…
“They told me my father died because he didn’t want to be with me anymore.” Takamina cried as she was telling everything to Hiroko.
Hiroko did her best to console her friend, but it seemed useless. What the others children had told Takamina was even worst than before.
“They… They told me everything was my fault… They told me… Because of that… mom will hate me!”
“Those damn kids!” Hiroko thought as she was saying sweet words to the little girl.
Takamina was crying with all her might, asking herself what she had done to receive those words. She even blamed herself for her father’s death.
“They told me I would die because of that!”
Hiroko froze. There was a limit about it. Really, they were heartless! They were… WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH THOSE KIDS?!?
“Takamina? Takamina, look at me.” She said with a soft voice. “You are strong. You will not die because of this. Your father still lives in you. Do you think you’re useless? You’re everything to me! You’ll always be!”
“If only I could kill them…” Takamina whispered to herself. “Maybe my father would come back to life then!”
“No,” Hiroko gently said as she took Takamina’s hand, “don’t think about such horrible things. You don’t need to kill them. You father will not come back… I’m sorry, but this is the truth. It hurts, but you have to accept it.”
Takamina looked at her with tears in her eyes as she whispered:
“I know it… I know everything… He’s gone now… Forever.”
Hiroko was surprised to see how Takamina seemed to understand everything at such a young age. She was surprised to see her friend wasn’t avoiding the truth. She was surprised to see how strong Takamina was.
“Sometimes… You talk to me with a strong voice. Sometimes you looked like you’re capable to move Mt Fuji. Why don’t you act like this at school? They will see you’re strong.” Hiroko said.
It was true. After a year of friendship, Hiroko knew Takamina wasn’t the girl who would wear a cute little dress anymore. Even though she was crying about ijime, she knew Takamina was already a little boyish… Maybe it was precisely related to what she endured.
“I’ll wait before.” Takamina answered with determination in her eyes. “I’ll wait until I become stronger. Then, I’ll be able to protect myself forever.”
“I’ll leave it to you then!” Hiroko smiled. “I know you can do it.”
Takamina looked at her with fierce in her eyes… before she began to cry again. Hiroko patted her shoulder as she said:
“Come on, let’s go eat ice cream together.”
They ate their ice creams silently before Takamina turned to Hiroko and said, smiling slightly:
“Thank you…”
“Everything will be fine.” Hiroko just said.
End of Flash Back
“So that’s what happened…” Acchan thought.
“She’s been sad for a long time about it. When she finally stopped being insulted about that, it was almost the end of the year. After that, she would go to college. She was even more afraid about it, but she never showed it, even to me. I think she really wanted me to think she was stronger.”
Acchan smiled. It was typical of Takamina. Even if they were best friends, she and Takamina would never really talk a lot about sad things. They would support each other silently. But even so, she wondered why Takamina had not told anything about it to her.
“Everything went fine after. She developed a strong personality, so the next year, when she arrived to college, she was not victim of ijime anymore.”
Acchan smiled. College… She still couldn’t believe she had never talked to Takamina even if they were in the same class. Maybe it was because… she thought Takamina was too boyish to be her friend… she had been so stupid to think that. Hiroko stopped a little, like she was thinking of something nostalgic. Then she said:
“Everything was fine. She couldn’t be happier than that. Everyday we spent together was fun. And at school, she had friends she could talk to. Her new personality helped her to protect herself when someone was bad with her, but the most important was that… ijime had stopped. So I think it was during college that she gained self confidence. It was nice to her coming back with that huge smile on her face.”
She took a deep breathe before she said:
“And then, I’ve helped her practicing for AKB48. She didn’t trust herself to do it at all. She kept saying she was never going to be accepted. See? Even if she had a strong personality, she was still telling me what her fears were. We practiced together. I didn’t want to be part of an idol group, so all I could do was to support her. She had asked me if I wanted to do it with her, but I didn’t. My mother was already popular enough like that, I didn’t need more.”
Acchan felt relieve. If ever Hiroko had been in AKB48 too… Well she would probably not be friend with Takamina now.
“She was accepted.” Hiroko added a few seconds later. “To her, it was the opportunity to become even stronger. It was an opportunity to say to those who had insulted her that she was able to be someone. She wanted everyone to see how far she could go. She kept saying that she was going in AKB48 because she wanted to be stronger. But when we were alone, she changed that fact. She told me she wanted to become a singer, so she would be able to touch the heart of everyone. And she liked to sing a lot. She was always singing when we were together. She said she wanted her dream to become true. She also told me she would not have time to talk to me a lot, but it didn’t matter, I was glad for her.”
“She was fourteen and I was seventeen when she began to work as an idol. It was something new for her. A new chance for her career, so of course, we didn’t have so much time together as we used to. I missed her, but we still called each other… You know, like you’re doing now with her.”
Acchan didn’t say anything. Hiroko was right, it seemed a lot like their current relationship.
“One day, after about three months, I was so tired of it that I tried to see her after work. It’s been a month since I’ve heard nothing about her, so I was a little worried, you know? I called her before I came and she said it was alright. I thought it would be the perfect time to tell her I missed sharing times with her and that I didn’t want her to forget about me because of AKB48. I knew how much it was important to her but… after seven years of friendship and a month of nothing, it was normal that I missed her.”
Somehow, Acchan could understand how Hiroko must have felt… Probably similar to what she had felt the last month.
“So we met. She said she had free time to be with me a little so I was hoping we could at least eat together. But as soon as I told her I missed her, she pretended to have something to do relating to work and left.”
Acchan flinched. It couldn’t be true. Takamina wasn’t the kind of girl that would do something like this! Takamina would never do that… If it was that, then Takamina would have left Acchan too. So it couldn’t be because of that…
“And then… After half a year… she stopped talking to me right at the moment I needed her the most.”
Acchan immediately knew what was coming after. She remembered Takamina’s words from their latest conversation.
“She was busy with her work, I can understand that… But it doesn’t mean she had to leave me, right?!”
Hiroko’s voice sounded angry. Acchan was a bit anxious because she knew Hiroko had to stay calm… She was driving after all…
“Just because it was important for her future career… After all I’ve done for her… I supported her all the time, and the only moment when I needed her, she wasn’t here! Just because of this new opportunity! Do you understand that, Acchan? She will leave you as soon as something new will happen. She will focus on her dream, not on you. As important you may think you are to her, you’ll become nothing in front of her dream.”
Acchan wasn’t sure to understand everything.
“You asked her to come when… your mother died?” She slowly asked.
Hiroko turned her head and looked at her in the eyes as she said:
“Yes. I asked her, I implored her to help me. I wanted her to support me like I did with her when she was young, but she never answered anything.”
Hiroko’s eyes seemed lost in the past as she said:
“She just disappeared from my life.”
Acchan wanted to say something. It couldn’t be true! She knew Takamina, she would never do that to somebody! She would never work when a friend needed so much help! And Takamina had talked about it to Acchan. She was sad about it too! How come she had left Hiroko alone? And she was confused… She wasn’t sure if she still had to be angry at Hiroko for having done such horrible things to her after hearing about the story behind it.
“Why did Takamina-”
“Who cares? She just did it.”
Hiroko’s voice was glacial. If she felt pain, she hid it perfectly.
“I don’t think-”
Acchan suddenly stopped talking as she turned to Hiroko and screamed:
“What are you doing?! Stop looking at me or the car will-”
She didn’t have the chance to finish her phrase and she heard a loud sound coming from Hiroko’s side. A second later, the car was heading towards a tree.
Acchan had not even the chance to ask for help, everything went dark.
***
“Where is she?” Takamina thought as she looked at her cell phone.
It was 3:20 pm and Takamina was waiting for Acchan to come. They had to meet at three o’clock. Acchan was late.
Takamina had spent the day to think about what Mariko had told her this morning. She was hoping seeing Acchan would help her to forget a little about it, but she wasn’t here. She hated thinking that Miichan may be right about her being “not herself”. But she had to meet with some members in two days to talk about something important related to the group. According to the mail Sayaka had sent her before, it was about a new movie or something like that. It would be the perfect opportunity to tell them she was normal.
But now, she was waiting for Acchan to come. Where was she?! She had tried to call her, but she didn’t get any answer. Well, she could understand Acchan was late. It was her first day off, she must have slept until midday. And knowing Acchan, she must have taken it easy.
Takamina smiled at that thought. When Acchan was in AKB48, she was always the first to sleep like a baby. It was really cute to see. And Takamina was always the one who had to wake her the morning. In fact, Acchan never listened to anybody except Takamina, which the others members found really funny. When someone else tried to wake her, she said she wanted Takamina to wake her. It was cute. So Takamina was always the one who had to say “Wake up Acchan~!”… But she was also the one who had to receive a pillow from Acchan when it was five o’clock in the morning.
Thinking about it made Takamina sad. Those were the best times… They were gone now… She shook her head as she thought:
“Come on Takamina, don’t think about something so sad when you’ll see Acchan!”
She looked around, trying to see her. Where was she? She was about to call her again… Seeing that Acchan was so late kinda worried her. Usually, Acchan would only be late for about ten minutes maximum, but this time, she was late for almost thirty minutes! She stared at the little ribbon she had received from her friend. She really liked it. She felt Acchan was with her all the time… except now because she was late. She began to walk around to see if she wasn’t somewhere else when her cell phone rang. Thinking it was Acchan, she answered:
“Where are you?”
It surprised her to hear Miichan’s voice.
“What are you talking about? I’m the one supposed to ask you about it!”
“What do you mean?” Takamina asked, wondering if she had missed a meeting with the group.
“Where are you?” Miichan asked impatiently.
“Shibuya…” Takamina hesitantly said.
“Don’t tell me you’re waiting for Acchan to meet you there?” Miichan’s anxious voice answered.
“Well… Yeah… Why? Do we have something today?”
“Oh. No, we don’t. It just surprised me that you were waiting for her… I mean… After what happened...”
Takamina thought that Miichan’s voice sounded suddenly… horribly quiet.
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“Don’t you hear about it? I thought you’d be the one to learn about it. It’s already on everyone’s blog.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about, but I’ll have to leave you soon.” Takamina said.
There was a frightening silence.
“Hello?” Takamina asked.
Silence remained. When Takamina was about to hang up, she heard Miichan talking to someone. She didn’t understand what she said though.
“Hello?” She repeated.
“Takamina?” Mariko’s voice asked.
“Mariko-sama?” Takamina asked surprised.
She did not expect Mariko to be there too. She didn’t want to hear about her saying she had being stupid to spend time with Acchan while they had worked. She had heard enough about it. But Mariko’s voice sounded soft… Maybe sad too.
“Takamina...” Mariko said with a soft voice. “I… Um… You know… I think you should stop waiting now. Acchan won’t come today.
There was a moment of silence before the older member of AKB said:
“She… has an accident.”
Takamina’s eyes stared at the mini ribbon for a second… and she froze as she heard the sound of an ambulance, somewhere far away in Tokyo.
TBC
ENDNOTE1: Ijime is Japanese bullying that many people decide to support in silence instead of talking about it because they're afraid of others' reactions. This situation is hidden most of the time.
ENDNOTE2: Even if I said that I would kill everyone if things went worst in FoF's fic, this chapter was written before, so it has nothing to do with it XD Just in case you would ask >_<
ENDNOTE3: You guys still don't know everything about Hiroko... And I'm sorry for making such a sad past to Takamina, but as I told you before, anything can happen in this story O_o
ENDNOTE4: Does somebody here speak French? T_T Just asking.
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Ehhh.. I know just a tiny French.. hehe :lol:
Anyway, this is great! even it sad more.. You're cruel fans! :smhid :smhid BUt you did a really,really good job.. Oh God, I'm babbling.. :lol: :lol: I can't say anything about my feeling right now.. arrrrgghhh...
Just one thing, tell me, do I need to prepare a package of tissue in order continuing reading your fic?
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oohh cool an update.. brb..
EDIT: Well that was sad.. I don't know what to think about Hiroko as images of Pedo bear kept on crawling in my mind when I was reading the part where she and Minami first met xD.. Hope Acchan's ok..
I'm taking French classes but I dunno if that's useful enough as I don't really talk much in class.. Basically, my french sucks.. xD
Thanks for the update.. :)
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Just one thing, tell me, do I need to prepare a package of tissue in order continuing reading your fic?
No............................ not yet (http://i959.photobucket.com/albums/ae80/bougie525/whistle.gif)
Yup. just asking about French, coz French's my native language haha... and I read a really sweet one shot but I don't think I'm good enough to translate it >_<
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I finally got to read your two chaps! Late, but I kinda took dark-atrox advice about the whole 'spend less time in front of the computer' for a couple of days for recovery sake. plus i think i need to get on writing again. :lol:
How dare you :smhid But as you can see, I'm not like you and immo and I post my chapter even if immo didn't. So... why don't you leave me out of this and continue this "game" only you two? XD Tsssss :smhid
I'm actually not playing anything since...I kinda take my time when I'm writing a chapter. :nervous for inspirational purposes...i think. :lol: I think I told immo that. :)
With that out of the way, I still don't like Hiroko even if she had a crappy past. The end doesn't justify the means you know. So... :smhid
I felt somewhat angry on Miichan and the others for getting mad at Takahashi. I mean, first they try to fix her and Maeda to meet on a photoshoot, then when Taka and Maeda finally meet, they get mad?! Come on! The girl seriously needs a break here! And she just feels relaxed when she's with Maeda. :lol: though...I do see their point...but still... :smhid
Wow, I didn't see Takahashi being friends with that Hiroko, and the bullying?! :O
And the accident?! :O
And was Maeda driving?! scratch that. I read it again and Hiroko was driving. I'm blaming the meds here. XD
And I so suck at French so I can't help you with that. :smhid
Getting curiouser and curiouser. :lol:
Update as soon as you can! :twothumbs :twothumbs
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Is it a challenge? :smhid
Yes. Yes it is. Well, no...um...heck, you got my 3rd comment. So on with the review. :ph43r:
Not quite what I had in mind, but I KNEW IT! I knew the accident was coming!! :cry: HANG IN THERE ATSUKO!
In the flashbacks, I'm going to assume when you say "college" you mean like, "middle school"? I was still a bit confused there and that's what made sense in my head.
The boy-bully who hit kid-Taka can be an extra punching bag y/y? Like you said, there's definitely something else more important Hiroko is leaving out. I mean, Taka's strong now and I find it hard to believe she'd break her promise in protecting/comforting Hiroko in turn if what Hiroko has shared so far is true. She wouldn't just leave the first ever big sister-like friend she made in Tokyo like that, would she? Hmm...
*gasp* Did Hiroko go too pedo-bear (lol, ra-nyan :thumbsup) that Taka was just all "Do. Not. Want."!? :lol: J/K.
So next chapter; is there going to be drama with a coma included? I'm here to put the driver in the other hospital bed if she is miraculously unscathed... :catglare:
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I aced my French classes in high school; but no prolonged practice after = I suck. Though, I do find myself getting by every time I randomly stumble upon anything French on the net but for the most part, I don't know if I can help ya there. :nervous
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lol. yeah, i've slowed down too and I don't mind if you guys do. quality over quantity, right?
and... uh... sorry about the posting thing. real life came along and kicked my ass hahaha.
but working on the next chapter! :D
Btw, good chapter! I wonder what's gonna happen next... update soon? :D
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omg sun... please continue~! You gots me worried now (Q__Q) also i'm taking french if that counts... (o___o)
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thanks for the update!!!!!
:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
i hope acchan is alright!
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:cow: :cow: great chapter :yossi:
:heart:
:heart:
:heart:
:heart:
:heart:
:bow:
Again,I love your work,and I ended up crying :cry: :heart: :heart:
just like what I did on Fof's story. :cry: :cry:
I don't even know why I'm crying. XD
:heart:
Thanks for the update again!
:heart:
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Yey! An update.... :) hope that this is not a sad fic (for now).... :mon dance: :mon dance: Gonna read fast.... :on study:
Thanks again for the update bou-j525 san :mon cute: :mon cute:
Keep it coming :lol: :mon heh:
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MAN! :w00t: I really love this fic! :heart:
I wonder what would TakaMina do when both Acchan and Hiroko wakes up... (Don't tell me they died!! o_o )
Lol. I'll be waiting for the next chapter. :D Keep it up!! :thumbsup
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Sorry I'm late!
I know I shouldn't put the blame on anything else but myself, but I learned a bad new this week (my uncle died) and I wasn't on the mood to write anything. well, except the short KojiYuu one shot but that was because of school.
Nevertheless, I managed to finish this chapter tonight, even though the majority of you will read it tomorrow. Hope you'll like it. Oh yeah, I know Takamina isn't the kind of girl that would leave a friend this way.... Or at least she would talk with the friend in question before... so I don't know if the reason I found will be enough to be credible, but if not... well sorry XD
THANK FOR ALL YOUR COMMENTS!!! :bow: I'm so happy when I read them! :bow:
College --> beginning of middle school, sorry about that. Well, I looked for Japanese's education system. It's when you're around 12-15 year old.
Sorry for the mistakes!
Chapter 8
They were waiting. It had been almost five hours. While Miichan, Haruna, Yuko, Tomochin, Tomomi, Sae, Sayaka and Mariko were talking together about the accident, Takamina was left by herself, playing with the mini ribbon as her eyes were looking at nothing. The others had forgotten to be mad at her because of her… break from work. It wasn’t the right time. Takamina couldn’t believe she had been the last one to hear about something so important. She had learned about it because of her friends. They had seen it in Internet by some fast geeks who already knew about it. Miichan had thought Takamina already knew about it, so when the captain had told her she didn’t, she had asked Mariko to tell her. She hadn’t known how to announce it to Takamina.
They didn’t know everything. The only thing they were sure about was that Acchan had had a car accident with her manager. The driver, probably her manager since Acchan couldn’t drive, had lost control of the vehicle and they had had an accident. The car had finished crashing into a tree. From what people from the scene said on Internet, there wasn’t blood everywhere, which was a pretty good new, but both of them were unconscious where the ambulance had arrived.
Takamina had almost had a heart attack when she had arrived since she had run all the way to the hospital without stop. When she had arrived, the others were waiting for her. They asked her how she was going and then, they just stopped talking to her, knowing the little captain would rather being lost in her thought than talk with them. They were right. Takamina hardly talked to anybody about her feelings. Most of the time, they saw her crying, but they never TALKED about it. The captain was just waiting for an answer to come. From what the doctor had told them, Acchan would be alright. But Takamina was paranoid: she would not believe him until she saw it by herself. She needed to make sure Acchan was alright or she wouldn’t be able to do anything until the rest of the week… or even until the rest of the month… or even worst, until the rest of the year.
Miichan and Haruna had asked the doctor about Acchan’s manager too. He said the car had crashed directly on Hiroko’s side. She wasn’t dead… But she wasn’t alive either. Only time would say if she was going to be alright. Takamina still didn’t know how to take the news.
The door suddenly opened and the doctor went to talk with them. Takamina was the first one by his side, but Mariko asked him first:
“Is everything fine?”
Mariko was the older among them… And probably the only one capable to stay calm. Well… calmer than the others at least.
“You can see her for a bit, but not too long. She needs to sleep. She was lucky to be on the other side of the car… She wasn’t hurt too much.”
The members asked a bit more about her condition before they went to see her. Surprisingly, Takamina stayed outside a bit more instead of running to see Acchan and asked the doctor shyly:
“How about the other woman?”
The doctor looked quickly at his papers before he said:
“She was sitting directly where the car hit the tree. She’s not as lucky as Maeda-san. I’m sorry about it. She’s still alive though, but she’s in a deep coma. Her head is badly injured, but we can’t figure out if it changed something to her. We will have to wait until she wakes up.”
Takamina froze at the end of the sentence.
“Will she wake up?”
“We can’t tell for now. I’m sorry about it.”
Takamina thanked the doctor as she finally went in Acchan’s room. She wasn’t THAT anxious about Hiroko, but somehow she just wanted to know if she was going to survive. It was probably a reflex she had. But for now, all she wanted to know about was Acchan.
She went in the room. All the others were there. Acchan was lying on her bed. She had a bandage around her head, she had one in her cheek too and it seemed that she also had a broken arm, but at least, she was smiling to them. She wasn’t totally aware of what had happened, but she understood about the car accident. She seemed to be glad to be able to see her old friends, even if it wasn’t the ideal meeting situation.
As Takamina approached the bed, the others members let her getting closer to Acchan. The two Tomomi were whispering things Takamina couldn’t hear, but it didn’t matter. There was no word to describe how relieve she was to see Acchan was fine. And her friend seemed as happy to see her too because her eyes suddenly began to shine even more from happiness. As usual… Takamina began to cry as she hardly hugged Acchan (remember she had a broken arm).
“Hey if you two want to be alone, we’ll leave.” Tomomi said.
“I’m glad you have nothing!” Takamina said, ignoring what Tomomi said.
She sobbed a little as Acchan said with a mini smile:
“I don’t have “nothing”! I’m hurt!”
“You know what I mean!”
“No, I don’t!”
“Sure, you do!”
“No!”
Knowing what was going to follow, Miichan said:
“Takamina, if you answer “yes”, I’ll kick you out of here.”
“Hey, why me?!” The captain asked.
“Do you really want to know?” Miichan smirked.
Takamina totally ignored Miichan as she turned to Acchan and said:
“Yes, you know!”
“Geez, you two looked so gay.” Mariko sighed.
Takamina pouted. She had never been great when it came to feelings, so the only way she had to show someone she was glad was to… release tension. Not in a crazy way like Yuko, but she just needed to joke now. She’d rather smile than cry. Fortunately for her, Acchan knew this side of her personality and did nothing else. They just kept smiling at each other as Yuko asked:
“Are you sure you’re alright? How come you were with your manager? Don’t you have a week off?”
“I’m alright.” Acchan nodded. “The doctor said I will only have to stay here for a day. If everything is still fine, I’ll be able to come back home.”
“I’ve never thought the next time we would see you again would be in this kind of situation… But it’s nice to talk to you again. We missed you a lot, but we heard about you. It’s great to see how far you seem from us now.” Sae said.
“Well, I guess… But I’m not that far from you! I’m still the same Atsuko Maeda!”
“Don’t be so modest.” Sayaka pointed. “You’re the most famous actress and idol of all Japan. We’re proud of you.”
“That’s right! The best of all Japan!” Miichan added. “I guess your manager must be proud of you too! She must be popular herself.”
Acchan just smiled and didn’t answer anything. Her friends just needed to believe that everything was fine. It would be useless to talk about Hiroko with them. Speaking of her…
“Is my manager alright?” Acchan asked. “The doctor didn’t tell me anything. He said I need to stay calm so he didn’t want me to know anything.”
Her friends stared at her without saying anything. Since they didn’t know what Hiroko had done to Acchan, they thought the actress liked her manager a lot and didn’t want her to be sad.
“Well…” Yuko hesitated. “She’s not as fine as you are.”
Acchan’s smiled vanished as she asked:
“What do you mean?”
Mariko felt Yuko encouraging her to speak. Looked like she was the one designed to tell the bad news to everyone. Maybe it was because she was the older… Acchan would never be mad at the great Mariko-sama.
“She’s in coma. The car was hit exactly where she was… So she was hurt badly.”
“I see…”
Acchan couldn’t help but being anxious about her. Even after all those horrible things she had done to her, Acchan couldn’t wish her death. She needed her for work… And before all the things related to AKB48, she was fine. Without her, Acchan felt she would have nothing left. She looked at Takamina and saw the same anxious look on her face... but no as much as she was. But as soon as Takamina saw Acchan looking at her, that look disappeared and she smiled to her. Feeling some tension, Haruna said:
“Well, since you will probably leave hospital tonight… Why don’t we all go somewhere tomorrow? We have some days off too.”
The others smiled. It could be a great idea.
“Bad idea.” Captain Takamina said with her serious voice. “She needs calm. She needs to relax!”
“But we will take care of her! And I’m sure she’d rather be with us than alone!” Miichan said.
“But…”
“It’s alright, Takamina. Miichan’s right.”
Acchan said as she nodded, even though she was a little disappointed. It wasn’t that she didn’t like them… it was just that she had planned to pass some time alone with Takamina… But seeing the others too couldn’t be bad. She probably had to realize that she missed other people than Takamina… She still had to realize it. It may seem stupid, but the only person she missed now was Takamina… Nobody else.
“How about we go to Ueno zoo?” Yuko asked. “Could be funny. It’s been a long time since we went there.”
They all nodded. It had been a very long time and they needed to laugh a little. Seeing some crazy monkeys would help.
“We’ll meet at twelve then.” Sae said.
They talked a bit more about how the group was doing, how Paris had been and how Acchan was doing a great job in her career.
“We saw the latest episode of your drama. Will your character listen to her best friend and leave this poor guy? He’s so nice with you!” Tomochin said. “I can’t believe your best friend can be so selfish! He’s THE guy for her!”
“I can’t tell you exactly what’s gonna happen, but… this guy won’t be alone for long.” Acchan smirked. “And weren’t you selfish too when a fan was too close to Tomomi?”
“That’s so true! See, I’m not the only one that said that!” Miichan said to Tomochin.
“Hey, we were talking about your drama!” Tomochin said as she slightly blushed.
Even though they didn’t talk about the “Tomochin being jealous” case, Yuko saw Tomomi secretly held Tomochin’s hand. She said it to Miichan who smirked and whispered it to Haruna… who told Sae… and Sayaka… and Takamina… and finally Acchan. They were all smiling at the duo who didn’t know what to say.
“I think we’ll go…” Tomochin said with a shy voice.
And both of them fled outside of the room as they were saying “good luck” to Acchan. Everyone laughed when they saw how shy the two Tomo were.
“Really, those two will always make me laugh.” Acchan said as she was trying to calm down. “They didn’t change at all.”
Yuko, who really liked talking about stuff like that, decided to make fun of a certain someone and said:
“Oh, well, nobody really changed since your graduation… except Takamina, of course.”
“It’s so obvious!” Haruna said as she saw Yuko making a sign to her.
She decided to play the game too.
Miichan, Sae and Sayaka just nodded exaggeratedly as Takamina became slightly red. Mariko just smiled a little.
“Hey!” The shy captain said. “It’s not true!”
“Hey, Acchan,” Miichan said, ignoring Takamina, “do you know that Takamina sleeps the morning now? It’s incredible, isn’t it?”
“She even looks at your blog everyday!” Haruna added.
“She talks about you all the time!” Sae pointed.
“She…”
“Shut up, you guys!” Takamina said, interrupting Sayaka.
She was redder than ever as she shyly said:
“It’s not what you think…”
Acchan just laughed a little before she answered:
“Don’t worry about it… To be honest… I kinda did the same.”
Everybody smirked as Yuko muttered:
“Why don’t we leave them alone? It’s obvious they want us to leave.”
“See? Told you they looked gay.” Mariko said.
“Don’t say that, Yuko. “Acchan pointed. “I’m glad to see everyone. I’m sorry about this… ”
“It’s not your fault…” Haruna answered. “I hope your manager will be fine too. She looked… well… not really great. What were you doing to have such a big accident?”
Why did the conversation always need to come back to her manager?! Didn’t her friends see she didn’t want to talk a lot about it?!
“Just talking…” Acchan sighed. “I guess it’s just a very bad luck.”
There was no way she was ever going to tell them what they were talking about. The only person she had to tell this was Takamina. No one else needed to know about it. Like they had read in her mind, Yuko and Haruna suddenly said at the same time:
“We’ll have to go now… We’ll talk to you later! Take care of you until tomorrow Acchan!”
Yuko had a huge smiled on her face as she turned to Haruna and said:
“We said the same thing at the same time! We’re meant to be together! Can I have a reward now? It’s so…”
Haruna sighed and left the room, without paying attention to Yuko’s words.
“Oh right,” Miichan said, “a French fan gave me that for you. He made a video of all the great moments when you were with AKB48. Usually, we are not allowed to accept videos… But you know, since it’s you and everything… I think Akimoto-san couldn’t refuse. But he listened to it before, just to be sure everything was fine. The fan said that even if you probably had one similar, he made it himself and would be happy if you take a look.”
“Thank… I’d never thought someone would do something like this after a year… And it’s from overseas!”
Acchan seemed really glad about it. Knowing she still had fans that supported her even after her sudden graduation helped her to gain self confidence.
“If you knew how many questions we got about you…” Sayaka sighed. “It’s like they wanted to know more about you than us!”
Sayaka wasn’t mad about it. It was great the fans hadn’t forgotten Acchan.
“Oh my god, I so need to tell you something a fan told me about you!” Sae said with an excited voice.
They talked about her and how French fans seemed to care about her for a while. Soon after, Sae and Sayaka decided to leave them alone too. They were glad Acchan was better, but they knew the doctor didn’t want them to stay a long time and wanted Acchan to have time with Takamina in private… Of course, it wasn’t what they told them, but this was the secret reason. As they were leaving, Miichan suddenly followed them.
“There’s no way you’ll leave me alone with them. I’d be useless.” She said to them, ignoring the angry look Takamina was sending to her. “See you tomorrow!”
“What about me?!” Mariko asked as she followed her. “I can’t stay with them either! I’m not gay!”
Takamina and Acchan were left alone as they heard Mariko laughing. The little captain was still a little shy about what had happened before, but it seemed that Acchan had already forgotten about it. Or maybe she thought it wasn’t that important. She had missed Takamina a lot, so she knew Takamina must have missed her too. She lay down on her bed and sighed slightly.
“I’m tired…” She whispered. “I’m glad I’m alive.”
Acchan had said the last part so seriously that it surprised Takamina. Had her friend really thought she was going to die? Of course… Takamina felt stupid. She didn’t know anything about the accident. She couldn’t know how Acchan had felt in the car. She must have been terrified. She must have feared for her life. Anybody would.
“I’m glad about it too.” Takamina said. “I was so worried… I don’t know what I would have done if you…”
Acchan sighed.
“When I saw that tree… I didn’t have time to think about anything…”
She stopped as she began to shake. She was still afraid of it. Takamina waited, knowing her friend needed time.
“I… when I saw the tree… It went black a second later… But still… It made my heart beat so fast I thought I would die only because of it…”
She breathed, sobbing a little.
“I was afraid of dying…”
Takamina smiled slowly at her, trying to reassure her.
“See the sun?” She whispered softly. “It’s real. The clouds too… the bed, the bedroom, your wounds, me, everything is real. You’re still here. You don’t need to be afraid anymore.”
“And the sound it made…” Acchan kept saying, ignoring Takamina, “it was awful… It sounded like a monster… And the collision… And Hiroko suddenly stopped moving… And…”
“Shh, don’t think about it… Don’t think about what might have happened if…”
She didn’t finish her phrase. She didn’t want to think about it. She had never really thought about death… She had never thought of the possibility that one of her friends could die… They were so young… She was glad Acchan had nothing. Once, she had heard about an accident… And if the victim wasn’t dead, she would have to eat by intravenous injection ten hours per days for the rest of her life because her stomach had been badly hurt. If ever the same thing had happened to her friend… Acchan smiled a little.
“I was afraid… I thought I was going to die… But looks like I won’t leave you alone so easily…” She yawned.
Takamina knew her friend was about to sleep. She slowly held her hand as she asked softly:
“Do you want me to leave?”
“Did the doctor ask you to?”
“No…”
Acchan squeezed Takamina’s hand.
“Then, stay here.”
Acchan wanted to feel Takamina’s presence so she could relax a little. She felt great with her by her side. She wanted to talk about anything nice and didn’t want to bring a serious subject since she really wanted to sleep, but at the same time, she couldn’t wait to know more about what Hiroko had told her. She needed to know… Because she wouldn’t be able to look at Takamina the same way as before until she knew more.
“Hey…” Acchan began as she closed her eyes.
She was smiling slightly even if she saw nothing. Having Takamina by her side, even with a serious subject, helped her to feel good.
“My manager…Will she be fine?” She added as she opened her eyes and looked straight at Takamina.
“Well… We don’t know yet.” Takamina answered with an unsure voice.
“I hope she’ll be… I still need her to tell me something important.”
Acchan knew Takamina didn’t know that Hiroko had told her about her past, but she wanted her friend to tell her the rest of the story. What could have happened to them? How could the nice Takamina she knew now… being once cruel and heartless with a friends… almost sister!
“What?” Takamina asked with a gentle voice, trying to be nice with Acchan.
“About you…” Acchan said seriously.
Takamina frowned.
“Me?”
Acchan looked away.
“You were friends, weren’t you?”
“She told you?”
Both of them were avoiding the other’s eyes.
“She told me you left her…” Acchan slowly said. “She told me it was because… she told you she missed you when you were with AKB48.”
“Oh.”
There was moment of silence before Acchan continued:
“She told me… She missed you because you didn’t share enough time together…”
“She missed me…” Takamina repeated.
“She said she told you that she missed you… and that you ran away that day.”
“I ran away…” Takamina said with an absent voice.
Even if she was still holding Acchan’s hand, Acchan could tell she was absent. She was looking at nothing, probably trying to remember that event.
“Is it true? I don’t think you could do that to someone but… it seemed so real…” Acchan asked with a shy voice. “I know you wouldn’t be so… bad… with someone. Especially if you two were close. I mean… I know it’s part of the past now.”
She didn’t want to have doubt about her friend. She knew she could trust her and that she would never leave someone like this, but the painful look Hiroko had this time couldn’t be fake… Takamina had really left her. Acchan could feel it, even she tried her best to deny it.
“Was it all she told you?” Takamina whispered.
Acchan knew Takamina must have a great reason to have done something so… cruel. And she wanted to know about it… Even if the doctor had told her she must stay calm, she wanted to hear what had happened from Takamina herself. But her heart was beating so fast… It wasn’t the best time to be sick again but…
“Yes…” Acchan answered, wondering if it was false.
Takamina looked at her friend, unsure of what to say. What had happened wasn’t that bad… It was just that she didn’t like to think about it.
“I know what you are talking about. She didn’t tell you everything…” Takamina managed to answer with a sad voice. “I did leave her when she told me she missed me… But…”
Takamina looked away again. Acchan knew this side of her. Takamina would tell her everything, as long as they didn’t have an eye contact. That was the only condition. So Acchan released her hand and let her go to look through the windows. As soon as Takamina was “far” from Acchan’s bed and had her eyes looking elsewhere, she started to talk.
“I think it was a few months before her mother’s death. Of course we couldn’t know about this accident… What happened… She did tell me she missed me that day…”
The actress stared at her friend for a moment. Takamina was looking outside, her hair falling down on her shoulders. She had that half serious and half sad look Acchan knew when she was going to tell her something important. And with the bright light of the sun falling down on her, she just looked beautiful. Acchan closed her eyes, breathed slightly and listened to her friend.
Flash Back
“Sorry, I’m late!”
Takamina had promised to Hiroko she would meet her today. She had one of her rare hour off and she knew Hiroko missed her a lot, so she decided it would be nice to talk with her a little. She was late because her practice had been longer than she expected. It was the beginning of AKB48 so it was normal they had a lot of practice. She did her best to arrive as fast as possible, but she was still late.
“Don’t worry, let’s go!” Hiroko answered with a big smile.
Takamina smiled too. She was glad Hiroko was still her friend, even though they were rarely talking to each other. She was grateful to Hiroko to understand how important it was to her. The way her friend looked at her made her feel like if nothing had changed in her life. She was still the little child… except that she had a new boyish personality. Ijime had changed her… But her relationship had never changed and it was great. Takamina felt she still had a part of her old life in her heart. She was herself. She would never let someone else talked to her the way the others had… She was able to protect herself. She felt… strong.
They were heading toward a park they used to go when they were young. Later, they would probably go eat together, but for now, they just wanted to come back there. It was the place where Takamina and Hiroko talked about secrets things, such as ijime for Takamina and Sayuri Okamoto’s popularity for Hiroko. It was the place where they shared everything, joys and tears. As they arrived, they were already talking about everything that had happened during the last few months. They had so many things to say that they both didn’t really know how to begin.
But finally, they were talking about Hiroko’s mother when they reached their place. It was a place in the park surrounded by trees. In the middle of them, there was a bench, hidden too. It was an old one, probably forgotten by everyone, but strong enough to support their weight. They sat there, knowing nobody would ever come and disturb them.
“So yeah, she told me we would go to New York next year! I can’t wait! We’ll finally have some time only the two of us!”
“New York?” Takamina exclaimed. “You’re so lucky! I think I’ll never leave Japan!”
“You never know.” Hiroko pointed. “Maybe when your new group… How it’s called already? ABK48?”
“AKB48. It’s for Akihabara48. Oh and by the way, the nickname you gave to me, I decided it will be the one I’ll use as a member of the group! From now on, I’ll always be Takamina! So each time a fan will talk to me, I’ll remember you!”
“It’s great! I’m glad you chose it! Ah, and sorry for the name of the group… I always forget.” Hiroko apologized. “Yes, maybe when you’ll be more popular, you’ll get the chance to go overseas!”
“And maybe you’ll remember the name of the group too.”
Hiroko apologized again as Takamina sighed.
“How do you want us to have overseas fans? We are in a theatre in Akihabara… I mean how could some people from New York even know about us? They wouldn’t even understand us.”
“Well… You listen to some English songs, right? It’s probably the same.”
“English is worldwide… Japanese isn’t.”
“Never underestimate the power of the web.” Hiroko laughed as she saw Takamina so sad. “My mom too used to think that, but now she receives letter from everywhere. I think some teams exist and they do translations of her dramas.”
“No way! You mean, maybe it could happen to us?! Even if we’re Japanese?! It’d be fantastic! Can you even imagine some fans doing their best to translate our songs? It sounds so great!”
For the victim Takamina had been when she was young, being known overseas was something impossible. It sounded like an unreachable dream.
“I’ll bring you some souvenirs.” Hiroko smiled, happy to see her friend looked better. “When it’ll be your turn to go there, bring me some too.”
“Yes!” Takamina promised. “I’ll bring you some even if we just go elsewhere in Japan. But New York… It seemed so far from here… I mean… Even just China seemed so far, so I can’t even think of going to America!”
They both continued to talk about overseas for a while. Takamina had never left Japan, so thinking about going to New York was… magic.
“Hiroko, tell me… how much time will you stay there?”
“My mom told me she’s trying to have a month or two off, so we could have time to visit everything…”
“That’s long! How are we going to talk to each other?”
Hiroko sighed.
“Why do you mind? It’s already almost like that with your new job.”
“You know what I mean!”
“Of course,” Hiroko sighed even louder, “but you know what I mean too. It’s been a long time since we talked together like this and it’s only the beginning. I can’t imagine how it will be when the group will gain popularity… You’ll never have time to see me. So you’ll probably don’t remember I’m gone when I’ll go to New York.”
“Don’t say that…”
“I know I must be egoist… But really, I wish your group will never gain popularity… so we can still share times together. I’m sorry, I know this is your dream… I’m selfish by saying that… But I don’t want to lie to you…”
Takamina looked sadly at her before she shyly smiled.
“I’ll always have time for you. Even if I become the best of all Japan… Even if my dream came true! Remember, we’re best friends. If I didn’t have time to share with my best friend, then I’d be stupid.”
“Really?”
Takamina was about to add something as Hiroko said with an ironic voice:
“Oh, wait a minute, aren’t you stupid already?”
“Hey!” Takamina said as she pretended to pout. “I’m not stupid!”
“You fail all the time.” Hiroko smiled.
“That’s not true! People don’t like my jokes, that’s all…”
“Your stories are lame.” Hiroko joked.
“Then why are you laughing all the time at them?” Takamina smirked.
“For… nothing?”
They both ended up laughing together. After a minute, Hiroko avoided her eyes for a moment. The main reason why she wanted to see Takamina was exactly because of it. She missed seeing her like this. She missed talking and laughing with her. She was… jealous of her new group, even if she knew it was really selfish from her. She was Takamina’s friend… She was supposed to support her… But… after seven years of strong friendship, she couldn’t just suddenly stop to see her like this.
“You know… It’d be great if we could be together more than once a month.” She said.
Hiroko wasn’t as shy as Takamina, but… There was something she needed to tell her… and that “something” was hard to say.
“I’m sorry.” Takamina answered. “I’ll be careful. I missed you too, you know. But… I don’t have choice.”
“I know, don’t worry about it.”
Even if her friend was still shorter and younger than her, Hiroko felt she was walking far in front of her and that even if she ran, she couldn’t reach her. While Takamina thought that going to New York was unreachable, Hiroko thought it was Takamina. She was unreachable. She was far… she was already somewhere else. In another word than hers. Takamina patted her back as she said:
“I’ll always be your friend. As a friend, I’ll always find some times for you.”
She had said the last part with a huge smile. She really tried to comfort Hiroko because she felt the same. But if she wanted to become a singer, it was the kind of sacrifice she had to do, even if it was painful. Her dream would come true for sure… She couldn’t let it go. She couldn’t live without singing.
“Hey Takamina… You know it’s been seven years since we know each other.”
Hiroko’s voice was hesitant, but Takamina didn’t seem to hear it.
“Yeah! It’s incredible, isn’t it?! I can’t believe it even now… We should celebrate it!”
“You know…” Hiroko said as her eyes stared at Takamina, “during seven years… we’ve been closer and closer.”
“I know! And I still can’t believe the first time I met you, the only thing I had in my mind was a strawberry cake… How selfish I was… But it was great, because of this I didn’t get mad at you so we became friends. Though you scared me, you know! Coming to see me like this… I’ve never seen you and suddenly you came to talk to me and became my friend!”
Takamina was laughing by herself, unaware of the sad look Hiroko sent to her.
“You know… After seven years… Feelings changed.” Hiroko slowly said.
“Yeah! I can’t believe how much our friendship has grown!”
“No… I don’t think you understand.” Hiroko said, confused as how her friends was acting. She was acting like… there was nothing. She didn’t understand… “What I mean is that… After seven years… Our friendship… to me, it’s not just a normal friendship.”
Takamina looked at her with a “eh?” look. She didn’t understand at all. Their friendship wasn’t normal? Right, they were really close to each other, but it was still a friendship… There weren’t thousand kinds of friendship, right?
“What I mean is that… I don’t only see you as a…normal friend.”
Takamina sighed. Really, how was she supposed to understand something? It wasn’t clear… In fact… it was even more difficult to get. Takamina felt some tension. She didn’t like tension AT ALL. She felt something in the air was different… The feeling she had when they had arrived here… had changed. She was anxious… She needed to make the uncomfortable pressure disappear.
“What do you mean by normal? I’m not popular enough yet!” She laughed. “Wait until it happens and then, you will be able to say: Hey, I know her! We’re best friends! And then people will be jealous of you… Okay, I’m getting pretentious now, sorry. But I’ll reach my dream for sure…”
Hiroko didn’t point out that she could already do that since her mother was the most popular actress in Japan. She had something serious to say.
“Takamina… I mean… After so long time…” Hiroko tried to say with a painful voice. “I like you a lot and… now… After all those years… I kinda feel different about you. I mean, you know, more than a friend would usually like another friend.”
It took a few more seconds for Takamina to really understand what Hiroko meant. Then, she frowned. She suddenly stopped breathing for a minute, wondering if she had heard the wrong thing. Then, her eyes went wide open as she hardly asked:
“You mean… not like a friend?”
Hiroko whispered something that Takamina didn’t understand.
“M… more than a friend?” The younger girl asked, scared of knowing the answer.
Hiroko looked away as she nodded slightly. Takamina stared at her for a minute, speechless. She didn’t understand how things had gone so far. They were having fun a minute ago, right?! How did Hiroko suddenly… Wait a minute… what was she supposed to answer to that?! It was clearly a confession! The only thing she could do now was…
“I forgot I had something to do now for the group. I… I have to go.” She whispered.
She stood up, but at the same time, Hiroko grabbed her arm.
“Forget about it. Let’s keep talking.”
Hiroko’s voice was happier, trying to hide her fear of rejection. Takamina was looking at the ground.
“Hey!” Hiroko smiled as she shook her slightly, “Forget about it, right? It was stupid from me.”
Takamina shook her head, not answering.
“Say… Say something!” Hiroko said faster. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Let’s just do like if there was nothing.”
“I’m… protecting you from the pain right now…”
“Eh?”
“I need to go somewhere… I need to leave now… Because if I don’t… you’ll suffer when you’ll look at me.”
Takamina’s voice lost in the wind.
“I won’t suffer.” Hiroko’s voice was supplying Takamina to stay.
“Don’t lie to yourself. You know I can’t… I will… I’m…”
Takamina avoided Hiroko’s eyes who were trying to stare at her.
“I’m sorry! I swear… I will forget about it, okay? It was stupid! Just stay here, I won’t talk about it anymore.”
Hiroko was slowly realizing that she had just destroyed their relationship with her “confession”. Everything was gone in a second.
“Listen Hiroko…” Takamina finally managed to say clearly to her. “I… You… We can’t… We are… Don’t hide your pain, okay? Don’t hide it.”
Hiroko saw their friendship slowly loosing more pieces as she said with a panicked voice:
“I didn’t mean to! I swear! I don’t know why I said it… Please, forget about it.”
But Takamina wasn’t dumb. Even if she was younger, she knew exactly what Hiroko had meant. She understood everything she had meant. So she looked at her in the eyes and said:
“Tell me… What are you thinking about now?”
“What?”
“You want me to stay… but don’t lie to me…”
Hiroko sighed, beginning to realize maybe it was too late to avoid it. She knew Takamina didn’t think the same way others 14 year old girls thought. It was useless to lie to her.
“What do you want me to do?! To let you go?! Do you know how much I want to ask you to give me a chance… to give us a chance?! Do you know how much I want you to stay here, how much I want you to leave your group… how much I can’t say because I’m afraid of ruining our friendship? I want to ask you to give it a try… to… to give us a chance before judging it… I mean… It can’t be that bad, right? I know, I’m stupid… Tell me, we’re still friends, right? Maybe… we could just… wait?”
Takamina frowned sadly… Their friendship had already changed. It wasn’t the same now… It would never be the same now. Hiroko slowly said:
“Do you know how much I changed during those years… You helped me so much… I want to support you and your dream, but I can’t! Now… every time… Do you know how much I want you to stay with me… It’s painful… If I wasn’t holding myself, I would have kissed you by now!”
Realizing what she had just said, Hiroko apologized, hoping it wasn’t too late… but it was.
“What… What are you saying so suddenly…” Takamina whispered with a scared voice as she walked away from Hiroko.
“Wait!” Hiroko screamed.
“I’m sorry, I need to go.”
And she started to run.
End of Flash Back
Acchan suddenly opened her eyes and saw Takamina standing by her side, looking sad.
“She confessed to you?!” She managed to say with a surprised voice.
Takamina nodded.
“Really? I thought you were just friends! She told me she only told you that she missed you. She never told me about… the rest.”
“She lied to you, of course… How could she tell you something like this.”
Acchan frowned.
“I really thought you were only friends!”
“That’s what I thought too! That we were just friends!” Takamina sighed. “I mean, I’ve never seen her that way, so what did you want me to do anyways? To me, she was nothing more than a friend.”
Acchan’s body tensed at those words.
“Nothing more than a friend?” she asked.
Takamina nodded.
“Nothing more. We were friends, that’s all! I’ve never thought she would suddenly tell me she loved me! Hey, I was fourteen, remember?! I was just being accepted in an idol group… There were 23 others girls in the group! It’s scaring when your best friend suddenly confessed to you while you’re in an entire idol group… and that you’re surrounded by girls!”
“That’s why you left her after that?”
Takamina had a regret look on her face as she said:
“I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t like her that way. How could I ever look at her now? It was just… awkward… I was afraid too… I didn’t know how to react…so I decided to stop talking to her.”
“Even after what happened to her mother?”
The strong captain looked even sadder.
“I had to work and… I… I didn’t want her to have some crazy ideas. I know it sounded cruel but… I mean, what would you do if your best friend suddenly confessed to you?! You know, if I had talked to her again, I would have wanted to make her happy exactly because of what had happened to her mother… but being nice with her… isn’t it telling lies to her?”
Takamina looked like she really regretted it. She knew what she had done was cruel from her, but it was a problem she couldn’t have confronted before. She knew it wasn’t that horrible… But she had not have enough strong back to that time.
“What would you have done?” Takamina repeated with a sad voice. “What would you have done if somebody you saw only as a friend suddenly came and confessed? I was fourteen, she was seventeen, we were perfect, normal friends! And for God sake, we were two girls! I mean, isn’t it a great reason enough to avoid her?! I mean… I’m not gay, right? I’m not! Whatever Mariko may say… You know… I’m not gay! I didn’t even think something like this could happen to me!”
Acchan froze. Takamina was right… But she was hurt. Knowing that Takamina had once rejected her best friend because of a confession didn’t help her to feel good since… She had maybe/perhaps/probably planned to do the same one day. That situation was really similar. Acchan didn’t know exactly how she felt for Takamina, but she knew… she somehow loved her. And now… she knew she could never tell her this. She would probably be rejected like Hiroko had been before. Takamina probably didn’t like her the same way and since they were best friends too… And she wasn’t gay… not that Acchan was, but… Damn, she was confused about it!
“I guess you’re right…” Acchan whispered.
Takamina looked at her.
“I’m sorry she’s your manager, Acchan. I guess I shouldn’t have told you that…”
“Don’t worry, it’s alright. And really, you must have had no choice.”
The captain sighed.
“I guess so… I’m glad you understand my position… I mean really… What would someone do if it happened? Isn’t it… crazy? I wanted to explain myself… But… I was even scarier than with the ijime thing.”
“Right…”
Acchan was looking at Takamina and, without really knowing why, her heart hurt a lot. She pretended to fall asleep.
“I… I’ll leave you alone.” Takamina softly said.
“Sorry about all this…” Acchan whispered, like a little child apologizing to her mother.
“It’s not your fault. At least, it’s not too worst.”
She stopped for a minute, smiling sadly at her as she regretted everything she had said about Hiroko.
“Don’t die yet, Acchan. I still… We still need you. And we’ll have a nice day tomorrow, remember.” She added.
Acchan smiled.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
Takamina smiled nicely to her too as she left.
“Sleep well!”
Takamina stayed in the hallway for a moment, holding her head. She didn’t want to remember this moment… She didn’t want to feel so guilty… She started walking towards the exit. As she passed in front of Hiroko’s bedroom, she turned her head in the opposite direction and walked faster.
***
As soon as the door was closed, Acchan was looking at the sky, wondering why her heart hurt so much. Takamina had rejected her best friend because of a confession from her… She had also clearly said she thought it was weird for two girls to be together. She had clearly said she didn’t like girls… Acchan was afraid the same thing might happen to them if she ever did the same. Even if she wasn’t sure of her feelings yet, she knew a part of it wasn’t only friendship. And she was afraid of rejection… A lot… she was scared of it because she knew Takamina had put an end to a seven years old friendship because of it. Takamina and she were friends for almost six years… How could she ever hope not to be rejected if she told her she might like her more…? Of course, Takamina was older now… but still… Acchan couldn’t help but remember the question Takamina had asked before. “What would she do if it happened”… She wondered… If Takamina ever confessed to her… she could probably be the happiest person in the world. But she knew it would never happen. And she also knew that… now that she knew Takamina and Hiroko’s story, she must NOT tell Takamina she might love her... because she didn’t want to loose her.
TBC
ENDNOTE: I'll do my best to post soon, but I can't promise anything coz the exams are coming...
ENDNOTE2 (and EDIT): OMG it's the fourth page already! THANK YOU ALL! :bow:
ENDNOTE3: What will happen with Acchan now :?
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update!!!!!!
:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
i feel bad for acchan! :cry:
i knew it..... that girl is in love with takamina!
anyways...
looking forward to the next chapter in the zoo...
might be fun!
thanks for the update!!!
:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
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after all I think if acchan would confess her feelings for takami,takami would accept them.I hope for this in the future :heart:
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:O
Now I feel bad for Hiroko.
Now how will Acchan deal with this I wonder.
What will happen in the Zoo?! :D
This chapter sure...brings certain guilt memories on my part. I can so relate to Takamina here. Oh and my condolences to you on losing your uncle. :(
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^ Sorry about that(http://i959.photobucket.com/albums/ae80/bougie525/fear.gif)
Hello everyone! I'm back with lot of work so it's a miracle I'm able to post today! Though I don't like how I wrote some part of this chapter since it's not exactly how I wanted them to be >_< But it's almost an hour wasted in front of my computer, trying to find how to say some things and I think I lost enough time like this XD I should improve my English vocabulary someday XD
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING AGAIN! :bow:
Well, I have nothing more to say today, so here's the chapter!
Sorry for the mistakes
Chapter 9
Takamina breathed slightly as she wondered if it was really a great idea to come to the zoo today. She was worried about Acchan. What if her friend wasn’t strong enough to come here today?! She knew the accident hadn’t been that bad, but knowing Acchan, she knew she must probably just want to sleep. But looking at her, she could see she was happy. She was laughing, probably as much as when Takamina had visited her when she had come back sooner from France. She stared at her for a moment. Acchan was talking to a sleeping lion, telling him to wake up. From Acchan’s point of view, it seemed like an old lion Takamina and she had seen when they had come here two years ago. She was funny to watch. Acchan turned her head and saw Takamina looking at her. She smiled joyfully at her, stars shinning in her eyes. The small girl smiled back.
They had just arrived to the zoo. Others were here too. Haruna and Miichan were taking funny pictures with Tomochin and Tomomi while Yuko was updating her blog. A bit apart were Sae and Sayaka, talking happily together. They were looking at the monkeys just at the right side. They had already seen the lions and… didn’t want to wait the others. They were fine just the way they were, the two of them together, even though they liked to see Acchan. Mariko hadn’t come finally, saying she wanted to see her family because she knew it was the moment she could go and talk with them.
As the big lion finally woke up, Acchan said with an excited voice:
“Look! He’s awake! Let’s take a picture!”
Without letting Takamina answering anything, she grabbed her arm and took a picture with the lion as background. Then, she totally ignored her friend and began to write something for her blog. The captain smiled a little. Acchan seemed so happy, it was hard to believe she was still hurt. If it wasn’t for her broken arm, she would probably have already forgotten about it. But… somehow… behind this happiness… Takamina didn’t know why but she felt Acchan hid something. She just couldn’t find what exactly it could be.
“Hey look! This is so cute!”
“I look so weird!” Takamina laughed as she saw the picture.
“Don’t worry, it’s alright. It’s when you look normal that it’s weird.”
The captain pretended to be mad as she heard Acchan’s answer. Tomochin smirked as she looked at them. They looked so happy together. It was hard to believe they had not seen each other for almost a year before… It looked like the distance hadn’t affected their friendship at all. They were still close to each other… But as she stared at them better, it seemed that Acchan looked… nervous. Sure, she was acting as usual. But her movements were slow, her smile was hesitant and her voice had a nervous ton. Tomochin just shook her head, knowing she must have imagined everything as Takamina joined Yuko, who had finished writing, Sae and Sayaka with the monkeys. The others were still playing together. They were such big kids.
“Don’t leave Acchan alone.” She heard Miichan whispered as she passed by.
Takamina sighed. It wasn’t because she had missed Acchan a lot that her friends needed to joke about it. Acchan didn’t need her to be always by her side or she would think she was a stalker! And she needed some air too! Acchan looked happy the way she was.
“I like this one!” Takamina said as she pointed a brown and white monkey. “He’s so nice! Look, he plays with the younger! They’re so funny!”
“Which one are you talking about?!” Sayaka asked.
All monkeys were brown and white. And they were a lot, so she couldn’t see which was playing with which.
“This one! Isn’t he cool? Look, he grabbed a banana! I love bananas too!” She said to the monkey who totally ignored her.
Sae and Sayaka sighed at the same time. They both remembered the “beautiful” banana sweater… They really liked Takamina, but she needed to be clearer than that. There were still ten monkeys with bananas!
“Are you alright, Yuko?” Takamina asked as she finally left her favourite monkey alone.
She was right to ask because Yuko looked a bit sad, even though she smiled to her.
“I wished me and Nyan Nyan could visit the zoo alone…”
Takamina smiled a bit.
“Don’t worry, she won’t leave you alone that easily. Just have fun.”
Yuko sighed and answered:
“Yeah, but it’s not the same…”
Suddenly, she jumped happily to Haruna and began to hug her.
“Come with me Nyan Nyan! We’ll have fun today!”
The old Yuko was back. She always did that kind of thing, so Takamina didn’t really care about it for long. Plus… where was her monkey?
“Hey, he disappeared!” She pointed sadly as Acchan was coming near her with Miichan.
“Who?” Miichan asked.
“My monkey!”
“Who?!” Acchan repeated.
“The one with bananas!”
“Leave her alone, she’s trying to get your attention.” Miichan said to Acchan as she walked toward the reptile zone.
Takamina pouted as she followed the two others. Really, why did she always have to be hurt whatever they did! Was it only when she was alone with Acchan that she could say what she wanted without fearing that kind of comments?! If so, she wouldn’t mind being alone with Acchan forever. Miichan had a bad influence on Acchan.
“Now you know how I felt.” Yuko quickly said to her as she passed with Haruna.
Takamina sighed. She stared at the two Tomo… It didn’t seem that they were going to join them soon. As Acchan saw where they were heading to, she froze.
“There is NO way I’m going there!” She said with a scared voice.
Even Miichan, who hated reptiles, wanted to go there, even though she wasn’t sure why. Was she suicidal? Maybe. She just wanted Takamina to protect Acchan. The captain was always looking after Acchan and Miichan really liked to watch them. It was always funny.
“Please! Just for once!” Miichan said.
“I can’t believe YOU want to go there!” Acchan replied. “I don’t even want to think about all those…”
She didn’t finish her phrase, finding it too disgusting.
“We’ll just look with the others. I don’t think it can be so bad!” Miichan said as they started walking again. “I don’t even know why we’re so afraid of reptiles!”
Two minutes later
“DON’T APPROACH HIM FROM ME! DON’T EVEN COME 1 CM CLOSER!” Acchan screamed as Sayaka was holding a beautiful… huge snake.
She ran and hid behind Miichan… who was as afraid as her. Haruna and Yuko were not as afraid, but they stayed apart a bit. Yuko thought it was a nice way to be closer to her Haruna, so she didn’t really dislike it… Sae and Sayaka were playing with the snake. They enjoyed it.
“Look, Sae, he’s going… wait… where is he going?!”
The snake was moving from Sayaka’s shoulders to Sae’s, making them moving closer to each other.
“Hold on! Hold on, he’s going to fall!”
Sae had a huge smile on her face, all happy to have her head close to Sayaka’s. Maybe this snake idea wasn’t that bad finally. They didn’t want to take it at first… But finally… it was really nice.
“Wait, I’ll take it.” Sae said as she tried to hold the snake.
Sae walked everywhere with her new friend, having fun to scare the others. Tomochin and Tomomi, who had just joined them, were hiding behind the four others girls, thinking finally, maybe they should have left them… and visited the zoo alone. The two of them. Without that snake. Acchan felt suddenly a bit bad. Looking at all those monsters…. She wasn’t all recovered… Maybe it was bad for her health… The snake moved faster as she thought that she should have used this as excuse to leave this place.
“He’s… wait a minute, it’s a boy or a girl?!” Sae asked, but nobody answered.
Takamina wanted to touch it… But she didn’t trust this boa too much. He was way too tall.
“I said to not come near us!” Miichan ordered too with an anxious voice.
“I told you we shouldn’t have come here!” Acchan’s scared voice mumbled.
Takamina slowly touched the snake… Okay, it wasn’t that bad… She began to take a part of his body. The snake was long. Of course, since he was taller than her… After all she was ONLY 148.5cm, like everyone liked to remind her… She literally dreamed of the day when she’ll finally reach 149cm. Sae cruelly had the great idea to leave her with it. She was laughing with Sayaka as Takamina was trying to not drop the snake because she knew it would freak the others forever. Great… She had it on her shoulder.
“Oh my god… His face is way too close to mine…” She said slowly before she screamed, “Hey where’re you think you’re going?!”
The head of the boa was heading into her shirt.
“Get out of here, please.” She asked nicely as the head of the snake appeared from her sleeve.
The snake ignored her and suddenly climbed on her head.
“Hey, don’t mess up with my hair!”
The boa was still ignoring her and was now moving… slowly around her neck… Now, that was enough and Takamina dropped it.
“He’s going to kill me, get him OFF!” She panicked. “I don’t want to be killed by a snake!”
Everyone laughed… but they had forgotten the man who was supposed to help them was busy to help another woman. And the snake suddenly fell on the ground.
“AHH! WHY IS THERE A SNAKE HERE ANYWAYS?!” Both Acchan and Miichan screamed as they began to run to the exit of the reptile zone.
“I knew it was a bad idea!” Acchan screamed after Miichan.
“I didn’t know they would leave a snake in liberty!” Takamina heard Miichan answered.
“He’s… He’s coming here… HE’S COMING-!”
The two Tomo didn’t even look back a second as they ran to join Miichan and Acchan. Yuko and Haruna quickly followed them as Sae, Sayaka and Takamina were trying to catch him. Finally, the man came back… And even though he was angry at them, he let them go. Knowing the others would not come back here, the trio watched some lizards, spiders, chameleons and turtles before they left the zone. Takamina had chosen another favourite animal. This time… It was a small red and green lizard, who liked to stay immobile on his little rock. She called it “merry Christmas”, much to the two others discouragement.
“What? It’s the same colours!”
The two others didn’t even answer, knowing it would be useless. Why did they come here anyways? Ueno zoo was fun… but… Oh yeah, because of Acchan… This was stupid… coming here knowing Acchan hated reptiles. Worst idea ever from Miichan. Definitely.
The three of them went outside of the zone, only to find Miichan, Haruna and Yuko helping Acchan to sit on a bench while Tomochin and Tomomi were trying to calm each other. She was breathing heavily. Takamina arrived near them, running.
“What’s going on?” She asked with an anxious voice.
She knew it was a bad idea to bring Acchan here. She definitely knew it. Well… She had known it… Then forgotten it… and now the reality was slapping her hard.
“Seemed that the snake scared her a lot. She seemed to be more tired… Probably because of yesterday… She didn’t sleep enough… Maybe it was a bad idea finally.” Haruna said.
Yup, she knew it. Damn brain who made her forgotten it.
“Are you alright?” Takamina asked to Acchan, sitting by her side.
Her face was near Acchan’s… And Acchan felt uncomfortable about it. So she became red. She looked like a beautiful tomato.
“You’re red, do you feel bad?” Yuko asked too.
Takamina softly touched Acchan’s forehead.
“I don’t think you have a fever… Maybe you’re just tired from your accident.”
She was moving closer to her. As she realized it, she suddenly went apart. She blushed a little. Acchan wasn’t better. Not only did she look tired, but now she looked like she was going to faint. Everyone exchanged look.
“We’ll bring her something to drink. Maybe she just doesn’t have enough sugar in her blood. I read something about it…” Tomochin said as she left with Tomomi.
Sae and Sayaka smiled at them before they said:
“We’ll bring you food! You know, maybe you just need proteins and stuff like that.”
They left as Yuko pretended:
“I’m… going to the bathroom. Haruna, Miichan, why don’t you come with me?”
“Why do you need us to-” Haruna frowned.
“What a great idea!” Miichan exclaimed. “I knew I had to do something, thank to remind me!”
“Thank to remind me?!” Takamina thought at the lame excuse Miichan had said.
And then, Miichan grabbed Yuko and Haruna’s arms and walked away, leaving the last two alone. Takamina sighed. What had just happened now? She had a feeling about it.
“I think you should go home.” She said to Acchan. “You look pale.”
Acchan slightly smiled.
“I’m sorry… Everyone is worried about me. You can’t have fun.”
“Don’t worry about that!” Takamina answered. “You need to take care of you now! Remember, you’re still weak!”
“I wanted to have fun with you… Since something like that happened… We never know what could happen now.”
The voice she had was sad and worried. Takamina sighed. She couldn’t blame Acchan to think about it. She had almost died yesterday… And thank God, she hadn’t. Takamina too wanted to share more times with her, but she wanted her to be healthy more than anything. She still couldn’t forgive herself to not being able to protect her.
“We’re not mad at you. But take care of you, okay? Go home…”
She smiled at her.
“Do you want me to take you home?” She added.
Acchan looked away.
“No need to.” She just said.
She hadn’t said the real reason. In fact, she didn’t want to worry Takamina exactly because she knew how her friend would act: nicely and sweet and everything… Like someone who care a lot for her. Like a friend, a mother, a sister… a lover… She liked it, but it reminded her that warm feeling she hid in her heart. To see how much Takamina cared for her… Kinda hurt her at the same time. She couldn’t help but wondered if it was really the way Hiroko had felt for Takamina. Acchan sighed. She didn’t want her friend to be so nice with her when she couldn’t act naturally with her. She was sad about it. This situation just reminded her how much she enjoyed having someone who cared about her… especially if it was Takamina.
“Really? But what if you fainted before you arrived?”
Takamina looked really worried about her.
“I’m going to be fine… Just have fun today. I’ll call you if there’s a problem.”
“What if you fainted before you call!? And if you fainted in the middle of the street! What if you got another car accid-… Oh… sorry… I know you must be afraid of it…”
Acchan smiled.
“I won’t faint. Just have fun”
Somehow, Takamina wanted to answer that she couldn’t have fun if she knew Acchan was sick… but her words didn’t come out.
“I guess I should…” She just said.
“I swear I’ll be alright.” Acchan kept smiling, seeing how much her friend seemed to be anxious. “I’ll call you tonight, okay?”
Takamina finally accepted it.
“Okay.” She smiled. “But be careful. If you feel bad, don’t wait and call us.”
“Don’t worry about me.” Acchan answered.
She began to walk away. She had wanted Takamina to bring her back… But with all the revelations she had learned yesterday, she just couldn’t ask her to. She was afraid her hidden feelings might come out… And it was the last thing she wanted now… She needed to stay focused on their friendship, nothing else… Because she knew she could never tell her the truth about it. She knew if one day the love she had felt for her before was to come back… She would have too much pain inside her to support it. Just now, seeing Takamina so worried about her made her heart beat so fast… It was bad for her to feel this way. She didn’t want to. She wanted to ignore it. She wanted to forget it. She wanted to… keep those warm feelings hidden forever…
Most of all, she wished she had never thought of Takamina that way when she was with AKB48.
***
Takamina saw the others coming back. Ironically, Tomochin and Tomomi didn’t have any drinks while Sae and Sayaka pretended the lines for the food were too long and that they didn’t want to wait too long. Like she was going to believe such things… Did they think she was stupid? Okay, she didn’t want to know the answer to this question. Haruna, Yuko and Miichan came back later. As they saw Acchan was gone, they glanced at each other. Takamina was already watching the tigers a few meters away. They whispered a bit and Miichan came to talk with Takamina. The girl was laughing as she saw one of the tigers fighting with a younger one.
“Look!” She said to Miichan. “They’re fighting! Isn’t it so cute! Oh, the little one fell! He’s so cute I want to take him with me!”
Miichan stared at her with a “WTF” look. What would Takamina do with a tiger at home anyways? The tiger would eat her when he’ll grow up anyway. She’d probably get killed by the “so cute” tiger” anyway.
“I want to take him to Acchan! She would have a real tiger instead of taking pictures of her cats…”
Miichan laughed as she remembered that blog post. It had been so short… but so funny at the same time. And really… Takamina was on fire today! A monkey, a lizard, a tiger… until the end, she would have a complete new family with her.
“Hey, where’s Acchan?”
Takamina took a picture before she said:
“She’s gone. I told her she had to take care of herself and go home.”
“Eh? Stupid.” Miichan sighed.
“What?!”
“Why didn’t you take her home?”
Takamina’s answer was fast.
“She didn’t want me to. She said we should have fun together instead of worrying about her.”
Miichan stared at her with astonishment in her eyes. Even if it were true, Takamina would have taken Acchan home if the girl didn’t feel well. This was a stupid reason from her. Miichan had always hoped that maybe/probably/someday Acchan and Takamina would maybe/probably/someday live together. She even thought they loved each other, without really knowing the reason. Right, she had married Acchan, but she still thought Takamina and the ex face of AKB must felt something called “love”. Or maybe it was just because she couldn’t imagine one without the other… But for now, she had something important to say to Takamina… and hopefully, the others were behind her to help her if ever Takamina became too upset.
“Hey… Um… I have something to tell you about Acchan.”
Takamina didn’t move. She just stared at the tigers. But she wasn’t really happy about what Miichan had told her. For the first time of her life, she wanted to have fun without having a problem to solve, BUT Miichan just HAD to talk to her about… Acchan. Really, when she didn’t want to talk about her, her friends wanted, and when she wanted, her friends didn’t. Could somebody explain it to her because she didn’t understand anything.
“You know… A few days before we left for Paris, she called me.”
Takamina froze. Miichan wanted to talk about THAT?! Could it wait for… never?
“Hey look.” Takamina said nicely to her. “I know she called you… But for now, let’s just have fun. That’s what she wanted, right? So let’s forget about this call.”
Miichan frowned.
“So you’re not upset about it?”
“I guess not. I mean, I can’t tell her to call only me and nobody else right? And we’re fine now, so you don’t need to talk about it.”
Miichan frowned even more.
“What are you going to do about it then?”
“What do you want me to do about it?” Takamina asked, frowning too. “She has the right to call you. It’s fine.”
“Aren’t you anxious about it?” Miichan asked with a serious voice. “It’s weird… I mean… It’s not normal that someone told her that.”
Takamina looked at her friend, confused.
“Someone told her what?”
“Eh?”
“What “Eh?” There’s nothing to do about it! She called you, that’s all. No need to worry about something so… normal.”
Miichan sighed. They obviously didn’t talk about the same thing at all.
“Aren’t you going to do something about that woman’s voice? When she called me…” Miichan took a deep breathe. “Before she hanged up, I heard a woman telling her she would break her cell phone if she didn’t stop talking now.”
Takamina eyes went wide open as she said:
“What? I’ve never heard about it.”
She was a bit sad about the fact that Acchan had told Miichan instead of telling her… But for now, the only thing she had on mind was the cell phone thing. Hadn’t Acchan told her that she had to change her phone?
“What was the reason already?” Takamina thought. “What was it… Someone has stolen it? No… She has lost it… No, she…”
“I heard a… frightening voice… I’m sorry, I knew maybe it’s not the best time to tell you that but…”
“What do you mean by “the best time”?” Takamina finally pronounced. “Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?”
Oh, oh… Bad Takamina was coming…
“Well… I… I thought it was better to wait and see how Acchan was before telling you anything… I mean, nothing bad happened about her, right?”
“She told me… She had lost her cell phone… But the first time… She had said someone had stolen it… What if it was a lie then? What if someone really broke it? How was the voice?!” She asked to Miichan, urging her to tell her everything she knew.
“I’m sorry…” Miichan sighed. “I can’t describe a voice… I mean, it was a normal woman voice…”
Takamina shook her head, beginning to be anxious about it. She grabbed Miichan’s arm and said:
“Where was she when she called you? You must know, right?”
Miichan thought about it a little before she answered with a sad voice:
“Listen, I know you’re worried about Acchan… We are too. But… she told me she was at work. So there are lots of possibilities. It could be anyone.”
“I have to talk to her.” Takamina said as she began to walk toward the exit.
At the same time, Yuko appeared in front of her and told her:
“Sorry, but today, we’re having fun. I know it must be hard for you to think about enjoying this day now that you know about it but… Acchan must be tired. I don’t think she wants to talk about it.”
“She’ll tell us when she will want to.” Haruna added as she came near them.
The little captain couldn’t just stay here when she knew her friend was maybe in danger, but… It was true that Acchan needed to sleep. Maybe the best solution for now was to let her sleep well until she gets better. Then… maybe they could talk about it.
…
No. She couldn’t. Her inner voice was telling her that she had to know more about it, not only for Acchan, but for herself. Acchan had already almost died because of this stupid car accident, there was no way she was going to let her be in danger again. She would never forgive herself if something bad really happened to her friend… Seeing that determination look on Takamina’s face, Haruna sighed.
“Let’s have fun today. Tomorrow… we have a short meeting for the group, but I guess you can go and see her after. It won’t be so late. Whoever the voice was, I don’t think Acchan will be more in danger if you talk to her tomorrow instead of today.”
Takamina nodded slowly. Tomorrow… There was no way she could forget about it.
But for now… she thought those pandas were cute… She had to take pictures of them… Maybe Acchan would like them.
“Hey, I got an idea!” Takamina said, a smile coming back. “Why don’t we call this one “salt & pepper”?”
“Did I hear well?” Miichan asked to everybody.
“I hope not.” Tomochin answered as they were all looking strangely at the little captain.
Maybe they would have fun finally. Maybe Takamina would come back to her normal self… but they hoped she would not want to add a panda in her “already huge” animal lover family.
***
Yuko and Haruna were happily talking together as they were walking toward the theatre. They had an important meeting with Akimoto-san about a recording they were going to do. Yuko really enjoyed being with Haruna. She was like a puppy following her master everywhere… except that, much to Yuko’s disappointment, Haruna never hugged her like a real master would do. But at least, Haruna never rejected her because she was afraid Yuko would graduate if she did. So they were closer than before, always going out together. As they arrived at the theatre, they were late. They had talked too much… and somebody wasn’t really happy about it… and it wasn’t only Akimoto-san.
“Where were you?! We’re waiting for you for almost fifteen minutes and… fifty-five seconds!” Takamina said angrily as they sat on the two last chairs.
“Calm down…” Yuko said. “We were just talking.”
“Yeah? Well, stop talking now because we’re already late enough like this.” The captain said, not even a bit happier than before.
Someone laughed as Tomochin said:
“Ignore it, Yuko, she just wants to finish soon so she could go see Acchan after.”
Takamina glanced angrily at her and answered:
“What are you talking about?! That’s so not true!”
Yuko smirked as she thought the serious captain was lying in front of everybody. She looked way more nervous and was playing all the time with the mini ribbon strap that was on her cell phone… And now that Yuko thought about it, she wondered… where did Takamina get it? Yuko smiled even more as she thought Acchan must the responsible for this mysterious gift.
“Well, well, no fight here, please.” Akimoto-san calmly said as he stood in front of the twenty more popular girls of the group.
Everybody stopped talking. The meeting had begun and even the captain of Team A, or better: of the entire group, couldn’t say anything against their creator.
“I’m sorry for doing this meeting when you are all off, but this is really important for the moment when you’ll come back to work.”
Everyone nodded. They couldn’t disagree with him. Akimoto stared at them proudly.
“When I’ve created the group, I would never have imagined seeing you all this way. You’ve grown up… The concert in France was a success. Now, I’m thinking of a new project for all the fans, not only in Japan, but also worldwide.”
He stopped for a moment, waiting for his assistant to bring a map of the country.
“I thought of a documentary that could be recording everywhere in Japan.”
The members stared at him, not really understanding what he meant by “a documentary”. Hadn’t AKB48 already has a documentary about them?
“This won’t be like the other documentary.” He said as he seemed to understand the silent question. “This will be a movie about you. Each of you… I’m sorry for the others girls that aren’t here, but 48 would be too much… So yeah, each member will choose a destination in Japan. It can be anywhere, from Hokkaido to Okinawa and Kyushu. You will all have to choose it and later, you will go there for a week. A cameraman will be with you, filming your trip. This has not too much to do with AKB48. It’s not like 5400sec either. It’s a real “private life”. The fans will really see what you like about this part of Japan, and they will see you doing the same ordinary things they do. At the end, we’ll choose the best moments of everyone and put them as a movie. Of course, you will explain a bit what the city you’ve chosen is, like a guide, understand what I mean?”
The members smiled, thinking this project would probably be funny. They would just have to enjoy their time… It seemed great.
“The reason why it will be accessible to strangers… is because it will be subbed in English. We want overseas fans to see it, which is a premiere for the group. They will discover Japan through your eyes.”
“It will be for a week?” Sayaka asked.
“Yes. A whole week, having fun somewhere in Japan. I think it will be popular, since each of you will have her own version. It’s marketing, of course. Fans who have many oshimen… will probably buy more than one movie. I mean, it will also be different places in Japan, so I guess they would want to see that too. And at the end of each movie, there will be a short performance, so if they don’t like Japan, fans would get the chance to see a live performance of you. And yes, it’s really gonna be a live performance.”
Everyone laughed a little, knowing it was wallet-rape.
“So, I just wanted you to think about it before I tell you more next time.”
Takamina hardly heard about the rest. She thought about Acchan… She didn’t want to leave for a week… especially if someone was bad with her friend. But she knew she couldn’t avoid it. And she also understood that Acchan would probably come back to work soon, so there was no way they could go there together. Plus, Acchan was not a member anymore, so Takamina didn’t understand either why she just got this weird idea of leaving the two of them. Knowing she could not refuse this project since she was a captain, she just nodded as Akimoto said:
“Next time, we’ll talk more about it. Until this meeting, just think about a place. Each place must be different. It will also be a great way to help overseas fans to know more about Japan.”
“This is another step for AKB48 world domination.” Sasshi laughed.
The others laughed too, though she was right. AKB48 was known almost everywhere now… And what surprised them the most was that even news fans of the group wanted to know about the legendary Maeda Atsuko. It was another reason why Takamina could never stop thinking about her friend: People would even talk to her about Acchan when she was shopping just to know about that. Really… would the “Acchan age” disappear one day?
“Also, last thing…” Akimoto added as he turned to the girls in the doorway. “Everybody needs to participate this time. I know some of you couldn’t do the 5400sec, but this time, it’s an obligation because it’s even more important. This is you, AKB48, Japan and the world.”
Takamina sighed as she heard the last few words. She had no choice but to do it, or she may be fired. It was clear.
“Last thing I need to tell you. I’m planning a concert in Tokyo Dome soon! So be ready for it!”
All the members were surprised to hear that, but they were excited at the same time. Finally, Tokyo Dome concert? YEAH!
“The meeting’s done.” Akimoto said as he left the girls.
Everyone started talking as five of the group stared at Takamina. Feeling her friends’ glances at her, the captain nervously faced them and said:
“Wh… what?”
Tomochin had an anxious look on her face. Yuko was smiling… or at least trying to smile at her. Haruna was just staring at her like usual. Miichan sighed as Mariko asked:
“So where are you going to go?”
“No idea…” Takamina mumbled. “Maybe Osaka or Hiroshima…”
“So you’re really going somewhere?” Tomochin asked, surprised.
Takamina frowned.
“Of course.”
Miichan hesitantly said:
“We thought… You know because of what I told you…”
Takamina sighed despairingly as she answered:
“There’s no way I’m gonna stop working because of it.”
Seeing the others with doubts faces, Takamina just added:
“Trust me. I mean, we’re going to Tokyo Dome soon! There’s no way I’ll miss it! The old Takamina is back and ready to work… as soon as I finish talking to Acchan.”
And she fled, leaving her friends behind her. They didn’t say anything for a moment, just staring at each other, somehow feeling sad for Takamina. They knew it must be hard for her, especially now. Silent remained for a while and broke as Miichan said:
“She better finds who that woman is so we can all go and tell her what we think about broken cell phones…”
***
In another room were Akimoto-san, Sayaka Akimoto and Kashiwagi Yuki. Akimoto Sayaka had stopped being the captain of Team K for a while before she became it again. For all the members, Team K captain was Sayaka and nobody else. They had all wanted her to come back, and as soon as her scandal had been “forgotten”, she was back as the captain. The two members had left as soon as the meeting was done. Akimoto-san wanted to talk to them privately since they were captains. The creator of AKB48 perfectly knew that Takamina wouldn’t come since he had heard about the “Acchan case”. He respected the fact that the small girl wanted to share times with the graduate member since it had been a long time, but it was exactly why he wanted to talk to the two others leaders.
“I’m sorry, I know you want to be with the others, but I won’t be long.”
They both denied the fact that they didn’t want to be there. They had to be polite, right?
“I wanted you to tell me about Takahashi… I heard she was spending a lot of times with Maeda. I know I sent her back to Japan sooner because she didn’t work well and also that she saw Maeda, so maybe I’m the one to blame, but… Do you think it had an effect on her work? Be honest, please.”
They both moved hesitantly.
“Well…” Sayaka began. “It’s true that she seemed to miss Acchan, but I don’t know if it affects her work.”
“If you’re talking about this new movie, I don’t think she won’t do it. She knows when she has to be serious, that’s why she was chosen to be Team A’s captain.” Yukirin added.
The two of them flinched at the serious look Akimoto-san sent them.
“Okay… Well… Maybe she neglected her work a bit… But it doesn’t mean she can’t be captain anymore.” Sayaka said.
“I know.” Akimoto-san nodded. “I also know that I should talk directly to her about this, but you know, usually, she’s always the first to come and talk to me about her problems related to work. So I believe if something really was important, she would come to see me. But I was worried since her own team seemed to have doubts about it too.”
“Maybe you should just wait. She’ll probably come sooner or later. It’s not like her to wait too long when it comes to the group.”
“You’re probably right, Yuki-san. I just wanted to know if you knew something about it… Because if it became a handicap to her later, I need to know about it… What I told you before is true… I’m planning a concert in Tokyo Dome. Everyone must be ready.”
The two captains glanced at each other. If the boss had seen that something bad was going with Takamina, it must be true. It must be evident. If even Akimoto-san had seen it… Takamina needed to be careful. Because if ever Akimoto wasn’t satisfied about her job… maybe she would not be captain anymore. Maybe she would loose her position as leader. AKB48 needed a strong and serious leader… and if Takamina didn’t work as well as before because of Acchan… It would be a problem. An important problem, not only for Akimoto-san, but also for the future of the girl with the group.
***
Takamina was walking toward Acchan’s house. Again. But this time, the reason was different. Last time, she had come because she wanted to know why Acchan had told her she hated her… Now, she was heading there to know about a possible menace for her friend. Really, she could hardly believe there would be a day when she would go to Acchan’s house just for NOTHING. It was annoying to always go there with a problem in mind. As she reached the door, she waited for Acchan to answer. It didn’t take long time for a crying Acchan to open the door. Takamina immediately went in bodyguard mood.
“Acchan? What’s going on? Why are you crying? Is there someone else here? Are you hurt? Are you okay? Did somebody hurt you? Do you want me to kill someone?”
She had asked so many questions in such a short lap of time that Acchan stopped crying and asked her with a surprised voice:
“What are you talking about? I… I was just listening to the DVD the French fan gave me.”
“The one about you being in AKB48?”
Acchan nodded as Takamina calmed a little.
“I thought… you were crying because… of something else.” She just said. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” Acchan said as she let her friend coming in. The first thing Takamina saw was the opened TV with Acchan’s face laughing surrounded by all the others members. She remembered it. It was just after her party graduation.
“I stopped it when I heard the doorbell.” Acchan said.
She didn’t push the “play” button as they sat on the sofa, knowing that if Takamina was here, something must have happened.
“Um… Sorry… I should have call.” Takamina said shyly.
Acchan nicely punched her shoulder.
“No need to, you’re always welcome here, you know that.”
There was a moment of silent before Takamina asked:
“Do you feel better? You suddenly left yesterday…”
“Oh… I’m alright now. My arm hurts a little, but it’s okay.” She smiled. “Why did you come here? Don’t you have a meeting with the group?”
“It’s done.” Takamina said before she added hesitantly: “Hum… In fact… Yesterday, after you left, Miichan told me something about you.”
Acchan flinched. She immediately thought about her manager. She hated Takamina for talking about it, but since her friend couldn’t know about it, it wasn’t really her fault. She remembered the call she had given to Miichan and wondered if she had told Takamina. If so, then she would have no choice but to tell her the truth. It was… useless to lie to such a close friend like Takamina. They could felt when the other lied and Acchan knew the captain probably already knew she had lied last time when she had told her everything was fine.
“She told me that you called her… And that she heard something weird when you hanged up.” Takamina slowly said.
She didn’t want to tell Acchan too quickly about it. She was scared it could be bad for her health.
“She told me she heard someone telling you about breaking your cell phone or something like this…”
Well, if she wanted to say it slowly… She just messed up everything. Maybe it was because she really wanted to know about it because she was worried about her friend… like a lot… like she would give her own life to protect her without hesitation.
“Oh…” Acchan said.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s alright.” Takamina added quickly.
Acchan smiled to her. She was kinda cute when she was worried about her. And deep inside, she knew it was now or never. Hiroko was in coma… It was fate that Takamina had learned about it. She had to talk to her about what Hiroko had done to her… Because if she didn’t, she would never do it… and she would probably regret it for the rest of her life, especially if her manager woke up later.
“She’s… right. Miichan’s right…” Acchan whispered as she moved closer to Takamina.
Takamina didn’t say anything as her friend was lying by her side. Then, the small captain let Acchan used her as a pillow and waited for her to speak. She knew if Acchan wanted to tell her, she would. She only had to be patient. Thinking about being patient reminded her when the two of them were still in AKB48 together. Once, she had had to wait silently for almost two hours because she wanted to know Acchan’s problem… She really hoped it wouldn’t be as long because… Because this time, she wanted to know it fast, so she could resolve it… fast.
“You know… My manager…” Acchan began with a nervous voice.
Takamina looked at Acchan as she heard her talking. Her manager? Like… the one they had talked about when Acchan was still at the hospital? Thinking about it made Takamina feel bad too because it also reminded her the terrible thing she had done to… the girl who had once been her best friend. What was Hiroko’s role in this story? Please… she really hoped it wasn’t like she thought it was…
“At the beginning, everything was fine… But then…”
Takamina listened to her friend for what seemed hours. Acchan didn’t cry. She didn’t show any emotions. But Takamina did. She was clenching her fists almost every second. Anger slowly appeared in her eyes. She started breathing loudly… She didn’t move though. The only thing she did all the time was to listen to everything her friend was telling her. She was keeping all the information in her head, preciously. At the beginning, she just couldn’t believe it. She just couldn’t see Hiroko being so mad about Acchan for… well, for nothing! But as it went along, she realized that her friend couldn’t just lie about all that. She trusted her actual friend more than her old one. She somehow felt that everything Acchan was telling her was true… and it hurt her to know all this, even though she had wanted to. Acchan did not look at her as she talked. Not once. She was just telling her what had happened, with a sad and painful voice. Takamina did nothing either. She was just listening… Listening to her silent, to her voice, to her faint sob, to her breathe… She was just trying to understand why she hadn’t been with her before. So much had happened to her friend… Acchan was telling her almost everything… And now, she knew the truth about her cell phone. She hadn’t lost it and nobody had stolen it… It had just being the victim of… Hiroko. Her old friend.
Takamina slightly touched Acchan’s shoulder when she told her that. She felt Acchan tightened as her finger touched her. Her wound must still hurt…
The little captain was angry against herself. She remembered all the things she had told Acchan about Hiroko… How did her friend felt when she had told her those things? Telling her best friend that her violent manager had once being in love with her… She had been so stupid! She had never asked herself how Acchan would feel about it, never asked herself if Acchan may have problems with something… She hated herself. Acchan must have felt… so bad…so lonely. Now… she was telling her the truth… Wasn’t she scared that Takamina might not believe her? After all, Hiroko and she were friends, so it would be normal for Takamina to have doubts about it. But right now, she was bravely telling her everything. She was probably fighting against her fear to tell her that. She must hope Takamina would believe her… And she did. Acchan was trying to show nothing, but as she finished, she couldn’t help but let the anger took the control of her voice.
“I know I should not say that but… somehow… I’m glad she’s in coma now.”
Takamina didn’t say anything for a while, just staring at her friend. She couldn’t tell her to not say that after all she had heard… But really… thinking that Hiroko had done that…
“But at the same time… I don’t know what I would do if ever she…”
Acchan didn’t finish her sentence.
“I believe you.” Takamina whispered to Acchan. “I believe… in what you told me…”
Acchan couldn’t help but smile at what her friend just said.
“Thanks…”
Takamina sighed.
“I guess it’s my fault she’s like that… It’s probably my fault that she’s threatening you now… Since we’re best friends… She must hate you.”
Takamina kept blaming herself for a while until Acchan interrupted her:
“No. It’s not your fault. She’s just… too crazy to belong to this world, I guess. And with what happened to her… Maybe it’s just the way she is now.”
Acchan wanted to believe she could blame it on something else, but she knew it was a bit Takamina’s fault too. Leaving a friend like this… Anybody would be upset.
“I’ll protect you. She won’t ever do that again to you, trust me.”
Takamina made a promise: She was going to talk to Hiroko… maybe… and she would stay with Acchan until things were cool again. But then again, her inner voice reminded her about her main job: AKB48. She wasn’t Acchan’s bodyguard and would never be.
“I’m sorry… I should have told you before.” Acchan said as she finally looked Takamina.
“Everything’s fine. It was hard… I understand now… Why I received those mails… I understand why you looked so… scared when I saw you the first time.”
Acchan frowned.
“You knew about this?”
“I can see when you’re scared anytime. I know you better than anybody. And don’t even think that you don’t know me as much as Hiroko did. Hiroko knows the old me. You know who I am now. There’s a huge difference.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about your past?” Acchan asked.
“You never asked me to… and you never told me about yours too… so I thought it wasn’t important. It would have changed nothing to our friendship… and I wanted to create great memories with you now so I can forget the bad ones. Even if it’s because of it that I’m like this today, I want to replace them… Because I know I’d be happier to remember great times shared with you than… that.”
Acchan was about to ask another question when Takamina added:
“You didn’t need to know about those sad events. And since we’re talking about sad things… The reason why I didn’t graduate with you… I think I finally found the answer.”
She paused. Took a deep breathe. And said:
“It’s because… If I had graduated at the same time, we would have never being able to see each other. I mean… See how far and busy you are now? You don’t even have time to talk to me at phone… If I had left the group too, I would probably be as busy as you are now… Means that we would both probably be so busy that we wouldn’t even being able to mail each other. When I decided to stay with AKB48, it was because I knew that, even if I was busy, I still had time to do something else at the same time… I knew that… I would have time to talk to you, even if you didn’t. I would have time to think about you, to be here right now, by your side. If I had left AKB48 with you, maybe we wouldn’t even talk to each other now because of our jobs. Being a singer is my dream… But I know… for now, all I want is to keep our friendship the way it is…”
Acchan sighed as she realized how right she was. She was so busy… If Takamina had the same life too… they would definitely not talk a lot… or maybe they would not talk together at all.
“I guess you’re right…”
Takamina smiled as she said:
“I wouldn’t be able to listen to you now. But since I can be by your side now, I swear I will do all I can do to protect you… When she’ll wake up… I’ll go and…”
Takamina stopped. She had always avoided Hiroko. Thinking of visiting her was… too much. But it was for her friend. She would give her life for Acchan.
“Don’t.” Acchan whispered. “I don’t want you to go.”
“Why?” Takamina frowned. “She would stop if…”
“For now… We’re fine. I can protect myself.”
“But you know… If I told her to stop…”
Acchan smiled.
“Everything is fine. Can we just stop talking about it?”
Takamina nodded. Hearing the reason why Takamina had not graduated with her reminded Acchan her unsure feelings toward her. For now… she just wanted to stay the way they were, side by side. She pushed the “play” button and the DVD played again.
“Let’s watch it together.” She said as her head lay on Takamina’s shoulder.
They were fine the way they were. Takamina said nothing and stared at the TV. It was Acchan’s graduation scene… Then… some random funny parts of when she was with the group… Here she was crying… Now she had a huge smile in her face… She was joking… Eating a big cake… There was a scene from the Skirt Hikari making of… She was so young… And here was at Yoyogi… And that was a scene from the PSP game… And here was a scene from MUJACK… Another one from Iiwake maybe making of… And this one was from AKBingo… And now she was sleeping… She was fishing… Oh yeah, she remembered seeing this scene from 5400 sec… Takamina wondered how come the fan had all those videos/pictures, but she was glad Acchan had received it. Sure… somehow… it was illegal… But if Acchan didn’t care about it, then she would not too.
She blushed a little, unaware that Acchan had already turned red, when the kiss scene from Heavy Rotation making of, the one shown in AKB documentary, played on the screen. It played three times, probably the shyest moment of Takamina’s life EVER, until a white sentence appeared on a black screen.
“We love you, but not as much as you love Takamina <3 ”
Then, the DVD stopped. The famous kiss scene between her and Acchan was the last scene.
***
Takamina's POV
The scene went black.
All I can do is staring at the television, even though there is nothing more. The fan who made this video is really great… Acchan seems so touched by this… And when she’s happy, I can’t help but feel better too. I’m thankful for all those great moments we had together… I miss them…
I’m looking at her now. She’s smiling, but I can see there’s something’s troubling her. I wonder what it is… Is it the kiss scene we just saw? It can’t be, right? She kissed me that day… I was so surprised I reacted too late and she did it. I can’t help but smirked as I remember how huge her smile was when she finally did it. It looked like she just did a miracle… though maybe it was since I never kissed anybody. Acchan… gave me my first kiss… Oh wait, there was that actress from Mendol, right? But it doesn’t count since we were just acting…right? Well, I guess Acchan was acting too, right? It was just… fan service, right? It’s hard to know what is real when you’re working as an idol. You always have to look perfect and innocent, but at the same time, fans want to see a… dark side from you. They want fan service too… I wonder how the fans reacted when they saw this scene… They must have been as surprised as I was.
“Acchan, don’t make such a troubled face.” That’s what I want to say right now, but the words are stuck in my throat and don’t want to move from there. I can’t tell exactly how she looks… but it seems painful to her. If only she could tell me what’s going on… But I guess it’s too serious… Or maybe I should just wait. I’m always like this. I want to know what bother people as soon as possible so I can help them… But I need to give them time to resolve their problems themselves… I guess I can’t help Acchan all the time after all. I guess… Even if we’re best friends… there’s still something I can’t do to help her. Maybe I’m not strong enough… Maybe she doesn’t trust me… It would be normal since she knows the truth about what I did to her manager…
Acchan’s looking at me now… Her eyes are beautiful. I feel I can just stare at her forever and be happy. But I must not think like this. This is not a way to think about a friend, right? There’s pain in her eyes… I don’t know what the reasons to this sad look are, but it makes me feel useless… Soon… I’ll have to go back to work… I’ll have to leave Acchan for a week… probably more. I don’t want to leave her with Hiroko… I’m worried about her… But I guess I have no choice but to work… since AKB48 is only the first step to reach my dream. I’m sorry Acchan… If I could stay here, I’d do it. But I’m still with the group. I have to work… I’m not as far as you are.
But you know, even if I told you I’ve stayed with AKB48 because I was afraid I might not have time to share with you if I left the group at the same time… I think we’re slowly moving apart… Even if I try to act the same as before, I can see you’re not looking the same way at me. Why are you looking at me with such sad eyes? Aren’t you happy to see me? I guess if you weren’t, I would have already left, so it’s probably not the problem. I wish I could know your problem, so I could do something about it. I’d do anything… Why don’t you tell me what it is?
Maybe if you could read my mind, you’ll see how worried I am about you. Hey, Acchan, please, smile at me before I leave… Even with your manager threatening you, even if you look so sad… even if it’s my fault, I need to see you smile.
***
Acchan's POV
I want to tell you everything.
I have no right to think about you that way. I’m stupid. I should stop thinking about it… But whenever I see this kiss scene, it’s like the world stops moving. It’s like there’s only the two of us. I made so much effort just to reach your lips… I know you probably don’t feel the same… I’m sure you probably don’t feel the same about it, but still… I can hope, right? I’m scared. I’m scared of Hiroko, of my career, of what I’m going to do later… but I’m also terrified when I look at myself and think about my feelings. Because I know it is impossible for me to think about you like this.
No matter how I look at this… It doesn’t change. Why? You told me, right? You told me you think two girls couldn’t be together, right? I guess you’re right… I mean… It’d be weird after so long time we know each other. Why am I thinking about it, anyways? There’s no way it can happen. Though I’m glad you came here tonight. I’m glad you’re worried about me, because it makes me feel important to you. I’m sorry if I’m making you sad by staring at you like this, but I can’t help it, it’s useless to hide the pain from you. You’d see it anyways. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. It will leave someday…
Hey… Takamina… If I told you how my feelings are… would you leave me alone? Because when you look at me with that cute worried look… my heart hurts so much I wonder if it’s not better for me to leave you…
TBC
ENDNOTE: Aww, poor Acchan… Well, pain is a part of life, so she has no choice but to deal with it! The question to ask is "how" will she deal with it...
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I want to say only one :( please acchan told her about your feelings
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@bou-j525
maaaaaaan....damn your so good... :thumbsup :thumbsup :thumbsup i really like the story line. always waiting for your update.please update as fast as u can... :yep: :yep: i now there would be more pain in this story but ... can't help what would happend next... n i hope soon takamina will recognise acchan feeling to her. :yep: :yep:
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I haven't read your fic :gyaaah: :mon cry: (since chapter 8... Been busy from school... :err:) Really need to read fast!! :on study:
Anyway, thanks a lot for the fast update :] Happy advance Christamas!! :mon santa4: :]
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Aww. Sayaka so brave! :heart:
Maeda and Miicha...not so brave. :lol:
Looks like Takamina isn't aware of her feelings for Maeda.
Hopefully that'll change when something epic happens between them. :twothumbs
And I wonder when our antagonist will wake up and break these two up again? :smhid
Update as soon as you can! :thumbsup
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wow this is a great fanfic! love the takaachan moments here! :)
lol Takamina and her animal family cracked me up
man i don't want Takamina to leave Aachan for a month but i don't want her to lose her job either
i hope Aachan will confess one day!
Happy early Christmas and update soon!
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HELLO. :grin:
Sorry I'm late.........
[personal story, do not read if you don't care]
Sorry for the late update but I'm working like never before on my project for school! Yes, during holidays.... more than usual when there's school... I think god hates me.
So yeah, the last three days, I wrote ALL THE DAY about things for my project.
And I swear I haven't put at least one finger outside since Sunday T__T I was, and am still, spending all my days by writting texts on computer. YES.I'M.NOT.LYING :panic: I'M.BECOMING.A.GEEK (like if I wasn't one already XD) This is killing me :banghead: I can't stare at a freaking computer screen anymore T_______T Well, except for five minutes so I can post this chapter, but right after I'm going to close it............ and open it tomorrow morning for another crazy day XD
Anyways :nervous Yesterday I was able to finish this chapter at one in the morning. But I was way too tired to post it and I can only do it now because... I've been working on my project all the day again. It's currently midnight.
So sorry!!!!
[End of the personal story]
Hum... I have to say... this chapter may annoy some of you, but read it carefully please! PLEASE. :bow:
Again, thank to everyone who left comments or "thank", or who are just reading my story!!! :bow:
One last thing... I have to admit that, due to all the time I spend on computer for writting texts for school, it kinda... how can I say it... it makes my motivation "OFF" for this fanfic. I'm not sure if I'm clear enough, but here's a better explanation: I woke up at 10am, I write texts for school until 8pm. So after so long time on computer, I have no desire to stay longer in front of a screen and write a story...
Of course, it won't stop me forever, but don't be surprise if I don't post the next chapter for the next week. REALLY SORRY !!! Please, keep reading my fic :bow:
Okay, enough talking, here's the chapter XD
Sorry for the mistakes
Chapter 10
Takamina was waiting in the front of the closed door, incapable to move. She was reading for the fifth time what was written in it.
Number of the room: 257.
Name of the patient: Hiroko Sato
The small captain of AKB48’s team A was standing there, still immobile. She had given her cell phone number to the doctor, asking him to call her when Hiroko would wake up. She had not expected it to be that soon, but the doctor had called her this morning. It had been two days since she had seen Acchan. She hadn’t seen her yesterday, telling her she should rest instead of going outside. The last thing Takamina wanted was another accident, and if Acchan needed to stay inside in order to be safe, she would. One more day and she would have to come back to work… She would have to leave Acchan alone. Well, she was an adult so it should be alright… That’s what Takamina thought too before this accident. She was so paranoid to loose her that it almost made her sick.
She had not planned to go see Hiroko. After all, it had been more than six years since they had seen each other… And their latest conversation wasn’t the best example of what we could call “friendship”. In fact, leaving suddenly and never call back someone even if the person in question needed help because of something horrible that had happened was more the example of something called “farewell”. And that was exactly what Takamina had done. So she was not really at ease to see her old friend again, especially in this situation. The reason why she had suddenly decided to go to see Hiroko was because of what Acchan had told her. She wanted to make sure Hiroko would never do that again. Even if her old friend was still confused because of the accident, she wanted to talk about it now… because she would probably not have time to later. And Acchan’s security was the most important thing in the world.
Of course, Takamina knew she should not scream at Hiroko for what she had done… She was still hurt and just woke up from a deep coma… The captain would have to be patient. It was going to be hard. The doctor had said it was a miracle Hiroko had nothing more than a terrible headache… and bit less intelligence than before. Not that Hiroko was now handicapped forever, no. She was a bit confused with nouns and sometimes needed help to remember something, but it was nothing really bad. Everything would soon come back to normal. Takamina didn’t know if she had to feel relieve about it or scared… She was afraid Hiroko might take revenge on Acchan for this car accident. After all she had done to Acchan, Takamina didn’t know what Hiroko was capable to do now… The friend she had known was gone now and she knew when she would talk to her… it would be like talking to a different person. Because Takamina knew the Hiroko she had known would never do such horrible things.
She carefully opened the door, knowing she couldn’t stay in the hallway for eternity, even if it was what she wanted to do. She scented blood. It was a typical hospital room, white and empty, except a bed, a little television and a personal bathroom, but there was a scent of blood that didn’t seem to want to disappear. Hiroko had lot of money from her mother, so she could have a private room.
Takamina started walking toward the bed where Hiroko was lying. She sat beside her bed, waiting for her to wake up. She was still playing with the ribbon phone strap. It helped her to remember the main reason why she was here. It helped her to not flee away… because she feared their conversation. She feared it because she knew… it would be sort of… a confrontation. But she needed to do it for Acchan… If only Acchan knew what sacrifice she was doing for her right now… but she couldn’t tell her.
Hiroko’s eyes were closed. She was probably sleeping. She had a huge bandage around her head, she was connected to two big machines that made “bip” every five seconds… and she had many intravenous injections going through her weak body. She was white. Horribly white. Takamina couldn’t help but looking pityingly at her. Hiroko was in a terrible condition compared to the last time she had seen her. The last time… It had been when Acchan and she were leaving the studio… And if she thought about the last time BEFORE that…
Takamina sighed as she thought for the umpteenth times about this moment. Her eyes met Hiroko’s as she sighed even loudly. She had tried to forget this moment so many times, but seeing her old friend lying this way… Wait a minute… Hiroko’s eyes?
The small girl flinched as she realized Hiroko was awake, staring at her, emotionless. She froze as she heard Hiroko’s voice for the first time since almost six years old… maybe even seven.
“Ta…ka… mina?”
Her voice was hesitant, weak, hoarse, a bit cold, but it was the same as before. It was the same voice she had heard years ago… with lot more pain than before.
“You’re alright?” Takamina asked, not knowing what else to do.
Oh wow. What a stupid question.
Hiroko’s eyes weren’t emotionless anymore. They showed pain, hope, hatred, happiness, fear, incomprehension… Hiroko was breathing heavily, as if just saying this little word had drained all her strength. Then, she seemed to realize she had called her old friend with her nickname and she had a disgusting look in her eyes.
“What… are you… doing here?”
Even though she was weaker than ever, she was still trying to make her voice cold. Takamina was so nervous… she looked away as she answered:
“Maybe I should come back, you look tired.”
Hiroko slowly shook her head as she repeated her question.
“I wanted to talk to you about something… But I guess it’s better if I leave you alone.”
Hiroko tried to speak, but coughed a little while Takamina added:
“Give you time, you’re still badly hurt. Don’t be so stupid.”
Hiroko blinked. Even though so many years were gone, Takamina could still not be mad about someone hurt. She HAD to be worried about her old friend. Plus, she was the only one that could call Hiroko “stupid” and stay alive after. Hiroko knew Takamina would always call her stupid when she was worried… Like before… And also… Talamina was the one who left Hiroko, so it was normal the woman was mad at her. But she, Takamina, couldn’t really be mad at Hiroko.
“Sorry…” Hiroko mumbled like a little child.
“Take care… Acchan would not forgive you if you died, even after all you did to her.” Takamina said with a normal voice.
The manager flinched as she heard the end of the sentence… And then began to cough again for a while as Takamina smirked.
“Hey, told you not to die…” the small girl said as she looked away.
Hiroko breathed loudly as she asked:
“She told you?”
“That’s why I came here. To tell you to…”
She stopped talking as she saw a new red light on one of the two machines flashing for a long time.
“Maybe I should wait you feel better. Could be dangerous.” She mumbled.
She wasn’t especially worried about Hiroko. Honestly, she didn’t really care about her since they had stopped hanging out together, but she knew Acchan needed her manager. So she couldn’t just risk killing Hiroko by talking to her in a harsh way.
“…Won’t… kill…you… speak.” Hiroko whispered.
Really? Takamina had doubts about it. The only reason why Hiroko hadn’t killed her yet was because she was hurt.
“Alright then… Stop doing those things to Acchan.” Takamina said with a loud voice. “You have nothing against her. You can’t blame her for something I did long time ago or for something your mother did.”
“She… alright?” Hiroko asked, her eyes half closed.
Takamina flinched at the sudden change of subject.
“Yeah… She’s fine.” She answered.
Hiroko seemed relieved as she slowly answered the longest thing since they had started talking:
“I’m glad… Since she looks so much like… my mother… I can’t help but think that… if she was dead… I would have killed my mother… for the second time… She must live.”
Takamina sighed loudly as she said with a tired voice, trying to control her anger:
“Stop comparing her to your mother. This is useless. The only thing you’re doing is hurting her, so stop it! You know what I mean… Your mother won’t come back. Acchan is Acchan, not your mother! That’s what I wanted to tell you today. Stop hurting her! Stop doing those horrible things to her. You’re her manager. You’re supposed to support her. Accept that… what happened to your mother… it’s gone now.”
It took a long time for Hiroko to answer.
“It won’t ever be gone from my heart… I know I should accept… I can’t help it since… The only person who could have helped me to accept it… was gone.”
Takamina felt guilty. Hiroko was… right.
“Stop blaming the others too… The Hiroko I knew could have accepted this tragedy by herself...” Takamina whispered as she looked at the floor. “Why did you hurt Acchan so much?! She has nothing to do with it! You should have asked her my number and threatening me instead! She… she did nothing to you.”
Hiroko stared at Takamina for a while before her eyes closed, probably because of tiredness.
“She did nothing to you.” Takamina repeated. “She just wanted to do her job like a normal person… But she couldn’t because of you! Stop it. Please.”
“Why do you care…” Hiroko asked.
A machine started to beep loudly.
“She’s my friend. I don’t like when people hurts my friends.”
Hiroko tried to say something, but couldn’t. She was too weak. Takamina, seeing her effort, just stop talking, waiting for her to gain strength to talk. Unfortunately for her, what Hiroko had to say was something cruel…
“Really? You don’t… like people to hurt your friends… but you can hurt them… by yourself?”
Cruel, but true. Takamina froze. She knew the conversation would turn about what had happened. That was why she didn’t want to come… But she had to.
“I… I just want you to stop hurting the wrong person.” Takamina said, trying to avoid the forbidden subject.
Hiroko coughed even more as the machine went crazy.
“I do what I want… Now… I don’t… want Acchan… to make the same mistake… as me… or my mother…”
Takamina frowned slightly.
“The same mistake? You’re her manager! Can’t you trust her instead of hurting her? I know her, she’s not the kind of person who would kill herself by going to help someone! She’s not the kind of person that would do something so stupid… She knows what’s important.”
“She… would save you anytime.”
Hiroko’s voice was faint. Takamina wanted to ask what she meant by this, but it was Hiroko’s turn to divert to another subject.
“Why didn’t you answer to me?”
Her voice wasn’t weak this time. It was glacial. It was like if Hiroko had kept her strength only to say this. Even Takamina couldn’t feel the pain behind this tone. She couldn’t avoid the subject, but she didn’t answer.
“You don’t have to… worry anymore.” Hiroko added. “I hate you now… No… even the word “hate” isn’t strong enough to describe my feelings. Even what I did to Acchan isn’t enough… You… I understand you must have been afraid… But it wasn’t a reason to leave me… when it happened.”
Takamina felt bad as she realized how much Hiroko had changed. The old Hiroko, even if she hated everything in the world, would never say something like this. She would support it. She would do her best to forget it… But now, she was clearly saying what she thought of Takamina. And suddenly, the woman didn’t look like she was in coma anymore. She didn’t even look hurt anymore. She looked… stronger. Only by the way she was talking.
“You… didn’t even answer something… about it. You didn’t even say good bye… You didn’t… explain anything…”
Hiroko was doing her best to stay calm, but her entire body was shaking. Her feelings were finally leaving her heart. It was late. It was at a bad timing. It was slowly killing her. But they were finally leaving her.
“I knew… you wouldn’t… feel the same. I was ready to hear… your rejection… but you didn’t even tell me that. Even after… everything I had done for you… You couldn’t even support me when… my mother died… You… couldn’t just forget about what had… happened…. And … after… all my messages… You never answered…”
Takamina didn’t say anything, knowing it would be useless.
“And now… you’re telling me those things… in front of my bed… trying to do like if nothing had happened… trying to play the innocent… You didn’t face the reality before… Not even now…”
Takamina stand up. She couldn’t stay here. Guilt was hurting her. The sound of the machine sounded loudly than ever. She just kept replaying this scene in her mind. She couldn’t remember the main reason why she had came here… She couldn’t think about anything else.
“After… everything I had done for you… you didn’t even call me back… After I asked you to… call me… you kept ignoring me…”
“I…”
“You… disappeared. I even went to the theatre once… I was telling you… you did a great job… But even then, there was no answer. So… I stopped it.”
Takamina was in the doorway, shaking her head.
“You know… what?” Hiroko said as her eyes were closed. “I have… more things to tell you… Come back later… And for once… come back here for real… It’s important…”
The manager suddenly fainted, probably because she had used too much strength. The machine suddenly went quiet.
The only sound that remained was her breathe… and Takamina left the room silently.
***
Flash Back
“Sayuri Okamoto died in tragic circumstances yesterday… Witnesses said there was blood everywhere. The two cars had a huge collusion and the two drivers were badly hurt. According to the doctor we just met, the famous actress had no chance to survive. Her head was pierced by a metal piece from the exterior of the car. The diagnostic was obvious. She was brain death. It was useless to try to reanimate her. We will show you some pictures of the scene sent by witnesses. As you can see, the other driver was badly hurt too. The doctor still doesn’t know if he will survive. Sayuri Okamoto was well known for… ”
Fourteen years old Takamina stared at the television, immobile. She was eating her breakfast at home, before going to the theatre. Her mother was listening to the news with her. Takamina had never told her mother that she and Hiroko had stopped talking to each other. She had just told her she had lot of work, so they were rarely talking together at phone. As she heard the man talking about this accident, Takamina felt her heart hurt slowly, thinking about… what had happened between her and Hiroko. She just wanted to close the television… This was a really bad new… but she knew she couldn’t ignore it.
“Isn’t it your friend’s mother?” Her mother asked as she raised the volume.
“…in 1986. Japan just lost one of his most famous actresses of its history. Since it’s really sudden, we still wait for more information. We remind you that Sayuri wasn’t married and had lost her parents when she was younger. Her only family was a sister who live in Chiba and her child, Hiroko Sato. Many Japanese and English artists already planned on doing a ceremony to celebrate the wonderful woman she has been. They say it…”
“She is.” Takamina answered as she finally closed the television.
Anyways, her mother would leave at the same time she would… and it was now.
“I’m leaving!” Takamina said as she went outside.
As she left, she heard her mother telling her:
“Why don’t you go see Hiroko when you come back? She must want to see you.”
Takamina sighed. If her mother knew how right she was… She walked in the street and took the subway to Akihabara. As she arrived to the theatre, she turned her head and looked at a screen on a building. They were still talking about Sayuri’s death. At the same time, her phone rang. Looking at the number, Takamina immediately closed it. She had work to do… She had to focus on work… She entered the theatre and forgot about the rest while somewhere in the city, Hiroko was imploring her to answer.
Five hours later, Takamina left the theatre. She had a little break before the practice of the next choreography and decided to go eat. She opened her phone and suddenly flinched as she saw she had ten missing calls and three messages. She sighed as she saw all the missed calls were from the same person, the same that had sent the mails too. Knowing what it was about, she opened the first mail.
“Takamina…
Can we talk together today?
You probably knew what happened now…
Please, come here.”
Takamina frowned as she read the second mail too. It was hard for her to ignore it. She was curious, even though she knew it would always be about the same thing…
“Come to see me when you have time…
We can talk together now, can’t we?
I need to see you, so please, let’s forget about what I said.
It’s been a long time…”
The small girl sighed. She wanted to answer… She really wanted! She knew Hiroko must be alone now… while she was working with more than twenty others girls. There was such a contrast between the two situations… Maybe she could leave for the rest of the day? After all, she had a friend that… needed… her… It reminded her about their last conversation and how afraid she had been. What if she was too nice with Hiroko? What would Hiroko think about it? Would she… still… No. Takamina didn’t want to think about what might happen. She read the third message.
“Takamina…
You’re the only person I can talk to now.
I’d be alone if you’re not here…
We are still friends, aren’t we?
Being friends is perfect to me, you know… as long as you still talk to me.
Please, answer me.
I’m waiting for you.”
Takamina fight with the feeling of forgetting everything that had happened… But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t face her friend now. She knew her mother’s death was horrible but… she couldn’t support Hiroko. She couldn’t even think about seeing her again. She was too afraid. Now that Hiroko had told her how she felt… She would never look at her the same way… even if everything came back to normal. To see her again… to support her now… it would only made her suffer more. The latest message was sent thirty minutes ago… She could answer now… Just to tell her to keep fighting… to survive… to support the pain… But she couldn’t. Because she was scared. She was scared it might distract her from her job… she was scared Hiroko must misunderstand it… she was scared of her friend… she felt guilty as she deleted the three messages.
“Sorry, Hiroko…” She thought as she closed her phone.
***
When Takamina came back home, her mother was here, waiting for her. She sighed. Her mother looked mad at her.
“Finally you’re here!” She said as she saw her daughter. “Where were you?!”
“Working, mom, you know about it! It’s the beginning so we have to practice a lot.”
“Wait a minute, young girl.” Her mother said as Takamina was trying to avoid her.
The “young girl” sighed again. She knew what her mother wanted to tell her…
“You should go see Hiroko now that you’re back. She came here twice today, even if I told her you were working. She seemed really sad.”
Takamina hesitated.
“But… We… I have to…”
“Minami, look at me. Hiroko is your best friend, isn’t she? I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you, even only for two minutes. With what happened to her mother, don’t you think you can forget a bit about your job? The only thing you can is to see her.”
Takamina looked briefly at the roof before she shyly said:
“I can’t…”
She hated this kind of “personal” conversation. She felt like she was becoming a little five years old child again. Her mother looked at her in the eyes as she said:
“Minami, are you still friend with Hiroko? There’s something wrong, right? I know you, you would have seen Hiroko even if you had work if there wasn’t a problem.”
Takamina moaned. It was useless to hide something to a mother. She would always discover the truth.
“It must be something really serious if you don’t want to help her despite her mother’s death… Alright, tell me everything.” Her mother said as she sat on the chairs.
“Eh? No way…”
At the glance her elder was giving her, the young idol gave up and began to tell her everything that had happened between them. When she arrived to the part of the confession, she was really nervous of her mother’s reaction. What if her mother told her it was impossible or something like this? What if she didn’t believe her? What… if she thought she was gay?!? But to her surprised, she only asked:
“You know Hiroko is alone now, right?”
Takamina slowly nodded. Of course she knew! It was all she had heard about since this morning! And it was probably going to be the only subject in her mind for the next month.
“Well, as long as you are aware of what you’re doing to her... You know she’s sad too, right?”
Takamina nodded again, feeling guilt taken over her heart.
“Don’t forget you’re hurting her by ignoring her.” Her mother added.
“I can’t talk to her like before now… Can I?” Takamina asked.
Takamina just wanted to send her mom to talk to Hiroko instead of going there by herself. She wanted her mother to find a solution… Like when she was a child… Even if she knew she couldn’t always ask someone else.
“You should talk to her to explain yourself.” Her mother wisely answered.
“But…”
“As long as you’re aware of what you’re doing to Hiroko, I’ll accept what you’ll do. Maybe it’s not the best solution. Maybe… it’s cruel to ignore her like that. I think you should help her even after her… um… confession, but if you say you can’t, well I can’t do it at your place. But don’t forget too that, whatever you do… One day, you’ll have to face it.”
Takamina stared at the floor.
“But… I’m not…”
Her mother smiled slightly.
“I know that, Minami, but even if you feel different, don’t you think it’d be better to talk to her.”
The girl nodded shyly, knowing she wasn’t strong enough to do so.
“It’s not something you can avoid forever,” her mother added after a minute. “Love is not something you can avoid… even if it’s coming from another girl.”
***
A month later, Takamina was talking to Miichan in a street in Shibuya. She had stopped receiving messages from Hiroko two ago. During two painful weeks, she had deleted each mail her friend had sent her. She had thought of going to visit her, but each time she was on the front of the door, she couldn’t move. She was secretly hoping one day Hiroko would open the door even if she hadn’t knock… But finally, she was always coming back home.
“Do you know when we’re finally going to learn a new song?” Miichan was asking Takamina.
“Come on…” Takamina sighed. “We didn’t even sing “Sakura no hanabiratachi” properly yet. We need to concentrate on this before thinking about something else. Remember, we’re still at the beginning.”
Takamina had become friend with Miichan at the very beginning of AKB48. Sure, they had been shy towards everybody, but they had talked to each other the second day, and now they were friends. In fact, Miichan had almost talked to every girl that was the same age as hers. Takamina knew the girl was friend with another member named Maeda Atsuko. This girl was in her class at school, but for some reason, she still hadn’t talked to her.
“I’m super motivated!” Takamina said, smiling. “This is going to be fun!”
“Fun? We’re working like… everyday, every hour, every minute… I’m tired… Not that I don’t like to work, of course we all have to do our best, but my muscles hurt…”
“I like to dance. And we’ll get used to so much work. AKB48 will become so popular that… that… we’ll go to America!” The young girl said.
Miichan stared at her, not knowing what to answer.
“Our main public is otaku, remember?” She asked to Takamina who had stars in her eyes.
“I believe it won’t stop AKB48’s fate!”
Seeing Takamina so much enthusiasm about it made Miichan laughed.
“You really think we can make it?” The girl asked with hope in her voice.
“Of course. We’ll go to New York one day…” Takamina said.
The girl who was going to become one of the best dancers in the group smiled.
“I don’t want to break your dream… But you know… it seems impossible.”
Takamina smiled. She had herself said the same thing once…
“I believe in it… Because one day, a frien- acquaintance told me it can become true.”
Takamina smiled awkwardly, hoping Miichan would not pay too much attention to her mistake. She was about to say something more about the future of AKB48 when Miichan frowned and said:
“Don’t turn back… But I think someone’s spying on us.”
Of course, Takamina wanted to turn back… And Miichan held her shoulder to stop her.
“Stop! It’s a girl… Older than us I think… She’s been looking at us for about ten minutes… She scared me. She has… angry eyes.”
Takamina froze. This description…
“Oh no, she saw me looking at her… She’s coming here…”
Takamina flinched. She had to leave… Now. She grabbed Miichan’s arm and began to walk away, but it was too late.
“Hi you two!” The older girl said. “Long time no see, Takamina.”
Ouch. Straight to the point. Miichan stared at Takamina.
“You know her?” She whispered.
“Yeah… Um… Go to the theatre.” Takamina said, seeing their break was almost done. “I’ll see you there.”
Miichan hesitated, but the glance Takamina sent her made her leave them alone. As soon as she was gone, Hiroko walked closer to Takamina.
“Hello.” Hiroko said with an emotionless voice.
“Hi…” Takamina said, avoiding her eyes.
Hiroko seemed to look away as she said:
“Can’t we ever be friends again?”
Takamina flinched. Her old friend was going straight to the main point, probably knowing it would unsettle her. She didn’t answer.
“You know… Even if you didn’t come to see me when… it happened…”
Takamina immediately knew what she was talking about.
“I’m sorry about your mother.” She said. “It must have been hard.”
She didn’t really know what else to say as Hiroko was standing in front of her.
“I can’t tell you I’m not mad at you… But… Can’t you forget about what I said?”
Seeing that Takamina was still avoiding her eyes, she answered:
“I’ll take this as a “no”… I thought…”
She didn’t finish her sentence. She waited a little, unsure of what to say and then:
“I thought you would have come to see me.”
Her voice was still emotionless, but Takamina knew Hiroko must be trying to hide her sadness. She was good at it.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to… but…”
“I know what you’re going to say.” Hiroko interrupted her. “And you know what? I really thought we could be friends again… I really did. I thought someone strong like you could forget about something like this…”
Takamina didn’t even look at her. She was still looking elsewhere, not answering too, feeling her heart beat faster.
“I hoped we could still be friends… even if I feel that way.”
That was too much for Takamina who realized her friend’s feelings toward her hadn’t change at all. She knew it had been only a month, but it was so awkward with her by her side that she turned around and, without saying a word, leave her. She heard Hiroko’s voice before she was far enough.
“So this is a “no” then…”
End of Flash Back
***
After a whole day of doing nothing except thinking about Hiroko, Takamina finally came back to the hospital. She had thought of not going back to see her, but she couldn’t help but be worried, not only about Hiroko, but also about Acchan. She didn’t know yet if Hiroko was going to stop threatening her friend. She had to make sure Acchan would be fine from now on.
She waited a bit in front of the door before she opened it. Hiroko was awake this time and she immediately turned her head to the door, where Takamina was standing nervously. The captain of Team A walked in, slowly… maybe too slowly.
“You came back… I didn’t think you would.”
Hiroko seemed as sick as before and her voice was still weak, but at least, she seemed to be awake for a bit so she and Takamina could talk.
“Yeah…” Takamina said nervously.
She couldn’t blame Hiroko for not believing she would come back since… well she wasn’t supposed to be here anyways. She had planned to ignore her. Hiroko coughed a bit as she said:
“Why did you come back?”
“I wanted to be sure you would leave Acchan alone.”
Hiroko sighed loudly.
“Of course… you didn’t come here to see how I was… Since we’re not friends anymore, you would never do that.”
Takamina didn’t answer. She could guess Hiroko was still mad and sad about what had happened, but she had told her the truth. She really wanted to be sure nothing would happen to Acchan. As if she read in her mind, Hiroko said:
“I’m… going… to stop it. I’m too… weak anyway.”
Takamina slowly nodded, satisfied. It was great Hiroko could finally do something nice. Acchan didn’t deserve all those horrible things…
“I don’t know when we’ll work again… I hope Acchan will be alright, really.”
Hiroko seemed to care for real about Acchan, which Takamina found not that surprising. It could be dangerous for her precious popularity…
“You’ll have to stay alive, then. I told you, Acchan will need you later.”
Takamina didn’t really want to say this, but she knew it was true. Acchan needed her. Hiroko sighed as she said:
“I’ll stop everything… the threatening and everything… But… only… if you tell me… why you didn’t answer to me…”
Takamina froze. Not this conversation again, please… But she knew she had no choice this time. It was now or never… And it was for Acchan.
“I… You take me by surprise.”
Hiroko frowned. She didn’t think Takamina would accept so fast to talk about it. Acchan must be really important to her…
“I was… ready to hear your rejection… you know? I was ready… to stay friends.” Hiroko pointed.
Takamina sighed.
“I know. You already told me that. But it’s easier to say it than to do it! I couldn’t look at you the same way now… I couldn’t see you the same way neither.”
Takamina began to tell Hiroko everything. The reasons why she hadn’t answered to her, the reasons why she hadn’t called her back… The reasons why she had been so afraid with her… Acchan’s manager was avoiding her eyes all the time she was talking. Hearing the explanations about it… after so many years… Yes, of course, she wanted to know about it, but she didn’t expect it to be so painful. If it helped her to understand more about what had happened, it also opened an old wound from the past. Like she wasn’t hurt enough, now she had the feeling she was bleeding from the inside.
“So… I see…” Hiroko just said as Takamina finished talking.
She knew everything now… She knew the answer of Takamina… She knew her reactions, her thoughts, her fears… She knew everything. And Takamina was feeling better about it. The weight of all those secrets was gone… but replaced by guilt. Looking at her old friend, so frail, weak, hurt this way… Takamina couldn’t believe she had chosen this time to finally tell her the truth.
“Now… You’ll leave Acchan alone?” Takamina asked.
Hiroko nodded as she closed her eyes. She couldn’t make the pain get out of her thin body… Even after so much time… It reminded her… so many things…
“I’ll leave then.” Takamina said awkwardly. “Um… remember… Don’t die.”
She was about to leave the room when she heard Hiroko whispering:
“I hope you won’t make the same mistake with Acchan.”
Takamina turned around, confused.
“What do you mean?”
Hiroko slightly smiled, probably because of tiredness. She had a huge headache… She couldn’t think properly… She couldn’t…
“I hope… It won’t take as much time as with me to tell the same thing to Acchan…”
Takamina frowned, waiting for the end.
“I hope… you’ll tell her in a better way than you did with me, because if you do the same, you’ll loose her too.”
Hiroko breathed deeply, feeling suddenly really sick. Takamina was about to leave the room, thinking that Hiroko must have a problem related to her accident… she must becoming crazy… A person that just woke up from coma couldn’t think properly after all… But she suddenly heard her saying:
“If you don’t want to loose her… Be nice with Acchan if she confessed to you…”
Takamina turned around and went beside Hiroko’s bed as fast as she could, just to hear her whispering before she fainted for the second time:
“Because… Acchan loves you too…”
And silent remained.
***
“I understand… We have to choose… Yes, I got it.” Sayaka said to Akimoto-san.
She had just received a phone call from the creator of AKB48, telling her to prevent all the others chosen members that their different trips in Japan would be reported. They would have to leave sooner finally.
“What?” Sayaka asked. “Yeah, I understand… Tell the others captains too? I’ll do it.”
Akimoto added something more as Sayaka open her mouth.
“Really?!”
The creator answered.
“Yes, I understand… I’ll tell them… We leave in one week… All the members chosen leave in one week to their destination? Right, we have half a week to decide… Isn’t it a bit… late?”
Sayaka nodded slowly as she heard Akimoto-san telling her that everything would be fine. The girls would only have to choose between a big choice of cities.
“Right, I understand… In one week…”
Akimoto added a last thing as Sayaka smiled.
“Of course, I’ll tell Takamina too… What?”
She stopped talking, waiting for Akimoto-san’s answer.
“Yes, of course! She’ll come too, don’t worry about it. Yes, I’ll tell everyone.”
***
Takamina, not aware that she would have to leave in one week for the new project of AKB48, walked in front of Acchan’s house. She didn’t stop. She didn’t look at it. She was walking without thinking of anything. She didn’t even hear her cell phone in her handbag. Even the cars… Even the birds… She couldn’t hear anything…
She just remembered the last words Hiroko had told her… It couldn’t be true, right? Acchan and she were friends, right? The same situation couldn’t happen another time, right? She must be… dreaming! Yes, she would wake up! Anyways, how would Hiroko know Acchan’s feelings? Acchan wasn’t the kind of girl that would tell anybody that she loved somebody… She wouldn’t do that. Acchan… was her friend. And… she was Acchan’s friend too. It was IMPOSSIBLE the same thing could happen…
And what if it was true? Of course, Takamina believed it WASN’T true, but if it was… What would she do? Would she do the same as she did with Hiroko? Wasn’t it the same situation? But for some reason, she knew she just couldn’t do that this time. Not only because she was older… but because she couldn’t even think of loosing Acchan’s friendship.
Her cell phone rang again, but Takamina ignored it. She had forgotten she had a phone in her bag.
The only sound Takamina could hear… was her heart beating faster than ever… and her mother’s voice whispering to her ear:
“Love… is not something you can avoid… even if it’s coming from another girl.”
TBC
ENDNOTE: Now the question isn't how Acchan will react... but how TAKAMINA will...
ENDNOTE2: If everything is fine, I should be able to update in about ten days, but I'm sorry if not...
So I should say.... HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE!!! 2011 means...... NO3B ALBUM!!!! (http://blog-cdn.oricon.co.jp/_images/no3b/image/2010-11-21T11:58:33-7.gif) XD
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thanks for updating even with all the texts you have to do :)
I don't think that Takamina handled the situation really well after the confessing
I feel bad for Hiroko losing her mother and her friendship with Takamina
kinda hoping that they could still be friends in the future
i'm feeling so nervous right now! What will Takamina do when Aachan confesses?!?!?! :O
MAN I'M DYING TO KNOW!! also want to know what Akimoto said to Sayaka!
I will be waiting til you update!
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thanks for the update... :) this story getting excited... :lol: waiting for the next update n please.... hurry.... :panic: :panic: :thumbsup
i'm a bit not sure acchan would confess. coz in the chapter 9 acchan already heard from taka that no girlxgirl :shocked but i guess for this time taka would not do the same as she has done to hiroko. maybe deep in her heart there always be accha... :P2 who knows.. :roll:
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thanks for the update... i dunno man... i feel bad for Hiroko... xD
what would happen if Acchan confesses? I'm like skfhsdjka over that...
WHAT DID AKIMOTO SAY TO SAYAKA?! WHATTT? D:
please update soon... xD
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I feel for you. School projects can be a bitch really, especially in the holidays. :smhid
Hang in there! And keep hanging! :thumbup
Hopefully hiroko will keep her word that she'll back off of Atsuko.
And hopefully, Atsuko will confess to Takamina.
Hopefully though...hopefully. XD
We will be waiting for an update! :D
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School...... :banghead:
If ever acchan confess to takamina!!!!
What will be takamina's reaction?
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!
But I don't think takamina will reject acchan.....
Takamina please don't!!!!!
Hiroko and acchan are way to different!
TakAcchan! :heart:
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Hello guys!
Thank for all the comments/thank you/reading or anything :bow: :bow: :bow:
I have a great new: My huge project's done!!! I finished it yesterday at midnight!!! :cow:
I also have a bad new: School's starting tomorrow!!! XD So yeah, I'll have to find time to write, but I'll try to update fast!!!
Last time I told you I was going to update in 10 days... it was December 29th. And you know what... I completely forgot there was a "December 31th" XD I know, I know: "how the hell did you forget something like this" XD Anyways, I have only 1 day late! Forgive me :nervous in fact I wasn't suppose to post today, but then I remembered how FoF brillantly kept his/her promise of updating his/her fic, so I told myself I should just try to do the same XD I still haven't read the part 1 though... Haha I feel strong XD
Sooooo.... Sorry for the mistakes!
Chapter 11
Half a week later, Takamina was heading toward a park to see her friends. She had told Akimoto-san that she wanted to go to Osaka. After all, she had always wanted to visit Osaka castle… and she knew the food was excellent there. Ok, the last point was probably what made her choose that city, but she was sure the fans would enjoy it too. She was leaving in three days for about a week, maybe more since they would all have to record a mini concert at the end. In fact, she was only coming back to her normal life. A life where she had to work hard for everything… where the only thing that matters was to work for the fans… in order to achieve her dream later.
She had seen nobody during four days, sleeping all the time and doing what she had wanted to do since the beginning: Nothing. She had slept, eaten, read mangas…. What else? Oh yeah, she had called her friends, but never seen them. Even with everything that happened, she had wanted to see Acchan, but when she had called her, her friend had a huge headache and couldn’t talk to anybody. Takamina had told her she could come and visit her, but Acchan had just said she could take care of herself. Haruna and Miichan had come to see Takamina, but the captain had just ignored them as she was reading her Shonen Jump. Nothing was more important then One Piece. Except Acchan, but since it was Haruna and Miichan, she didn’t care about them when she read her favourite manga. The only thing she had done outside her house was to tell Akimoto her destination.
She had not thought about Hiroko for a second.
The fact that she had seen nobody had nothing to do with what Hiroko had told her. It was only that Acchan was sick, so Takamina just wanted to wait until she gets better. She had done nothing else than nothing. And it was like paradise for her. She only had three days left from now on. Today, she was going to see everyone and tomorrow she was going to prepare for her departure… And the third day, she would probably just do nothing while waiting to leave. Oh wait… Then she had only two days left? Time passed fast.
She arrived to the park, just to see that everyone was already here, talking together. And by “everyone was talking together”, she meant that Miichan and Mariko were trying to separate Yuko from Haruna who was screaming at the poor squirrel, that Tomochin and Tomomi were talking to Sae and Sayaka while Acchan was laughing at everyone.
Her eyes were glued on Acchan. The actress felt better, it was obvious. The only thing she needed was to sleep, and now that she had, she was smiling and laughing as usual. The scene in front of her reminded her when Acchan was still with AKB48. But she knew it wouldn’t be long until their ways separated again. In fact… until the end of the week, she was going to say goodbye to Acchan again. And as soon as Hiroko would get better, Acchan would stop worrying too much and would come back to work. Their separation was only a matter of time.
“Hello everyone!” Takamina said as she approached them, her heart pounding faster at Acchan’s glanced.
Today was a crucial day for her. She was going to watch every single move Acchan would do. Sure, it wasn’t the nicest thing to do, but she couldn’t just ask Acchan if she loved her, right? It was impossible she could do something so… embarrassing. So today, she was a real detective and her main goal was to discover if Hiroko was right…
“Takamina!” Haruna said, happy to see her. “Help me! Get Yuko off of me!”
“Help us, you mean!” Both Miichan and Mariko said.
Yuko was grabbing despairingly Haruna’s arm and didn’t want to let her go, saying her “Nyan Nyan” would be better by her side, kissing and hugging each other.
“Takamina, am I fat?!” Tomochin said as she went closer to the little captain slowly.
And as Takamina was helping her two friends to separate the others, she turned to Tomochin and said:
“What are you talking about?!”
She just arrived to the park, but it seemed that problems were already here. She really wondered why she was always the one who played the mediator role.
“Tomomi said if I didn’t move more, I’ll become fat!”
Takamina frowned at Tomomi. Tomochin was THE girlish person of the group… It was the worst thing ever to tell her! How come Tomomi had told her that?!
“I was just kidding, it’s not my fault it she takes it seriously!” Tomomi explained.
Sae and Sayaka were just staring at them. It looked that both of them had tried to convince Tomochin that she wasn’t… and that they had both failed.
“Hi Takamina!” Acchan just answered.
Somehow, Takamina was glad someone could just welcome her without doing something weird. She pulled Yuko away from Haruna before she looked at Acchan. She had not really talked to her since Hiroko had told her… “that”. Takamina knew Acchan and she were just friends… Seeing her so healthy now made her happy, but it couldn’t be because she loved Acchan! It was just normal to worry for a friend, right? Hell, if being worried for someone meant love… Well, she was in love with the entire group. NO WAY. The investigation had begun. She smiled back at Acchan and said:
“Thank for telling me “hello” in a normal way! I was beginning to think I shouldn’t have come here.”
Acchan laughed a bit. Takamina was still looking at her and didn’t know what to think. She was acting as usual with her. There was nothing special or nothing more than before… Takamina couldn’t see a tiny difference between now and before. That meant that Acchan was just acting like a friend! Why was she so worried about it! It was obvious that Acchan would never LOVE her! If she loved her, she would act in a different way…
“Nyan Nyan, come here!” Yuko moaned.
Takamina frowned. Of course, if Acchan loved her, it wouldn’t be as obvious as Yuko’s way of acting. Or at least… she hoped so.
“Nyan Nyan, I wanna kiss!!! Skinship!!!” Yuko implored as Haruna was hiding behind Mariko while Miichan was trying to stop the squirrel-in-heat.
Takamina sighed. Thank God, if Acchan loved her, she wasn’t acting that way. It was so embarrassing. She felt bad looking at Acchan with a detective look, but she had no choice. Damn Hiroko who had told her something so surprising! Now she couldn’t think about something else when she saw Acchan! After all, what was she afraid of? There was only friendship between them… It reminded her what had happened after she had seen the kiss scene back when she was at Acchan’s house.
Flash Back
The screen went black. The two girls stared at each other, one with a shy look, the other with pain hidden behind two dreamy eyes. They didn’t say anything for a while. Takamina couldn’t look away. Somehow, she was attracted by Acchan’s eyes. They were so close to each other… if it wasn’t her, Takamina would be dead because of shyness. But it was Acchan, so it was different. She had a really warm feeling when she stared at her, but she couldn’t put a name on it. It was awkward, but less than she thought it would be… it was more about… complicity. Takamina knew their close friendship was the main reason why they weren’t dead because of shyness about this scene.
But the way Acchan was looking at her now… what did it mean?
“Um… I guess it’s again because of this “TakAcchan” or “AtsuMina” thing. You know… what the fans imagined.” Takamina said, breaking the silence.
Acchan slowly nodded, looking away for the first time.
“It’s incredible, isn’t it, all the things the fans think about us?” Takamina quickly said, trying to act like usual.
Acchan just kept nodding, without really answering anything until Takamina moved her hand before her eyes.
“Are you here?” She asked to the actress.
“Ah… sorry. I was just thinking about something.”
“Ah, really? I was sure you were thinking about nothing.” Takamina laughed.
“Yeah…”
She looked unsure of what to do.
“Forget about it. It was a nice video, right? I must be really important to this fan…”
Her smile suddenly appeared on her face.
“Let’s do it again!” She exclaimed.
She tried to move her lips closer to Takamina’s but her friend moved away, an amused scary look on her face.
“Don’t even think about it.” She mumbled shyly.
“Takamina, come here!”
Acchan looked so serious Takamina almost thought she was taking everything seriously like if they were dating or something. “Almost”.
“Catch me if you can!” She said before she ran outside the living room.
Acchan didn’t hesitate and began to pursue her friend everywhere. She couldn’t blame Takamina to think she was joking since it was almost that… How would she react if she told her she was serious? She would flee and never come back, right? That’s why she couldn’t tell her anything.
Takamina turned around a couple of times while she was running, avoiding Acchan’s glance. As they stopped running, breathless, her eyes finally met Acchan’s. She didn’t say anything as she saw a slight painful look passing through her friend’s glance. But it disappeared so fast she didn’t get the chance to see if she was wrong.
End of Flash Back
Takamina shook her head. It wasn’t the time to think about it.
“CAN SOMEBODY JUST STOP HER?!” Haruna screamed.
Both Sae and Sayaka, acting like real gentlemen, hold Yuko. They didn’t know what she had today, but she seemed more in love than usual… if it was even possible. While Tomochin was still thinking about her weight, Mariko said:
“Before things went crazy, we were talking about AKB48’s new project.”
“Right, BEFORE things went crazy.” Miichan said as she pointed Yuko. “She’s even more excited than usual.”
