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Author Topic: My Immunity [Chapter 2] (H!P Kids)  (Read 5359 times)

Offline Liben

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My Immunity [Chapter 2] (H!P Kids)
« on: August 31, 2009, 04:20:29 PM »
After the 'You Are My Boy' revolution... It's time for 'My Immunity'. I think I have a better English level now  :sweatdrop:
Please support this fan fic as you supported my other fic >_<

Now... Prologue!! :monster:

My Immunity
Prologue

Alone at home. A little object in my hand. A lot of blood around me.
And her dead and naked body lying on my bed.
That's how everything started.

I smiled. I stared at her features and traced my finger along her perfect abs. She was gorgeous. I placed my lips near her ear.

“I hope you enjoyed it... stupid bitch” I whispered.

Her eyes were still opened as her mouth. I chuckled and gave her cheek a kiss. I couldn't believe I finally did it.

Maimi Yajima. The captain of the cheerleaders. I had a hard crush on her, but she ignored me. Now she got what she deserved after acting like a bitch. And I would do it again.
I stood up from the bed. I was still smiling as I remembered what I did.

Now the only thing I had to do was make away with her. And I knew what to do.
I dressed Maimi with the clothes she was wearing before 'our little incident'. It was her cheerleader uniform. That whore was always wearing it.
I put the gloves on and opened my closet. I took a cardboard box out from it. It was big enough to introduce Maimi's corpse inside it. I put the cadaver in the box and closed it using a scotch tape. I took a pen from my desk and wrote 'Cheerleader's material' on the box.
Then I went to the bathroom and got a shower. If I wanted this to work, I needed to calm down. After having a shower, I went back to the room. I grabbed the box and, for my surprise, the box wasn't heavy at all. I managed to carry it to the academy.
That night the cheerleaders were going to act at the gymnasium, so nobody noticed me. They just thought that I was carrying stuff for the actuation. How innocents they are when they're busy.
I arrived to the gym in not time at all. The other cheerleaders were rehearsing the dance. I smiled when I heard one of them asking where Maimi was. I placed the box on top of the other ones and left the gym.

The next day the classes were canceled as I expected. I spent the day lying on my bed, in the same spot where Maimi was the last day.

That's when I started to get...
...my immunity.

----------------------------------

Okay. Now tell me: who do you think it's telling the story? Obviously Maimi not >_<
Please, be sincere in your comments  :)
« Last Edit: September 04, 2009, 02:04:16 PM by Liben »

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Offline writerjunkie

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Re: My Immunity [Prologue] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2009, 04:47:19 PM »
O.O

*snaps out of it* A new fic and it's a dark one with the H!P kids huh? haha this was something that I didn't expect, but that's a good thing. I myself like to keep some readers on their toes. lol I also like that this one is going to be dark. I'm all for that since there are a lot of happy ones or ones that are kind of sad, but get happy again. So you have my support for this fic. yay!  :twothumbs But damn it why did you kill Maimi?! She's like one of the few H!P kids that I know. lol The others I don't know that much about or can barely remember their names. lol So that would mean I have no idea who's POV this is in, but it doesn't mean that I don't enjoy it still. I'm curious as to what's going to happen or if you'll go back to when Maimi was alive so that we know what happen much better. Damn cliffhangers this is why I hate them yet love them! lol

Offline rokun

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Re: My Immunity [Prologue] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2009, 01:31:36 AM »
Wow, don't see many really dark "kids" fics like this. Especially if, like writerjunkie said, it continues being dark. :) Hmm, now I think about it, it kinda reminds me of Loser-chan's "Normal", but you'll be keeping up with updates on this, won't you? ^_^

Maimi's dead! :O And killed in a very violent and remorseless manner! Isn't it great starting stories that way? XD As for who's narrating... You didn't really leave many clues that I noticed... except perhaps that the girl is kinda strong to be able to carry the box easily, and I'd say is not really a cheerleader-type? :lol: Strong could maybe indicate Maasa or Chisato... and both of them could maybe be anti-cheerleader too... lol, but with the whole attitude I might also guess Miya. :lol: Then again, considering your last story and the ooc in it, it could be anyone. :lol: Looking forward to more. :)

Offline Ruka

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Re: My Immunity [Prologue] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2009, 04:01:19 PM »
This seems like an interesting fic to read! I like the dark mood you're going for! Gahh! I can't guess whose POV it is, but my guess is similar to Rokun's. Maasa or Chisato, but I'm not sure. Keep writing! I'll definitely keep reading! I'm quite new to this place and this is the first fanfic I'm reading. I'll check out your other fic when I have the time to read the whole thing XD

Offline rndmnwierd

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Re: My Immunity [Prologue] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2009, 11:18:29 PM »
Holy crap! First I was like  :shocked and then I laughed. Remorseless killing? I'm in! But who could be the one to do it? I dunno yet...

