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Author Topic: unconditional love  (Read 11118 times)

Offline firemore

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unconditional love
« on: August 22, 2008, 09:32:18 AM »
hi everyone im a new writer so i dont write that great and this story might sound cheesy and its ishiyoshi


Chapter 1
“Alright class, may I have your attention. We have a transferred student today and her name is Yoshizawa Hitomi. Please be nice to her.” Nakazawa sensei introduced hastily.

“Just call me yossie and the thing I hate the most is annoying people so don’t bug me or ask any silly questions when its not needed.” yossie spoked bluntly.

“Any question class?”

“Ano, why is she wearing pants instead of skirt.” one student questioned and suddenly everyone was whispering.

“Didn’t I just say not to ask silly question and to answer your question its because I HATE skirts!” yossie raised her voice which shut the whole class to silent.

Nakazawa sensei clapped her hands “Ok class settle down, Yossie please take a seat next to Ishikawa Rika, she’s sitting next to the window first row, fourth seat.”
_____________________________________________

“Are you detective Yoshizawa Hiromi.”

“Yes and you?

“My name is Akira and I’m a cop”

“What business do I have with you”

“We heard that you’re a talented detective and can break any case without a sweat. In Tokyo, there’s this Ishikawa gang that has been smuggling in illegal cocaine and weapons and they made money through any illegal means.”

“Then just arrest them.”

“Its easy to say that but we don’t have any evidence. Everytime we sent spies, they always end up missing or being killed. So we want you to take this case.”

“Sorry not interested, I only like to solve mysteries.”

“Well if I say that this case is related to your sister’s death.” Hiromi looked up at him. “your sister died in a car accident; however, a witness saw Ishikawa crews in that car so they might be involved with your sister’s death.”

“what do you want me to do.”

“even though Ishikawa Kazuko is a dangerous man, but he has a daughter named Rika and he loves her a lot. She goes to an all school girl named Gakuhou High School. We want you to get close to her and if you have a chance then investigate her father.”

“I’ll accept this case but I don’t want to wear a skirt.“

“Don’t worry about that, we can ask a permission for you to wear pants. By the way change your name to Hitomi to hide your idenity.”

“When’s the mission?”

“Starting tomorrow.”
_________________________________________________

So that’s Rika. Behind a scary father there’s a cute daughter. How ironic” yossie thought to herself.

She took a glance at Rika and Rika turned back, happened to see yossie staring at her.

“What?” Rika retorted.

“Nothing.” Yossie quickly turned away. “hm…she’s really cute.”



Offline stefy

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2008, 11:36:52 AM »
Heyy your writing...

Okayy. Nice idea.. but seriously TOOOOO LITTLE DESCRIPTION!!

Offline gloopip

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2008, 01:21:11 PM »
ISHIYOSHI!!!! :mon beam:

Offline strawb3rrykream

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2008, 04:16:51 PM »
Oshit, Ishikawa gang?? XD I like this! :P

Offline firemore

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2008, 09:40:48 PM »
haha sorry i was typing at around 11pm and i wanted to finish it so i rushed myself, next time ill add more details thanks for your comments though

Offline JFC

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2008, 02:01:06 AM »
Heyy your writing...

Okayy. Nice idea.. but seriously TOOOOO LITTLE DESCRIPTION!!
Agreed. Dialogue is nice, but it does need more descriptive context.

JPH!P :heart:'s kuro808, Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline tru_harmony

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2008, 02:43:15 AM »
yay! more ishiyoshi!!!

gangs and cops, eh...

kinda similar to a fic idea playing in my mind for a while...

hmm... thanks for starting a new fic... more stuff for me to read!

Offline maverickpanda

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2008, 06:09:14 AM »
yossie all twenty one jump street is so  :mon bleed2: and :mon mischief:

good start keep at it always good to have fresh content on the forumn

(Image of absolute awesome provided by Gloopip Graphix)

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Offline firemore

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2008, 10:56:45 AM »
sorry for my bad writing  :banghead:  this chapter i dont know if its descriptive enough

Chapter 2

“Yoshizawa, wake up!” Nakazawa sensei threw a chalk straight at her face and luckily she dodged it. “hmph, you were lucky but this time I guess not.” She had two chalk erasers in her hands and aimed really hard this time which totally struck yossie’s face.

“Itai.” Yossie complained. Her cheeks were covered with chalk powdered which made her became the class clown and the whole class was laughing. “Sensei why don’t you become a karate master instead of a teacher.” Yossie said chokingly while laughing.

“How dare you on your first day to fall asleep in class and even talked back to me. I guess you have some guts Yoshizawa. No one in this school is dare enough to confront me except you.” Nakazawa sensei crackled her knuckles which made yossie gulped down her saliva.

