@ Her Awesome Holiness: Er...yeah...that's right, that's who is who, I understand who you are referring to...
@ Chloe: I'm not technically done with this series yet and I don't know when I will be doing another...
*high-five for the love of yankii Reina!*
I think I should be ending everything soon, maybe another one after this one and that's it
Part 4: With you, I’ll always love“Ahhhhhhh” I yelled out to the open waters, since your death I did this a lot, going to the beach or in a washroom stall when no one was around, I would yell out, vent if I must say. I had been thinking about you more than I use to because…because I never got the chance to confess about my true feelings and now…now it’s too late because you’re gone…far from my grasps, far from my sight, far from this world. I never got to comfort you in your times of pain because you never showed them to anyone, but I wanted to be the one that would tell you, you were not alone, that I was right here beside you. I too felt the pain in my heart, seeing you the way you were. I looked back at when I first developed my feelings for you, to me realizing you’d never return my love to the day you left my side.
Flashback #1I had always had a good relationship with her because she saw me as an oneesan and I saw her as one of my imoutous within the group. I had just found out one of her close friends was going to leave and as expected she was shocked at the information.
“What?! Really she’s just going to leave us?”
“Yes, unfortunately Megu has given up on this dream but she will pray for our own major debut” I retold her what Megu had told, or shall I say texted me. Why am I playing broken telephone again? Oh that’s right! Because Megumi didn’t have the courage to say it to her face-to-face, or to anyone else in fact, that’s why and only a selected few knew before the public announcement was to be made.
I could tell she was upset and who wouldn’t? A close friend of yours decides to leave, effective immediately, and they didn’t even say a proper goodbye to each other. I was about to console her when you walked in with Saki-chan and Toku-san. You were always close to them right from the start and it made me wonder how you felt when you were not part of the same group as they were. But although you were in different groups, you proved that it didn’t matter because you and Saki-chan always kept in touch and it was then that I started developing these different emotions.
I know I shouldn’t because I saw you more frequently than Saki-chan or Toku-san but I couldn’t help but feel…jealous? Jealous of the fun and laughter you guys share, the talks you guys have on your own time, jealous of the time and attention you gave Saki-chan.
I was always happiest when you were by my side, just the 2 of us and it didn’t have to be anything romantic but I felt happy because you were giving me your undivided attention. Like myself, many others would question your relationship with Saki-chan and every time some one makes a comment I would unintentionally frown, oh how I hated that green-eyed creature named jealousy
End of Flashback #1Soon I learned to accept though because you treated everyone the same, that was who you were and are. I believe that it is one of the reasons Saki-cahn loves talking to you, your personality was definitely one that people can’t help but befriend and in my case love
My world shattered though when I found out about your true feelings for her and I can’t deny that I was surprised because no one would have guessed that you had feelings for her but that could also be explained by the fact that she had her own girlfriend so you had to hide your feelings very well. It wasn’t until we first caught her girlfriend and another together that your true feelings were showing and when we had the talks about it.
Flashback #2We had gotten an early breakfast before work and we still managed to have some time left before our meeting so we decided to take a stroll around the agency building. As we were walking in random directions, that’s when we first caught the duo flirting with each other, playing with each other in a sense that didn’t seem like they were just friends.
I was enraged at how they could do this to my imoutou, one was her girlfriend and the other her bestfriend. I balled my hands into fists, clutching tightly as I continued to see them fool around. I was about to storm up to them when you stopped me “Wait!” you hissed
I turned to see you in deep thought “Wait? Why are we waiting we should go have a good talking to them or better yet pulverize them or something”
“No…no we can’t” Was I hearing correctly? What in the world does we can’t mean in this situation? “We shouldn’t, we don’t know what their relationship is, why raise a false alarm? This will only cause tension within our group and within our groups”
“Are you kidding me??? Does that look like they are just friends?” I knew you to be dense at times but seriously, that looked nothing like friendly touching or anything
“I don’t know but let’s not do anything in case we were wrong. Who knows? Maybe that is how those 2 interact and maybe even how she interacts with them… Let’s just go” you turned and dragged me along as I took one last look behind me before giving up.