“It’s because I won’t be able to see Nyan Nyan for a whole week!” Yuko said with a sad voice.
“So what? We won’t see anybody too.” Sae said as she slowly release her, seeing that the girl was calmer.
“I want to share every minute left with the girl of my life!” Yuko said, stars shining in her eyes.
“Weirdo.” Tomomi said.
“Don’t tell me you won’t miss a certain Tomochin.” Yuko replied, half smirking, half pouting.
“I’m not the only one!” The squirrel complained as she saw everyone shaking their head to her. “Everybody here will miss someone… except Mariko and Miichan!”
“Hey!” Both the two girls said.
“It’s true!” Yuko said. “I’ll miss Nyan Nyan, Nyan Nyan will miss me, Sae and Sayaka too… I don’t think we need to talk about Tomomi and Tomochin since it’s obvious… And Takamina will miss Acchan as usual!”
“What do you mean “as usual”?!” Takamina protested.
Everyone ignored her intervention, knowing how the small captain was lying.
“I’ll miss Mariko!” Miichan said, disliking being apart.
“I’ll miss Miichan!” Mariko said, hating being apart.
“All for one…” Miichan said.
“And one for all!” Mariko finished.
They ended up hugging each other, pretending to cry. It was strange to see Mariko playing the game, but it was great to see the older girl could relax sometimes too. Takamina laughed at their scene, making the others bursting of laugher too.
“So, where are you all going?” Acchan asked, curious about what was going to happen to her old group.
“Chiba.”
“Hiroshima.”
“Kyoto.”
“Osaka.”
“Nara.”
“Kobe.”
“Yokohama.”
“Nagano.”
“Nagasaki.”
Acchan stared at them. It was such a wonderful project! She wished she was still with AKB48 only to be part of it!
“It’s amazing!” She said.
They all nodded.
“And we’ll leave in three days.” Sae said. “For about a week… and we’ll come back to Tokyo for a live concert. It will be subbed.”
They all smiled. AKB48 world domination, exactly like Sasshi said.
“I wish I could do it too…” Acchan said as she looked at Takamina. “But I need to wait for my manager.”
The captain felt Acchan’s glance on her. Takamina stared at her for a moment, thinking Acchan must look at her because of her manager… Takamina hated to lie to her friend. She knew she should tell Acchan she had visited Hiroko before her departure... but at the same time… it wasn’t what she wanted to do.
“How is she?” Sayaka asked slowly. “Don’t answer if you don’t want of course.”
Acchan smiled at her, glad of the attention.
“Hospital called me yesterday. The doctor told me she was not better. In fact, I don’t know why, but it seemed that her health is even worst since four days.”
Takamina flinched. Four days… It had been four days since she had seen Hiroko.
“Really?” Mariko said. “I hope she’ll get better… But I guess you can’t wait for her forever, right? You’ll need to go back to work soon I guess… Your new drama, it’s not done yet, right? They’re waiting for you, right?”
“Really?” Tomomi asked. “I’ve never thought they would wait for you! I mean… You have a broken arm!”
“They said it’s gonna be alright. I don’t know how, but it seems that they will find something so my character will suddenly have a broken arm.” Acchan laughed. “They said… I was a great actress, so they needed me even with that arm.”
“So you’ll tell us how it ends right?” Tomomi asked. “I want to know how your character will react to the kiss!”
“Kiss?” Yuko asked. “What kiss?”
“Don’t you know?” Tomochin said. “Her character got kissed by the guy! Oh my god, it was so romantic! It was so beautiful! Tomomi and I watched it this week end!”
“I don’t know, I missed it this week end… I was… busy.”
Yuko had said the last word, looking at Haruna who was slightly blushing. Everybody saw it and smirked at them. They would have to find out what had happened between the two… It was becoming really funny to follow their adventures. It was almost like a drama. Right, it would make a great drama: The adventures of Yuko and Haruna, also called: “a hundred ways to avoid the other’s love.”
“Kiss scene?!” Takamina asked as she reacted later than everybody, which made them laughed at her.
“What? Jealous?” Miichan asked.
“Shut up!” Takamina replied. “I just don’t know what you guys are talking about.”
“About Acchan, of course!” Miichan answered, all happy to laugh at her. “I thought that’s what you wanted, to talk about her!”
Acchan blushed slightly as her eyes met Takamina’s again. Takamina didn’t avoid her glance. She needed to find out what Acchan really thought about her so she needed to be able to surpass those awkward moments.
“Don’t tell me you didn’t know?” Yuko asked, making fun of her too.
“You didn’t either.” Haruna sighed to her “lover”.
“But now I know! And Takamina doesn’t! So I have the right to say that!” Yuko protested.
“It was only a little kiss.” Acchan said.
Takamina looked at her. When she had had a kiss scene back when it had been Q10, newspapers had talked about it a lot. But now, it was almost… normal. Since Acchan had played in lot of drama, it was normal to do love scenes and so on. But why was she feeling so upset about it?! It was Acchan the subject of her investigation, not herself!
“A LITTLE KISS?!” Both Tomochin and Tomomi exclaimed.
Acchan moved awkwardly. She knew Tomochin and Tomomi would watch her drama since it was the kind the couple liked. She also knew Haruna and Yuko had done something else, since Yuko herself had said it. And judging by the look Sae, Sayaka and Miichan were sending to her, they didn’t know a damn thing about it too.
“Well…” Miichan said. “I planned on watching it later. I wanted to visit my family.”
“Not my kind of drama, sorry Acchan.” Sae said as Sayaka answered the same.
Acchan couldn’t blame them. They were honest. They didn’t need to watch her drama only because they knew her. As for Mariko…
“I watched it.” She just said with an indifferent voice. “It was great. It was…kind of hot, you know, but it was great.”
At the word “hot”, Yuko suddenly stopped climbing on Haruna and asked with an excited voice:
“What did we miss?!”
“Pervert.” Haruna mumbled.
“Why are you so cruel to me?!” Yuko protested again.
Both Tomochin and Tomomi stared at them, especially Takamina, amusing. The little captain didn’t know anything about it since… well it was one of the day she had spent on sleeping. It was hard to sleep! Yes, really one of the hardest things she had done. She needed to concentrate on nothing… which was REALLY hard right now for Takamina, especially with the accident and Hiroko and so on. She couldn’t help it… Before sleeping, she thought about her day then it made her think about Acchan… Acchan made her think about Hiroko… and Hiroko about the cruel things she had done to her… and her childhood… and so on until what seemed forever.
“That was amazing!” Tomochin said as Tomomi began to tell them exactly what had happened.
“The guy invited the girl in a café. They began to talk together and as they were leaving, it began to rain. When they reached her home, the girl saw that she had forgotten her keys and couldn’t go home, so the guy invited her to his house. When they were just sitting side by side -it was so cute- the guy touched her cheek slowly…”
“And then the girl tried to resist, but the guy kissed her slightly! It seemed that he didn’t know if he was doing the right thing so he stopped and stared at her for a second.” Tomochin said faster.
“And the girl blinked at him as she held her hand! It was so cute! Acchan looked gorgeous in this scene by the way! So the guy kissed her again… But in a harder way, you know what I mean? And it went even more intense as their bodies began to move in unison… They were both breathing heavily… They were breathing the other’s air… Their eyes couldn’t look away… and the guy began to caress her…” Tomomi added.
“And then the girl moved apart from him! So suddenly! It broke the magic of the moment! She said she was sorry and left his home… And…” Tomochin said.
“IT WAS THE END OF THE EPISODE!” Tomomi finished as she pretended to cry.
The group was staring at the two girls, speechless. They were so into it… Even Acchan didn’t know what to answer to that. Takamina was red. Really, she was red. It wasn’t her fault! Hearing that Acchan had had such a love scene… just after Hiroko had told her Acchan might love her… So her imagination… She had figured the same thing could happen to them and it made her become red. WHY THE HELL WAS SHE THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING SO PERVERT?!? WITH HER AND ACCHAN FOR GOD SAKE! God… she should have stayed home today…
“Amazing!” Yuko said. “I need to see it!”
“You’re really a pervert.” Haruna said with what seemed a mini smile.
“Not as much as Takamina.” Miichan said with an amused voice. “Look at her, I think she’s going to faint.”
Acchan, who was still looking at her friend, could tell she was trying to hide her cheeks. She found it cute, the way she was so shy, walking awkwardly around. It was part of her job to have this love scene, she couldn’t help it. But she wondered why Takamina looked so shy about it. Like she had read into Acchan’s mind, Sae said:
“Look who’s jealous! She’s probably wondering when her turn will come…”
“Shut up!” Takamina repeated, looking away.
Acchan smiled, surprising herself as she was telling herself:
“It can’t be true…”
Takamina was still trying to avoid everyone’s glance when Acchan suddenly hugged her.
“Stop being jealous, Takamina!” The actress said happily.
“I’m not!” Takamina smiled back to her, knowing it was just a game between them.
Everyone smirked as Mariko took a picture. They were so cute together. She would send it to Takamina when she would leave Tokyo for a week. Takamina might hate her now, she would thank her later for that.
“I love you Takamina!” Acchan smiled.
Takamina smiled back, knowing Acchan was joking. In fact, each time Acchan said these three words to her, she knew she was just kidding… Like before, when she was with AKB48… Always being a joke… They had never talked about their exact relationship. She only knew it was more than normal friendship… without really breaking the border between friendship and love.
“I really do!” Acchan added with a more serious voice, even though she was still laughing a little.
Takamina looked at her. She couldn’t be serious. And everyone was watching her. “Do you really love me?”… Was it the question she had to ask? No, Acchan was just playing around. She thought of what Hiroko had told her as she shook her head. It just couldn’t be true. Acchan would always be her best friend. She knew Acchan would never say those three words seriously to her, like a confession. After all, the ex member of AKB48 had repeated those words to everyone, so it couldn’t be serious only with her, right?
“I love you too, Acchan!” Takamina answered.
“See that?! She said it so cutely!” Miichan exclaimed. “They are so cute!”
Blushing a little, the captain stopped hugging Acchan, who was just smiling.
“Don’t be shy, Takamina!” Sayaka said.
“Shut up!” The captain answered.
“Can’t you answer something different for once?” Yuko asked.
“I’m not that shy!”
Everyone glanced at her.
“Yeah… you know, I don’t think lying is better finally…” Mariko said.
Takamina didn’t answer, making everyone except Acchan smirked at her.
“Well, let’s forget about it since someone here seemed so shy!” Tomomi said. “We’ll just wait until Acchan make out in one of her roles, so that maybe that someone will finally realize she’s jealous.”
Both Acchan and Takamina blushed furiously as the actress said:
“I’m not going to play that kind of scenes!”
They all laughed, knowing Tomomi just wanted to joke about the duo. Takamina just nodded at Acchan’s answer.
“Look, Takamina doesn’t want you to either!” Yuko said. “Understand, Acchan, no more love scenes or else she’s going to be jealous and we’ll have to endure her!”
Acchan smirked as she cutely took Takamina’s hand.
“So… what about some love scenes with Takamina?” She asked innocently as she looked at everyone.
“W… What?!” Takamina said as she blushed even more, though she had already broke her record of blushing.
“Because… the feelings I have… I really love Takamina…” She whispered, slightly moving her lips.
Takamina suddenly felt Acchan discretely squeezing her hand. She stopped breathing for a moment, speechless. No way, Acchan was serious? So Hiroko was right? Acchan… loved her? What more, is the world going to crash?
“Just kidding!” Acchan suddenly laughed as she released Takamina’s hand.
While everyone was laughing at how cute the small captain was, Takamina couldn’t stop making her heart racing like never before. Acchan had said it so… seriously and cutely, she couldn’t take it. For a second, she had really thought Hiroko was right. So everything was a joke finally? Like before, like now, like… it would always be? Was her investigation… done?
“Stop looking at me like this.” Acchan added, amused. “It was a joke.”
“Of… Of course it was! I knew it!” Takamina stammered, forcing herself to smile.
“Well, never do that again Acchan or your lover will die. Look how she’s nervous now!” Mariko said cruelly.
They all teased Takamina and Acchan and suddenly, the atmosphere became a bit sadder as Haruna said:
“It’s been a long time since we’ve fun like this together, right?”
Everyone sighed except Yuko who said:
“But it won’t be the last time! When we’ll come back, we’ll meet again!”
Acchan nodded, knowing that when they would come back, they would have to work again. This new project meant the end of their break.
“What about going to eat when we’ll come back?” Sae proposed. “I’m sure we can find some times to be with you!”
“Yeah…” Acchan said hesitantly. “But I don’t know myself when I’ll go back to work. Maybe when you’ll come back, I’ll be gone. My manager should be better then.”
“Hope not…” Takamina mumbled.
The members of AKB48 stared at her as she realized her mistake.
“Not that I don’t want Hiroko to get better”, she said quickly, “it’s just that I think if you don’t go back to work soon, it’ll be easier to see you.”
It didn’t help her at all as everyone AND Acchan frowned even more at her.
“I-I mean… I hope Sato-san will get better, but that Acchan won’t work soon so we can see her when we’ll come back!”
“Why did you call her by her first name? You know her?” Tomochin asked.
“Me? No! When did I call Hir- Sato-san by her first name?!”
They stared at the VERY nervous Takamina… and just decided to ignore her failing. After all, they didn’t want to know about it… yet. But Acchan was staring at Takamina while she was wondering why her friend had called her manager in a friendly way. Hadn’t she told her they were… enemies? They kept talking about it for a moment until Miichan said:
“Leave it… She probably just wants to be more with Acchan, that’s all.”
“Let’s play Takamina!” Acchan said with a happy voice as she hugged her again.
Takamina wanted some attention? Well, no problem about it. She would give her a lot.
“Stop it! It’s embarrassing!” Takamina said in a very cute way.
“You two look so-”
“I’m not gay!” Takamina furiously interrupted Mariko’s voice.
It seemed that “you two look so gay” was becoming Mariko’s new favourite sentence. Miichan smirked as she realized that, for a long time, Takamina had ALWAYS repeated that she wasn’t gay… But as for Acchan…she never did.
“What about you, Acchan?” Miichan asked with an innocent voice.
Acchan, who was still hugging her friend, turned to her and said:
“I love Takamina!”
“See?” Mariko said loudly with an “it’s pure evidence” voice. “They are-”
But Takamina interrupted her as she smiled:
“What are you talking about, you two! We’re best friends, right, Acchan? It’s usual to say we love our best friends!”
The small captain hadn’t taken seriously … again. Well, she couldn’t help it since Acchan had told her exactly the same thing five minutes ago... And it did turned out to be a joke. But she didn’t know that, for the first time, even though she had said it with a funny voice, Acchan was serious. She just couldn’t say it with a serious voice, making everyone always thinking she was joking. Seeing Takamina smiling so nicely at her made Acchan answered:
“Of course!”
“See! It’s not because the fans saw us as a couple that we are one! Unlike two others I know…” Takamina said as she glanced at Tomochin and Tomomi.
Miichan sighed. She was sure that Acchan looked like she was telling the truth. How could she be wrong! She had a sixth sense when it comes to love! She had always thought these two would get together… Her “dream” had broken when Acchan had graduated and now she hoped that the two friends would get together when they would see each other and see how much they missed being together… But it seemed that she was wrong for the first time of her life. She couldn’t believe she was wrong… something must happen with these two… Something was wrong about it… but it wasn’t herself for sure.
“Best friends forever!” Acchan repeated even loudly as she was acting like a little child.
So Takamina kept smiling at her, unaware that, behind those smiles and laughs, pain and sadness was hidden deep inside Acchan’s heart. And Miichan couldn’t stop looking at the small captain. What was wrong was not herself… it was… someone else.
***
Takamina had not slept the whole night, wondering how she was supposed to be the guide for overseas fans. Really… she was going to Osaka… she was supposed to be ready to explain how Osaka was to the fans… It was the goal of the project, right? Made them discover Japan through her private life, right? But she didn’t know what she was supposed to say except… that the food was good. But now that she thought about it… the fans would like to hear about food, right? Anyways, she would find something.
It was midday, she was eating, half sleeping… and ready to leave the same day at two. Yesterday, she had packed her things almost all the day. She had also had a meeting with Akimoto in order to talk about everything for the last time. He had told her he was glad she was alright and hoped that everything was going to be fine. He had not talked about Acchan, which she was glad about.
She was finishing eating as she received a phone call from no one but the famous actress.
“Hello?” She said with a sleepy voice.
She heard Acchan laughed.
“You’re sleeping?” Her friend asked.
“Yes, call me later.” Takamina joked.
“Okay, talk to you later!” Acchan answered.
And Takamina heard Acchan hang up. She stared at her phone for a moment. It kinda woke her. She immediately called Acchan back.
“Hey!” She said as soon as the ex member answered. “It was a joke!”
“No, it wasn’t.”
Acchan was so serious that Takamina asked with an anxious voice:
“What do you mean?”
“I called you BEFORE. You said you were going to talk to me LATER. Now you called me back. And it’s one minute later.”
She heard Acchan laughed slightly.
“Very funny.” Takamina mumbled. “You just failed at life.”
“In fact… I just wanted to wish you a nice trip. Work hard!”
Takamina smiled as she answered:
“Thank. I’ll do my best!”
“Guess what?”
Takamina smirked as she thought how easy it was to talk with Acchan, even with her departure thing. They would always talk about something else, just to have fun together.
“What?”
Acchan seemed to laugh again as she said:
“The reason why Yuko and Haruna didn’t see my drama… Yuko told me before she left that she had finally confessed to Haruna.”
Takamina didn’t know what to say for a moment. She knew Yuko had always liked Haruna… But she thought she was a bit like Acchan was, always joking too. So it was surprising to hear something like this. And then again, she couldn’t believe how right the fans were with the couples they made for AKB48. They had seen TomoTomo, SaeYaka… Matsuix2… Who was the next one? Unsure of the reason, she really hoped it would not be Acchan and Miichan… After all, they were married… And the fans sometimes saw them as a couple… Oh please, she wanted them to stay friends. Why? She didn’t know at all… probably just a feeling. Wait a minute… the fans saw HER and Acchan as a couple… Which was worst? She couldn’t choose. Thinking about it was weird. It was even more surprising that Aki-p had not made a rule “No boyfriend AND girlfriend in AKB48”. After all, if they couldn’t have a boyfriend… it seemed that all the girls were trying to find girlfriends now. It wasn’t better, was it? Weird.
“Really?” Takamina asked, surprised. “So that’s why she was so excited last time!”
“Yeah! She told me it was the most difficult thing she ever had to do, but she managed to confess to her. And then she said she had to hurry because she wanted to kiss Haruna before she left!”
Yuko had already left. Her departure was before Takamina’s.
“What? Seriously?! How did Haruna react?”
“According to Yuko… It took a long time to get an answer, but she was happy about it.”
Takamina could hardly believe it… but in a way… it was credible. She had never heard Haruna saying clearly she didn’t like Yuko.
“Well… I’m never going to look at them the same way now! I’m glad for Haruna though.”
“I knew it was coming.” Acchan said with an excited voice. “I wish I could congrats them.”
“You knew it?!” Takamina asked. “What do you mean?”
“It was obvious they were going to be a couple. You never saw it?”
“What?”
“The way Yuko was looking at Haruna. It was obvious she truly loved her.”
Takamina sighed. Was she really the only one that never saw those kinds of things?
“Everyone’s in love with everyone or what?!” Takamina laughed. “I thought Yuko was just joking…”
It took a minute for Acchan to answer.
“If you look better, you’ll see that there’re many girls in love in AKB48… And out of the group too.”
“Ah, don’t misunderstand me, I’m not judging them or anything. I’m not against that… It’s just surprising, you know. But I’m glad for her… I can guess she won’t stop thinking about Haruna the whole time of the trip now. It’ll be funny to see the videos of her trip… She’ll compare everything and everyone to Haruna.”
“I know.” Acchan laughed. “I need to see it too! I missed the group sometimes… There were no secrets between us.”
“Well… It hasn’t changed on this point. There’s still no secret between us two, right?”
Acchan seemed to hesitate before she answered:
“Of course! I’ll tell you everything! That’s why I called you. I wanted you to not be surprise if ever you… surprise them…”
“Oh please, no more information.” Takamina implored with a fake shy voice.
They both laughed. It was obvious they didn’t want to see them doing weird things, but it was great to know Yuko had finally beat her fear of telling Haruna her true feelings. Acchan felt somehow mad about herself to not being able to do the same. Sure, she wasn’t as sure as Yuko about her feelings… Okay, it wasn’t that she wasn’t sure about them… It was more that Takamina had “kind of” told her she had “kind of” rejected a friend because the friend had “kind of” confessed to her… So Acchan “kind of” didn’t want to do something that could destroy what she had more precious to her life.
It was easy to talk together, even if she felt her heart hurt a bit. She was glad Takamina had not chosen to graduate finally… Because she could tell Takamina was happy just the way she was now. They kept talking about nothing when Takamina’s alarm rang.
“I need to go now…” She said to Acchan with a sad voice. “Work’s calling me.”
She looked at her clock… They had talked for about an hour and thirty minutes. She was going to be late if she continued like that.
“Work’s cruel, right?” Acchan asked, half serious.
“Sure, it is.” Takamina answered. “I’m coming back to work now. I have to focus on AKB48… I can’t do the same mistake I did when I came back to Japan earlier.”
“It will be hard since you don’t leave Japan.” Acchan laughed.
Takamina sighed as she answered:
“Really funny! It’s the “lame joke” day or what? I came back to see you, remember?”
“Thanks for that!” Acchan said with an honest voice. “I’m glad you did it.”
It was true. If Takamina hadn’t came back sooner… Who knew how broken she would be because of Hiroko now?
“Me too.” Takamina answered.
There was an awkward moment of silence before Takamina continued:
“Well… I’m leaving now, I have to hang up.”
“I understand… Take care of yourself.”
“I will. I’m not the one stupid enough to get in a car accident.”
“It wasn’t my fault.”
Takamina smiled, even thought she knew Acchan couldn’t see her. She had fun talking with her… but she was already late. She wished she could stop time.
“I really need to go now. I’ll talk to you when I’ll come back. Or I’ll send you a mail.”
She heard Acchan sighed. She seemed to be really sad… but Takamina could felt there was something Acchan didn’t tell her… Her sixth sense could tell her that. But she had no time to think about it now.
“Take care! I don’t want you to be at the hospital when I’ll come back!”
“Even if it’s just to see how my manager is?” Acchan asked with an innocent voice.
“As long as you’re not the one in the bed with lot of machines around you, it’s okay.”
Acchan felt that warm feeling again as she heard Takamina telling her that with the soft and honest voice she had always liked.
“You know… about what happened at the park…”
She stopped, unsure.
“Yes?” Takamina asked.
The actress sighed. It wasn’t something she could say at phone. They needed to meet… It wasn’t something… she could just say and forget about.
“No… Nothing…”
“Are you sure? You sound… sad.”
Acchan smiled sadly. Takamina was right… But she couldn’t tell her that, could she?
“I’m alright… I just-”
“Damn, I’m even later than before!” Takamina interrupted quickly. “Sorry, take care, Acchan! I’ll miss you!”
And she hanged up, not letting time to Acchan to answer. She knew it wasn’t polite from her… but she was going to get killed if she didn’t hurry… or worst.
In another house, far from Takamina’s, Acchan was staring at her TV screen, replaying the kiss she had given to Takamina during the Heavy Rotation recording. Next time… maybe she would be able to confess… It was going to be a very long week.
***
The train was ready to leave. There was two cameramen with the captain of Team A and another man who was here for security reasons. She was alone, waiting for the departure. She knew if was going to be very long week, but she was glad to be part of the project. It was now or never. She was going to prove to all the members she was still working for AKB48 sake. There was no way she would come back sooner of anything this time. It was serious. She was with Mariko on the station, waiting for her turn to come. She was taking another train, but she had had the kindness to come and wish her a nice trip before she left. Takamina was glad Mariko was still with the group, even if she knew her graduation would probably be soon. She’d rather no think about it.
The train began to move as she said good bye to Mariko… until she couldn’t see anything. One of the cameramen opened his camera, saying she needed to say a word to the fans now that she had just left Tokyo.
“Hello everybody! I’m currently on my way to Osaka!!! We’re going to have fun and I’ll do my best to help you to discover this nice city. Food here is delicious, don’t forget it! Now I’m really tired because I didn’t sleep at all because I was so nervous! I couldn’t think about what I was going to say, but now I’m fine and I hope you’ll enjoy the trip as much as I will!”
She pretended to fall asleep for five minutes before she suddenly opened her eyes.
“You’re still filming?” She asked. “Yes? Hello everyone, this is tired Takamina! We just left Tokyo! I have nothing to say now so I will nicely ask the cameraman to close his- Ah, sorry, I got a mail. Everyone, wait a minute, please!”
She opened her phone. She smiled as she saw the picture. Here were she and Acchan, hugging together, smiling and laughing. They seemed really happy on the picture. Takamina stared at Acchan for a minute. The actress was staring at her with so many stars in her eyes… She was glad to see Acchan so happy when they were together. She was glad to see she could make Acchan so happy, especially after everything her friend went through. She couldn’t help but thank Mariko to send her the picture right when she needed it. She was already missing Acchan.
Hiroko was wrong. They were best friends. They were having fun together. This picture proved it. Either Acchan really hid well her feelings, because Takamina could not see even a bit love feeling in her eyes, either she was only seeing her as a friend. And to the little captain, the first option couldn’t be the real one. Takamina came to the conclusion that Hiroko must have said something like this because she was half crazy… But still… doubts remained in her mind as she thought about the painful look she had thought she had seen at Acchan’s house.
She turned to the camera and said:
“It’s a mail from Mariko! So today… I got three mails! It’s incredible, isn’t it? My record is… six mails! It’s a picture of me and Acchan together! We’re looking great, right? I think this trip will…”
And she kept talking for ten minutes. The train was moving faster, far from Tokyo, leaving behind him… Mariko on the train station… and Acchan, still staring sadly at her TV screen.
TBC
ENDNOTE: I don't know if I'll do it for each chapter, but here's a mini quote of the next chapter to make you forgive me from the 1 day late XD:
“I know you very well.” Miichan finished. “I’m sure you thought that I didn’t understand anything about your feelings, am I wrong? And right now, you're thinking I shouldn't talk this way to you because I don't understand your feelings, right? But you know, the reason why I insist so much is because I’m sure of what I’m saying. I wouldn’t talk so much about it if I weren’t sure of everything. So in fact, maybe it’s not me who doesn’t understand. Maybe you just don’t understand your own feelings...”
Why can’t you just look deeper in your heart?
ENDNOTE2: I don't know when I'll be able to update, but I'll try to do it as soon as possible!
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thanks for updating buddy. will read tomorrow when I'm at work, lol. :P
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Haha :] Know what? :mon huh: I've modified my post!!! :mon roll: :grin: Ha! no embarrassing comment from me... YeY! my image isn't ruined! (for now hehe :])
Anyway, still haven't read this chap.. :mon sweat: (because of that blasted hw of mine... not to mention that my preliminary test is due next week... Oh NO!!!! :panic: :panic: :banghead: :mon zoom: )
Anyway, this post is really for you...haha :] :D (hope you're not wondering... hehe :] sorry bout that... hehehe :] :nervous )
Thanks again for the update :] :grin: :mon XD:
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takacchan so cute together :wub: and takami so shy,members always tease her about acchan and her :P
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@ alexiel17: Don't worry about putting my name in the other thread, I knew it was for dark-atrox, that's why I asked about it XD
So, hello everyone! I'm back with a new chapter! I still don't like how I wrote some parts though :yawn: Maybe I'm just tired. Thank to everyone who read my story! :bow: I'm mostly writing for you guys so :grin:
Sorry for the mistakes!
Chapter 12
“I visited Minami today! It was fun! Now I’m practicing for the live concert there will have at the end of the documentary!”
Acchan looked at her cell phone for the fourth time today. The message was from three days ago. Takamina had sent it to her, saying she had visited the south of Osaka, called by the same name as hers, Minami. She had not received another mail since this time. It had been five days since they were gone. They would come back soon, but they would be busy with their live concert, so she knew she wouldn’t see them. She sighed as she realized everything was slowly coming back to usual. The only thing she could hope was that it wouldn’t take another one year to talk to Takamina, like it had been before.
She looked around her. Everyone was walking everywhere, carrying lights and accessories. She heard the voices of some actors practicing a scene. Everyone around her seemed to have something to do while she was in the middle, just waiting for her turn to come. She told herself positives things, knowing that in fact, she was alone. She had friends here, but not like AKB48. She had a manager who once supported her, but she was now at hospital. While someone called her to record a new scene of her drama, she knew she could only count on herself for now.
“Coming!” She said to the producer.
She walked toward the studio. The main actor was waiting for her as well. He was smiling to her.
“I’m glad you have nothing too bad from your accident! Let’s do our best again!”
He seemed so positive and happy that Acchan couldn’t help but smiled back and nodded. But… she knew she couldn’t stay in this situation forever…
Two weeks later
Everything had passed so fast! All the girls were already back from their trip and just finished recording their mini concert which would be on the DVD too. It would be on sale soon. It was no too late, almost eight o’clock, and the No Sleeves girls were going to dinner together. After, they would just hang on together before going to “All Night Nippon”. They were going there to promote their second album and the new “documentary” of all the trips of the girls.
The day after they all came back from their trip, they had had no time to do anything else but work. They had had only one short night of five hours before waking up and beginning to practice for their mini concert. They were as busied as before. After “All Night Nippon”, Takamina, Miichan and Haruna were going to have a short break to sleep, but soon the next morning, they would be recording for another bonus on the DVD.
It was not surprising that Takamina had no time to talk to Acchan or to think about their possible “love” relation. It was even less surprising that she had never think about Hiroko not even once during the past two weeks. And in fact… she had never felt so great! Sure, she was a bit sleepy, but she was used to it, so it didn’t matter. No, what was great was that she was working so hard she had no time to think about her problem! No time to think about all the “what if” of her life! No time to worry about useless things and so on! Maybe she would finally forget everything! That would be so perfect…
“Hey I was wondering… Do you know if Acchan’s manager is better? I haven’t heard anything from both of them since that new project, but maybe you know something… You know, since you’re her best friend. ”
Yeah, well that would be perfect… and a miracle. She was going to kill Miichan to bring that damn subject of her damn life in that damn conversation! But now she needed to play the sweet and innocent girl because she didn’t want to fight with her friends.
“Sorry, I was as busied as you so I had no time to talk about it with her.”
They arrived to the place where they were going to eat.
“But you didn’t call her when you came back?” Haruna asked, drinking some water.
“I was coming back from Osaka, you know? I was tired and we needed to practice the next morning, so no, I didn’t call her. And I had no time to do it because of the work.”
“You have time now.” Miichan said.
“I am eating now.” Takamina mumbled. “And I think she’s recording for the last episode of her drama or something.”
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk with Acchan. It was true she had time to call her now, but she didn’t want to talk with her with Miichan and Haruna around her. They would just mess up with everything she would say, trying to find hidden love behind her words. She didn’t act the same when she was with them and when she was alone talking to Acchan… It was different. She showed a part of her personality that she didn’t show to others members when she was only with Acchan… but that point, the others didn’t need to know it.
“Speaking of her drama, did you see the latest episode? I heard it from Tomochin, that guy and Acchan are finally going out.”
“Really?” Haruna asked Miichan.
“Yes, it seems that the best friend of Acchan’s character finally decided to let her go.”
Takamina stared at her two friends, not knowing what to add. She had not pay attention at this drama when she was working, but it seemed that everything she had tried to forget was slowly catching up with her mind…
“Well, that’s great…” Haruna said. “What do you think about it, Takamina?”
The small captain stared at her.
“There’s nothing to think about, it’s a drama anyways.”
“Oh, so if it wasn’t a drama, you would care?” Miichan asked, literally jumping on this new opportunity to talk about Takamina and Acchan relationship.
Since their last meeting with Acchan, in the park with everyone else, Miichan had thought a lot about their relationship. She knew she had a sixth sense about everything about love. So it couldn’t be her fault if Acchan and Takamina were still just friends. It couldn’t be Acchan’s fault either since she was acting so lovely with the small captain… So her conclusion was clear: it was all about Takamina. Yes, to Miichan, Takamina was the only one who was making it impossible. So she had decided to bring that subject every time she could, just to force her friend to admit her feelings toward Acchan. It was her new mission. She would do all she could to put them together.
“No.”
“So if you were Acchan’s character’s best friend, you would let her go too?”
“Yes, why would I stop her to love someone? I’m not gay anyway.”
Miichan and Haruna glanced at each other. Seeing that “secret” message passing through her friends, Takamina sighed loudly.
“What? Say it now instead of making fun of me.”
“We didn’t mention the “gay” thing, you know. It wasn’t necessary to add it. Now you look even more suspicious than before.” Haruna said.
Takamina didn’t answer. It wasn’t her fault if Hiroko had made her paranoid, right?! Now all she was thinking was “it can’t be true” when she thought about Acchan. And she needed to repeat that she wasn’t gay. It was a death-or-life question. Repeating it helped her to remember that she WASN’T gay. And why were they talking about it? Miichan and Haruna were so cruel. They never talked about it when they were with others girls, but as soon as they were alone, they just needed to bring that subject.
“You look like Nami.” Miichan said after a minute of deep reflection.
“Who?” Takamina asked, wondering what crazy thing could be worst than that.
“Ah, it’s so true! You got a point here, Miichan.” Haruna claimed.
“Nami, you know, that girl you played in Mendol?”
Takamina sighed. Miichan was doing a comparison with her and… a fictional character?
“That girl?!” Takamina exclaimed. “We are not the same at all! And wait, she doesn’t exist! It was a role! It was… a character, know what I mean?”
“Sure, sure…” Miichan mumbled. “You are an idol, you denied that you are gay, you denied that you don’t care about Acchan’s relationship with others… People think you are a guy… I’m sorry, but I can only see resemblances between you and Nami.”
“Then Acchan would be Ray in this case, right?” Haruna added, deciding to play the game too. “See how Mendol finished? It’s going to be the same in real life.”
“How can you compare Acchan and Ray?! First, Ray isn’t real. Second, I am not a guy and third, Acchan is not egoist, stupid, superficial, pretentious and… she’s not like Ray at all!”
“It’s cute the way you protect her.” Haruna said.
“You know, the first step to love is always friendship.” Miichan said.
“Stop it guys! And if we think about “love at first sight” thing, then you’re theory is wrong, Miichan. Can’t we have a normal conversation for once?”
“Love at first sight? Is it how it happened for you?” Haruna smirked.
“I am not in love with anyone!”
“Denying it is the second step.” Miichan added. “Then, it’s…”
“Stop it!”
“The third step is to say “stop it”. Then, it’s confession, then first date, then make out, then marriage, then children, then…”
Takamina was speechless as she heard Miichan doing her list. She didn’t try to stop her though, knowing it was useless. When her list was finally done, Miichan seemed to be tired of everything and just said:
“So if you follow everything, the next step would be… confession!”
“Can’t we talk about something else?” Takamina repeated, trying to save herself.
“Okay, we will wait for “All Night Nippon” then.” Miichan answered, determined to not let Takamina go so easily.
“Forget what I said.”
Takamina couldn’t take the chance to talk about it at the radio… It would kill her… if ever she was still alive.
“Then… You didn’t talk to her for the last two weeks?” Haruna asked.
“Really?” Miichan asked too as Takamina shook her head. “Don’t you want to know if everything is fine? You know… with what I told you about the weird woman’s voice I heard.”
“Everything is fine… Acchan told me nobody told her something like this.” Takamina lied. “And I don’t have enough time to have a long conversation with her… if she didn’t call me, it’s probably just because she’s busied. The only thing I knew is that she began to record for her drama again. I’m sure she’s great… As for her manager… well, I don’t know.”
Miichan sighed. It would not be easy to make Takamina realized her feelings. She would have to be patient. She suddenly turned her head and frowned as she said:
“Look, it’s Acchan! She’s with a guy! They’re laughing! He looks like the main actor of that drama!”
Immediately, without thinking, Takamina turned her head to the direction Miichan was pointing. There was a couple of old people talking and eating happily. They nicely smiled at her when they saw she was looking at them.
“NOT funny!” Takamina said angrily.
“It only proves you want to see her!” Haruna said while Miichan was laughing.
Takamina mumbled something inaudible.
“Ah, come on, call her. We won’t do anything.” Haruna promised.
“There’s no way I’d believe you.”
There was a moment of silence.
“Okay, let’s be serious then.”
Takamina stared at Miichan who just talked in a very serious way. She had no longer a smile in her face and her eyes were looking at her friend, immobile. In fact, Miichan was mad of everything. She would know nothing by talking like this. They would just turn forever around this subject. If she wanted to know something, she needed to act seriously.
“There’s a reason, right?” She asked. “There’s a reason why you don’t want to call her. I mean, you didn’t even send her a mail! It’s not usual.”
Takamina flinched at her serious voice. Miichan was right. Even though their latest conversation went very well… She couldn’t stop thinking about the “love” part. What she had feared the most had joined her: she couldn’t act or think as usual when it was about Acchan. It was killing her, she NEEDED to know how were Acchan feelings.
“So I’m right…” Miichan said as she heard the silence of her friend. “What is it this time?”
Takamina didn’t mention the “this time” in Miichan’s question.
“Come on…” Haruna said with a nice voice too. “We won’t laugh at you now. You know you can talk to us when there’s a problem.”
The third member of NO3B was glad her friends understood her… but really, she couldn’t talk about it, could she?
“I can’t force you, you know. But you’re the first one who should know you can’t go on this way. Don’t tell me you will avoid Acchan for the rest of your life and we won’t know why!” Miichan said, laughing a little at the end.
“I’m not avoiding anyone since she also didn’t talk to me.” Takamina said slowly.
“I agree with Miichan. I don’t know what’s going on in your mind now… but if we can do anything to help you… We won’t tell Acchan, you know?”
Of course Takamina knew that point! It wasn’t because she was scared they might tell Acchan… it was because she didn’t know herself if she could trust Hiroko and… if she could tell them something so… private. They were close friends sure, but… Oh and anyway if she couldn’t tell Miichan and Haruna, she wouldn’t be able to talk to Acchan ever.
“Well…”
Seeing that Takamina was really going to talk to them, Haruna and Miichan stopped eating, ready to listen.
“I… went to see Hir-Sato-san at the hospital.”
The two others flinched, but didn’t say anything, waiting for Takamina to tell her story.
“I told her to stay alive because Acchan needed her…”
“What? But…” Miichan said as Haruna stopped her with her hand. They must wait to hear all the story before judging.
Takamina knew she couldn’t say the real reason why she came to see her since they didn’t know Hiroko was responsible for Acchan’s pain. It was a secret Acchan had told her and there was no way she was going to betray her.
“I told her about that… we talked together…”
Takamina hesitated to tell them the rest of the story. She hadn’t told them she knew Hiroko and honestly, she had no intentions to. It would create too much drama.
“We talked about the reasons of the accident…”
“What?! She told you-” Miichan started again as Haruna stopped her. What? It wasn’t her fault if she was impatient and curious… and dying to know everything.
“I had her promise she would take care next time… But as I was leaving the room…”
Great, it was now or never. She had resumed everything that had happened, but for this part, she couldn’t just resume and say only a part of the truth. It was all… or nothing.
“She told me… something about Acchan.”
Aw, come on Takamina, you can do it!
“I mean… she told me something about Acchan’s possible feelings.”
Just a little more Takamina and you’re done! Miichan was looking at her seriously. They were talking about Acchan’s manager, so whatever had happened, it must be true. So whatever Takamina was going to tell her, she would believe her and support her. After all, it couldn’t be so horrible, right?
“She told me there was a possibility that…”
She paused. It was NOT a possibility. Hiroko had spoke to her seriously… but in another way, she was half conscious, so maybe she was just crazy. Or maybe Takamina was only trying to find excuse to feel better… Yes… maybe it was just that.
“Okay, in fact, she told me Acchan…may… kind of… possibly… loves me.”
Miichan flinched and almost fell from her chair. She was ready for anything, but something like that! She waited for her friend to say something else, but there was nothing. She didn’t know if she could talk since each time she had said something, Haruna had stopped her. It was only when the tall girl in question hit her slightly that she knew she could speak.
“She… She… I…We… It can… EH?”
Why when it was finally her turn to speak, she couldn’t say anything?!
“Well if you have nothing interesting to say, maybe we should just skip to another subject.” Takamina mumbled, hoping she could just say that to them and stop the conversation here.
“No, I mean… um… are you sure you heard well?”
“Yeah…”
Miichan was about to cry of happiness. She wasn’t wrong! Her sixth sense still worked!
“So… Do you think she’s right? Oh wait a minute… Acchan’s manager told you that? How come she knows about it and… why would she tell you?”
“I don’t know.” Takamina just answered, hoping Miichan would not insist.
She didn’t.
“So… She’s right?”
“How would I know?!”
Haruna sighed.
“You didn’t see anything different?”
“No… I never stopped looking at her in the park, but everything was usual…”
Miichan slapped the table loudly like if she just had a great revelation, making the others persons looking at them strangely.
“It’s because she loved you since a long time! That’s why you don’t think something is different! It’s because NOTHING is different! She’s the same! She has always loved you!”
Miichan was sure of it… her sixth sense told her that… Her sixth sense told her everything she had thought was right! Great, now she could just say random theories and everything should be true!
“This is the most stupid thing I’ve never heard.” Takamina said, shaking her head. “It’s impossible.”
“No, it’s not! Everything would be so clear now! The reasons why she care so much about you! Oh my god, I knew it!”
Miichan was literally fangirling about her “possible” pairing.
“Wait, if it was true, Acchan would have talked about it, right?” Haruna asked.
Takamina sighed. Maybe it wasn’t a great idea to tell them finally. Now she could definitely say farewell to her peaceful existence… if she ever had one.
“No… Acchan must be scared to death now exactly because we’re talking about Takamina!” Miichan answered with a confident voice. “She must think Takamina would hate her if she told her!”
Takamina blinked. Seeing it like this… it sounded… real.
“Oh, you’re right!” Haruna agreed. “Then… she must suffer…”
Miichan reflected about it a moment. She was so into it! She really wanted to find the answer! She felt like she was in some random shoujo manga she read!
“I think… If her manager were right, then yes, Acchan must suffer about it. I mean, it’s Takamina, you know! It’s not like you and Yuko, you know?”
Haruna blushed a little at Yuko’s name while Takamina just rolled her eyes. Really, everything was just… bullshit. Miichan could play her “I know everything” game as long as she wanted, Takamina would not listen to her anymore.
“If her manager were right, then Acchan would love you, Takamina! And the reason why she doesn’t tell you or change her comportment… is because she is afraid of your reaction! Anybody would after all.”
Miichan never knew how near she was from the truth... Unfortunately for her, Takamina didn’t want to know anything about it.
“Right, right, and if your stupid theory were right, what should I do, then?” She answered, just to play the game.
Miichan smiled and answered:
“You must do the first step! If Acchan is afraid, she must have a great reason… Maybe she doesn’t want to break your friendship! Maybe she fears rejection! Maybe… she isn’t sure about her feelings!”
Takamina froze. The way Miichan talked about it… it didn’t sound like a joke anymore. And with what she had told Acchan about her past, everything would be logic. But then again, it couldn’t be true. Miichan couldn’t be right about it… And if… just for fun, not that she believed her or something… if she just asked more about it…
“Then… what do you mean by “the first step”? I can’t tell her “I love you”, can I? It’d be a lie!”
“No, it wouldn’t be a lie, because I know you feel the same for her!” Miichan said happily. Everything was becoming like she wanted!
“No, I don’t.” Takamina shook her head. “I just don’t know how Acchan felt about… this.”
The small captain was curious… Or at least that was what she was telling herself since she didn’t want to “believe” it.
“Calling her would be a great beginning, right?” Haruna suggested.
Takamina stared at the floor. Didn’t her friends know it was embarrassing?!
“I know it can be a difficult situation for you, but… do it for the TakAcchan sake!” Miichan said, using the coupling nickname from the fans.
“She’s not in AKB anymore…”
“That’s not a problem! She left the group because she had no choice. And you know what? I’m sure she secretly hoped you would do the same!”
Miichan was right... again.
“Sato-san was crazy…” Takamina went again, less convincing than before though.
“Stop with your excuses, you know yourself you’re wrong! You know, Acchan must wait for…”
But Miichan’s umpteenth theory was interrupted by her cell phone.
“Ah, wait a minute, I have a call.” She said as she opened her phone.
Haruna looked over her shoulder and smiled as she said:
“What a great timing, it’s Acchan!”
Takamina stopped breathing.
***
Acchan was still filming for her drama even though it was late. It was the last episode, finally, and she didn’t have a broken arm anymore. She was waiting for her scene to come. A minute ago, she was talking to the main actor, now she was just half sleeping. Hopefully she had make-up because if not, she would look like a zombie. She was so tired… but she knew she needed to work again.
She took a glass of coffee. Seeing that nothing would happen, she began to think about what she was going to do after her shooting. She had a short contract for a CM and some TV shows, but it would last for only three or four months. She needed to find something else soon if she didn’t want to be at home later. She was patiently waiting for the hospital to call her when Hiroko would get better, but it was long. Last time she had seen her, she had talked to a sleeping person, half conscious. It was last week… Maybe she should go tonight after her job…
She took the newspaper on the table and read the front page. She spotted a little square about her old group and read it.
“Famous idols group AKB48 is going to release their new documentary in less than a month! Until then, we heard that already 60 000 copies of NO3B’s new album were pre-ordering! They are heading for a new group record! If you want to hear more about them, the unit group will be at All Night Nippon tonight. We also remind you that the entire group of AB48 will appear on Music Station in two week! Watch for them!”
“Maybe I should listen to it…” She thought.
It had been a while since she had heard Takamina’s voice and she missed it. She had not talked to her friend for about two weeks… But she couldn’t complain about it since they were both working… It was part of her life now, the fact that they weren’t talking a lot.
When she had learned their return to Tokyo, she had hoped Takamina would call her… but she didn’t. She couldn’t help it… really. She had had doubt… she had told herself “What if I’m not as important to Takamina as she is for me”. But really, maybe she was just paranoid… they had work and all…
“Maeda-san, finally you will start in one hour. We have technical problems with a camera.” A staff member told her as he was passing by.
Great… She had another hour left… All Night Nippon only began in four hours… She had nothing to do. She read the square again… posted something on her blog… and suddenly decided to call Miichan. She didn’t want to talk to Takamina now… but since she wanted to know how she was doing, maybe she could just ask Miichan! It sounded like a great idea.
“Hello?”
“Miichan? It’s Acchan!”
She heard some whispers in background, but couldn’t understand what they were talking about.
“Ah, sorry, are you busy?” She asked.
She heard someone screaming at the phone, but then again, it seemed too far from her to understand well. Suddenly, there was a silence and she heard Miichan’s voice.
“Acchan! How are you?”
She sounded… a bit enthusiasm. Maybe a bit too much.
“I’m fine… Are you busy? Do you want me to call back later?”
“No, everything is perfect!”
Acchan frowned. Miichan sounded too happy, it was almost weird.
“Um… Okay… Then, how are you?”
“I’m fine! And you’re too, right? You’re sure about it? Don’t you miss a certain someone whose name begins with “Taka” and ends with “mina”?”
Acchan heard Haruna’s voice talking to Miichan, but couldn’t understand anything. And didn’t Miichan just say something about her missing Takamina? What was going on?
“What?” She asked.
“Oh, no, forget what I said. So… Everything is fine? How is your manager? Is she better?”
“Ah…” Acchan hesitated a moment before she added: “Well, she’s like before… I’m going to see her tonight if I can… I haven’t seen her since last week.”
“I see… You’re recording now, right?”
“Yes. It’s the end of the drama. What about you, are you alone? I heard NO3B was going to be at All Night Nippon.”
Acchan tried to hear what Miichan was saying to another person. She barely heard the word “talk” and “Acchan”. What did that mean?
“I’m with Takamina and Haruna now. We’re eating before we go to the radio station. Hey, stop hitting me!”
The end of the sentence sounded… weird.
“Do you want to talk to them?” Miichan asked.
“Um…”
But before she could answer, she heard Haruna’s voice telling her:
“Hello Acchan! Say hi to Takamina! She missed you!”
And there was a silence.
“He… Hello?” Takamina asked.
“Takamina?” Acchan laughed. “Is everything fine there? I think Miichan’s crazy.”
“Sorry about that.” Takamina apologized. “She’s not herself tonight. I heard everything was fine? Is it true? I hope you’re not working too hard… Maybe it’s not good for your health.”
Acchan smiled, relieved to see Takamina still cared about her. She wanted to tell her how much she missed her, how much she wanted to see her… but something in her heart stopped her. She couldn’t… just say something like this tonight. She didn’t feel it. She wasn’t as enthusiast as before… She was… almost sad about everything, yet glad to finally hear her friend’s voice.
“Don’t worry, it’s been a while since that accident. I’m alright now…” Acchan said with a soft voice.
She heard a loud sound from the other side and decided to ignore it. Maybe her three old friends were just nervous for the radio record.
“Acchan?” Miichan asked. “Excuse me, but we have to go now…”
Acchan sighed. Already leaving, right? She was meant to be alone now…
“I understand… I should have called another time, I know you’re working…”
“No problem. We are glad to hear about you. And I’m sure you’ll be fine now since Takamina went to talk with Sato-san to tell her to survive and-”
The line suddenly cut, leaving Acchan speechless from what she had just heard.
***
NO3B point of view
“Hello?” Miichan said, smirking at Takamina.
“Miichan? It’s Acchan!”
“It’s Acchan!” Miichan said to Takamina and Haruna.
Both of them rolled their eyes. She was just repeating herself… with a cruel look.
“Ah, sorry, are you busy?” Acchan asked.
“She asked me if we were busy.” Miichan said, covering the phone with her hand. “Should I say we were busy about talking about her?”
“Don’t even think about doing that.” Takamina mumbled.
“Then should I say we were busy to talk about how much you missed her?” Miichan continued with the same amusing look.
“You…” Takamina growled as Haruna held her back.
Miichan ignored her and answered:
“Acchan! How are you?”
“I’m fine… Are you busy? Do you want me to call back later?”
“No, everything is perfect!”
Miichan looked so happy Takamina would have hit her if Haruna wasn’t on her way. She was afraid Acchan might doubt about something and really, it wasn’t the best time at all.
“Um… Okay… Then, how are you?”
“I’m fine! And you’re too, right? You’re sure about it? Don’t you miss a certain someone whose name begins with “Taka” and ends with “mina”?”
Takamina’s eyes went wide open as she realized what Miichan had said. Miichan had compared her to Nami, right? Well now, Takamina compared her “friend” to the cruel and stupid Hinata of the drama they had recorded. She was definitely an evil.
“Hey, it’s hard enough to hold her, don’t you think you can stop joking like this?” Haruna implored.
Miichan just waved her hand, like she was saying there was no problem. But to Takamina, there was a HUGE problem.
“Stop it!” She said loudly.
Miichan ignored her as Acchan asked:
“What?”
“Oh, no, forget what I said. So… Everything is fine? How is your manager? Is she better?”
“Ah…Well, she’s like before… I’m going to see her tonight if I can… I haven’t seen her since last week.”
“I see… You’re recording now, right?”
“Yes. It’s the end of the drama. What about you, are you alone? I heard NO3B was going to be at All Night Nippon.”
Miichan turned to Takamina and said:
“She knows we’re going to be at All Night Nippon. She will probably listen to us if she has time… Do you want to talk to Acchan about your feelings now or do you want to wait to announce it at the radio?”
Takamina just turned her eyes to Haruna, silently begging her to let her kill Miichan, but Haruna just shook sadly her head.
Cruel duo.
The captain was dying immobile. She was NOT gay! Why did everyone think she was?! Where did that rumour come from?! When did it all begin?! What would she have to do to make them forget about it? Would she have to date a guy?!
“I’m with Takamina and Haruna now. We’re eating before we go to the radio station.
Feeling that Miichan was going to add something about the radio show, Takamina began to hit her slightly with her food under the table,
“Hey, stop hitting me!”
Miichan was still avoiding Takamina when she said:
“Do you want to talk to them?”
“Um…”
The second member of NO3B didn’t wait for an answer and gave the phone to Haruna, who already knew what to say.
“Hello Acchan! Say hi to Takamina! She missed you!”
Haruna gave the phone to a speechless Takamina. She waited in silence for three seconds before Miichan encouraged her to speak.
“He… Hello?” Takamina asked.
The two others members of the unit group just slapped their forehead. Didn’t Takamina have something more important than “hello” to say?
“Takamina?” Acchan laughed. “Is everything fine there? I think Miichan’s crazy.”
“Sorry about that.” Takamina apologized as she turned the person they were talking about. “She’s not herself tonight. I heard everything was fine? Is it true? I hope you’re not working too hard… Maybe it’s not good for your health.”
“Don’t worry, it’s been a while since that accident. I’m alright now…”
Takamina was about to answer something else when Haruna suddenly realized they were late. She told the others.
“Wait, it won’t be long.” Takamina said to her two friends. “Since you wanted me to talk to her so much, can’t you let me a bit alone?”
Miichan immediately took a serious look. She wanted Takamina and Acchan to talk about their future love, not about “hello” things. She slapped the table, grabbed the phone and said:
“Acchan? Excuse me, but we have to go now…”
“Hey!” Takamina protested. “I was talking!”
“Yeah, later!” Miichan mumbled. “When you’ll accept your true self, I’ll let you talk as long as you want.”
She then waited for Acchan’s answer, hoping she hadn’t been too impolite.
“I understand… I should have called another time, I know you’re working…”
“No problem. We are glad to hear about you. And I’m sure you’ll be fine now since Takamina went to talk with Sato-san to tell her to survive and-”
***
“Are you STUPID?!” Takamina screamed with an angry voice as she held Miichan’s cell phone in her hand.
She was shaking the phone while she was staring angrily at her friend.
“Stop it or you’ll break it!” Miichan protested, taking back her phone. “What’s your problem now?!”
Miichan was staring at her, confusion in her eyes. What was going on with Takamina? She was acting so different from what they knew about her. She was acting like… she wasn’t herself anymore. Where was the nice Takamina who just wanted to joke and laugh with her friends? Was she gone because of what Acchan’s manager had told her? Haruna gently put her hand on Takamina’s shoulder, making her realizing what she had done. She bowed, still nervous.
“So… Sorry. I overreacted.”
Miichan wasn’t really angry against her. It was more her reaction that surprised her. Takamina had never been so mad about her… What was going on now?
“I… I haven’t told her I went to see Sato-san.”
Haruna sighed. More drama.
“I… I guess I’ll have to explain myself now.” Takamina said sadly, a bit discouraged.
“Why didn’t you tell her?” Miichan asked.
“I couldn’t… It would be too weird, right?”
Takamina knew Haruna and Miichan could not understand since they didn’t know the whole story behind it. But telling Acchan she had seen Hiroko… Now she would have to tell her everything… She would have to explain her the reasons… And since her best friend knew their common past… it would be even more suspicious.
“Sorry…” Miichan whispered. “I didn’t think it was so important for you to keep it secret.”
“No… Forget about it… We need to go to work now… Forget about it, I’ll take care of it.”
She started to walk toward the exit of the café when Haruna told her:
“Hey, I’m sure Acchan will not care about it. And who knows… Maybe it’s finally the time to understand what’s going on between you two…”
She did not turn around when Miichan added:
“You know… there’s a famous quotation saying that knowledge is gained by learning, trust by doubt, skill by practice… and love by love. So maybe you should think about it.”
Maybe… who knew? But maybe she didn’t want to find out about it finally…
***
“Good work today! I was glad to work with the great Maeda Atsuko!”
Acchan bowed to the main actor who did the same. They had just finished the final scene of their drama. It had been hard for the actress to focus on her character, but now everything was done. She could just go home and listen to All Night Nippon since it wasn’t done.
“I hoped to meet you for another project!” He said politely before he left the studio.
Acchan did the same a few minutes later. She took the taxi to go home since it was late. As she was half sleeping in the car, she thought about what she had heard before the end of the conversation… So, Takamina had seen her manager? To tell her to survive? What was this kind of reason? Was their recent conversation the reason why she had called her “Hiroko” instead of “Sato-san”? If so, what did it mean? Did it mean their animosity had disappeared during this conversation? Were they friends again? The thought of Takamina and Hiroko being friends made Acchan laughed a little. She could hardly imagine the two girls acting friendly together… especially with what she knew from their past.
It was too late to see Hiroko anyway. The hospital would never accept her to visit her manager. In a way, it was a great new. It meant she would not talk about this with her manager… but in another way, it also meant she would not know what had happened. And why hadn’t Takamina told her about that? Was it because… she had something to hide from her? She… She couldn’t love Hiroko, right? No, it couldn’t be that, she had clearly said she didn’t like… girls… this way…
Acchan sighed sadly. Even though Takamina thought about it this way… feelings could change without warming… She knew it since it happened to her. The way she felt now… Not only did she felt… jealous about Takamina and Hiroko, but she was mad against herself for being unable to do something about it. She arrived at home, directly went in her bedroom and locked the door. Then, she put her earphones and listened to the radio, in her own little world. If she couldn’t talk to Takamina, then at least she could listen to her voice… At least, she could still dream that something might happen between them… Even though she knew it was stupid from her.
“You just heard “Bird” long version, NO3B version! Yeah~!” Miichan’s voice said at the radio.
“We are sorry it took a long time to release it! We weren’t supposed to do so in fact… it’s because so many fans wrote us letters about it, we decided to do it! It will be part of our new album!” Haruna added.
Acchan was not really listening to them. She was thinking about everything else. Why had Takamina seen Hiroko… it bothered Acchan so much… Why hadn’t Takamina told her about it? And then, the evidence hit her straight in the middle of her heart. She needed to tell her friend about her feelings… if she didn’t want to loose her first. She had waited too long to tell her… She had been wrong to graduate… She should have stayed with her… Everything she had done until now… was wrong…
“Now, let’s talk about something I discovered yesterday! I was walking in the theatre… and all the girl pictures were changed! So if you come to see us, take a look!”
Acchan closed her eyes, listening to Takamina’s voice.
“Right, Team A will perform in three days, so come and see!” Miichan added.
“I don’t like my picture!” Haruna said. “I preferred the old one!”
“Right, then when you come, everyone please tells Haruna she looks great on the picture, understand?” Miichan’s excited voice said. “But you don’t have to do the same with Takamina!”
“Eh? Why?” Takamina asked, wondering why she was always the one hurt.
“Because it would be useless since you didn’t say you hate you picture!” Miichan laughed, knowing all she was saying was stupid.
Acchan laughed, wondering why the conversation was so… useless. Or maybe it was just her who was slowly beginning to fall asleep…
“Well, let’s read a mail form a fan now!” Takamina said.
Acchan closed the radio. It was too much for her. She had only listened to them for about five minutes… but it seemed like eternity. She had never felt so weak of her entire life. Was it because everything she had done was wrong? Was it because she felt so useless? Was it because of Takamina’s secret meeting with her manager? Was it because she thought something was going to start again between them?
Or was it just because… of that thing people called “love”?
Whatever the answer was… it couldn’t change the fact that… she regretted her choices.
***
“Everyone please, listen carefully to our new song!” The NO3B girls said.
They closed their micros while the song was playing. A staff member came to see them.
“Hey girls, you will receive a call from Sayaka Akimoto when the radio will turn on again!”
“What?” Miichan asked. “We never heard about it…”
“I’m sorry, it was planned with your boss, Akimoto-san. He said he wanted to hear your reactions live, so he asked to Sayaka-san to call you during your radio show to announce something.”
“Does it concern only us three?” Takamina asked, wondering what it was about.
“No, it concerns the entire group. But it’s all I can tell you now. Just pretend you didn’t know Sayaka-san was going to call when she will do.”
And he left. Well, it would be easy to pretend it since they had only learned it… now. Their song stopped.
“Well, how did you like it?” Takamina asked to an invisible public. “We are proud to say that-”
The “phone” rang at the same time, interrupting her. Okay, she didn’t need to pretend it AT ALL since she didn’t expect it to be so soon.
“Well… We got a call!” Miichan said excitedly. “I’ll answer! Hello?”
“Hello? Miichan?”
The three girls began to “scream” as they heard Sayaka’s voice.
“It’s late, I know, but I’m calling as Team K captain this time!” Sayaka said. “I have an important announcement to do so listen carefully!”
The three of them didn’t answer.
“Is there any journalist listening to us, because it’s to the fans too!” She said happily.
She didn’t sound sleepy at all.
“Well, guys… Akimoto-san asked me to tell you that… AKB48…”
They waited for the end as the technician put a “victory” song at the same time.
“AKB48 is going to perform twice at Tokyo Dome in six months!”
“EH?”
“WHAT? TWICE?”
“SIX MONTHS?!”
The NO3B trio couldn’t believe what they were hearing. Was it true? It was… incredible! Would AKB48 dream finally become real? They kept screaming for about ten minutes about how fantastic it was until Sayaka said:
“Well, Akimoto-san is probably happy to hear how excited you are. He wanted to have a live reaction, you know? The others girls learned it today, so you’re not so late.”
Takamina was the first one “calm” enough to begin to talk again.
“What? You mean… it’s real? We… We are really going to perform there! I’m so excited! It’s fabulous!”
“That’s mean more job girls… Go sleep right after your radio show because tomorrow… you all have to be at the theatre at eight in the morning for more information!”
“No way…” Miichan sighed. “But it’s for a great reason so I forgive you! Yes, we are going to have fun!”
“I can’t wait to let the fans know!” Haruna said loudly.
“I guess some of them already know it since we’re live at the radio.” Takamina laughed.
“So thank you Sayaka for telling us! Are you ready to go to Tokyo Dome to sing with AKB48?” Miichan asked, almost screaming at the radio. “Everybody, we’ll be waiting for you!”
“Yeah!” Haruna and Takamina screamed too.
The atmosphere stayed like this for a while since it was really a big new. They almost forgot about the main reason why they were here, the promotion of their new album. But it wasn’t the subject that come the first…
“So Takamina, excited about it?” Miichan asked after fifteen minutes of pure joy.
“Of course, who do you think you’re talking to!” Takamina answered.
“Not too sad about work? You won’t see a certain someone for a long time, you know?” Haruna smirked.
“Really funny, guys, really funny, stop about it!” Takamina answered, knowing what they were talking about… AGAIN.
“Don’t be sad Takamina!” Miichan laughed. “Think about all the fans and you’ll see there are positives points to that show too!”
Takamina just sighed, knowing they were at the radio. The only thing she could do was hoping Acchan was not listening to them…
***
“Seriously guys…” Takamina began as they were leaving the studio. “Why are you always joking about me and Acchan?”
She couldn’t help but ask the reason. Whatever she did, it was always turning to be about Acchan. Even if she was talking about something stupid like… like soap or even a book she read, the conversation would turn about Acchan. Okay, they had not talked about something stupid since it was about Tokyo Dome show, but still! It was TOKYO DOME!!! It was becoming not only embarrassing, but also ridiculous. How could she not be happy about something like this?!
“Why do you care?” Miichan asked, turning to face her.
It seemed that she was really serious this time. Takamina was surprised by the question and answered, stammering a bit:
“Well… because… it’s not true.”
Takamina waited for something to happen. Would she finally have a chance to defend herself seriously?
“Then just keep on denying it and everything should be fine.” Haruna answered, understanding what Miichan wanted to do.
Takamina flinched. Finally, they didn’t understand anything about the situation. They couldn’t understand anything.
“Because it’s embarrassing!” She growled angrily. “Can’t you just think about my feelings for once?!”
It wasn’t usual for her to be so angry about her friends, but everything reminded her the time when they had screamed at her because she had left France sooner. Now, it was her turn to be angry. Really, couldn’t they just understand?!
Miichan looked at her straight in the eyes.
“Why is it so embarrassing? You said yourself it wasn’t true, so shouldn’t you just forget about it? Shouldn’t you just keep on saying “no” and forget everything? Since you said you didn’t care about it…”
“It’s embarrassing because…” Takamina began before she stopped.
Why exactly was it so embarrassing?
“You know,” Miichan continued, “we do that with almost every member in the group, pairings and so on. And everyone always ended up laughing about it. You’re the only one who keep on denying everything and become mad about it. Why do you care so much? It’s just a joke, isn’t it? You said it yourself. Can’t we laugh about this joke too?”
Why exactly do you care so much about it?
“Anybody would forget about a joke. Anybody would laugh about it too. Anybody would… just played the game until it’s finished. And when it happens, we just leave it that way. We don’t insist anymore because we know it’s something we do just to play. But with you… it’s different.” Miichan was attacking her with words. “Because you refuse to pretend or to play the game too, because you keep on saying that it’s not true, because you think it’s so embarrassing without really giving us a reason… we are curious. We want to know… where that refusal comes from. We want to know… why you insist so much about it.”
Why are you so stubborn?
“Can’t you just pretend for once that it’s true? So maybe we will leave you alone… But no, you always have to say “it’s not true”. You always have to deny it by giving fake explanations. That’s what is so interesting with you. You are so stubborn that we want to know the reasons about it. We want to know why you think it is so embarrassing. After all, it can’t be embarrassing if you know it’s not true. We want to know… What is going on exactly with you? You’re not mad, you’re not crazy, you’re not sick… you’re only incredibly stubborn about something supposedly false.”
Why… can’t you answer to what Miichan is saying?
“I know you very well.” Miichan finished. “I’m sure you thought that I didn’t understand anything about your feelings, am I wrong? You were thinking I need to understand your feelings before talking this way to you, right? But you know, the reason why I insist so much is because I’m sure of what I’m saying. I wouldn’t talk so much about it if I weren’t sure of everything. So in fact, maybe it’s not me who doesn’t understand. Maybe you just don’t understand your own feelings... I don’t know if you’re afraid or anything… but sometimes, it’s not only the other’s fault… Sometimes… it’s more than that.”
Why can’t you just look deeper in your heart?
***
Acchan had not slept even though she was tired from her drama. But she had not opened the radio either. She had not closed her eyes during the night, and now sun was slowly appearing in the blue sky. She opened a drawer, taking some magazines. They were all about AKB48. She had bought them randomly when she passed in a conbini… She had never thrown them away. She read them again, remembering her life as an AKB member… Without knowing exactly why, she began to cry slightly. She couldn’t help it… it reminded her so much… She just wanted… to push the “reset” button of her graduation… To do like it never happened. Many great things had happened, but however she looked at this situation, there were still more sad things than positives ones. However she looked at this situation… there was always one person that remained in her mind.
And then she surprised herself to think about the reasons why she had begun to think about Takamina this way… This forbidden way…This way people called love… But it had also a double face called pain. Pain came with love, it was something she had realized only a few days ago. Until then, she had always thought she could just support it, even if Takamina didn’t feel the same… But as time went on, she had soon realized that it wasn’t so easy.
If what she felt wasn’t friendship… then it could only be love, right? And if it could only be love… then how could she ever look at Takamina now? How could she explain to her that even that kind of love wasn’t the usual “love”? How could she explain to her that… all she wanted was to stay by her side, not necessary doing sexual things or something like that… All she wanted was… to Takamina to be with her… to feel her presence by her side… to breathe the same air as hers… to hear her voice when she would feel sad… to be protected by her… to laugh when Takamina would try to make her happy and fail… to whisper sweet things in her ear… to feel her body against hers when they would sleep…
All she wanted… was forbidden, right?
But… couldn’t she just stop lying to her friend? Or was it forbidden to tell her the truth too?
TBC
ENDNOTE: Chapter 13 is already done, but I want to work more on it. I also began chapter 14 and for the first time I like how I wrote most of the parts in these two chapters, so wait for them! And if ever you’re wondering when there will be more development between Acchan and Takamina, it’ll be soon.
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YAY!! an update!! *save* :cow: :cow:
So bad that I have to read it later.. assignments' really suck sometime. I will comeback for comment :P :P
Thank you so much author-san. :bow: :bow:
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THANKS FOR UPDATING!!!
wow what Miichan said to Takamina was really deep i hope this will clear up some things going on in Takamina's mind
Poor Aachan the hardship of having a forbidden love is really depressing
I just hope that they would be able to do the things that Aachan listed at the end with Takamina as lovers
I hope you'll update soon!!
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O___O I've been away for so long and I missed 4 chapters already?
Love your stories! :D I feel bad for Acchan hearing the sad story behind TakaMina and Hiroko, though in a way, I;m also sad for Hiroko to had such a cruel treatment from Takamina. But who could blame her, she was just 14 and well, haven't been in any kind of situation like it. Though on another thought, it would be easy to say "forget about it" or something after you say such confessions but in reality, you can't really end up as close as before. Maybe friends but more of just a companion. Talk, not really be as close as before, not as happy and such.
Now, Acchan is at the same predicament as Hiroko. Even though it seems the same for Acchan, things are different now. Takamina is older, more mature, and also has friends that would help her think and understand herself more in terms of feelings, which she lacked before. But we don't know what would happen since what the writer/author goes with, the story goes that way.
I just hope TakaMina would finally try and weigh her feelings for Acchan in the next few chapters and I hope Acchan won't think of trying to think and convince herself that they should remain friends. Or else the situation would reverse. (Dunno if you guys understand but...) XD
Keep it up. ^_^
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Hey bou-j525! :mon hi:
Just gonna qoute this :] hehe :grin:
@ alexiel17: Don't worry about putting my name in the other thread, I knew it was for dark-atrox, that's why I asked about it XD
(I'm soo embarrass... :mon ghost: )
Sorry 'bout that really hehe :] :rofl: I don't know what to react ( Don't know if I'll laugh or just go :panic: or do this instead :mon cry: (well, the later is just a joke... :grin: Or is it... :lol: ) It's still embarrassing really :mon sweat: hehe :nervous )
Anyway, I was :OMG: because you've updated this fic of yours... bec. haven't read your other chapters :kneelbow: because of school, (Yeah,as always... School!!! :mon study: )
I really don't mind that you'd change the title, (I did read the reason, and I was like :O) Yeah, your explanation was quite deep, quite deep indeed... :mon determined:
Thanks soo much for the fic :] Can't wait to read this!! :mon dance:
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@ panickofpain: Really? You missed four chapters... I'm surprise, I don't think I update that fast... XD
@ alexiel17: You can thank my teacher of French class for the explanation of the title XD
HELLO EVERYONE.
I am late. Sorry :banghead: Thank for your comments :bow:
BUT I have a good reason! I was writing my chapter 14! XD I wanted to finish chapter 14 before posting chapter 13 before chapter 14 is a bit longer, so I wanted to be sure to be able to finish it at time... You know I don't have so much work right now (THANK GOD) so I have time to write ^^
I just need to find enough motivation... which is harder :nervous What? I don't want to live my life in front of a computer!
Anyway, here chapter 13. Lot of paragraph, plz read everything :bow:
Sorry for the mistakes.
Chapter 13
Takamina just woke up. It was still dark outside. She was breathing heavily. She had done a classification of the fans letters she had received. One pile was about usual letters… the other was all the letters that talked about her and Acchan. The second one was two times taller than the first one. She frowned. She had never realized how much fans were talking about her and Acchan, but now that she saw this amount… it was really impressive. It seemed that every time a fan talked about her… he needed to talk about Acchan too. Was it because they were known as very nice best friends in the group? Was it because they were once the two most important members in Team A? Just… why did the fans always put them together? Where did that come from? Was it because of all the pictures they took together? It couldn’t be that, right? Pictures didn’t mean anything… Pictures… were just the material representation of memories, right? Pictures… were just something they show to their fans to make them happy… It didn’t have a special meaning or something like that… Was it because they always looked happy together? But if so… fans would think she loved each member, wouldn’t they? Weren’t they just like others best friends in the group? What did the fans see between her and Acchan? What was so special about her and Acchan?
It was unusual for her to wake up in the middle of the night, but she just dreamed about something strange. Just to think about it again… it made her feel awkward. Now… she was not only thinking about her relationship with Acchan during the day… no, now she was even dreaming of it. Was it an unconscious message telling her she thought too much about it? Did she have a problem about it? It made her sick… it was a nuisance to her work… She needed to find out the truth about it because… the way Acchan confessed to her in her dream seemed so real. She still shivered thinking about it. The way her friend had said it… It sounded… so real… so magic… In her dream… her heart was pounding so fast… her hands were clammy… her eyes were locked into Acchan’s… they were breathing at the same rhythm… the beat of their heart was synchronised… They were two, but the same at this time. Acchan was in front of her, and yet her presence was engraved inside her mind too. They were at a certain distance from each other, but she could hear her like she was whispering the words in her ear…
She was awake now, but she just had to close her eyes to feel it again… to feel like it wasn’t a dream anymore. Why did she dream of something like this? This “love” thing was taking too much place in her life, it was obvious… But she knew it would take even a bigger place since… she still didn’t know the reasons of this feeling. She still didn’t know what Acchan thought about her… and she still didn’t know how she felt herself. She stared at the letters. She thought of Acchan’s confession from her dream… Everything… couldn’t just be there for nothing, right? All those things… had to be justified, right? So many things… couldn’t be linked together for nothing, right? It couldn’t be only a coincidence… with so many people talking about them… talking about their possible love relationship…
If so… what would be the justification? And… where could she find it? Should she call Acchan to find it? Should she ask Hiroko even if it would mean suicide? Should she just ask her others friends? Or maybe… should she just look inside her heart?
She flinched as she closed her eyes. It was not the first time she dreamed about it.
***
This dream kept happening a few times. After a month of non-stop thinking about the reasons of it, the troubled small girl was still wondering about it, even though she was a bit mad of it. It was becoming a problem for her concentration during the practices. And her concentration was the most needed thing since she needed it not only for the Tokyo Dome show that was coming, but also for events like today, where she had to promote NO3B new album.
Inside the car, as she was on her way to the shopping mall where they would do a short performance, she tried to stop thinking about it. But she just couldn’t. The last month had been full of thoughts and theories about everything about her and Acchan. God knew how, she always managed to hide it from her best friend when she talked to her at phone. She had talked to her each week for about an hour. If not, she just sent her mails. She had less time than before, so each time she could just have an hour free, she was glad to hear Acchan’s voice encouraging her. Honestly, she didn’t know what she would do without her… and she still wondered how she could still be in AKB48 alone without becoming crazy. They were going to arrive soon and, knowing she hadn’t talked to Acchan for already five days, Takamina decided to quickly send her a mail before working.
I’m on my way to the shopping mall!
It’s NO3B’s new album performance today!
I know you’re busy, but if you could see it on TV, I’d be really happy ^_^
I hope everything is fine with your work.
I miss you so I’ll try to talk to you soon!
Takamina <3
Okay… should be fine. She sent it as the car stopped. Miichan and Haruna were already there, practicing a few last movements as she walked in. They talked a little before they went on stage. Many people were there and the place was full. After so many years doing this job, Takamina couldn’t get used to it. It was awesome to hear all those people screaming their names and clapping their hands at the end of their performance… It was the job she wanted to do, a singer, so she could share her passion with everyone. No matter what… she would achieve her dream.
“Hello everybody!” She screamed as the show began.
The crowd answered enthusiastically. Yeah… that was the job she wanted to do. After a short presentation of their new album, the trio began to perform their success, one by one, stopping only to drink water after three songs. Each of them couldn’t believe how loud the crowd was screaming. They could barely imagine how intense Tokyo Dome would be… They would not be surprise if they all became deaf after the performance. And all the tickets were already sold…
The performance went pretty well. The girls were trying to enjoy it as much as possible, because it was the last one for a while. After all, all they would do during the next months would be practicing for their concert. They still had some TV show to talk about Tokyo Dome event, but it was all. Time passed fast… they only had five months to become perfect. Yes, perfection… because they would remember this show forever, so it had to be perfect. They would have to dance until they died.
The end was coming… As Takamina, Miichan and Haruna were taking a last short break before the final song, they heard the crowd screaming louder than before, which was strange because nobody was on stage. Frowning, they heard some people saying “go in front of me” or “I let you go ahead”. They didn’t care too much about it, since they needed to gain strength for the final performance. They exchanged glances, knowing it was the last song. It was time to celebrate!
They appeared in front of the public for their last song. Great, now was the time to make everybody fall in love with them! It was just a way to speak, of course, but they really wanted haters to begin to like them. Takamina flinched as soon as she put her feet on the stage. She had seen her right when she could see the crowd. She had seen her… like she was the only person there, right there, in front of the stage, surrounded by smiling people who were asking her questions… Takamina knew she didn’t need to make this person fall in love with her… because she might already be.
“Hey, isn’t that Acchan?” Miichan asked, bringing her back to the human world.
The crowd was already answering to a question Miichan had only whispered to Takamina. People were screaming to them that the famous Maeda Atsuko, ex member of AKB48, had come to see them. Takamina just nodded as she walked to take the micro. Haruna and Miichan soon followed her and went by her side, smiling to the fans. Takamina just announced the song and didn’t mention Acchan’s presence, knowing all the fans would get crazier. She had to ignore her… for now.
The performance was done. The three girls were resting from the live show backstage. Well, Haruna and Miichan were resting while Takamina was secretly hoping that…
“You have a visitor, guys!” A staff member announced. “Usually, they are forbidden, but I guess it’ll be okay this time.”
He left as Acchan was slowly walking in. The actress was smiling to them. It had been almost two months since their last meeting.
“How are you?” Takamina asked, not mentioning her manager.
“I’m fine. I had nothing left to do after an interview, so I thought I should come and see you since Takamina sent me a mail saying your performance was today.” She said as she sat by their sides.
Miichan and Haruna smirked as they learned the reason why Acchan had come was Takamina. The small captain just smiled back and welcomed her.
“I didn’t see everything,” Acchan said, “but I can tell you your last song definitely rocked! I think I’ll buy the album now…”
Miichan laughed.
“What, didn’t you tell me you had already bought it in one of your mails?”
Acchan smirked and rolled her eyes.
“Me? I don’t remember…” She said innocently.
“Liar!” Takamina said, laughing a bit.
“It’s okay, Acchan, we’re used to lies anyways…” Miichan completed, looking excessively.
No way, not again?! Takamina sighed. She just had to do like she didn’t care, right? It was going to be hard, but she could do that. After all, she didn’t want to be humiliated in front of her friend, even if she knew Acchan would not laugh at her. And she couldn’t say she wasn’t happy to see her best friend… She had really missed her. Calling her and talking to her through a phone wasn’t enough to her. She flinched as she realized how much she missed her presence by her side… Why hadn’t she realized it before? It was so obvious… Was it because she was more aware of it now? Was it because of all her reflections on their relationship that she could see her feelings a bit clearer? Anyway, something was clear, she had missed her.
“I swear I don’t remember…” Acchan smiled. “I heard you were going to perform to Tokyo Dome?”
“Yes!” Haruna answered, a bit surprised that Acchan brought the subject.
It was a while since the new was out.
“I only learned it in the newspapers the day after All Night Nippon… And each time I was talking to one of you, I don’t know why but I always forgot to ask about it.”
“Well… I don’t know for me and Haruna, but I’m sure you should have thought about something… more “important” when you talked to Takamina.” Miichan said with an amused voice.
“Oh please, don’t start again…” Takamina sighed.
But to her surprise, Acchan just slightly shook her head before she turned and fixed her with a look only she could do. Takamina felt a strange feeling passing through her body as her eyes met the intense glance of Acchan. She couldn’t put a name on what was going on now… but… did it mean she still needed to investigate to find it? Did it mean… she still had work to do to “understand herself”, like Miichan had told her? Was… Acchan trying to tell her something? And before she could figure it out, the exchange stopped as her friend looked away.
“We are going to practice for it during the next five months.” Haruna explained, unaware of what was going on between Takamina and Acchan. “But after that… AKB48’s dream will come true!”
“I wish you could be on stage with us.” Miichan said. “I wish all the old members could be on stage with us to celebrate this moment…”
Sure, they all hoped that… but nobody said it loud since they knew it was impossible.
“Aw, come one, don’t think about something so… depressing.” Takamina said. “Hey, Acchan, I guess we won’t have a lot of time to meet, but soon after Tokyo Dome, I think I could find a few hours free.”
“That’d be great…” Acchan sighed.
No more Takamina for five months? How was she going to survive?! Had she really been so busy when she was with the group?! Seriously… Akimoto-san wanted them to die! Loneliness… was slowly taking back its place in their life.
“Can we come too or do you want to be the two of you?” Haruna asked joking a little.
“Or maybe you could go with Yuko too, doing a double date or something since I am alone in this group.” Miichan said with an ironic voice, remembering how Mariko and she were supposed to miss “nobody” during the trip.
“D-Don’t tell me you still think about that?” Haruna asked, stammering again at Yuko’s name. “It’s going to be a huge meeting… the same as last time.”
Takamina blinked. It wasn’t that she wanted to be alone with Acchan, but if she remembered well… last time… it had seemed that everybody had done a contest “who can humiliate Takamina the most”. She really didn’t need a second round.
“Why are you looking at me like this?”
Takamina blinked again. She had not realized she was staring at Miichan for a while with her “do not want” look. But it was too late.
“If you want to be alone with Acchan, you just need to say it, no need to murderer me with your eyes.” Miichan joked.
The small captain turned her head and looked at the floor. Now, she would just look at the floor and forget about everything because it seemed that she couldn’t do a damn thing without being accused of wanting to be alone with her friend. She was slowly reaching her patience limit when she heard Acchan said:
“Well… I’m sorry but… I wished Takamina and I could be only the two of us…”
Miichan and Haruna exchanged glances and smirked. Acchan could be so cute…
“Well, since Acchan’s taking the initiative, I guess we’ll have no choice.” Miichan laughed.
“Sure, we’ll find another time to meet…” Haruna said. “If it’s alright with you two of course.”
“Hey, I don’t say anything about you and Yuko, so don’t even think about adding something more then that…” Takamina threatened.
She couldn’t stop wondering why Acchan had said something like this… Not only did it look suspicious, but it was… unexpected.
“Thank you!” Acchan smiled.
She looked… innocent. She was cutely smiling at Miichan and Haruna, like she secretly telling them something she didn’t want Takamina to know, but unfortunately, none of them understood about it. She was acting like when she was still with AKB48, all friendly with her “I’m in love with everyone” attitude.
“So… what are you going to do now?” Miichan asked, deciding to not ask more question. “Another drama?”
“No, I’ll have some other work to do, but I think I will wait a bit to find a big job…”
She didn’t finish her sentence, letting Miichan guess that she was talking about Hiroko’s situation.
“I see…” Haruna said. “How it’s going?”
“It could be better… but it could be worst. I’m going to visit her later.”
There was an awkward silence as the four of them didn’t know what else to say. In fact, there was nothing more to add. They changed subject and began to talk about their life in general. Later, a member of staff went to talk to them, saying they would have to leave to somewhere else soon. Acchan sighed. She wanted to ask where they were going… just so she could follow them… She had planned to visit her manager later, so she didn’t really want to be alone. Miichan was called by someone and suddenly had to leave them, apologizing. Seeing they were only the three left, Acchan shyly asked:
“Um… if you don’t care, Haruna… I want to talk to Takamina.”
Takamina flinched. First, Acchan had told them she wanted to spend time alone with her and now… she was asking Haruna to leave them? There was… a radical change from the last time when they were all joking and laughing Now, Acchan looked… serious. Wait… what did she want to tell her? She suddenly remembered their last conversation with Haruna and Miichan. Oh no, Acchan wanted to talk to her about her seeing Hiroko… She was going to be murdered! Haruna smirked, but just nodded without saying anything. It seemed that without Miichan, she was a lot nicer… or cruel too since Takamina thought she was going to die if she was left alone with Acchan. As the tall girl disappeared, Acchan turned to Takamina and gave her a beautiful smile.
“So, you’re going to call me and give me news about this show, right?” she asked nicely, looking at her in the eyes.
“Yes!” Takamina nodded, forgetting about her questions. “And I’d like you to do the same… you know with her situation.”
Takamina didn’t feel at ease to ask something like this to her friend, but it was stronger than her. If Hiroko felt better, she would have to make sure she respects her promise.
“Ah… yes…” Acchan looked away. She had forgotten about their secret meeting. “You should come with me and visit her since you look like… you care a lot about her.”
Takamina couldn’t help but laughed a little. She looked like she cared about Hiroko? Not really… The person she cared about was Acchan, and she just wanted to have news from her manager to make sure she would respect her promise.
“I’m worried about you, that’s why I can’t help but ask about her. I don’t need to visit her.”
Because you already did… Acchan wanted to add this, but didn’t.
“You know, when I went to see her…” Takamina added, knowing she would have to talk about it sooner or later. “It was only because I was worried about you.”
Acchan slightly blushed and tried to hide it. Takamina being worried about her was so cute… She wished the small captain could talk to her this way more. She wished… the wall between them could finally disappear forever. This wall that appeared after her graduation… she wished she could smash it into thousand pieces.
“I wanted her to stop threatening you. I asked her about it, and she said she was going to do so.” Takamina continued, not mentioning what she had had to do to make sure Hiroko would respect her promise.
“I’m glad if it is for that…” Acchan whispered, feeling relieved. “But you know I don’t need you to protect me…”
“Really?” Takamina said, laughing a little. “It’s not what I seemed to understand when you talked to me about it. You know, friends are here to help each other, so don’t worry about it.”
“Yeah… thank you.” Acchan said, smiling cutely.
Why was she so shy suddenly? It wasn’t herself to be like this… Takamina moved her face closer to her friend’s, asking:
“Are you sure everything is fine… you look… strange.”
“R-really? I’m fine! I’m perfectly fine.”
She was secretly praying for Takamina to move back.
“Really?” Takamina asked, not believing her at all.
Acchan was obviously lying in front of her. Was it because they were alone? It would be a bit stupid since she was the one who wanted this situation…
“I’m fine, really. I was just wondering… you really have no time off during the next five months?”
No even a short hour…?
“I’m sorry… I don’t think I will…” Takamina answered sadly. “We will be really busy… I don’t think I can see you until the shows are done.”
“I see…” Acchan sighed. “I was hoping we could still meet since I have some free time… But I guess it’s helpless, right?”
Takamina apologized again, but Acchan just waved her hand.
“No problem. Just take some time to call me, okay?” She asked, smiling.
The captain nodded, surprising how things were going on. Wasn’t it exactly the same situation they went through before? Not seeing the other for a long time? Sure she was unhappy about it… but why did Acchan look even sadder than usual this time? And Takamina didn’t know why, but she felt her heart hurt at she saw Acchan’ sad face.
“I will for sure…” She said, hating to see her friend sad.
The actress looked away. Sure, Takamina said that, but once she would get back to work, she would probably just forget everything. Seeing that Acchan did not seem really convinced, the captain decided to forget her shyness for a moment and did something she hadn’t done for awhile, she softly wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging her. She put her head on Acchan’s shoulder and whispered:
“I’m going to miss you too.”
Acchan held her breathe. It was rare Takamina did something like this. Even though she wondered why she did it, Acchan was glad to feel her presence so close. It seemed an eternity since they act this way together. She was almost beginning to think their closeness was disappearing… and right now, Takamina had just destroyed all her doubts.
“Can we stay like this?” Acchan asked, immobile.
“Sure.” Takamina just answered.
She was still shy, but looking at Acchan… she felt she needed to give her more than her usual support. Looking at her… she felt she was not the one who suffered the most.
“I love you, Takamina.” Acchan whispered.
The short girl smiled.
“Me too, I love you.”
Acchan knew these words were just usual. There were no feelings inside them… because Takamina always understood it to the first degree. She didn’t see beyond them. The captain thought about the dream she had had, feeling her heart beginning to beat faster, hoping Acchan would not notice it. Those dream… they must have a meaning, right? Then… what could it be? Why couldn’t she understand it? She felt Acchan’s warm breathe on her neck and quivered. She didn’t say anything, letting her friend the way she was, hoping she would feel better after. Five months… It was long, but short at the same time. Short because she would be working all the time… long because Acchan would not be by her side, cheering for her and laughing at her lames jokes like she used to do. It would be hard. It would probably be like if she lost a part of herself… but it was something that happened a year ago, after her graduation… She would have to get used to it, sooner or later… But somehow, Takamina knew she would never get used to this painful feeling piercing through her heart.
***
“What?” Takamina asked, frowning to her two friends that were waiting for her at the exit of the shopping mall.
They both had a huge smile on their face.
“Um? Nothing.” Miichan said, starting to walk toward the car that was supposed to bring them somewhere else.
“What?” Takamina repeated at Haruna who just shook her head.
She walked to join Miichan and they started laughing while a confused Takamina was following them. A minute later, the small captain received a mail.
“You were so cute together!”
She froze, recognizing Miichan’s mail.
“You saw us?!” She asked shyly.
They didn’t answer, smirking as Takamina was failing at explaining them the situation.
***
Acchan was sitting on a bench right in front of the hospital where Hiroko was hospitalised. She was nervously waiting for Tomochin to answer her call. She wanted to ask her something before she went to see her manager. If there was someone who could answer her question, it would be her. After all, wasn’t Tomochin the perfect person to see when there was a “love” problem? But… she was still nervous though she knew her friend would not judge her. She was still feeling Takamina presence by her side… she was still hearing their heart pounding hard... She was still wondering if something like this would happen again. Why had Takamina done this today? Since when did Takamina take the initiative like this?
But if she remembered well, when she was in the group, Takamina was always one of the firsts to come and support another girl when things went bad. Maybe… Takamina’s shyness disappeared when there was sadness? If so… would she need to be always sad to be hugged by Takamina? Acchan sighed. Like she wasn’t sad enough already… She had thought Takamina had seen Hiroko for something else, but in fact, it was only to protect her. She was glad about it, though she felt bad not being able to do the same for her.
She had decided she would not hide her feelings to herself from now on, but that she would act as usual with Takamina… She had decided it was useless to lie to herself… After her graduation, she had stopped acting so “in love” with the others girls, thinking it was useless now that she wasn’t in the group anymore. Even if they were still great friends, she was not kissing and climbing at them as much as she used to do… but then she had just realized acting coldly wasn’t herself either. She had decided that from now on, she would hide her feelings from Takamina… but she would act as friendly as before. And this way… maybe her friend would finally be able to read in her eyes.
But still, she wondered if it was right to act this way and not telling her the truth, so she wanted to ask Tomochin about it. Since she and Tomomi were going out, maybe she could help her… And… she had to admit she really missed using Takamina as her pillow.
“Hello?”
Tomochin’s voice sounded angry, like she was being interrupted.
“Tomochin? It’s Acchan…”
“Acchan? How are you? Sorry, I was talking with Tomomi.”
Her voice was not angry anymore. She seemed glad to hear from her friend. Acchan talked a bit about everything, not mentioning her problem until the end of their conversation. She heard Tomochin asking help to Tomomi and frowned. Was her problem so complicated?
“You know…” Tomochin started. “I think you should not be afraid with Takamina… I mean, it’s not like she’s going to avoid you for the rest of her life if you confess right?”
Acchan nodded, even though she was just thinking about Hiroko’s case. Takamina DID leave a friend because of something like this. Sure, she was young when it happened… but… still…
“But don’t confess to her.” Tomochin added.
Acchan frowned. Hadn’t Tomochin just told her she should confess to her? Wait, what had she said?
“Takamina is someone extremely shy. If you suddenly confess to her, she will be afraid and she may ignore you for awhile. So… you need to prepare her instead.”
So… she would ignore her or not?!
“First of all, you need to stop pretending to joke when you’re with her.”
“What do you mean?”
“Each time Takamina says she’s joking, you agree with her. Each time she says you are joking with her… you agree too. Making her believing you’re always joking when you’re talking about your love or anything like this won’t help you to confess. When she says it’s just a joke, don’t agree, but don’t disagree either. Just don’t answer or nod a little. It will help her wondering about what you think about your relationship.”
“So… I need to be more serious when I talk with her?”
“Not necessary. Just make sure she doesn’t think you two are “only” friends. You can still laughing when you’re “confessing” to her, but don’t pretend it’s just a joke right after. Make her believing that, even if you were laughing, you were serious.”
Acchan sighed. Was it the way Tomochin had done with Tomomi? It looked stupid and incomprehensible.
“Also, you must show her you miss her. Just send her a mail each day or something like this, but don’t call her all the time, it may annoys her and she may wonders why you are suddenly becoming so affective.”
Can’t Tomochin be clearer? Should she call her or not? Should she tell her she missed her or not?
“You need to make her think about your relationship. When you talk to her, smile, be happy, when you’re sad, go see her first, don’t call anybody else. She needs to know you think she’s the only one that can help you. Tell her you missed her when you see her, but don’t say it too often. Don’t forget, you need to make her think about your relationship, but you must not confess.”
Wasn’t Tomochin a bit too… extreme?
“Once she herself thinks about your relationship, I’m sure she’ll be troubled. I’ll make sure to spy her during practice and give you some news. There’s only one thing she can find out once she will think about your relationship. It’s that you’re not ordinary friend. You’re more than that. Once she figures it out, she will probably ask herself about her feelings toward you. She may think it’s not love, you know, we’re talking about Takamina… but… she may think you feel something more for her.”
Acchan sighed. She wasn’t sure to understand everything…
“If she is really troubled, we will be able to see it. She will probably act strangely with you around, or maybe she will be friendlier. But I doubt she will ask you directly about it since she’s really shy. When you’ll see that she’s more around you or that she calls you more often, don’t confess yet. It might be something she does in order to discover her own feeling toward you. Maybe she’s testing herself to know how she feels.”
Acchan could hardly imagined Takamina being in reflection about their relationship…
“After a while, you will confess to her. But be careful of the way you’ll do it. Don’t tell her directly you love her, it might scare her. Do it… subtly. Be more affective, pretend you want to see her late at night, pretend you don’t want to be alone and stuff like that. If she accepts to meet each time, then it’ll be a great sign. Then… you should be able to confess without fear.”
The actress heard Tomochin talking to Tomomi a bit before her friend asked:
“By the way, did something new happen between you two?”
“Well… She hugged me today.”
“Really?” Tomochin exclaimed.
There was a silence before Acchan heard:
“Then forget about everything I said. Just be more affective and everything should be fine. If she hugged you by herself… then it means she’s probably already reflecting about her feelings. If I’m right, then you should be able to act friendlier without fear.”
Acchan couldn’t believe what she was hearing. To forget about the so-long explanation she had just listened to?! She knew Tomochin was kind of expert about love… but... did it mean she had listened for nothing?!?
“What about your whole plan? How come you said all those things to me?! It seemed that you were prepared!” Acchan said.
“It’s because I was prepared.” Tomochin laughed. “I knew you were going to call me sooner or later. I’m good to guess about things like this, unlike Takamina.”
“What?! Wait a minute! What’s so incredible about the fact that she hugged me?”
“Believe me, Takamina’s not the same since you left the group. If she hugged you today, just know it’s something rare. You probably know a side of her we don’t. I wouldn’t be surprised if, even if it seems crazy, my plan were right.” Tomochin answered seriously. “Just listen to me.”
“But…”
“Believe me. I wouldn’t be surprise if right now she is wondering why she hugged you. I will spy on her and tell you, okay? But now I need to go, talk to you later, Acchan!”
And she hanged up. Acchan frowned. She had not talked a lot… yet Tomochin had told her everything. How come she was so prepared?! Was it really so obvious she had problems with Takamina? Then… was Takamina blind to not see it herself?! She sighed and walked toward the entry of the hospital. How was she supposed to act friendlier with her if they couldn’t meet? If she ever wanted to be able to confess to Takamina, she must talk to her manager first. She needed to know what Takamina and she had talked about. She flinched as she realized it would be their first conversation since the accident. The doctor had told her Hiroko was awake today… it was the first time she would have the chance to talk to her.
***
She was awake, she was looking at her, she was… alive. Even with all the cruel things she had done to her, Acchan couldn’t hate her manager… She needed her to achieve her dream… She needed her for her job… even though she had endured so many things. Hiroko was staring at her, joy in her eyes. But Acchan could tell there was something different with the way she looked at her. The sadness or pain thing was gone in her eyes. Somehow… Acchan could tell Hiroko saw her the way she really was, not like a reincarnation of her mother.
Hiroko looked way better than before. She wasn’t as pale and she wasn’t bleeding anymore. She was still connected to two big machines, but at least she could breathe without wearing a mask. She smiled as Acchan sat by her side. She hardly sat to talk to the actress. She still had her pride, she didn’t want anybody to think she was weak. She had gained enough energy to have a normal conversation of about half an hour, but the doctor insisted for Acchan to leave as soon as possible, so she could rest.
“How are you?” Acchan asked, relieved to see her awake.
“Better.” Hiroko answered. “And you? You’re not hurt?”
Acchan moved her arm while she said:
“No, everything’s fine. I was lucky compared to you.”
“Great…” Hiroko sighed. “I’m glad you have nothing. I know somebody who would have killed me if ever you were badly hurt. Work’s not too hard?”
Acchan flinched. Was Hiroko talking about Takamina?
“It’s fine… I’m waiting for you before taking another big contract.”
She decided to ignore it. She would talk about it later anyway… Let’s just answer to Hiroko for now… then she would bring the subject.
“Really?” Hiroko answered with a surprised voice. “You shouldn’t stop working because of me. It’s bad for your popularity…”
Popularity, popularity… seriously, did her manager only think about it? Wasn’t health more important than popularity?!
“I’d rather wait. You’re still my manager, I don’t know how everything works yet…”
Hiroko laughed, even if it hurt her.
“I should teach you then. “She said. “Since I’m not going to be free from here soon…”
“What do you mean?” Acchan asked.
Wasn’t Hiroko better now? Wasn’t it only a time question before she could leave the hospital?
“Don’t worry, I won’t die… But I bet they will keep me here for a long time. See that machine?” She asked, pointing the bigger of the two. “The doctor said my heart is still weak. Sometimes it slows down, sometimes it goes faster than usual… They’re afraid I might have a heart attack or something.”
Acchan sighed. Was “having a heart attack” the definition of “not going to die”?
“Oh…” The actress said. “Well… I hope you will get better. Honestly, I was afraid, you know… I don’t know if I could really work by myself.”
“It’s easy, you’ll see.” Hiroko said, patting her shoulder.
“Don’t talk this way. It looks like you’re going to die.”
Her manager laughed and coughed at the same time, making a weird sound from her chest.
“Yeah… Someone once told me I was bad at encouraging others.”
“Why did you become a manager then? I mean, with what-”
Acchan stopped herself. She couldn’t mention Hiroko’s mother, it would be cruel from her.
“Why did you become my manager… if you knew I was in the same group as… her?” She asked again, knowing it was unnecessary to mention who she was talking about.
Hiroko took a minute to answer.
“Isn’t it obvious? You have exactly the same story as my mother. Idols group, best friend you would give your life for, actress, popularity… But it’s not the only reason. I wanted to become manager so I could give the chance to news stars to shine. I wanted to see my mother coming back to life through someone else. But don’t worry, I won’t compare you to her ever.”
“Why?” Acchan couldn’t help asking.
“Why? You’re asking why? I almost killed you.” Hiroko answered a bit harsh.
Acchan knew she was right… but even though she almost died, she wanted to show her another way of seeing things.
“But you didn’t.” Acchan said. “You didn’t kill me. I forgive you, you know? I can’t be mad at you for something that didn’t happen.”
“You’re strange… If I were you, I would hate me.”
Acchan laughed. Hiroko just insulted herself after all…
“You know… I thought about it, I don’t really care if you see your mother through me. I can’t help it anyway… It’s horrible what happened. As long as you don’t try to kill us again…”
“You are the actress Maeda Atsuko.” Hiroko said, breathing loudly. “I know where my limits are, don’t worry. Someone made me realized I’ve done too much. I apologize.”
Acchan couldn’t believe it. Her manager was apologizing to her?
“I forgive you.” The actress said. “Like I said, I need you, so I can’t be mad at you. Just… don’t do it again. And… do you mind if I ask… why do you suddenly apologize about it? You’re… different.”
Surprisingly, Hiroko didn’t try to avoid the subject.
“I guess I did a bad job as your manager… She came and she asked me to leave you alone. I don’t think you need more precision.”
But she did need more precisions. Acchan didn’t answer, letting Hiroko guessing she wanted more explanations.
“We explained things that should have been explained long time ago. Then, she asked me to leave you alone, saying I didn’t have good reasons to threaten you. I guess she was right… I’ll leave you alone. Once I’ll get out of here, I’ll work as a real manager.”
Explained things… Was it about her confession? Acchan slightly shook her head. It was not the best time to think about it.
“That’s all?” Acchan asked as Hiroko nodded. “Well… Can I count on you now? To bring me to the top of Japan?”
Hiroko smiled.
“I think you already are, but once you’ll be even higher, I’ll compare you to my mother without fear. Being compared to her is an honour. But until then… you will need to work, not to check you mails.”
Acchan froze.
“You promised you would stop about it…” She slowly said.
“I’m joking, that’s all…” Hiroko answered, though Acchan doubted about it.
But… If ever Hiroko was bad with her again, she would go see Takamina. She knew she could count on her friend about her problem now, no matter what. She was protected by the best person of the universe. So Hiroko better stayed calm. But until then… everything seemed fine.
“I’m counting on you, then.” Acchan bowed. “When you’ll get better, help me find another nice contract. I’ll do my best.”
“You better do you best.” Hiroko said as she coughed, making Acchan looking worriedly at her.
“You’re sure you’re fine?”
“Hmm, yes.” She said. “I think… I should tell you something else, since I feel nice today.”
Acchan frowned. Hiroko, nice? Well, maybe it would happen someday… no, probably never.
“When she came to see me… I was not in a really nice condition and… I was still mad at her.”
The actress sighed. She felt like she was older than Hiroko in this kind of situation, even though it wasn’t true.
“I told her something I shouldn’t have…”
WHAT.AGAIN? Wasn’t her life enough difficult this way? Seriously, what had Hiroko done to her this time?
“I don’t know… I was a bit afraid… I was still comparing you to my mother… I told her you love her.”
Acchan closed her eyes. What? She couldn’t… No, it couldn’t be true… She was dreaming…She opened her eyes again. Same place, same bed, same STUPID person lying inside… same sentence… It was not this way she had imagined things…
“Did she… believe you?”
Hiroko shook her head.
“I fainted before I could hear her answer… And I was mad at her… But I don’t think she believed me since I was not really credible…”
Whatever excuses Hiroko was trying to tell her, Acchan wasn’t dumb. Knowing Takamina, she should go and talk about it as soon as possible… But… how had Takamina reacted? And now that she thought about it… Hadn’t her friend hugged her? Hadn’t her friend… being with her like usual? She hadn’t avoid her nor told her she hated her, right? So maybe she hadn’t believed Hiroko? Maybe she was fine with it? Acchan sighed. Of course Takamina would act usually with her since she wasn’t supposed to know it. If Takamina had suddenly ignored her, it would have been too strange… The real reaction, she would have it when she would confess to her. What was she supposed to do now? Follow Tomochin’s plan? Even though Takamina might already know about her feelings? She was seriously about to slap Hiroko. What was her problem, telling anyone her feelings like that?! Did it mean… she had to wait five months to know more about it? No way, it would be too long. She needed to see Takamina before Tokyo Dome concert…
Two months later
Acchan had tried to call her… so many times… without getting an answer. She wanted to stop bothering her friend… but she just couldn’t ignore her feelings anymore. She knew… she would broke Takamina’s dream if she ever told her the truth, and it was the only reason why she had not came to the theatre to see her directly. It was painful to do nothing this way… but she couldn’t help it, Takamina was not answering to her calls... she was too busy.
Three months later
I love you...
The smaller girl blushed and didn’t answer. But the color on her cheeks showed to the other what her answer to that sweet confession was. Their eyes met and the second girl knew what she had to do. She knew she could do it… She slowly moved nearer. Their lips were dangerously closed to each other. The distance between them was becoming shorter and shorter as they could scent the other’s smell. They could feel the other’s breathe on their lips as they were about to seal their love…
And she suddenly opened her eyes in the dark room, trying to stop shaking. Again… the same dream over and over again… The same dream that haunt her day and night… and the same awakening at this moment precisely. Not before, not after… just right at the moment where they were about to kiss. Dreaming of this so many times had made Takamina wondering how Acchan’s lips would taste if it ever became true…
Four months later
She was practicing everyday over and over again. She had not stopped doing the same choreography, from six in the morning to ten at night, only stopping to take some breaks. Sometimes, she finished working later, when they had interviews about their show. She was always sleepy, pushing herself to the maximum, reaching her limit’s limit everyday… She helped each member when they needed her, she encouraged them with Sayaka and Yukirin, she supported them… The captain trio was more than needed. Some new official members couldn’t resist to so much pressure, so they needed to reassure them and to help them more than some others, such the first generation members. But one thing was sure: this show was going to be awesome. No, not only awesome… grandiose. It would be perfection. The day she had seen the stage… so huge and impressive, she had knew everything had to be perfect. So many people would be there… so many fans just to see them… the idol group from Akihabara… It was magic
And even with what seemed the busiest schedule she ever had… she was happier then ever… because she was supported by the most important person to her except her family, Acchan. Strangely, her friend had start sending mails everyday, like she used to do after her graduation. Mails encouraging her, supporting her, telling her positives thoughts… She was reading each of them carefully before sleeping when she came back home, smiling and laughing at some old jokes, crying a little at some memories Acchan was talking about… When she was still awake at the end, which was rare, she answered to her, just to tell her “thank you”. She wished she had time to send her more messages, but she was dead when she came back home.
There was some asking her if she had time to meet, but she never had. She really wanted to see her friend… but work was priority. Even though… she really wanted to see her... Not that the others members weren’t nice with her or anything, it was just that… Acchan was special. She knew she realized it a bit later, but she really had the impression that Acchan was taking more importance in her life than ever before. Sure, it was weird since they spent time together less than ever, but Takamina couldn’t help thinking it was exactly the reason why Acchan took more importance in her life. It was because the time they spent apart made her missing her friend so much that, just at the thought of their next meeting, a smile appeared on her face. Or… was it because she had just realized how much she missed her? Was it because she had thought about it a lot recently? Whatever the answer was, it was the main reason why she had asked Akimoto-san to meet today. She knew it was egoist from her, but she wanted to ask if they could all have a night off. Just so she could see Acchan one short hour… and so the others members would relax a bit too. She knew it was risked to ask it to him, but she had no choice. If she didn’t go to a practice, she would get killed, not only by him, but by the others members too.
She knew she wasn’t herself when it came to Acchan. She knew she had changed since her graduation. She had realized it during the last four months. Not only because her friends kept repeating it to her, but because she knew it in her heart, even if she denied it. She knew this change was probably not good for her work, but she had to learn to deal with it. When she didn’t receive a mail from her at the end of the day, she was sad. She was always hoping she would have one the next day… She didn’t know where that “dependence” to Acchan came from, but she knew she couldn’t help it.
“Akimoto-san is ready to see you.” Somebody told her.
She bowed and entered in the office.
An hour later, she was leaving this same office, speechless from what Akimoto-san had told her. Not only was it impossible to have a break… but he had told him something harsh… but true. She was sobbing a little as she left the building, wondering if she had changed more than she thought… Because if even Akimoto-san told her something like that… then it had to be true.
***
“Your first concert is tonight, isn’t it?
Do your best! It’s sad we weren’t able to meet, but I hope everything will be fine!
I miss spending time with you!
Have fun!”
Acchan stared at the mail she had just sent to Takamina. Finally, she had not been able to act friendlier with her friend since… well they had not meet for the last months. Even though Tomochin had told her she would spy Takamina, she was busy as well, so they had not time to talk together either. Since she couldn’t act friendlier… the only thing she could do was cheering for her by sending her mails. She had tried to send as many as possible. She really hoped it would help Takamina to be happy with all her work. On her side… she was still working, but nothing big. She was still waiting for her manager, even if she knew she couldn’t continue this way too long. But Hiroko was fine. There was only one machined connected to her now. It was the one used as prevention of a heart attack, but it seemed that she would soon be able to leave the hospital.
Thank you!
She stared with astonishment at the small answer Takamina had just sent her. She couldn’t believe she got an answer… It had been a month since the last one… But she was so happy to get this “thank you” that she began to cry, no matter how hard she was trying to hold her tears. There was no word to describe how much she missed her… Or in fact, there was one, but she couldn’t say it without crying more.
***
Haruna and Yuko were together, laughing. Tomochin and Tomomi were whispering things to each other, like if they were alone in the piece. Jurina and Rena were taking funnies pictures for their blogs. Some random pairing was together… Miichan was walking around, flirting with almost everybody… And it’s how the three captains found most of the members of AKB48 as they walked in the piece.
“Guys, are you ready to go on stage?” Takamina asked.
“Yes!” Everyone answered at their “captain”.
“Well, you should all stop waiting here for something to happen! Go get you micros. The show will begin soon.” Yukirin said.
“And before, there will be teams meeting. Everybody needs to go with their team and captain for a last talk.” Sayaka added.
They all did what they needed to do. Their captains talked to them, telling them the latest precisions about the show and how it was supposed to go. Two hours later, they could hear the fans coming inside from backstage. They could already hear them screaming their names, even though the show had not begun yet. They were all excited and couldn’t wait to perform. Their nervousness was soon replaced by joy and excitation as the beginning was coming. And finally… it was the time to go on stage. Finally, their dream would come true. After so many years… the members of the first generation couldn’t believe it. But as the staff told them to go on stage, they knew it wasn’t a dream anymore.
They were running on the stage, waving their hands to their fans, smiling and laughing at the same time. They could barely hear a distinct sound from all the screams there were. They could hardly see something distinct with the spotlights shinning everywhere. They couldn’t say anything yet since the micros were not “on” yet and their voices did not reach their fans. But they could feel the wave of love fans were giving them. There were so many people it was almost impossible. And the stage was so huge they could hardly be everywhere, even though SKE and some girls from NMB and SDN were there too.
It didn’t take long time before they all started singing “Aitakatta”, dancing with all their might. The music was so loud it hurt their ears, but it didn’t matter. What was important was to make this show perfect. So perfect that they could beat their first rival, the boys band ARASHI. Some chosen members were talking to make the crowd react as the others were still singing. There were some times when they could easily feel the stage vibrating from the crazy ambiance of the place. Lasers lights were moving everywhere while they all began to run on the places that were placed in the middle of the crowd. Haruna and Yuko were always moving at the same place together, to the happiness of their fans, liking to see them as a “couple”. They didn’t know it was real, but they believed it and it was enough already to make them crazy. The most popular members were running in the middle of Tokyo Dome while the others were in periphery. In fact, they didn’t really have a strict choreography for the beginning of the show since all they needed was to “meet” their fans by moving everywhere. And hell, it was fun.
As they stopped running and were coming back to the front of the stage, Takahashi Minami began to talk as the MC representing the whole group, as always. But there was still the others captains too. Though all the members were here, Akimoto-san had decided to let only the captains speak at the beginning. Not long after Acchan’s graduation, he had decided to give more credits to the three captains, judging it was more important.
“Welcome everybody!” Takamina screamed as the crowd answered by loud screams.
“Thank you for coming tonight!” Sayaka added.
They all bowed to the crowd, knowing they still had to be polite with their fans. .
“I hope you are ready to have fun!” Yukirin smiled. “This is the first concert here at Tokyo Dome, so we’ll be giving our 200%!”
“This is really awesome, isn’t it?” Takamina asked as she began to talk about AKB’s history, as they used to do each time there was an important event.
As she finished talking about how far the group was now, Sayaka began to introduce the news members of the year in the group, some girls from the 11th generation, Kojima Natsuki, Ushibuko Sara, Suzuki Shihori, Natori Wakana and some others. She also welcomed some news “students” from the 13th generation of AKB48. As all the presentations were done, she announced a new single from the group three months from now and told the fans the show was going to be recorded to make a nice DVD.
“We can’t tell you anything more!” Yukirin laughed as the fans were insisting to know more about the single.
“Everybody, from now on, our dream comes true.” Takamina said, talking about the show they were presenting now. “Never let us down! Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!”
They all bowed for the second time. Just after, they stopped talking, letting Jurina and Rena presenting SKE48.
“All right!” Takamina said as they were done talking. “I guess you don’t want to hear us talking anymore, right?!”
The fans screamed excitedly as the girls began to sing one of their most popular single of all times, Beginner. They soon went on with their 22th single, Dark Moon. It was the song that had broke Beginner’s record the first. Then, it was SKE’S turn to present one of their singles. After some others songs, the group separated and some members came back backstage while unit songs were sung by others. Just after another MC part from Oshima Yuko, Miyazawa Sae, Watanabe Mayu, Nito Moeno, Matsui Sakiko and Matsubara Natsumi, it was time for “Love Jump”, from the Chance no Juban album. Then, both ALIVE and Kurumi to dialogue were performed, giving the three teams the opportunity to be compared to each other.
Time passed quickly and the first hour was already done when Takamina went on stage to perform the popular song BIRD. It was not the first time she performed it, of course, but it was the first time she was so nervous. Even though they were three on stage, she couldn’t help but fear this huge stage that looked kinda empty from her point of view, even with all the fans in front of them. It was… huge. She felt alone, standing in front of the micro. She walked, surrounded by the loud screams of the fans. As she began to sing, she couldn’t help but think of what she had achieved until now. From unknown… she had become someone whose popularity couldn’t be denied anymore. She had become the leader of one of the most important group in Japan. She had brought, with others members, AKB48 to the top. Singing helped her to free herself from her feelings. Singing brought her hope… Singing brought her to another world. But today… even though she was realizing her dream… she couldn’t be truly happy. She was thinking of all the graduated members, wishing they could all be there with them since it was thank to them too the group was so far now.
She couldn’t help but compare some part of the lyrics from the song to her real life… Somehow… she could easily establish a link between them and herself. She smiled to the crowd, half-fixing a point in the middle of everything, thinking of something at the same time she was singing. Even… with everything… she still wished things were different. She still wished they could be the entire original group on stage, celebrating this victory together.
“I am singing in front of thousand fans… Hearing the loud screams from the crowd brings me to life… They make me realize everything is real… That AKB48 is really there, that I’m not dreaming anymore. The fans have so much energy, it’s almost hard to give them that much in return, but I have to do my best… But… why can’t I feel as happy as when I performed at Shibuya AX or somewhere else?”
The group had stopped performed at Shibuya AX after the Request Hour of 2011.
“Music is my life. Singing is my passion. I was waiting for this moment since so long time! I am proud of myself and the group… I am thankful for the attention the group has… I want to thank each fan by myself to tell them how much I love them… Now I’m at Tokyo Dome… Isn’t it the perfect opportunity to tell them what I’ve always wanted to say? Seriously, how many people are wishing to be me today? How many people would give all they have to come here? How many people didn’t have the chance to get a ticket? Why am I thinking of weird things when I am supposed to make them happy?”
The crowd cheered for her as there was music solo.
“But… when the light will go off… when the music will stop playing… when silence will take over this stage… when the fans will be gone… what will I become? Without the fans, without this fire in my heart telling me what my passion is, what will be left? Am I not supposed to be happy right now? To enjoy myself? To capture each second of this magic moment? There’s everything now, fans, music, micro in front of me, friends encouraging me, the entire group waiting their turn to go on stage… the atmosphere is crazy. So many people… so many stars in their eyes… so many love from them… I should be the first one having fun tonight. I should be the first one crying from joy right now… But it’s like my heart is half empty… I feel strange… there’s something missing. There’s something missing to everything. There’s something missing… so I could be truly happy right now.”
She finished her song, breathing heavily as applauses made her shivering.
“When everything I tried to reach for will be gone, what will I become? Will I still be able to smile? Because right now, I can’t smile anymore. I can’t thank the crowd properly anymore… I can’t tell them I have fun with them anymore… I stared everywhere. I feel surrounded by a tsunami of people. I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t leave the stage right now. But I am leaving the stage… I am slowly walking backstage since my song’s done. I am happy. I am backstage. I feel relieved to be somewhere where the fans cannot see me. I don’t know what I have… I can’t stop shaking. I can’t stop thinking it’s not normal to be sad in such an amazing situation… I’m shaking…”
“You will go back in ten minutes!” A staff member told her as he passed by, but she wasn’t listening to him.
“I’m living a dream… I’m living our dream… Not only mine… it was hers too. It was her dream to be on stage with me here, at Tokyo Dome. She always told me she couldn’t wait to be there with me… She always told me she will be here for sure when it will happen… And now, I know the answer why I can’t be truly happy. I’ve always thought I would be able to laugh with her on stage when it will come… But here it is… and she’s not here. She’s not by my side, talking to me about how happy she is that our dream finally comes true. She’s not here to enjoy the show like she was supposed to… I’m glancing everywhere again, trying to find rescue I could rely on… I can’t hold my tears now… since I know I will not be able to be happy until it’s done, even though the situation is perfect. I know it because… there’s something missing here to make me happy. There’s someone missing here… to make me having fun like I was supposed to… No matter how loud the crowd screams… No matter how much energy I have in my body… I can’t put my entire soul inside what I am doing right now… because she’s missing… because I can’t truly enjoy it without her by my side… She’s missing…”
“Thank you everyone for coming tonight!”
“I can hear Sayaka’s voice… I’m back on stage without even knowing it. I’m smiling, even if it’s fake. I’m laughing, even if it sounded false. I’m thanking all the fans, even I want them to stay so I would never be alone…”
Miichan turned her head and stared at the crying captain. Thank to her close friendship with the small girl, she could tell she was not crying like usual. Even the way she cried was different now… and she couldn’t help but think it was about time Takamina realized it…
“My eyes are trying to find her between all those people… My ears are trying to hear her voice between all those voices… My mouth is trying to whisper her name while I’m talking about the group… My mind is despairingly thinking about her as we began to sing our final song. And while others think I’m crying because of happiness… I am the only one aware that my tears are falling down my cheeks only because she’s gone. ”
TBC
End note: You guys have no idea how long it is to put some part in "italic" XD
End note 2: ... What will happen to Takamina??? Will everyone die in chapter 14? :shocked
...... Don't laugh, you know I would be able to change everything if somebody asked me to :twisted:
End note 3: I want comments :grin:
End note 4: Watch out for Akimoto-san ....
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woahhh that last part was intenseee!! when she finally realized something! :O
man i hope Akimoto isn't going to do anything extremely harsh to her! :(
I like all the takaachan moments going on in this chapter, especially the awesome hug!
I wonder what is Takamina gonna do after feeling all these emotions happening? :huhuh
gosh everything was a big rush! WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN!?!?! (AND YOU BETTER NOT MAKE EVERYONE DEAD OR YOU'RE NEXT! :) )
Update soon with that chapter 14 you're writing!!
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I think I just drop down 1 thing: I read the whole thing(of course, how couldn't I??) and please, PLEASE... let's they be together long enough before you decide to let someone die or something bad happen or anything that suppose to be happen in this tragedy :bow: :bow: :bow: Otherwise, I will.... :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
(In fact, I will be more than happy if this is a happy ending story, which I highly doubt.. :smhid :smhid)
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(AND YOU BETTER NOT MAKE EVERYONE DEAD OR YOU'RE NEXT! :) )
WHY IS THERE A HAPPY SMILEY?! :smhid It looked like you want me to die XD just kidding :P
(In fact, I will be more than happy if this is a happy ending story, which I highly doubt.. :smhid :smhid)
I'm not so cruel................ yet
Hello, thank for reading my story, commenting and clicking on the "thank you" button! :bow:
I just have enough time to post my chapter here and then I'll be working all the week! Ohhh how I like life :smhid
The beginning looks like I'm repeating things, but please, read everything until the end!
Sorry for the mistakes!
Chapter 14
“Kampai!”
Takamina cheered with some members of her team. The entire group was having a celebration for their first concert at Tokyo Dome the day after their performance. There was a week left before the second and they couldn’t wait, even though their muscles were asking some rest from yesterday’s performance. They were all drinking, eating, talking and laughing with everyone, aware that it was probably the last “fun” time before coming back to practice. Joy could be seen in their eyes as they were happily sharing their thoughts about the first show.
“Hey, Takamina!” Sasshi exclaimed as she patted her shoulder. “You were so cute crying from happiness yesterday! The whole show went really well, right? We did a great job, thank to you, captain!”
Sasshi wasn’t totally wrong when she mentioned that it was because of Takamina the show went well. Of course, the short girl wasn’t the only one responsible for all this, but she was definitely one of those who worked the most and encouraged the most each member. Takamina had no choice, it was the opportunity of a lifetime after all. She would never waste this chance, even if the world was going to crash. It was a chance for AKB48 to go farther than ever, and it was also a great thing for herself since she had learned news things about ways to control her voice. It was too important this time to be ignored.
That was what she thought.
But when tears had begun to fall down her cheeks while she was in the middle of her BIRD performance, her determination had disappeared in a second. She had not told anyone about the truth, letting them believing she was just overwhelm by feelings. It was better this way. She still had difficulty to accept the fact that she had let her heart being disturbed by something so… so stupid! She was working! She was at Tokyo Dome! She was performing in front of thousand people! How could she have let her feelings control herself in such an important moment? She had had no right to think about something personal during this show. She couldn’t accept it herself, so how could she ever tell truth about it to someone else?! She was mad at herself. She found herself weak. Weak because she had not been able to perform like she was supposed to. Because “she” was taking too much place in her thoughts when “she” wasn’t supposed to. Wasn’t working to reach her dream her biggest goal in her life? Wasn’t working the most important thing in her life?
“Good job yesterday, Takamina!” Some girls said to her as they were passing by.
The captain of Team A just smiled and congratulated them too. But she knew her smile was fake, as fake as her happiness right now. She was playing the role of a happy captain who just managed to lead her team to the top of the mountain. But in fact, she was guilty about what she had done yesterday. She was not proud of herself. She didn’t like the way she had worked. She was angry because of that incapability of focusing only at her work. Seriously, what the hell was wrong with her? She had never been so less concentrate during a concert before! How could she have become so… troubled only in five months?! But what bothered her the most wasn’t the fact that she had been unable to work properly yesterday… it was the fact that she was still incapable to find what she had. She couldn’t put her feelings into words and it frustrated her. She couldn’t describe what she was living and it pissed her off. The only thing she knew was that it was all because of “her” and it frustrated her even more.
“Takamina, do you want something to eat?” Haruna asked her with a meal of katsudon in her hand. “We asked the staff to buy you this since it’s your favourite!”
“No, thank. I’m not hungry.” She answered, still having this fake smile stuck in her face.
Haruna looked surprise to see Takamina saying “no” to her favourite meal, but didn’t ask about it and just left to join Yuko who was a bit too friendly with Sae and Sayaka.
Even though she really wasn’t hungry, Takamina couldn’t believe herself she had refused katsudon! Was she that different? She sighed, shaking her head, tired of everything. She didn’t like her own comportment… She didn’t like how she was acting during those five months… She wanted to feel the fire in her veins when she was dancing. She wanted to bring back this energy in her voice when she was singing… She wanted the loud screams of the fans to bring her back to life when she was on stage… She didn’t want to be so depressed. She didn’t want to cry anymore, especially for this reason. She didn’t want to have this kind of “revelation”, especially when she had no idea where they came from. All she wanted was to be able to work as usual, like before… like two years ago… when “she” was still there.
She looked around her. They were all enjoying themselves, why couldn’t she just do the same? She suddenly moved her head quickly to her right, hearing someone calling her name, but there was no one. She panted. She was imagining things now… She glanced down, staring at her feet. Only one show… There was only one show at Tokyo Dome. The last one, the second perfect performance of AKB48. She couldn’t stop now. She couldn’t pretend she was sick or anything, it wasn’t the way she was. She was strong and had her pride, even if she was still modest. Right after the last concert, she would be able to look more for these strange feelings she felt since almost five months now. She would be able to find out about it… finally. She would set her free from this. She would be able to work again, like before… that was what she believed. Five months… “She” had started to send her mails… five months ago.
“Call her.” Miichan said as Takamina flinched at her sudden appearance.
“You scared me!” Takamina protested. “What do you want?”
Takamina herself had not been aware that she wasn’t smiling anymore since almost ten minutes, staying by herself, far from others.
“Call her.” Miichan repeated. “Your face’s screaming you want to see her.”
The captain avoided her glance as she answered:
“You’re wrong. I’m just worried about the next concert.”
It wasn’t a lie… but it wasn’t the truth either. So… it wasn’t that bad to tell her that, right? Anyway, why would Miichan care about it?! Again, Takamina surprised herself by asking this. Miichan was her friend. It was obvious she would care. She was the one stupid to not trust her friends enough.
“Does that mean you stopped thinking about the first one already?” Miichan asked.
Takamina didn’t answer. Whatever Miichan wanted to hear from her, she wouldn’t give her that satisfaction. And how could she ever tell her the truth… she didn’t know it herself.
“I may not know you as much as she does, but I know you enough to tell you weren’t only crying because of happiness at the end of the show.”
The captain flinched at the “she”. Miichan… knew her a lot, it was true, but she didn’t expect it to be that much. Well… maybe “she” was right when “she” had said Takamina couldn’t lie during that Shoujiki Shouji episode. But seriously… she couldn’t have cried only because of HER, right? Because… even if she was important to her… even if she was missing… even if she was not with her anymore…
“You look like you’re going to die.” Miichan said, trying to be encouraging. “Come on, everybody’s having fun except you, so do what you want to feel better. Call her.”
Takamina was about to deny it again, but just nodded slightly. Maybe her main problem was that, denying everything. Maybe she should just accept that the show went bad because… of that hole in her heart. This empty feeling… which had never stopped growing since her graduation. Perhaps… Miichan was right when she said she was lying to herself.
“Hey,” Takamina whispered as she was about to go outside, “how do you know so much about it?”
Miichan smirked and said softly:
“Because it’s written all over your face. You know… I don’t care how many times you need to discover everything… as long as you know where your limits are.”
Takamina smiled slowly and she just turned around while Miichan added:
“And wasn’t yesterday the day of your first meeting with her, years ago?”
Takamina opened her phone, looking at the date. Miichan was right. Yesterday was their first meeting birthday. She had completely forgotten about it. Too much work she guessed… She looked for her mails. There was a new one from her. She had had no time to read it since she had received it after the concert, while she was sleeping from this hard job. She opened the door and went outside, leaving the joyful atmosphere behind her to join the darkness of the night.
***
“Today is special day isn’t it?
I hope your concert went well!”
“Yesterday was a very special day, you’re right.” Takamina thought as she saved the mail.
Takamina was standing at the top of the building, staring at the lights of Tokyo. It was not too cold, just enough to be able to stay outside. She felt wind passing through her hair, refreshing her. She looked at all the lights, wondering which one was from her friend’s house. She could hear many sounds, from ambulances to music… but only one remained… it was her voice… Acchan’s voice… even though she was alone right now, she heard it. She couldn’t believe she had forgotten about it… but it was true she had been busied. Yesterday night, she was with AKB48, not with her friend. No… it was wrong. Her body had been with AKB48, but her soul, her mind and her heart hadn’t. She shook her head, refusing to think about it.
Maybe she should call her now that it was done? She was alone here, nobody could listen to her. And Acchan was probably not working now… Maybe they could talk about their “meeting birthday”. Maybe talking to her would really help her to feel better, like Miichan had told her… She frowned. What was so special about talking to Acchan? She was her best friend… but why was she happier when she talked to her, and not with someone else? Why couldn’t she feel the same thing when she was with Miichan or Haruna? Why was it… so great to talk with her… Why was she so excited when she received a new mail from her…? She was just… a friend like another, right? She sighed. There was no need to ask herself so many questions. It would only make her feel bad. It would not help her to find an answer… it would be useless… right?
Takamina smiled. Finally, after five long months, she would talk to her. Why was she so happy about it? Sure, it had been a long time… but… but nothing. Those tears, she didn’t want them anymore. She didn’t want to cry from sadness at the next concert. There was no way she would. She would go on stage happy and confident next time.
She waited for Acchan to answer. There was no one. Her friend didn’t answer her call. It was just… an empty silence from the other side of the line. Takamina felt suddenly anxious and called the hospital. She had a bad feeling growing in her mind. It was late, but the doctor was kind enough to let her talk.
“Room 257, please.” She asked politely, even though her blood was running through her body.
She waited while they were transferring her call.
“Hello?”
Takamina hang up. Hiroko had answered. She had not left the hospital yet. She started to breathe again. Acchan was fine. Her manager was not threatening her again… everything was fine. She flinched as she realized what she had just done. She felt stupid. Couldn’t she trust Acchan more than that? It wasn’t because she didn’t answer her call that she was dead or something like this! And she couldn’t expect Acchan to answer each time she called since she herself didn’t do it. She couldn’t believe how worried she had been only for something so… small. She wasn’t Acchan’s bodyguard, right? She didn’t need to be so worried? Why the hell had she reacted this way so fast? Why couldn’t she just say “I’ll call her later”, like normal people would do! Why did she have to care so much?! And seriously, wasn’t she asking herself the same freaking questions since five months?! Why couldn’t she just find the answer and let it go?
She furiously grabbed her phone and threw it in her bad. Acchan was fine. She was the one crazy to think too much about it.
“Just wait after the second show… and then I’ll concentrate to find the answer to these questions.”
Yes, she would do that. There was no need to hurry. There was nothing to care about. All these dreams and all this sadness meant nothing. What Hiroko had told her about Acchan meant nothing too. It was just… lies.
“Acchan loves you.”
Takamina flinched. She couldn’t stop doubting about it. Was it true? She had not though too much about it, but now… with what had happened during the show… Love… what did “love” meant anyway? There were so many definitions… Which was Acchan’s definition of love? Which was her definition of love?
“What happened to me to change so much in such a short laps of time?” She repeated loudly to someone invisible.
Only silence answered her question.
Don’t be shy anymore… not with you… not with the others…
Did that mean… that shyness was what stopped her from discovering the truth? She… She wasn’t that shy, wasn’t she? She smiled slightly. She had to admit she was probably the shyest of the whole group. But to go to the point of lying to herself… wasn’t it too extreme? She was shy but… she was honest, wasn’t she?
And that was when she finally realized her problem. Miichan was right from the beginning. Miichan had told her everything to help her to find the truth, but she had just thrown everything away. She wasn’t honest with herself. She was lying all the time. She never took time to really answer to all these question that poisoned her life. She never answered these questions for real… All she did was answering “no” all the time, denying her feelings, refusing to see all the possibilities. In fact… had she ever taken time to really think about everything that was going on her mind recently? It was normal she had cried yesterday because she was surrounded by mysterious and uncontrollable feelings! She would never feel better unless she stopped avoiding her feelings.
She yawned. She was falling asleep there, alone. She needed to go back where there was sounds and food to stay awake… Maybe she should try this katsudon after all? But as she was about to leave to join the others, her phone rang, disturbing the silence of the night.
“Hello?” she asked, not looking whose number it was.
“You called me?” A weak voice answered.
Takamina flinched, recognizing Acchan’s voice.
“Acchan?” she asked, surprised.
“Is everything fine?”
“Um? Yes… why do you ask? You sound strange, are you alright?”
Acchan coughed a little before she answered:
“Sorry, I’m sick… But since it’s so rare you call me… I was thinking something might have happened to you so I was worried.”
Not only did she sound sick, but it seemed that she was sleepy too. Takamina couldn’t believe Acchan was worried about her when she was the one sick! She should be the one worried about Acchan, not the opposite! Did her friend… care more about her than herself?
“You shouldn’t worry about me when you’re the one sick.” Takamina said softly.
“But… once… you fainted on stage… I just wanted be sure it wasn’t something like that.”
“I just wanted to talk… I’m fine.” Takamina answered, glad of the attention Acchan had toward her.
“I’m relieved then…I wanted to be sure you had nothing.”
Takamina smiled. Acchan could be so cute sometimes…
“Hey, you’re home now?” She asked as Acchan confirmed. “I’m coming.”
“What?” Acchan asked, surprised in her voice. “Aren’t you busy now? And it’s late… and…”
“Everything is fine. I just want to be sure you have nothing too bad too.” She said. “Wait for me.”
She hanged up and stared at the dark sky for a minute.
“Stop lying to yourself and go find the truth about your feelings so you will finally be able to work properly, understand?!”
She would leave to go to Acchan’s house. After all, she was really worried about her, and even if it was late, she wanted to see her. She wanted to make sure she was alright. Acchan was worried about her enough to call her even though she was sick, well she would visit her no matter what time it was. As she was saying goodbye to the others members, she approach Miichan and said:
“I’m leaving. I’ll visit Acchan, she’s sick.”
Her friend smiled and nodded.
“Finally, it’s about time. Make sure you find all you need to know. We don’t want to see you sad at the next concert too.”
“I won’t.” She promised as she left the place.
It wasn’t so far and she didn’t have enough money to take a taxi, so she decided to walk. Halfway… rain began to fall. She walked faster, but she realized it wasn’t enough and began to run. She walked to the door and opened it without knocking, knowing when she called Acchan before coming, the door was always opened to her. Her entire body was wet and water was even falling down on the floor. Damn… she would have to give a good explanation to Acchan… One of her friend’s dogs came in front of her and began to lick the water.
“Good boy!” Takamina laughed. “You just helped me finding an excuse for that!”
She knew it wasn’t polite, but she went to the bathroom before even seeing her friend. There was no way she was going to appear like this. She looked like a real fish. She did her best to dry herself, but seeing there was nothing more she could so, she just stopped and went in the living room, hoping Acchan would not get mad at her for splashing water everywhere. Fortunately, her friend’s parents weren’t there.
“Acchan?” she whispered as she entered the living room.
Her friend was lying on the sofa, listening, again, to the video the French fan had given her. She was still looking at the final scene, she couldn’t get enough of it. In fact, she was half sleeping as Takamina saw what her friend was listening to.
“Are you alright?” Takamina asked as she squatted down in front of her friend, putting her hand in her forehead.
Acchan opened her eyes and smiled at Takamina.
“You really came…” She said.
“Of course I came!” Takamina laughed. “What are you doing, listening to that? You should sleep in your bedroom and rest to feel better tomorrow.”
“I can’t help it… Seeing Takamina kissing me help me to feel better. You know, your lips were really soft...” Acchan whispered innocently.
“Ah, stop it, it’s embarrassing.” Takamina laughed, trying to hide the pink color on her cheeks.
Acchan laughed and coughed at the same time as she said:
“Hey… you look like you took a bath with your clothes.”
“Sorry about that… I was walking and… well…rain.”
“You can use the bath here if you want and take some clothes of mine. I don’t care. And you did all the way to come here, so do as you want.”
“Ah, no, I don’t want to bother you.” Takamina immediately said.
Acchan frowned. She couldn’t believe Takamina was still shy with her after all the time they had spent together.
“Come on, I can’t get out of here anyway, so I won’t spy you. And if you don’t, you may catch a cold.”
“I came here to see you and take care of you, not the opposite.” Takamina reminded her. “I can’t leave you here.”
“I’m fine, I can wait.”
Seeing how much Acchan insisted, Takamina couldn’t refuse. She went in Acchan’s room, took some clothes and locked herself in the bathroom. At least, she could trust Acchan to not spy on her since she was sick… What? Stupid! She felt stupid! She was here to find the truth, right? It wasn’t the time to be shy at all! Now she should just hurry and talk to Acchan before she felt asleep. Seriously… first, the kiss scene, then that?! How would she find the truth if she was so shy! Somehow, she began to understand the reasons why Miichan thought she was helpless. But she couldn’t help but feel good thinking that Acchan still cared about her even if she was just wet by rain. After a moment, she went in the bath, moaning at the meeting of the hot water and her skin. It felt so good! Now she could relax for real… She glanced at the closed door. Outside, Acchan was patiently waiting for her to finish, so she needed to hurry. But then again… she felt so good the way she was! She closed her eyes, enjoying the bath. One or two minutes of relaxation couldn’t be bad, right?
Thirty minutes later
“Takamina?” Acchan asked through the door of her bathroom.
There was no answer.
“Takamina?!” She shouted as she knocked loudly.
Still no answer.
Acchan shook her head. No way, what was going on? Why wasn’t Takamina answering?
“Hey!” She screamed as loud as possible.
At the other side of the closed door, Takamina slowly opened her eyes and yawned. Where was she? Oh, yeah, she was taking a bath at Acchan’s house… Wait a minute… A bath? Acchan’s house? DAMN!
“Takamina, answer me!” She heard Acchan screaming from the other side as the door was about to be smashed.
“Acchan? Everything is fine…” She slowly said, drying herself as she went out of the bath.
The loud sound stopped.
“What the hell were you doing?! I called you but you didn’t answer!” Acchan’s furious voice asked.
“I’m sorry!” Takamina answered. “I… I was exhausted and… I kinda fell asleep.”
“What?!”
“Don’t worry, I’m… I’m coming out!” Takamina said as she dressed as fast as possible, insulting herself at the same time. Sleeping in the bath, what was she thinking about?! She was here for Acchan, not to sleep for God sake!
She opened the door as soon as she was dressed, panting. Acchan was not there anymore. She had gone back to the living room to sit on the sofa, still nervous. Takamina sat by her side, apologizing.
“Acchan, I’m really sorry… I was tired… I didn’t think I could-”
“I thought something might have happened to you…” Acchan whispered, interrupting her.
Even though she was sick, she had managed to call Takamina from the living room when she had seen it was becoming long. Since she had not received an answer, she had hardly walked to the door. She had tried to call her too, but there was no answer either. When she had finally heard Takamina’s voice, she had almost fainted because of the emotion.
“I’m sorry.” Takamina said.
“I was worried about you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I thought you fainted or something in the water and that…” She didn’t finish her sentence.
“I’m sorry.”
“I have a headache because of you.”
“I’m sorry.”
Acchan stopped talking, catching her breathe. For a moment… the slight possibility of being alone in this world without Takamina crossed her mind. She had been afraid that something bad had happened… she had been afraid of loosing her… she had been afraid of finding an unconscious body in the bath. She sighed, putting her face in her hands. She had never been so scared in her life.
“Never do that again…” She whispered. “Never… scare me like that again.”
“I’m sorry.” Takamina repeated.
She honestly didn’t know what else to do. She understood how Acchan had felt. She had felt the same the day she had learned about the car accident. Being afraid of loosing someone important… there was no word to describe this feeling. Being afraid to be alone in this world was scaring. Loosing someone you cared a lot about… it was something no one could describe. Because when it happens… however you look at the situation, there’s always a word that remains: gone. There’s always this indescribable feeling in the heart of the person left alive. Because no matter how hard one tries to remember the best memories… there’s always two things left at the end… pain… and a horrible feeling of emptiness.
“Are you… alright?” Takamina shyly asked.
Acchan slightly nodded, taking deep breathes. Too much emotion for her tonight… She was still glad to have Takamina by her side though.
“You scared me to death though.” She said, smiling a bit. “Next time you’re going to take a bath here, I’ll go with you.”