Ding dong ding dong

“Alright class dismiss.” Yossie was the first person to storm out of the class room immediately. “However Yoshizawa I need to …..eh where is she?”

“Phew. Lucky its lunch time. Even though my karate is beyond a black belt but I wouldn’t want to face her wrath. Dang her glare really scared the shit out of me.” Yossie walked into the bathroom to clean her face and most of the girls stared at her with amusement as she entered.

“Eh? Never seen a handsome girl?” Yossie gave an annoyed look.

“Who is this girl. I’ve never seen her before. Maybe she’s a transferred student but she‘s really handsome and she has pants too.” The girls started whispering to each other. Normally Yossie hate it when someone whispering about her but since they commented on her handsome look, she let it slide this time.

After she finished cleaning her face. She went to buy some food for lunch. As she was walking in the hallway, she approached Rika and her two crews. Rika walking in the middle while the two followers pushed way for Rika. One of the crews pushed a girl really hard which sent her down to the floor and started kicking her.

“Out of the way! Cant you see Rika-sama is here. Idiot.”

“Yui, that’s should be enough.” the other crew stopped her friend.

“Erika, we have to teach these idiots a lesson not to get in Rika-sama’s way.” she continued kicking and stepping on the poor girl’s hand.

Yui was about to punch the girl but Yossie caught her punch with her left hand and with her right arm, she grabbed Yui’s arm and threw her over Yossie’s shoulder with her back landing on the solid ground. Erika ran to Yui’s side to help her get up. Everyone in the hallway froze in their place because this is the first time that someone stopped Rika’s crews

Yossie walked up to face Rika. “Even though you have a pretty face but deep down inside is rotten. Who do you think you are making everyone to get out of your way!”

“Who am I is none of your business. Even my father wouldn’t dare to lecture me that.” Rika gave Yossie a smirk while staring straight into her eyes

Couldn’t control her anger anymore, Yossie slapped Rika’s face on her right cheek which made hers swollen. “Then ill teach you in place of your father. I don’t give a damn about your father spoiled you but if you bully people then ill stick my nose in it.” Yossie’s anger is boiling up but she softened as she saw Rika’s eyes started to have some tears.

“How dare you slap Rika-sama” Yui and Erika both shouted. They ran to Rika to examine her cheek

“Let’s go.” Rika insisted.

“But she…” Yui had a confused face

“I said let’s go!” Rika interrupted and walked away. The two soon sped their speed to catch up with Rika.

“Are you ok?” Yossie stated.

“Yeah.” the girl answered. Yossie helped her get up and brushed away the dust on her skirt.

“Really next time you should stand up against them. Bullies are coward once you fight against them.”

“It’s ok. I’m used to it. She has a strong father behind. No one dares to slap her like that.”

“Except me.” the girl nodded.

“Are you a transferred student.” she then examined yossie’s pants.

“Yeah.”

“That’s why you didn’t know about Rika’s strong background. Avoid her next time when you see her. I’m going back to my classroom. Thank you for saving me and Im sorry for putting you in danger. She might not leave you alone.”

“Don’t worry about that and remember to treat your injuries.” she smiled and left yossie in the hallway. Yossie watched her leaving and scanned the hallway. “Wow, when did everyone leave so fast. Just then I saw a crowd and now there’s no single soul here well except my soul.”

Ding dong ding dong

“Eh, lunch time is over? Time sure passes really fast.” yossie’s stomach let out a noise and she grabbed her tummy. “hm..lucky I still have a jolly rancher.”



Offline tru_harmony

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2008, 04:04:06 PM »
this is soooooo from sukeban deka codename: asamiya saki!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

bitchy rika is HOTTT and damn SEXXXY...

hmmm... yossui... better teach the girl a lesson...

... keep at it... your story has potential!!!

thanks for the update~~ looking forward to the next one...

Offline kRisZ

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2008, 05:07:10 PM »
 :muffin:

Offline strawb3rrykream

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2008, 05:47:22 PM »
I agree with tru, this is definitely Rika's character: Akiyama Reika from Sukeban Deka!!!
But I love it! So hot~ :drool: So whose this girl that Yossy saved???

Offline firemore

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #12 on: August 23, 2008, 09:50:49 PM »
haha yeah, after i watched yoyo girl cop, i realized bitchy rika is super hot so i want to incorporate that into my fanfic

hm..about the girl that yossie saved? i dont even know, i just wrote whatever came into my mind

ill try to update one chapter a day if i can before skool starts

Offline JFC

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2008, 11:42:40 PM »
Quote
yossie’s stomach let out a noise and she grabbed her tummy. “hm..lucky I still have a jolly rancher.”
XD

JPH!P :heart:'s kuro808, Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline hotohori

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #14 on: August 24, 2008, 12:33:17 AM »
 :mon mischief: I like your story  :mon inluv:

Yossie is really kakkoi  :mon lovelaff:

keep your work up  :mon thumb:

Offline firemore

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #15 on: August 24, 2008, 10:59:25 AM »
i hope you guys like the story build up

Chapter3.

