Hello.
I told you an update was coming! After all this time...
It actually took me longer than I expected since I realized I had to work hard on it to get it just the way I wanted it. For those of you that are still around, I hope it's worth at least part of the wait.
If you know Berryz song titles and their meanings, I think you'll get more out of this chapter.
But it's not necessary.
Chapter 42 – Anata Nashi de wa Ikite YukenaiMiyabi woke to light flooding the room, even though the curtains were pulled tightly together. She squinted her eyes tightly after the shock of glancing toward the window and groaned, pulling the covers back over her. Even though it must be late, she still didn’t want to get up since most of them, including her, had the day off.
She realized, though, that she was alone as she rolled around in the bed. Blinking more from beneath the covers, taking in the ever-present scent of the younger girl still on the sheets, she tried to make her mind work since she thought there was something she should be remembering. Of course! She’d actually woken earlier when Risako got up, but all she really remembered was the girl telling her she had to meet up with someone and she’d see her later. Miyabi didn’t remember if Risako said who she was meeting.
Getting up now herself, she heard her phone beep to let her know there was mail waiting, so she groggily groped the table for it before picking it up and staring at the message that was from an unidentified address.
High-King is having training practice at 11. Just thought you might be interested...Maybe it was because she just woke up, but that seemed like a strange thing for someone she didn’t know to text her. Closing the message, she checked the time on her phone, and saw it was 10:24. Blinking, she tried to register what that meant.
She didn’t really have any plans for the day except to go shopping with Chinami and Yurina, and maybe have lunch while she was out. She blinked at the time again. She supposed there was no reason she couldn’t stop at the studio first, at least to see what that mail was all about. However… if she was going to be there by 11, she’d really have to hurry. Shinjuku was a short train ride, but it would still take a while to make it all the way to the studio through the various connections.
Now suddenly feeling more awake, she jumped up from the bed and began ransacking her luggage for clothes for the day.
A little while later, she hurried down the street toward the studio building with her hat pulled low over her eyes. She glanced down to her phone again, seeing the numbers change from 11:12 to 11:13. Of course it wouldn’t matter if she was late since she didn’t even need to be there in the first place. In fact, she wondered why she was. On her days off she normally stayed far away from the studio in lieu of shopping.
Finding her way to the floor where she expected they’d rehearse, she walked the loop through the halls, nodding to staff members she passed. Occasionally she’d see activity through one of the windowed doors, but nothing that looked like High-King. She tried another floor that seemed emptier, but upon still finding nothing became a bit puzzled as she pondered what to do next. Was the practice over already? It was barely 11:30.
A flash of movement through one of the last windows she passed on the way back to the stairs caught her attention, and she looked in to see a lone girl standing dressed in training clothes, drinking out of a water bottle and looking like she’d just finished from being hard at work at something. Apparently she noticed Miyabi peering through the window out of the corner of her eye, because she turned to pause as if in a bit of surprise to find her there. Miyabi’s breath caught as the girl pondered a minute before striding evenly to the door and opening it.
“Hi Miya,” Saki said, dabbing at her face as she smiled at Miyabi through the opened door. She glanced up and down the hall as if expecting to find someone else there. “What are you doing here? I thought this was your day off.”
“Well I got this mail and…” Miyabi began, but then her brain seemed to decide to turn on. She did not want to go on to Saki about mysterious mail from strange addresses. “I was just in the area,” she said instead. “I thought I’d drop by and see if anyone was around, maybe to bring along shopping too.”
Saki gave her an appraising look. “Well I’ve just been practicing my dancing here,” she said, and she handed Miyabi her water bottle to take a few quick steps before beginning to leap and twirl across the room. Miyabi’s eyes widened, but she couldn’t take her eyes off the girl. When she almost reached the other side, she came to a halt and turned back to Miyabi. “It’s a real stress-reliever, you know.”
“You’re under a lot of stress?” Miyabi asked, setting Saki’s water bottle and her bag on a table as she walked toward the girl.