*******************************************************************************************************
I had just finished my recording and was about to wave goodbye and both of you, since you guys haven’t done any recording yet. It was her turn to record, so she quickly flashed me her signature toothy grin and waved a quick goodbye before I had left. I had walked outside the building when I realized that I forgot my phone in the studio, I smacked my forehead for being so forgetful as I turned around and headed back inside. I didn’t get far when I heard noises coming from one of the rooms, voices actually and I was curious, heck who wouldn’t? You know that most people should have left by now so why would there be random voices right?
I leaned closer to the door “What time is she done recording? Are you going to wait for her?” one of the voices said in a pouty tone
“I don’t know, and I don’t think I will, we never did say whether I was to wait so why don’t I spend the time with you?”that confident voice, I did recognize right away so I pulled my hand back to knock but before my hand reached the door, I felt another grabbing onto it and pulling me away
From the outline and height, I knew it was you “Hey what are you doing? Stop!!” you didn’t stop though, not until we were outside the building. I flung my arm out of your hand “What the hell? Why did you pull me away, they were in there and I’m sure that it isn’t just friends now!”
“Don’t Erika-chan, don’t” I don’t understand you, how can you just sit back and let things slide like this? It doesn’t make sense
“What do you mean don’t, why shouldn’t I? I have to warn her about this, she’s got to end things off between the two of them” I had turned to head back into the building but in one swift motion you turned me around
“You can’t!! Think about it, it’s your word against theirs, one is her girlfriend and the other is her best friend, what choice would you make??? If she chooses them, how is she going to face you as a member and as her oneesan??? If she chooses you, how is she going to face her girlfriend as a member and what about her bestfriend??? Doesn’t that mean she loses everything???” Shit! I hadn’t thought about that, regardless of what she chooses it will create tension within the group and for sure I know if she chooses them over me, I wouldn’t be too happy, upset even because I would feel like she doesn’t trust me.
“So you think by pretending nothing is happening that will solve everything???” I didn’t think that was a solution nor did it sound even logically reasonable as an action
“No…I will talk to them, trust me I will, just not right now, we have too many things going on right now. So why don’t you leave it up to me okay?” One of the things I admired about you was how you took charge on issues like this, yes in the public it may seem like you’re unreliable but I believe your reliability is different from Saki-chan’s, you can be reliable when you need to be. I nodded my head at your suggestion.
End of Flashback #2I laughed thinking back at how you always made me weak, my resolve on anything would always crumble when I looked into your eye, of course you had your reasons too but it seems like every time I had an argument or wanted to argue your point, it would never come out, instead I would forget and give in.
Soon the situation was getting out of hand because before long Nakky and Chisa has caught them before too and once again you hushed them up and of course they would when they thought about her perspective and feelings and of course the fact that they were on good terms with you did help in the cover up but how long were you planning to do that? When were you going to talk to them about it? Make them make a choice, they can’t do this to her, it’s not right!
Flashback #3I have given you plenty of time to talk to them but it didn’t seem like you did when I overheard Nakky and Chisa talking about it. It didn’t take me much to get them to spill what they know and how you were covering the situation again. I don’t get you, I mean why cover it up? I’m pretty sure if we told her, she’ll listen, what is giving you this doubt? Well actually I knew that answer but then what about them? Why can’t we confront them? You asked for time and a chance to talk to them well what is a good moment to do that then? I was determined to tell you or more like order you to tell them only because you wanted me to let you deal with the situation, but if you don’t then I will, no more waiting.
I had found you walking out of a random room and not long after they came out too, heads hung low. I can’t believe it! You did it! You said you would talk to them and you did it! Might I say that I was surprised and proud of you? Well indeed I was because just when I was losing my patience you surprised me by pulling through. I walked up to you with a smile “Hey…was that?”
