This chapter turns out way longer than I expected. Sorry to keep you waiting in suspense...hmm, this is for Aya as a birthday gift! (Ok she may not like it, I think
whatever) It's pretty hard to sneak onto my brother's or my dad's comp and type this though. Good thing my brother isn't at home now and I can use his comp to complete the chapter. On a side note, 23 is my favourite number so I hope you will like this chapter!
F.Y.I
Chapter 23
Pact
December 25 (11.02am)
“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t apologise. There’s no need for apologies. I love you.” she whispered before she pressed her lips against that of the older girl. Their tongues intertwined and the younger girl sneaked her hand under the other’s blouse and moved its way up…
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“Konya arigatou mata aeru darou” The chorus of Thanks! played and she opened her eyes reluctantly. This was perhaps the first time she disliked the song. What timing.
She picked up her handphone lying on the side-table and yelled into the phone, “Hello!”
“Merry Christmas!” The female caller exclaimed excitedly.
“Merry your ass,” Miki snapped.
“Hey why are you been snappy today? You told me to call you-”
“No, I didn’t!” Miki shouted and she clenched her fists. She took the phone away from her ears for a split second and look at the caller ID. No, that number wasn’t in her contacts. Who the hell changed her phone and number on Christmas? Who the hell thought that she was supposed to call Miki at 11 am on Christmas?
Just when she was about to ask for the caller’s identity, the caller said in a muffled voice, “Why are you like that? I got you Mikitty’s photobook – COEUR with her autograph on it for Christmas this year you know. Do you know how hard it is to get her autograph? You should be happy, Yumiko-”
“Mikitty rocks but you got the wrong number,” Miki commented flatly before she hung up.
She gazed at the bottom left drawer near the window where she kept her own albums, singles and photobooks. She didn’t treasure them as much as she treasured Aya’s items with her autograph and personal messages on them. But those albums, singles and photobooks of her own with that trademark signature meant a lot to many others.
This was exactly why she joined H!P. She wanted to influence and make an impact on others’ lives just like the artists who had made an impact on hers. Because of the hectic lifestyle of an idol and the worries that come with that icon, many a times, she forgot her reason behind joining this company. The reason for joining and staying in the project had somehow simplified itself over the years into just one word – Aya. In a way, it seemed like a dream as it started off with admiration then friendship and now love. She wondered how the dream would end. Would it even end? She hoped not.
She thought back on the dream that she just had and smiled to herself. It seemed to be a simpler world in her dreams. Why was reality so much more complicated? She stared out of the window. There were little children running around on the streets and their parents were lagging behind them with their arms locked together. Bliss was definitely in the air. There were bits of fluffs hanging on the sky with the sun shining brightly near its noon position. Good weather ahead.
There were five more hours before the Christmas date with Aya. She didn’t anticipate it as much as she dreaded it. She prayed that it would turn out as well as the weather was today.
She trudged out of her room and switched on the TV in an attempt to kill time. The female broadcaster reported that there would be snow later in the afternoon. “What a joke,” she murmured to herself. She caught a glimpse of the disc lying on top of the TV set and she smiled to herself. She wondered aloud to herself, “Will that last us through winter?”
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December 25 (2.12pm)
Aya walked briskly along the empty corridor with her eyes fixated on the blue heart-shaped clock pendant that was in her hands. She was elated that she could find the clock pendant which she earlier thought she had lost. Last night, she had searched her entire apartment for this item but she couldn’t find it. She only remembered around midnight that she had left it in the studio the other day as she was afraid that Miki would find the gift before Christmas if she left it lying in her apartment. There wasn’t anyone in the studio though. Who would be at her workplace on Christmas unless a concert was coming up?
She smiled with her eyes still fixed on the pendant clock which she had taken hours to choose. Blue was the colour that Miki always took when they bought things in pairs; heart represented their love and clock served to remind her of their shared timeless love. Would the pendant clock be of significance after the events that unfolded yesterday?