Takamina blushed at the sudden change of subject, but just laughed awkwardly.
“I was tired…” she said with a soft voice. “I didn’t mean to scare you at all. I would never do this kind of joke…”
“I know.”
Takamina felt so stupid… so bad… so mad at herself… She was here to support Acchan, not to kill her! She wasn’t sure if she wanted to find the truth finally… Maybe she should just left Acchan rest alone tonight.
“Come on, let’s go to bed.” She said to her friend like she was talking to a little kid.
They went in Acchan’s bedroom and both of them lied on the bed, Acchan using Takamina as her pillow. She could hear Takamina’s heart beating regularly, reassuring her. Her friend was alive, with her, and there was no way she would let her go.
“Thank for coming tonight.” Acchan said, smiling.
“Don’t thank me. I scared you to death a few minutes ago.” Her friend laughed.
“Yeah, but I don’t care. When you’re with me this way, I feel invincible. Even if I’m sick… when you’re with me, it’s like the happiest part of my life.”
Takamina smiled, but didn’t answer. Her heart was beating faster as Acchan was whispering these sweet words to her. She felt good this way, having this king of proximity with her. Somehow, she wasn’t as shy as before with her. Somehow… she knew she didn’t have to be shy in this kind of situation. “To look into her heart”, what exactly did it mean? Being like this with Acchan, did it bother her? Did she felt awkward this way? Was she dying of shyness? Was she dying of fear? No… it was fine. She wanted to stay like this… she wanted this moment… to remain forever. She closed her eyes, still not believing what she was doing now. If the others were there, she would probably just move apart from Acchan… but the others weren’t there. They weren’t there to laugh at them or pretend things…
“Takamina… don’t leave me alone again…” she heard Acchan saying softly.
She nodded, knowing when her friend was sick, she was becoming more emotional than usual. The way she talked to her, it didn’t sound like a joke or anything. It sounded… like a hopeless call for help. It sounded like a call to fight against loneliness. She reached for her hand and didn’t release it as she said:
“I will never leave you.”
In a way, they had both decided that Takamina would stay there for the night. Acchan felt relieved to have her by her side, even though she still couldn’t tell her she loved her. They were fine this way, there was no need to bring this subject. It was exactly what she wanted… to feel Takamina’s body against her as they were half sleeping, half talking. If she were strong enough, she would have taken a picture, but she wasn’t.
“You say that… but when you will go back to work, everything will be the same.”
Acchan was right and Takamina knew it even if it broke her heart. Why couldn’t she stop thinking of Acchan all the time? Why was it becoming so painful to be by her side, knowing they would have to leave each other sooner or later? Why couldn’t they just stay together forever? The small captain sighed, still holding Acchan’s hand. Somehow, she knew the reason… but it was hard to admit it… to find the truth behind her feelings. She stared at Acchan’s face for a moment. She surprised herself, thinking how cute her friend was. She was here to find the truth, right? Well, somehow, she knew she had realized something tonight. She didn’t want to leave Acchan. She didn’t want to see her sick or sad again. She wanted her friend… to smile at her with stars in her eyes like she used to do.
“I promise I’ll do my best to see you more often.”
Acchan sighed. Now, Takamina said that, but as soon as she would go back… she would forget her. Like usual. She would not care about leaving her alone for another five months… Acchan knew her friend enough to tell that work was very important to her. She squeezed Takamina’s hand, hoping time would stop. But time went on as they stayed in silence, appreciating this moment. Knowing that someone cared for her made Acchan feel way better. She glanced at Takamina. Her eyes were closed. She was cutely sleeping. Acchan couldn’t help but smile at how tired the captain was. She was also thankful for her to be there with her. Takamina had visited her, even though she was busied like never before. She had taken time to talk to her and to make sure everything was fine, even though all she wanted from the beginning was to sleep. Acchan didn’t know how to thank her now. She was so cute sleeping this way…
“Takamina…?” she whispered, removing her head from her friend’s shoulder.
But she was deeply sleeping. Was she dreaming? Was she happy? Was she sad? Acchan didn’t know anything from Takamina’s life right now. She only knew it was Tokyo Dome time for AKB48. She was glad their dream had come true. They deserve it, Takamina more than anybody…
“You’re sleeping…?” Acchan whispered.
There was still no answer. When Takamina slept, it was almost impossible to wake her. About this point… it was the same with Acchan. The actress stared at her friend sleeping peacefully. She was so cute… and yet… Acchan was scared. Not only because of her feelings toward her friend… but because Takamina was sleeping in her bed right now, with her by her side. And she was sick! She would never forgive her if Takamina became sick before the second concert at Tokyo Dome… Sadly, she moved back, breaking their hand contact. Takamina’s hand closed. Acchan sighed. She had no right to break Takamina’s dream. She couldn’t be selfish and take the risk of making her sick… She smiled as she slightly began to cry silently. She was… not needed. She was only an obstacle for Takamina’s dream. She would… never sleep again with her, nor be so close with her…She stood, ready to leave the bed to go to sleep in another room. But at least… even with this sadness… she could still be happy. She could still enjoy Takamina’s presence. She… could still dream.
“Where you’re going?” she heard Takamina mumbled as she opened the door.
She turned around. Takamina had still her eyes closed, but she knew she was awake. Acchan’s movement had woken her. She didn’t answer, hoping Takamina would think she was going to the bathroom or something. It wasn’t her style to play the shy girl, it was Takamina’s… but tonight, she wanted to exchange roles. Takamina needed to sleep and she was sick. There was no way she could stay there with her.
“I decided to come here to take care of you… remember?” Takamina asked, still closing her eyes. “I won’t be sick, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”
Acchan sobbed. She was rarely crying… why did she have to cry tonight?! Takamina and she… were so connected… Somehow… they knew what the other thought. They were close in a way nobody else was.
“But…” she murmured.
Takamina didn’t answer. She didn’t move, except… for her hand. She opened it, waiting for something to happen. It didn’t take a long time before Acchan’s hand reached for hers and went back lying by her side. Words were not needed.
Acchan didn’t know how important it was for Takamina to do something like this. To accept to sleep by her side this way, so close… it was a huge step. A huge step, not only with her feelings, but also for who she really was. She was now aware that… she didn’t want their closeness to be destroyed by her job. She didn’t want this special relationship they had to disappear because of their job. She didn’t want… to loose her. She didn’t want to suffer anymore when she would be far from her… she hated this painful feeling piercing through her heart each time she thought about Acchan… She knew what she had lost at Acchan’s graduation now… not just a part of who she was… she had entirely lost herself.
***
Takamina slowly opened her eyes. She had never slept so well since… a whole year. She yawned, taking her time to wake up. The room was full of sun rays, which was pretty unusual since she had to wake up at 5 o’clock… She suddenly stood, get out of the bed and looked around her, panicked. Where was she? Why was Acchan lying on the bed, sleeping too? Why was the sun so high in the sky?! Oh crap. She had slept with Acchan… she had stayed too late… She was late!
She immediately went in the bathroom, trying to make her hair look more… normal. She changed her clothes in a second and was ready to leave, not taking time to eat anything. The others were going to KILL her. No... worst, they were going to kill her, destroy her body and burn it to ashes. She couldn’t believe she had been so lazy! It was almost midday, she had no time to slow down. Practice had begun since already four hour and she was still in Acchan’s house?! Was it a bad joke?! She looked at her cell phone. She had three mails from Miichan, Haruna and Sayaka. She was… really… going… to get killed.
She took a few second to look at Acchan though, putting her hand on her forehead to see if she still had fever. She couldn’t help but think her friend was really pretty sleeping this way. The way she was lying in the bed… the way her mouth was slightly opened… the way her hair were falling, hiding her face… the way a smile sometimes appeared in her sleeping face… right now, everything was… perfect with Acchan. She could just stare forever at her… but… she could not. She was relieved to see she seemed to get better, but she had no time to wait more. She had to get out of here, and fast.
As she was leaving the room, carrying her bag, she quickly wrote a note to Acchan, explaining herself, but it was not needed. Acchan was awake. But Takamina was busy writing the note, her back facing the bed, so she didn’t see her friend walking toward her. Still half sleeping, Acchan put her arms around Takamina’s waist, surprising her from behind. The small captain flinched at their closeness, but didn’t say anything. After all… Acchan was kind of sleeping so… it couldn’t be intentional.
“Where are you going?” Acchan’s sleepy voice asked in Takamina’s ear.
Takamina smiled awkwardly. Acchan was way too close to her… it was becoming scary. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Acchan… but right now… this kind of proximity…
Stop lying to yourself for once… You’re not against this feeling…
The captain sighed. She was still avoiding the truth. She would never find anything about herself if she kept on going this way. She had come here to find answers… but finally time was missing. She couldn’t stay anymore. She couldn’t talk to Acchan anymore. She had to go to work. She had to hurry because… even though it looked stupid, the reason was pretty simple: it was her job. She couldn’t leave and do like nothing happened.
“I’m going to practice for the second concert.” She said, trying to move apart.
But Acchan didn’t have the intention of letting her go. She put her head on Takamina’s shoulder and yawned.
“I need my pillow.”
“You have one in your bed. Go back to sleep. I need to go.” Takamina answered, even though she really wanted to stay and sleep again.
“I can’t sleep without Takamina’s body near mine.” Acchan protested.
Takamina quickly tried to hide the red color appearing on her cheeks as she whispering:
“Of course you can. Look how you’re tired now.”
The way she was saying it was… like she was asking Acchan to answer she could sleep without her. Like… she wanted Acchan to say “goodbye” to her. She was secretly praying for Acchan to let her go because… finally she didn’t want to find the truth. She was scared. She… wanted to know but at the same time… what would she do if it was really what she was thinking? Would she… leave Acchan? Would she… learn to love Acchan? She shook her head. She couldn’t support so much pressure from both her job and Acchan… It was too much for her. She just wanted to leave this place. She had been wrong to come here. She had been wrong to want to know the truth. She was fine the way she was… But the way Acchan was acting with her right now was… so adorable!
“Let me go.” She said. “I have work. I can’t stay here…”
“You won’t come back if I let you go…” Acchan sadly murmured.
“Why are you saying that? It’s not true!”
“You have work. You won’t come back. You’d rather work than come here.”
Acchan was still close to Takamina who wondered if what her friend was telling was really true. She… was acting that way? Like she would never come back to see her? Wait, was Acchan asking her to…
“I can’t believe you want me to choose between the group and you.” She answered, a bit harsh.
She felt Acchan’s breath stop for a second as she regretted what she just said. No… it wasn’t the way she wanted to talk to Acchan… but she really needed to leave. She… did choose her work over her friend after Acchan’s graduation. But it was for her dream… Didn’t they make the promise to do all they can to reach their dream? Didn’t they say they would encourage the other no matter what? Now Acchan was really acting like… her departure would kill her. But it wasn’t, right? She couldn’t be so important to her, right? She was her best friend right… but… she would come back for sure. Even if it took months, even if they couldn’t talk together for a moment, nothing would change between them, right?
“Acchan, I’m sorry…”
But her friend just moved apart and went back in her bed.
“No, I am the one sorry. I know the group is important for you.”
Takamina just wanted to go back and hugged her friend like… she hated to say it, but like a lover would do to reassure one.
“I promised you I won’t leave you.”
Acchan didn’t look at her. Takamina sighed and went near her. She didn’t want to leave on a sad note... She knew herself, she would not ever be able to work if she was in a fight with her best friend.
“Hey…” she said as she faced her. “I never broke a promise before.”
“I know…” Acchan said. “Really… thank for coming yesterday. I was really happy.”
Takamina smiled and nodded. She was glad too. It had been the nicest night since a long time.
“Good luck for the second concert. I hope it will go as well as the first one…”
The captain was about to nod and confirm, but she suddenly remembered something important… The first concert... hadn’t been really well. It had been perfect… until her song. Until salt water had fallen down from her eyes. Everything had been fine… until she had remembered she was alone on stage, living a dream without her best friend by her side like they were supposed to. She smiled, but said honestly to Acchan:
“I hope it will go better than the first one. I messed up at the end of it. I… became too emotional.”
“Well, it’s not surprising…”
Acchan, knowing how important that concert was for Takamina, felt a bit sad for her. She really wanted to do something to bring her real smile back, not the half sad she was seeing right now in the face of her friend, but she knew there was nothing she could really do. Instead, she softly kissed Takamina’s forehead. She did that only when she knew it was needed. Only when she was sure Takamina would not get mad. It was… a way she had found to help her friend. Somehow, Takamina always appreciated it. The first time she had done that, she had been surprised, shy had tried to hide it by pretending being mad at her. But the next time Acchan had done it… Takamina had just shyly smiled, staring at her. To the actress, it had become… a silent way to give her love.
“Why?” Acchan asked, supporting her.
Why? Takamina didn’t know the answer. Why? It was the most difficult question she ever had to answer. It was… the answer she had wanted to find by coming here… but it seemed that it was more complicated. It seemed that… she didn’t trust herself enough to find the answer. She didn’t… have enough confidence to find it… Even if she still had no idea about it, she knew she had done the best choice by coming here yesterday night. Seeing Acchan was enough to bring her smile back. Yeah, seeing her best friend… was more than enough to make her happy.
“I don’t know.” Takamina smiled sadly. “But I’ll do better next time for sure.”
“I know you can do it.” Acchan encouraged her. “Now go, I don’t want you to get killed…”
“I’m sorry.” Takamina said.
She truly was. She wished she could stay with Acchan today. She wished they could have a real meeting, the two of them, spending a whole day together, and not just a short night being together. But life was putting a huge obstacle between them: work. And… between all the obstacles she could easily surpass, this one was the most difficult to fight. She couldn’t fight her own manager. She couldn’t fight Acchan’s manager. She couldn’t leave her job. She couldn’t skip practices… In fact, the only thing she could do was to leave Acchan. It was the only choice she had.
“Takamina…” Acchan said as her friend was leaving the piece.
“What?”
“I’m serious… I want you to come back. I want you to be by my side forever.”
The leader of team A turned around, smiling.
“There’s no way I’d leave you.” She pronounced, laughing a little, like she was joking again.
Takamina was smiling, but her face turned serious as she saw Acchan’s expression. Her friend was staring at her with an intense glance. She could felt her own gaze lost itself deeper than ever before into her friend’s beautiful eyes. It was like she was prisoner from her own body. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t speak, and she even had difficulty to breathe. It was… like if a strong and unbreakable bond was being created between them. Acchan was serious, more than ever. She was sending a message to Takamina by her eyes. “I don’t want you to leave me”, that was what Takamina could understand.
But there was something more. Something hid behind this first message. Something even stronger than their close relationship… it was an invisible call for help… a call to ask Takamina to free her from love’s cruel influence.
“I swear… I will never-”
But Takamina’s whisper was interrupted by Acchan as the actress moved her head.
“Don’t promise something you can’t be sure about.” She pronounced with difficulty.
She broke their eyes contact, closing her eyes, coming back to the world beyond reality, where dreams could never be broken. Takamina hardly left the room, wondering what this uncomfortable feeling that had taken over her heart was. Something strange was happening to her. Something… she thought would never happen was becoming to grow in her mind, erasing everything she had believed before. Something… was changing. And somehow… it wasn’t only positive.
***
She was running toward Tokyo Dome as fast as she could. She couldn’t breathe anymore when she finally reached the place. She quickly apologized to the bodyguard at the entry and went inside, trying to prepare mentally for her future death. She was not smiling anymore. Everything that had happened with Acchan a while before had completely disappeared from her mind as she walked in the huge stage. She saw a couple of girls staring at her, whispering things she couldn’t hear from where she was. She was the worst captain ever. Seriously, she was the worst example to give to the new generation EVER. She tried to search her friends, soon enemies, by looking everywhere, but it wasn’t necessary. She was already surrounded by angry members.
“Where the hell were you?” Miichan asked angrily. “Don’t you know how important it is to be here at time! You are late by hours!”
Takamina didn’t try to find excuses, she quickly bowed to them, saying nothing than “sorry”.
“This was not really smart from you, captain.” Sayaka said with a really serious voice. “I don’t know where you slept, but seriously, you better never do that again.”
Takamina didn’t move, still bowing. She really felt guilty. She was a first generation member. She was supposed to give a great example to the others. She was one of those who wanted the most to have a concert at Tokyo Dome, but she was acting like she didn’t care at all.
“Takamina!” Tomochin growled, not really happy too as she joined the group. “It was about time you arrive. We need you in Team A to practice some songs! I shouldn’t be the one saying that to you.”
“Hey, I don’t think Akimoto-san is really happy now…” Mariko said.
Takamina suddenly stopped bowing, staring with fear at what Mariko. Akimoto-san? AKIMOTO-SAN? She was hoping they would not talk to this to him, but it was stupid to think something like this. Of course, they would tell him, what was she thinking about! But now, she knew she had a real problem. Her latest conversation with him had been exactly about it, about her missing concentration in the group and so on… By being late now, she was only helping him confirming his doubts. Her next conversation would be… painful.
“I’m sorry.” She repeated.
She felt like yesterday night, when she kept apologized to Acchan after her “drowning” in the bath.
“Where were you?” Mariko asked as Tomochin was urging them to finish so they could go practicing. But the tall girl was really curious to know why the so serious captain was late.
Takamina glanced at Miichan. Her friend already knew about the reason. The only thing the small captain was hoping was that she had not misunderstood the real reason why she was late. Miichan frowned at her as she suddenly realized everything before saying, still mad:
“Hey, Takamina, it’s not because Acchan will soon leave to South Korea that you have to miss the practices! It’s really important this time, it’s more important than a theatre show, you know?!”
“You were with Acchan?” Mariko said loudly, making the others glaring at her, speechless.
Takamina bowed again, knowing there was nothing she could do about it. If she said something, things would get worst, she was perfectly aware of it. But she couldn’t help it if she had slept too much… and if she had taken time to talk a bit with Acchan before leaving. She really couldn’t! If was… something vital to her to spend time with Acchan, something she needed to be happy, to smile again, to keep thinking in a positive way! She surprised herself as she thought she was describing Acchan as a very close friend… almost like her girlfriend or something.
“I was.” Takamina admitted. “But I didn’t mean to be late.”
“But you are.” Miichan pointed.
Takamina nodded, even though she was really sorry about everything. And couldn’t Miichan be less harsh with her? Not only did she talk to her like she had just commit a murder, but she was also accusing her to spend more time with Acchan because of that South Korea trip!
South Korea trip?
Which trip was she talking about?!
“What do you mean by Acchan leaving for South Korea?” She asked, suddenly realizing it.
Mariko shook her head, tired of all this drama. Takamina was going to have real problems with Akimoto-san anyway, she didn’t need to stay here. She left them and went back to practice with Haruna and Tomochin. Sayaka waited a little by Miichan’s side, but seeing she had nothing more to do with them, she went to talk with Sae and the rest of Team K. She felt disappointed at Takamina though. She really did respect her… but now… it was hard to believe in her. Mistakes came often than ever, even though she had worked hard before the first concert. The team A leader definitely missed concentration now when she was working with the group. And not only was it a problem to Team A, but it was also becoming difficult for the whole group.
“Yes, you know that trip Acchan will make to increase her popularity overseas.” Miichan said, frowning.
Was she really supposed to know it? Because she couldn’t be more confused than now. Well… it was true that she had been busied with work… but it wasn’t a good reason, right?
“I’m surprise you don’t know about it. It was the main subject since two weeks in the media. I think they spoke more about her than us!”
Really?
“She will go to South Korea in one month and will stay there for like… half a year. It was planned before her manager’s accident, but since she will leave hospital soon, they decided to do it even so.”
Really? Hiroko was going to leave hospital soon? It was nice… Wait, what? Half a year?
“Six months?!” Takamina asked, almost screaming. “Acchan will go there for six months?!”
Miichan slowly nodded, finishing nailing down Takamina’s coffin. Six months? So long time? How… come she didn’t know about it? It had been in the media for two weeks already? How come she didn’t hear anything about it? Why… didn’t Acchan tell her anything about it yesterday? Was it the reason why she wanted to stay close to her all the time? Was it the reason… why she didn’t want her to leave her? She felt guilty about it… maybe it was the reason why Acchan was more affectionate than before. Maybe Acchan thought she knew about it and… she didn’t say anything about it! She didn’t wish her a good trip or tell her she would miss her. Sure, she still had one month… but now she could understand Acchan being worried: she would probably not have time to see her again until the end of the month, when she would be leaving. She would probably… have to say “goodbye” to her by mail…
“I’m sorry you had to learn it this way, but it’s the truth.” Miichan said, trying to calm down a little. “I thought you already knew it.”
But I don’t!
“Hum… Sorry for yelling at you…” Miichan added. “But you choose a really bad timing to be late. The girls are really nervous about the second concert. They all hoped you could help them as usual. By being late today, it’s like you told them even yourself are not capable to work properly. They… are scared, you know? Some of them weren’t in the group when Acchan was there, they can’t understand everything. They know the fans… miss Acchan in the group so they try to do their best to replace her, even if it’s not easy. It’s like each time the group appears, Acchan’s ghost haunts then. So try to help them like you did for us at the beginning of AKB48. Try to make them feel like they are real members of the group.”
Takamina slowly nodded, still shocked from what she just learned.
“Come on, let’s work. You will have time to think about it later.” She said, trying to sound nice. “I would give you time to think about it, but we have to practice. The concert is in five days. There’s no time to be lazy.”
But Takamina couldn’t move anymore. This new had broken down all her will to work. Acchan… will be gone for six months?
“Takamina!” Miichan said, calling her friend back to reality. “You can think about it later. The others are waiting for us.”
Takamina began to walk slowly toward her team as Miichan was going to join her own. She couldn’t help but think about what she had thought earlier this morning when she was with Acchan. Even if it took months, even if they couldn’t talk together for a moment, nothing would change between them, right? She had thought that… but now that it really happened… she didn’t know what to think. Before, after Acchan’s graduation, they had not talked together for about a year and it went fine. They were calling each other when they could and everything was nice the way it was, even though they were far from each other. But now… even if it was only for six months… it was long. Really, Takamina had already worked five months for the Tokyo Dome event, seeing Acchan only two times, and now she would not see her for another long time? It seemed… even more painful than before. It seemed that this time… she couldn’t be far from her friend anymore. She couldn’t be far from her so long time now… because her presence had become something she needed more than everything. Suddenly… the thought of the two of them being in two different countries was killing her happiness.
“Ready to work?” Tomochin’s voice called her.
Takamina nodded. But deep in herself, she knew she would never be able to work today… nor tomorrow… nor… during the second Tokyo Dome concert.
“Prove it!” Mariko said, holding her shoulder to make her face facing her.
The captain hesitated before smiling at her team. They were so nice with her. They were… a real family to her. If only… nothing had changed…
“You should hurry.” Sasshi told her. “Akimoto-san wants to see you after today’s practice. He’s not really mad but he said he needed to talk to you for the concert.”
Takamina sighed. If she was going to be killed, could she at least call Acchan to apologize for her stupidity before? She quickly nodded and began to dance. They wanted her to prove she could worry? They would soon understand what she meant by “working”. She would not give them the satisfaction to see her too much troubled. She professionally hid her true feelings behind its usual mask and began to prepare them for the next concert. She smiled. Moving this way was making her feel better. All her frustration was throwing away by each move of the choreography. And when they began to practice Beginner, she felt like she was invincible. She felt like nothing would ever stop her to reach her dream, even being apart from her best friend. She was… happy.
“She’s on fire suddenly.” Sasshi whispered to Akicha. “It looks like she trying to catch up the time.”
Her friend nodded and answered:
“Look at that precision. She’s really acting like our captain this way! Do you think it’s because she’s happy about the second concert? She’s smiling, isn’t she?”
“No…” Miichan said, interrupting the two girls.
She didn’t want to be impolite, but she had listened what they were saying and couldn’t help but making things clear. The two girls listened to her carefully. After all, they were worried for their captain and Miichan was one of her close friend, so she couldn’t be wrong about it.
“She’s not smiling.” Miichan continued with a low voice. “This look she has on her face, it’s not happiness. It’s guilt… and perhaps sadness too.”
The three of them stared a moment at their captain. She was moving everywhere, not taking time to catch her breath or anything. She had fire in her eyes and kept glancing at the members to see if they were still working. And sometimes, her eyes paused, staring at the front of the stage, silently calling someone to be there with her. But it was not even for a fraction of seconds.
“She’s not happy right now…” Miichan kept whispering to herself as the two others stayed immobile. “She’s… lying to herself.”
Sasshi and Akicha didn’t understand what Miichan meant by saying this, but they stared at Takamina who was still dancing with all her might. What could be false with the way she was moving right now? What could be sad about the way she was singing the lyrics of their songs? Everything seemed like usual, right? She was still acting like captain they always had. Did Miichan really think she was sad? It seemed kind of impossible.
But as they walked in front of their captain to go to the other side of the stage, they both noticed that Takamina’s eyes were full of water.
***
Acchan stared at her calendar. She had hid it in her drawer as soon as she had learned Takamina wanted to come yesterday night. Now that she was gone, she was looking at it since a few minutes. It was Takamina’s latest version. Not only was she gorgeous in those pictures, but it was high quality pictures. They were awesome. A red circle was the only mark in this month. The last day, to be more exact. The day when she would leave to South Korea for her job.
After Hiroko’s accident, she had hoped they would cancel it, but her manager was fine now. She was going to leave hospital next week and would have enough time to prepare herself for their trip. It was important though. It would be to promote her somewhere else than in Japan, though she knew she already had fans there. She knew Takamina would not know she was going to leave soon. Of course, her friend had probably no time to listen to the news or to read newspapers. She would not know about it… she would not tell her “goodbye”… she would not see her again before her departure… she would not see her for the next seven months… but it was part of her job, right? To make cruels decisions like this, right? And a lot of things could happen in seven months, right? She could easily forget about her now. It wasn’t like the year that had followed her graduation. Now… it was different. Takamina had had time to surpass her sudden departure from the group. She would probably… never miss her as much as Acchan did.
Because Takamina didn’t know what truly love someone was.
***
Takamina closed her phone for the fifth time of the day since the end of the practice. She was supposed to meet Akimoto-san to talk about the concert, but it seemed that it would be tomorrow instead because he had something more important to do. So now she was just wandering around in the streets, not really knowing what to do. She didn’t want to go home. In fact, she didn’t want to go anywhere. She just wanted to sit under a tree and wait for time to pass. She just wanted to have a confirmation everything was just a bad dream but… Acchan didn’t answer her call and Hiroko was sleeping. She couldn’t ask anybody else. She couldn’t…
She hit the bench which she was sitting on angrily. What was her problem! It was worst than before! It was worst than before, even though she had seen Acchan! Now she had the furious impression she was going to kill someone. Couldn’t someone bring her an answer?
Your face’s screaming you want to see her.
Not that much, right? When Miichan had said it, was she really serious? What it SO obvious? Not that she was shy about it… well yes, she a bit, but… it was nothing to worry about, right? Her sadness couldn’t ONLY exist because of it, right?
“Acchan loves you.”
She… loved her? Since she had heard it from Hiroko, Takamina had had difficulty to concentrate on anything else. It was on her mind most of the time. She was dreaming of it, she was thinking about it during the day… she was crying because of it… but she still didn’t ask Acchan about it, thinking it would be useless.
“Never… scare me like that again.”
Did Acchan say something like this because… of friendship or love? Did Acchan see her as a friend… or as a lover? And most important, how did she, Takahashi Minami, see Acchan?
“You say that… but when you will go back to work, everything will be the same.”
Acchan was right… Everything was always going to be the same… Everything was about work and dreams… Friendship wasn’t important enough… Friendship was something people needed to feel loved by others… but friendship couldn’t help one to get a job or anything like that. And when that same friendship was in danger because of work or principle… most of the time, it lost. Most of the time… one would choose to do what was better to him, meant work, future, money, fame… No matter how important that relationship was to someone… it was also extremely fragile.
She knew what she had lost at Acchan’s graduation now… not just a part of who she was… she had entirely lost herself.
Takamina flinched as she thought about it. That thing she had thought about… was true. She didn’t like to admit it, but… Acchan had stolen a part of her heart when she had left. Acchan… had killed her soul by leaving the group…
“Don’t promise something you can’t be sure about.”
So cruel, yet true words… but how could she be sure about it? How could she be sure… to never leave Acchan? It was… impossible to promise with their jobs. It was something unpredictable right now… But Takamina knew she could make a real promise to Acchan. She knew how, but she also knew this solution wasn’t the best one. It was something hard… something she had never really thought about before. But… it was the only way to make a real promise with her.
“She will go to South Korea in one month and will stay there for like… half a year”
Now… THAT was the real problem she had right now. Why did she feel so depressed about it? It never happened before… why did it happen right now, at the moment where she needed to concentrate the most on her job?! Why did her heart hurt so much each time she thought about being far from her best friend… Why did her soul bleed when she thought about not seeing her friend for six months… Why did murderous envy appear in her mind each time she thought about each horrible things Hiroko had done to Acchan?
Why can’t you look deeper in your heart?
She could! OF COURSE SHE COULD!
Why are you so stubborn?
She was NOT!
Why exactly do you care so much about it?
She did NOT!
Stop lying to yourself! Stop being stubborn! Stop being scared of your own friend!
Takamina closed her eyes. Was it really the way she was right now? Liar, stubborn… and scared of Acchan? Why would she be scared? There was nothing to be scared of… She was close with her, she missed her when she was not by her side, she wanted to talk to her, Acchan brought her smile back each time she was down… they were… closer than anybody else would be with them. They always knew how the other felt, what was wrong… they always supported each others… they would both give their life to save the other… They would… never… leave… the other… They were… more than family or friends… She would… so miss her when she’ll be gone… She would… probably cry more than after her graduation…
And then… she knew it. She knew what she was denying with all her might. She knew… what scared her since so much time. She finally understood what she was trying to hide from herself since the beginning… She realized… how stubborn she was with herself, how coward she was. She didn’t know if it was really how she felt toward Acchan, but she knew… it was something about it. She knew… it was something about this feeling… This forbidden feeling… the one she had fear all her life.
And as her heart finally released the truth from the walls she had build around it, she felt her head was going to explode as she realized it was probably too late to make a U-turn and start again…
She sure felt love… but what was love exactly?
***
She was walking for about ten minutes, making circles in the floor. She was waiting to have the permission to enter Akimoto-san’s office. It was finally her reunion with him about the concert. But to her, it was more than that. It was the moment she would talk to him seriously about what he had told her last time. She would talk to him… and make sure everything was fine. She would finally… truly answer to what he had said. She would proved him she could be responsible.
She left the office two hours later. She didn’t say anything to the staff member who was politely talking to her. She completely ignored the fact that the light turned red and almost died as a car turned at one centimetre from her.
She hesitated, wanting to call her best friend to talk to them about this show… or maybe it was just an excuse she was giving herself to hear the voice she liked the most. She didn’t know if… she really felt love toward her… but as she stared at the blue sky, she realized lying would only make her feel bad. She realized… lying would only make her kill her own friend.
She heard a car stopped right before her and flinched at her inattention. Killing herself would not resolve anything. And Acchan would never forgive her… Acchan… She needed to see her. She needed to talk to her… she needed to know if… “love” was the best word to describe her feelings.
But she knew she couldn’t before Tokyo Dome was done. She had… only a few days left to decide what she would tell to Acchan next time she would see her.
***
The second concert was ending and all the girls were on stage, in front of their fans screaming loudly. They were exhausted from their long performance, but at least, it was done. They would have time to take a break soon. Their boss would give them a two-day break after this show. Lights were still flashing everywhere as Yuko started to talk.
“Thank to everyone here! This is already the end!”
The encore was also done. They had performed five songs. They were performing for more than two hours. Yuko talked a bit about AKB48 future projects, but there was nothing really big. No announcement was planned. Sae and Sayaka started to participate to the discussion, improvising a little. They all had fun. Team K, right? The others girls were watching them, encouraging the fans to answer at the same time.
“Coming here is our biggest dream! We want to thank each of you personally, so we announce that there will be a handshake event in two weeks! You will meet everyone who dances on Tokyo Dome stage! SKE48 and NMB48 will be there too!” Sayaka said as the crowd began to scream again.
Takamina was staring at them, smiling. Not only at the three who were speaking, but also at the entire group, at each member of it. Then, her eyes moved to stared at the stage they had performed on. It was magic. Nothing would ever break the fact that they had all reached their dream today. She was so thankful to everyone that she began to cry, making some girls smiled at her. Right now, she knew she wasn’t crying from sadness… she was crying because she wanted to.
She had not talked to Acchan… she had not told her friends about what Akimoto-san had told her… she had not told them about her answer too. She had decided… she needed to keep it secret. But right now… were their last minutes on this huge stage. She saw Akimoto-san looking at her backstage and felt more pressure adding on her shoulders. Was he waiting for her to speak? Was it the reason why he was glancing at her with this intense glance only he could have? She smiled at him and he did the same, nodding slightly, like he was encouraging her. She felt courage growing in her mind and step forward.
She glanced at Miichan,n, who was silently asking her what she was doing. Usually… when Takamina spoke, it meant it was the end of the show. Was it already done? Miichan didn’t want it to finish… it was so fun! And they had no important announcement planned, it could only meant it was the end. She saw her friend trying to tell her something….
“What… are… you… doing?” She read on her lips.
Takamina smiled at Miichan, waving her hand to tell her there was nothing to worry about.
“Everybody!” Takamina screamed after she got the permission from Yuko, Sayaka and Sae to speak.
The fans answered with enthusiast at the leader of the group. It was an obligation: when the leader spoke, everybody had to listen to her.
“Those two concerts had been really fun! We enjoyed being with you a lot and we hoped you all like the show!” She bowed, making the others do the same.
“AKB48 will be thankful to you forever for helping us to reach our dream as a whole family. Before this concert ends, I would like to make an announcement.”
The fans seemed happy. What was it? A new drama? A new song? A new single? A new unit? But the crowd was the only one to think about it. The others members, even though they were all smiling, knew there was nothing like that. There was NO announcement planned! Was it a surprise from Akimoto-san and Takamina? Maybe it was the reason of their recent meeting? It would be logic… Miichan flinched as Takamina turned to her and answered to her question:
“I’m doing something I should have done before.” She said to her, smiling sadly. “I’m taking time to thank everybody here…”
What? Miichan didn’t understand anything… what did she mean by this? It was really the end of the show? Didn’t they have a last song to perform as a surprise to their fans? And suddenly, she understood everything. She understood before everyone else… what was hidden behind this sad smile. She stepped forward, wanting to interrupt her, but it was too late.
“I’m taking time to thank everybody here because… we have still a final song to sing to you. It’s not done yet!”
The crowd cheered, thinking her message was something positive. But as Miichan’s hand was reaching Takamina’s shoulder, the leader of the group said with a serious voice:
“And… this performance … will be my last one as a member of Team A. Tonight, I, Takahashi Minami, will officially graduate from AKB48!”
TBC
:grin:
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O M G :panic:
She announced her graduation?!?!?! (*KJH^&$(SHF
ehhhhhhh
ah. can't wait for next chapter...
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:shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO........ :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic: u make taka grads.... :cry: :cry: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: it's huuuurt.... :bleed eyes: :bleed eyes: i hate it but i could make an exception since this is only the fanfict... :grin: :grin:
please continue... i'll wait for the next chap... :thumbsup
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:shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked OMG TAKAMINA GRADUATED?!?!?!?!? SHE GRADUATEDDD!?!?!?!??!?! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
thinking of Takamina graduating from AKB is extremely heartbreaking for me even if it is fiction :cry:
i just knew something was up at the end when Akimoto gave her the look backstage
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NOW!?!?!?! i don't know if Takamina graduating from AKB is suppose to be a good thing for her or a bad thing?!? :?
PLEASE I BEG YOU UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!
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:panic: :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic:
OH! MY! GODNESS!
ARE YOU SERIOUS????? If you are, so this better go this way: Takamina graduated, and immediately go to see Acchan. ok??? If not... if not... :angry: :angry: what am I going to do with you/??? * :bow: :bow:* BEGGING YOU OF COURSE!! pleaseeeeee..... You're killing me!! :cry: :cry: I don't want to think about this moment!! :cry: :cry: and now.... :cry: :cry: So..can you do something to make up this sadness?? plzzzzzzzzz :bow: :bow:
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I read this last night and... wow! XD I was so surprised that TakaMina is graduating. XD But I guess it is expected. :P Though now I have no clue on what she will be doing afterward. I just hope she'll spend more time with Acchan. :heart:
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Wow, nice story you got going here. I am looking forward to the next update. Keep up the good work.
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EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
:nervous
Taka is graduating....... :cry:
Go to South Korea with Acchan!!!!!
:cow:
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She announced her graduation?!?!?! (*KJH^&$(SHF
Yes. I know....
u make taka grads....
Yes, it hurts...
OMG TAKAMINA GRADUATED?!?!?!?!? SHE GRADUATEDDD!?!?!?!??!?!
Yes.... but... forget about it, I can't find any excuse to explain myself...
what am I going to do with you/??? *
There's nothing to do with me. I've fallen into darkness a time ago....
But I guess it is expected.
OMG someone's thinking like me!
Wow, nice story you got going here. I am looking forward to the next update. Keep up the good work.
Thank! You're the first one not talking about the graduation thing! :grin:
Go to South Korea with Acchan!!!!!
Maybe... who knows... I do. Haha.
Hello everyone! Sorry I wanted to update this week end... but I had absolutely no time to write or correct or anything about my fic. Even now, I'm late and I'm not supposed to post, but I promised keichan I would do my best to update! Maaaannnn...... I don't have time to write this week anymore, sorry!
Speaking about the graduation thing... I don't know how to describe this chapter. Is it sad or not... well a part of it is, and the other not really... I don't know myself how I managed to write something like this. I am really sad thinking about my oshi's graduation O_O Why did I start to write such a fic T____T I was listening to the instrumental of Sakura no Ki ni narou while correcting and seriously... I was albout to stop my story right now and tell you "hey guys, I'm stopping it here" XD
Yes, I am serious. I was about to stop.
I was asking myself if I could continue this story... since well... it's really sad and I've got no idea how to forgive myself to make Takamina graduate... but hey.... it was necessary, right? :huhuh To me, one of them without the other in the group... it's not possible.
Anyway, here's the chapter! Thank as usual for reading my fic! And sorry for the mistake! And no end note since I am freaking late now T____T
Chapter 15
She had not tried to avoid the others at the end of the show. She knew it was useless. She knew they would chase after her until strength left their bodies, already tired from the show. She knew they would shake her until she got a headache. She knew they would scream at her, asking her if she were crazy or anything… She knew they would be mad at her, yet sad and happy at the same time… She knew they would congratulate her honestly… She knew it would be painful to watch them talking to her with tears in their eyes… She knew her answer would not be accepted by the others, especially by the first generation members… and she knew they would accuse her of choosing Acchan over the group and her job.
They were not wrong at all. By leaving the group, she was perfectly aware that she had nowhere to go now. She had to begin to think about her singer career, but she had no idea where to go first. She left mostly because of Acchan… She left because she didn’t want to lie to herself anymore… and it wasn’t possible by staying in the group. If she wanted to be honest and find the truth… it was a choice she had to make. A hard decision, but a necessity to go on. She was answering to all the questions the members asked her, crying at the same time. Yes, she had decided it by herself. Yes, Akimoto-san knew it before the show. Yes, she wanted to tell them but changed her mind. No, it wasn’t because she didn’t want to do this job. No, it wasn’t because she had problems with some members. No, she wasn’t drunk. No, she hadn’t taken drugs or anything suspicious before the show... Yes, she would miss them. No, she didn’t want them to be sad. Yes, she would still encourage them and talk to them. Yes, she was aware of what she was doing…
Yes, a part of her decision was linked to Acchan.
The fans had stayed in silence for a few minutes after the announcement. Takamina had surprised everyone by saying this so suddenly. But her graduation party had been extraordinary, magic, awesome, splendid. A graduation at Tokyo Dome, a perfect choice to represent and celebrate the graduation of the extremely important member she was. Some had been angry… but she couldn’t blame them for it. She had no idea she was going to graduate… until the second meeting with Akimoto-san. At the first one, he had told her he was not sure she worked as much as before Acchan’s graduation. He had even offered her to take a break from the group activities, which she had refused. He had insisted, telling her she would be not useful if she kept doing this way. It had hurt her, but it was true. And at the second meeting, when she had agreed with what he had told her before… she had thought about Acchan’s trip to South Korea, thinking she would have no time to see her anyway… She had thought about her feelings, how she was going to work from now on… she had finally decided it was better for her to leave the group. She didn’t want it, but it was an undeniable truth that she was becoming useless with the way she was right now.
Takahashi Minami, useless? Even thought there was thousand persons ready to tell her the opposite… she knew herself better than anyone would.
And at the end… she was exhausted because she had cried too much. They were thousand to tell her how much they supported her… She had been surprised that there were fans waiting for her outside Tokyo Dome. They had learned the new by Mixi, Twitter or Facebook and had came here as fast as they could to “talk” to her... or at least to wave their hands to her. Some of them asked her if Acchan had something to do with that… and she had not answered. She couldn’t tell the fans anything about it. It was the same thing as when Acchan had graduated… the end of an era in AKB48’s history.
She would always remember… when Miichan had hugged her, saying hardly:
“Nothing will ever be the same here… Today, you brought us sadness by graduating this way… and tomorrow, be sure to bring happiness in Acchan’s heart.”
Reporters had been there at this moment, taking pictures and filming for the latest news… The title of the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper already had a title:
“Takahashi Minami, one of the most popular members of AKB48, Team A’s captain, graduates because of the other ex member, Maeda Atsuko!”
And like it wasn’t enough, Miichan’s words where there too as subheading:
““Today, you brought us sadness by graduating this way… and tomorrow, be sure to bring happiness in Acchan’s heart.” Minegishi Minami said to her friend!”
***
Acchan had woken earlier than usual. Today was special. It was the day Hiroko would leave the hospital. It was the day… they would start together again. Will it be better or worst, the actress didn’t know anything about it. She could only hope what Takamina had told Hiroko would help to start a better relationship with her manager. And who knew, maybe Hiroko would be nicer because she almost died a few months ago? Maybe she knew how precious life was now and how she should just be happy instead of sad… maybe.
The actress sighed. Whatever was going to happen between them from now on, she would have to endure it because she would spend half a year alone with her… She could already wish herself good luck because she knew she would need it. She just hoped she would still be… alive when she’ll come back. And if she were not… she hoped Takamina would have enough courage to take revenge on her… Yeah, it reassured her to think this way.
She dressed and ate breakfast, wondering how the last Tokyo Dome went for her old group. She didn’t know anything since she hadn’t listened to the news. She didn’t know how it went since she hadn’t looked on Internet. But, hey, it was their second show right? Except the end of the accomplishment of their dream, there could be nothing really important. Maybe an announcement for a single or something, but she knew there was nothing really huge. If so… Takamina would have talked to her about it, right? She was sure the most important point had been there, they had had fun yesterday night. She had sent a mail congratulating Takamina, but she had not received an answer yet. She thought it was because her friend was really tired… it would be logic after all.
As usual, before going out, she took a few minutes to update her blog and read some comments the fans had written to her. It was something she liked to do because it gave her strength for the day. And it was also a wonderful feeling to start a day by knowing she was loved and admired by so many fans. Though she thought waking in Takamina’s arms would be better… but she knew it was kind of impossible.
She opened her phone and read some comments before deciding of what to say in her next update. Some “I love you” comments as usual… it was nice though, she couldn’t get over it. There were some asking her questions, but she had never time to answer them. And there was so much! How was she supposed to find the time to answer to everyone! If she answered for one, the others might become jealous, so she’d rather no mention the comments she received anyway. She frowned as she read the latest comments. Judging by the hour, they were sent after the end of the second Tokyo Dome concert and had a link with AKB48, which was strange since the fans mostly knew her as an actress now.
“Are you happy, Acchan? We are, but it’s sad for AKB48!”
Sad?
“I hope you will take care of her now! We’ll keep on supporting both of you!”
Her?
“Acchan! How could you steal AKB48’s captain? Just kidding! Do your best together!”
Together?
“AKB48 will never be the same, but we hoped you the best! We won’t blame anything on you since you’re cute together!”
Wait a minute, “cute together”? What did that mean? Honestly… she had no idea, but she was sure it was about Takamina. But seriously, Takamina? She had nothing to do with her now… she meant in a business term of course. She left her house, keeping those strange comments in mind, forgetting to update her blog.
Wherever she went, there were always people looking at her and whispering things about the famous actress, but this time… it was even worst. She felt she couldn’t hide herself anywhere. There was always a couple of person pointing her with a strange look on their face, which quickly made her feel uncomfortable. She decided she would just stare at the ground until she arrived to the hospital. By doing this, she could see nothing around her and she completely missed the new about AKB48 on the huge screen in the middle of the street, the one about the latest graduation…
She arrived at the hospital, half trying to cover her face with her bag. Seriously, the world was getting too strange now. She had the impression everyone was drunk, staring at her like she should become part of the “party” too. Strange party indeed…
Hiroko was waiting for her in the doorway of her room. She was talking for the last time to her doctor, the one who said it was a miracle she was still alive after so long time. Her manager looked fine. She was receiving some last advices about her heart’s weakness, but nothing too important. She could do like she wanted without any problem. She could also go to Thailand without problem. She saw Acchan and waved her hand at her as the doctor left the room. The actress approached her, smiling slightly. It was still hard to forget about what her manager had done to her a while ago… but the car accident thing kind of helped her to appreciate the situation she was in right now. After being so close to death, she could love her life in a new way… though she still felt pain because of something she was supposed to keep secret, but which wasn’t anymore because of her manager. Right… just because of this point, she didn’t know if she should like or hate Hiroko… What a dilemma…
“Hi girl, ready to endure me again?” Hiroko told Acchan with an amused voice.
“No, but I have no choice.” Acchan answered, not finding this joke really funny, but still… not with a mad voice.
“It’s not really nice from you…” Hiroko said. “Remember, I made a promise and I have the intention of respecting it.”
The actress nodded, hoping it wasn’t lies.
“I’m going to be honest with you though. The trip will not be funny with me by my side. I have for objective to bring you to the top. Not only the top of Japan, but I want the world to know you too. And believe me, when I decide to be serious, I really am.”
Oh yeah, Acchan needed no help at all to believe the last point.
“So you’re fine now? It’s not dangerous to leave Japan?”
“Not at all. But I have to admit… I fear cars a bit more than before, but I guess this is normal… Now that I am alive, I’ll just take taxis for the rest of my life.”
Acchan nodded at what her manager said. Somehow, she could still see the nice person she had known at the beginning behind Hiroko’s words… but now she was aware there was a new side she needed to look on if she didn’t want threaten to start again.
“But… it’s not me the problem.” Hiroko said, staring intensively at her. “You still want to go to South Korea, don’t you?”
“Of course…” Acchan answered, wondering what she had to answer to such a question.
“Great!” Hiroko smiled. “I was afraid you might have changed your mind. And anyway, the tickets are already paid so it’s sure we’ll be leaving in one month. Keep that in mind.”
“Why would I change my mind?” Acchan asked, wondering what the reason could be.
She had stopped playing in dramas since some weeks and she had to admit she missed it. Stopping all her activities because of her manager helped her realizing it was really the job she wanted to do… and that she would work even harder to have what she wanted: fame. Was she becoming pretentious and superficial? Not exactly… it was more… a pride question… She wanted to show to all the anti fans that she could do whatever she wanted.
“Oh… well if you take it this way… I’m glad you still think that much about working. Honestly, I was sceptic. I thought you would not come here today, but it seemed that you finally realized what was more… Oh, sorry, I mean, I’m glad you came here anyway.”
Even with that mistake she had almost done, Acchan could tell her manager was honest when she said she was glad. Could they start a real nice relationship? Maybe… after she found out what she meant by “change her mind”. Couldn’t she trust her more than that? That would be a great beginning, right?
“Why would I change my mind?” Acchan repeated.
“Oh, forget about it since you seem to take it in a nice way.” Her manager said. “Let’s go!”
“Wait.” Acchan interrupted her as she was about to leave the place. “Take what in a nice way?”
“Come on,” Hiroko sighed, “you know I hate to play this game. It’s not because I can finally leave hospital that you have to act this way with me. I told you, I don’t care about what she’s doing anymore. And I don’t want anyone’s pity, remember?”
Acchan didn’t understand what she meant by this… but… was “she” Takamina?
“And if you’re serious about not knowing what I’m talking about… though it would surprise me, why don’t you just listen to the news or read some newspapers?” Hiroko suggested. “I left today’s newspaper on the bed if you want to see it. I’ll wait outside.”
The actress what about to tell her to wait, but her manager was already gone. Since when did her manager leave her alone?! Damn, that accident had made Hiroko stranger than before. She went near the bed and saw Takamina’s picture in the front page of the newspaper. She smiled. Her friend was crying. Was it because of too much emotion at Tokyo Dome, like before? She wouldn’t be surprise if the entire article talked about Takamina’s sadness/happiness or whatever like this.
“Takahashi Minami, one of the most popular members of AKB48, Team A’s captain, graduates because of the other ex member, Maeda Atsuko!”
She immediately froze at the title and the subheading. One word remained in her mind.
“WHAT?”
Not only she couldn’t believe the graduation part, but what the hell was her name doing there?! “Because of Maeda Atsuko”? Was it a joke? Was is… just a damn bad joke?! What did that mean? When did… wait…. Takamina had graduated yesterday night?! And she didn’t know it?! And… it was just… impossible! Takamina would never graduate from the group this way! She would never… She was meant to stay with AKB48 for still a long time! “Bring happiness in Acchan’s heart”? Why did Miichan say something like this! It was too weird, too… unusual… too… far from the person Takamina was! Graduation?! Were they really talking about the same girl? The same captain? HER BEST FRIEND? GRADUATION? Was the world going to disappear tomorrow and she didn’t know it?! So many things were crossing her mind that she had to sit on the bed to not fall. She just… couldn’t believe what she was reading now.
But, somehow… Acchan was happy to hear this new while another part of her was against this stupid decision. She sure was glad to hear… that maybe she would have time to see Takamina often… but leaving the group was not really the best idea from her friend. Didn’t she know they needed her? Especially now, when AKB was on top! She quickly read the article talking about this event. Everything was there. The reasons of her departure, the reason of this sudden decision, the rapidity with which she had taken the decision, Akimoto-san’s support toward her, the reactions of the others girls… the reactions of the fans… and from everything she had understood in two minutes, there was only one thing she could clearly remember: Takamina had left the group… because of her.
Grabbing the newspaper, she quickly went out of the room, mumbled some fast excuses to Hiroko and ran in the street, heading to Takamina’s house. She needed to see her now… and understand better what this crazy decision was about. Her manager would have to wait… because there was no way she would let this happen.
***
After her graduation, she had decided to stay alone at her home. She didn’t want to see the others members. She didn’t want to talk to anyone even if she was aware she should not stay alone at such a critical moment. She was lying in her bed, having three empty tissues box by her side, currently finishing a fourth one. She was hardly reading comments from her blog. There was more than ever, over forty thousand, all about her graduation. And most of them were talking about the “TakAcchan” or “AtsuMina” pairing, which made her cry even more.
Now that everything was done… she could feel the shock better than ever. She could feel the loneliness she was going into. She had… decided to let down the most important thing of her life. She had graduated… even though she knew she couldn’t begin a solo career yet. She wasn’t prepared enough to work alone… She wasn’t… ready to be solo singer. She was scarier than ever. What was going to happen now that she had left the group? What was she going to do in such a huge world? Where should she start? How should she start?
AKB48… her life… her dream… the beginning of everything… she had just… thrown it away. Was it really the best choice to do? Doubts were making her crazy. Had she really no other choice than leaving the group? What if… she had made a huge mistake by graduating? What if it was useless to leave? She closed her eyes. She… couldn’t believe she had done something like that.
She heard the doorbell rang and sighed. She didn’t want to see anybody right now. By graduating… she had hurt herself with a knife, creating a deep wound that couldn’t stop bleeding. She didn’t need to ask herself anymore, she knew she had lost another part of her heart yesterday night… would she just keep on going this way until there was nothing left? Would she just slowly kill herself… until she died?
She heard loud steps in the hallway. It sounded like whoever it was… the person was angry. Wasn’t the door locked? It couldn’t be her mother, she was working. And nobody had the key except her… She raised her head, waiting for someone to come in, hoping she was just dreaming. Damn, she just wanted to come back to past and think more about it… She sighed. Someone was obviously waiting in front of her door without announcing anything. Well, too bad for this person, but she had no intention to answer.
She just closed her eyes, hoping the person would leave if she thought she was sleeping. And more than that, her bedroom door was locked too. So if anybody came in, it ought to be her mother. She heard the door opened. Who in the world had both keys from her house and bedroom except her mother and herself? No one. So she didn’t open her eyes. She was tired from crying anyways.
“Leave me alone, mom.” She growled hiding her face in her pillow.
There was no answer. Thinking the other had left the room, Takamina just decided to stay in her bed forever. Maybe this way she would not hurt anybody else than herself… maybe her death would be less painful this way…
“You…” She heard.
It didn’t sound like her mother at all… she opened her eyes and froze. Here stand Acchan, not really happy… she was furious. Takamina sighed. Right… now she remembered, she had given a key to Acchan because she knew she could trust her forever… and she regretted it. She just wanted to be alone. She really didn’t want her best friend to come and talk to her about her graduation… It would be too much. She was exhausted already.
“What is this all about?!” Acchan asked, throwing the newspaper on Takamina’s bed.
Her best friend stared at it, sobbing a little, answering sadly:
“My biggest mistake ever…”
Acchan stared at her. Her friend looked so… destroyed. She looked like she was lost somewhere she couldn’t go to help her.
“I’m not sure anymore… if I made the right choice…”
Listening to that made Acchan’s heart broke into pieces. She hated seeing her friend like this. She knew AKB48 was a huge part in Takamina’s life. This graduation meant a lot to her. This graduation… was something Takamina couldn’t handle alone.
“Why?” Acchan asked, trying to sound neutral.
She really didn’t want to be harsh with her friend, especially now.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Takamina answered, crying more.
Acchan immediately went to sit on her friend’s bed.
“I don’t know what this joke is about, but tell me it isn’t true.” She said. “Tell me… it’s not because of me… You’re still in the group, right?”
Takamina looked away. Acchan’s reaction was the same as hers two year ago. She was refusing to accept the truth. She was denying the fact that Takamina had left the group. Acchan… was confused. A part of her wanted to be happy that Takamina had done it for her… but another part told her she was responsible for her friend’s sadness right now. She was responsible for Takamina’s graduation… She couldn’t help but feel guilty about it. She wanted to be happy and cry from happiness that Takamina would be able to see her often… but… she had lost something in exchange. Her friend… had sacrificed a big part of herself and it was entirely her fault. Her friend had… put her career in danger… and it was her fault. She couldn’t just accept it!
“Takamina!” Acchan said louder. “Look at me… why?”
“I… thought it was the only way to keep you by my side… It was… the only way to respect my promise…” She answered, trying to smile… failing.
Acchan blinked. No… it was really her fault Takamina had left? Should she be happy or not? She could see sadness in Takamina’s eyes. She wanted it to disappear forever. She wanted to see happiness or joy… not this painful expression.
“You… graduated because of me?” She asked, trying to stay calm.
Her friend didn’t answer.
“Answer me! You… what are you going to do?”
Takamina eyes’ met Acchan’s as the short girl whispered:
“I will still reach my dream… It will be sooner than I would have thought, but I will do what I have to do. I left the group… but don’t think it’s your fault. It’s mine. I don’t know why… I couldn’t just see your sorrow and do nothing.”
Silence remained. Both of them couldn’t say anything as they stared at the other. Acchan knew Takamina wanted her to be happy… but she couldn’t if Takamina weren’t either. She couldn’t smile when her friend seemed so down. She couldn’t help but love her even more now…
“How do you want me to smile when you look this way...” Acchan said, touching Takamina’s cheek to make her tears disappeared.
“Don’t tell me… I failed again?” The ex captain asked, half serious.
Acchan smirked, nodding.
“No way…” Takamina sighed. “Even when I’m not in the group… I still fail.”
Acchan laughed loudly. She couldn’t believe her friend thought about something so stupid at such an important moment. Her laugh made Takamina smiled for a second before she sadly asked:
“Is it… how you felt when you left?”
Somehow… they were in the same situation, except not at the same time. And Acchan was her best friend… she was the best person to ask about this painful feeling she had in her heart since her announcement.
“Probably…” Acchan said, remembering something she didn’t want. “But it wasn’t the same situation… I left someone I really liked behind, so I don’t know if it’s the same feeling you have now.”
“You left someone you really liked when you graduated… And me, I left the group to join someone I really like. Isn’t it a bit similar?” Takamina asked.
They smiled at each other, knowing very well who they were talking about. It seemed that Takamina’s shyness was slowly disappearing at Acchan’s presence today. Yes… their situation was very similar.
“When I left the group, I was leaving you at the same time.” Acchan said. “I know it can be weird… but I don’t think I would have suffered so much if you had left with me. I was not… only leaving the group, I was taking a chance. I was afraid our friendship might disappear someday.”
Takamina nodded slightly.
“I bet it’s the opposite that happened…” Acchan whispered so low that Takamina didn’t hear it.
They had not really talked about Acchan’s graduation since a long time. Now, it was her time to graduate… and Acchan was talking about her own graduation. She was… helping Takamina to forget about it by talking about her own feelings. She was bringing back sad memories just so she could make Takamina stop crying.
“I never felt so alone the day after my graduation… I had doubts about my decision, a bit like you right now. And… to be honest, sometimes, I’m still wondering if I made the best choice. But you know, someday… you have to think beyond AKB48. Sooner or later, you will realize if you made the great decision.”
“Why do you have doubts? You knew what you were going to do when you left… unlike me.”
“You were stupid to graduate right now, especially for this reason. When I said I wanted you to stay with me… I didn’t mean you needed to graduate!”
“I’m sorry…” Takamina mumbled.
Acchan sighed. She was here… why had she decided to come here already? Ah yes, she wanted to know Takamina’s reason… but now that she knew it… what was she going to do?
“I wanted to have time to see you before you leave…” Takamina whispered.
Somehow, in her heart, something was changing. She… wanted to stay with Acchan right now, not because she was sad… just because she wanted her to be here. There was no specific reason… but maybe… it was the definition of “love”? Wanting to be with a person so much that it didn’t matter if they had nothing to do… Wanting to stay with this person… without having a specific reason, just to feel her presence… Wanting time to stop each moment they were together… even with sadness coming from the choice she had made yesterday…
“I see…” Acchan answered, understanding that Takamina knew she was going to leave for a long time soon. “So… if I weren’t leaving for six months… you would have stayed with the group?”
A part of Takamina wanted to lie again because she thought it was embarrassing to admit it… but she knew she had to be honest today. She knew… lying was the worst option right now.
“No… Somehow, my graduation was coming and I knew it… I wasn’t myself anymore, I didn’t work properly… I wasn’t a great captain anymore. If I hadn’t graduated yesterday… I would have been fired.” She said, laughing a little.
It was… not a real smile she had on her face. She couldn’t help but think she should have had listening more to her friends. Miichan had told her so much… and most of the crazy things were real… And all the teasing she had had from the others… it was needed, right? It was true, right? She had tried to deny it all the time… but in fact, it was like she was denying who she truly was.
“Really?” Acchan smirked. “I didn’t know you were working so badly right now.”
“It’s your fault!” Takamina laughed, forgetting a little about her sadness.
“Mine?!” Acchan exclaimed. “Why?! I’m not even with you now!”
“Exactly, it’s because you-”
Takamina stopped talking in the middle of her sentence. She couldn’t accuse Acchan of being absent at Tokyo Dome. She couldn’t accuse her of being in her mind all the time… She couldn’t accuse her of… loving her since she didn’t know if everything was true. And now that she thought about it, Acchan was acting pretty normal today. She had nothing special… Maybe she didn’t love her after all…
“I what?”
“Nothing.”
Acchan frowned. She was responsible of Takamina’s graduation, but she couldn’t know all the explanations behind?
“Really?” She asked with an ironic voice.
Takamina waved her hand, shaking her head at the same time.
“You are the worst liar worldwide.” Acchan laughed.
“I know…” Takamina answered, blushing and moving her head cutely which made Acchan’s heart beat faster.
If she didn’t hold herself… she would kiss her now. But she couldn’t… because it wasn’t the best time to do it. What she needed now was to keep Takamina thinking about something else than her graduation.
“Stupid…” she said as she hit her shoulder. “So, what are you going to do today?”
“I was thinking I could stay in my bed and cry for the rest of the day…” Takamina said.
Acchan frowned. What a nice day…
“You’re kidding?” She asked, half serious.
Takamina shook her head. She was really thinking she could do that… but seeing that look Acchan gave to her, maybe she should find another activity.
“I… am going to take a bath and read One Piece?”
Acchan sighed. She knew today would be hard for her friend. When she had graduated… the day after had been the harder. It was a shock to come back to an “ordinary” life. It was shock to realize there was no practice scheduled or no interview planned. It was like… the end of a dream, the end of a life style. She wanted to stay with her friend and support her… enjoy her presence… and maybe eventually she could confess to her… but she knew she couldn’t. Today, she was supposed to be with her manager and meet for their future trip. And then, they were supposed to go shopping to try to start another relationship on a better note. In fact… she wasn’t supposed to be here and she knew Hiroko must be waiting for her right now.
Takamina stared at her friend. She seemed like she was trying to find something to do. But she wasn’t dumb, she knew Acchan had probably already planned something. She knew she couldn’t ask Acchan to stay here just because that was what she wanted the most. She had graduated without thinking. What would happen when Acchan would leave for South Korea? She would need to have a great conversation with her manager. It was time to begin to think about her solo career… but right now she didn’t want to work at all. She was there, lying in her bed, trying to hold her sadness… trying to forget everything she had done yesterday… but it was impossible. The wound was bleeding without stopping. She could almost see blood over her hands just by looking at them. She could almost hear the sound of the drops falling on the floor…
Acchan smiled as she suddenly realized something. She went outside of the room, asking Takamina to wait a minute. She called her manager, asking her if they could meet later. To her surprise, Hiroko agreed. They would meet later, at one o’clock in the afternoon. Right now… it was about ten o’clock. She went back and sat next to her friend.
“All right, I think you can do the second option.” She smiled, having an idea to change Takamina’s sadness into… something else.
“What? You’re serious?” Takamina frowned.
“Sure, and you know what, we’ll take a bath together!” Acchan smiled even more.
As Acchan’s smile was growing larger than ever, Takamina’s was slowly disappearing.
“No, I think I’ll just sleep finally.” The small girl mumbled as she closed her eyes.
“Ah, come on, Takamina! I told you last time, next time you’re going to take a bath, I’ll go with you. I don’t want to find a dead body in the water… And you don’t have choice.”
Takamina folded her arms, frowning.
“I can perfectly decide by myself, thank.”
What? If she wanted to cry all the day, she would! If she wanted to read, she would! And if she wanted to bathe alone, she would FOR SURE.
“Well… you have two choices.” Acchan smirked with a cruel look on her face. “We can bathe together… or you can come with me and my manager to Shibuya later. I won’t let you alone now anyway.”
Takamina flinched as she heard which choices she had to choose.
“You can go home now if you came only to threaten me.” She pouted.
But Acchan took Takamina’s arm and said:
“Please! It will make you think about something else! And you know… it’s about time you stop being shy with me! We’re best friend, remember?”
Oh yeah, of course she would think about something else! She would think so much about something else that she would probably die instead! Right now, Takamina really wanted to run away and hide somewhere far away from here… Like somewhere where Acchan would never find her… Not only it would help to bathe ALONE, but it would also else her realizing her true feelings toward her friend…
“Well, as my best friend, why don’t you accept how I feel with the idea of taking a bath with someone else and stop asking me to do it?”
Acchan smirked.
“You have something to hide, don’t you?”
Takamina blushed as she furiously answered:
“What? Me? No! Stop thinking about something so stupid!”
Well… Takamina did have something to hide from Acchan… but it had nothing to do with her body. It was more about… feelings. And yet, she still wasn’t sure about them… Maybe bathing with Acchan would help her to… NO.
“You’re cute.” Acchan suddenly said. “When you’re so shy… it’s cute.”
Acchan knew she was taking risks by talking this way to her friend, but she couldn’t help it. She just needed to say it. And to see Takamina’s reaction was even cuter.
“Wh-Whatareyoutalkingabout?” Takaina stammered quickly.
Acchan laughed and did like Tomochin had told her. She didn’t deny what she just said.
“Relax, it’s not like I just told you I love you or anything…”
She suddenly stopped talking. She just remembered that Takamina might know she loved her… She just remembered… she shouldn’t tell Takamina her feelings yet because… she might loose her. As for the ex captain, she was shyly looking anywhere but Acchan’s eyes, trying without really succeeding to hide her shyness. She still had in mind that… she might really hear those words for real someday.
“So…” Acchan said, breaking the awkward silence. “Wanna come this afternoon?”
Takamina flinched. Acchan wasn’t really asking her to come, right?
“No…” She answered, not knowing what else to say.
There was no way she would go with her… if Hiroko was there too.
“I know.” Acchan answered. “I know you won’t come, don’t worry about it.”
Did she sound… sad?
“I mean… you know…” Takamina said with a little voice.
“Don’t worry.” Acchan smiled as she saw how Takamina was reacting. “I didn’t expect you to answer “yes”. Everything I did since I arrived here was on purpose.”
“On purpose?” Takamina frowned.
“How are you now?” Acchan asked, looking at her like a real friend would.
Takamina didn’t understand what she meant until she added:
“You’re not crying anymore, are you? You’re not complaining about your graduation, are you? You were smiling to me a minute ago… you didn’t finish this tissues box either… I wanted you to think about something else. I wanted you to realize… you could still smile even now in this situation.”
Acchan was staring at her friend with hope in her eyes. Hope that… Takamina would get better. And also… hope that someday, she would finally be able to talk to her seriously… Takamina just sighed, realizing Acchan was right. She would go nowhere if she kept on thinking about it… but still, it was yesterday she had left the group, not two years ago! But she was glad about what Acchan had done. There was nothing better to her than having fun with her friend, no matter what the price was.
“Thank you.” She said, truly smiling. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
Acchan nodded and decided, for once, to joke a little.
“I don’t either what I would do without myself…” She laughed. “I’m so precious!”
They laughed together. Takamina thrown away all the things that were on her bed and they sat side by side. They spent a long time talking together this way, listening to music, joking, updating their blogs… doing stuff they used to do when they were always together before. It was pure happiness to both of them. They had some awkward moments… like when Acchan, God knew how, was suddenly on top of Takamina without really knowing why she was in such a position. But there was also funnies times, when Takamina and Acchan shared a cake… and that the actress had eaten most of it, much to Takamina’s disappointment. And more than anything… there were those moments when none of them spoke… when they were just listening to the other’s breath… when… they were just looking at each other in silence, without really knowing what to do or what to say. It wasn’t awkward… it wasn’t strange… It was the kind of moment where Acchan would just stare at the girl she loved, trying to confess to her without success. It was during those moments that Takamina would just look at her friend, trying to find out if she really loved her this way…
It was exactly after this kind of moment that the actress said sadly, breaking the eyes contact they had:
“I think… I should leave soon.”
“You’re right. I don’t want you to be late or anything.” Takamina apologized, going out of the bed. “I’m glad you came here today.”
“I am too.” Acchan smiled. “But… are you sure you made the right choice?”
“I guess so… I don’t want to stay with the group if I’m useless. I’m not that kind of person. I want to keep doing my best, and if I can’t do it in AKB48, I’ll do it in something else.”
Acchan kept smiling at her friend, but couldn’t help thinking she had changed. Even if she still had the same personality and the same determination, there was something new in the way she looked at her. There was something new in the way she was talking to her. She seemed really ready to fight to reach her dream. More than ever… it was already a singer standing in front of her. And there was still this feeling she felt when the actress looked at her… the power of love.
“I’m going now!” Acchan said before not being able to hold her envy of tasting her friend’s lips. “Don’t forget to call me when you’re going to take a bath!”
She left the room after a quick hug to her friend. Takamina stared at the door a couple of second… sighed and decided to take a bath in twenty minutes, when her friend would be far enough from her house… because she knew she wanted to hear her voice again.
***
It was really uncomfortable. Some random people were staring at her like she was mentally sick. She knew she was not walking like usual, but still! Did they absolutely need to make her feel like she was an E.T?! Right, she was stopping every meter to hide behind a tree, right, she was wearing huge sunglasses and a large hat, but still! And it wasn’t her fault if she needed to hide herself! She didn’t want them to recognize her…
“Why did I decide to spy them already? Oh right, to make sure Hiroko would do nothing… I’m feeling stupid right now.”
Takamina had decided to take a bath quickly so she could go to Shibuya and check that Acchan would be alright with Hiroko. She didn’t trust her old friend that much finally… Luckily, she had found them as soon as she had walked in front of 109. She knew she was probably doing too much, but it was stronger than her. Right now… it seemed that they were just walking around, stopping to look at some clothes.
“If I didn’t know them, I would have thought they’re best friends… But it’s me, Acchan’s best friend, right?”
In fact, Acchan and Hiroko looked like they were doing nice. They were laughing all the time, talking and enjoying their time. Acchan had told Takamina it was the moment she and Hiroko tried to become… “friends” again. She had said it was just something so they could talk about the future trip and learn how to support each other. Well, it looked like it worked really well.
Takamina followed them for a few more minutes before realizing what she did was really stupid. She shouldn’t be there. She should trust Acchan’s manager. After all, she would not be there to protect her friend when she would go to South Korea. She needed to learn to trust the others more than that… But still, she had great reasons to be anxious about it.
She saw Acchan and Hiroko being stopped by a man. Reading on his lips, she could tell he was a fan of Acchan asking for her autograph. She frowned, looking at Hiroko letting Acchan signed his shirt. It was weird, but hey, he was a fan… A very big fan since he was now bowing to her very low. Takamina could tell Acchan was not really comfortable with this situation, even thought she was smiling. She knew her friend enough to understand she wanted this guy to leave.
“Come on, Hiroko, you can’t accept everything a fan wants to have!”
As the man was still bowing, Takamina flinched as she saw he was discretely taking out his phone to take pictures. It would be logic since… Acchan was wearing a beautiful dress. Takamina saw him beginning to take pictures. She felt her blood boiling into her veins, wanting to run right toward him and kill him. It wasn’t only jealousy, she was literally ready to murder him! How could he take pictures of her friend this way! Not only was it pervert, but seriously, it was disgusting! She was about to leave her disguise and yell at him when Hiroko suddenly grabbed the man’s phone, much to Acchan’s confusion. It seemed that the actress had not realized what was going on, but that her manager had seen everything.
“What are you going to do, Hiroko?” Takamina asked herself, ready to join them anytime to kill the pretended fan.
To her surprise, Hiroko suddenly threw the phone on the ground and put her feet on it, crushing it. She then began to jump on it a few times before taking it and giving it back to the speechless man. Takamina could hear him screaming at them as they left, but Hiroko just turned back and smiled, pretending she had done nothing.
Hiroko turned to Acchan and began to explain her the situation. From Takamina’s point of view, she could tell Acchan was really surprised and really thankful to her manager. She could tell Acchan was saying “thank you” for about five minute when Hiroko finally told her to stop because she had “done nothing”. They went in a café, Acchan still looking for the guy, but he didn’t appear. Hiroko seemed to tell her something, to which she smiled and nodded. Her manager was obviously trying to reassure her.
Takamina didn’t follow them in the café. She was observing them from a bench outside. She thought Hiroko was really different from the last time she had seen her. Sure, it was normal, but to see her so… happy was a bit unusual. Though she was glad for her. If she could just keep her promise and forget the rest, that would be perfect. And to help her to forget about their common past, Takamina knew she had to stop following them. It was too risked. They could see her whenever. She had to… disappear from Hiroko’s life… and vice versa.
She stared a last minute at them before leaving Shibuya. Maybe she should just see how it would go. She couldn’t help thinking she would have loved joining them… just to spend more time with her best friend. She was walking toward the metro when she suddenly bumped into someone she knew very well.
“Takamina?!” Miichan’s surprised voice exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”
The ex AKB member was glad to see her friend.
“I… I was just thinking.” She answered, smiling a little, still nervous because of her sudden graduation.
“Really? Aren’t you supposed to work to reach your dream now? Let’s go, become Japan’s number 1 solo singer!” Miichan said.
“I… I guess so…”
“Hey, Takamina…” Miichan said with a serious voice. “Yesterday… you were really serious about it?”
The ex captain nodded, though it wasn’t really convinced.
“Yeah… I had to choose and… well this is the result.”
Miichan stared at her with nothing in her eyes as she said:
“Whatever happens now… Don’t forget, you are still Team A captain. Graduation means nothing to us. You are still in the group. Come whenever you want.”
She looked at her cellphone after saying these words and apologized. She began to run toward somewhere Takamina didn’t know.
“She’s still working for her dream. She knows where to go… And me… where exactly am I heading to right now?”
She sat on a bench, just staring at nothing… remembering how she had felt during the last Tokyo Dome show…
Flash Back
Empty… black… endless road in front of me… I can’t see anything. I can hardly look in front of me without seeing crying fans staring at me, confusion in their eyes. I am… deeply lost. I’ve never thought I would pronounce these painful words so soon… How ironic, now I can’t speak at all. The words are stuck in my throat, they don’t want to be free and they are prisoner of my mind…
There’s a spotlight shinning on me, creating a round white and pure circle around me… Everywhere else… is black. Why isn’t it the opposite? Why isn’t the light on everybody else? Why am I not surrounded by shadow? After all, right now… my heart is suddenly taken over by darkness. I can’t hear anything… I can’t see the others… But there’s nothing to hear, just silence. And there’s nothing I can look at with my eyes full of tears, it would be useless. The music has stopped… the voices too… I have the feeling I just killed everyone. I’m supposed to be their leader, to help them surpassing themselves… but right now, I’m nothing more than a murderer, am I? Did I just… really announce my graduation? Or is it just another bad dream I’m doing… another warning telling me my heart is bleeding?
Music began to play in background. It was a slow rhythm, making everyone feeling sad… like they weren’t already enough. Members all step backward except Miichan, who stayed by Takamina’s side, unable to move.
I haven’t only killed my friends, they are there too, the fans, my third family… They aren’t cheerful anymore now. They aren’t partying in the dome like a few minutes ago…They aren’t screaming at all. I don’t know… I feel like are just staring at me… I can’t even describe this situation right now… Everyone just stopped talking at the end of my sentence like they didn’t have the right to speak…The tears are gone… they have all fallen down my cheeks, allowing me to see the crowd clearer. But I think seeing nothing was better than seeing them finally… They are looking at me like… I can’t describe it… like I just announced someone’s death. But maybe they are right… Maybe… I am dying right now…
I can hear them whispering. Did I really leave them? They have always been there to support me as the person I am and as a captain… Is leaving the group really my way of thanking them? Some are looking at me like the world stopped moving. Am I… really that important to them? I mean… I’m not their friend or a member of their family… but they all look like they consider me as one. They are… looking at me like real friends would. Some are crying, some are trying to speak with their eyes… I can’t be sure of their feelings. By staying in front of them, I can tell they don’t understand… but how could they since I don’t myself? I just can’t believe that… I have forgotten how much they mean to me. They are posting about my blog everyday… they are always there to help and support me… In fact, I’m not crying for myself. I’m crying for them… I’m unable to stop these tears… because I’m afraid when the light will go off, Takahashi Minami will have betrayed them.
Slowly, one by one, people started screaming at Takamina. If some of them were not comprehensible... others were everything the fans could do… They couldn’t do anything else but cheer for her. They couldn’t hug her one by one… nor talk to her personally about how important she was to them… they could only applause and wish her the best… even if it was really painful for them to watch her this way.
“Do your best!”
“We will miss you!”
“Why?! We want you to stay forever!”
“AKB48 is Takamina’s group!”
“Be happy! Don’t make us regretting accepting your graduation! Be happy and come back one day… just so we can continue to support you forever!”
“Don’t leave! If Takamina is not in the group… I will stop listening to it! I want Takamina!”
The last one… was not really serious. It was only… a helpless call to their Team A captain to stop everything. It was only… a desperate way to tell her they didn’t want her to leave.
I don’t know how… but even with all those cheerful words… I manage to turn back. I don’t want to look at them any longer. Seeing them is destroying my soul. I just want to forget everything I did… but I know it’s too late. I am stupid. I thought turning around would help me, but no… now I am prisoner of my own body. I can’t even breathe when my eyes meet them. Miichan has already released my shoulder. I think… she’s trying to understand. Like all the others… she is trying to put a meaning to what I said. I’m so sorry… I know saying this won’t be enough, but it’s the only thing I can do now.
I’m shaking. They are all in shock. They never thought I would leave now. They are right, I wasn’t supposed to. And looking at them this way makes me feel like I made the wrong decision. Was I right to announce it today? Would it be better… to stop and tell them it isn’t true? But even if I do that, nothing would be the same. I spent my life with them. We shared joys and sorrows. Thank to them, I am who I am today. They are all part of me. The group… is all I ever needed to be happy. It saved my life so many times. I’m crying again, trying to know if I will ever be able to forgive myself for doing such a thing.
I am idiot, thinking I could only say that and erase everything. I’m not just leaving AKB48… I’m leaving friends, family, my own life… my childhood… They are everything. I just want to disappear when I’m standing in front of them in such a huge stage. I just… can’t do anything. For what did I leave my everything? I’m leaving them… to join a world I don’t know. I’m scared. I might… loose myself even more when I’ll go backstage
.
“Takamina…” Miichan whispered, staring at the floor, not talking in the micro.
What she had to say… can’t be hear by everyone.
“Taka…”
But she is unable to speak too.
I made the wrong choice. I know it. I feel it. I’m sure of it. I can’t leave everything I am to join… an unknown society I used to live in with them by my side. I… am nothing, am I? I’m not ready to be a singer yet, I know it. When I will leave the group… What will I become? I still have my manager… but now everything is different. Will I be able to begin a real solo career? Without AKB48? I can’t think about my life without them… Did I really leave everyone here… for her?
I had to make a decision sooner or later. I had to choose between the two most important thing in my life… but now I’m surrounded by doubts again. Everything is so hard… I was working without my will when I was with the group… but thinking of leaving everything just for one person… isn’t it a bit too much? I was telling myself it would be alright, that I could manage everything… But finally I’m not strong enough. I am not… able to make everyone happy. Is… Acchan so important to me? Is Acchan… important to the point I leave everything? Did I really… choose her? Why is it so painful? Why do I have to decide?
By leaving Acchan… I realized I would loose a huge part of myself, but by leaving AKB48… I don’t know which is right. I should have thought even more about it! But… time is missing. If I have waited more, I would have made Akimoto-san mad at me… and Acchan would have left me sooner or later. I’m only thinking about others, right? I’m not thinking about what I want. I just want to see everyone’s smile… but what is the most important to me?
Which would be enough to make my happiness bigger than my pain?
Which would help me to survive in this world?
Because right now… I have nothing. I can only hope I made the right choice…
End of Flash Back
“But sometimes… hope is not enough.” She whispered to herself.
***
Right, Takamina had no idea what she was going to do… Even now, two weeks later. Her life was boring. She wanted to come back to her passion as soon as possible. It was just… too ordinary. From what Acchan had told her recently, everything was fine with her manager. They were back to their professional relation. But Takamina knew her friend was still a bit nervous about the trip. Just by the way she was talking, she could feel her anxiety of staying alone in a different country with Hiroko. They had met two times until now. Acchan had been a bit busier now, but it was normal. Today, they would meet again. Takamina had wanted to see Acchan tomorrow since she was a bit troubled about her future, but her friend had insisted for it to be today. Takamina couldn’t refuse it.
They had decided to meet at Takamina’s house, since her mother wasn’t there. They both didn’t know what they were going to do. Maybe they would just talk… or go outside… or nothing, as long as they were together. Takamina had no idea when she would arrive, and so she was really surprise to see her as she was eating her katsudon. She stopped to talk to Acchan. Usually, there was nothing more important than her katsudon… except Acchan.
“Hey! You’re earlier than I thought.” Takamina said, welcoming her friend.
“Sorry, are you busy?”
Takamina smiled, forgetting her food.
“No, I was waiting for you.” She said.
“Really?” Acchan smirked as she saw the katsudon on the table. “You’re not done, aren’t you? Maybe I should come back later…”
“No!” Takamina insisted. “Don’t worry about that, I’m not hungry anymore now.”
She smiled awkwardly at Acchan. It wasn’t usual for her to insist so much, especially with katsudon right in front of her, but she knew she needed to do it. She needed to forget a little about food sometimes, right? And the real reason was that… she wanted to spend as much time as possible with Acchan. Because in two weeks, it would be too late. In two weeks, she would be alone for six months. She wanted to have fun with her now, so she would not miss her too much later… Though she wasn’t sure if it would work.
“Really?” Acchan asked, half smiling. She knew Takamina LOVED her katsudon more than anything.
“Of course!” Takamina said. “I am completely done! See?” she added as she threw the food away.
“Oh right…” Acchan laughed. “Well… I’ve never thought I would be more important than katsudon for you one day.”
“Hey! I’m not that much into katsudon…” Takamina mumbled.
“Let’s forget about katsudon since you choose me over it.” Her friend smiled. “Let’s just have fun! I bought movies!”
Takamina laughed a bit and join her friend in the living room. They both sat and began to watch the movies. Well… Takamina was trying to watch it, but it was really hard by having her friend by her side. Acchan was acting like they were on a real date, wrapping her arms around Takamina, whispering sweets things in her ears, playing with her hair…
It was cute, yet bothering at the same time. She was really… trying to have her attention. Maybe a bit too much. It was making Takamina really nervous and embarrassing, but judging it was not too bad to act cutely some times, she had just let Acchan doing what she wanted… without going too far of course.
She finally stopped moving and put her head on Takamina’s shoulder around the middle of the movie. They stayed like this until the end, Takamina trying to understand the story, Acchan trying to concentrate on her friend’s respiration.
“So… how was the movie?” The actress asked at the end.
“Nice…” Takamina slowly answered. In fact… she had not understood enough to appreciate it. Acchan had had all her attention.
“Really? I was sure you would like it!” Acchan smiled.
The ex captain just nodded again and again, hoping Acchan would not mind.
“You are really… affectionate today.” She said. “Is it because you’re leaving in two weeks?”
Takamina felt a little bad to talk about something so sad at such a nice moment, but she thought Acchan was… different today. She was acting with her like she was in love and… she wanted to know more about it. If her friend had a problem, she would help her. She didn’t want to see her sad when she was going to leave soon. She didn’t want to have to remember a sad face when she would be gone. Acchan just nodded at her question.
“It’s short, two weeks…” She just said. “You have no idea how…”
Takamina wondered what her friend meant by this, but added nothing. Today… she wanted to be with Acchan, whatever was going to happen later. And then again, she wondered… this feeling… this feeling of wanting to have her by her side… this fear for her when she wasn’t with her… the fact that she just HAD to smile when she was there…
“So… how it’s going since your graduation?” Acchan asked, worrying about it.
“Fine… I miss the stage sometimes… I still can’t look at myself without feeling guilty to have left the group this way.”
“Is this your definition of being “fine”?” Acchan frowned.
“Well… yes?” Takamina asked, half serious.
“I see… Your life must be beautiful right now.” She laughed.
“It’s not that worst!” Takamina whispered. “At least… it allows me to respect my promise. And I’m able to spend more time with you too. So I’m not sad.”
Their eyes met. They both held their breath for a second. It was happening often since Takamina’s graduation. Almost each time they met, twice. Acchan had to fight against her desires again and moved back. Seeing that, Takamina asked:
“Why are you always moving back when we’re together?”
It was really bothering her. She was beginning to think she smelled bad. She was beginning to think she was always doing something bad, but she didn’t know what. Was she… scaring her friend? She… didn’t do anything wrong, right? It was almost becoming insulting to her.
“It- it’s no… nothing.” Acchan stammered, swallowing.
Takamina knew she was lying. She didn’t know if she should be insulted or anxious about it. Not wanting to “scare” or whatever Acchan, she didn’t try to get nearer and repeated:
“What’s wrong? Did I do something bad?”
Acchan shook her head.
“No… it’s just… I still can’t believe you graduated for me.”
“Ah… Don’t worry about me. I did that… it’s true it’s hard… I’m still sad, but I’m thinking it’s just the opportunity to start something new.” Takamina tried to reassure her friend. “You know… I made a choice. I choose you over work. I know it can look like a sacrifice, but you’re my best friend. I couldn’t just pretend I didn’t miss you. I only need… time.”
The actress moved back again. She was at the other extremity of the sofa, still trying to move away. She was slightly shaking. She had come here… because she wanted to see her friend. She had never thought it would be so hard to resist to the forbidden temptation of…
“Will you move away each time I’ll started to talk about my feelings?” Takamina said, starting to look like a tomato a little.
She was embarrassed to talk this way to her friend, but… weren’t friends supposed to talk about everything together? If she couldn’t just say that, she would never be able to find out the name of this mysterious feeling that haunted her day and night. Acchan was looking at her with a painful look that seemed invisible to Takamina. She didn’t want to break their friendship by being egoist and thinking only about her feelings. She knew Takamina was talking to her… with her heart. She was directly telling her how much she liked her as a friend. But… Acchan had come here because…
“Acchan…” Takamina continued sadly, “I know you’re leaving soon and I’ll be the first one to miss your presence… I really hope everything will be fine with your manager… But, you know, we still have two weeks to-”
She was suddenly interrupted by something soft pressing on her lips. She felt her heart beating out of her chest as she realized the distance between them was vanished in less than a second. She shivered as Acchan’s hand passed through her hair. She almost closed her eyes as she felt Acchan’s tongue on her lips, but didn’t, just to make sure… she was not dreaming. She tried to breathe, but her friend had no intention of letting her go. Acchan was gentle. She didn’t try to do more than she could as she was finally listening to her sudden impulse. She needed to breathe too… she needed air soon… but she knew she could die just so she could feel her lips on hers. She couldn’t let her go… before being sure her taste was part of her memories.
They both slowly moved apart, one with shock in her eyes, the other with a look full of… love. Takamina didn’t know what to do except touching her lips with her finger. This strange feeling… had just been increasing thousand times. She had never felt this way before… She just couldn’t put a name on it… it was… like the sun was brighter, like the sky was bluer, like Acchan’s lips were calling hers to join them a second time…
“Why…” she difficultly managed to whisper.
The actress was avoiding her glance, afraid of what she might see through her friend’s eyes. She had done her best to hold herself… but hearing Takamina talking to her this way… her heart had exploded, letting her feelings controlling her mind. She didn’t care if she had surprised her… all she had in mind now was the crazy sensation she had felt when she had finally kissed her.
“I’m leaving tomorrow…” Acchan murmured as silence followed her words.
Their heads were still closed. They didn’t want to move. Takamina couldn’t accept what she had just heard.
Which name should she put on this feeling? Which description should she give herself about it? Which… excuse could she give herself to avoid reality once again?
Or maybe… she couldn’t find excuses anymore.
TBC
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I'm glad you didn't stop writing this story its too amazing! and it would be terribly cruel to leave us hanging like that
It must've been pretty hard writing this chapter so much confusion and hurt from Takamina. you did great :D
BUT LIKE OMGOMOMGOMOGOGOOGMOMG THEY KISSED OMGGGG I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS
gosh 6 months away from each other after this kiss WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN!?!
I hope Takamina's gonna get her solo singer career soon
Will be waiting for your next update! :twothumbs
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OMG... Finally they kissed... :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: woooooooaaaaaaaaaaa... :panic: :panic: :panic: they just stare at each other... what will happend next... :panic: :panic: :panic: it's getting excited... my... you are so great bou-j525 :thumbsup :thumbsup :thumbsup :yep: :yep: :yep: i'll be waiting for the next update... :thumbsup :thumbsup :thumbsup
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3 words....
I love you!!!
Can't wait for next chapter arghhhhhh.... we should be friends! ahaha so then you will feel obliged to continue updating for your friends ^_^
Although I was sad about the Takamina grad... the kiss fixed it....and and and then i watch Takamina Danso! ahahahaha v_v; im good now!
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I know this has absolutely nothing to do here... but wtf is this new emoticon :deco: O__o
@mangobanana15: Ahh thank you! :) You have no idea how many time I told myself "Don't write something like this, Takamina would never think that!" >.< But yeah... I hate writing about it...
@sorakamiya: Wow a lot smileys you put there XD I'm still not sure about my writting style, so thank for telling me I'm great XD
@Keichan: I will avoid you for the rest of my life if it means updating every two days XD Coz I know I can't do it. I'm not a ninja and will never be.
@everyone reading: Thank :grin:
Hello everyone! I'm really sorry! I'm horribly late! I know, I have no excuse, especially with the end of the lastest chapter, it's really a bad timing :( It's just that...
1- Was busy with school
2-Currently fighting a terrible lack of motivation (my lack of inspiration is KO though... but my motivation is dooooown)... You know... it always happens someday TT__TT I feel sorry for you guys since it's exactly during a crucial part XD
So yeah, this is my new chapter... I think it is shorter than the others, but I tell you, I don't have motivation XD It's a miracle if I post tonight (as usual of course, it's always a miracle!... you guys are probably tired of reading my speechs XD)
Sorry for the mistakes!
Chapter 16
"I'm leaving tomorrow..."
She was staring at the blue sky. There were no clouds at all. So in fact… it was impossible that her departure was cancelled. She was waiting for a plane to fly in front of her eyes… bringing her best friend far from her.
She was going in to leave in…
“Five… four… three… two… one…” Takamina whispered, glancing at her cell phone.
She could hear a distant sound of a plane flying in Tokyo sky. Was it hers? Was she… already gone?
“I’m a coward…” She murmured to herself.
She had not gone to the airport. She had… decided she would not see Acchan the day of her departure. She had spent the morning thinking about what she should do… and she had finished to realize that it was too late to go and see her. Even though she would be gone for six months… Takamina had not moved from her house. She had not sent her a mail… she had not called her… she had just… watched her leave her house in silence yesterday. She had decided she would just stay home today… because she couldn’t think of what would happen when they would meet again. She couldn’t think of what she could say… when she will be in front of Acchan again.
After their… sudden kiss, they had just looked at the other silently. Acchan was too scared to say something… and Takamina couldn’t even think of saying anything. And especially with the announcement of Acchan’s departure, she was… petrified. They were both thinking about what had happened. They couldn’t add anything, thinking of how long six months would be without her. And when Acchan had finally left Takamina’s room in silence after a few minutes… the ex captain had not said anything too. She had just waited to hear the front door close… before starting to cry again.
She didn’t know how to react to this situation… It was so… unexpected! It was so… different from who she was. She was a girl, right? Acchan was too, right? Wasn’t it… impossible for them to have… this kind of relationship? Wasn’t it… just impossible to even just think about… something like that? How could a long-time friendship transform to… love? There were thousand feelings in the world, but it just had to be love?! How could… she miss Acchan so much right now? It was a painful transformation. Love was… not something she could understand. She couldn’t understand what Acchan had done… She couldn’t even understand her own reaction. Why hadn’t she moved away when she had felt Acchan’s lips on hers? Why hadn’t she just… run away?
She kept looking outside, feeling nothing but emptiness as she thought she would not have her best friend by her side for a really long time… And this time, it was even worst… because she was in another country. It wasn’t like she could see her once a month… No, now it was… just about waiting. It was just about trying to find an answer until she came back. Somehow, it was a nice timing… but at the same time, it was probably the worst thing that could ever happen to her right now. To Takamina… it was just about… trying to lie to herself all the time about her feelings until she comes back.
Yes, lying all the time… because right now… she couldn’t deny the fact that… she wanted to feel Acchan’s lips on hers again.
***
The next day, Takamina had called her manager, saying she wanted to begin to think about her solo career soon. They had planned a meeting in two days. Her manager seemed to be truly relieved that Takamina had surpassed her graduation. It was still hard to think about it, but she was ready to start something new. She was ready to start singing again. She hated being inactive so long time.
Today, she was going to AKB48 handshake event, the one announced during Tokyo Dome concert. She had called Akimoto-san before, asking him if it was alright if she came to see everyone, and there was no problem. After all, it was still recent, and she needed to say more to the curious fans too. It was the opportunity to tell the fans about her decision, and to meet them to thank them for so many years of support. It was even announced on TV right now, though she had asked the permission to come the same morning. This handshake was going to be epic.
She left her house, enjoying the fresh air. She was glad she could walk in the street without being too observed. The shock due to her graduation was gone now. People had “accepted” it. She arrived to the handshake event before it began. Of course, she wanted to talk a little with the members before everything, so she had arrived there a few hours before. She knew everyone would be there, preparing everything.
She was not even doing one step among the tables that one of the members spotted her and screamed to the others:
“SHE’S HERE!”
Takamina was immediately surrounded by all the others members and even by some SKE and NMB girls… which was a lot. She could barely understand each of them as she was trying to answer their questions. When she finished answering one, it seemed that ten others arrived. Everything was going so fast that she decided she would just nodded until calm comes back, which was not really long because they all needed to go back to their places to finish preparations.
Takamina smiled. Here was her group… Well, not “her” group, but the group that had a huge part in her heart. The group… she would remember forever. She walked toward the “Team K and Team B” section. Her closest friends… all there… She took time to see everyone, taking news of them, asking them if everything was fine in the group. She was still a captain after all, right? She wanted to cheer for each member of her huge family.
She then walked toward the “TEAM A” section. Seeing everyone from her old team made her feel really nostalgic. She had the feelings she had left yesterday… The wound was still bleeding, even though it hurt a bit less… She talked to everyone, like she did for the others teams, but this time, it felt different. She cared so much for them! It was her own team after all… thinking she would never perform with them again… Team A… Piooner… A3… A4… A5… A6… Everything was coming back, hitting her heart with fierce. It was like she was meeting with her own life. As she was talking to everyone, she was always thinking about a reason why this or that member should be the next captain… Each of them had a quality for this responsibility. Each of them… deserved to be here. One of them… would replace Takahashi Minami sooner or later…
“Takamina!” Miichan screamed as she joined her, soon followed by Haruna and Mariko.
Takamina sighed and tried to hold her tears. No way, she would not start crying already?! But she missed them so much! And it had been only two weeks she had not seen them… What would it be… a month, two months… a year later? They would still stay friends forever, right? There was no way she would ever forget them.
“Look over there!” Haruna said happily, pointing an empty table.
There was nothing to look at. Takamina frowned and smiled awkwardly, not knowing what else to do. Miichan sighed and Haruna just smirked. Mariko laughed at Takamina’s failing and added:
“Look at the name written over it.”
Takamina glanced at the name. What…? There was nothing special. It was just writing “Team A’s captain”. Wait… did that mean…?
“You’re going to name a new captain today?” Takamina asked, almost fearing the answer.
They would… already name another captain? She was really… gone? She always feared that moment… Because to her, when there would be a new captain… it would mean that she was really gone. It was… even more official then her announcement.
“You didn’t change at all, did you?” Haruna smiled.
Miichan and Mariko exchanged glances and began to laugh. Really… Takamina could be so… innocent when she wanted. Or maybe “innocent” wasn’t exactly the right word…
“Yeah, that’s right, we’re going to name a new captain only two weeks after your graduation!” Mariko said ironically. “We didn’t name anybody when Sayaka has resigned her captain responsibility even if it took a long time before she came back, but we are going to replace you now, just a few weeks after your graduation!”
Haruna and Miichan were laughing so hard it was almost impossible to stop them. Just by the look in Takamina’s face, they could tell she believed Mariko.
“What?” Takamina frowned.
“I think you just broke your failing record…” Mariko said, holding her laughs too.
“It’s you, idiot!” Miichan said.
“Me?”
“Yes, you know… the place where fans will come and talk to you?” Miichan added.
“I have… a place?”
Seeing how Takamina was ready to burst in tears, Mariko soon hit her shoulder and answered:
“Of course! It’s a handshake event for the members who were at Tokyo Dome, remember? How could we forget you?”
“Especially with the announcement you made.” Haruna added sadly. “It’s really impossible to forget your presence.”
Takamina nodded slightly, still trying to realize what was going on. She had a place! She was going to meet her fans! She was so happy… yet so nervous. What if the fans were mad at her? What would she do? What could she answer to their questions? She was only supposed to see her friends and talked a little to the public… but now… she had the chance to talk to each of her fans.
“Thank you…” She said to the trio standing in front of her.
They smiled at her and Miichan answered, wrapping her arm around the small girl:
“You’re not only Team’s A captain. You’re AKB48’s captain. You deserve to have a place here.”
The others members of Team A joined them and they started talking about what had happened during the last two weeks. Nothing really important. They had talked a lot about Tokyo Dome concert and her graduation. They didn’t expect it at all, so the entire Team had talked with Akimoto-san about what they were going to do. Hearing this, Takamina immediately bowed, to which the members stopped her, saying it wasn’t her fault. They didn’t know who would be the next captain yet, and honestly, none of them felt she could ever be replaced by someone else.
Takamina really thought they were exaggerating how much she was important to the group, but they kept repeating she was really the most important member of their Team, especially since Acchan’s graduation. They still didn’t know who would sing her solo from A6 and nobody wanted, fearing they would totally ruin the beauty of the song. Same with “Kiseki wa yoru umareru” and “Next heaven” from NO3B unit.
“I’m not so-”
But Takamina’s modesty was cut right away by Sasshi, saying with conviction:
“YOU ARE!”
And everyone else nodded, making Takamina feeling really uncomfortable. They were acting like she was Team A only by herself, which was not true at all! They were all Team A! They were all AKB48! AKB48 couldn’t just be one member! Then it would be… AKB1? It was ridiculous, wasn’t it? She couldn’t represent 48 members just by herself!
“Thank you…” Takamina said, feeling she couldn’t answer anything else.
They made her feel like she had made the wrong decision… They made her feel like… she had been wrong to graduate from the group. The handshake event was about to begin. Before everything started, someone gave a micro to Takamina, saying to announce the beginning of the event. There were speakers everywhere, so fans could hear her very well. And it was probably the last event she would participate ever with the group… so it was needed. She was so nervous… but she still managed to say:
“Hum… Hello everyone…”
God, she needed to breathe! She was going to die from nervousness! What if they were all mad at her! One member against… thousand fans, what would be the result? One dead woman? No doubts about it… but before she could even say something else, she heard applauses coming from everywhere around them.
She was speechless. She couldn’t even say anything else. The fans… were cheering for her. They were thousand to scream and applause… They were thousand to… encourage her. They didn’t even stop a second just to let her keep talking…
“I…”
She stopped. She couldn’t talk. They were still applauding. She couldn’t… just announce the start of the event. It was a real… ovation! She started crying. She couldn’t hold her tears… It was too… intense. She was living a dream… She was… overwhelmed by hundred emotions…
“I…”
Ten minutes passed. The others members were looking at her. They weren’t mad at her. They were really glad she was so much loved by everyone. And it was true she was really an important member, as much as Acchan.
“Can we begin, please?” Takamina asked a staff member, covering the micro with her hand.
She was really thankful for everything but… they would never begin if she couldn’t talk.
“I am sorry, Takahashi-san, but Akimoto-san said we will begin only at your signal.”
They were kidding her, right?!? She would have to stop the fans by herself?! But… but they were screaming so loud! They were giving her so much love, she couldn’t… give tt back…
“But…!” Takamina said, almost praying the guy. “Don’t you see I can’t say anything without making everyone screams?”
She was REALLY feeling uncomfortable with the fact that… it was her fault if there was nothing happening except applauses.
“I can’t believe you already forgot how to do!” Miichan said, walking by her side. “Remember, at Tokyo Dome? We needed to stop all the screams too… You just need to raise your voice more and smile a little. You just need to act… as our captain again.”
As a captain… but she wasn’t captain anymore, was she?
“Of course you are!” Miichan said, knowing what she thought, pushing her a little. “I can’t believe two weeks made you think like an idiot so much!”
But Takamina REALLY couldn’t say anything… What could she do against so much… love?
“Say something or we’re going to die here waiting for you…” Miichan sighed, knowing her friend was too shocked to speak. “Listen, to all them… you were and still are AKB48’s captain. You are… as important as Acchan… You are a legend.”
And Miichan felt like she was not even exaggerating with the last statement. Takamina looked like she was going to die, but still… she took a deep breathe and said loudly:
“Thank you everyone! Now the event will begin! I’m really happy for everything you did for me until now! Let’s have fun one last time like before I leave!”
Finally, everything was beginning. But Takamina felt really nervous, thinking she had to say something at the end too… And just to think she had came here first because she wanted to see her friends… Now she was going to meet her fans… and talk to them… and talk about her graduation again… and probably… she would have to talk about Acchan.
“Are you ready, Takahashi-san?” The bodyguard asked her as the fans began to arrive.
No, she wasn’t. She was going to die. She could not talk to them. She could not face them. She was way too nervous and guilty… but she nodded at the guy. There were soon many people waiting to meet her. God… she was so nervous she was not even crying! It was unusual for her! She soon saw that she was really stressed for absolutely nothing. All the fans were here with smiles on their faces. They were encouraging her for her future career, telling her they were sad she was not with the group, that they would miss her…
Takamina felt her heart screaming for help each time a fan told her AKB48 would not be the same without her. Each time someone told her they would miss her… she was asking herself if she made the best choice to be happy later… Each time a crying fan was walking in front of her, her heart was bleeding. Each time… she saw sadness in a fan’s eyes, she couldn’t help thinking she would give everything just to come back to past and erase this graduation announcement.
She spent many hours, shaking hands with fans. She had more than ever. Some told her she was not their oshimen, but that they needed to wish her the best for the future. Some told her they were usually too shy to come to this kind of event, but that today was a special day. Some were sick and didn’t shake hand with her, but just smiled and congratulated her. Some couldn’t even say anything as they arrived in front of her!
Some were coming from overseas… She had been really surprised when a group of American and Canadian fans had arrived in front of her, their arms full of presents that she had accepted since it was an exception. Talking in English had been really fun. She had accepted with pleasure a book with many encouragement words written by overseas fans. She didn’t know she had so many and was really glad about this. She promised herself to visit all those forums they had talked about… Maybe she would understand something… even if it was all in English. Some were coming from France. Talking in French was much harder, but luckily, the fans talked to her in English too.
But still… seeing overseas fans coming all the way to Japan… made her feel even guiltier about everything. When all those fans would come back to their respective countries… would they all forget about her?
She spent all the day like this, not stopping a second. She even ate while meeting her fans. The others members couldn’t help but laugh at this. Even though Takamina had left the group, she was still acting like a real captain, putting the fans before everything else. When everything was coming to an end, and that she was about to say the end word, a little seven years old girl arrived in front of her. She was the last one from the huge line.
“Hello!” Takamina said, smiling to her.
They could not talk a lot, so the girl went straight to the point:
“I’m sad you leave the group! But I’m glad to know it was to join Acchan! I wish I will have a friendship like yours too!”
Takamina nodded, smiling. If only this girl knew how her life was complicated right now…
“I am sorry.” She repeated for the –she didn’t remember how- time of the day. “I leave AKB48, but you know, it’s not just because of Acchan. I will start my own life too. And a friendship can also brings problems too, so be careful with your friends to not loose them.”
The answer the girl gave her was not what she expected. It was a lot more mature. Takamina had the strange feeling of being in front of herself when she was young…
“But it’s not a problem, pain, you know? Because when you are true friends, you can surpass anything.” The little girl answered.
Suddenly, Takamina couldn’t say anything else.
“You will always be my oshi!” The girl said as she left.
And Takamina was left in front of an empty line. That child right now… had just completely brought her back memories. If they were real friends… Acchan and she could surpass anything… even…
“It’s time for you to speak!” A guy told her, stopping her thoughts.
Takamina sighed. Now… she would really and definitely leave AKB48… for the second time.
“Everyone, thank for coming today!” She started as the crowd screamed.
It was going to be a long and painful speech.
***
“You were awesome!” Miichan said.
The handshake event was done. They, Takamina, Miichan, Haruna and Mariko, were eating in a nice restaurant. Team A’s first generation’s first meeting since Tokyo Dome concerts.
“What you said, it was perfect! I think the fans already forgive you for leaving the group.” Miichan continued.
“Don’t say that…” Takamina mumbled, still wondering about what the little girl had told her.
It was sure unusual to think deeply about things, especially in her situation now… She regretted not being there at the airport to say “good bye” to Acchan. She wished she had been there, just to tell her she would miss her. She wished… she could see her right now… She had sent her mails, but the only answers she received was that everything was fine… and that Acchan had a lot of things to do, so she didn’t have time to speak with her. Wasn’t it exactly the opposite of what had happened a while ago with her? Before, Acchan had a lot of free time while she hadn’t… and now… the opposite.
The group started talking about everything as they always did when they were together. They talked about the future of the group. Takamina wanted to hear about it. If everything was fine at the beginning, the atmosphere soon became sad when both Mariko and Haruna started talking about graduation. Sooner or later… the group would loose all the first generation members.
They all ate in silence before Takamina finally broke the awkward moment, asking:
“Are you sure about it, Mariko?”
The tall idol nodded.
“Yes… I mean… I’m the older. I think I should leave soon. I still can’t believe both Acchan and you left before me!”
“You are all leaving…” Miichan sighed. “It’s depressing.”
“I wanted to leave sooner, you know…” Mariko said “But then you decided to graduate… So I thought I should wait a little, just to give time to the fans.”
“Me too…” Haruna whispered.
“What about you?” Takamina asked, not understanding what her friend was saying.
“She wants to join SDN48.” Miichan said. “But she doesn’t because of Yuko.”
“It’s not only because of Yuko!” Haruna protested.
Takamina smirked.
“Yuko would follow her anywhere.” Mariko said.
“She wants to be an actress.” Haruna said. “If I left, she would too, but in another direction. She would work to reach her dream and I would work as an idol.”
“Is that what you call “not only because” of someone?” Miichan said. “It looks like Yuko’s the only reason why you haven’t left so far.”
“Of course not!”
Really? Takamina doubted about it. Haruna could leave whenever she wanted. She was gorgeous and the fans loved her. She would be accepted anytime in SDN. Seeing how the others were looking at her, Haruna said:
“Stop looking at me like I am Takamina denying things about Acchan!”
“Hey!” The ex captain growled. “Don’t talk about me and Acchan, it’s totally not the same thing!”
“Oh, so you admit there is something between you and Acchan!” Miichan smiled. “We sure can’t compare Yuko and Acchan after all.”
Takamina pretended to pout, but soon remembered her problem. There WAS something between her and Acchan, she couldn’t deny it… not with that had happened to them. There was something… and it was way beyond everything she ever thought it would be. Now that she remembered well… this warm feeling she had when she was with Acchan… she never had it when she was with the others. She never had so much pleasure with the others… She knew it was kind of harsh to say, but this strange feeling… was gone now. And since she had kind of accepted the existence of this feeling inside her… it felt like another part of her was missing too.
“Did you talk about it to Yuko?” Mariko asked.
She was now used to work with gay people. So she could just help them anyway instead of laughing at them… except for Takamina. It was too funny to tease her. Yeah, Takamina would always be the exception.
“I tried…” Haruna hesitated. “But… you know when you’re talking to someone like Yuko…”
“Let me guess… you ended up doing something else?” Miichan smirked.
“N-not what you guys are thinking about!” Haruna said. “It’s just… I don’t want to see her cry… She is so happy to be with me…”
The way Haruna had said it was so cute that the others couldn’t help but smile nicely at her. It was really rare that she said something like this about the relationship they had together. She looked like she really cared about what was going to happen when they would be too old to stay in the group. She was thinking about it… since a really long time already.
“I think… she will understand.” Mariko said. “Both of you fear what is going to happen, don’t you? But… I think love can surpass anything.”
Takamina flinched, thinking it looked pretty much like what the little girl had said. Except this time… it was about love, not friendship.
“It will be hard at the beginning, but I know Yuko will not leave you just for that.” Mariko added. “You should really have a talk with her before.”
They all stared at Haruna, who was deeply thinking about it. It was sure difficult for her to think about all the different “what if” that could happen. What if Yuko didn’t want to be with her? What if she wasn’t accepted in SDN48? What if Yuko stopped loving her someday? What if… she was left alone after AKB48? She wanted to ask Acchan or Takamina about it since their case looked similar, but she knew… they weren’t exactly at the same point in their relationship. They weren’t… as far as Yuko and she were.
“I guess you’re right…” She sighed, looking at the picture she always kept with her.
Yuko and her, smiling… like they were alone in the world… She still couldn’t believe she could love someone as pervert as Yuko… as stupid and excited as her… as crazy and immature… but still… someone she could laugh with every time… someone who could make her feel better when something was wrong…
“I’m going to talk to her later…” Haruna decided.
“Thank God, at least there’s someone here knowing what she wants!” Miichan laughed. “I was becoming crazy with Takamina, you know?”
Takamina didn’t answer, just stared angrily at Miichan. She didn’t want to talk about it. Her friends didn’t know anything about the real torture she was going through right now. And still… that “friendship/love can surpass anything” was beginning to drive her madder than ever. This feeling… should she look for it? Since it had disappeared with Acchan’s departure… should she try to find it again?
“So… anything new?” Miichan asked.
“You have no idea” Takamina thought.
“Not really…” the ex member sighed. “I was thinking I would start working in two days… but you know… the more I think about it… the less I want to start.”
Sure, she wanted to sing… but not now. Not with everything… not with what had happened with her best friend… if she could still call her, her “best friend”.
“I’ve never thought I would live long enough to see Takamina becoming lazy.” Haruna laughed, forgetting about her own problem. “You’ll begin your solo career now, right?”
“Yes…” Takamina nodded. “I want to practice a little by myself before anything else.”
“I’m sure your first single will be about love.” Mariko smirked.
Love? Yeah… of course. Maybe about how love was cruel. About how complicated it was to realize her feelings… how hard it was to talk about it with the other person… how bad she felt because of this painful feelings she had in her heart… how regretful she felt when she thought about not going to see Acchan yesterday… Yeah… that would make a perfect song! And how about a song talking about a warm feeling which “love” may not be the definition?
“Maybe… who knows?” Takamina just answered.
“I bet Acchan knows!” Miichan laughed, raising her arm like she was the best for guessing that.
Mariko rolled her eyes as Haruna was texting a certain someone. Takamina just ignored her. She would have plenty time to think about it… LATER… or never.
“We’re going to practice tomorrow morning…” Mariko announced. “I think it’s for the new single that’s coming in three months.”
“Really? How is it?” Takamina asked, suddenly much more interested in that conversation.
Speaking about what was going to happen within the group helped her to “forget” a little about the fact that… she was not part of it. It was nice to hear about it. She laughed at some jokes and insides from Team A members, gave advices to them about how doing some stuffs and all… She was still acting like their captain. In fact, if it wasn’t for that announcement she did during Tokyo Dome concert… everything would be perfect.
They talked about the group for at least an hour, remembering things and bringing some news things that were going to happen later… Takamina was surprised to learn about the fact that all the products with her name or anything that was linked to her were breaking record of sales. In the theatre shop, fans needed to command products because nothing was left. Takamina’s graduation… had made the fans buy everything about her. She didn’t know if she should be glad about it or not… After all, the result was the same: money into Akimoto-san’s wallet.
“So…” Miichan said as they were leaving the restaurant.
They were going to be separated again. But at least… they had had fun tonight. And Takamina was glad about the whole day. Meeting her fans… meeting her friends… talking about the group… feeling like she had never left AKB48… it was everything she needed to be able to move on now.
“Talk to you later, guys!” Takamina said smiling awkwardly at her friends, not really good when it came to feelings and all.
“We’ll miss you!” Mariko said, creating a big group hug.
Team A’s first generation then walked in separated ways. It wasn’t long until Takamina heard her name screamed behind her. She turned around and stopped walking, seeing Miichan running after her.
“Is everything alright?” She asked.
“What are you talking about?” Takamine frowned.
Miichan looked at her in the eyes.
“I went to see Acchan yesterday at the airport.” She told her friend. “I found it weird that you weren’t there with her… since you had nothing to do… and I have to admit… Acchan looked troubled when I mentioned you.”
“It’s nothing.” Takamina immediately answered, trying to look calm.
“Did something happen between you?” Miichan insisted.
She really looked like she wanted to know everything, which was true. Yesterday, Acchan seemed depressed to death, even though she was trying to smile to her. Miichan had no idea why she looked this way, but she hated seeing her friend like this. She was ready to bet a million yens that it was something about Takamina… again. As for Takamina… she knew she could trust her friend, but she didn’t want to tell her exactly what had happened when she was still really… confused about it.
“Yes…” She said slowly. “Something did happen… but you don’t have to worry about it. I’m currently… trying to find what I need to know…”
“Don’t take too much time then…” Miichan said.
“Are you kidding me?” Takamina said, frowning. “I have six months to wait! I have plenty of time!”
Six long and painful months… before seeing her again… before knowing what was going to happen to their friendship…
“I know it looks like it’ll be long…” Miichan warned her. “But I think you should not wait too long. Call her. I know it seems stupid, but call her and talk about it. I’m sure she’d rather know about it now than in six months… even if you’re not talking to her in person. You know… don’t you think both of you already suffer enough?”
Takamina didn’t answer at the question and just looked away as Miichan left in the opposite direction. She couldn’t help thinking her friend was right. And somehow… she felt that it was her own fault if pain was still present in their fragile relationship.
***
Takamina was buying a bento in a conbini. It was late. Almost midnight. She had worked all day, talking and practicing for her first single that would be out in three months. She needed to be perfect. Since she wasn’t in AKB48 anymore, she needed to gain news fans. Sure, she knew AKB fans still supported her, but a solo career couldn’t be only based on it. She needed to have news fans, coming from everywhere in Japan. As Miichan had predicted, it was a love song. It was hard to say if it was a happy or a sad one though… sometimes, it sounded like it was about an impossible relationship, sometimes it sounded like lovers were living together all the time. Though it could also sounded like a friendship song… Two friends having a really great complicity… a pretty great song indeed. A nice mix of pop and rock music.
It had been four months now… since Acchan had left Japan. She was doing fine in South Korea… or at least that was what she was saying to her friends. Takamina… had begun to work again about her own career… AKB48’s new single was out since a month… she had participated to a lot of TV shows… everything was alright. She was talking to her friend at phone, sometimes just a few minutes, enough for both of them to gain strength. Most of the time, they were only writing mails to the other since they didn’t know when they would both be free. They didn’t talk about what had happened between them before the departure. They didn’t… mention it. Sometimes, there were awkward silences… but they never talked about it, even though they both secretly wanted to. It was really a… hard subject.
Takamina sighed, thinking of how she could wait two others months. She was putting her soul into her single, hoping it would help her to forget the emptiness she felt in her heart without Acchan by her side… but it didn’t work at all. Never, not once, had she stopped thinking about her… about her presence… about the feeling of having her lips pressing on hers. She was… more confused than ever. She wanted to find an answer about it before Acchan came back to Tokyo. She wanted to find an answer to that primordial question… but she couldn’t even find this warm feeling she was looking for.
Was it really… love? Was it… only love?
And if so… what would she do? Would she… let the feeling control her and confess to her best friend? Or would she avoid it for the rest of her like… hurting her friend like she did long time ago with Hiroko?
Whatever the answer was… she could not just forget it. It was way different than before now. Not the same situation, not the same age, not the same feelings… but still… two girls together… it would be bad for their careers if media learned about it. It could ruin their careers, knowing how much this situation was taboo in Japan. There was a lot of stuff to considerate now! She wasn’t young and innocent anymore. She had new responsibilities, new objectives for the future.
She shook her head, trying to calm. Each time she thought about Acchan… her heart was racing. Each time she thought of the relationship they could have… her breath was becoming irregular. Each time she thought about their future first meeting when she would come back… she put a finger on her lips, wondering what was going to happen.
She decided to look some magazines, just so she could think about something else. But she was totally wrong thinking it would help her. In fact, on the cover of one of them was written in huge letter:
Is Maeda Atsuko in love with a Korean guy?
“What the…?” Takamina thought, opening it.
“Famous actress, Maeda Atsuko, was seeing going to a hotel with a guy Saturday night. Even if her manager, Hiroko-san, denies everything about a possible relationship, some pictures showing them looking really happy together are already on Internet. The identity of the guy is still unknown, but according to some witnesses, they looked like they were having a lot of fun, laughing together. Is it a potential boyfriend for the actress? We have to say that, since she couldn’t date anyone when she was with AKB48, it would not be surprising if she wanted to begin a serious relationship now!”
There were only two pages about it, but the second one showed pictures of them, taken by the camera of security. Looked like the owner of the hotel had sold the pictures to the media… Money… made people crueller.
“… begin a serious relationship…” Takamina whispered to herself as she closed the magazine.
Acchan… couldn’t really date this guy, right? It wasn’t a scandal. Acchan was free to do anything she wanted now that she was “only” an actress. Though Takamina doubted about it. Acchan was famous. She could date anybody. She could have everything she wanted. Why would Acchan care about waiting for someone as unsure as her when she could have… a freaking hot guy, judging by the pictures. Taller than Acchan, thin, dark short hair… he seemed sure of himself, having a big smile on his face… Well, maybe since the pictures were not so clear… In fact… he seemed to be everything Takamina wasn’t.
Takamina frowned. It may just be a rumour… but if the media gave so much importance to something like this… what would it be if they decided to be together? Two girls… in Japan… a famous actress and a solo singer… What would it be… if they really decided to go out together? They would have to live in secret for the rest of their life… It sounded… horrible. And how would she tell her parents?! And her friends? Though Miichan and Mariko seemed to have already adopted the idea of the two of them being together… And what about all the responsibilities now?! She would need to be extra careful about what she would do with Acchan now!
She hit herself with her hand, feeling stupid to think about all the consequences when she didn’t even know what to do about… everything. First, she needed to know what she was going to do when Acchan would come back. And… she would think about the rest later. Yeah, later… “never” would be better, but it was kind of impossible. Damn magazine for making her thinking about… everything she was going through.
But somehow… she couldn’t help feeling a bit jealous about the whole thing. Acchan and a guy… having fun? They were not “just” having fun… they seemed to be a real couple… Anybody would see them as lovers by looking at the pictures… Not only was it a “scandal” for Acchan… it was also like a dagger was piercing right through Takamina’s heart…
But there was no blood coming from the wound… since everything was already gone at Acchan’s departure.
***
“I know it look suspicious, but there’s nothing going on between us!”
Takamina stared at the mail she just received from Acchan. The ex captain had asked the actress about it, pretending to be only “worry about her career”. Well, it wasn’t only because of it… but Acchan didn’t need to know about the other reason.
Jealousy.
Takamina sighed, not knowing what to answer to this. “Thank?” No… it would be weird. “I’m relieved”? No… “Be careful about others rumours”? Maybe… She suddenly began to hate herself. Since when EXACTLY did she think so much about what she was going to answer?!! Was it a consequence from… love? She used to answer anything to anyone, not really taking care of thinking about what the person would think about it… and now she couldn’t answer just a sentence to Acchan without fearing her reaction. What if she didn’t answer “THE” best answer? Like… what if she didn’t answer the “NUMBER ONE” answer, the one that would make Acchan happier? What if her mail looked strange? What if…
“I’m becoming… crazy…” Takamina thought.
She didn’t know what to do… if it was love, she hated it. Always fearing the other’s reaction… she felt like she was loosing her liberty. She felt like… if she did something bad, she would loose her friend… After all, her personality wasn’t “perfect” all the time and she felt Acchan deserved more than that. Acchan deserved someone… much better than her. She sure hadn’t realized that it was exactly because of her crazy personality that Acchan had first fall in love with her.
Her phone suddenly rang and she answered, seeing it was her manager.
“Takahashi-san? I got an idea for your PV…”
“Yes?”
Takamina listened to the idea, frowning at some part, especially the beginning. Her manager wanted… Acchan to participate? Maybe it would be a nice thing. Since she had left AKB48 since already a few months… having Acchan in her PV could help her to boost her popularity. And since the song wasn’t only a love song… it could be a great idea. The thing was… they could easily play a friendship scene too. Like a friend chasing after the other because of a problem or because of something about forbidden love between two girls… And everything would be fine at the end… or maybe it could be a sad ending too… after all, the song could mean almost everything! Was her manager reading in her mind?! It was exactly the problem she had now! Maybe having a PV like this… would help her… not only to see her friend, but also to realize everything? Because, yes, she was still unsure about… everything.
“It can be great…” Takamina answered after ten minutes.
And she was sure there were still some “TakAcchan” or “AtsuMina” fans somewhere in the world… so that could help her to start her career too.
“Great! I was hoping you would like it… because I already arranged everything with Maeda-san’s manager.”
What was the point of asking her if it was fine if everything was already arranged?!
“Really?” Takamina asked, not really knowing what to say else.
“Yes, when she will come back, we’ll start working on it. So we will be ready for the release a month later and we will give some previews to the fans.”
Great… her manager seemed to do all the job at her place. She could just wait until Acchan came back… and see how things would go.
“Alright… well… call me if there’s anything new!”
She closed her phone, wondering if everything was really going to be great… but yeah, why not? After all, it would be only like… doing a PV with her best friend so she could finally start a nice career… Nothing could be bad about it, right?
“Wait… Hiroko accepted?!” Takamina suddenly realized.
Why would Hiroko accept to work with… her? Why would she accept to even just see her? She had clearly said… she didn’t want to know her anymore, right? Did it have something to do with the rumour? No… there was no possible link between the two. Then… why? Hiroko would never want to help her or anything to start her career… she hated her! It’s not really usual to help enemies, right? Anyway… if there were no problems, then everything should be fine. They would do the PV… and leave in different ways after.
“Like usual…”
She left the conbini and walked to her home. She was always worrying for nothing… maybe she was just too stressed because of her single… After all… if it didn’t sell enough… it would be a bad start for her solo career. And she needed to have popularity… because if not, she had no idea what she was going to do. She had left AKB48… but she was not even sure if she could really have fans by herself now… She really hoped it would be fine. Not only for herself… but also because she wanted to make Acchan proud of herself… without really knowing why she had this desire.
Two months later
Takamina was working on her single at home. She had recorded the song two weeks ago and it sounded great. She had a team to work with and was glad everything was fine. She had given some interviews at some TV shows, talking about her graduation and her solo career… she had cried each time she had mention AKB48 though… She was really emotional about it. She still thought about it every night… wondering if she had made the great choice… but her answer, she would have it only after the release of her single. In one month. One long month… where she would have to work with no one but… her.
And “her”… she was coming back tonight. At eleven, twenty minutes and forty-three seconds exactly.... Takamina would sure go and welcome her… but she was still wondering about the idea. Going to see her at the airport… meant she would see her manager too. And she really didn’t want to have problems, especially now that she knew they were all going to work together like a big team! Oh God… that was not going to be fun.
Six months had passed. It had been long and short… sometimes painful, sometimes perfectly fine… Sometimes she would have given anything just to see Acchan… others times she was avoiding her call because she didn’t know what to say… But all the time… no exception… she had always thought about what had happened before her departure… and how she would act when they would meet for the first time.
Once, she had watched news on TV, listening to nothing when they had talked about Acchan. They had said she was doing great at South Korea. She had many fans and was probably going to come back soon to shoot a drama with some of their mains stars. To Takamina… there was no way she was going to let her leave again so long time. Seriously… she had left the group… and now all she had was… “Acchan would go to Korea for six months”. It was… insulting. No wonder why she was wondering if she had done the best choice with this situation! But… it was nice to hear Acchan was fine.
The event with the guy wasn’t forgotten from some anti-fans, but they now knew that it was only a friend she had met during a party… which somehow didn’t help Takamina to feel better about it. They had met at the hotel to go to a reception or something… though nobody had seen them after the whole thing… but Takamina trusted Acchan. She would do nothing with a stranger anyway… and Acchan would tell her if there was a problem. They were really close now… More than ever…
“I wonder… what is going to happen…”
Takamina had thought about what to say to Acchan when she would see her again… she had imagine a whole scenario about them… but she knew it would not be this way when it would really happen. They would probably just act as usual… and forget about the kiss… and somehow… Takamina didn’t want to forget about it… because she wanted to feel this way again. She wanted to feel… so much joy in her heart again. She had tried everything to feel it again during those six months! She really had! She had ate a lot of katsudon, she had talked to the members of AKB48, she had visited her family, she had gone to places she liked, she had sung a lot at karaoke… in fact she had done everything she liked! But… she had never felt this way… this warm feeling seemed to be gone.
She stopped thinking about it. She would probably never feel this way again… maybe it was something one felt only once in his life? Yeah… it must be that. Anyway… they were friends… real friends… so they could surpass anything… right?
She was about to continue practicing some vocal things for her single when the doorbell rang. Frowning, she was waiting nobody, she went to open the door. There was… nothing. No one, no package, no… letter or anything. Thinking it must have been a joke from some kids, she just closed the door. A second later, it rang again. She opened it quickly, but there was still no one.
“Stupid kids…” Takamina thought as she went back in her room, ready to work again.
She started thinking about how the PV should be when the doorbell rang again. She didn’t even left her room, knowing there would be nobody. After all… why would she care about answering to a ghost? She looked at the clock. It was soon five in the afternoon. In six hours… Acchan would come back. She needed to decide NOW if she was going to see her at the airport… and she decided that, yes, she would. Because she had already missed her departure… she would not miss her arrival too… right? Sure… she would go…
The doorbell rang again. And again… and a third time… and…
“What’s going on here?!” Takamina said as she ran downstairs.
As she reached the door, she realized it had stopped again. She sighed loudly and was about to go back to her room, but as she turned around, it rang again. Pissed off, she answered with a harsh tone:
“What do you want?! Don’t you see I’m-”
And suddenly she stopped talking, speechless, nervous and… well… shy.
“I’ve never thought you would be so angry to see me again.” Acchan said, smirking.
Takamina held her breathe as she saw who was standing there, in front of her.
“We took another plane.” Acchan answered to her silent question, still smiling.
But the ex captain could not do anything else than staring at the actress, feeling the whole mix of emotions she had had during those past six months disappear from her body. Only one feeling remained. She felt like a part of her was coming back at the same time… Her eyes… were just glued on her friend… like she had never seen her before… Like she was seeing her in a different way now… Like she knew her very well, yet like she was a complete stranger. In fact… just by looking at Acchan… her heart was taken over by this feeling… the one she had chased all the time without reaching it… And now… she knew she could put the right name on it… without doubt or fear… or anything else… without lying to herself anymore… like… she was finally accepting her true self. She knew she could finally tell Acchan about it too. She… will sure tell Acchan about it now that she was back.
Enough lies, all she needed, she had it in front of her… and engraved in her soul forever.
Love.
TBC
End note: Will fight my lack of motivation and try to come back next week! (I said "try")
End note2: I did more than 300 pages so far on microsoft word ! It's all thank to you guys!!!!! :bow:
End note 3: It seems finally (FINALLY) Taka knows she's an L. Now... what will she say to Acchan? Remember, she's not supposed to know Acchan loves her. They only kissed but Acchan never confess to her :P
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Oh noooo you're unmotivated!! TIME TO SPAM THE SMILEYSSS! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D I BELIEVE IN YOUUUU!
OMGG FINALLYY Takamina realizes that she has feelings for Aachan!
but i wonder how will she confess it? Her worries are gonna be a huge problem for making this relationship happen
man it would be soo AWESOMEE if Aachan and Takamina did have a mv together
i thought this chapter was great despite your lack of motivation
UPDATE SOOOOON!! (lol i think the emoticon is a bit strange too :P)
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(http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m064.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) bou-j525, you said it's not long???? (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m194.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) yeah it's not really looooong.... (http://forum.akb48.org/images/smilies/onion04.gif) and it TBC in the exciting part... aaarrrrgghhhht.... you try to kill me.... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m138.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) but I still like this story... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m015.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) you are greeeaaaaat as usuaaaaal.... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m087.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)(http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m087.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
i know how it feel when in the lack of inspiration phase... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m014.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) so good luck... I know you can do it... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m155.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
I'll always support you .... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m159.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
please update as soon as you can... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m135.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
(http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m118.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
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Just caught up on the whole story so far and I have to say is about damn time Takamina. Hopefully she will go through and confess her feelings.
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OMG I love it!!! So hard to contain my smile when reading it lol
Takamina finally realized her feelings yeah!! I wonder if hiroko would help takacchan to get together ^^
I like how miichan can looks mature sometime
If you don't have motivation you can listen 'korogaru ishi ni nare' with the wotagei. Each time I need motivation I listen it xD
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mangobanana15: LOL Thank for the smileys XD It didn't help me to have 100% of my motivation back, but at least I look at them and it helped me finishing this chapter XD
@sorakamiya: Thank for encouraging me! I'm sorry to say it, but I think my chapters will be shorter from now on, sorry -_-' And yeah, I'm trying to kill everyone because everyone is trying to kill me. So I have to protect myself XD
@A1: You'Re right, it took me a long time to make her realize her feelings XD But better late than never :P
@kahem: Thank for the advice! I listened to it and LOL They are so energic XD I was like O_O all the time, but hey, it helped me! :grin:
@everyone readingThank you :bow:
So yeah, I'm back! It did take a bit less time to post this chapter ^^ I have half of my motivation back so far... and since I have a new job... well I guess I won't have a lot of time to write, sorry about that! I'm really trying guys... but yeah I'm stuck with an idea I can't write T__T
I hope you will enjoy this chapter :) I'm sure... you will all hate me after XD
Sorry for the mistakes!
Chapter 17 (Already?! O____o)
I am living a dream… but I am awake… how can it be possible?
I am laughing… but my heart hurts… how can it be possible?
I am smiling… but I want to cry… how can it be possible?
It’s the same as the fact that…
I am in love with her…but we’re both girls… how can it be possible?
***
Acchan… smiling… carrying her bags… looking exhausted by the trip… and most of all, standing in front of her… It wasn’t a dream. And Takamina was pretty sure the feeling she had in her heart wasn’t one either.
Love.
How could she have not known it was… love? Miichan had told her… and so had Mariko… and probably each member of AKB48 too… Even… Hiroko had warned her about it… She was… really the stupidest person ever.
“Takamina? Is everything fine… you look like you are not happy to see me…” Acchan said with an innocent voice, though still with a sad tone too.
Not happy to see her? How could she not be happy to see her… She had waited so long just to hear her voice this way… She had waited so long just… to be able to see her… just to scent her smell… just to see her smile… just to… be with her. It was… something she didn’t want to feel again. The feeling of her heart crying because she was missing… she didn’t want to feel it ever again. And if she needed to live with her… she would... just so she would never be separated from her. She knew the only thing that could happen from now… was happiness. Because right now… nothing could be sad since she was finally back. And wasn’t it a quote saying that “if one loves until it hurts, then there can be no more hurt, only more love”?
“I… just can’t believe you’re here right now…” Takamina said softly as she wrapped her arms around her friend’s shoulder, hugging her just to make sure… Acchan was really there.
The actress was surprised, but relieved. She had come here as soon as she had said “bye” to her manager at the airport. During all the way in taxi, she had been horribly anxious. She really wanted to see her friend… but she was afraid to death of what her reaction would be. The last time they had seen each other… she had just left Takamina’s house in silence after… she had listened to her desire. And her friend hadn’t come to see her the day of her departure. Acchan had thought she was mad at her… or that she was ignoring her… so when she had talked to her at phone, she had been really happy to hear the same voice she liked so much. But she also knew that talking to someone at phone was way different than in real life. She was afraid Takamina must avoid her when she would come back… so just to feel her body close to hers… was more than what she ever wanted.
“I’m back…” She whispered into Takamina’s ear.
Acchan had the strange feeling that their friendship was not the same since her graduation, two years ago… She had the feeling… each time they met after a long time, they were starting everything from the beginning, like their friendship never resist to so much time, but that they always started a new one after. It looked like… a friendship that had the characteristic of a phoenix. She had the feeling… their friendship was born in a new way this time… because she could hear Takamina’s heart beating faster than ever. She wondered what it meant… but she was glad to know she was so important to her friend. Maybe… kissing her would not destroy their friendship after all.
They stayed like this for a moment. They didn’t need to say anything. The fact that they were so close now talked for them. They had missed being together… a lot.
“I missed you… but I feared this meeting too.” Acchan added, stopping the hug.
Takamina smiled to her friend. Now that she was back, nothing could ever be down in her life. So she could listen to what her friend had to say… then… she would talk too. She would… probably finally tell her friend the truth about her feelings… hoping it wasn’t too late to be honest. Finally… she was being herself.
The singer knew what Acchan wanted to talk about. She already knew what was going to happen… The question she had in mind was more “what will the result be?” and “what consequences will it have on their friendship?” Would Acchan… confess to her before she had the chance to? Would Acchan… even mention it?
“Come inside.” Takamina invited her.
They went in the living room, both glancing everywhere but at the other. It seemed that their happiness had suddenly been replaced by shyness. After six months… they should have a lot of things to talk about… but now, it seemed that talking was useless. There was an awkward silence for a long time until Takamina asked:
“So… Everything was fine during your trip?”
Great. Now, they would just talk about anything else so they could avoid the subject.
“Yeah… I got a lot of new fans, so even my manager was happy. And the food was excellent!” Acchan nodded.
“Food?”
“Yes! I found a nice meal… you should try it too, there’s pork in so I’m sure you would like it! Next time I’m going, come with me!”
Acchan sounded so enthusiast that Takamina couldn’t help wondering if she was “that” happy to go back to Korea someday. Was Acchan… happy to leave her? Would she… kiss her like she did when she would leave? Just for that… Takamina could feel strength to wait for another six months.
“And there was a really good pasta dish… I forgot the name… but it was definitely the best of all!”
Takamina laughed a little, hearing that food was what Acchan remembered the most. Her friend hadn’t changed at all. The ex-captain wondered if her friend’s feelings hadn’t changed too…? After all, after so many months being in Korea, it would be normal if Acchan had… changed her mind. In six months, a lot of things could be different. What if she had forgotten about their kiss? Takamina panicked at this idea, but soon calm herself. Kissing her best friend… wasn’t something easy to forget, right? There was no way Acchan would forget since… she was the one doing it.
“And you? Did something new happen when I was gone?”
“Yeah, of course, I realized that I was actually in love with you.” Takamina thought, answering at the same time:
“Nothing really important… I was thinking a lot about my solo debut…”
“I see… but you don’t have to worry about it. My manager told me about your song. I’ve even listened to it since it is supposed to help me to think about what kind of PV would go with it. I’m sure you’ll have an immediate success! The song’s really nice! Is it… about someone in particular?”
Takamina flinched at Acchan’s question. The lyrics could easily be mistaken. There were a lot of “I love you, BUT…” lines. She hadn’t really thought about it… but now she realized that it would fit perfectly at their current situation, which made her blush a little. Could it be possible that Acchan thought it was… about them? No… right?
“No… I didn’t write the lyrics anyway so…” She explained.
“Ah… Then, you shouldn’t worry too much. It’ll be awesome!”
Strangely, hearing that from her closest friend helped Takamina to stop being nervous. It was like… only Acchan had this power to make her feel better instantly. She smiled at this “revelation”. It could only mean one thing if only Acchan had this power… it could only mean that she was really in love with her. Maybe… she could bring the subject now? But… what if Acchan didn’t want to talk about it? What if she had really forgotten about it? Should they just… ignore it and wait for everything to come back to normal?
“I heard you got new friends too…” Takamina hesitantly started.
Surprisingly, the actress just laughed at it.
“You’re talking about the guy the news were talking about, aren’t you? Don’t worry, my manager told me she would take care of this scandal by herself. It didn’t affect me at all. I found it funny how they were talking about it… you know, I’ve never thought media could talk so much about something so… stupid!”
Acchan seemed really confident about it, like she was already ready to answer this kind of question. It seemed that her answer was prepared and known by heart, which Takamina didn’t like a lot. She didn’t know if Acchan was serious… or if she was just repeating what her manager had told her to. But deeply, Takamina knew Acchan would never lie about… well, like she said, something so stupid and insignificant.
“So… he’s really just a friend? There were so many rumours, you know? I was afraid it might become a nuisance to you or something…”
“Of course he’s just a friend I’ve met during a party. He’s really nice! You should meet him too, you would soon become friends, I’m sure! And he’s really a gentleman, he wouldn’t want me to get involved into a scandal.”
Acchan looked so happy talking about him that Takamina immediately wanted to talk about something else. Whoever the guy was… she was sure of something: she didn’t want to meet him. Seeing her best friend suddenly changed her facial expression, Acchan grinned.
“You look like you are jealous.”
“I’m not.” Takamina growled.
She regretted those words as soon as she finished pronouncing them. If she denied it… then she would never be able to confess to Acchan. But if she told Acchan that… she was jealous… then it could help her to bring the kiss subject in the conversation! And it could eventually help her to confess! From Takamina’s point of view, it seemed to be the perfect scenario. But of course… nothing ever happened like Takamina wanted, so why would it start today?
“Don’t worry about it, Takamina.” Acchan smiled innocently. “I’m never going to love anybody more than you… especially... with what happened.”
Takamina blushed at the mention of… this event. But at least, she was still calm. She knew she couldn’t avoid the subject and she also understood that… her feelings had changed too. She needed to tell her friend about it… even if she’d rather deny everything again. Life was way easier by ignoring and avoiding things… but no one could ever survive this way. She couldn’t help fearing what was going to happen if one of them confessed to the other. What would happen to their relationship, to their strong bond? Would they even just be able to look at the other? What if… everything was broken because of it? Would she ever be able to forgive herself to feel this way?
Takamina shook her head. She needed to know. If she was going to work with Acchan for the following month… she couldn’t let it go… even if she knew she was playing her life right now. Damn… she hated herself so much at the same time… why did she have to feel this way? Why couldn’t she be… normal?! She sighed. She wasn’t abnormal… she was just… in love.
“But you know…” Takamina started shyly before being interrupted by Acchan.
“Takamina, about it… I’m sorry.” The actress apologized.
Takamina immediately forgot about everything she was going to say to Acchan. Why was… she apologizing?
“I know I must have surprised you…” Acchan said, looking at the floor, smiling sadly. “I know… I shouldn’t have done that. I know how you hate it when we’re… too close, so I’m sorry. Even though I was leaving for six months, it was stupid from me to… kiss you.”
Acchan shivered as she thought about how she had felt when Takamina’s lips were on hers… For a moment, it seemed that the actress wanted to add something else. It seemed that she was holding her words, trying at the same time to hold her feelings. But all she did was staring at her friend without adding the most important part: she didn’t regret anything. She didn’t regret it because… it was everything she ever wanted. She… couldn’t regret it. In fact… she would give everything she had just to do it again.
