Shinoda Mariko’s blog!2013年6月 9日June 9th 2013 - 8:54 p.m.ありがとうThank you昨日は日産スタジアムライブand総選挙でした、この日までにいろんなことを思い考えました。Yesterday we had the LIVE at NISSAN STADIUM and the General Election, and until that day I’ve been thinking about many things.1番は今まで支えてくれたファンの皆の顔が浮かびました。The face of all those fans who’ve been supporting me ‘til now is the thing which came to my mind the most.思い起こせばわたしはオーディションを受け落ちてカフェッ子からのスタート、ファンの皆の後押しでメンバーに加入、誰よりも自信もない同期もいない不安の中での自分は応援してくれる皆が支えでした。If I remember it, I fell the audition and became a café-girl, and when I became a member I could get pushed by fans, and I had no confidence in myself more than anyone, there was no one of same age as me, and I could get supported and cheered while I was anxious and insecure.正直初めから選抜ではないし人気でもない、自分なりにどうすれば皆に見てもらえるか一生懸命悩んで自分と向き合いながら自分を見つけてきました。To be honest, since the beginning there wasn’t any Senbatsu and I wasn’t even so popular, I was worried in wondering what I could do in order to be seen by fans, working hard for this and I could find myself.選抜でも背がでかいと後ろの端が多かった私は初の総選挙で三位になったことで一転、前で歌うことができました。I could get 3rd place in my first General Election and I could be able to sing on the front.はじめて見てもらえたような、気づいてもらえた認めてもらえたようなそんな気がしました。I felt like I could be seen for the first time, I could be noticed, I could be acknowledged.順位が全てではない、だけどそこから注目されるチャンスもあるんだということを去年のスピーチで伝えたかったです。It’s not like the ranking is everything, it’s just that starting from that you can be noteworthy, that’s what I wanted to convey last year with my speech.いつもわたしのことを考えてくれて時には意見もくれ、わたしのやることにYesとついてきてくれた皆、一人じゃないんだ、味方がたくさんいると、本当に支えられました。AKB人生は辛いことも、悔しいこともたくさんあったけど、その何倍も楽しいことがあった八年間でした。I really felt supported because of all times you’ve been thinking about me, all the times I could get opinions, all the times you’ve been following me and what I wanted to do with a “Yes”, I felt I wasn’t alone, I had many friends/allies with me. Living in AKB there have been many painful things and frustraiting things, but also countless enjoyable things for 8 consecutive years.自分の中で、今回の総選挙は卒業する身としてではなく現メンバーとして正々堂々と戦いたかった。For me, this time I announced my graduation in the General Election, but it was just as a current member who wanted to fight fair and square.皆は優しからきっと最後で応援してくれたかもしれない。Everyone are so kind so they might have been supporting me until the end.だけど、それじゃあ去年の自分が意味のないものになってしまう。But, in that case the me of one year ago became meaningless.発表が急な形にはなりましたが、一年今日まで悩み、当日の後輩の勢いを見て決めました。It became a sudden announcement, but I’ve been worrying about that for a year until today, and looking at junior members’ force I decided it.麻里子コールされた時…正直悩んだよね(笑)When you made that Mariko-choir call for me… To be honest, it troubled me (lol)みんなに求められてる!!って思ったら「卒業なんて嘘~』って言いかけたけど(笑)I was about to tell you “what graduation, it was just a lie~”, when I thought like “it was a request by everyone!!” (lol)やっぱり居心地もいいし、わたしには何不自由ないAKBの活動、だけど、自分は荒波に揉まれながら自分らしく生きていけるんだと思います。As I thought, the comfort is good as well, I had no inconvenience in AKB work, but I think I can survive on my own while catching up rough seas.これからの方が大変かもしれませんが、私はわたしらしく自分のペースで頑張ります。I think it might become hard for people now, but I will give my best on my own way and my own peace.自分勝手な決断だとは思いますが、わたしの気持ちです。I know it’s a selfish decision, but these are my feelings.みんなになかなか会えなくなるのはさみしいから何か方法考えます(笑)It’ll become gradually lonely to not be able to meet with everyone, so I’ll think about some manner (lol)残り少ないAKB人生楽しみます(((o(*゜▽゜*)o)))Let’s have fun for the few remaining time I’ve in AKB(((o(*゜▽゜*)o)))最後にたくさんの期待値、ありがとうございました!!Thank you very much for all the expectation value you had for me until the end!!