Ayu left this message on TeamAyu today:
My frank resolution for this year.
The truth is, last year, I had an ear check-up, my diagnosis being that my left ear has completely lost all function and that there is no treatment.
Even so, I want to keep being a singer.
That's why I'll keep singing as long as this remaining right ear works, to its limit.
I won't quit.
I won't make excuses.
As a professional, I will sing the best songs for everyone.
I don't really like the word "ganbaru," but...
I will ganbaru!!!!! At all costs!!!!!!!!!
Until that day, someday...(translated by HiruNoKaze)えっと。。。
No.205 2008年01月05日 (土) 1時13分
みんなからのメッセージの量がものすごいので、
またまたやって来ました。
う～んと、、、、、あのね、、、そうね。。。
私はいつだって、出来る限り、自分の言葉で自分の
想いを正直にみんなに伝え続けてきたつもり。
それは、みんなきっと解ってくれてると思うんだ。
うん。。。そう、信じてる。
だから、、、書くね。
愛する家族達やスタッフ達にも伝えずに、私の胸に
だけ秘めていた事を。。。
いや、、、厳密に言うと違うな。
ママ（ミカジョンの事ね）だけには言った。
左耳が聞こえなくなっている事。
病院に行こうと思ったのは、自分の耳に確実に異変が
おきてるのを感じたから。
それをイヤモニのせいにして、新しいのに作り変えたい
からなんて、周りの人達には言ったんだけどね。
正直、病院で先生から、治す術はない、手遅れだって言われた
時は、頭の中が真っ白になった。
ぶっちゃけ私は、心のどこかで、手術なりを受ける時間を
とりさえすれば、また聞こえるようになるんじゃないかって
思ってた。
でも、違った。
あの時の、先生の目は今でも覚えてる。
無念そうな、申し訳なさそうな。。。
だから、私は笑った。
なんでだか解らないけれど、笑って、ですよね～っ！
って言って笑った。
愛するスタッフ達に囲まれた、静まり返った病室のなかで。
でもね、この話を、お願いだから悲観的にとらえないで
欲しいんだ。
私はこの現実を受けとめた。
そして、絶望なんてしていないし、希望の光がさしてる
事を、どうか解って欲しい。
何故なら、みんなが私の左耳になってくれるって
言ってくれたじゃない。
もっともっと聞こえるように、叫んでくれるって
言ってくれたじゃない。
ね。
だから、私は残された右耳くんと共に、いくよ。
無理なんてしてない。
それが私にとっての幸せなの。
心配無用！！！！！！！！！！！
これからも、このまま走り続けて行くぜ～～～～～！！！
んでもって、一緒に走ろうぜ～～～～～～っ！！！！！！
あなたに夢を見せたい。
終わらなくて 消えなくて
そんな夢を見て欲しい。
それが僕の願いです。
ありがとう、みんな、みんな、みんな。。。
ありがとう、ママ。
ありがとう、
大好きなお姉ちゃん。
行くぜ十周年！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
Umm...
No.205 January 5th, 2008 (Saturday) 1:13am
The volume of messages from you all is amazing, I decided to post again.*
"Mhmm" ... "Hey," ... "Yea..."
I have always, as much as I can, meant to keep honestly conveying my own feelings with my own words. I think you all definitely understand this.
Yes...right, I believe.
That's why...I write.
I write things I keep only in my heart, not even telling my beloved family members nor my staff.
Actually, no...strictly speaking, that's not true.
I only told Mama (I mean Mika John).
That my left ear cannot hear anymore.
I thought of going to the hospital because I felt distinctly that something strange happened to my ear.
I thought it was the earphone monitors and told the people around me I wanted to switch to new ones.
Honestly, when the doctor told me that there is no treatment and that it's too late, my mind went blank.
In my heart somewhere, I sincerely felt that if I just make the time necessary for surgery, my ear would be able to hear again.
But I was wrong.
I remember the doctor's eyes even now.
They looked regretful and apologetic.
So, I laughed.
I didn't know why, but I said "I thought so", and laughed.
Surrounded by my beloved staff inside the hospital room, everything returned to silence.
But, please, I don't want you to read this with pessimism.
I have accepted this reality.
And, I want you to understand somehow that I'm not despairing, but that the light of my hopes shines forth.
Because, you've told me that you will become my left ear.
You've told me that, so that I'll be able to hear more and more, you'll shout out for me.
Hey...
So, with my remaining right ear, I'm gonna do this.
I'm not at all straining myself.
To me, it's my happiness.
Worrying is useless!!!!!!!!!!!
From here on, I'm going to keeping running forward like this~~~~~!!!
But, let's keep running together~~~~~~!!!!!!
I want to show you my dreams.
Unending, unfading.
I want to show you that kind of dream.
That is my wish.
Thank you, everyone, everyone, everyone...
Thank you, Mama.
Thank you,
My beloved big sister.
Let's do it, 10th year anniversary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(translated by HiruNoKaze@AHS)No.206 2008年01月05日 (土) 17時16分
今、空の色マジやべぇぴょん！！！！！
上から順に、青→水色→グリーン→黄色→紫、そんでビル群の真上は濃紺になってるの～～～～きゃ(／＼)！ ！！！！
みんな早く、見てみて～～～～～♪
って、TA全員に一斉メールしたいぐらい（笑）綺麗よ(^_-)-☆
No.206 January 5th, 2008 5:16pm
Right now, the color of the sky is seriously crazy guyz!!!!!
From above, the color goes from blue to water blue to green to yellow to purple, and then the very top of all the buildings are turning indigo~~~~kya(／＼)!!!!!
Everyone quick, give it a look~~~~~♪
So, I thought it was so beautiful that I wanted to email everyone in TA at once lol (^_-)-☆
(translated by HiruNoKaze@AHS)And this was written by masa, the person who translated all of Ayu's lyrics to date, in May 2004:
The other is about the Dome Tour. I was surprised to know it had been only two hours before the concert that she fell from the stage, as I had thought it would have been earlier than that. But what was more shocking was that her left ear had caused hearing impairment in the middle of the rehearsal. She held the concert in spite of those troubles after all, and after the Dome Tour, she lost her hearing in the left ear almost completely. (What a painful story !) -- Then how is it going now? On the day after the TV program, she wrote on the BBS of Team Ayu as below.
Honestly speaking, I'm not in a negative mood regarding this matter. Because all of you listen to my song in place of my left ear, don't you? (Team Ayu BBS April 13, 2004)
This is an indirect expression. But if we interprete this most naturally, it will be that it's impossible (or almost impossible) for her to hear in the left ear now. What impressions did you have after knowing these new facts?
Topic: Ayu is completely deaf in her left ear (but she is NOT retiring!) (Read 5714 times)