An apologetic smile appeared on Saki’s face. “No, I didn’t mean it that way. But dancing is always enjoyable to me.” She reached up again as she went to one foot, and tried to rise up on just her toes before falling back down flat-footed and sighing. “I can never seem to get those ballet poses though. Sometimes I envy Takahashi-san.”
Suddenly Miyabi stepped forward and took Saki’s hands. “I’m sure you’ll get it if you keep working hard,” she said, looking into the girl’s dampened face.
Saki stared down at their hands for a moment before raising her own eyes to Miyabi’s. “I don’t know,” she said. “I think I might be getting too old to train my muscles to all that stuff.”
Miyabi let out a soft giggle at that. “Captain, you may be many things, but you are definitely not old.”
As Saki continued to look impassively into her eyes, Miyabi’s mirth and smile faded slowly from her face until she felt Saki clutch her hand tighter before spinning to wrap herself up within Miyabi’s arms and press against her chest. Miyabi froze, suddenly utterly aware of the small form held tightly against her, and she could smell the clean scent of her sweat.
Before Miyabi could move to extricate herself from the situation… if she even wanted to… Saki spun once again out of her embrace, turning around her underneath her arm to whip out opposite her, Miyabi nearly hanging onto just her fingertips. The girl, smiling at her, dug in her pocket for a small remote to pull it out and click it quickly. When Miyabi heard music come on from Saki’s stereo dock, the girl closed back in and wrapped a hand to her back underneath her arm, Miyabi’s own falling to her waist. Never breaking contact with each other’s eyes, they began moving and turning slowly together to the rhythm.
Miyabi at first felt a bit uncomfortable with Saki apparently giving her the lead, even though it seemed the older girl was really the one leading her along, but of course she was not a novice at dancing either, and soon they flowed almost perfectly together, stepping and twirling slowly. Miyabi wasn’t really dressed for it in a dark yellow faux leather vest, though thin, over a long skull-emblazoned t-shirt and short black and red checkered wool skirt, but still she did her best to keep up with the girl despite the vest flapping gently between them.
The next song to queue on the player was faster, and without parting or stopping the two girls glided into a brisk tango, Miyabi now forgetting about the discomfort of her clothes and not focusing on anything other than the music and the person she was uniting with to turn it into art of movement.
Prancing and whirling around each other, Miyabi felt her own sweat begin to break out in complement to the other’s, which had already nearly saturated her. As her breathing also came heavier and quicker, she felt amazed and envious of Saki, who despite having already been doing this for probably a good while, didn’t seem to be exerting herself at all aside from the visible sweat.
Eventually the music rose to a crescendo, and the two girls spun and spun before Saki snapped back into her arms in a position very similar to how they started the whole thing.
Miyabi, breathing hard, stared down into the other’s glistening face, and she was somewhat pleased to see Saki’s chest dramatically rising and falling as well against hers. They stood and stared like that for a minute until Saki began slowly rising to her tip toes, her eyes drifting half-closed as her breath began to fall on Miyabi’s own lips. Miyabi knew that in the blink of an eye that breath would become hers when their lips touched…
Almost right when she began to feel that tantalizing touch though, she pulled her head back and fought to untwine her arms from around her partner. A moment later they continued to look into each other’s eyes, fingertips touching between, until Miyabi dropped her gaze to the floor.
“I… I’m sorry,” she said, feeling her face burn. “I can’t do this. I…” She suddenly dropped Saki’s hands, her own falling to her sides as she took another step back. “I don’t even know what I’m doing here…”
Saki seemed to hesitate a moment, but then stepped forward herself, and she laid a finger beneath Miyabi’s chin to lift her eyes back up to her own. Miyabi felt like her insides were roiling with confusion, but looking back into the other’s round face, it seemed like Saki was having a fierce internal struggle of her own. After a moment though, she spoke.