“Let’s talk somewhere else” I followed you up to the roof, you made sure no one was around before proceeding to the ledge. You didn’t say anything but stood there looking out to the open view.
“So…I see you finally talked to them”
“Yeah I did” you didn’t sound too good but that could be because you had to confront them and you were never the confrontation type, you were more like the ‘as long as the group is happy, that’s all that matters’ even when you were blamed for our action, for not having better control of us, you never stopped us.
“So…what did they say?” I stood beside you enjoying the open view, it was a chance for me to see the beauty that you see and in a sense it made me feel that I was closer to you.
“They said that it was their fault, an accident and they begged me to not say anything to her, saying that it’ll never happen again” your voice was so monotone but in my eyes it only made you look cooler and all I could do was look at you in awe
“That’s great! No one gets hurt and she didn’t have to know like we wanted”
“Yeah…great”
End of Flashback #3Flashback #4Not long after you talked to them, they went back to their ways, and now even Saki-chan and Tanaka-san had found out about the issue but I guess they were persuaded by you to not say anything to anyone because she would be crying but I didn’t notice any changes in her moods
I had wanted to persuade you about maybe telling her when from a good distance I saw you dragging the lying girlfriend somewhere. She was dragging her feet and trying hard to pull out of your grip whereas you had a determined look. At first I thought you were probably dragging her because she pulled another one of her pranks as I turned around and headed back the way I came from. But then I stopped in my tracks, even in the past when she did pull a prank on you, both of you guys wouldn’t have those expressions on your faces, your expressions would have been lighter, happier sometimes, but those expressions weren’t of that genre at all, something didn’t seem right. I turned around but couldn’t see you guys anymore so I ran and searched for you guys.
I wouldn’t have found you guys if it wasn’t for the fact that there were various grunts and crashing sounds as I peeked in to see you 2 physically brawling. I had to think quick, at this rate, both of you guys will sustain serious injuries, I wasn’t capable of dealing with you guys at the same time and I didn’t know Saki-chan was all I know was that the senpais of Morning Musume has a recording or something today…MORNING MUSUME!!!! Tanaka-san was around!!!! I dashed towards the studio.
As I was running, I thought about what would be the cause of the fight, your opponent I didn’t think much about, she was always more vocal and held grudges quite well so it wouldn’t surprise me if she beats someone up but you, you were a different story. It isn’t in you to physically hurt someone and I didn’t know why but if she was involved, I can assume only one thing, you caught them again
“Tanaka-san!!!” I hollered out “She got caught again and was dragged away”
Tanaka-san rolled her eyes “Where are they?”
“T-they’re…fighting…physically” all that running was finally taking a told as I could barely speak
Tanaka-san’s eyes widened “Let’s go” we ran to where you 2 were fighting and without wasting time we barged in there and saw her glaring at you, by her girlfriend’s side. Tanaka-san and I were huffing and puffing trying to catch our breaths from all that running “Are you guys okay?” Tanaka-san walked up to her side, whereas I walked up to yours.
“Ask her that question” she spat with so much anger I was shocked if you weren’t, she wasn’t the usual friendly girl that I was accustomed to
“Come on let’s get them cleaned up” Tanaka-san helped her and her girlfriend up
“I expected better from you, why would you do this? I thought you would consider me as a friend, but obviously not if you’re hurting the people I care about” she spat before heading out with her girlfriend. Just before they left I noticed Tanaka-san giving you an apologetic look. If only she knew what was really going on, she was flaring up at the wrong person.
“Are you okay?” I looked at the blood at the corner of your mouth
You wiped it away roughly “I’m fine” your voice carried a tinge of sadness, upset even, but why wouldn’t you? The person who she should be angry at shouldn’t be you yet here you are taking that from her.
