MGR 17@kuro-san: Thanks for the encouragement. I’ll try but it’s hard.
@rnd: Give me ideas? Cuz I’m running out of them.
@Sticky: I didn’t blame you at all? And I almost called you Ame again but I remembered the reason not to. Even if it’s not a best friend it’s possible for that line to be blurry too.
@BS: Me? Slap you? Nah, I can’t slap anyone but myself.
@kR: I think that phone should be happy that it gets touched by Reina so much. How did you guess it was Sayu?
@Aisacchan: Did you like any of the other stories? I hope so though I’m not a good writer.
@Swtme03: Gaki was so darn hawt wearing fedoras. Lol, thanks for your long and very nice comment. Made me really happy.
@Hashire-san: Gaki still lives so I think I’m kinda nice to her?
@oddball: No one knows yet. I’ll drop a hint here. Lin Lin might not be entirely correct in her guess.
@Sukoshi-chan: Awww shucks, you thought of me? Really? *blushes* Lol, sorry I was being lame. I thought nattou was fermented? So it’s not fresh anyway? You were right about Sayu. Since you are so great at fortune-telling, maybe you can help me out with the crap in my life?
MGR 18@rnd: So much pain eh? It can’t compare to the pain inside of me
Just kidding…though that wasn’t funny at all huh? Damn my lousy humor skills.
@kuro-san: Thanks for still reading. I wasn’t expecting anyone to wanna read this again. A big gomen for owing you so many comments. I wasn’t in the commenting mood that period. But I think I’m getting back into it so I’ll be reading replying in your threads when I can
@Swtme03: You praise me too much. I’m not even half as good as what you make me out to be. Thanks though, it means a lot
@BS: Sexy TanaGaki? Risa doesn’t really look like the kind who would initiate a hawt sexy scene
We’ll have to count on Reina then.
-----
Merry Go Round Chapter 19 Tilting my head sideways to glance at you, I observed how silent you were as you stared out the window of the taxi we were in. I had suggested we spend our free day together at Disneyland and you didn't decline the offer. Although I had started on our trip with buoyant feelings of jubilation, the happiness I had felt quickly disappeared when I began to sense your less than enthusiastic attitude. You had not spoken more than ten lines from the moment we woke up this morning and I had hoped that it was because you were tired out from last night's activity. Yet in the back of my mind, I knew this was not really the case.
I have you physically here with me, but your heart isn’t. I could feel the ends of my eyes beginning to grow moist as my vision blurred from the impending tears. Squeezing my eyes shut, I refused to allow these tears of self-pity to fall. Kamei Eri is a strong girl and if I could overcome my low self-esteem to become a member of Morning Musume, I believe that I could one day bypass the numerous barriers surrounding your heart.
As our cab headed towards your apartment from the amusement park, the overcast sky finally opened up and the rain began to fall in torrent like drops. I could hear the thunderous noise of the water hitting onto the roof of the vehicle we were in, mimicking the wave of emotions exploding within my frail frame. Thoroughly caught up in my own thoughts, I was only jolted out of my reverie when your panic filled voice resonated throughout the enclosed space.
"Stop the car!"
Upon hearing the command barked out in such an agitated manner, the driver instantly obeyed and slammed on the brakes, bringing the small taxi to a dead stop. In the following second, you threw open the door and jumped out, sprinting like mad into the center of the storm.
"AI-CHAN!"
I yelled into the distance, completely helpless, as your shadowy figure grew tinier and further away from me. I didn't know why you didn’t turn back despite my desperate calls. Didn’t you hear my screams above the howling of the winds? Or was I that insignificant as compared to the person you were running towards.
Despite wishing that the cause of your bizarre actions were completely justifiable, I could no longer pretend that you truly loved me. Glancing down at my open palms that were resting on my lap, I retracted my fingers, clenching my hands into tight fists.
Even when our hands were linked, I couldn't feel your love for me.
-----
My pace slowed down as I trotted to a jog. Twisting my head in various directions, I scanned my surroundings frantically for the silhouette of the person I was seeking. It was only for a mere second when I caught a glimpse of your drenched form flashing past the window but I knew it was you. I would never mistake you for anyone else.
As I widened the area of my search, a million questions ran through my mind. Why were you in the mist of a downpour without an umbrella? Why were you walking alone in the direction away from the park near your home? Have you recovered from your injuries from the previous day and was there something bothering you?
Please let me find you Gaki-san.
I muttered under my breath, praying sincerely that god would allow me to chance upon the person I wanted so much to see.
I just want to make sure you are okay.
"Ai-chan!"
My first thought was of the person who had been beside me for years, the one blessed with kind brown eyes and who had the most brilliant smile I had ever seen. Twirling around immediately upon hearing my name, a huge smile lit up on my face but disappeared just as quickly when I focused on the owner of a blue umbrella.
"Eri..."
My girlfriend strolled up to me, one hand supporting the brolly while the other clutched at the loose ends of her jacket. Strands of her hair stuck to her face and there were several dark patches staining her attire, no doubt the work of the torrential rain beating sideways beyond the coverage of her shelter.
"What are you doing here? Get back into the cab!"