Offline Liben

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 1] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #5 on: September 02, 2009, 01:50:45 AM »
Thanks everyone for reading

@WriterJunkie: I don't know why 'I killed' Maimi, but I thought she was the correct one to die  :lol: And besides, she's the only one who looks like the captain of the cheerleaders. Thanks for reading! ^^

Anyway, another chapter! :monster:
Chapter 1

You should know three things about me before reading the whole story:
First of all, yes. I killed Maimi and I enjoyed it.
Then, second, I don't have friends, but it's because I don't want to. That's why nobody notices me. I hate the people of my academy. They're idiots who spend all the days of their stupid lives thinking about their popularity.
Well, actually there's someone I don't hate, but I don't love her either. We just have sex sometimes. She calls me whenever she wants to and nothing else. Once it's over, she gets dressed and leaves.
And the last thing you should now about me it's what was going on in my mind that day, just a month after 'that little incident'.
I was thinking about the new student. We weren't in the same class, but I saw her a few times since she joined our school.
The first time I saw her, she was leaning against the wall of the corridor, tracing circles with her foot. I stared at her features for a while. She had a long scar on her face. It started on the spot near her left eyebrow and ended on the middle of her cheek. I found it kinda strange at first but then I really liked it.
She noticed my stare and flashed me a bright smile. I shivered and quickly turned around, mumbling stupid things like “I'll be late and Nakazawa will punish me” or “I should talk with Goto-sensei today”.

The second time I saw her, it was during the lunch time of the same day. She was sitting near the tree where the cheerleaders used to sit, but for some reason they weren't sitting there. I stared at her again. She was eating something that looked like cookies peacefully. She was tracing circles with her foot again.
I felt stupid because I didn't talk to her the first time I saw her. But I didn't want her to be the second Maimi Yajima. Just when I was about to walk up to her, the bell rang. She quickly stood up and went to class, but before leaving she winked at me.

And the next day I saw her again in the corridor again, but this time she was talking with someone. That 'someone' was Airi Suzuki. She was Maimi's best friend. Since the day of 'the little incident', she didn't talk to anyone. That time Airi was the one leaning against the wall. She was smiling at the girl who was in front of her. Airi traced one finger along the girl's scar. She gasped and gave Airi a sad look. She turned around to leave but Airi hugged her from behind. She smirked.
After a while of staring, Airi finally left. I heard her saying something like “I'll see you later” before leaving, so I knew they were going to hang out together. Once Airi was gone, the girl sent me a smirk and winked at me again. And I did the same as the first time I saw her: I turned around while I mumbled things like “I should go to class now” or “Nakazawa will get angry”.

After classes, that girl came to my class to pick Airi up. Once Airi packed her things, they left together. I sighed. For some reason, I really wanted to follow them. So I did.
Airi was talking to her and laughing, but the girl seemed to be in her own world since she was only nodding her head.
They reached an empty park and went to sit on a bench. I hided myself behind a fountain and continued observing them. They were quiet at first, but then she started speaking.

“Well, Airi... You're the first person I talk to since I came. I'm glad I met you” she flashed a smile to her and hooked her arm around Airi's neck.

“I'm glad too. I was pretty alone after... you now... after Maimi's death”

I looked at the girl and noticed something in her hand that shocked me.

“You don't have to worry. I'll help you to forget” after she said that, Airi stood up and the other girl did the same. Airi hugged her.

But she didn't know she was going to get the embrace of death.

Just when they hugged, the girl stabbed her from behind using an swiss-knife. Airi gasped loudly and cried out in pain. She was already dead when she fell to the ground. The girl just smirked and took her bloodstained knife from Airi's back. She shook her head and then looked around to be sure that nobody saw her. She bent down and placed a kiss on Airi's lips.

“I had fun, my friend” she whispered.

She stood up and ran out from there. I did the same but I went in another direction.
I was shocked because of what I saw, but at the same time I was happy. I was happy because she was exactly like me. She did as what I did with Maimi.
Suddenly I bumped into someone and we both fell to the ground.

“Oh, what the hell?!” she shouted angrily.