When she walked past one of the studios, she could hear chatter in it and the lights were switched on in the room. Curious, she peeked through the gap left between the wall and the half-open door and she wasn’t really surprised to see the 2 members of the 5th generation alone in the nicely decorated room. There were red and green balloons hanging on the ceilings and walls of the room and the 2 girls were close together in the middle of it. The scene seemed too fairy-tale like to be true.
Ai wore a necklace around Risa’s neck slowly like a gentleman to a lady and Risa just closed her eyes enjoying that special moment. After Ai hooked the ends of the necklace up, she planted a kiss on Risa’s right cheek. Risa’s face immediately turned red and she opened her eyes.
Risa looked at herself in the gigantic mirror plastered on the wall right in front of her and she smiled widely and commented, “The necklace looks nice on me! It really suits me! Did you buy a matching one?” Ai nodded shyly. “Do you have it now? I want to put it on for you…” Risa whispered slyly.
Ai took out an identical necklace and passed it to Risa. Risa took the necklace and began wearing it around the other girl’s neck and attempted to imitate the other girl’s actions. Ai’s eyes were fixed on Risa and she could feel the other girl’s breathing as their bodies neared. “Ai-chan, close your eyes,” Risa commanded cheekily probably trying to imitate Miki.
“But I want to look at you,” Ai replied with her unwavering eyes still fixed on the other girl. Ai placed her arms around Risa’s waist and she ran her fingers up and down the other girl’s back in an attempt to make this moment even more sensual. Risa shook her head with a grin plastered on her face. She was loving the moment with the leader. After she had hooked the ends of the necklace, she stared straight into Ai’s eyes and mouthed the words, “Merry Christmas.” She then leaned towards her best friend and kissed her on the lips.
Aya could no longer stand watching the two girls anymore and she walked off away from the room. She made a conscious attempt to drag her feet so as to remind the girls to close the door properly. It was just painful to watch the girls smooching as the friendship between the 2 girls bore too much resemblance with that between her and Miki.
She remembered that they spent the first Christmas together at the park near Miki’s place 6 years ago when Miki joined the project. Miki bought a pair of matching bracelets and she remembered that she insisted that she wanted the one with the small pink heart on it. That was when they made that pact – a simple yet unforgettable pact. She wondered, “If things between us can become simple again, probably it will form part of our shared unforgettable memories. Will it?”
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December 25 (3.55pm)
Miki sat on the bench in that park near her place that they did on the 1st Christmas that they spent together and she could visualise how Christmas was spent 6 years ago. On that very 1st Christmas, she took out a pair of matching bracelets and told Aya to pick the one she liked and she would settle for the other one. She could still remember that Aya chose the one with the small pink heart on it and she took the one with the diamond. Then, they put the bracelets on for each other – Aya wore on her left hand while Miki wore on her right. After giggling and putting the bracelets on for the other, they held hands and the bracelets hit onto each other and produced the sharp metal sound. It was at that symbolical moment when they made that simple pact.
There were families with children strolling leisurely in the park and a group of high-school girls sat on another bench several metres away and chatted idly. They seemed to be so carefree as though there weren’t any problems in their lives. Even if there were problems, they had momentarily forgotten about them on Christmas Day. She couldn’t bring herself to do that. She couldn’t sweep away the problems and burdens swirling in her mind now.
She glanced at her watch. It was 5 minutes to four. She wondered what Aya would say to her. Would Aya say the thing that she dreaded? This wasn’t Miki-like to worry about a problem like that. Normally, she would take things into her own hands and solve any problems that came her way on her own. That was why she always felt that she was a different person when it came to Aya. But she enjoyed being different.
She began to compose a speech in her mind: “Aya-chan, I’m sorry about what I did yesterday. I know I have disappoint you with my childish and reckless actions. I’m really sorry about that. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I hope that you know that I love you more than myself. Please don’t leave me.” This was really cliché and mushy in a sense but she swore to herself that she would say that. Who cared about image when Aya was at stake?
Just when she was rehearsing the speech in her mind for the 3rd time, she saw Aya walking up to her from afar and she felt the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. It was as though this was their first date. She couldn’t read Aya’s emotions from her facial expression clearly. Aya seemed to be deep in thoughts and that meant that she was probably rehearsing a speech in her mind as well.