“Why did you guys fight anyways?” I was curious as to why you would blow up, your persona wasn’t the physical type, yeah you had the strength but not once since I’ve known you, had you ever used it to hurt anyone physically and intentionally
“I don’t want to talk about it” seeing you limp a bit to a nearby chair all my curiosity left, my only worry was the injuries you had as I helped you clean up
End of Flashback #4I had walked back to the agency building to pick up some things I needed before I was suppose to meet the others. I knew that Tanaka-san had practice in the morning so we decided to all meet here at the agency. To me it didn’t matter where we meet because I still had to come back to the agency in the morning to pick up some items first. I checked my watch, I still had time as I took a seat on one of the couches in the lobby. ~BUZZ BUZZ~ my cellphone vibrated indicating I had a new text message, in which I quickly checked before noticing my surroundings. I looked around and memories of that day came flooding back to me.
Flashback #5Over much debating internally, I couldn’t let this to continue, I had wanted to talk to you about it again for the millionth time. “We’ve got to tell her, she’s going to know”
“We’ve got to do nothing!”
“Well if you aren’t going to then I will”
“You will not!”
The door opened and in walked Saki-chan “Hey” I nodded my head in acknowledgement while she walked up
“How is progress on solving her problem?” she asked you, whereas I didn’t know what this was all about. It was times like these that I get a bit upset because it was as if you guys had your own language, sharing your own secrets, but now was not the time to be jealous.
“I’m working on it” you responded but it didn’t like you were confident in your response
“Covering it up isn’t helping anything and I know you know that! Your dense but not dumb, you have to stop hushing people from saying anything to her, it might be best if she found out about it” Saki-chan continued
“They’re going to make a decision” you answered but it seemed like you didn’t believe it either
“You don’t even believe it, how do you expect me to?” You didn’t answer me when the door opened and Tanaka-san walked in
“No! She’s not to know! It’ll hurt her, devastate her” you raised your voice right when Tanaka-san was about to speak and judging by how Tanaka-san refrained from saying anything , I think I can assume what was on her mind. I guess today is a day we should gang up on you and make you realize that telling her is the best solution. You were getting worked up, I could feel it and I noticed Saki-chan getting angry as well
“How are your injuries?” Tanaka-san asked out of the blue.
“They’re fine, I’m fine” you responded in a low voice
“Did you really have to beat her up?” Tanaka-san asked, igniting my memory of asking you previously in which I dropped because you were hurt.
You turned you head to the side and looked at the floor where we could clearly see the bruise around the corner of your lips “I caught them again”
“So? That’s not the first time you did” I questioned for the first time in a long while, it didn’t make sense to me how catching them again would cause you to erupt, the logic behind this wasn’t really strong enough.
“I confronted her again…told her that she shouldn’t be doing this… she ignored me…she…she…” we could sense you getting upset, tension within you rising “she accused her of doing the same…with me. I denied it…she saw right through me…and taunted me about how they were together and that…that I’ll never be…because she loved her…and not me…she then laughed and …and said that she won’t let go nor will she stop” That’s when everything made sense now. That’s when I realized that all that you’ve done from beginning to end to cover it away from her, you were trying to protect her without getting her hurt. You didn’t know what to do about them because you knew she loved them both dearly, so you decided to keep her in the dark!!!! I was crushed at this point, how could I have not put the pieces together??? You had feelings for her but you never could confess because she was together with someone else, someone that didn’t deserve her affection yet she loved so so much.
“You’ve got to tell her” Saki-chan stated in a low voice “You’ve got to tell her” Saki-chan repeated in a louder voice
“I’ve got to do nothing…nothing but protect her” you responded
“Even if it means getting yourself into fist fights? Getting in trouble with the agency? You can’t do this to yourself! Why are you doing this? She has a right to know” Saki-chan yelled into your face
Tanaka-san placed a hand on Saki-chan’s shoulder “Saki-chan, calm down” Saki-chan must have been boiling with anger at your actions because she turned around and started taking deep breaths “Saki-chan has a point though, she has a right to know, you can’t hide it from her forever, one day or another she’ll find out”
“Better another then” you scowled in which at that moment I could help but let out a sigh, a sigh that you’re stubborn and a sigh that you’ll never notice me.