I grabbed onto her elbows, steering her in the direction where I had come from, assuming that the taxi would still be waiting. What I didn't expect was Eri to tug on my wrist, shaking her head and forcing a smile.
"The taxi already left. It's okay Ai-chan, I'll accompany you to look for Gaki-san."
Her words made my breathe catch in my throat and I stared at her in shock, unable to say anything in response.
"Eri..."
Pulling her in for a hug, I wrapped my arms around her shivering torso. Had you known all along? That I couldn't love you like I should. But you still agreed to each and every one of my demands, even when you were hurt in the near fatal accident. You never once refused my advances nor told me that you weren't in the mood.
"Why must you treat me so well. I don't deserve it."
"I love you Ai-chan. There's no right or wrong when it comes to love. I'll keep on giving you my all, even if you can't return any of it."
-----
I peeled off my soaked outer coat and allowed it to fall to the floor with a splat. Vaguely aware that I had to remove my shoes, I kicked them away, not caring where they flew. Trudging wearily towards the bathroom, I leaned heavily on the sink and brought my gaze up to the mirror positioned above. The image of a pale female with whitish lips and reddish eyes stared unblinkingly back at me and it was clear that I was indeed in a sorry state.
"Stop thinking about her! She doesn't belong to you, she doesn't even like you!"
I screamed at the image of myself, pounding my fists against the ceramic surface. Exerting every ounce of my strength in the hope that I would be able to find release through this method, I abused my limbs until they were painfully sore.
"You can't compare to any of those people going after her and you definitely can't compare to Kame!"
The throbbing from my hands was momentarily forgotten when a stinging pain stabbed through my right chest and I slumped over from the pain, sucking in a sharp breathe of air in the process. Shifting one hand over the aching area to grip at the garment I was wearing, I choked back my sobs, attempting to ease the ache but failing miserably.
This routine has become a daily affair for me recently and I didn't know if the agony was caused by the hurt I felt whenever I thought about you or was it due to something else. Frankly at this point in my life, nothing else seemed to matter much for you were of utmost priority to me. It might not be a bad thing if the chest pain, the blacking out or white spots in my vision turned out to be something serious. Maybe if I died, I wouldn't be so tortured by these feelings of anguish whenever you appeared in my thoughts. Coming to this conclusion was the reason I decided against visiting the hospital earlier.
Sometimes when I’m outside, my thoughts drift to you and I cry because I can’t do anything about it. I’m reminded of how I can’t have you to myself, or that I can’t do a thing to soothe your pain and sorrow. I’ve noticed that you seem troubled but I didn’t dare show my concern. What would Kame think? And most importantly, who am I to you to poke my nose into your business.
“You are a complete idiot to be crying for her when she doesn't know how you feel."
Despite scolding myself for my stupidity, I cried harder when a fresh round of tears sprung to my eyes, streaming down my cheeks. I hate myself for weeping over you so often. It’s takes so little to make me tear whenever it’s something involving you.
Pushing myself up to meet the mirror once again, I swallowed back my tears and the urge of wanting to see you, of wanting to hold you every time we see each other. I absolutely detest myself, despising my weakness and failure as a person in general.
"YOU'RE PATHETIC!"
Smashing my curled fist into the glass, I felt the pieces shatter and a single shard graze past my face. In the broken reflection of the polished surface, a thin red line emerged and blood flowed freely from the center of the cracked glass.
I wish for the day I no longer feel so strongly for you.-----
*Ding dong*
*Knocking*
"Hello? Gaki-san!"
"Gaki-san are you there?"
A certain yankii was standing outside her senpai's home, knocking rather loudly as she waited for someone, anyone, to acknowledge her presence. She was positive she had heard the ringing sound of Risa's cellphone from within the apartment when she called her earlier. That would mean that the sub-leader was home, right? Then why was it that the older girl didn't answer the door?
Not understanding the events that were taking place before her at that very instant, Reina sighed and backed away from the still shut entry.
"Perhaps Reina heard wrongly."
Downstairs of the condominium complex, the self-proclaimed leader of High-King walked away from the structure, turning back every now and then to see if she could catch sight of Risa who might have left her cell phone at home while taking a short trip to the nearby convenience store. Sadly, her hopes were dashed when none of the figures approaching took the shape of the bean.
However, the familiar view of another person she was acquainted with appeared in the distance and Reina gasped in surprise when the person ran up to her.
"Tanaka-san, what are you doing here?"
"I could ask the same of you Jun."
As if realizing that something was off about the petite girl, Jun took a chance and grabbed her hand. Seeing that the younger girl didn't resist, she continued speaking.
"If Tanaka-san needs anything I'll do my best to help!"
Gazing up at the much taller girl, Reina returned the smile. The Chinese foreigner had a calming aura around her and somehow that made Reina feel safe to have her companionship. Since she couldn't get a hold of Risa, maybe Jun would make a suitable choice as well. Deciding that she could trust her with her secret, which wasn't much of one going by the number of people who already knew about her habit, Reina asked.
"Would you want to keep me company at a nicotine anonymous meeting?"
Topic: Merry Go Round - Chapter 23 (110615) (Read 80729 times)