During those six months, each time Takamina was on her mind… she remembered this feeling called love. She remembered the meeting of their lips, wanting it to happen again. But now… in front of her… she was aware that the singer would never love her the way she did. How she felt about Takamina… it was even stronger than love’s definition. It hurt her… but, knowing this, the only thing she could say to Takamina in order to save their friendship was “I’m sorry” and…
“Can we just… forget about it?” She asked, trying to smile, pretending there was nothing to worry about while her heart was bleeding like never before.
Can we just… forget about it?”
Those six words… pierced Takamina’s heart so hard she could barely breathe. Six horrible words… even more painful than the six months she just spent without Acchan by her side. What… had she just said?
“What?” The smaller girl whispered, trying to not faint.
“Just forget about it...” Acchan repeated, avoiding her friend’s glance, still pretending there was nothing to care about. “I shouldn’t have done that. I mean… we’re friends aren’t we? So what I’ve done was really stupid.”
Takamina didn’t react, except a slight nod. The splendid speech she had prepared to confess her feelings… was suddenly vanished. She could say nothing to Acchan… absolutely nothing. The words wouldn’t come out… even if she wanted to scream.
“I’m sorry,” Acchan repeated again, like she had to do it to convince herself too, “I will never do it again.”
“What if I wanted you to do it…” Takamina thought silently.
What was this feeling… this pain growing in her mind…? Wasn’t it better this way? Wasn’t it better to just agree with what Acchan said? Just to do like… everything never happened? They could just forget about the whole thing and everything would come back like before… They could just… remain friends forever by never doing it again. It was exactly what Acchan was saying, right? Wasn’t it the best solution for them? Takamina… had wanted things to be this way… until she realized how much she liked her best friend. She couldn’t just… erase it. She really wanted to confess, but all the “what if” were coming back to haunt her again. Just by looking at her friend, Takamina could tell… that they needed to forget about it for their friendship’s sake. Acchan seemed… to have made the best choice. So even if it was hard…
“I understand.” Takamina answered, without really knowing where the words were coming from. “I wanted to talk to you about it… but finally, everything is better this way.”
Of course, everything was better this way. Takamina smiled. How could she have only thought that something might happen between them? She felt stupid just thinking about it. Letting hope control her mind, what was wrong with her? Seriously, it wasn’t love she felt! It wasn’t because she wanted to kiss Acchan again that it was necessary love! And there were thousand definitions of love anyway, so it could be another one she felt! Everything was only… a distraction. Being in love with her best friend, what was she thinking about?!
But… why was she feeling she devastated right now?
Who was she trying to convince by thinking that?
“We are… fine the way we are, aren’t we?” Acchan added happily.
Takamina nodded, agreeing with what her friend was saying.
“Fine? What is being fine anyways…If my heart is broken… is it fine?”
Though Acchan had said it with this happy tone, the actress was talking against her will. But it was better this way… to preserve their friendship… so she had no choice. She had to accept the fact that… Takamina would never love her this way. All she did… was because of this fact, right?
“So… I hope you don’t mind too much about it…” Acchan asked, still playing her role.
Being an actress was pretty useful in this situation.
“”Of-Of course, I-I don’t!” Takamina stammered quickly. “Everything is perfectly fine this way! And it helped me to understand a lot of things so it’s fine, really! I mean, it’s not because you suddenly kissed me that everything has to change, right?!”
“Really? What did you understand?” Acchan said, hiding the slight tone of hope.
“That-That true friends can stay friends whatever happens!” Takamina said with conviction, trying to convince herself, hoping her mistake was not being discovered.
“Ah…”
Acchan just stopped talking and an embarrassing silence followed. It remained a long time. Both of them… were lost in their respective thoughts. And they couldn’t say anything. Breaking this silence… would mean forgetting everything. And right now… they were just doing their best to remember this feeling… One thinking she should have confessed her feeling anyway… the other thinking it was better this way. After all…how could two girls be together… especially if they were both famous?
Takamina couldn’t believe what was happening. It took her six months to realize her feelings… and when she finally did, she couldn’t even confess to her?! No… it couldn’t end this way! It couldn’t just… stop right now when she was so far from the beginning! The kiss… couldn’t mean nothing, right?! It ought to be… the start of something! And wasn’t Acchan supposed to love her? If so, there should be no problem… then why had Acchan suggested forgetting everything? It seemed that… everything was already gone. Did Acchan… stop loving her when she was in Korea? It couldn’t be… did Acchan lie to her when she was saying there was nothing between her and that Korean guy? Could she… actually have a relationship with him?!
“I can’t support it…” Takamina thought as she glanced at her friend… who seemed to be in the same state as her. “What’s going on…”
She didn’t want to say it loud… she didn’t want everything to end this way… After all she went through… it couldn’t just mean nothing.
“Acchan…” Takamina started, before being interrupted for the second time.
“Hey, Takamina, did you talk to the AKB members? Is there something new?”
Acchan was obviously trying to avoid the subject. And Takamina knew she was not strong enough to be the only one confessing her feelings… so for this time…
“Yes… they’re fine. AKB48 is still popular… The latest single is still in Oricon’s ranking, which is unbelievable… And I heard Mariko was thinking a lot about graduation… and…”
Without knowing really why… Takamina’s voice was absent, just like her soul. The words were coming out automatically, without really making sense. The singer was talking to Acchan… but she was not really there. Her look was empty, without this usual happy spark.
“It’s great…” Acchan answered with the same voice.
She hadn’t listened to what Takamina was saying at all. How could she just stay by her side when they just… forgot everything? How could she not… cry right now?
“And you?” Takamina suddenly asked. “What are you going to do… after the PV?”
“I don’t know… My manager thought I could come back to Korea because I may shoot a drama soon…”
Was life against them?
“Would you… stay there for a long time if you leave?”
Takamina really wanted to know the answer. If Acchan was going to leave her again… she had to be prepared. And probably… she would confess to her before… so at least her friend would know about it. And maybe… they could be together in the future… when nothing would be in their way.
“Probably… I don’t know… A few months at least. If we’re doing a new drama, it will be longer than just one or two weeks.”
Takamina felt bad just thinking about it, wondering if she should start her solo career in Korea soon… just so she could follow Acchan. But at the same time, she couldn’t just do something stupid that would ruin everything, right? She needed… to think about it first… and to find a way to survive with those hidden feelings.
“Acchan… I missed you, you know…” Takamina said honestly to her. “I don’t want you to leave… just when you came back.”
The actress was surprised to hear it… but she had to admit Takamina was being really more… affective since a while. And she liked it.
“Don’t worry, Takamina!” Acchan smirked. “It’s just for my job, I’m not meeting anybody in secret.”
“It-It’s not what I meant!” Takamina said, trying to hide the tomato’s red color appearing in her cheeks.
Though she couldn’t help thinking she was slightly jealous from a certain Korean random guy.
“Oh? What did you mean?” Acchan laughed.
Takamina paused, wondering if she should take this opportunity to confess to her friend.
“Just that… I don’t like it when you’re never here. It’s… not the same without you.”
Acchan smiled, half serious.
“You’re getting emotional again, Takamina! You’re so cute! But after so long time… don’t you think we should be used to this? Being far and so on… is part of our job.”
“I will never be used to it.” Takamina said seriously, looking straight into Acchan’s eyes.
Somehow… Takamina felt like she should just confess right now and see how everything would go… but at the same time, she could see in Acchan’s eyes… fear.
“Me too…” Acchan answered shyly. “But just pretend you can... so the pain will not be too hard to endure.”
“It’s something I do since a long time already…” Acchan thought at the same time.
There was another silent moment, which was making both of them really uncomfortable. They then started to talk about something else, just to avoid the subject. Both Acchan and Takamina wanted to confess, but both didn’t want to, fearing everything about their close relationship would be gone. They just enjoyed spending time together. After all, even if they didn’t want to say the truth… they could at least enjoy being with the person they loved.
“Acchan!” Takamina said suddenly as the actress was leaving her house.
“What?”
“The kiss… it wasn’t stupid from you. Thank to that… I’ve realized something really important.”
She just felt she could at least say that to her. It wasn’t a confession… it was just something so she could make Acchan understand that what she did wasn’t wrong.
“What?” Her best friend repeated.
“You don’t need to know. I just wanted to say it.”
***
They were shooting for the PV. The concept was really simple, it was the story of two women, one looking for love while the second was avoiding it. Both were friends who hadn’t seen the other for a long time. At their first meeting, the second, who wanted to avoid love forever, fall in love with the first one. The first woman, even though she was looking for love, kept searching elsewhere, unaware of her friend’s feelings. It wasn’t really Takamina’s style to play this kind of yuri scenes, but not only was it perfect with the lyrics… it was also a guarantee the song would sell a lot of copies. Acchan would play the first one, while Takamina’s role was the second.
“You must be kidding me!” The singer thought as she read the script.
From a certain point of view, there were a lot of similarities between the PV story and their real life. But it was not only what was troubling Takamina. It was more… the last scene.
“You’re going to kiss me!” Acchan exclaimed, trying to hide her happiness. “Takamina is going to kiss me at the end!”
“N-Not exactly…” Takamina answered shyly. “Read carefully.”
Last scene
Takahashi approaches her face, pretending to aim for a kiss with Maeda. The second woman wants to “confess” to the first one by kissing her. At the exact moment where their lips are going to touch, the camera closes and it is the end of the PV.”
“It’s the same!” Acchan said, enjoying teaching her friend.
Takamina didn’t answer. She wanted to kill the creator of the script… but at the same time… she could use this opportunity to kiss her best friend again… right? And… maybe it could lead them… toward another kind of relationship?
“Okay, Takahashi-san, we’re going to record the third scene!” Her manager called her.
Acchan stayed there while Takamina was leaving. If they couldn’t be together as a couple… at least they could pretend it in the PV. She smiled. At the beginning, when she had read the script, it had been horrible. But now, with this last scene coming right from her imagination… she was thankful everyone had accepted her idea. And of course, it meant… she could “practice” with Takamina, right?
“Maeda-san, we’re going to record the only scene where Takahashi-san is not needed, so please, come with us.” Two staff members told her, interrupting her dreamy look.
She walked toward the other studio, still red from the thought of Takamina kissing her.
***
Takamina was exhausted. One of her scene was really simple: she had to run all the way in an empty street after an invisible Acchan. And by “all the way” she meant almost 500 meters. And, oh joy, they had to do it without stopping. Of course, they couldn’t just make her run a little part and then another one, no, she had to run like she was doing a sprint all the way without stopping. Seriously, who was going to watch her run 500 meters anyway?! People had others things to do, right?! And there were things much more interesting to show in a PV than her running all the way alone! Though… since they were fans… maybe people could just stare at her without doing anything and be happy this way…
She drank water, enjoying the short break she had. She couldn’t believe it would take a whole month just to film a PV! Of course, the PV was ten minutes long, but still! Why did she have to have a 10 minutes long PV when it was only her first single! And with Acchan! And with a “possible” kiss at the end! They really wanted her to break record at her first single… But, thinking about it… this month, she would work on two videos… because, there were two PVs… There was the main one, the one she was recording right now and later this week, there was the second one, the B-side PV. Thank God, she was sure there would be no kiss in the B-side PV because… well it was not a love song.
The B-side song was about hope and courage toward life’s problems. Usual subject, but the song was not a ballad or anything really calm. It was more a mix between Iiwake maybe and RIVER style, which sounded really nice. As for the PV… she knew the story, but she had no idea who was going to participate. Though she was sure it would not be Acchan.
She was about to read another time the script of the last scene, just to make sure she was not dreaming about the end, when she heard someone coming from behind. She turned around and saw Acchan’s manager sitting by her side.
Oh right… she had almost forgotten about her. Since they had begun to work on her PV… and since Acchan was playing in it, Hiroko had no choice but to be here with them, right? Strangely, she had not seen her since the beginning except now, when they were just the two of them alone. Okay, she had kind of tried to avoid her each time she was with Acchan, but she had never seen her. So in the end, she had thought she was just not here with the actress… but it seemed that Takamina was wrong.
Hiroko seemed to be really at ease sitting there, staring at Takamina with an arrogant look. Great. What mess was going to happen again? Takamina decided she would just ignore her and do like she was still alone, but Hiroko had not exactly the same idea.
“Hello.” She said with an emotionless voice.
Takamina just nodded at her, trying to look calm. In fact, they were working on HER PV, so why should she be scared of Hiroko anyway?! Here and now… it was Takamina the leader, not Hiroko.
“I hope you like the last scene. You friend created it just for you.” Hiroko continued with an amused voice… though still a bit cold.
Created? Acchan? The last scene?
“What?” Takamina asked. “It was Acchan’s idea?”
“You didn’t know? She was reading the script when she was in Korea and decided to ask if they could add this part. I guess… she wanted to kiss you, who know…” Hiroko said.
The manager didn’t sound angry, just a bit surprised. Maybe she didn’t know how close Takamina and Acchan were right now. Though at the “kiss” part, Hiroko seemed to be a bit annoyed, like she didn’t find it funny at all. It was not really surprising after all… it was Takamina, the girl she once loved… and Acchan, the one she was working with. And to imagine the two being together… wasn’t the ideal scenario in Hiroko’s mind.
“You two are really close, aren’t you?” She asked.
Why had Hiroko accepted to work with Takamina anyway? She guessed… she just wanted to help Acchan a bit. After all, she knew the actress had been sad being far away from her closest friend during six months… and she knew they were probably going back to South Korea soon. So at least, she could give the opportunity to Acchan to spend time with her friend… But if she had known things would go this way… maybe she would have never thought about it. Maybe… her accident had changed her after all… just a little bit. And maybe because she also wanted to see how much Takamina had changed now…
“Yeah…” Takamina hesitated. Why was Hiroko aski- no, why was she even just talking to her?!
The singer felt really uncomfortable just being by her old friend side. It seemed like… everything she was saying was being analyzed deeply.
“Be careful…” Hiroko smirked. “I don’t know which game you two are playing to… but it can become dangerous.”
Takamina couldn’t believe it. Hiroko was… warming her? From what, friendship?
“Um… Thank?” Takamina guessed, without really knowing what to say.
Hadn’t Hiroko wanted to kill her? So why was she warming her?
“I’m serious. And I’m talking in business terms.” She added. “Maeda Atsuko, the most famous actress of all Japan… and you, a future famous singer. Do you really think it will be fine if the two of you… had a special relationship? It could destroy both of you in a second.”
Takamina opened the mouth, but didn’t have time to answer.
“Don’t try to deny it. You two… I don’t know exactly what kind of relationship you have, but I’m sure of one thing. Media are hungry for scandals. Remember the one with that Korean guy? If they talk so much about something like this, can you even imagine what it would be with two girls? I don’t think I need to explain it more.”
The singer didn’t answer. Hiroko was right. They couldn’t ever be together. In the end… everything left would be pain and loneliness.
“Thank for warming me, but I don’t need you to tell me something I already know.” Takamina answered a bit harsh.
It was understandable, after all she just realized that her feelings were nothing but bullshit compared to their careers. She had the right to be angry right now, hadn’t she?!
“And I don’t need this kind of advice.” Takamina answered professionally. “Acchan and I are close, it’s true… but we don’t have this kind of relationship. I don’t know what you are thinking about but-”
“Don’t you remember what I told you?” Hiroko asked, forgetting about the “business conversation” they were supposed to have. “This girl… she loves you.”
Takamina knew she was going to have to answer this statement.
“I don’t think so. We are best friends, that’s all. Acchan never told me anything about love. And even if she did love me… we wouldn’t be together.”
The small girl felt her heart hurt as she pronounced those words, but she had to be realist. Acchan didn’t love her… and she couldn’t love her either. They could not be together… even if they kissed… it meant absolutely nothing.
“Really? I can tell you she wanted to kiss you when she created the last part of the PV. I may only be her manager, I’m still able to see when someone is in love. That’s why I tell you to be careful if you don’t want the same thing to happen like…”
“She’s not in love with me, and I’m not in love with her!” Takamina interrupted, upset about how this conversation was going. “There’s nothing more to say.”
Hiroko was surprised to hear so much conviction in Takamina’s voice. Great… but she didn’t believe her at all. She felt that there was something going on. Not only did she hate it… but she promised herself she would take a good look at everything.
“Don’t forget… you don’t always choose the person you work with.” Hiroko added. “You have the right to love them or hate them, but you can’t show it.”
“Right now, I’m working with a friend.” Takamina said.
She left the place, unaware that there was someone who had heard the whole conversation.
“So… she only sees me as a friend… I know it hurts but… it’s better this way, isn’t it?” Acchan thought, trying to hold her tears.
A few days later
“I know the PV is not done yet, but we’ll record the last scene today since Maeda-san will not be there for the next week!” Someone shouted as everyone was getting ready.
There was still some part of the PV to film, but Acchan was not needed. So they had to film the “kiss” scene right now. Takamina was ready. She knew she had no choice and that it was all for her work. And Acchan was her friend, it could have been worst… she could have needed to “kiss” a perfect stranger… Eeew… She’d rather not think about it.
The actress was standing a bit away, talking with her manager about what she will need to do after this. Then, she walked toward her friend and asked:
“Ready?”
Takamina smiled and nodded. Of course, she was ready. She would do her best. She needed it, after all it was her first single. She was really glad to share this special moment with her best friend… but she thought Acchan was being distant today. They had arrived at the studio a few hours ago, and yet it was the first time Acchan talked directly to her. Each time she had wanted to talk to her, Acchan had pretended to have something to do. Each time they were the two of them alone, Acchan left her to go somewhere else. At the beginning, she had thought Acchan was just anxious about it… but now she thought she was literally avoiding her.
“Yes… We’ll do our best!” Takamina encouraged her.
The smaller girl couldn’t help remembering the “kiss” scene was actually Acchan’s idea. She didn’t know what to think about it since the problem between them about the real kiss was done… was it just a game? Acchan liked a lot of people. Back in AKB48, she had played with everyone. She had kissed a lot of members just for “fun”. Was it the same right now? Did she… play a game too? Was it a role or something like this?
What Hiroko had told her about Acchan… was it true? What if… Acchan had lied when she had said it was better to forget everything? What if… what she truly wanted… was to confess her love too…
No, it was impossible, right?
“Let’s go!” Acchan said, holding Takamina’s hand.
The singer looked at their hands. It was… impossible, right?
Right, impossible.
But Takamina felt a bit sad about it. Couldn’t… 1% be possible?
They walked went in another part of the studio where staff members helped them to prepare. They just need to be face to face, staring at the other. It looked simple to do… but not when they both knew they would progressively have to approach their lips to the other’s. And not when they both knew how they felt toward the whole situation… but that they didn’t want to tell the other. They were stuck into a world full of lies. And unfortunately, they didn’t know at all how to get out of this horrible place.
They tried to calm as much as possible as the last things were checked.
“Alright, so we’re going to shoot the last part of the PV. Takahashi-san, after ten seconds, you begin to approach your face to Maeda-san’s. And when you’re close enough, close your eyes, just like you would do if you really kissed someone. We’ll cut at the right place when we’ll do the editing.”
Takamina nodded and smiled at Acchan. Everything would be fine… really.
“Excuse me.” Hiroko interrupted at the last second. “Wouldn’t it be better if they really kissed and that you cut this part in the editing? It would look like they are really going to kiss, it would be more… realist.”
The singer immediately wanted to kick Acchan’s manager out of here. It wasn’t Hiroko’s PV, it was hers! There would be no kiss, whatever others were going to say. Like she was mentally stable to kiss someone today… no way! And hadn’t Hiroko warmed her about having a love relationship?! And now she wanted them to kiss? What the hell?!
“We don’t know if it is a great idea.” The director hesitated. “Maeda-san is great actress anyway, so it will be realist, don’t worry about it. Of course, a kiss scene would be the perfection, but we don’t think it is… needed.”
“But, now, they know they aren’t going to kiss. So in fact, even in their eyes there’s this “nothing will happen” look, and it is not supposed to be.” Hiroko argued, having an evil look in her face. “If they really kissed… then there would be this spark of excitation, this hope in Takahashi-san’s eyes-since it is supposed to be a confession-, the fear and anxiety in Maeda-san’s eyes, the… mystery around the whole thing… you know what I mean? There would be more elements that aren’t there right now.”
Takamina was seriously panicking right now, and her fear grew up even more at the director’s words.
“Seeing things like this… maybe it could bring something more…” He said, half thinking about it.
“I don’t think it is necessary…” Takamina said hesitantly.
After all, it was her PV, right? She had something to say about it too! And her answer was clear: no kiss. It would kill her.
“Are you sure, Takahashi-san?” The director asked. “I can clearly see what Maeda-san’s manager is saying right now. She’s right. And since you two are friends, I guess it shouldn’t be a big problem for you to kiss for a job like this. We’ll cut it anyway.”
Everyone was looking at her, waiting for the answer. It was still her PV after all… but now she wished it wasn’t. She couldn’t just answer “no” when so much people were staring at her, the majority of them agreeing with Hiroko’s these. If she answered “no”… they might dislike her decision… she was being a bit egoist right now. But seriously… she couldn’t kiss Acchan right now… it would be too troubling. And why did Hiroko want it?!
“So? Are we doing it or not?” The director repeated.
“Hum… well…” Takamina hesitated. “I’m still not sure…”
Damn, she needed to control herself or else everyone would discover she liked Acchan in “this” way…
“So?” Hiroko asked, looking into Takamina’s eyes. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t want to.” Acchan suddenly declared. “I don’t think we need this. You agree with me, Takamina?”
“Y-Yes…” Takamina answered.
“See? We’ll just do like we were supposed to do at the beginning.” Acchan added as the director gave some orders.
Takamina glanced at her friend, being really thankful. But the actress had just done it because she saw Takamina’s fear in her eyes. She could see her friend really didn’t want to have a real kiss scene. And if Takamina didn’t want… well she guessed whatever others were saying, the scene would not be realist at all. She had said it to save Takamina… but also to save the PV. And she didn’t like Hiroko’s influence at all.
“Well done, Acchan, you saved her… but it was too late.” Hiroko thought.
If she had made this suggestion… it was only to see Takamina’s reaction. And now she was sure about it. Takahashi Minami clearly loved the famous actress.
“We’re starting right now!” Someone shouted.
Takamina and Acchan looked at each other. They were ready.
“And… action!”
At the moment when Takamina’s eyes met Acchan’s, the singer could not speak anymore. She didn’t know if her friend was already playing her role… but all she could see through her eyes was love… and a bit of fear too, since it was her character. But it wasn’t what stupefies Takamina the most. It was more… the call she was receiving through this intense exchange. Acchan was… asking her to kiss her. She felt her heart racing at 100 miles as she slowly approach her face.
She was pretty sure there was love in her own look too, but it didn’t matter. She wanted Acchan to know that… she was in love with her… She wanted Acchan to realize that… all she wanted was to be with her forever. Without taking care of anything, she held Acchan’s hand and squeezed it like it was the most precious thing in the world. She would never have enough of this moment. She would never… want to be look away, not even for a second.
Their lips were so close to each other… yet so far at the same time. They wanted to stop there and wait… but at the same time, it seemed that they were asking for more. They didn’t just want to see the other’s beautiful face… they wanted to feel it too. They wanted their heart to explode from this wonderful feeling… They could both barely breathe as they realized how they actually wanted to kiss again… and how close they were to do it.
Just a little more…. and they would listen to their desires.
Just a little more… and Acchan’s lips would be on Takamina’s…
Takamina closed her eyes, ready for the next step…
“And… cut!” The director screamed. “Perfect!”
Acchan blinked quickly and moved back, swallowing with difficulty. She bowed and left right after, leaving Takamina alone.
“What… just happened?” The singer thought as her mind was still somewhere far from her body.
Hiroko was still looking at her. So… she was right, Takahashi really loved Maeda. Then what should she do about it? Here was the perfect chance to take revenge… maybe.
***
Takamina was wandering everywhere in the studio, not really knowing what to do. After the last scene of the PV, they had a short break. Acchan would leave soon for an interview, so they would be shooting the scenes where she wasn’t needed. Next one she would have was just to sing in the front of the camera while looking at sky. Really cliché, but everyone liked this kind of scene, so there should be no problem. But right now… she had something else in mind. The last scene… was… there was no word to describe it. She had just wanted say “let’s do the kiss scene for real” at the end. Why hadn’t she said it? Why hadn’t she listened to her desire? She wanted to kiss Acchan… she wanted to be with her… she just didn’t know how to say it right.
“Tomochin, I don’t know what to do anymore…”
Tomochin? Tomochin was here? Takamina moved back and looked through a slightly opened door. She knew it was Acchan there, talking to Tomochin at phone. She also knew she shouldn’t listen to their private conversation… but Acchan sounded so sad that she just HAD to stay there, spying.
“I know… but you should have seen her today while we were recording, I can’t support it!”
Was… Acchan mad at her? Somehow, thinking about it hurt her heart. She didn’t know what Acchan couldn’t support, but once she’ll know it, she would do her best to change! Anyway, if she ever confessed to her, it would be better if Acchan could support her, right?
“I know I should tell her but… with everything that happened, I thought it was better if I told her to forget everything…”
Takamina immediately thought it sounded familiar… forget everything? Like… exactly what Acchan had told her when they had talked about the kiss, right?
“She… agreed with me. She said I was right… You know, she’s not the type of person that would… talk about something like this…”
Takamina frowned. What? Talk about what? What had she done this time to make Acchan feeling this way? It took a long time for Acchan to answer, since Tomochin seemed to talk a lot.
“You’re right!” The actress’s voice said. “It’s exactly this situation… and we were shooting the PV just before and… I don’t know… I couldn’t support it. I mean… it’s painful to stay by her side now. Even if I told you I was alright last time… now it’s not that easy.”
Takamina was trying to understand something from what Acchan said… but she didn’t get anything. She was a bad friend to the point of making it painful for Acchan to be by her side?! She didn’t know yet what she had done, but she wanted to kill herself to free Acchan from her pain. Seriously… making the person she loved hating her wasn’t the best idea she had had. But… how could Acchan hate her… when… Takamina loved her so much? Maybe… she should have never talk to Acchan now. Maybe… she should just disappear from her life. It would help her to stop loving her… and it would help Acchan too.
“I know, but it’s too late now. I heard her, she said we’re friends… I don’t think nothing will ever change her mind.”
Did Acchan sound… sad? Because they were friends? But they had been friend for such a long time… why would Acchan be sad now? Takamina shook her head. Did Acchan… want them to stop being friend?
“I can’t tell her! In the PV… we almost kissed… I’ve never felt this way before, not for a guy or even another girl. I’ve never felt so much happiness… yet so much pain in my heart. Just one centimetre, Tomochin, that was the distance that separated us… I could have made this distance disappear if I wanted… but I didn’t because I knew she wouldn’t like things to be like that!”
Takamina sighed. She knew… the kiss scene would be a problem.
Wait…
Disappear? Then… that meant they would have kissed for real, right? What?!
“I wanted to!” Acchan sobbed. “I really wanted to… when she closed her eyes, I don’t know how I managed to stay immobile… And at the same time… I’ve realized that… we would never be together… Tomochin… What should I do?”
Takamina couldn’t say anything. Hearing her friend sobbing because of her… she would do anything to bring her happiness. But the end troubled her. What did Acchan mean by “being together”? Didn’t she just say… that it was painful to be with her?
“I can’t… You should have heard her before… she really sees us as best friends. It won’t ever change… but I don’t think I will be able to hide it now… it’s too hard… Tomochin, why do people absolutely need to fall in love?”
Fall in love… Takamina was speechless. Acchan loved someone… and it was her fault if things were impossible? That was why she hated her? Acchan… loved someone… She could feel the tears coming.
“I love her, Tomochin… and I hate myself for that… I want to be with her… but she doesn’t feel the same…”
Takamina then realized how fool she was. Hiroko had been damn right when she had told her Acchan loved her… because right now, she was hearing the same thing… from Acchan herself. The actress… didn’t want to forget the kiss at all… because she loved her.
“Takahashi-san!” A staff member screamed, making the singer flinched.
She ran away toward somewhere else in the studio, not taking care of the random guy. At the same time, Acchan closed her phone quickly, opening the door.
“Takamina… was there?”
***
Acchan was gone to her interview. Takamina had no idea when she would come back, but she knew one thing: the confrontation would begin as soon as she would see her. She had been shooting for the last two hours and was dead tired. They had finished for the day. She was waiting in the studio though, because she knew Acchan would come back sooner or later. She had forgotten her handbag. And when she would arrive… Takamina would sure talk to her. She was sick of everything. If Acchan loved her… she would know it tonight. And… she would confess at the same time, whatever her friend’s answer would be. She couldn’t keep it in her heart anymore.
She hoped Acchan would not take too much time, because it was also tonight that she was going to have a meeting for the B-side PV. They would talk about the concept and she would meet the actors she was going to work with. She glanced at the clock. It was already 10pm. She heard steps in the hallway and even before the door opened, she was standing in the middle of the room, ready to the confrontation that would change her life. She was anxious like never before, even more that during the live performance of her solo during Shibuya AX 2011. She couldn’t believe she was the one who would take the initiative… but at the same time, it didn’t surprise her. After all, everything was already crazy, so a bit more wouldn’t kill her… she hoped.
The door opened and Acchan walked in, stopping when she saw Takamina.
“You’re still here?” The actress asked, taking her bag.
Takamina nodded silently. Now… she could do it… She only needed Acchan to look at her. But as soon as Acchan had her bag, she waved her hand and prepared to leave the place.
“Wait!” Takamina stopped her as her best friend was turning around.
“What?” Acchan asked, not moving, not looking at her even once.
The actress had thought about it. If being with Takamina was becoming too painful… then she would just avoid her until she stopped loving her. She would just stay by herself and wait for this feeling to disappear. She knew it would take a long time, but fortunately, she knew she was going back to Korea sooner or later, so it would be the perfect opportunity to forget about her… the only thing she had not thought about… was that Takamina might have something to say about it.
“You love me, don’t you?” Takamina asked suddenly, going straight to the point, knowing Acchan could leave anytime.
Her friend looked at her in the eyes, not believing what she was hearing. She didn’t answer though.
“Do you?” Takamina repeated, trying to stay calm.
What she was doing now was really embarrassing, but she knew the problem would never find a solution if she didn’t talk about it first. Since Acchan was convinced she didn’t love her… well she would prove her the opposite.
“What… are you talking about so suddenly…” Acchan whispered, not knowing what to answer, surprised by the way Takamina was taking control of… this subject.
“I… heard you… when you talked to Tomochin…” Takamina said shyly. “I didn’t mean to… but I heard what you said.”
Acchan didn’t answer.
“I want you to tell me… was it really what you wanted us to do? To forget everything? I mean… you know about the kiss…”
Takamina’s assurance was definitely gone.
“There’s nothing to add… if you really heard.” Acchan said.
“Was it true? What you feel toward me… is it… love?”
Acchan opened her mouth but the door opened suddenly, interrupting them. Takamina moved back as two guys walked in. The first one was an assistant of the director. The second one… made Takamina forgetting about the whole conversation she just had with Acchan.
“You…” She whispered, recognizing him.
TBC
End note 1:
There’s a lot of things to consider in this chapter… First, Takamina is sure Acchan loves her since she heard her. Second, Takamina and Acchan both don’t want to confess but know it will happen someday. Third: Hiroko knows Takamina loves Acchan. And finally… who is “you”?
...
DON’T KILL ME PLEASE, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!!! :grin: It's true btw XD :grin:
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OMGGGGG SO CLOSE AND YET SO FAR AWAYYYY!!! :O
lol you're lucky its your birthday tomorrow. i will spare your life for now! :P
DAMN WHO IS "YOU"? IS IT THAT KOREAN SCANDAL DUDE??!?! I'M GONNA KISS HIS A** FOR INTERRUPTING THE SCENE
mann throughout this whole chapter i was just wishing that they would just confess but you just won't make it that easy will you? :smhid
GOSH I'M JUST FEELING SO FURSTRATED AND CONFUSED SO MUCH EMOTIONNN
man sad to hear that you won't by updating too often but as long as you keep the fanfic going it alright!
UPDATE SOON! (oh and HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAYYY!!! :D)
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NOOOOOO!!!!!!
How could you do this to me :cry: :cry: :cry: after all we've been through, lol :lol:
They were this close...THIS CLOSE to confessing...how could you :cry: :cry: :cry:
Before i (AHEM Kill Someone) I would like to say
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! LOL
Ahhhh :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic: Please update soon...if u do
i'll love you forever and ever and ever...and forever and ever
lol :lol: :lol:
Ah...Takamina and Acchan :wub: :wub: :inlove: :inlove: :wub: :wub:
Please...UPDATE!!!
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:shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m077.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)(http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m077.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
why you do this to meeeeeee..... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m143.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) for all the moment that we have spend together... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m103.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) *Okay stop overreacting* (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m020.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
bou-chan you are definatly try to kill me slowly.... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m014.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) from the beginning I start to read this chapter my heart already beat so fast and when it come to the end... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m041.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
and about this "YOU" person.... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m194.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) I guess I know who he is... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m064.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) and I guess I could predict what gonna happen but I wont tell it coz if it real I will... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m205.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
I HATE YOUUUU!!!! (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m144.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m020.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) but cant help (http://forum.akb48.org/images/smilies/onion65.gif) I still LOVE YOU!!!! (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m054.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) XD XD XD
pleaaaseeeeeeee....pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee.... update soon.... (http://forum.akb48.org/images/smilies/onion04.gif)
Oh yeah and.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m149.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
I guess..... I'll gonna update my fanfict before tomorrow since tomorrow is your b'day... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m122.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) wait n see.... :twisted: :lol: :lol:
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BOU-SAN...
I HATE YOU!!!
no...I love you.. :cry: :cry: :cry: but still hate you..no, not hate.. :banghead: :banghead: uurrgggg...
Leave all of that aside, HAPPY BDAY!!! and let's celebrate your Bday by a chapter that those 2 get together.. Can you, pleaseeee????? :heart: :heart: :heart:
I know that you think you're not good at happy ending..but.. :cry: :cry: at least let them together/ confess to each other/ know about each other feeling.. :bow: :bow: :bow:
Thank you so much!! I'll keep waiting for your update :) :)
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
There is your dose of birthday smileys! Good to see chapters up for me to read! But yet again you leave us with a cliff hanger!!
Anywho! Despite the highs and lows of the chapter it was good! Shall wait patiently for the next one!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm glad the song helped you a bit ^^ We are the team K!!!!!
You want to kill us?! I was like 'yeah they will do it! They will do it!' with a huge smile and several seconds after I was like 'no they didn't do it' pouting. Imagine a personn do that several time on the tramway. People must think 'what happen with this person?' Lol
This chapter made me frustred so much but continued your fic is awesome :twothumbs
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Happy Birthday bou, but expect me to pop out of the giant cake I'm sending to your house with a knife.
I love you. XD
OMGAAHHHH THE TENSION! DAMMIT ATSUMINAAAAAAA :panic:
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY =)
HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY.
and I guess...I'll give you a present.....how does an update sound?
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Whaaaaaa!!! You're getting older again :P Sorry, just want my comment to be a little different :lol: :lol: (but still have the same meaning :] ) :mon dance:
Umm... but really, I need to apologize 'cuz I haven't read this yet since chapter 15 or 14? :kneelbow: I'm sorry... T.T :mon POd:
Anyway,happy b-day!!! :] (I'm trying to be a bit kind bec. I know that you will all kill me later because of Keichan san :smhid... :lol: :lol:) Pls. don't kill me!!! :bleed eyes: I still haven't post my story here :] (Yup! I'm creating story/ies but I think I will not post it for now... hehehe :])
Happy B-day again :] :onioncheer:
:on BDay: :grin:
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mangobanana15: LOL who said I was going to make it easy :grin: Seriously, why would I just write something like...
Taka: I love you!
Acchan: Me too!
Taka: Let's live together forever!
Acchan: Yay!
...Know what I mean :smhid But I'm glad I'm making you angry XD And about the guy... you'll find out in this chapter ^^
hott3stson3: Well... I'm sorry I wasn't able to update soon :nervous Just had a crazy week at school and couldn't write at all this week. I thought I would be able to update last week end, but finally I couldn't. So I guess you won't love me forever :cry: XD
sorakamiya: YOU!!!! IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU I'M UPDATING TONIGHT EVEN IF I'M SUPPOSED TO WORK :smhid But hey, I guess I have no choice since you have updated when it was my birthday... so at least I'll do the same for you! Happy birthday :k-wink: And... I did something else for you! You'll find out while you will read ^^ By the way... I'm not trying to kill anyone... yet. LoL love your long comments full of monkeys XD
dee1711: Well... I don't want to make it too easier, you know? So... cliffhangers are my best friends! XD I know I know, you hate me -.-' No, you love me ^^ No in fact... I don't know, so it would be great if you could decide XD Just kidding :P
Keichan ^_^: Thank you ^^ I lol'ed at the smileys XD When will you update your fic?! :?
kahem I know, I am cruel... :grin: Don't worry for the tramway... The same thing happened to me... A LOT. XD I'm not the same calm person in the subway since I got my new Ipod :roll:
Japanime1: Sooo... if I follow your logic, you think we kill people that we love? Since you want to kill me, but that you said you love me, this is how I understand the situation. Then... Should I create a new fanfic where Taka would kill Acchan or vice versa? :twisted:
yourstruly: Thank for having updating for my birthday! You just tell me when is yours and I'll probably do the same... as long as you don't tell me a lie to have the next chapter faster >.>
alexiel17: Thank! Yeah, I'm getting older... Soon I will not be able to move and not be able to continue this fanfic as well... How life can be cruel :P By the way, I love you sig! xD Maaan you should continue read it XD But hey I'll understand if you don't want to! I mean, I know you're a huge KojiYuu fan, so maybe this fic doesn't interest you :?
Everyone reading: Thank you!!!!
Goooooood I finally managed to answer. LOL it should be my birthday more often so I'll get a lot of comments each time XD But seriously. thank to everyone for the "happy birthday" :oops: Love you all guys! Thank you :bow:
I'm sorry, I wasn't able to update this week because of school... and I don't know when I will be able to. I'm supposed to be working now -.-' the only reason why I'm updating is...
Happy Birthday Sorakamiya!!!!! Since you updated when it was my birthday, I'll do the same for you! I managed to finish this chapter... and you'll see what I did for you ^^ And everyone else will sure be happy to see what I did for you too :P
Also, thank to yourstruly for having updating "LIES" :bow:
Well, anyways, like I said, sorry for not being able to update... and still now, it's kinda late. Well, I don't know where you guys live, but right now it's 9:37 pm here so I call it "late" XD
I'm sure you guys know who is the "you" XD Since I'm really cruel with Takamina for interrupting her confession... why not be crueller? :D XD You will soon discover what I mean ^^
There's a lot going on here guys! Pay attention to the "you", to Hiroko... and of course to Takamina and Acchan!
Enough talking, here's the chapter!
Sorry for the mistakes.
Chapter 18
She would never forget those eyes…
Flash Back
“Hey everyone, Takahashi’s father is dead!” Two little girls screamed as they walked in the classroom.
“What? How do you know?!” A group of five eight-years-old children asked.
Two boys and three girls, they were the group everyone listened to in the class. The most popular children of them. Even if they were young, there was already this kind of “democracy” in the classroom. Everyone respected them… and if somebody didn’t, there were horrible consequences. They were the one who decided who was cool… and who wasn’t. And since they played all innocents roles in front of the teacher, nobody would ever think there was such a big problem between them.
“We followed her yesterday and we heard her mother!” One of the two girls announced proudly.
The two boys exchanged glances. They were the leaders of the group of five, and so they were even more powerful than the three others. They were the ones who had decided Takahashi was not welcome here. They were the one responsible of ijime.
“Everyone heard that?” The taller guy asked, looking evilly at them. “Takahashi has no father anymore! You all know what that’s mean… she is useless for the society. She was useless, but now it’s even worst, she’s nothing, and so is her family!”
The others cheered.
“What we always thought was confirmed.” The other boy confirmed. “People coming from somewhere else than Tokyo don’t belong to here. They are nothing.”
God only knew why those kids were so cruel. Was it because of their parent’s influence? Was it because they couldn’t find another way to talk to Takahashi? Was it because… they felt like they were better than her? Was it because of the world where they grew up?
Takahashi came in the classroom in the middle of the cheering. Everyone continued to clap in their hands, smiling ironically at her.
“Well, look who has the courage to come back at school!” The taller of the two leader boys said. “I was sure you would be too scared… after all, after the spiders, the snakes, the words written on the board, the pins on your chair… what do you think will follow? Oh, by the way, it’s useless to look for your precious books, we’ve already thrown them away.”
“So… will you finally understand that we don’t want you here or do you want us to continue? We still have plenty of time before the bell ring, you know? What about you just bow and apologize for being so useless?” The other of the duo laughed.
“Or maybe you could just give us more money, since you don’t need it. I tell you, nobody will ever accept to sell you something. You’re so mean!” One of the girls said.
Takahashi went sitting behind her desk and ignored them. She was used to it. Each morning… it was the same. She carefully looked around her desk to see if there was any prank, but there wasn’t for today. She then opened a book and began to read.
“Hey, listen to us!” Someone shouted as he grabbed the book.
The guy who had just spoken was a tall black haired child. He was never serious and was a bit like the joker of the group. He was usually nice and joyful, liking to teach the others. He was quite popular, but still not enough to be part of the “five”. Everyone liked him… but he had one major weak point: he was a follower. He was not the leader type. He was more “I am nice and funny, but I don’t like to take too much initiative… so I do what others tell me to”.
Takamina glanced at him and looked away right after. This guy… was the first person who had talked to her when she had first came at this school. At first, he had been really friendly with her, acting like they’ve known each other for a long time. He was doing her best to make her feel good in this new environment. They were closed enough to be called “friends”. But… as soon as the others had begun to bully her, he had done the same. He had been really nice… but now… he was not even better than the others. He was even worst… just to impress the others… and also because he didn’t want to become a loser like she was.
“Well said! Listen to us, Taka-baka!” A random girl screamed.
“Nice nickname…” The taller leader said. “You should have said it sooner, Hiyori! Hey, Taka-baka, why are here? Aren’t you supposed to be crying for your father?”
Takahashi flinched at the mention of her father. How did they know that… he died yesterday…
“You’re trying to be less useless by going to school? Or maybe you’re trying to feel less guilty? After all, I wouldn’t even be surprised if it was your fault that he died!”
Takahashi glared at the guy who once was nice with her. Now… he was even crueller than the others. Accusing her of causing her father’s death… what could be worst?
“He must have hated her!” Someone said, ignoring the fact that Takahashi was there, listening against her will. “He wanted to leave her, that’s why he died! Who would support living with someone like her!”
Takahashi frowned and held her tears. She must not cry… she must not cry… she must be strong… for her, for her father and for Hiroko who was encouraging her everyday.
“You better die, Takahashi.” A girl said. “Anyway, I’m sure it’s all you deserve now. Nobody will want you.”
Suddenly, two guys went by Takahashi’s side with a dirty broom and shook it right on her head, making dust fell on her beautiful hair.
“Look, she’s looking much better this way!” They said at the same time, doing a high five.
Everyone laughed, without exception. Takahashi was looking at the floor. It was nothing compared to some others days… but still… it was a daily hell. She tried to leave the classroom, hating to be the center of attention, especially in this situation, but someone blocked her way.
“Well done…” One of the two main leaders said. “I thought we would have a problem with you too since you were acting friendly with her at the beginning of the year, but it seemed that you understand perfectly what we have to do to eliminate the trash of society.”
The dark haired guy smiled at the “leader” and didn’t move from Takahashi’s way, smirking at the same time.
“You heard him.” He said to her, looking at her in the eyes. “I’m doing a great job now. I helped others to eliminate those we don’t need. You should be the first one thanking me for doing such a disgusting job. Even your father realized it. He left you and your mother, knowing it was useless to stay with crap. Maybe he was more intelligent then I thought after all…”
Takahashi began to cry slightly as she heard everyone laughing. This pretention she had seen in those eyes… Her father… wasn’t this way. He did not die… because of her. He did not die… because of…
“You killed your father!” Someone laughed loudly.
A plastic bottle and many trashes were being thrown on her while she left the classroom, running. She would never come back here, no matter what her mother would say. She would never go back there… no matter what was going to happen after. As she was finally outside, she heard someone shouting her name. She turned around and saw the “supposedly” nice guy. She didn’t even stop walking. She didn’t want to hear him or talk to him. He was like the others. He didn’t even hesitate before beginning to bully her like the others. Even though he was friendly before, now he was just like everyone… and she hated him.
“Hey, Takahashi!” He screamed.
The little girl didn’t stop. She wanted to see Hiroko… she wanted to have a bit of support in this world… or else she wouldn’t survive any longer. Where was her best friend? Where was she? Where was the only person she could rely on… She hated this life… if she didn’t have her… she didn’t know what she would do. Would she kill herself? No… because she wanted to prove to the others children she wasn’t useless. She wanted to prove them she was as strong as them, even more. There was no way she would ever gave them the pleasure of going to her funeral.
“Wait!” He repeated.
Takahashi stopped walking and turned around, tears falling down her cheeks. Him… the only person she had thought was different… was just like the others.
“Will you come back here?” He asked shyly.
Where was his pretention now that the others were gone? Where was this smirk he had on his face all the time? Where was this spark of joy he had when he insulted her? He was… just like the first day they had met, an innocent little boy who wanted to be nice. But now, Takahashi knew it was just a false identity. She knew now… that the boy was way different than what he looked like.
“I will never come back here.” Takahashi answered angrily. “When I will see you again, it will be to take revenge!”
Hatred in her heart, she began to walk toward the street, heading to Hiroko’s house.
“Wait! The others… they wanted me to chase after you and bring you back. If I can’t do this… they will do the same with me! I don’t want to be a victim… Can you-”
“I would like to come back just to see you being a victim… but I will never come back. You better be prepared…” Takahashi growled.
What the hell was this guy thinking about? There was no way she would ever come back… now all she wanted was to cry alone in Hiroko’s arms…
“It’s not my fault, you know…” He pretended.
Takahashi stared at him. Tall, dark hair, dark eyes… a spark of pretention inside them. Those eyes… she engraved them in her memory. She would never forget them. It wasn’t the leaders she disliked the most… it was him… because he had lied to her all the time, pretending to be her friend while in fact he was just waiting for the right time to bully her. And now, he was begging her using the “it’s not my fault” excuse. Takahashi was still young and moved by her father’s death, but she could still think like anybody else. She didn’t answer and turned back. She would show him, sooner or later, what “not one’s fault” meant…
The next was the last one she was going to this school. Everyone had laughed at her as usual. They had even created a coffin where she could lie in, which she was forced to do. She had tried to resist as much as possible… but then the leader had asked “him” to help them… and that’s how they had closed the coffin… with her on the inside.
“Don’t worry, Taka-baka, it’s just a practice for when it will really happen!” The leader had said, making everyone laughed at her.
“Just kidding, we won’t even come to your funeral… well in fact I guess nobody will.” HE had said.
The week after, she was transferred. He had tried to talk to her… but Takahashi had not listened to him. He had been nice… at the beginning. Now… the only memory she would have about him was that… he humiliated her… like the others did.
End of Flash Back
Acchan was still immobile. She couldn’t believe Takamina had talked about… this. She couldn’t believe… Takamina knew it… A bit more and… she would have confessed to her. A bit more and… she would have told her everything… and maybe they would have started a new relationship… as lovers. They had been so close to this… it frustrated her. Now that Takamina knew her feelings… she knew that… whatever happened, Takamina would never leave her. She knew that… from now on… she couldn’t fear anything. The only things she wondered was… did Takamina love her too? Who dared interrupted them at such a moment! She would kill him!
“Excuse me…” The assistant of the director said. “I hope you weren’t busy…”
NOT BUSY??? What did “busy” mean to them? Being on the floor making out and doing dirty things or what?! Acchan wanted to kill him right now. Takamina and she were talking about something really important and he had just interrupted them at the crucial part! How was she supposed to take it? “No problem” wasn’t exactly what she wanted to tell him. She wanted him to die… right now. She was finally about to confess anything and… and what?! She stared at Takamina, who was still speechless. Did… Takamina know the guy who was standing there Acchan flinched as she realized that… in fact, she herself knew who it was.
“Kenji-san…” The actress said.
Takamina fixed her best friend. Acchan knew… who he was? Now that she looked closely at him… he reminded her someone else.
“Ah, right, you know him, Maeda-san! You’ve worked with him in the past, right? When you were in South Korea, right?” The assistant said. “Well, Takahashi-san, this is Takeo Kenji. He will be the actor for the B-side PV. I have others important things to do… so do you mind… introducing yourself?”
Kenji nodded and the assistant left them alone. Suddenly, Acchan hugged him, which was surprising since… well… Japanese people didn’t hugged unknown people. Was Acchan… so close to that guy? Takamina sighed as she recognized… him. The Korean guy… from the scandal… He was actually… Japanese? A Japanese working in South Korea… right… and most of all… it was HIM.
“Takamina,” Acchan said happily. “This is the guy that helped me when I was in South Korea. He played in one of my drama!”
Takamina couldn’t say anything. Acchan’s friend…? There were millions people living in Japan and South Korea… and it had to be him?! Acchan’s friend… was the guy from the scandal and… the guy she hated for so much time? Why was she so… unlucky?! For God sake, it couldn’t just be “the Korean guy”, no, it just HAD to be Acchan’s friend too! Oh and of course, it just HAD to be the person she hated the most before… and still now.
“Takahashi-san… nice to see you again” He said politely. “Maeda talked a lot about you. I just came back from South Korea. I’ve been there for almost four years.”
Acchan seemed surprised.
“You know each other?” She asked. “Well, Takamina, don’t worry, he’s really nice, I’m sure everything will be fine for your PV. He helped me a lot when I didn’t know what to do. You’ll see, there’s no problem when you’re with him. I don’t know how, but he seemed to have a miracle solution each time I needed help.”
Somehow… the singer didn’t like how Acchan seemed to be a real fangirl of him. And the fact that there was no problem was totally wrong… From all she could remember, problems were always there when she was with him.
“I can’t wait to work with you.” Kenji confirmed. “I’ve heard a lot about you being in AKB48 and about your sudden graduation. You were probably the most respected member, right? I’m really glad I am the one chosen to work with you. I hope… you will accept me in your team.”
Takamina flinched as she recognized the voice she had hated so much time. He was Acchan’s friend, right? So she couldn’t scream at him now, right? Damn… how was she ever going to explain to Acchan that… she hated this guy? How was she going to tell her that… her friend was actually a jerk? And how would she ever be able to accept him in her team… she’d rather die! She’d rather… damn, she’d rather never confess to Acchan just so in exchange he could get off of her life!
“Of course, she will accept you.” Acchan smiled. “Right, Takamina? I was the one who asked the director to give him a chance. I’m sure he will be perfect!”
The small girl frowned. Was Acchan in love with him or what?! How come she was the one who had asked the director about it?! How could her best friend ask the director to accept the guy she hated the most right now?! What the hell was this situation?! Perfect? Him? Takamina was sure of one thing, the only thing he would do would be to mess with her life!
“You… asked the director?” Takamina said.
“Yeah…” Acchan nodded grabbing Takamina’s arm. “I hope you don’t mind. I was afraid you might work with a stupid and brainless guy… so I thought I could suggest someone…”
It seemed that even Acchan had already forgotten about their recent interrupted conversation since she seemed to be really at ease. She had already forgotten about… the whole previous situation, or at least that was what Takamina believed. Acchan was just… smiling like nothing bad was happening. She was looking happily at both Takamina and Kenji, probably hoping two of her friends could become friends too…
“Why should I accept him?” Takamina asked harshly, surprising Acchan.
“Ah, excuse her!” Acchan said to Kenji. “She’s tired from the work, that’s why she’s so harsh now.”
The actress didn’t know what the problem was, but she really hoped it wouldn’t be the start of something bad. She wanted them to be friends, but it seemed that Takamina was rejecting this idea. It was surprising, since Takamina was not the kind of girl that would hate someone easily. She would always take time to know the person before judging… but now it seemed that she didn’t even want to look at him. Could Takamina be… jealous? It would be too funny for Acchan, yet impossible. Why would Takamina be jealous for something like that? Was it because of the hug? There was no problem about it, it was just a friend! Was it because she’d rather think about it before accepting him? Acchan had no idea, but she really hoped it wasn’t too important. She wanted to help her friend, not to make her upset… She wanted them to be happy… not to begin a “I hate you” relationship. What if… she had done the wrong thing? She really hoped Takamina would forgive her for whatever the problem was.
“Don’t worry, Atsuko-san.” Kenji said. “I don’t mind. I’m sure we will have time to talk a lot later.”
He smiled at Takamina who frowned. Acting like nothing never happened, right? Well, she would not give him the opportunity of playing this game too long. As soon as they would be alone, she would kill him… almost. She knew Acchan wanted to be nice… but seriously, she couldn’t pretend anything with him by her side.
“Don’t worry, Takamina.” Acchan added. “I’m sure everything will be fine. Kenji is a great actor. He told me he moved to Hiroshima when he was ten years old because of his father’s job. But he knows Tokyo very well since he lived there before and often come back for vacations.”
Takamina sighed. From Acchan’s point of view… he was perfect. But from her own point of view, she wouldn’t let him do anything. Ten years old… it meant two years after the ijime thing, right? Even if she knew she shouldn’t, she hoped he was bullied a lot during two years… just like a short revenge for everything she had endured.
“Takamina…” Acchan pouted. “Aren’t you happy? I helped you, right?”
All the shyness from their “love” conversation was gone too. Acchan was back to be her best friend, the one who always knew when there was a problem. And right now, the problem was huge since it was something alive… and a friend of Acchan too…
“Excuse me, Kenji-san,” Takamina asked, trying to look as polite as possible, “would you mind leaving us alone? There’s something I want to say to Acchan… in private.”
The guy smiled.
“I’ll go then.” He answered, looking into Takamina’s eyes.
Takamina froze. Those eyes… Still the same… minus the pretention. She waited for him to be far-far far far- away from them and closed the door. Acchan frowned. She hoped that Takamina didn’t want to talk about what they were talking about before Kenji arrived. Though at the same time… she wouldn’t mind talking about love. But it wasn’t exactly what her friend had in mind.
“It’s your friend?” Takamina asked.
“Yes…” Acchan hesitated. “Is that a problem?”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want him to be in my PV.” Takamina declared. “I will find someone better.”
Acchan flinched.
“What? What do you mean? It was really hard to get him accepted by the director! Even my manager helped me!” She said quickly.
Takamina didn’t answer for awhile before she said, trying to keep her emotion inside her heart:
“I’ve met him before… and let’s just say I got a bad experience.” She whispered. “I don’t want him in the PV… and you know what? You should stop being friend with him.”
Acchan looked her friend left the room. She stared at the closed door, wondering what had just happened. First… she was only supposed to be there to take her bag. But then, suddenly Takamina had started talking about their relationship… after her Japanese actor friend had came… and now Takamina was telling her to leave him alone? But… he was really a nice guy, wasn’t he? Why would she let him down? She didn’t understand Takamina, especially since they kissed. It seemed that… nothing was the same. She couldn’t understand her like she used to… she couldn’t be with her without feeling pain… she was wondering what was going to happen to their relationship every two seconds… she wanted to know about Kenji relationship with Takamina… and now… she wondered if the love topic would come back soon…
***
Takamina was drinking tea by herself at home. It had been a week since she had met him again. She had not talked to Acchan yet. She wasn’t avoiding her, but she knew the actress was busy with her own job. She didn’t want to bother her. She was thinking about everything… first Hiroko had come back in her life… and now him. A bit more and each person she had known when she was young would soon appear soon. She hated this situation…. Why was he Acchan’s friend?! Why did it have to be him?! Did God hate her THAT much?! And even if fate was against her… He could at least give her a break! Hiroko… love problems… him… what was next? With everything… she was ready for the end of the world.
She went outside to a nice restaurant she liked. All she wanted now… was to eat katsudon. In this kind of situation… she would usually go and talk to Acchan, but right now… she couldn’t because Acchan was busy… and since the guy she hated was her friend, she couldn’t talk about it for now. She didn’t want Acchan to be sad because of her. So the only thing that could bring her smile back was eating katsudon.
As she was sitting, waiting for her katsudon to arrive, she read the script of the B-side PV. This guy… would play a great friend of her. How was she going to survive just by looking at him?! He was so… so… she couldn’t even find a word to describe him! How was she just going to be able to record a scene with him! She hated him so much that… she was sure her single would not sell a single copy just because of his face in the B-side PV! He was going to ruin her career after ruining her life years ago. She was going to die because of him!
No… not “years” ago… in fact, he had ruined her life just a week ago… when he had interrupted her conversation with Acchan. She was thinking about it when her katsudon arrived. For the first time of her life… she didn’t touch it right away. It was the second time katsudon didn’t interest her. The first time was when Acchan had come to her house awhile ago… and now… still because of the actress that had stole her heart. She was really… the only person that could make her forget about her favourite food. In fact… she was the only person Takamina would care about for the rest of her life. Sure, there was still her others friends from AKB48… but with Acchan, everything was different. Her life was magic with her by her side.
The only thing she was scared about right now… was that this magic disappear. And she knew that… with everything that was happening right now, with all the problems she had to take care of… with her single released soon… with her solo career that would begin for real… she knew their friendship was slowly becoming an “endangered specie”. She knew their relationship was more fragile than ever before… and she was seriously thinking everything might be gone if she talked about the guy to Acchan. So the only thing she could do, as usual, was to hide her pain.
“You love me, don’t you?”
Takamina couldn’t believe she had really said something like that. It wasn’t her to do this kind of thing. She would usually just wait… so if she had done that… was it because she couldn’t wait anymore? Yes… it was surely because she couldn’t hold anything. And she would probably have talked about it with Acchan already if this guy had not suddenly pop out in her life. Sure, she was ready to confess! She was ready to face reality! But… not when he was in her life right now. Not when… so many bad memories were coming back. If only… they could have finished this conversation before he appeared. If only… Acchan had answered to her question.
“There’s nothing to add… if you really heard.”
Did that mean that… everything was actually true? That she really loved her? That she wasn’t lying at the phone? And then… if she had answered yes… what would Takamina have answered? The singer wasn’t ready to have a serious relationship, she knew it. She knew she wanted Acchan to know about her feelings… but she knew she couldn’t date her right now. And still then, Takamina was dying on the inside to know what Acchan thought about this situation! She wanted Acchan to tell her directly about her feelings, without having someone to tell her or without spying on her when she was talking at the phone to someone else! She wanted Acchan to tell her, not through a phone or anything else… she wanted to see Acchan’s lips forming the sentence “I love you”. And she would do the same right after… or just before, who knows?
She was scared. She knew their next conversation would be THE one… if ever nobody had the stupidity to interrupt them at the crucial part like it had happened. During their latest conversation, she had clearly seen that Acchan was trying to avoid her. If she hadn’t been so direct, then Acchan would have left the room right away. So next time… she would have to be even more direct with her best friend. But… how could she do that? She was already shy… she couldn’t kiss her without saying anything, right? And she couldn’t suddenly confess to her, right? She would have a heart attack while talking…
Why was love so complicated? No… It was the question Takamina had to ask. The best question was more… “Why did she have to fall for her?” It seemed that the world didn’t want them to be together. Sure, theoretically, they couldn’t be together since… well it was not something appropriate if they wanted to have a famous career. Why… her?
She was almost done eating her katsudon when her phone rang while she was still thinking about the whole thing. It was an unknown number. She sighed, thinking she would have loved receiving a call from Acchan. But it seemed that even her own phone was against her.
“Yes?” She answered.
“Takahashi?”
She frowned as she recognized the voice that was talking. How could she have her phone number? And most of all… why was she calling her?!
“What do you want?” Takamina asked, trying to sound fine.
“I have something I want to ask you… can we meet?”
Sine she really wanted to think about her relationship with Acchan, Takamina wanted to answer “no”, but decided to accept. After all, if Hiroko wanted to see her… then the most important thing on earth must have happened.
“Sure…” Takamina said, thinking she had just done a mistake.
Their latest conversation had been somehow… troubled. But what helped Takamina to decided was the fact that… she wanted to ask something to Hiroko too.
***
The singer was waiting for Hiroko to arrive. It didn’t take a long time before the manager came, running in the street. Takamina frowned. She would not lose to whatever Hiroko was going to tell her. She would stay strong and keep in mind that whatever happen, she would confess for real next time she would see Acchan.
“Sorry for calling you so suddenly.” Hiroko apologized.
Acchan’s manager seemed to be fine. She didn’t seem to be angry or sad. It looked like she was saying the truth when she had said she just wanted to talk. At least, Takamina knew Hiroko had stopped with her murderous intentions. She still hated her, sure, but not as much as before. Takamina could be sure of it just by knowing that Hiroko actually wanted to meet with her. And anyway, sometimes, we all have to forget about something sad that happened. She knew Hiroko would not kill her… but she knew they would probably talk about Acchan… again.
“I called you because I wanted to talk about something concerning Atsuko. You know… as her manager, I want to be sure nothing scandalous is going to happen.”
Hiroko’s voice was professional, like she knew exactly what she had to say. It also seemed that there was a boundary between her eyes and the real world, which kind of hide any sign that would show her feelings about it to Takamina. And anyway… why would she show her feelings to her old friend… she didn’t want to. Right now… Hiroko was really nervous standing in front of Takamina. She couldn’t believe she wanted to see her.
“I don’t see what you are talking about.” Takamina answered, knowing pretty much the only thing she could do was to deny everything.
“I don’t think I need to remind you it is useless to lie to me. Even if it’s been a long time, I can still understand you when you don’t say anything. This part of you hasn’t changed at all.” Hiroko said, glancing at her old friend. “Seriously, don’t you think that if I’m talking about that to you today, it’s because I know more than you think.”
“I don’t know what you can be thinking about since there is absolutely nothing.” Takamina kept on denying.
“Nothing? Have you already forgotten about what I told you?” Hiroko insisted, determined to hear the truth from Takamina. “This is dangerous. She-”
“She’s not.” Takamina interrupted, knowing what Hiroko was going to say.
Acchan’s manager knew Takamina was going to deny it. When she had wanted to meet with her ex friend, she knew the confrontation was going to be hard. But knowing that… she was ready to everything Takamina was going to say. It wasn’t that she REALLY wanted to talk about it to Takamina. Of course, she’d rather avoid the subject too since she had kind of been in the same situation when they were friends before… but it was about the person she had to take care of. She couldn’t let it go… even if she had to talk with someone she didn’t really like.
“I was there too.”
Takamina frowned.
“Where?”
“When you were listening to Atsuko’s conversation with someone else. I saw you and I heard what you heard too.”
Takamina froze. Hiroko had seen her spying on Acchan’s conversation? That meant…
“Stop lying to me when I’m only warning you.” Hiroko said. “I know you heard Atsuko saying she loves you.”
The singer didn’t know what to answer. She didn’t know Hiroko had been there. She couldn’t believe what was happening. Was Acchan’s manager really trying to warn her about what could happen? Hiroko was acting like… a friend.
“Okay…” Takamina answered harshly. “You were right about this point, happy now? Just let me deal with it. I don’t see how it concerns you.”
“It concerns me because I am Atsuko’s manager! I can’t just look at her ruin her career because of an impossible and stupid love story!”
The ex captain of AKB48 was clearly becoming upset. First, it wasn’t Hiroko’s problem at all. Second, it wasn’t something someone could easily talk about and find a solution in a second. And third… it wasn’t an impossible and stupid love story… right?
RIGHT?
“I was right since the beginning.” Hiroko said. “She loves you. So now I want you to tell me what you are going to do so I can at least protect her from a gay scandal.”
“You’re too extreme.” Takamina sighed. “A gay scandal? Nothing like that will happen! I’m not going to do anything… anyway, what do you want me to do in this case…”
“I can see exactly what you are going to do. Seriously… you did graduate from AKB48, right? Why?”
Takamina didn’t answer, surprised by the question.
“You graduated because of her, didn’t you? You’re so… attracted by her that you even give up your beloved group! I heard fans talking about it. They’re upset. They were sure you wouldn’t leave soon… but guess what? You left like you had to in order to survive.”
Was it really the impression she had given the others? It couldn’t be… She had not only graduated because of… well, okay, maybe she had.
“Let’s just say that Acchan… played a role in my decision.” Takamina muttered.
“So… when will you confess to her? When will you guys ruin your career together, like big kids?”
“I’m not going to confess to her. And even if it had to happen, it won’t ruin Acchan’s career. I won’t let her ruin her career just for this.”
Okay… the confession part was a lie. But who cared?
“So you love her but will not confess just so you can supposedly protect her?” Hiroko growled. “I didn’t think you care so much for her… though let me think about it… Oh, yes, I did know you care so much. So… be honest and tell me, when are you guys going to officially date?”
“I’m not-”
“You do love her.” Hiroko said, anticipating Takamina’s answer. “At least, don’t lie about this point… I know it since you two recorded the last scene of your PV.”
Takamina didn’t know what to say. She didn’t expect Hiroko to know it too. Was it really so… evident? Of course… she knew Hiroko would never insist so much if she didn’t have a nice reason. And that reason was that Acchan’s manager knew everything. She knew Takamina loved Acchan and vice versa. It wasn’t surprising… Even after so many time, Hiroko was still able to guess her feelings really well. Hiroko had always known Takamina very well… She knew the confession was inevitable… the only thing she wanted to know was “when?” and “what will happen after”. Unfortunately, even Takamina didn’t know the answer to these questions. She didn’t even know when she was going to talk to Acchan. So what? Hiroko knew she loved Acchan… and now what? Was Hiroko angry at her? Was she… jealous? Takamina quickly forget about the second idea. After so long time, she knew Hiroko was not the kind of person to keep thinking about it. And plus, they weren’t supposed to be talking together now.
“Right… I won’t lie to you then.” Takamina said. “It’s true… I love her. It doesn’t matter what you think about it. But it doesn’t mean I will take the risk to ruin her career by confessing to her. When it will happen… I will be sure nothing will happen to her career… because I don’t want her to be hurt. What I am going to do about it is none of your business. Even if it was of your business, there’s no way I would talk to you about it. Unlike you-”
“Unlike me, what?!” Hiroko snarled, seriously pissed off by this conversation. “Unlike me, you can’t face your feelings. You can’t be honest with anyone, even not with Atsuko. Unlike me, you’re not strong enough to confess because you fear everything. Seriously, when I confessed to you before, I was aware of what was going to happen, but I said it anyway because it was something I couldn’t deny. I thought you would understand me and surpass everything so it could go back to normal. But of course, no, you had to throw our friendship away in a second, like you were the one deciding on everything. Unlike me, you don’t know at all what you are going to do because you’re weaker than me! Unlike me, you keep on denying everything thinking it will solve your problems, but seeing that it doesn’t, you just decided you will do nothing. And by doing this, you don’t just hurt you, you hurt Atsuko too.”
Takamina was speechless. It was like Hiroko’s barrier was breaking in thousand pieces.
“Why do you think I want to talk about that subject to you?!” Hiroko continued, seeing Takamina couldn’t say anything. “Why do you think I am standing in front of you right now even if the only thing I can think about by doing this is what happened between us when we were young? Why do you think I force myself to talk with you about something you don’t want to tell me?! Listen, I want to say I don’t care about it, but I can’t. It concerns Atsuko, and as her manager, I need to make sure everything will be fine. The reason why I care so much about it is exactly because it’s YOU. If it was someone else, I wouldn’t care at all.”
“What difference does it make if it’s me or not.” Takamina murmured, still shocked.
“It makes a lot of differences. First, you are a girl. Second, you will probably be famous. Third, Atsuko is already famous, so if you two decide to date, it will create a huge scandal… I don’t think I’m telling you anything new. And finally… it’s because you’re so weak about love that I can’t trust you. If you were sure of yourself instead of having doubts all the time, maybe I wouldn’t care so much about it. But I’m sure as soon as you will have confessed, you will have doubts again and break up with her. By doing this, it will kill her joy and so she won’t be able to work properly. If you keep on playing together, you two will have no future. Currently, I’m trying to save Atsuko from your stupidity. Seriously, you two dating? You’re think I’m what exactly? I’m not a bad manager who will just let Atsuko do whatever it is that she wants to do. I’ve made mistake with her, but now I will make sure she will reach the top. You and your stupid questions… even if you dated, you would break up with her because of them!”
Takamina didn’t answer, thinking Hiroko was the one hitting Acchan just a year ago.
“So, what are you going to do? Why would you confess to her if it’s to break her heart later? Why would you start dating her if you’re sure it’s impossible to have a love relationship with her? Don’t think about confession if you’re sure it will lead to nothing.”
Still no answer. Takamina knew Hiroko was right. She was so unsure even though she knew her feelings were real. She knew it would eventually lead to a painful separation… so why would she care about confessing? Why would she make Acchan suffer even more than now?
“Say something.” Hiroko said. “What will you do? I’m right and you know it.”
“You hate me, right?” Takamina asked sadly. “I know it too. I know what you are saying right now… is just because you want me to suffer too. About this love topic… when I’ll do something, you will know it too. If I’m so unsure, it’s because I don’t want to do something that would ruin Acchan’s life. Once I will have talked to her… I’ll prove you that you’re wrong about everything. What is between Acchan and I… is even more precious than what was between you and I. I don’t want to loose anything this time.”
“You should say it to her instead of me. You didn’t see her recently. She can barely concentrate on her work. Even the director of the CM she recorded told me she was really bad compared to some others times. You should say it to her… so she will be able to work.” Hiroko answered, trying to hide the pain she had from hearing Takamina saying their old relationship was not important anymore for her.
“Stop telling me what I have to do.” Takamina answered. “Seriously, how can you be sure of what you are saying? This is way different than… our situation.”
“I know it is different. Acchan will probably not reject you heartlessly like you did with me.” Hiroko answered, enjoying the fact that she was bringing back bad memories to Takamina.
The singer flinched at Hiroko’s argument, but remained calm. It was the perfect time to ask Hiroko about what she actually wanted to know.
“You know Takeo Kenji, right?”
“Takeo Kenji?” Hiroko frowned. “Yes, I know him… Atsuko actually told me she wanted him to be in your PV, so I helped her to convince the director to take him.
Takamina smirked. She was right after all. Hiroko had helped him to be accepted too.
“ Acchan… I can understand she didn’t know it… but you… Is it because you hate me so much that you decided to bring him back in my life?” She asked, trying to control her sudden envy of killing someone.
“What?” Hiroko said, not understanding what Takamina meant by this.
“Is this your way to take revenge?” Takamina asked, really wanting to know the truth.
The meeting was quickly becoming a personal affair. It was more like a battle opposing two old friends, both upset about different things.
“Revenge? What are you talking about?” Hiroko said. “I’m not talking about revenge, I’m talking about your relationship with Atsuko!”
“I want you to answer my question, that’s all.”
“Why would I bring an unknown guy to take revenge? If I wanted to take revenge, I would have done it way sooner.” Hiroko just said.
And unknown guy? Hiroko didn’t know him? And it hit Takamina hard. Takamina… had never told Hiroko about the identity of her aggressor. Hiroko could not know who he was since… Takamina had never told her the name of the person she hated. She had never talked about the person she hated at school… the only thing she had done was to cry and look for comfort into Hiroko’s arms.
“Ah… you don’t know… who he is?” Takamina whispered, feeling guilty to have accused her so quickly.
“Am I supposed to know him? The only thing I am sure about is that he is Atsuko’s friend. Seriously… he should be Atsuko’s new boyfriend so there won’t be scandal with you or anything else… At least it’s a boy, it’s still the best thing to start.” Hiroko sighed, thinking this conversation was becoming really stupid.
“Sorry…” Takamina said against her will. “I thought… it was another of your ideas.”
“Thank for telling me I’m cruel and heartless and supposed to take revenge on you by sending you a guy I don’t even know.”
Takamina bowed to her ex friend. They had just had a fight about love… but Takamina knew that she had to apologize. She couldn’t just accuse Hiroko to have done something she didn’t.
“You’re apologizing about that but you never apologize for what you did before… I can hardly believe it.” Hiroko mumbled.
“Sorry…” Takamina repeated. “I thought you wanted him to… bully me again.”
“What?” Hiroko asked, suddenly getting everything. “It is… him?”
Their conflict was suddenly gone. All that mattered now… was the fact that Takamina was finally, after so many years, telling Hiroko who was responsible for all the pain she had been through when she was young. And, God… it was about time.
“Not only him… But he is responsible for a lot…” Takamina answered, thinking about how he had betrayed her by following the others students of her class. “I’m sorry. I thought you wanted him to be in my PV just so you could see me… being sad or anything like that…”
After so many years, Hiroko couldn’t believe she finally knew who the guy she wanted to kill when she was young was. So many times… she had wished his death so her best friend could smile… and now, knowing he was back… was kind of waking her. So… it was actually Takeo Kenji’s fault if Takamina had been so sad before? If only she could have known it before… like when they were still friends…
“It’s really him? The one who made you so sad…? The one who ruin your childhood?” Hiroko insisted.
“Yes… so? Why do you care?” Takamina asked with an angry voice. “All that matters for you now is for Acchan to stay on top of Japan. Well… Let me tell you one thing. I will prove you that… we can actually be together without risking our careers. Acchan and I… are not like you and I were.”
Takamina left Hiroko alone. At least, she knew Acchan’s manager had nothing to do with the fact that Takeo Kenji was back… At least… she knew Hiroko was not thinking about taking revenge… and now… she was ready to call Acchan.
“It’s not because we are not friends anymore that I can’t help you with that.” Hiroko whispered to the empty street. “Remember… I was the one supporting you when you were crying because of them… I was the one knowing everything you endured… nobody else did. You never told me who those assholes were… Now that I know who it was… I will at least help you like I should have done before.”
Hiroko couldn’t help feeling guilty for what had happened. She was the only person who knew how much Takamina had suffered when she was young because of some others classmates. Knowing that one of them was back now… was frustrating. At least… she wanted to help Takamina to definitely forget about her sad past… it was all she could do now. She didn’t want to help her too much… but somehow, remembering Takamina’s crying face broke her heart.
***
Takamina was watching her cell phone since about thirty minutes. She had called Acchan, asking her to call her back when she will be free. She had mentioned that it will be long, so that Acchan would not call her and hang up after five minutes. She was still a bit upset about her latest meeting with Hiroko. She wanted to prove her she was not unsure or afraid or whatever else. She wasn’t going to confess just for that reason… She was going to confess because she was sure it was what she wanted: to date Acchan. Even though they were girls… even though a scandal could happen whenever… even though it was dangerous… she was sure it was what she truly wanted.
And this time, she had been really careful. She had chosen a moment when she was sure nobody would disturb them. She would DIE if ever they were disturbed by anyone. Last time was wrong. Last time… this guy had interrupted her. Now, she was at home, waiting for Acchan to call back. Nothing could happen. When she would meet with Acchan, she would make sure it was impossible to interrupt them. Seriously… now… was her last chance. She smirked. Back to two years ago, at Acchan’s graduation… if someone had told her she was ever going to confess to her best friend, she would have not believed that person. She would have thought it was impossible… But still, here she was, nervous like hell.
“Hello?” Takamina answered as soon as her phone rang. “Where are you, I need to talk to you!”
“Oh… this impatient tone… Were you waiting for Acchan to call? Sorry, it’s just me.” Miichan’s happy voice said.
Takamina sighed. Of course she was waiting for Acchan… not that she wasn’t happy to talk with Miichan… it was just that… she’d rather talk to Acchan.
“Ah… Miichan? What do you want?”
“Hey, what’s with that sudden depressed tone! It’s so different from how you answered!” Miichan exclaimed. “I just wanted to know how you were doing. There are so many publicities for your first single! We can’t wait to hear it! All AKB48 members wish you the best!”
“Thank…” Takamina smiled, realizing how much time had passed since their last conversation. “I’m doing my best for the PVs right now…”
“I heard you were recording with Acchan! Is it why you were waiting for her to call?”
“Hum… yeah!” Takamina answered, hiding the fact that she was disappointed it was “only” Miichan talking to her.
“You could at least pretend you are happy to talk with me!” Miichan pouted. “Aren’t you?”
“Of course, I am really ha- WAIT, I HAVE ANOTHER CALL!” Takamina suddenly screamed as she clicked on another button to see who the other person was.
“Takamina?” Yuko’s joyful voice said. “How are you today! We have a free day so I thought I could talk to you a bit!”
Takamina sighed. Now… it was Yuko… What was Acchan doing, for God’s sake?! She kept talking with Miichan, altering at the same time with Yuko. She was glad to hear from them but could barely concentrate about what they were saying since she was always thinking about Acchan, wondering if her best friend was trying to call her while she was talking with the two others.
“So yeah… I will soon begin to record for the B-side PV and…”
Takamina was still talking to Yuko after half an hour. Miichan had had to leave a minute ago. The squirrel was talking… and talking… and talking… and most of the time, it was about AKB48… and her precious Nyan Nyan. Hearing Yuko being so happy with her lover kinda made Takamina jealous. She wished she could have the same happiness in her life right now… which was kinda impossible since Acchan was obviously not calling her at all.
“Are you listening to me?” Yuko asked after a moment of silence. “Or are you thinking about Acchan?”
“I’m not thinking about…”
She was interrupted by the doorbell. Still talking to Yuko at the phone, she went to open the door, wondering who it was.
“Like I said,” Takamina continued as she opened the door, “I am listen- AH SORRY, BYE.”
She quickly hanged up as she saw Acchan standing in front of her house.
“Acchan?!” She asked, surprised.
The actress smiled at her best friend.
“You wanted to see me?” She asked innocently. “I thought it would be a best idea if I came directly here instead of calling you.”
They both still had in mind their latest conversation. They both remembered very well what they were talking about last time. They also knew that if it wasn’t for this sudden interruption… something might have happened.
“You don’t have anything to do… do you?” Takamina asked, wanting to make sure they would have time to talk… about everything she wanted to talk about.
Acchan shook her head and walked in. The actress was a bit nervous about the sudden invitation, wondering what Takamina wanted to talk about… even though she knew it. They went in Takamina’s room and sat on the bed together. They didn’t say anything for awhile, acting like the silence was something to preserve if they didn’t want to die right away. They were nervously glancing everywhere, opening their mouth without saying anything, playing with their fingers or their hair… in fact they were doing everything but talking.
“It-It’s… about what happened last time.” Takamina stammered nervously.
Acchan smiled, trying to help her nervous friend… but failed as she realized she was as nervous as Takamina was. She could felt her heart racing in her chest like never before. She wanted to hear Takamina… but at the same time she wanted to repeat the “forget it” sentence. But deep in herself, she knew she couldn’t avoid it… anyway, if she avoided it today, then the subject would come back someday. And… she had found an answer to Takamina’s question. All she had to do now… was to say it.
“I… want to hear your answer…” Takamina said, taking a deep breathe.
“Which answer?” Acchan asked, pretending she didn’t know what Takamina was talking about.
In fact… she perfectly knew what the singer was saying. She had thought about it day and night without stop since this day. She had also thought about the fact that Takamina could be mad at her because of Takeo Kenji… but it seemed that it wasn’t too important now. She had been so worried that Takamina might never talk to her again because of her mistake… that right now she couldn’t answer anything. She had been so afraid she might have hurt Takamina by choosing the wrong actor… that she was afraid Takamina might never trust her again. And loosing Takamina’s trust… was worst than loosing everything else. She didn’t understand why her friend hated Kenji though since he was really nice… but whatever the answer was, she would help her.
“About the kiss… Do you really want to forget everything?” Takamina asked softly, looking at her friend in the eyes.
Acchan didn’t answer. She was just staring at Takamina’s eyes, lost. She knew what she had to say… she knew what she wanted to answer… but just by looking at her friend right now… was enough to make the words stuck in her throat.
“I-” She began before being interrupted by Takamina herself.
“Because… me… I don’t want to forget it.” The smaller girl said shyly. “I want to remember this moment forever…”
Acchan thought Takamina was so cute talking this way that she would surely take thousand pictures if it wasn’t for the fact that she couldn’t move anymore.
“Why?” The actress asked, fearing the answer.
Takamina smiled. Surprisingly, the speech she had prepared was not needed anymore. All she had to do… was to speak with her heart. She didn’t need explanations or excuses or whatever about the situation. All she needed… was to be honest.
“Because… I love you.”
She stared at Acchan with love, hope and fear in her eyes, waiting for her to answer. And what she heard… was like a cannonball straight in her heart.
“But… we can’t be together.” The actress answered, swallowing with difficulty.
TBC
END NOTE:Cliff hanger returns BWAHAHAHA
I know I'm cruel :D
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Don't kill me please....
Like I said before, it’s SORA’s birthday, and I did something special for this special occasion…. I first wanted to cut the chapter HERE. But this time, I’m not ending this chapter on a (too big) cliff hanger! Enjoy guys :D
Chapter 18... the end
“Because… I love you”
Acchan had waited to hear those words since so much time… but still, now she couldn’t answer anything. Was it real? Was Takamina really confessing to her? Was she going to wake up and realize everything was just a dream? She didn’t want to wake up. She didn’t want anything to happen. She wanted to stop time right now. she wanted… to hear those three words over and over again… just so she can be sure she was not becoming crazy. She wanted… to live in this dream, forgetting about everything else. If ever she had to die in the following second… she would have the biggest smile in her face.
But, once again, reality hit her hard. What was happening now… wasn’t supposed to be happening at all. The wonderful dream… would soon become her worst bad dream if she didn’t do something. Because… in their world… in the “famous” world… they just couldn’t have this kind of relationship.
“But… we can’t be together.” Acchan answered, her heart racing 100 miles/hour as she heard herself pronouncing those heartbreaking words.
Somehow… Takamina had the feeling her best friend was going to say something like this. What else could she answer to her confession… Takamina would just be stupid to think that everything was really simple when all was only about how to make thing clearer. Thinking about it… her confession should have had happened way sooner, right? Unfortunately, since fate was against them, she had never had the chance to… how to say… be done with this situation. But… for the first time of her life, she had been prepared for Acchan’s answer. She knew what her friend was going to say and… she was ready to answer… that… they could be together.
“Why?” Takamina asked, knowing already what the answer was going to be.
Each trace of nervousness had disappeared from her mind. The singer knew… it was probably the last chance given to her. She must take it… or it would really be over.
“You know why… You know… that it is impossible for us to be together.” Acchan whispered.
“I know… but I want to hear you saying it.” Takamina said.
They were looking at each other. Takamina could see tears appearing into Acchan’s eyes.
“It’s impossible because… I still haven’t told you how I feel toward you.” The actress said with difficulty. “And also because…”
“Then tell me.” Takamina cut. “Tell me… how you feel about it. Because… until you tell me that… then it’s impossible for us to talk about the others reasons.”
Acchan didn’t answer. Whatever she was going to say, the actress thought the result would be the same: they couldn’t date. So… in order to preserve what was left from their friendship… she had to lie. Sure, she was always the one talking about love and being really… opened about it before… but now was different. Now… she was not exactly the same person… and Takamina wasn’t either.
“I told myself…” Takamina began, seeing Acchan was not sure about what to say. “that I would stop lying to myself. I told myself that everything I was doing was only making things harder, so I needed to stop it. I knew… even though I was always denying it… that it was useless to lie to the both of us. Everything disappeared from my mind… all the negatives things and impossible thoughts are gone from my mind. Right now… I am able to stand in front of you… and to tell you the truth.”
Acchan was listening closely to what Takamina was saying. It was becoming almost normal that Takamina talked to her about her feelings. She still wasn’t used to this since Takamina had always been a shy girl even with her, but she felt really happy thinking it wasn’t like this anymore. She felt better thinking that… Takamina trusted her enough to tell her about how she felt, about her thoughts, worries, dreams… everything. She felt… in a really special way thinking that Takamina might actually say those things to her and not anyone else. She liked…. being special to Takamina.
“I was stupid, you know, thinking everything would disappear if I just stopped thinking about it… I thought it would just be… you know, something I could surpass easily and move on right after, but… it wasn’t. I’ve been thinking this way the whole time… even though deep in my heart, this feeling never disappears. Thinking about forgetting is… not a solution anymore to me.”
Takamina wasn’t talking to Acchan… she was also talking to herself, telling herself the truth for the first time since a long time. In fact, she was talking… only to herself.
“You know what, Acchan? I think… I just don’t want you to make the same mistake as mine.” Takamina said. “Even though I’m saying all those things to you… I’m still not sure if I would be fine having this kind of relationship… But I just don’t want you to… feel what I felt during those reflections times. I’m still unsure… and that’s why I need to do something to find out if I would be fine… this way. That’s why… I’m talking to you today. That’s the reason why… I’m asking you about it, because if you don’t mind… we could give a try.”
Seeing that all she wanted to say was said, Takamina sighed from relief. She wasn’t dead, it was a great beginning. Now she just hoped her heart would survive until and after Acchan’s answer. But staring at her best friend who was just looking away, the ex captain sighed and asked:
“Are you even listening to me?”
There was no answer.
“Acchan?” Takamina mumbled. “I am talking to you… you should listen, it’s important!”
She had just said her perfect speech! Acchan couldn’t not have listening, right? But her best friend turned to her, hiding very well her feelings.
“Of course I’m listening to you! Who do you think I am?!” She laughed.
“Someone having a “I don’t care” look even when I’m talking seriously?” Takamina tried.
Acchan rolled her eyes, not finding the joke really funny. It was during AKB48 she had this look… Now… couldn’t Takamina see she had listening to each word, fearing she would wake up at the end of the sentence? Couldn’t Takamina hear her heart racing like hell? Couldn’t… Takamina feel that there was something new in the air, something… obvious? Oh, right… Takamina couldn’t guess “obvious” things since she was too… Takamina-self.
“See?” Takamina sighed as she saw Acchan’s eyes. “You’re doing this face again!”
“Which face?” Acchan smiled cutely.
“You look like you’re not taking care of what I’m saying.” Takamina joked. “Like I’m being annoyed or something.”
“But-”
“Don’t say I am!” Takamina replied, knowing her best friend loved to tease her anytime.
“It’s okay… I actually like being with annoying persons.” Acchan smirked.
Takamina smiled embarrassingly, not knowing what to answer. Was it Acchan’s way to answer her question? If so… couldn’t the actress be clearer? It would help her… like A LOT. Wait, she wasn’t annoying, was she?! Seriously… where did Acchan’s power to shut her up just by saying one thing come from? Well… thinking about it… she didn’t want to know the answer to this question.
“Don’t tell me you’re dying of shyness just because of what I said?” Acchan asked, thinking it was really funny to tease her friend… and that Takamina was also extremely cute being shy this way.
“Shut up…” Takamina whispered, pouting at the same time.
Acchan was totally controlling the situation, even with all Takamina had just said minutes ago. Even with Takamina’s touching words… the actress had taken the lead… after all, shy Takamina would always come back at the wrong time. And right now… well…
“You’re cute when you’re blushing…” Acchan smiled.
“R-R-Really?” Takamina stammered, still not knowing what to do.
How in the world could Acchan take all the control just with one sentence! She was the one supposed to ask Acchan and to see if they could… try to be together… She wasn’t supposed to be so shy at this moment! But of course, life was not that easy with her.
“So…” Acchan said seriously, coming back to the main subject, forgetting a little about joking with her friend. “About what you said… About forgetting… About trying…”
Acchan was hardly trying to remember how to speak as she finally realized how tensed was the situation. She knew Takamina had heard her talking to the phone with Tomochin back after the shooting of her PV. She didn’t know exactly what Takamina had heard… but judging by their old conversation, she could tell her best friend had heard the most important part. So… why was Takamina actually asking her about it… if she had heard everything, if she knew that… she loved her too? And that kiss they shared before she left… she sure didn’t want to forget about it… but at the same time…
“Why are you asking me, if you heard what I said on the phone before?” Acchan asked, not sure about the reason why she was saying this.
The singer was surprised to get such a strange question, especially when it wasn’t what she was waiting for her friend to say AT ALL. At first sight, she couldn’t find a proper answer. Exactly… why did she ask this question? Acchan was right, she had actually heard what she wanted to hear… but still, she wanted to hear it directly, not via spying or whatever else. They both knew the answer to their common question. They both knew what was going to happen later, and what problems they would have later. They both knew they could never have a normal relationship, whatever “normal” meant. But anyway, the singer just wanted… to see Acchan pronouncing those awaiting words she wanted to hear so badly.
“It will be long if you don’t answer to my question.” Acchan smirked.
Seriously… who in the world knew which game they were playing to right now? No one. No one knew… since they didn’t know it themselves. It looked like… they were just turning around the main subject, finding many ways to avoid it, while at the same time they were both impatient to… say what needed to be said.
“I told you, at the beginning, the reason why I didn’t want to forget anything.” Takamina said. “ And… I asked you a question. I was the first one asking you something, so why would I answer your question before?
“Well, technically, you haven’t asked me clearly a question.” Acchan smirked.
“You know me enough to guess what my question is.” Takamina replied.
They were staring at the other, smiling, both trying to make the other lose this… “game”.
“I want to know why you want me to answer, even though you know… about it.” Acchan said.
“And I want you to answer my question first.” Takamina declared.
“Don’t we look stupid?” Acchan asked after a minute of silence.
“It’s okay…” Takamina said. “I actually like being with stupid persons.”
Acchan rolled her eyes at the lame joke her best friend was doing to her. Even though they were acting this way, nervousness was growing at ten times per second. And soon, they both knew they couldn’t just avoid the subject by doing lame jokes and laughing at their situation. It was too serious, too important for them to be acting this way.
“Then… how about I stay stupid forever?” Acchan asked. “So that you will always like being with me and never want to leave me alone…”
Takamina laughed at Acchan’s statement. Where was this supposed serious conversation heading to?
“It’s useless. I already want to be with you.” She said.
“But you don’t know… maybe in ten years, you’d have forgotten about me.” Acchan said, trying to sound like she didn’t care too much. “Maybe in ten years… you’ll be tired of me. Like… you’ll find a new friend someday and dump me. You know… it’s kinda impossible to not be tired of someone once when you stay with the same person all the time.”
“So… that means you will be tired of me someday?” Takamina asked innocently.
“I’m the exception.” Acchan laughed before being serious again. “I’m just saying this because… I’m scared.”
The conversation was slowly coming back to its initial state.
“I’ll never be tired of you.” Takamina assured.
“Why?”
Takamina didn’t answer. She knew Acchan knew the answer too. She had said it at the beginning… and it seemed that repeating it would drain all her strength.
“You… you know it.” She answered shyly. “I-I told you.”
“I want you to repeat it.” Acchan whispered, slowly reaching for Takamina’s hand.
“And I want you to finally answer my question… About forgetting… and taking a chance… about the reasons why… you don’t think we can… you know.”
Because she was tired of waiting, tired of drama, tired of trying to ignore her feelings, Takamina was taking the lead. If… she didn’t get an answer soon, she would just throw everything away and forget about it. She liked turning around the subject with Acchan, knowing it was only a game, but right now… wasn’t the best time. And feeling her friend’s hand into hers… was pure magic into her heart. She felt like she didn’t need an answer anymore, like she already had it. So… she felt like she was going to cry when this warm contact broke.
“I told you already.” Acchan said, releasing her hand. “I’m… not sure…”
Takamina just couldn’t believe it. Acchan wasn’t sure? Acchan… was scared? Usually… it was the opposite, right? To the singer, who knew the actress so much, it was surprising. She knew her best friend could not be as strong as she was trying to look like, but hearing her saying this… was painful, because it was her fault. If Acchan couldn’t feel good with her… what would it be later? Was the beginning of a relationship supposed to be so hard? Hearing Acchan saying she was so unsure, so scared… was so unlike her! She had been one of the less shy girls in AKB48. Hearing her now was like… seeing Yuko stop being a pervert, it just didn’t work.
“And I told you already…” Takamina said softly, knowing it was the last chance she had to make her change her mind. “I love you. To me… just being friends isn’t enough anymore.”
She could feel the tears coming. She could feel she had just pronounced those words again… because she didn’t know what else she could do. She had heard Acchan talking to Tomochin, she knew she felt the same toward her. She had gone through this hard mix of feelings… so she was the best one to know that if Acchan’s fear was bigger than her love toward her… then there was nothing she could do. She knew well that… fear was not easy to fight…
Acchan didn’t answer. She was repeating her best friend’s words over and over again in her mind, like she couldn’t live without them. She was depending on them to survive right now. She was trying to convince herself there was nothing wrong about it… that her love for her friend was all she ever needed to be happy… but truly… truly… Takamina’s confession was the last thing she had ever thought about.
Yeah… that’s right… Takamina’s confession was the last thing on earth she had ever hoped to hear someday. She had sure fallen for the small singer, but she had always thought it was only a one-side love. She had lived with the thought that… Takamina would never love her the way she did. So, she had never thought of what would happen if ever they dated. She had never thought about all the others problems except for the fact that they were two girls. She had never thought of what she could answer if ever Takamina were going to confess to her or if ever something were going to happen to them. At the beginning, she had learned to live with this feeling, hiding it from her. It was at her graduation that everything had started to degenerate. To hide her feelings was one thing… but to not be able to be with Takamina was something else. After her graduation to join the “actress life style”… she had found it really hard to work with a hopeless love feeling in her heart. And her departure had only increase her thoughts about the fact that Takamina would never love her anyway, so why would she care thinking too much about all the “what if” that existed around their relationship?
And when suddenly, she had seen something change into Takamina’s way of acting… that was when she had begun to worry a little, just a bit. She had started wondering a little about the possibility that they could be together… before forgetting about it… since to her it was impossible. Still impossible… forever impossible… So when they had kissed… everything, every theory, each little barrier she had built around her heart had broken. And that was when… hope came back. But… she had never thought confession would happen so fast. So… she was definitely not ready to answer anything.
Looking into Takamina’s eyes… she could see that her friend wasn’t lying about her feelings. She could feel through her glance that… there was no reason to fear anything. If they were together… then it was fine.
“Just being friends… but we’re not just friends, aren’t we? We have… a special relationship, that’s what everyone from AKB was saying…” Acchan started slowly.
“Even if you say that… I want to make this relationship even more special from now on.”
The actress could tell Takamina was talking to her with her deepest feelings from her heart and she was thankful to that. It helped her… to realize they had nothing to lose.
“This is… what I want to do.” Takamina whispered as she stepped forward, just enough so her lips could touch Acchan’s.
The small girl shivered at this contact, the one she had literally been dreaming for. Trying to control her body, her first reflex was to pull away from Acchan, thinking she had done something that just ruined everything. So she was really surprised… when she felt her friend’s hand caressing her face as she answered to the sudden kiss, making it more passionate. She could feel air missing as she slightly opened her mouth, answering Acchan’s silent call, letting their tongues dancing together while her senses were driving her crazy. Her mind was already on top of the world as she realized that… what she tasted right now… was even better than the first time.
Acchan actually felt like she was doing parachuting… without parachute to stop her to fall. It was pure ecstasy. Her breathe rhythm was increasing a hundred times per second while her heart was ready to make her chest explode. It was like she couldn’t control her body anymore. She was letting her hands moving on Takamina’s body, pressing it against hers and enjoying each contact they made as she forgot everything but love… and strong desires she had. She took a second to catch her breathe, making a short eyes contact, before kissing the singer again, completely forgetting about fear that once controlled her soul. All that matters now… was that she wasn’t holding herself anymore. She didn’t know where her limits were, and it didn’t matter. She felt her heart racing faster as Takamina let out a slight moan, which excited her even more.
The actress slowed down a little, still not moving her lips apart from her friend’s, still breathing the same air as hers. She couldn’t think about anything. Her hands slowly held Takamina’s waist as she pulled her under her own body, suddenly realizing that they were still on the singer’s bed.
“A-Acchan…” Takamina moaned, trying to separate their lips, even though she herself didn’t want to break this contact.
It seemed to bring the both of them back to reality as they finally moved apart, though Acchan was still in this position… on top of Takamina’s body.
She had been parachuting… without parachute to stop her fall… and now… she was wondering what was going to happen… once she’d be on earth again.
TBC
END NOTE:Happy birthday Sora! I hope you'll be satisfied with this, coz this is the only thing I can do for you now. I can't write more, sorry! But at least... I didn't end where I FIRST WANTED TO END =D
END NOTE 2: So... who has guessed for the guy's identity? And what will happen with Hiroko? And of course...
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR FAVOURITE DUO?! Only time will tell you coz... the next chapter won't happen next week, sorry!
EDIT:
No, Takamina's problems aren't solve... AT ALL :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
And by the way I'm not really into writing love and kiss and whatever scene... soooo I don't know if I will be able to write more about this XD
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AHHH great chapter once again.....
If you stopped where you wanted to stop in the beginning, I would have wanted to KILL YOU....
BUT you didn't so no immediate death for you ;)
Btw, my birthday is in June which is still a long way away.....
I thought about lying about my birthday to you but....I'm a good person at heart....I think....Maybe.......
Anyways, update soon :)
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FINALLY! TakaMina confessed! :D
I was irritated at the guy who just barged in when they were having the same conversation at Chapter 17. xD
Thanks for this! :D I was first devastated that I missed another two chapters since the last time I read and now, I'm so happy! :D
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Japanime1: Sooo... if I follow your logic, you think we kill people that we love? Since you want to kill me, but that you said you love me, this is how I understand the situation. Then... Should I create a new fanfic where Taka would kill Acchan or vice versa? :twisted:
Yes! And NO! I am not a fan of suicidal/tragic lovers fics. :bleed eyes: Well, sometimes I am and it'd be a breath of fresh air but I'd be depressed for the rest of the year since it'd be about AtsuMina. :on blackhole: lmao.
@Ch.18:
I don't care if they're little kids, I will go back in time in this story and abuse them for bullying my little Minami!! D:
Especially HIM. :catglare: This time, using the logic above, killing won't be out of "love"...malice. Pure malice.
Eheh. :P
... ... :catglare:
And Hiroko. I'm such a tsundere towards her. One minute I want her to step off, but then I have to remind myself that she's sort of urging Takamina on in a way. It's for the best. ;) Plus, now that's she realized who hurt Takamina back then...bring it down on HIM, Hiroko! :rock:
It was nice to hear from Miichan. Yuko got cut off. XD
And THANK GOD it's Sora's birthday, or I would've slapped you silly for ending it that way before the special continuation.
“I love you. To me… just being friends isn’t enough anymore.”
HELL YEAH! GO GO GO!!! :w00t:
“This is… what I want to do.” Takamina whispered as she stepped forward, just enough so her lips could touch Acchan’s.
YESSSSSSSSSSS!!! ATSUMINAAAA!!!! :tama-yeeaah: :tama-heart: :tama-laff: :tama-lotsaluv:
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Good job, bou. :trout: <-- I'm only putting this emote because I find amusement out of it.
You have dutifully made up for your lack of absence. :thumbup :thumbup:
Shiittt I need to work more on mine now...because I cut off where I first wanted to end...but maybe I'll rethink and add a bit more... :bingo:
PS: @Sorakamiya...if you're reading this... :on BDay: :heart:
I will go read and express my greetings on your latest work now. XD
PPS: @bou: You know...it's funny...your fic is still labeled as "Don't forget to remember me" in my bookmarks. Too lazy to change it. :P
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UPDATEEE! OMG you just made me feel a whirlwind of emotions with this chapter that i haven't felt in a long timee!! :O
THE FLASHBACK WAS SOO PAINFUL how could they do that to Takamina?? its so sad seeing her get accused of killing her father :cry:
THEY WERE LUCKY I WASN'T THERE OR ELSE I WOULD BE ATTACKING THEM WITH NO MERCY!! :angry:
ESPECIALLY THAT GUY WHICH IS WORST THEN THE REST PRETENDING TO BE HER FRIEND THEN BULLYING HER HE BETTER GET SOME GREAT KARMA FOR THE SH*T HE'S DONE :angry: :angry: :angry:
i hope that Hiroko does help with this situation!
and now its time for TAKAACHANNNNNN OMG I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SINCE THE BEGINNGING THEY FINALLY CONFESSED
AND THEY KISSED LIKE OMGGGGGGGGGGGG :twothumbs
and all the little joking and teasing was killing me from the suspense!
but with you as the author i feel like this happy beginning is just the start of a hard journey for them :smhid
I was so depressed seeing the chapter ending but you make me so happy with the extra on the bottom!!
Update soon!!!! :D
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:on kimbo: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW CLOSE I WAS TO KILLING YOU!!!!! :fainted: I totally felt like Takamina during that AKBingo recording where they emotionally pranked the crap outta her! ergh.... emotional failure v_v;;
But thanks for the update...or should I say thanks to Sorakamiya's parents for getting down and dirty 9months and a few years ago! :mon fan:
Eww @ myself! lol but anyway you get my drift! and bou-j525....if you break these two apart again i'm going to cry in my corner....
and never update my fic again! Jk jk....as long as they are together in the end! As for my fic.... hmm.... about that.... hmmm..... that is all!
:mon surr: Sowwiiiiiiii!!! I have been extremely busy lately! But I will try to update soon! In the meanwhile.....
:gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2: :gmon love2:
Here is some Keichan ^_^ monkey lovel lovel!
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OMG..... :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked
BOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUU-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN....... :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :w00t:
thanks lot for the update... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m054.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) i like it... and by the way....
dooont.... poooouuuuttt..... owgh...bou-chan really cute when she pout... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m016.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) *feel like i have heard this
well, :grin: :grin: :grin: i really like your update bou-chan thanks lot. :bow: :bow: eventhough it still hurt read the beginning part :cry:
please update sooooon.... i'll be waiting for that... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m054.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
@Japanime1
i already read that... :grin: :grin: :grin:
@Keichan
i'll be waiting for your update.... :yep: :yep: :yep:
@all
thanks for congrats my b'day... :bow: :bow: :bow:
I love you all.... (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m012.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)(http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m012.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)(http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m012.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
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FINALLY THEY DID IT!!!!!!! Seriously I wanted throw away my bb several times but I couldn't if I did I wouldn't continue to read lol I wanted enter in the story and shout "stop turn around !!! Just say it!!!"
I'm glad it's sora birthday or I will hate you :nervous
About takamina's childhood :
WTF is wrong with that kids?! Are they even kids ?! I think they are rather little evil :angry:
You are a great autor, cruel but great :thumbsup Are you a S ? XD
By the way HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sora a bit late sorry
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you.....you....you.....UR SO AWESOME!!!!
U have no idea how long i've waited for this!!! I even had dreams about this!.....Uh...wait a minute...forget about what i just said :nervous :nervous :nervous
now all they need to do is"do it" then ill be happy
Lol :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
holy crap i am becoming like our hentai queen...eh, not a bad thing xD :P :P :lol: :lol:
Please Update Soon!!!
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yourstruly : No immediate death for me? Well... I'm supposed to be death since a really long time ago you know? But I don't know why... nobody killed me yet :grin: So it's in June? Alright... Note to myself: I have to finish this story BEFORE June (http://i959.photobucket.com/albums/ae80/bougie525/fear.gif)
panickofpain:Yes, finally, after a really long time, she confessed! Well, you guys are lucky since I was supposed to make them wait AGAIN, but... yeah... I changed my mind :grin:
Japanime1 : Just because you're not a fan... I'll write it. :roll: Well, what will happen to him... who knows? Maybe he'll steal Acchan's heart and break Atsumina? Hum... I'm not as cruel, don't worry XD But I got an idea about what will happen... I just don't think it's good :smhid LOL you're still with that title? I changed it exactly because I didn't like it :nervous And you... when will part 3 be posted? Coz to me, soon is like... SOON.
mangobanana15 : But they are only kids! Okay, cruel kids, but still! No? No? You're not convinced at all, aren't you? :P Ohh... you're really angry :shocked But this the reaction I wanted to create so me=happy! I'm glad I made you feel this way XD LOL I know, I was wondering how to write a confession scene since I haven't done it before and I didn't know AT ALL especially with Takamina and Acchan :? So I just write it this way, waiting a lot before the "real" confession. But don't tell me it is the beginning of a hard journey for them, I still haven't decided anything and you might put wrong ideas in my mind :twisted:
Keichan ^_^ : Hey I updated, happy now? I told you, yesterday or wednesday, didn't I? But it wasn't yesterday because I was busy writing the beginning of the next chapter... but at least I keep my promise! Um... thank for telling me I almost died. But... no comments about what you said after :smhid Ahem, so yeah... YOUR FIC! NINJAAAAAAAA WHERE ARE YOU :panic: HA, thank for the love but... I'M GOING TO BREAK THEM APART JUST TO PISS YOU OFF.
sorakamiya : I'M NOT POUTING. *pout* XD And yeah, luckily it's not your birthday everyday, but I avoided death thank to you :nervous
kahem : I made them turning around A LOT. Because I didn't know how to write anything :nervous Yes, they are kids. And this situation really happens Japan, unfortunately. But... I'm not an S. It's just that I think I'm better writing tragedy, so I'm trying to avoid writing "happy scenes" :nervous
hott3stson3 : LOL we'll see about this later XD Don't worry about becoming hentai... I think everyone here is. Except me... :roll:
Everyone reading: Thank you guys :)
Maaaan it's been a long time since I got so many comments! Well, this and last time :w00t: They really motivate me guys, thank you a lot :bow: But I guess it's all thank to Atsumina... :bow: Sorry, there is a bit less Atsumina in this chapter, but it will come back in the next one :nervous Seriously, when I don't have time to write, I'm like "I have to write".... and when I have time to write I'm like "I don't want to T___T" But then I re-read your comments and it motivates me a lot! :theking So thank! :grin:
It's been exactly 13 days since I updated, so less than two weeks! XD Go me! XD Seriously, I had a lot of free time yesterday and Monday, so I had time to finish this chapter ^^ But you know... I think there's something missing :huhuh
Anyway, there's something going on with the nickname, so pay attention to it please :thumbsup
Like I said before, there's bit less Atsumina, but still, it was kinda fun for me to write this chapter because... I don't know... I like how I managed to write the end. So I hope you will still enjoy it! If not... welll at least don't kill me :mon whimper:
The end note will be long, but please... read them :bow:
Sorry for the mistakes! I still haven't improve my skills in English :panic:
Chapter 19
She didn’t die when she came back on earth. She didn’t hurt herself either. She just realized that… she was only prisoner of love… since a very long time already.
The small girl took a deep breathe, not moving, looking at the other person lying by her side. As her eyes met the intense glance of this other person, she felt her heart racing again, even though she had just managed to calm herself. She looked at their hands, holding each other, and squeezed it, smiling shyly. They had been lying side by side for about an hour, without saying anything and she felt like nothing could ever feel better than just be there with her… She couldn’t believe what had just happened. Were they really… together now? She had feared this time for so long time… and now it felt like a heavy burden was finally be released from her shoulders. She felt like she was still dreaming… but that this time, she would never wake up.
Was love so… powerful? Just lying on her bed with Acchan… was enough to make her forgetting about each problem she had. Well, almost, but still, it was enough to take her to another world, where everything was possible, where limits were constantly surpassing, where boundaries were broken… and where the path of love seemed endless.
So that was what they called “taking a chance?” Was it always… so painful to take a chance, to make the best decision? Was it always so painful that… one could barely breathe at the beginning? Was it something everyone was looking for? Takamina sighed. Even though right now was fine… she knew tomorrow would be another day, another situation… but still more time she could spend with Acchan. Was it so painful to… fall in love with someone? She hoped that it would be easier to live with love than… living without saying anything.
Years ago… she would have never thought she’d be in love with a girl. And when she had met Acchan… she had only seen her as her best friend, she had never thought about being in love with one of the members. To her, each member was just… members and friends. There was nothing more, and she never ever imagined her dating one of them. Talking and enjoying spending time with someone… it didn’t mean love. It didn’t mean she would kiss them and everything. It was not… something she had had in mind, not even for a short second. But suddenly, it was like if all her principles and each of her thoughts about it… were gone. Gone somewhere far, somewhere they couldn’t come back from.
She enjoyed each second she spent with Acchan. Just having the actress there… was happiness. She would have never thought Acchan’s answer would be so… intense. And she would have never her own answer would be so powerful too. When their lips had met, it was like she couldn’t control her body anymore. She was blind by love, blind by her desires… she had wanted more and couldn’t stop. Breaking this moment… had never crossed her mind. She had almost fainted when she had realized her best friend was on top of her. She had become redder than ever when she had met her eyes… but even her shyness couldn’t fight against the sweetness she had seen in the actress’s eyes. In those eyes… she had seen that whatever would happen… Acchan would never do something bad to her, not without her permission. Acchan would never threat her badly nor hurt her. She would wait by her side… until their relation would get deeper. So they had just lied together… dreaming.
She looked at her “friend” and blinked. Acchan was looking awkwardly at her, a small smirk on her face, like she was thinking about something…
“What?” Takamina asked nicely, enjoying that, for the first time, she wasn’t the one feeling awkward.
The actress kept smirking as she began to play with her girlfriend’s hair.
“I’m just imagining what could have happened if we haven’t stopped…”
Takamina blushed furiously as she stammered:
“A-A-Acchan! D-Don’t talk about this…”
They were fine this way… why did Acchan need to bring that subject?! Takamina swallowed with difficulty as the actress said:
“But we’re dating now, aren’t we? This is something couples think about sooner or later…” The actress grinned, liking to play with Takamina.
Oh yeah, forget about everything she had thought about Acchan’s eyes. It was obvious that her friend would wait… the thing she was afraid was more “how long” Acchan would wait for her… Takamina couldn’t believe that the “so unsure and scared and shy and whatever else” girl was now talking about having sex. It was like… the old personality of her friend was suddenly coming back now that almost everything had been said.
Almost everything.
“Later.” Takamina just answered, not feeling comfortable at all, especially with the fact that they were actually alone in the house, in her bedroom, the door closed, on her bed… lying side by side… and closer than they used to be before. And all that… without mentioning the fact that they had just shared a deep and passionate kiss…
They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes, not talking about the avoiding subject. That was how Takamina liked to be. She really hoped their respective works would not be too much trouble to have this kind of relationship… but she’d rather not think about it now.
“Hello?” Acchan answered to her phone three minutes later, breaking the sweet and calm atmosphere there had just been.
“Ah, really? That’s great! Well, see you tomorrow!”
“Who was it?” Takamina asked as they both sat on her bed, knowing very well that Acchan would soon have to leave her. Well… paradise couldn’t last forever.
Though she really wanted Acchan to stay today… even if it was to talk about such embarrassing subjects as… sex. Maybe Takamina had a hidden pervert mind somewhere in her body… maybe. Well, she would do anything just to stay with the person she loved… almost anything.
“My manager. She said I have a shooting tomorrow at the same studio as yours! So maybe we’ll be able to meet…”
“Nice!” Takamina said before remembering what she would have to do tomorrow
Shooting her B-Side PV. Meant… with HIM. But before she could even mention it, she noticed Acchan still had this awkward look on her face. Knowing what it meant, she decided to finish with it right away.
“What are you still thinking about…” She mumbled as she realized Acchan was becoming even worst than Yuko now that the “confession” step was done.
“Well… remember when you were in Mendol?” Acchan said as Takamina nodded. “There was this scene… in the TV studio… where you and Haruna had to surprise two other persons…”
Takamina could remember very well which part she was talking about. It was at the beginning, when Haruna and she were still girls. They had to hide from some crazy men and had hid in a random room where they had assist to their first “L” scene between Marilyn and Saeko…
“So what?”
“Well… since tomorrow we’re going to the same studio and might have a secret meeting… I thought we could hide somewhere and you know… do something similar.” Acchan said innocently.
Takamina was about to slap her forehead. Why couldn’t Acchan stay… the sweet girl she just had been when they were talking together? Seriously, it was the last time EVER she would think as Acchan as someone “shy”.
“Shut up or I take back everything I’ve said until now.” Takamina muttered.
“You wouldn’t dare do that…” Acchan smirked as she gently kissed her girlfriend, enjoying the fact that Takamina was not moving away from her anymore.
“Maybe…” Takamina joked, rolling her eyes.
“Aw, you’re cute!” Acchan laughed. “We’re going to work hard tomorrow! I’m sure Kenji will do great for your PV.”
Takamina stopped smiling. Kenji… she needed to tell Acchan about him. But why did it have to be after everything… It might make Acchan change her mind! The singer was damn worry about this situation already, she didn’t want to have her first fight with Acchan too. She was scared Acchan would stop loving her if she told her. She didn’t want… anything bad to happen between them.
But remembering what had happened to her when was young… was hard and painful. She had hoped she would never have to remember those events… but then again, fate was against her. She had hoped her life would get better after having join AKB48… It had been… until Hiroko arrived… and until now. It seemed that now she had finally confessed to Acchan… well a lot of bad things would happen later. Like she didn’t have the right to be happy.
She was seriously beginning to think… that she didn’t have the right to live if she didn’t feel pain. She was beginning to think that… happiness would never reach her. She was beginning to think that… if it wasn’t for Acchan, she would have died a long time ago.
“Is everything fine?”
Acchan had suddenly noticed a change in Takamina’s aura. Was her friend… fine with Kenji? She remembered the conversation they had had about him being in her PV, and about how Takamina seemed unhappy about it. She wondered what the reasons behind everything were. It seemed that it was the end of the world that Kenji had a role in her PV. But he was an actor, and a popular one too. He couldn’t be helpless to her. After all, all Acchan wanted was to help her friend having the best release ever! So what was the problem about him? Takamina didn’t even know him, did she? It was really unusual for her to judge people when she didn’t know them! It wasn’t… Takamina-self to reject him without even having talk to him ONCE!
The ex AKB48’s ace actually knew Kenji really well. She had lost herself one day in Seoul and, thank god, she had been helped by him to find her way back to the hotel. She had been really surprised to see him the next day at the studio when she was recording. Surprised, sure, but truly happy. They had immediately become friends. He was the nice guy, always ready to help anyone, always smiling and joking around. Acchan also had to admit that… he looked nice too. Of course, she was in love with Takamina, but she couldn’t help thinking that if she wasn’t so much into Takamina, she would have loved to have him as her perfect boyfriend. She knew he would never betray her nor anyone else. He was someone people could trust…
“Sure.” Takamina replied, pretending everything was alright. “I’m just… overwhelmed by everything that just happened, I can’t think about work now…”
“I must be really important to make you forget about work.” Acchan laughed.
Takamina smiled at her. Acchan was the most important thing in her life now. Nothing, not even her common past with Kenji would make her mad at her.
“Yeah…”
“You’re not talking seriously!” Acchan pouted cutely. “You’re joking right now!”
Takamina smirked, thinking jealous Acchan was the cutest thing EVER.
“Sorry,” she apologized, “I was thinking about something else.”
She was actually thinking about a way to tell Acchan about the real face of this jerk.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Um? Nothing… I guess. It’s nothing important.”
Seriously, it was lame from her, but she definitely couldn’t tell Acchan about him. She didn’t want to bother Acchan about her past. It was something she could only handle by herself. She didn’t want Acchan… to pity her. She didn’t want her to become extremely nice with her just because of her past. She just… didn’t want her to know.
“Really?” Acchan asked, obviously not believing her at all.
Takamina tried to lie to Acchan… but it didn’t work.
“Well, I was thinking about this guy…” Takamina said, knowing there was no need to finish her sentence.
“Tell me… Why do you hate him?”
The small girl didn’t answer. She knew she couldn’t hide anything from her… but still, she couldn’t tell her everything. All she wanted was to forget… even if she knew it was impossible right now. The only person who knew who the guy was… was Hiroko. And it would stay like this. Even if Acchan and she had step forward about their relationship, she couldn’t explain her anything more. It would make her heart bleed even more for nothing. If would hurt her even more… for something that she was supposed to have forgotten long time ago.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me right now.” Acchan just answered to Takamina’s silence.
Though she couldn’t help but feeling a bit sad about the fact that the girl she loved was still hiding things from her. Acchan wanted to be Takamina’s everything. The one the small girl would come when she was sad, the only she would confess to, the one she would rely on… the one she would tell everything. She wanted to be there to her friend. She wanted to be… someone Takamina would be with forever. She knew she would have to wait. Just for the confession, if she, herself, had been anxious to death, she couldn’t even imagine the stress Takamina had had.
“But someday… I want to know everything about you.” She added, insisting on “everything”.
Takamina blushed, thinking the world “everything” had many meanings. In fact… “everything” meant… everything. But right now… “everything” stopped to this short sentence.
“I love you.”
***
She arrived at the studio soon in the morning. She wanted to practice a little more before the beginning of the shooting. Thinking about it made her sick, but she knew she had no choice but to do it, even if for that she had to endure someone she disliked like hell. She had spent the night before thinking about what would happen. Well, that and how things would go with Acchan too… Acchan… how was she ever going to tell her? Maybe she should just do it now, in one shot, so it would be the end of this case already! No… she should just tell her after the shooting, so that maybe it wouldn’t be a really big problem. After all, as soon as the PV would be done, he would leave, right? There was nothing more to worry about.
She spent two hours alone, trying to concentrate on her work, but couldn’t, being busy thinking about someone else, aka Acchan.
But now that she thought about it… it wasn’t “Acchan” anymore. “Acchan” was only the nickname the fans gave her. Takamina had kind of learned to use it too, but now… wasn’t it a bit stupid to still call her this way after so much time? Why did she call her “Acchan” all the time? It wasn’t her name… it wasn’t her last name either… it was just a nickname, something she had chosen to represent herself as an idol and as an actress. It was how fans called her… but Takamina wasn’t Acchan’s fan, right? She was… closer than just being a fan, and even closer than just being friend with her. So maybe…. Instead of calling her “Acchan”, she should call her by her real name. After all, it wasn’t “Acchan” she fell in love with, but Atsuko. “Acchan” and “Atsuko” were the same person, but different ones at the same time. The part of “Acchan” Takamina knew… was truly called Atsuko, not anything else.
She was still thinking about this when the studio’s door opened, welcoming Kenji, their producer, a few cameramen and some others staff members. She bowed to all of them, even thought she suddenly felt really bad just by looking at her childhood daemon. Somehow… she whished Acchan could appear in front of her miraculously… just so she would feel a bit better. Of course, it didn’t happen. Acchan would come later today… and by the time, she would have probably gone somewhere else, even though they had talked about meeting each other yesterday.
“Takahashi-san, good morning!” Kenji said happily, not noticing the murderous glance hid behind Takamina’s nice look. “I can’t wait to work with you!”
“Yes, me too.” She forced herself to answer, knowing everyone was looking at her.
The concept was really simple. She and Kenji would play best friend supporting each other, going through different problems that could happen in a lifetime. At the end, ironically, Kenji would have to leave her to travel overseas and would never come back to Japan. Since the song’s lyrics were mostly talking about how much people had strength to surpass problems if they wanted to, the PV would be fine. The end would only show Takamina standing in front of a gravestone, making everyone understanding the guy was actually dead. Nothing really knew, but everyone in Japan liked these kind of scenes, so why not? At this part, Takamina knew she would be more than happy to imagine his death. Plus, the whole thing would go through a bunch of special effects, which would make it even cooler. Takamina seriously didn’t see how Kenji was “perfect” to play such an ordinary role, but she kept her mouth shut. She didn’t want to have problems with anybody, especially knowing it was Acchan who have brought him in.
“Well, everyone prepares themselves!” The producer screamed as he gave them a few minutes to go to make up and everything else.
Takamina nodded and left the piece, completely ignoring the guy who kept glancing at her back until she disappeared. Kenji opened his mouth, like he was about to scream her name, but didn’t.
***
The PV wasn’t finished at all, but at least, the day was. She didn’t have work tomorrow, so she felt relieved she would not see Kenji until two days. Today, she had worked professionally, doing her best to look normal while performing. She had avoided her enemy all time, no exception. Each time she had a break, she would hide somewhere nobody could find her. She had looked for Acchan, but strangely, each time she did so, she would bump into Kenji. So she had just stopped looking for her. Anyway, they could still talk later, no? Right now, she just wanted to hide from him. There was no way she would talk to him. She already had enough just by looking at him, she didn’t want to hear his voice more than needed too.
While she was hiding everywhere, Acchan was having a meeting with none but Kenji himself. She had spotted him and, since she couldn’t find Takamina and have finished her work, she just decided to have a little conversation with her friend. She really did respect him, but what the most important person of her life had told her was always on her mind. She needed to know more about it, not only because of Takamina, but because she also wanted to learn more about Kenji. Was he really the ideal guy he pretended to be? Was he beautiful on the inside too… or was it just a fake personality he gave himself?
She approached him, smiling. Even though she wanted to know about what he had to do with Takamina, she still thought of him as a friend. He had never done anything bad to her, so why would she be upset against him?
“Kenji-san! How are you?”
The actor seemed surprised to see her there, but smiled back. He really liked the great Atsuko Maeda. He knew he would learn a lot about his job by being around her, but he also wanted to know her better just so they could hang out together as friends. He had no bad intentions behind what he was doing. He just wanted to know her better. Okay, he also knew she had been in Minami Takahashi’s group, but it was not the ONLY reason why he had spoke to her. He just couldn’t stand and do nothing when a girl needed help in front of him. Of course… that was now.
He perfectly knew he would have never done anything like this when he was young. He could remember very well everything about his childhood, especially a part of his life he’d rather forget. He could still see, when he thought about it, everything that had happened. He remembered everything he had done to a certain girl named Minami Takahashi. Today, he would never do the same, but when he was young… he made mistakes. He knew what he had done was really cruel, but still wanted to ask forgiveness. The question was… would he get any answer to this?
“Ah, Atsuko-san!” He said happily. “I’m fine, thank. I’ve been working with Takahashi-san all day, so I’m just a bit tired. How about you?”
“Everything is fine.”
She wanted to add something, but didn’t know exactly how she could say it. Would it be better if she didn’t know about it? Takamina would talk to her about it sooner or later, right?
“Want something to drink?” He offered her a bottle of juice.
“Thank you.” Acchan answered.
He was really nice. What problem could Takamina possible have about him?
“So, what did you do? I heard you have a new CM, right? How it’s going?”
Acchan didn’t answer anything. She just drank her drink, waiting for something to happen. She really enjoyed being with him, but today… she could not stop thinking about Takamina.
“I know what you want to ask me.” Kenji said politely. “Did Takahashi-san tell you anything about me?”
“Takamina? No, she didn’t. I just wanted to apologize.” Acchan lied. “It’s quite unusual she rejects someone without taking time to know him… I hope you’re not offended.”
“Ah this?” He laughed. “Don’t worry about it. We’re doing fine with her PV. We’re only working together, I’m not really offended. I wanted to get to know her better and talk about some things, but if she doesn’t want… I guess there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“When you two first met… you said something like “nice to see you again”, remember?” Acchan asked. “Have you met her before?”
Kenji sighed, knowing he couldn’t tell her everything. He felt guilty and did not want Takamina to be in trouble, even after all he did to her.
“I did meet her before.” He said. “I… you know, I’ve made some mistakes, so I guess it is why she doesn’t want to talk to me.”
Acchan frowned. Mistakes? About work or… something else? It couldn’t be… love? Takamina could not have had a relationship with him, could she? After all, she had been in AKB48 and couldn’t date boys! She forced herself to stay calm and breathe. There was no way such things could happen. She could trust Takamina… especially now that she knew they were “officially” together. Love was making her paranoid.
“Takamina is not someone who would stop talking to someone unless it’s really important.” Acchan said as she remembered the Takamina/Hiroko incident. “I’m her best friend… I don’t think your mistakes would make her this way. Have you ever done something to her?”
She insisted about it because she cared about it a lot. She didn’t want her two friends to now like each other. It was… the situation she feared the most. Though she would support Takamina way more than him, but still!
“I…” Kenji hesitated.
He bet Takamina had not told Acchan anything about it, so he didn’t know what to do. He had heard how close these two were, and if he ever wanted a chance to ask forgiveness, he should not mess about their friendship. He wanted to be careful too. He didn’t want Acchan to judge the person he was now because of his past. He didn’t want to be rejected by Acchan because of something he regretted, even though it was really harsh.
“I really respect you.” Acchan smiled nicely. “I would not be angry because of something you’ve done unless it’s really huge, you know? I can help you being friend with her! You two could become really good friends! You’re always laughing and joking! Takamina is exactly the same, except she’s a bit dork.”
“I didn’t do anything to her.” He said. “At least, I didn’t do anything that cannot be forgiven. I’m just waiting to get the chance to talk to her about what happened between us. I know Takahashi-san is a nice girl, there will probably not have a problem if we-”
“Really?” A voice asked, interrupting him, surprising both him and Acchan.
The actress frowned as she saw her manager coming in. She was just having a typical conversation with Kenji… why was Hiroko here too?
“Hiroko-san… nice to meet you again.” Kenji said, bowing, recognizing Acchan’s manager. “What are you doing here?”
“You really think what you did can be easily forgiven?” Hiroko asked, looking at him straight in the eyes, threatening him visually.
Acchan didn’t really understand what was happening. Did Hiroko know about what had happened between them? How come? Why would she know about it? Takamina and Hiroko were not even friends anymore! As for her, she was Takamina’s girlfriend! Why wasn’t she the one aware of what was going on! She couldn’t help feeling really jealous about it, which was kind of justified. After all, Hiroko had been Takamina’s best friend before her, and it seemed that she was still the one knowing more what was going on in Takamina’s life. How come… she wasn’t the one Takamina had told about it? She wanted to be there for her… she wanted to be the one helping her… Why hadn’t Takamina told her a damn thing about it? Did it have a link with their past?
“What are you talking about?” Kenji asked, confused.
Acchan was exactly asking herself the same thing. If it was about their past… what could be so important to make Takamina in war with him? Acchan sighed sadly. She had heard about Takamina’s past already, about what had happened between her and Hiroko, about her sad childhood… but when she had asked her about it, Takamina had just answered it wasn’t important anymore, that she had changed. But was it really true? Had Takamina really forgotten about everything concerning her past? Had Takamina really… banned everything from her current life? Acchan had asked for more information to Takamina… but then again, the singer had just told her it was not important anymore, that past was past… and that Acchan knew a different person from the Takamina she had been before. But the actress wanted to know more about her past. She wanted to know about what was called the “old” Takamina, the one she had never known… the one Hiroko had known better than her.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” She answered. “I don’t think you know it, but I’ve been Takahashi-san’s best friend before.”
So it really had a link with her past… But which? Acchan wanted to know more about it… though it made her sad to think that Hiroko was still more informed than she was. Didn’t Takamina trust her enough to know she would always be there for her? Why hadn’t she told her about Kenji?! Acchan could have helped her!
Kenji frowned as he seemed to realize where the conversation was heading to.
“Before?” He asked.
Hiroko nodded, waiting for him to add something. She also noticed Acchan’s confused look. She didn’t want the actress to witness this serious conversation, but knowing what kind of special relationship she shared with Takamina, she knew Acchan must know about it.
“It’s not what you think…” He started slowly before being interrupting by Hiroko’s angry voice.
“And what exactly do you think I’m thinking about right now?”
Acchan froze at her manager’s expression. She had this icy look the actress knew very well. It was similar to the look she herself had been in front of… when Hiroko had been threatening her before. It was the look saying “you better listen to me if you don’t want to die.”
“I… I don’t know.” He stammered, trying to stay calm. “I can explain everything… if you just give me some time.”
But Hiroko had no intention to let him explain anything. She was more than upset at him. She still had in mind what had happened between her and Takamina, but right now, all she could remember was her old best friend’s painful expression. All she could remember was… that Takamina had wanted to kill herself once because of them.
Takamina always pretended to be stronger than she was. She had always told Hiroko she would become strong and so she could take revenge. But Hiroko knew her better than that. She knew Takamina would never take revenge, not in the way she talked about at least. And once, she had read, by mistake, something she would remember all her life.
Flash Back
Hiroko was waiting for Takamina to come back home. She had visited her, but her mother had told her to wait because she was gone buying food. So she was just waiting. Takamina’s mother knew Hiroko very well. She knew it was Takamina’s only friend and was really nice with her. She knew her daughter would not be the same without Hiroko by her side, and was thankful for the older girl to take care of her.
Hiroko was wandering around, not wanting to touch anything without her friend’s permission. She accidently bumped into the desk, making a short diary fell on the floor. She took it carefully, looking to see if someone was looking at her, but Takamina was not home already. She sighed and was about to close it when she noticed a word.
...kill...
She flinched. Takamina was a nine year old little girl. Why would she write such a thing? And even so… the diary was pink… the word “kill” just didn’t fit AT ALL. Feeling a bit guilty of reading something private, she looked around her and promised she would stop after two sentences.
“Yesterday was worst than ever. Maybe they are right, maybe I should kill myself and stop being a burden for the society.”
Hiroko did stop after these two sentences and took a deep breathe. What could she do? Was Takamina’s mother aware of this? Was Takamina really serious while writing this? She apologized to an invisible Takamina and stated to read again.
“I am not needed here. I promise Hiroko-chan I would be strong, but there is no way I can fight them. I told her I would never give up, but there is no way I am able to continue this way… There is no way I have a place here anymore. There is no way I deserve to live anymore…”
She was NOT reading this… she was NOT reading this… she was NOT. For God’s sake, Takamina was just an innocent little girl… who obviously had lost her innocence. Why… why was she thinking about killing herself when she had so many things to live? She had a bright future in front of her… how come she had become this way? She heard some noise in the hallway and quickly closed the diary, putting it back to its place. Takamina came into the bedroom a second later, smiling.
“Hiroko!” She said happily, hugging her friend. “I’m glad to see you today!”
Hiroko smiled back, without answering anything.
“Guess what I did this morning! I did a cake with my mom! And we keep a part for you! And…”
And while Takamina was talking about how much fun she had had the same morning, Hiroko just kept looking at her little friend. The date of this entry was… today, this morning. Takamina had written about death… this morning.
The teenage pretended to laugh at one of Takamina’s joke. But inside of her, she couldn’t stop thinking about what she had just read. If Takamina was serious… then all those smiles, all those jokes, all this happiness… were lies. If Takamina had written this seriously… then Hiroko knew her best friend was not as strong as she pretended to be. No… truly, she was just an innocent child. Truly… she was just an innocent little girl who wanted to have a normal life, but who couldn’t because of others. She was just… another victim… another victim Hiroko was definitely going to save.
She sighed. Takamina was incapable to do anything to others… she was too nice. She always kept her feelings inside of her. Sooner or later… she would be destroyed by them. Hiroko stared at her. She didn’t know how to help her friend… if her friend herself was just keeping all inside her heart.
End of Flash Back
And right now, in front of her, was standing the guy she had hated so much. She had the responsible for Takamina’s depression right in front of her, but couldn’t do anything about it. She hated herself for being so useless. She hated herself… for saving Takamina many years later, when it was probably too late. No matter what the singer said about her past, Hiroko knew her enough to tell that Takamina had still not forgotten about it.
“Do you really think everything will go like you want?” She asked harshly. “I thought Atsuko was right to help you having this job… so I helped her. I’m such a fool sometimes. It took me while to realize that in fact, I have just helped Atsuko bringing the devil here.”
Acchan was stupefied to hear this. Was Hiroko so mad at him? Why?
“What happened?” The actress frowned, staring at them.
It concerned Takamina, she had the right to know it.
“Atsuko… Remember when I told you about Takahashi’s past?” Hiroko asked as the actress nodded. “This guy is responsible for a lot. This guy is the one who threatened Takahashi. He’s the one participating in the “ijime” treatment. He’s the one who betrayed Takahashi for his own sake!”
Seeing that Acchan couldn’t say a thing, her manager added:
“It surprised me Takahashi never told you about it either. She never told me who it was. I only found out a while ago when she told me about his identity. I thought you would have known it before me since you two have a… special relationship, but maybe finally it’s better this way. I told you, even though it’s painful to hear, you do not know Takahashi Minami like I do. At least… you don’t know the person who’s suffering right now.”
Acchan didn’t know if it was because of Kenji, but her manager had suddenly started to talk to her in a heartless way. And what was worst was that… there was a part of truth.
“Can you leave please?” Hiroko added, looking at her. “I want to talk with him about something that doesn’t concern you.”
“Takamina is my friend, I have the right to stay here.” Acchan protested.
“Maybe it’s your friend, but still, you better ask her about it. Until the time when you’ll know the whole story, don’t even think that you know her.”
“I know her!” Acchan said as she remembered really well each previous times she had shared with the small girl.
“You know Takamina, the girl she became.” Hiroko just answered. “You don’t know Takahashi Minami.”
This sentence left Acchan speechless. What… exactly did it mean? But she left the piece… or at least, that was what she made Hiroko believed. She just stayed outside, spying their conversation.
“So, Kenji-san, right?” Hiroko asked as Acchan was gone. “I bet you know everything I’m talking about.”
Kenji didn’t try to avoid the subject, knowing he had no choice.
“I will have a talk with her. Until now, can you just wait before beginning to hate me? I’m not the same.”
“Oh, you’re not the same?” Hiroko laughed ironically. “But it’s not against the actual you that I am angry. It’s against the old you. The child that bullied Takahashi so hard that she even wanted to kill herself!”
Kenji looked away. He really felt regretful about it, about what he had done. No once in is life had he forgotten about it. He had really wanted to be friend with that Takahashi Minami… but he was scared of the leaders of the class. So he had chosen to leave her, like everyone else.
“I am here to ask her-”
“To forgive you? You’re dumb if you think it will be so easy! I don’t know for her, but there’s no way I’m going to let you out of this.”
Kenji seemed to realize that in fact, the woman in front of him was not really scaring. This problem was about Takahashi Minami and himself, not Acchan’s manager!
“Listen…” He said. “I don’t know who you think you are, but I think Takahashi is old enough to decide if she want to hear my explanation or not. It’s not your forgiveness I’m asking, it’s hers! I don’t even see why I would try to talk to you since I don’t even know you! You don’t know me! You don’t know the situation I have been into! You don’t know how hard I tried to convince myself to support Takahashi, but failed! They threatened me too! I may not look like it, but I was a victim too!”
“I don’t know you.” Hiroko said after a minute of silence. “But I know Takahashi. I know how she felt about the whole thing.”
She stopped, like she was day dreaming about her past before starting to speak again.
“I don’t give a damn about if you were threatened or not. But I do care a lot about Takahashi because right now is the only chance I have to do everything I wanted to when we were young. Right now, I want to be there for her about this, because even though we’re not friends anymore, it is something I should have done years ago. It is something I should have done as her friend, but right now, I’m just helping her because I can’t help it.”
“What happened between Takahashi and me is our business. Yes, I admit it, I bullied her. It’s a fact I can’t deny. But I want to talk to her about it. I don’t want her to think I had fun doing this. I don’t want her to hate me. I just want her to give me the chance to explain myself and to apologize.”
“There is no way it is going to happen.” Hiroko growled. “Do you know exactly how much she suffered because of this? I was her best friend, I told you about it. I was the one she told everything. I was the one supporting her when she was crying all the time, when she felt she was useless and wanted to kill herself. I don’t care if you changed or not. I don’t care about your stupid apologizes… the only thing I can think about when I talk to you is my old friend’s sadness. There is no way you are going to be forgiven so easily. “
Kenji seemed to be about to give up, but didn’t.
“Stop talking to me like you were there. If you wanted to protect her so bad, why didn’t you do it before? Why didn’t you come at our school to protect her?”
“You don’t listen, do you? I told you… I am doing something now because I didn’t do anything in the past. Don’t get me wrong, I hate you. But I hate myself too for not being able to do something before. I know… that even if she pretends the opposite, Takahashi is still moved when she thinks about the past. I bet Takahashi still had all her feelings in her heart, can you even imagine how much pain it means?! Can you even think about how hard she tries to ignore her sorrow… while in fact it’s taking the entire place in her mind? She’s killing herself by not letting these feelings go…”
There was a silent confrontation as they just stared at the other. Hiroko wanted to punch his face, but hold herself. What she had to fight was not only him… it was the pain itself.
“I made mistakes.” He finally said. “I don’t know what else I can do than apologizing.”
Hiroko seemed to think about his sentence for a minute when she finally opened her mouth.
“Maybe you should just disappear from her life. I don’t know what you expected when you decided to pop out in her life… but just know the only thing you bring back with you was pain.”
There was a deadly silence. Kenji wanted to add something, but he couldn’t deny this fact. His first goal had been to apologize, but he didn’t expect Takahashi’s bodyguard to be on his way. He was a nice guy… with, unfortunately for him, a dark past.
“Are you still Takahashi’s best friend?” He asked, knowing he would hit a weak point.
Hiroko flinched at the question. He sure got a point here.
“No, I already told you.” She admitted. “But I was before.”
“You should stop being involved in this situation if you are not her friend anymore. I bet there’s a good reason why a “best friend” is not one anymore, so stop it. I’m sure Takahashi would not be really happy to know you’re trying to resolve her own problem.”
“And I bet she wouldn’t be happy to know you’re back, but I guess it’s already done. But you’re right, I should not be involved in this situation.”
Hiroko knew Kenji was good to read other’s mind. She could feel it because she herself was this way. She knew what Kenji’s next question was going to be even before he asked it. And she had already prepared her answer. She hated being so weak about herself. She hated being so… honest with this guy she hated, but she had no choice. She would tell him the truth… then she would make sure to take revenge. She thought about everything she had done in her life until now. She had been a good child until this event with her mother. She had had a positive mind until everything… She had threatened Maeda Atsuko before realizing she was wrong. And today, what was she doing? She was still talking about hatred, about pain, about taking revenge. How come she was this way, always negative? After being separate from Takamina, she had never been herself again. She had avoided everything about love. She had lived in her own world… a world full of pain and hatred.
“You missed being her friend, right?” Kenji asked. “Like me, there are some events that you would like to erase from your memories, that you wish they had never happened.”
“So what?” She said. “Yes, I missed being her friend. What I’m doing right now, I’m doing it because I want to help her surpassing everything… and because I know this is the only thing I can do for her now. We will never be friends again. Nothing will ever come back like before, so at least, I’m doing what I should have done as her friend when we were young. Be careful, I will not leave you alone so easily.”
Kenji fixed her leaving the room. He had a bad feeling. This Hiroko… seemed to be really serious about it, and it kind of scared him.
***
Acchan hid as Hiroko left the room. She had heard everything. She couldn’t believe the nice Kenji… had been such a jerk. She understood now why Takamina hated him so much. But what she couldn’t understand was… why hadn’t Takamina told her about it? They were dating, right? She should be the one supporting Takamina all the time, not Hiroko! She was jealous… jealous because even though Hiroko and Takamina were not friends anymore, there were still things the small girl would rather tell her manager than her. Jealousy…
“Takamina…” She whispered, thinking about how much she wanted to help her.