Yossie decided to skip half remaining class because first she didn’t want to hear Nakazawa sensei’s lecturing nor see Rika. So she ditched school and went home early.

She arrived at her house and received a welcome from her best friend also known as her assistant in detective busniness.

“You’re home early.” she said but Yossie kept walking to her bedroom and threw her backpack on the floor and let herself fall down on her bed.

“I screwed up on my mission a little bit.” yossie eyes closed.

“Uso, who would have thought a professional like you made a mistake.” her friend chuckled a little. She sat beside her bed. Yossie looked at Goto waiting for her to let yossie speak.

“So what did you do.” Goto recomposed herself and tried to listen to her friend.

“I slapped my target. I was supposed to get close to her but now after this I think it’ll be hard to approach her.”

Goto stood up to put away yossie’s backpack. “Its rare to see you lose your coolness. Something must have pushed your anger button.”

“I guess so. By the way I need you to do my school homework.”

“Eh why, its not my job and plus Im already occupied with other jobs in place of you. Why do you care so much about homework when you’re not a real school girl.”

“It’s because my class has a devil teacher who likes to suck student’s soul whom doesn’t do their homework.” yossie lowered her voice to sound more creepy which sent shiver up Goto’s spine.

Ringgggggggggggsss

“I’ll go pick up the call and make coffee for you.” Goto left yossie’s room and closed the door. Yossie stood up and walked to look at the window.

“Anger button?” yossie talked to herself. “Maybe she reminded me of her.”

Flashback

“onee-san save me” the girl was sobbing while running into the older girl’s arms.

“Emiko, what happened.” she looked concern.

“those girls bullied me again.” Four girls ran toward Emiko but was stopped by the older girl.

“You bastard! How dare you picked on my little precious sister.” she then punched the four girls in the face. Blood dripped from their mouths and in an instant they sprinted away as fast as they could while screaming.

“Don’t worry Emiko, they’re gone so stop crying. Onee-san will always be there to protect you
.”

“Emiko, your older sister is useless. I wasn’t there to save you from your tragic death.” Yossie wiped away her tears immediately as soon as Goto entered with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“Thinking of her again.” she place the coffee on the table.

Yossie nodded and took the coffee to drink. “What was that call for.”

“Some random client asked to find a lost dog so I refused since I know you’re really busy.”

“Thanks for everything you did and your support.”

“Don’t say that, I want to bear your burdens for you as your best friend. I was surprised that you decided to become a detective after your sister’s sudden death.”

Yossie didn’t say anything. She just stared at the window while sipping her coffee. Her friend knew that she was in a deep thinking again so she let silence consumed the room.

____________________________________________

Rika and her crews left the school building when school was over. They were all quiet until Yui broke the silence.

“Rika-sama, we should do something about that new girl. I couldn’t believe that she had a gut to slap you.”

Erika added something in. “We can hire someone to give her 10 times the pain that she inflicted on you.”

Rika spotted her driver in front of the school gate and stopped on her track. “I don’t recall that I said I wanted to get her back. In addition, don’t ever lay a finger on her.” she emphasized her last sentence and entered her car. The two crews’ minds were completely blank not knowing why Rika wouldn’t do anything about it.







Offline hotohori

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #16 on: August 24, 2008, 01:25:41 PM »
Quote
“I don’t recall that I said I wanted to get her back. In addition, don’t ever lay a finger on her.” she emphasized her last sentence and entered her car.


I bet she´s already interested in Yossie  :hiakhiakhiak:

Offline tru_harmony

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #17 on: August 24, 2008, 01:30:21 PM »
woo~~~

GAWD, I FEEL LIKE STARTING A NEW FIC...

... i bet rika thinks she's the only one who's allowed to 'lay a finger' on yossui!!!!

Offline wings4dreams

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #18 on: August 24, 2008, 02:30:58 PM »
yaaaaay!  ishiyoshi!!!!  :muffin:  I've only read the first part so far and I'm really liking this one.

I'll come back to read the rest a little later and leave a better comment then. I just wanted to let you know that i like it  :on GJ:

Offline kRisZ

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Re: unconditional love
« Reply #19 on: August 25, 2008, 06:30:51 AM »
no one's allowed to mess with yossie but me <- Rika  :wahaha:

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