“Miya…” she began. “I know it’s been a long time since things have been completely right between us. We might even have developed some charade of a friendship. But…” She let her hand drop from Miyabi’s face, though Miyabi couldn’t look away from the turmoil held tightly captive within soft, dark eyes.
“But I’ve decided I can no longer lie to myself,” Saki continued. “It’s been…” This time she looked away. “It’s been hell ever since I lost you,” she said in a very tight voice. Miyabi swallowed back a breath. Was she crying?? “I decided that I need…” She looked back up to Miyabi. “I need you to know that I love you. I love you, Miyabi Natsuyaki…
de… anata nashi de wa ikite yukenai, kamoshirenai.”
Miyabi had lost her breath when the girl began crying, and now shock bore through her core so deeply that she couldn’t possibly move. Did her Captain just say that she didn’t think she could go on living without her? She’d been missing her all this time?
“I…” Miyabi said, stumbling around for words, any word. “I…” She swallowed and blinked as Saki’s glistening eyes turned back up to her. “But Risako-chan…”
As she said the name a shadow drifted across Saki’s face, and Miyabi now understood the struggle she’d seen in her before she made her declaration. Why did her life always seem to have to be so complicated?
Looking back at the small form of the girl before her though, the incredible girl that was her indomitable Captain even long before she fell in love with her, her mind seemed to become filleted with thoughts of what had been, what was, and what might be.
“I’m sorry…” she rasped simply, knowing she could say nothing else, and she turned and ran to the door, barely remembering to hook her arm around her bag as she passed the table. As it slid off the surface beside her, it knocked Saki’s water bottle onto the floor where Miyabi could hear it bounce once before becoming still behind her as she fled the room.
…
“Oh Miya, this one is so cute!!! Don’t you think?”
Miyabi glanced over at the outfit Chinami picked out. It was a cream-colored pleated dress with a stylish leather belt. As she held it close against herself, Miyabi glanced up to see Yurina rolling her eyes opposite her from the girl, but she could barely find a fake smile in sympathy after everything that’d already happened so far today.
After fleeing the studio, she’d wandered around the skyscraper district to try to lose herself in the bustle of the business world, and it worked so far as isolation at least – it was one of the only places where she could fairly safely walk around without having to worry about her identity. There might be some fans among the masses of upper-end salarymen who worked in the area, but it was such a professional environment that the most they’d do is glance her direction and stare for a second or two. It wasn’t really a place people went to have fun and play around, especially in the middle of the day.
Sometimes she wondered how she fit in such a world. Even though she might have the talent to get into business, she knew she never would, and her status as a woman would still limit her options at some point. No, she was probably stuck being a celebrity and entertainer. In the past, such people had been thought of as even less than peasants, and as with most other things in this country, she was sure some of that perception still existed. Still, at least she had a shot of being much wealthier than a rice farmer.
Eventually she’d found a cozy café to have lunch, and over her miso soup and oyako-don pulled out her initial notes on the new album that they’d be working on for the next few months. She realized approvingly that she would be doing one of her shuffle songs with Chinami and Yurina, and could discuss it with them while shopping later.
She actually had two shuffle songs in this album, a fact that raised an eyebrow.
Maybe Tsunku’s deciding I’ve served a bit of my punishment and he can let me be a bit more visible now… she thought. Glancing at the performers for the other song, she felt her heartbeat quicken on seeing Saki’s name as one of them. It surely wouldn’t be the same as the duet they had in the last album, but…
Don’t Make a Fool of Me… she read. She sighed, wondering who might be the bigger fool. Was she one for not seeming to know what she wanted? She had a great thing in Risako, but her Captain was just… Captain.
She shook her head, scolding herself. This is exactly what she was trying to avoid in trying to concentrate on her work; she didn’t want to think about two certain other Berryz right now. Looking down, she saw the title of another song.
REAL LOVE. And it was… a solo for Risako.