It was such a dilemma. Should she reject Kenji? But he seemed so honest, talking about apologizing and so on… Should she talk about it to Takamina even though she wasn’t linked to this situation? She was sad about it. She wondered… if it was normal that, after so much time, Takamina still didn’t want her to know more about her past. She wondered… if it was a proper way to start a relationship, jealousy and sadness…
And most of all, she couldn’t get out of her head Hiroko’s sentence.
“You know Takamina, the girl she became. You don’t know Takahashi Minami.”
What was she supposed to answer to this…
Did she really love… Takamina? Takamina was only a nickname the girl had had during AKB48. It was the name given to an idol, a girl who had fans and who was in AKB48. It was… what Takahashi had become when she had entered into AKB48. But truly, what did Acchan know about the real girl, Minami? What did Acchan know about her past, about her life?
The person she loved… was it Takamina… or Minami? Weren’t they… the same person?
***
The doorbell rang. Takamina, half sleeping, went to answer to the door. It was soon, eight o’clock pm, but she had been sleeping already. Maybe it was because of this boost of feelings she had had recently, but in any case, she was dead tired. Soon would be her birthday… 4月8日. 48. The number that meant everything to her. She had decided to sleep soon tonight so she would be healthy tomorrow, but it seemed that it wouldn’t go this way.
She sighed. She really wanted to sleep… because there was a lot going on right now. The sudden return of Kenji had, of course, a huge role in her mood right now.
“Yes?” She yawned.
She blinked at the person who stood in front of her. Her… again. Takamina had the strange feeling she was seeing her more recently than during the past five years.
“I’m sorry for disturbing you tonight.”
Wait… how did Hiroko know where she lived?
“I asked Atsuko for your address.” Hiroko answered to the silent question.
“And she accepted to give it to you?” Takamina answered, sceptic.
“I insisted.” Hiroko just answered. “Can I come in?”
Takamina nodded and let her in, even though she just wanted to slap the door in the woman’s face. She wanted to sleep, not to have a serious conversation… especially when she knew what the subject would be.
“So… it’s unexpected to see you here.” Takamina started hesitantly.
Not only was it unexpected, but Hiroko had also a big bag beside her.
“What is this?” Takamina asked, frowning.
She could feel some tension around them, but at least, they could endure each other. They were neither friends nor enemies, which was already kind of a miracle, especially when you think that, not even one year ago, Hiroko was ready to kill Takamina. And especially that, not even one month ago, they had had a fight about Takamina’s relationship with Acchan. But it seemed that it would not be the subject of the conversation tonight.
“A gift.” Hiroko just said, taking out… a pillow.
Takamina frowned. What. The. Fuck.
“Listen…” Takamina hesitated. “I know you hate me… but if you want to kill me with this pillow… I don’t think it will work.”
Hiroko had a mini smile on her face.
“I’m not here to kill you, don’t worry. I wanted… to talk.”
Takamina looked away. She couldn’t believe she was going to talk with her old friend.
“What do you want?” Takamina sighed.
“I want to talk about… our past.”
About their past? About… what exactly from their past?
“This is not what it looks like.” Hiroko sighed, thinking about the tragic end of their friendship. “I’m here to talk about him.”
Takamina froze, but didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to remember… she didn’t want to think about it… she didn’t want to talk about it… She could feel it like it had been yesterday… loneliness.
“I’m fine.” Takamina said. “I will only work with him and everything will be fine.”
Hiroko smiled nicely and sat by her side, giving her the pillow.
“I know you better than that, you know.” She said. “I’m not here because I want to be your friend. I’m not here to take a revenge for what happened between us. In fact, I’m not here because I want it. I’m here… because of the past.”
Takamina was a bit confused. Here because of the past? Seriously, if she didn’t want to be here… why was she in front of her right now?
“I’m here because I wanted to do something I should have done before, as your friend. I know we won’t ever be friend again… and I think I understand the reason why. Anyway, nothing would ever be the same again. It’s been too much time. But seriously, I was your best friend before and I’ve never truly helped you about all the pain you had in your heart. I can tell, just by looking at you now, that you still have this pain.”
Takamina shook her head.
“I’m not the same. I’m stronger.”
“I know, you changed. But you still are sad when you think about the whole thing. You never really… forget your past. You’re still troubled about it… and I think I know why. There are… some things that can never be forgotten, no matter how strong is a person.”
Takamina stared at the pillow, not really understanding its role.
“Listen, Hiroko… the only thing you can do for me now is to leave me alone. I don’t need you in my life.”
Even though it hurt Acchan’s manager to hear it, she just nodded.
“I know. But I’m here anyway. Look at you today, you’re not the same. You’re pretending nothing ever happened in your past… but you still suffer from it. And by suffering secretly, it makes your entourage suffering too. Acchan doesn’t understand anything about what happened between and Kenji and she feels useless about it. Your own pain… had consequences on everyone. I know now… you never, not even one day, stopped thinking about your past. Somehow… it stops you to move on in life.”
Takamina was tired of Hiroko. The woman was getting more in her life and it pissed her off. Nevertheless, she had to admit, this time, that she was right. She was still trapped in the past, whatever she might tell the others. She had never forgiven the others or herself about her past. Each time she thought about it, it opened a new bound.
“Hit it.”
Takamina frowned.
“What?”
“The pillow, hit it.” Hiroko said. “You have your childhood engraves inside your heart. You never set you free from it. You never answered to anything those children did to you because you couldn’t. Today, you’re still talking about taking revenge, but you know pretty well that there is no way you will ever hit someone. The reason why you’re still trapped in the past… is because you never set you free from it. You never set your feelings free.”
“I don’t see what hitting a pillow has to do with it.”
“Kick it, punch it, destroy it.” Hiroko repeated. “Release all your feelings tonight. I don’t know how you feel. Nobody does. You are the one who endured it during all that time, never taking time to release those feelings. Today, you’re still thinking about it and torturing yourself because of this. You feel guilty and you wouldn’t tell anyone, not even Atsuko, about what happened. I may not know the real Takahashi, but I know you well enough to tell you’re still as scared and frustrated as before. Your angriness has never left you.”
“Taking revenge is not the solution.”
“See? This is the reason why you can’t go on.” Hiroko sighed. “You know you would never hit anybody, so you keep your feelings inside you. But believe me… don’t hold yourself anymore. Kenji-san… will not suddenly disappear tomorrow. You have to surpass your past… if you want to be happy later. This is what I’ve learned not a long time ago. I, too, was living with my past as my shadow. It was blinding me… and it is only recently that I’ve started to understand it was time to… let it go.”
The singer didn’t answer, wondering since when Hiroko cared so much about her.
“You have to release the pain.” Hiroko insisted. “I know you’re suffering. I can see it in your eyes right now. You’re holding yourself. Right now, you want to kill this guy, don’t you? If I’m not mistaken… you want me to leave too, right? But you can’t say it. You can’t do it. You are stronger, it’s a fact… but you’re not able to surpass your childhood.”
“Why do you do that to me?” Takamina managed to say with difficulty.
Hiroko hesitated before answering. She had wanted to keep a strong reputation in front of Takamina, but she guessed she didn’t have the choice. She, too, wanted to forget about the past, but in order to do it, she had to stop feeling guilty about the fact that she had been useless before. She was not doing it only for Takamina… she was also doing it for herself.
“I want to forget.” Hiroko said. “I want to forget everything. I wish nothing had happened. But you know… I know you’re hiding your pain everyday. I know you’re unable to forget about it. I know… how not being able to forget something can ruin one’s life. No matter what you might say, I know it. I want to be able to forgive myself to not have been able to help you more than I did when we were young. Today… I want to help you to finally release your pain. I know it seemed stupid from me… but think about it… think about everything you’ve been through… think about each time you wanted to take revenge but couldn’t… Think about it… and hit this pillow.”
Takamina was speechless in front of her old friend. She was right. She had never forgotten about anything. All her pain… was still inside her. And if it wasn’t for Hiroko, she would have continued killing herself slowly because of this dark past.
“I should have said that when we were still friends…” Hiroko said. “But back then, I didn’t know how it was to feel pain everyday because of someone. I didn’t know how it felt to be rejected by the others… I didn’t know anything of this, because I was already famous because of my mother. I want you… to stop thinking about your past. Because even you pretend to be strong… if you can’t face it, you won’t be able to live.”
Hatred… pain… sadness… sorrow… ijime.
Confusion… anxiety… fear… confession… love.
“Don’t you hate me?” Takamina whispered.
“I do…” Hiroko hesitated. “But when you told me it was Kenji-san the responsible… I thought about how sad you were each time I saw you… and somehow, I can’t help helping you right now. It’s a way for me… to catch up with the past.”
Remember how much you hated them…
Remember how much you wanted them to die…
Remember each night you spent awake, crying alone…
Remember… remember as much as you can… each time you thought about killing yourself…
“Thank…” Takamina said as she realized how much she had inside of her.
She stared at the pillow. She felt too stupid to hit it though.
“Don’t thank me… Also… I wanted to ask you something.” Hiroko said.
“What?”
“Forgive me… for everything I did.”
There was no answer. Takamina didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. Takamina had already forgiven Hiroko for what she had done to her and Acchan. And it was the same for Hiroko, who had forgiven Takamina for the rejection. They would never be friends again. They would never laugh as they used to do when they were together. They would never encourage each other. They would never be able to have a normal conversation again… but at least… it was their ultimate chance to forget about the past… and to look forward… and they were seizing it.
“I feel like I finally set me free from my childhood.” Hiroko sighed loudly, ready to leave Takamina’s house.
“Why… are you talking like if childhood was a prison?” Takamina asked.
She had noticed it a few times during their short conversation. Hiroko was talking about her being free from childhood. Sometimes… Takamina still felt like Hiroko was the most mature of them. She was still like an older sister, helping her to find answer to her questions.
“My mother once told me something about it. Childhood is what you rely on all your life. It is a step of our life that we have on our mind all the time. Sometimes, it’s positive and it helps us. And others, it’s not and stops us from going on. Sometimes… childhood unable you to move on because we regret something and we are stuck with it forever. No matter how you look at it, it’s your childhood who made you becoming the person you are today. And some people can’t move on because of this. These person… they have to forget about their past to look at the future. If they can’t forget… then they can’t move on.”
She stopped, looked into Takamina’s eyes and said very clearly:
“Childhood is a knife stuck in the throat, a burden you keep with you during all your life if it’s negative. You don’t take it out easily. If words and will can take it out from your throat, well it’s perfect for you. ONLY if it’s taken out, you can go on in life and become an adult. But sometimes, it is not easy to express and release our feelings. Think about it. It took me a long time to take it out from my throat.” Hiroko said wisely. “And now, my childhood is only the shadow of the past.”
She left the house, without adding anything else. To her, what she wanted to do was done. She wanted to help Takamina to move on, to be able to really make peace with her past… but it was all she could do now. Takamina stood immobile, the pillow by her side. Everything Hiroko had said… was true. Even though she had been strong enough to confess to Acchan, she had not been strong enough to tell her about Kenji’s real identity. She felt useless. If she didn’t want others to suffer because of her… she had to start moving on first. Then… the others would follow her to the great way.
She stared at the pillow. HIT IT. She couldn’t. She couldn’t even hit a poor pillow. Her past… haunted her day and night before… why couldn’t she release her feelings now? She thought about everything she had endured until now… the humiliations… the wound… everything… Without saying a word, she punched it slightly. Without breathing, she punched it a second time… and a third… and fourth… and without realizing it, she couldn’t stop anymore. All her pain… was leaving her body. She pictured everyone from her class before… and hit the pillow hard. Again… again…. Again… she never stopped.
She hated them… she wanted them to disappear… she wanted to kill herself… she wanted to kill them… she wanted to leave everything behind… she wanted to be alone… she hated them.
Without controlling anything, Takamina felt salt water falling down her cheeks. She couldn’t help it. She couldn’t stop… she couldn’t… forget it. Those punch she had wanted to give the others… the hatred she had toward them…
She sobbed.
She cried.
She continued punching the pillow with all her strength.
She thought about her past, her childhood… her dad.
She breathed.
She screamed.
She released everything, setting herself free from her own body.
“Childhood is a knife stuck in the throat. You don’t take it out easily.”
TBC
End Note:So… I don’t know how you guys enjoyed reading this chapter, but I was thinking of putting an end to the whole Takamina/Hiroko problem soon, because seriously I think it’s the best time now that Kenji is back in Takamina’s life.
The last sentence, “Childhood is a knife stuck in the throat” is a translation from French’s sentence: “L’enfance est un couteau planté dans la gorge”.
I thought it illustrated really well the situation, since Takamina is kind of stuck in the past, mostly because of events that happened during her childhood. It stops her to truly become the adult she wants to be. What I meant is that it is really hard to forget/forgive about sad things that happened to us, especially during childhood since this is the part of our life that makes us the way we are now. If you had a sad childhood, well you won’t act the same as someone who had the perfect life. Difficulties related to childhood can follow and handicap us until we decide to surpass them. I don’t know if it is clear enough, but I hope you understand me… Or maybe you just think I’m weird… In any case, I tried to translate it, because I think this is the perfect sentence to resume everything. OH GOD I HOPE THE TRANSLATION IS GOOD ENOUGH :mon exhaust:
End Note 2: As you can see, I decided to create a short thing about their nicknames. I don’t know if I write it well in the text. What I wanted to say was that it is not because we know someone’s nickname that we know the person. “Takamina” is the nickname of “Takahashi Minami”, and the way her fans mostly call her. But in daily life, she is just Minami, a girl we probably don’t know everything about. Same for Acchan. She is “Atsuko” before being “Acchan”. And I wanted to do something about it.
Acchan doesn’t know anything about her friend when Takamina was only “Takahashi Minami”, means during her childhood. When Takamina was young, she was known as Minami, not Takamina, and at that time, she was friend with Hiroko only. Acchan knows Takamina because they were together in AKB48, but still the person she knows in AKB48 may not be the same as the person Takamina was BEFORE entering the group. So this is why I said “Takamina” and “Takahashi Minami” may not be the same person.
As for Takamina, she thinks she knows Acchan enough to call her “Atsuko”, her real name, means that Takamina actually thinks she knows the REAL person behind this nickname. She wants to stop calling her “Acchan”, because she knows that “Acchan” is not exactly the same person as “Atsuko”. “Atsuko” is the name she uses in private, with her closest friend, while “Acchan” is used by everyone. Don’t you think there’s a difference between them?
It’s like calling me “Bou-J525” or by my real name. Or it's like I call you by your nickname or your real name. There’s a difference to me.
….. I hope you guys know what I mean because if not… I would feel stupid. :mon duh:
WOOOOOOH I'M DONE! Guys... I'm beginning to be tired of writing :nervous So um.... well don't be surprised if the "The End" suddenly pop out from out of nowhere someday :mon ghost: I know... this needs to happen right after Atsumina appears...
*Hide forever*
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OMG YOU UPDATED SO FAST! this is like a record! :twothumbs
NOOO FORGET WHAT I JUST SAID! I'M JUST A KID DON'T LISTEN TO MEE! I WANT NO HARDSHIP PLEASEEE! :panic:
I love this chapter since it showed Takamina taking such an important step towards moving on
Releasing all that sadness and anger she felt during her childhood to that pillow. :yep:
I'm glad that Hiroko did help Takamina in the end. Too bad they can't be friends anymore
though there was was little Atsumina moment here, I loved every word of it! :D lol and perverted Aachan :P
I still really despise Kenji for what he did MAKING TAKAMINA THINK OF DEATH :angry: but i wouldn't mind Takamina forgiving him since it would just be another step for her to move on from her evil childhood. i know its gonna be hard for her. (though he should still get some karma! :twisted:)
I really like your nickname/real name idea thingy. it just shows how much they think they know and don't know each other. Takamina is more certain that she knows Atsuko while its completely different for Aachan since Takamina and Minami seem so different from each other
man thinking about this story is sad since its so awesome but its gonna have to end sooner or later :cry:
Update soon!! :)
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OMGOMGOMGOMG How could you do that to me??? I've just shut down my computer to go for work and just decide to go online through my phone... And... and saw you update.. and I was like.. OMG OMG AN UPDATE!!! WHY NOW??? NOW I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER 5 HOURS TO READ IT??? :shocked :shocked
Anyways.. IT'S AN UPDATE!! :panic: :panic: Can I hug you? Can I kiss you? Can I buy you Katsudon?? (do not have Takamina attach to it, of course) :cow: :cow:
I knew it.. OMG.. I knew that somehow, Takamina's problem in the past will be solve with the help of Hiroko, not Acchan.. but Hiroko. How can I say this.. urrrgg.. I am kind of believe that what happen in the past, can only be solve by the one who belong to the past. Sure if Acchan know, she will try to help Takamina surpass everything..but she wasn't there. She wasn't the one who witness how miserable Takamina's life was.. so I can say.. she can only understand half of pain that Takamina had beared.. You know.. I'm suck in express my thought.. hope you know what am I rambling about..
For Kenji.. I think it gonna take a lot of time in the beginning.. but after Hiroko visit Takamina, and how Takamina let it all out.. I thing may be, JUST may be.. Takamina will give Kenji a chance..Not that easy, but she will.. Once she get rid of her past, what he had done, is not important anymore. (that what I think, don't kill me, plzzz) And I will love to see him suffer a bit (ok, a lot) before he can earn Takamina forgiveness.
Poor Acchan.. she jealous.. but :P :P Takamina will surely talk to her soon, right? she is her girlfriend now XD XD Ahhhh.. I hope that I can see a brighter future for them and for Takamina, especially her relationship with her past.. I "HOPE" that bou is not going to bring me the good mood and then kill me by one chapter that...you know.. :nervous :nervous
And yeah.. I kinda understand about the nickname thing.. XD XD seriously, I enjoy reading it.. :wub:
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Keichan ^_^ : Hey I updated, happy now? I told you, yesterday or wednesday, didn't I? But it wasn't yesterday because I was busy writing the beginning of the next chapter... but at least I keep my promise! Um... thank for telling me I almost died. But... no comments about what you said after :smhid Ahem, so yeah... YOUR FIC! NINJAAAAAAAA WHERE ARE YOU :panic: HA, thank for the love but... I'M GOING TO BREAK THEM APART JUST TO PISS YOU OFF.
:fainted: ergh... you wouldn't dare break them apart again!!! it won't really piss me off... but make me cry.... you give me bipolar... i blame you if i become mentally ill! and yes! I am happy that you updated! however... I am not happy about you blaming my pms for your lack of update! lol... and i wrote a pm explaining where i have been... whereas the ninja... died long long ago :cool1: but yeah i was thinking a lot more due to your wise words.... maybe i should just write....
"Then they lived happily ever after"
"~fin~"
"Thanks for reading A Bit Blind To Love :D" Hahahaha it just helps to end the fanfic so i dont get yelled at for lack of updates!!!! Oh and in addition, would you like us to call you by your real name so you feel closer to us? ahaha you have to tell us first! but yeah.... hmm.... i like the chapter... but i wish you included my idea about how to "Kill" off Kenji! hehe anywho! Have some fangirl loving!
:mon lovelaff: :mon lovelaff: :mon lovelaff: :mon lovelaff: :mon lovelaff: :mon lovelaff: :mon lovelaff: :mon lovelaff: :mon lovelaff: :mon lovelaff:
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sorakamiya : I'M NOT POUTING. *pout* XD And yeah, luckily it's not your birthday everyday, but I avoided death thank to you :nervous
wooogh... yeah u do pout... even a little i guess... :P XD XD
owgh, well, if that sooo... better its my b'day everyday... :lol: :lol: XD
and wooooooooooooooowwwwww..... :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic: this update :panic: :panic: :panic:
everything reveal... :shocked :shocked and a i'm glad that one case solve... :grin: :grin: now i'll waiting for the next chap... :thumbsup :thumbsup
this better be happy ending bouchan... :smhid :smhid :lol: :lol:
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Thanks for the update. Because of your fic I decided to register an account to comment and you are the first one that my very first post is dedicated too. Feel happy XD
BTW, comments:
I like how you explain the differences between using their nicknames and their real names. Actually I feel the same way about it too. I always find it kinda more private/special/or whatever it is when Acchan calls Takamina Minami or Takamina calling her Atsuko. It just feels...that they have a special relationship. You get what I mean XD
Let me guess, you're going to let Takamina forgive Kenji...AND THEN...let me give you a hint on how to make your fic more dramatic and make your readers' evil side coming out for separating their favorite couple... MAKE HIM FALL IN LOVE WITH HER :mon evillaff:!
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As mentioned above ^ ,
I have also joined Jphip because of your fanfic.
It's so so so so so so so way awesome.
And i totally love Atsumina pairing :)
Kenji falling in love with takamina ? (Y) Sounds good as well.
But takamina will break his heart and go with acchan!
They are the perfect pairing i ever seen :w00t: :w00t:
Thankyou for sharing such a nice fanfic :)
I really enjoy reading it!
And i'm looking forward to your next chapter ^_^!
Ganbatte!
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My computer just crashed and I had to start answering to all your comments again :banghead:
mangobanana15: This time, I truly updated fast, right? ;) I don't know what will happen with Hiroko and Kenji... but there will have something. Maybe. Because there is no way I'm going to make Takamina forgiving Kenji so easily :twisted: Seriously, since when do I make things easy to my poor characters :theking And I don't know what I will do with the nickname thing... because it is not completely solve in this chapter XD But we'll see ^^ Oh, and enjoy TakAcchan in this chapter :P
dee1711: I'm sorry :nervous In fact, when I update, it is always around 9pm here, so I don't know about what time it is elsewhere in the world :nervous Katsudon ftw! Too bad Takamina isn't included :smhid And yes, I understand what you mean about Hiroko thing... I think it is the same as I thought. But anyway, Takamina will not forgive him so easily. We'll see what will happen... maybe I will really kill you with one chapter, who knows?
Keichan ^_^: R.I.P Ninja-sama. I guess it was expected TT___TT But still... I update fast this time! So why don't you update a chapter to thank me? :) By the way, I never say I wouldn't include your idea about how to kill him... Okay, maybe it won't be "exactly" the same... in fact, I don't think there will be any "keichan" character you know :grin:
sorakamiya: Who said it was solve? Maybe I will add something else :grin: Nobody knows what's going on in my mind now :twisted: But yeah, maybe I will do a happy ending if I'm in good mood... Or maybe I will kill everyone because I want to take revenge on THOSE WHO AREN'T UPDATING THEIR FREAKING FICS :mon annoy: No, I'm not talking to you in particular... Btw, I've seen your update, I just didn't have time to read it yet :nervous
Tanchan: Really? I'm the first one? Thank you :grin: You comment made me happy :cow: But don't worry... I'm not THAT cruel... I don't think I will make Kenji fall in love with her... Maybe I will seperate them, but it will not be this way XD Okay, I didn't say anything (http://i959.photobucket.com/albums/ae80/bougie525/fear.gif)
TakahashiJ: Ohh another one who joined JPHIP because of me :grin: Okay... I have to admit I am really embarrassing right now because there are a lot of awesome fics too... and you two said it was because of mine you created a account :) Thank you :) Like I said, I don't think I will make Kenji fall in love with her because it is something kinda... how can I say it.. expected. So I don't know what I will do XD
Everyone reading: Thank you :)
GUYS! THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS :bow: Seriously, I'm glad to read them ^^ I'm glad some of you are reading my fic at least XD I hope I can thank you with this update!
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PEOPLE. YOU. LOVE. ME. :grin:
I wrote all the week end to create a decent chapter I could update today ^^ I spent all my day to write today. Okay, half of the time I was not motivated, but at least, I finish it! XD I wanted to post it as soon as possible! It may not be as long as the other, but I guess... it is not sad compared to the others :nervous I also have two days off this week, so I will try to write the next one too so at least you won't wait a long wait before an update. But I can't promise anything :huhuh
There are still a lot of thing I am unsure about. I don't know what I should do... but at least, enjoy this chapter!
Sorry for the mistake... I should find a new English teacher :smhid
Chapter 20
“We were young!” Kenji protested. “Haven’t you already done something you regret when you were young?! When you don’t know anything about life… there are things you do and regret for sure…”
The day was done. And the B-side PV was too. Finally. But Takamina was having a short conversation with Kenji before. After having ignoring him so long time, she had decided to confront him, but with a REALLY short conversation. She had definitely put an “X” on her childhood and on the events and she wanted to end everything related to it. The hell daily life she had had while shooting her PV was done. But somehow… she was thankful to this. She was thankful because… she knew it was inevitable. She had always known that she would have to put an end to this real torture that was part of her life. Now, she was sure to be in peace about all this… and it had also helped her to… kind of make peace with Hiroko too. There was definitely more positives consequences than bad ones. Without this, Hiroko and her… would have finished by killing each other sooner of later, she felt it, especially with the recent love subject.
“I did… but I never ask forgiveness for them.” Takamina answered, thinking about Hiroko.
“But-”
“I don’t care about who you are today. You’re asking me to forgive you about… something that made me hate myself. You’re asking me to forgive you about something I don’t even want to think about. You were a kid, so? I was too… I just wanted to have a normal live… but you just ruined everything. If you hadn’t left me too… it would probably have helped me a lot. But you’re probably the worst.”
“The worst?” Kenji asked, a bit surprised.
He was an actor, a great one. He was popular and had a lot of fans. He was usually smiling all the time, in a great mood, always ready to help others… and she was telling him he was the WORST?
“Because you made me believe you could be my friend. You made me believe that… I could actually trust you. But you were lying. And today… I’ll not make the same mistake. There is no way I am going to forgive you now.”
“Atsuko-san would tell you that-”
“Leave Acchan out of this!” Takamina screamed. “I don’t care what she thinks about you! I don’t care about anything but the fact that I will never forget you for what you did… nor forgive you.”
“But… listen, they were threatening me too. I knew how you felt when they were-”
“No, you didn’t know… because you have never been betrayed by anybody.”
Takamina was upset, but not enough to kill him… yet. She was definitely putting en end to all this story. Kenji had wanted to see her… well now he had to deal with the consequences. He had wanted to help her but failed? There was no way she was going to believe this.
“I didn’t want to betray you. They forced me. They told me they were going to blame me for everything bad that had happened in class… I was going to be the victim of everyone! They forced me!”
“But they didn’t force you to listen to them. You chose to listen and betray me. But today, look where I am? I am a singer, popular, living my own life. I am standing by myself. I will tell you clearly, AKB48 saved my life after you had destroyed it. Why would I forgive you? Why would I tell you that everything is fine while, in fact, it would just be lying to myself.”
Kenji sighed, knowing he was slowly loosing advantage.
“I just want to make peace. I have this situation in my head since I have left this school. I don’t know what else to say to convince you I changed.”
“Well, don’t say anything else.” Takamina answered coldly.
Even though Hiroko’s help had been very useful, she knew she couldn’t forgive him right now. Maybe later, in many years, would she be able to forget about it. What she had done the other night, making the innocent pillow her victim, had helped her to release her feelings… but deep in herself, she knew it was impossible to completely forget about something like this. No matter how hard you try, it took a lifetime to forget events that ruined your life before.
“Farewell.” Takamina added. “Wish you the best for the future… as long as you don’t come near me again.”
She left Kenji alone in the room, without even glancing at him. The actor frowned, angry at this situation. He had never expected that it would be so hard. He hated being in this situation. For him, always being on the top of the world because of his popularity, being rejected so easily was really frustrating.
Her throat… is forever free from the knife.
A week later
Takamina had not talked to Hiroko since she had come to her house. She was thankful for the precious advice the manager had given to her, but knew it was probably too soon to talk to her. She also knew that, from now on, things could only get better between them. It felt peaceful in her heart when she thought about it. She had never spoken with her old friend in a “friendly” way since what had happened between them… yet it was her who had helped her to deal with her past. Thinking about it… Hiroko was probably the best person for doing this. Neither Acchan nor anyone from AKB48 could truly understand her childhood. Only Hiroko could… and in the end, though she had hated her the most, it was only her who had been able to help her about it.
Sometimes… Takamina missed their close friendship… but she knew she had made the best choice for them. Being friend with someone you loved… is never a good idea, because in the end… pain remained the most. They couldn’t become friends again. There were too many different things. Their nice conversations would never come back like before… and even their laughs would be fake, so why try? And now… she had Acchan.
She had talked to Acchan at the phone, but not too long. She’d rather see her live. She was always blushing, remembering their latest meeting. She was… Acchan’s girlfriend now. She laughed. It sounded so weird! It sounded so… unreal! The thought of their lips touching each other… was so unnatural! But yet… she loved remembering those things, those feelings… She still hadn’t told her anything about Kenji… but she would do it for sure… later. She smiled as she looked at the time. Today, was a really special day. The “48th” day. Her birthday… and also the day before her single’s release.
She had a meeting with Acchan today… pure joy. Seriously, there was no better explanation about how she felt… it was just pure joy, pure happiness… ecstasy. She felt like it had been a whole month she hadn’t seen her, but in fact it was only a short week. She missed being with her so bad… She was so excited! She was literally flying toward the shabu-shabu restaurant where they were supposed to meet. No… she felt like she was going to meet with an angel… her angel… Acchan. No… Atsuko… that’s right, she wanted to call her by her first name from now on because they were close enough now…
At the moment she entered into the place, a hand covered her eyes. Even if she was blind, she could still know whose hand it was. She could remember this soft skin… this slight smell…
“Ats-Acchan?!” She stammered, totally failing at calling her by her first name.
There was no sound but a slight laugh. Takamina sighed. What was this bad joke? And why, for God’s sake, why couldn’t she call Acchan “Atsuko”.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAKAMINA!”
She opened her eyes. The hands covering her face were gone. There, in front of her, stood her best friends from AKB48. Haruna, Miichan, TomoTomo, Sae, Sayaka, Sasshi, Mayuyu, Yukirin, Yuko and… of course Mariko-sama holding a huge cake. Takamina suddenly had a huge smile in her face, seeing all her friends there. She felt tears in her eyes, but held them. It had been so much time she had seeing them all! She sure had talked to them at the phone… but seeing them in front of her, all there for her birthday… God… There was no word to explain how much she missed AKB48.
WAIT.
Even though all her friends were there… there was still one person she wanted to see more than the others. She turned around and stared at Acchan. She saw the most beautiful smile ever… but she knew something was wrong at first sight. Acchan had this look in her eyes saying “I’m fine”… but something was wrong. There was a slight difference with the way her “friend” looked at her.
“What’s going on here?” Takamina asked nicely, trying to ignore the fact that Acchan may not be as happy as she looked like.
“We reserved for the celebration of your birthday.” Acchan smiled.
Then again, Takamina could feel Acchan was not giving her a real smile. Something was definitely wrong. Why was Acchan here… if she didn’t want to? Why was she here… with this fake smile in her face? Why did she pretend to be happy… when Takamina could tell she wasn’t? They stared at each other, not saying anything, enjoying the fact that they could finally be together.
“Look who’s completely forgetting about us.” Mariko mumbled. “Hey, we’re here too!”
“Don’t worry, Mariko… I didn’t even get the chance to have a real conversation with her because she was always thinking about HER Acchan.” Miichan laughed.
“And me?” Yuko exclaimed, holding Haruna arm. “She dumped me at the phone and I didn’t even know the reason! Can you believe it, Nyan Nyan?! She totally ignored my feelings! So cruel!”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry, it’s actually when we pay attention to your feelings that it is not usual.” Haruna joked, to which Yuko pretended to pout… but failed as she tried to steal a kiss from the tall cute woman… and still failed.
Takamina laughed at her friends. It was actually really funny to see them, even with the unknown thing going on in Acchan’s mind. There was still this complicity between them… like if everyone was just being a part of the huge 48 family.
“Aren’t you guys supposed to be working?” Takamina asked.
“Akimoto-san is actually a nice man.” Sayaka said. “He allowed us to have free time this afternoon and tonight. He’s always liked you, so I guess it helped it was your birthday today. We have to go back to the theatre tomorrow at 6 though…”
“And it’s nice to see you too… even if you’re not looking at us right now.” Tomochin smirked.
There was an awkward moment during which Takamina just blushed looking at the others. Her attention was suddenly focused on the huge strawberry/raspberry/chocolate cake. It looked delicious… and it helped her avoiding the amusing glances of her friends.
“Don’t worry… Acchan already told us everything we wanted to know.” Yuko said with a pervert smile.
Takamina’s anxiety suddenly increased as she stared at them.
“Wh-What?!” She turned to Acchan. “Wasn’t it supposed to be our secret?!”
Everyone, excluding Acchan, suddenly grinned. You know… the kind of smile that tells one that a HUGE mistake had just been made? Acchan burst in laughs as she put her hand in front of her mouth shyly, whispering:
“I think… you just fail.”
Takamina frowned, but soon understood as Miichan screamed:
“Oh my god, there really is something between them!”
“Oh my god, they did something! THEY DID SOMETHING! HOW WAS IT?” Yuko soon followed, letting her pervert mind talking at her place.
“Don’t tell me…” Takamina started as Acchan finished her sentence, teasing her girlfriend.
“…I haven’t told them anything.” She laughed.
Takamina slapped herself mentally as everyone was still staring at her, evil smiles on their face, especially Mariko. The singer knew that she would hear a LOT about it… and for a long time too.
“Nyan Nyan…” Yuko whispered into Haruna’s ear so quietly that the tall idol was the only one hearing her.” “When will we do what they did?”
Haruna didn’t answer, though she slapped Yuko slightly on the arm. There was no way there were going to talk about this now… especially when there were so many people around them. And she knew Takamina was wayyy too shy to do anything like this… right?
“It’s not what you think!” Takamina said quickly, seeing Mariko’s amused face.
The older girl of AKB48 had always thought… or at least teased, Takamina about being a guy in love with Acchan and having a secret pervert mind that nobody knew about. What had just happened had just confirmed everything. Mariko loved this situation where she could say anything to Takamina, and everything would just get funnier.
“Really?” Mariko smirked. “And what I am supposed to think about? I’m not the one saying I did something suspicious with my best friend.”
“We never did anything!” Takamina blushed.
“Ahhh Acchan… how can you support not doing anything? I mean, you can’t go on this way forever!” Miichan joked as she hugged the actress. “Come with me, I know how to make my wife happy at least…”
Takamina was about to protest, but stayed quiet, seeing that Acchan was not pushing Miichan back AT ALL. She felt her heart stopped. Why wasn’t Acchan moving back? Why was she holding Miichan’s arm with this smile in her face? Why… did she look happy? God, tell her it was just a game.
“W-Wait…” She said.
“Look who’s jealous!” Mariko laughed. “Aw, Takamina, you’re older now. You have to accept that Acchan likes younger girls…”
“What?! But-”
“Mariko’s right, you know?” Sae pointed. “Miichan is one year younger than you…”
Mariko laughed as she took a picture of Miichan trying to climb on Acchan.
“I know what I will write on my blog. The title will be “Does Takamina have the right to be jealous when Acchan is having so much fun with Miichan”.”
“THERE’S NOTHING BETWEEN US!” Takamina cried, tired.
Her eyes met Acchan’s and she stopped talking. She didn’t want to hurt Acchan… but she didn’t want others to laugh at her for the rest of her life! And… wasn’t Acchan still acting a “bit” too much friendly with Miichan?! Wasn’t Takamina right to be the one jealous?!
“Ah… So you admit she is Miichan’s wife!” Sasshi claimed. “I knew this wedding was real!”
“Of course it was!” Miichan said with conviction. “Aren’t you happier with me, Acchan? We have a really close relationship, haven’t we? And I can do anything to make you feel better! Takamina is not taking care of you as much as I do, right?”
Acchan, as a real player, just nodded while pretending kissing her “wife”. Everyone laughed at Takamina’s pissed off face.
“Give me that cake!” She growled as she walked toward Mariko.
What an amazing way to start her birthday celebration.
***
“So… anything new in the group?” Takamina asked.
She was talking with Sae and Sayaya, probably the most serious persons right now. While Mariko was trying to have a normal conversation with Haruna, Yuko was constantly disturbing them, pretending the “girlfriend” had the priority. As for the others, they were all talking together, especially Miichan and Atsuko, sitting at their opposite, who seemed to have an interesting conversation about something.
“Well, it’s similar to everything happening before…” Sae started as she talked about their new single, their next concert and, possibly, the graduation of some members.
Takamina, even though she enjoyed knowing about her group, hated to hear about graduation. She knew sooner or later, there would be no first generation members anymore, and it hurt her to think about it. She considered each of them like a member of her family, and knowing they were going to leave made her feel like a mother (or father) watching her children walk on their own path of life. And at the same time… she was kinda keeping an eye on Miichan and Acchan.
“But we wanted to be there with you for your birthday!” Sayaka smiled. “Because it’s not the same without our favourite captain!”
“No way! You’re doing really well! I heard about DiVA’s new single! It sold more than 30 000 copies the first day!”
“Don’t say that!” Sae laughed, even though she was really proud of her unit. “You’re releasing your single too soon, right? We’ll buy it for sure!”
“I already ordered two copies!” Mariko said, popping in the conversation. “We have to encourage Japanese newbies after all…”
Takamina rolled her eyes, knowing Mariko was actually encouraging her because she wanted it. Sometimes, it was surprising to see how the great Mariko-sama could make lame jokes… but still, Takamina could beat her anytime in a “lame” contest. Mariko was just… a bit like her older sister… who liked teasing her a lot.
“But the song is actually really good!” Sasshi said. “I knew your voice would be perfect! And I’m not the only one thinking this. We asked some fans about it and they all said they liked your single.”
“They still consider you as AKB48’s leader, you know?” Yukirin said. “They’re still moved by your graduation, even though it’s been a while. I don’t think I’m overreacting when I’m saying your graduation was as shocking as Acchan’s. Even the Tokyo Dome concert DVD sold more than a million copies just because they wanted to see your last concert!”
Takamina smiled sadly. She missed her fans too. She missed being in TV shows with AKB48 and being in handshake events to meet her fans live. She was really happy to hear they missed her too… and that they still consider her as the leader, even though she knew some others members would be perfect in this role. Her love for AKB48 had never ceased. She felt a bit nostalgia thinking about it. She guessed she would think about it each year at her birthday now… because even if she was with some members now, she would still miss having her birthday celebration with her Team A at the theatre.
“The preview of your PV is awesome!” Tomochin suddenly said. “Who is this handsome guy in the B-side one?!”
“He’s so cool!” Tomomi added with stars in her eyes.
“He’s tall!” The first added.
“He had nice eyes! And he looks nice… and his smile is just…” The second dreamed.
“Then, he’s the total opposite of Takamina if I’m not mistaken.” Mariko smirked, wondering if the two Tomo were really dating or were just joking, waiting for the perfect guy to pop out in their life.
While they were fangirling over a guy Takamina didn’t really like, Miichan and Acchan were still talking together. They were not smiling and were talking with a very serious tone that couldn’t be heard by any of the others. Takamina were constantly glancing at them, wondering what this conversation could be about. Was it about her? Was it about the reason why Acchan seemed a bit… distant today?
“Takamina, you’re totally dropping your noodles everywhere!” Yukirin laughed.
She was right. They were actually eating their shabu-shabu and Takamina had ordered noodles with meat. She was trying to take her noodles from the huge bowl, but couldn’t since she was too concentrate on something else. So, she had dropped them everywhere in the table, much to others’ discouragement because it was now a “bit” dirty. But since Takamina was, God knew why, sat at the total opposite of Acchan, the actress seemed to be unaware of this accident.
“I dare you to take noodles in this without looking!” Takamina protested.
“I can do it!” Yuko said fiery. “And I will do it! Hey, Nyan Nyan… if I can really do it… will you give me a reward?”
“Pervert…” Haruna smirked though she loved how Yuko was never forgetting about it.
“Hey you guys…” Mariko said as she closed her eyes, picked noodles and ate them without dropping a single drop on the table.
Expert Mariko-sama.
“It’s delicious!” Sasshi sighed like she was in heaven as Mayuyu and Yukirin were in the same state. “Why fight when there is so good food in front of you!”
Takamina rolled her eyes again. She was sure a bit distracted, but she could still eat... right? She spotted a piece of meat and decided she would take it and eat it in less than two seconds. She prepared her chopstick, really concentrated of her goal. She managed to take it, but as she was about to put it inside her mouth, she saw Acchan looking at her and suddenly dropped it… right on Haruna’s arm.
“Hot!” The idol almost screamed as the hot piece touched her arm. “It hurts!”
Yuko’s reaction was immediate.
“Nyan Nyan, are you alright? Are you hurt? Can I do something for you? TAKAMINA, LOOK WHAT YOU DID!”
The ex captain stared at them and apologized, thinking Yuko was a bit too protective with her girlfriend. Acchan had stopped looking at her and started to talk with Miichan again. Takamina hated to admit it, but she was actually jealous because the two of them were acting like they were alone in the world. She was supposed to be the one being in Acchan’s side right? Then, fear took over her mind. What if Acchan didn’t love her anymore? What if what had happened between them was not important anymore? It couldn’t be…
“All right, no more fight, please.” Yukirin said, holding her glass. “Cheers for Takamina’s birthday!”
It was a pretty good idea from Yukirin since after cheering for their friends, they started a new conversation, in which Acchan and Miichan were actually participating. They talked about the future, about how they would like to be later and how they would like to live…their dreams… what had changed since their latest meeting… It had been a while since they had all had a meeting like this, so it was really funny. They laughed a lot and enjoyed the food.
“Hey, Takamina, how about a little drink now?” Mariko asked. “You never drink anything, even during your birthdays. I mean… you’re older than 20, so why don’t you try?”
Takamina hated alcohol.
“No thank…” She said carefully. “I don’t drink, even during special occasions.”
“Why not?” Miichan asked, teasing Takamina. “Scared to do something you might regret later?”
“I-It’s not that…”
Miichan, Tomochin, Tomomi, Yuko, Haruna and Mariko all exchanged glances and smirked while a confused Takamina were looking at them, half talking with Sayaka at the same time. Only Yukirin, Sasshi and Mayuyu seemed to be “calm” compared to them. They were starting to eat the cake, enjoying it like kids during a Christmas day.
“You know… when I and Tomochin want to add something when we-”
“Kyyya! Shut up Tomomi!” Tomochin interrupted, scared her girlfriend might say a little too much about their private life.
“Oh… Nyan Nyan…” Yuko started before being cut right away.
“Don’t even think about it.” Haruna said quickly, knowing how strange could be Yuko’s thoughts sometimes.
“I am not like you…” Takamina said shyly, trying to fight against a certain red color appearing all over her face.
They ALL, except Acchan, smirked. Operation drunken Takamina had started. Of course… Takamina didn’t know anything about it.
“Excuse me… can I have this, please?” Mariko asked as she commanded a glass of strong alcohol.
Takamina sighed. There was no way she was going to drink it. She just hated the taste of alcohol. It felt like fire in her throat.
“Mariko…” Takamina mumbled.
“What? I never said it was for you.” The tall girl answered innocently.
They kept talking together. Everyone soon had a piece of cake and was eating it with delight.
“Ah, Takamina, since it’s your birthday, I’ll pay for the food.” She added.
“Really?” Takamina asked, surprised at her friend.
Was Mariko really serious? Yes, she was… because to her, seeing a drunken Takamina had no price.
“Miichan…” Acchan suddenly asked. “I need to go to the bathroom… will you come with me?”
This intervention was noticed by everyone, including Takamina who was a bit tired to see Acchan suddenly ignoring her the day of her birthday. Miichan nodded, though glancing at Takamina before, like she wanted to be sure she wouldn’t get killed if she accepted.
“Wait! What are you two going to do alone in the bathroom!” Yuko asked loudly, making some strangers looking at them weirdly.
Haruna rolled her eyes and slapped her on her head.
“Can’t you be serious for a while?”
“Hey, Takamina… I’ve never seen Acchan ignoring you so much during one meeting.” Tomochin said seriously. “Did something happen between you two?”
“I don’t think so…” Takamina sighed, still wondering what she had done.
“Really?” Tomochin insisted. “I talked to her yesterday and she seemed to be really… you know… not depressed, but she was talking without emotions in her voice. Like… she was not listening to me at all. She seemed to be thinking about something, but when I asked her about it, she just refused to talk about it.”
Takamina shook her head, not knowing what to say. She remembered the conversation she had heard between Acchan and Tomochin, the one when she had learned about Acchan’s feelings. She knew Acchan was one of Tomochin’s closest friends, so she would tell her everything about her life. It was kinda weird to hear that the actress had not told her anything yet… But… it was her birthday, right?! Couldn’t she just have a normal celebration, without drama or anything like this? It seemed that it was impossible. If Acchan was mad at her, she just had to tell her and that was it, right? She couldn’t expect Takamina to guess everything anytime! The only think Takamina could be thankful of was that her others friends were still acting friendly with her… at least she knew she hadn’t suddenly caught a contagious illness…
“Really?” Mariko asked as she received her glass.
“Really.” Takamina answered.
“I don’t think so…” Sae said.
“Me too…” Sayaka added.
“Acchan looked weird…” Sasshi said.
“And she looked angry at you.” Mayuyu finished.
“You guys stop it!” Takamina growled, starting to be frustrated about it, seeing that Miichan and Acchan were still in the bathroom… alone.
“If you say so…” Yuko finished as she, too, received a glass of alcohol. “Well, let’s talk about something else… like your single’s release for example! Aren’t you nervous? You seem perfectly fine!”
“I’m not now…” Takamina said, relieved that they were talking about something else. “I did my best so now I guess it’s only the fans who will decide my fate as a singer.”
She had said the last part as a joke, but Tomochin said:
“They will not let you down. I heard you were going to perform on Music Japan too? Which date? Maybe we will see you, we have a performance too for our latest single.”
Half an hour passed before Miichan and Acchan returned from their “bathroom meeting”. At the same time, Takamina’s phone vibrated as she received a mail.
“Happy birthday!
I hope you will like my gift.”
She frowned as she saw “private number” written on the screen. Who was it? Sasshi, seeing the mail, laughed as she said:
“Takamina, do you have a like a secret fan now?”
“I don’t…” Takamina answered, still confused.
Gift? What gift?
“I hope you’re not cheating on anybody…” Mariko joked, though Acchan seemed to find it not really funny.
“Who is it?” Sayaka asked.
“I have no idea…” Takamina said as Miichan was staring at her, sending her a visual message.
It clearly told her something about Acchan being mad at her.
The singer sighed loudly and suddenly took Mariko’s glass, forgetting it was alcohol during a moment… and drank it one shot. She almost killed herself as she realized what she had just done… and while everyone was staring at her speechless.
“T-T-Takamina?!” Mariko stammered, realizing what had just happened.
“No way!” Yuko screamed like she was assisting at a soccer game, and that an important goal had just been made.
“It was a strong alcohol!” Haruna managed to say with difficulty, knowing that, in truth, Takamina could hardly tolerate it.
Even Acchan seemed to, for the first time, realize Takamina’s existence.
“I think…” But Takamina didn’t finish her sentence. She couldn’t support alcohol. And this one seemed to do effect soon. She was already half drunk.
Everyone was looking at the small captain playing with the rest of her piece of cake, without eating it.
“Are you stupid?” Sae asked seriously to Makiro, knowing she had no choice but to be a bit angry at the tall girl.
“I didn’t want it to happen this way.” Mariko replied, not really knowing what to do.
Takamina looked around her. Everything seemed so clear now. Everything seemed fine. She couldn’t even be shy anymore. In fact, the word “shy” didn’t even exist in her mind. Right, she wasn’t totally drunk, thank God, but she felt not like usual. She was just a bit… less shy than usual.
“Why are you guys freaking out this way?” Tomochin laughed. “This is going to be funny now…”
She exchanged glances with Tomomi and they both smirked, taking their cellphone to make a short movie of this so precious moment.
“Everyone, thank for coming today!” Takamina said, not knowing why she was saying this. “I have an important announce to make!”
Everyone exchanged glances, especially Miichan and Acchan.
“It’s about Atsuko and I…”
“ATSUKO?” Yuko screamed, soon followed by the two Tomo, Sae and Sayaka while the others were looking at their ex captain.
Acchan smiled, embarrassed. She had a bit doubt about what she had just heard. Had Takamina really called her… Atsuko? She had already done that before, of course, but what was unusual was that… NOW she was calling her this way. Why “now”? Takamina used to call her “Acchan” all the time. Was it because she was drunk?
“Wait.” Acchan said, going by her side and grabbing her arm. “I need to talk to you.”
“But-”
But Takamina didn’t have the chance to answer as Acchan was literally kidnapping her toward the bathroom. Everyone left was speechless.
“What… just happened?” Mariko asked, feeling a bit bad since it was actually her fault.
“Takamina is becoming an adult.” Yuko said, stars in her eyes while Haruna was looking at her, rolling her eyes.
***
“What do you want?” Takamina asked as Acchan closed the door of the bathroom, locking them.
“What were you going to say?” Acchan asked seriously, not finding really funny that Takamina was half aware of the whole situation.
“I thought you wanted the others to know about us.” The singer said.
Alcohol had, at least, one positive point: Takamina was not turning around.
“That is… if there really is something between us.” Acchan whispered.
“What? But I thought… You know… We almost… you know?”
Acchan smiled amused as she realized that, even under alcohol’s effect, Takamina still couldn’t talk about sex. Plus… Takamina had this ridiculous smile on her face, telling she was not really conscious of the seriousness of this conversation.
“Why did you call me Atsuko?” Acchan frowned, remembering what had convinced her to talk to the singer in private.
Takamina smirked as she walked closer to the girl she loved.
“I can’t call you “Acchan”, can I? I want to call you by your real name. I want to call you by who you really are. You are Atsuko before being Acchan… right? And… it’s not like it’s embarrassing… I’m not only your fan… I’m yours.” She answered, whispering the two last words, making Acchan blushing furiously.
Was it… alcohol’s fault if Takamina was becoming a bit perverted right now? Or was it the fact that they were alone in a small bathroom that put wrong ideas in her head?
“Do… I really know Minami?” Acchan asked, unsure of what else to say.
Takamina frowned, not really understanding what she meant by this.
“I mean… I, too, call you by your nickname and there is nothing wrong with that, right?” Acchan explained. “I… don’t know if I know you enough to call you by your real name…”
Takamina sighed, beginning to wonder if she should have take another glass of this drink… which finally didn’t taste bad at all.
“You know me.” She said, trying to reassure Acchan by holding her hand, but the actress moved back.
“How can I know you… if you don’t even tell me about you?” She said sadly. “I’m afraid that… you don’t trust me as much as I do. I asked Miichan about it… but she doesn’t know either.”
Takamina immediately understood what the actress meant and answered:
“There are some things you don’t need to know. There are some things that-”
“That’s what I’m talking about. You don’t want me to know about you. You don’t want me to know the real you. How can I be sure that… it’s you I love then?”
“What?”
There was an awkward silence in which Takamina blinked many times, not feeling at her best.
“I’m not sure… if it’s you I love… or if it is Takamina.”
The singer laughed stupidly as she said:
“Isn’t it the same person, me? Takahashi Minami is Takamina.”
“But Takamina isn’t Takahashi Minami.” Acchan answered seriously.
Takamina was immediately lost.
“What do you mean?” She frowned.
“Takamina… isn’t Takahashi Minami.” Acchan murmured. “When you know Minami, you automatically know Takamina because “Takamina” is a part of “Minami”.”
“So what?”
“When you know Takamina… you don’t truly know Minami, because you only know a part of whom “Minami” is. I don’t know everything about you… I know the character you created when you were in AKB48. So… how can I be sure it’s you I love? You don’t even want to tell me about your true self… You’d rather tell someone you hate about it.”
Takamina wasn’t really sure to completely understood what Acchan meant by “not knowing if she loved” her. The only thing she was sure about… was that she was already loosing Acchan.
Was a great relationship supposed to start with so much confusion?
“Wait… “Character”? I wasn’t playing a role when I was in AKB48. I was myself… I just changed my name! I was myself… You know me! My past isn’t important anymore…”
“I still want you to tell me about it… because right now I feel like… my manager is more important to you than me.”
“I can’t.” Takamina answered, unaware of how much it meant to Acchan. “I can’t tell you about it… it’s not important.”
“I... You’d rather tell my manager about it? You’d rather talk about it… with someone you hate?”
Takamina didn’t answer. She didn’t know how to explain to Acchan that… past belonged to past, and that only Hiroko could help her with this problem. Anyway, it seemed that the actress would not believe her. She didn’t know if it was alcohol’s fault… but she was a bit impatient about it… more than she actually wanted to be.
“And what about Kenji-san? You never told me anything about the reasons why you hate him too… But now I know about it. He… bullied you, didn’t he?”
“Stop it.” Takamina said, feeling a strange feeling coming back in her chest.
“You should have told me about him… I would have done something to help you. I wanted to help you!”
“I didn’t want you to know it! It is my problem and there’s no way you’ll be involved in that!” Takamina growled. “Seriously, Acchan… stop thinking you can resolve my problems just by knowing about them! It’s annoying!”
The actress didn’t answer. They were having their first fight… It couldn’t be happening… not right now… not on Takamina’s birthday… not after so short time following their confession.
Was a great relationship supposed to start with a fight?
“I learned it because of my manager… I couldn’t believe you would talk to her about it while I’ve always been there for you, more than her.”
Jealousy definitely made her feel emotional. And right now… it was not good at all.
“Hiroko had been there when it happened. I had no choice but to tell her.” Takamina said harshly. “It’s not that I don’t trust you… it’s just that you can’t understand!”
Alcohol was blinding her mind. She didn’t want to hurt her friend… but she did it. Just by calling Acchan’s manager by her first name… Acchan was hurt.
“You can’t understand.” She repeated as Acchan was looking away. “The hatred I had in my mind when I saw him back… you can’t understand. Even if I explained everything to you… you wouldn’t understand either, not as much as Hiroko does.”
Acchan didn’t answer. She knew Takamina was right… but she couldn’t believe how she was literally screaming at her. Was she really serious? She hated this… She felt like Takamina didn’t love her anymore… Worst, she felt like Takamina had never loved her.
“I’m sorry… I just wanted to help you. I wanted to understand.” She whispered as Takamina answered:
“You brought him back in my life… at least, don’t try to be more involved. I think you already created enough problems to me.”
The singer, deep in herself, knew she had no right to talk to Acchan this way. But it seemed that all the frustration she had felt when she had seen him back… was leaving her body, a bit later than with the pillow event, and that, unfortunately, it had to be against Acchan. As for the actress… she was about to cry. She didn’t recognize her friend anymore. She didn’t recognize the person she had in front of her… Takamina would never hurt her so much… Takamina would never talk to her this way… It wasn’t love anymore. It was frustration. It was revenge… it was the complete opposite of what they had shared a while ago.
“Acch-Atsuko… I can’t tell you about something I decided to forget.” Takamina said as she felt angriness disappear. “You’re giving too much importance to something that isn’t. Don’t be jealous for such a thing. I mean… weren’t we fine?”
“I don’t know…” Acchan hesitated, still in shock. “It’s important to me. I can’t believe you haven’t told me about something so important! I want you to trust me… I want you to tell me everything… without exception.”
“I will.” Takamina promised. “But not now.”
“I don’t know if I love Minami…” Acchan said.
“Then keep on calling me Takamina.” The singer said as she was dangerously close to the actress.
“I want to know everything about you…”
“Then how about it starts now?”
Acchan swallowed hardly as Takamina was getting WAY too close. Weren’t they in fight two minutes ago?
“Wait… what are you doing?” She asked nervously.
It wasn’t Takamina-self to do such things. It wasn’t usual for her to take initiative this way. Plus… there was slight alcohol smell in the air that made Acchan step back. She knew Takamina would never talk this way. She would never want to… do anything in a public place… especially now, right after a serious conversation. If Takamina was really sober… she would not do this. And Acchan knew it very well. She knew that she could not do anything to Takamina… because it wasn’t truly what the singer wanted. She had told herself she would wait for Takamina to do anything with her. Right now… it wasn’t Takamina who was talking, it was alcohol. And she respected too much the singer to take advantage of this situation.
But Takamina seemed to have another idea in mind as she had a small smirk on her face.
“A…tsu…ko…” She said, half serious. “Aren’t we alone right now?”
“D-Don’t call me this way… until I can call you Minami too…”
The actress was still moving back until she felt something hard pressing her back.
The wall.
“You can’t escape…” Takamina whispered as Acchan was seriously wondering if alcohol was making her friend becoming bipolar.
“W-W-Wait!” Acchan said as Takamina was pressing her body against hers.
“Weren’t you the one wanting this?”
Sure… she wanted this… but not now! NOW… Takamina was not herself. They could not do anything if Takamina was not herself… especially now… especially when they were screaming at each other right before. She felt like she was not doing the right thing. She wanted to be sure that Takamina would want it when they would be ready. She… respected her too much to do anything right now since she knew alcohol was making Takamina acting strangely. She… she wasn’t even sure if Takamina really loved her because of their fight…
“Takamina...” She said, slightly pulling her away. “You are not-”
But she was interrupted by a hot, passionate kiss. She immediately tasted a strong taste of alcohol. It wasn’t so bad… She was even enjoying the fact that Takamina was actually dominating her, pressing her between her body and the wall, playing with her hair, mixing their breathes, stopping half a second to make an intense eyes contact while the following second she was back pressing her lips against hers.
Acchan was hardly trying to listen to the little voice in her head that was telling her to stop… but Takamina was definitely not letting her go. The actress could feel Takamina’s desire through each of her movements. She could tell just by the intensity of her kiss that the only thing stopping her from caressing more her body was their clothes. She couldn’t even breathe as she felt her own body answering to this silent call. She, too, wanted something to happen here and now, even though she knew it was bad.
Was it the way… Takamina was asking forgiveness for their little fight?
She could hear her own heart racing as Takamina stopped kissing her to look at her in the eyes, asking her what she wanted to do. The actress didn’t even have the chance to answer as she closed her eyes, tasting Takamina’s lips for the third time. She enjoyed this contact and shivered as Takamina’s hands slowly went under her shirt. She knew it was becoming dangerous, but let out a slight moan as the small girl kissed her neck softly. She had to stop… Takamina wasn’t herself… she had to stop. But instead, she just reached for her lips again… because she couldn’t get over this feeling.
“Takamina? Acchan? Are you done?” Miichan’s voice asked trough the door.
Acchan immediately pushed Takamina back as she was trying to calm down.
“Acchan…” Takamina smiled as she held her hand. “I’m sorry for not telling you…”
The actress just smiled back, embarrassing as she opened the door, just to see Miichan raising her eyebrow at them.
“Why did it take so long?” She asked. “We were waiting for you!”
Acchan didn’t answer as she just went back to the table. Takamina still had this smirk on her face as she passed by Miichan. As soon as they arrived there, they felt everyone’s glances falling on them.
“What did you do?!” Sayaka asked, frowning.
“I bet they-” Yuko started before being interrupted by Mariko.
“Yuko, stop it already.”
“Takamina? Are you… alright?” Yukirin asked as she moved her hand in front on her face.
Tomochin laughed with Tomomi as they both took a bunch of picture of a strange captain.
“Next time… remind me not to give her anything to drink…” Mariko said. “Though I doubt we are seeing the worst right now…”
Acchan looked away, a pink color appearing on her cheeks.
“Right, right, the reason why we stopped your meeting is not because we wanted to know about… whatever you did. Acchan, you got a phone call from someone. It seems that there’s problem about your manager.” Miichan said.
“About my manager?” Acchan asked as her attention was back.
Takamina too, frowned, wondering what could have happened… before being back into her own world.
“I think… you should call your agency as soon as you can…” Miichan said seriously, unaware that this single call Acchan had received… had suddenly made the ambiance becoming cold.
TBC
End Note:I’m sorry this a bit shorter, but I guess this is how my chapters will be from now on since I know I can’t write as much as I used to do. I know I aready said it... but I hate JPHIP because my update always look shorter than they are XD So, what did you guys think about it? What will happen with Kenji? Told you Takamina would not forgive him easily.
What is this strange mail about… and what happened with Hiroko at the end of the chapter?
End note 2: I hope you enjoy the TakAcchan part in this chapter... even though I also created their first fight! Well... if I can call this a "fight" XD Anyway... Takamina and Acchan... angry at each other... How did I do this :shocked And btw.. have you noticed it? It is only the beginning of their relationship, yet there are already so many problems (confusion/doubts/jealousy/fight)... What will happen next?
End note 3: Now... everyone says "Thank you" for this fast update! :theking Just kidding XD But don't expect me to come back as soon as this time with the next chapter though... I will try my best! And I'm also creating another OneShot... but I can't write it well TT__TT
Pffffff you know what? :imdead:
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OMG SO FAST. I thought i was hallucinating when i saw you updated!!!!! THANK YOU!!! :twothumbs :twothumbs :twothumbs :twothumbs
hehehe i'm glad that Takamina gave Kenji the talk. He isn't getting forgiven so easily. all his fault he had a choice to not bully Takamina but he did :smhid
*sigh* why still so much conflict when they just started their relationship? and there was already a boatload of drama before they were together. Wasn't really the takaachan moment i was looking for but its still good i guess
Hopefully drunk Takamina did something to help Aachan believe that she is in love with Minami.
haha Mariko is such a teaser along with the other members. Glad seeing them all together for Takamina's bday
man u made me sad with the thoughts that there's gonna be no more original Team A members one day. :cry:
OMG WHAT HAPPENEDD TO HIROKO?? i'm so confuseddd! i hope its nothing bad. :( why does Takamina's birthday have to go like this? you wouldn't even give a little break for poor Takamina?
Update soon!!! :D
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more more more~!!!!!! :bow: :bow:
update soon :cow:
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OMG SO GOOD
I NEED MOAR
Update soon * w *
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YES MOREEEEEEEEEEE! I NEED MORE :x
I cant sit still when i read your fanfic ><.
It's making me jumping around or something idk im nuts LOL.
Yeah what happened to hiroko ?!
LEMON BETWEEEN ACCHAN AND TAKAMINA ? ^_^ HAHA !
I really like it when the akb members celebrated takamina bday :)
And the hot and cold part of atsumina relationship!
It's all awesome ^_^
Thankyou for the update!
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WOW it was fast I even had not time to comment the preview chapter XD
The bathroom scene = win :twothumbs
I hope Hiroko was not killed by Kenji (I don't know myself why I think that lol)
It was great ;) (I also hope you won't separate Takacchan)
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Yah! Such a quick update! I don't know what's gonna happen and I'm nervous! I thought they were gonna break up in the bathroom argh! Anyway I know you want me to update quickly because you did but as you can see my fic status is currently on hiatus! Haha after speaking to dark-atrox it was decided it was better to pit it on hold rather than end it abruptly! If I have time over Easter I'll try and update... As for now... I'm in full work mode! I just read before work ahaha! Anyway I now knight you the new ninja to protect fanficland whilst I disappear! Update soon! Bouninjachan!
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AhHhHhHhHhH <!!!!! I can't believe i missed 2 chapters already!!! :shocked Must Catch Up!!!! :banghead: :banged:
A drunk minami? hehehehehe :wub: all the things you could do with a DRUNKEN minami <!!!
:lol: I guess being a pervert ain't such a bad thing, its actually quite enjoyable :nervous
Since theres going to be a long weekend...hopefully there'll be some updates XD
uPdate Soon!!!
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I love this latest chapter a lot!!!
the analogies of nickname vs real name and the meanings each hold. Love it so much!!!! Can't wait for more. Thanks for writing such a wonderful story!
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mangobanana15: First of all, thank you for commenting my fanfic so much ^^ You're like the first one commenting most of the time :bow: Let me just say that... well I will never give a break to poor Takamina :nervous I feel seriously bad when I think about it since she's my oshi... but I guess I can't help it. Writing happy scenarios would not be enough credible XD We'll see what will happen with all this mess :roll:
crazywota: It's been a week! Sorry, I'm not able to be faster than that and it's thank to two days off that I managed to finish this chapter!
Arakawa: LoL thank! Again, I'm sorry, I can't do faster than one week minimum before the next update, but I'll try my best to not make you wait too long...
TakahashiJ: Haha thank you! I'm glad to know your reactions when you're reading XD But there won't be any lemon scenes in this fic, coz I actually can't write it AT ALL XD I don't have enough vocabulary... and it's not really what I want to write about :P
kahem: Hiroko killed by Kenji? Wait... you're giving me ideas XD No, don't worry, I created an idea way before... I just don't know how I can introduce it... And yes, I did update fast, but I think it will never happen again -.-'
Keichan ^_^: I've been inspired by you and put a Sherlock Holmes inside in this chapter :P Me? A ninja? I think you're dreaming. Right now I'm fast, but I doubt I will be able to update as soon later... Coz I can feel work coming....
hott3stson3: Yeah... all the things... but I decided to make it in a credible way... I think :huhuh Well, two days off helped me to finish this chapter ^^ And tomorrow I have one last, but unfortunately won't have time to write a lot, so don't expect anything until a few days...
silllythings: Thank you! :) I totally found the nickname thing randomly when I was out of ideas XD
Everyone reading: Thank you :bow:
Okay guys, I managed to finish this chapter! In order to finish it... I stayed over 1am Friday and Saturday night! :theking It's been exactly a week since my latest update, so I don't think I'm late this time! :grin: But... I can feel work coming.... running toward me with a knife, ready to kill me... So I don't know how long it will take for my next update :thumbdown: I will try my best, but can't promise you anything. At least... I don't think it will take over a month :nervous No, don't worry, I'm joking ;)
Um.... yeah, I have nothing else to say for now! Enjoy!
Sorry for the mistakes :banghead:
Chapter 21
“Where is Acchan?” Takamina asked after two hours, hours she had spent half absent because of her recent alcohol ingestion.
Her birthday party was not done yet, but almost. They had all stopped eating and were just talking, enjoying the fact that they could all be together. It was supposed to be a conversation with Takamina, since it was her birthday… but the small girl’s mind had kind of left for another world where only she could go. She had heard what they were saying, she had heard about Acchan having to call back her agency… but she had not understood what those words meant. It was like… hearing a song without listening to the lyrics. So when she had suddenly come back to earth, the first thing she had noticed was that her best friend was no longer with them.
“And Takamina is back with us!” Yukirin laughed. “It was about time!”
Takamina rolled her eyes, not really understanding what she meant. She looked at the clock and blinked.
“It’s already that late?!”
“You’ve been absent for awhile…” Mariko said. “I think… you drank too much.”
“Me?” Takamina exclaimed, staring at everyone. “I did?”
They all laughed as Yuko showed her a picture of her staring at nothing, a stupid look on her face. She looked like she was about to fall asleep. Takamina immediately tried to take the phone from Yuko, but failed.
“Even if you managed to delete it from her phone… She already sent it to us.” Sasshi said, enjoying the fact that the so-serious Takamina had been seen this way.
“Who gave me alcohol?” She said, not believing she had been prank again, even if she was not in AKB48 anymore.
Takamina perfectly knew she couldn’t support alcohol. It was usual for her to get drunken after only two glasses of beer. But now, she had only taken one glass… of strong alcohol, which kind of had the same effect. At least, she had not been completely drunken… she had just been… somewhere else in her head. And strangely… she couldn’t exactly remember what had happened before now.
“We didn’t…” Mariko said innocently. “You took it by yourself.”
It wasn’t completely a lie. Takamina did drink it by herself… but it was Mariko the responsible for this glass’s presence on the table at this specific time. Takamina looked around her, not believing she had been in such an embarrassing state in front of the others… the day of her birthday. She couldn’t even remember her own birthday party now! She hadn’t enjoyed it like she was supposed to! And she knew that something must have happened… since Acchan was not there anymore.
“You didn’t answer my question, where is Acchan?” She repeated, beginning to worry about the fact that her… “best friend” was not by her side.
The last thing she remembered about it was that she hated Miichan for being with Acchan all the time. She looked around and, seeing Miichan was still here, sighed. At least, Acchan was not elsewhere making out with her. But… where was she?
“She left after you two went to do suspicious things in the bathroom.” Tomochin smirked.
“What?” Takamina answered quickly. “W-What do you mean?!”
“Ah, she doesn’t even remember!” Tomomi said. “I wanted to know about it!”
“Wait… what?” Takamina frowned, not really liking the situation she was into.
The… bathroom? She couldn’t remember well… had she been in the bathroom recently? With Acchan? What had they done?! What link did it have with the fact that Acchan was gone? WHAT EXACTLY HAD HAPPENED?! Was it good or bad? Was it positive, negative, nothing important? Had they… oh, she didn’t want to think about it…
“You called her Atsuko!” Miichan said. “And after, Acchan and you went in the bathroom… and when you came back later, well… you were absent.”
Oh no… this was bad… really bad… Did they… do it? And she couldn’t remember?! How come she had called her “Atsuko” so suddenly?! Damn alcohol for ruining her life.
“And?” Takamina said, afraid.
“And she left after you came back.” Mariko said, laughing in her head.
They would tell her about the strange call later… for now, it was too funny to make her believing it was because of what they had done in the bathroom Acchan had left. Takamina really hoped Acchan had not left because of her. Because right now, in her mind, there were two scenarios, and both of them sounded horrible.
First… Acchan had left because they had done something in the bathroom… something she couldn’t even imagine… something she was definitely not ready for. And second… Acchan had left because… they had broken up in the bathroom. Though Takamina had no idea why it would happen, it was the only thing she could think about and it scared her to death. Maybe… she had called Acchan “Atsuko” and it was the reason why they had broken up? No… it couldn’t be that. But at the opposite, the first scenario seemed impossible too! Wait… if she really was drunk… then anything could have happened.
“R-Really?!” Takamina stammered, ready to run outside to find her.
Her birthday… was not the same without Acchan. Even if the actress had spent most of the time speaking with Miichan, just to feel her presence was fine for Takamina… Well, not “fine”, but it was tolerable. Of course, she’d rather have her by her side, but… what had happened? Acchan had been so distant since the beginning of the party that Takamina would not even be surprised to learn they had fight.
Seeing how the singer looked afraid, Haruna decided to stop joking and said:
“Takamina, stop looking so pale! She didn’t left only because of you…”
Okay, she just had to mention Acchan may have left because of her, it was stronger than herself. But in fact, since Acchan seemed to be now the only one knowing about what had happened between them… maybe she really had left partly because of it, who knew?
Takamina wasn’t feeling a lot better. Ah, okay… because there was something else too?!
“She had something to do at her agency.” Mariko said seriously. “Something about her manager I think…”
It didn’t help a lot to calm the singer. They all didn’t know about Hiroko and her… and now they were telling her Acchan had left because of something related to her? And can somebody just told her about what had happened in the damn bathroom so she would stop panicking like crazy?!
“Takamina?” Mayuyu asked. “Are you alright? You seemed… sick.”
“Do you know… why she had to left?” She asked.
Her friends didn’t answer anything.
“We only know it has to do with her manager…” Yuko sighed.
But Takamina was already not listening to them, trying to contact Acchan. But no one answered to the three phone calls she did. Was it really so important? Was Acchan trying to avoid her at the same time?
“I see…” Takamina said.
“Come on, change your mind!” Miichan encouraged her. “And why don’t you tell us why you called her Atsuko? Now that you’re back to reality, there’s no way I’m going to ignore it!”
Takamina blushed. She didn’t remember well… but she knew she would hear about it for a long time.
***
She woke up the next morning with a slight headache. She couldn’t believe she had been so stupid yesterday, drinking and staying awake until one in the morning. Today was an important day of her life. The one that would show her if she really had the skills to be a singer. Today… was the release of her first single. She was nervous for her live performance at MUSIC JAPAN. She couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if ever she failed, or if her voice wasn’t good enough, or if she didn’t sell at least a hundred copy of her single. And like it wasn’t enough… she would have to see AKB48 members too since they too had a performance the same day.
She opened her phone just to see if Acchan had answered to her calls, but there was nothing… nothing except the strange mail she had received from the private number. She deleted it, thinking she would never know the real identity of this mysterious person. And what gift could it be? In any case, she just wanted to concentrate on her main goal today: survive to the release.
She knew she would have the chance to talk to Acchan today anyway, so at least she hoped she could make things clearer between them. First, she would ask her about yesterday, mostly about the bathroom part she couldn’t remember anything about… and after she would ask her the reason of her sudden departure. Strangely, this morning, she had woke up with one sentence in mind, one she couldn’t remember having heard, and she wondered if it had a link to anything that had happened.
“Takamina is not Takahashi Minami.”
What was the link between this sentence… and her current situation? What was its significance?! She sighed and left her house, trying to remember the lyrics of her song, even though she knew them very well. She waited for the car to come and bring her to the studio. On her way, she saw much publicity announcing her single. She smiled, still nervous. Would she even be able to sing today?
***
“Where is Acchan?” Takamina thought as she entered the studio, spotting immediately some AKB48 girls that were participating to the performance today, aka the senbatsu members.
The actress was nowhere to be seen and somehow, Takamina felt bad about it. She wanted to talk to her before the show, so at least she would feel relieved about one thing in her life. But not seeing her was only putting more pressure on her shoulders.
“Ah, you already stopped calling her Atsuko?” Mariko laughed as Takamina just rolled her eyes.
“She couldn’t be here today finally.” Miichan answered.
Takamina frowned.
“Don’t worry,” Sasshi added, “She’s not sick. I heard she had problems to solve instead of coming here.”
Takamina frowned even more, not understanding what kind of problem it could be. It increased her doubts about her birthday celebration. Was it related to the only event she couldn’t remember properly? Why was her life so complicated lately?! She felt like her mind was running a hundred miles/hour as she swallowed and asked:
“What kind of problems?”
“How are we supposed to know?” Miichan asked. “Acchan haven’t told us anything since she left yesterday. We only learned this morning that she couldn’t be there today.”
Takamina couldn’t tell exactly what was going on, but she felt Miichan wasn’t telling her the entire truth. In fact, she was sure she knew something more. But was it really so important that she had to hide it from her? The singer sighed, knowing she should be concentrating on her performance right now, but knowing Acchan wasn’t there to support her drowned her energy. Acchan had participated to the PV… she should have been there. The performance Takamina was going to do today… was supposed to be only to Acchan.
She thanked her friends and left them to go practicing her choreography. She wasn’t entirely concentrated, and she knew it. She was also nervous for her first release, so it didn’t help her at all. She hated herself for being so emotional right now when she needed to focus on her work as much as possible. She hated herself… because she knew her performance today would not be as perfect as she wished it was. She also couldn’t help but feel guilty about Acchan’s sudden absence. She was literally stuck in a whirlpool of different emotions, and it was becoming a huge nuisance. She perfectly knew she would blame herself forever if ever she didn’t do a great performance… Pressure was at the max level.
“Come on Takamina… you can do it…” She told herself, even though she wasn’t convinced at all.
It was soon the start of the recording. She knew she was not ready, and for the first time of her life, was about to give up. She definitely couldn’t do it when there were so many things going on around her. She was even about to cry because she felt so useless right now. She knew she had to do it, she knew she still had the skills to do it. In fact, it was now or never… it was now the moment when everything would start, when she would reach her dream… but without Acchan by her side, it seemed like she was forever diving into a black hole.
She went to sit at her place, knowing she couldn’t move back now. She had to look forward… there were so many fans supporting her, she couldn’t suddenly quit everything. She sighed loudly as the recording started and as the soundtrack was starting to play. She stared at the AKB48 members sitting near, all excited to promote their single again at this popular show. She smiled slightly, missing the old days where she would be amongst them, laughing and anticipating the talk with the MC. They had always a lot of fun during TV show, Takamina the first one, even if she was humiliated most of the time. People usually saw her as the whole group’s captain, to which she had finally agreed near the end of her idol career. She didn’t want to be pretentious, her role was important, but there were others members too. It was just that… it was becoming impossible to deny this fact since most of Japanese people thought she was the leader.
But right now… where was her group?
She was alone. The AKB48 members were apart from her. She suddenly realized it was the first time she really was by herself during a performance or during a TV show. During MuJack, she had been with another MC. Same with Domoto Kyoudai… even during her solo performance, she had still had the members encouraging her backstage. But right now… there was her… and the world. Literally.
She did a forced smile at the camera when the MC introduced her, making a lot of girls screaming at her. She bowed to them, knowing most of her fans were female. It wasn’t actually a bad thing… she liked being supported by anyone, but women seemed to encourage her anytime anywhere.
She was relieved to know that she would be interviewed after AKB48. At least, she had some time to try to calm a little… That was what she thought. But since it was Music Japan with her AND AKB48… of course there would be question involving her, even if she was not performing with them. So after a couple of questions about the group only, the MC asked to Yuko:
“Okay, we have Takahashi Minami with us too, here to perform her first solo out of AKB48. How do you guys feel about it, to see a graduated member coming back with so much fierce?”
“We’re really happy for her!” Yuko smiled. “We had a similar situation when Oshima Mai released her first single as well. It’s always nice to see others reaching their dreams. We know that everyday we spend in AKB48 is to prepare us better to what will happen later. We know it cannot last forever, so we enjoy each moment as much as we can, and when someone is leaving, even though it’s painful, we can finally understand that this person is ready to walk by herself toward her dream.”
“So you guys are not sad to see her leaving the group?”
“No, we are sad to see her apart from us!” Mariko said. “But somehow… Once you’ve been to all those experiences, doing TV show, performing live, singing and dancing all together, dealing with a busy schedule… then you are ready for everything else that will happen. Takamina was ready since a very long time, she just decided to stay in AKB48 because she knew she could still learn something else by being with us. That’s very mature from her. The group lost a very important member… but her work is done. She brought us everything she could, and we all helped her to learn and know herself better. A member cannot rely on AKB48 forever if it means she will not reach her dream. We are sad and we know the fans are too, but it was something that needed to happen. She can learn a lot more things out of the group now.”
Takamina was really touched by Mariko’s words, because she knew the tall girl, instead of laughing at her like she was always doing, was really talking honestly about her being able to reach her dream.
“So… according to you, she’s ready? Takahashi told us before she was still unsure, what do you want to answer to this?”
The senbatsu members exchanged glances. It was a difficult question… especially since Takamina was there, listening to them.
“Honestly, I think nobody can really be 100% ready to whatever is going to happen.” Mariko answered maturely. “Takamina, like each of us, still has things to learn from experiences, it is just that it is not by being in AKB48 that she will learn them. Takamina has the right to be unsure, because it’s her first release. We are proud of her, and we know she can do it perfectly and rock the place, but we also know she has to get more experience too. And this experience, she will find it by working and singing more than ever. If she doesn’t start now, she will be afraid for the rest of her life, so it’s already awesome for us to assist to her first release. We just hope she will not underestimate her, because she has everything it takes to be a singer.”
Takamina smiled and nodded. Mariko was right. She still had things to learn, but right now she was doing her best with the experience she had already. She will learn a lot more later, right now she just had to perform like she did before, and it will go well. It was only her first release, so she couldn’t expect it to be perfect. She would make mistakes, but she would eventually learn how to surpass them to make her performance better.
“What do you have to answer to this, Takahashi?” The MC asked.
“I’m happy they trust me.” She said, trying to hold her tears. “I was unsure since I had left AKB48 because I knew now I was going to be alone each time I would perform. But I’ve come to realize that, even if they are not with me anymore, they still support me and it makes me thankful. I miss them a lot and others members too. I will do the best to show them that when you graduate from the group, it’s not the end. It’s only the beginning of something else. I hope AKB48 will still be the same group later… even though some members will graduate, even though we will be walking on different paths, I believe that, if AKB remains the same, then nothing bad can happen.”
“That’s a very mature answer from the ex captain of the group!” Miichan screamed, not taking care if she was being impolite.
She would miss Takamina for sure. NO3B would never be the same without her…
“So do you have something to add?” The MC asked them.
“Do your best, Takamina!” Sasshi said, soon followed by everyone.
“Don’t make a fool of yourself!” Tomochin laughed.
“Make us proud!” Sae added.
“And don’t forget about us too.” Mariko said, smirking ironically, knowing Takamina would never EVER forget about them.
“Okay, so now AKB48 will perform their new song, and right after we will have more talk with Takahashi Minami who releases her first single today to start her solo career!” The MC completed while the members were going on the stage.
Takamina stared at them, stars in her eyes. She was really proud of them and couldn’t wait to see their performance. She was still nervous and sad because Acchan was not with them, but somehow, the conversation she had had just now was enough to encourage her. Today… she would perform not for Acchan… but for AKB48.
***
Right after her performance, she had an hour free before her next interview, this time for a popular magazine. She wasn’t really proud of herself since she thought her voice had been too automatic during the performance, like if there weren’t enough emotions. She knew she could have done way better and it frustrated her. She could feel the pressure on her back and for the first time, didn’t know how to make it disappear. She was even more nervous for her interview, afraid she might say the wrong thing or that she would not be understood by the reporter. Sure… it was her first release and it was normal she didn’t know what do to… but she felt like she couldn’t even make effort to do her best. She felt like she wasn’t doing her best at all, like she couldn’t wake up.
She knew the words she had heard from the AKB48 were sincere, she just couldn’t act in consequence. She couldn’t… take these words to make them hers. She was even starting to wonder if she really had nothing more to learn from AKB48. She hadn’t exactly left because she had nothing more to learn… she had left because of Acchan over everything else. But now, to the point where her relationship with the actress was heading to… had it been a great thing?
She saw Miichan eating by herself in an empty room, so she went to talk to her. Not only was it a nice way to see her friend for the second time in two days, but Takamina felt like she could learn something more about Acchan by talking to her.
“Hey!” She said as she sat by her side.
“Takamina! Your performance was great, congratulation for your release.” Miichan smiled.
The ex captain nodded, even though she wasn’t exactly really proud about her performance.
“Um… Miichan, I don’t want to disturb you, but do you know what happened with Acchan? I mean, really?” Takamina asked, knowing her friend hadn’t told her everything before the recording.
Miichan shook her head, suddenly very concentrated on her food, like it was the deal of the year.
“Miichan?” Takamina said, frowning. “I just want to know… Acchan is not sick, right? You weren’t lying about it, were you?”
“Oh, you’re so cute wondering about her like this! And you still tell me you two aren’t dating?! I can’t believe it!” Miichan answered, sizing the opportunity to bring another subject.
This time, it was Takamina’s turn to not answer anything. They were dating… weren’t they? What about the huge supposed problem about the bathroom? What about the fact that Acchan was probably avoiding her? Were they… dating now? Seeing that her friend was blushing and looking elsewhere, Miichan opened her mouth wide open and almost screamed:
“NOOOO! REALLY?!”
“Shhh, I haven’t said anything!” Takamina said, hoping nobody was listening to them.
“That’s the point!” Miichan said, really excited. “You haven’t denied it for the first time ever! So it must mean that…”
She didn’t finish her sentence, grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice’s adventures in Wonderland.
“I didn’t say we were together either…” Takamina tried to argue, but Miichan strongly believed they were now officially dating.
And tomorrow… each member of AKB48 would know it too, Takamina had no doubt about it.
“You two are really dat-”
“Shh, shut up!” Takamina said. “Someone might hear!”
“Oh, afraid?” Miichan smirked. “But this is pure love! The whole world needs to know about it! So that’s why you two left AKB$8, to be together?!”
Takamina shook her head, asking:
“So… why isn’t she here today?”
Miichan, even though she now knew about her two friends’ close relationship, didn’t know what to answer. She didn’t want to mess up with anything, but she also wanted to tell Takamina what she knew. Now at least she knew why Takamina was so taking care of what had happened to Acchan, she was obviously scared about it!
“Um… since when are you… together?” Miichan asked, making Takamina understood she HAD to answer if she wanted to get an answer to her question.
“Well… I-I can’t remember exactly…” She started before being cut by an indignant Miichan.
“WHAT? What are you going to do to know when your birthday is?! You know, the date must not be forgotten at any price! It’s like… the most important date of a relationship… except if you two already did something more, but I’m not sure if I really want to know about this last point…”
Takamina didn’t answer, knowing Miichan had an important point. She HAD to remember this date or else Acchan would not be really happy… She knew around which week it was… she just didn’t know the exact day…
“Anyways, was it before yesterday’s celebration?” Miichan asked, adding, after seeing Takamina nodding. “Okay… I’m not sure about the entire reason why she’s not here today, or wasn’t there when you finally came back with us yesterday. But… I think I might know a part of the answer.”
Takamina smiled, relieved to know that she wasn’t wrong thinking Miichan always knew everything. But she also noticed the serious look on her friend’s face and knew she had to listen carefully.
“First…” Miichan started. “Do you remember anything from yesterday…?”
“If you’re talking about the bathroom thing, I can only remember one thing… and even so I’m not sure if it really has a link.”
Miichan, as a real Sherlock Holmes, kept quiet and waited for the singer to continue.
“Well… this morning I had one sentence suddenly in mind, even though I have no idea where it comes from.” Takamina hesitated.
Miichan nodded, waiting for more. She was feeling really good in her Sherlock Holmes character. To solve the problem, she had to get more clues… she had to find each little piece of the puzzle. Unfortunately for her, Takamina was giving clues at a turtle’s speed.
“I thought “Takamina is not Takahashi Minami”, but I have no idea why…” Takamina finally said.
Miichan was now sure she knew at least one element from the answer.
“Maybe I’m wrong, maybe it doesn’t have any link, but… Takamina, maybe Acchan left yesterday because of what happened in the bathroom. Well, not only because of it, but I think it somehow has a role.”
Takamina waited for more explanations as she already felt bad because of something they might have done. Did they… break up? Or did they go farther in their relationship?
“Acchan looked trouble about your meeting. I don’t know why, she hasn’t told me anything, but she looked sad… and somehow perturbed. She seemed to be hurt… yet to be diving into happiness. I’m not sure exactly what happened between you two… but if ever something happened, it has to be in the bathroom. Right after you drank the alcohol glass, you started calling her Atsuko and you brought her to the bathroom. What you did is none of my business, but… maybe you might have hurt her.”
Her? Hurt Acchan? If ever it did happen… she would apologize for the rest of her life.
“Also,” Miichan, aka Sherlock Holmes Jr, continued, “maybe what happened in the bathroom has a link with what she told me before your secret meeting… and a link with the sentence you had in mind. When she saw you arriving into the place, I already knew something was up. Acchan looked not comfortable with you by her side, which was really not usual. So I had a talk with her and she told me exactly the words “I don’t think I really know Minami”. She then added that she thought she only knew the “Takamina” part of you and that it made her wondering about your relationship. At first I didn’t understand, but now that you’re telling me you were already dating… I can see sense behind these words.”
Takamina frowned, not really getting what was happening, and what had Acchan said to Miichan. Did Acchan have doubt about their relationship? Did she want to break up already?!
“She clearly said she wasn’t sure to know you… and that it might affect your relationship. I don’t know what you did to make her feel like she doesn’t know you, but make sure to prove the opposite if you don’t want her to leave you.”
“But… she knows me! I mean, I’ve never lied to her so…”
“It’s not about lying.” Miichan said wisely, seeing things deeper than Takamina did. “Acchan may have the feeling that she, like she told me, only knows the Takamina part of you. This means that since she only knows you through AKB48, she can’t think of you as Minami, the girl behind this nickname. I mean, I’ve known people living together for ten years and they still learn things about each other everyday.”
“To her, you might be “Takamina” before being “Minami”, and thinking this way, she can’t really get farther into this love relationship because, in fact, you’re not Takamina anymore. You’re Minami now, since you’re not in AKB48, but Acchan identifies you as Takamina. She may feel like she’s dating someone that doesn’t exist now, because she has difficulty to see the real Minami. Do you understand? It means that… everything you do, she identifies it as something you did in AKB48.” Miichan finished.
“So… she’s… what?” Takamina said, confused.
“She was right. Takamina is not Takahashi Minami. Takamina was being created after Minami, so it’s not the entire person you are. She probably wants to see you without this AKB48 shadow being around you. She wants you to consider her… like a friend you would have had out of the group. Like someone… even closer than now. She wants to forget about the fact that you were Takamina… so she can know you better.”
“She wants to know me as Minami before being Takamina?” Takamina thought about she suddenly felt her head hurt. How could she ever find logic behind those words?!
“So… You think she left us because of me? Because I did something that frustrated her related to this nickname thing in the bathroom?” Takamina asked. “She was angry at me?”
“Yeah…” The female version of Sherlock Holmes nodded. “But actually, we can’t know without asking Acchan. That was what she told me, and my theories about it, but maybe I’m wrong. The only thing I’m sure is that you have to be careful… You two are not dating since a very long time and there are already such complicated and deep problems. You should… be careful about what you say to her. Maybe she’s right to be confused, you know? Have you ever thought about it?”
“She can’t be right to be confused… “ Takamina sighed. “She knows me more than anyon…”
But she didn’t finish her sentence. Miichan raised an eyebrow at Takamina sudden silent. The singer was thinking deeply about something. Acchan thinking she didn’t know the real her… was totally justified. Thinking about it, Takamina had never told anything to Acchan about her past. The actress had always learned it from someone else… and it must have affected her.
“I’m stupid.” Takamina said, hitting her head on the table.
“I’m glad you finally admit it.” Miichan laughed. “But seriously, is Acchan right to act this way? To be afraid or unsure about her feelings?”
Takamina didn’t answer, but nodded slightly. Acchan was right to be scared… because it was true she had hidden a lot of things from her. She had acted like she hadn’t trusted Acchan at all… like even if they were dating, their relationship had not become deeper at all…
She had acted like if “dating” was just a word without any significance.
If she wanted to have a great relationship with Acchan… there was one thing necessary. The two of them needed to see beyond Takamina and Acchan. They had to see beyond the fact that they had been together in AKB48. They had to see the real person in front of them, not only the ex AKB member. In fact, they had to free themselves from their AKB48 image.
“So… this is the reason why she’s not here? She’s avoiding me?” Takamina asked, hurt.
“Well…” Miichan hesitated.
“What?”
If there was something else, the singer needed to know about it.
“It’s not sure… but yesterday…”
What else with yesterday?! With what she had just heard about Acchan, she was scared to death that they really had broken up, and now Miichan was saying her there was something more?! What could be worst?! Acchan had left the bathroom crying or what?!
“The reason why I interrupted you was because Acchan had had a phone call from her agency.”
So what? There was a problem with her agency? She couldn’t be an actress anymore?! She was victim of a gay scandal? OH.MY.GOD. They had been discovered by someone! Takamina was already thinking of many scenarios, each worse than the precedent one.
“She called them back. I don’t know what kind of answer she got, but she excused herself and left. The only thing we knew about was that it had a link with her manager.”
Takamina didn’t answer. The only word she had in mind was “manager”. And Acchan’s manager, she knew her better than anyone else. Hiroko Sato… what had happened? What had she done AGAIN? She thought about the mysterious mail she had received yesterday… was it from Hiroko? The mysterious gift… was it linked to all this?
“Thank you, Miichan…” Takamina whispered, already trying to find places where she could find Acchan. “Is there something else?”
“Nothing we know.” Miichan answered. “I don’t know what happened, but it sounded really important to her. She just suddenly ran outside without telling us anything and I thought we might know more today, but she’s not here.”
Takamina nodded and left the piece after having talking a bit more with Miichan. It wasn’t Acchan to leave suddenly and not giving more information. What if it as a trap? What if there was something even worst behind this call? But the small girl shook her head. There was no way anything wrong could happen, they were in Japan, one of the most protected country in the world… right?
***
Takamina was running everywhere today. She had just finished her interview and already had a second one in thirty minutes. So far, she was really proud of herself. She had heard her single three times at the radio and had seen many posters promoting her release. It still hurt her to not share this important moment with her co-worker and girlfriend, but she couldn’t do anything else than her job. After, she would look for Acchan for sure and find out everything.
She was currently half asleep, tired of being so busy today when she had woken up so early this morning. Her first release… and yet she just couldn’t be happy at all. She had thought life would be easier now… but it seemed that she was, once again, totally wrong.
She tried to call Acchan, but of course, the actress didn’t answer. This put doubts into Takamina’s head. Was she really avoiding her? If so, what should she do? Should she wait until Acchan came back to her or should she go and talk to her first? But what if Acchan didn’t want to talk to her? Where would she go then?
She tried to join Hiroko, even though she wasn’t sure exactly why she was doing so. Maybe it really was her the responsible for the strange mail she had gotten… but then again, no answer. She called her twice, but it seemed that Acchan’s manager was busy as well. Maybe Acchan really had a problem with her… if so, what was it?
She then decided to call her death, meant she tried to reach Kenji. She knew AKB48 members didn’t know where Acchan was, neither did Hiroko. So at least, he was the very last solution she had. Of course, she would rather destroy her cell phone than hear her voice… but she would do anything to know what had happened with Acchan… even talking to her worst enemy. But it seemed that fate was once against her since she could not get an answer.
She was really troubled right now, not knowing what else she could do, so she tried to call directly at Acchan’s agency. And, she couldn’t believe it, the only answer she got was “Maeda-san is busy and so is her manager, sorry.” Would she ever get an answer? She didn’t know, but she hoped she would get one before next year. She sighed, knowing she had not much time before coming back to work again.
Why, for God’s sake, couldn’t she reach anyone?! Not Acchan, not Hiroko… and not even Kenji! It was the first time ever she wanted to call to Kenji but he wasn’t answering! Did he have something to do about it? No, it couldn’t be. After the shooting of her PV, he had left.
It was like if her past, Hiroko and Kenji, and her present, Acchan, were inaccessible. And so was her future since she didn’t know what was going to happen later. If her past, present and future could not be reached… where was she? What was she doing? How could she find her way back to reality?
Thinking that… she couldn’t help thinking:
“Is love leaving us already...?”
***
After the end of her latest interview and one last record for another TV show, she could finally have more than two hours left. Releasing a single was way more difficult than she had thought. She had already heard many positives and negatives reviews of her main song. She was glad people liked it and would do the best to make the next one even better. But right now, she was exhausted. She was heading toward anywhere but a studio. She wanted to relax before her last job of the day: a radio show.
She had once tried to contact the trio, but then again, nobody had answered. She was starting to wonder if… love was still there. As strange as it might sound, she felt like… something was missing. She had known love because of Acchan… and now she couldn’t even reach her. Did that mean that… she didn’t have the right to love anymore? It sounded stupid and she definitely didn’t want to think about it, but she couldn’t help. Love was not something easy to understand.
She was about to enter into a café when she saw someone walking at the opposite of her and stopped. There was Acchan… walking… right there… she started to run.
Takamina was about to call her when she saw Acchan starting to run suddenly. WHAT? She saw Acchan running, running… elsewhere… but there was no way she would let her go this way. She started to chase her too. Acchan must have noticed this too because she ran even faster, trying to loose her stalker. Unfortunately for her, Takamina knew the place very well and managed to catch her.
“Wait!” She screamed as she placed her hand on Acchan’s shoulder.
Takamina felt like she had finally done something great today: finding Acchan. But… if the actress was just walking around, why hadn’t she answered her calls?
“Ah, Takamina?” Acchan said innocently, smiling. “I haven’t seen you.”
LIAR. That was the only words popping in Takamina’s mind as she frowned, knowing it was totally impossible Acchan had not seen her.
“Um… you’re doing well with your release?” Acchan asked, trying to avoid the look of her friend.
Takamina nodded, not really liking that Acchan was totally unaware of the pain growing in her chest as she realized that… the actress had really been avoiding her all day.
“What about you?” Takamina frowned. “What did you do today?”
“I… had problems to take care.” Acchan answered.
The singer sighed. There was something wrong with the way Acchan was talking to her. It was even worst than yesterday! Now she felt like… Acchan was being distant… and mad at her for a reason she couldn’t understand. Well… maybe she had an idea about it.
“I called you. Four times.” Takamina said.
“Really?” Acchan asked, surprised.
She opened her phone, but the screen remained black, except for an empty battery icon. Takamina seemed relieved to know that, at least, Acchan had a great reason for not answering her calls.
“Sorry…” Acchan said. “I wouldn’t have the chance to answer you even if I still had battery.”
“I even tried to contact your manager and… even Kenji!” Takamina sighed.
Acchan seemed surprised, but didn’t answer. She had a look saying that she knew why these two couldn’t answer, but didn’t want to add anything.
“What did you do? Seriously…”
“I had a meeting at my agency and couldn’t attempt to anything else. That’s why I wasn’t there at Music Japan. And since I couldn’t leave until now… well I couldn’t answer to anything else.”
Acchan seemed to tell her the truth, but it was not enough to Takamina. She wanted to know more, because she actually didn’t want… love to disappear now. She tried to reach for Acchan’s hand… but her doubts were confirmed as the actress moved back.
“Acchan…” Takamina whispered. “Why did you leave yesterday?”
“I had to go at my agency. I told you, there was a problem I had to resolve.” Acchan said, taking note that Takamina was not calling her Atsuko.
“But… there is something else, isn’t it?” Takamina insisted, trying to stay strong. “Tell me… what happened in the bathroom?”
Acchan flinched. What had Takamina just said?
“You don’t remember?”
“Should I?”
“Well…” Acchan frowned. “We… kind of… had a fight. I told you I wasn’t sure if… I really love you… and we had a fight.”
Takamina felt her heart skipping a beat as she asked with a little voice:
“And…?”
“I… I’m not sure of the rest.” Acchan stammered, still shivering at the thought of them making out in the bathroom of this restaurant. “It’s just… confused. But… you told me you didn’t want me to be involved in anything from now on…”
Takamina couldn’t believe what she was hearing right now. She had been THAT harsh?!
“Well… you told me you were angry because I’ve brought him back in your life… and some others things too…” Acchan said, not finishing her sentence. “So… I thought I might leave you alone for a while.”
“Did we… Are we… Did you…” Takamina definitely couldn’t say it.
It was making her heart hurt so much just to think about it… how could she ask Acchan about it?! She had just learned they had had their first fight… She had just learned that Acchan had tried to talk to her about her problem… and all she had done was to reject the fault on her! She hated herself. She would kill herself right now if it wasn’t for the fact that Acchan was standing in front of her. Why had she been so stupid! Of course Acchan would act this way… if the fight had been THAT horrible…
“We… are still together, if that’s you’re question.” Acchan answered softly.
Takamina was about to bow forever at Acchan for not breaking up with her right now. She had been the most stupid person ever and she would sure find a way to be forgiven. Seriously… there was no way she would forgive herself, but she hoped she could bring a better tomorrow for them.
“Acchan… Whatever I did… I’m sorry.” Takamina apologized, feeling really bad about it.
“It’s alright… you weren’t yourself.” Acchan said. “You weren’t yourself at all…”
Takamina wasn’t sure to understand what she meant, but she didn’t add anything else, knowing they would probably talk about it more when they would be in private.
“I… I’ve been really stupid.” Takamina repeated. “I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want to have this kind of fight with you… I… I’m bad with words. I just want you to know that I don’t want you to leave me alone. Whatever I might say…”
Acchan seemed touched by the mini speech, but said nothing. Sure, Takamina was being really nice right now, trying to make things clearer… but there must be a part of truth in what she had told her yesterday, right? The part about her involving Kenji in everything… whatever Takamina’s excuse would be, she couldn’t help feeling guilty about it. It was her entire fault if Takamina was still thinking about her past. First because her manager was Hiroko Sato… and second because she had brought him back. All she did… was not good at all for Takamina. There must be part of truth… Takamina must have been angry at her someday…
“Are you free tomorrow night?” Takamina asked.
Acchan nodded.
“Can you come at my place? I want us to talk…” Takamina finished. “I want… to prove you that… you know Minami.”
The actress flinched, not really getting how Takamina could prove her something like this. But the singer knew that tomorrow night, she would tell everything, without a single exception, to Acchan. She didn’t want to take any chance of loosing her. Tomorrow… she would tell her everything… and hoped that she could finally be free from her AKB image.
“I will.” Acchan just said
Takamina frowned, knowing there was still something troubling her. But she knew that… only Acchan could decide of the way this problem will end. If Acchan thought she didn’t know her better after tomorrow… then she would not know what else to do. There was not really a way to prove her that she knew the real Minami… so she had to hope. Hope that Acchan would forgive her for whatever she had done.
“I…” Takamina looked at the time, soon understanding that she only had a few minutes left before her radio show. “I… What did I do?”
She really wanted to know… how far she had been.
“I will tell you tomorrow… “ Acchan answered, looking in her eyes. “I don’t want to bother you with this since it is a really important day for you.”
She was about to leave, like this, without a word, proving to Takamina that Acchan was probably more hurt than what she had told her.
Guilt could ruin a life.
“Acchan… you’re angry at me?” Takamina asked.
“No… I’m angry at myself…” Acchan whispered. “I’m angry at myself… because I can’t surpass this detail… and it has become a huge problem for us.”
Time was missing. Takamina felt bad for not being able to comfort her better right now, but she had to know.
“You have to go, don’t you?” Acchan asked. “I don’t want you to be late at work…”
“Wait! I need to know one last thing.” Takamina said before leaving. “The problem with your manager… what is it?”
“I will tell you tomorrow as well… I don’t want to ruin the most important day of your life.” Acchan said.
Takamina soon felt that the situation was getting out of her control. The event of yesterday, the mysterious call, the problem about the nickname, Acchan being distant, her release, Kenji, Hiroko… and right now… she could only find one thing to answer:
“I know it sounds lame but… The most important day of my life is not today. It was when we finally started dating… So tell me…”
Acchan hesitated again. She didn’t know what to do anymore. She didn’t expect Takamina to know about it, but it seemed that the others girls must have told her something about it. She also had never expected her to suddenly pop out in the middle of the street.
After having a great talk with her agency, she still couldn’t believe what had happened. It was beyond everything she had thought about. She had thought she would have a bit more time to think about it and eventually to say it to Takamina, but it seemed that life had decided the opposite. But it was true that… she had never thought nothing could happen this way… but she had been wrong. What had happened was unexpected and out of control.
“Well…” Acchan said, knowing if she didn’t answer, Takamina would stay here and be late for her work. “Promise you will leave right after my next sentence.”
Takamina did and waited for Acchan’s answer. Whatever it will be, she would be ready. Anyway, right after she had to leave right after because she was already late. Being late the day of a release was not the ideal scenario, but she had no choice. Acchan sighed. Finally, she couldn’t say everything.
“Let’s just say that… Hiroko-san cannot be my manager anymore.”
TBC
END NOTE: So guys, what do you think will happen with Hiroko? It's not that she doesn't want to be Acchan manager, right? It's that she CANNOT... but WHY? And of course, what will happen between Takamina and Acchan? Can things even get worst than now?! Only time can tell us… and if you all comment maybe I will be nice and don’t break them apart XD
END NOTE 2:LOL while I was writing this chapter I finally told myself that I must be good in English because there were people reading my story. Like, for the first time I told myself “Hey, my English skills really increased since I started this fic!” Kind of did a comparison between the few first chapters and right now and I was actually proud of myself! When I started, I was sure I would stop after three chapters, but I’m already at the 21!
And it’s all thank to you guys! Thank to you, I’ve come to look way more in dictionaries, to enjoy writing in English and it even increased my results at school XD
Haha seriously, thank for reading!
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I only got three solutions in my head Hiroko is either:
1. going to jail attempted murder charges
2. Somebody found out about her bullying Acchan
3. back in the hospital
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wow you are on a roll! too bad you're gonna be busy with work :(
stop ruining Takamina's life!! man there's always something that stops her from having a less stressed lifee. give the girl a break
even her debut day is so unhappy and full of guilt and worry :smhid
Don't see how this can be any worse then it already is? (i REALLY hope i didn't just jinx that :sweatdrop:)
I wonder what happened to Hiroko? did she die or something? *sigh* i wish i wasn't so terrible at guessing and what's up with Aachan being so secretive about it? :?
I hope that tomorrow in story time is soon cause it feels like so much is gonna happen with the talk at Takamina's house
lol go Sherlock Miichan! she is so fast at figuring things out unlike Takamina who's so dense
I'm glad to see AKB48 still encouraging Takamina, she needs all the support she can get with her messed up life right now
Glad to see you are praising your English cause i think its very good :twothumbs
I will be waiting for your update!!!!!! :D
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:lol: you really enjoy playing SH with me don't you... I speculate 3 things about hiroko! 1. Committed suicide! 2. Acchan murdered her during a heated argument over takas love! 3. Jailed for killing kenji (2 birds 1 stone bouchan!!! DO IT!!!!!) lol and regarding the other pm matter... Can you just give me the answer?
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Kenji got kicked out as a. Artist and became acchan manager ? Twisted LOL.
I'm looking forward to next one! This fanfic is absorbing me ~ :)
It's fine with no lemon! Hehee. But this is truly a good fanfic :)
Thanks for the update !!! Please update soon :)
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uououoo fast update... :panic: :panic: :panic: and its great as usual.... :thumbsup
but well, I kind agree with keichan here.... from the 3 prediction I guess i come up with kenji being torture by hiroko... :huhuh
better make a good ending here bouchan :smhid :smhid :smhid I already write my review here.... :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:
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I'm a big fan of sherlock holmes !!! He is just the best detective ever!!!!
For Hiroko:
1- she died
2- she killed Kenji
3- she fell for Takamina again
AKB48 is awesome isn't it? It's enjoying and you learn new things all the time^^
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If no one is going to do the job of killing Kenji , i will do it. wkakakaka LOL~
Thanks for the update!
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Hi!First of all,thank you SO MUCH for writing this fic,Takacchan is one of my fav pairing
But there's another reason,the kind of relationship they share,it's SO SIMILAR to what I am experiencing with my friend now (we're both girls)
Your fic really relate to my real life situation,this fic feels like non-fiction
If I could shamelessly say this,IF I were to change Takamina > my friend , Acchan > me,it would seem like a story built from two of us
We were always teased as lez pair in the class,but initially it was purely friendship.Then a year later,she became my best friend,and then I realize I may actually have another special feeling towards her,just like Acchan,but I kept it,unsure about it,even till now.We're still best friends who don't mind about skinship (but no kiss on the lips yet,well I won't dare to do that,it will most likely scare her :cry: although I'm desiring it very much)
So,yeap,to sum it up,this is my FIRST time reading AKB fanfic and this WILL BE MY FAVOURITE FANFIC
Feel really grateful for your amazing fic here *Hail to you* :heart:
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A1: Ohhh I like your thesis... Can't tell you more since you'll find more information in this chapter anyway -.-' So yeah, thank and enjoy though it's not the end!
mangobanana15: I'm still not done with work, but I had time today to "correct" this chapter... And yes, you'll get more information about the whole thing. I wanted to wait for their meeting, but I think it would be too cruel since it's been 3 weeks since my latest update :shocked And yes, I should give he a break.... maybe soon, who knows? MAYBE... But hey, I think this chapter should be fine... After reading it again I feel like it's full of Atsumina ^^
Keichan ^_^: I enjoyed the fact that I knew my name was totally impossible for you to find XD About Hiroko, just read and you'll see, but of course this is not the end already! By the way, sorry for updating when you're in Japan... and anyway the website was down for about 3 days, so -.-'
TakahashiJ: LOL I really did thought about making him Acchan's new manager, but I told myself that it would just be like :smhid So I did something else! Thank for encouraging me and enjoy this chapter ^^ And if ever he die... I will blame you XD in a positive way XD
sorakamiya: Haha seems like it's the most popular prediction :P But are you guys right? :twisted: Just joking, read this chapter and you'll know more about it. I'll make sure to create a great ending... and maybe it won't be a sad one ;)
kahem: Your number 3 freaks me out :lol: So I guess it won't be number 3... I did think about it though, but I couldn't find a way to write it or couldn't find how things would go later... so forget about it :nervous
endless14: Hello new reader, thank for your comment :theking I presume my fic would be related to your life if there wasn't the whole Hiroko/Kenji thing, right? XD I'm trying to... make it as credible as possible (well, somehow credible) and focus more on the psychological side of the story like the feelings of the characters coz I feel like I'm better writing about it :nervous You surprised me by saying it was related to your life because I'm totally trying to imagine how they would feel IF (...), and I'm not sure at all if I'm doing right. My god, you're embarrassing me by saying my fic will be your favourite, because I honestly think some others here are better than mine, but a huge thank you for your support :bow: I hope everything will be fine with your friend :)
Everyone reading: Thank you :bow:
I'm staying awake soo late because I feel really bad for not updating for like 3 weeks -.-' Work isn't done yet, but I will try to update as soon as I can! SORRY :mon sweat:
Story of this update: Wednesday until Friday: Really proud of myself because I was sure I could be able to update Friday night since I had found some time to write my chapter. Friday after school, I was super motivated to correct my story and update! But then, I saw JPHIP was down and it totally suddenly unmotivated me XD Same for Friday night and Saturday morning. And when I saw the website worked sooner tonight, it motivated me to correct my chapter... exactly at the moment when I needed to work on an English project T___T So I couldn't correct my chapter. So at 11h:30 pm, I told myself "alright, you don't want to stay awake too late, so hurry and go to sleep". And you know what? It,s 1:30 am right now and I'm still not done :smhid
I don't know for you guys, but when I DON'T have work, I'm NOT motivated to write AT ALL. And when I DO have work... I want to write ALL THE TIME :smhid Like I was motivated all the week to write, and suddenly exactly when I have a moment free: motivation's gone and it took me 3 hours to write 3 pages XD
Alright, enough talking. This chapter is full of Atsumina/TakAcchan and Friendship/Love drama so enjoy :lol: But I think I could have done better :banghead:
Sorry for the mistakes.
Chapter 22
Work, work, work… and work.
It was like the only word that existed right now to describe her life was “work”. Okay, she was a little overreacting, but it was true she had not worked like this for a few weeks. Right after the end of an interview, another one was on schedule, and when it wasn’t, it was radio show, live performance, CM and so on, day and night. She had started to suffer from a lack of sleep and was often resting here and there when she had some free time. It was similar to when she was with AKB48…
But she was proud of herself like never before.
She had given her everything to reach her dream, and here she was, selling thousand copies of her first single. The first week had been awesome. She had never thought she could sell so many copies. She had been number 1 at ORICON charts and it felt like living a dream. But it was true her role in AKB48 had probably played a huge part in it. Nevertheless, two weeks after her release, she knew she had gained some new fans who didn’t know her from AKB48. She knew she could never be more thankful than she was right now.
But everything had a price. She had not seen Acchan like she had been supposed to. She had suddenly had a new radio show scheduled, so she had had to cancel their appointment.
She had received lot of congratulation mails from her friends from AKB48, including a few from Acchan, so at least, she knew her friend was not upset against her… She sighed, thinking she would really like to have her by her side right now, but Acchan was busy as well with her own actress job. So they had both decided they would meet tomorrow night, promising there would be nothing else. It was about time they talked together, because Takamina was seriously nervous about their fate as a couple. It felt like they were slowly but surely going to crash.
It was true she had apologized a lot when she had cancelled their meeting, and even though Acchan had not sounded so sad or angry at the phone or when she had congratulated her, Takamina kept on mind that… she was actress. Hiding her true feelings must be really easy for her… so how can she be sure about the fact that Acchan was not angry? Maybe it was just another lie? She was getting used to lies anyway… after all they went through. She still had on mind that she would have to be careful at their meeting. She would have to prove her that… she knew the real person she was.
To Acchan, they must still be friends before anything else… but now, Takamina just wanted to make their relationship deeper… for real. Being “friends” was only the first step… Now they had to care about the meaning of “love”, a word way different from “friendship”.
She still remembered Miichan’s words like she had talked to her yesterday… She had to keep them in mind too. In fact, with everything that happened, she felt like her mind was going to explode, nothing less. She felt a bit stupid to feel this way though, because she knew if she couldn’t handle this mix of feelings right now, she would never be able to, and it would be a handicap for her job.
Again… job. Everything she was thinking about was always coming back to the main point: her job. It was like every road was leading her there, like there was nothing else she could think about.
She sighed. At any price… she must never neglect Acchan.
***
The bedroom was empty except for a bed, a table and a television. It was nothing really special, just an ordinary white room. The doctor walked inside with a document and took some notes. He then changed the solution of the intravenous injection of the patient lying in the bed. He sighed. The patient was in a really bad condition. He had seen some similar cases before, but it was always due to cars accidents. And even so, it was rare. He still wondered how this situation had happened. He only knew it was because of some accident, but the doctor was a specialist, he knew this kind of wound could not just appear this way because of an accident.
“How is the patient? The nurse asked, coming in with more papers.
The doctor shook his head, not really knowing what to answer.
“This is bad. I don’t think it will ever get better. I’ve seen another case like this a year ago… and if it’s really the same, there’s nothing more I can do about it.”
“I see… Do you know why this is so… how to say… worse? I mean, I’ve been a nurse for over five years and never seen anything like this.”
She stared at the patient, still unconscious.
“I’m not sure about it.” The doctor answered. “But I know one thing… this intravenous injection… will be the only way for him to get nutriments from now on.
“Do you mean…” The nurse asked, afraid of the answer.
“This guy here was an actor.” The doctor said seriously. “I say “was” because there’s no way he will ever be one again. His intern organs were badly hurt. From what I can see right now on the radiography, his stomach and his intestine cannot work anymore. He will have to eat by intravenous injection for the rest of his life. And when someone is in this condition, usually, he has to stay connected to the injection for about ten hours per day… and I think his state is irreversible. His fate lays on the science’s future progress.”
“Ten hours per day?”
“Yes… I doubt he will leave the hospital soon. He will be handicapped for the rest of his life… but I have to say that ironically, he’s lucky to still be alive.”
They both stayed in the bedroom for a moment. There was a heavy atmosphere around the bed. The patient was never going to have a normal life. His condition was too hard to let him be an actor either. In fact, by spending ten hours per days connected to many nutriments intravenous injections, the doctor knew that he would never be able to do anything of his life… This handicap was irreversible. There was no way he could have both his stomach and intestine replaced by others… and even if it was possible, his condition was not good enough to try the operation. His life… had just turned around, heading toward a painful and difficult path.
“How about the other?” The nurse asked, knowing there was no need to mention the name of the second patient they had received exactly at the same time.
The second patient’s condition was not as bad as this one, but it was still dangerous for the health of the person.
“I don’t know…” The doctor answered. “This is not an easy case either. But I cannot say anything from now. It will be the cardiologist who will decide of the rest.”
The doctor stared at the name written on the plastic card in front of the bed and sighed.
Takeo Kenji
He was young and could have had a great life if it wasn’t for this. The other patient too was really young. They were both young adults, part of the future of Japan… but badly hurt already. What a waste… The doctor couldn’t believe fate could be so cruel with people.
***
Unaware of this tragic situation, at the other side of the city, Takamina was worriedly waiting for Acchan to come. She was trying to remember each word of the long speech she had prepared since almost three days, hoping she had chosen the best words as possible. She sighed, knowing she would probably forget everything once she’d seen Acchan sitting by her side. It was clearly impossible for her to stay calm. What if she said the wrong thing? She knew that tonight was the last chance she would have to make sure everything was fine. But she also knew it was a difficult task, task that was becoming a burden she had to carry on each day because of her stupidest. Everything was supposed to be fine, they were just supposed to be dating and be happy until the rest of their days. But of course, Takamina just had to do something to mess up with all the simplicity of their case.
Trying to preserve a close friendship yet slowly moving to another level into their relationship… it was hard for everything to stay stable. It was almost… impossible. What was the most important, their friendship… or their mutual love? What should they choose to be sure their future would be as bright as possible?
She was still wondering how everything had come to this point when the doorbell rang. Knowing very well who it was, Takamina, acting like a coward, suddenly had the urge to hide herself, not answering at the door. She sighed, hit herself mentally and went to open the door. If it was her last chance… at least she should do it in a perfect way.
“Hey.” She said at her close friend who was standing shyly in front of her house.
She immediately knew that her speech had already left her mind. Seriously, just saying “hey” to a frie-girlfriend she had not seen since a long time… what was that?! Acchan smiled and walked in, not waiting for Takamina to invite her.
There was an awkward silence as they sat in Takamina’s living room. The kind of silence no one ever wants to break, afraid they might provoke the end of the world. Takamina knew what she had to do. It was her who wanted to talk with Acchan, so she had to start their conversation. But hell, not knowing what Acchan thought was pure torture! Atsuko had this air that said “I’m just here because you want me to, I have nothing to say so I will only listen.” And it seemed that the actress was patiently waiting for her to speak, staring at her with both love and pain in her eyes.
It was exactly at the moment when Takamina identified pain in Acchan’s eyes that she decided she would put an end to everything. If she wanted to save what was left from their close friendship, she had to speak. She had to be honest. She had to… find a way to make love, and only love, coming back in their lives. She didn’t dare to take Acchan’s hand, knowing it might not be the best way to do to start this conversation. She knew the only thing she could do to make this pain disappear from her look was to be true.
“Acchan…” Takamina said. “No… Atsuko… I’m glad you’re here.”
Acchan flinched as she heard her real name, but didn’t say anything, knowing it was not for her to speak. She couldn’t help feeling relieve: if Takamina was calling her “Atsuko”… it was probably because her love was sincere. It was probably because… her small friend really wanted to fix everything.
“Can I call you Atsuko?” Takamina then asked, unsure of what to do. “I… feel like I can call you this way. To me, you’re not Acchan. You’re Atsuko. You’re real… and I want to call you this way because I know I must. I mean, you’re not…. anyway.”
Acchan smirked slightly as she nodded her head. Takamina sighed, smiled sadly and started with a soft voice:
“I apologize.” She bowed. “I… seriously, I apologize. I was stupid and I-I just…”
She stopped talking for a while, aware she could add nothing more for now. She knew Acchan was probably looking at her right now, but she didn’t want to look at her. She was just… bowing in silence. Two minutes passed. They seemed like eternity, but at least, only after them, Takamina could feel like she had already done something really important. And judging by the warm look Acchan was given to her, she knew she was right. She had to apologize first… and then keep on talking. Because right now, there was something else she had to do.
“I… don’t know how to say it.” Takamina started, trying to figure out how she could express her deepest feelings. “I can’t remember what happened at my birthday… I can’t remember exactly what I was supposed to tell you… I can’t find the right words, can’t promise you everything you want from me… I just don’t know what I can do to make you stay with me…”
Somehow, Acchan knew that these words from Takamina were not just insignificant. There were so many feelings behind them. Love, hope, anxiety, confusion, courage, friendship, sincerity, but most of all… the fear of loosing her.
“I… will tell you everything. I don’t want to tell you something stupid like “it’s not you, it’s me”, so I will tell you everything. About my past, my current life, my future… our future if you still want me... About who I am, about how I feel, about everything you want to know. I will let you know that… when you’ll leave this house, you will not only know the AKB48 member… but also the real person I was before entering the group… and the one I am right now.”
She paused, wondering if it was not too intense. Only silence answered her. So she continued… keeping her objective in mind.
“I guess you already know what is needed to be known about Hiroko.” She started hesitantly. “I don’t think I need to tell you anything more about it. I don’t think you would want to know about it anyway. About… him… I think I can truly tell you about it. It might not be as… precise as you want… but it’s all I can remember. I was new in Tokyo back then…”
She started to tell her story to Acchan who was listening, still with pain in her eyes. An indescribable pain that, somehow, Takamina already knew she would never be able to erase from Acchan’s look, whatever she might say. The singer knew that… nothing could ever erase Acchan’s culpability about it. She knew she must have said something harsh about it to Acchan in the bathroom… but she couldn’t find what exactly. She didn’t remember what she had said… so she knew maybe it was useless for her to tell her story… but she still continued… because she knew she wanted.
Takamina talked about what had happened between her and the rest of her class for a long time. She could barely hear her own respiration as times passed, minute by minute, as she was talking. All her memories… her sorrow… her hope she had had from Hiroko’s words… her sadness when she had learned it was all illusions… her lost childhood… she was giving her own soul to Acchan. She could feel the tears appearing, but held them. She must not cry right now… not when she was finally telling her the truth.
Acchan listened in silence, seeing Takamina was barely holding her tears. She wanted to tell her to stop telling her so painful things… but a bad part inside her told her to just listen, even if it might destroy Takamina’s heart. The curious part inside her mind… wanted to know it, even if it was probably the most painful thing she could ever ask Takamina to talk about. But isn’t true love about sacrifice too? She really wanted to know… but she had never though it was going to be such a hard story. It was like the singer was talking to her about a complete different person, a person that wasn’t as strong and as courageous as the captain… a person who was crying everyday and who was bullied by almost everyone she knew…. a person who just couldn’t believe in a better tomorrow. But still, this person was no one but Minami Takahashi, the girl Acchan had thought she knew very well while in fact it was totally the opposite.
When Takamina finished talking about this part of her life, Acchan already knew what was going to follow. Even though her friend had told her she knew enough about Hiroko’s story, she knew Takamina was still going to talk about it. Not only was it because Acchan really wanted to know EVERYTHING, but also because this was probably the first time the young Takahashi had ever known about love. And it was exactly about this first time that Takamina was going to tell her, even though Acchan already knew most of it. The first time someone had confessed to her… and also the first time she had rejected someone, unaware of how painful it could be and how terrible the consequences could be to those involved.
“After…. A few years after this…” Takamina’s fragile voice said. “I thought everything could only get better. I thought that nothing could ever happen again, because I was stronger. I was somehow… able to protect myself… I was happier now. I was laughing, I was smiling…. It was like the whole city of Tokyo was finally welcoming me after so much time. I had been waiting for this for so long… I don’t know what would have happened if Hiroko had not been supporting me.”
She stopped, wondering if she wasn’t according too much attention to Acchan’s ex manager. She knew it might not be necessary a great idea to talk about a person that once loved her when Acchan was there… but it didn’t seem to bother the actress too much…. But she WAS an actress, so Takamina could never be sure of anything.
“I thought nothing bad could ever happen. You know… the worst was done now that I had changed school. I wasn’t in your class yet, we were younger. But… I don’t know… it happened so fast. I’ve known friendship… but nothing about love. I didn’t know what it felt to truly love someone to the point that you might give your own life to save the other’s. So when Hiroko confessed… I didn’t know how to react, it was pretty new…. And I had to admit that Kenji had already put a clear answer in my head even before I answered anything. Kenji… made me believe that true love could not exist. That I could only rely on friends, that no one would ever love me like… like anything more.”
She paused, catching her breathe. She was talking with lot of emphasis in her voice. And while this short moment when they were only listening to silence, Acchan could only hate herself more for being so selfish, forcing Takamina to tell her about everything.
“Not only did I reject Hiroko because we were best friends and I didn’t want to break this friendship… but also because I was afraid. Afraid I might be hurt again… afraid about this strange thing called “love”… afraid of loosing the Hiroko I knew. You know… love changes people. But I think… I was just loosing myself by doing this. I lost a friend by acting this way… a best friend I wanted to keep forever. I was stupid thinking I was strong enough to everything that might happen in this world. I wasn’t honest enough to be able to surpass this event. And that just had to happen before Hiroko’s mother’s death. If only you knew how much I wanted to talk to her… but I knew I couldn’t. By doing it, I would have only added more sorrow… I would have given her hope when in fact it was all over.”
She paused again. This time, Acchan opened the mouth, not sure if she really wanted to ask this question that was burning her tongue. She hesitated, but seeing Takamina was looking at her, waiting for her question, she just said with a quiet voice:
“Were they… the only reasons why you rejected her?”
There was another moment of silence, this time like if it was needed. Takamina knew what Acchan’s question was truly about. She also knew what she had to answer… but like Acchan, she didn’t want to hear this answer. She didn’t want to hear her own voice pronouncing the words that might just help the actress deciding if she really wanted to go farther in this relationship.
“The fact that… we were two girls also convinced me that we could not be together.” Takamina hardly said, hoping she had not been too far in her speech.
But Acchan just nodded, looking emotionless at her. So Takamina avoid her glance and continued:
“I was alone… again. Well, I had friends here and there from school…. But I had lost my closest friend. We were like sisters…. even more than that, it was stronger. I cannot explain well how our relationship was… it was not love I felt toward her… but it was what she felt for me. And that only was creating a huge boundary between us. But I surpass this. AKB48 was starting. It was what helped me to forget about it. And it was also when we started talking together.”
The actress thought Takamina might stop talking now, since there was nothing she could really learn from her AKB48 era. She knew Team A’s captain. She only wanted to know about her past… and now that she knew about Kenji… she felt bad. She felt so bad…. She could not believe she had been stupid enough to bring him back in her life. She had brought her worst enemy, after Hiroko, back in her life! What kind of friend was she?! But Takamina didn’t stop…. Because she still had something to tell to Acchan.
“I met you… well, we only started talking later. I mean, I was hanging out with some members, but strangely, just looking at you was enough. I was intimidated by you. At the beginning of AKB48, we were the two aces. I didn’t like to have you by my side all the time, like… you know…. I thought it was strange because we went to the same school but still didn’t talk to each other. When you started talking to me for the first time… to me it was like meeting the one that was the center of the whole group. Even though I was already leading the practices… I knew you were more special than the others. And I’ve decided that from now on… we would be friends. I wanted to know more about the center.”
And Takamina started to talk about their friendship, how stronger it had become years after years… how peaceful she felt when she was with the ace, how strong she could be just by having her by her side… how lost she felt when she was alone…
“There came a time when you left the group.” Takamina finally said after having resumed the evolution of their relationship. “I never told you…. But I didn’t want you to leave us. I know you might not like the comparison, but it was like loosing for the second time my closest friend, like I had with Hiroko. I didn’t want you to leave… because I was selfish. I knew it was for your dream…. But somehow I couldn’t just imagine me staying in the group without you. And it was painful to watch you out from AKB48. It was painful to see you in interview without the group around you… without me by your side. It was hard to keep talking about you after you had left, trying to pretend we were all happy when in fact I just wanted to look at the camera and beg you to come back. I know you might think I’m overreacting… but I think I was just dying to not loose our friendship.”
“Friendship…” Acchan murmured before Takamina continued.
“I’ve… been chasing you without knowing it. I’ve been doing my best… because I wanted to reach you. You were walking so far in front of me… I was just there, trying to catch you without even seeing you. You can’t imagine how happy I was when we met for the first time after your graduation. I was… like the happiest person living. I was just… looking for you. And then… I knew it was not normal. I knew the way I was acting was unusual.”
She stopped, unsure of how she should say the rest.
“I denied it.” Takamina said. “I denied it with all my heart. I can tell you honestly that I was thinking about it 24/24 hours. I could not get this though out from my head and it freaked me out. I was picturing crazy scenarios in my head… trying to forget about it, trying to convince myself that I was not feeling this way, that everything I was living was false and not happening for real… I was scared. I was scared… of myself. Each thing I had thought until now… would be gone if I admitted my feelings, that was what I thought. So to me, it couldn’t be real. Even though I knew how you felt toward me, I didn’t want to believe it. It took me a very long time to realize that… love can’t just go away this way.”
Acchan didn’t answer. She had nothing to say anyway. Was it really what had been on Takamina’s mind for so much time? How long exactly? How much torture had her friend endured?
“I made you suffered because of this.” She said, apologizing. “I know it must have been really hard for you to see me this way… I was giving you hopes… hopes that I was erasing right away. I was giving you your love back sometimes… not always. I was not… acting like I was really in love with you, not all the time at least. I feel stupid now that I think about it. When you’re in love with someone, you can’t just show it half of the time. You can’t just decided you will love this person today and tomorrow just go back to the friends status, it doesn’t work this way. But that’s what I did. I… was playing with you. I was making you believing something I was still unsure about, especially with Hiroko’s sudden come back.”
Acchan knew where this conversation was heading to. It was different from the first time they had talked about this subject. It was different… because now, there were not jokes or allusions to anything funny. Right now… Takamina was talking to her with the most serious one she could have. She was not turning around, not trying o avoid the subject, not pretending they had something else to do… she was just doing her best to be honest.
“Hiroko… was like the spark I needed to see you in a different way. I don’t know how to explain it, but when I was seeing her by your side, when I thought about what had happened with her when I was young… I just didn’t want her to stay with you. I wanted to… keep you with me, even if we were both busy to death. It took me a long time to realize it was not just one of these meanness feelings that disappear a few days after. It had been long enough… to make you having doubts.”
“Doubts?” Acchan finally asked.
“Yes, doubts.” Takamina said, turning to her. “When I had heard you talking about your feelings… I can remember well, there was no hesitation in your voice, just sadness, like if you regretted falling in love with me…”
That was true. Acchan knew it. She knew she would have erased these feelings way before if she could have. She knew she would have done that… just to avoid having problems like they were right now. And Takamina knew it too.
“I didn’t want you to have doubts… but that what happened. I waited too long. I wanted to make this sadness tone disappear… but I also was scared that waiting too long might be a bad thing for your feelings. I was right. I don’t know what exactly was wrong with me. I wish I could have done something else… Now you have doubts. You don’t think… You don’t love me the same way already…”
“That’s…” Acchan started before being interrupted by her friends.
“I want to know what happened in the bathroom before I continue.”
Acchan hesitated. She was hoping they could have forgotten about it, but it seemed that life would never get easier. She wanted to answer something like “nothing important” and just talk about something else… but she knew she had to say the truth, judging by Takamina’s look.
“I… see.” Takamina answered when her friend was done.
“It wasn’t your fault!” Acchan immediately added. “I mean, you weren’t yourself, I told you. You were drunk… you had the right to be angry at me… I mean you had a great excuse. Now that I know Kenji’s past, I know you were right to yell at me… And what happened after belongs to the past now. We haven’t done anything and-”
“Stop it.” Takamina said. “Stop finding me lame excuses. I hurt you, right? I did.”
They both felt like there were a lot of high tensions in the place. Acchan was waiting for Takamina to say something else, knowing she had been hurt and knowing she had come here just because… she wanted to tell her friend it was better to just…. stay friends. And Takamina was insulting herself with all her might, hating herself for having being so careless. A bit more and she would literally hit her head on the wall for the rest of her life.
“Like I said…” Takamina continued with an anxious voice. “I thought I might have done something bad in the bathroom. You just confirmed what I was thinking about. I don’t want to ask you forgiveness… because even if I was angry… what I said was true.”
Acchan froze. She was waiting for anything but these words. She was waiting for Takamina to apologize, like she would usually do. She was waiting for Takamina to explain and even talk about something so she could eventually confess… but right now, it was not what was happening. No… right now, she was just saying these harsh words she had told her… were true.
“You… wanted me to tell you everything about me.” Takamina said shyly. “If you don’t want me to continue… I can just skip to the end.”
Acchan wanted to skip this part, but if Takamina had told her the truth… she wanted to hear it. Deep in herself, she had known Takamina could not have lied to her… but hearing it now was hard.
“I didn’t lie to you.” Takamina said, seeing Acchan was not stopping her. “About how I felt with the whole thing… even if I was drunk, if what you told me is true, then my words were too. I was angry. I was angry to see him back… to have him participate in my first single. One of the most important things of my career… was like soiled by his presence. Now when I remember my first single’s release… I can only remember the times I spent working with him. I can hardly remember how much fun I had working with you because he’s taking the entire place my mind. I cannot just pretend I feel normal about it. I can’t just say everything is fine… when in fact, you’re the one who brought him back. I know I haven’t told you anything… but I don’t know… I feel like my closest friend had brought me nothing but painful memories by trying to help me.”
“I don’t want you to feel too guilty about it.” Takamina went on. “It’s just that… I’m starting to think that things could have been different if it wasn’t for him. I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I was angry at you. Even if I was hiding it and telling myself it wasn’t your fault… I couldn’t stop being angry.”
“What I told you in the bathroom… was just releasing the truth from my soul.” She ended.
Acchan didn’t say anything, speechless. But this time, the silence quickly disappeared as Takamina suddenly added:
“I don’t want you to feel bad about it. It could have been anyone, I would still have been angry.”
Even if she said that… it was too late.
“I will leave…” Acchan murmured. “It was a bad idea for me to come here.”
But Takamina didn’t hesitate a second and hold her hand.
“Wait. I didn’t ask you to come here because I wanted to blame you.” She said quickly, knowing she had gone too far. “Don’t think about it… it’s not necessary your-”
“It’s my fault, you said it. How do you want me to date someone I hurt so badly? How I am supposed to feel good when I know you’re still angry at me, when you’re still troubled by everything!” Acchan replied.
There was an awkward moment in which they were both looking at their hands. They were still together, at least that was what they both pretended, but it seemed that they felt very uncomfortable right now, even more than before, like something was gone between them. It was like… they were trying to hold into each other, knowing it was not a good idea. Acchan then nodded and sat back. She would listen to Takamina until the end… and after, she would tell her what she wanted to.
“Like I said, it’s not you, it’s just that… it’s Kenji, you know? It’s not your fault. Don’t put the blame on you. Or if you do so… share it with me. I want to be able to protect you too. I told you at first that I wanted to meet you to tell you everything about me… but it’s not the only reason. I want you to forget about what I’ve done before… and just start again.”
Somehow, Acchan felt like she had already heard these words somewhere… In fact, Takamina was just asking her to not leave her, but seriously, now that she knew the whole story behind her friend’s mysterious past, she was not sure… She was afraid… because the dark past of Takamina was not fitting with the singer’s current personality. Maybe they really were two different persons…
“Not “start again” just by dating, seeing each other and pretend nothing ever happened… More like… start again with me, Minami.”
Acchan looked at her best friend who was smiling shyly.
“And I could start again too… with Atsuko.” The singer added, almost whispering.
The actress knew these two sentences were like… just the conclusion of the huge speech Takamina had just made. Just to say that, now she knew everything. She knew everything… and Takamina was just asking her if she had spoken enough. Takamina was just asking her to decide if… she really loved the real person she was. The singer had told her life… now it was only Acchan who could decide if her love was still the same. Of course… it was. But she didn’t know how to express her feelings well. She was afraid she might hurt her friend again. Even if they were “officially” dating already, Acchan was acting like they were just… nothing.
“I bet you’re thinking our conversation is similar to some others we had…” Takamina said. “But to me, there’s something different. If you don’t want me today… then I will accept it and leave you alone.”
The actress didn’t answer and just let her head lying on Takamina’s shoulder for a moment in which they could only hear the familiar sounds of their city. Here there was an ambulance racing in the streets, trying to be fast enough to save someone’s life… there were children laughing together… a dog was barking far away… they could also hear cars and airplanes… the world was the same as before, but in their heart, something had changed.
They stayed like this a long time, Acchan’s head on Takamina’s shoulder, the singer’s arms holding her friend close to her. From times to times, they glanced at each other, but never for more than a few seconds. They felt good just by having the other’s presence. They didn’t need to speak or break their comfortable position. They were enjoying staying like this… They were like… acting as if they were only friends. Anybody seeing them would just see two close friends supporting each other. But in fact, there was more than that.
It was one of the main points Takamina liked the most about their relationship. They were friends before being lovers. They were confidents and supporters before talking about love. The strength of their relationship was in their strong friendship that had resisted to the worst events. They understood the other better than anyone else, now Acchan was convinced about it. She knew Takamina… she knew her more than Hiroko or Kenji did. She knew her… and she loved her.
“Acchan…” Takamina simply said. “Turn on the radio please.”
“Acchan? Who’s that?” A funny voice asked.
Behind this tone… there was something deeper. A call… A question… A request.
“Atsuko…” Takamina repeated with a soft voice, hoping she had done the right thing.
“Why?” Atsuko asked, trying to get used to the name Takamina would use from now on.
“I don’t know… I just wanted to call your name… and I’m tired of silence… and I heard there was an interview with Flumpool at this time.”
So Atsuko, laughing slightly at the interview excuse, turned on the radio, listening to the song that was playing as she enjoyed being in Takamina’s arms.
“Inside it’s raining, the sun is laughing,
Inside I’m screaming, the music’s playing,
While I’m fighting, you’re slowly vanishing,
You can’t even see how I’m feeling…
Strange feelings in the darkness,
This story’s all illusionary,
Trying to fix this calamity,
The only answer I get is full of emptiness,
You just don’t seem to see me…”
The lyrics… Atsuko had heard them before, but being with Takamina… made her forgetting about the song itself. Lyrics sounded so real… so inspired from a real story… They were talking about something impossible someone was wishing for.
“Contradiction, opposition,
Frustration, wrong direction,
All’s running through my head…
All’s running through my head…
In front of me, your shadow’s crying.”
Atsuko stared at Takamina who was staring at their shadows on the floor. It was not very clear, but they could still see them. None of them was crying… for now.
“Love and hatred are surrounding us,
Storms, blazes and thunder shock,
Trying to find you, but I’m forever lost,
Reading the time from a broken clock…
Capturing our liberty,
Against this world, against society,
Just kiss and hold me so we can fly,
Until we reach the limit of sky…”
The sky… somehow, it reminded her of Takamina’s BIRD from AKB48. Was it similar? Were the lyrics inspired from this song? From something real? Takamina had told her it wasn’t, but listening to this song at this precise moment seemed unreal.
“Admiration, imagination,
Compassion, right direction,
I’m only listening to your silence…
I’m only listening to your silence…
My soul is yours until you stop crying.”
Takamina frowned. Really, she had really seen there was an interview planned! She and Atsuko had been lying this way for about ten minutes now and this song wasn’t supposed to be playing now. Was it only a coincidence that she was hearing it right now? At the beginning of the song… it talked about hatred, pain, sorrow and how love was impossible to reach. At the end, it was the opposite, talking about how love was captured, how deep their love was and how life could only get better. Takamina turned to Atsuko who was staring at her in the eyes.
“Atsuko…” Takamina whispered, breaking their peaceful silence. “This time I can’t be more serious… If you don’t want me as… more than a friend… we will stay friends. I don’t want to loose you.”
Nothing… nothing else needed to be said. This sentence was all she could say because it contained her entire feelings… her fears, her hopes… her love. It was to Atsuko to answer…
“I’m glad you told me everything.” Atsuko answered softly, smiling at the smaller girl. “I’m glad… you decided you could trust me. I will keep everything for myself.”
Takamina smiled back, but was confused. Atsuko had not answered to her indirect question. The actress seemed to be still troubled, probably because she felt guilty for the whole Kenji thing.
“I told you to not care about it.” Takamina said. “I am not angry now… I don’t want you to bother with that because it’s not what’s in my mind now, okay?”
Slowly, very slowly, a single tear rolled down Atsuko’s cheek. Takamina’s soft hand just made it disappear by caressing her friend’s cute face.
“I’m glad because now… I know that… I love you. Not just the girl from AKB48… not just the singer or the fan of katsudon…” Atsuko said, squeezing her hand, still not moving her head. “I love you, Minami.”
Silent remained. They didn’t move. They didn’t kiss. They just kept staring at the other in the eyes, sharing an intense glance where feelings could be seen like crystal. This quiet exchange was… just the guarantee that nothing bad would happen to them now. Whatever scandals or problems… they would surpass it together, not each by their side. They would never leave the other… they would never neglect the other… they were just… trying again, and this time, seriously… because if it didn’t work this time, they both knew it would never.