“You’re a hopeless case but I can understand, I just hope you know what you’re doing” Tanaka-san turned leaving us with her last remark. I can understand too because if I were you, I might have taken the same course of actions, just so that you wouldn’t be faced with the cruel reality that laid ahead of you. The 3 of us stood there in silence, no one said a word for a couple more minutes
“Just let me deal with it, I don’t want to tell her just yet, please Saki-chan? Erika?”
I exchanged looks with Saki-chan and I gave her a nod, I never did win in any argument so why bother trying? “Fine” Saki-chan huffed. We decided to not stay in that room because it would look awkward for on-lookers so we decided to head out to the lobby and possibly get something to eat.
We didn’t get to get anything to eat when we saw her running past us and from what I saw, she looked like she was crying. You called out to her and started to run after her, Saki-chan and I in tow. I wasn’t that great of an athlete to begin with and it was evident when Tanaka-san came up from behind me. I just got my feet out the front doors when I noticed her standing out in the middle of the road. I was scared for her, she was an imoutou of mine so regardless if she is the one you like or not, I still didn’t want to see her get hurt.
I heard the honking of the truck that was fast approaching and in front of me I think Tanaka-san and Saki-chan were just as shocked as I was because they weren’t moving, feet glued to the ground. However yours weren’t as you picked up speed and pushed her out of the way.
But that was when all my happiness was sucked out of my body as I watch the truck hit you, throwing your body up in the air a few feet away. Tears had started falling down and my legs gave way when I heard the thud that sounded when your body hit the ground. I frantically tried to push myself off the ground and ran towards your weak body, soon Tanaka-san and Saki-chan also ran towards you. As we approached you, I didn’t know if I had the strength to stand anymore as I saw the blood spilling from your mouth, lots of it and it didn’t stop.
Saki-chan cradled your head in her arms, tears were falling, whereas my legs did give in as I fell beside you, taking one of your hands in mine. Your mouth moved in which Saki-chan leaned closer to hear you better. “T-Tanaka-san *sniff* she’s calling out for you”
Tanaka-san got closer as you coughed a bit to regain more of her vocal chords “T-Tanaka-san, c-check on her…”
“Don’t worry *sniff* you just hang in there. Don’t talk now, save it for later *sniff*” Tanaka-san was almost bawling like we were.
“T-Tanaka-san, check on her…and…and take her away from here” my tears were flowing even faster, even at a time like this you only cared about her, why? My heart felt like it was shattered into a million pieces because you cared about her emotions a great deal, more than you cared about your own and I can’t deny I wish I was her, because I would be the one on the receiving end of this unselfish love you gave her “Remember to take care of her for me *cough*”
“Ren!” I looked up at the voice, I didn’t know who it was but I could see through the blurs that there was a crowd gathering closer around us
“Oh my god!”
“Oh shit!” and other comments were made
“C-call…call the ambulance quick!!!!” Saki-chan started yelling for someone, anyone to call an ambulance.
“P-please stay with us…stay with me” I whispered, closing my eyes to pray to the lords, you’re a good person so your life story shouldn’t be like this, your story shouldn’t have to end, not now, it’s too soon. I prayed harder when I felt your hand losing warmth
I could hear the people around us crying as Saki-chan and I were, I kept my eyes closed, continuing to pray, pray like I never did before. In a sense I also wish that by the time I open my eyes, I’ll be somewhere in my room, on my bed and realize that this was all a dream, a cruel dream, a nightmare.