This time she couldn’t help snorting a laugh. If there wasn’t irony in that…
The rest of the lunch went much the same; she did her best to try and distract herself with her work, but somehow it always brought her back to her personal issues. That seemed to be a problem when personal and work lives were so intertwined. It felt like it was her fault for letting it get that way, but she decided it couldn’t really be helped. They were really put in an impossible position with the seven of them having to work so closely together almost constantly. Even if you wanted to have a life of your own, you inevitably became tied in with your other group members. Especially now, having been together four years and counting…
That was longer than most classes stayed together in school, and Berryz was a much smaller group where they spent much more time together as well…
Eventually she’d jumped on the train to Shibuya and met up with Chinami and Yurina to go shopping at
109. It was relaxing to just shop with her friends like nothing was worrying her, chatting about banal things like clothes and accessories, which she could easily and happily go on and on about.
After seeing Chinami coming out of the fitting room with the outfit she’d picked out, spinning to show the two others as Yurina palmed her face as if trying very hard not to say anything, Miyabi rushed in quickly to take another room that just opened up.
Coming out a few minutes later she found Chinami and Yurina brandishing designer outfits at each other, apparently in the middle of some kind of argument. One after another though they fell silent as they noticed Miyabi strut slowly toward them. Their mouths fell open as they couldn’t help but stare at first until Chinami managed to utter in a strangled voice, “Oh my god Miya… you look so hot…”
That broke the spell momentarily as Yurina blinked and shot a frown in her girlfriend’s direction that Chinami didn’t seem to notice.
“Glad you like it,” Miyabi said, smirking a bit flirtatiously.
Stepping in front of a floor mirror, she held a hand to a hip to scrutinize herself up and down. A small knitted maroon beret sat just off to the right atop her hair above the curls spiraling down past her shoulders. It crowned an outfit she’d put together that included a tight black strapless nylon undershirt barely covering her chest. The top-left edge of it just showed beyond what was bared by a red t-shirt cut off at the left shoulder. The bared shoulder and upper arm gave a strong hint of the flesh hidden just below further down her midsection.
The otherwise oversized t-shirt read
Rock Good Life in stenciled black print across the stomach above a wide striated leather belt set unevenly at her waist. Loose as it was, it obviously did no good except as an accessory statement for the barely thigh-length tiger-striped black leather skirt that flared from below the hem of the shirt, which itself hung just past where her thighs met.
This had the effect of showing barely centimeters of the skirt that shielded the top part of black tights reaching halfway to her knees. White nylon stockings to mid-calf completed the look above thick-heeled black stiletto boots that she rocked back and forth on to give her different looks at her legs.
Looking back up into her face, she saw her eyes as she widened them and nodded slowly. “You’re right, Chii. I think this is what I’ll go with.”
Presently she saw the other girl appear behind her in the mirror to touch tentative fingertips to her bare shoulder. Her mouth still hung half-open. “You’re so daring,” she said, partly in envy and partly in veiled desire as it seemed to Miyabi. The thought made her grin. She knew Chinami had always harbored a tiny crush on her with as close as they were as friends, and if this could lay that bare then she wondered at what effect it would have on someone Miyabi was
trying to seduce.
When images of two other girls came into her mind at that, her expression abruptly changed and she broke away from the increasingly intimate fondling by Chinami to stride back toward the fitting room. She glanced back once to see a very cold stare indeed being issued to Chinami by Yurina before disappearing into the room and beginning to change. She’d still get the outfit because she liked things she looked hot in, but she wasn’t quite sure what she’d do with it yet.
As they were checking out, the other two girls gave each other furtive looks as they stood anxiously beside each other. Miyabi didn’t know what happened between them as she was changing back into her own clothes, but looking at them now she would have thought if this wasn’t a public place the two would be jumping each other to make out in an instant. She shook her head. Relationships were very strange sometimes.