“I'm sorry!” I exclaimed as I stood up.

Just when I was about to help her up, I recognized her. It was her. The girl who traced circles with her foot. The one who ate cookies. The girl who killed Airi. I helped her up and she gave me a bright smile.

“I-I'm... really sorry” I said.

“It's nothing” she waved her hands and winked. She turned around to leave but I held her by the wrist. She turned around and looked at me.

“Let me take you somewhere” She smiled at me and traced circles with her finger on my shoulder.

“Hmm... Are you asking me for a date?” she asked.

“Well, something like that. I can buy you some cookies, if you want” I smiled at her and she patted my head.

"I'm sorry. I've things to do" she turned around again and began to walk slowly.

"I know what you have done" I said. She stopped and looked back at me.

"What do you mean?"

"Airi. You've ki-" she quickly covered my mouth.

"Shut the hell up!" she shouted as she pushed me against the wall "Don't you think I don't know about what you did!"

"What...? What do you mean?"

"Maimi Yajima. That's what I mean" she smiled and pulled me closer to her. "I've rescued you, somehow. Airi was going to tell everyone that you were the one who killed that stupid cheerleader"

"Do you usually do that?" I asked.

"What?"

"I mean..." I lowered my voice "killing people"

"Listen, pretty girl, are you remorseless? I mean, did you feel sad after doing that to the cheerleader?"

"No... not at all"

"So, let's say that I'm not remorseless. I've never been."

"I see..." I was shocked. I liked when she smiled, but I also loved that kind of evilness. "Can we continue this conversation in my house?"

She thought about it for a second and then smiled.
"Okay. Let's go, pretty girl"

------------------------
Haha, the protagonist isn't Maimi or Airi, and now a new unknown character appeared. Who is that new character...? You will know it soon~
So, the main character is someone strong and remorseless, but she usually falls in love with other girls (I mean, she had a hard crush on Maimi and now she likes this new misterious girl) and she doesn't mind having those kinds of 'meetings' with another girl.


« Last Edit: September 02, 2009, 10:33:21 AM by Liben »

Sonna Rolling Days~!

Offline rndmnwierd

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 1] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #6 on: September 02, 2009, 03:43:50 AM »
Wow, weird. But I like this for some reason.

Offline rokun

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 1] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #7 on: September 02, 2009, 04:11:33 AM »
^ I think it's the visceral danger and evilness to it. :lol: At least that's what it is for me lol.

Did you take tips from our comments for this chapter, like the thing about being remorseless? Except... I'm little confused about whether that new character actually is remorseless or... has remorse. XD The way you wrote it indicates she does regret what she's done, but it doesn't seem to fit... Anyway. Nitpicky. >.>

So Airi is dead too? :cry: I'm gonna miss her a bit more than I did Maimi... lol. But are you gonna kill off a girl a chapter or something? That leaves, what, 14 or 15 chapters? XD Still don't know who either might be, though with the scar somehow I'm thinking of the new character as Chisato. And somehow I'm even more convinced the first is Miya too. :lol: Though I'm usually wrong on these things. I also still have no idea what the whole "my immunity" concept means. :lol: I imagine that'll be clear as time goes on too...

Man, for some reason you make me write rather a lot. XD

Offline Amarghetta

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 1] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #8 on: September 02, 2009, 04:35:21 AM »
The first three lines made me remember a piece of poetry I read when younger. (Actually, I learnt it by heart!!) But then the scenario deviates from my memory of it, and becomes a bit similar to a couple of manga series I enjoyed reading, also when younger.  :yep:  So, maybe it's just a coincidence... A dark and definitely welcome coincidence.  :thumbsup

Offline Liben

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 1] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #9 on: September 02, 2009, 11:35:08 AM »
Did you take tips from our comments for this chapter, like the thing about being remorseless? Except... I'm little confused about whether that new character actually is remorseless or... has remorse. The way you wrote it indicates she does regret what she's done, but it doesn't seem to fit... Anyway. Nitpicky. >.>

Haha, emm, yes, I did. Well, the new character wants to seem remorseless, but she really does regret what she did. That wasn't her first crime anyway. She'll tell everything about her other crimes in the next chapter.

So Airi is dead too? I'm gonna miss her a bit more than I did Maimi... lol.


Don't worry. There will be a lot of flashbacks of Airi and Maimi.

But are you gonna kill off a girl a chapter or something? That leaves, what, 14 or 15 chapters? XD

XD No, no, no! I don't think so xD The next chapters will be more calm (I mean, no crimes :lol:), but still with a lot of problems.

