Part 5
After I left Reina’s apartment, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was broken and there nothing anybody could do to fix it. I just wanted to die in hole somewhere.
Before I knew it, my feet were leading me to a former Gomattou member’s place. I allowed myself to follow my body, tears still rolling down my cheeks. I don’t know what time it was, and it probably wasn’t a good idea to be pounding loudly on a door at this hour, but I did it any way.
After a few hearty thumps the door smoothly swung open. Aya’s eyes were beyond red and swollen and she looked like a mess. For a moment she stared at me, her eyes darkly emitted turmoil and an intense anguish darkly. Without another word she swung the door closed. Why was she looking at me as if I had killed her dog?
I knocked on her door again, but this time not as loudly. After a few moments of no movement, the door opened.
“Why have you been crying?” Aya asked in a scornful voice. I was taken aback.
“I could ask you the same thing, Aya-chan.”
I wasn’t exactly in the mood for being on the receiving end of somebody’s anger. Neither of us spoke any further, and wordlessly, Aya let me into her apartment.
For a ridiculous amount of uncounted time, we sat in silence, save for the sounds of our crying.
“I hate her so much right now,” Aya finally spoke up. What? I was so caught up in my own mess that I had momentarily forgotten that Aya looked like she went through the same hell I just had. I do a retake and realise why she was in the state she was in. Miki must have told her.
“I know. I’m sorry,” I replied.
I was just as guilty as Miki, and if Aya wanted to be angry at me I wasn’t going to stop her. But she didn’t saying anything after that, and in the silence I felt like I was sinking lower and lower into the hole that I had let myself fall into. Feeling anxious I started to wring my fingers and straighten out my clothes. Anything to distract me from the situation at hand. I glanced at Aya to find that she was pretty much doing the same thing. The guilt in me stirred even more than before. How could I have done this to one of my closest friends?
“She’s only ever wanted you, you know?” I finally broke the prolonged silence.
“And Reina’s only ever wanted you, yet you threw away her trust like that,” Aya harshly replied, surprising me. I studied Aya carefully as she looked directly back into my eyes. What was she trying to tell me? She wants me to understand. After another second I realise what’s going on in her mind. I’m sorry Aya, I get it now. She wasn’t angry at me for betraying Reina. She was angry because Miki had chosen me to prey on, and I had allowed it.
“Believe me Aya, if I could take it back I would,” I tell her firmly. Aya sits there sternly. It was the truth. “You know I would.”
*****
Risa watched her best friend put all she had into her performance. Her voice carried out each note as if it was her last, drawing upon pure and raw emotion. Her body moved as if it was controlled by defined, elegant precision.
She was born for this.
Risa couldn’t take her eyes off her, even after the performance had ended. Their eyes connected for a split second before Ai hastily looked away, afraid that she might give away what was really going on in her mind. She didn’t want to burden Risa with her job, her duties. She wanted the younger to enjoy her time in the group as much as possible. She didn’t need to be bothered with such matters… both professional and personal.
She’s doing it again. She doesn’t want me to know what’s going on.
The two bizarre personalities were drawn to each other from the very beginning, and once joined, nothing could bring them apart. Well… almost nothing.
There was Eri.
However, that was somehow justified in Risa’s mind. She liked spending time with Eri in a very… private and physical manner. But it didn’t mean that she was head over heels for her. Risa even went so far as to point this out to Eri when they had begun their peculiar way of being “close friends.” Much to Risa’s relief, Eri revealed that she had been thinking the same thing.
With Ai, it was different. Risa wanted to be there for Ai in every way possible, but Ai simply refused to let her. She would say things like “Don’t worry! I can handle it on my own!”
It only made Risa worry more. She wanted to be close to her. She wanted to be with her. What was it that Ai was hiding from Risa? Why was she purposely distancing herself when they had been through hell and back together? Thinking this made her skin prick up in mild anger. She hated the feeling of being shut out, of being left in the cold.
“Are you mad at me?” Ai’s voice gently asked, snapping Risa out of her thoughts.
“Of course not,” Risa replied half-heartedly, knowing full well that Ai was more than capable of picking up on Risa’s emotions.
“I’m sorry,” Ai said quietly, placing a warm hand on top of Risa’s head. Ai knew that Risa was only trying to help. They had had this discussion numerous times before with it always ending in a stalemate. Risa hated it. She hated feeling this way without being able to do anything about it. She hated that only Ai-chan seemed to have the power to really piss her off, to frustrate her. Yet for reasons she couldn’t even begin to seize, she just couldn’t stay angry at the girl. It confused Risa beyond all means.
In one fluid movement, Risa had closed in and wrapped her arms around her friend, resting her head against hers. Ai was initially slightly surprised, but her body promptly moved out of its own natural instinct and reciprocated the gesture.
“Ai-chan… I just really miss you.”
“I know. Me too.”
Topic: Ramblings of a goosefish (updated 29th july~!) (Read 54918 times)