When she hoisted her bag and left the register to follow after her friends, she heard a short chime signify a new mail on her phone. Readjusting all the baggage she’d acquired, she dug into one of them to retrieve it and flipped it open, scanning over the short text. Her mind suddenly blanking, she read it again.
“話必要”We need to talk… she repeated once again in her head. She stared at the three kanji as if they tried to imprint themselves into her mind before glancing down to the sender’s name even though she didn’t think actually reading it was. It was sent by “Rii”.
“Miya?” Yurina called, and when she glanced up in a daze to see her two companions out several paces ahead of her, she realized reading the message must have stopped her in her tracks. “Are you all right?” the girl continued.
Miyabi just stared at them. Then she stared back down at her phone before returning to the others.
Chinami walked back to rejoin her, and when she reached her took her arm gently. “Miya, what’s wrong?” she asked, and then glanced down at her phone that she had made no move to hide. Chinami’s expression immediately became serious. “Did you do something to Rii-chan?” she asked, her voice with a bit sharper tone now.
By then Yurina had joined them, and she glanced between the two of them before blinking at Chinami’s words. “Rii-chan?” she asked. She took in Miyabi again. “What’s going on?”
“N-nothing…” Miyabi finally managed to stutter. Once again able to make her brain work, she frantically ran the scene back in the studio through it. She couldn’t have seen her, could she!? She was meeting someone, but Miyabi didn’t know who or where. It could have been at the studio for all she knew! Or one of the others could have seen and told her. She darted sharp glares at Chinami and Yurina, almost backing them up a step. No, they couldn’t have told her. They’ve been with her all afternoon. Plus she’d have been able to tell if something was up with them.
Suddenly she realized Chinami looked like she was about to cry. Yurina apparently noticed too and wrapped a careful arm around her shoulders, glancing around just a bit anxiously as she did so.
“Miya…” Chinami said, her voice becoming tighter. “What has been going on with you lately? I hoped talking with you yesterday would make you seriously think about things.” She sniffed. “You have no idea how hard that was for me. Being harsh and mean and strict doesn’t come easily to me like it does to you.”
Miyabi felt her heart clench. She knew she was careless and insensitive sometimes, but never really thought about how it might be different for others. She rarely thought about others in general, in all honesty. She was so selfish. That’s why she was having all these problems.
She selfishly thought she was powerful enough that she could defeat death, and brought Momoko back to life.
One girl wasn’t enough for her – she had to have two. Nevermind that it was really Saki who’d broken them up to begin with – they both had cheated after all – it was still all through her own selfish desires. Just a bit ago she’d even felt thrilled seeing a look in Chinami’s eyes that she thought meant she wanted her. All of that was how it really was, but… what was she to do? It was just how she is.
“What did you do to Rii-chan?” Chinami asked again, blinking up through watery eyes.
“Nothing,” Miyabi said, staring back placidly. “I did nothing to her.”
…
When she stepped into the hotel it was like the heat had been let out of the building. She was dreading meeting the girl she knew was waiting upstairs, but also knew that she couldn’t avoid it. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe something just happened to the girl today that wanted to talk to her about. It really was impossible that she’d seen or heard what happened at the studio, after all.
She knew that wasn’t the case.
The elevator ride seemed to take ages, but the walk from it to her room seemed instantaneous when before she knew it she found herself staring at the door. Slowly, she swiped her key card and turned the handle.
Inside Risako sat quietly on a chair watching TV. What a funny thing to be doing in the afternoon of one of your days off, Miyabi thought. At the sound of the door the young girl glanced over and noticed Miyabi, who tried to step in casually to drop her bags off onto a table.
She heard the TV click off as she turned back to her girlfriend, finding a face taut with puffy red and swollen eyes as if she’d been crying for quite a while. As she took in the sight, she felt her heart that still hadn’t unclenched drop in a freefall through her insides.
No… a voice echoed woodenly within her head.
There’s no way.
No way…
Topic: Berry Beautiful [Volume 2] (Read 113100 times)