The singer then slowly approached her face from Atsuko’s. The actress could feel the warmth of her breath brushing her lips. The small girl moved up the last half inch so their lips could touch lovingly. It had nothing to do with the desperate kiss they had shared before Atsuko’s departure to South Korea, nothing to do with the passionate one they had had just a few weeks before… and of course, nothing to do with the hot one from the bathroom event. Right now, it was not especially deep, not especially hot and passionate… it was just a soft short kiss… just to confirm their love… just to confirm that nothing could ever go between them now.
“I want to stay like this…” Atsuko murmured, liking to be by her girlfriend’s side. “I can’t think of anything better…”
Minami smiled. She liked this part of her. She wasn’t acting like a pervert, nor making old jokes. She wasn’t teasing her or speaking too much… she was just there and it was perfect. She was the person she loved. And for the first time, she had no hesitation at all to say that she loved girls.
***
They never knew how much time passed, but they had both fallen asleep. When they had suddenly opened their eyes around the same time, it was dark like China ink inside. Atsuko shivered.
“There’s no electricity.” Minami said. “I’ll go take flashlight.”
But she was stopped by the actress who hugged her and didn’t want to let her go. They were both half lying in the sofa, still in the living room.
“Stay here.” Atsuko said. “I’m… I’m scared when it’s so dark.”
Minami looked at her, trying to see her through the black color blinding her. She could easily imagine Atsuko’s scared face in her mind and she felt a slight pain in her heat, like someone was piercing it with a needle.
“I didn’t know you were scared in the dark.” Minami whispered, caressing her friend’s hair.
“You never asked me about it…” Atsuko shyly answered.
Minami shook her heard, agreeing with her girlfriend, knowing she must not joke when she looked so terrified. Somehow, the singer felt stronger in this situation, like she was the only one able to protect her girl. And she understood too what Atsuko meant. They would still learn a lot about the other in their daily life, until the very end. They still had a lot of things to learn about the other, things they would discover only in special situations, like right now. It felt nice… nothing would ever get boring this way.
It took one hour for the light to come back, hour Minami had spent whispering sweet words in Atsuko’s ear to reassure her. Not only like a lover would do… but also like a friend would, proving once again their friendship was still a huge part in their relationship. A whole hour spending close to her, and Minami couldn’t get enough of it. Nothing could ever break this warm feeling she had in her heart. She didn’t know… being in love could feel so good until now. She had always thought it was about doubts and risks, but now she knew it was an amazing feeling that she didn’t want to let go.
“Atsuko,” she said after they had been together for about six hours, “I know I shouldn’t talk about it now because it would break the moment… but I wanted to know about…”
“I know.” Atsuko said. “I know I’ve come here to tell you something too.”
They stared at each other for a moment, Minami trying to reassure Atsuko that she could say whatever she wanted and it wouldn’t change the fact that she was sure about her feelings.
“At first I wanted to tell you that… finally I thought I couldn’t work… the two of us.” Atsuko said. “But don’t worry, now… I feel fine. I want to be with you.”
Minami smiled shyly thinking that everything was just PER-FECT.
“Are… you sure you can forgive me for what I’ve done?” The actress asked, still feeling this insupportable feeling in her chest, hurt that she might have ruined her friend’s life. “And… for what I’m doing to you now? I mean… I’m forcing you to talk about your secrets because I… I’m not sure of myself…”
“It’s fine.” The singer reassured her. “I know I can trust you. I know I can tell you everything. I can handle all by myself.”
Atsuko frowned, not liking how her girlfriend was always keeping her problems for herself, not sharing her burdens with the others that wanted to help her. But still, she continued:
“I also wanted to tell you about what happened to me… since you wanted to know about it, right? I don’t know everything, but I heard that… wait. Did my manager send you a message… like a few weeks ago?”
Minami nodded.
“I received a mail from a private number for my birthday… but except her, I don’t see who else it could be. She was talking about a gift or something…”
“I see… You know, a while ago she told me she had sent you a mail that would help me to understand everything.” The actress said with a serious look. “And recently… something bad happened.”
Minami waited for more. She knew she must wait, because looking at the face of Atsuko, she knew it was something difficult to talk about.
“Recently, I changed my manager. My new one is a guy who already has ten years of experiences about it. My agency told me that Hiroko… was too hurt to work with me.”
“Hurt?”
“Kenji…” Atsuko added, not noticing Minami’s intervention. “Kenji is hurt too.”
Kenji? Minami frowned. They were both involved in something that concerned a gift? Her gift? A gift Hiroko wanted to give her? Well… What was it?
“The mail just wished me a happy birthday and hoped that I would like a gift that I never received.”
“I think I know what it is about…” Atsuko said, looking sadly at Minami.
Did they really need to change the peaceful atmosphere to something sadder? It was always this way… they were always having fun… and suddenly they had to bring another subject. ALWAYS. They couldn’t just have fun.
“I don’t know if it’s true, but I heard Kenji has been badly hurt… and the authorities believe it is Hiroko’s fault. They both are in the hospital right now.”
“Hiroko’s fault?”
“I’m not sure… But… they said Hiroko has been seen wandering around his house and… You know I think she wanted to… kind of… do something to him because of you. She probably thought because it was your birthday… she might…”
“It’s fine.” Minami interrupted. “It’s fine, stop talking about it.”
The singer was pretending that she didn’t want to talk about it, she was pretending to be too shocked to think about it. She was pretending she didn’t want her girlfriend to continue… but in fact she was dying for more information. The only reason why she had stopped Atsuko from talking more was because of the way the actress looked. She was obviously hurt by this situation, not knowing what to believe. It was a big accusation Hiroko had on her back… She was literally accused to have tried to kill or hurt someone… Even if the woman was fired now, it would have repercussion on Atsuko’s career if ever it was true. And Atsuko didn’t want to talk about it. Minami didn’t want to force her friend to talk about something like this when they were fine the way they were right now, together. She didn’t want the atmosphere to suddenly change to a cooler ambiance.
She would never force Atsuko to do anything she didn’t want to. Deep in herself, she knew she had done the best decision, but somehow, she couldn’t stop thinking about what the rest of the story could be. She knew Hiroko well to say that… it wasn’t herself to do something like attacking someone else. She trusted Atsuko, of course, and right now she believed her… but she was sure there had a mistake somewhere because to her, Hiroko was not like this. Hiroko… was not the kind of person to do something so bad.
Right now, Minami was trying to understand what had happened without Atsuko’s precious information… The singer had told her to stop talking about it… just because she didn’t want to see her crying. But… it left a black hole in her mind about the whole thing.
“Thank for telling me…” Minami said before embracing her. “Just… stop talking about it if you want.”
Atsuko stared at the warm look the singer was giving her and felt her heart melting. There was nothing to describe how… how she felt right now, loosing her soul in these eyes…
“I like being with you now…” Atsuko whispered, making Minami blushing.
“Now?”
“We’ve been busy… and now we’ve been together for a really long time… I feel like nothing can ever feel better.”
“D-Don’t say that…” The smaller girl stammered. “It’s not like anything special happened…”
Atsuko smiled at her girlfriend’s shyness, but didn’t answer. To her, this day was special. She would remember it forever. She would remember the look Minami had given her, her deep speech and the sweet kiss they had had. To her, today was the day when… they had finally freed themselves from their AKB48 image.
“I love you.”
Three words pronounced without fear by a 148.5cm girl. Three words sent to a cute girl lying comfortably by her side. Three words representing the world to them.
Atsuko was an actress, not a singer anymore, and Minami’s girlfriend.
Minami was a singer, not AKB48’s leader anymore, and Atsuko’s girlfriend.
Nothing else needed to be said, and they both smiled before sharing another kiss… This time, they felt invincible… and closer than ever before.
***
Two persons were talking together in the empty hallway of the hospital. One had some papers in his hands, he was the cardiologist. The second wore a policeman uniform. They were having a conversation about the same person. They both looked confused at the way the things were going.
“I told you already.” The cardiologist said. “I cannot promise anything for now. Her condition is not good enough for me to judge.”
“I’m not asking something impossible.” The policeman sighed. “We investigated about it, and we found obvious evidences that she really did try to hurt this man. We just want to have a talk with her to judge if it was volitional and then we will wait until she leaves to interrogate her more.”
Looking at the analyst he had in his hand, the doctor shook his head. It was definitely impossible.
“This is a complicated situation and you can’t get involved for now.” He said. “I don’t know what she has done to him, but she can’t even receive visit from her own family, so there’s no way I’m going to let you ask her difficult questions. I am really sorry, but can you just come back later, please? Your investigation might even be done before.”
“Done? I am telling you your patient almost killed someone and you just tell me there’s nothing we can do but wait?”
“It’s impossible for her to receive anybody. To be honest… I even think she doesn’t have a chance…”
There was a silence as the policeman finally understood the gravity of the situation. He walked around a bit just to make the tension go away before declaring:
“Do you have any information about her condition that could help us to understand this situation?”
The doctor hesitated.
“You can see it by yourself through the window.” He answered, pointing the closed door they stood next to. “See all these connexions… It’s all about her heart. I read her case and it seemed she already had a weak heart before coming here. You’re saying she tried to kill someone?”
The policeman nodded, looking at the sleeping woman.
“Well, if you want my opinion, I think that not only she failed at her goal… but she might be the one whose life is the most in danger, not him. She might be the one… who will loose her life. Did he protect himself?”
Again, the other man agreed.
“Then, he must have hit her right on her chest, because her heart doesn’t have a regular beating since she arrived here. That’s why her condition is so worst. Her brain can’t receive blood properly. Her heart is not strong enough to send it through her entire body and some arteries are half blocked. She will probably never wake up… and the one who was trying to kill someone might be the one dying instead.”
There was a death-like silence as the policeman stared at the patient. Trying to protect himself, the victim had managed to hurt his enemy enough to put her in this condition. The doctor was right, if ever the patient died, then their investigation would be already done. They had nothing to do but wait. He read the name of the patient from where he was and sighed sadly. They were in Japan, one of the most protected countries in the world, yet some horrible things like this still happened. He took a notebook from his pocket and wrote a short note.
“Hiroko Sato: Tried to attack Kenji Takeo, is now in bad condition. Might die soon.”
TBC
ENDNOTE: People... Pffff I wish I could write something better :smhid I seriously think that.... Pff nothing *totally angry at herself* XD
ENDNOTE 2: More drama in the next chapter! Yay! XD Well, if it can be called "drama" :?
END NOTE 3: DAMN WORK. And I'm alone for the week since my father's gone somewhere in the world :smhid *Totally depressing* Personal note: My parents are divorced, my mother is addicted to computer from 5am to 9pm and my father is never home. Oh joy :smhid
END NOTE 4:Any comments about this?
END NOTE 5: WHY THE HELL AM I SO NEGATIVE :banghead: Need to sleep. NOW. It's 2am... fail at life --' BUT I DID UPDATE THIS WEEK END *feel relieve* EDIT: SLEEPING IS AWESOME XD Now I am happy for the rest of my life :grin: Not xD
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You don't need to write something better since this is already great! :thumbup
I wish I could write like you. Straight to the point without getting sloppy.
And now I wonder how the thing with Kenji and Hiroko happened, but I'm glad both Minami and Atsuko are now closer than ever. xD
Thanks for the update. :)
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^ agree! no need to write better! this one is great :twothumbs
thank you for updating even though it seems like you have a busy schedule :))
and im really glad that atsuko and minami are now perfectly fine :deco: it was really cute imagining them cuddling :wub:
and as for Hiroko and kenji i wonder what will happen to them, and did hiroko really tried to kill kenji?? :shocked
gaaah, can't wait for more :lol:
anyways, thankyou again for the update :cow: :cow:
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OMG I was sort of right! :rofl: Honestly I thought Takamina was going to chicken out and only tell bits and pieces of her past. She really getting serious with Acchan, which is a good thing. They have been through a lot together already so it can get better from here right? Whatever happen to Kenji and Hiroko had to been an epic battle for the ages. I get a feeling that one of them will pull through. Hopefully we get some more information on it in the next chapter(s). :)
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It's fine like that and like I said before I like your style ^^
I'm glad Takacchan can fix thing yeah finaly :D
The Hiroko part is really suspicious
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Thanks for the update!!!
I actually fantasized that Takamina would grab Acchan hand and bring her down for a kiss when she wanted to leave :lol:
Sorry but I just have a very flowery scene about these two after they confess to each other
Now this Hiroko (*piak!Piak!* always the wet blanket when things are getting sweet between them two :tama-mad:) accident is suspicious.I wonder if she planned to die together with him,something like "we're the two person that caused the most hurt to Minami in her life"
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wooooohooooooo....nice update here bouchan..... :thumbsup :thumbsup
and YEAH....YEAH....YEAH..... I KNOW IT I'M and Other HERE RIGHT?!! :lol: :lol:
something happen to kenji n hiroko.... 8) 8)
but well, i'm happy that acchan n takamina fine now. :grin: :grin:
thanks for the update :thumbsup waiting for the next update.....
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TakahashiJ: LOL I really did thought about making him Acchan's new manager, but I told myself that it would just be like So I did something else! Thank for encouraging me and enjoy this chapter ^^ And if ever he die... I will blame you in a positive way
HAHAHA ><. Ganbatte! Positive way LOL :B .
Somehow i think Kenji hurt Hiroko -_- He's really a jerk TTM.
Hiroko i would feel kinda sad if she died.
SCENE WITH TAKAMINA X ATSUKO IS AWESOME I LIKE IT!
ARIGATOU FOR THE UPDATE!
Waiting for the next one now :) .
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UPDATEEEEEEEE OMGGGGGG :D :D :D :D
I approve of all the Takacchan moments going on around the chapter. :yep:
Glad they finally talked about the past and stuff, got them more trusting and close to each other :twothumbs
but the drama doesn't ever just stop at the happy parts does it? lol
I am very curious about what happened between the whole Hiroko and Kenji thing. something serious must've happened to get in such critical conditions
Don't think Hiroko would be stupid enough to go to him and try to kill him off like that.
I keep getting a bad vibe from Kenji even though he says he's good he's still the one would made Takamina so miserable in the past :smhid
Update soon!!! :D
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Hehe bouchan! I know you already hate me as I'm in Japan but since I'm not in Tokyo I'm not getting any closer to seeing akb48! But thanks for the update! It was nice to read during my long train rides! I'm sorry I can't update for you! Anyway ate you gonna update soon so I have something to read for my next train trip?
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panickofpain: I am getting sloppy anyway XD You know... descriptions and all :roll: I just have to write too much each time -.-' But yeah, there are some information in this chapter... Enjoy!
crazywota: [Cuddling--> new word I just learn xD] Well, I have a bit less work right now for the week end so I will try to write... but next week I have many things to do again. Oh wait... No finally, I think I can't write a lot :smhid But about Hiroko, you will find more in this chapter!
A1: Yes, you were kinda right! :theking And of course, Taka is being really serious with Acchan now. It must get better now, right? It MUST.... though who knows :P Just kidding.
Kahem: Well, thank you ^^ But it's not my style I dislike. It's more like there are some really great things I want to say, such comparison, metaphor and so on.... and it sounds really good in French, but I CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT WORDS IN ENGLISH :banghead: This is what I'am always talking about :smhid
endless14: Haha I'm not really the most romantic person in town, but maybe I'll be inspired from your idea :P Now let's see if Hiroko really wanted to die... Well, anyway... You'll see XD
sorakamiya: LOL you totally want them to die, right? Of course, if they died, then Taka and Acchan would have a peaceful life forever... wait, really? :roll:
TakahashiJ: Ohhh I see, you don't believe anyone can change, right? Maybe you're right about Kenji though... I don't know, read and you'll find out. You'll see for Hiroko too... There is not a lot TakAcchan moments here, but I hope you'll enjoy this chapter anyway!
mangobanana15: Like I just say, maybe there is not a lot TakAcchan moments, but I hope you'll read and like this chapter even so. About the Kenji/Hiroko thing, well, I think my idea sucks anyway, so I won't comment about this one XD I just wrote it and went: "Ok, credible, so it's done now." XD You're right about getting a good vide... but maybe we could give him a chance, right? C'mon.... No? :roll:
Keichan ^_^: I don't care, you're visiting Japan and this is a great reason to hate you already :banghead: Well, I don't know when your next train trip is, but I update today. Though I doubt it's the kind of update you wanna read XD And about your update... That's another reason why I should hate you.
Everyone reading: Thank you! :)
Wooooooooo so many comments! I'm so happy guys :grin: :grin: :grin: THANK YOU VERY MUCH :bow: I went here and was like "OMG HOW CAN IT BE POSSIBLE?!" XD
And then I realized I was actually posting a really depressing chapter in answer to your comments... so I promise next time will be happier with many TakAcchan moments!!! :thumbsup
So yeah, I have like tomorrow night and half Saturday free, so I might be able to write more... though I doubt I will be able to post until a while. Sorry :cry: And seriously... I'm starting to be tired of writing :banghead: But keep up with the comments please :D
Here's my chapter. Hope you'll like it even with what is happening... and even with some descriptions that are kinda long... Yes, I know, I should write less than that :nervous Ok, seriously, this is totally not coherent --' I don't even know if "coherent" is a word in English. Ok, let's stop talking.
Sorry for the mistakes!
Chapter 23
A boy and a girl. Two different persons. Two different personalities. Two different bodies. Two different jobs. Two different lives.
In fact, they were not supposed to know each other.
They were just living in separate worlds until that day. They were just two ordinaries people until that day. They were just trying to do their best to reach their dreams… if they had dreams.
Until that day… when they found out that they actually had something in common: their past. This common past had a name. They both had known Minami Takahashi.
And even so, they were still not supposed to know each other.
But their common past… was also what was going to relate them about something else. The innocent past they had in common… this short part of their lives… something that was supposed to be forgotten deep in memories… was the missing piece of a young woman’s broken heart that had never completely cured.
What was supposed to be a meeting between thousand others… had become something stronger, something personal, something that was a promise of a huge change.
Now, they didn’t have only their past in common, but also their future. Was their future really the same? No, because life isn’t fair with everyone, but still… they had something else in common now: while trying to forgive themselves… they had destroyed someone else’s life.
Two different persons… that now knew the real definition of hatred.
***
Hatred… it is a really complicated feeling. If, at the beginning, it seems like a feeling between others… it has something more. There are two kinds of hatred. The first one is easily forgotten. People don’t give a damn about it because it is not important enough. You slowly forget it, and later you even laugh about how stupid you were to be angry. The second one is destructive. It is when it is not only about insignificant things, but mostly about things you will never forget. When it is sometimes forgotten… but always there, waiting for the huge come back. It is when you have no choice but to hide it, knowing no one would ever understand how you feel, for example when someone has been adopted and doesn’t know his real parents… Sure, it can be fine sometimes, but there is always a time when you wonder where you come from, truly. Or when someone you love has been murdered in front of you… You just can’t forget the blood and scream around you. Or when you just can’t forget someone’s pain and you feel useless.
It has the power to transform a human to the worst monster. It has the power to blind someone until nothing is left but darkness. Usually, human beings are protected from this because deep in themselves, they know it is wrong to keep living with this feeling in their heart. They are surrounded by culpability and can’t do anything else than threaten someone they hate. They are immunised so this feeling can’t grow too much. By their parents, by their friends, by the support they get from others, they are able to surpass this feeling and forgive someone.
But what happen when someone is not able to keep this feared feeling anymore? It explodes.
Hatred can make the most innocent person to the worst living creature ever. When there is nothing left in someone’s heart but hatred, when any good thoughts are gone from his head, when all he thinks about is to take revenge, nothing can stop him. Blinded, someone can just go on and reach his goal. When love has left someone’s soul… there’s nothing left but a killing machine. And once it explodes, it gets worst. Why would this person hold herself anyway? Why making effort when all you have in mind is the memories of pain and sorrow? Screaming, crying, murdering, nothing is enough. And when someone committed the worst because of another person… it is already too late to save both of them.
You can laugh as long as you can. You can just pretend it will never happen and think of these people as monsters… but don’t you think there’s a reason behind it? A reason why they become life this, beast in human forms? We are monsters. But no, it will never happen. To you, there’s a justice controlling your gesture and you think you will never do something bad. You think it only happen to others and that they deserve to go to jail later. But this hatred you felt when you were young, if you didn’t forget about it, it will grow with you. It will grow stronger until you can’t control it. And suddenly, you begin to have strange ideas, ideas with a knife soiled by blood.
And what if someone has the power to stop this hatred? Nobody does.
Love, people would talk about it to forget about hatred. But when there is no love left? When the only person you love rejects you? When you have the feeling that the world is leaving you, it is obvious that you can’t just keep on smiling. You try to hide it, creating another character you play when you’re with others… but inside, it’s just mess, illusion, broken dreams. Sometimes, there are some special people who understand you’re not yourself, but it is already too late. And what if suddenly, someone you knew died without reason? What if you best friend was suddenly killed by a car, one of these big machine that human created to live better? You can smile, you can laugh, but pain is still there. And when you can’t surpass pain, hatred follows.
And it’s the same if bad memories are suddenly bringing back in your life by the main responsible. Your hatred is back too, decupled. Now, it’s not only hatred, it’s also impuissance from what you should have done before… and before you realize it, you already have someone in mind, someone you think is culpable for everything, your main target. And instead of trying to control this hatred, you let it go… and become a monster too.
A monster capable to commit the worst…
***
They were still together when Miichan called the actress, asking for news. They were still laughing when Haruna called the shortest girl to congratulate her about her single, again. They were just staring at each other when the silence was broken by a phone call from Aki-P, who wanted to ask them to be present at the next huge event, God knew how he knew about them being together at this precise moment. They were kissing when a fourth phone call, this time from Atsuko’s new manager, disturbing the actress about a new contract. They were slowly being more passionate when another call stopped them to go farther, saving at the same time Minami’s heart from a heart attack. They were just alone in this world, even though they were disturbed by many persons. And nothing seemed to be able to stop how good they felt just by being lying side by side…
Except another phone call.
This time, it was directly from Atsuko’s agency. It took them more than seven hours to finally feel like they were alone in a peaceful world… and it took them only a minute to rush outside the house, running like crazy toward the hospital.
***
They looked at each other before entering the huge hospital. They were together in this mess. They both weren’t sure about what had exactly happened. Atsuko had told her girlfriend about what she knew, but they were both sure it wasn’t just that. They knew about them being in the hospital, but they didn’t know exactly the reasons and who had done what. The only thing they were sure about was that… they had to hurry if they didn’t want to find a dead body in front of them.
They went in the escalator and it seemed to take forever to reach the fourth flour which, strangely, meant “death”. During the whole time, they barely said anything. The few words they had exchanged during their way to the hospital were about the last phone call. The agency had been very clear: If she wanted to see or have the chance to talk a bit with her old manager, Atsuko had to do it quickly, because the news weren’t good at all. That was why they had been so in hurry. Both wanted to see her. Both wanted to talk with her, about different things sure, but still. And ironically, both wanted her to survive.
The doctor was now sure about it. The results were so clear it couldn’t be mistaken. If ever this woman was going to survive… well it would mostly look like a real miracle. Because of this critical situation, he had allowed a few people to visit her, and since someone had talked to him about the great actress Atsuko Maeda, of course, he couldn’t refuse. The reporters were, of course, not allowed at all. Same for the policemen. He didn’t want trouble, and though he wasn’t sure about this woman’s past, he didn’t want to disturb her situation. And even if he had accepted… he knew it would have been useless. Judges wouldn’t listen to the words of someone dead.
He sighed, stared at the group of person a bit away from where he was and looked at his papers. The other guy should be able to survive, but he hadn’t woken up yet. He had allowed private visit for him too. Fans and reporters couldn’t see him, but he had not been able to do the same with his family. He didn’t want them to suffer more than needed. He was about to go and talk with them about Kenji’s current situation when he saw two girls turning the corner, panting like they had just run. He didn’t need them to be nearer, he had already recognized the actress and the singer. They were famous, it was almost impossible to not know them.
“Hello.” He welcomed them. “I was waiting for you.”
They all bowed respectively.
“Someone told me about you coming here.” He continued. “I may not be able to answer each question you have about the reasons why she is in this condition, but if ever you want to know more… feel free to ask me.”
The two girls exchanged glances. They had come here because they had no choice. Luckily, they both had nothing to do this day, but they were tired because they hadn’t slept since a while… and it was making them emotionally instable. The only thought that they were in a hospital helped them to not scream. They had questions, but they knew there were no answers to them.
“When she first arrives here, I have to admit she was not in a great condition.” The doctor said while he opened the door. “I thought we might have some chances, but it seems that… it doesn’t work this way. I can tell that, even if we helped her, her heart might not be able to keep her alive for a long time.”
The first thing the girls noticed when they walked in was the odour. The medicine smell was stronger than in the hallway, of course, but there was also a scent of blood… faint, but there.
“This machine there is needed to control her heartbeat. We tried to remove it, and she almost… she almost died.” The doctor said as they both approached the bed in silence. “I know it can be hard to see, but there is nothing else to do. We’re thinking about trying something else, but we doubt she can survive until the technical is done… I will now leave you alone.”
He left the bedroom and closed the door. Atsuko and Minami were immediately surrounded by silence, except for a regular “bip” coming from the machine piercing straight through Hiroko’s chest.
They both had the horrible feeling that they were coming here… because tomorrow would be too late. The reason why they had run there without waiting a second… was because they somehow knew it was their last chance.
And right now, in front of this bed, they had nothing to say. They could only stare at the immobile body lying in the bed. A painful expression was on Hiroko’s face, like she was doing a bad dream or something. The two lovers had the feeling that they were seeing the death itself. They wanted to touch her, but somehow couldn’t. They wanted to talk, but were stopped by an invisible force. They wanted to cry, but their eyes were dry. They wanted to wake her up… but they knew it was impossible.
Atsuko stopped by the side of the bed and stared at her old manager. She really wanted to say something, knowing it was the last time she could… but just looking at her… the words were stuck in her throat. Same with the tears that were prisoner of her eyes. She couldn’t do anything else than... watching this, half aware of Minami’s presence behind her. It was like… the only presence of this half living person in front of her was hypnotizing her. She couldn’t look away, no matter how painful it was.
Minami was just looking. A lot of things were running through her mind. She didn’t know what to think about it. Was it really the way things were going right now? She had somebody in front of her that she once thought she would never see again in her life. She had her past, her present and her future in front of her. She had a part of herself dying right now. She had the chance to say something, a last word… but like her girlfriend, she couldn’t even whisper a syllable.
“What is happening right now…” Atsuko murmured to anyone listening after a few minutes. “What will happen later… I don’t get it…”
She sat in front of the bed and her girlfriend did the same. They both sighed as time passes. They were not saying anything, even if they had a huge speech in their mind. Hiroko was not moving at all. The doctor never came to search them. He was gone, knowing he could do nothing more for them than opening the door. He could have explained her medical situation, but he knew it wasn’t what the two girls wanted to hear. He could have explained the bit he knew about the situation, but he knew it wasn’t time for this right now. Anything else… it couldn’t be explained. He couldn’t explain the only thing they wanted to know. He couldn’t explain… why it was so worst, why she was probably going to leave this world… why it had to happen to them… Why her? Why not another person living somewhere else in the world? Why right now? Why… death?
Nothing like this could ever be explained.
“We… should leave, shouldn’t we?” Minami suddenly said after an hour.
She never liked hospital. Right now, it wasn’t that she didn’t want to stay… it was just that she couldn’t stand it anymore. Both wanted to stay. Both wanted to wait until something happened… and finally, they left the bedroom silently, without even staring behind them as they closed the door, not noticing that the “bip” had suddenly become irregular.
Once they were in the hallway, they sat in front of the door. They wanted to stay... but not in the same room. Not in a room where death seemed omnipresent… It was too much to them. They were old… well, “adult”, but they had never really experiment death. Minami had lost her father when she was young. She remembered it clearly, but now she understood much better what “loosing someone” meant. She understood the real consequences and the real impacts. As for Atsuko, it was new situation. Loosing someone close to her was new since her dog wasn’t really a real human being.
They heard some voices in proximity. They both looked and saw a group of person leaving the same room. There were three adults and two children. It seemed there were the father, the mother, the grandmother and two kids. The father looked like the actor involved in this situation, Kenji. Atsuko stared in silence while Minami was already bowing politely to them as they walked in front of them. The two older women of the group were slightly sobbing and the older man was trying to console them. The feeling they all had in their heart right now was indescribable. It was probably similar to how Atsuko and Minami felt… except that they could leave with hope mixed too. The actress and the singer knew who they all were before even asking them.
The children were only following them, silently crying, both looking through the window of the bedroom Hiroko was in. They seemed to be around ten and thirteen years old. Suddenly, the older, who was a bit behind the rest of the family, stopped in front of Minami and said, a bit harsh:
“I know you. I saw you with my brother. You were working with him recently, weren’t you? Are you responsible for everything? Couldn’t you save him?”
A protective little brother… Minami was about to answer when the father interrupted them.
“Excuse him.” He bowed to the girls. “He doesn’t understand everything yet.”
“It’s fine…” Atsuko said. “He’s right, we were working with him…”
“Do you… know what happened?” The man asked, trying to find answer to his questions too.
“No, I’m sorry.” Minami apologized. “You must be… Kenji-san’s father?”
He nodded as she continued:
“I know your son. My name is Minami Takahashi… I’ve been working with him until recently. He had a role in my PV for my first single.”
The father and the singer stared at each other. The father wanted to thank her, but was stopped by a feeling he couldn’t describe. He knew he had heard this name from his son… long time ago. And the singer wanted to hate this man in front of her because of what his son had done to her, but she knew she couldn’t increase their sorrow more than now. Their visual exchange was stopped by the mother, who was calling the two others children, like she wanted to enjoy each second she passed with them… like she was scared to loose them too.
“How is he?” Atsuko suddenly said, knowing Takamina needed help. “You son, is he alright?”
She wanted to support her girlfriend, but she, too, had been friend with him… It was undeniable.
“He could look better… Let’s just say that. You can go and see by yourself. I’m sorry, but I must leave you now. My wife can’t believe what is happening and she is exhausted by everything…we were sure he had just started his life, you know? Now… we can only wait for something better to happen. We’re just… frustrated.”
He bowed again and left with the others. They were walking silently, and as they turned the corner, Minami could feel the father glancing at her one last time.
“They were… Kenji’s family…” Atsuko murmured. “They must be really sad now…”
Minami nodded silently. No matter how much she hated him, she knew there would still be people loving him… of course, his family, but also friends and acquaintances. She would be stupid to think that, because she hated him, everyone would. And now, she realized that whoever was in the hospital, whatever their condition, there would always be people crying for them.
They were probably sadder about Kenji than she was about Hiroko… for the simple reason that unlike her with the ex manager, they had never stopped loving Kenji. By hurting Kenji, whatever had happened, Hiroko had not only hurt him… but also a lot of people around him, fan included. Now, Minami really didn’t know what to think. She still hated him… but seeing so much people sad about him… she didn’t know if she should feel compassion about it or just… nothing. Somehow, taking revenge was probably not the best solution… since it meant only focusing on one person and forgetting his entourage that could be hurt by this.
“I wonder if he will survive.” Atsuko added carefully. “I… I will go and then come back. I… will go alone.”
The singer looked at her. She couldn’t just tell her girlfriend to not go see him when they were in this situation. She couldn’t tell her to stop being friend… Atsuko had not known the same person Minami had. Atsuko… had not known him like she had…
“I will come back. I promise.”
Atsuko didn’t exactly know why she had to make this strange promise… She only felt she had to reassure Minami in a place like this. She had to make sure Minami knew she wouldn’t leave her alone. It was like… needed.
“I know.” Minami answered. “I’ll be waiting…”
The singer couldn’t see him, no matter how worst his condition was. She couldn’t just go see him and do nothing… Just by seeing his face, she would want to kill him… but she knew she could never do such a thing. Though it was true she couldn’t feel good by his side. She hated him and she knew she would never forgive him for stealing his peaceful youth away.
As Atsuko was leaving, she surprised herself thinking about what would have happened if she had not been her manager. If she had never seen Hiroko again… would the woman be in this situation now? Probably not. Was is really a coincidence if Minami was there, literally assisting at her last moments on earth? Now… Hiroko could have died way before and she would have never known it. It was the same with a lot of people from her childhood… One day, she would have heard that this person died… and even if this person was her friend before, she wouldn’t care too much because they were walking on separate paths now. It was the way life was. When you stopped talking to someone, it’s like you can’t care about them anymore. If you heard they died, you would be a bit sad… but nothing more. You would forget about it, and many years later, remember it again… just like an infinite circle.
Hiroko’s situation was all thank to their meeting, years later. Minami sure felt concerned about it, but she still wasn’t sure about how she should feel. She was loosing a friend… but also an enemy… should she be sad or relieve about it? Should she cry or celebrate? Should she… forget about the past and do like nothing happened? Should she just remember the great memories and forget about the rest? Life wasn’t that easy. But one thing was sure, loosing Hiroko would mean loosing definitely a part of her past.
Deep in herself, she wanted to remember the old manager like her friend, like the one who had supported her all the time, like the one who had saved her life… but Atsuko’s words about her were haunting her. Was it really possible to only remember the great times she had had with her? She didn’t want to decide yet. She wanted to know about the whole situation before deciding anything. After all, she didn’t know everything, and she had to keep in mind that this woman had really threatened her girlfriend before.
“Excuse me!” A different doctor shouted, almost pushing her back.
He quickly went inside Hiroko’s room, soon followed by two nurses bringing another machine. He seemed anxious as a second doctor came in, closing the door behind them. Minami, feeling suddenly her heartbeat increasing spectacularly, could only look through the window, waiting for Atsuko to come back. She felt like in this episode of Majisuka Gakuen when Atsuko was crying, looking at Minami’s body in the hospital… except that she wasn’t crying.
“Excuse me…” Minami asked to a third nurse bringing some intravenous injection. “What is happening?”
“I’m in hurry, I can’t explain!” She quickly apologized as she entered the room too.
Without realizing it, Minami was shaking. She was hardly trying to control herself as she heard one of the doctors saying they were loosing her. Atsuko’s agency was right. They had to hurry if they wanted to see her… because it would soon be too late. She hadn’t expected it to be so soon though… Looking around the room, there was nobody else. And it had probably been the same since the beginning. Minami knew Hiroko didn’t have family anymore… and she didn’t know about friends, but it seemed they really were the only ones coming to visit her today. She couldn’t help feeling bad about this loneliness.
“It’s… It’s done.” She heard the doctor saying from the inside, followed by a constant “bip”. “There is nothing more we can do… it is as we expected.”
***
“Are you Minami Takahashi?” The first doctor she had met before asked as she nodded.
Thirty minutes already… It had been thirty minutes since everything was done… It seemed like it had just happened a second ago. The singer couldn’t get this image out of her head. A part of her had died at the same time…
“We found this… yesterday in her pocket. I thought… maybe it might be important.” He said, giving her a short piece of paper in which her name was written.
Leaving her alone, the doctor glanced at the singer, hoping it would be fine. Minami took a deep breathe and opened it quickly. She wanted to put an end to this. She wanted everything to be a bad dream…
“I’m stupid, right?
I hope you will like my gift… or at least, that you will realize the true reason why I did it.
I’m sorry.”
Minami stared at it for a long time in silence. She would give anything she had to wake up… to see Hiroko talking to her, even if it was to insult her. She would give anything just to see her moving… just to hear her breathing… just to see her doing something. Just a year ago, she would have never thought that… but now…
Now she knew that… she could only remember the great things about her… no matter how much efforts she was doing to hate her. Hiroko had saved her life years ago… and now Minami was just letting her die without saying anything.
***
When Atsuko left Kenji’s room, she was slightly sobbing. His condition was horrible. Not being able to eat for the rest of his life… she didn’t think it was possible. Not being able to drink too… could it be worst?! How could someone be in such a situation because of what seemed to be a fight? The actor would probably never be able to live normally… just thinking about it made her sadder. She was not sure about how to feel because Kenji had helped her… but from what her girlfriend said, he was just the worst guy living on earth. Coming from a girl who had heartlessly left her best friend when she was young because of a confession, it was sure strange to hear it… but Atsuko trusted her more than anyone.
It didn’t take her long to immediately notice something was wrong. The hallway was not empty anymore. There was a group of doctor/nurses talking together, writing some notes. Minami was nowhere to be seen. Atsuko swallowed with difficulty, hoping it wasn’t what she had in mind. Already emotionally instable, she didn’t want to let her feelings explode too. She wanted to stay calm, but just the fact that her girlfriend was not there was enough to drive her crazy.
It was that, being in love.
She slowly walked toward the group of person. They stopped talking as she went nearer. The doctor whispered something and left, soon followed by the others. It didn’t look very professional, but they knew they had to leave. The actress, getting nervous, went in front of the door of Hiroko’s bedroom and suddenly stopped breathing. She was expecting blood, more machines, a constant “bip”, some nurses… anything that would be a sign of life!
The room was entirely empty except for the bed… and Minami, standing in front of it.
Atsuko was by her side in a second. The singer was just looking at the floor. The emptiness of the piece was kind of scary. It was just… nothing. There was nothing left. Hiroko was gone. Even if they were both in the room, it seemed like if life itself had left the place. Atsuko already understood the whole thing. While she was by Kenji’s side… her second manager, the one who had wanted to bring her to the top more than anyone else… had left this world. But the actress knew, by staring at the girl she loved, that it wasn’t only the manager who had just died. It was also Minami’s old friend, even though recently they looked more like enemies than anything else.
Minami had known the good side of Hiroko while Atsuko hadn’t. And Atsuko had known the good side of Kenji, unlike Minami. One of them had just died… Even with death around them, the two girls were still connected, in a special way.
Dying… is something that cannot be explained.
Atsuko opened her mouth many times to speak, but gave up. There was nothing she could say. She couldn’t understand how troubled Minami must feel right now, tearing between hatred and friendship, between sadness and relieve. She couldn’t really understand how it felt to hate someone when in fact she was supposed to love this person. True, Minami was supposed to hate her. But reality was not like this. Reality was never like we wanted.
Atsuko slowly took her girlfriend’s hand, aware it was the only thing she could do to make her remember that… they were alive. Minami needed this contact to realize that death wasn’t everywhere. Right now, staring at this empty bed, remembering her past, imagining her future… it wasn’t the best thing to do. First, they had to get out of here. More than anything, they had to get out of this bedroom, and eventually of this hospital. In a way, leaving would help them to calm down and take time to fully understand…
The actress knew it in a way… Hiroko had wanted to kill Kenji, it was possible, but if it was really like that, then she must have wanted to kill herself too. It was logically impossible Hiroko didn’t know about Kenji trying to protect himself. She must have known that she was risking her life by doing whatever she did to him. She must have been aware of the consequences… or else she wouldn’t be there right now. She wouldn’t be dead right now… A part of Hiroko wanted to kill herself by elimination Minami’s old enemy.
As they slowly walked outside the room, Atsuko could easily feel that her girlfriend was sobbing. From sadness or something else, she didn’t know it, but Minami was sobbing. And Atsuko was sure that, if only she could see her face clearly, she would see salt water on her cheeks. She, too, wanted to cry. She was sad about it… she was in front of the most incomprehensible thing ever… but she couldn’t cry. She had lost someone she was working with, someone who had tried to ruin the chances of her and Minami being together… someone who had threatened her most of the time… but also someone she was thankful to because of Minami’s past. She couldn’t cry, but she was sad.
Warm air caressed their faces as they finally went outside. They had not said anything. Their hands were not holding each other anymore. They had decided they would hide their relationship to the world, but Atsuko could feel that Minami wanted to hold her hand right now, even if they were in the middle of a wave of people. She did so, and it was enough to make Minami say something for the first time since they had left the hospital.
“S-Stop it… It’s a secret, remember?” She said shyly.
“People will think we’re only close friends… but to me you’re more than that.” Atsuko just answered, not releasing her hand.
Minami didn’t answer, but didn’t remove her hand. She liked to feel Atsuko was just there, by her side. She was not alone. She had… never been alone.
They walked together for a while. Minami just wanted to go back home and sleep… but she endured her tiredness just because she didn’t want to leave Atsuko yet. In fact, she didn’t want to leave her for the rest of her life, but she knew it was impossible. She had to get this scene out of her head… the one in which she heard many voices… all talking about how everything was done now… that Hiroko had no chances to survive anymore.
They arrived at Atsuko’s house, the point from where they had rushed toward the hospital a few hours ago. It was the time they knew they had to separate. They had spent a lot of time together, but death or not, they had work tomorrow, and they knew they both needed to sleep.
“Stay here for the night.” Atsuko suddenly said. “You don’t want to stay alone today… and I don’t want too.”
“Are you sure I won’t-”
“It’s not like we’re only friends now… You can stay as long as you want, my mother won’t mind. And today… I don’t want you to stay alone.”
Minami looked at her thankfully. They walked inside together. They didn’t say anything as they both bathe, Minami before Atsuko since the actress knew how shy her friend was. Usually, she would have teased her, but today was not the right time. There was no time for joking or make fun of her. They didn’t say anything as they quickly ate something before going to sleep. They didn’t say anything as they laid side by side, embracing slightly each other. They both stared at each other. They didn’t want to do anything tonight. They weren’t in the mood to do anything anyway… They could only looked in the other’s eyes… and thank the other to have been together all the time. It is only when they were both falling asleep that Minami murmured something… something she had in mind since they went to the hospital.
“I’ve never liked Hiroko’s way to resolve a problem… but this time, I can’t help being thankful… even if it’s stupid from me…”
Even Atsuko couldn’t answer anything to this…
***
Flash Back
“How did you do?”
“What are you talking about?”
Hiroko was confronting Kenji. They were in an empty street. Hiroko had asked him to meet there because she wanted to talk. But in fact, she had something else in mind.
“How did you do… to keep living with this secret?”
“What secret?”
“You bullied her!” Hiroko screamed.
The silence following this sentence was glacial, even though it was hot outside. Hiroko was not really aware of what she was doing. She didn’t know exactly why she was there, screaming at him, wanting him to die so much. The only thing she had in mind was an image of young Takamina crying in her arms. And that, only, was enough to wake her evil side up.
“Again? Are you her bodyguard or what?” Kenji said, raising her eyebrow.
Hiroko shook her head. He was pretentious. He was pretending there was nothing wrong. He was just waiting for Takamina to forgive him, so he could erase the only negative part of his life. He was not even regretting what he had done.
“I’m just someone trying to-”
“You don’t need to answer me.” Kenji said, annoying. “I know who you are. I know a lot about you. You’re just someone trying to fix the past in the present. You can’t do anything. What are you waiting for? You think if you do something now it will be fine? You know what I think? It’s too late already. You can’t do anything for your dear friend. I heard she’s not even your friend now. So stop it, okay? I told you, right? I will wait until she forgives me. What I did was-”
“Stupid. What you did was purely stupid, but I’m sure you don’t regret anything.”
The two persons staring at each other were mentally strong. They were both determinate to prove they were right. They were both ready to fight to prove it. They were alike. They both had this strength in their personality that said “I won’t let anyone insulting me”.
“Excuse me?” Kenji asked, surprised. “I regret it, of course. I didn’t want things to happen like this. I wanted to be her friend for real… but then, they threatened me too.”
He seemed so sincere that Hiroko stepped back, fearing she might have been wrong since the beginning.
“I hate you.” She said. “I hate you more than anyone can hate you except Minami herself.”
She only realized her mistake later, when it was too late. This weakness… Kenji knew he could use it to get him out of this embarrassing and annoying situation. He was not going to hesitate… because he never hesitated. He was the type of guy going straight to the point. He would never let anyone stop him from going farther. He knew the difference between what was good and bad… he just didn’t care about it. He wanted to be accepted.
“Minami?” He smirked. “I see… you want to protect “your” Minami I guess? I thought you were more intelligent than that. She hates you. She hates you as much as she hates me.”
Hiroko stopped talking, speechless.
“I’m right and you know it. What are you doing? You want to kill me so she can love you again? Are you really that stupid?” He sighed.
“You ruined my chances with her, even before I knew I loved her.”
“What?!”
Kenji was lost. They were insulting each other a few seconds… and not Hiroko had just mentioned a subject he totally ignored the existence. Weren’t they only friends?! What was this crazy woman talking about? She was the one who wanted to see him, right? If it was only to blame him about something he didn’t know, he’d rather just leave right now.
“She didn’t have any self confidence… I’m sure it has a role with her suddenly leaving me… She didn’t want to trust me anymore… I’m sure it’s because of what you did before!”
“Are you crazy?!”
“She was unsure about herself, even when I was with her. She still thought about you, I’m sure of this. She still had on mind what you had done to her… and how painful it was. My chances were ruined… because you made her scared about anything new…”
Kenji had difficulties to follow Hiroko’s point, but still managed to understand the most important part.
“You’re just… not good at all.” She finished.
“Right, I made mistakes when I was young. I don’t know what happened with you, but I have nothing to do with whatever you are talking about. Right now, I’m not as nice as I pretend to be, but you know, you have to look like this when you’re famous. But even so, I really want her to forgive me. You can understand what I mean, right? Didn’t your mother act this way too?”
He had touched a sensible point there, and Hiroko was not confident at all.
“My mother was honest. She wasn’t playing a role. She was herself anytime anywhere.”
“She was famous before being your mother.” He said harshly, tired of being the one attacked by someone. “She was famous before anything else.”
“Shut up…” Hiroko said, trying to control her sorrow. “Don’t talk about my mother this way!”
He was provoking her. He was saying hard things about her mother just so he can provoke her. The hatred Hiroko felt about the whole thing… about her rejection, about Takamina’s sadness when she was young, about the responsibility she had about it… about her mother’s death… This hatred was going to explode.
“You’re famous, that’s why you want her to forgive you. If ever people knew about this…”
“They will surely let me down.” He said with conviction, totally aware of this situation. “That’s the main reason why I want her to forgive me.”
“You’re egoist.”
“I am not alone. You too are. You want to take revenge or what? You want to kill me? Do it! But what changes will it makes? Seriously, you would only think about you by doing this. I’ve done nothing wrong now as an actor. I don’t want past to ruin my life!”
“I never said I was going to kill you. I’m not this kind of person. I only wanted to talk to you… just to let you know that I want to reveal it to everyone, the kind of person you were before. And talking about it… past is ruining my life right now.”
“You’re not able to say it. People would not believe you.” Kenji growled. “This is bullshit. You’re talking like you’re the one suffering the most in the world. People will never believe you.”
Hiroko sighed loudly.
“I am going to tell them everything… it is the only thing I can do.”
She was not really convincing, but it was enough to make Kenji doubt about it. And God knew how much he didn’t want anyone to know about it. Ijime was something that could ruin his career in less than a second. He had to make sure nothing about him being the aggressor would ever leave them. He had to control this information because he knew he had no choice. This Hiroko could do whatever she wanted, but if she really was going to tell the world about it, he had to make sure it would never happen. Yes, he was like this. He was the kind of guy who regretted what he had done… but his priority was definitely his current life. He wanted to ask forgiveness… and then make sure it would stay between them, but now…
“Just say something and I’ll be sure to find you.” He slowly threatened her.
But it didn’t work. Hiroko was too upset too. She really, really, really couldn’t forgive him for, according to what she thought, having ruined her chances with Takamina, even if it had been a long time. But this simple rejection had had effect on her entire life. After her mother’s death, she had lived in a world full of hatred, mostly because she had been alone all the time, left by the only friend she had. She couldn’t even think about doing something good. In her mind, it was clear: she was never going to deal with love again. She had avoided it all her life. She had avoided love… and continued her life full of hatred. Until today.
“I will. Be sure I will.” Hiroko said. “I’m not afraid of you. Today, I wanted to tell you that… I will take revenge someday… I will not let her down… it’s the last thing I have to do.”
“I know it already, stop repeating the same thing again and again!” Kenji said. “I won’t let you say anything about it. Just do as I say and everything will be alright.”
But Hiroko was not going to let him do so.
“Do whatever you want, you should know by now that I never listen to anyone. I have proves now. Minami… is not going to suffer anymore because of you.” She said, taking a tape recorder out of her handbag. “I will let her hear everything… and then, maybe she will realize that I have the right to tell the truth.”
She turned around. She was done for the night. She wanted to kill him, but of course, she wouldn’t dare do that… She wouldn’t, because she knew there were others ways to help the singer. But she didn’t have to chance to make three steps that Kenji was on her back, ready to hit her.
“Don’t even think about saying anything.” He said with a dark voice. “I don’t know who you think you are, but there’s no way you’re going to ruin my life. I think Takahashi is old enough to be able to decide by herself without being helped from an enemy!”
Hiroko flinched. An enemy… HE was the enemy. She quickly freed herself from his arms, but he didn’t let her go. That was when she realized that… she was in trouble.
“Promise.” He ordered. “Promise me you won’t say anything.”
She didn’t even open her mouth and kept walking.
She made a mistake to think everything would be easy. She made a mistake thinking she could just threaten him and forget about the end… because things are never like we imagine. She turned and pushed him back. She was stronger than she looked and he actually fell on a metal piece that was on the floor. He screamed in pain at this unexpected event.
“You stupid-” Kenji shouted as he directly punched strongly her chest. “Don’t think I will let you do that!”
But Hiroko wasn’t listening to him anymore. Her hand on her chest, she was barely breathing. She could hear her own heartbeat becoming irregular as she remembered the doctor’s words about her heart. Her heart… it must be protected all the time or else…
“Promise!” He screamed, determinate. “Or else I’m gonna-”
He stopped, seeing Hiroko was spitting blood on the floor. He shivered. He hadn’t hit her so bad, right? He had just… protect his reputation, right? He had not… no, he had done nothing. Look, she’s moving. She’s walking toward her car. She’s going to go home and everything would be done… With the punch he had given her, she would never talk about this event to anybody, right? Right… that was what he thought.
“Are you fine?” He asked as she was walking away. “I mean… It’s not my fault… You hit me!”
Hiroko turned to him and looked straight in his eyes, blood covering her mouth. In the darkness of the night, she looked a bit like a vampire, focusing her attention on her prey.
I hate you...
“I… hate you…” She managed to pronounce as she turned away.
I hate myself...
“You won’t tell anyone, will you?!” He asked without getting any answer.
He could hardly see in front of him, only the shadow of the woman entering her car.
I hate the entire world...
He turned around. He had done the right thing. He was protecting himself. He was just protecting himself… That’s all… Nothing else. He had not punched her. He had not threatened her… Tomorrow he would wake up and do his job as usual…
I hate this society
But he didn’t even had the time to turn around as the car seemed to leave the middle of the street to head toward him, flashlight illuminating his body like a bright projector on a stage.
Hiroko went outside and walked hardly by his side. She knew she hadn’t killed him, but she hoped she had hurt him enough so he can regret everything for real. Then, she collapsed by his side and her body was now only moving because of regular spasms… as blood was coming out from her mouth for the second time.
I hate... love.
End of Flash Back
***
The next morning, Minami woke up alone. Atsuko was already gone for her work. The small girl felt a bit alone without her girlfriend by her side, but it wasn’t because they had finally decided to be serious that the world was going to stop for them. If only they could at least have breakfast together everyday… it would be the best way to start the day. They had spent yesterday together the whole day, she had only waked up now… and she missed Atsuko already. She promised her to call her later this day, just to hear her voice.
The singer, too, had an interview soon and she had to hurry. Nevertheless, she spent her time thinking about the word Hiroko had left her. She knew it should have a link with the answer of her many questions, but strangely, she couldn’t think properly about it. The gift… was it the fact that Kenji was stuck in the hospital right now? And the reason why she had done it… what was it? She had a bad feeling about it. She hoped it was worth it because if not, she would feel bad for the rest of her life, thinking he had suffered for nothing…
No, not nothing. Even if she was not sure about it, she knew Hiroko had targeted him because… of their past. It HAD to have a link, because it could be nothing else. He had suffered… because of what he had done to her before…
She listened to the news. Of course, they were talking about Kenji’s situation since he was now famous. The media were accusing Hiroko to have tried to kill him… And somehow, Minami just couldn’t believe it. The media were really accusing her… They thought she was the responsible for everything… They thought Kenji was the right guy, innocent… The singer would probably never know the truth behind everything, because the only person she could talk with was now gone… She would probably never know what had really happened… but somehow, she knew Hiroko was not the kind of person to kill someone else just because of something meanness. It wasn’t Hiroko to do something like this… Even if they had not talked since a long time, the memories she had about her old friend… just proved that Hiroko would not hurt anyone.
The media were also trying to make links about Atsuko, about the fact that she might be involved in everything… they were talking about Hiroko as the child of the greatest actress… In fact, Hiroko had, once again, lost her true identity, hidden behind her mother’s shadow. But it wasn’t the main reason why Minami was upset, again, with adults. It was just the fact that… they were accusing Hiroko about everything when they didn’t have concrete proves. And they were even blaming her mother’s death for this incident! Maybe it had a link, but bringing back an old memory wasn’t exactly the best to resolve this problem!
Thinking about it now made Minami realized how much Hiroko much have endured about everything in her life… how much pain she must have had in her heart. And the only thing she could think about now was that…
“I think I know a part of what she meant. Support, friends, fame, money and promise of a better life… somehow, having everything is not enough to make pain go away. Having everything… doesn’t protect anyone from suffering.”
***
One week later, the sun was bright and people could hear laughs coming from everywhere. It was weird. Each time a tragedy happened… there was always the sun high in the sky, like if the entire world was not taking care of this incident. Like if it wasn’t important anymore now that and, soon, it would be out of everyone’s mind. It was just… nothing. It seemed like it was the most normal thing in the world when, in fact, people were highly affected by this.
There was a group of people standing there. They were not a lot, but there were some people at least… They seemed to be alone in the world. Everywhere around them, there were trees, grass, even some cars a bit away… The sky was blue, birds were singing… it was just another nice day to spend outside with friends. But inside the hearts of these persons, it was raining… like it would be raining every year, at this precise day, for the rest of their lives.
A bit apart from them, two figures, looking at the scene, hidden by a huge tree standing in the middle of the place. Right, the place was perfectly normal… except for the hundredth gravestones dispersed around them. Different heights, different colors, different forms… but also different persons buried under their feet. Yes… everything looked just… too calm, too perfect, too normal… like if the stones had appeared there by themselves.
The two persons didn’t want to approach the others. They didn’t want anyone to notice them. They weren’t supposed to be there. They had cancelled their work just to assist now. It had been the longest week in their lives. They didn’t know exactly why they had come here, nor what they were going to do once everything would be done, but they just felt like they had to be there… And then, never come back so they could forget. Yes, that’s it, they would never come back here, not even next year. What they had lived recently because of this person… they wanted to remember it forever, but most of all, they wanted to forget it and skip to something else. They were waiting to start a better tomorrow.
Less than an hour later, the few people started leaving. The two girls spying them exchanged glances and went there, where two minutes ago, there was a meeting. The gravestone was simple. Two simple names were graved. Minami knew now that her old friend really didn’t have any family than her mother. Her father was gone… but he wasn’t with them right now.
“Maybe where she is right now… She can finally be happy with her mother.” Minami said with difficulty. “Maybe everything is fine now…”
“Maybe…” Atsuko just answered.
They stared at the stone for a while and exchanged glances again. Holding the other’s hand, they turned around and left. They had nothing else to do here… they knew that person would probably not liked them being there… but anyway. One second right after they had started walking, so they were not too far from the stone, Minami turned around one last time, grabbed Atsuko’s arm and embraced her, kissing her softly at the same time. Surprised, the actress didn’t push her back. They stayed like this a few seconds, tasting the other’s lips before she finally decided to stop.
“W-Wait, not in a place like this…” Atsuko stammered after the sudden gesture from her friend, though she did like that… And they weren’t doing anything wrong, they were only kissing and nobody was looking at them.
But Minami was not listening to her girlfriend. She was fixing the stone and just whispered:
“I told you… I told you me and Atsuko were different… that we could be together.”
It sounded like a soft revenge on the enemy she had in Atsuko’s ex manager. It also sounded like… a promise that she would never stop loving Atsuko.
They walked away… saying farewell to a woman who, against her will, had positively changed their lives.
TBC
END NOTE: I seriously hope the way I describe the whole hospital thing was credible because... yes anyway. Same for the Kenji/Hiroko thing, though I know this looks reallyyyyyy stupid :smhid Thank my brain for that :banghead:
END NOTE 2: Thank you for reading! Now I must go to sleep... like you guys probably know, I have the really bad idea to update right when I need to go to sleep and then I blame JPHIP for being sleepy... Well... Oyasumi~ By the way, anyone having facebook can join the JPHIPsterz group!
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OMG this chapter WAS SO... OMG LIKE OMG OMG :O
This was so awesomely written i felt all the rush of the emotions in this. VERY GOOD JOB!! :twothumbs :twothumbs :twothumbs
The hospital scene was very depressing and sad i was hoping that Hiroko could live since she's a good person despite the hate between her and Takamina.
MANNNN I KNEWWW IT THAT STUPID KENJI KILLED HIROKO JSKSGSDGBSDGFBGKJSFBGSSFNJKFNJFK :angry: :angry: :angry: I WAS ABOUT TO FLIP A CHAIR CAUSE OF HIM :angry: HE SO CONCERNED ABOUT HIMSELF ALL THE TIME NOT CARING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE ARGGHHHHHHHHHHH :angry: :angry: :angry:
I really sucks seeing people accuse Hiroko of hurting Kenji when its all complete BS and she's totally innocent
What happened to the tape recorder that Hiroko had? Did Kenji take it? or is it gonna end up with Takamina somehow. I hope he gets exposed i just hate seeing an innocent person get framed
Even though there wasn't much Takacchan moments seeing Acchan and Takamina together through this hard time is so sweet. :)
I will be waiting when you update again! :D :D :D
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OMG, your story really can make me obsessed, read the 1st chapter and going on and on till the last you have written and awaiting for more. make me :cry: , make me :wub: .... Thanks so much, go on go on...
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It's more like there are some really great things I want to say, such comparison, metaphor and so on.... and it sounds really good in French, but I CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT WORDS IN ENGLISH  This is what I'am always talking about 
I know this feeling, since you don't find the word you have to say what you want to say in an other way and sometime it's not really what you wanted to say lol but it also true when you translate english to french xD
For the chapter wow at the beginning you make me hate Hiroko and now I'm on her side. They is unfair Hiroko did some good things and she died almost alone. Sometime I want to blame Takamina for what she did lol I almost cried but I don't cry easily lol For Kenji I think he's punished enought
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hello bou-san.. :)
i've been your fans since i read your fanfics in chapter 11 (yeah.. it's been so long time to not join here :smhid )
i just wanna say thank you for made those fics.. :on cny1: really really love it XD
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BTW, I'm not rushing your updates or anything....BUT,
it is my birthday tomorrow.....yeah.....kinda awkward....anyways yea....
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^
Umm... thank for reminding me... To be honest, half of my chapter is done, and even though I really tried to write today, it's not all done yet.
It's been a week since I haven't wrote anything because of school. Today was the last day before finals exams, starting tomorrow with physics. It's also my final year at this school, so graduation ^^ And since I totally suck at physics, I really had/have to study a lot, Monday, yesterday and tonight.
So yes, I will try to update tomorrow, but if not, I swear I will Friday. Coz you updated for my birthday, I wanted to do the same ^^
Happy birthday!
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Its ok actually, just update after your exams =)
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^
Ohh, did I forget to tell you I never listen to anyone? :mon cigar:
mangobanana15: Thank you ^^ The whole chapter was half inspired from something true, so I'm gald I described it well :theking We'll see what will happen with the recorder in this chapter. And yes, thank for waiting, because seriously, I'm late this time -.-'
crazywota: LOL I don't to write a kiss scene each minute, but hey, I think I will at least insert one here and there :roll: I see, ok, sorry, I kinda suck at remembering who is who on fb XD Don't worry, I'm mostly stalking now coz I have nothing to say.
luckymmsg: Aww thank you :) I will try to make you feel like this but I don't know if it will work :P Enjoy this chapter ^^
kahem: Ohh, no more revenge on Kenji? We'll see... Actually, you're the first one saying this. Peace and love yo XD
d_ruffi: Thank you for reading my fic! It's always encouraging to have someone popping out :grin: Enjoy!
yourstruly: I don't know what your time zone is... BUT I DID IT!! I FINISHED MY CHAPTER!!! I didn't study for all the afternoon, but since I'm good in french (94% *.*), I guess it will be fine anyway... AH SO PROUD OF MYSELF. HAPPY BIRTHDAY :on BDay:
Everyone reading:Thank you :grin:
Waaaa, as mentionned before, I'm busy. You should have seen me with this chapter, really trying to finish it... :mon study: Writing like crazy, but I'm still late. I'll wait until tomorrow during my exam to regret it XD
So yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOURSTRULY!!!!!! Hope you'll enjoy this chapter and that you had a great day :theking
Now now... guys, I'm really sorry for being late. I wanted to update, but my chapter was really not done before and I had to fight a lack of motivation two weeks ago -.-' And if it wasn't for yourstruly's b-day.... you would have probably waited until July coz I can't write this week-end until... um... June 29? XD School will be done 22th, but then I have many things to do :smhid So, FEEL LUCKY XD
I shall not make you wait any longer.
Sorry for the mistakes!
Chapter 24
Reading newspapers is the worst thing to do when you are a celebrity. Knowing what media think about you can become hard to support and can easily destroy your self confidence. Sometimes you read nice things and become aware that you have thousand fans supporting you… sometimes you discover that haters are everywhere as well. That’s why stars try to avoid media. They just want to have a private life like everyone, even if they don’t act like this in public. But sometimes, you just can’t avoid what is happening. And sometimes, even if it’s lie, you’re hurt by this and your reputation is too.
“IS ATSUKO MAEDA INVOLVED?”
“WAS HIROKO SATO INFLUENCING THE FAMOUS ACTRESS?”
“WILL ATSUKO MAEDA FINISH THE JOB?”
“ACCIDENT… OR MORE?”
“KENJI TAKEO HAS BEEN ATTACKED BY HIROKO SATO!”
Media were talking about this everywhere. Everything was, of course, lies. But strangely, everyone always believed lies, everyone except the ones concerned. This was exactly what was happening with Atsuko. She had known media would talk about it, so she had tried to avoid it, but wherever she was looking, there was something about her and her ex manager. She still had fans, of course, but haters were taking this opportunity to talk behind her back even more, trying to figure what would happen with Kenji. Even if she was trying to look the same way, always smiling in front of the camera, she was more aware of the haters and it hurt her. She was always afraid she might not do the right thing, always afraid her fans would let her down soon. Because without her fans, she was nothing. She was not an actress.
Everywhere, everyone was linking her with Hiroko, exactly the same way the manager had been with her mother. She was not only Atsuko, now she was the girl whose manager had killed someone. People didn’t know about the truth, they thought Kenji was totally innocent… and unfortunately, they would probably never know the truth behind this cruel event. This incident had repercussions on Atsuko’s reputation, of course, but it was not all. It had effects on Minami, since she was always by the actress’s side, and also on AKB48, since it had been her old group, the start point of everything. There had been the porn scandal with another member and now the ace herself was related to a murderer…
Since Atsuko herself didn’t know about the real story, she couldn’t really protect herself from the question people were asking her. Was it her fault? Probably not, but how could she prove it? Medias were cruel when it came to rumours. She still had her drama, but another one had been cancelled until they knew the real thing. She had thousand interviews, by herself or with her new manager. People wanted to talk with Kenji, but he was not in condition to answer anything. It would take a long time until he gets better, which was a great thing because people would have forgotten a little about it. Thousand of his fans had insulted Atsuko about being involved. Her agency had become really prudent and read each letter she received, throwing the haters’ away.
It had been three weeks already, but it was still one of the main subject in the actuality. Atsuko had never gone to see him again. She knew he was doing fine anyway. He had a family to take care of him and fans would make sure he was fine once he could leave the hospital. Minami was supporting her all the time, so she also felt bad about visiting her girlfriend’s enemy, the one who had put an end to Hiroko’s life. The singer couldn’t believe there were so many people loving him after what had happened, but she couldn’t blame them since they didn’t know anything. They didn’t know Kenji like she did.
“So… How do you feel about Kenji-san’s situation? Don’t you think you could have seen your manager’s plan and tried to stop her?”
The actress was currently answering an interview for another magazine. She couldn’t remember how many times she had had to answer this question.
“I’ve never seen her acting in a different way. She was smiling, she didn’t seem to be depressed or anything like this. I was not with her when it happened. I feel bad for him. I can see there are lots of people caring about him, so I wish he will be fine soon. I can’t believe what she had done… I mean, I seriously didn’t know anything about it, it happened so suddenly!”
She knew the answer by heart now. What she must not answer, and what she had to say.
“You weren’t encouraging her? Maybe you were saying things that might have influenced her.”
Here it goes… Again.
“No… I don’t think so. Me and my manager were only acquaintances for work. I was not talking a lot to her when we were not working. Unlike what some people thinks, we didn’t have the best relationship… of course, it wasn’t too important, but we weren’t best friends. I didn’t help her, if this is what you are trying to say. I’m not involved. The only thing I did was to visit her when she was at the hospital. I also visited Kenji, because he was a great friend of mine.”
“But she wasn’t your manager anymore when she was at the hospital, right? So why would you bother and visit her?”
Atsuko frowned at the question. It wasn’t because Hiroko was not her manager anymore that she necessary had to do like she had never existed.
“She was still a person I had worked with. I wanted to see how she was doing and to be honest, I hoped it was not too important, but… this is what happened. There’s nothing more. I didn’t go to the hospital because I wanted to encourage her or anything. It was just a short passing by… that’s all.”
The reporter seemed to doubt about this answer, like everyone did, but didn’t add anything. Instead, he looked down in his papers, obviously searching for something.
“So… Everyone knows that you are great friend with Takahashi Minami, right? From AKB48, you were best friends, and you are still hanging out a lot together, right?” He said as Atsuko nodded, not really understanding what he meant. “I see. You know, there are a lot of rumours going on here and there… One of them says that Takahashi-san, Kenji-san and Hiroko-san knew each other a long time ago and that it might be the reason why your manager did something like this. Is it true? Maybe it has no link, but we never know. Do you know about it?”
Atsuko flinched. It was the first time someone was asking her this question. She didn’t know about this rumour, but she knew it was going to happen. People from Minami’s childhood must have learned about the whole situation, and now they were speculating about whether or not it had a link.
“I don’t know about it…” Atsuko said hesitantly, trying to be careful. “If it is a long time ago, I don’t see how it can be related.”
“Alright…” The reporter sighed, knowing he would get nothing else. “We heard that Takahashi-san and Hiroko-san hated each other. Is it true? If so, it must have been hard for you to deal with this situation.”
The actress stared at the reporter. He sure knew a lot. It was unusual, so she wasn’t sure about what she should answer. But she knew she didn’t want Minami to be too much involved in this situation.
“I’m not sure about it…” Atsuko started. “Takamina and Hiroko didn’t talk a lot together, so maybe they might not be great friends, but they weren’t enemies. I mean, from what I could see, when I was with Takamina or Hiroko, it didn’t bother the other. They weren’t fighting or anything.”
The reporter wrote down some notes and asked:
“Do you think Takahashi-san could have helped Hiroko to do this? Since you and Kenji were great friends, maybe she could have been jealous and asked your manager to do something. If they really knew each other from before and weren’t enemies, this theory is credible.”
Atsuko frowned. This interview was becoming a bit too dangerous for her. He was the first reporter ever to make links like this, between them. Of course, she knew Minami would have never been jealous… right?
“I don’t think so… We never fight about him. We never talked about him when were we were together.”
It was not a lie… but it was not necessary the truth either.
“Well, we never know. Maybe she didn’t tell you about it, but it’s fine. Are you sure they aren’t related?”
“I don’t know about it.” Atsuko said, trying to lie.
But the reporter was an expert, and immediately noted something.
“If they knew each other, could there be a possibility that Kenji had been almost killed because of a personal reason involving them?”
Atsuko didn’t know what to answer except a “no”. She was starting to get anxious because the reporter was writing a lot. She wasn’t sure if it was positive or not, but she knew she must do something about. If it was becoming too hard, she would have to leave.
“So, is there a possibility that your manager wanted to kill herself while killing Kenji-san?”
“I want to make something clear, I don’t think my manager tried to kill him. Something must have happened, but I know her enough to say that she would have never killed anyone.”
The reporter didn’t seem to be necessary happy about being answering this way, but Atsuko was tired to hear that everything was Hiroko’s fault when it just couldn’t be.
“Is there a possibility that this situation was just a way to hide a suicide?” He repeated.
“My manager wasn’t depressive. She was always supporting me and I don’t see why she would have wanted to kill herself.”
“Is it related to her mother’s situation? Maybe she-”
“I don’t think so. I don’t think her mother’s situation had anything to do with this. Can you skip to another question, please?”
Surprised by the harsh tone of the actress, he asked her a few last questions before thanking her and letting her go, exhausted. The actress left the place, sighing loudly. She knew the article would just look like the others, despite the fact that he had mentioned Minami. Everything was the same since the beginning. Everything was just about rumours fading away as others were created… an infinite circle. The only thing she was sure nobody would ever know about what the truth behind Minami’s past… and the truth about Hiroko bullying her months ago. Nobody would ever know… They would just keep considering Hiroko had the murdered and Kenji, as the victim.
***
The actress went outside the building where she had done her interview and yawned. She was damn tired of this situation. She couldn’t wait for the moment when she would just finally start filming her new drama. Until then, she still had more interviews… with the same questions… probably accusing Hiroko to have done something even crueler to the poor and innocent Kenji. She smiled though, because she was supposed to see Minami in one hour. They had not seen each other for two weeks, because they had been busy with their works. One hour… she still had time to go to her agency to check her schedule for the next interviews tomorrow and after tomorrow.
She soon arrived to the office of her agency and went inside. She quickly talked with the main responsible before going to her place. She was really thankful to them for not leaving her when she had such a bad reputation. She was thankful that they were really giving her a chance to explain everything before judging her. They weren’t like those haters saying she was responsible for everything. No, unlike them, they didn’t relate her with Hiroko. They were just trying to explain the fact that they felt really sorry for Kenji and that they wished him the best, even in this condition. Most of all, they were really doing their best to make Atsuko feeling good. They knew the actress was hurt about this situation, so they were really trying to make sure it would not affect her too much. From times to times, when a drama contract was cancelled, they found another one.
On her desk, a single box was waiting for her. A small little brown box, without anything written outside. Atsuko gave an interrogative look to her manager, but only told her that the doctor had found it, that it belonged to Hiroko and that it must be given to her. She opened it and frowned. It was a small tape recorder. It was broken and didn’t seem to be working anyway. The only thing that looked in a correct state was the small tape by its side. She didn’t understand what it meant. A tape recorder? What for? What was Hiroko doing with this old machine? AND IT WAS BROKEN. What was she supposed to do with a BROKEN tape recorder? She didn’t have one, so she couldn’t read the tape either. And even so… weren’t they using… best technologies now to record someone’s words?
“What is this for?” She repeated to her manager. “It’s broken, why would I have this?”
She understood Hiroko having weird things, but she didn’t understand why it must be hers now that she was gone. She was not Hiroko’s closest acquaintance.
“The doctor said he had nothing to do with it. He found it in Hiroko’s pocket. Instead of giving it to anyone, he wanted you to have it. Maybe you know whose it is… He said he didn’t want to get involved in this situation if ever the tape contains important information.”
Atsuko sighed. She couldn’t keep it if she couldn’t even know what the tape contained. However, she didn’t throw it away and put it in her bag. Maybe someone else could help her about it. She immediately thought about Minami, since her girlfriend too knew Hiroko. If someone could help her, it was necessary Minami… right? Though she was sceptic about it. It couldn’t be that important, right? Of course… and right now she had something else on mind: it was time for her to join her girlfriend, finally.
***
“Minami!” Atsuko almost screamed as she hugged the small girl from behind, surprising her.
They had decided to meet in a small park, where only trees would be around them. Since they were both famous, and also because of the recent scandal, they didn’t want to be surrounded by strangers trying to talk to them, asking them thousand questions they just didn’t want to hear. It was getting harder for the two to keep secret what was left of their private life. It was one of the rare places they knew that would not be full of people running, eating and talking loudly. They had wanted to meet there, hiding from media, just so they could spend great times together for the first time since two weeks. If media had found them, they could have said farewell to their peaceful date.
“Don’t scream my name!” Minami protested, though addressing a bright smile to her girlfriend.
“MINA-”
“Shh!” The singer said, covering Atsuko’s mouth with her hand as they sat together. “Do you want the whole world to know we’re here?!”
Seeing the actress smirking at the question, Minami almost slapped her forehead, sighing.
“I’m just happy to see you!” Atsuko smiled. “I missed you so much!”
The singer rolled her eyes at Atsuko’s childish attitude, even though she could truly see that she was honest. She, too, had missed her more than she wanted to admit. She had spent the last two weeks performing her single, promoting her new photobook, being everywhere at the same time and answering many interviews. Like it wasn’t enough, she had had to travel in different cities to make bonus pictures she would give to her fans. She was still a bit idol-like… but it was remembering her great memories. It wasn’t too much different form AKB48, but now that she was a complete singer, people was considering her like this, not like a member of an idol group.
Being with the most beautiful girl on earth, according to her, was like a sweet and relaxing break from everything. She was not really comfortable with saying how she felt loudly, but she knew Atsuko already knew about it. She had missed her a lot and had waited for their date all day. “Date”… to her, it sounded so different. Before, they had used this word as joke just to make the AKB fans happy… but now it was truly a date… a special moment spending only the two of them. She had not even been able to sleep well last night because she was too excited to finally see her again. The enthusiasm with which Atsuko had called her made her feel blessed to be there by her side. Not only was the actress gorgeous today, but seeing her so happy only because of their meeting made Minami feel invincible. She wanted to scream Atsuko’s as well, but she was too shy and too afraid someone might hear her. All she could do was staring at Atsuko in the eyes so the actress could read her deepest feelings.
“Yes… I missed you too.”
They both smiled at each other. No one was around, and words were not needed.
“Really?” Atsuko asked after a few minutes of them admiring literally the other.
“Hmm?” Minami frowned slightly.
“You really missed me?” Atsuko asked, pretending to pout. “You don’t look like you missed me at all.”
In fact, Atsuko was secretly laughing at her cute girlfriend. She couldn’t help it, the small singer was too funny, trying to figure out a problem that just didn’t exist. Teasing her… was like the must.
“Of course, I did!” Minami tried to protest, though still shy. “I… I really missed you.”
“Really?”
“Yes!”
“Really?” Atsuko insisted, slowly moving closer.
The two inches separating their lips disappeared as the singer decided to take the lead, knowing very well what Atsuko wanted. She quickly moved apart though, as soon as she felt she was starting to loose her mind because of this indescribable sensation, scared someone might surprised them. They were still secretly dating, and though all she wanted was to press her soft lips against Atsuko’s, she didn’t want anyone to discover about them. Japan might not be the worst, it was still not the best country when it came to dealing with love between girls.
“Really…” Minami whispered in Atsuko’s ear. “I love you.”
The actress smiled as her mind went crazy and all she could think about was “awwwww”. Seeing her girlfriend acting this way was more than she could actually support. She was already in heaven being by her side anyway… Now it was like she was gone flying in the universe. And suddenly, without specific reason, she started to giggle.
“W-Why are you laughing?” Minami slowly asked, afraid she might have done something wrong.
“Because you’re so cute!” Atsuko smiled. “It’s rare to see you acting this way… You almost look like a girl when you’re like this.”
Minami sighed, knowing exactly what kind of joke it was. It had been a while since she had heard that, but it seemed that Atsuko would really never EVER forget about it. It dated from when she was with AKB48… when people joked about her being a guy just because she was too shy to bathe with them…
“But I’m a girl!” She laughed, a slight pink color appearing on her cheeks.
“You’ll have to prove it, sooner or later…” Atsuko smirked in a suspicious way.
“A-Atsuko!” Minami stammered, trying to not think about the real meaning hidden behind these words.
The thought of her proving this evident fact to Atsuko was running in her mind because, of course, there was only one way to prove it… A way Minami had always tried to avoid so far.
“I can’t wait for that.” Atsuko said innocently, trying to hide her smile, though knowing she was talking about a serious subject.
Seeing that the singer was not going to answer anything soon, the actress added with a gentle voice:
“Don’t worry, I’m just teasing you. I didn’t mean that we… I mean, I don’t want you to be scared of me or something. Just know that… when you’ll be ready, I will too.”
Minami nodded, obviously relieved that this awkward conversation was already done. Of course, she understood that it was an inevitable subject. It was something she would probably hear about again… She knew very well that Atsuko would never let it go… even though she’d rather never talk about it. But right now, she was glad her girlfriend understood how she wasn’t feeling at ease talking about it. She was also thankful that the actress respected her decision, that she was ready to wait for her as long as needed. Sooner or later though, Minami would make sure to give her what she truly desired… But now all she wanted was to not go too fast in their relationship. For this time, she just wanted to catch up for the time she had wasted, unsure of her feelings toward Atsuko.
“I’m… Just wait again… Someday, I will prove you that I’m not a boy…” Minami answered shyly, looking at Atsuko holding her hand.
There was a moment of silence as they both didn’t know what to add. Suddenly, it was broken by Minami’s cell phone ringing, surprising the duo.
“Hello?” The singer asked, apologizing to Atsuko at the same time. “Ah, Yuko, how are you?”
Atsuko raised her eyebrow at Yuko’s name, wondering how she was doing, but didn’t say anything. When she had left AKB48, Yuko had been supporting her a lot. But the opposite was also true. They had been in a constant competition during senbatsu election to know which one would be number 1. Now that Atsuko was gone, all the pressure was on Yuko’s shoulder, as the new number 1 of the group. Yuko had been anxious about it, but AKB48’s ex face had helped her and given her advices for work. Yuko was the new center…
“Yes, I’m free this Saturday!” Minami said happily. “Really? Yes, it’s fine! Let’s meet then! I’ll be there with Atsuko too.”
The singer knew the schedule of her girlfriend by heart, so she knew exactly when they could talk together without being bothered by their work. It was a great advantage, since she knew that Saturday, they both had nothing to do, and Yuko was proposing them to go somewhere with her and Haruna, just like they often did before. Though right now, it looked more like a double date than anything else.
“What? No, I-I didn’t say her first name! W-What are you talking about?!” Minami suddenly started to stammer as Atsuko laughed slightly at the situation.
“I said “Acchan!”” Minami kept arguing for a few minutes with Yuko, who really seemed to take advantage of the situation to make fun of her.
“I didn’t call her this way!”
“I didn’t say that!”
“It was “Acchan”, you heard wrong!”
Atsuko laughed loudly at her poor girlfriend trying to get out of this situation. When Yuko seemed to finally give up, Minami was doing a strong competition with a tomato, and she was definitely redder. She slowly got her real color back and, even though she was still stammering a little bit, started talking about various things with the Team K’s member. The awkwardness soon disappeared and Minami had a long conversation about what they were doing and how her new career was, how she was dealing with the scandal… so long that even Atsuko started to get bored. But Minami was really into this conversation, like best friends talking many hours at the phone.
“Really?” Minami exclaimed. “I see, new stages seem really nice! Good luck!”
They were talking again for a long time, while Atsuko was just staring at her girlfriend having fun at the phone. She was glad to have news from her friend, but wasn’t it supposed to be their date? She hated admit it, but she was jealous. Jealous because right now, Yuko was monopolizing her girlfriend and she didn’t like it. Jealous because Minami looked like she was enjoying herself a lot more by talking at the phone. Sure, it had been a long time… but still, Atsuko wanted to spend time alone with Minami since it was rare they had this opportunity.
“Ah, you’re right!” Minami said. “I totally forgot about this place! I will do so. See you Saturday!”
She finally hanged up, only to realize Atsuko was looking away, a bit upset about the fact that the singer had been totally ignoring her. Minami immediately wanted to hit her head on the nearest wall until blood spilled her beautiful hair, just because she felt damn guilty about it. She had to admit… she had spoken for more than an hour…
“Atsuko…” She said with a little voice. “I’m sorry! It’s been a long time since I heard from her so… I guess I was too much excited… I’m really sorry!”
The actress just frowned at her and didn’t answer anything. Truly, she didn’t care that much about it. She couldn’t really blame her friend wanting to have news from the others, but just because she was cruel, she would wait for more apologizes. Yes, the actress was, once again, making fun of her, though a part of her mind was really a bit upset.
“I’m really sorry!” Minami repeated, feeling really bad, thinking she had just been the stupidest person living. “I’m truly sorry about it! I didn’t mean to do that… Ah… I will do anything to ask forgiveness so don’t be angry…”
She then bowed to her girlfriend, still holding her hand carefully, just to make sure she would not leave her. Ignoring Atsuko, what was she thinking about?! She had been really nice with her so far, and all she could do to thank her was to ignore her? Minami felt like she had the word “STUPID” stamped on her forehead.
“It’s fine.” Atsuko smiled. “Wait… anything?”
“Well, as long as it’s possible…” Minami précised, knowing very well what “anything” meant to the actress.
Atsuko smirked, looking like a predator wondering how to capture her prey, but didn’t say anything wrong, knowing where the limits were.
“It’s fine then… because I don’t think what I want is possible right now.” She said. “I just thought you looked like you were having a better time talking at the phone with Yuko…”
“That’s not true!” Minami reassured her, squeezing her hand. “I’m really having the best times when I’m with you…”
“Then… What was the place you two were talking about?”
“This? A great restaurant I wanted to show you! The food is totally awesome! Do you mind… going with me right now?”
The question was so useless that Atsuko burst in laughs, kissing quickly her girlfriend on the cheek.
“Of course I don’t mind! We have plenty of time!”
They smiled and started walking out of the park. They were still holding hands, even though they knew everyone could see them. They didn’t want their hands to be separated so that even if they didn’t talk directly to each other while they walked, they could still feel the other’s presence. They both knew they mostly looked like close friends. Nobody would really think about them as a couple, so they didn’t care. There were many people glaring at Atsuko while they crossed Shibuya. Some were murmuring things, others were wondering how she could walk like nothing had happened, others were taking pictures… in any case, they all had seen her, and even Minami started to feel bad.
People stared at them for a long time. Minami was kind of upset against them not being able to ignore them. They were just normal people when they weren’t working. They were just like them… Just because they were famous didn’t mean they were superstar… they weren’t superheroes… They were humans, humans that could make mistakes. It wasn’t their fault if Kenji was in this situation, it wasn’t their fault if Hiroko had done this… They were only humans. Humans couldn’t stop those kinds of situations, no matter how much they would want it. Humans weren’t invincible against pain and sorrow… they didn’t have the power to stop those tragedies… but they were sure emotionally affected when they felt a lot of people didn’t like them.
“Is… is everything fine?” Minami asked as they were out of the view of most of the haters.
Atsuko nodded. She was hurt by this situation too, couldn’t they understand that?! She was hurt about the fact that everyone was thinking she was related to this! She was hurt because… if she could, she would bring everything like before, but she couldn’t. She was powerless in front of this situation, but she was the one attacked by stupid rumours. Even Minami couldn’t do anything to help her about this. But her girlfriend’s support was really appreciated.
“Don’t listen to them…” Minami continued. “Give them time until they realized you have nothing to do about it. You know how it is… they will soon forget about it.”
“I know… but even if you say that, I just don’t get it. I’m trying to avoid it, but everyone just keeps coming back to this subject. It’s… annoying.”
“I’ll support you.” The singer finished. “I’ll support you, no matter what they say. Media always exaggerate the truth… I don’t care what they will do, in a few weeks, nobody will talk about it anymore. Until then, just ignore them…”
“It’s… hard to ignore them.” She sighed.
“There are people loving you… just care about them, not the others. If ever you care about the haters, it’s because you want to prove them they’re wrong to hate you. If you just care about them and think at all they say, you won’t be able to move on in your career. Think about people… supporting and loving you.”
Atsuko smiled and nodded. Minami was right, she shouldn’t bother about this. Instead, she should just live positively with people she loved… Yes, starting today, with Minami, nothing could be bad. She had heard Kenji was still the hospital. He was slowly getting better, but still, he was stuck in his bed for a very long time. All she knew about it was because of the newspapers. She would never see him again… she didn’t want to betray her girlfriend. To her, Kenji had done something horrible in the past, and she felt that, as Minami’s most precious person in the world, she couldn’t forgive him.
“Then, I’ll only think about you.” She whispered softly as they started talking joyfully together, ignoring the glances people was giving them.
“T-The restaurant’s over there…” Minami said, blushing.
***
“TAKAHASHI MINAMI, NEW POPULAR SINGER, INVOLVED TOO?”
“KENJI, HIROKO AND AKB’S TAKAHASHI MINAMI, RELATED?”
“DID MAEDA ATSUKO ASK HELP FROM TAKAHASHI MINAMI?”
“A SAD CHILHOOD COULD BE THE ORIGIN OF EVERYTHING!”
“LOOKING THROUGH THE PAST TO EXPLAIN THE PRESENT, TAKAHASHI MINAMI, MAEDA ATSUKO’S GREAT FRIEND, COULD BE RELATED TO THE SITUATION!”
Because they must never loose hope… they must support everything on their weak shoulders. Atsuko was staring at the newspapers without talking. She couldn’t believe rumours had been so far, especially that a part of them was true. She didn’t want Minami to be involved… well it was too late. She had known this interview had gone too far, and now it was too late to turn back. She could only hope the rumours would vanish soon, though she had doubts about it. It was sad, because Minami had just started her new career… and she already was involved in this kind of scandal… because of her. Her girlfriend had encouraged her a lot, but now, what could she do to help her as well? The titles explain everything just by themselves. It was hard to be dating someone… now she had to care for two persons… and it seemed that taking care of Minami was more important than taking care of herself.
“Takahashi Minami, the ex member of AKB48 had been seen a lot with Maeda Atsuko, her great friend from the idols group. It might just be a coincidence, but strangely, they had been seen having fun yesterday, just when the popular actress was the main subject in the media. Some witnesses are saying the singer could be related to Hiroko Sato, Atsuko’s manager, and so it could explain the situation. Kenji, too, might have known her. The question everyone is asking is “had Atsuko asked her great friend to do something, yes or no”. Some says Minami already knew Hiroko from the past, and that they had a fight about Kenji. Others consider Atsuko is still responsible for everything. In any case, most of them think Minami is really involved in this situation, mostly in a bad way.”
It was still talking about it for a few pages. Atsuko sighed. It was almost midday. Wherever she was, Minami would hear about it a lot… and if it wasn’t already done, she would have a lot of new interviews on her schedule for the next days. She felt really bad for her girlfriend. She hoped it would be fine… she hoped it wouldn’t destroy her reputation or her career since she was still at the beginning of everything. If so, she would feel guilty… and she would do ANYTHING to help her. And by “anything”, she meant “ANYTHING”. She would even sacrifice her own career and life to save her. She loved Minami so much that… she wouldn’t mind as long as her girlfriend was happy.
If only nothing of this had happened… if only Hiroko had done nothing. But would it have really been better? Would she feel better right now if everything had just kept going like before? If Kenji had not been in this condition… if Hiroko had not died… if media hadn’t learned about it… if… both Hiroko and Kenji had never existed?
“Hello?” She said as her thoughts were interrupted by a phone call.
Like her life wasn’t already hard like this, it was a phone call from her agency. The director wanted to talk with her about the scandal that was currently happening, both with her and Minami Takahashi. Of course, it was everything but great news.
“Why? Why can’t I keep seeing her?” Atsuko asked, frowning.
The director was arguing with her about whether she should keep hanging on with Minami or not. Of course, he was sure it wasn’t a great idea with everything that was happening right now. According to him, the scandal about her being involved with Hiroko’s affair was enough, they really didn’t need another one. And if ever it was worse than they thought, they MUST at any price keep it secret. In fact, it was becoming dangerous for Atsuko’s career to see Minami so many times. Media would surely think they were celebrating the success of their mission, aka attacking the actor Kenji.
“I don’t care about my reputation… it’s my friend. I have the right to see her.”
This morning, another project had been suspended before the producers knew more about the situation. They, of course, didn’t want to take the chance to be related to someone who might have a criminal past. They knew Atsuko must have done nothing about it, but since everyone thought the opposite, they had no choice but to be careful. The agency had nothing against Minami, they knew she was a great friend of her, but they wanted to take care of the actress first.
“I know about the consequences.” Atsuko said professionally. “I’m ready to confront them. I told them that I had nothing to do about it…”
Sure, her agency was not forcing her to do anything, but its director just wanted to warm her about it. Japan was a different country from America or even France. It was a country where a lot of things matters. America’s people knew when a scandal could be fake, they were more used to it, but in Japan, a lot was about the person’s honour. There was a lot of importance given to the reputation of the famous personalities. And right now, it was REALLY something big. Attacking someone was forbidden, and if it happened that Hiroko’s death was a murdered, Atsuko’s life was done.
“I know… I care about her career too. I already have a meeting planed with her Saturday, so I will talk about it.” Atsuko said. “I will be careful until then.”
The director seemed to say something more before hanging out, and Atsuko quickly promised:
“Yes, if ever things get too important, I will leave her for awhile. I don’t want to bother you. I’m sorry. Yes, she is my best friend… I will be careful, but you can’t make me avoid my friend forever, keep that in mind, please.”
It was lie. Minami wasn’t only her best friend, and it was mostly because of it that Atsuko was giving a lot of importance to her. Her agency didn’t need to know it. It would create even more problems to take care of. She would just tell them they were close friends. At least, this way, nothing else could happen. And even if media were cruel, she had confidence that Minami and her, as a strong couple, could go through and be winners. With everything they had fight against until now… it was impossible this scandal could stop them… right?
Though, recently, Kenji had managed to talk to the media at the phone. He hadn’t denied anything, but at least, he hadn’t personally attacked Hiroko’s gesture. When the reporter had asked him if Hiroko trying to kill him was true, he had not answered anything. He had not denied it, and to media, not denying something was the same as agreeing with the subject they were talking about. Right after, on social media, many persons were already confirming the rumour, saying Hiroko really had hated and tried to kill him. Things were even worst, since even Atsuko’s fans were starting to doubt about their favourite actress’s role in this mess. Truly, it was only a matter of time before Minami’s fans started to do the same.
AKB48’s popularity was also affected, more than ever, since both of them had been senbatsu members before. Everyone was trying to find the reasons behind this event, speculating ridiculous things such Aki-P being an expert to bring people in the dark side. Haters liked that a lot. And Kenji, as a great actor, was just saying he couldn’t remember what had happened… and unfortunately for the two girls and their old group, people believed him.
As Atsuko was leaving her house to head to her work, she quickly remembered the existence of the small tape, tape that could help them sooner or later to leave what was slowly becoming a daily hell. But as soon as she crossed the door, she was walking surrounded by camera’s flashes from some stalkers, and this tape was no longer in her mind.
***
Minami Takahashi sighed loudly. She should have known that, sooner or later, she was going to be involved in this whirlpool full of trouble, in a great or bad way. Unfortunately, it had been in a very bad way. People were now stopping her in the street just to ask her about it. Now, she felt like she perfectly knew how her girlfriend had felt just a few days ago. Honestly, she was trying to not care too much about it. For Atsuko’s sake, she must at any price resist to the pressure. And it was not what pissed her the most. The fact that Kenji was still lying made her sick. She was sure it wasn’t Hiroko’s fault… He was even jerker than she had thought, if it was even possible. And she was angry against herself, because right now, she felt like she had not been careful enough, and it was affecting her girlfriend too… It hurt her thinking about it.
As she was finally coming back home around midnight, she had the surprise to find her girlfriend waiting for her with a sad smile on her face. The two girls stared at each other in silence, both aware of the hard day they had had before of the news rumours. Supporting each other all the time was hard, but even right now, it was possible, and most of all, it was needed. When Atsuko finally talked, it wasn’t to say “hello” or “how are you”, no, it was only to ask a single question.
“Do you have a tape recorder?”
Minami, surprised, let her in, nodding. It was an old object, but she still had one she didn’t used anymore. She didn’t know if it still worked, but she knew where it was. She was wondering why it seemed to be so important though… For the actress to be here in the middle of the night, it must be REALLY important.
“There’s something I want to listen…”
Minami went in her bedroom while Atsuko followed. They both sat on her bed as the singer opened what seemed to be an old memories box.
“There it is…” She said as she blew a little to make the slight cover of dust disappeared. “It’s been a long time. I used it when I was young… with Hiroko.”
Atsuko flinched. Could it be…
“Hiroko?”
“Yes… We used it sometimes when she was gone somewhere else with her mother. She was recording some messages and gave them to me so I can listen to what she would have probably said if she was with me. It was… special.” Minami smiled as she remembered the great times.
Atsuko didn’t answer, looking at the small recorder. Now, maybe the mysterious tape was something linked to their past, once again. Maybe it was another message she wanted to send to her… A time capsule? It was impossible… But for the tape to appear in such a moment… it could be nothing else. Though she knew she had nothing to be afraid about, she wondered why Minami had kept it if she was not her friend anymore. It was probably… just an old and precious childhood memory. Atsuko sighed, she didn’t have the right to be jealous.
“What do you want to listen to?” Minami asked, aware than talking about her happy childhood with another girl might kind of disturbed her girlfriend.
The actress took the tape and put it inside. She waited for Minami’s signal to click on the “start” button. As soon as she did it, as her girlfriend was slightly embracing her so they would both feel better, the silence was broken by Hiroko’s angry voice. A voice they both hadn’t heard for a while… an angry voice… the one from a woman who wanted to be heard no matter what, as herself, not under someone else’s identity… And after this helpless call, another voice… it sounded like a “I don’t care” tone. Harsher… stronger… it was obviously Kenji’s voice.
“You bullied her!”
Minami frowned as she heard Hiroko saying this sentence. She couldn’t believe her old friend was directly confronting her enemy, in what seemed to be a street, judging by the background sounds. She couldn’t accept the fact that… she was talking about something that had happened so long time ago, when they were both supposed to forget about it. She just didn’t get it. Hiroko herself had came to her house to help her to surpass this hard time… but now it was the same woman who was bringing the subject back, directly at the aggressor.
They both exchanged glances, worried. If they were hearing right, then they had the conversation that occurred right before the accident. If it was the message Hiroko had recorded before her death… maybe she truly did have the intention to give it to Minami. Why would she do that, to take revenge? Why would she suddenly talk with him? To help her? To kill Kenji? They both had difficulty to believe this version… If everything was true… maybe they would finally be able to find out the truth…
“Stupid. What you did was purely stupid, but I’m sure you don’t regret anything.”
The singer was about to close the tape recording. It was getting ridiculous. Until now, Kenji was right about everything. What Hiroko was saying was just insane. She couldn’t just go an insult him without having a better reason than wanting to provoke him. Of course, what he had done was stupid and ridiculous and horrible, cruel, and whatever else, but still, Minami just didn’t want to be involved in more drama.
By her side, Atsuko was carefully listening to the conversation. She didn’t know Hiroko would go so far just to help a friend… she didn’t know this loyal side of her personality. She should have known though, that if Hiroko had been in love with Minami, then they must have been closer than she had thought. But right now, she was the one by Minami’s side. She was the one taking care of her… and she was the one who would give anything to help her.
“I hate you. I hate you more than anyone can hate you except Minami herself.”
Minami didn’t know if she did it on purpose, but she embraced her girlfriend in a tightly way, like she was afraid of loosing her, like she wanted to prove her that, even if Hiroko had called her this way, Atsuko was still her number 1. Atsuko was still the one in her heart, and it would never change.
“Minami? I see… you want to protect “your” Minami I guess? I thought you were more intelligent than that. She hates you. She hates you as much as she hates me.”
Atsuko stared at Minami who avoided her. Truth… was that she hated him more. She didn’t hate Hiroko, she just… wasn’t at ease by her side. And it had leaded to hate, or at least that was what the woman had believed. Kenji was not right this time… Never, she would never hated someone more than him , except the others children from her school. The actress sighed, seeing her girlfriend was lost in her thoughts. She was a bit angry at Kenji’s reaction. She hadn’t expected him to be so harsh. She hadn’t expected him to attack her manager this way, especially when he didn’t know himself how Minami felt. Not only was he attacking Hiroko’s feeling by saying this, but he was also insulting himself since he admitted Minami hated him.
“She was famous before being your mother. She was famous before anything else.”
“Minami!” Atsuko screamed, stopping her girlfriend from literally killing the small machine from where the voice came out.
In less than a second, Minami had taken the recorder, ready to crash it on the wall. She couldn’t stand there, doing nothing. Kenji was going too far now. He was reaching the non-return point. He was insulting Hiroko’s mother, taking advantage of the woman’s weakness. Saying Hiroko’s mother didn’t care about her was not true… It was just a sad coincidence if Atsuko’s ex manager had been left alone many times because of her mother’s job. But still, Kenji didn’t have to say this, and even the actress was shocked by what she was listening to. She didn’t know… he could say something like this. As the words kept coming out from the recording, she was trying to find the reason why it was this way…
Talking about someone’s parent during a fight could be one of the worst insults ever. It could be a weak point for someone… To hear someone saying your parents never liked you is hard, because if ONE person in the world had to love you, it would be them. Hiroko was not adopted. Hearing those words and being adopted would have probably been worst… because if your own parents had to leave you, then who would want you later? She had not been left by her parents because of a reason she would never know. She wouldn’t live with a mystery planning above her existence for her entire life. She hadn’t been beaten by them too. Her mother wasn’t alcoholic or violent. She hadn’t be threatened or hated by them… but since her mother was always absent, it looked like this too. She was surrounded by loneliness. Hiroko’s voice in the next seconds of the recording sounded troubled, like she didn’t even know what she was saying, like her arguments were gone, blowing away by Kenji’s words.
The undeniable power of words.
“Just say something and I’ll be sure to find you.”
His voice told everything he had on mind. It was clearly a threaten saying he wouldn’t hesitate to do anything to keep this secret between them. The actress and the singer were slowly starting to understand the whole story as pieces were placed one by one.
“Promise. Promise me you won’t say anything.”
Minami started crying at this moment, finally getting everything. It had never been Hiroko’s fault… it had never been the tragedy media had talked about… And as she was slowly sobbing, she distinctly heard a car sound from the recorder before a glacial silence.
“Minami…” Atsuko said as she tried to comfort her, though she was still trying to stay calm too.
She hadn’t thought it was like this… She couldn’t believe she had thought the tape was not important when… in fact, it contained exactly the proves they needed to clear Hiroko’s reputation. She closed the recorder and kept the tape with her. She would give it to the media… and everything would be fine. Everything would come back like before… She hugged her girlfriend, murmuring sweet words to help her. She listened to her insulting Kenji, to her asking apologize to an invisible Hiroko, thanking her for being with her… The actress was just being there for her when she needed, because Minami had done the same so many times…
They were dating, but they were still best friends. Right now, Minami needed both of them, a friend and a lover, so she could be able to surpass the difficult truth. Only Atsuko could be with her now. If it was someone else, it wouldn’t be the same… it wouldn’t be enough… All she needed now was to feel close to Atsuko.
“I love you.” Minami whispered.
Without any reason, without hesitation, she had just said it because she wanted to. Just like this, suddenly, so she could receive Atsuko’s warm smile as answer. She wanted these words to leave her throat, she wanted Atsuko to know it, to be sure about it more than ever. She wanted to be sure the actress would never forget it. She didn’t want something horrible to happen before… She didn’t want everything to be too late… so she had just said it… because she wasn’t sure of what was going to happen in the future for the both of them.
“I don’t want you to tell them… the media…” She added.
“Why?” Atsuko frowned. “It would resolve everything! It would-”
“Just create more problems… As soon as they will know it, they will never let us alone. They will speculate even more, and now it will be about my childhood and Hiroko’s mother. There are a lot about my past in this conversation she recorded… I don’t think it would be a great idea to send it. You will be involved in it too… ”
“But-”
“No… I’m tired of drama…” Minami sighed. “Please, don’t tell them. I can handle the current problem… if they start talking about my past, I can’t say I won’t be affected.”
Atsuko smiled sadly as she nodded. She really wanted to help her though…
“But they won’t forget about this… And Kenji might tell them something about it.”
“I don’t care about them…” Minami said. “I know you’re worried about me, but… believe me, it’s better not to tell them. I don’t know what Hiroko wanted to do with this record, but if ever she wanted to tell the media, I would have been really upset against her. Saying I was bullied would only create more problems to us. She’s dead… there’s nothing more we can do about it… Kenji’s career is done, that’s all. I want to do something to change everything. I want to have the power to just erase everything that had just happened… but I can’t. The only thing I can do is to support it… until they forget… I need you to do that. I need you to help me… because for the first time, I know I won’t be able to do it by myself…”
“I will always be there to help you…” Atsuko smiled. “But… I’m just saying… if they keep going, they will destroy our career and reputation… I don’t want this either.”
“I don’t care about reputation.”
Atsuko sighed sadly. She didn’t care a lot too, but if this mess was not gone soon, her agency had been very clear about what she needed to do… They had asked her to do the only thing she would die to not do.
“My agency thinks it’s bad for me because of the rumours… If it continues, the director… thinks it’s better for me to leave you.”
“You would?”
“No, of course… it’s just…”
But Minami interrupted her once again, saying the only thing she had in mind since a very long time. Something that was just haunting her day and night, not matter how she was trying to not think about it. It wasn’t… negative… it wasn’t positive. It was just something stupid, but true.
“Don’t you think… it would have been better to date only if we weren’t famous? Now… we are happy, but for how many times? We have to take care of so many things that… I don’t know… someday, we will have to think about it… maybe it will just not-”
Minami’s lips were instantly captured by Atsuko’s, kissing her passionately. It tasted good, sweet, hope… The singer didn’t even have time to react, that Atsuko was already moving back, breathing heavily, her eyes filled with tears that didn’t want to fall.
“Don’t say that.” She murmured, looking straight in her girlfriend’s eyes. “I don’t care. I really don’t care. Even with rumours and stupidities, I don’t care… so never say that again.”
“But-”
“Please… I believe in you… so believe in my strength too. You told her, right? You told my manager that we could be together…”
If it wasn’t for the extremely serious look Atsuko was giving her, Minami would have thought they were playing a role in one of these romantic movies. But life wasn’t a movie. Life wasn’t about playing or anything else. It was just about being honest… and keeps going, no matter how hard it seemed.
“I didn’t say I wanted to leave you.” Minami reassured her. “I don’t want to… I’m just worried about you. I know media will not forget about it… they need something bigger, but this is impossible. I… hate adults… more than ever.”
They were in silence. They were both aware it was impossible… until something really important happen, they would be the center of attention for a long time. But Atsuko knew she would never avoid Minami just to make her agency happy. Seriously, she’d rather be with Minami forever than conform to this stupid society believing every single lie. A bit more and someone would just speculate Minami was there the same night with Hiroko to help Kenji while Atsuko was giving them orders at the phone. Everything was getting ridiculous. As they were slowly falling asleep, still wondering if they should tell the world about the secret tape, Atsuko suddenly smiled and said:
“I know what to do…”
Minami frowned as she listened carefully to Atsuko’s idea, then said quickly:
“No way. This is a bad idea. Do not want. It will not help us, it will only make things worst! How do you think they will react?! ”
But Atsuko didn’t care about their reactions. If media and fans couldn’t see farther than the scandal, it would never stop. It was the only solution she had on mind right now. And if society couldn’t support her solution… then, she knew what she would have to do. Her work was nothing if she couldn’t be with Minami… And even though being a singer was her dream since her childhood, Minami was thinking the same about Atsuko. Without saying anything more, they both knew… that the crazy idea was accepted.
***
The next day, surprisingly, in the media, in social media, at tv, magazines, newspapers, everywhere… there was nothing about Kenji and Hiroko, nothing about a murder. No, they all had the same front page on which a picture of Minami and Atsuko was.
“MAEDA ATSUKO AND TAKAHASHI MINAMI, DATING IN REAL LIFE? THE TWO GIRLS CONFIRMED IT!”
TBC
End note: Now, what's coming next?! Only God will tells us.... XD
End note 2: Don't forget guys, if you have facebook, join the JPHIPsterz group! Though... Well... Avoiding it would be a great idea too. XD jks.
End note 3: I don't know if it's because I am surrounded by work and totally feeling depressed right now... but I think next chapter will be the last one... maybe. So, yeah... enjoy guys! And thank you for reading!
End note 4: Again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOURSTRULY! XD Thank to you giving me a challenge, I managed to write this chapter for today! :theking
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Yeay!!!! an update!!! :farofflook:
i really like this chapter~~ they should let the world know they were together!!! :mon inluv:
but, what is going to happen next???? :panic:
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... WOASUHDJSBNBFIJKBSFJKBFIU UPDATEEEEEEEEE :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :cow: :cow:
hehe i don't mind waiting since greatness needs time to make :)
This chapter was once again amazingggg and very emotional!! :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub:
awww the date they had was so adorablee! i loved seeing Acchan getting jealous of Takamina cause she was talking with Yuko :wub:
Man i hate all this scandal about the incident when its not true at all! :angry: giving poor Acchan and Takamina so much stress
Takamina be soo supportive of Acchan just makes her more awesome then she could possibly bee
I think Takamina did a good choice in not letting that tape go out it could be disastrous
:yep:
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG THEY DID IT THEY DID ITTTT AHHHH OMGG THEY ANNOUNCED THAT THEY WERE DATINGGGGG :O :O :O YAAAAAAY :twothumbs:
how is the media going to take this? i don't think its going to be well
I WILL WAIT UNTIL YOUR NEXT UPDATE!!
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WOHOHOH update!!! :bow:
i dunno what to say else o.o"
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“MAEDA ATSUKO AND TAKAHASHI MINAMI, DATING IN REAL LIFE? THE TWO GIRLS CONFIRMED IT!”
THIS IS TOO AWESOME.
OMG. REALLY aWESOME.
I NEED MORE NOW . HAHAHAHA.
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OMG!!!!!!! They said they are dating to the media!!!!!!!
Yeah for Kenji I think is enough to not be able to EAT NORMALY. Don't be able to eat is the worst thing ever. And be paralysed is enough too. I just want Hiroko's reputation to be cleared lol
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WHAAT! I didn't see that coming at all.
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OMFG :mon spit: Finally the whole world knows bout them dating :mon closeup:. So I wonder how their fans and the members and maybe family react to this! :mon huh:
I know the members will always support them no matter what. I wonder how they'll cope with this?! :mon yeah:
THANK YOU ALWAYS for this AWESOME fanfic!!!!! Take your time , don't rush cuz we know you'll never fail to exceed what we expect from you (I sounds like I'm kinda pressuring you, sorry never really what it to sound like that).Anyways your AWESOME!!!!
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Flean: Sorry, I was slow for this one, but yeah, the world knows about them! If only it was true....
mangobanana15: Greatness? O_O I'm not that great :nervous Scandals are everywhere!!! Now, they just have to find a nice way to deal with it... but will it be fine? And media are really powerful now that I think about it... I don't know... you'll find out in this chapter :thumbup Enjoy!
nyaha00: If you don't know what to say, say nothing XD And yeah, I'm sorry, I'm not as fast as you, turtle!
TakahashiJ: Haha, if only it was true :roll: Oh god, I would die right away XD
kahem: Read this chapter to know what happened with Hiroko's reputation... but yeah, I didn't have any idea, so... :nervous
A1: Me too XD I decided it when I was done writing my chapter... It just pop out in my head suddenly =.=
blughise: Reactions are there! You just need to read carefuly the paragraph XD LOL I TOTALLY FEEL THE PRESSURE X 1000... but thank for encouraging me :)
Everyone reading: THANK YOU :grin:
(http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m073.gif) (http://www.laymark.com) 200th post (http://www.laymark.com/i/m/m073.gif) (http://www.laymark.com)
I'M SORRY FOR BEING SLOW!!! SHAME ON MEEEE!!! I have time to write, I just waste my time instead :nervous This one is a bit longer though :theking I hope you will like this chapter... took me a while to really be fine with it... and still not sure about it... PFF IT'S HARD TO WRITE :banghead:
Sorry for the mistakes!
Chapter 25
What is the matter about being in love with someone you know since a long time? There is none. What is the deal about friendship becoming love if the two people concerned are happy? It will be fine. Why would we forbid the right to be happy to someone? We wouldn’t.
But if everything is fine… if there’s no problem… why can’t some people reach love in their own way? Why does the path of love suddenly become inaccessible? The way two boys or two girls are in love is not different from the way a boy and a girl are. Who decided it was wrong to love someone from the same gender? Who decided it was impossible? Even society, since the very beginning, influences us to think it is strange and different. Love songs, love stories, movies, even pictures from everywhere show a hot guy with a sexy girl. Society thinks “they” are abnormal.
But love strikes without prejudices.
Love doesn’t make difference between boys and girls. It appears whenever it wants, surprising the ones it chooses. Love can become your best friend or your worst enemy, depending on how you deal with it. It can hurt you forever, but it can also bring you to the 7th heaven. It can make you laugh, but also cry until tears won’t fall anymore. In fact, love is free, is everywhere and has the power to do everything.
You can’t blame it, and you will never be able to. By blaming love, you blame humans, you blame the world that makes you think this way, but you don’t even reach love. And if you keep blaming it, it will hurt you. If you keep denying its existence, it will slowly kill you… if you can’t accept the fact that you are in love, you will never be able to accept yourself.
Love is love. It is our entire fault if its significance has been corrupted.
***
“Tell me… are you sure we couldn’t do anything else?” Minami sighed as she looked through the window, only to see reporters stalking Atsuko’s house, as she went by her girlfriend’s side.
“The more I think about it, the more I stop having doubts about it.” Atsuko answered, embracing her girlfriend, acting like she just didn’t want to leave the warm of her arms.
It seemed like they were alone in the world, but Atsuko’s house was surrounded by paparazzi and reporters, three days after the announcement they had done to the media. Everything was coming back, mostly about how their close friendship during AKB48 must have played a role in the revolution of their relationship. Even if now, everyone knew about it, they could only get closer. Yesterday, they had both had interviews here and there, but never together. Still, whenever the other was on break, they talked to the phone together, taking care of the other, asking if everything was fine. They both knew the media wouldn’t leave them alone easily. They had known it when they had made the announcement. They were both anxious about the pressure the other had, but supporting each other helped them to be fine.
Maybe Atsuko had been right… maybe it was the only solution. And now, with all Japan talking about it, they couldn’t even try to hide themselves in Atsuko’s house, knowing it was useless. But it didn’t have only negatives effects. It was like the biggest pressure had finally left their shoulders. Their biggest secret was known by everyone now… they didn’t have to pretend they were friends… Somehow, they were free to do whatever they wanted about it. Now they knew nobody could ever catch them… because they had announced it.
Flash Back
Atsuko had called the reporter from a famous newspaper, asking him to have a short meeting. Minami had stayed home all the time. She didn’t feel like she could meet the media, not with the recent scandal accusing her of being involved in Hiroko’s murder. She had been worried about Atsuko announcing it alone though… but the actress had insisted. It was now or never.
“Hello!” She bowed to the reporter who had come with nothing but a notebook, just like she had asked him.
“The great Atsuko Maeda wanting to see me, I couldn’t refuse!” He said with a bright smile.
Atsuko smiled back, secretly laughing at him. If only he knew what she had to say, she was sure he wouldn’t be that happy.
“So, what can I do for you?” He asked. “This must be really important, right? Is it related to the Hiroko and Kenji affair? I can perfectly understand, the pressure to keep the secret must have been horrible… So, what happened?”
He was sure it was about it and was waiting for some juicy revelation… He wanted it to be important, well… of course it was. She had chosen him exactly because she knew he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
“Unfortunately… there is no link with this scandal.” Atsuko explained. “You see, I’ve been really clear about it, I am not involved, and neither is Takamina.”
The reporter looked down. He was expecting to be the first one knowing the real story… There had been so many rumours about them being involved that it was probably the most exciting thing he could expect. He was expecting her to tell him about her past, about Takahashi’s point of view, about Kenji’s situation… even about blood and guns! About something related to revenge… to money… drugs, anything exciting so he would write a good article and get a promotion!
“But what I have to tell you is probably more interesting…” Atsuko smirked. “You remember Takamina from AKB48, right? The new singer?”
He nodded, wondering what the link was. He had had to cover one of her release event, so he knew her very well, and he knew she had a great voice. He was sure she was going to become popular soon, but why was Maeda talking about her?
“I don’t think I will surprise you if I tell you we’re great friends…”
Again, there was nothing new about it. He was wondering if Maeda had invited him to ridicule him… Everyone, EVERYONE, knew about the strong friendship between the two girls. He was sure that even overseas fans knew about it too. He had heard rumours that they were so close they were almost considered like lovers! If that was the new Maeda wanted to tell him… he would be fired by his superior.
“Well… we’re not just friends… Recently… we’re dating.”
“Dating?” He frowned.
“Yes… You know like… we’ve been closer… and closer… and now she’s my girlfriend…” Atsuko finally said.
It took a second to the reporter to react. She was… what?
“Ah…” He laughed hesitantly. “You mean like… like close friends?”
“No… I’m Minami’s girlfriend.” Atsuko confirmed, knowing the guy must think she was doing a mistake. “We love each other.”
Writing like crazy, the reporter took a few seconds to fully realize the scoop he had. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“And… M-Mina-Minami too? I mean, she knows about… um… your relationship?”
“Of course! I can call her if you want and she will confirm it.” Atsuko answered.
The reporter shook his head. It wasn’t necessary, he knew the actress was telling him the true. He knew what he was hearing was true. He just didn’t know how to put it in words. He was writing his article, asking a few quick questions, never looking into Atsuko’s eyes. It seemed like he was almost scared of this situation, even though he knew he was blessed to be the one with this revelation. He knew already the title of the next front page of all the magazines. Once he’d tell his superior, he would be promoted higher for sure. Staring at Atsuko before leaving, he was stunned by the look the actress had… Her eyes were looking away, but he could clearly see the sight of love… It was pure.
End of Flash Back
In the next hour, it was already spreading on internet, like if the Kenji incident had never existed. Minami had soon confirmed this fact too, when a reporter had called her personally to be sure about this. And then, the phone had started to ring, asking for interviews. Three days later, the two girls, exhausted, had decided to spend the night together, just so they could take a short break from everything, rumours and dramas. But even after eleven o’clock, there were still many people outside spying them… and who knew what they were talking about. After all, they were alone in the house, dating… and it was dark outside. It was the ideal condition for new 18+ rumours.
But maybe stress wasn’t the only reason why they had decided to meet. Maybe they had just decided it… just to confirm the fact that, even if everyone knew about it, nothing would change between them. They were only reassuring themselves by spending time together… but maybe they were also aware that they just couldn’t live too long without the other.
“But now… It will be impossible to have any private life!” Minami said, looking at her girlfriend.
“I don’t care… I’d rather fight against media and rumours than seeing you being affected because of what my manager did.” Atsuko answered. “Don’t be afraid about us. I think we can surpass it… Think about it, it’s nothing compared to what you’ve endured before…”
She couldn’t remember how many times she had said this sentence to Minami. “Don’t be afraid about us.” Since yesterday, she could see her girlfriend was anxious about the whole thing, even if she was trying to hide it. She could feel Minami’s sadness and fear of loosing her because of what society was going to say about them.
Even if they both loved each other deeply, they were hurt. Even if they knew they were going to be together no matter what, the pain was still there. Atsuko just wanted to reassure her girlfriend as much as she could. Because she needed to look stronger to help Minami, she had decided to put her own fears aside. She didn’t want Minami to notice that… she, too, was terrified about the idea of loosing her.
“Are you sure I shouldn’t give the tape to them instead?” Atsuko asked, still stuck at this idea.
“You can’t… we already announced we were together. And I still think it would have been a bad idea…”
Seeing that Minami was not as happy as she thought she would be, Atsuko looked at her sadly, wondering why she couldn’t do anything else to help her feel better. She felt so useless it hurt her heart. She really wanted to be there for her girlfriend… but…
“What’s wrong?” Are you mad at me because of what I did?” She asked.
“No!” Minami immediately answered. “Of course, no. I’m glad we don’t have to hide anymore… It’s just that… I don’t know, I want everything to stop a little… I’m exhausted; I’m tired of drama… I just think that… it’s the beginning of my career, but I already have so many scandals following me.”
“So, this is another reason why you should keep the tape’s existence hidden.” Atsuko said, kissing Minami’s forehead. “I will help you.”
The singer smiled and nodded. She was thinking too much. Right now, she should just relax and enjoy Atsuko’s presence. The actress was cheering every moment spent with her girlfriend. They were in private and Minami was a bit like a different person, like she was showing her a side she didn’t show others. She was showing her real feelings to her. She was really taking care of what she said… and at the same time, she was still herself, joking and laughing when she failed with her lame jokes. To bring her smile back, the actress would do anything. Looking at the cute face right near hers was only reminding her that… she just wanted to go farther in their relationship.
“I’m sorry…” Minami said, blushing at the way Atsuko was looking at her. “I’m being negative… But the tape…”
“Don’t worry, I tell you.” Atsuko nicely said. “You’ve supported me a lot because of the scandal… now it’s my turn. I will never let you down, you know it. I honestly wish I could do more. And when I think about everything we’ve been through… I’m not afraid. If you are with me, I believe it will be fine.”
“Tell me… why did you want to tell them so much about us? I mean… so suddenly… we could have found something else… something… less shocking…”
Minami’s thought about this situation were quite hard to understand. She still wasn’t sure about whether she should be happy or not about it.
“I don’t know… I just wanted to. In the future… in my life, I didn’t want people to know me as your friend… only. I wanted them to know me as the person you love… I want that, when my death will come, people remember me as Minami’s girlfriend. And I didn’t want to hide it. I don’t know for you, but I feel like I’m lying to myself by hiding our relationship. At the beginning, it was nice… it was new and exciting… but now, hiding it all the time makes me realize that I’m also hiding my true self by doing this. Acting like I’m only your friend… it’s a lie. I want everyone to know about us… I want them to know the real me.”
It sounded like she was a bit egoist, thinking only about her, but deep in her heart, Minami felt similar too. She knew she couldn’t keep her relationship with Atsuko secret a long time because, by doing this, she was lying about herself to her fans. She was hiding an important part of who she truly was. There were fans who were waiting for her to find the perfect guy… but in fact, Minami had already found the ideal person for her. She had found her a long time ago.
“Aren’t you… proud to be with me?” Atsuko asked, worried. “I know the announcement was sudden… but tell me, do you regret being with me this way?”
“Of course no!” Minami quickly exclaimed. “I will never regret it.”
Atsuko was right. She should be herself. Even if she wasn’t at ease about everyone knowing about them, she should be fine with it. There was no way she would voluntary hide their relationship… but to tell the media… It was like passing from an extreme to another. But still, she didn’t want Atsuko to have the wrong idea about her opinion.
“I’m really happy to be with you.” Minami added, just to make sure her girlfriend understood.
“I’m glad you’re not upset. I mean… I did it because everything was getting too important with the other scandal. They were even accusing you! They were saying that… that we were both murders! I know our fans didn’t believe them, but still… you can’t have a normal career if there is this kind of rumours behind your back… I felt like there was nothing else I could do.” Atsuko sighed. “It was that… or being accused to have killed someone.
“I know! It’s fine, really. And you’re not the one responsible for everything… I agreed with this.”
Once again, even though they wanted to blame themselves for everything that was happening, they were still supporting each other. But they were also looking forward everyone’s reaction before letting their guard down. They had to be really careful…
“Minami…” Atsuko whispered as she approached her face from her girlfriend’s.
It was dark, late… and they were alone… The actress was slowly starting to think about… something else.
“W-W-What?!” The singer asked, moving back.
“Now that everyone knows about us…”
She was getting dangerously close, an evil smile on her lips. She had a strange smile on her face, like she had something on her mind only she knew about. To Minami, this sudden change of situation was scaring. This new atmosphere was… exciting yet terrifying.
“W-W-What?” Minami repeated.
Atsuko was being strange once again… Minami was really aware of the situation, but all she could find to say what this single word… because she just didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t know how to react. She could guess how the situation was going to turn… She could guess what her girlfriend had on mind. There was this spark in her eyes… saying three words that meant everything.
I Want You.
“Well… you don’t have to be scared about someone finding out anymore... You don’t have to hide yourself anymore… So why don’t we celebrate the fact that… now everyone knows you’re mine?”
“W-W-What?” Minami repeated again, obviously focused on repeating the same thing again and again, trying to move back at the same time.
“You know… you could be mine now…” Atsuko whispered. “We don’t need to hide anymore… we’re alone… you know how I feel toward you…”
It didn’t sound pervert… it was like if the actress was asking her in a very indirect way… it was like… she was waiting for something to happen. She was waiting for Minami’s permission. But her patience was running out…
“I’m… truly in love with you…”
Kissing her slowly, she moved slowly her body closer, feeling her own heart beating faster. She was blind by her own desire. The recent revelation had made her realize how much she wanted to be as close as possible with her girlfriend. She didn’t want to tell her she loved her, she wanted to prove it. She didn’t want to think about her body, she wanted to touch it. She didn’t want to dream about her, she wanted to sleep by her side. She didn’t want to feel her body closed to hers… she wanted their two bodies to become one.
Without noticing it, her hands were already running on Minami’s tensed body. And when she felt that she was loosing all control… when Minami’s sweet scent was driving her crazy… when the contact of her soft skin against her was literally burning her hot body, she slowly moved back, catching her breathe in front of a hesitant singer. Atsuko stared at her in the eyes… wondering what had just happened. Even before, when she had thought about the possibility of them being so close… it had never be so strong in her mind… She had never truly desire something in this intense way…
“Ah… I’m sorry. I was… you know, just joking.” Atsuko tried to explain, laughing awkwardly.
Minami swallowed with difficulty, still feeling like they were kissing passionately. She felt like Atsuko’s lips were still pressing on hers again, like they had never moved apart. Hearing Atsuko’s embarrassing laughs didn’t make her feel better at all, but she decided to play the game… It seemed like the only way to get out of this situation.
“D-Don’t worry… I know you’re just joking.” Minami stammered. “Because you know I’m not…”
“Yeah…” Atsuko quickly said. “I know you’re not… I just wanted to see your reaction! I love to tease you, you know… And I know, I mean, I’ll be waiting.”
Of course, she would wait. She was ready to wait until forever. Love wasn’t only about sex. It had deep values, values that couldn’t be forgiven at any price. Trust, loyalty, sincerity, love was something more complicated than just having sex, and they both knew it very well. Love was about accepting the other. The actress understood how important this moment was, how precious it was and how she couldn’t take the risk to ruin everything by instinct guide her.
“I’m sorry.” Minami apologized, like she just had to do it.”
“Don’t apologize.” Atsuko smiled, surprised. “I was playing, I was joking. I was just teasing you… This situation was just perfect, I couldn’t resist!”
Minami didn’t know if it was because of Atsuko’s actress skills, but she was slowly starting to believe in the joke excuse. Maybe it was true after all. Maybe Atsuko just liked to tease her. Thinking this way, she smiled. She liked Atsuko, no matter how mean she could be. This evil side of her personality, she would never be tired of it. The smirk the actress had on her face right now was just another cute part of her too. And the actress’s lame excuse was just adorable, despite their awkward situation.
“I will never stop loving you, no matter what will happen to us.” Atsuko said seriously without mentioning the obvious upcoming scandal about them spending the night together.
Minami nodded at her girlfriend. She was the luckiest and happiest girl in the world. She thought the same thing about her. She would never stop loving her. If ever she did, she better have the best reason in the world, and even so, it wouldn’t be enough. She sighed. She liked spending time alone with her… and also… for the first time, she had desired her like never before.
It surprised her… but deeply, she would have loved to continue what they had started… It was the first time she felt this way… but she knew this feeling would only increase day after day…
***
Media’s reactions were mixed. Homosexuality would usually be an avoided subject. It was accepted… as long as it was kind of hidden. But now… it was totally exposed which was really rare in this country. It was just… something people didn’t like to talk about.
Some were only spreading the new through any way they knew, aka internet, tv, magazines, newspapers and even at the radio. Mostly were giving their opinion… and it was different from one to another. Media inspired their opinion from old facts, from old events that had happened before. Some were looking through AKB48’s archives to find explanation with it. And media were not making difference between rumours and reality. It was so intense due to the popularity of the two girls, even political problems couldn’t be on front page of the newspapers. Of course, with all this exchange of information, fans, too, started to have their own opinions.
It wasn’t necessary a subject people were talking openly about, even with all the media. But amongst the fans, it was obviously the new of the century. This avoided subject was not ignored anymore because it concerned their idols, the best actress and the upcoming best singer of their generation.
Some fans, of course, were glad about it. The TakAcchan/AtsuMina pairing was really existing! What they had always wanted when the two girls were on AKB48 was real. It wasn’t only fan service! Those fans didn’t care about whether they were two girls or not, they just liked them together, as a duo that couldn’t be separated. To them, Takamina was Acchan’s and vice versa since the beginning, so this new was only exciting them more. Now their support toward them would never decrease. They understood that Takamina had nothing with Hiroko’s affair. She was just following Acchan because of the love they had shared.
Of course, they weren’t alone. Some fans, despite being loyal to them, were not as happy as those mentioned before. In fact, they just didn’t know how to react. They had always seen them as best friends, nothing else. They had always supported them as F-R-I-E-N-D-S! To hear that they were really dating… that they were in love with each other… it was surprising and also a bit strange. They weren’t expecting the two girls to be… like that. They were seeing as straight, joking about being together. To hear this new… they just couldn’t react in a good way.
In Japan where it was a hidden subject, something accepted, but hidden… Two girls dating wasn’t the most common thing, even less than two guys dating. They were surprised…but still neutral. They weren’t going to stop supporting them, but it would just take a few weeks to get used to the news. And who knows… the fact that they were famous would probably help society to accept this difference.
But for haters… it was something else. They were a minority, but still they were taking advantage of the situation, saying it was forbidden and disgusting. Of course, nobody really paid attention to them, but they still existed. They were against this and weren’t mind open at all. It wasn’t necessary their fault… they were just being haters… and that was how haters were: cruel, without really giving them a chance. Fortunately, it wasn’t them that were going to stop Atsuko and Minami’s popularity.
Overseas fans… they were crazy. They were talking about it everywhere, screaming literally about it in the street. Even old forums about AKB48 talked about it. Even their blogs talked only about it. It wasn’t surprising to find a bunch of random comments on Atsuko’s new drama’s page, only about them dating. IT WAS PURE ECTASY.
Overall, in Japan, it was all the same in society. They had just wanted to ignore it instead of knowing it… but it was time to change.
***
“Look over there!”
“Are you sure it’s them? I was sure they were hidden somewhere because of media!”
“They are holding hands!”
Walking in the street, Atsuko and Minami were trying to ignore the looks people were giving them. They were even starting to wonder if it was still a great idea to be together right now, but when Yuko and Haruna finally joined them, their doubts were already gone. The four girls had decided to meet even with the whole mess happening to the two ex AKB members. And Yuko and Haruna were glad to see them after so long time. It wasn’t because of this stupid scandal that they were going to support them. They were still friends after all.
“Yuko! Haruna!” Minami smiled as she hugged them. “I’m so happy to see you after so much time!”
“Takamina!” Haruna said, pretending to be mad as she approached the small girl. “How could you cheat on me! I thought you wanted me as your future wife!”
“What? I think there’s no problem about her cheating on you.” Yuko said, rolling her eyes. “Now you’re all mine!”
They laughed together, remembering very well that they had once picked each other as potential wives if ever they had been guys. This short moment would never be forgiven.
“Acchan! Miichan’s upset! She was sure you two were married until death!” Yuko said. “When she learned the new, she was about to go outside the studio to have a long talk with Takamina!”
“And what about Mocchi?!” Haruna added. “She will never forgive you for stealing Takamina’s ears away from her!”
Both Atsuko and Minami laughed. Their friends really knew how to insert this subject in a funny way, and they were thankful about it. The singer could remember very well the harassment from some girls of Team A, but right now, it was just a nice funny memory…
“And we even received some comments on our blog asking if Acchan could play Ray’s character if ever there was another season of mendol!” Haruna continued. “Some says they prefer Hanako, but some are really serious about seeing you two kissing!”
“They aren’t really waiting for another season?!” Minami smirked. “It’s been such a long time…”
Now, she considered herself as a singer, but hearing some people still wanted to see her as Kai of persona, as an actress, was kind of nice too… though she was sure they must miss Kai more than the real her. Fangirls were scaring. Thinking that made her smile though. Becoming Kai had been nice, even if it had only been for a short time… especially that she remembered how Atsuko had looked at her when she was performing “3 seconds” at AX. Now that she thought about it… maybe the actress was already falling in love with her back at that time. Love that had been multiplied at her graduation…
“Don’t underestimate them! I know it, they will always be waiting.” Haruna laughed.
The four girls went on a café Yuko knew. She also knew the owner, so they managed to get a small private room where nobody else was allowed to go. It was perfect to forget about the crowd of reporters stalking them all the time.
“So… how are you doing?” Yuko asked, while drinking her tea. “I know we’re here to have fun and forget a bit about our problems, but I really want to know about it.”
Of course, this subject couldn’t be avoided.
“Well… as you can see, there’s nothing else we can do but wait.” Minami said.
“I’ve always known there was something special between you two…” Haruna frowned. “In team A, I mean… You were always together. Even after a long day of work, if the other was around, there was always a huge smile on your face. Even Team A’s current members are talking about it. We all support you, of course. I’m not against your relationship… but why did you tell the media?! Were you crazy?!”
The actress and the singer exchanged glances. Maybe they were crazy… but more important: they were in love.
“It’s complicated… We wanted to focus the attention of the media about something else than… the other rumour.” Atsuko said. “Maybe it wasn’t the best thing to do, but everything was getting out of control. If my career must be in danger, than I’d rather it to be because of love instead of some crazy murder stories.”
Under the table, she held Minami’s hand. Even with Yuko and Haruna, Atsuko could only concentrate on one single person. It was always going to be like that.
“It was stupid, right?” Minami sighed. “I don’t regret it… but it was stupid.”
“I don’t think so…” Yuko said with a serious look. “I admire you, guys. I wish me and Nyan Nyan could be as strong as you… but we just can’t imagine telling someone we’re dating. I am really happy with her… but I’m not ready to face everyone’s reactions. I’m not as strong as you… I’m just hoping everything will be fine without doing anything about it…”
It may not seem like this, but Haruna and Yuko really admired what they had done. They were famous, but despite everyone’s reactions, they had decided to do their “coming out” to the media. They were literally promoting their difference. They were fighting to make a difference at the same time, even if it wasn’t their main goal. Putting their career, reputation and even relationship in danger, they were ready for everything following the announcement… They were courageous, more than she had ever been.
“I just don’t want people to think I killed someone… I would never.” Atsuko just said.
After a short awkward moment, Haruna decided to speak, just to change the atmosphere. After all, they were here to have fun, not to sound depressed… so why not tease Minami, just like old times?
“Mariko was quite surprised too…” The tall idol said. “The newspaper article talked only about you dating, so her first reaction was to teach younger members about it. She was telling them it was fine and there was no problem about it since she considers Takamina as a guy.”
“Ehhh?!” Minami smiled. “Still joking about it?!”
She was sure that, after to many times, Mariko would have stopped, but it seemed that the woman was going to remember this forever. She was totally blaming her for being seen as a man by some fans. She wasn’t “that” boyish, right? Look at Sae! She wasn’t like Sae, right?!
“Not only her…” Yuko smirked. “We’re all joking about it… Sorry, Takamina! I hope you’re not really mad… it’s just too funny! Even new members know about it!”
Minami was about to answer something else when she felt Atsuko squeezing her hand. Looking at her smirking, the singer felt her heart beating faster… but not from love, from anxiety. What if Atsuko loved her… as a boy? Did Atsuko really see the girl she was… or was she dating the person some fans liked to call “takaboy”? Doubts were slowly taking her mind over, amplified by fear. What if Atsuko… loved someone she wasn’t?
“I’m not a…” Minami started hesitantly, slowly loosing her conviction.”
“She’s my girlfriend.” Atsuko said, helping her with a huge smile, not taking care if she was talking loudly. “We’re not in AKB48 anymore… I know now that… she’s a girl.”
Haruna laughed at the serious look Atsuko had. They were only joking, right? No need to look like if it was a big deal! Then, a strange idea crossed her mind and, judging by the funny look her squirrel had on her face, they were thinking the same thing. Even if she really loved Yuko, she couldn’t help being scared about the fact that they were thinking in the same pervert way right now…
“How do you know she’s a girl?” Yuko smirked. “She proved it to you? Really?! Ah, I wish-”
“Don’t think about it…” Haruna interrupted her right away, still shocked by her own thoughts.
Minami blushed. She wasn’t expecting the conversation to turn this way, but once again, Atsuko saved her precious heart from an expecting heart attack.
“She didn’t prove it, and she doesn’t need to.” The actress said. “I know Minami, that’s all…”
She smiled at her cute girlfriend who did the same, glad Atsuko considered her as a girl. Once again, they were alone in the world, not noticing Haruna and Yuko laughing together by their side. For a moment, they were just two unknown duos sitting at the same time, not talking to the other. For just a minute, they were just concentrating on the person they loved. Just for another second… forgetting the entire world just to dive into the other’s eyes.
“Ah wait…” Haruna suddenly said. “Did you just call her…”
“Minami, right?” Yuko said too, pointing at Haruna, like they were somehow connected for thinking always the same thing. “I knew I hadn’t heard wrong! So that’s why you were calling her Atsuko when we were talking to the phone, right?”
The singer nodded, knowing she couldn’t find excuses anymore to deny it. After all, now, whatever she could say, nothing was secret. A few seconds later, they were all talking about anything that was unrelated to this scandal. Just a normal conversation, a normal group of girls hanging out together, just the way they used to do when they were all part of the same huge group/family. Just so they can free their mind from the pressure, they all avoided the work related subject. Even if they were sometimes doing some short references to it. Sometimes interrupted by Yuko’s perverted mind, sometimes cut by Minami’s lame jokes, the conversation was nice overall and the four girls enjoyed their food.
Near in the middle of the meeting, Atsuko received a mail from her agency, saying everything was fine with her contracts. Only one had been suspended while two others projects were still fine. The producers of the dramas were fine with the recent scandal. According to them, if Atsuko stayed quiet about it, there would be no problem with her playing the main character of the drama. Of course, it wasn’t like they liked the scandal, and even Atsuko’s popularity wasn’t enough to stop the wave of negatives commentaries, but she was a great actress and as long as nothing else happened, it was fine.
Her agency had been really clear though… With Hiroko and Kenji incident, she couldn’t be involved in another scandal… but it was already too late. Even with so many fans, it was too late. They had decided she had gone too far. She would need to find another agency right after these two dramas. They wouldn’t help her. They wouldn’t find her new contracts, but at least, they were going to keep her until she found another agency. With this huge coming out, she had just gone too far… They just couldn’t risk keeping her with them anymore.
“After Hiroko… I thought I would only have to change manager, but no, I just HAVE to change everything…” Atsuko sighed, visibly angry and sad about it.
“Adults are stupid…” Minami said, even if she was one herself, after Atsuko had told them the phone call. “Don’t worry too much about it… I’m sure you will find another one in less than a second and that it will be better. Right now, they are all talking about it and it seems huge, but someday, they will stop. I trust you, you can surpass it.”
“I know…” Atsuko said, thankful for her girlfriend’s support.
There was just no way to describe how much she wanted to thank Minami for always being there with her, even if the singer had her own problems to deal with.
“You’re lucky…” Haruna added. “You only have to change agency and you still have contracts… It could have been worst.”
She was right. Atsuko’s career could have been over just because of the first scandal, and now, with her huge coming out, it was a miracle people were not avoiding her. Atsuko knew it wasn’t that bad… she only had to find another agency, and compared to some others things she had heard before, it was nothing.
“What about you, Takamina? Affected by the scandal?” Yuko asked.
“Not so much, at least until now.” The singer said. “So far, my single is still sold everywhere, and except a sudden increase of interviews, there is nothing new… I hope it will stay like this though…”
Even on a personal point of view, it was fine. Her mother was not too shocked about it. Minami suspected her to think as her like an L since the Hiroko incident. Well, it could only have helped, right? Anyway, it was fine with her. She knew her daughter had been through a lot of hard situations, and to hear she was finally accepting herself made her happy. Minami’s mother had always feared that her daughter might never really find herself because of this experience from her childhood, but now the singer was totally assuming herself, and there was no way she wouldn’t be proud of her. Of course, she was a bit sad about the whole little children thing… but she had time to think about it. Right now, she had just supported Minami in the whole scandal…
“The whole 48 family supports both of you too.” Yuko added. “You may have graduated, it doesn’t mean you’re out forever. Even during performances of old stages fans keep screaming your names. I know some are surprised, but you know… it’s AKB48.”
“And members miss you too!” Haruna said. “It’s so loud in Team A since you two announced you were together! Everyone is remembering you as TakAcchan and AtsuMina… it’s quite funny.”
Minami laughed at the coupling name, soon followed by Atsuko. They remembered when some members were joking around about them being a couple… They had always denied it. She knew that, if they were all with them right now, all she would have heard about would have sounded like “told you so” or something… Thank God, they weren’t there.
“Except Miichan!” Haruna joked. “She says she’s jealous, but in fact I think she’s really happy for you.”
“Haven’t you broken with her?” Minami asked Atsuko, kind of playing the game too. “That was what you told me, remember?”
Minami was probably talking about an old conversation they had had when they had been in AKB48 because Yuko and Haruna couldn’t remember this. But Atsuko remembered it very well… she just didn’t want Minami to know about it.
“Me? When?” Atsuko asked innocently like a little kid.
“Acchan, you’re such a player!” Yuko laughed as Haruna glared at her with a “you’re not better” look. “Look, Takamina’s being jealous!”
“I’m not jealous!” Minami said, rolling her eyes. “Atsuko’s worst! She was jealous because I was talking too much with you, Yuko!”
“What?” Yuko laughed. “But we didn’t talk too long! It was less than two hours, it was nothing!”
Atsuko raised her eyebrow at Yuko’s words. “Only” less than two hours? She was supposed to think it was not long?
“I never knew that!” Haruna frowned. “What were you talking about?”
Jealous Haruna… is scaring… even if she didn’t have any reason to be. But the tall girl wasn’t really serious about it. It was just by curiosity. If Yuko was talking about her in secrets conversations, she wanted to know about it. As for the actress, she was seriously wondering what a “long” conversation could be to them. True, it had happened to her to speak three hours with Minami at the phone… but it was because she was her girlfriend and just couldn’t get enough of her presence!
“Useless stuff.” Atsuko answered. “I was listening. But Minami apologized, so it’s fine!”