I also still have no idea what the whole "my immunity" concept means. :lol: I imagine that'll be clear as time goes on too...


Yes, that will be clear in next chapter too.

Sorry, I saw your comment and I felt like answering you  :D

@Rndmnwierd: I know it's weird XD

@Amarghetta: Yey! new reader. What a coincidence... : :lol:





Sonna Rolling Days~!

Offline badsaints

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 1] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #10 on: September 02, 2009, 02:56:34 PM »
Interesting fic :yep: I normally don't read non-MM stories but this is very...different? I enjoy reading this and I was actually laughing when Airi was killed :twisted: (hmm time to give my psychiatrist a friendly visit :P)

Offline writerjunkie

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 1] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #11 on: September 02, 2009, 03:15:31 PM »
More killing?! And it's Airi?! noooo! She's another of the few I know and like.  :cry: Why must you kill the ones i like?! lol
There's something about this fic that I enjoy. That makes is very interesting. That's a good thing though. But now in this chapter not only do we still NOT know who the killer is, but we have a new character who we don't know either?! I'm going to keep reading because I want to know who these people are already! Plus I want to see what will happen to the both of them since they're now killers. I'll be waiting for another chapter, but then again I start college today so I might not even be able to read any fics or even write my own fics! *panics* whyyy?! I'll just see if I can have time to do both.

Offline Azumangalicious

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 1] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #12 on: September 03, 2009, 04:08:56 PM »
OH DEAR GOD. xD I wanna know who the main character iiissss! Just better not be Kanna.  :lol:

Offline Liben

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 2] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #13 on: September 04, 2009, 02:16:22 PM »
Thanks for reading~!
@badsaints: Hahaha, don't worry, I'm actually enjoying writting how H!P member die. Emm... Could you give me the address of your psychiatrist? xD
@WriterJunkie&AzuNyan: Muahahaha... You won't know the name of Killer Number One (since she doesn't have a name, it's killer number one, and the new character is killer number two xD) until Chapter 5!  :P Or maybe earlier, I don't know...

Chapter 2

I couldn't believe it. That girl was eating the cookies peacefully in front of me. We were in my room, sitting on my bed. She had the tray of cookies on her lap. I stared at her as she ate them. She smiled after each bite. It seemed that she really liked chocolate cookies.

“How are them?” I asked as I licked my lips. She looked up at me and smirked.

She continued being in silence. She stared at me as she ate her cookies. Once she was full of eating, she put the tray to the side. She came closer to me and went to sit on my lap, making me blush like crazy. I felt her hand placing on my cheek.

“You want to know more about me, right?” she whispered. I began to shiver, but this time I couldn't turn around saying things like 'Nakazawa will kill me' or those kind of nonsenses. I stayed quiet and nodded my head. She licked her lips and traced circles on my cheek with her fingers.

“Of course, I can't tell you anything... for now.”

I gasped. We stared at each other's eyes and stayed in silence for a while. She continued tracing circles on my cheek.

“I see” I muttered. She smirked at me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

“And now we're in a big trouble” she traced one of her fingers along my forehead.

“Are you going to kill me?” I asked. She chuckled a little.

“No, of course I won't” she unwrapped her arms from my neck and got off from my lap. “I just want you to help me, okay? I'll help you as well with that problem with the cheerleader”

“I think you got it wrong...” I mumbled “I killed Maimi because I wanted to. And nobody knows about that because nobody notices my existence. I'm invisible. So I don't need help”

She sighed and placed her hand on my lap. “Do you want to know what the police thinks about that crime?” she stared directly at my eyes. “They know that a girl like you was the one who killed her, and someday they will find out. Maybe nobody saw you when you carried the box to the school, but Airi knew you were the murderer. She was the only one who knew that.”

“Oh... And that's why you want to protect me” I smirked at her and she blushed a little.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever...” she smiled at me.

“What are we going to do, then? They will think I killed Airi because she knew...” she hushed me by placing one of her fingers on my lips.

“No. There's something in common between those victims, and that's the most important factor.” she smiled and traced her finger along my lips “They're cheerleaders, pretty girl. No matter if Maimi and Airi were friends, or lovers, or whatever. For the police, they're just cheerleaders.”

“I see...” I whispered. I accidentally touched her fingers with my tongue. She moved her hand away.

“And besides, your incident with Maimi wasn't the first crime related with cheerleaders of that school” she said.

