HERE WE GO!
If you did not read
memoir, you'll be confused. If you didn't read
100% Kataomoi, you'll be completely lost. So, do read those before starting here. You can also read them at my blog if you don't want to read the comments or whatnot (
memoir,
100%)
I abruptly ended 100%, possibly giving JFC emotional scarring considering he went all fetal position singing the Kira Kira Fuyu no Shiny Shiny Knife (c) song. So, I'm kind of thinking of just blabbering on for a while, but I guess I'll be nice (for once) and just post the first part.
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PART 1
YOSHIZAWA - AUGUST 21ST
Apparently our team plays really well when Miki and I are pissed off. Either that or they all sensed I wasn't all there and they compensated by kicking ass. It was almost funny how well Miki and I could fake normalcy on the field. As soon as we got into the locker room, the smiles and chat were gone. I gave our coach a grateful look when he gave the post-game pep talk for me. But the entire team was eyeing me and Miki warily.
"Ready?" Miki asked me suddenly. She was holding her futsal bag and looking at me expectantly. I nodded and went to get my things.
We drove home together in complete silence.
Miki walked ahead of me into the apartment, leaving me to shut the door behind us. I took a deep breath.
"Miki, I - "
"First, let's get something clear," she interrupted. "I didn't just up and abandon the group. It was planned. I discussed it with the three most senior members before I did it. I thought you understood that, but apparently not."
"I know," I sighed and sat down on the couch. "I shouldn't have said that. I just - "
"And I know you're pissed off about yesterday," she cut me off again. "And I'm sorry about that. It was stupid. Like I said, I went to talk to Aya even though you said I shouldn't. Then I got annoyed when she said you were the better kisser and some retarded part of my brain told me to prove her wrong."
"I really should have known it was something like that," I replied sadly. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
"uh... Right," Miki replied, sounding a bit confused at my reaction. She sat down next to me. "So, are we ok?"
"I don't know," I answered. I didn't know if I could even say the words. I hated myself so much. How could I ever expect her to not hate me? But I had to tell her. I couldn't live with myself otherwise.
"You don't know?"
"Miki, I got drunk last night. Really, really drunk."
"Oh my God, did someone see you?" she exclaimed. "Can't Makoto pay them off or something?"
"No, it's not that," I sighed. "I've never been that drunk in my entire life."
"You get pretty handsy when you're drunk. Did you get arrested for groping some stranger?!" She grinned. God, she was so beautiful. I wanted to lie and kiss her and hold her and keep her smiling like that forever.
"You're not making this easy, you know that?" I gave a half-hearted smile.
"That's because I'm pretty sure I don't want to hear what you're trying to tell me," she replied quietly. Our eyes met.
"I slept with Maki." The words hung in the air between us. I wanted to take them back, to make them not true, to pretend the last 24 hours had never happened.
Miki said nothing. She simply nodded and stood up. She calmly walked over to the kitchen counter and grabbed the keys that were lying there.
"Miki?" She didn't reply. She walked over to the door and put her shoes on. "Miki!" She paused with her hand on the door knob, but didn't turn around.
"I - " She took a shaky breath to steady herself. "I can't talk to you right now." She seemed to be deliberately forcing each word out. "Because I don't want to hurt you." Her voice cracked on the last word. "Because I love you."
"Are we over?" I asked quietly even though I didn't want to hear the answer.
"I don't know." She opened the front door.
"Where are you going?" I asked desperately. I wanted to grab her and stop her from leaving, to beg her to not go anywhere. She turned and smiled at me. There were tears streaming down her face.
"I don't know."
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