“You didn’t need to apologize.” Yuko said. “We’re like sisters, even fans say that!”
Just to prove what she was saying, Yuko went by Minami’s side and they both smiled innocently like two little kids, so everyone could see how they looked alike. Atsuko didn’t hesitate a lot before taking her cell phone to start taking pictures so she could finally update her blog with something more interesting than “thank for your support despite the scandal”. Right after, the two “sisters” were back at their respective side, Minami commenting on what Atsuko was writing and Yuko trying to do skinship with Haruna, not taking care of the others.
“Nyan Nyan… why don’t we go somewhere else? They will be fine anyway without us, you know? Look, they’re already ignoring us!” Yuko said to her girlfriend.
“We heard that!” Atsuko laughed, still looking at her screen.
“What? Don’t tell me you don’t want to be alone with her!” Yuko pointed the singer as Atsuko didn’t answer.
Friendship was nice. Spending time with friends was nice and could bring peace in someone’s heart. Laughing, talking, sharing joys and tears… it was cool, but there was always a time when love came back like a tornado blowing everything on its way. Strangely, it was always at the bad timing.
“Aw come on, guys, let’s go to karaoke!” Haruna said. “We haven’t sung together for months! It’s been a long time and I’m sure you can wait to be alone. Now, let’s just have fun, right?”
She was right. As a group, they had been used to sing all together all the time. She couldn’t remember the last time they have done something like this… dancing and singing…
“Karaoke!” Minami said happily. “It’s been such a long time! I’ll sing my single!”
“Eh? We don’t want to hear your single!” Yuko joked at Minami’s enthusiasm. “We don’t want to hear you at all!”
“What? But-” Minami started.
“Don’t listen to them.” Atsuko said cutely, holding her hand. “You have the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard.”
Minami smiled at Atsuko’s sweet words. She knew Yuko was joking, but it was always nice to hear someone complimenting her, especially when it came from her girlfriend.
“Right, right… we’re leaving.” Haruna said. “We’re not waiting for slow lovebirds…”
They left the café under some flashed from paparazzi’s cameras. Wherever they go, it would never stop, but Minami didn’t care.
“Look, it’s them!”
“Minami! Atsuko! We support you! We love you!”
“Overseas fans support you!” A group of white tourists screamed in English, surprising them. “We will always support you!”
Minami and Atsuko smiled warmly at them. She was not surprised that some overseas fans knew about it… but seeing someone shouting it at her right now was. She sighed, relieved. She just wanted to have fun tonight with her friends. She just wanted to enjoy life… for the first time since a while…
***
Lying in his bed, he was staring at the sky through the window. What had exactly happened… he couldn’t tell. Why was he there… he knew it. He was aware of the gravity of his situation. He knew everything he needed to know about this injury… His father had told him everything, mentioning Takahashi Minami, his old target. His father must have known something about his past as an aggressor, but he hadn’t mentioned it. Parents were often like this, their children would never do anything like this… Kenji knew he wouldn’t be able to have a normal life anymore. He knew… he would never be able to eat anymore… as for being an actor, there was no way he would ever get a decent contract this way. He could say farewell to fame.
He did so. Except for a few words, he had not talked to the reporters. He didn’t want to answer any question. He had even stopped being innocent: he was not accusing anyone anymore. The only reason why he was still seeing media was to talk about his own career. He had officially announced he quit being an actor. There was no future in this condition, and he knew it was useless to pretend the opposite. He had had no choice but to leave this crazy world ruled by fame and money.
He knew Tokyo’s police was still investigating about this situation, but he also knew it was useless. If Takahashi was quiet, then nothing would be found. People would still believe as Hiroko as the bad in this story… because there was no way he was every going to say another version. He knew Takahashi would not take the chance to say everything, because media would jump on her little hungry dogs.
He wasn’t afraid about how the scandal was going to end. With the recent announcement, he knew it was only a matter of time before everyone forgot about it. He had been quite surprised about how his old victim had managed to turn the attention on another shocking subject. He had to admit that this small woman had surprised him… He had never thought she was strong enough to do something like this.
However, he didn’t regret what he had done. He wanted to protect himself. To him, a little boy always following everyone, being famous was the top of the world. He had wanted to protect his reputation and it was a success. With the accident, everyone pitied him. Nobody knew the truth and he knew nobody would ever know about his implication in Takahashi’s past. He was sure about it. He had burned everything related to her, and even gave money to some people so they would not speak. It was sad he couldn’t just have done it with Hiroko, but it was already too late: she was gone.
Even so, he couldn’t regret anything, not from the past, not from the present. In his horrible condition, his future destroyed, there was no way he would forgive anyone about this. He even had ideas to take revenge, but he knew it was useless now. God knew how much he wanted to take revenge… but he knew his condition would never change, no matter what he would do. For what he had left as dignity, he could only smile to his fans and promise everything was going to be fine… Even though without his job, he was nothing…
He thought about Hiroko and sighed.
He was alive… but truly, he wasn’t living anymore…
***
Atsuko was coming back to her mother’s house. Since she was living alone, it had been quite a moment since she had met her. Her father was probably absent due to work, but she was sure she would be there. She hadn’t spoken to her since the coming out scandal. Her mother had not called her… so she didn’t know what she thought about it. She was a bit afraid of her reaction though… Unlike Minami, she had had a perfectly normal childhood, she had been herself all the time, from what she could remember, girls hasn’t fell in love with her… she had even told her mother she was waiting for THE perfect guy. Minami’s mother had been really comprehensive and accepted it right away… she just hoped it would be like this with hers.
And her mother was encouraging her in this way too. Atsuko had always told her girls from AKB48 were just friends, that it was all fan service and that it would never go farther than this. She couldn’t remember how many times her mother had told her something like “So, have you found a good looking guy?” or “You might start looking at guys now, right?” She knew her mother really liked Minami, but probably not to point of letting her daughter DATE her. They were still two girls after all… Her phone vibrated, and as she looked, she saw Minami’s short message. She knew her girlfriend was probably already at work, another radio show.
“Good luck!
You can do it!
I love you!”
Right, she could do it… She went in her home, screaming she was back. She had not told her mother she was coming that night, but it seemed the woman was waiting for her since she had already prepared a huge meal.
“Atsuko!” Her mother, a beautiful and tall woman said. “I was hoping to see you soon.”
They embraced each other before sitting at the table. They ate, talking about anything that wasn’t related to the scandal, but Atsuko could see in her mother’s eyes that the subject was going to start soon. And right when she had done eating the excellent meal, her mother started talking about it.
“I’m happy to see you, of course, but… I don’t understand, is it really real about Minami-chan and you?” She said after telling her she had almost had a heart attack after she had read the article. “I mean… telling the media…”
Atsuko nodded. She was close to her mother, really close. She knew she could be honest, but she knew her mother was disappointed at the same time, no matter what she could say… and it hurt her thinking her mother could not be proud of her.
“We had no choice, mama…” Atsuko started. “You’ve heard about the other scandal too… we just had no choice.”
“So… it’s true? I was sure… you were waiting for the perfect guy, you know? I told you, you’re beautiful! Boys must only look at you all the time, I mean, I’m not saying this just because you’re my daughter, you really are a gorgeous woman. You should have no difficulty to meet-”
“It’s not about having difficulties to find someone…” Atsuko interrupted her. “I know a lot of guys and… I don’t know, we’re only friends.”
“But you told me yourself you wanted to find a guy and marry him… have children… Have a normal life!”
“My life is normal… You know…” Atsuko whispered, a bit sad about her mother’s reaction. “I’m not a different person because I love a girl…”
Her mother looked at her, a sad sight on her eyes. She had nothing against homosexuality… she had nothing against this, really… but now that it happened to her own daughter, she didn’t know how to react. She couldn’t believe it was really happening… She knew she should support her, because it didn’t care what gender she liked… But so suddenly… They had never really had a conversation about it.
It was often like this. People said they accepted it, that there was nothing wrong about it… that everything was fine and would ever be fine… But once it happened to them, they were lost. They had strange ideas on mind, they had prejudices, they had fears growing in their minds… Once it happened to them, everything changed.
“But Minami too, I thought you were only friends.” Atsuko’s mother said.
She really liked the small girl. She thought she was a great singer and all, nice, polite… but really, the two girls dating? She had difficulty to think this way. She knew her daughter… each time they had talked about her dating a nice guy, Atsuko had just nodded shyly, smiling…
“We were… until a few months.” Atsuko said, not turning around. “I love her, mama. I don’t know… it just happened… I’m in love with her.”
She was prepared, but it was still shock to hear it from her own daughter.
“Are you sure it’s love?” She asked again, knowing she was wasting her time. “You’ve been in this girls group so much time, maybe you think it’s love, but it isn’t.”
Atsuko felt bad. She knew her mother was trying to find excuses. She could see her mother was trying to… somehow avoid reality. Seeing how her mother was not sure about this new… hurt her. Was she going to be accepted by her own parent? If not… how could she even hope being accepted by others?
“It’s love.” Atsuko repeated.
“You told the media!” Her mother exclaimed, a bit upset. “The media, do you understand?! Everyone is talking about it! Everyone knows about it! Even some from our own family started looking strangely at me!”
“It’s love.”
She knew she could add nothing. She could have given many explanations, about her feelings, about Minami, about the situation… but she knew it was useless. If her mother really understood what it meant for her to love someone enough to tell the media… then she would know it right now. If her mother couldn’t accept it… she would know it too. Though, she felt bad for her too. Her mother had problems because of what she had done, she could understand she was a bit tired of these scandals.
“Everything… is fine between Minami-chan and you?” Her mother asked. “No problem, even with your work?”
Atsuko nodded.
“Listen… it’s not a problem that you two are… dating… But… telling the media, seriously! I was fine with you being in AKB48 and getting all this attention, I was also fine about you being a popular actress because I knew you were happy… but telling the media about this private aspect is too much! I don’t want everyone to know about what you are doing all the time…”
Atsuko, like a little being reprimanded for having broken a toy, nodded again.
“Be careful… You are young, you have no idea of what will happen later, but anything you have done can come back suddenly in your life at the worst time… You shouldn’t tell them… You should just let them thinking whatever they want and-”
“They were even accusing Minami!” Atsuko protested. “I couldn’t just stand there doing nothing…”
“No, you’re right.” Atsuko’s mother smiled. “I’m glad you protected yourselves… but don’t forget, as an actress, you also have the right to a private life, and this, nobody can take it out from you. You have the right to keep some things secrets… especially when it concerns an instable subject as love…”
The actress thought about the meaning of these words and sighed. Her mother was not upset… she was just anxious about her, and she was right. Letting the world knows they were dating wasn’t the most intelligent thing she had done… but past was past.
“I’m sorry for the problems you have because of me…” She said. “I’m sorry for being like this… I’m sorry…”
The silence remained for a moment.
“And… you’re doing fine with your job?”
Again, the actress nodded. Her mother seemed to be calmer as she added:
“My daughter… There is no way I can be upset about this… You know it, right? I really like Minami-chan too… I just didn’t expect thing to turn this way… Look at you… you’ve become a beautiful woman, assuming yourself and I can see you’re happy right now, even with the events…”
The older woman held her daughter’s hand and squeezed it strongly.
“Why are you sorry?” She asked.
“You… You were expecting me to fall in love with a boy, weren’t you? You were expecting me to have children… to have a wonderful husband… but instead, I’m just provoking scandals wherever I go.”
There was no way to describe how bad Atsuko felt. The pressure she had on her shoulder was reaching her poor heart. It hurt her so much… Just thinking that her mother was disappointed at her… Just to thinking that she could have been different and everyone would have been happy. Somehow… she still couldn’t accept it. Somehow… She just wanted her mother to be happy… She didn’t want to bring anything bad in her family because of her selfish choices.
“Atsuko…” Her mother smiled. “I don’t want to hear you apologize because of this ever again. You don’t have to apologize because of this. You will never have to.”
Atsuko knew her mother was right. Behind these words, there was an important meaning. What her mother probably wanted to say was that… it wasn’t a crime to love a girl. It wasn’t something bad… It wasn’t something she could apologize for. In fact, Atsuko couldn’t apologize to be the one she was.
“I know… but I don’t know what else to do.” The actress answered.
Her mother was wise. Now that the surprise was gone, she knew she could only help her daughter. Still, she didn’t accept the fact that she had told the media. But at least, she knew that right now, her daughter was learning to be herself… and sometimes being ourselves hurt.
“You don’t need to apologize.” She repeated. “Even to me, you don’t need to apologize. It’s surprising, I have to admit it, but you know, I will get used to it… I will get used to the fact that my daughter is dating a girl…”
Atsuko smiled. Her mother was still hesitating at this word… maybe she was scared, maybe she was afraid to do a mistake, maybe she didn’t realize it fully… but the actress knew she was going to accept it. She knew her mother very well.
“Mama?” She said, still wondering if her mother was proud of her.
“What?”
“I love you.” Atsuko murmured, becoming a young little girl again as she was being embraced warmly by her mother.
***
“Minami!
Everything went fine…
I hope you’re alright too!”
***
A month was gone since their announcement. Kenji had left the hospital yesterday. He had the permission to come back home, but he needed to had a special machine following him most of the time. He would probably stay home all day, only to get out two or three hours per day.
Atsuko was done filming her two dramas. She had to find a new agency. Of course, she had already had some offers, but she still had to think about it, knowing she needed to do the best choice. At least, she knew she would manage to start again, and probably reach the top again. Her fans were still behind her, encouraging and cheering. It was only a matter of time before she got a new agency… and another manager, again. Her mother had encouraged her a lot since their conversation… and Atsuko had never talked about her private life in front of the media.
Minami was doing fine. She was trying to find inspiration for another single. She had written some lyrics here and there, but she knew it wasn’t enough. She wanted her second single to be better than the first one, and she was training all the time, singing by herself or in karaoke with her friends. The fact that she was a bit less busy than when she was with AKB48 allowed her to relax and live her life like she wanted. She could finally, finally, spend her time like she wanted… and enjoy life… because right now, there was no problem.
Media? They were now avoiding them. Unlike the few days after the announcement, the media were now avoiding her, not offering any interview or anything else. They were obviously waiting for something new to happen. They had finally accepted the fact that the two girls were dating, unlike the minority of haters… but because they were a minority, they could do nothing. After a month… the front page had became:
“OSHIMA YUKO ANNOUNCED HER GRADUATION!”
Mariko had been transferred to SDN48 a few days ago… and now Yuko was officially leaving, after so long time. In any case, media had stopped talking about the two ex members. Maybe they would call them once Atsuko had confirmed she had another agency or another drama… maybe they were waiting for Minami to create another single… But right now, no one talked about them. It was always “has been”.
In the street though, it was different. Atsuko and Minami were almost always disturbed by some random people in the street, wherever they went. They still kept great friends from AKB48, and surprisingly, even Aki-P had congratulated them… but this, maybe it was due to the fact that the scandal had brought back AKB48 in front of the news for awhile. The idols group was doing fine. Aki-P had finally understood he couldn’t always create more groups. Right, after he had tried to create another sister group, AKB48’s popularity had suddenly dropped, making him realizing he should concentrate on his main groups instead of creating new ones, especially since all the first generation members were going to leave sooner or later.
The negative stuffs were behind them… Even the Hiroko scandal was almost forgotten. Still, the manager’s reputation was the same. She was the one responsible for everything. But since she was dead… police had stopped asking Kenji and looking for news proves. Kenji… was safe… and even though they disliked this fact, Atsuko and Minami couldn’t do anything about it…
***
“Minami!” Atsuko screamed, surprising her girlfriend from behind, something she had done many times.
The singer laughed. They had seen each other two days ago, yet Atsuko was acting like they had not met since three months. Thinking about it, she still couldn’t believe they had once spent one year without seeing each other… If ever it happened right now, she wouldn’t survive. Though this time was special… Atsuko was acting like this… but they were already together since a few hours, wasting time together at Minami’s house.
“Hey, take care!” The singer said as she received some popcorn on the head.
They were spending the night watching movies. They had done this a few time, sleepover… Whenever they both had free times, they were hanging out. And wherever they can, they were spending the night together… not to do dirty things, just to have great time. And even if Atsuko wanted it… Minami had been clear about it many times, so there was no need to force things.
“Sorry!” Atsuko laughed, though spreading more popcorn around them as she sat by her girlfriend’s side.
Minami sighed. Luckily her mother wasn’t home… but she had to make sure to clean up a little before she came back. She had promised the house wouldn’t be on fire or anything. Her mother was gone for three days for an important meeting for her job. Well, the house wasn’t on fire… but it was not the ideal place to invite others. Atsuko didn’t seem to care about it. All she wanted was to see her girlfriend.
“I’m just really happy with you!”
The singer could perfectly understood what Atsuko meant by this. She felt better than during her whole life. She knew there was nothing bad in her life right now. She knew Atsuko was never going to leave her, and this only thought was enough to make all her negatives thoughts go away. It happened for her to think about Hiroko too. She had kept the recorder and the tape with her, throwing everything else related to her old friend away. The tape would be the only material proof she would keep of Hiroko’s existence… because she didn’t want to keep anything else. She felt like she should only concentrate on her current life and her current love.
“I will always be happy with you by my side.” Minami smiled. “You don’t need to repeat it…”
Atsuko quickly ate a piece of popcorn that had fallen, kissing Minami’s neck at the same time, making her becoming slightly pink…
“I know, but I want to say it. You know, we might not reach tomorrow… maybe there will be a huge earthquake or something… so I’d rather say it as much as possible to make sure you understand.”
Minami smirked at Atsuko’s tragedy. Love was strong enough to surpass death. Nothing was going to happen to them. She would make sure to protect her everyday, every second spent together.
“How it’s going with your agencies thing?” Minami asked, still anxious about Atsuko’s future.
“Fine… There’s one I really want to be accepted in… but I don’t think they will accept. They really care about scandals and all… so I think my chances are over already, even if they said they would think about it.” The actress sighed.
She knew wherever she would go, this scandal would follow her too, just like a dark shadow.
“It will be fine… I trust you.”
True, she trusted her as a friend, as her lover and as an actress. She knew she wouldn’t hesitate to help her, no matter what the consequences would be. She knew she could tell her anything and that she would not repeat it to anyone without her permission… She knew Atsuko was strong to do anything she wanted… and that she could easily prove them she had surpassed this scandal. She felt really blessed to be with her. There were so many good looking guys, so many hot girls, so maybe people much better than her… but their close relationship had won over everything.
“I’m sure they will be happy to accept you…” Minami reassured her, really believing in her words.
“Yeah… you’re probably right…”
Minami smiled and put her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Starting the movie, they just sighed, knowing they would probably only think about how they felt good together right now instead of really listening to the story. Lost in their thoughts…
The movie ended before they even realized it. Minami had fallen asleep on her girlfriend’s laps, and Atsuko was only looking at her. She was just staring at her sleeping angel, just listening to her regular breath… playing her slightly with her hair… smelling her sweet scent… She could have stayed like this forever. Even with the music playing from the television, even with some random clip playing, there was no way she would ever look away.
She suddenly heard a storm outside. Rain was falling at an incredible speed, making her looking through the window for a few seconds. When she glanced back at Minami, she had her eyes opened and was smiling.
“How dare you look at something else instead of me?” The small girl smirked.
“I’m sorry!” Atsuko immediately apologized, smiling. “The rain was much more interesting.”
“Of course!” Minami said, rolling her eyes.
Atsuko, still smiling, played with Minami’s hair lovely, nodding.
“You should look at the rain someday… but not when I’m sleeping, alright?”
“So you can do it, but not me?” Minami laughed.
“You perfectly understood!” Atsuko answered, clapping her hands when she suddenly received a mail from someone.
Answering her cell phone, she read the mail under Minami’s interrogative look. A bright smile appeared in her face as she said:
“I’m accepted… I’m really… accepted in this agency! They only said I need to be careful in my life with the media… but it’s fine!”
“Really?!” Minami smiled. “See? I told you so!”
Now, everything could only get better, right? And even if something bad was ever going to happen again, Minami would be there to help her. As long as they were together, it was going to be fine. As long as hope was still there… it was fine. Minami thought about her next single… sooner or later, she would find the best idea ever… Someday, people from everywhere would not only recognize her as an ex AKB member, but only as a singer.
“I’m so happy… I just can’t realize it… I can’t realize that… everything is done with the scandal… Everything was so fast… Everything was so hard…”
Atsuko was repeating the same thing again as Minami was just looking at her, smiling. She knew how hard it was to think that all the problems were over. She knew the feeling about starting again, in a better way. She knew how Atsuko felt about forgetting the daily hell they had lived a month ago… Sometimes, you feel like you’re wrong to hope… but in the end, you realize it’s really the end… and then, you can’t believe it’s true.
“I told you so…” Minami whispered, interrupted by Atsuko’s lips on hers.
Still lying on Atsuko’s laps, Minami shivered. It may not be the best position to share a kiss, but it tasted the same… it tasted great, passion, happiness, sweetness, love.
“Thank you for supporting me when I’m panicking.” Atsuko smiled cutely.
“N-No problem…” Minami shyly answered.
The singer was becoming redder as she thought about one time they had been together, alone. It had been at Atsuko’s home, and her mother was gone somewhere with some friends. They had almost gone farther… but she had stopped her girlfriend right before just a second.... And before Minami could have said anything, Atsuko had only apologized, promising she wouldn’t do something she didn’t want. It had been three weeks ago. Since then, Atsuko had never even tried to do anything… and during this time, Minami’s fear had slowly disappeared… and her own desire had slowly increased.
“I’ll be there for you… always.” Minami whispered, closing her eyes.
She might looked like she was going to fall asleep soon, but Atsuko knew her very well to know she was asking for another kiss. She thought her girlfriend was so cute that she couldn’t refuse her anything, and kissed her again slowly, just to make it longer and deeper. She wasn’t really aware of it, but her hands were already slowly caressing Minami’s body… everywhere, like she wanted to feel each centimetre of her skin touching hers. When Atsuko stopped, she already knew she must stop now or else she would not be able to control herself. When they kissed… there was no way to explain her feeling. Her love was being multiplied by a hundred, her heart was burning from excitement… and she was just totally loosing her mind.
“S-Sorry…” She murmured, knowing she had probably being too fast.
She didn’t want to scare her girlfriend… She didn’t want to do anything wrong… But when Minami opened her eyes… Atsuko was totally captive by her look. Because deep in her eyes... there was something new. Something she had never seen before… Something she could resume with a simple sentence… Something she wanted to see since a very long time… something stronger than everything else…
I'm ready...
The End
ENDNOTE: ... Yeah... Gonna update an author note later, ok? So until then... don't kill me because of this chapter... and don't kill me about this chapter being the last.
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This the last chapter??? :grr: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! :temper:
It has been a great journey for me following this fic~~ :cool1:
Thank you for this awesome fic~~ :kneelbow: this is sad~~ :fainted:
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OMFG...this chapter scared the hell out of me....My heart was beating so fast the whole time I was readin it :inlove: :wub:....MAN YOUR FANFICS ARE REALLY AWESOME!!!!! XDI just hope that is not really the end...maybe you can add one more chapter just so I know what happened (Even though I know what's going to happend XD!!!!!!....I just want to read more!).THANK YOU FOR THE UPDATE :twothumbs and HOPEFULLY another UPDATE?!!!!!!!
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OMG ITS OVER ALREADY?! :O :O :O :O NOOOOOOO ITS TOO EARLY!
LOL there's no reason to kill you over this chapter since it turned out well for Takacchan!
man when i was reading this chapter i was praying that everything was going to turn out right for them. Sooo happy everything went smoothly with the scandal
THEIR LOVE IS JUST SO AWESOME! so supportive of one another of course!
gosh i'm so glad that Acchan's mom approve of their relationship :)
I'm a bit mad that Kenji is considered innocent but with his situation i guess its alright since he got his karma.
ahh Takacchan finally got some peace in their relationship after all that intense drama and scandal :D
LOL I wish Aki-p would realize that he doesn't have to make so many sister groups
NOOO Yuko's graduation too! then both my favorites would be gone :cry:
:cry: this story has so much special meaning to me! it was the first AKB48 fanfic i ever read! i don't think i could ever forget it! :cry: :cry:
Reading your story has been absolutely amazing! i loved every bit of it! even if the story did make Takamina and Acchan go through alot of pain, it was still awesome! :D
I'm so sad that this story is ending! :cry: :cry: :cry: maybe one more update? or not... :cry:
if you update again or not, i have to say you did a fantastic amazing great wonderful incredible job with outstanding story :twothumbs
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took me 45mins to read this :sweatdrop: (got distracted)
glad even with the scandal,their love still intact XD
takacchan pair FTW!!
serve u right kenji! :twisted:
yuko graduating :cry:
waiting for the next update :cathappy:
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now i totally think takamina and acchan is real together.
HAHAHA OMG. I LOVE YOUR FANFIC.
AND... the ending was (Y) .
HAHHA. I bet i will re read this again and again and again.
Will you be doing another fic?! More atsumina please!
GOOD JOB <3.
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@Flean: Thank you! I'm happy your enjoyed my fic!
@blughise: I am really sorry for this, but I decided it was going to be the end... I'm glad you enjoyed it! I'm sorry, but you will have to imagine what will happen by yourself xD
@mangobanana15: Huge comment! Thank you for reading my fic and commenting each time! I'm glad you enjoyed it and really proud to be the first one you've read an AKB fanfic! Thank for encouraging me, I really like reading your comments, even if my answered aren't as long...
@nyaha00: Haha took me 45min to re-read it while talking at the phone so I could "correct" some mistakes! There will be no update... sorry....
@TakahashiJ: You and facebook... my god, thank you very much! I will try to make another fanfic if ever I got a decent idea! Hopefully, it will be happier xD
@Everyone reading: THANK :)
PINK VITRIOL… WHAT IS IT?
• A simple TakAcchan story I created when I was wasting my time
STARTED WITH…
• An uncertain prologue
• A lack of confidence about my English’s skills :mon surr:
• An unknown storyline
• The inevitable fear of being rejected :on speedy:
AFTER A FEW WEEKS…
• Learning how to fight a lack of motivation :mon study:
• Panicking when realizing it’s been over two weeks I haven’t updated
• Updating late… and suffering from a lack of sleep the following morning
• Smiling at each of your comments
NOW…
• Started with 12 pages chapters… Ended with a 28 pages chapter.
• Over 500 pages of text on Microsoft Word
• Many great memories :tama-lotsaluv:
IT’S ABOUT…
• How we must face our past sooner or later
• How we can’t avoid the truth, especially about ourselves
• How much our past influence the person we are today
• It is not because you think you know someone that you really do :smhid
• You can’t know someone at 100%
• Love means pain :cry:
• Love means happiness :inlove:
• Death can happen whenever and to anyone
• How society can be cruel
• How we can still survive :thumbup
AND…
• Kenji’s accident was inspired from something that really happened to someone I know.
• Takamina’s past was inspired from a research I did about bullying :k-crazy:
• Reactions were inspired from reality and from what I thought was as credible as possible
ABOUT THE END…
Wanted to end this to the most precious moment two people in love can share. And it's TakAcchan, so :wub: Since this fic has been full of hate/pain/sadness, I couldn’t think of a best moment to end my fic. And I wanted to end on Takahashi's thoughts :oops:
PINK VITRIOL --> You have probably read the meaning of the title at the beginning of my fic. Since everything had been full of hatred… I thought it was nice to end it with only love. I didn’t want to describe what was going to happen, you guys already have enough imagination XD
Plus, I didn’t have any idea of what I could do next, and was afraid my fic could become boring if I was keep writing it. I didn’t want to continue it if it was to leave you suddenly without updating anything. I mean, I know what is it to wait for a fic XD
So instead of writing useless chapters without a real motivation, I wanted to left you with this happy/hope note.
I didn’t want to write an epilogue either, sorry guys. Maybe it will happen later, but probably not… But feel lucky, at least it’s happy ending!
FINALLY…
It’s funny coz I was sure nobody was going to read it at the beginning, and now I’m sad coz I really wanted to write more for you… but ideas are running out… If ever anyone have an idea, tell me XD
Thank you guys, seriously, you've helped me more than you think ^^ Not only with my fic, but also when I feel depressed, remembering your encouragement helped me a lot :grin:
Maybe I will write another fic... who knows...
Any questions? Comments? Something I should improve? Sometimes I feel like I wrote too much descriptions… Was it fine? XD
HUGE THANK TO EVERYONE WHO READ/FOLLOWED/COMMENTED/THANKED THIS FIC. THANK TO YOU, I’VE BEEN ABLE TO END IT PROPERLY. :monk gboy: :mon thumb:
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THANK YOU! THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU! :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
Can I hug you? Can I kiss you? What can I do to thank you???????? Send you a katsudon? XD XD XD XD
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Write another one, please? :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
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THANK YOU FOR YOUR HARD WORK!!!! XD .THIS IS DEFINITELY ONE OF THE BEST FANFICS OF AKB48 THAT I HAVE READ!!! I hope you'll still continue to write akb48 fanfics....and I'll definitely will be waiting for it :)
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~ :OMG: :OMG: :OMG:
I havent comment anything and u already declare that this is finish...... :pleeease: :pleeease: :pleeease:
Well, u write this question mark in the end -> ?
so it shouldnt finish yet..... :err: :err: :err:
anyway, thanks for your hardwork for.... errrrrr..... almost a year..... :sweatdrop: :sweatdrop: :sweatdrop:
Like your fict and please make the other story since i'm your fan bou chan... U HEAR MEEEEE!!
I'M YOUR FAAAAAAN!!!! :wahaha: :wahaha: :wahaha: :wahaha:
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Thank you! Seriously your fic is awesome!!!!!!! You talk about life and all. Each time I read a chapter I'm excited lol And there is a happy end yeah!!!!
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This was a really great series. Thank you for finishing it. I always have looked forward to your updates, and I guess the end is finally here. Thanks once again.
Looking forward to your next work if you plan on writing something one day :D
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THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
this series made me really ASDFGHJKL:" i can't really explain it well, but really really thank you for making it :bow:
i really really love it. :heart: you are such an awesome writer, marry me, please!!! XD :bow: i just can't believe that it's the end :cry: im still hoping for a lemon scene can you please add one more chapter pleaseeeeeeee?!! :P since that takamina is now ready. lolol. but i really do need moaaaaaaaaar, not just me maybe. i mean we all need more XDD
really thank you for this~ :bow: :bow:
hoping for another new series or an encore of this one. with lemons
im a fan btw, willing to be your slave
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awww so its really over! its alright if you didn't write an epilogue, the story is still amazing with or without it! :)
Its good to know that you actually like my comments! :D LOL you don't have to answer long cause you are writing more important stuff like that story
I owe a huge thanks to you! writing this story i don't even know if i could thank you enough! XD
I love what your story is about. it really taught me a few things that i will not forget and Takacchan probably won't forget either :P
Gosh i was extremely happy about Takacchan having a happy ending. lol i've had doubts about if they were gonna be happy in the end :lol:
pishhhh your story wasn't fine. IT WAS MUCH MORE THEN FINE! It was just pure awesomeness! :D
Hey if you ever write another story, just count that i'll be there waiting for each chapter just like this story! XD
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I am just glad everything got resolved and takacchan got their happy ending. I hope you continue to writing new stories :deco:
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@dee1711 :nervous Thank to you for reading. And yeah, trying to find another idea, but yeah -.- I accept katsudon only if Takamina is included XD
@blughise : My God, thanks XD I'm trying to find another idea since two days... but there's absolutely nothing coming :thumbdown:
@sorakamiya :Oh well... The question mark is gone now :nervous Thank for reading and being my fan ^^ I've started a fic on another forum, and been writing it since like two years. In the end, I didn't finish it because my motivation was far away. So I didn't want this situation to re-start here -.-'
@kahem :Thank you :D Yeah, I'm trying to include some morals things in my fics XD
@Arakawa :Thank you :D Yeah, trying to find another idea... maybe someday I will start another one, but right now, I'm just reading others fanfic and taking a break.
@crazywota : LOL WHAT XD Haha thank you for um... being a slave? XD Anyway, sorry, there will not be another chapter (though I did hesitate a lot) but I might write another fic, but without lemon... I'm not good at writing about it, don't know enough vocabulary and all... :oops:
@mangobanana15 : Thank you ^^ And yes, you thank me enough just by reading it and commenting :theking I'm glad you learned some things, that was kinda what I wanted to do with this fic, you know... like talking about less usual themes and all :roll: There were many things I wanted to talk about through this fic, but yeah, finally I decided to make a happy ending because if not... I can't even imagine everyone's reactions ^^'
@A1 Happy ending was kinda a miracle from me XD I could have continued, but then I would have probably decided to create a sad ending... so yeah let's just stop here. Thank for reading^^
Yes, I'm always answering comments, even if my fic is done. :theking
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Im gonna bring this up again for the new readers and lurkers to see :P
and and, im gonna re-read this series from the top because.... i just wanted too :lol: im just gonna skip the sad parts. LOL.
and bou-j525, when is our wedding? :heart:
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Oh hey that's nice from you :) Thank <3
Though... I feel more guilty for not updating because of you :smhid X_X
:lol: im just gonna skip the sad parts. LOL.
... Then you will skip the whole story :lol: Well, not the whole story... but 3/4 of it XD
I will start inviting people to our future wedding
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Oh hey that's nice from you :) Thank <3
^OH MY GAWD, THERE's A HEART!!!!! * FLAILS HARD. :heart: :heart: :lol:
lolol. commenting for the second time to bring this up again. lol. imma desperate much XD
and btw you should make another series soon :smhid if your not busy tho.
please do. <3 imma getting excited to our soon to be wedding now.
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^ LOL can't believe you answered again XD Thank you :) <3 yes, it's a heart :heart: And I loved your reaction XD
And yeah well your comment makes me wanna update ;_; But I can't ;_; First because I'm not done and school is cruel, and second because I don't have any computer now (writing from Ipod). And... AH STOP MAKING ME FEEL BAD FOR NOT UPDATING ！(◎_◎;)
And... And... And... I'm sorry~~~~!!!!!! -.-
I'm ready for our wedding LOL
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^ tsk...tsk...tsk.... so only my imouto chan that could make u wanna update huh :smhid :smhid :smhid
u better update your other fanfict bou-chan~ :glasses: coz lot of your fan waiting for that :wahaha:
why i even dont know my imouto wedding :|
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^
I CAN'T UPDATE >>>>>______<<<<<< I'M SORRY :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
It's a miracle for me to give an answer. I'M GOING TO DIE X_X
Don't worry, I didn't know about it either. XD
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sora-chan, lol don't worry you are very much invited. and to you my future wifey bou-j525 everything in the preparation is going smoothly :P :P :heart: and do you mind adding a heart here again?? XD :heart:
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OLD AUTHOR IS BACK :jphip: Maaaan so many people left the place :cry: I feel like a ghost, and if it's wasn't for keichan, I would have... just... left... forever XD Hello new readers, hope you enjoy the place.
Someday, I will seriously need to learn how to stop because this is getting ridiculous.
I was reading the whole story again (Took me the whole day non-stop) and seriously... SERIOUSLY.... I had totally forgot I had written that much XD Man I was pretty cruel with you O_O Each time I ended a chapter, there was a cliffhanger... LoL... That made me mad at myself even if I knew what was coming next XD I apologize :bow:
2 things, 2 ONLY DAMN THINGS: --> HOW DID I DO TO WRITE THAT MUCH :shocked :shocked :shocked AND... For God's sake.... WHAT CAN I ADD :shocked :shocked :shocked Pffffff..... No, I think I know what to do ;) If not, I wouldn't have re-opened this thread ^^
So hello guys :D As you've seen well... vacations! time to come back here since well... I've totally stopped reading too :nervous
How have you been :) Missed me? :P Damn that was a really long fic I wrote there... I seriously wonder why I decide to add something when... actually it's quite fine.... (While reading it I totally fangirl about how some parts were just perfect to me XD) :nervous
About Addiction, I don't know what is going to happen. I will write the next chapter.... And.... well... Actually, I don't know if I will continue it now. Because of SDN's sudden massive graduation, I don't feel like imagining the end of AKB anymore :cry: :cry:
About my One Shot: going to update one tomorrow :grin:
About Pink Vitriol... Figured out you'd be lost if I just started suddenly, so I did a short summary of each chapter, with a quote so that maybe you will want to re-read the whole thing (Though that would surprise me a lot since it's DAMN long). But you know you want to remember the story =D While I was reading it, I went like "Did I really write that?!" for like... over 30 times xD Seriously, this is long, but I think I manage to make you sad/happy/angry/depressed/everything =D That was my main goal, so I'm proud about it XD
Well well, summary time! Enjoy until I post the real "sequel".
PROLOGUE: We learn that Acchan officially graduated from AKB48.
CHAPTER 1: Takamina is still doing her best in AKB48. A short part of KojiYuu, to explain their complicity is there too. They are both worried for the little captain. Takamina remembers Acchan’s announcement of her graduation. They are both very sad and members can feel how strong their friendship was, is, and will be. At the end of the chapter, Takamina receives a “good night” message from her best friend, which she had been receiving each night since Acchan left the group.
Acchan thought it was cute to see the two Tomomi always together. Even if they weren’t in the same team, they were always spending time together. They were talking together, eating, going to shopping together, thinking about the same things… She wondered if all their friendship was only because of their names. She liked to call them TomoTomo. She thought it was cute. She had once surprised them kissing and since that day, she never looked at them like before. She was going to miss them.
“Um… Since everybody’s here, I’m going to start.” She said hesitantly. “My agency told me that they found a great job for me as a gravure Idol. They said it’s a big project with a famous company.”
Everybody started to talk. They thought it was nice for her, but didn’t understand why she was telling them something about herself. She looked more pretentious than something else.
“I will probably be more busy than usual. I have two news dramas too I have to work on. I probably won’t perform with Team A for a long time.” She added.
Takamina looked at her friend. What was going on? She was talking about her career and her life. Did she want them to congratulate her?
“My agency said it’s a great opportunity for me to become more famous in Japan. They told me I could begin a big career as a gravure Idol and as an actress.”
Takamina knew Acchan was trying to be nice with everyone, but she couldn’t help feeling bad for Yuko. It was Yuko’s dream she was talking about. Yuko always wanted to be a famous actress.
“What I am trying to say is that I will take this opportunity. I have to take this chance if I want to have a real job for the future. Not that AKB isn’t, but you know guys you probably won’t stay with AKB until your death.”
Everybody began to understand what she was saying. They stared at her without talking.
“I really like AKB48 and Team A, old one and new one. That’s why I wanted all you guys to be there. I wanted you to know that I decided to take this opportunity. I decided to work on it only.”
Acchan tried to be strong. She knew it wasn’t easy to tell them about her decision, but she had to do it. She didn’t want them to learn it by Akimoto-san.
“What I mean by this is that from now on, I will work only on my future career.”
She took a deep breathe.
“I decided to graduate from AKB48.”
CHAPTER 2: The chapter starts with AKBingo shooting, including some “Takamina teasing” about missing Acchan too much. Miichan, Haruna and Yuko also tease her about Miichan and Acchan wedding. They are worried for her, but Takamina just keep on denying everything, saying she’s fine and she doesn’t miss her friend too much. NO3B and Yuko have a photoshoot and they meet Acchan at this place. However, she has to leave before Takamina can meet her. At the end of the chapter, Acchan is exchanging mail with Miichan. Her manager is mentioned shortly.
“You know, it’s okay to miss Acchan.” Miichan said.
“I know. Everybody miss her anyway.” Takamina answered without even looking at her friend.
Miichan sighed. It wasn’t what she meant. She knew Takahashi had always been with Acchan. Her sudden leaving must had been a big shock. And she knew Takahashi was probably sadder than she looked. She didn’t really know what she could do for it. At the beginning, she thought Takamina would get better, but she hadn’t. There was still some moments were she was laughing with the others like before, but it wasn’t like when she was with Acchan. It was different. Even the way she laughed was different now.
“You know-”Miichan began.
“I know.” Takahashi replied.
CHAPTER 3: AKB48 goes to Paris for a special concert, for the famous Japan Expo. Another flash back shows the last meeting of Takamina and Acchan before she leaves the group. They cried together, remembering great times. At the end of this flash back, Takamina is crying, alone in her sadness. Right after, Acchan’s manager is introduced. We can start to understand what kind of woman she is as she tells Acchan to stop consulting AKB members’ blogs. It seems not that bad at the start, but as Acchan is trapped in her room with her manager, called Hiroko, Takamina worries because she didn’t receive any “good night” message for the first time EVER.
The captain wanted to scream to the world that she wanted Acchan to stay by her side. It would never be the same now. If Acchan left now… It would be the end. The end of her presence in AKB48, the end of their daily life together, the end of… If she left now, Takamina would stay behind, crying alone.
“My manager is waiting.” Acchan repeated.
She released Takamina’s hand.
“My manager is waiting.” She whispered.
“What if…”
Takamina wanted to say something else. She wanted to tell her how much she was going to miss her. How much things would never be the same. They hugged silently. Acchan could smell Takamina’s scent… And Takamina was breathing through Acchan’s hair. They both didn’t move. They wanted to stay like this forever. Takamina felt tears falling down on her shoulder. She was crying too. She was holding Acchan’s shirt and didn’t want to release it. She buried her face in her friend’s neck, trying to engrave this moment on her mind. She could hear Acchan crying. She could hear her whispered her name. She could feel how sad she was. But she couldn’t say anything. She could just hug her with all her might. She slowly opened her mouth, but Acchan was faster.
“Don’t talk. Please, don’t say anything else.”
“But…”
Acchan slowly moved apart from Takamina, taking deep breathe at the same time. Her eyes were red and she had difficulties to stay calm. It was too much. Her heart couldn’t take it. She would break into pieces and fall down on the floor if she stayed here. Her eyes got lost in Takamina’s, and for a moment, all she could see were Takamina’s feelings. It was so painful she had no choice but to avoid her eyes as she took a last deep breathe to remember her friend’s scent. She slowly walked away
Takamina was crying alone.
She heard Acchan closed the door as the lights turned off.
CHAPTER 4: AKB members are now in France. Takamina’s thoughts about her worries since Acchan hadn’t sent her a mail are all written there. She’s alone, sad, and she still wants to encourage her friend though. She feels like she should have told her to stay before. A bit later, Hiroko and Acchan are talking together when the manager becomes threatening. She tells Acchan to stop contacting AKB members, especially Takamina. She insists a lot. During a party to celebrate their trip, Takamina suddenly spies a conversation between Miichan and Haruna. They are talking about the fact that Acchan had called Miichan to talk about her problems, which Takamina gets a little bad about. At the end of the chapter, Acchan has her phone stolen by Hiroko, who decided to send a goodbye message to Takamina, pretending to be Acchan.
“I’m sorry,” Hiroko said, “You must think I’m crazy. But I want to talk to you seriously.”
“What do you mean?” Acchan finally said.
“I am the one who control your career. You must know that.”
So what… What did she mean by that? How was she supposed to take it? She started to breathe again as her manager moved apart.
“I don’t think you understand what it means. Why don’t you trust me more? I can see you’re afraid of me right now. I don’t want it to be like this. We should work together.”
Together? But Acchan was afraid something could happen. It wasn’t like the first time she had met the members of AKB48. That time, she had felt she could trust them, but with her manager… She didn’t feel at ease.
“I don’t like when you read the blog of the members of AKB48. They’re from your past now.”
“So what?”
“Past belongs to past. You have to realize that you can’t always think of AKB48. It will handicap you when you’ll work!”
“No! I mean… until now, I gained popularity, right? And I was thinking of my old group all the time! So it doesn’t matter!”
“You know you can trust me instead of thinking about them. It was just a little group where hopeless girls go when they believe it will help them to realize their dream.”
What? No! She couldn’t. She couldn’t accept it…
“In case you still haven’t realized it, I was in AKB48, and I wasn’t hopeless!”
She thought a little about Takamina before she added:
“AKB48 isn’t a group where “hopeless” girls go! It’s a real job where members work hard in order to realize their dream! They don’t believe it will help them, they know it!”
Her manager moved closer. Acchan didn’t know what was happening. She wanted to flee far away from here. She was breathing heavily. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t…
“Why did you leave your perfect group then?” Hiroko asked as she touched Acchan’s shoulder.
Acchan didn’t say anything.
CHAPTER 5: The goodbye message shocked Takamina to the point that she decided to come back to Japan, even though it is really bad understood by other members. A short meeting between Takamina and Acchan occurs, just for them to be a happy moment together. Acchan lies to Takamina about what happened to her cellphone, but Takamina is sure it is suspicious. They have fun together, though Hiroko is not happy to see Acchan’s blog updated with Takamina’s pictures. She threatens her again, but it doesn’t work. She keeps saying Takamina will surely betray her for sure. When Takamina joins Acchan for another meeting, she sees Hiroko for a bit of time and recognizes her, since Acchan’s manager had been famous before.
“Remember, we’re friends. It won’t ever change.” Acchan said seriously.
“Yeah…” Takamina said.
Somehow… She didn’t like the word “friend” to describe their relationship. But she didn’t know why. She was so happy to know Acchan didn’t hate her she couldn’t think properly.
“So… You came back from Paris to see me because you were THAT anxious?” Acchan asked, amusing.
“Don’t laugh!” Takamina blushed. “It’s normal to be anxious, right? If the same thing had happened to you, you would have just stayed there and did nothing?”
“No…” Acchan thought as she nodded. “I would have fled to Paris to see you… But you don’t need to know that.”
“You would?!” Takamina said as she saw her friend nodded.
“Who knows…” Acchan pretended as she looked at the roof.
“How cruel!” Takamina said as she threw her a cushion.
“Hey, don’t do that!” Acchan replied as she did the same.
“What the…?”
They began to run in the house, forgetting about the awkward conversation they just had. As they were jumping everywhere, Takamina accidently broke a vase in the living room.
“I’m sorry!” She said as she stopped to take the pieces.
She knew it was Acchan’s favourite vase. It was the one her grandmother had gave her before she died. Acchan was looking at her, pretending to be “really” mad. Well, she was, but not as much as she pretended to be.
“How could you?!” She screamed as Takamina finished cleaning.
She went in her room and slapped the door while a speechless Takamina was looking at her. Takamina had no idea why she looked so mad… She knew it was important but…
“Acchan?” She asked as she slowly opened the door.
At the moment her head was in Acchan’s bedroom… She received a pillow in her face. The time it took for her to stop being surprise, Acchan was already in the kitchen, hiding herself under the table.
“I’m gonna kill you!” Takamina said as she ran after her with the same pillow. “You are so dead!”
Really… She had missed Acchan a lot.
CHAPTER 6: Acchan is quite surprised, but she listens to Takamina’s story of what happened to Hiroko in her childhood. She was very close to her mother, and started hating the media very young. Hiroko’s mother died because she went to help a friend and had a car accident. Acchan learns, because of Takamina, that her manager actually hates this world of fame. However, with a picture, they discover that Hiroko’s mother looks very alike to Atsuko. Back to Japan, the other members, especially Mariko, are mad at Takamina, because she chose Acchan over her work, which is not good at all. During this time, Acchan is slapped by Hiroko, who can’t find any other way to threaten her even more. The actress decides it is enough and meets with her, only to find out that Hiroko and Takamina were friends years ago.
“… Takamina.”
The beautiful smile her manager had on her face suddenly vanished as she heard the name of Acchan’s friend. She didn’t say anything, letting Acchan going on.
“I want to know… the reason why you don’t want me to see her.”
As soon as she saw her manager’s reaction, she suddenly wanted to flee. Maybe it wasn’t the great time to ask about it… Maybe the best time was… never.
“I told you…”
“No!”
Acchan froze. Did she just interrupt her manager? Did she… want to die? Fortunately for her, Hiroko was patient today. She just sent her a cold look, but Acchan could still talk.
“I… I mean…” Acchan took a deep breathe again, trying to stop stammer. “She… She told me something about your past…”
“What?”
Acchan avoided her eyes as she said:
“She told me… about your mother being popular and then… the accident.”
Acchan eyes met Hiroko’s. The idol froze as she saw a mist of tears in Hiroko’s eyes. She looked really sad… She looked like a little child trying to keep her dignity.
“So what?” She answered with her usual cold voice, even though Acchan knew she must have affected her.
“She… told me about the accident… and the reason of it. She told me it was because of your mother’s best friend.”
“We can’t call this kind of person a “friend”. She killed her.”
Acchan wasn’t happy to make her manager so sad. She knew it must be hard for her to keep her cold voice. She knew she must hurt her by talking about it. She thought all her manager needed was love… Love from her family… But then again, she remembered the punch she had received and it brought her back to reality. Her manager wasn’t the nice woman she pretended to be.
“She told me that… So… I was wondering… If it had something to do with me… Since your mother… looked a lot like me when she was young…”
She stopped talking, waiting for an answer. It didn’t come. Her manager wanted her to keep talking.
“I was wondered if… You were worried the same thing might happen to me.” Acchan said. “Do you think I would help my friend instead of going to work? Do you think I’d have an accident if it happened? Do... Are you worried about me?”
Acchan had said the last sentence without really knowing if she could ask this question. The answer seemed obvious: Her manager would never care about her, she had hit her! Her manager wasn’t the kind of person that would care for someone else than herself.
“What is the most important to you?” Hiroko asked, trying to keep her “I’m not sad” expression.
“Well, it’s…”
Surprisingly, Acchan couldn’t answer. She couldn’t choose between…
“Then you have your answer.” Hiroko said..
Really? Acchan was surprised to learn her manager could be worried about her. She would have never thought it could have a link! She would not have an accident like Hiroko’s mother, of course, but… It was great her manager could worry about her. Maybe she wasn’t that bad. Acchan could understand her manager was sad about it. Loosing her mother that way and having to confront such consequences must had been so hard for her. And she had been so young when it happened.
“But it’s not the only reason.”
Acchan froze. What could be worst? She could understand her manager’s feeling… Her story was sad… What did she have to add? And plus, did it mean her manager was ready to have a real conversation with her? Thinking about it helped her to relax. Maybe she could finally know what was going on… She stared at Hiroko. Was her manager going to explain something or was she supposed to wait here for nothing? Wait a minute… Was her manager really going to talk to her about her past? Her painful past? It seemed… unreal. How could her manager even talk to her… without the angry voice she always had before? Was it THAT important?
“That Takamina…”
What was she going to say about Takamina? Acchan prayed for it to be something good, even if she had doubts about it. It couldn’t be something good, but she knew that if her manager said something bad about her friend again… She would never take it. This time, it was true, she was ready to protect her friend, no matter what.
“What? What about Takamina?” Acchan asked, hoping her manager would talk.
“She didn’t tell you everything…” Hiroko hesitantly said.
Acchan thought it was great to see her manager so unsure for once. For the first time, maybe she could just stop being afraid… Her manager didn’t look frightening at all. For the first time, she felt she was dominating her manager. And if felt great. She was ready for everything now. And then again… this feeling of invincibility disappeared as soon as she heard Hiroko.
“When I was young… We were… friends.” She whispered.
CHAPTER 7: The whole chapter is about Hiroko and Takamina’s common childhood. We learn why Hiroko hates Takamina, why she is so angry at her. In the middle of this hatred atmosphere, Acchan learns to see Takamina, an old victim of ijime (bullying) in a different way. She also thinks about her true feelings for her friend, since Hiroko herself says it is obvious she loves her. Hiroko talks about all the times she had protected and helped Takamina, until the time she entered AKB48. Then, at the worst time, Takamina totally forgot about her. When Acchan was about to ask her the real reasons behind this choice, their car crashed into a tree.
Takahashi began to sob. Even though she wanted to look strong, she just couldn’t. Her day had been horrible. The other children weren’t nice with her at all. She wasn’t as strong as she wanted to be. If she were a guy, she could totally kill them. Well, maybe not kill them, but take revenge.
“Takamina, look at me please.” Hiroko asked.
Takahashi raised her head.
“Takamina?” The child asked. “What is that?”
“It’s cute, isn’t it? It’s a nickname I created for you! So use it whenever you want!”
“A nickname?”
“Because we’re close friends, I didn’t want to call you “Takahashi” or “Minami”… Since you’re special, I wanted a special nickname too!”
Takahashi Minami looked at her while her eyes began to shine. A nickname! She had a nickname! Now, she wasn’t only Takahashi Minami, she was also Takamina! She was so glad… It meant someone really cared about her.
“Thank… you…” Takamina said. “Do you want me to find one for you?”
“Don’t’ worry about it, tell me what’s wrong.”
Takamina felt so good with Hiroko. She was like the sister she never had.
“I’m... ictim…me.”
“What?” Hiroko asked. “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand.”
At the same time, a group of children from Takamina’s class passed near them. A little girl pointed Takamina and said something as the others began to laugh. It didn’t seem to be nice. As they walked farther, Hiroko frowned and asked gently:
“Tell onee-chan what’s going on.”
“Ijime…” Takamina managed to say with a guilty voice, like if everything was her own fault.
Takamina closed her eyes, expecting Hiroko would stop being her friend… but she suddenly felt Hiroko’s arms around her shoulders. She hugged her while she said:
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it. If you ever want to talk to someone about this, come to see me.”
Since this moment, Takamina had being supported by Hiroko a lot. She was still sad at school, but when she came back, she was smiling, because she knew her friend would be there, waiting for her. She was talking about it to Hiroko, crying a little, hoping things would get better. One day, it went farther as a boy hit her. But then again, Hiroko had protected her as her onee-chan. Seeing Hiroko cared so much for her made Takamina cry even more.
“I promise… when I’ll be older, I’ll be stronger and it will be my turn to protect you.” She once said to Hiroko.
From this day, Takamina had always wanted to be stronger… But she had no idea about what was going to happen…
CHAPTER 8: While Acchan turned out to be quite “fine”, Hiroko is in coma for an undetermined time. Still some mixed feelings between the two, as Mariko really starts to think they are just gay for each other. Acchan and Takamina are left talking alone, and the serious subject suddenly comes out from Acchan. Because she was to be honest to her friend, Takamina decided to tell her what truly happened. Hiroko confessed to her, but she rejected her. This is how they moved apart. Their strong friendship vanished. Takamina was afraid. Acchan, hearing this and Takamina’s reaction, decides she couldn’t tell how she feels about them, because she was too afraid the same thing might happen.
As soon as the door was closed, Acchan was looking at the sky, wondering why her heart hurt so much. Takamina had rejected her best friend because of a confession from her… She had also clearly said she thought it was weird for two girls to be together. She had clearly said she didn’t like girls… Acchan was afraid the same thing might happen to them if she ever did the same. Even if she wasn’t sure of her feelings yet, she knew a part of it wasn’t only friendship. And she was afraid of rejection… A lot… she was scared of it because she knew Takamina had put an end to a seven years old friendship because of it. Takamina and she were friends for almost six years… How could she ever hope not to be rejected if she told her she might like her more…? Of course, Takamina was older now… but still… Acchan couldn’t help but remember the question Takamina had asked before. “What would she do if it happened”… She wondered… If Takamina ever confessed to her… she could probably be the happiest person in the world. But she knew it would never happen. And she also knew that… now that she knew Takamina and Hiroko’s story, she must NOT tell Takamina she might love her... because she didn’t want to loose her.
CHAPTER 9: The senbatsu members are out to the zoo and Acchan goes with them. They have a lot of fun, but Acchan suddenly feels bad after a meeting with a huge snake. Next a lame excuse by Yuko, Acchan and Takamina are left alone again. Acchan realizes how strong her feelings are, but she can’t tell her best friend. When she leaves, Miichan decides to tell Takamina about what she had heard from Acchan, about what Hiroko had done to Acchan. After, another project is up for AKB members. They will have to travel each around a specific part of Japan, to record a “kind of” documentary. Still shocked by what Miichan had told her, Takamina visits Acchan who decided to tell her everything. The chapter ends on their thoughts about their relationship.
Takamina POV
The scene went black.
All I can do is staring at the television, even though there is nothing more. The fan who made this video is really great… Acchan seems so touched by this… And when she’s happy, I can’t help but feel better too. I’m thankful for all those great moments we had together… I miss them…
I’m looking at her now. She’s smiling, but I can see there’s something’s troubling her. I wonder what it is… Is it the kiss scene we just saw? It can’t be, right? She kissed me that day… I was so surprised I reacted too late and she did it. I can’t help but smirked as I remember how huge her smile was when she finally did it. It looked like she just did a miracle… though maybe it was since I never kissed anybody. Acchan… gave me my first kiss… Oh wait, there was that actress from Mendol, right? But it doesn’t count since we were just acting…right? Well, I guess Acchan was acting too, right? It was just… fan service, right? It’s hard to know what is real when you’re working as an idol. You always have to look perfect and innocent, but at the same time, fans want to see a… dark side from you. They want fan service too… I wonder how the fans reacted when they saw this scene… They must have been as surprised as I was.
“Acchan, don’t make such a troubled face.” That’s what I want to say right now, but the words are stuck in my throat and don’t want to move from there. I can’t tell exactly how she looks… but it seems painful to her. If only she could tell me what’s going on… But I guess it’s too serious… Or maybe I should just wait. I’m always like this. I want to know what bother people as soon as possible so I can help them… But I need to give them time to resolve their problems themselves… I guess I can’t help Acchan all the time after all. I guess… Even if we’re best friends… there’s still something I can’t do to help her. Maybe I’m not strong enough… Maybe she doesn’t trust me… It would be normal since she knows the truth about what I did to her manager…
Acchan’s looking at me now… Her eyes are beautiful. I feel I can just stare at her forever and be happy. But I must not think like this. This is not a way to think about a friend, right? There’s pain in her eyes… I don’t know what the reasons to this sad look are, but it makes me feel useless… Soon… I’ll have to go back to work… I’ll have to leave Acchan for a week… probably more. I don’t want to leave her with Hiroko… I’m worried about her… But I guess I have no choice but to work… since AKB48 is only the first step to reach my dream. I’m sorry Acchan… If I could stay here, I’d do it. But I’m still with the group. I have to work… I’m not as far as you are.
But you know, even if I told you I’ve stayed with AKB48 because I was afraid I might not have time to share with you if I left the group at the same time… I think we’re slowly moving apart… Even if I try to act the same as before, I can see you’re not looking the same way at me. Why are you looking at me with such sad eyes? Aren’t you happy to see me? I guess if you weren’t, I would have already left, so it’s probably not the problem. I wish I could know your problem, so I could do something about it. I’d do anything… Why don’t you tell me what it is?
Maybe if you could read my mind, you’ll see how worried I am about you. Hey, Acchan, please, smile at me before I leave… Even with your manager threatening you, even if you look so sad… even if it’s my fault, I need to see you smile.
CHAPTER 10: Takamina decides to confront her past and visits Hiroko at the hospital. They have a long talk in which Hiroko tells her why she is mad at her, and in which Takamina tries to protect Acchan. There is a short Flash Back about the day Takamina didn’t answer Hiroko’s call for help. There is also the short story of their last meeting, where Takamina turned away, afraid that Hiroko’s feelings might never change. They can’t be normal friends anymore. At the end, as Takamina comes back to the hospital a second time to listen to her old friend, Hiroko tells her something strange: Acchan is probably in love with her.
FLASH BACK
Takamina smiled awkwardly, hoping Miichan would not pay too much attention to her mistake. She was about to say something more about the future of AKB48 when Miichan frowned and said:
“Don’t turn back… But I think someone’s spying on us.”
Of course, Takamina wanted to turn back… And Miichan held her shoulder to stop her.
“Stop! It’s a girl… Older than us I think… She’s been looking at us for about ten minutes… She scared me. She has… angry eyes.”
Takamina froze. This description…
“Oh no, she saw me looking at her… She’s coming here…”
Takamina flinched. She had to leave… Now. She grabbed Miichan’s arm and began to walk away, but it was too late.
“Hi you two!” The older girl said. “Long time no see, Takamina.”
Ouch. Straight to the point. Miichan stared at Takamina.
“You know her?” She whispered.
“Yeah… Um… Go to the theatre.” Takamina said, seeing their break was almost done. “I’ll see you there.”
Miichan hesitated, but the glance Takamina sent her made her leave them alone. As soon as she was gone, Hiroko walked closer to Takamina.
“Hello.” Hiroko said with an emotionless voice.
“Hi…” Takamina said, avoiding her eyes.
Hiroko seemed to look away as she said:
“Can’t we ever be friends again?”
Takamina flinched. Her old friend was going straight to the main point, probably knowing it would unsettle her. She didn’t answer.
“You know… Even if you didn’t come to see me when… it happened…”
Takamina immediately knew what she was talking about.
“I’m sorry about your mother.” She said. “It must have been hard.”
She didn’t really know what else to say as Hiroko was standing in front of her.
“I can’t tell you I’m not mad at you… But… Can’t you forget about what I said?”
Seeing that Takamina was still avoiding her eyes, she answered:
“I’ll take this as a “no”… I thought…”
She didn’t finish her sentence. She waited a little, unsure of what to say and then:
“I thought you would have come to see me.”
Her voice was still emotionless, but Takamina knew Hiroko must be trying to hide her sadness. She was good at it.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to… but…”
“I know what you’re going to say.” Hiroko interrupted her. “And you know what? I really thought we could be friends again… I really did. I thought someone strong like you could forget about something like this…”
Takamina didn’t even look at her. She was still looking elsewhere, not answering too, feeling her heart beat faster.
“I hoped we could still be friends… even if I feel that way.”
That was too much for Takamina who realized her friend’s feelings toward her hadn’t change at all. She knew it had been only a month, but it was so awkward with her by her side that she turned around and, without saying a word, leave her. She heard Hiroko’s voice before she was far enough.
“So this is a “no” then…”
CHAPTER 11: A short meeting between senbatsu members. Acchan and Takamina are still thinking about the last time they met. Takamina doesn’t know how to act, because she doesn’t know if she should believe Hiroko’s words or not. Meanwhile, Haruna is trying to get over Yuko, and Tomochin and Tomomi are crazy about Acchan’s kiss her new drama. Takamina is being teased again. Takamina and Acchan end up saying “I love you” to each other, but even if Acchan takes it seriously, she feels that Takamina is still joking and playing about it. Therefore, Acchan pretends to joke too, even if it breaks her heart secretly. Another day, during a phone call between Acchan and Takamina, we learn that Yuko finally confessed to Haruna. At the end of the chapter, Takamina leaves Tokyo for her work for AKB48, leaving Atsuko behind.
They kept talking about it for a moment until Miichan said:
“Leave it… She probably just wants to be more with Acchan, that’s all.”
“Let’s play Takamina!” Acchan said with a happy voice as she hugged her again.
Takamina wanted some attention? Well, no problem about it. She would give her a lot.
“Stop it! It’s embarrassing!” Takamina said in a very cute way.
“You two look so-”
“I’m not gay!” Takamina furiously interrupted Mariko’s voice.
It seemed that “you two look so gay” was becoming Mariko’s new favourite sentence. Miichan smirked as she realized that, for a long time, Takamina had ALWAYS repeated that she wasn’t gay… But as for Acchan…she never did.
“What about you, Acchan?” Miichan asked with an innocent voice.
Acchan, who was still hugging her friend, turned to her and said:
“I love Takamina!”
“See?” Mariko said loudly with an “it’s pure evidence” voice. “They are-”
But Takamina interrupted her as she smiled:
“What are you talking about, you two! We’re best friends, right, Acchan? It’s usual to say we love our best friends!”
The small captain hadn’t taken seriously … again. Well, she couldn’t help it since Acchan had told her exactly the same thing five minutes ago... And it did turned out to be a joke. But she didn’t know that, for the first time, even though she had said it with a funny voice, Acchan was serious. She just couldn’t say it with a serious voice, making everyone always thinking she was joking. Seeing Takamina smiling so nicely at her made Acchan answered:
“Of course!”
“See! It’s not because the fans saw us as a couple that we are one! Unlike two others I know…” Takamina said as she glanced at Tomochin and Tomomi.
Miichan sighed. She was sure that Acchan looked like she was telling the truth. How could she be wrong! She had a sixth sense when it comes to love! She had always thought these two would get together… Her “dream” had broken when Acchan had graduated and now she hoped that the two friends would get together when they would see each other and see how much they missed being together… But it seemed that she was wrong for the first time of her life. She couldn’t believe she was wrong… something must happen with these two… Something was wrong about it… but it wasn’t herself for sure.
“Best friends forever!” Acchan repeated even loudly as she was acting like a little child.
So Takamina kept smiling at her, unaware that, behind those smiles and laughs, pain and sadness was hidden deep inside Acchan’s heart. And Miichan couldn’t stop looking at the small captain. What was wrong was not herself… it was… someone else.
CHAPTER 12: Two weeks later, NO3B is talking together. They still tease Takamina about her feelings for Acchan. The little captain also tells them she went to see Hiroko at the hospital and that she told her Acchan might love her. The conversation suddenly turns about this subject as Miichan tells Takamina to do the first step, which the little girl denies. Acchan suddenly calls them and hears about Takamina visiting Hiroko. Then, the girls go on All Night Nippon, where they learn that they will get to perform at Tokyo Dome twice. AKB’s dream is finally becoming reality. The end of the chapter is about Takamina and Acchan still thinking about their feelings. The captain is totally lost.
“It’s embarrassing because…” Takamina began before she stopped.
Why exactly was it so embarrassing?
“You know,” Miichan continued, “we do that with almost every member in the group, pairings and so on. And everyone always ended up laughing about it. You’re the only one who keep on denying everything and become mad about it. Why do you care so much? It’s just a joke, isn’t it? You said it yourself. Can’t we laugh about this joke too?”
Why exactly do you care so much about it?
“Anybody would forget about a joke. Anybody would laugh about it too. Anybody would… just played the game until it’s finished. And when it happens, we just leave it that way. We don’t insist anymore because we know it’s something we do just to play. But with you… it’s different.” Miichan was attacking her with words. “Because you refuse to pretend or to play the game too, because you keep on saying that it’s not true, because you think it’s so embarrassing without really giving us a reason… we are curious. We want to know… where that refusal comes from. We want to know… why you insist so much about it.”
Why are you so stubborn?
“Can’t you just pretend for once that it’s true? So maybe we will leave you alone… But no, you always have to say “it’s not true”. You always have to deny it by giving fake explanations. That’s what is so interesting with you. You are so stubborn that we want to know the reasons about it. We want to know why you think it is so embarrassing. After all, it can’t be embarrassing if you know it’s not true. We want to know… What is going on exactly with you? You’re not mad, you’re not crazy, you’re not sick… you’re only incredibly stubborn about something supposedly false.”
Why… can’t you answer to what Miichan is saying?
“I know you very well.” Miichan finished. “I’m sure you thought that I didn’t understand anything about your feelings, am I wrong? You were thinking I need to understand your feelings before talking this way to you, right? But you know, the reason why I insist so much is because I’m sure of what I’m saying. I wouldn’t talk so much about it if I weren’t sure of everything. So in fact, maybe it’s not me who doesn’t understand. Maybe you just don’t understand your own feelings... I don’t know if you’re afraid or anything… but sometimes, it’s not only the other’s fault… Sometimes… it’s more than that.”
Why can’t you just look deeper in your heart?
CHAPTER 13: At NO3B’s event for their new single, they receive the surprising visit of Acchan. Takamina and Acchan talk together, only to realize they won’t have any time to see each other in the next few months. Acchan is really sad, and ask Takamina to stay in each other’s arm for a moment. She says she loves her, which Takamina answers by the same sentence. But to Acchan, it’s only another usual way of showing their strong friendship, so she is deeply hurt in her heart. Acchan then goes to visit Hiroko for the first time since the accident. She brought a tape with her, to record a part of the conversation. She learns that Hiroko told Takamina she (Acchan) loves her. She panics and decides she needs to talk to Takamina as soon as possible. However, because of the coming Tokyo Dome concert, it is impossible for her to join her close friend. While Acchan is worried for her friend, Takamina has a secret meeting with Akimoto before the first Tokyo Dome concert. At the show, she starts crying, aware that she is totally alone without Acchan, and that it was about time for her to realize it.
Takamina’s POV
“When everything I tried to reach for will be gone, what will I become? Will I still be able to smile? Because right now, I can’t smile anymore. I can’t thank the crowd properly anymore… I can’t tell them I have fun with them anymore… I stared everywhere. I feel surrounded by a tsunami of people. I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t leave the stage right now. But I am leaving the stage… I am slowly walking backstage since my song’s done. I am happy. I am backstage. I feel relieved to be somewhere where the fans cannot see me. I don’t know what I have… I can’t stop shaking. I can’t stop thinking it’s not normal to be sad in such an amazing situation… I’m shaking…”
“You will go back in ten minutes!” A staff member told her as he passed by, but she wasn’t listening to him.
“I’m living a dream… I’m living our dream… Not only mine… it was hers too. It was her dream to be on stage with me here, at Tokyo Dome. She always told me she couldn’t wait to be there with me… She always told me she will be here for sure when it will happen… And now, I know the answer why I can’t be truly happy. I’ve always thought I would be able to laugh with her on stage when it will come… But here it is… and she’s not here. She’s not by my side, talking to me about how happy she is that our dream finally comes true. She’s not here to enjoy the show like she was supposed to… I’m glancing everywhere again, trying to find rescue I could rely on… I can’t hold my tears now… since I know I will not be able to be happy until it’s done, even though the situation is perfect. I know it because… there’s something missing here to make me happy. There’s someone missing here… to make me having fun like I was supposed to… No matter how loud the crowd screams… No matter how much energy I have in my body… I can’t put my entire soul inside what I am doing right now… because she’s missing… because I can’t truly enjoy it without her by my side… She’s missing…”
“Thank you everyone for coming tonight!”
“I can hear Sayaka’s voice… I’m back on stage without even knowing it. I’m smiling, even if it’s fake. I’m laughing, even if it sounded false. I’m thanking all the fans, even I want them to stay so I would never be alone…”
Miichan turned her head and stared at the crying captain. Thank to her close friendship with the small girl, she could tell she was not crying like usual. Even the way she cried was different now… and she couldn’t help but think it was about time Takamina realized her feelings…
“My eyes are trying to find her between all those people… My ears are trying to hear her voice between all those voices… My mouth is trying to whisper her name while I’m talking about the group… My mind is despairingly thinking about her as we began to sing our final song. And while others think I’m crying because of happiness… I am the only one aware that my tears are falling down my cheeks only because she’s gone. ”
CHAPTER 14: At the end of the show, everyone laughs because they think Takamina cried because of happiness, though the small captain knows it’s not the case. Because of her concert, she didn’t realize she had missed their “meeting anniversary” and called Acchan. They talked together, even though Acchan feels sick. Takamina can’t believe how much she changed in the latest year. She goes and visits Acchan. Because it was raining, she takes a bath and falls asleep in it, worrying Acchan to death. She promised her to always stay with her. As she is falling asleep, she silently asks Acchan to stay with her for the rest of the night. She then realizes that she totally lost herself when Acchan graduated. When they wake up, Takamina realizes she is late. She wants to leave, but Acchan is afraid AKB will never allow Takamina to come back. Takamina is now confronted to a dilemma: Between Acchan and her work, what would she choose? When she leaves, Acchan shows her a sad, true face. She tells her not to promise to stay with her forever if she is going to break her promise. Learning that Acchan has a six months South Korea trip planned, Takamina is more lost than ever. She thinks a lot about her feelings. In the end, she doesn’t know what to do and graduate from AKB48 at Tokyo Dome.
“Takamina…” Acchan said as her friend was leaving the piece.
“What?”
“I’m serious… I want you to come back. I want you to be by my side forever.”
The leader of team A turned around, smiling.
“There’s no way I’d leave you.” She pronounced, laughing a little, like she was joking again.
Takamina was smiling, but her face turned serious as she saw Acchan’s expression. Her friend was staring at her with an intense glance. She could felt her own gaze lost itself deeper than ever before into her friend’s beautiful eyes. It was like she was prisoner from her own body. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t speak, and she even had difficulty to breathe. It was… like if a strong and unbreakable bond was being created between them. Acchan was serious, more than ever. She was sending a message to Takamina by her eyes. “I don’t want you to leave me”, that was what Takamina could understand.
But there was something more. Something hid behind this first message. Something even stronger than their close relationship… it was an invisible call for help… a call to ask Takamina to free her from love’s cruel influence.
“I swear… I will never-”
But Takamina’s whisper was interrupted by Acchan as the actress moved her head.
“Don’t promise something you can’t be sure about.” She pronounced with difficulty.
She broke their eyes contact, closing her eyes, coming back to the world beyond reality, where dreams could never be broken. Takamina hardly left the room, wondering what this uncomfortable feeling that had taken over her heart was. Something strange was happening to her. Something… she thought would never happen was becoming to grow in her mind, erasing everything she had believed before. Something… was changing. And somehow… it wasn’t only positive.
CHAPTER 15: Chapter mainly about Takamina’s graduation. Acchan learns it through her blog and newspaper, and is really surprised. At the same time Hiroko leaves the hospital. HUGE conversation between Acchan and Takamina. The ex captain is really sad about her graduation, and Acchan does her best to support her, though she knows how hard it is. She chooses Acchan over AKB48. When they talks together again, Acchan has a sad revelation to do. She will leave sooner in South Korea, the next day. They both don’t know what to do, and suddenly, Acchan kisses Takamina. When they moved apart, Takamina realizes she can’t really keep on ignoring everything that is happening to her.
“Acchan…” Takamina continued sadly, “I know you’re leaving soon and I’ll be the first one to miss your presence… I really hope everything will be fine with your manager… But, you know, we still have two weeks to-”
She was suddenly interrupted by something soft pressing on her lips. She felt her heart beating out of her chest as she realized the distance between them was vanished in less than a second. She shivered as Acchan’s hand passed through her hair. She almost closed her eyes as she felt Acchan’s tongue on her lips, but didn’t, just to make sure… she was not dreaming. She tried to breathe, but her friend had no intention of letting her go. Acchan was gentle. She didn’t try to do more than she could as she was finally listening to her sudden impulse. She needed to breathe too… she needed air soon… but she knew she could die just so she could feel her lips on hers. She couldn’t let her go… before being sure her taste was part of her memories.
They both slowly moved apart, one with shock in her eyes, the other with a look full of… love. Takamina didn’t know what to do except touching her lips with her finger. This strange feeling… had just been increasing thousand times. She had never felt this way before… She just couldn’t put a name on it… it was… like the sun was brighter, like the sky was bluer, like Acchan’s lips were calling hers to join them a second time…
“Why…” she difficultly managed to whisper.
The actress was avoiding her glance, afraid of what she might see through her friend’s eyes. She had done her best to hold herself… but hearing Takamina talking to her this way… her heart had exploded, letting her feelings controlling her mind. She didn’t care if she had surprised her… all she had in mind now was the crazy sensation she had felt when she had finally kissed her.
“I’m leaving tomorrow…” Acchan murmured as silence followed her words.
Their heads were still closed. They didn’t want to move. Takamina couldn’t accept what she had just heard.
Which name should she put on this feeling? Which description should she give herself about it? Which… excuse could she give herself to avoid reality once again?
Or maybe… she couldn’t find excuses anymore.
CHAPTER 16: Acchan is now gone. Takamina is alone, yet she meets with AKB members and attempts a handshake event. There, she is welcomed like if she had never left the group, which made her very happy and sad at the same time. She is still considered as AKB’s captain. Small private talk with members after the meeting. Drama kept going as gossip magazine talks about Acchan being in love with a Korean guy. Takamina can barely believe it. As she is working on her PV for het debut as a singer, she learns that Acchan will be part of it. The chapter ends when Acchan comes back from Korea and Takamina finally accepts the fact that it’s love.
She was speechless. She couldn’t even say anything else. The fans… were cheering for her. They were thousand to scream and applause… They were thousand to… encourage her. They didn’t even stop a second just to let her keep talking…
“I…”
She stopped. She couldn’t talk. They were still applauding. She couldn’t… just announce the start of the event. It was a real… ovation! She started crying. She couldn’t hold her tears… It was too… intense. She was living a dream… She was… overwhelmed by hundred emotions…
“I…”
Ten minutes passed. The others members were looking at her. They weren’t mad at her. They were really glad she was so much loved by everyone. And it was true she was really an important member, as much as Acchan.
“Can we begin, please?” Takamina asked a staff member, covering the micro with her hand.
She was really thankful for everything but… they would never begin if she couldn’t talk.
“I am sorry, Takahashi-san, but Akimoto-san said we will begin only at your signal.”
They were kidding her, right?!? She would have to stop the fans by herself?! But… but they were screaming so loud! They were giving her so much love, she couldn’t… give tt back…
“But…!” Takamina said, almost praying the guy. “Don’t you see I can’t say anything without making everyone screams?”
She was REALLY feeling uncomfortable with the fact that… it was her fault if there was nothing happening except applauses.
“I can’t believe you already forgot how to do!” Miichan said, walking by her side. “Remember, at Tokyo Dome? We needed to stop all the screams too… You just need to raise your voice more and smile a little. You just need to act… as our captain again.”
As a captain… but she wasn’t captain anymore, was she?
“Of course you are!” Miichan said, knowing what she thought, pushing her a little. “I can’t believe two weeks made you think like an idiot so much!”
But Takamina REALLY couldn’t say anything… What could she do against so much… love?
“Say something or we’re going to die here waiting for you…” Miichan sighed, knowing her friend was too shocked to speak. “Listen, to all them… you were and still are AKB48’s captain. You are… as important as Acchan… You are a legend.”
And Miichan felt like she was not even exaggerating with the last statement. Takamina looked like she was going to die, but still… she took a deep breathe and said loudly:
“Thank you everyone! Now the event will begin! I’m really happy for everything you did for me until now! Let’s have fun one last time like before I leave!”
Finally, everything was beginning. But Takamina felt really nervous, thinking she had to say something at the end too… And just to think she had came here first because she wanted to see her friends… Now she was going to meet her fans… and talk to them… and talk about her graduation again… and probably… she would have to talk about Acchan.
“Are you ready, Takahashi-san?” The bodyguard asked her as the fans began to arrive.
No, she wasn’t. She was going to die. She could not talk to them. She could not face them. She was way too nervous and guilty… but she nodded at the guy. There were soon many people waiting to meet her. God… she was so nervous she was not even crying! It was unusual for her! She soon saw that she was really stressed for absolutely nothing. All the fans were here with smiles on their faces. They were encouraging her for her future career, telling her they were sad she was not with the group, that they would miss her…
Takamina felt her heart screaming for help each time a fan told her AKB48 would not be the same without her. Each time someone told her they would miss her… she was asking herself if she made the best choice to be happy later… Each time a crying fan was walking in front of her, her heart was bleeding. Each time… she saw sadness in a fan’s eyes, she couldn’t help thinking she would give everything just to come back to past and erase this graduation announcement.
She spent many hours, shaking hands with fans. She had more than ever. Some told her she was not their oshimen, but that they needed to wish her the best for the future. Some told her they were usually too shy to come to this kind of event, but that today was a special day. Some were sick and didn’t shake hand with her, but just smiled and congratulated her. Some couldn’t even say anything as they arrived in front of her!
Some were coming from overseas… She had been really surprised when a group of American and Canadian fans had arrived in front of her, their arms full of presents that she had accepted since it was an exception. Talking in English had been really fun. She had accepted with pleasure a book with many encouragement words written by overseas fans. She didn’t know she had so many and was really glad about this. She promised herself to visit all those forums they had talked about… Maybe she would understand something… even if it was all in English. Some were coming from France. Talking in French was much harder, but luckily, the fans talked to her in English too.
But still… seeing overseas fans coming all the way to Japan… made her feel even guiltier about everything. When all those fans would come back to their respective countries… would they all forget about her?
She spent all the day like this, not stopping a second. She even ate while meeting her fans. The others members couldn’t help but laugh at this. Even though Takamina had left the group, she was still acting like a real captain, putting the fans before everything else.
CHAPTER 17: Acchan is back from her trip earlier than planned. As Takamina realizes she really is in love with her, they are both hesitant. The awkward “kiss” subject soon shows up and they both don’t know how to deal with it. Acchan takes the lead, saying it’s fine if they are friends, because she thinks Takamina sees her as a friend only. The next time they meet is at Takamina’s shooting for her PV. The scene is quite simple: they have to pretend they are going to kiss at the end. Hiroko is there, and we learn that it is because of her that there is this scene. She talks to Takamina, trying to find how she feels for Acchan, but the singer clearly tells her that they are friends. It hurts, and Acchan hears those words too. When the shooting ends, Hiroko had seen enough to tell Takamina was in love with Acchan though. Later, Acchan talks to the phone with Tomochin because she can’t support this situation anymore. Saying she loves Takamina, she doesn’t expect the little girl to listen her “secret” conversation. When Takamina finally confronts Acchan about love, they are interrupted by someone.
Takamina was trying to understand something from what Acchan said… but she didn’t get anything. She was a bad friend to the point of making it painful for Acchan to be by her side?! She didn’t know yet what she had done, but she wanted to kill herself to free Acchan from her pain. Seriously… making the person she loved hating her wasn’t the best idea she had had. But… how could Acchan hate her… when… Takamina loved her so much? Maybe… she should have never talk to Acchan now. Maybe… she should just disappear from her life. It would help her to stop loving her… and it would help Acchan too.
“I know, but it’s too late now. I heard her, she said we’re friends… I don’t think nothing will ever change her mind.”
Did Acchan sound… sad? Because they were friends? But they had been friend for such a long time… why would Acchan be sad now? Takamina shook her head. Did Acchan… want them to stop being friend?
“I can’t tell her! In the PV… we almost kissed… I’ve never felt this way before, not for a guy or even another girl. I’ve never felt so much happiness… yet so much pain in my heart. Just one centimetre, Tomochin, that was the distance that separated us… I could have made this distance disappear if I wanted… but I didn’t because I knew she wouldn’t like things to be like that!”
Takamina sighed. She knew… the kiss scene would be a problem.
Wait…
Disappear? Then… that meant they would have kissed for real, right? What?!
“I wanted to!” Acchan sobbed. “I really wanted to… when she closed her eyes, I don’t know how I managed to stay immobile… And at the same time… I’ve realized that… we would never be together… Tomochin… What should I do?”
Takamina couldn’t say anything. Hearing her friend sobbing because of her… she would do anything to bring her happiness. But the end troubled her. What did Acchan mean by “being together”? Didn’t she just say… that it was painful to be with her?
“I can’t… You should have heard her before… she really sees us as best friends. It won’t ever change… but I don’t think I will be able to hide it now… it’s too hard… Tomochin, why do people absolutely need to fall in love?”
Fall in love… Takamina was speechless. Acchan loved someone… and it was her fault if things were impossible? That was why she hated her? Acchan… loved someone… She could feel the tears coming.
“I love her, Tomochin… and I hate myself for that… I want to be with her… but she doesn’t feel the same…”
Takamina then realized how fool she was. Hiroko had been damn right when she had told her Acchan loved her… because right now, she was hearing the same thing… from Acchan herself. The actress… didn’t want to forget the kiss at all… because she loved her.
“Takahashi-san!” A staff member screamed, making the singer flinched.
She ran away toward somewhere else in the studio, not taking care of the random guy. At the same time, Acchan closed her phone quickly, opening the door.
“Takamina… was there?”
CHAPTER 18: Flash back about Takamina’s childhood. We discover that the person who had interrupted them was no one else than the guy who had bullied Takamina when she was young. He is also Acchan’s friend, the guy she had been with in South Korea. Kenji (the guy) and she will have to work together on her single. Acchan suggested him, unaware of the impact of this decision. There is also a conversation between Hiroko and Takamina, about Takamina’s dangerous feelings for Acchan and about their common past. Takamina tells Hiroko about Kenji’s return. Hiroko feels bad about it. As their conversation is done and Takamina is now talking to Yuko, she is interrupted by Acchan’s visit and decides to confess to her. And….. CONFESSION TIME! You guys go read it back because while I was reading it again, I couldn’t find a way to describe it xD I’m proud for the first time ;_;
“ Acchan… I can understand she didn’t know it… but you… Is it because you hate me so much that you decided to bring him back in my life?” She asked, trying to control her sudden envy of killing someone.
“What?” Hiroko said, not understanding what Takamina meant by this.
“Is this your way to take revenge?” Takamina asked, really wanting to know the truth.
The meeting was quickly becoming a personal affair. It was more like a battle opposing two old friends, both upset about different things.
“Revenge? What are you talking about?” Hiroko said. “I’m not talking about revenge, I’m talking about your relationship with Atsuko!”
“I want you to answer my question, that’s all.”
“Why would I bring an unknown guy to take revenge? If I wanted to take revenge, I would have done it way sooner.” Hiroko just said.
And unknown guy? Hiroko didn’t know him? And it hit Takamina hard. Takamina… had never told Hiroko about the identity of her aggressor. Hiroko could not know who he was since… Takamina had never told her the name of the person she hated. She had never talked about the person she hated at school… the only thing she had done was to cry and look for comfort into Hiroko’s arms.
“Ah… you don’t know… who he is?” Takamina whispered, feeling guilty to have accused her so quickly.
“Am I supposed to know him? The only thing I am sure about is that he is Atsuko’s friend. Seriously… he should be Atsuko’s new boyfriend so there won’t be scandal with you or anything else… At least it’s a boy, it’s still the best thing to start.” Hiroko sighed, thinking this conversation was becoming really stupid.
“Sorry…” Takamina said against her will. “I thought… it was another of your ideas.”
“Thank for telling me I’m cruel and heartless and supposed to take revenge on you by sending you a guy I don’t even know.”
Takamina bowed to her ex friend. They had just had a fight about love… but Takamina knew that she had to apologize. She couldn’t just accuse Hiroko to have done something she didn’t.
“You’re apologizing about that but you never apologize for what you did before… I can hardly believe it.” Hiroko mumbled.
“Sorry…” Takamina repeated. “I thought you wanted him to… bully me again.”
“What?” Hiroko asked, suddenly getting everything. “It is… him?”
Their conflict was suddenly gone. All that mattered now… was the fact that Takamina was finally, after so many years, telling Hiroko who was responsible for all the pain she had been through when she was young. And, God… it was about time.
“Not only him… But he is responsible for a lot…” Takamina answered, thinking about how he had betrayed her by following the others students of her class. “I’m sorry. I thought you wanted him to be in my PV just so you could see me… being sad or anything like that…”
After so many years, Hiroko couldn’t believe she finally knew who the guy she wanted to kill when she was young was. So many times… she had wished his death so her best friend could smile… and now, knowing he was back… was kind of waking her. So… it was actually Takeo Kenji’s fault if Takamina had been so sad before? If only she could have known it before… like when they were still friends…
“It’s really him? The one who made you so sad…? The one who ruin your childhood?” Hiroko insisted.
“Yes… so? Why do you care?” Takamina asked with an angry voice. “All that matters for you now is for Acchan to stay on top of Japan. Well… Let me tell you one thing. I will prove you that… we can actually be together without risking our careers. Acchan and I… are not like you and I were.”
Takamina left Hiroko alone. At least, she knew Acchan’s manager had nothing to do with the fact that Takeo Kenji was back… At least… she knew Hiroko was not thinking about taking revenge… and now… she was ready to call Acchan.
“It’s not because we are not friends anymore that I can’t help you with that.” Hiroko whispered to the empty street. “Remember… I was the one supporting you when you were crying because of them… I was the one knowing everything you endured… nobody else did. You never told me who those assholes were… Now that I know who it was… I will at least help you like I should have done before.”
Hiroko couldn’t help feeling guilty for what had happened. She was the only person who knew how much Takamina had suffered when she was young because of some others classmates. Knowing that one of them was back now… was frustrating. At least… she wanted to help Takamina to definitely forget about her sad past… it was all she could do now. She didn’t want to help her too much… but somehow, remembering Takamina’s crying face broke her heart.
CHAPTER 19: They spend time together to the point of making Takamina forgetting about her work <3 (LOL re-reading the comments totally get me out of the mood of doing the summary since I was laughing at all your mixed feelings xD) SO YEAH. Kenji and Acchan are talking, until Hiroko interrupted them, telling him he’s a jerk. She does not believe he had changed at all, because she still remembers Takamina’s pain from the past. She tells Atsuko who he truly was in the past, but she still tells Atsuko she doesn’t know Takamina as much as she does. There is a little thing about being “Takamina” and being “Takahashi Minami”, which I really like and can’t explain ^^’ Acchan is shocked by Hiroko’s words. She is not sure if she really knows Takamina. Also, Takamina meets Hiroko and her old friend helps her to totally get rid of this old and dark burden of Ijime.
And right now, in front of her [Hiroko], was standing the guy she had hated so much. She had the responsible for Takamina’s depression right in front of her, but couldn’t do anything about it. She hated herself for being so useless. She hated herself… for saving Takamina many years later, when it was probably too late. No matter what the singer said about her past, Hiroko knew her enough to tell that Takamina had still not forgotten about it.
“Do you really think everything will go like you want?” She asked harshly. “I thought Atsuko was right to help you having this job… so I helped her. I’m such a fool sometimes. It took me while to realize that in fact, I have just helped Atsuko bringing the devil here.”
Acchan was stupefied to hear this. Was Hiroko so mad at him? Why?
“What happened?” The actress frowned, staring at them.
It concerned Takamina, she had the right to know it.
“Atsuko… Remember when I told you about Takahashi’s past?” Hiroko asked as the actress nodded. “This guy is responsible for a lot. This guy is the one who threatened Takahashi. He’s the one participating in the “ijime” treatment. He’s the one who betrayed Takahashi for his own sake!”
Seeing that Acchan couldn’t say a thing, her manager added:
“It surprised me Takahashi never told you about it either. She never told me who it was. I only found out a while ago when she told me about his identity. I thought you would have known it before me since you two have a… special relationship, but maybe finally it’s better this way. I told you, even though it’s painful to hear, you do not know Takahashi Minami like I do. At least… you don’t know the person who’s suffering right now.”
Acchan didn’t know if it was because of Kenji, but her manager had suddenly started to talk to her in a heartless way. And what was worst was that… there was a part of truth.
“Can you leave please?” Hiroko added, looking at her. “I want to talk with him about something that doesn’t concern you.”
“Takamina is my friend, I have the right to stay here.” Acchan protested.
“Maybe it’s your friend, but still, you better ask her about it. Until the time when you’ll know the whole story, don’t even think that you know her.”
“I know her!” Acchan said as she remembered really well each previous times she had shared with the small girl.
“You know Takamina, the girl she became.” Hiroko just answered. “You don’t know Takahashi Minami.”
CHAPTER 20: Takamina will never forgive Kenji, but at least, she forgives herself for everything she had been through. Though she is kind of sad about it, everything is soon forgotten as AKB members have a surprise party for her birthday. She gets the chance to talk with everyone again. And yeah… just a bunch of girls partying and having fun, teasing Takamina as they used to do before. In the middle of it, Takamina receives a mysterious message about a gift for her birthday, coming from an unknown person. No one knows who it is, but it is enough to get Acchan a bit jealous. As Takamina was about to tell everyone about her relationship with Acchan, the actress asks to talk to her alone. Hot and cold fight occurs are Acchan tries to explain that she doesn’t feel like she truly knows the one she loves. In the end, they come back only to find a worried look on everyone’s faces because something happened to Acchan’s manager.
“Do… I really know Minami?” Acchan asked, unsure of what else to say.
Takamina frowned, not really understanding what she meant by this.
“I mean… I, too, call you by your nickname and there is nothing wrong with that, right?” Acchan explained. “I… don’t know if I know you enough to call you by your real name…”
Takamina sighed, beginning to wonder if she should have take another glass of this drink… which finally didn’t taste bad at all.
“You know me.” She said, trying to reassure Acchan by holding her hand, but the actress moved back.
“How can I know you… if you don’t even tell me about you?” She said sadly. “I’m afraid that… you don’t trust me as much as I do. I asked Miichan about it… but she doesn’t know either.”
Takamina immediately understood what the actress meant and answered:
“There are some things you don’t need to know. There are some things that-”
“That’s what I’m talking about. You don’t want me to know about you. You don’t want me to know the real you. How can I be sure that… it’s you I love then?”
“What?”
There was an awkward silence in which Takamina blinked many times, not feeling at her best.
“I’m not sure… if it’s you I love… or if it is Takamina.”
The singer laughed stupidly as she said:
“Isn’t it the same person, me? Takahashi Minami is Takamina.”
“But Takamina isn’t Takahashi Minami.” Acchan answered seriously.
Takamina was immediately lost.
“What do you mean?” She frowned.
“Takamina… isn’t Takahashi Minami.” Acchan murmured. “When you know Minami, you automatically know Takamina because “Takamina” is a part of “Minami”.”
“So what?”
“When you know Takamina… you don’t truly know Minami, because you only know a part of whom “Minami” is. I don’t know everything about you… I know the character you created when you were in AKB48. So… how can I be sure it’s you I love? You don’t even want to tell me about your true self… You’d rather tell someone you hate about it.”
Takamina wasn’t really sure to completely understood what Acchan meant by “not knowing if she loved” her. The only thing she was sure about… was that she was already loosing Acchan.
Was a great relationship supposed to start with so much confusion?
“Wait… “Character”? I wasn’t playing a role when I was in AKB48. I was myself… I just changed my name! I was myself… You know me! My past isn’t important anymore…”
“I still want you to tell me about it… because right now I feel like… my manager is more important to you than me.”
“I can’t.” Takamina answered, unaware of how much it meant to Acchan. “I can’t tell you about it… it’s not important.”
“I... You’d rather tell my manager about it? You’d rather talk about it… with someone you hate?”
Takamina didn’t answer. She didn’t know how to explain to Acchan that… past belonged to past, and that only Hiroko could help her with this problem. Anyway, it seemed that the actress would not believe her. She didn’t know if it was alcohol’s fault… but she was a bit impatient about it… more than she actually wanted to be.
CHAPTER 21: Takamina comes back to reality when Acchan is already gone. Since she was drunk, she can’t remember what had happened when they were alone, including her fight, which makes her very nervous. When they get the chance to talk together, Takamina invites Acchan so she can proves her she really cares about them and that Acchan really knows her. Acchan accepts. Takamina was really worried about them breaking apart, but she was reassured to know that they didn’t break up at her birthday. When the manager subject comes though, Acchan only answers that Hiroko cannot be her manager anymore.
Takamina was about to bow forever at Acchan for not breaking up with her right now. She had been the most stupid person ever and she would sure find a way to be forgiven. Seriously… there was no way she would forgive herself, but she hoped she could bring a better tomorrow for them.
“Acchan… Whatever I did… I’m sorry.” Takamina apologized, feeling really bad about it.
“It’s alright… you weren’t yourself.” Acchan said. “You weren’t yourself at all…”
Takamina wasn’t sure to understand what she meant, but she didn’t add anything else, knowing they would probably talk about it more when they would be in private.
“I… I’ve been really stupid.” Takamina repeated. “I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want to have this kind of fight with you… I… I’m bad with words. I just want you to know that I don’t want you to leave me alone. Whatever I might say…”
Acchan seemed touched by the mini speech, but said nothing. Sure, Takamina was being really nice right now, trying to make things clearer… but there must be a part of truth in what she had told her yesterday, right? The part about her involving Kenji in everything… whatever Takamina’s excuse would be, she couldn’t help feeling guilty about it. It was her entire fault if Takamina was still thinking about her past. First because her manager was Hiroko Sato… and second because she had brought him back. All she did… was not good at all for Takamina. There must be part of truth… Takamina must have been angry at her someday…
“Are you free tomorrow night?” Takamina asked.
Acchan nodded.
“Can you come at my place? I want us to talk…” Takamina finished. “I want… to prove you that… you know Minami.”
The actress flinched, not really getting how Takamina could prove her something like this. But the singer knew that tomorrow night, she would tell everything, without a single exception, to Acchan. She didn’t want to take any chance of loosing her. Tomorrow… she would tell her everything… and hoped that she could finally be free from her AKB image.
“I will.” Acchan just said
Takamina frowned, knowing there was still something troubling her. But she knew that… only Acchan could decide of the way this problem will end. If Acchan thought she didn’t know her better after tomorrow… then she would not know what else to do. There was not really a way to prove her that she knew the real Minami… so she had to hope. Hope that Acchan would forgive her for whatever she had done.
“I…” Takamina looked at the time, soon understanding that she only had a few minutes left before her radio show. “I… What did I do?”
She really wanted to know… how far she had been.
“I will tell you tomorrow… “ Acchan answered, looking in her eyes. “I don’t want to bother you with this since it is a really important day for you.”
She was about to leave, like this, without a word, proving to Takamina that Acchan was probably more hurt than what she had told her.
Guilt could ruin a life.
“Acchan… you’re angry at me?” Takamina asked.
“No… I’m angry at myself…” Acchan whispered. “I’m angry at myself… because I can’t surpass this detail… and it has become a huge problem for us.”
Time was missing. Takamina felt bad for not being able to comfort her better right now, but she had to know.
CHAPTER 22: Though Takamina is working a lot, she still has on mind she must not forget Acchan’s importance in her life if she doesn’t want to lose her. The confrontation before Acchan and Takamina finally happens, and the singer decides to tell her everything about her life, about her past and her feelings toward her. She even starts calling her “Atsuko”, so she can feel she truly knows her. In the end, they fight a little. Acchan feels bad for bringing back Kenji in Takamina’s life, and feels like she can’t date her because of this. Takamina then tells her they can start again, as Minami and Atsuko. This is the end of their nicknames in the story. We learn that Hiroko tried to kill Kenji and that they are both in the hospital.
“There came a time when you left the group.” Takamina finally said after having resumed the evolution of their relationship. “I never told you…. But I didn’t want you to leave us. I know you might not like the comparison, but it was like loosing for the second time my closest friend, like I had with Hiroko. I didn’t want you to leave… because I was selfish. I knew it was for your dream…. But somehow I couldn’t just imagine me staying in the group without you. And it was painful to watch you out from AKB48. It was painful to see you in interview without the group around you… without me by your side. It was hard to keep talking about you after you had left, trying to pretend we were all happy when in fact I just wanted to look at the camera and beg you to come back. I know you might think I’m overreacting… but I think I was just dying to not loose our friendship.”
“Friendship…” Acchan murmured before Takamina continued.
“I’ve… been chasing you without knowing it. I’ve been doing my best… because I wanted to reach you. You were walking so far in front of me… I was just there, trying to catch you without even seeing you. You can’t imagine how happy I was when we met for the first time after your graduation. I was… like the happiest person living. I was just… looking for you. And then… I knew it was not normal. I knew the way I was acting was unusual.”
She stopped, unsure of how she should say the rest.
“I denied it.” Takamina said. “I denied it with all my heart. I can tell you honestly that I was thinking about it 24/24 hours. I could not get this though out from my head and it freaked me out. I was picturing crazy scenarios in my head… trying to forget about it, trying to convince myself that I was not feeling this way, that everything I was living was false and not happening for real… I was scared. I was scared… of myself. Each thing I had thought until now… would be gone if I admitted my feelings, that was what I thought. So to me, it couldn’t be real. Even though I knew how you felt toward me, I didn’t want to believe it. It took me a very long time to realize that… love can’t just go away this way.”
Acchan didn’t answer. She had nothing to say anyway. Was it really what had been on Takamina’s mind for so much time? How long exactly? How much torture had her friend endured?
“I made you suffered because of this.” She said, apologizing. “I know it must have been really hard for you to see me this way… I was giving you hopes… hopes that I was erasing right away. I was giving you your love back sometimes… not always. I was not… acting like I was really in love with you, not all the time at least. I feel stupid now that I think about it. When you’re in love with someone, you can’t just show it half of the time. You can’t just decided you will love this person today and tomorrow just go back to the friends status, it doesn’t work this way. But that’s what I did. I… was playing with you. I was making you believing something I was still unsure about, especially with Hiroko’s sudden come back.”
Acchan knew where this conversation was heading to. It was different from the first time they had talked about this subject. It was different… because now, there were not jokes or allusions to anything funny. Right now… Takamina was talking to her with the most serious one she could have. She was not turning around, not trying o avoid the subject, not pretending they had something else to do… she was just doing her best to be honest.
“Hiroko… was like the spark I needed to see you in a different way. I don’t know how to explain it, but when I was seeing her by your side, when I thought about what had happened with her when I was young… I just didn’t want her to stay with you. I wanted to… keep you with me, even if we were both busy to death. It took me a long time to realize it was not just one of these meanness feelings that disappear a few days after. It had been long enough… to make you having doubts.”
“Doubts?” Acchan finally asked.
“Yes, doubts.” Takamina said, turning to her. “When I had heard you talking about your feelings… I can remember well, there was no hesitation in your voice, just sadness, like if you regretted falling in love with me…”
That was true. Acchan knew it. She knew she would have erased these feelings way before if she could have. She knew she would have done that… just to avoid having problems like they were right now. And Takamina knew it too.
“I didn’t want you to have doubts… but that what happened. I waited too long. I wanted to make this sadness tone disappear… but I also was scared that waiting too long might be a bad thing for your feelings. I was right. I don’t know what exactly was wrong with me. I wish I could have done something else… Now you have doubts. You don’t think… You don’t love me the same way already…”
“That’s…” Acchan started before being interrupted by her friends.
“I want to know what happened in the bathroom before I continue.”
Acchan hesitated. She was hoping they could have forgotten about it, but it seemed that life would never get easier. She wanted to answer something like “nothing important” and just talk about something else… but she knew she had to say the truth, judging by Takamina’s look.
“I… see.” Takamina answered when her friend was done.
“It wasn’t your fault!” Acchan immediately added. “I mean, you weren’t yourself, I told you. You were drunk… you had the right to be angry at me… I mean you had a great excuse. Now that I know Kenji’s past, I know you were right to yell at me… And what happened after belongs to the past now. We haven’t done anything and-”
“Stop it.” Takamina said. “Stop finding me lame excuses. I hurt you, right? I did.”
CHAPTER 23: Chapter talking about Hiroko and Kenji. Hiroko dies. Minami finds out that she was the one sending the mysterious text at her birthday. Her gift was nothing less than taking revenge. Minami is speechless in front of this sudden death. Her feelings are mixed as she doesn’t know if she should hate or love this woman. In the end, she kisses Acchan in front of Hiroko’s grave, proving her they can be together despite society’s norms.
It didn’t take her long to immediately notice something was wrong. The hallway was not empty anymore. There was a group of doctor/nurses talking together, writing some notes. Minami was nowhere to be seen. Atsuko swallowed with difficulty, hoping it wasn’t what she had in mind. Already emotionally instable, she didn’t want to let her feelings explode too. She wanted to stay calm, but just the fact that her girlfriend was not there was enough to drive her crazy.
It was that, being in love.
She slowly walked toward the group of person. They stopped talking as she went nearer. The doctor whispered something and left, soon followed by the others. It didn’t look very professional, but they knew they had to leave. The actress, getting nervous, went in front of the door of Hiroko’s bedroom and suddenly stopped breathing. She was expecting blood, more machines, a constant “bip”, some nurses… anything that would be a sign of life!
The room was entirely empty except for the bed… and Minami, standing in front of it.
Atsuko was by her side in a second. The singer was just looking at the floor. The emptiness of the piece was kind of scary. It was just… nothing. There was nothing left. Hiroko was gone. Even if they were both in the room, it seemed like if life itself had left the place. Atsuko already understood the whole thing. While she was by Kenji’s side… her second manager, the one who had wanted to bring her to the top more than anyone else… had left this world. But the actress knew, by staring at the girl she loved, that it wasn’t only the manager who had just died. It was also Minami’s old friend, even though recently they looked more like enemies than anything else.
Minami had known the good side of Hiroko while Atsuko hadn’t. And Atsuko had known the good side of Kenji, unlike Minami. One of them had just died… Even with death around them, the two girls were still connected, in a special way.
Dying… is something that cannot be explained.
Atsuko opened her mouth many times to speak, but gave up. There was nothing she could say. She couldn’t understand how troubled Minami must feel right now, tearing between hatred and friendship, between sadness and relieve. She couldn’t really understand how it felt to hate someone when in fact she was supposed to love this person. True, Minami was supposed to hate her. But reality was not like this. Reality was never like we wanted.
Atsuko slowly took her girlfriend’s hand, aware it was the only thing she could do to make her remember that… they were alive. Minami needed this contact to realize that death wasn’t everywhere. Right now, staring at this empty bed, remembering her past, imagining her future… it wasn’t the best thing to do. First, they had to get out of here. More than anything, they had to get out of this bedroom, and eventually of this hospital. In a way, leaving would help them to calm down and take time to fully understand…
The actress knew it in a way… Hiroko had wanted to kill Kenji, it was possible, but if it was really like that, then she must have wanted to kill herself too. It was logically impossible Hiroko didn’t know about Kenji trying to protect himself. She must have known that she was risking her life by doing whatever she did to him. She must have been aware of the consequences… or else she wouldn’t be there right now. She wouldn’t be dead right now… A part of Hiroko wanted to kill herself by elimination Minami’s old enemy.
As they slowly walked outside the room, Atsuko could easily feel that her girlfriend was sobbing. From sadness or something else, she didn’t know it, but Minami was sobbing. And Atsuko was sure that, if only she could see her face clearly, she would see salt water on her cheeks. She, too, wanted to cry. She was sad about it… she was in front of the most incomprehensible thing ever… but she couldn’t cry. She had lost someone she was working with, someone who had tried to ruin the chances of her and Minami being together… someone who had threatened her most of the time… but also someone she was thankful to because of Minami’s past. She couldn’t cry, but she was sad.
Warm air caressed their faces as they finally went outside. They had not said anything. Their hands were not holding each other anymore. They had decided they would hide their relationship to the world, but Atsuko could feel that Minami wanted to hold her hand right now, even if they were in the middle of a wave of people. She did so, and it was enough to make Minami say something for the first time since they had left the hospital.
“S-Stop it… It’s a secret, remember?” She said shyly.
“People will think we’re only close friends… but to me you’re more than that.” Atsuko just answered, not releasing her hand.
Minami didn’t answer, but didn’t remove her hand. She liked to feel Atsuko was just there, by her side. She was not alone. She had… never been alone.
They walked together for a while. Minami just wanted to go back home and sleep… but she endured her tiredness just because she didn’t want to leave Atsuko yet. In fact, she didn’t want to leave her for the rest of her life, but she knew it was impossible. She had to get this scene out of her head… the one in which she heard many voices… all talking about how everything was done now… that Hiroko had no chances to survive anymore.
They arrived at Atsuko’s house, the point from where they had rushed toward the hospital a few hours ago. It was the time they knew they had to separate. They had spent a lot of time together, but death or not, they had work tomorrow, and they knew they both needed to sleep.
“Stay here for the night.” Atsuko suddenly said. “You don’t want to stay alone today… and I don’t want too.”
“Are you sure I won’t-”
“It’s not like we’re only friends now… You can stay as long as you want, my mother won’t mind. And today… I don’t want you to stay alone.”
Minami looked at her thankfully. They walked inside together. They didn’t say anything as they both bathe, Minami before Atsuko since the actress knew how shy her friend was. Usually, she would have teased her, but today was not the right time. There was no time for joking or make fun of her. They didn’t say anything as they quickly ate something before going to sleep. They didn’t say anything as they laid side by side, embracing slightly each other. They both stared at each other. They didn’t want to do anything tonight. They weren’t in the mood to do anything anyway… They could only looked in the other’s eyes… and thank the other to have been together all the time. It is only when they were both falling asleep that Minami murmured something… something she had in mind since they went to the hospital.
“I’ve never liked Hiroko’s way to resolve a problem… but this time, I can’t help being thankful… even if it’s stupid from me…”
Even Atsuko couldn’t answer anything to this…
CHAPTER 24: Media are talking about Hiroko’s death, rumouring whether or not Atsuko & Minami are linked to this. They both try to keep they private life as much as they can, protecting each other. The tape she had brought with her to keep Hiroko’s words is still with her, showing who is truly responsible for everything. It shows that Atsuko had never been responsible for anything, that Hiroko had been threatening her the entire time. However, Atsuko doesn’t want the world to know about. She’d rather fight against her haters by herself. The tape would only bring more drama. In the end, they decided that, to make people forget about Hiroko, they have to bring them another new: They announce that they are officially dating.
The actress just frowned at her and didn’t answer anything. Truly, she didn’t care that much about it. She couldn’t really blame her friend wanting to have news from the others, but just because she was cruel, she would wait for more apologizes. Yes, the actress was, once again, making fun of her, though a part of her mind was really a bit upset.
“I’m really sorry!” Minami repeated, feeling really bad, thinking she had just been the stupidest person living. “I’m truly sorry about it! I didn’t mean to do that… Ah… I will do anything to ask forgiveness so don’t be angry…”
She then bowed to her girlfriend, still holding her hand carefully, just to make sure she would not leave her. Ignoring Atsuko, what was she thinking about?! She had been really nice with her so far, and all she could do to thank her was to ignore her? Minami felt like she had the word “STUPID” stamped on her forehead.
“It’s fine.” Atsuko smiled. “Wait… anything?”
“Well, as long as it’s possible…” Minami precised, knowing very well what “anything” meant to the actress.
Atsuko smirked, looking like a predator wondering how to capture her prey, but didn’t say anything wrong, knowing where the limits were.
“It’s fine then… because I don’t think what I want is possible right now.” She said. “I just thought you looked like you were having a better time talking at the phone with Yuko…”
“That’s not true!” Minami reassured her, squeezing her hand. “I’m really having the best times when I’m with you…”
“Then… What was the place you two were talking about?”
“This? A great restaurant I wanted to show you! The food is totally awesome! Do you mind… going with me right now?”
The question was so useless that Atsuko burst in laughs, kissing quickly her girlfriend on the cheek.
“Of course I don’t mind! We have plenty of time!”
They smiled and started walking out of the park. They were still holding hands, even though they knew everyone could see them. They didn’t want their hands to be separated so that even if they didn’t talk directly to each other while they walked, they could still feel the other’s presence. They both knew they mostly looked like close friends. Nobody would really think about them as a couple, so they didn’t care. There were many people glaring at Atsuko while they crossed Shibuya. Some were murmuring things, others were wondering how she could walk like nothing had happened, others were taking pictures… in any case, they all had seen her, and even Minami started to feel bad.
People stared at them for a long time. Minami was kind of upset against them not being able to ignore them. They were just normal people when they weren’t working. They were just like them… Just because they were famous didn’t mean they were superstar… they weren’t superheroes… They were humans, humans that could make mistakes. It wasn’t their fault if Kenji was in this situation, it wasn’t their fault if Hiroko had done this… They were only humans. Humans couldn’t stop those kinds of situations, no matter how much they would want it. Humans weren’t invincible against pain and sorrow… they didn’t have the power to stop those tragedies… but they were sure emotionally affected when they felt a lot of people didn’t like them.
“Is… is everything fine?” Minami asked as they were out of the view of most of the haters.
Atsuko nodded. She was hurt by this situation too, couldn’t they understand that?! She was hurt about the fact that everyone was thinking she was related to this! She was hurt because… if she could, she would bring everything like before, but she couldn’t. She was powerless in front of this situation, but she was the one attacked by stupid rumours. Even Minami couldn’t do anything to help her about this. But her girlfriend’s support was really appreciated.
“Don’t listen to them…” Minami continued. “Give them time until they realized you have nothing to do about it. You know how it is… they will soon forget about it.”
“I know… but even if you say that, I just don’t get it. I’m trying to avoid it, but everyone just keeps coming back to this subject. It’s… annoying.”
“I’ll support you.” The singer finished. “I’ll support you, no matter what they say. Media always exaggerate the truth… I don’t care what they will do, in a few weeks, nobody will talk about it anymore. Until then, just ignore them…”
“It’s… hard to ignore them.” She sighed.
“There are people loving you… just care about them, not the others. If ever you care about the haters, it’s because you want to prove them they’re wrong to hate you. If you just care about them and think at all they say, you won’t be able to move on in your career. Think about people… supporting and loving you.”
Atsuko smiled and nodded. Minami was right, she shouldn’t bother about this. Instead, she should just live positively with people she loved… Yes, starting today, with Minami, nothing could be bad. She had heard Kenji was still the hospital. He was slowly getting better, but still, he was stuck in his bed for a very long time. All she knew about it was because of the newspapers. She would never see him again… she didn’t want to betray her girlfriend. To her, Kenji had done something horrible in the past, and she felt that, as Minami’s most precious person in the world, she couldn’t forgive him.
“Then, I’ll only think about you.” She whispered softly as they started talking joyfully together, ignoring the glances people was giving them.
“T-The restaurant’s over there…” Minami said, blushing.
CHAPTER 25: Drama about the whole thing. The girls confirm it whenever they go. They are ready to confront the world about it. Reactions are really mixed. Some fans agree with it while others would rather ignore it. Japan is known for ignoring this situation, but it is obviously time to change. And soon, the ultimate subject shows up: sex. Though Minami is not ready and they end up pretending their sudden moment of “desire” was only a joke. Then, there is a short confrontation between Acchan and her mom, but in the end, the mother accepts her daughter the way she is. Kenji is condemned to spend the rest of his life in the hospital, because he was hurt badly and needs services 12 hours per day. He also can’t eat by himself. The new of them being together slowly fade away as another one shows up: Oshima Yuko’s graduation. In fact, life just keeps going on. The chapter, and story, ends on Minami and Atsuko talking together… and eventually the last sentence shows they will go farther in their relationship <3
“Minami!” Atsuko screamed, surprising her girlfriend from behind, something she had done many times.
The singer laughed. They had seen each other two days ago, yet Atsuko was acting like they had not met since three months. Thinking about it, she still couldn’t believe they had once spent one year without seeing each other… If ever it happened right now, she wouldn’t survive. Though this time was special… Atsuko was acting like this… but they were already together since a few hours, wasting time together at Minami’s house.
“Hey, take care!” The singer said as she received some popcorn on the head.
They were spending the night watching movies. They had done this a few time, sleepover… Whenever they both had free times, they were hanging out. And wherever they can, they were spending the night together… not to do dirty things, just to have great time. And even if Atsuko wanted it… Minami had been clear about it many times, so there was no need to force things.
“Sorry!” Atsuko laughed, though spreading more popcorn around them as she sat by her girlfriend’s side.
Minami sighed. Luckily her mother wasn’t home… but she had to make sure to clean up a little before she came back. She had promised the house wouldn’t be on fire or anything. Her mother was gone for three days for an important meeting for her job. Well, the house wasn’t on fire… but it was not the ideal place to invite others. Atsuko didn’t seem to care about it. All she wanted was to see her girlfriend.
“I’m just really happy with you!”
The singer could perfectly understood what Atsuko meant by this. She felt better than during her whole life. She knew there was nothing bad in her life right now. She knew Atsuko was never going to leave her, and this only thought was enough to make all her negatives thoughts go away. It happened for her to think about Hiroko too. She had kept the recorder and the tape with her, throwing everything else related to her old friend away. The tape would be the only material proof she would keep of Hiroko’s existence… because she didn’t want to keep anything else. She felt like she should only concentrate on her current life and her current love.
“I will always be happy with you by my side.” Minami smiled. “You don’t need to repeat it…”
Atsuko quickly ate a piece of popcorn that had fallen, kissing Minami’s neck at the same time, making her becoming slightly pink…
“I know, but I want to say it. You know, we might not reach tomorrow… maybe there will be a huge earthquake or something… so I’d rather say it as much as possible to make sure you understand.”
Minami smirked at Atsuko’s tragedy. Love was strong enough to surpass death. Nothing was going to happen to them. She would make sure to protect her everyday, every second spent together.
“How it’s going with your agencies thing?” Minami asked, still anxious about Atsuko’s future.
“Fine… There’s one I really want to be accepted in… but I don’t think they will accept. They really care about scandals and all… so I think my chances are over already, even if they said they would think about it.” The actress sighed.
She knew wherever she would go, this scandal would follow her too, just like a dark shadow.
“It will be fine… I trust you.”
True, she trusted her as a friend, as her lover and as an actress. She knew she wouldn’t hesitate to help her, no matter what the consequences would be. She knew she could tell her anything and that she would not repeat it to anyone without her permission… She knew Atsuko was strong to do anything she wanted… and that she could easily prove them she had surpassed this scandal. She felt really blessed to be with her. There were so many good looking guys, so many hot girls, so maybe people much better than her… but their close relationship had won over everything.
“I’m sure they will be happy to accept you…” Minami reassured her, really believing in her words.
“Yeah… you’re probably right…”
Minami smiled and put her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Starting the movie, they just sighed, knowing they would probably only think about how they felt good together right now instead of really listening to the story. Lost in their thoughts…
The movie ended before they even realized it. Minami had fallen asleep on her girlfriend’s laps, and Atsuko was only looking at her. She was just staring at her sleeping angel, just listening to her regular breath… playing her slightly with her hair… smelling her sweet scent… She could have stayed like this forever. Even with the music playing from the television, even with some random clip playing, there was no way she would ever look away.
She suddenly heard a storm outside. Rain was falling at an incredible speed, making her looking through the window for a few seconds. When she glanced back at Minami, she had her eyes opened and was smiling.
“How dare you look at something else instead of me?” The small girl smirked.
“I’m sorry!” Atsuko immediately apologized, smiling. “The rain was much more interesting.”
“Of course!” Minami said, rolling her eyes.
Atsuko, still smiling, played with Minami’s hair lovely, nodding.
“You should look at the rain someday… but not when I’m sleeping, alright?”
“So you can do it, but not me?” Minami laughed.
“You perfectly understood!” Atsuko answered, clapping her hands when she suddenly received a mail from someone.
Answering her cell phone, she read the mail under Minami’s interrogative look. A bright smile appeared in her face as she said:
“I’m accepted… I’m really… accepted in this agency! They only said I need to be careful in my life with the media… but it’s fine!”
“Really?!” Minami smiled. “See? I told you so!”
Now, everything could only get better, right? And even if something bad was ever going to happen again, Minami would be there to help her. As long as they were together, it was going to be fine. As long as hope was still there… it was fine. Minami thought about her next single… sooner or later, she would find the best idea ever… Someday, people from everywhere would not only recognize her as an ex AKB member, but only as a singer.
“I’m so happy… I just can’t realize it… I can’t realize that… everything is done with the scandal… Everything was so fast… Everything was so hard…”
Atsuko was repeating the same thing again as Minami was just looking at her, smiling. She knew how hard it was to think that all the problems were over. She knew the feeling about starting again, in a better way. She knew how Atsuko felt about forgetting the daily hell they had lived a month ago… Sometimes, you feel like you’re wrong to hope… but in the end, you realize it’s really the end… and then, you can’t believe it’s true.
“I told you so…” Minami whispered, interrupted by Atsuko’s lips on hers.
Still lying on Atsuko’s laps, Minami shivered. It may not be the best position to share a kiss, but it tasted the same… it tasted great, passion, happiness, sweetness, love.
“Thank you for supporting me when I’m panicking.” Atsuko smiled cutely.
“N-No problem…” Minami shyly answered.
The singer was becoming redder as she thought about one time they had been together, alone. It had been at Atsuko’s home, and her mother was gone somewhere with some friends. They had almost gone farther… but she had stopped her girlfriend right before just a second.... And before Minami could have said anything, Atsuko had only apologized, promising she wouldn’t do something she didn’t want. It had been three weeks ago. Since then, Atsuko had never even tried to do anything… and during this time, Minami’s fear had slowly disappeared… and her own desire had slowly increased.
“I’ll be there for you… always.” Minami whispered, closing her eyes.
She might looked like she was going to fall asleep soon, but Atsuko knew her very well to know she was asking for another kiss. She thought her girlfriend was so cute that she couldn’t refuse her anything, and kissed her again slowly, just to make it longer and deeper. She wasn’t really aware of it, but her hands were already slowly caressing Minami’s body… everywhere, like she wanted to feel each centimetre of her skin touching hers. When Atsuko stopped, she already knew she must stop now or else she would not be able to control herself. When they kissed… there was no way to explain her feeling. Her love was being multiplied by a hundred, her heart was burning from excitement… and she was just totally loosing her mind.
“S-Sorry…” She murmured, knowing she had probably being too fast.
She didn’t want to scare her girlfriend… She didn’t want to do anything wrong… But when Minami opened her eyes… Atsuko was totally captive by her look. Because deep in her eyes... there was something new. Something she had never seen before… Something she could resume with a simple sentence… Something she wanted to see since a very long time… something stronger than everything else…
“I’m ready…”
The end??? No...
I know you guys don't want to re-read everything xD That's why I took like... 3hours of my time to create this summary :theking
PFFF. So long my computer's slow now -.-' Hope you will enjoy the sequel guys ^_^ This fanfic is far to be dead because I consider it as one of my greatest English creating ever :twothumbs
Oh yeah... anyone having suggestions for the next story line, request or even hatred letter to me (LOL) can send them by PM ^^
Oh yeah, btw, I’m going to Paris from January 11 to January 22, so I might not be able to update in those days. However, I will be able to write, so it should be fine for when I come back ^^ And… yeah… I’m going to stalk all Japanese shops LOL
And… Well, enjoy holidays !
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YATTA! YOU'RE BACK~!! I LOVE YOU~!! :heart: :heart: I don't mind reading Pink Vitriol over and over again. As your loyal reader/supporter/follower/stalker/creeper i'm gonna re-read it again. :thumbup LOL. i mean just the summary you made. :nervous because for sure it will take me hours/days to finish it all, plus i still do remember every single part of it since i've just re-read this one last september. Anyways Take your time in writing the sequel :D can't wait for tomorrows update :cow: Enjoy your Vacation~!! :deco:
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Always had loved this fics, been reading this over and over again. :twothumbs :inlove:
the summary sure make me wanna read the whole fics over again. :twothumbs
awaiting for your next update. :D
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good one :D than for resume. maybe a kojiyuu.. and of course what happen next chapter? maybe pervert fic :D
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Yay! You're coming back with a sequel!
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@crazywota: Thank for supporting me that much :grin: I was surprised when you said you had read it in september XD Hope the sequel will be good enough for you :nervous
@luckymmsg: Glad you liked the summary :D I'm working on my sequel like a lazy boss :thumbup
@Haruko: I'll try to add more KojiYuu in the sequel :) But probably not a perv fic XD
@Kahem: I'm back & still alive :theking
I'm glad you guys are happy for the sequel :) I hesitated a lot :nervous
Here's the short prologue, a bit like I did with Pink Vitriol 1.
I tried to make it like the "conclusion" of Pink Vitriol's latest chapter (25) so that the story would not start out of nowhere :nervous
Enjoy it, and I'll be back with the first chapter soon! I started writing it already :twothumbs
By the way, there is an index in the first post so it will be easier to find the sequel XD
Prologue
They woke up at the same time, slowly opening their eyes. As soon as their eyes locked into the other’s, nothing else mattered in this world, and it seemed they were lost in an endless beautiful and perfect dream. The sun was already high in the sky. They could hear familiar sounds of the city, cars racing in the street, birds singing, people talking joyfully, airplanes flying in the sky… It must have been around midday… People were already working everywhere in the huge sprawling city Tokyo was.
In the middle of all those simultaneous different actions that kept the city alive, both of them, alone in this gigantic world, seemed ready to do nothing for the rest of the day, just staring at the other, isolated from everything else.
No matter what was going to happen today, no matter if there was going to have a fatal earthquake or if the end of the world was announced tomorrow… it seemed they were invincible right now. It seemed nothing could ever go against them anymore. This feeling… was amazing, indestructible and indescribable. It was a synonym of freedom, determination, peace and, of course, deep love. This feeling burning in their heart now, consummating the fuel of their feelings… would probably never disappear, and it was fine this way. The last thing they wanted was to wake up from a dream. It would destroy everything they ever wished to have.
The last night had been magic. If they had to describe it, words would be useless. If they had to explain it, then the smartest person on earth wouldn’t understand. If they just needed to tell someone about it, this person would never understand how much it meant to them. The only way to explain it was with feelings, embraces, strokes, kisses…
It meant much more than just doing it with someone… It meant much more than what other people would call “being closer to someone”… It meant more than just seeing the person they love naked… It meant even more than sharing their intimacy with the other… It was more than just becoming one… it was like the proof of their whole existence, what they have been living for the whole time.
This precious moment was forever engraved in their soul. It was forever locked in their heart, in their memories. If they ever stopped being together… they would still remember this moment.
They stared at each other a long time, sometimes with worries, sometimes with happiness.
They had learned to trust each other to the highest point of their relationship.
They didn’t regret anything. They had shared, and gave, the most precious thing they could ever share with the person they loved.
Last night, they had tasted the most precious forbidden fruit... and they had sealed their love.
TBC
And I'm out :thumbsup Thank to everyone reading and supporting me :bow:
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OMG OMG OMG :cow: :cow: :cow: :cow:
THIS IS AMAZING!!!! XD :w00t: XD
I AM SO LOVING YOU bou-j525 :heart:
I can't believe it that your actually going to continue Pink Vitriol
OHMYGOD OHMYGOD
I can't contain my excitement any more and my fangurling is to the high max tension XD XD XD
This year is so going to be quite something for me because of you
Thank you for this! :twothumbs
and I hope you update soon :)
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Really deep as usual bou
Just the prologue is awesome!
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uwaa~ :love: :love: have been waiting for this!! :w00t:
I'm excited to see the chapter 1! Interesting prologue!! I'm so glad that this awesome fic is having a sequel!! :fap
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OMG!!!!!!! :mon scare: Finally!!! a prologue!!! :mon XD:
I'm so waiting for this!!! :mon dance: Thank you for updating!! I'm so happy today~~ :mon fyeah:
The prologue was awesome!!! luv ya bouj~~ :mon love: Imma gonna wait patiently for your next update~ :mon fu:
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^I LOVE YOUR SIG :inlove:
@blughise: LoL well thank you :) I missed writing that is all :) So I thought I could continue this one because it's true I kinda... cut suddenly at the end :nervous Enjoy the sequel... though you know what "kind" of sequel it will be :P
@kahem: If ever I update something that isn't deep.... then someone offcially hacked my account XD
@ruka_4581: Thank you :grin: Hope the sequel will be good enough for you :nervous
@Flean: Yeah, it's been quite a long time :P Hope you'll not mind waiting a little for the next chapter though, coz it might be a little longer than for chapter 1 :P Oh yeah btw, I LOVE YOUR SIG *awesome*
@Everyone reading: Thank you :bow:
I wanted to update sooner today (It's actually 3am here) because I know tomorrow I will not have time to do it... but I got distracted on skype :panic: And now I'm half asleep, trying to make sentences that make sense with words :nervous I haven't slept enough last night also so it doesn't help @_@ (In fact, I think I wrote the previous sentence 3 times because I kept making mistakes xD)
This is the chapter 1 of the sequel. Now you guys who read Pink Vitriol will probably be surprised that... this chapter is not sad!!!!! XD It's not the sequel of chapter 25 (like I will ever be able to write this kind of fic *sighs*). It's really another start. And of course, it's only happy for now, you guys know me. It's the calm before the storm, like some would say :P Enjoy this cute/funny chapter but be careful... ATSUMINA OVERDOSE X_X Will add more KojiYuu later, but really, now I just needed a point to start, that's all.
Also... I don't know if I should keep "Pink Vitriol 2" for the name of the sequel XD Sound... pretty normal XD Will think about it later~
Will try to write the chapter 2 during my trip to Paris, but unfortunately I can't promise you anything. I'll do my best :theking
Now now, enough talk! If you think the chapter isn't long enough, well first, it's only the first one... And second... forget about the 28 pages/chapter. WAY TOO LONG TO WRITE ;_; Sorry for the mistakes, as usual :thumbdown:
Pink Vitriol 2
Chapter 1
“She will not kiss him, she will not kiss him, she will not… why did she kiss him?!” Minami thought as she was about to attack her television, punch it and destroy it.
Her parents were gone for a few days. She was alone at home, listening to Atsuko’s latest drama. She didn’t really like seeing her kissing sexy guys all the time in front of the whole Japan population, but she wanted to support her as best as she could. However, she had to admit it was quite hard to stay and focus on the story when in fact she wanted to call Atsuko’s agency and tell them what she really thought of all those scenes. Since she had changed agency, it seemed all her contracts involved kissing scenes… and sometimes more, though still not too much. Did they really think it was the only way for Atsuko to be popular? There were so many other types of drama! Of course, Minami knew it was a job and she knew Atsuko would never accept “dirty” contracts, but she couldn’t help hating everyone pretending to date HER girlfriend. Especially since Atsuko was cute, beautiful, pretty, amazing… and that probably many people wanted to be at her place now…
“It’s just because she is one of the greatest actresses that people want her in every love story they create, it’s just because of that, it’s not because they have something against me, it’s not because- DON’T TOUCH HER LIKE THIS!” She yelled at her television.
Someone looking at her would really wonder how the smart calm girl could be so piss right now… It was like she just transformed into another person… but she really couldn’t help it.
Once again, she knew how to control herself. She knew it was JUST a job and that Atsuko liked her work… but she still hated the fact that each episode involved a kiss scene. Didn’t people want to see something else than her girlfriend kissing random actors?! She was even afraid Atsuko would leave her for one of them… and she knew it was the only thing that could truly kill her. Atsuko, because of her job, knew about Minami’s constant fear of losing her, and she had assured her she would never leave her… She had also said that Minami’s kisses were way better than theirs, but it had not helped the poor ex AKB member since she just became red and stopped talking.
“I don’t like this episode too much…” She whispered. “But it’s Atsuko, so I want to support her…”
She could honestly encourage the person she loved. She was really sincere when she did. She didn’t lie to Atsuko saying she adored listening to her dating guys because she knew it was only the character she played… but secretly, she was damn jealous. Not because she thought Atsuko didn’t love her anymore, just because she would give anything to be at those guys’ place… but it was impossible for them to appear together in a drama. Media had already talked a lot about their coming out, so it was sure no producer would ever accept to create a drama about them.
Even though people encouraged them, there were still many people against their kind of relationship. They were just hiding in the shadow, waiting for the right moment to come and throw them on the ground. People still hadn’t totally accepted it… No one could go against society without suffering. The two girls were aware of this, but they had decided to fight in order to be happy. Whenever society would attack them, they would be ready.
“I can support her… but there’s a limit!” she sighed as she closed the television when the two main actors where obviously heading to a love hotel.
She had one rare break from her singer career. She had taken one month to think about her third single. Her career had started very well with her first single, but it had dropped a little with her second. She knew it was probably related to AKB48, her relation with Atsuko and that some of her fans were still addict to the idols group, but she wanted to create a third single that would really show how much she had improved since she had graduated. Therefore, she took a lot of time to think about it.
She wanted to create a single that would make people see beyond her sexual orientation.
The only thing she had not thought about was just the fact that… Atsuko had to record a lot this month. They couldn’t see each other too much, and when they did, Atsuko was often dead tired. The small girl had thought a lot about this, and though she felt sad, she sure appreciated each minute spent with the person she loved the most. After all they had been through with the sudden come back of two people from her past, she was thankful that their lives were finally positives.
Atsuko had the urge to accept all propositions she had, probably because she was afraid that the repercussions of their announcement were going to join them. She was afraid that soon, no one would want her in any drama or TV shows. So she did her best to work as much as she could…
Minami didn’t want to think too much about her past. It was useless. Hiroko was dead… she sure still had difficulties to realize everything that had happened between them recently, and she felt bad about her death… but eventually, she had to move on. She had lost too much time thinking about it already. Kenji would never haunt them again, stuck at the hospital most of the time. Her childhood was engraved in her memories, but she had realized it only made her who she was now. It only showed how strong she was, nothing more, nothing less. Now that everything was done, there was no need to think about anything else than how great she felt with Atsuko by her side. She couldn’t believe how much time she had taken to realize her feelings. It was almost ridiculous, and sometimes she still felt like she had made her girlfriend suffering a lot for absolutely NOTHING.
She, too, had suffered. She had had to graduate from “her” AKB48 to realize everything. She couldn’t help wondering what would have happened if things had been different, but one thing was sure: She didn’t regret anything, and she didn’t need anyone to know that she had made a great choice. Sometimes, love was about sacrifices, a bit like right now, she had to accept the fact that being jealous about a drama was not really rational.
Atsuko would support her a lot too. She would often visit her despite her busy schedule. She would answer or call back to each of her all. She would even cook for her, and Minami was in love with her food. Atsuko could cook very well. She also encouraged her for her singer career, saying she had all the talent to become famous, but that it took time for fans to see beyond AKB48. She had been through this too, so she could understand the consequences of a graduation. It had been a certain time already, but AKB shadow could stay a really long time.
And now that they had announced they were dating, it seemed everything was back to the beginning.
Minami looked at the clock and smiled. Logically, Atsuko had just finished recording her drama. It was already around midnight. She sure worked late, and sometimes Minami would be worried to death about her health, but it seemed she was doing fine. And usually, when Atsuko finished her job… She heard her cell phone and smiled. Her girlfriend was surprisingly never late.
“Hello?” Minami said, pretending not knowing the person she was talking to.
“Minami~~?” Atsuko’s cute voice said.
“Who are you?” The singer sighed, pretending to be disturbed in an important time.
She heard a slight laugh and smiled until Atsuko’s modified voice said:
“Wrong number, I’m sorry.”
She then heard the end tone of the call. She stared at her cell phone, not knowing how to react. It was HER joke! No one could ever take HER joke!
“Hey!” She pretended to be angry when she called Atsuko back.
“Who are you?” An angry man’s voice answered.
Surprised, Minami almost dropped her phone on the floor. She looked at the number she had just composed and frowned. It was definitely Atsuko’s number, there was no mistake about it. Who was this man?
“H-Hello?” She stammered. “A-Atsuko?”
After the longest minute of her life, she heard someone laughing as her girlfriend finally answered.
“I hope you didn’t think that was me!” She said. “You know my voice is way different!”
“Who was that?” She frowned, though knowing Atsuko’s voice was cuter.
“A staff member!” Atsuko laughed. “I thought it’d be funny to make fun of your failed joke…”
“What?! That wasn’t funny!” Minami rolled her eyes, relieved Atsuko could not see her smiling like an idiot. “I thought someone might have captured you!”
Minami had joked about it, and she was sure Atsuko was laughing at her silently. But it could have been true! Maybe a crazy fan had captured her and was forcing her to pretend everything was fine when in fact he was going to torture her! Maybe he wanted to do dirty things with her! Maybe she cheated on her! Just this thought was enough to make her stop her speculations. Maybe she was just a little too intense too… yes, probably. But she always liked to see her reactions. It was always different. Truly, it seemed everything was different with her.
“You’re cute when you worry for me!” Atsuko finally said. “I’m done shooting now! What are you doing? I’m leaving and I can see you if you want. I don’t have anything tomorrow, so it doesn’t matter if I sleep late.”
Minami blushed a little as she thought about what “sleeping late” meant, but then controlled her thoughts when she realized it would probably meant talking all night.
The “not so serious” tone had left, but they talked together like best friends, so it was never 100% serious and boring to death.
“You can come if you want!” Minami answered happily. “But I’ll probably be sleeping when you’ll arrive.”
“I’m already on my way then!” Atsuko said joyfully as they both hang up.
They were rarely talking a lot by phone. Once they realized they could meet, they would just hang up. It was better to talk in person, and though they never ran out of conversation, they kept everything they wanted to say until they met. Why would they waste time and money talking by phone when they could just meet... Plus, Minami knew that, if they started talking on phone now, Atsuko would take the double time to arrive at hers. It had happened before. She was talking at the phone and was so distracted that she missed the train and had to wait for another one. It was a cute distraction though.
She closed her eyes a little and accidently fell asleep as she was waiting for her girlfriend. The last thing on her mind before she visited the land of dreams was that it wasn’t too bad because Atsuko had the keys for a really long time already.
Atsuko…
She was dreaming of her…
Of them being together… without carrying this heavy burden that society’s principle was…
Being hers…
“Wake up Minami…” A soft voice said as she received a gentle kiss.
The little girl just moaned, deciding she was fine in her sleep. She didn’t want to wake up yet, when she was in paradise, dreaming Atsuko had just kissed her… Her dream was perfect as well…
“Minami… I’m not here to watch you sleeping…” Atsuko said gently, though she had to admit her girlfriend was really cute this way and that she could just watch her for eternity.
The ex captain didn’t open her eyes, but a slight smile appeared on her face. She was half awake and Atsuko’s presence calmed her instantly.
“I’m sleepy…” Minami whispered. “Why don’t you sleep with me…”
There was an awkward, deep and LONG silence before the tired girl realized the second meaning of her latest sentence. She opened her eyes so fast that she went blind by the light for a moment. She felt a bit dizzy for a few seconds though she knew Atsuko was staring at her.
“N-Not this way!” Minami stammered. “I-I mean...”
She was totally becoming as red as a tomato, if not more.
“Really?” Atsuko asked so seriously that Minami moved back.
“N-No! I mean… I didn’t mean that… I’m just tired, okay!” She stammered even more, definitely embarrassed to death.
She loved Atsuko right, but it was another thing to say that she wanted to do it! Especially in this situation! They were alone and no one would disturb them… Atsuko could easily take this situation seriously. Wait… was it too late?
“I didn’t understand that you were tired…” Atsuko smirked while moving near her girlfriend.
“R-Really?” Minami smiled embarrassingly. “B-But it is what I said!”
“Are you trying to seduce me? Now if it is the reason why you wanted me to come here tonight…” Atsuko smiled even more. “I didn’t know you were this kind of person…”
She looked like a predator… ready to capture her prey…
There was another silent moment as they were so close Minami could almost feel Atsuko’s breath in her mouth… Their lips were separated by less than one centimetre…
“I didn’t know either…” Minami said nervously as she tried to move back, only to find her old good friend: The wall.
She didn’t miss that friend. At all. And she knew her answer was not going to save her. Her answers would never be effective against Atsuko’s cuteness. NEVER. And… though she knew she was weaker than Atsuko about this kind of conversation, she would always try to fight and… fail.
“You didn’t know…” Atsuko smiled. “I did… I’ve always known you had some… hidden parts in you…”
“R-Really?” The poor victim said as she was trying to cross the wall until Atsuko’s hand moved slowly near her chest.
The actress didn’t wait any longer as she kissed her girlfriend softly. The innocent kiss soon became passionate as their tongues started to dance together, each one trying to dominate the other. Minami felt she started loosing control as she wrapped her arms around Atsuko’s waist, pulling her closer.
“Well, you know I’m yours whenever you want…” Atsuko whispered, looking at her in the eyes, a small smirk on her warm lips.
She moved back. A part of her knew that right now, it was not what she “wanted”… and that it was another way to tease her cute blushing girlfriend.
She just liked to tease her so much. And after all, they were dating, but they were still close best friend first. Their friendship was what helped them to get together, and they both believed it was what was going to help their relationship to survive.
“I can stay and sleep by your side.” Atsuko added, smirking. “I guess that was what you meant.”