“But Saki just disappeared, maybe she wanted to leave...”

“Stop lying yourself, pretty girl” she came closer to me and cupped my cheeks. “Nakajima is kidnapped. I'm sure about it”

“Yeah, whatever...” I muttered.

“Listen, pretty girl, I have a plan, but to go on with that plan I need your help” I nodded my head in agreement. “Okay. We have to make the police believe that the killer is someone older who has a trauma with the cheerleaders.”

“I see, but how are we going to do that?” I asked. She smirked and brought her hand to my chin.

“That's the easiest part, pretty girl” she rose her brows. I placed my hand on her hip. “We just have to continue what we started”

“'What we started...'” I repeated for myself. She nodded her head and kissed my cheek. “What do you mean with that?”

She pulled me closer and placed a kiss on my lips. I was surprised at first, but then I kissed her back. She made me lie down on the bed and sat on top of me. She smirked and grabbed me by the belt.

“Exactly what I said, pretty girl. We have to continue what we started.” she came closer to my ear and whispered “We have to...” she bit gently my earlobe. “...kill the rest of the cheerleaders”

Before I could say anything, she stood up and took a cookie from the tray. The took a paper out from her pocket and handed it to me. She walked out from the room while she ate the cookie. I heard the door closing.
I read the paper she gave me.

If you have the immunity to the feelings, I'll see you tomorrow at the Tokyo Tower at 12:30. Come alone.

Arihara Kanna.


I gasped. That little girl knew everything. She knew I was going to fall for her. She knew I was going to follow her, and to watch that crime. She knew everything, and with all that, she knew how to utilize me.
But I didn't really care. As long I was with her, it was okay.

------------------------
Let's analyze what's going on.
Killer Number One and main character is still unknown.
Killer number two is SPOILER Arihara Kanna END OF THE SPOILER
The leader of the cheerleaders, Maimi Yajima, is dead.
The best friend of Maimi, Airi Suzuki, who is also a Cheerleader, is also dead.
There's also an unknow character, the girl who has just sex with Killer Number One.
Nakajima Saki, also a cheerleader, disappeared one year ago, but Killer Number Two thinks that she's kidnapped.

That was all for now. I hope you enjoy it~

Sonna Rolling Days~!

Offline badsaints

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 2] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #14 on: September 04, 2009, 04:54:50 PM »
More killings! :twisted: *evil laughs*

So we now know Ms Psychotic no. 2 8) Psychotic no. 1 is still a mystery :? Together the pyschotic duo will rid the world of cheerleaders and build a better tomorrow :twisted:


Quote
Emm... Could you give me the address of your psychiatrist? xD
Just gimme a buzz and we can go to psycholand together (Man I'm really enjoying this 'psycho' thingy :twisted:)

Offline rokun

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 2] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #15 on: September 04, 2009, 08:30:15 PM »
^ "Ridding the world of cheerleaders" - that sounds like the tagline from a bad horror movie. :lol: Which means... awesome. XD And that's what this chapter was too. Good job! Your English definitely has gotten better, with only an occasional glitch any more. :) Good job on that too! lol. Each of the prologue and first chapter were focused on a killing, so they had a bit of a different tone, and now with this one... You have a pretty good dramatic sense in building things up. Quite different from your last story, and I look forward to seeing what you do with the rest of it. :)

Killer #2 is Kanna, eh? I'm glad to see her still around in stories. :) I suppose we still see Maiha four years after the last time any of us actually saw her, so we've got Kanna for a good while too, eh? :lol: All this also makes me have a pretty good feeling who killer #1 is as well, though I won't say my guess at this point. ;) I wonder who the "someone older who has a trauma with the cheerleaders" and is about to be framed for all the murders is? That's something I have no clue on atm. :)

Edit: Omg, you got my 500th post too! :lol: I feel quite content with how it turned out. :D
« Last Edit: September 06, 2009, 12:41:41 AM by rokun »

Offline rndmnwierd

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 2] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #16 on: September 04, 2009, 08:56:30 PM »
Hmm, who could the main killer be? Are you going to include graduated kids, like Maiha and Erika?
I wonder what Kanna is going to do at Tokyo Tower? Hmm...

Offline Azumangalicious

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Re: My Immunity [Chapter 2] (H!P Kids)
« Reply #17 on: September 10, 2009, 03:05:04 AM »
OH MY GOD. xD! What a chapter!
I'm looking forward to the next!  :grin:

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