“I’ve got you” I heard Tanaka-san say as I looked up and noticed her. I had wanted to hate, wanted to yell, scream, hit, kill but I couldn’t, I was torn because she was my imoutou and she was the one that you loved, you would hate me for life that’s not something I wish for, even if you don’t have feelings the way I do, I didn’t want you to leave this world hating me.
I watched as she got closer towards you and crouched down “W-why?”
“D-don’t worry…*cough*” blood had started seeping into Saki-chan’s clothes indicating you were bleeding at the back of your head, blood was also spilling out of your mouth “Everything…e-everything will be…*groan* be alright” you managed to finish
I cried even more seeing you guys like this, you still didn’t confess to her, you still tried to calm her down first. With every word, my chest would become tighter and tighter “*sob* y-you can’t…*sob* leave like this!!! *sniff* you can’t!!! N-not *sniff* not when…when…” she couldn’t even finish her sentence as I turned around to see you holding her hand.
“S-shhhh…I-I’m not leaving…I never *groan*…never will…with you,…with you, I’ll always…be” as if in slow motion, your eyes rolled to the back of your head and closed themselves, hand slipping out of hers and fell to the ground with a thud
Everyone around fell silent for a moment before we all hovered closer to your limp body calling out your name, reacting to what we had hoped was not the case.
“NO!!!” I shouted out and hovered over your lifeless body “No…no…no…no”
I felt someone touching my shoulders from behind as I turned to see Nakky and Chisa, crying. I pulled them closer to me and we cried in each other’s embrace.
End of Flashback #5My tears had began to flow as usual, as it has been since “Hey…are you alone?” a voice called out to me
I wiped my tears before I turned to see Saki-chan, I gave her a smile or at least tried my best to smile “Hey, she texted me saying she wanted to think for a bit before we go”
“Oh…have you seen Tanaka-san?” Saki-chan placed her bag on another spot on the couch
“I think she has dance practice this morning”
“Do you want to get Tanaka-san first before we get her?”
“I think that’s a good idea” as I got up from the chair “What time is it?”
Saki-chan looked at her watch “Shit!! We don’t have much time” We both decided to run and find Tanaka-san quickly before looking for her because with her, it might take us more time to get her away from where we knew she would be.
“Tanaka-san!” we had called out when we saw Tanaka-san walking somewhere with Takahashi-san “We should find her now, it’s almost time”
Tanaka-san turned to Takahashi-san “Ai-chan, there’s something I’ve got to do, we’ll meet later, you remember where right?” Takahashi-san gave a nod before Tanaka-san gave her a peck, and we were running off to find her.
We walked up the stairs to the only place we knew she would be, it was a habit that she developed since your death and I can’t say it worried me every time she was there by herself on the roof. The first couple of weeks, she wasn’t happy, she wasn’t watching herself, she went into a depression and it began to worry our whole group. All of us were scared for her because we weren’t sure what she would do next, she was like a walking zombie, no emotions, only cries. We opened the door and there she stood in deep thought
“Hey” Tanaka-san called out with a weak smile “Thinking of her again?”
She smiled and nodded “Don’t worry Tanaka-oneesan, I’m okay, she…she promised with me, she’ll always be”
I couldn’t blame her for what she feels because I was like that and I still am to be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever return back to normal fully. I spent most of my time thinking back at all the fun we had, the things we did, the time we spent together, your personality, your care-free spirit, your warm smile. I looked at her as we were exiting the building to our destination, and I recall your last words to her “With you, I’ll always be” I scolded myself for not confessing my feelings to you when I had the chance, maybe things might have turned out differently. I still look out at the sky a lot of times because I hoped that you were watching me from above, smiling down at our group. I now had new habits that I grew fond of and it wasn’t until Nakky or Chisa would point out that you would use to do the same that I realized all these new things that I seemed to love had a reason. Everything that revolved around you, everything that you say and do, everything that had to do with you, I’ll always love. 
Topic: FaqU's one-shots- Trust You - 10/13 (Read 42964 times)