When Aya was within metres from her, Miki smiled as widely as she could, waved and greeted, “Hello Aya-chan. Merry Christmas!”
Aya smiled back and said rather graciously, “Merry Christmas to you too!” Aya then took out the blue heart-shaped clock pendant from her rather empty bag and said sweetly, “This is for you.”
Miki took the clock pendant and examined it in awe. It was not the most fabulous thing that she had ever seen but it was perhaps one of the most important gifts she had received in her life. “Thank you,” Miki said sincerely. She truly appreciated it. She fidgeted with the contents in her bag trying to find the disc. When she eventually found the disc, she held onto it in her bag and she hid it from Aya’s view as she wanted to give Aya a surprise. She smiled and whispered, “Aya-”
“Miki-tan, let me do the talking for today ok?” Miki nodded reluctantly wondering what Aya would say. There wasn’t even the tiniest smile on her face when she said, “Today let’s be honest with each other and not even keep a single thought to ourselves, ok?”
“Some form of trash talk?”
Aya twisted her lips and replied, “Something like that.”
“Ok.” Miki let go of the disc in her bag. This would probably take some time. This wasn’t the best situation for her. She might end up saying hurting words and worsen the situation.
Fujimoto Miki, you aren’t gonna be obsessed with the idea of trash-talking and start rambling. Let Aya-chan do the talking. “Miki-tan, you know Japanese always like to squeeze into lifts no matter how packed they are. Think about it, it’s quite dumb. From young, we were taught this was the way of life and when we saw people around us doing so, we squeezed in as well. Why do we force ourselves into such uncomfortable situations just because it seems right for us to do it?”
“What’s your point?”
Force; uncomfortable situations; seems right….No, this seems bad. I have a stinky feeling about this. “My point is most of the time when we squeeze into those packed lifts, we don’t keep in mind the reason for us to do so which is to save time or something. It just seems to be something natural-”
“What’s your point?”
Hurry up Aya! Get to your point! “My point is if we see those packed lifts as our love, I think we have forgotten why we love each other in the first place.”
“I still remember.”
“Don’t be so certain about it. Think about it. We ought to do something unJapanese in our relationship.”
“What do you mean by that?”
This is getting scary. I don’t want to hear…“Now I give you 2 options. 1, let’s miss this packed lift and give ourselves time to think whether we want to catch it or not the next time. So that means let’s not be seeing each other for, say, the next 30 days. Let’s use the time to think about our relationship and the sources of the problems in it and after exactly 30 days, we’ll meet up again and see whether we still love each other. If we cannot even pass this test of time, I doubt we can last forever.”
“And 2 is?”
Aya closed her eyes in an attempt to summon courage to say this. She dreaded saying this. “2, let’s just not take the lift and maybe take stairs instead. It means let’s call it quits today.”
Miki’s heart sank when she heard that. She thought, “I wasn’t left with much of an option to choose from. So ending us is one of the options? I should have guessed as much. After all, I was different from Goto Maki.”
“So what are you thinking about?” Aya spoke gently.
Miki remained silent. This wasn’t the correct time to be honest about her thoughts. Not when she was thinking about something like that.
Maybe I can just inform Aya that I choose option 1 to change the topic. “Aya-chan, I choose-”
Aya stared straight into her eyes and said in an authoritative voice, “I said we need to be honest about our thoughts, right?”
She read what I was thinking of already. There is no point keeping it from her. It will only breach her trust if I do so. Miki gazed at the grass patch right in front of the bench and murmured, “If I were Gocchin, you wouldn’t have option 2 up there, right?”
“What-”
“You will beg me to stay with you and you will love me forever no matter how many times I cheat you.”
Aya’s eyes widened.
From that look on her face, I knew Maki was in her mind but I didn’t expect her to say something like that. I still love you for your honesty, Miki-tan. “No, you can’t say that! It’s not exactly the same case.”
Oh crap, that doesn’t sound convincing in any way. “I see.”
Aya gazed at the huge clouds hanging above them. It seemed as though it was about to snow in any time.
Now, it’s my turn to be honest. She said, “Sometimes I just find it hard to love you because I’m unable to match the intensity of your love you know?”