But because of the situation, Minami was not sleepy anymore. She was ready to stay awake all night just to make sure Atsuko didn’t think of her this way, even though she had answered to her kiss. Sure, Atsuko was a beautiful, cute woman, very desirable and loveable and she wouldn’t hesitate to… AND WHY DID SHE THINK THIS WAY. She hit her head against the wall behind her as she sighed. She wished it was easier to say her true feelings, but she guessed she still couldn’t do it. If Atsuko wanted them to do it… she couldn’t resist… because it was what she wanted… But in these circumstances, it would only mean to admit that she was a total pervert, and there was no way it was going to happen.
“Don’t look at me this way...” Atsuko smiled. “I was just joking.
Knowing Atsuko’s wild side, Minami totally had doubts about the “just joking” part, but she didn’t want to fight so she didn’t mention it. She’d rather just enjoy her girl’s presence. It was more than enough to make her happy.
“So, you want to sleep?” Atsuko asked innocently as she laid under Minami’s bed’s cover.
Minami frowned as she realized it was suddenly really quiet. There was her and Atsuko… and the bed… And if she forgot about dirty thoughts, then there would be one only possible thing to do: Sleeping with the person she loved by her side. It was perfect.
“You said you were sleepy…” Atsuko said. “We can still talk tomorrow. I have something great to tell you.”
“Fine…” Minami whispered as she was sure falling asleep.
She went in her bed and laid under the cover… and almost jumped as she realized Atsuko didn’t wear anything but her bra and panties.
“What?” Atsuko smiled innocently, though she had “undressed” this way to tease her girlfriend even more. “You know it’s how I sleep usually…”
Minami sighed. No, it wasn’t the way Atsuko slept usually, she KNEW it. Usually, Atsuko would wear a very cute pyjama to sleep… WHY.
“I’m not at my house here, remember?” Atsuko smiled gently.
Minami sighed louder. She knew Atsuko was not home, but still, usually, when it happened, her girlfriend would borrow some clothes from her! Right now she was just a poor victim! Though she knew they had gone farther, she couldn’t help thinking it was bit inappropriate. She swallowed nervously as Atsuko started to undress her. She was frozen and couldn’t move… but she soon realized the way Atsuko was doing it was not harsh, not bad… not like she had some pervert ideas on mind. It was just… slow, soft... It was like a mother would undress her kid before changing their clothes. It was just a cute way to do it from her…
“It’s fine. I’m not going to do anything.” Atsuko said, winking. “It’s just that I want to feel you close to me… without something between us… But I know you’re too prude for that… so I leave something between us.”
Minami didn’t move until Atsuko was done. When she was “ready” to sleep, she suddenly felt Atsuko wrapping her arms around her, moving her closer to her. She could feel Atsuko’s breath in her neck while her sweet scent was slowly driving her crazy. She felt Atsuko’s legs moving around hers. She found herself moving her head just enough so she could see her closed eyes.
Atsuko seemed like a little child in this position despite the fact that she was taller than Minami. She held her so close it seemed she was afraid Minami was going to disappear this night. Her hair was falling on her face and Minami slowly moved them so she could see her angel’s sleeping face. Minami closed her eyes for a moment. Atsuko’s soft skin against hers made her sleep totally gone. She wanted to touch her… to feel her even closer… she just wanted to love her the right way…
But what was the right way to love?
Deep in her heart, she still was afraid of everything that was happening. It was so fast, so troublesome, yet so amazing and irreplaceable… She opened her eyes just one last time to see Atsuko in security next to her… To know her safe by her side was something that made her really happy. Everything that included Atsuko made her happy… even some mistakes from the past, the long way they had done just to confess… even the obstacles… They were just memories… and Minami could see something good in each of them. She stared at her for a long time, and then followed her in a deep sleep, not moving one millimetre apart.
***
Minami slowly opened her eyes, trying not to be blind by the sun crossing the window. She didn’t know what time it was, but since it was summer, she knew the sun would appear soon in the sky. Therefore, she could tell it wasn’t that late. When her vision finally became clear, she smiled. She had never dreamed of it… Atsuko was still there, cutely sleeping by her side.
Despite their position, the singer had to admit she had really slept well. It had been a peaceful night, without nightmares, without fears, without stress… She didn’t wake up even once. She wanted to stay in this position for a long time, but she knew she had to get up for another long day trying to find inspiration for another song. She liked writing her own songs. It was different from when Aki-P did everything, and it helped her to focus on her job. She wanted to sing songs she liked, because if she didn’t, where was the point of singing for her entire life?
She tried to leave the bedroom without disturbing her girlfriend’s sleep, and it worked well for once. She had to admit Atsuko had probably been really tired because of her drama, so she decided to make breakfast for the two of them. Of course, she wasn’t the best cook, but she could still do well.
But still not as good as Atsuko’s mother HUGE breakfast. That was clearly an exception. She cooked some vegetables, rice and fish, trying to make a great presentation. She actually wanted to impress Atsuko, so she was really doing her best…
“It smells good…” She heard Atsuko saying as she was almost done.
“Acchan!” She said. “You’re already awake?”
They sometimes called themselves by their AKB nicknames, even though they weren’t in the group anymore. Sure, they mostly used their real names since they wanted to see beyond and have a serious real relationship, but they had grown using their nicknames most of the time. They just couldn’t get over it. Plus, it wasn’t like if it mattered that much. Now that they had solved the “real person behind nickname” problem, there was nothing bad about using them.
“You left me! My sixth sense told me something was wrong because you weren’t by my side!” She smirked.
“Oh please…” Minami sighed, though smiling. “Don’t use those cheesy lines so earlier in the morning. I just wanted to make breakfast… And knowing how much you eat, I wanted to start soon.”
“I don’t eat that much… “ Atsuko rolled her eyes as she smiled at the lunch. “It looks delicious! Itada-”
But Minami’s hand stopped her before she could even take one bite.
“I’m not done yet!” She said. “Here’s some tea… Now you can-”
“-kimasu~!” Atsuko finished as she realized how hungry she was.
Minami laughed a little as she started eating too. She really enjoyed those morning with her girlfriend, without anyone or anything disturbing them. It seemed like they had all the time in the world… though it was the opposite.
“So…?” Minami frowned, ready to hear the verdict.
“It’s really good!” Atsuko smiled. “See? You can make some good food too!”
“Thank… I’m glad you like it. What do you mean “too”?!”
Atsuko glanced at her and said, like if it was obvious:
“My mother is the best cook, of course…”
Teasing her girlfriend in the morning… Oh how she liked doing it. She would never get enough of it… NEVER. Minami just rolled her eyes, knowing how right Atsuko was. But still, it seemed her food was enough to make her enjoying it… So she was proud of herself. Atsuko’s happy expression was priceless. If it took a professional cook instead of her to make her happy, there was no doubt that Minami would find one… later.
They ate everything, talking about random subjects. When they were finally done, they both went back in Minami’s room. Atsuko seemed to have something serious to talk about, and Minami was sure there was another reason for her coming to visit her after her work, other than “I miss you”.
Minami wasn’t too worried though. If it was something bad, she knew she could have been able to see it in Atsuko’s way of acting. There was nothing wrong about it. And also, if it had been a bad news, she knew Atsuko would have already told her. In any case, it was a nice news… now the only thing that worried her just a little was… It was a good new, but for whom exactly?
“It’s really nice to be able to spend time with you like that.” Atsuko started.
Why did Minami feel like she was going to turn around the subject? Because, obviously, it was the case. But she didn’t really care. If Atsuko turned around the subject, that meant she was not going to leave soon. She wanted to keep thinking about her single though, but it could still wait.
“I like when we’re together in the morning… Waking up with you by my side is priceless.”
Minami giggled. Well, in fact, she did not “wake up by her side” since she was in the kitchen when Atsuko first opened her eyes. However, hearing her talking about them this way made her heart melt. She, too, thought those precious moments were special.
“Even if I’m really busy, I want to be with you as much as possible.”
“Me too…” The singer nodded.
“And I’m sure you’re the one I want to see everyday… You’re the one I could spend my life with, without being bored someday.”
Minami frowned, laughing slightly. What was that exactly? A marriage proposal? If it was… what was she going to answer?! She started panicking, knowing very well it was totally useless. But what if it was true?! What were they going to do now? And… why now?! She sighed. It was just her brain creating crazy scenarios again… Damn brain for creating such REALISTIC situations!
“I know it can sound hard, but you know, I’ve looked in a lot of magazines to get information. I know exactly how it can be! And I’ve already thought a lot about it! My parents agreed with me!”
Magazines? Parents approval? It definitely sounded like the scenario her brain had made a few seconds before. Atsuko knew how it could be? Like dresses and everything? And… oh god, please, not the giant cake that made everyone sick from too much sugar? Though… Atsuko could eat it by herself, Minami had no doubt about it. And… the music too… And the decoration… Where was it going to be? If it was really that, they would have SO much to think about! It was impossible with their schedule! And if they wanted to invite some girls from AKB48, they would never find a common time or a common place. The only day the two of them had “almost” nothing to do was today, and she was sure she didn’t want to get married today, hell no.
“So, what do you think about it?” Atsuko asked, smiling like she had just made the best decision ever.
Minami rolled her eyes.
“You didn’t tell me what you were talking about.”
“I didn’t?” Atsuko asked. “I guess I was just too excited.”
Oh no. That was it. She wanted to get married. Minami did NOT want that now! Japan did NOT want it either! Her career would never EVER survive! And what about her girlfriend’s?! No, this was impossible. They couldn’t. Even if they wanted, they couldn’t.
“Listen Atsuko, it’s not that I don’t like you, but I think our relationship is perfect this way. I don’t think it would be great for us if we did it. A wedding implied too much time, more than we have right now. And you know I really love you, even if we can’t be married now!”
Seeing Atsuko’s strange look, Minami decided to continue. She had started, so she should at least finish her speech.
“I love you! But, don’t you think we’re too young! There are a lot of long terms consequences! I mean, imagine everyone’s reactions!”
“What… are you talking about?” Atsuko frowned. “Wedding?!”
There was another moment of silence in which Minami wished she was small enough to hide from her girlfriend.
“I’m not talking about getting married…” Atsuko smirked. “But if you think this way-”
“NO! Um… I mean, what were you talking about then?” Minami stammered, looking at her hand like if it was the most interesting thing to stare at.
She really felt stupid for a second. She had totally made a fool of herself… She was so embarrassed she wouldn’t hesitate running away in the following seconds.
“I was talking about moving together… You know like… living together… like getting an apartment for the two of us… like not getting married maybe?” Atsuko laughed.
Oh, her girlfriend could be so cute sometimes. Getting married… Atsuko just couldn’t believe what could go in Minami’s mind sometimes…
“Oh…” Minami just said, trying really hard to make the red color disappear from her face.
“So, I was saying that… I found a really nice place we could visit today… If it’s fine with you, of course.”
Once the shock was gone, Minami nodded, smiling. Living with Atsuko, she had never really thought about it, but now that her girlfriend mentioned it, it could be really nice to deal with their busy schedules. They would be able to see each other more often… They would have their place… Their common place in this world… A place just for them… where they could be alone and enjoy the other’s presence. It sounded really nice.
“I would love to visit it… but what about the money? It will cost a lot, right?” Minami worried.
“Well, my parents will help us… And it’s not like we don’t have any money, right?
For a moment, Atsuko sounded afraid that Minami might refuse. It sounded like she wasn’t happy… Atsuko thought there might be something wrong, but according to her, she could only see advantages. She had a lot of money, so it would not be difficult to pay for the apartment. And her career was not done yet… and they were young, as Minami had said before. It was time to get freedom. It was time for them to enjoy their years of youth before it was too late. She really wanted to share her daily life with the person she loved… And she knew they were strong enough to do it. Was Minami mad at her because of her proposition? She really hoped not…
“You don’t want to?” Atsuko whispered, worried.
“Of course I want!” Minami said excitedly as she held Atsuko’s hand. “Of course! I’m sorry, I was a bit surprised, but I want to visit this place with you! You’re right! This way, we’ll be even closer! And we’re so many times at each other’s house, I think my mother will even be relieved about that! ”
“And I’m so happy it’s not a marriage proposal…” She thought, not saying it loud.
They talked about it for a short time before they left Minami’s house, ready to visit what could be their possible future home. Minami found it very funny that Atsuko had already decided which color the walls of each piece were going to be, when in fact they didn’t even know how much it cost. She found funny that Atsuko already knew what they were going to eat for their first night at their new house, when they didn’t even know when it would be. She laughed at her girlfriend’s explanation of how they would organize the living room when they didn’t have any furniture. She smiled at the actress’ description of their first “party” with their friends. She giggled when Atsuko said she wanted a specific kind of flower outside. She laughed when Atsuko talked about their possible neighbourhood. It seemed she knew everything already, even if they had not even started looking for it. Minami also couldn’t help feeling better just to see how excited Atsuko seemed to be at this idea… She was so important to her… She just wanted to see her happy.
***
“KAMPAÏ!” Yuko screamed.
“Not that loud…” Minami sighed.
“But we’re only five! So I’m trying to be there for the others too!” She answered.
“Yeah… but you don’t need to sound like we’re twenty either…” Mariko said.
Yuko, Mariko and Miichan were at Minami and Atsuko’s new place to celebrate it. Some others girls they had invited, Haruna for example, were busy at their AKB48 work. Some just couldn’t come because they wanted to meet their family since they had not seen them for a long time. Only those three girls had managed to meet them. However, they thought it was still fine. They didn’t need to be a lot to have fun. Especially now that they couldn’t see each other too often due to their different schedules: each moment was important to them.
The two girls had searched for a place for almost one month until they found the perfect one. It was small, yet really fine. There were two bedrooms and the living room was only separated by two big doors from the kitchen. There were huge windows so they could have a nice view outside as the sun would light the place. The two bedrooms, though they wanted to sleep in the same, would be useful if ever they suddenly wanted more privacy or if they invited someone to stay over.
“The food is delicious! You can thank your mother for us, Acchan!” Miichan said as she tried to put as much food as she could in her mouth, like she was afraid it might disappear if she wasn’t fast enough.
Atsuko’s mother had made a… buffet. Literally. There was even too much food, but it seemed Miichan was hungry enough, even if Mariko was worried about the poor girl’s stomach.
“How can you eat so fast?” Minami frowned. “It’s like… you’re faster than me when I eat katsudon!”
Everyone remembered the famous CM of them eating food. Of course, everyone remembered how fast and how manly Minami had eaten her favourite food. They had teased her a lot about it. Minami could eat really quickly when she wanted. Luckily, or unfortunately for Minami, there wasn’t any katsudon tonight. But Atsuko’s mother food was still excellent.
“What you just said is logically impossible.” Mariko frowned. “Did you see yourself eating katsudon? I mean… DID YOU?!”
While Minami was being teased once again by the others, Atsuko just laughed at the scene. She actually liked the way Minami ate her katsudon. She thought it was really cute to watch… and very funny how the singer would finish every single grain of rice. Or how she would often take another one… or how she would have this cute look while eating… how she would totally ignore the outside world… how she would look at it like it was the meal of GOD… how she was just being herself.
“So…Why exactly did you guys decide to live together?” Mariko said. “Media will totally chase after you. You know… paparazzi and everything?”
She had a point. The chances for them to be calm at home were small now. Media were probably printing their first article about them living together. Now the whole country was probably going to know tomorrow. But… they were ready to deal with it. It’s not like the whole country didn’t know about them anyway…
“Well…” Yuko smirked. “Maybe they just wanted to be alone to do… You know what I mean…”
Miichan smiled too, but Mariko just slapped the back of the poor perverted woman. They were meeting for the first time since so long, and the only thing she could think of what that?! How could she support it? It was supposed to be a nice, happy, peaceful meeting, and now Mariko was sure Minami had suddenly the urge to kill someone… named Yuko… She really wondered how Haruna could deal with this personality everyday when she just couldn’t stand it… Just… How did Haruna fall for her?! That was a great question… She should ask her about it later…
“No, we don’t know what you mean.” Mariko rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe you bring up that subject. I’m sure they only wanted to spend more time together because they are both really busy with their job… right?”
“Of course! That’s the main reason. I just wanted to… well, to be with Atsuko…” Minami said shyly.
“See!” Mariko said, slightly pushing Yuko’s shoulder. “You and your mind, seriously…”
“There’s nothing wrong about thinking this way…” Miichan said like if it that the most normal thing in the world. “I mean, they’re together. Sooner or later they will have to reach this point!”
There was a long and embarrassed silence until Miichan exclaimed:
“No?! Really?! You already… you already… well…”
Funny how she suddenly became the one really shy and blushing. She probably couldn’t imagine that they had already done it… That was why she was so surprised. No, really, she couldn’t imagine it… Eww… No!! That… They were two of her best friends… NO!! Damn Yuko for having a bad influence on her.
“So, Yuko, why don’t you eat and stop talking about that.” Mariko frowned, trying to save the life of two of her friends.
But actually, only she and Yuko were still acting like “usual”. Minami and Atsuko were suddenly obsessed by their food, and Miichan was just about to hit her head against the wall to make these pictures get out of her mind. The funny and nice dinner had just transformed into… a quiet meeting between them. The moment of silence stayed for a few minutes until Miichan broke it with an unhesitant tone.
“SO… Any idea of what you are going to do now? Now that you’re together and you get your respective works… I feel like the only one here still in AKB48... You all graduated except Mariko who went in SDN48… but it’s almost the same. Tell me… does it feel good to graduate?”
“Are you saying you want to graduate because we aren’t there anymore?” Atsuko frowned.
“Of course no!” Miichan replied. “I’m still in love with AKB48. There’s no way I’m going to leave! And there are still others members there too! Though I have to admit that it’s really not the same without you Takamina!”
Minami had heard this sentence a lot since her graduation. She liked to be reminded how important she was to the group, but she really hoped she could just move on soon. She was singer now, even though she would always have the group in her heart to help her surpassing any obstacles on her road.
“It feels nice… but you know, graduating is not something that easy to do. It’s like saying good bye to a part of your life, even though you know you will never completely leave it. It’s just starting something new. Since I wanted to be a singer, I really enjoy being independent now. But there are some other people who probably think the opposite. See Haruna, for example! She really likes being in the group, so I don’t see any reason why she would leave! I think you just… feel when it’s the right moment to stop.” Minami tried to explain.
She thought of everything that had happened for her to realize it was the “right moment”… How stupid she had been back then.
“Yeah… I think I get it… No… probably not, but still.” Miichan shook her head. “Oh, I met Haruna before coming here and she says she was sorry she couldn’t come. She had a photoshot.”
“Aw… I wanted to see her! Guess I’ll have to visit her tonight… We haven’t seen each other for two days! Can you imagine it! I’m dying here!” Yuko complained as Miichan totally started regretting talking about it. “I miss her! I’ll try to call her now!”
She did as she said, but it seemed Haruna couldn’t answer as Yuko just had a depressed look on her face. Mariko tried to help her feeling better. After all, it wasn’t because her friend was a total helpless pervert that she didn’t need support about it.
“Now… aren’t we here to celebrate their new place?” Mariko cheered as she held another wine bottle. “Let’s just have fun tonight! We can think about the rest tomorrow! Anyone wants some more?”
They drank happily, not too much since they all wanted to stay alive. First, Miichan had a performance the next day, second, Yuko had a shooting for a new drama, Mariko had some handshake events… and the two lovers just had things to do for their personal career. It wasn’t time to get drunk. Maybe later, when they will be able to have more people at their house… It didn’t seem like that, but they couldn’t wait to have their first “real” party at home with everyone they knew. They missed them so much… though they only knew that meeting them would mean “let’s have a contest to tease the Atsumina coupling”, especially from Team A members. Minami was already afraid of what would happen if ever Mocchi was there… But right now, they were just talking about random things until Mariko asked:
“So… any idea how to deal with paparazzi? I’m kind of worried for you… You don’t know how a scandal would totally ruin your career.”
“Why do you bring such a serious subject in the conversation?!” Yuko said. “We were having fun!”
“So? We can have fun by talking seriously, right?” Mariko added.
None of them answered. Sure… they could have fun… but talking about paparazzi when they had just started living didn’t sound like the best thing to do. They didn’t want to have any nightmares already. It would totally ruin the mood. The only thing they could do against paparazzi was obviously to be patient.
“Fine, if I see some paparazzi, I’ll just throw a rock to them.” Minami said ironically. “Happy now?”
“I’m just going to ignore what you just said because it’s impossible the calm and innocent Minami would ever do that…” Mariko smirked. “And even so, I don’t think you’ll do it considering the fact that your reputation could be badly hurt.”
“Who cares?! Just do it if they are annoying!” Miichan laughed. “I want to see them in the newspaper… Minami Takahashi almost killed a random guy she thought to be a stalker! Or no, more like “Minami Takahashi tried to be brave in front of her girlfriend! And you know, people could start talking about your relationship again. People would like it.”
They all stared at Miichan in silence. There was no way that was going to happen. They knew Minami wanted to be a famous singer… She would never ruin everything just for a stalker or to seem “brave”.
“Well… I was just trying to make a conversation…” Miichan said.
“Yeah? Well can you try being a little more realistic?” Mariko sighed. “Like they’re going to waste their times stalking stalkers… right girls?”
They both nodded. Near the end of the night Yuko suddenly seemed to be obsessed by her phone. Haruna had sent her a message and Yuko was waiting impatiently for another one. She was really cute, sitting by herself, ignoring the world just because there was one person out of seven milliards who was more important to her. After having talked about countless subjects, Mariko and Miichan were arguing with Minami and Atsuko about which color they should put in the living room, since white walls everywhere were just… too white and lifeless. It was not the most interesting subject, but it was definitely the funniest.
Mariko thought it would look better in red while Miichan thought it was too intense and too romantic for Takamina’s taste. Minami didn’t really care and just rolled her eyes about this statement. However, Atsuko liked this conversation and was saying her opinion with a lot of conviction. They sounded really into it. Even if the color was still not chosen, they started talking about everything else that was wrong according to them, and it soon became a war between the four girls. They argued about the simplest thing, even the color of the little most useless accessories.
“I tell you, it should be green, not orange! Are you seriously crazy? It just doesn’t fit with them!” Miichan yelled.
“Why green? You just want them to remember Team K! Orange is perfect!” Mariko replied.
“Really? How about I throw one in your face then?!”
“Repeat that!”
They started fighting with fruits they could find on the table, accidently hitting the poor Yuko who was alone by herself.
“Hey! I didn’t say anything this time!” She complained before staring at her phone again.
“Fine, then what about silver?” Miichan asked, avoiding another orange from Mariko.
“SILVER?” The oldest girl said. “Silver? Of course not! Are you blind of something! It’s not silver that will help this place to be more colourful! It’s only a desk, but really!”
“Well, at least it would fit better than orange! Have you ever seen an orange desk?!”
“What about your green idea? I’ve never seen a green desk anywhere!”
“Yes I have!” Miichan lied with conviction.
Atsuko and Minami just stared at their friends, wondering if it was really a good idea to have them staying for the night. It was small, but they still had places for them… and they had already invited them. They just hoped they could get some silence before three am…
“She answered me! She’s free! She wants to see me now! Can I invite her?!” Yuko screamed excitedly.
She didn’t even wait for an answer as she sent her girlfriend the address of the place they were. It seemed like she had came back to life in less than a few seconds just because of Haruna’s mail. Guess she was just really and deeply in love with her… She deserved to be happy after all. She had tried to get her attention for so long…
“I guess that’s an official “welcome home” then…” Minami said, looking at the jumping squirrel who was already waiting next to the door.
Atsuko smiled cutely as her head rested on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Look like they were not going to be able to sleep soon with Haruna coming here… They just hoped the two other girls would not start fighting about the color of the place too. Mariko and Miichan did a really nice job already. They were even already checking in some magazines to see who was right and who wasn’t.
“Welcome home…” Atsuko whispered sweetly in Minami’s ear.
TBC
AND IT'S ON AGAIN! WOOOO~ :twothumbs
No, seriously, hope you guys like this chapter, even though it's full of Atsumina, maybe too much. I will really include more characters later, I just needed a point to start, as I said at the top. Also hope you enjoyed the fact that I didn't take too long to update.... coz it will probably be one of the rare times it will happen XD
Until next time, good luck at everyone at school/starting school hehehe XD
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yay!! KITA!!!!!!! XD XD
Some really nice atsuimna scenes there!! :inlove:
Looking forward for chapter 2!! :)
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AWESOME!!!!!
I really missed this!!!
I really thought that Atsuko's hinting marriage to Takamina....but ohhh well time will come for that to them.
and I got to say I missed the other members too, there friendship is so solid!!!
AWESOME JOB AS ALWAYS BOU-CHAN
YOU MADE MY DAY!!!
I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!
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of course we like it!! .. atsumina couple aww.. but kojiyuuu awww :F love it
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Hahaha that MariMii couple made me laughed, i always like when they're bickering with each other, it's so funny.
Awww can't wait to see Kojiyuu! Yuko is really in love with Haruna aww <33
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I was catching up with your Fanfiction.
I loved it. Great!
It really is fantastic to be a complex story with a beginning and end.
I look forward to see what happens in the second season.
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One word "wouaw!"
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Bou-j!
I read this a while ago and never had time to comment and forgot I never did until now :panic:
:bow: :bow: :bow: At least it's never too late :lol:
Looking forward to this, I love reading Pink Vitriol and now we get a sequel!! YAY!!!
This is so good I'm just speechless and too happy knowing there is more of this absolute
awesome story!
Thanks Bou-j, I will be waiting patiently for your next update.
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Eh? Ehhh? i haven't commented here yet? :shocked
anyways, it's better late than never :nervous
Thankyou for the update as always.
Totally full of astumina in this chapter :deco:
asdfghjkl;
looking forward for chappie 2 :heart:
arigatooooooo :bow: :bow:
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God… I don’t even know what to say… I started to read this when it was in the 7th chapter? Or maybe less than that… I didn’t commented because I had no account (and I’m shy even on the net)
But I will now… Your story is definitely one of the bests. It is epic and I was so happy when I saw the sequel… Please update the chapter two soon and don’t make Atsumina suffer as much as in the beginning.
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I feel so bad for not updating that I sacrifice my sleep right now :smhid
@ruka_4581: Unlimited possibilities with Atsumina coupling :thumbsup I have some more [happy] ideas so wait for that =D
@blughise: LOL marriage, right? Naah it's too soon XD That'd just be crazy XD But yeah, glad to know you're happy I'm back... but that means some wait too :roll: Enjoy :)
@Haruko: A bit of KojiYuu in this chapter ^_^ Though.... Well, just read :nervous
@haruhi16: I like all the MariMii trolling XD Have to admit I thought it was weird at first, but in the end it's just SO funny :lol:
@Minami-chan: Thank :grin: And complex... well I had no imagination at first, and then ideas just popped out in my mind xD What's complex is just to try to keep it coherent @.@
@kahem: One word --> Waouw-thank XD
@immortal_K: Aww you're so nice :) Well thank you, I don't care if you're late... that just bumped the thread and made me feel bad, but I guess that was what you wanted, right XD Y U NO DO THAT TO LYNX :twisted: LoL, Here ya go chapter 2 ¬.¬
@crazywota: Of course better late than never :grin: Too much Atsumina, I know XD But here's a bit KojiYuu... though as I said... well just read XD
@AtsuNami: Welcome here ^_^ We're really a nice group here so don't worry :thumbsup Happy to see one lurker commented <3 Thank for the compliment :) As for suffering... I can't promise you anything, but I think there will be maybe-possibly-probably-actually-I-have-no-idea a happy ending
@Everyone reading: Thank you :bow:
Okay, I did say I would update soon because I thought I would write chapter 2 during my trip in France... But jetlag was really cruel to me! I slept at like 8:30pm each night! I didn't write a single line!!! :banghead: And when I came back, guess who was waiting impatiently to see me...... SCHOOL!!! Like a boss :rock: In any case, I really wrote this chapter quickly, because I felt really bad for you guys and seeing so many comments&thanks really motivated me to write faster (even if you probably feel it's the total opposite LOL) :nervous So yeah, thank a lot :bow:
For the Atsumina OS I was supposed to update, I will post it on valentine Day <3 LOL That's so not original, but I didn't finish it yet, so I guess it's the best date to post it XD And maybe it'll make those poor single people in the world happier (LOL) or if you have a bf/gf, well all I can say is :wub: And if you want to find a bf/gf for Valentine's day... remember you have to keep them AFTER :lol:
Ok, admit it, it's a normal day -.-' XDD
Okay, okay, really --> It's not only for lovers, just tell your friends you love them too because it's important and we never say it enough. Valentine's day is about people we like to have around us too, people we appreciate. ^_^ And in fact, people in love are just so cute :oops: #BouJCheesyLine
Enough talk, more after chapter!
Sorry for the mistakes.
Chapter 2
“Welcome home…”
Those two words sounded so far from his reality now. He was back, stuck here, at the hospital. He had had the authorisation to come back home, months ago, but his condition needed more than doctors thought it would. He would be lucky if ever he could really go back in his bedroom. In fact, he would be lucky just to go outside the establishment. Sometimes, doctors would allow him to receive fans, but there were less than before. He was slowly going back to its first status: being a normal and ordinary person, which he hated.
He was sick of this life.
Since he had lost everything he had because of the sudden come back of his childhood actions, he hated his life. He wouldn’t care leaving the hospital if it meant dying. He was not afraid of dying. He was not afraid of anything after life… After all, no one would care now that he was back to its anonymous status. He could die with what was left from his dignity… and be buried with his secret about the whole thing. What was the point of living if all he did was to answer officers’ questions everyday? He would never tell them the truth in any case…
Yes, since he had been back in this white and lifeless room, the investigators had never stopped coming to see him and asked him questions about everything. He even wondered why they always came to see him… There were others people involved, like that Minami Takahashi or even Atsuko Maeda! They were investigating about Hiroko and she was Atsuko’s manager, why didn’t they just ask her instead of bothering him!
He had just… become an object in their hands. An object they tried to manipulate to get the information they wanted. He was back to his childhood, when he would just do as people told him to. He would just follow everyone’s order and face consequences after, left by himself. But this time, he would not do exactly as they wanted. He would keep the truth hidden until he leaves this world. And his strategy was perfect. Proof was the presence of this policeman in his bedroom, a tired look on his face.
“Can you please repeat how she attacked you? Was there any signs before the attack that were meant to hurt you?”
“I told you that ten times already! You have it all written down on your notebook so please, just read it…” He sighed.
“I will reformulate my question. Did any of her friends try to hurt you too? I remember you told me you once tried to ask for help but no one listened to you. Can you repeat the circumstances in which you felt your life was in danger?”
“I just felt that… she had something against me. And since I didn’t want anything bad to happen, I tried to talk to her about what she didn’t like about me… I tried to explain myself. I don’t like to fight, you know? So I wanted to solve it in a peaceful way… There’s nothing to add. In a blink of an eye, she just suddenly became aggressive.”
“No way that woman would have any friends…” He thought after he stopped talking.
The policeman shook his head. He had obviously heard this one many times already. He didn’t get any information now. His boss would be angry at him… He felt this boy was hiding a part of the truth. It was always like that in those kinds of situation. This time, he just couldn’t get this hidden part and it made him a little bit impatient. This boy was the victim, right? Why would he want to keep some parts to himself? Did he want to protect that woman?! He had nothing to lose now, she was dead!
“Listen, if you tell me everything you know, you won’t see me anymore. I know you’re tired of seeing me coming here everyday. I know you want it to end, and I want it too. All I need is your cooperation. We are stuck at a certain part in our investigation and we can’t find anything more without your help. Your words are really important to us. I think someone like you know the power of words.”
The boy raised his eyebrow. Power of words? Was it a new way to try to persuade him to speak? What a lame attempt.
“You were an actor. You know that some words are used in a specific way to make the show better. You know how and when the right moment to speak is. Now I really need your help to make the-”
“I’m still an actor.” He interrupted the policeman. “I’m sorry, this is not really polite from me, but even in this condition, I want you to respect this point. It is a really important part of my life. You’re insulting me by saying I am not an actor anymore.”
The boy still had some persuasion power since the policeman seemed to be suddenly really uncomfortable in front of this strong, arrogant tone. He didn’t mean it that way… but now he realized that it must have hurt him. Judging by the look the boy was looking at him, he didn’t really had a lot of chance to get any other information now. Even if he apologized, the boy seemed to want him to leave his room now. The policeman understood though. It must have been really hard to suddenly get in this condition when he used to have so much influence. Maybe he should have listened to his boss and closed the file already.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized truly. “I didn’t mean it this way. I will leave you now.”
He would not get anything, he knew it. He left the bedroom under the hard and cold look of Kenji, the man whose life was condemned already, despite his young age.
When the officer arrived at his office, it was night already. He had spent the whole afternoon chasing after new information before visiting Kenji one last time. He knew it was his last try, and that he had just wasted it. He couldn’t believe he was in charge of such a complicated case. There were many more experimented co-workers who could easily solve this one… Just because of his small and ridiculous mistake, he would not be able to give a proper answer to his boss. He would not be able to clear this case, to find the real reason why everything happened. He would not be able to understand why someone died…. There ought to be a reason behind everything! Someone didn’t just die because of a fight like that… It took more than one meeting to destroy two innocent lives! He missed the link related to all those smalls part of hints he had found during his investigation.
He stared at his desk, full of papers from newspaper and from random notebooks. He stared at the pictures of both Kenji and Hiroko, followed by people the two knew. He opened his own notebook he had brought with him today. There was nothing but white pages. He cleaned his desk, being careful of not forgetting even the tiniest piece of paper. He took one of the many boxes in another part of the place and threw the papers in it. He closed it, wrote something on it with a large black marker and sighed. He stared at it a moment before he moved it in another section, apart from the main one. There were many boxes there, all the same, like if they were waiting for something new to happen.
He closed the light despite his frustration. It was done. The case was closed.
***
They all woke up early in the morning, blaming their busy schedule for looking like zombies coming back to life. They should have gone to bed sooner last night, but Haruna’s improvised visit had totally boosted Yuko. The ex AKB squirrel was so happy she couldn’t help being insomniac most of the night, encouraging everyone to do the same. When Haruna had walked in shyly, afraid she might disturb them by coming so late, she had been really surprised to see Yuko forcing Miichan to eat a huge part of cake, under the sadistic look of Mariko. The poor victim had been sick for an hour following this sugar overdose. Of course, Mariko had made fun of her, saying it was karma’s revenge because she wanted to add green color here. To which Miichan had answered by a mortal glare.
“I hope you’re feeling better now.” Mariko told Miichan to start the conversation as they were getting ready to eat their breakfast. “At least you got your green color yesterday…”
“Don’t tell me this is what I got for yelling at you…” Miichan smiled, ready to start the fight again. “Oh Acchan! You have nice oranges… Mind if I waste one?”
Atsuko and Minami were just quietly looking at the scene, though Haruna could easily see them holding hands under the table. She tried to sit by Yuko’s side, not disturbing the “game” that was going on while Mariko tried to win this part.
“Can’t you two be a little quieter…” Yuko mumbled as she turned around to smile at Haruna.
“NO!” They both yelled, making Yuko’s head trying to disappear in Haruna’s neck.
The tall woman smiled shyly at the look Mariko sent her. It was funny how her relationship with Yuko had evaluated. They had met at AKB debut, but had not really noticed each other’s presence. And coming from out of nowhere, while they were filming for one of their first PVs, this girl had started to talk to her, only to tell her how cute she was. Slowly, they had crossed the “strangers” line by having fun together with everyone else. Haruna liked to be alone at first. She didn’t really know how she should react with so many other people she had to work with. It was a whole new world.
However, Yuko would surprisingly always go with her to eat or just talk when they had breaks. Yuko would always help her to get to know everyone. Even if they weren’t in the same team, they were really close friends. So close that, in fact, Haruna had started to wonder why she felt so happy by Yuko’s side. She had also thought about her close relationship to Mariko and started to compare the two of them.
“Go in your room…” Mariko sighed, seeing how Yuko was suddenly acting, starting to kiss Haruna’s neck.
“Eww, don’t you dare do that in our house!” Atsuko immediately said. “Right Minami?”
The shy ex captain just nodded silently, not wanting to think about it at all.
“What? You sound like you’re jealous or something.” Miichan smirked, trying to humiliate the great Mariko-sama again.
Mariko just ignored this sentence. She wasn’t jealous. It was two of her closest friends, and they were dating. She could understand this point. But she also had the right to think that they had plenty of time to do stuffs elsewhere, when she would be FAR away from them. Somewhere… like on another planet.
Haruna smiled and gently pushed Yuko back. She understood this situation easily. Before deciding to date Yuko… she had thought a lot her other friends, especially Mariko, who she had always been really close to. She had been afraid of her reactions, since Yuko and Mariko had been closer because of Majisuka Gakuen. She had even started to avoid Yuko, afraid those feelings were just wrong. That was when she had discovered how painful it was to be away from her. Being away from Yuko, even though she appreciated the fact that there was no one molesting her anymore… was just wrong. She had even missed those hands always moving on her body at the most unexpected moment. In the end, she had just admitted her feelings…
“But Nyan… My head hurts…”
Yuko’s confession had been more than she had even allowed herself to imagine. She had always thought it was an endless game between them. She would have thought Yuko was joking, if it wasn’t for this serious look in her eyes, look that meant everything.
“ITADAKIMASU!” Atsuko just yelled, knowing very well this conversation would never end.
Fortunately, food was ready exactly at the right time. They started eating in silence, though Minami and Atsuko, as well as Haruna and Yuko, couldn’t stop exchanging cute glances. Soon, Mariko and Miichan felt like if they had nothing to do here.
What was funny though… was that Yuko’s pervert mind would totally disappear when they weren’t with others. Haruna knew a really sweet side of her girlfriend. A side that would not try to touch her without her authorisation, that would respect her, that would be gentle about everything, even the smallest move. A really cute side indeed… It made Haruna fall even more for her.
“So... want to get married?” Miichan said ironically to Mariko as the two couples were totally avoiding them.
“Whenever you want.” Mariko said with the same tone. “Hating you was only a joke you know, I love you so much. How about tonight?”
The two couples rolled their eyes. They weren’t that worst… They were just acting like if they were alone in the world. There was nothing bad about it. Plus, they will all have to be separated soon because of their respective works. Who knew what could happen in the next hour?
“I’m sorry…” Minami apologized, speaking for everyone.
Despite the fact that she was respected and really mature for her young age, Miichan and Mariko just raised their eyebrow at the lame attempt. They both knew this part of Minami that was so crazy in love now… A small part that made her just… so different… The two single women had to admit they were all cute though, even if they were ignoring them.
They started talking all together again, even if there were some moment of silence involving those in love. It was crazy how much this complicated, wonderful, even painful feeling could change the world. They all had something to learn or to lose because of this feeling. They all have something to give and to get by being part of a relationship as fragile as theirs. They had decided to take this risk of being in love. They had decided to share their heart with the person they loved, to trust this person to keep it and never deceive them.
“I will need to go soon…” Miichan said, looking at her phone. “We have to start practicing for tonight’s show, right Haruna? It’s Team K show, but some Team A members will get to appear for a special number, remember?”
“Well… I’m not going to be part of the show tonight. Akimoto-san accepted to give me a free night because I worked a lot recently.” Haruna answered.
“EH?! It’s not fair! I mean, I like when we have a show, but it’s so rare we have free time!”
“You had yesterday night!” Mariko pointed. “Haruna arrived here much later than you.”
“Still!” Miichan pouted. “Thinking that Haruna will have time to have fun with the person she LOVES while I’ll be working!” She continued, insisting on the “L” word.
“Don’t complain about that…” Minami said, remembering how much she loved performing in the small and home-like theatre. “Just have fun and enjoy interacting with the fans for now until it changes.”
Seeing Minami’s serious look, Miichan shivered. It was the captain who had just pronounced this sentence, not her friend. The captain she had learned to respect during so many years was back. Even if she had left AKB48, there was still a leader part in Minami’s soul. Miichan knew now that she couldn’t joke about anything related to the group this way. She couldn’t just pretend it would be better to leave the group, because she didn’t know what it truly was to let a part of her life go. Minami knew it. Minami knew what it was now, to be independent from this huge family. She knew how it felt not to be able to perform anymore. She knew how it felt to be in front of thousand people saying “I’m gone”. Miichan just didn’t know what to answer to that.
“I didn’t mean it this way…” She said hesitantly.
“Yeah, she’s right!” Yuko said, trying to break the sudden serious tone. “I would have loved spending my night with her, but I have to work for my new drama tonight. We’re going to film far from Tokyo, so I’ll only be back tomorrow night. But you can be sure the first thing I will do when I come ba-”
“We don’t want to know…” Mariko interrupted. “We all have an idea of what you’re going to do…”
“I was just going to say that I wanted to bring her to a nice restaurant to celebrate the fact that we would have survived more than a day without the other… and I wanted it to be surprise! You ruined it!” Yuko complained, though Haruna smiled cutely at her.
“ME?” Mariko asked, almost screaming.
She was totally innocent! She had never asked her to precise what she wanted to do! Yuko could exaggerate things so much sometimes!
“If you didn’t intend that I was going to rape her, I wouldn’t have had to explain myself.” Yuko said. “I’m sorry Nyan… I hope you will still be surprised… I really wanted you to be surprised! I made a great effort to choose a place you will like!”
In less than a second, Yuko’s attention was totally monopolized by Haruna’s presence. It was as if telling the “secret” was a reason for them to break up.
“Rape?!” Miichan laughed. “RAPE?!?”
“I never said that stupidity…” Mariko mumbled, totally desperate about the way this situation was taking.
“That’s cute.” Atsuko said suddenly.
There was an awkward silence in the group before Minami decided to break it. It was her girlfriend after all… No one could break the silence but her… Miichan, Mariko, Yuko and Haruna were just staring at her, waiting for her to make a move. But that was damn embarrassing…
“C-Cute?” Minami stammered. “L-Like… w-which part?”
“The restaurant, right?” Mariko insisted. “Not the rape, I hope, right? I mean, you’re not like that, right? Tell me you meant the restaurant! TELL ME! TAKAMINA, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ACCHAN?!”
Mariko was overreacting, but since it was quite rare to see her so excited, it was more a show for others than anything else. She acted like some paparazzo having a scoop, some amateur of sadistic things and such creepy things.
“Nothing!” Minami tried to protect herself. “Don’t accuse me so suddenly!”
Like she would ever… do something that horrible. Just to think about it made her sick. If ever someone dared doing that to her girlfriend… she would become a monster, no doubt about it. She would have to resist to the temptation of killing that person, literally. Despite everything, her values and all… just to think about it… She shivered.
“Nothing?” Miichan narrowed her eyes. “Really?”
“Nothing like… Nothing or… nothing?” Mariko continued in a creepy way. “Or like… you know… nothing?”
Her eyes were looking at her in an intense way, making Minami wondering if she really knew Mariko that well. With all the “nothing” from her sentence… she wondered if it would be a great idea to answer “nothing” to it as well… Would Mariko choose the right meaning or would she just become paranoid…
“I meant the restaurant part!” Atsuko interrupted them, seeing how bad Minami suddenly looked. “Not the… Not this part! Are you guys crazy?!”
There was another moment of silence. Atsuko couldn’t believe they had all, INCLUDING HER GIRLFRIEND, believed she was talking about… that! Didn’t they know her better than that?! And Takamina, for God’s sake, seriously?!
“YUKO! WHY DID YOU INCLUDE THIS WORD IN THE CONVERSATION?!” Haruna screamed, slapping her girlfriend’s head.
The poor girl didn’t answer to Haruna’s slight anger. First, because everyone always said she was helpless and pervert, she had just assumed that they talked about something dirty. And because she knew it was Mariko-sama, she couldn’t imagine any limit to her imagination, so she had just said what she thought would be… closer to reality. Of course, she didn’t expect such reactions… All she wanted was to have a nice time with her girl… It sucked sometimes, to have this kind of reputation. She wanted her friends to consider her as more than “a perverted woman”… but she couldn’t help acting this way at the same time. The only time when she would totally forget about this part of her was when she was alone with Haruna. She was really serious about her. She didn’t want to scare her or to lose her trust. She didn’t want to do something she might regret later just because of this part of her personality.
“I didn’t want to…” She sighed sadly. “You’re mad now…?”
“No, but… you should have said something else…” She smirked at Yuko.
They stared at each other for a moment, knowing very well they weren’t angry at all. Their complicity would never disappear in such a stupid way.
“Well… I think I’ll leave now. It’s getting cheesy again.” Miichan said. “I can’t stand it anymore.”
“I follow you.” Mariko laughed. “I really had my dose too. And… I’M LATE! HOW COME I’M LATE?! I CAN’T BE LATE! I’VE NEVER BEEN LATE FOR ANYTHING!”
On those words, she left the table, ran everywhere in the house, finding her stuffs, getting ready to leave, and in less than five minute, it was like she had never been there. Miichan, in the middle of the two couples, just rolled her eyes. How could Mariko be so helpless… They hadn’t talked that much! It was only…
“Crap.” She murmured as she realized members were probably already waiting for her to start the official practice.
***
“I can’t find inspiration!” Minami sighed, getting mad at herself.
Despite her imagination, it seemed she couldn’t find the perfect lyrics, the perfect tone, the perfect background music… Sure, she didn’t need to look for everything right now, but she couldn’t even find the theme of the song. She had learned so many love songs that she was becoming sick of it, even though she knew it was the most popular subject for fans. However, she had to admit she was quite inspired when it came to her girlfriend. She would easily write a paragraph with potential lyrics about how much she loved her but… no, that would definitely not fit her image.
Thinking about her first solo song when she was in AKB48… She had made so much progress until now… and she still could make more, but it seemed her brain refused to help her, even just a little bit. Each time she found something she could call “decent”, she listened to another song she liked and she thought there were too many things alike. It was like she couldn’t be original. Maybe it was just the way she was, but it started to piss her.
Plus she didn’t want to write anything sad. With everything that had happened to her, if she wrote something sad, people could think she was depressed. At the same time, if she wrote something too happy, people could think she was being heartless to the recent events. But still, if she was in the middle, people would still find a way to interpret it the wrong way, probably saying she was heartless because she didn’t take enough time to fully think about the consequences… or at the total opposite, they would say she hid her feelings, which was really bad for her health.
“In any case, I will never be able to satisfy everyone.” She said out loud, like if someone could hear her and help her.
Her friends had left the house a few hours before. Atsuko had left soon after because of her drama. Minami was happy though. Atsuko seemed happy in her life, with what she was doing and what was happening. It was like they had finally a reached a comfortable level, with a part of happiness they plenty deserved.
Minami started walking randomly in the house, like if her new environment could help her. She still had difficulty to realize they were living together. Every night, she waited for Atsuko to come home now. Every morning, she smiled at the thought she would never be alone anymore. Everyday… she would just be daydreaming about her sudden perfect life.
A perfect life… Coming from her, it sounded so wrong. She knew she deserved it… but she couldn’t help feeling bad. She had a beautiful life with the person she loved… but in her past, she had totally destroyed, killed, someone else’s life. She had even almost messed with Atsuko’s career… Seriously, she had a huge doubt about the so-called perfect life she had.
There was always something bad coming. It’s like, you got something good, and suddenly, just to punish you from an invisible crime you would have done unconsciously, life threw something horrible at you.
“No… I’m probably just exaggerating things again.” She smiled. “But if I could have some inspiration for this one… it would be even more perfect.”
She hated to do so, but she decided to listen to some music videos to try to find inspiration. She didn’t want to get too inspired from other’s work though, because she was afraid people would not really see her implication in the song if it looked too much like another artist’s work. Literally playing three songs at the same time, trying to read lyrics, watching music videos, reading personal stories on the net, she had never been so motivated to do something good, even though she felt she was not doing it the right way. The single had to come from her, from her feelings, from her style, not from another one.
But her feelings… were too… normal. Everyone knew what love was about, how it felt to have a broken heart, how it felt to be rejected, how it felt to find the perfect person, how it felt to truly love someone. She knew she would not bring anything knew by writing about it. It was damn hard to write great lyrics. She became mad thinking some people could get popular just by repeating the same thing over and over again in a song, when in fact, music was much more than that.
“This is… What is that?!” She frowned as she arrived at the main page of a random website she had visited.
The title interested her, but the text totally grabbed her attention… in a very bad way. Tabloïds, drama, juicy scoop… she shook her head, like if she couldn’t believe it. Were reporters stalking every single moved they made?! It made her angry, sad and really mad against them. Didn’t they have anything better to do than just ruining people’s lives by making others believing such things?!
Okay, this new was true, but even so, there ought to be a better way to announce it to the entire population of Japan! It was like screaming at everyone something quite private… They should have done things in a different way! Like asking people concerned before publishing something like that! Or just being quiet! Or just close their damn office! Or just… she punched her desk. It pissed her off. She would be able to set fire to their office now.
She was worried. It was the same thing that was happening a second time, sure… but the situation was different now. It was way different. And if the situation itself was WAY different… then the reactions would be too… and sooner or later, if would affect them, again. Just like before… but worse, in an horrible manner. She hated this situation, and without even knowing who he was, she hated the author of this article. Lucky guy indeed. If she knew him… She punched her desk a second time, trying to control her feelings.
How fast did information literally “fly” in the internet? How fast…? At this speed, everyone knew about it. Even though they had left home a few hours ago… it had been enough time for reporters to talk about it and spread the news. It was even faster than a virus’s propagation! It was even faster than calling someone to tell them something! It was like if worldwide population already knew about something that had occurred… like five hours ago?! Where the heck was their privacy?! Or respect?! Damn!
She didn’t care if Atsuko was working. She called her. There was no specific reason. She just felt she wanted to talk to her. She just wanted to hear her voice… and get back in her perfect life… She loved this perfect life.
She hated to know her friends would get hurt. People would say she cared too much for others… but it was how she was. She would support everything about herself, but when it touched her friends, she just couldn’t stand it.
***
Flash Back
They had just left Atsuko and Minami’s house. “Atsuko and Minami’s house”… It sounded so… strange, so unusual… They were glad for them. They wished them the best. But it still sounded weird. And to think they barely spoke to each other at the very beginning…
They were on their way to the metro, and unfortunately, Yuko had to leave earlier for her drama. Miichan and Mariko had totally disappeared, probably running toward the place they worked. Yuko’s train was going to leave earlier, and it would be a problem to take the next one. Therefore, everyone had to be at the meeting at 13:00pm. Though she liked her job a lot, she just went sad because she wouldn’t be able to spend the day with Haruna, as she had planned to do. Plus, Haruna had no AKB activities today… they could have gone out together, shopping, have fun… but no, work was still on the way.
“I’m going to miss you…” Yuko whispered. “I will send you a mail as soon as I arrive, I promise!”
She squeezed Haruna’s hand gently, and let her go. She knew they had to be careful not to be noticed. Haruna was still in AKB48, and they were definitely not ready for a coming out. Knowing how much Atsuko’s career was fragile next to their scandal… she didn’t want it to happen to her as well. Really, she didn’t want. Not only her career… AKB48, Haruna, her friends, her family… It would have so much impact. Plus, with two “coming out” from AKB48, she couldn’t help wondering what wotas would think about this group now… She smirked though, thinking it was quite funny. She blamed it on Aki-P for the “boyfriend” rule. However, she didn’t want to take any risk, knowing it would be horrible for AKB’s popularity, which had dropped a little with so many graduations from most popular members.
“You’re coming back tomorrow.” Haruna smiled cutely.
“So? I’m still going to miss you!” Yuko repeated. “I really will! I will send you a mail whenever I can! You will be spammed by me so much that you will even be mad at me!”
She was so excited by the fact that Haruna “might hate her” that her girlfriend just frowned at her, an amused smirk on her lips.
“Really?” Haruna laughed. “You want me to be mad at you?”
“Well, you will not really be mad at me, because you will be missing me too, so in fact you’ll be really happy to receive so many mails from me!” Yuko explained happily.
Her perception on the situation sounded so wrong that Haruna just kissed her quickly on the cheek, thinking her girlfriend was, in fact, really cute.
“I lo-”
“Don’t say it!” Haruna quickly said.
She was right though. They might not be with many people, there were still some watching them. They had probably recognized them as members from AKB48. If Yuko said it, they would hear it, and rumours would start circulating in the population. Maybe not as much as if it was “official”, but still enough. And who knew the limit of people’s imagination, especially haters’? All they need to see now was two friends having a rare meeting after Yuko’s graduation. After all, fans knew they were both really close. But then again, they knew that Atsuko and Minami were “really close” until they learned about them dating for real… and some reactions had been really negatives.
“I really appreciate your existence?” Yuko joked.
“What’s that?!” Haruna pouted. “You can’t find anything else?”
“Don’t let any other members approach you?” Yuko said.
Haruna slightly pinched Yuko. She was in a group with so many people. Even if she tried to avoid them, it wouldn’t work.
“I adore you?” Yuko asked again, still smiling, trying to find a way not to mention the forbidden word.
Haruna pretended to think deeply about this formulation until she shook her head.
“I enjoy every single second I spend with you?” Yuko tried again.
“Nice try.” Haruna said, though she could feel her cheeks getting pink.
“NYAN NYAN! I’M GOING TO MISS YOU!” Yuko screamed to the world, taking this part of personality she had had so many times when they were with others AKB members.
“Hey!” Haruna screamed, trying to avoid the jumping woman by her side. “Don’t scream! Everyone’s looking at us!”
“HUUUUG!!” The actress kept screaming until Haruna finally gave her a short embrace.
Yuko laughed, though still moving around Haruna, taking time to look at her from every angle, like she wanted to remember everything about her very carefully.
“How about you ask Aki-P if he wants to let you go with me! We could spend the night together! There will be a campfire! And marshmallow! And ME! MEEE!”
A bit more, and she would be praying for Haruna to come with her. Unfortunately, Haruna just deny it, a funny look on her face. They both knew it would be impossible. Even if she didn’t have anything to do now, the tall model girl had things the next morning already. She couldn’t skip work or call sick. It wouldn’t work. And she was sure Yuko could survive without her… even if the last argument was really the funniest and cutest thing she had heard today. And of course, she would miss her too… but if she admitted it, she could be sure Yuko would never leave her cell phone. She didn’t want Yuko to ruin her job just because she was busy texting her. She would feel so bad for her! Even if she really liked having this attention…
She belonged with Yuko, and vice versa. It had taken time for her to realize it, thinking Yuko might be in love with some others people, but now she was sure there was only her, she could give her all the attention she needed.
She liked being Yuko’s number one, knowing no one could ever replace her.
“Come here.” She whispered, grabbing Yuko’s arm quickly and bringing her in an empty street. “I’m going to miss you too.”
She had said those last words with her face suddenly so close to Yuko’s that the short girl was already swallowing with difficulty. She liked those small moments where Haruna would act this way. It was quite rare, but she enjoyed each of those moment… because it was just another proof their love was there, alive.
“I… love you.” Haruna said, closing her eyes, kissing her slowly, like she wanted to taste it and remember it forever.
It remained for less than a few seconds, but Yuko was already in heaven, incapable to pronounce anything for the next five minutes. They stayed like this, embracing each other, until they realized they had to move if they didn’t want Yuko to be late.
In a dark corner of the empty street hid a paparazzi. He had been hunting them for so long, saying it would be useful someday. He knew, despite everyone’s negative comments, he would get something by always following famous people. Now, he had the scoop of his life. He knew exactly what it meant to have such important pictures. He knew exactly how far he could go with this single shot of them kissing. So he smirked. A cruel smirk… a sad one too. He had to destroy lives to get money. It was sad, but it was his job.
Later, Yuko arrived the last one, just before the train left the station. Of course, she really didn’t care. All she cared about was thinking about this moment… there was just no word to describe how much she loved Haruna. Really… they had been separate for twenty minutes only, and she had already sent her enough mail to be compared to a professional stalker. Ten, to be precise, one each two minutes. And she was not going to stop all night.
What she didn’t know… was that the real professional stalker had already done his job. And soon, she would understand it was not only because she didn’t want their relationship to be discovered that it would work this way.
End of Flash Back
***
Yuko came back the next day. She knew everything already. Takamina had called her in the middle of the night, apologizing a thousand times for disturbing her. The person who had once being her captain cared a lot about her, still acting like a real sister to her With Atsuko, she had decided it would be better to talk to her about it, before she learned it in a more awful way. Yuko had cried this night, alone, with the phone opened next to her. On the other side, Takamina and Atsuko were listening to her, not knowing how to react. Even if they had been through the same situation… it seemed it was a whole different problem. They had already left AKB48 when it had happened. Atsuko had already managed to have a great place in the acting world and Takamina had already made a short way into her independent life. Most important, they had wanted everyone to know about it! Now, Haruna was in the group and Yuko was still at the beginning of her career, and it was the last thing they wanted on earth!
Yuko had never wanted this to happen. She had never wanted the truth to be revealed this way. She had never talked to her parents about it, and she was sure Haruna hadn’t either. She was also sure her fans thought she would never really get in a relationship, knowing how much she liked joking when she was in the group. How would they react? How would they react now that she was with a woman… dating… It was so wrong!
And Haruna? What was going to happen to her? Would she be fine? She couldn’t join her, no matter how many times she tried. She tried to call her, she sent her many mails, she called at her home, anywhere! She even tried to call others AKB members, only to be left clueless behind. She would never forgive herself if she was hurt by this. They had not been enough careful… They should have known… they should have done something… they should have… just…
Why had they decided to fall in love with each other, already? Why had they decided to get into this kind of relationship, if it was only to hide, to be scared, to see this happening and to suffer? Love had power… but even so… Yuko felt so bad now.
Now, just walking to her home felt like something forbidden. She felt like she didn’t even have the right to be walking in this street now. She felt like she didn’t have her place here anymore. She would have to meet her parents soon… but she felt like she had betrayed them in an atrocious way. She couldn’t deal with the pressure of everyone knowing it, unlike Atsuko and Minami. She couldn’t endure everyone’s look at them. She didn’t feel strong enough… It was sad, but it was true. Unfortunately for them, she knew Haruna would not be able to support it either. She knew it enough to say that… She knew her enough to know she wanted to spend her life with her, and now it was out of her reach.
She couldn’t help it though. She bought the first newspaper she saw, not paying any attention at the looks from the employee.
“KOJIMA HARUNA AND OSHIMA YUKO KISSING?! WHAT IS AKB48 TRULY ABOUT?
This picture of Oshima Yuko, ex member of AKB48 who just started her career as an actress, and Kojima Haruna, current AKB48’s Team A’s member, was taken by our reporter. Unlike some others pictures taken, this one is very clear and it is very easy to recognize the two idols sharing a kiss. After Maeda Atsuko and Takahashi Minami, here comes the turn of two others girls from AKB48 to be apparently dating! The reporter also mentioned that they stayed like this a long time, embracing each other. They seemed to be really closed.
Oshima Yuko was shooting for a drama yesterday night and Kojima Haruna didn’t have any activities related to AKB48. We managed to join Akimoto Yasuhi, producer of the popular idols group, but he didn’t want to answer our question. With this group in which fanservice is omnipresent, wotas seemed to be angry at this unexpected news. The pictures made it to the social media, and everyone is now talking about it. It shows a second case of homosexuality between the most popular members of the group, making people wondering what truly happens in AKB48.
Are there others real coupling hidden by the image of the group? Are some girls only in the group to meet a potential girlfriend? Is Akimoto Yasuhi trying to make them fall in love with each other? We might never know. What if the fanservice hides something more? Fans of the group mentioned that the first thing the girls have to do when they are part of it is to act like they could be their potential perfect girlfriend. It is not surprising that some fans from Kojima-san feels betrayed, even if some admitted they liked the “KojiYuu” paring. They however said they thought it was just a joke, and still saw Kojima-san as their “potential girlfriend”.
So far, the only information we have from the two girls is a short sentence Kojima Haruna answered when we asked her about it. “We are not dating, Yuko is only a friend to me.” Saying they’re just friends is totally a paradox with this picture! People don’t seem to believe it!
What is really going on between them, we are currently investigating on the case.”
“Only a friend… I guess it was the only thing she could say…” Yuko sighed, though it hurt her… it was a lie… Haruna really didn’t want anyone to know in the end… maybe their love wasn’t strong enough…
Her call was still not answered as she tried to call her girlfriend again. It worried her a lot, but she knew deep inside that Haruna must have trouble with AKB48, so she didn’t insist. She felt her cellphone vibrated.
“Hello?” She asked hesitantly.
“Oshima-san?” A male voice asked. “I’m from your agency. The drama you were shooting for yesterday has been suspended. The producer didn’t know about the news until this morning, so he couldn’t tell you by himself. You don’t need to come back tomorrow. We will call you back when we will have more information.”
Yuko didn’t answer.
“We have troubles with the reporters right now, so please, don’t come to the office before we tell you so. We are sorry, but we will also have to suspend your activities with us until the case becomes clearer.”
“I’m… sorry…” She whispered. “I will wait…”
“Yes, thank you.” The voice said quickly before he hanged up.
The call had taken less than a minute. She walked silently in the street, arriving at her house. She didn’t enter. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to stay alone… but she had nowhere to go. She didn’t want to disturb Minami and Atsuko, and everyone else she knew was probably busy with their own work. She felt sick. She felt like she could just sleep for hours now, even if it was midday.
“Nyan Nyan…” She whispered, looking at the sky. “Where are you? I’m so sorry for everything…”
She thought about her agency. The words, the tone, the speed and even just the way the employee had hanged up…
She was sure they would never call her back…
TBC
I have many things to say.
First, I used to think faster updates would be the best. Then I realized longer chapters would probably be the best. Now, I just think that if you just create a really good chapter, it doesn't matter how long it is. Therefore, my chapters will probably - not sure- be shorter from now on, unless you want to wait 1 year for the next one XD
Second, as I said about Valentine's day & because I know some of you might not read my OS: I LOVE YOU ALL <3 THANK FOR READING MY FIC AND SUPPORTING ME... AND BEING PATIENT TOO :bow:
Third: I'm sure you guys heard about Takamina's mother's case. I just want to say that it feels so wrong to update a "sad" chapter right now, and I apologize if it's not the best timing. Actually, I finished this chapter the day we learned about it, but hell, there was no way I was going to update that day I looked like x__x all day. Crazy though there's a bit of my opinion about what I think of media XD Seriously, I would have waited, but I think you guys waited long enough. However, I've come to think that, with everything happening now, it might not really "funny" to just pretend everything is wrong in their lives, like I do in my fics, because it can become true. I use sad situations because I think it's my strong point. I'm sorry if it makes you sad, I really don't want anything written in my fic to happen (except couplings LOL). I'm trying to find a "middle" for the mood right now because seriously, when your own fic makes you depressed, there's a problem :nervous
Fourth: ... I forgot. :nervous Wait... *think think think* Ah right! If you think what happened in this chapter will only influence KojYuu, you're totally wrong. That's the beginning of a whole storyline ALMOST (I will find the damn balance betweeen sad/happy, I promise) already planned in my head....
Now... chapter 3, here I come *prepare to war*
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wooooooo! an update! :luvluv1: you're making me more and more curious as I read this chapter... great as always! I love how you were able to describe the emotions of each girls that I can really imagine how they are feeling as I read on :on GJ:
btw, why was I a special mention in your comment to immortal_K? :nervous now you're making me feel bad about updating my fics XD thanks for the update! will wait for the next one!
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OMG!! you broke my heart in little pieces T_T, i feel so sad .. my kojiyuu a great couple but with big problems.. awww i dont know what to say.. just.. keep going!! I and Haruhi16 support you!!
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Yay finally an update!! I've been waiting for this!! :cow:
I was so happy reading the first part, Haruna finally came and that made Yuko change her mood and made her happy so much seeing her love of her life. It was nice to see the ex members and the akb members that are still hanging out with each other. It's epic when MariMii pairing was there, being all funny and troll. I thought there were a couple? lol i was kinda hoping for that!
When KojiYuu couple being all so sweet in the street and even shared a kiss, i was like "Awwwww i hope this is the real world." LOL XD
It's really good to be in love indeed, specially when the one you love loves you back, i feel that kind of feeling right now~ love love love ~ :heart: :heart:
Haruna couldn't resist her girlfriend's cuteness, and Yuko showing how she will miss her NyanNyan is awwww- WAIT! I SHOULD STOP HERE, THIS PART JUST MADE ME FALL IN LOVE AGAIN~ fnjfnjeangjbeajbwejbgjawbegjkawbg;E! ;A;
But when the two were so happy being together, this cockroach sniper paparazzi was so- WAAAAHH! I can't express my rage to this one!!!!!! I wanna kill that cockroach! I hate paparazzis!! Why are they still alive in this world?!?! They should be shot by a shotgun on their heads!!! They're ruining people's life and career!! :angry: :angry:
You just gave me a heartache at the last part bou-j525~ Why is it should be so dramatic :cry: , my heart </3 ~ :cry:
I hope those two will get through this mess~ :cry:
I hope you update soon! :bow:
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2 words : oh shit!
No I'm kinding lol
But it's really bad for Kojiyuu
I like the Marimii interaction even if they are always bitting with each other
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Yes, finally an update from you. Satisfy with this fics. ^^
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I don't think if I've ever commented on your story before and I don't know why cause I love it. :thumbup
Ah but this chapter..so heartbreaking. (´；ω；`)
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ohh this chap was so heartbreaking :cry: poor yuko
MariMii are funny as always but i was like :shocked when Mariko started to freak out, it is so not Mariko-sama-like but was really epic :wahaha:
Dunno why but the relationship between Atsuko and Minami seems so much stronger than the Kojiyuu one, am i wrong? :? :?
When you say that the scandal between Yuko and Haruna will be bad not only for them means that my Atsumina will sufer too?! :OMG:
Probably yes :smhid
And about Mariko and Miichan, will they appear in the story more often? Will they suffer too? (i want too :hee:)
Just one more question? Will that stupid bastard (kenji) try to do something bad? I will kill him once for all if he does!!! :on voodoo: :mon slapself:
Waiting for your next update :byebye:
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Of all the fan-fics I have read, I think this one was one of the greatest story!! Very well written and all the characters' emotions and role are well expressed. You're such a great author!! Hope to see more updates from you! :thumbup
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Of all the fan-fics I have read, I think this one was one of the greatest story!! Very well written and all the characters' emotions and role are well expressed. You're such a great author!! Hope to see more updates from you! :thumbup
I couldn't agree with you more :thumbup
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@bou-j525 sama you're great! making a fic like this isn't easy..but then again i want you to update cheesy atsumina momento :inlove:
me want chapter 3 ohrediii XD..atsumina rocks \m/
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[THIS IS AN AUTHOR NOTE+MINI PARAGRAPH AT THE END]
O_______O
Anyone's still there? Or everyone's gone?
Oh my god it's been such a long time since I've come here.
I just saw the comments posted in June on the latest chapter :shocked I didn't think there would be any other comments after so long time. I won't answer all your comments because you guys probably don't even remember what you wrote and the part 2 was about... Excuse me while I find a wall to facepalm :banghead:
How should I start... I'm so sorry! I know it's not an excuse. I know I've said it many times before and all... BUT I'M SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY !!!!!!!! :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
After so long time I thought you guys would have forgotten about this fic and that I didn't need to try to fight my lack of motivation :nervous How wrong was I :nervous I thought you guys would have somewhat given up on me and the second part..... You know like....... yeah.............. Seems like I do have to fight my lack of motivation again :nervous I'm sooo embarassed right now :panic:
So basically what happened is that I stopped going to school because all college/universities here went on strike to protest again a lot of stuffs that the governement wanted to change. Anyway, very long & unnecessary to explain, but I had to deal with many complications in order to not lose my term. So the conflict is still not done. I did have a lot of free time to write, but have to admit I didnt feel like it, even though I had some great ideas for the future of this fic. Then I started working and it was summer and blablabla.... I sound like I'm trying to find some excuses while in fact the truth is that I totally gave up on writing :doh:
So... yeah I will re-read all my notes starting tomorrow and try to start writing again so I can finish at least this part 2 in a decent way. I apologize again to all those still waiting for me (if you guys are not all gone).....
Hmm if you guys are gone, it'd be nice to tell me so I won't have to write anymore :grin: Kidding XD
Thank for all the nice comments, I really appreciate them. Reading them again make me feel really glad :) Love you all <3 I'm sorry again ;A;
P.S. No, really, if no one is waiting for me to update, please mention it :nervous
Here's a bit of what I wanted to write for chap 3:
The new crashed on Haruna as violently as a thundershock would destroy a tree, in one of those dark and stormy night of october. It slapped her through the deepest part of her soul, to the point she could not even make a sound leave her throat. Luckily, or not, she was at home when her manager contacted her to announce her the terrifying news, the story about how this picture had mysteriously appeared on the news. She didn't know if she was blessed to be alone so no one could see her tears run on her face... or if it was better to organize a meeting with everyone as soon as possible, before it went too far, out of control... She wondered if it was okay of her to think about protecting the group before herself... She wondered if Yuko would ever forgive her for being so selfish... Soon after though, she realized she just couldn't step out of her bedroom without dying on the inside, no matter how much she wanted to.
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I'm always waiting for your update bou-j525, i'm really glad to know that you're not going to abandon this masterpiece. thank you very much :bow: :bow:
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WE ARE WAITING FOR IT!!!
thank you for this note XD
Chapter 3 c'mon.. :panic:
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I've been waiting because your story was one of the best I've ever read. = 3=
Of course I would be ecstatic if you started writing and continued with updates again but if you have no motivation or want to continue, that's all up to you.
Though that teaser makes me really curious on what happens next.
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Finally!!!! Waaa! We've been waiting for this a long time now. Thanks for your note at least we know that we are still waiting for updates to come. :mon XD:
I'm so glad your back on writing again.
I just hope you won't stop writing, it's very rare to see great authors who have clear ideas in this kind of fic. I'm not kidding and lying just to make you write, I think what I said is really true and I bet everyone out there thinks the same! It'll be a loss for everyone if you stop writing great stories...
Anyways good luck on your latest chapters. We will wait for it no matter what!!! :mon thumb:
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Hello~ I remember I read this amazing fanfiction ages ago, and now I'm back and I finally finished :luvluv1:
Thank you for creating such an amazing story which I truly loved reading
That's all I can really say :err:
But I look forward to reading more of your fanfics and the sequel of Pink Vitriol :luvluv2:
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Yes! Readers demand update!
:kneelbow:
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Honestly speaking, One of the most beautiful fanfic i've ever read, not just referring to the 48 world. I hope to see an update soon. Every atsumina shipper must not miss to see this wonderful fanfic of yours!! I hope you're still planning to continue this, there are lots of readers waiting :bow:
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I'll always waiting for this fic to be updated.
Since this is the best fic I've been reading until now; and AtsuMina is my #1 OTP! XD
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HELLO!!!
I'M YOUR BIG FAN BECAUSE I LIKE YOUR FAN FICTION
I READ IT CAREFULLY AND IT'S AWESOME!!!
PLEASE UPDATE YOUR SEQUEL
THANK YOU
===WMATSUI
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@crazywota: Ahh my loyal fan :) I wonder if you're still there after all this time XD Anyways, thank for the support you give me all the time <3
@miayaka: It was long, I know, I'm sorryyyyy :panic: But I hope you will enjoy & that it's not too late!! :rock:
@Kid_Alpha: Thank for your support!! It took me a long time, but guess what, here's chapter 3, and YES, I have started chap 4 already!!
@Keisthename: Aww, really? Thank you so much! I really try my best!! T___T I'm sorry it took so long!!! I hope you will enjoy this chapter if ever you're not gone XD
@melon-lover: Wow! Great you finished it! I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope this sequel will be good for you too ^^
@Megumi: HAI! THERE IS IT :thumbsup
@asahi: Not only in 48 world?! Omg that's too much, it can't be >< :oops: Thank a lot!!! A LOT!!!! :bow:
@hitsuji_14: Thank! Not a lot of Atsumina in this chapter, but I hope you'll read it coz there are important parts :)
@Wmatsui22: Well THANK YOU!! :grin: HERE'S NEXT CHAP! DON'T WORRY, IT'S NOT THE END :thumbsup
It's crazy how time flies.
Many "older" members are gone, many news members took their places...
I look at the comments and think "omg, that person wasn't there before!" Or "Oh well, some people stop reading..." which I can understand after all this time. But I truly hope that you guys will always like what I write even if it takes a long time for me to update :) If some of you don't like the sequel, then I hope you loved the first part and will only remember the parts you loved :)
Thank you for your support. From now on, my chapters will be shorter, but I think I might be able to update faster than once every 6 months XDDD I will not stop this fic!! NOT UNTIL THE REAL "THE END" COMES AT THE FINAL CHAPTER OF THIS SEQUEL!!! FIGHTOOO :rock: :rock: :rock:
Chapter 3
Flash Back (Yuko’s POV)
I knew I had to do it. I knew I had to shoot first. I had to… and I had been careful choosing the perfect victim to do it. I’ve known she was going to be my victim for a few months already. It was so obvious that I was sure everyone was also aware of my future crime. I had planned it meticulously, noting everything I knew about her, spying her, choosing the place and time really carefully. There was no way, absolutely no way I was going to fail. I had to succeed. I would be such a shame if I didn’t. My criminal life couldn’t start by a fail. Everything had to go in a perfect way.
Name of the victim: Haruna Kojima
Birthdate: April 19th, 1988
Height: 164 cm
Physical description: Tall with long brown hair, thin, white soft skin, cute face
Interest: AKB48, her dogs, her friends, cosmetic, being an idol, and the most important: A girl named Oshima Yuko.
Reason to choose her: It is impossible for me to miss my shoot with her. Clearly impossible.
I’ve been getting ready for a long time. My investigation revealed that this afternoon, after a photoshot related to AKB48, she would go for a haircut at a specific place at Shibuya. At 14:00 precisely, she had an appointment. At 14:15, after they would have washed her hair, they would start cutting it. At 14:36 and 33 seconds, she would leave the place and head toward her house to see her dogs and play with them. About ten minutes later, she was going to leave for a walk with them.
That moment, at 15:28 exactly, I was going to commit my perfect crime. There was nothing in the way to stop me. She was my target.
I waited for her to leave her house with her dog. I was going to shoot when she would be at the park. I knew which one she was going to. It was small park, quiet and hidden behind an old-fashioned house. It was kind of a secret place for her to be calm and enjoy the simplicity of life. But more important: She would be there alone. No one ever goes there because it wasn’t interesting enough. Even I wondered why she loved this place, but in the end, it was a great point for my plan. A crucial point, in fact, which without it I would not be able to succeed.
ALONE AND VULNERABLE. THE PERFECT CRIME, I SWEAR.
“Here she is…”
She was leaving her house right now, and I was spying her with my first weapon: a pair of binocular.
My victim was there, walking in front of me, yet I had to wait for her to be alone to attack, and it was killing me not to do anything. I could only hope she would walk faster, but she had the great idea of stopping at the market on her way, which made me wait longer… The only thing I feared is that she left by another secret passage and I would never be able to see her again. But thankfully, she was there, leaving by the main entrance, and almost saw me jumping to hide. I kept following her until she finally arrived at the park. Everything was ready. I looked at my second weapon: a watch. I had a precise time to start my attack. If I didn’t respect it, it would fail, I was sure of it. Everything was so well coordinated that I couldn’t even think about not respecting my initial plan, even though I just wanted to jump in front of her for a direct attack.
I had also planned two different endings, in case it wouldn’t end the way I wanted, which would NEVER happen. Stressed? Not really, I was just anxious that she might leave earlier and that would mess everything. My timing was perfect and could NOT be changed. If it was to be changed, that would be in a few weeks, and I knew I couldn’t wait more. If it wasn’t today, my crime would NOT be perfect. I watched her sit on a bench, under the shadow of a huge tree standing in the middle of the park. Great, exactly as I planned. I knew she was going to sit there, and now, if my stalker job was well done, she would start eating a snack and play with her dogs for at least half an hour.
That was exactly what she did.
Then, just when she would be about to leave, I would strike, attack, and leave her dead. At least, I would try to. Oh wait, that’s right, my plan could not fail. I waited… and waited… and just at the right moment, when the shadow contrasted well with the sunrays, she started leaving. The perfect timing. The shadows were dancing on the road, moving, making sweet figures like I had imagined on my mind when I started planning it. I needed my third weapon… Where was it? Where was it?!
I looked around me, but there wasn’t anything around me that looked like my weapon. Nothing. I could use that rock over there, but it wouldn’t be useful, and I would probably miss my shot. I could use a leaf, but why in the world would I use one?! I could start talking and then wait until I find another weapon… but that wouldn’t be a perfect crime. I could… no. None of the solutions would work. My crime could not work.
I was a failure.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t strike. I couldn’t attack. I could only watch her walk toward me with…. What?
“Yuko? Is that you?” Haruna’s sweet voice asked.
“Yeah…” I answered. “I didn’t know you were there, what are you doing?”
I knew exactly what she was doing, I knew exactly what was supposed to happen, except for the fact that I didn’t have my last weapon! I couldn’t commit my crime! I COULDN’T!!
“Well, as you see I’m walking my dogs.” Haruna smiled. “Didn’t you have an interview with Acchan and Mariko?”
Of course, I had lied to her about that. I couldn’t tell her I was going to stalk her all day until the perfect time arrived. I couldn’t tell her nothing was true and so on… What could I do now? I didn’t want my criminal life to fail…
“It’s tomorrow.” I said without even thinking about it, and realizing my mistake the next second.
Haruna looked at me with that look that told me she knew what was going on my mind. She knew that I was lying, and if I didn’t shoot soon, she would be the one having me. Maybe she wasn’t the perfect target after all…
“Tomorrow, we all have a meeting with Aki-P, remember? Then we have to shoot for AKBingo special. So… unless I missed something, you cannot have an interview tomorrow?”
There she went, attacking me first. I had to find a reply. It wasn’t supposed to go that way. I was supposed to attack, she would be the one falling down, she would be the one falling and I would be the winner! I was anxious, looking everywhere. I was sure she could see through me. She could see everything about me, except the fact that I was planning to become a future criminal.
“Yuko… what are you doing here?” She asked me with a worried voice. “Is there a bad news you want to tell me?”
A bad news? I would never! In fact, my crime was so engraved in my mind that I couldn’t even think of something else in the past few weeks. I had thought about everything, yet I couldn’t do anything now. What if… I hadn’t planned it enough? What if this urge feeling that I had to attack now was just an illusion? What if she wasn’t ready to be… somehow “dead”?
“No, there is nothing.” I said distantly.
My perfect victim and I had been friends for a really long time so in fact. That was the main reason why she was my victim, but it was also the worst thing I could do to her. However, in my position, right now, there was nothing else I could do. If I didn’t kill her first, she would do it later, before I even had the chance to defend myself. Even if I didn’t want, I had to be the criminal in this tragic story.
“Haruna… I think… our friendship is in danger.” I said, trying to remember my plan, but only forgetting everything.
“In danger? What’s wrong? We’re best friend!” Haurna said, keeping an eye on her dogs.
“That’s the problem.” I answered.
I walked around her, looking at her from different angles. She would definitely kill me later with those beautiful curves. No, I must not think about it right now. I had to focus on my ultimate goal. If I had a gun with me right now, I would be threatening her and would be ready to shot right in her head, so that she would have no chance to survive.
“I think… I might love you.” I whispered, thinking that my third weapon would have been really useful right now. “I mean, I do love you.”
Say something. Say something. Why don’t you answer me?! My heart was crying to let go, to run, to leave her, to… forget about my criminal career. It was screaming that we weren’t ready for that, that she would… anything… WHY COULDN’T SHE SAY SOMETHING NOW?!
“Stop looking at me…” I smiled shyly. “I just thought that… we were getting closer to each other so…”
Her stare was so intense. I couldn’t read anything in her eyes. I didn’t know if I was a failure, if I had deceived her, or if she was just trying to find a proper way to reject me… I didn’t want to lose her. I didn’t want to lose her, even if it meant we couldn’t be together. Haruna was gorgeous, she could find a man in her life in a few seconds. She could… somehow live without me by her side. I couldn’t. I definitely couldn’t, and that difference could be fatal for our friendship, we both knew it.
“You got me.” Haruna finally answered looking at the ground.
I don’t get it… what? I couldn’t say a word. What did that mean?
“You remember what you told me a few weeks ago? When we had… a private moment together behind the stage?” Haruna smiled shyly. “About a gun…”
I remember now. I remember very well. That was when I had decided to start planning my crime. That was when I had decided I would become a criminal… somehow.
“Yeah…” I answered. “I told you…”
“Saying “I love you” is like a gun fight. If you draw first, you better not miss.” Haruna completed. “You… didn’t miss.”
There was sweet silent before I took her hand. I didn’t kiss her that day. I didn’t even hug her when we left each other. We would take our time. I didn’t want her to think in a wrong way about what I wanted to do with her. I didn’t want to rush things… All I wanted was to smile… again and again… My crime was a success.
End of Flash Back
Haruna closed her eyes. She remembered that moment like if it just happened a few seconds ago. The news in the newspaper had crashed on her like lightning on a tree in a dark and stormy night, and for sure, there was no chance she would go through this without getting hurt. It slapped her in the deepest part of her soul, to the point she could not make any sound anymore. She was at home when it happened… She didn’t know if she was lucky to be alone so no one could see her tears ruin her beautiful face…. Or if it was better to organize a meeting already, trying to fix things as much as possible… Soon after, she just realized she couldn’t step out of her bathroom, no matter how she wanted it.
The calm atmosphere was only broken by Haruna’s sob and her endless ringtone, probably her manager or some journalist who wanted more juicy details about the scandal. It would be chaotic once she’d leave her house. It couldn’t be happening… not when AKB’s popularity was so fragile… not when Yuko had just started to fly by her own… not when they were finally fine with their secret relationship… This silence surrounding her calmed her a little… But she knew it wouldn’t last.
This calm atmosphere was only an ephemera illusion until the nuclear bomb of truth explodes in her face.
She feared the real world just as much as she loved Yuko, in a pure, true, destructible way. Despite Atsuko and Minami’s sudden coming out, society had not change a bit. Haruna knew the anti’s reactions would appear again, stronger, louder… angrier… especially in AKB community. Fanservice? Not anymore. It wasn’t fanservice… it was a big joke. Yuko had been number one after Atsuko’s departure… so many fans dreamed of her… even if they shipped the “KojiYuu” pairing, they would not let it go so easily, and she knew it very well.
But she loved Yuko.
She had denied it when the journalist had asked her… but it hurt. Even if she protected themselves… it hurt not to be able to be who she really was. Yuko couldn’t be involved… She had to deny everything, she had to! It was a painful dilemma, but she knew she would never be able to watch Yuko abandon her dream because of her. She would feel guilty about it for her entire life. Plus… she didn’t want to leave AKB48. She wasn’t strong enough yet to leave the group… Her life would not be complete without it.
Yuko and AKB48 were the two most important things for her right now… and she would never be able to have both.
***
“I don’t know what to do…” Minami whispered, squeezing her girlfriend’s hand.
Girlfriend.
This word still sounded new to her, even though she’s been with Atsuko for a few months already. She loved this word. She would repeat it over and over again… just to make sure her life wasn’t a dream. But now… there was a faint sad tone in it. Two of her great friends… still couldn’t find happiness in this word.
“I wish… we could do something…” She continued, aware that Atsuko was listening to her silently. “Just like they did for us… they supported us so much… and now we can’t do anything…”
Guilt. Atsuko knew this feeling very well. She had felt it so many times, with Hiroko’s memory following her… She had felt it when Minami had not been able to work properly because of her… She still remembered that hard time when they both had to try to ignore their feelings… She felt guilt when Minami had graduated, thinking it was her fault… Somehow, she had guide Minami to leave what was the most important to her at that time.
“It’s alright…” Minami said softly, feeling the tension growing between them. “I’m not sad with you by side. You didn’t take anything away from me.”
She knew how to recognize these moments, when Atsuko would suddenly feel bad about their relationship, even though it was the most beautiful thing in the world at the same time. She knew how to react to calm her… She didn’t have to try, she really meant what she said. She was happy. She just wanted her friends to feel this way too… But she knew it was a hard and difficult road they had chosen.
“I wonder what they’re doing now… Do you think…?” Atsuko said, knowing Minami could read her silence.
“I don’t think they will break up… I don’t think Yuko will let her go, not after all the time she spent talking about how much she wanted to be with her…”
“I hope you’re right…” Atsuko answered. “I really do…”
They spent a moment of silence, not really knowing what they should say. They both had the same fears about what was going to happen to their friends. They both had the same hopes, the same feelings… They were thinking the same way, because they had been through such a similar experience… and they knew how much it hurt to choose between career and reputation, or a life with people’s judgment everyday.
Then… there was that awkward moment when Atsuko seemed to die trying to say something… but couldn’t. Minami could feel her girlfriend’s body getting tense, her heart beating faster, like there was so stress taking over… But it was so peaceful…
“Atsuko?” Minami frowned. “What’s wrong?”
The actress shook her head. Whatever she wanted to say, it was forgotten already.
“I was just… thinking.”
“Thinking?”
“Nothing.”
Minami insisted, but Atsuko was already trying to talk about something else. The shortest girl frowned even more… what was going on now? Was there some newspaper she hadn’t read this morning? But she had bought everything! EVERYTHING she could find about the subject, even if it was a three lines article, which wasn’t really the case since both Haruna and Yuko were really famous.
“Atsu-”
She stopped talking. She recognized her girlfriend’s face anywhere. She was sad. She was worried. There was something going on, and it wasn’t just about Yuko and Haruna’s future. It was between them. It was something in their couple, that Minami obviously didn’t know about. It was fine to worry for their friends… but she must never, ever, neglect her how relationship, the one she had sacrificed a lot for.
“Atsuko…?” She asked, looking at her in the eyes.
“Do you think they will chase after us too now that… there’s another similar scandal? Do you think it will start again? The rumours… the scandals… Hiroko’s case with…”
She couldn’t say a word. There was that whirlpool of feelings she had been through before… she didn’t want to experience it again. She wouldn’t get alive from another storm of scandals. And Minami wouldn’t either. They would both… be eaten alive if it happened again. Because even if their relationship was as solid as rock now, they knew it only took a few articles for it to become a fragile crystal one again, one that would break down at the first slightest vibration. Was their relation truly as solid as they pretended? Probably not, but it was safer to pretend the opposite… Until something came out to destroy it… But they both knew they would never let it happen.
“Don’t worry.” Minami immediately comforted her. “I won’t let it happen again. I will protect us. I will protect our friends too. You won’t have anything to worry about… I promise.”
Minami knew how sensible Atsuko was. She knew her more than anyone… of course she would do anything to deal with the scandal and let her lovely girlfriend out of it.
“Do you think… we will get through this again? D-Do you think that… somehow…” Atsuko stammered.
“It’s going to be fine.” Minami reassured her, embracing her. “We both know it’s going to be fine, don’t we?”
The look her girlfriend gave her scared the singer. What if… Atsuko didn’t want to be with her anymore? Would it be the reason of the tension? What if… this beautiful life she had dreamed of had never been reached? What if it had been a game this whole time, an illusion? Was Atsuko trying to tell her she wanted to break up? No way… It couldn’t end this way… What if Atsuko had suddenly realized, with Yuko’s scandal, that she couldn’t live a life in the fear that something might happen to them? What if she wasn’t confident about their love? The end? That’s it… the end… nothing was real… she had been a fool since the very beginning… nothing was going to happen… Atsuko had only played a game… Her best friend was betraying her to go with Kenji… Her life was a mess… She would end up in the streets as a poor singer, trying to get money in the metro while playing guitar just like those teenagers… She would get drugs and alcohol, she would... Wait, that was a bit too far…
“I will leave Japan for a while for my job… so I was thinking they might see an opportunity to… you know… write about us.” Atsuko shyly said.
“THANK WHOEVER IS IN THE SKY FOR THIS MIRACLE.” Minami thought, a wide smile appearing on her face. Maybe it wasn’t as horrible as she thought in the end…
“Minami?” Atsuko looked at her, surprised. “Are you… happy?”
Was Minami happy about her departure? No way… so the singer didn’t love her that much, uh? She should have known it was too beautiful to be real… too perfect…
“No!” Minami said, trying to get rid of this stupid inappropriate smile. “I mean… I just thought… I love you.”
It was so sudden that they both felt their cheeks becoming slightly pink. At that exact minute, they both thought of how cute the other was.
“I… I panicked for a moment.” Minami said shyly before explaining herself more, to which Atsuko just rolled her eyes and looked at her smirking. “I will be waiting for you… In our home.”
“I’m scared… I don’t want us to be separate when… there is this thing going on. They need us… and we need eachother. Who knows what will happen?” Atsuko said. “But if I stay here… they might feel that something wrong… they might not want me to play in this drama…”
“I will not let anything happen… I will not let them write stupid things again, and if they say you flirt with a guy during filming, I will not believe them!” “Minami said, though her heart ached at this thought. “No matter what, I will not believe it! I won’t let them take this opportunity to hurt us…”
“Even if there is a picture of me kissing the lead actor?” Atsuko smirked.
“What?!”
The innocent Minami had no problem believing this joke, knowing her girlfriend was still very popular with… everyone. In any way, she didn’t like this kind of joke, and only felt better when Atsuko moved closer, reassuring her.
“I won’t flirt… though there will be someone you know there…” Atsuko said, suddenly playful.
She caressed Minami’s hair, played with them… She looked at her in the eyes and quickly kissed her, surprising the short singer who didn’t know what to think anymore.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about…” Minami said.
In her head, she was trying to remember each person she ever had a crush on… but none of them were actors. Plus, she had not exactly been attracted to girls before… and the only guys she remembered were far from being actors… She didn’t even talk to them anymore. So… who was Atsuko talking about?
“I’m sure you know… ne, Kai?” Atsuko smirked.
Oh, wait... Right… That ONE person.
“What? You mean-”
Minami’s sentence was cut right in the middle as a young woman in tears ran into their house, crashing on their sofa. The door wasn’t locked, which, in a way, was great for the girl who didn’t hit it… She must be blind with the tears in her eyes. But, ironically, that was a short reminder that they shouldn’t let the door unlocked in case someone undesirable entered… But now was no time to worry about security, for Yuko was between them, hugging a pillow like her life was depending on it.
“Y-Yuko?!” Minami stammered, immediately feeling sadness and frustration irradiating from her friend.
For a moment, they couldn’t hear anything but Yuko’s sobs. They could tell she was trying to speak, but no words would ever come out of her mouth now. She was speechless… shocked… she needed love from the person she wanted, but couldn’t have. Yuko had always been a strong person. Hiding her pain from the public, showing her most beautiful smile to the fans as much as she could, pretending it was fine even if it hurt… only a few members in AKB48 knew how bad she could feel without the world knowing about it. And right now, both Minami and Atsuko knew they would never be able to see more sincere feelings from their friend.
Her tears could never get more real than that, ever.
When she was finally able to talk, it was with a troubled, shaking and hesitant little voice. It was not Yuko’s powerful tone anymore. It was broken. Something important was broken… something that couldn’t totally be fixed right now.
“I… I don’t know… what to do anymore…” She whispered like she wasn’t really talking to someone. “I feel like whatever I can try now… she will never want to see me again…”
Both Atsuko and Minami remained silent, knowing they had to let her finish before trying to say anything.
“I tried to call her, but there was no answer. I’m pretty sure now… if I have a chance to fix this… it wouldn’t change anything… But I tried so hard to be with her! I tried so hard… and now in a few seconds…”
She lowered her head, like she was secretly praying, but in fact, it was only to hide more tears… It was as if her body had suddenly decided to live without water.
“What if…” She shook her head. “I guess I can’t expect anything now… You guys will tell me to wait, that I need time and other things like that, but… really, what can I do? I can’t leave her alone… Imagine how she must feel… I’m a bad girlfriend… I’m a bad lover… I didn’t protect her like I said… I didn’t even… I didn’t even know about it… I should have seen the reporter… I should have stopped him… I don’t know… just… I should have…”
She went on for a few seconds, blaming herself for what happened, sometimes blaming the reporter, sometimes trying to cheer herself up, sometimes crying, sometimes lost in her thoughts… And once she was done, she just sighed. There was nothing she could add that would make her feel better. She felt the entire world suddenly turned its back to her, and that she was alone facing the enemy… the invincible enemy.
“I… I think you’re wrong.” Atsuko murmured, embracing her. “I think Haruna wants to see you right now… it’s just that she doesn’t want to disturb you… She must think… you’re dealing with work… or something…”
“Yeah… call her!” Minami said with an encouraging tone. “I’m sure she’s waiting for you… I think she’s afraid to call you…”
“How can you know that?!” Yuko protested. “You don’t know her like I do!”
They could hear a bug flying with the sudden increase of tension in the room.
“It seems horrible now. It hurt… You’re blind by this hurt… You will find out soon… that you can still do something about it. You will soon find out that… it’s not the end for you and her.” Minami said wisely. “Right now… it’s just too soon for you to realize it, but trust me.”
Yuko looked at her with a hopeless expression. She wanted to try so much… but it was like her energy had been drained entirely at the same time. She still had some positive thoughts… but their lifetime was so short she couldn’t decrypt them fully, and was only left with an empty feeling at their place. What could she do against so many media posting pictures of obvious proof that she was in love with Haruna? She could pretend it never happened as much as she could… THERE WAS A PICTURE OF THEM KISSING! There was no point of faking it, saying it was photoshop or anything this way! Even her own agency had admitted the defeat! They had left her! They had told her she was jobless! Not directly, of course, but that phone call could not be mistaken. She was jobless… and she was pretty sure no agency would accept her, at least not until this scandal fade out, which meant she had plenty of time for herself for the next few months…
“Look… I know how hard it is… Acchan and I have been through this too… we’ve been through a very similar situation… If you need help, if you want to talk about your career… If you want us to bring Haruna here…”
Yuko looked at her, not really sure how to take this offer. Should she accept it? Right now, she was sure of one thing, she was, indeed, blind by sadness and anger, and couldn’t really see the sincerity of Minami’s proposition for help.
“Exactly. You’ve been in a similar situation, not the same.” She answered, trying to control her body from shaking too much due to strong emotions.
“I know…” Minami touched her hand softly. “But… we too, there was a time when we were sure it was the end… I thought it would be over… but we made it. We did…”
She looked at Atsuko, smiling sadly, remembering hard times, but relieved it was finally over. The encouragements, despite their good intentions, had nothing helpful on Yuko’s mood.
“Yes, I get it…” Yuko replied. “But you seem to forget one thing… I’m not you! I’m not like you! I’m not an ex-ace, captain or anything! Haruna is in AKB48, she loves her job! I’m trying to start my career by my own and I ruined everything! We’re not Takahashi Minami or Maeda Atsuko!”
Her harsh tone, yet desesperate voice, surprised the two girls. Yuko probably didn’t mean to talk to them like this…
“You never gave up before, remember?” Atsuko said. “You encouraged me so much… How can you be stopped by a piece of paper?”
Seeing it with this point of view, it sounded really possible to fight against what was happening… If it wasn’t for the tiny detail that there was a print of her kissing Haruna, there wouldn’t be any problem about that piece of paper… It could just be burn and, boom, nothing’s left but a fade memory of a bad time…
“Yuko… We just know… how hard it is.” Minami finished, holding her tightly.
They stayed together for a moment, the three of them analyzing the deep ambiance, this faint trace of panic, replaced by hope… soon gone.
“What now?” Yuko asked. “I have lost my agency too…”
“What?!” Minami exclaimed. “No way!”
She seemed really surprised, but in fact, she knew it was something that happened often during scandals. Agencies didn’t want to get involved into personal problems, especially one of that extend. ESPECIALLY. And Yuko was new too… so it wouldn’t be useful for them to keep her any longer. It was cruel, but it was the world of fame. Now, Atsuko could truly understand why her friend seemed so destroyed by this situation. She had nowhere to go…
“You’re a great actress… Let the shock be forgotten…” Minami started, without really finishing her sentence.
In fact, she didn’t know what encouragements could say. She used to help AKB members so much when she was “leader” of the group… Now she couldn’t find a single proper way to give hope to her close friend. But not saying anything meant giving up… Silence was horrible to bear right now… It was the most painful torture right now, to admit that they couldn’t do anything until media stopped talking about it.
“What if-”
Yuko’s cellphone rang, interrupting her owner. It was Haruna. She wanted to see her.
Now.
“But… What will… I just arrived here and…”
“Just go.” Minami said. “You might be afraid for nothing.”
“You both need each other right now, it’s not the time to avoid anyone.” Atsuko added. “If you avoid each other, it will get worse. I can tell…”
“You’re not disturbing at all… Come whenever you want.” Minami finished.
They all had a sincere group hug before Yuko, heartbroken already, went out, ignoring the people whispering behind her back around her. Minami and Atsuko remained silent for a moment, because the actress had the courage to break it.
“So… What were we talking about…”
They both sighed. They didn’t feel like talking anymore, especially if it was about Atsuko’s future departure… They didn’t feel like doing anything but wonder how they could help their friends… They didn’t feel like thinking anymore. They just wanted to cuddle, to embrace each other, to kiss… To feel the other’s skin on their… They just wanted to feel the other’s presence by their side, reassuring shadow protecting them…
They needed to feel that they weren’t alone.
***
The actress walked in the streets like she was the only one using them. She could almost hear the echo of her steps on the ground… She was in her own world. When she arrived at the park when it all begun, she knew her heart would explode from the pressure of being there… There she was. The girl of her dreams… The girl she wanted to spend her whole life with… But she looked so sad… she looked so so so sad… it made her heart ached. It made her to the edge of crying… because there was nothing she could do to bring this lovely smile she liked so much back.
“Haruna…” Yuko said sadly, immediately holding her hands, avoiding the funny “nyan nyan” nickname because the situation wouldn’t allow it.
Haruna tried to smile, but could only look elsewhere, avoiding her girlfriend’s look.
“I… I… I did it.” She stammered with difficulty.
Yuko was immediately embracing her, even though she had no idea what she was talking about. She just felt she had to be closer by her side, because something was wrong… too wrong… too bad… too…
“What?” Yuko whispered at her girlfriend’s ear. “Tell me… I’m here… You will no longer be left alone. I won’t let it happen.”
“I did it…” Haruna repeated. “I’m no longer in AKB48…”
TBC
Forgive me if the preview paragraph isn't exactly the same, I guess I changed things after all this time :thumbup
No, this is not the end for KojiYuu/Atsumina OF COURSE. But... yeah, you know who I am, right? ;)
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Wow thanks for the update! :D I really loved your entire fanfic and I remember reading it all in a short amount of time the 1st time I came across it ^^ Love the story and how you portray the members since it's all very realistic!! Your writing style is great too. Thanks again for the update, YAY FOR ATSUMINA and Kojiyuu :) I look forward to reading the next chapter!
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OMG!!! youupdated!!! love you!! thanx!! :D OMG!!! awesome.. in fact a made in my mind a sequel or a chapter 3?.. and make a perfect explication about that kiss :D.. and make them not to be so broken.. do you wanna read my chapter 3? well a resume of course jejej sorry but you didn´t update soon so my ming trick me a lot :D
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OHMYGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. AN UPDATE :w00t: But im currently on school, gonna read this later. :cry: darn, this update makes me want to skip my last class.
EDIT:
Finally read it, AHHHHHH, My kokoro can't take what just happened to kojiyuu. :cry: I understand how yuko feels, Unlike being the captain and the ace, compared to the Atsumina couple, in the views of the majority... i don't know how to put it in words. OTL so yeaah... but another this that hurts me the most is the last part... wherein Haruna told yuko that she indeed left the group :cry: :cry: :cry:
I don't really care how long it is for you to make an update, I'm willing to wait. For me every update is really worth the wait. And I promise to be a loyal fan and stick with this very well written fanfic of yours until i see the -END- part. :D
THANK YOU FOR THE UPDATEEEEE. REALLY MADE MY DAY :bow: :bow:
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Woah, a long hiatus but totally worth the wait!
That was intense, my poor otp beebs~
Oh Haruna... u _u;
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An update!! :w00t:
This chapter is nice, too. I like the sweet moment between AtsuMina; without no touchy and the intense between KojiYuu.
And Nyannyan left AKB!? :shocked
Waiting for the next update!
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It's crazy how time flies.
Many "older" members are gone, many news members took their places...
I look at the comments and think "omg, that person wasn't there before!" Or "Oh well, some people stop reading..." which I can understand after all this time. But I truly hope that you guys will always like what I write even if it takes a long time for me to update :) If some of you don't like the sequel, then I hope you loved the first part and will only remember the parts you loved :)
Thank you for your support. From now on, my chapters will be shorter, but I think I might be able to update faster than once every 6 months XDDD I will not stop this fic!! NOT UNTIL THE REAL "THE END" COMES AT THE FINAL CHAPTER OF THIS SEQUEL!!! FIGHTOOO :rock: :rock: :rock:
It's like AKB, people graduate, comes and goes, older ones left and the younger/new ones come.
But the older ones will always be memorable like legends ( what the heck am I talking about?!)(Acchan graduating is taking toll on me)
Anyway when I read it I was like what the heck was going on? The perfect crime? And then I was like OOOH!
Hmm another heartbreaking KojiYuu. After we read about AtsuMina obstacles it's time for another couples love to be put on a test.
THank you for your update!
Even if it takes like loooong time but it's worth waiting.
ArígatoU! :kneelbow:
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You're back!!! :w00t: :w00t:
You have no idea how happy I am that you're back! No idea at all. :farofflook:
And yeah, out with the old, in with the new. :lol:
Let's get out of here then!
:lol: kidding :lol:
Anyway, I haven't read this yet but I'm saving it to read it at work which I should really go to now. :lol: :lol:
Will edit this later. XD
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THANK YOU FOR UPDATING :D
PLEASE UPDATE ALWAYS
I HOPE IT'S HAPPY ENDING BOTH ATSUMINA AND KOJIYUU
PLEASE MAKE A FUNNY SCENES ABOUT ATSUMINA,KOJIYUU,HIMARI
THANK YOU
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OMG!!!! Kojiharu left AKB too! I'm so sad! Kojiyuu!!! T_T
Acchan will play with Hanako something? Hum I can't wait to see what kind of interaction they will have hehe~
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@arrow27: Thank you for the good words :) I try to do my best as possible to make it at least a bit realistic because if not... well I think it's harder for people to get in the story ^^;;
@Haruko: I got your resume ^^ I might use some elements of it later in the story :) I hope you won't mind, and thank for reading my fic ^^
@crazywota: Aww thank you so much :heart: I hope I didn't take too long XD Well... at least it's less than a few months XD Hope you're gonna like the future chapters, and hint, I will not "destroy" kojiyuu couple :P Thank for always supporting me =D
@Kid_Alpha: I'm sorry it took so long T_T But I will try to make it even more worth it :thumbup
@hitsuji_14: Haha yup, nyan left AKB :P More info in this chapter, and another moment with Atsumina ^^
@Megumi: Yup, same challenge for the couples, but you see in the end, there's always something to learn from it :P It's heartbreaking, but I'll make sure not to kill anyone XD
@FoF: Edit? What edit? XD Anyway, I don't blame you for not having time to read, I still haven't read Basket Case despite knowing it's really good T_T I need time T_T But yeah... glad to know I'm not the only one from the old crew here XD
@Wmatsui22: Some funny scenes in this chapter even if it wasn't planned :) Hope you enjoy it ^^
@Kahem: You gonna have to wait a little more to learn about Hanako's role in the story, but it's nothing really bad :P I think :p
@Everyone reading: Thank you all for your patience and your support :bow:
YES I WAS BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND THATS WHY I DIDN'T UPDATE SOONER. :nervous
Now, I was supposed to update 3 weeks ago but there was like a mega explosion of work and exams and I couldn't finish it T_T But, I made a new end to this chapter I think you guys gonna like, so you can actually thank school :lol:
Sorry for the mistakes, and no more wait...
Chapter 4
“I did it…” Haruna repeated. “I’m no longer in AKB48…”
“Impossible” was the first thought of Yuko. Impossible. She must have heard wrong. She must have imagined the sentence. She must be having a nightmare or something. It couldn’t really happen. Haruna told her a few weeks ago how much she wanted to stay in the group as long as possible, even if it was hard and even if they loosed their popularity. Even if they had to fight against news groups, against the media, against whatever… she said she would not leave the group she loved! And now, what? She was telling her she… left AKB48? No! That wasn’t supposed to happen! That was the last thing in the world she expected.
“WHAT?!” Yuko screamed, without noticing her voice was way too loud and that even people far from the park could hear her. “YOU WHAT?!”
Haruna was shaking in her arms, like there was nothing she could do to calm down. How… How have they come to this point? How come… this situation had grown that big? From a simple kiss… to be stuck in such a situation now… it was going to fast for them to follow… It was going to fast for them not to be hurt by everything.
“I’m sorry…” Yuko murmured. “It’s because of me, isn’t it? If I hadn’t insisted… If I wasn’t so clingy to you…”
“No! I decided I wanted to kiss you!” Haruna shouted, without realizing it.
She then blushed so hard she was looking at the ground like what she had just said was the most humiliating thing in the world, though Yuko thought the exact opposite.
“I… I was glad you did it…” Yuko smiled shyly. “I used to think you were just joking with me… and that moment… it was just the happiest time of my life.”
She had said those sincere words, looking right through Haruna’s eyes, holding her face gently, just to make sure she knew she was there for her.
“But… I’m not glad you left AKB. It’s your life. You love this job. You love being an idol! Why… We could have made up some story, pretending we’re just very close friends and that’s it happens often in the group… We could have said it was a way to show our affection… We could have… made up a story… something… I could have pretended it was an accident, that I took a wrong step and accidently bumped into your lips…”
“You know the medias… They wouldn’t believe it… It’s like saying we were in AKB48 “by accident” because we were “accidently” exactly everywhere the group went… It’s… too obvious we were kissing.”
“And it would hurt too much to pretend I don’t love you…” Yuko whispered quietly to herself.
They both avoided the other’s eyes for a moment. It was that silent moment when they’d wish to be elsewhere, not in front of each other having this heartbroken conversation. They both feared the same thing: that they would not be together anymore when they would leave the park. They both feared what the other would say. Haruna felt bad she made Yuko sad with her decision, because she truly felt like she had no choice. Plus, she still has a chance to remain as a model… It wasn’t totally the end… She still had a place in this industry, even if she wasn’t an idol! There were in fact so many possibility for her now! She wouldn’t need to follow a strict schedule anymore, she would be free… she would have more time to see her… but she would miss her place in the group desperately… As for Yuko…
“We’re both in the same situation now…” Yuko said, looking back at Haruna.
“In the same situation… I guess so…” Haruna frowned.
Obviously, they were in the same situation since it hurt the two of them! They were both concerned anyway! They would both…
“I mean… My agency, they kind of… let me go… by my own… You know…” Yuko said, ashamed of her weakness.
“No way! Without even waiting for an explanation?!” Haruna asked, surprised.
“They said they would call me back… but they never did it… I didn’t really believe they would, but… I would have wanted to explain myself…”
Yes, they were in the same situation now. They were both losing their lovely job… They both didn’t want this to happen… but they both didn’t have any control on it. Not now, and most probably not later either.
“Do you think medias would even listen to us if we tried to give them some explanation?” Haruna asked with a slight hopeful tone.
“I don’t know… I think so, they’re only waiting for us to talk to them, to confirm it… even though it’s clear for them that it was a real kiss. But yes, I bet they are waiting for us to comment on this…” Yuko answered. “Do you think we should… do something? I’m afraid… that they might misunderstand our words and it would be worse… They only need a small detail that could be unclear and, there we go with another scandal…”
They both knew the media world very well. During all those years spent in AKB48, they had known rumours, scandals, that had forced some girls to apologize, to withdraw from their responsibility, to be moved to another group, to be suspended, to retire temporarily from the group… They knew it. And they knew how far it could go. They still remembered how great some paparazzos were to find some hidden information. No doubt they would be able to find how much MORE clingy Yuko was behind the stage and all those cameras…
“Do you think we should give it a try?” Haruna insisted. “It’s the only thing we can do…”
Yuko stared at her girlfriend for a moment. She thought about how much she wanted to protect her despite being shorter… She thought about how much she wanted to see her smile despite the hard times… She thought about how much she wanted to share happiness with her despite life’s difficulties… She realized she could not even THINK of protecting her right now. She felt sad. She felt lonely. She felt she wasn’t good enough… but she still had this spark that told her not to give up on them…
“Not now… We can’t just call them and pretend everything’s a lie!” Yuko protested. “I don’t want that! I don’t want it to be so easy for them to… to destroy what we have! It’s not a lie! It has never been…”
“I know…” Haruna said. “Bur look… do we really have the choice? We talk to the media together… or they spend the rest of their time making out stories about us… We are in the same situation, aren’t we? We have… nothing to lose.”
“I might lose you.” Yuko thought, before saying: “We can’t! Not now! We’re not prepared! We’re not ready! You’re not ready!”
She stopped talking as she realized she had said the last sentence out loud. Damn. She didn’t want to feel so weak in front of her… she wanted to protect her, yet she couldn’t even do it properly.
“Me?! Ready… what for?!” Haruna asked.
“You can’t! We can’t! WE are not ready! Do you think you will support the cameras flashes, the reporters shouting questions from everywhere as we arrive, the anxiety… Everything! We just can’t! We won’t last two seconds without crying in front of them… and you know what? If we cry… it’s just as admitting we’re together. Then, it will really be over.”
Yuko took a short three seconds break before starting again.
“I wouldn’t support it. Saying we’re not together. Saying we’re only friends and that it was a mistake. I wouldn’t support it, losing you because of them. I wouldn’t support pretending nothing of this happened. I wouldn’t support saying… that I’m not in love with you.” Yuko finished, as she looked away. “I just… can’t.”
There. She had said it. She had admitted she just couldn’t live with the thought of losing Haruna. She had chased her for so long, it would be a total waste for them to be separated so soon… for so little.
They said love could surpass anything… was it really true? If so… how? It hurt so much to say those words. It hurt so much to think about them. She would cry saying “I love you” to Haruna in front of the reporters… but she would also cry saying “I don’t love you” to her… She’d be sad to admit they really were dating… yet she’d be depressed to pretend it’s all a lie and that they were just playing a bad and ridiculous game.
“I guess… it would be the same for me. I wouldn’t support it.” Haruna admitted.
Her love for Yuko had grown so much lately… to what was just a game between them… to slight flirt… to real crush… until they finally decided to go on this journey together… it has become so huge that even her heart wasn’t big enough to support it. Her love had taken over her heart… and soul.
Yuko suddenly became very concentrate on her thoughts. It would hurt if she said she loved Haruna… as well as if she said she hated her… as well as if she pretended it was a lie… or not…
“I know! I know what we can do to be ready to appear in public in front of the reporters!” She suddenly slapped her forehead.
“What?” Haruna flinched. “There really is something we can do?”
“We have to be immunized!” Yuko smiled. “Immunized against what we will tell the reporters, so we will not start showing our feelings!”
Haruna frowned. Immunized? Like for illness? Like for… what exactly was Yuko talking about? She waited for more explanations, which came soon after. Yuko explained her plan carefully, trying to make sure it was as clear as possible. The words… They had to make sure they would feel nothing when they would pronounce them… It was actually easy. Hard at first, but easy as time goes on…
“I hate you.” Yuko said, looking straight into Haruna’s eyes. “I hate you, and I never loved you.”
Her heart ached. Her body was shaking. Her face became red. Her lips were trembling. Her eyes were wet…
“I hate you.” Haruna answered. “I have never been in love with you, not once.”
***
Days after days, weeks after weeks, they met everyday to practice and say those mean things to each other. They would always look at the other in the eyes. They would not back down. They wanted to stop feeling anything at those words. They wanted to get used to those words… To those mean and cruel words…
The only way to get used to them, was to repeat them, over and over again. The only way they would support them, was to look into the eyes of the other, not blink, and say carefully each single word. Then, the other needed to stay as imperturbable as possible. The other needed to keep her eyes opened, to keep her mouth shut, and to breathe at the exact same rhythm as before. They needed to surpass the force of these words.
It was the only way they had found to be fully prepared to the media, to their deathly questions, and to the pressure of being watched by so many fans/haters who just wanted to be reassured about the real truth.
They did it in secret, behind everyone’s look. They did it by themselves, sometimes helping each other when one would break down, sometimes not saying anything, to help the other getting back to an emotionless face by her own strength. Sometimes they would take a break and smile to each other… but they both knew it was really exhausting mentally. To say to the person you love the most those words… it was really painful. They couldn’t imagine it, yet it was happening. They couldn’t even think of a great situation to ever say them… but it was live, happening now. And though they were learning how to be heartless in front of those words, they had never felt so vulnerable in their entire life.
“I hate you.”
“I’ve never been in love with you.”
“It was all lies.”
“We are nothing.”
They kept repeating the words until they wouldn’t enter their head, their ears… They repeated it again and again, over and over, days after days, just so they could build a wall around their hearts and body. An indestructible wall that would not allow a single act of weakness to show in front of the media, only when they would be the two of them. They would sometimes do it in private for a moment. Then go outside and say those words as they were walking together, trying to avoid people’s glances. It was always harder in public, because they felt they were lying to the entire world about their identity, but it was a great help to manage to control their emotions. They didn’t want to make the others see them cry, so they would make even more efforts not to be seen. They would often come back exhausted mentally, but stronger than before. They had both decided they would do it… It was their decision to do that in order to be prepared. Their decision. As a couple.
“We are only friends.”
“We have never been more than friends.”
The hardest part was not only saying these words. It was also knowing they were going to lie to everyone, including themselves. They had nothing to be proud of. But still… they would do it. They would make it, definitely.
It took them a long time… but someday, they would not feel anything anymore, shielded by their mental force. They stopped shivering when the fatal words were said, they would stop thinking about what they would say and how they should react, it just came naturally. Once, they would just stare as the words left their throats. They would just stare… and face them like the sentence had no meaning at all.
When words are repeated over and over again, they ended up losing their values, their significations… and the pain that goes with them slowly fades away as well…
***
“So… You’re going to play with Ray… I mean, with Hanako?” Minami asked, continuing the interrupted conversation she and Atsuko were having.
“Hanako? Calling her by her first name?” Atsuko couldn’t help pointing and raising an eyebrow.
“Me? No… well yes… Well, I mean, we were in Mendol together so I guess…” The singer stammered.
“But you weren’t even that closed when you filmed this drama…” Atsuko continued.
“That’s because it was really awkward… Ah, nevermind. So you’re going to be with Takigawa-san?”
“What’s with this sudden formal name?!” Atsuko frowned. “Don’t change it just because I said that you looked close to her… It makes you look even more suspicious.”
“But I’m not close to…Ahhh… Atsuko!” Minami pouted when she realized her girlfriend was just teasing her once again. “It’s not funny!”
The actress was slightly smiling, obviously trying to hide her amusement. She was gently poking Minami’s arm, playing with her hair and blinking at her innocently. She knew nothing had happened between them during the MENDOL shooting. She remembered how Minami was totally terrified, so shy at the thought of kissing another person, especially a girl… She didn’t know she was going to date one later of course. How ironic.
“It’s not funny, I said…” Minami repeated, thought her girlfriend suddenly cuddling to her and making funny faces was really cute.
Atsuko, at the total opposite, thought it was really funny, how shy Minami had sounded when she had teased her. She remembered very well how troubled her lover was at that time. She would call her after a long day of work, talking about how it went and how worried she was about the whole thing, despite NO3B’s two others members reassuring her. The day they had to shoot their first kiss… Minami had sounded so perturbed Atsuko wondered if it was really just a job to her. She knew Minami would not fall for Hanako, nor for the character, but still… she was a bit too panicked for nothing. But somehow, she, Atsuko Maeda, after some longs talks late at night, had managed to succeed in what both Haruna and Miichan had failed: Reassuring the poor little captain.
“You’re cute when you try to be mad…” Atsuko smirked.
“Sure…” Minami rolled her eyes. “I’m not trying…”
Mendol… It had been so long now, she almost felt like a old woman remembering her old memories, lost in nostalgia. That woman… That actress… It seemed like an old dream, kissing her, even if it was a really simple kiss. That panic in her heart… today she could truly realize it was only a job. But still, Atsuko, working with Hanako? Hanako must surely know about them dating… would she say something about it? Would she even remember her? No, that was stupid, of course she would remember… Minami had almost avoided her the whole time of the shooting because she was too shy to talk to her. Hanako would remember her as a freak.
“I will say hello from you.” Atsuko blinked. “Since she was your first unofficial girlfriend…”
“What?! No!” Minami blushed.
Why did she even blush?! There was nothing to be shy about! Sure… she had… kinda… been her first kiss…. But that meant nothing!
“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.” Atsuko said.
“Anyway…” Minami just answered.
Atsuko lied her head on Minami’s shoulder, remembering how the little captain used to be her everyday pillow back during those hard days of practices. Minami’s shoulder was truly comfortable! Like, really! They should… They should just create a pillow with Minami’s shoulder’s shape and the whole world would be sleeping instantly. Seriously! They would make so much money!! But then again… Atsuko was glad to have her girlfriend just for herself. No one would ever feel that amazing feeling of cuddling to her amazing lover… Except maybe Miichan… but since Miichan was a very close friend of them, it didn’t matter. Plus, Miichan being lovey-dovey was really funny too… It was Miichan after all… She couldn’t wait to see her again, it had been quite a long time…
“You’re really comfortable… I will miss your shoulder so much…” Atsuko smiled sadly.
Minami couldn’t help grinning. She would miss every single little thing Atsuko did, every part -of her body, every side of her personality, her voice, her eyes, the way she’d take her hand and squeeze it, the way she’d wake up in the morning very slowly… and Atsuko would only miss her shoulder? Well…
“Just my shoulder? How mean…” Minami pouted, shaking her shoulder so Atsuko wouldn’t be so comfortable.
“Yup, just that…” Atsuko winked. “and just a few more less important things…”
“What about me?” Minami laughed. “You’re going to miss me or my shoulder?”
Atsuko, in a very serious way, pretended to start thinking deeply about the question, which caused Minami to slightly punch her girlfriend’s arm.
“You’re not funny…” Minami growled.
“You’re laughing!”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes!”
“No!”
“Just admit it… Look how the sky is blue! It’s as evident as you trying to keep that serious face…” Acchan smiled. “Look how I smile! It’s a happy smile! Do the happy smile!”
Minami couldn’t hold it anymore and burst in laughing. Atsuko’s face was so funny, her eyes full opened and her smile so wide she thought she’d see the Cheshire cat.
“You scare me!” Minami laughed. “Here, look at my super happy smile!!”
They kept smiling like crazy and laughing for a few minutes, without any reason. Sometimes they’d stop talking and just stared at each other, but the pressure was so high, they would just laugh again and again. There was that short silence where Atsuko would place herself back, next to her girlfriend, enjoying each second spent with her.
“You know what I will miss the most until I come back?” Minami asked shyly.
Their eyes locked together, and that magic atmosphere where they’d feel alone in the world slowly came back, surrounding them from everywhere.
“Those smalls bits of conversation that we’d have, here and there, talking about nothing…” Atsuko guessed while Minami answered with a real cute smile.
“I will come back soon.” Atsuko added. “It’s just for a drama…”
Minami, emotional as always, did her best not to let any tear leave her eyes. She couldn’t cry now, when she knew Atsuko was not leave before a few days. She would be able to hold on until then… because if she was crying now, and just for that, who knows what it would be the day of the departure… But at the same time, she had cried so much for her when they were in AKB48… and now they were dating. The situation was completely different! She totally had the right to be sadder now… Not that she didn’t before… but somehow, now that they were dating, she felt that it was more… less… that she could do it. Just… that she had the right to miss Atsuko THAT much…
Just as she was about to answer, Atsuko embraced her, making her heart beat fast. She loved her so much… even when she was being random and embraced her suddenly… In fact, that was what she preferred. When Atsuko would just surprise her with the simplest things in life… Simple… yet so cute… so… so adorable… Just to prove Minami that their love would never stop growing.
Deep in Minami’s mind… an idea. A song… The future departure of her girlfriend, the first time they would be separated since they got together… her second half in another country…
Atsuko slowly placed her lips on hers, making her head loose her idea. Butterfly in her stomach, just like the first time. She knew she would always feel this way… She knew that electric choc that went through her body each time her lips met Atsuko’s soft ones would never ever disappear… And she didn’t want it to leave either. That was the best feeling in the world.
“I love you…” Atsuko whispered in her ears. “Don’t you dare forget that when I’m away…”
That’s not possible… Minami wanted to say. That just… couldn’t possibly happen. In her soul, she knew… even if she wanted, she could never forget it, because she had wanted it so bad… and now she had it. Atsuko’s love.
“In fact… there will be no distance between you and I.” Minami murmured, thinking. “Not now… not later…”
***
Three weeks later
“Kampaï!!!” The girls cheered, holding their drinks in the air.
The bunch of girls were all smiling, cheering and having fun, for they have not seen each other for a long time. They had all agreed that night would be a fun girls’ night, without problems being discussed because it wasn’t the time for this. Tonight was not the place for doubts, troubles, sadness or any other depressing things. Tonight was a sweet party night to celebrate Atsuko’s new drama and also her departure. They would not waste their time bringing depressing subjects.
Therefore, they would not talk about the recent scandal about Haruna and Yuko… And they would not tease them either. The girls who were at Minami’s and Atsuko’s house tonight were loyal friends who didn’t care whether or not there was really something going on between the two. If there was, then they would support them gladly. If there wasn’t, then they would do nothing about it and hope for the best in the future, hating even more the media’s endless hunger for drama.
“I’m so happy to finally have the time to see you, guys!” Mariko exclaimed. “It’s been so long!”
“You missed me? I know you did, it must have been hard!” Miichan laughed, patting Mariko’s shoulder while she just rolled her eyes.
The two were back to their old habits, under the amused look of Tomomi and Tomochin, who didn’t know that hidden playful side of the duo.
“Guys… please…” Sayaka sighed. “No fight tonight, remember?”
The tall girl had come with Sae to the dinner. It had been hard for them to deal with their respective busy schedules, but they managed to do it. After all, it was a special occasion, and they would have regretted it if they hadn’t come tonight.
“It’s mine! Let it go!” Tomochin said to Tomomi, who was trying to take her plate away from her.
It was little chocolate strawberries that Minami and Atsuko had spent the day cooking for dessert… A very special experience for both of them. They had both discovered the joy of having to clean a general chocolate disaster in the kitchen. They had also discovered the joy of spending most of the afternoon laughing at each other instead of actually cleaning… And they had discovered the joy of cleaning everything in less than fifteen minutes when they had suddenly realized their guests would arrive soon.
“But it looks good! And you have too many! Why did you take the entire plate!” Tomomi protested.
“I’m hungry!”
“So am I!”
Yuko suddenly magically appeared between them, stealing the plate, blinking at them, and rushed on the other side of the table to join Haruna to share her treasure.
“HEY!” Both of them yelled, though without getting up, knowing they would disturb everyone else.
They watched Yuko and Haruna smiling and feeding each other. They were cute together. It was almost as if the scandal had never happened. Despite their sweets looks to each other, the others could feel something had changed between them. There was still that deep chemistry between them… but something was different. What exactly, they couldn’t tell. When they thought about it, they didn’t know how the duo would deal with the scandal yet… No one knew, and they all knew tonight wasn’t the good time to ask. The only thing they could do was to wait… but seeing how close they were together tonight, they couldn’t help smiling and believe in every rumours juicy magazines had created.
“Takamina, do you have more strawberries?” Tomochin asked, shaking her head at the robber.
Though the AKB era was done for Minami, and despite her having her solo debut already, the others would still often call her by her nickname. After all, she had used it for so long… she couldn’t just throw it away. Plus, she felt that… when people still called her “Takamina”, it made “Minami” even more special when Atsuko would call her this way.
“No… those were the last ones…” Minami answered.
“YUKO! GIVE THEM BACK!” Tomochin growled.
“Me? Who? What are you talking about again?” The innocent actress asked, hiding the plate behind her back.
While Sayaka and Sae just laughed at it, Minami and Atsuko were already back in their own conversation. Even though they were having a dinner with everyone, there were still some shorts moments where they would talk together and share cute secrets the world didn’t need to know. Of course, there had been more strawberries… but it was so hard to resist while cooking them! They looked so good! And they were so hungry! It wasn’t all their fault, right?
“So immature… Fighting over strawberries…” Miichan sighed, pretending to be disappointed by their behaviour. “Such kids… and to think I’m-”
“Stop complaining!” Mariko interrupted her by stealing her plate and started eating whatever was in it.
“MY FOOD! GIVE IT BACK!” Miichan pouted.
“Talk about being immature…” The great Mariko-sama replied, totally eating everything before giving Miichan her plate back.
“It’s not about maturity, it’s about keeping what’s MINE!”
“What are you talking about? It’s empty.” Mariko smiled while giving the plate back.
“YOU!”
At the exact moment when the two were entering the dangerous path of the third world war, the bell rang, interrupting everyone. It was probably Yukirin, the last girl who could managed to come here tonight. As soon as Minami left the living room to open the door, the fight started again, with more love-hate opposition than before.
“Give it back!” Miichan pouted.
“It’s already in my stomach.” Mariko replied, perfectly calm.
“I don’t care! Vomit it!”
“Ewww…” Both Yuko and Haruna said with a horror look on their face. “We’re eating here…”
“Eating our food…” Tomomi whispered to Tomochin who just nodded.
“Here!” Minami’s voice said loudly. “Don’t fight in front of our cute little guest!”
She was coming back with Yukirin… and a little three years old girl. Sayaka immediately went to pick the little child, totally overtaken by how adorable she was. Mariko and Sae quickly followed.
“It’s my cousin.” Yukirin explained as she saw the brief confused look in both Tomomi and Tomochin look. “I’m sorry about it, but my mother asked me to look after her tonight. No one else could.”
“Sae? Sae… Saaaaaaeeeeeeee. Sasae. Sasasae. Sae.” The young child repeated, as members were already trying to make her learn their names.
“No problem at all!!” Sae said, with a bright smile on her face, forgetting for a moment that this wasn’t her home. “Look! She’s not disturbing us at all, isn’t she? No, you don’t! Noooo, you don’t!!”
She was playing with her already, like there was her and the child… and no one else. Sae definitely loved children. She thought they were adorable, loveable, sweet… Sayaka was right over them, trying to make the little thing laugh. Yuko was just smiling and making weirds faces, while Haruna was shaking her head at her crazy girlfriend. Even if Minami and Atsuko hadn’t said anything about it, they all knew there was no problem at all for her to stay here tonight. It was almost as if Yukirin had never arrived. The members were all around the kid instead.
“And… Yuuuukoooooo… Yuko. YuYu… KoKo… Yuko.” Yukirin’s young cousin repeated after what the actress had told her.
“It’s auntie Koko-chan!!” Mariko laughed, pointing at Yuko.
“What’s your name, cutie? Tell them!” Yukirin said softly, trying to reassure the child who was surprised by so many new faces around her.
“Ha… na…” The girl whispered, a bit shy, but proud to tell them her name.
“Hana-chan! How cute!” Haruna said, shaking hand with her.
“Hana-chan! Look here!” Miichan waved. “I’m Miichan!”
Atsuko just smiled at all the bunch of girls trying to get a glimpse of attention from the little new star of the house. She exchanged look with her girlfriend and smirked. Seemed like their celebrity was being stolen by a newbie in the showbiz. Despite being silent, Atsuko was the one Hana seemed to notice the most, always glancing at her, looking at her with a curious look. The whole night flew really quickly, conversations alternating between funny and serious subjects. Some would be about Atsuko’s departures, but they would mostly talk about positive things, such as how well she was doing in her career, how good it was nice to be reuniting again together tonight, how relieve they were to find out they hadn’t stop seeing each other after their graduation… They would even joke about some random subjects such as the number of minutes it took for them to find their address.
Of course, the attention always turned back to Hana and how cute she was. She would play with everyone and laughed innocently when she would “accidently” drop a glass of water on the floor. She would answer the same thing to every question, despite them being the total opposite. She would clap hands with each of the girl and enjoy her time, like only an innocent child can do. Near the end of the night, a bit sleepy, Hana moved closer to her target of the night, Atsuko, and smiled.
“Cute.” She said, moving her head up and down.
“Aww, look who’s trying to steal your girl!” Mariko teased Minami without waiting one more second. “You got absolutely no chance!”
Yukirin laughed. She already thought her cousin would attract a lot of boys and girls later when she would be older. She was already such a player, always finding one person to stay with for a moment, always saying people were cute, always looking at them with that smile that could melt any cold heart.
“Really?! Atsuko, you wouldn’t leave me for her, right?” Minami smirked.
“Who knows…” Atsuko smiled, totally overtaken by Hana’s charm, making her girlfriend rolling her eyes.
“Rough competition, right?” Miichan said like a spy, patting Minami’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, you can find… no, actually, you can’t fine someone better for you than Acchan… But no worries… Hana-chan will soon fall for me, so it’s fine.”
Minami just looked at her like she was crazy, but didn’t add anything. She couldn’t help thinking Hana chose well the girls she liked. After all, no one would surpass Atsuko in her heart.
“Why not me?” Yuko pretended to be sad. “Nyan…”
“Why do you complain anyway?!” Tomochin pointed. “You’ve been chasing after Haruna for this whole time only to say you don’t want her anymore?”
“Good point…” Sae laughed, high-fiving her.
“Honey, come here…” Yukirin tried to separate Hana from Atsuko. “It’s almost time to go home…”
The young child royally ignored her cousin, just hanging to Atsuko’s hand while the actress was smiling at her. She gently placed her in her arms, patting softly her back like a mother would do with a child.
“Aren’t they ADORABLE?!” Sayaka smiled. “I’m sure you’d be a wonderful mother…”
Atsuko blushed but didn’t say anything. Did she want children? She had never thought about it. Minami didn’t either. They would rarely talk about their future, when they would be older… They had never really touch this subject about what they would do with this house… would there be kids running in it in a few years? Would they get married? Was it even possible for them to talk about it?
“I’m sure you would.” Minami said, surprising everyone.
“You want kids?” Mariko asked.
“I didn’t say that… I just said that Atsuko would make a great mother…” Minami hesitantly said.
It seemed they had reached a difficult subject to debate about, but they would not insist more than necessary on it. It was a serious subject, and they would have plenty more time to talk about it later, when everything would be really fixed.
“Let’s not talk about such serious thing in front of her!” Sayaka saved everyone. “Come here, gimme a hug!”
She managed to separate Hana from Atsuko, only to see Yukirin’s cousin yawning. It was indeed, very late and they should all start to leave if they didn’t want to be dead tired tomorrow. However, none of them wanted to. They were having fun. They didn’t want to leave each other now. They didn’t care staying awake until very soon in the morning. After all, they didn’t know when they would be able to talk again together, so they’d rather spend every second they could together.
Plus, Atsuko was leaving soon. They wanted to be with her and enjoy their time. They hadn’t spoken about it, but there was also the scandal between Yuko and Haruna going on. They wanted to be able to make them have fun despite the hard time. They all wanted to see the great bond tying them grow stronger despite the long times spent without seeing each other.
“I’ll get you a last drink for the night.” Minami announced, heading to the kitchen. “I think it’s going to be a long night…”
She wasn’t tired. She was happy right now. She was glad. She wouldn’t change places with anyone right now. She would gladly stay awake the whole night just to speak to the girls she missed the most.
She smiled while pouring the drink in the fancy glasses. It was calm in the kitchen, but it was still easy to hear the loud laughs coming from where the others were. She frankly thought that, thought it wasn’t going exactly as planned, it was a better life that she had ever dreamed of.
“Need help?” Atsuko asked, appearing behind her.
“Yeah… thanks.” Minami said, but putting back down the glasses she was holding.
They just stood next to each other for a moment, smiling and exchanging words by looking at each other.
“Long night… It’s so nice to see them…” Atsuko whispered in Minami’s ear. “But how about we kick them out after that one last drink?”
“Kicking out friends is not a nice thing to do…” Minami laughed, though holding Atsuko’s look intensely.
“Really…?” Atsuko smirked, moving close to her. “We finally have a moment just for us tonight… I will leave soon, you know… I don’t want to waste one night with you.”
Minami’s cheeks turned red, but she managed to keep calm despite feeling a slight spark in her body. No! Now was not the time to think about that! They had guests… she must stay responsible and in control of herself. However… with Atsuko near her and her warm breath on her neck, she knew self control was not an option her girlfriend offered her.
“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed…”
Atsuko’s whisper was lost in the kiss that soon followed those words. Her hand passing through her girlfriend’s silky hair, Atsuko slowly deepened the kiss until she felt Minami totally giving up any resistance. They both breathed together as one for a moment, tongues dancing with each other, lips trying to make the other’s surrender, making it a hard battle to get the control over the other.
“A… Atsuko…” Minami moaned as she felt the actress slamming her against the wall without breaking the contact between their bodies.
“I love you…” The actress only answered.
They didn’t stop kissing. It was the total opposite. It seemed that their impulses had been held too much tonight already, and that they all exploded at the same time. Were they alone? No. They could still hear the distant laughs from the living room… so distant, it seemed to be far away… so distant, it wasn’t even important to listen to them. They were surrounded by people, yet so lost in their own world at the same time.
“I… We… There are people…”
“I don’t care.”
That spark had transformed into a bright violent fire, consuming Minami on the inside, destroying anything that wasn’t related to her desire right now.
When they separated, catching air for what seemed to be the first time in ages, they could only look at each other in the eyes, sending a silent message.
“Last drink?” Atsuko asked, with a smile that meant much more than it seemed.
“Last. Definitely.” Minami nodded, knowing exactly what it meant for them.
They went back in the living room, ignoring the tease of the others girls who complained that it took too long just “for a few drinks”. Of course, it was too long… it was too long, but still never enough to express how much they loved each other.
TBC
I don't have school for the next week, but I don't know if I will be able to update XD My ideas are clear, but long to explain XD Anyway, I hope you guys will still be reading my fic when I will update later :) Thank you for everything, especially the patience :bow:
I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's not exactly how I wanted it to be, but hey, I think it's fine :grin:
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IT was better than my version :D i laugh a lot with kojiyuu.. but feel sorry in the begginning..
aww atsumina couple gonna beaway..every chapter you make it more interesting:Dlove it!!
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Oh, love this, love this! And I especially love that the chapters are all so long so that there's more to read! :heart:
Ahhhhh I can't help but want more! So not fair! XD
I caught up with everything before this chapter just a few weeks ago, but even so, I want to start over and read it again and again so that it never ends. :lol:
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Thanks for updating :lol:
It's an amazing chapter. I.LOVE.IT :wub:
You're never fail to make readers happy or heartbroken, LOL
You take us through heart-breaking scene at first, to adorable scene and lastly is something happy and bright :twothumbs
I really can't wait for your next update :P
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:wub: :wub: :wub:
Newwwwww Chaaaaaaapteeeeeeeeer!!
So nices Atsuko and Minami...
I hope that yuko and haruna can repair with the medios and... i don´t know but i don´t want that they will be sads :cry:
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:inlove: Wow great update!! It's very interesting, and the way you make that story is...very cool!!^^ PLease update as soon as you can :panic: :nervous
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Ho Me gad!!! an update!!!!
Indeed very long i :heart: it!!
Thank you :farofflook:
Its worth the wait!
ATSUMINA KISS MADE ME :nya: :shy2: :shy1: :wriggly: :luvluv1: CANT EXPLAIN!
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Wow thanks for the update :D Awesome chapter as always :D Loved all the character interactions ^^ Atsuko and Minami are as amazing as ever ^^ And kojiyuu was adorable as well :)
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It's good to see them all together and have good time ^^
But I'm still sad for the Kojiyuu T_T
hihi last drink~
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I just love this story so much! :heart:
PLEASE UPDATE SOON!! :bow:
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YEHEEEEY, I was out of the country for the past few days and only had one chance to check things out. I was really itching to go home when I saw an update.
Wew, glad that this chapter is a light one :nervous no heavy drama....for now. I know you will add it sooner or later XD and my mind and kokoro is ready. lol, Acchan will be away from takamina~~ so I am wondering if the future updates will focus on kojiyuu for the meantime. Ohwell i don't care, anything you write satisfies me anyways.
I really like this chapter :thumbup Thankyou :heart:
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:shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked
Im so sad because I've just discover ur Fic
and not able to comment in every chapter you update HUHUHU!
:banghead:
currently in Chapter 19
Arghhh so LONG :lol:
but anyway Every Chapter is Awesome REALLY hounto!!! :thumbsup
Thank you very much <3 <3
I need to finish reading ur fic as soon as possible :cry: :cry:
XDXDXDXDXDXD Atsumina!!!!!
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Ah what an interesting way for kojiyuu to handle this mess but I wonder what else will happen to them and with Atsuko leaving, are we gonna focus on kojiyuu or maybe see how Minami fares with another does of long-distance?
:roll:
Oh well, I love this story so it's totally worth the wait for updates. :thumbup
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I read this fic in 2 days, it's feel so real, some society still can't accept this kind love
It's really sad to see how they try to endure all of their problem
Family, lover, friend really needed at this time the most
Thank you for the story, will be waiting for the next update ^^
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good that everyone with their partners... especially for Atsumina :inlove: :wub: :heart: :love:
Thank's for the update.... :twothumbs
looking forward the next one :fap :cow:
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I'm waiting for update. :)
Really love your fic :P
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So like i made the worst decision by reading some fanfics on here during my hw break. I have 4 books i have to annotate y friday and haven't finished one but right now i just want to read more of ure fanfics!!!!!! Omg they are so real. I love it when authors are able to portray the members like how you've seen them. Read the sequel because it was shortee. I'll be back for more
Thank u :love: :heart:
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Update please
This fic... is one of my fav.
Thank you
:twothumbs :twothumbs :twothumbs
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Update please!!!
I Love this fic toooo toooo much
It's good . I love drama. XD
But i prefer more lovely
Thank u very much :thumbsup
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I love you but I also hate you :bigdeal:
The story is wonderfully written but holy shit! with all the dramas!!! I was getting super frustrated :angry1: lol
I'm really happy that Atsumina finally got together :luvluv1: but I feel bad for the Kojiyuu couple :gyaaah:
I hope you can update soon and stop with all the sadness lol
btw, the heavy rotation Atsumina kiss scene is from which documentary? I can't seem to find it :tantrum: and I really want a HD version of it
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Your fix is amazing~.! Beyond amazing to be exact.! ~(^o^)~
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Excellent written story! Easy to read, in the same breath. Author fellow!
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Yo! I decided to go back to this site to reread my favorite akb48 fics and came across this one :) so much memories of reading this one :) I wonder if you will ever put up anything else for this fic ? its one of the best fics on here :)