Miki shook her head. “It’s not that you are unable to match but you are unwilling to love. To be fair, it was the same case with Goto. But the difference is because we are on the same plane in our relationship so I expect some form of reciprocation. But Goto lied to you and she felt guilty about it so she didn’t expect you to reciprocate at all. If you did, that was just a bonus.”
Tears welled up in Aya’s eyes. Miki had hit a very sensitive topic. How could she compare love like that? Aya stared at Miki with the teary yet accusing pair of eyes and shouted, “So you think that I never give anything into our relationship? Anyway, we aren’t on the same plane. I don’t even know which plane you are on. I don’t have that detective mind of yours so I find it hard to complement to you and you just flare up at me whenever I don’t!”
Miki fell silent. What Aya just said was true. She knew she was not the easiest person on earth for another to complement to. Small snowflakes were falling from the sky and it stained some parts of her black overcoat white instantaneously. It snowed in the afternoon after all. Weather is so unpredictable.
Aya gazed at the snowflakes falling and smiled weakly. She commented more to herself than to Miki, “There weren’t so many problems between us in the past when we weren’t together in this way.”
“What are you implying?” Miki asked nervously.
Was she hinting about Option 2? “Nothing, I was just wondering. Because you are still you, you are still as short-tempered as before but in the past we really didn’t have so many problems. In a way, I miss those days when we were friends because when we see each other as friends, I can accept you-”
Miki interrupted, “Aya, you know something? I never see you as a friend at all. I love you right from the start.”
“Then why did you take so many years to tell me?”
“I told you before but I’ll tell you again. I’m afraid of losing you because I thought firstly, you may not like girls and secondly, you may not like me. Today I discovered a third point that is even though you like girls and you like me, you’re selfish and you prefer to be loved unrequitedly like what I did to you in the past, Ayaya.”
Miki knew where the strings were and those words hit those strings pretty hard with her words. She felt angered by those words not just because it was spoken with such sarcasm but because all that Aya had felt for her and given in their relationship didn’t seem to be noticed by the older girl at all. She made it sound as though it was an eternal unrequited love.
Aya bellowed, “What about you? Don’t speak of yourself as though you’re a sage! Did you come up with the whole detective plan of yours because of your love for me or because you wanted to win?”
Less than a second after she had completed her sentence, she felt a sharp pain on her right cheek. She didn’t quite catch the movement of Miki’s hand across her face though. Miki was so fast, so professional and…so hurt. It was the first time in her life that Miki slapped her.
Miki glared at her with tears welling up in her eyes. She had never experienced such pain before. Words almost killed her. Fujimoto Miki 1 – Matsuura Aya 1.
Aya attempted to read the words off Miki’s facial expression. She was probably thinking, “So that thought has been lurking at the back of her mind, huh?” Miki nodded as though she had conceded defeat and her eyes wandered off to the trail leading back to her apartment for a split second before she shot Aya another deadly glare and ran off. She meant, “Don’t chase after me.”
As Miki ran off, something fell out of her bag and Aya trudged over to pick it up. It was a disc and on its disc cover, it wrote in bright pink ink, “Merry Christmas Aya-chan! From me to you, momoiro kataomoi…” There was the trademark heart-shaped signature at the end which held so many memories and so much meaning.
Aya kneeled on the ground and burst out in tears. She scolded herself in her head, “I shouldn’t have said that. It must have hurt her to a great extent. Why did those words even come out of my mouth? I love you…why didn’t I say that instead? It is my fault that I make it feel like an eternal momoiro kataomoi even if we are now in a relationship. I can almost hear Miki singing ‘zutto suki de ii desu ka’ right now. Will I even have the chance to hear that after breaking her heart like that?”
The snow was getting heavier and one child, who was running, slipped and the candies in his hands fell onto the ground. Things were falling out of her hands as well. She gazed at the empty bench which they were seated on earlier and she could almost see the 2 short-haired girls in front of her hand-in-hand wearing matching bracelets in silence right now and in unison, the 2 girls declared and made a pact, “Let’s stay like this forever…”
Topic: F.Y.I 29 - Recurring Moments (Read 150679 times)